#fuck hy didnt love me.

[3knecrotic]

I miss hym. I miss those Good memories. I miss it so much right now. God I want to fucking die over it.

#dk speaks #vent #im. so tired #im so fucking afraid im hated #i made so many fucking mistakes i didnt even intend to make and now someone i care about hates me #i dont even know if i Should care. ive been hurt so much but just. #i didnt wanna be evil for hym. i didnt wanna be bad. but i was. #and now i know my social skills are more royally fucked than ever and i left without every conveying how much i Truly cared #i was angry and frustrated and confused and petty and neglected and cheated on #god i. i will never get over being cheated on. its horrible. fucking horrible. #i feel like i shouldnt even miss hym #i mean hy Admitted to fucking my wife behind my back in the past. hy must have hated me singe day 1 #of course hy hated me since day 1 #hy Had to have. i was lied to every single day. thats the only logical conclusion isnt it? hy hated me so the mistake was so easy to make #hy never loved me. hy just wanted her. that's it. #fuck hy didnt love me. #why couldnt i just be loved #i tried so hard at every turn i could to help and guide and comfort #but it was fucking worthless. #god why am i so worthless. i couldnt get anything right. #I hope hys happy without me #i pray hy gets better in my absence #i haven't cried this hard in so long #i judt wanted to be good #i just needed to be good andb #i Couldnt #why cant i just be normal

[spitinsideme]

What is your favorite type of music? And do you play instruments?

i have been told by so many people that my taste in musoc is SHIT !! like so bad that i had someone i omce knew recommend me somgs their brothrr made before he wrnt to prison who only got like 3 monthly listenrrs, and youknowehat ? it fucks so hsrd one of his songs is called like rimjob or some shit an dits so good !! i also lobe sex songs as a whole likr i mena sex songs like moaning used as an instrument !! mastermindfukk does that so well AND lords of acid foes too !!! big mighty rabbit by lords of acid is a vrryvery good song .. i also kut love rock and the loudrr it is the better !!! moriendo renascor or whateber it wss called hy my ruon is my favrouite screaming song so far, and rock is vrry nicde yess 👍 hyperpop is pretyy good too but to be fsir anything loud and fast paced i will enjly

i dont play any instruments but i have dabbled in iy !!! i used to play drumz when i was lime 7 i had this whole drum kit for kids amd i was teaching myself by hesring songd and trying to do the same sound on the drums, didnt last long because i ended up breaking ot because i hot too into it 💔💔.whem i.was like 13 i was REALLY into piano musoc, so i got a small electric keyblar fory birthday and tried teaching myself normally, but i got bored of thT, so i jist taugjt myself toxic by brotney spesrs on keyboard and thatslike the only somg i csn do on there ... i stopped playong aftrr like a momth but i think i still remeber how to ply toxic by brotneh slears on leyboard

[rottingsparrow]

Oh boy oh boy here it is my thoughts on Lore Olympus episodes 1-10 I didn't include any pictures because I'm figuring out how I wanna do this also im tired but here it is:

Episode One: Stag, You’re It

Why the title

Minthes hair like connects to her head without a line not bad just a comment

Hades’ sharp ass nose but I enjoy the colors, not super bright yknow

Hera looks so cool but also like snatched almost unnaturally

She is a god tho so

Zeus lets goooo such a solid color imo

Im sorry but artemis’ hair is a lil ugly

Love that all the main characters are snatched /s

Episode Two: Who is She?

And Persophone is now 3 shades lighter ok

Also like i hate the dress Artemis gives persephone it ugly

Persophones hair changed lengths like 2 times but maybe im seeing it wrong

Also artemis if she doesnt wanna be here leave wtf

How is. How is hades holding his drink

Zeus changed colors king

I understand lighting and shading but like. Damn

Ok so if Poseidon hates Odysseus does that mean the events of the Odyssey already happened

Ep 3: Who is She pt 2

LMAO what is hades’ nose

Why did she have random parts w/ no color not a complaint just curious

HER FOREHEAD SO LARGE IN THIS ONE PANEL

“Short sighted” Do we ever see him wear glasses again

Zeus’ lil. Hair thingies keep disappearing

“Honestly i think she puts Aphrodite to shame” wow comparing women/hj

Seriously tho like. why

Ep 4: Who is she pt 3

Idk why she does random scenes where the characters are all like just one color. Not bad per say but weird

Gives artemis huge boobs and in one panel they are either smaller or gone

Artemis bestie if that one thing distracts you from your friend you gotta get ur priorities straight

“Hey kiddo wanna have some real fun” ew

Omg purple eros

So much hair

Did she just give her hair powers so she could draw diff styles lets be honest

Ep 5:

Aphrodites hip angle is so sharp it could kill me

“Friggin” makes my mind go to supernatural and i dont appreciate it

Omg shes a cinnamon roll shes so adorable and gorgeous and yet sexy and *i get shot*

Mother emotionally guilting her son omg its my life

The listen panel. Haunts my dreams

Why does she have so many different painting/coloring styles

LMAO LOOK AT HADES ON THE BALCONY its. Its bad

Ep 6

W hy do they stand like that persephone pls

Love demeters colors tho

This is. This is the metaphor for the maidenhood thing right

Thats how i always saw it

Wow persephone you just woke up and you look so pretty wowww woww

Rachel rachel please does her hair have bangs or not just choose

I do actually like the panel with cerberus, persephone, and hades its nice

Ep 7

Cerberus is so cute

Hades shut the fuck up

The coat is cute

Persephone get off the counter this isnt ur house

Whos minthe? Stop being nosy damn

Didnt really have much to say bout this one

Ep 8

Why are both their eyes open i know they arent in love but that so weird right

Is his dick out or is she just naked on him

“Salutiations” old man

Every second i read persephones eyes get bigger

“I would pay you a salary to barge in on every single aspect of my life” is actually cute however. You literally just met her she hasnt even introduced herself

I dont understand why he thought she meant sex idk

I like that his business card has diff names for him

SHE WAS HOLDING HERS IN HER TITTY WHY

Ep 9

Persephone giggling over that is kinda weird imo but whatever

Persephone please pic a face shape

“Come here puppy” look. Look at her face. Wtf

Train ur dogs hades smh

We never see like any of these dogs fuck you rachel i want dogs

“Let the unionize see if i care” haha so funny haha wow so. So funny. Hades ur such a character

Why is her mouth so high up in this one panel

Hehe puppy

Man in bushes

Ep 10

Why does he have so many cars he doesnt need em

The little :p panel is cute

NOT HER FACE AGAIN RACHEL PLEASE JUST LOOK ONCE MORE

Stop yelling hades

Persephones hair is looking bad rn ngl

I love the colors of the underworld tbh

Rachel please go in depth on how you travel there between realms i am so curious

Artemis randomly gains bangs

I know her hair was flowing but her bangs are too short to completely disappear

Why do his eyes randomly turn red honestly

Goodbye thank god

#lore olympus #anti lore olympus #my opinion #spewingthoughts #how do i do the read more option #i am bad at posting on tumblr

[ibelonginthepast]

Okay so email saves me @anarchistbitch

but now I have to retype fuck tumblr

I DID READ PERCY JACKSON that was what I was missing!! But I didnt follow through to heroes of olympus I really want to!

crushes are great motivations ngl

HUNGER GAMES IS AMAZING I love the symbolism so bad marx is proud

WHICH ADAM SILVERA BOOK U READING????

and yeah I know about the show!

U have read Shakespeare??? On ur own??? Most of them??? Fucking smart I cannot comprehend Shakespearean to save my fuckig life-

O. Henry added on my tbr list boo

trevor noah is the only cishet king I'll stan

Again u read classics? fucking smart I havent been able to read jane austen I literally do not understand anything??? I have fallen asleep like 77 times idk how imma write the essayw hy did I chose this why did I chose to write an essay when I literaly could have done it on ANYTHING in ANY SUBJECT-

Anne of green gables added!

Love the recommendations honey keep them coming

OH YES I HAVE READ RED WHITE AND ROYAL BLUE OFC I HAVE! I like it yeah but am not mad shit about it idk why maybe cause when I read it i was sad or cause i was fed up of mlm always being mainstream idk but the book itself is good my feelings around f have messed it for me but am in the fandom ofc idk why I told u all this

NOW THE REASON WHY THE ASK GOT DELETED WAS CAUS EI WENT TO FETCH MY MUMMA'S PHONE AND PHLOOP-

U WONT BELIEVE WHAT I GOT FRKN THE LIBRARY LITERALLY TODAY-

ignore my desperate attempts to be quietly funny and the voice crack and the mess of my room I just realised but I literally cant bother to make another

Hani and ishu added to the list! Sounds love love

Heartstopper is on my list! Some people been telling me about it if am not wrong one of my friends was sending me pics from it like day before yesterday

I wish you all the best YES ISNT THAT THE NONBINARY ONE I KNOWI NEED TO READ IT- MY FRIEND SHOWED IT TO ME YESTERDAY

Wtf things have been happening in my life this week? Who knew to get my life going all I had to do was be active on tumblr

good gal now sweet dreams ♡u♡

[dissociativedoe]

hello! this is a side blog for my to talk about my experiences with mental illness and share my own perspective. to kick things off, how about an introduction?

here's some stuff about me!

i go by angel or doe!

22 years old

kit/kits or hy/hymn pronouns, ask if you need an alternative

queer

mentally ill + physically disabled

get to know me beyond the basics:

i love collecting stuffed animals and enamel pins

cats have been my special interest since childhood, pls talk to me about them!!

(animal death tw) gross to some, but i love collecting things from nature, including bones and dead/preserved insects

i really love anything horror

i provide image descriptions for posts; if you have a post youd like me to ID, just dm me!

nobody listens to DNIs, but these groups will be blocked:

TERF/SWERF

i didnt think id have to say this, but nazis and people who spit nazi rhetoric. "tradwives" fuck off.

proshipper/"anti-anti"/think fiction doesnt affect reality

(NO)MAP/minor-attracted-adult/support or engage with zoophilia or incest (cant believe i have to say this)

ED/ana/mia blogs. i am in recovery, i will block and report you.

endogenic system/tulpa/otherwise non-traumagenic system OR singlets who involve themselves in syscourse

similar to last point, "transabled" people

support dsmp/mcyt/anyone in that group

harry potter/aot/hetalia fans

if you support or engage with ANY of the above

if you only support "acceptable" illnesses/disorders and/or think that certain disorders are inherently abusive or bad then this is not the place for you - AKA if you believe in things like "narcissistic abuse" (unless youre here to learn, in which case welcome! you are on thin ice :])

if you think that people are obligated to share their specific diagnoses OR if you think people have to share their trauma for you to decide if its "valid" enough

please do not censor my use of the word "queer" - for the comfort of both of us, you will be blocked.

other things are subject to be added as they come up. if you need clarification, feel free to ask

my ask box and messages are always open (unless otherwise stated), so please dont hesitate if you ever want/need to talk to me about anything!! i like to be a friend :)

#about me #some things are technically on my dni but i dont feel the need to list them like. #like obviously racists and transphobes are not welcome here i think that goes without saying #obviously not everyone respects dnis but this is just a warning that if you fit then im blocking you! #dont say i didnt warn ya!

[waterberry-strawmelon]

God I fucking hate myself

#i was finally brave for once and wrote down an entire rant in the tags of a post then deleted it all hy accident #it was about a subject that makes me really fuckin upset #and its been hard for me to write clearly about it #so my one coping mechanism aka venting vaguely to strangers on the internet #fucking didnt work #is this what its like to feel emotionally constipated lmfao #i literally feel some mental block in my head now #and that literal knot of anxiety in my stomach is starting to feel a lot like hatred/frustration #fuck off tumblr #god i want to die #i just. hate myself #thats not what the rant was about but #fuck #mine #just some thoughts #(for me to read later: the tags i deleted were about disliking one blogger or group of bloggers in a fandom #who everyone else fucking loves and it makes me feel so anxious and angry and alone all at once and i knkw the behavior is unhesltjy or #shitty but let me be shitty in peace) #(mind the fucking typos ok im done)

[paninimaker]

When i was a kid in fuckin primary school and they asked what i wanted to be when i grew up i couldn't answer, because i couldn't imagine myself as a woman. I came up blank

I didnt show early childhood signs of gender dysphoria because, back then, my prescholl was very progressive and they let the boys wear dresses and girls wear pants, so i had no reason to associate dresses qith womens clothes, and my preschool didnt really have any social differences between boys and girls, and hell, back then i looked like a boy nd i hung out with both boys an girls. I had no reason to start having gender dysphoria

Then primary school. Girls were usually told to wear dresses ans boys were told to wear shorts and a teeshirt. I always wanted the shorts. I threw a tantrum if i was told to wear a dress. I always wanted to hang out with the boys, but my school was dickish and my teachers told me if i got a boy haircut they could go to the principal about it. I know now they couldnt do shit, but back then i was worried, so i grew it out

Thats when i started feeling gender dysphoria. I was the black scheep. I remember specifically when this teacher was doing one of those 'go to one side of the room if X id better and go to the other side if Y is better' and she made it so x was boys and y was girls, and i told the teacher, while sitting on the boys side, "well wouldnt people choose their own gender?" And she replied "thanks for saying my whole lesson is stupid" word for word, and i sat there stunned

I never felt like i belonged with the girls

Puberty is when shit got hard. It hit around 9-10, which is really early i know, but it sucked. I was still in primary and every time i looked in the mirror i knew something was wrong, i just couldnt tell what. When i started bleeding, which wasnt long after, i esentially had panic attacks because i hated it. Back then i just though it was because if the blood but im not squeemish. I never have been, so that wasnt it

In year 5 is when i realised something was wrong, but i shut up about it. Yeah i got a short haircut, but that was it. I was the only girl in school to have a boys haircut, but i didnt care. I loved it

In year 6 is when i started coming out. Some people were ok, well, most people were ok with it (i was only coming out to other kids at school though) but there was this one girl that was my friend. "I just think youre so much prettier as a girl". Back then it felt like a knife, but now ive heard it so many times that im fine with it.

I came out right before highschool, and hy the time i got to highscool at age 12, i was a boy. My name was Sam. It felt right, i had a binder and everything was good. I looked like a boy

But i mase this post to point out that my olf middle school sucked. Fuck my middle school, it can suck my entire shlome dome for all i care

#dysphoria #trans #trangender

[motherofkittens94]

i hate when non disabled people talk about ableism like its some ridiculous  joke non issue thats only made up by people who want be offended over nothing for attention like get bent losers you don't know what its like 

you have no idea 

you've never had a complete stranger stare at you in public and decided without knowing anything about you that not only are you not a functional  adult but youre  also not any kind of actual person at all youre some kind of freaky pitiful thing  and you shouldn't even really exist let alone be there  in public among the average humans or have people  assume that youre obviously adopted because what parents would want  to keep a child like you?  you've never had to worry about  whether  youre expected to give a genuine answer when people ask whats wrong with you or whether youre faking it  for  the benefit money you've never to worry about whether youre gonna kicked out of mainstream education because the school doesn't want to deal it your health issues and kids in school calling you a retard or spastic or midget  so often you stop even being upset by it you  stop  using your mobility aids  earlier than you should've because youre fed up  of explaining what theyre there for and why they cant ` `have a go ‘  and girls in school who pick you carry round like a doll without even asking  and then wonder why are angry about  it - i was  because `youre cute ‘ 

when you grow up people rolling their eyes asking why you still walk like that why can you get it together just turn your leg the other way its not  hard 

and  didnt you know whatever you have is a childhood disorder  adults dont have it grow up - yea people genuinely told me to grow out of my brain damage  do you have ant idea what thats like  huh??

and men making comments on your body like gimme a blow job while youre down there little lady or implying that youre limping cause you got fucked too hard or because youre piss drunk lay off the booze love  and boys are on age saying they couldn't date you it would be pervy youre too small that would being dating my baby sister

people when  at work asked i could  even understand English or saying im only there for pr reasons  and theyre just  being nice by letting  me `pretend to be a  real adult ‘ asking i they pay me half a wage because im so little 

people  talking a baby voice to me  and that horrid moment of their genuine surprise when they learn im actually in my twenties and that i have a degree 

 people  said my mental health issues where an excuse to be lazy and  saying im wasting peoples time trying to discuss it i should just pull myself together why would you want  become one  of` loonies ‘ who cut themselves

you've always been a spaz but now youre a fucking bonkers spaz 

 even my therapist asking how i managed it can you even  hold a knife 

don't tell me its not  real   because i know it is 

ive seen it ever where and even in myself - every time i feel pride about  managing to pass as abled , when i count nobody noticing as a success  everything i see the way i move and i hate it  even tho i know much i had to work to get to this stage at all   -every time  i don't want to call myself disabled because i don't want it to be me part of me  and the way my heart sinks when people point out my disabilities  to my face because it reminds that i am not normal and that  i never will be -and it also reminds me that i hate that and i shouldn't - i shouldn't  have to be ashamed of  the way I am 

ive been dealing with this bollocks all my life and  im  absolutely sick of it

maybe it is not a problem for you 

maybe you never even thought about it

that's not because it never happens 

that's because you've never needed to deal with it

that's because you are not fucking disabled 

fuck off

#ableism #disability #disability problems #and breathe #sorry for the rant #but not really because i am angry #long post #personal stuff #do me a favour and pour me some jager #shut up bethan

[blookmallow]

and the journey to replace a lightbulb restore the sun continues

-----

:( closing the game scared them n now i feel bad 

i finally got to play chess with her im so glad,

i feel so bad leaving her here : ( 

1000000/10 BEAUTIFUL!!! TALENTED!!! AN ANGEL!!!

this phrase is startin to get really ominous 

oh!!!!!! i love it!!!!

oh

i love this child 

oh Heck these people know about me too 

i wil do my best,

,,,noted, thanks 

tthhhhEREs PEAS in there

(was this.....intentionally. that. or) 

Dont Worry About It 

woah

i have found.....the master of the jars 

goats

i love......all of them

ok its impossible to capture in a still image but this goat was just. fuckign. spinning in place and i thought it was Stuck or something but when you interact with it instead of going baaaaaaaaa at you it just goes BbLLARARGHh

fear 

oooooh

spooky

squints

are you the squares 

oh god its you again

what do you want Now 

SHUT THE FUCK 

oH.......... 

its completely obscured by the massive amount of garbage on my desktop that i need to sort through (this is what happens when you take 900 screenshots in everything you play and are working on multiple games at once, dont be like me) but IT TURNED MY DESKTOP INTO A CLUE.....

i also hate that i couldnt find it at first/didnt fuckign notice my desktop changed behind the game window (which was in windowed mode so i could /see/ the desktop around the edges) but 

SNEAKY SON OF A HECK 

(also it put my desktop back to normal after i solved the puzzle)

thanks

also w hy cant you just......step over that 

,,,,,,

:( 

ohhhhhhh this is a trap. this is definitely a trap but i cant.....just leave her like this 

please do not become omega flowey and destroy the sun

i feel like i am very, very much going to regret this but i. i can’t. i can’t leave her to die alone in the dark 

take care of it for me okay

also i like how this game has...these kinds of moral dilemmas where its like. “this won’t save them. you cannot help this person. but it will make them happier for a little while. you can’t fix it, but you could do something kind anyway” 

especially. this one where its like. a massive risk to let go of the sun which you know to be so important, for a cause that you know won’t save a life or necessarily grant you any huge reward 

just

do you want to risk everything so that one flower lady can see the sun one more time before she dies 

alula (? i think that was her name) doesnt seem to like it 

i dont have a shot of the door she’s talking about but it was blocked off by. little weird squares (the Squares that other guy told me to look out for, im guessing) which. definitely looks like glitch blocks 

whatever is talking to me through the computer terminals has the ability to mess with stuff on my computer, it can probably interfere with the game world 

i think the computer voice is fucking with things. i think it put the glitch there to trap her in order to prompt niko to Be The Hero/is potentially setting them up in the Savior role but. for what purpose, i dont know 

so far the computer seems to be. rude and ominous but has been providing help. i dont know if thats a good thing 

i havent seen any way of like. not taking its advice though, like i Could have just left her in there i guess but. not sure if i could progress otherwise. i cant really tell which interactions/options are required or not 

and helping the plant lady allowed me to get past the vined up doors (which was essential to rescuing alula, but if rescuing her isn’t required that might not have been either) and play the ram puzzle (which. got me some wool. i dunno what thats for :’) but) 

then again you need the feather in order to get past the guard bot?? so maybe you do have to do all this 

i cant tell which things are really choices 

:’)

she just fucking kicked the block out of the way im laughing 

I WILL TREASURE IT THANK YOU

fish!!!!

ohhhhhhh no

I DONT BUT IM SO SORRY I DIDNT WANT THIS 

i. oh. ok,

that. was resolved very quickly :’) 

maybe it goes out if it’s away from niko for too long??? i dunno man

#lucy plays oneshot

[anti-drowning-drowning-club]

Just some things (in somewhat chronological order):

-WOOOO ! MUSIC !

-nobody likes my music

- “DEPRESSING MUSIC??? HA YOU FOOLS”  *everyone cries*

- “man. i hate taylor swift” *screams all the lyrics in every song*

- chinken nunggets 

- “aha hey look the hotel has a gender neutral restroom” -litterally EVERYONE

- **blows all my money on chocolate milk, mac n cheese, and goldfish*

- i want to go to school plz

- unnecessary stress stress steess stress w hy *face breaks out* i wanT to cLaW it oF

- what the fuck charli why are you so indecisive 

- ahh i  mi s s   y o u

- you smell so good ggh ?? ACTUalluY Like fucking magical flower gardens 

- wow, smooth, charli - nice going 

- h e ck

- wowie this suit is tight

- *pours water on myslef and watches it bead off like a duck*

- haiku: quack goose geese honk duck

I cant move my arms are stuck

Really, i cant breathe

- i can mcfucking do this  ( later) * o u ch

- crying in front of all my friends when i listen to your voice

- what the hell charli s t o p

- why am i so emotional ?? I dont even like ed sheeran that much 

- smol wriggly wrolly boi ! ^-^ !

- this sOng make a me a ha ppy !

- aaaA you’re so cUTe wowie 

- I am a rainbow goldfish. 

- breadsticks?? Hell yEs *eats like 8+*

- tHe crOc     so majestic 

- “charli, what’s that website youre always on?”  *remebers “isnt tumblr for gay people? -brinley 2k18”* uuhhhh 

- i havent had one of those little ice cream cup thingys since like 3rd grade 

- *wi g G L e*

- w hy did i buy so much chocolate milk ??

- “just dont drink it all you will litterally die” haha jokes on you *runs to the fridge*

- i. Miss. You.

- i miss my doggo ;-;

- did i mention you smell good??

- i want to hug you please this isnt fair

- i cant even look into your eyes without looking away because theyre just tOo   b e au t i ful

- crying myslef to sleep

- hating myself because i cant do anything to help you ngghh

- hugging myself and pretending its someone/ any o n e  else telling me its ok

- i cant breathe

- what’s going to happen ? ? 

- what if i cant protect them and i lose one of them and i c a nt do anything and its mY fault 

- i dont want to sleep because im afraid of what my dreams will tell me

- its no t  FA i r

- i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you

- ple a s e  pleasse p L e A s E

- im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

- ahah goodmorning every muscle in your body hurts because you didnt stretch you dumb fuck 

- 2 more days.

- he c k   My choccy milk

- you got this - just don’t add like,,, 20 seconds like last time

- aha aye you should post this shit no one wants to see it might make you feel beeter      w h at 

#wowie

[toniflackus]

#TONIFLACKUS THE QUEEN GOAT LIFE STORY SHE WRECKED HER OWN SHIT UP AND OWNS UP TO IT RESPECT THIS SHIT BITCH

tHIS STARTED OUT AS MY LINKDN SUMMARY AND TURNED INTO MY LIFESTORY ENJOY MY CRAZY ASSHOLE MY LUVS

Transgender gamer girl epic famous streamer on #twich #youtube #facebook #younow. I'm 33 medically retired from the USAF for #bipolar disorder #badconductdiscarch for drug use and selling drugs to my EXwife how set me up with USAF OSI. I have been on a computer for over 28 years working with programming and computer #gamers. I focus only on #MMORPGs. My first #MMORPG was #Runescape look me up  #tflackus #tonyflackus #tonyflackuss im in the TOP #HISCORES of all time :) I started playing #WorldOfWarcaft in 2006 when i joined the #USAF as a #SERE_Instructor I began endgame raiding by 2007 by starting the #guild #NoLifer we were the first to complete the #40ManRaid #QueenButKingAtTheTime. During this time I was a #proSkateboarder for #GlobeShoeCompany while working at #Hy-Vee as a #produceManager. At the age of 17 I graduated #ShawneeMissionNorth @KansasCity while attending #Kstate for #computerProgramming won 6 #contest with my #JAVA abilities. After I broke my ankle and #getWrecked by knee nolle flipping a #13stair i left home with the #USAF to #Japan. I failed out of #SERE training on purpose because im not #HARDCORE and didnt want to be #SpecialOPS so i got a job as a #AircraftFuelSystemMechanic. I won the #SeniorAirmanBelowTheZone in 2009 and sewed on #StaffSargent within 4 year of #MilitaryService.  After 2 years at #kadenaAFB,Japan I when to #KunsanAFB Korea where I launched over 2000 Aircraft #Sorties for #GlobalWarOnTerrorism during this time I was able to get 3 #IncentiveRides on my favorite Airplane the #F-15 that was quite the experience going #mock5 in the air upsidedown lolz! I then went to #NewMexico to #crosstrain into #CyberSecurity I sewed on #E5/StaffSargent and when to #Mississipi for my #CompTIASec+ certificated this test has been the only thing I have ever had to study for in my life its that #HARDASFUCK! I scored at 890/900 the highest they have ever had by the end of my study routine I have over 2,500 notecards of various computer security topics. At my new #USAF+Base in #albuquerque#NM I ran the Crypto/Information Assurance office for the whole base reported directly to the #Commander of the #USAFWING. IP failed alot due to lack of training #USAFSUCKS. In 2012 I attempted suiced for the first time #LIFEisHARD. I slit both wrists from hand to elbow and stabed myself 8 times 3 in each arm and once in the belly and once in the heart #IMCRAZY. #Hospitalized for over 2 years in #Texas at #MilitaryStarUnit @WitchitaFallsTexas. After 6 months of constance observation and IQ tests/Personality Tests they diagnosed me with Sever #ADHD #BiPolarDisorder #MajorDepression and started me on my first over dose of #Adderall I was instantly addicted it made my brain feel #Normal I would get all the girls in the #MentalHospital to give me thier dose #QueenAsAKing. After 9 months i was discharged and moved to #WitchtaKansas @McConnell AFB because there was a big #Stigma with #Depression with the #military. Here my exwife @Amanda and got divorced after she caught me #DressingAsMySelfABeautifulWomen #ThatFuckedMeUp. I got #severlyDepressed and tried to #shootMyself #HOWtheFuckDidIMiss but i did and went and asked for #HELPMEPLZBITCH then i went to the military Star UNIT in KansasCityKansaS and got 100% sober no more #Adderall #Acid #coke #meth #weed #alcohol #cigerets #spice #K2 #heroin #YEAHiDidITAllSon. I went #GODMODE on life was more #MANIC then ever i learned how to control my #BloodPressure and could purposely raise it to well over 250 over 150 to scare the shit out of the #Nurses loz #BOSSBITCH! The director of the #Hospital told me to #STARTartTherapy because I #REFUSED to #talkAboutMyEmotions in #Therapy and I did. For the first time in my life I felt #Artistic with my #ZENARTWORK #TATTOODESIGNS. After 3 months I started #communicating with the #FUCKINGTHERIPIST and #THATKINGOFAMAN told me that I was a #ENFJ and i was like #IDONTGIVE2SHITSDUDEHURRYupIMissMyWoWGuilDies then he explaned to me what that was and i was like im a #IntrovertYouFuckStain and he was like #STFUandListen and I finally did right before I was discharged he said I was going to come down from this #GODLIKE #MANIA and it was going to be bad unless I took #BiPolarMeds and I said #GOEATADICKnoMoreDrugsForToni. I was discharged one week after my first sons 2nd #bDay #AtticusWasSad so was I. I went baCk to @McConnelAFB to live in my 3,000 SQ house all by myself #LONELYASFUCK I was #MAnic for the next 3 Months sleeping once a week eating #Japaneze curry on the weekend and nothing during the week #WorkedHARDASFUCK for the #SHITTYUSAFMILIARY #GOTNORESPECTFORMYWORK #SUPERVISORDIDNOTCAREABOUTMEBECAUSETHEYCAUGHTMEDRESSINGUPASAGIRL #TRANS_ISSUES. JUST LIKE THE DOCTOR SAID THE MANIA WORE OFF AND #HOLYFUCKINGSHITDIDREALITY HIT #HARDASATONOFBRICKS BUT TONI WAS DONE FUCKING AROUND WITH #SUICIDEATTEMPTS SO #TONI RESEARCHED HOW TO KILL MYSELF WITHOUT ANYPAIN FIGURED OUT HOW #I3WONTTELLYOU TOOK #1MONTH TO ORDER THE #SUPPLIES FOR VARRIOUS #3RDWORLDCONTRIES THEN SET UP MY #DEATHBED AND SET IT ALL UP LAID DONE WAS GOING TO PRESS THE BUTTON BUT THEN #JESUS #LITERLLY TOLD ME NOT TO #cantExplainTheFeelingAllOfASuddenFeltLikeLiving but i choose to start doing #adderal again. #adderall worked for 6 months then #THISBITCH needed more #MORE and I met a #drugDealerGirl #shewasBBWBlackGirl and yes we #hooke3dUP. Started doing a drug called #TONY lol yea im suck a #BADBITCH they named this synthetic cocane after me #QUEENTONI. #DUMBASSEXWIFE learned of my drug use and #Snitched on me to #USA_OSI they set up a #StingOperation and I #SOLDDRUGS TO MY #FUCKING3EX. #THATWASDUMB #mILITARY STARTED DOING 24 HOUR SURVALANCE ON MY HOUSE AND TAPPED MY COMPUTERS AND PHONE BUT #TONIKNOWBITCH BUT #TONIWAS #PYCOTIC DUE TO #DRUGS SO i keept doing them anyway I would get #FUCKADRUGTEST everyweek and I told my #commander Im test #positive for #WEED/METH/COKE/ACID/ADDERAL AND THEY SAID WELL THEN STOP AND I SAID #iCANTINEEDHELPSENDMEBAcKTOHOSPITALPLZSIR AND THEY SAID #fUCKYOUWIERD. BASICALLY because they knew i dressed like a women at home they refused to help me to push me at of the #fuckingMilitary! After 4 months of being constatly watched my #anxiety was #rediculy and i was #ready to us the #DEATHMACHINEiMade but my #drugDealingGirlFriend convinced me to #runaway with her. so I went #AWOL #LOLRUNTONIRUN  QUITE unsucsessfully i might add i was on the #road for #3wholeDays when i got caught at #GAMESTOP selling my #3DS for some #FOODMONEY SO I COULD #FEEDMYGIRL THEY BUT ME IN MILITARY JAIL. While in #jail the onlything to do was @artwork #ZenTangle #tattoo designs so that is what i did #InowSellMyArtBTW50$for my big pieces #20$for littleones #gottamakeThatMoney The onlything i could do was read but the only #fuckingbook they had was the Fucking  #bible and i was a #scientific person so i was like #fuckthatshit but i eventually did pick it up and starting reading it like ascience gbook so like i was like im prove this shit #WRONG AS FUCK but i started to #believeINGOD like WTF i was like this is like a book of LIFE and it changed my #MYLIFEBRO so i read the whole #FUCKINGBIBLE word for word includeing leviticus which is just a bunch of wieghts and measure @LOLLS my favorite passages are the #job #eclisiasties i swear to GOD and JESUS that #eclisiasties was #BIPOLAR and #ADHD like me basically his life was devoted to finding #HAPPINESS in all aspects like money women art and i can relate i have been very successful but was never happy untill i found #JESUS lol its crazy for 25 years i was a anthiest but after reading the bible for myself i found my faith in a HIGHER power before that i was the #MUTHAFUCKINGHIGHTPOWERBITCH i was sooo smart and i could do anything i fucking #SETMYMINDtoooo :))) but that is not tru i could not stope #ADDERAL without #GOD and now that i have #GOD is till #FUCKMYOWNLIFEUPONTHEDAIly lolz but hey we all have to learn somewhy right but for #TONI i have to learn from self harm lolz my like #HARDBUTEASYIFIListenToMyself i give amazing life advicce but have a #FUKCING hard time doing it #myself :P as i was reading the bible i relised two things!! right so the first was the jesus is a THE fucking #KINGofGoats right all that mutherfucker did was #HELP #everybody right he didnt care if you got dick in your ass or [pussy he didnt care if you masterbated he didnt care about marking your body with tattoo he just #LOVED right but the FUCKING #aposiles or his #FOLLOWERS well they put human thought into his message of love and fucked it all up they put resrtictions on love and on gods love #FUCKTHATSHIT #GOD loves his one and only son like i love my two son and his son #JESUS says love love love #BITCHLOVEisAllYouNeedToDoToGetIntoHeaven love jesus accept him and when you die you will be with #THEKINGHIMFUCKINGSLEF right so the otgher thing is that #GODISADICKRIGHT lolssss hekilled his own son lol #THAT IS FUCK UP right i would never is #JESUS told me to harm my son i would #GOTOTHEDEVEL lol :) but #GODISAPINMP right what does god #DO well #godDOESWHATHEWANTS lol so i learned the #TONI is like #GOD guess what i do in life i was created by #god and i will live like both #JESUS and #god i will #LOVEYOUALLMUTHAFUCKERS and i will #DOwhatIFuckikingWant that reminds me #TwitchCanSuckMyFemalCokeWhile i still have it for trying to IPBan me fuck you I tried to get a job with you and got an interview and you said my #PAST was too much #FUCKTHATSHIT :P so fuck you I will become so famous that I #TAKE all you viewers and port them to my own website im designing bitch #www.toniflackuslive24/7.com :P fuck you @twich :P where were we oh yea i was in jail for the fist time doing art and reading the bible so now that that happen i was like wayyyyyyyy sucidal so i was like how #DaaaFuck do i #KILLmySelf in jail when they wont even let me wear clothes lol for real i was naked in my jail cell cuz i was #suicidal they would watch me eat and only give me a plastic spoon lik WTF i did even get a blanket or mattress i slept on the #FUCKING #METALBED i still haVe back problem because of that shit for 33 days i went thourgh hell and #JESUS is the only thing that keep me going but after a while #Jesus was not enough i found a way to #killMyself i bent the copper pipe off the tolet by putting my arm around it and flexing #atTheTime im jittery because i abused aderall for 8 years i did 210 mg a day i would stay up for weeks at a time you fuck yes adderal is sythetic pharmacudical meth and its powerfull 210 mtg would kill most people via heart attack now i have to check my blood pressure and if it getting above 175 over 110 i have to drink #BEER to calm down ok lets  play bdo sorry #readers i was oon my twitch!! ok back to the story at hand let me put on so music **break from lifestory and im do rado facts** #######################Rando FACTS about your #ToniISTheFuckingQueenGOAT######### 1) I dont kno the english alphabet but i do the the japanese one 2)I didnt learn to read or write until i was in 3rd grade 3)i have been sexually active from the age of 12 4)my first girlfriend was 16 and she would put stuff in my ass and i loved it!!!! 5)im ambidexterious which means i can do stuff with both hand *wink* *wink* 6)my nickname in los angles was "Blackus" because i only had black friends so i was a big time Wigger lolz 7)i wrote my first java program when i was 7 years old it was a worm that multipled on a hardrive until it was full i ran it on my step dads network and he beat the shit out of me for a week lol #bossbitch 8)my stepdad i call him KEVdad was a CIO for the Shawnee mission school district and we had the backup sever farm in our basement so i have been a #NETWORKADMIN since the age of 5 9)in the metal hospital i hacked thier computer and gained #ROOT lvl access with the first week of being there i allowed all the #patients to look at #porn #lolz i got banned from using the computer but i never gave them the #ROOTPASSWORD back lol!!! to this day i can log into thier network :P 10)i have always been transgender i have a female life prospective and a female brain 11)i have yet to have sex with a man mutually i have been raped 5 times 12)i dont like my penis never have 13)im getting my sex change in Tailand when i earn eno money 14)i stream on chaterbate look up trangendertoni 15)i havent had sex in 3 years lol yes that is why im sooo randy #lolhornybitch 16)i have a boyfriend his name is ricky and he will be the first one to get me :) he is a famous streamer #Reaper_kings_ 17) i have 2 sons Atticus James Flackus 8 years old luca Efften Flackus 5 years soon old 18) i was born on december 25 1987 19)i have been a video gamer for over 27 years i only play RPG game and even then they have to be japanese style not american li8ke skyrim i own every single jap RPG that was ever made 20) i wrote the first guide on #gamefaqs for FFVII me and my friend @archon009 found the bug that let you #DUP item and we posted it back in 1997 :P 21) i play FFVII every year and max out the materia and lvl up all char to 99 and get all ultimate weapons 22) i was a beta tester for Runescape World of warcraft and BlackDesert online 23)i need to pee fuck me i wish i had a cathitor 24)my resting blood pressure is 140 over 90 25)i can read and write in japanese better than english 26)i have 78 paid for Black Desert Online account i have spent over 250,000 USD on ingame items and accounts lol #BOSSLVLSPENDING 27)my current exWife used to beat me up for spending money on video games 28)i have been to jail twice one for selling and doing drugs in the #USaF and then most recently was released from jail after 23 days for threatening to kill @angel colon for calling me a trans faggot #FUCKTHATGUY 29)i eat maybe once a day sometimes i dont eat :P 30)i smoke over 100 cigs a day yes i will die of cancer 31) im still writeing rando facts about myself guys if you wanna read the whole thing go to @facebook goolgle #toniflackus 32) my best friend @rob "the steamboat" fulton is deaF so i learned sign laungange at a young age you will see me do alot of it on steam i miss him #ALOT but now that im a #GIRL he dosnt talk to me 33)i have 2 sister amber 35 andrea 40 and one brother adom 39 we were all in the #USAF #Amber Casados my sister is the only one that talke to me after i came out 4 months ago #transgender my mom #DISOWNEDMYASS and my #STEPDAD said he would #KILL me if i came to visit #IWOULDKILLHIMFIRSTBITCH #lol 34) i have been on estogen and testoterone blockers for 4 months 35) im bipolar with phycotic featurs which means i tend to go #MANIC and stay that 3wasy for DAYS #IMHIGHASFUCKWITHNODRUGSBITCH 36)my most priced possestion is my newly forming boobds lol :) i love them i wont ever get fake boob not that i dont like #BIGTITAREFUNTOPLAYWITH its just i want natural little titties :P 37) all my #twitchmoney i give away #GIVEAWAYS WEEKLY 38) my ex @kayleigh Anh Daniels was a #SUPERMODEL 39 my first wife @Amanda Lynn Jennings was a weed dealer and was being abused by a house full of guys eet off craiglist and she came over and we fucked and then i found out about all that shit that was happening i left my USAF job within minutes and went over and bitch the shit out of lik 4 dudes and took her home with me we got married the next month 40) i have done every drug that i have researched and goten my hands onto my fav #DOC (drug of choice) is adderal 41)i have not done an illegal drug is 7 years and stop3ed abuseing my adderal 7 months ago i have told all my doctors that im a #DRUGADDICT and not to prescribe anything addictive #DAMiRegretSayingThat #missThatAdderalHIGH 42)i stream my whole life 24/7 even when im banned from #twichIsABtich i stream on #facebook #younow #youtube #multipleTwitchAccount just google #toniflackus 43)i was on the FBI most wanted list for going AWOL because i held the highest security clearance within the military because i worked directly on the SIPRnet the (secret)(topSecret) intranet of the Department of Defence they found me within 3 days 44) twitch is going to find with within the next few hours so #FUCKME lolz im try and log into my main twitch toniflackus #LETS{PRAY IT WORKS #NOPE STILL BANNED #im take a break if you wanna read all this shit im writing go to my facebook toniflackus #smokebreak im go outside and get some fresh air guys luv you #missmyBoyfriend #missmySons #missmyExwife #ok this shit is too much #emotions #imply video#games

#THATSUCKSBIGDICKSANDDIRTYHAIRYONESTHATLOOKFUNNY!!!    ###MORE TO COME IF YOU WANT###

#TONIFLACKUS @LGBTQIA+ TRANSGENDER DEPRESSION BIPOLAR USAF VETERAN CODER JAVA COBALT PHYTHON C C++ JAVASCRIPT SOFTWAREENGINEER

[actualbird]

AGES AGO somebody sent me an ask about a star trek au and i cant find it anymore but i did try to outline a fic but i dont rlly have the time or motivation to make a full fic so heres what i did put down anyway

a bmc star trek au in bullet points

WELCOME TO THE U.S.S. ENTERPRISE. let’s meet the crew!! captain chloe valentine. brash, bold, and hard headed with a heart of gold. got through the academy in three years and totally cheated on the kobayashi maru because she is better than no-win scenarios. her first officer, navigator, and longtime crush since the academy days (but you heard NOTHING, CAPICHE?) is brooke lohst, making sure they go through the stars in the right ways. 

we’ve got dreamy academy prodigy jake dillinger who served on another ship since he was seventeen, jesus, now on the enterprise as a skilled helmsman and the ship’s local heartthrob. count chief security officer rich goranski—somebody who swears he can take down four klingons with nothing but a tricorder and a piece of string—along with all the swooners. 

chief communications officer and xenolinguistic specialist jenna rolan can mediate diplomatic ties in ten languages but she can also start a barfight in over twenty. theres chief medical officer christine canigula who also happens to be one of the most odd (half) vulcans ever but people the crew never minds. not when christine is always the one saving their skin and stabbing them all with hyposprays.

then theres jeremy and michael. jeremy and michael who have been friends since childhood and always looked to the night sky. the both of them have always wanted to be out there, but jeremy always doubted. his dreams were too big for just the earth, but he never thought he’d be good enough to go up into space. 

(jeremy and michael who, at twelve, promise on a shooting star that theyll both at least try, and that theyll try together.)

(racking up the necessary grades and high performance for the academy is hell and their high school years are tense because of it, but they get accepted, and by that point, neither of them ever want to stop. it’s hard work and sleepless nights and days where they stumble back to their shared dorm room high and cursing space and space things before mumbling back and forth about how they want to be out there so badly. somewhere along the way, jeremy wonders when exactly looking at michael felt like looking at the stars. when exactly it started feeling like fear and desire and love all at the same time.)

(michael wonders back to the shooting star and wonders if looking at jeremy will ever feel like anything other than hope. than maybe. than what if. than i wish) 

michael ends up chief engineering officer and jeremy is chief science officer. theyre both incredibly good at their jobs and theyre both utter fucking dweebs. most of the crew is, really.

and then theyre all off on a three year exploration mission. three years among the stars.

//STAR TREK OPENING THEME PLAYS

most of the exciting drama happens off-ship which makes michael a little grumbly because he stays on ship 90% of the time that’s his job. and he loves his job. he loves the enterprise so much. many ensigns have seen michael talking to the engines in a soft, cooing voice while stroking the metal. michael knows the ship and the ship knows michael (and all of his mushy thoughts because “god, i’m really that person now, that person who monologs about being in love with his best friend to a hunk of MACHINERY…..sorry babe, i didnt mean that. i love you.”)

(jeremy has heard michael call the enterprise so many things. babe. baby. darling. love. the light of my life. jeremy never thought he could be jealous of a SHIP but here he fucking is.)

as CSO, jeremy goes with the ground crew a lot. jeremy loves his job so much. so many new planets and plants and things to study and understand. he usually has his comms on to talk to michael while on planet just to gush about everything. “the main source of liquid here is green, michael. then at night it turns red. what the hell!!!”

the planet in question with the weird liquid is a one on the outskirts of near empty space, a planet the federation has been trying to recruit for a while. strange planet. two moons. plants that glow electric blue sometimes. home to a generally advanced and eerily perfect and in sync civilization. jeremy suspects theyre telepaths (they act like theyre all connected), but none of the other telepaths in the crew can read them. it’s very odd

somewhere back on the enterprise, michael gets a sinking feeling in his gut

turns out the planet is alive and is controlling all lifeforms through a hivemind activated by ingesting a certain pill-like fruit along with the green water. ground crew gets their brains taken over and the usually on ship crew (michael, christine, brooke, jake) have to go down and save their friends. hell yea

aside from that odd movie-like barely main plot, imagine the shenanigans more on the series flavor!! getting stuck in part of the universe that traps them in a timeloop. weird virus that makes jake start fencing through the halls shirtless. brooke accidentally getting engaged to alien royalty while chloe resists the split second urge to shoot her phaser. christine not letting any red shirts die on her watch at all but wondering just why theyre so susceptible to injury. ykno, the usual.

also pining. in SPACE. michael and jeremy making time for each other in spite of their erratic shift times. jeremy walking in on michael monologing to the pipes about somebody he’s so in love with and jeremy walks away with a cold feeling in his gut. michael dragging a sleepless jeremy to his quarters after hours of trying and failing to understand a sample. michael lays jeremy in his bed only for jeremy to gently grab his wrist and say with a voice just on the edge of consciousness “stay? please?” 

michael thinks of shooting stars and blue eyes and settles next to jeremy, willing himself to sleep against the beats of his heart. 

#yes jeremy always says ''beam me up michael'' #bmc #be more chill #hc #pining in space

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

tlj review

(spoiler: it’s long)

I'm glad I: 1) went as spoiler-free as I did for this one (only saw the first trailer). And 2) lucked out w/ a theater that had a fair number of loud fans. Both things combined made it so that I was more willing to sit back and soak up the excitement.

Some people disliked the increase of humor vs ep7, I though it was alright. Some jokes landed, some didn't. In my opinion, when they used the shift in tone to defy the expectations of the audience (like when Luke throws the light saber over his shoulder or when the VERY first thing we see is Poe trolling Hux) those were the moments where the movie really soared. But when the comedy was horned in in a Jar-Jar fashion... those were the moments that tanked hard (the most jarring of being 1) when Chewie is eating the fried porgs, and 2) when that goblin alien guy cheers over the coin raining in the casino trampling escape scene. Cringe and also wow way to halt all the momentum)

the writing could get pretty contrived, mainly in the first half of the movie. You could tell when the writers were pulling hardcore dramatic acrobatics to put the characters in the places they wanted them to be. It was very easy in the first half of the movie to tell how the characters were just pieces on a chessboard, moving to the script’s whim.

The most sticking plot point of this kind was the First Order suddenly able to track hyperspace travel out of nowhere.w hy ? ? ? ? How ? ? ? ?  

who tf knows it was just an excuse to have Finn and Rose deactivate A Thing.

(one of the friends I was watching with pointed out that they have become obsessed with “deactivate x” plots and I categorically agreed, Get some new campaign objectives, Disney!)

(and there is another reason the “tracking” subplot plot failed... I’ll come back to it at the end)

The new scoundrel guy that tagged along with Finn and Rose frankly felt way too much like a Solo replacement, ugh. And the part where he tells Rose to keep the medallion bc ohhhhh he only needed it for the diffusion was so fucking cliche I was rolling my eyes out to the next galaxy (AND it diminished the sacrifice Rose did by giving it away anyway!!). Stop adding new white dudes 2 star wars pls. We Have Enough.

I do like that when finn said “you are wrong” he was like “maybe”. That was a good moment.

And I guess that he did serve a point when he pulled a Jolee Bindo and talked about how the “good guys/bad guys” don't exist in star wars... but idk if the movie succeeded at that, (again, more on that at the end...)

so many close ups to ALIENN MAMMARY GLANDS omfg w h Y D;  

NOW I GOTTA KINKSHAME THE ENTIRE GALAXY

lol I'm pretty sure Disney paid off most of the movie critics bc although I LOVED the film, objectively it is definitely not a 98% film. 2 many undeniable visual and structural flaws.

Every Leia and Luke scene was amazing. As was the “obi wan, you are my only ho” throwback. That was the turning point of the movie for me and when things really started to pick up.

...I like that Han was very unimportant overall compared to Leia in this one lol

re: Reylo: ngl as someone who was exhausted w/ this discourse and doesn't really care enough to ship it nor notp it, I was extremely satisfied with this part of the plot.

The team up was so fucking exciting (one of the parts that got the most cheers where I watched!) and the legilimency scenes were so engaging. It was genuinely interesting to see whether Rey would turn or not. 

THO LMAO THANKFULLY SHE DIDNT DO THAT. I WOULD HAVE BEEN LIVID but, yeah, i do love that they had me on the edge with that.

I think people are being really unfair when they said the reylo dragged the film down tbqh. I don't even think it “happened” in the way the shippers are saying anyway? If Rey had taken him up on his offer then yeah, you could say it was “canon”. But the endgame for reylo (the only possible, satisfying endgame ) is Rey severing their connection. And mercifully, this is the canon.

Speaking of ships: rey x finn OTP 4ever sdklfjsdlkf!!!.

lmao they had like 3 moments in this film and i died at every single one of them.

Honestly this whole plot spoke so highly of Rey?  “I'm gonna try to force a redemption arc on this guy” was a legit solid plan. it was v genre savvy of her, and she even pulled it off mostly.

Again I think Kylo's arc has been satisfying in both films because it is always “WILL HE TURN.... jk he wont. ps men suck” and... I love that lol. If they can resist the temptation to redeem him in the third film I will deem his villain arc a successful one.

Snoooke on the other hand was a joke and a waste of time as a villain :/ 

He was so unbelievable esp. because, ok....., so he is smart enough to do this this grand evil scheme using the the kylo and rey force bond, but not enough to see that Kylo was the person he should have always been the most suspicious of!?  what the actual fuck, tbh being weary of ur apprentice is sith master safety 101

Luke however... dude, he really Jedi Master’d it up here. Honestly I think the part where he faces down the entire Kylo artillery fleet should go down as a one of the greatest SW scenes of all time. I was so satisfied by this moment. It really felt like something we had been waiting for for years. To see a real, true testament to the strength we know Jedi masters have...

That it then turned out to be a trick was even better. And that said “trick” actually enormous control of the Force + the Ultimate Sacrifice was the best

on that note “Ah, young skywalker, still too busy looking at the horizon...” was such a fucking gorgeous line ugh. It gave me episode 4 feelings (my fav film and therefore my fav feelings).

lol the rey/luke/ben section of the movie was so much more interesting than everything else tbh. That was really the heart of the film imo.

the poe/holdo/leia section got pretty amazing by the end tho, I was starting ti really into it. Internal rebel politics are fascinating. also leia and holdo were so gay, guys.

I have detailed before why the the finn/rose/solo2.0 section was the weakest but, it also got better later in the third act. The finn vs admiral phasma fight was imo the most stunning visual of the film. And Finns delivery of the “Rebel Scum” reply was so powerful.

The best thing about this section of the plot  (and this is now getting to the closing thoughts) is how it sets up the good ol’ theme of The Power of Stories: first with the Rose and Finn scene, then the Holden speech, and then it really clicked together in the final scene.

Honestly that was, I think, the smartest narrative choice in this movie.... unlike the other themes I'm gonna talk about after this, this one fits perfectly in the larger context of these movies. The SW trilogy exists in the larger context of the whole SW canon, and 90% of the discussion of them is how they measure up to the past. So to have those kids playing with their Luke Skywalker figurines was v satisfying, ’cause it was the most meta. It is literally putting star wars fans on the screen!

Sadly...this smart narrative choice is hurt by the biggest flaw of this movie, which is the same as in the previous movie: there is no point at all to anything the rebellion does, and this ends up rendering all movies before pointless.  The republic should have been re-established post-episode 6, but somehow, episode 7 opens with the universe pretty much worse than it was in episode 4 (!!!). And now, even though the rebellion should have the upper hand post-episode 7, instead episode 8 opens with The First Order at the high of their power, now with added hyperspace-tracking technology. 

There is no explanation to any of this, and it hurts the new trilogies tremendously.

also tbh I have been groaning about this since ep7 and Im glad people are finally catching up to it with ep8

the second biggest flaw (lol) is the same for all star wars movies: even though we have jedi saying “wars do not make one great”, these films are all about glorifying war and the spectacle of it all. And maybe the first trilogy could get away with it, but today I think audiences are more tuned in with the real world horrors, pointlessness and politics/economics of war that you cant really make a film like this without examining those things harshly and honestly.

And to its credit, this film did try, probably the hardest out all the star wars so far...but not hard enough to salvage the hypocrisy of it all. They never really went anywhere with the whole end of the Jedi/Sith, and it is honestly kind of a discouraging film, because the whole “fire of the rebellion” mantra instead of being up-lifting, sounds like adding more fuel to the fire of a pointless, endless cycle. 

tldr overall: awesome but flawed star war. ps force user!leia fuck yes.

#there is definitely more to say than this #bc there was A LOT going on in this one #this is just based on what i can remember from memory #tlj #kotor #since i mention it a few times... #sw #meta #liveblog

[lenin-it-to-win-it]

twenty questions

tagged by: @bandaged-chessmaster

Rules: answer the 20 questions and tag twenty followers (@ that second part yeah right lmaooo)

nickname/s: lenin, dodo, soey, geronimo stilton @pillowelephant anytime u talk about me during debate practice (which is uhhh all the fuckin time im assuming) make sure u use my CORRECT NAME which is geronimo stilton pls and thx

zodiac sign: gemini 

height: *deep sigh* 5′0″

orientation: pan ace 

nationality: american #fuck tha metric system 

favorite fruit: cherries and cantaloupe 

favorite season: fall bc leaves fall on the ground and i lov the cronch when i step on them, i pretend theyre the bones of my enemies 

favorite book: uhh "the death of ivan ilyich” is technically a novella i guess so probably either “I, Robot” by isaac asimov or “100 Years of Solitude” by gabriel garcia marquez depending on what im in the mood to read 

favorite flower: lillies and i KNOW theres another favorite i have but fuck if i can remember it lol rip

favorite scent: BISCUITS COOKING IN THE OVEN cuz im a slut for BReAD

favorite color: red and purple

favorite animal: i love me some cock um rabbits would be my most favorite but tigers are a pretty close second 

coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: im loco for cocoa my dudes

cat or dog person: i love my specific dog more than any animal in the world but in general i prefer cats

favorite fictional character: uH H  H probably all might tbh bc in general i have a a Thing for characters who push themselves way too fuckin hard despite the fact that literally anyone else in their situation would probably be dead by now and HES MISSING LIKE HALF HIS FUCKIN ORGANS AND YA BOI TOSHI STILL OUT THERE LAYING DOWN THE L A W and he just,,, he loves deku so much (even if he did NOT HESITATE TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM DURING THE FINAL) and their father-son bond is everything, i really love good father figures and in general i just think his character is really fascinating and LI TERALLY ANY ART IVE SEEN OF YOUNG TOSHI IS THE BEST ART IVE SEEN IN MY LIFE WE A RE ALL LOVE TOSHI-SENPAI 

# of blankets you sleep with: usually one, two if its cold, and like, 5 or more if im depressed and want to bury myself alive in warmth and pretend theres still joy in life 

dream trip: probably to moscow since i speak some russian so i wouldnt be totally lost 100% of the time like if i went to any other country and there are cool museums and shit also i WANNA GO TO THE FUCKIN G NAKAHARA CHUUYA MUSEUM IN JAPAN APPARENTLY THEY HAVE REPLICAS OF HIS H A T 

blog created:  may 2016 

# of followers: 1,339

random fact: I 100% BELIEVE BNHA IS A BETTER ANIME THAN BSD AND PART OF THE REASON I AVOIDED IT FOR SO LONG (in addition to it being Everywhere) WAS BC I FUCKING  K N E W THIS WOULD HAPPEN AND I DIDNT WANT TO BETRAY THE BSD FANDOM AND ALL BUT HO LY SHIT BNHA IS FUCKIGN GREAT LIKE??? it actually has plot??? and arcs??? eVEn in the first season??? and theres far less tonal dissonance than bsd (bsd DID get better at that in the second season by more or less cutting most of the comedic parts to mixed effect) despite ostensibly being for a younger audience than bsd and not going for the same darker tone or themes of moral ambiguity things have FUCKING  C O N S E QU EN C E S like they have a character who more or less exists JUST to heal injuries and yet we still see characters suffer irreparable physical damage and get scars? like bravo tbh and at least in the anime- i have no idea what the manga is like aside from the first chapters lol oops- its not just a series of one contrivance after another and its so much FUN like bsd is great and all but aside from the dark era which is a masterpiece there arent really any single episodes i’d want to go back and watch more than once but i feel like i could pick literally any episode of bnha and rewatch it and have a good ass time, theres so much passion and positivity in bnha its impossible to watch it and not feel HY PE AF bsd makes me want to do in-depth character studies and analysis and discuss moral ambiguity but bnha genuinely makes me want to be a better person like ofc i cant be a superhero for obvious reasons but i can damn well do something with this life i have and any series that can make me feel like that just,, well done 

tagging: @theseerofdoomisunaltered bc u like these and whoever else wants to do this go ahead and say i tagged u

#tag game #i do like b/sd more on an aesthetic level tho #like b/nha has good animation too but #its definitely brighter and more over the top which suits the series #but b/sd is idk if subtle is the right word #they do more with like #light and shit #like when i think of b/sd i think of all the fuckin gorgeous sunset colors in the dark era or the blue moonlight on atsus face in episode o #the creepy blue glowing water tanks in the azure messenger arc #theres a lot of really stunning scenes is what im saying #and its not even just really well done fight scenes but i guess the setting #and bsd probably has more complex characters than bnha #like there are some characters in bnha that are pretty clearly just one-note #whereas in bsd even minor characters usually have some kind of interesting development or backstory/motivations/whatever #or its implied enough to the point where u can make that shit up urself #*cough cough chuuya* #but altogether i think bnha is more cohesive and consistently entertaining #and definitely has more of an emotional impact at least on me

[a-bit-of-rain]

I don’t think I'll ever regret trying to find authenticity. like there’s a lot of phases of my life that I regret, and i worry that im in one right now, doing things that i’ll soon regret, but this is one thing that i really doubt i’ll ever feel embarrassed about. i want to know who i am really, what i really think, what i really like. who i am without all the people that i love and rely on, even if that sucks. and this is gonna suck. but im glad that its happening, or i will be some day. im still gonna miss lisa so fuuuucking much, and i wish she wasn't leaving, but this can be a positive thing in the long run maybe? or maybe not, and maybe it’ll be awful but its still happening either way and there’s nothing i can do to stop it? my power lies in how i react to things, not in trying to control things that are out of my reach? i want to react to this in a positive way but i still feel like im gonna puke because this sucks it really does it fucking sucks but thats okay and im allowed to be sad and im allowed to let myself cry and things will feel ok again someday and its fine that things finally felt ok for the first time in forever,,,,, itll happen again some day i think i hope but i dont know i guess i just have to have faith in something i barely believe in and i want to believe so bad and i want to have faith if only to feel okay and feel like someone is there for me, but i just dont and i dont know hy why do other people get to have faith and i just cant find it inside me? lisa would say to make space for both thingsbut thats so hard and im going to try im going to try and be okay with this a nd have faith that it will be okay even if it doesn't feel that way right now because i wanted to kill myself in 5th grade but i didnt and iwanted to kill myself in 7th grade but i didnt and i wanted things to be over in 10th grade but they werent and here i am dealing with things and someday this will be another bump in the road, even if i always miss lisa, even if i always mourn this time, there will be space for happiness inside me too. 

#ref #remember #pretty words #not really but thats the tag! #ugly words

[wingedhumanoid-remade]

@wings-united because you’ve blocked me and I can’t reply to your messages. which is hilarious.

Oh i reallllllllllllllyyyyy am loving this. Are you actually reading um, anything im saying? Lets start with celocanths becuase you apparently didn't do any fucking research. Celocanths. dont. have. more. than. four. limbs.  Neither do any other devonian fish. I said it really slow so you'd understand. The "limbs" you are referring to is called a "limb-like appendage," heres some photos so you can grasp this concept.

See how that worked? The other fins do not even vaugly fuction as limbs, cause theyre not.  

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limb_(anatomy) "Limbs are jointed." "one of the projecting paired appendages (such as wings) of an animal body used especially for movement and grasping but sometimes modified into sensory organs." You dont look at fish, see their fins and go "HEY the've got more than four limbs!!!!" Come on. Ok, so now that that god awful excuse of a "rebuttal" is out of the way. My earlier statement still stands (hint because its a law of evolution) How did we evolve another fully functional limb. N other species on earth at the complexity above like, an amoeba, has EVER EVOLVED A NEW LIMB. Tell me, Kah.  So why do you think avians would grow new limbs? ell me exactly how the limb developed. "Evolution doesn't get to make whole new mechanisms out of whole cloth. Note that both bats and birds had to sacrifice their hands to make wings. Evolution didn't just tack on wings. Their arms and hands gradually changed into wings. They re-used the basic existing structures and pectoral muscles. It's a hack. Evolution is always a hack." "The only mammal to successfully gain true flight are bats, and they have been diverged from the rest of the mammalian tree for 100 million years. We just have not been evolving for long enough, and more importantly we have been evolving to fill a completely different evolutionary niche than the one filled by flying animals. It is basically impossible for evolution to change trajectories so drastically on such short notice." Why would the avian ancestors  "need" wings? What sort of circumstances could occur that would drive us to need wings that are not already resolved by us having exceptional creativity and cooperation between our kind? Evolution just doesn't work the way you're looking at it - "it would be nice if we had wings, so let's evolve some".  Even if wings were needed for the survival of the species, extinction is a MUCH more likely outcome.  (hy didn't the dinosaurs ALL just become tiny, so they could survive?  It doesn't work that way.  The ones that HAD become tiny - the ones that eventually became birds - DID survive.  That's how evolution works - you don't evolve what you need, you survive IF you've evolved what you need.)

Avian ancestors did not go from "lump on back" to "wings." Cause for that to happen you need a reason to have the lumps form in the first place, and then STAY there. What purpous would having extra stuff on your back to carry around have? How would that be an evolutionary advantage? "Regeneration is literally the growth, or regrowth of limbs, and it acts on stem cells. Wing growing is a form of regeneration, but it is creating new limbs. How did the gene for those limbs evolve, thats what I'm asking.  I know what regeneration is and it only works if theres a genetic code for those limbs to appear.

"You’re right, evolution edits what’s already there. Like cells, which create and grow things" No organism has ever had evolution start randomly mutating some cells on its back to grow a new limb, or anything even close to that. "My friend. We are not birds, therefore it would be impossible for us to get a pointed face, specialized heart" HOLy shit lmao. You really don't have a grasp on evolution. Theres no. reason??? avians wouldn't  have gotten a more pointed and streamined face shape. I'm not saying avians would just fucking. grow a beak? Im saying they would have become you know, shaped like they were ment to fly?

“To think that Homo Avians (IS, not could be, IS) a thing that would  be possible is simply stupid.” I’m,, holy shit.   You’re essentially telling me that avians aren’t possible and that  i don’t exist. "

HOLY SHIT ARE YOU. Serious?

Oh my god. I'm just stating the fucking facts my dude. Taxonomy is a real thing, and one rule is that organisms with a different amount of LIMBS do not get grouped in the same genus. Sorry? Again, get it through your thick skull. Just cause I say the classification of "Homo Avian"  wouln't make sense, doesn't mean I think growing wings is imposible. How many times am I going to have to write that before you fucking understand?

Hominids are in the superclass Tetrapoda contains the "FOUR-limbed vertebrates known as tetrapods"

https://biology.stackexchange.com/questions/21772/why-dont-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs https://www.quora.com/Why-arent-there-any-species-of-mammal-with-six-legs https://www.quora.com/Why-dont-any-mammals-have-more-than-4-limbs-Why-didnt-they-evolve-to-have-multiple-legs-or-arms-like-insects http://www.ucmp.berkeley.edu/vertebrates/tetrapods/tetraintro.html

"Adding a limb, on the other hand (no pun intended), is pretty expensive. You're not just adding a single extra part, but a whole network of additional blood vessels, bone structures, tissues, and what-have-you. These all need additional nutrients and a good set of genes to ensure they work together properly. On top of this, you also need the limb to not be a disadvantage. It needs to be in a useful place anatomically and immediately offer an advantage as soon as the extra limb mutation comes into play. These mutations can occur, but it's vastly more likely that they're a disadvantage. Take frogs, for example. It's not altogether uncommon for frogs to develop extra legs. What usually happens, though, is you end up with a frog that's clumsier and slower and packing more meat. Predators tend to like that sort of thing, so the mutated frogs don't live long enough to produce offspring so that the extra limb(s) could eventually become useful."

= OH boy. Have I been WAITING to roast Project Icarus. 1. "The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members" "Project Icarus is THE ONLY GROUP THAT CANG GROW WINGS, and anyone else who doesn't have the special"gene" i just made up IS TRASH AND HOPELESS"  

2. "The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality" Do I..... even have to say it? "US vs. "The stupid dreamers." Did you see how fast your group turned against us? Immeditly going from "friends" to "I HATE YOU RETARD NONE OF YOU HAVE POTENTIAL AND CANT GROW WINGS" etc...etc...etc... I could go on.

3. “Wouldn’t it be exciting to really know the secrets of being an avian?” HOLY SHIT. THATS LITERALLY HOW PROJECT ICARUS WORKS. "We, PI, are the ONLY group who knows the SUPER SPECIAL METHOD and the real SCIENCE of growing wings. All the other group are fucking stupid." My group is exhibiting NONE of those behaviors you’ve just “quoted”.

4. "I’m 100% positive that if someone joined your group and decided that Sahde’s was more logical, you’d threaten them, hackle them, be utmost bitches. " Ooh my god... the IRONY. You mean, hackle them and be utmost bitches like.... when sahde removed me as an admin when I didn't agree with her? When she told me to leave and make my own group cause I wans't going along with your cultlike beliefs? Actually, in my group I'm encouraging you know, actually free thought? As in "we all have differing opinions on how wings are grown, and thats ok." So yeah, good try bud but we aren't going to be like PI was.

5. "You’re making everyone in the group feel guilty and terrible." WHERE LMAO. Me? Me as in IM the one going around calling my members retards and stupid cult members like a child? oh right, thats you :/. Oh and crow, whom you persuaded to go into my group, lie, and then leave after calling us all "a cult full of dreamers." yeah. ok. and then the blocking of course. i've been blocked by almost everyone, expecially you becuase you didn't want to hear what I was saying anymore. I understand blocking oliver, and I do not condone their behavior and I definitely have asked them to stop sending you and the others edgy messages. I have not sent any one of my members to go yell at anyone from PI cause I have some common decency. You can talk to them if they hurt your feewings.

As if you and Ro are some holy angelic saints who are never mean uwuwuwuwuwu. if you're felling guilt, maybe theres a reason.

6. "invites random people to attempt to grow wings who will never grow them" You mean like.......................................................... you? sahde? ro? whom have never grown wings yet and not even proven their own ""theory?""" yeah......... thats smart. remember when sahde lied abut having wings?that was fun. remember? not cult-like at all.

We don’t let in random ppl, we haven't let anyone in. All my group is made up of ex-pi members who were tired of the bullshit. I gave them the option to leave and didn't force any of them to stay.

7. "The group displays excessively zealous and unquestioning commitment to its leader" GOD this is really funny. sahde can explain this one to you, shes already gone on a rant about it before.

8. " Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished." ajhsbasjdhgjaskdashkjahfjhfldsjfh

http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm

tdlr. i could do this all day. i know you’re never going to admit “hey maybe im wrong, my theory doesn’t make sense in terms of evolution” because you think you’re so smart and are again, full of yourself.

Please. Actually acknowledge the science instead of spouting bullshit.