#hetalia dub transcripts
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Hetalia: The Beautiful World Episode #19: Keep On Moving!! March Forward, Sealand! Transcript
This episode has Japan's game, the micronations, and folk costumes.
Japan: Eumph…eumph…
Germany: Japan.
Japan: Oh?
Germany: You look much more serious than usual.
Japan: I am. It is from this new game.
{Caption: Sorry}
Japan: The main character’s company is failing because his irresponsible friends hid their debt. You must save the company and your honor, but the amount your company owes is prohibitive, and your so-called friends betray you, so all roads lead to seppuku.
Germany: This fantasy sounds quite final.
Japan: Trouble is, nobody has ever successfully beaten this game. Perhaps you will be the one, Germany.
Germany: You think so? I guess it couldn’t hurt to give it a try. What is this Scheiße?!
(Scheiße: Shit → German)
Germany: You can’t do a damn thing in this game without buying the DLC!
Japan: Just skip to the quick-time disembowelment.
Greece: Hey, Japan. Hey.
Japan: Hm?
Germany: Hm?
Greece: Somebody needs a little belly rub, Japan.
(Cat: Meeeeooooowwww!)
Greece: And his cat would probably like one too.
(Cat: Meeeeooooowwww!)
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{Caption: Keep moving forward even more!! Sealand!}
Sealand: Hm?
{Caption: The founding of the Principality of Wy}
Sealand: The Principality of Wy was founded in Australia! Finally, another country that’s even more of a noob than I am!
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Sealand: Don’t fret, Wy; as the former new kid on the block myself, I consider it my duty to show you the ropes! Naha!
{Caption: Wink}
Sealand: Hmhm! Micronations for the win!
Wy: Why are you lumping the two of us together?
Sealand: Uh…’cause we’re so alike?
Wy: Look, I know we’re both small, but that is all we have in common, okay? Hmpf! I’m in the books all official-like.
Sealand: Uah…uoh…
{Text on name tag: Catherine}
Catherine: Strange news from Australia. A family has declared its nationhood after a fight over a driveway.
Latvia: Huh? If there is new addition, I’m betting Sealand is pestering them. He can be such little spaz boy, I need reining him in before he does stupid thing! Hey, uh, Sealand? You are being good?
Wy, Sealand: Hahahahahahahahaha!
Latvia: Oh, so you are get along! That is greatly news, you two!
Wy, Sealand: AAAAHHHHHH!
Latvia: Uah! Wait, what you are talking about? Did you say “upside-down dead guy in tree”?
(Wy, Sealand: Upside-down dead guy in a tree! AAAAAHHHHHHH!)
Seborga: Ciao, it’s a pleasure to meet you; my name is Seborga!
(Ciao: Hello → Italian)
Seborga: I was Italian back before I became my own man! Ay yai yai, that’s enough freaking out over me for one day! This is red sauce and I hang like this as molto relaxing!
(Molto: Very → Italian)
(Sealand: Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree!)
Wy: You’re disrespecting the sovereignty of my territory, mister! And that’s a massive waste of tomatoes!
(Sealand: Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree!)
Seborga: You’re Wy, is that right? Ah, I may have to look you up when you’re a little older, eh?
(Sealand: Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree! Upside-down dead guy in a tree!)
Seborga: You always wanna put your best thumb forward, as they say. You know, I didn’t wanna get stuck in this tree, but these are the sort of crazy hijinks we micronations get up to, no?
Wy: I don’t know, people show me respect.
Sealand: What’s the big idea, scaring me like that? I mean it! Right, how could you, you dummy?
{Caption: Whack, whack, whack…}
(Seborga: Hey, that tickles and kinda hurts, but mostly tickles! Come on, stop it!)
Wy: I wonder…will people lump me together with these knuckleheads just because I’m new?
(Sealand: We were going to drag you, dig a grave, and bury you…)
(Seborga: Stop it right now! If you were worried, you should have said so! I can’t understand you!)
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Liechtenstein: Wow…that folk costume you’re wearing is so pretty, Ukraine.
Ukraine: I like yours. This one is a little too loose. See?
Hungary: Maybe they’re old-fashioned, but you find some very interesting clothes when you go digging through history.
Liechtenstein: Interesting? How exactly do you mean, Hungary?
{Caption #1: Tada!}
{Caption #2: 14th century Italy}
Hungary: Like this colorful one!
Ukraine: Wow! He’s a rainbow!
{Caption: Sword}
Hungary: And some European men wore their swords like this!
Liechtenstein: I…uh…cannot look.
Ukraine: How he does not trip over it?
{Caption: Poland in the 15th century}
Hungary: And then there’s this fellow with his cute little hood!
Ukraine: Oh! He’s just adorable!
Liechtenstein: Go ninja, go ninja Po!
{Caption: The ruff was popular around the 16th century}
Hungary: Ruffs like this were popular a long time ago, but they would have been a bother in day-to-day life.
(Man: Huah! Huah! Huah! Huah!)
Ukraine: Is that so he does not lick his stitches?
(Man: Huah! Huah!)
Hungary: And now, the very best of the bunch! Amore da Crete.
(Amore da Crete: Love from Crete → Italian)
Ukraine: WHY ARE THEY OUT?!
Hungary: Go on, I think it would suit you.
Ukraine: But they’d see my Carpathians!
Liechtenstein’s thoughts: So…the ladies of Crete wore stuff that made spectacles of their breasticles? Honestly, it’s a wonder the men ever got anything done.
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Italy: Pasta!
Germany: Put your tomatoes away!
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My Fandoms and Side Blogs
I just wanted to make a list for people seeing this blog of fandoms that I am in, that way there's at least some sort of template for content on this blog besides the random daily life posts. And also so people in these fandoms know that they can talk to me about fandom stuff :)
*This list is subject to additions/deletions*
Fandoms I Am Officially In:
Marvel
Hetalia
Hamilton
Star Wars
Gintama
Some of the Riordanverse (Percy Jackson, Heroes of Olympus, and Magnus Chase)
The Hobbit/The Lord of the Rings
Grand Blue Dreaming
The Devil is a Part-Timer!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Frasier
Spongebob Squarepants
Night Court
30 Rock
King of the Hill
Phineas and Ferb
Disney
Princess Bride
Pride and Prejudice
Futurama
South Park
Mythology (I know the most about Greek/Roman and Norse)
Great Pretender
Pearls Before Swine
Minecraft
Akudama Drive
Jujutsu Kaisen
The Way of the Househusband
Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun
Ace Attorney
Bungou Stray Dogs
The Disastrous Life of Saiki K
Genshin Impact
Ouran High School Host Club
Spy x Family
Assassination Classroom
Tears of Themis
Twisted Wonderland
Mo Dao Zu Shi/Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/Founder of Diabolism
I also know some stuff about the actors/voice actors in these fandoms, although I don't want to put myself in a specific actor/voice actor fandom.
Transcript Account:
@anime-dub-transcripts
Fanfiction Quotes Account:
@we-love-fanfic-quotes
#my fandoms#marvel#hetalia#hamilton#star wars#gintama#percy jackson#heroes of olympus#magnus chase#the hobbit#lord of the rings#grand blue dreaming#the devil is a part timer#teenage mutant ninja turtles#frasier#spongebob squarepants#night court#30 rock#king of the hill#phineas and ferb#disney#princess bride#pride and prejudice#futurama#south park#mythology#great pretender#pearls before swine#transcripts
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Hetalia: Axis Powers Episode #46: Medieval England's Clothes and Hair Transcript
This episode has Chibi Britain growing out his hair.
Germany: And now for more training. All you need to do is plant this somewhere in the enemy territory.
Italy: Yeah! I can do that!
Germany: Don’t forget, you must not let them see you either. And also, we are in Russia, so you have to be extra careful.
Italy: Run run run run run! Plantiiing!
Germany: Why can you never listen?! AAAAHHHH!
{Text on Italy’s shirt: Squadsman 1}
Italy: Hey, look! I did it! Good for me! Hahahaha!
Germany: RETREAT! RETREAT NOW!
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Narrator: The time was the 11th century. In Britain, the long flowing locks usually associated with France were in vogue. Apparently, the king was a huge fan of French culture. And quite possibly a switch-hitter.
{Caption: Hair and clothes in medieval England}
{Caption: Smirk smirk}
Child France: Hello, Britain! You are looking as ugly and short as ever. Tell me, how long do you plan to be the Plain Jane of the world? Ohhonhonhonhon!
Chibi Britain: You shut your froggy mouth! Besides, the church would never want me to grow my hair out like you because I’m not a big sissy girl!
Child France: You are also very stupid; everyone who is anyone wears their hair long! All the ladies love it! The men too! You cannot resist this hair!
Chibi Britain: Why are you always such a damn wanker?!
Child France: All right, you jealous boy, good luck not being such a loser! Adieu!
(Adieu!: Farewell! → French)
Child France: Ohhonhonhonhonhonhon!
Chibi Britain: What? He only came here to taunt me?! BUGGER OFF! I’M NOT JEALOUS OF YOUR SHAIT HAIR, YOU SNAIL SLURPER! DON’T EVER SHOW YOUR FACE AROUND HERE AGAIN, RAPUNZEL! Mh…umn…see? I look just fine! Right?
Bishop: Cut it!
(Chibi Britain: Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!)
Bishop: I said cut your hair! Cut it off!
Narrator: After that, Britain kept running from the Bishop and somehow succeeded in growing out his hair. And shaming himself.
{Caption: After that, England kept running from the Bishop and somehow succeeded in growing his hair}
Bishop: Where did you go?! I’ll rip that hair out of your head, you blasphemer!
(Chibi Britain: Heaheaheaheaheah!)
Chibi Britain: I can’t believe I’ve been running for six months already! My hair has to be longer than France’s by now! Righto, mirror! Don’t disappoint me! I’ve waited far too long for this moment! Now, let’s take a look at how long this glorious mane has gotten!
Chibi Britain’s thoughts: Hehehehehe…color me impressed with my impressiveness! Mmhehehehehe…
Child France: Oh no! I came for Britain…but found a giant caterpillar instead!
Chibi Britain: Aah!
Child France: Oh crap, the caterpillar ate Britain!
Chibi Britain: Shut up! I am Britain, you idiot!
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France: Hetalia!
{Caption: Hetalia}
{Caption: Smirk smirk}
Child France: You know what, it’s not just my hair being long that makes me so beautiful.
Chibi Britain: Son of a…why didn’t you tell me? Now I look ridiculous!
Child France: Oh, come on! How was I supposed to know you wanted to look like me; of course I knew! Ohhonhonhonhonhon! So then, tell me! What do you think of the way I’ve arranged your mop? Good, no?
Chibi Britain: Wow…I look exactly like you. A big douchebag. Please change it, the last thing in the entire world I would ever want to look like is you.
Child France: Well, all right! If you say so!
Chibi Britain: Eh…
Child France: There you go! How about this?
Chibi Britain: Euh…it’s not bad, but isn’t there someone over in your neighborhood that looks like this?
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Britain: Hetalia!
{Caption: Hetalia}
Chibi Britain: Look, Francey Pants, I’m trusting you to make it something that fits me and is hip and cool!
Child France: Oh yes, whatever you say, my lord. Although I don’t know if “hip and cool” necessarily fit you.
Chibi Britain: He, eh, he, eh, he, eh, he, eh, he, eh…
Dream Chibi Britain: I have the silkiest hair in the whole world!
Chibi Britain’s thoughts: When he finally finishes, I’ll get to be the hair guy for once.
Child France: Hello daydreamer, I am talking to you! All done! You love it, do you not?
Chibi Britain: Mhn…aah! Uhuhuhuhuhuh…you ass-faced frog eater; this is exactly like my old hairstyle!
Child France: Ohhonhonhonhonhonhon!
(Chibi Britain: Hey!)
Child France: Apparently boring hair is what looks best on you! Ohhonhonhonhonhonhon!
Chibi Britain: You cheese eating surrender monkey!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #15: Let's Celebrate the New Year! Transcript
This episode has New Years and stollen.
{Text on poster: Once in a Lifetime}
Japan: Italy. I am calling to tell you happy new year.
(Pochi: Mew…mew…)
Italy: Buon anno, Japan!
(Buon anno: Happy new year → Italian)
Italy: It’s so great to hear your voice! Ahaha! And thanks for sending me a card again; it’s so fancy!
{Text on card: Happy New Year!}
Japan: I tried a traditional drawing style this year.
Italy: I don’t know how you do it.
(Japan: Oh!)
Italy: Sending postcards like this every year must be a lot of work!
Japan: Well, I did try using a machine once. I thought it would save time.
{Caption: Flash}
{Text on poster: Once in a Lifetime}
Japan: But it was so fast and easy that I felt I was not doing enough to properly express my gratitude for the year and I decided to start over. It must be my age.
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America: What up! Happy friggin’ New Year, ya big nerd!
Japan: Uh, America! Is something wrong? You do not normally drop by.
Pochi: Arf!
{Caption: Woof…}
America: Oh, The Wolverine, Kill Bill, and Memoirs of a Geisha were on TV this week and it made me wanna come kick it at your place for a bit.
Japan: I don't know what you want to kick, but my place isn’t like those movies at all.
America: After a themed marathon, a themed holiday made sensei, so I did all my research and you can even quiz me!
(Sensei: Teacher → Japanese)
Japan: Made sensei? Well, if you know what to expect, I’m sure you’ll have a good time.
(Sensei: Teacher → Japanese)
America: Yep, that’s kadomatsu, that’s shimenawa, and wow, are these your version of the balls they drop on people’s heads at midnight?!
Japan: Drop on heads? Uh…
America: Or do y’all put confetti all up in these guys?
Japan: No! Are you thinking of money gifts?
America: Nyoom!
Japan: Noooooooo! It shouldn’t make that sound!
(America: Yeah!)
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America: Why are you spending New Year’s in this dump? I wanna go somewhere else.
Britain: Then go. You clearly can’t appreciate the history and noble spirit of a place like this. Or the noble spirits. Who are right behind you!
(America: Ahuah!)
America: Haha, very funny. Can we not open the new year with ghosts?
{Caption: Heh, heh}
Britain: Hehe, I’m just messing with you. But you’re normally fearless, so what is it about ghosts that frightens you so terribly?
America: Duh, it’s ‘cause you can’t punch a ghost, you idiot!
Britain: And the fact that you rank things based on their punchability is where you frighten me!
(America: Neuahhhhhh…)
America: Weirds me out that you like those things so damn much. Why don’t you open a ghost-only pub and funnel ‘em all in there?
Britain: You know, I quite like the sound of that. A pub where you can meet the spirits of great historical figures! Tourists would love it!
(Ghosts: Hahahahaha!)
America: Forget a bunch of dusty old historical dudes; pack the place full of super hot, super dead Hollywood stars!
(Ghost celebrities: Hahahahahaha!)
Britain: Exciting though that would be, the budget might suffer at the hands of their appearances.
(Ghost celebrity: I’m a Hollywood star! Oh yes, I’m a big deal. Thank you kindly)
America: All right, then go the cheap and light-hearted route instead.
(Ghost celebrity: Hahahaha!)
{Caption #1: Deadly cute}
{Caption #2: Mascot}
Britain: No, I think Japan already has that particular market cornered.
(Japanese waitress: Come and meet the dead stars!)
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{Caption: Morning of January 1st, Germany}
Prussia: Hey, rise and shine, kid. The great Prussia is feeling peckish, so go make us some breakfast.
Germany: Ehum…would it kill you to let me sleep in instead of cooking for two?
Prussia: I can compromise. What if you only make breakfast for me?
Germany: Or you can eat that pig-shaped marzipan instead.
{Caption: Bam, bam}
Prussia: I don’t want that one! I hate eating the ones with the faces ‘cause they look like they’re judging me!
Germany: You baby!
{Text on sign: I’ll continue to be cool next year}
{Caption #1: drei!!}
{Caption #2: zwei!!}
{Caption #3: eins!!}
(Drei!!: Three!! → German)
(Zwei!!: Two!! → German)
(Eins!!: One!! → German)
Prussia: Nehehehehehe!
{Caption #4: They went overboard to welcome in the new year}
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{Caption #1: Going back in time a little, this is before Christmas}
Japan: When I asked for instructions on how to make stollen, I did not expect for you to teach me personally.
{Caption #2: Stollen}
{Caption #3: German Snack}
Japan: I thank you.
Germany: Don’t mention it. I’m happy to help.
Italy: Ve…
Germany: Und please pay no mind to the taste-tester who came along today.
(Italy: Ehe…)
(Und: And → German)
{Caption #1: Thud, thud}
{Caption #2: Quick, quick}
Germany: First, you knead the dough, und…oh. You’re good, Japan. It’s actually kind of scaring me.
(Japan: Ehumph! Heah heah heah oh! Em em em!)
(Und: And → German)
Japan: I always aim to finish everything I do within three minutes, so…
Germany: Everything?! I can’t believe this, you’ve almost finished the dough already!
(Japan: Em em! Hm, em em! Hm, em em! Hm, em em!)
Germany: Now we must let the dough rest for now.
{Caption: Flop}
Germany: So it can rise and ferment.
(Italy: Oh…ve…)
Japan: Hai.
(Hai: Yes → Japanese)
Japan: I will keep it out of the way.
(Italy: Oh…)
Germany: You must be tired. Why don’t we take a little break?
(Italy: Oh!)
{Caption: Up}
{Caption: Tada}
Japan: But I have this one that was already left to rise.
Germany: Dueh! What kind of witchcraft did you just use?!
Japan: Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm.
Germany: Oh, uh, Japan, you know there’s no need for you to hurry like that, right?
(Japan: Hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm, hm)
Japan: Oh, but there is! Time is finite, hai?
(Hai?: Yes? → Japanese)
Japan: So if you use it well, that will expand your possibilities, you see?
{Caption: Smirk…}
Japan: Hm!
Germany: Yes, of course! You weren’t simply hurrying; you had a plan from the very beginning.
Germany’s thoughts: He’s right. I should learn to use my time more wisely like him.
Germany: And so should you, okay?
Italy: Do what?
Japan: Huah, all we have to do now is allow it to bake.
Germany: You’re not going to use magic again?
Japan: No, I will wait for this one, But now I will rest for an hour. Hm…hm…
Pochi: Hm!
Japan: Hmhmhm…
Germany: He’s exhausted. We’ll wait for him to rise.
Italy: Sounds good. Aahahah…neaheh…
(Germany: Snore…)
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #14: Let's Celebrate Christmas! Transcript
This episode has Krampus, Japan's first Christmas tree, Britain and Japan's Christmas cards, and red underwear.
Italy: Wow, the entire town turns into one big party!
Japan: Hai, but I feel bad our Christmas celebration is so different from what you are accustomed to.
(Hai: Yes → Japanese)
Germany: Well, stop it.
(Japan: Eheuh!)
Germany: You should be proud of the culture you created. We all celebrate Christmas in our own way. If we take a look back through history…
Italy: What?! Don’t give us a lecture; that’s boring! I have a better idea! Wait!
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Italy: If you want to see how other countries spend Christmas, I have pictures I can show you.
Japan: Thank you, I would like that.
Italy: First up is America.
Japan: Hai, he sent me this picture also; he can turn anything into a big, flashy event.
(America: Hahaha!)
(Hai: Yes → Japanese)
Italy: And here’s Australiaaaa!
Japan: Right, southern hemisphere.
(Australia: Haha!)
Demons: Grr…
Italy: Hehehehe!
(Demons: Grr…)
Japan: What?! Is this what Christmas is like in hell?!
(Demons: Grr…)
Germany: Close. It’s Austria.
Austria: Krampus is a horned monster that is most well-known in the areas of Austria and Hungary.
{Caption: Lala la…la la…}
Krampus: Are you kids behaving? Let’s find out!
Austria: It appears just before Christmas to punish bad children before St. Nicolas arrives, which is a tradition some of you dummies could stand to adopt.
(Krampus: Grr…ahahahahaha! Ahahahahahaha!)
Krampus: Raaaaahhh!
(Austria: Euh?)
Voice: Waahhh!
Austria: Ehneah!
Voice: Wah, aahhhhh!
(Austria: Ehn ehn!)
(Krampus: Raahhh!)
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Japan: I do love Christmas trees.
(Germany: Ehm)
(Italy: Ve!)
Japan: I can remember the first time I ever saw one.
{Caption: Around the time Japan opened to the world}
Japan: You want to…decorate a living tree?
Prussia: Of course! It’s tradition; we can’t have Christmas without it!
{Caption: Prussia, who is like an older brother to Germany, came to sign the Treaty of Amity and Commerce between Prussia and Japan}
Prussia: So find me a cool-looking tree! I’m counting on you!
Japan: Ehah…
(Prussia: Counting on you!)
Prussia: Counting on you!
Japan: What to do? It would be very rude for me to pick out a tree at random.
(Prussia: Counting on you! Counting on you!)
Japan: It must be special. A kadomatsu? Or perhaps…ehem…Prussia. I grew this bonsai tree with lots and lots of love and it is very precious to me. Please take good care of it.
Prussia: Woah, that is a cool-looking tree! But still wrong!
Narrator: After Prussia dropped that tannenbaum on Japan, he took matters into his own hands.
(Prussia: YAAAAAAAHHHHHH!)
(Tannenbaum: Christmas tree → German)
Narrator: He felt he wouldn’t rest until he found a fir tree.
Prussia: I won’t rest until I find a fir tree! Ha! Jackpot!
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Britain: Have a look at this, old chap. We received a Christmas card from Japan.
Wales: A Christmas card from Asia?
{Text on card #1: Merry Christmas}
{Text on card #2: Japan}
Wales: Goodness. How exotic.
Britain: It would seem he’s trying to understand and engage with my culture on a deeper level.
(Japan: Ehehehe! Eheheheheh!)
Britain: And in that case…I probably ought to reciprocate in kind.
Wales: I think it’ll be a smashing idea to use your knowledge of his culture and send back a Japanese-style drawing of him.
Britain: Do you think he would like that?! If I got anything wrong, I would feel terribly embarrassed. But I suppose I could give it a try.
{Caption: Draw, draw, draw, draw…}
Britain: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Hey, chum, you’ve seen that hakama thing Japan wears as bottoms, right? Are those trousers, you think?
Wales: It looks more like a skirt to me.
{Caption: Draw, draw, draw, draw…}
Britain: And I know he said they layer their kimonos collars in a certain way…
Wales: I think it’s right over left for men and women are the other way around.
(Britain: Eh-hm, Eh-hm, hm, hm, hm)
Narrator: Nope! Right over left is only for dead people.
Britain: There! All done with Japan! Now, to fill in the background.
Wales: Here’s a picture of some Chinese scenery.
Britain: Eh-hm, eh-hm, hmhmhmhmhm…
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Japan: We have finally deepened our understanding of each other.
{Text on card #1: Fortune}
{Text on card #2: JAPAN}
Japan: But not by much.
Britain: P.S. I didn’t forget to include a ninja; he’s just ninja-hiding somewhere in the trees!
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{Caption: December 31}
Italy: Oh, Germany! I brought a gift to say thank you for being nice to me again this year!
Germany: A surprise present from you on December 31st? Ja, I know what this is going to be.
(Ja: Yes → German)
Italy: Of course you do! ‘Cause nothing says friendship quite like a brand new pair of Santa panties! In Italy, it says that ringing in the new year with a pair of red underwear will bring you good fortune and lots of happiness! Yay!
Germany: Well…there’s actually an ongoing study about how different colors may affect one’s mood and outlook.
Italy: Ve! Come on, I know they’re here somewhere! Auah!
Germany: Ehm…
Italy: Uh, don’t you worry, I’ll be cool; I can fix this. Just turn around for a moment, okay?
Germany: I don’t want the underwear you are wearing!
{Caption #1: Underwear}
Italy: And here to you for supporting Hetalia! Happy New Year!
{Caption #2: Happy New Year!!}
Germany: Don’t sign off naked!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #13: Belgium, Luxembourg, Netherlands, and "That" Dog Transcript
This episode has Benelux (Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg).
Belgium: I’m tired of other countries always kicking sand in our faces!
Luxembourg: Sorry. If I were more powerful, I could protect us both.
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Belgium: Ehum…hey, I’m not blaming you, Luxem. I can’t exactly fight back either.
Luxembourg: I know. But do you ever think about how much easier our lives would be if we were able to?
Belgium: Constantly. And if we really muscled up, that would solve everything! Just think about it! Ehem!
Buff Belgium: Ohh!
Belgium: Maybe I should start working out!
(Buff Belgium: Heah! Ehe…)
Luxembourg: Uhn! Please, no! I don’t want you to get all huge and weird and vain!
(Belgium: Wahahaha! Eeeeeheh…ehehewewe…)
Belgium: Getting buff is a lifestyle choice; I won’t have time for anything else! Besides, our big brother’s trying to go the diplomatic route! So let’s have faith in him.
(Luxembourg: Weheheheheheheh…)
Luxembourg: You’re right, of course. It’s wrong for us to sit around whining when he’s out there trying his best every single day. I bet that he’d laugh if he could see us right now.
Belgium: I don’t know, I’ve never seen him laugh.
Belgium’s thoughts: But I know he’s smart and kind, so I’m sure he’d have some words of wisdom for us in this trying time.
Dream Netherlands: Try to stay away from people who say things like, “I don’t know how to ever repay you”, like they’ve never heard of money before.
Belgium’s thoughts: Well, maybe not those words.
Dream Netherlands: Hm?
Belgium’s thoughts: Rather, something more universally comforting and reassuring!
{Text on gold bar: 999.9 GOLD 1000g}
Dream Netherlands: Convert all your money into gold because gold will never betray you.
Belgium’s thoughts: No, not those words either! Forget about money and focus! Remember how he is in everyday life.
Dream Netherlands: Huah. As much as I’d love to go back to my own house soon, I don’t really want to dirty the place up.
Luxembourg: Wait a minute, sis! Why didn’t we think of money? It’s perfect! Haha! If we can’t fight for power, we’ll just have to make boatloads of cash! Then we can buy our own power!
Belgium: Oh, because there’s nothing morally gray about that in the least!
Luxembourg: I’m so glad you agree.
(Belgium: Auh!)
Luxembourg: And now that’s decided, with our powers combined, the Benelux union of Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg can begin our takeover of the finances of all of Europe!
Belgium: Ehah…cool idea, but, uh…maybe you should slow down there and take a breath, Luxembourg.
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Belgium: Ehehem! They’re gorgeous! Hey, big brother! I heard that tulips almost crashed our economy once, is that true?
Netherlands: Ja, it was a major issue.
(Ja: Yes → Dutch)
Luxembourg: They got super popular and the price skyrocketed, but then…
{Caption: Tulips}
Luxembourg: When the bubble popped, growers had more bulbs then they could handle.
Netherlands: Selling leftover bulbs to foreigners was the only way out.
Dream Netherlands: Look, this one’s rare!
Dream France: Yay! That means I need it!
Dream Netherlands: This one’s new!
Dream Britain: Spiffy!
Dream Netherlands: This one’s elegant!
Dream Austria: I’ll take your word for it.
Luxembourg: Just goes to show you the opportunity is everywhere, as long as you can think outside the box.
(Belgium: Neheheah!)
Belgium: That’s our brother for you: fall down seven times, stand up eight, and then find a way to sell the weeds you noticed while you were on your back.
(Netherlands: Hey, you! Buy some flowers!)
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Pochi: Woof!
Japan: Pardon. Miss Belgium?
Belgium: Hm?
Japan: Where can I find Nello’s house and village?
Belgium: Nero’s house?
{Caption: Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus}
Belgium: Oh! I think you’re looking for little Italy’s place!
Japan: Forgive me, I did not explain well.
(Belgium: Ah!)
Japan: I’m looking for the village in A Dog of Flanders.
Belgium: A village in a dog, huh? We have many dogs in Flanders, so I’m not sure where to send you.
Japan: I see. Well, then, can you tell me instead how to find the Cathedral of Our Lady?
Belgium: Yes! That bus will get you there in no time!
Japan: Why Italy’s place? I am not mistaken, this is the Flanders region.
Belgium: A village in a dog…I didn’t know we had a super-fantasy dog like that!
Narrator: This was not the first tourist to ask about A Dog of Flanders.
(Belgium: Hm? Ehum…)
{Caption: A Dog of Flanders}
Narrator: And he would not be the last.
(Belgium: Hm?)
Belgium: So what’s with all the tourists asking about a cathedral and some random dog lately?
Belgian man #1: Well, I can understand why they want to see the cathedral, but every time I try to show them a dog, they say it’s not the right one and eventually just give up.
(Dog: Woof!)
Belgian man #2: I wonder if it’s some sort of secret code.
Belgium: A code? If that’s the case, then…maybe that’s their way of asking us Belgians out on a date! Like, “Hey, good-looking, would you like to see a man about a dog?”!
Belgian man #1: That’s a pretty weak pick-up line, if you ask me.
Narrator: It took a while, but Belgium finally discovered that A Dog of Flanders is, in fact, a book.
Belgium: Oh! The story really does take place here. Hm. Hm, hm. Ehem! Ehemem! Weahehehehe! Heah! Belgians aren’t cold-hearted like that; don’t believe the lies! Eheaheahehaeaah!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #12: Get Better! Transcript
This episode has Czechia changing her name, Italy's rat problem, festivals, the Italian good luck charm, and exorcisms.
Czechia: May I have your attention, pleeease? Everyone! I have an announcement that will impact you in ways heretofore untold, so listen here and listen well! As of today, I am officially changing my name from Czech to Czechia.
Liechtenstein: Auh…
(Slovakia: Hahaha!)
{Caption: Czechia}
Czechia: I will only answer to Czechia from now on…
Voice: Czechia!
Czechia: …so please adjust accordingly.
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Liechtenstein: Why do you want to change your name again?
(Slovakia: Hehe…)
{Caption: Czechia}
Czechia: The Czech Republic is such a mouthful, why say so much when only one word…
Voice: Czechia!
Czechia: …will suffice?
Slovakia: Aw, but don’t you think Czech sounds way cuter?
Czechia: Tch! Of course not, don’t be stupid!
(Slovakia: Hmhmhmhmhmhmhmhm!)
Czechia: Auh!
Austria: I’m warning you, don’t do it. All it takes is one person writing it wrong to doom you forever.
Narrator: Austria gets mistaken for Australia due to their similar names, despite Austria’s real name.
(Australia: Ahah!)
{Caption: Oosutorii}
Austria: Surely the world will refer to me as I wish to refer to myself. Euh…
Narrator: Or so he assumed. But that was…oo strikeout.
(Austria: Ehum…ehum…)
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Romano: AWOOOOWW! STOP IT, YOU JERK, YOU MORON! CAN’T YOU KEEP A CLEAN HOUSE FOR FIVE MINUTES, YOU RAT BASTARD?!
(Mouse: Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak!)
Italy: I’m sorry, are you okay? It’s not my fault that mices like to come for visits!
(Romano: Eweh…)
(Mice: Squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak!)
Romano: Aah!
(Italy: Aah eh, aah eh!)
Romano: Well, don’t just sit there; do something about it!
(Italy: Aaheh!)
(Mice: Squeak! Squeak!)
Italy: Hmhmhm…
(Romano: Dueh?)
Italy: I’m already kilometers ahead of you, you silly boy!
(Mice: Squeak! Squeak!)
Italy: Ta-da! A kitty! She’ll take care of this lickety-split!
Italy-cat: Meah!
{Caption: Meow}
Italy-cat: Meah!
Romano: Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it.
Italy-cat: Pasta!
Italy: Aw, listen to her!
Romano: YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT ACTING CUTE WON’T SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS, YOU STUPID JERK!
(Italy: Owie! Owie, owie owie owie owie! Owie owie!)
Italy: Ah!
(Romano: Ehum)
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Italy: You want to check out festivals from other cultures?
Japan: Hai.
(Hai: Yes → Japanese)
Japan: A vacation must be used for studying, not for leisure.
Italy: Aoh…then how about you visit Ivrea in the north? They hold an orange festival each year!
Japan: What is that like?
Italy: Just imagine one big food fight! The entire city becomes a huge, orangey mess!
Japan: And where does such a strange tradition as this originate from?
Italy: Oh, it’s quite simple. It honors the city’s fight against the tyrant from long ago. And the oranges symbolize how they removed the tyrant’s testicles!
Japan: Cough, cough! Yes, I see. Perhaps another time.
Estonia: Did I hear correctly that you’re on the hunt for some unusual cultural events?
Japan: Estonia. Hai.
(Hai: Yes → Japanese)
Estonia: I happen to know of a country where they hold a bunch of weird festivals!
Japan: Go on, I am listening.
Estonia: Just off top of head, there’s a tournament to see who can sit the longest bare-buttocked on an ant bed and a yearly mosquito swatting challenge.
(Italy: Ve, ve! Ve…)
Estonia: They also have the mobile phone throwing championships, the air guitar championships, the world wife-carrying race, swamp soccer where they play soccer in the swamp, and, if you can believe it, many more!
Japan: These aren’t your festivals, are they?
Estonia: Please, do I look that crazy?
Finland: Neaaaugh…every time Estonia talks about me behind my back, I get all gross and itchy!
Sweden: Want help?
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Italy: Hey, what’s the matter, Germany?
Germany: I don’t enjoy sharing mein weaknesses with you, but if you must know, I’ve had a Hölle of a time sleeping lately.
(Mein: Mine → German)
(Hölle: Hell → German)
Italy: The big, buff Germaninator is feeling under the weather?! That’s no good, what do we do?! Think fast, Italy! Got to think!
Germany: Careful, you might burst a blood vessel.
(Italy: Thinking, thinking, thinking, think…)
Italy: I got it! There’s a good luck ritual that should perk you right up!
Germany: You don’t say…
Italy: Just give a little tug right here and it’ll turn that frown upside-down!
{Caption: Here}
Germany: I am not touching that!
(Italy: Ehm ehm ehm!)
Italy: Oh, sorry; not mine, you have to use your own!
Germany: Well, whoever’s it is, I’m not doing something like that in public!
Italy: Ah! Now that you mention it, doing that in public was actually just made illegal at my place. That was a close call. I’ll try to think of something else.
Germany: HAVEN’T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?!
Japan: I am not sure what you are asking me to do.
Italy: You know how to get rid of bad spirits and stuff, right? You got all those ninja powers!
Japan: If you think it would help, we could try an exorcism.
Italy: Yeah, let’s do that, then!
Germany: That’s really unnecessary…
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Japan: If you are both ready, we can begin.
Germany: Ja, thank you very much.
(Italy: Thanks a lot)
(Ja: Yes → German)
Japan: All of life has its ups and downs. But do not give into the rain. Do not give into the wind. Focus instead on your health. Good health, number one. If your body is healthy, so is your mind.
(Italy: Ahahaha…ahaha)
Japan: May Germany’s physical condition improve.
(Italy: Ahha…ah)
Narrator: Personal wishes sometimes make their way into exorcism prayers.
(Japan: So that he may be full of life and full of energy once more)
(Italy: Aaha…aahaha…)
(Germany: Ugh…ehuh)
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #11: Spa Battle and Spain's Kitchen Transcript
This episode has Hungary and Czechia competing over spas and Spain's defense of/obsession over olives.
Hungary: Join us on your next day off for some rest and relaxation at an authentic Hungarian spa! Thanks, we’ll see you soon! Oh! Hi, Czech!
Czechia: Let’s see, blah blah blah, Hungary, the country of spas.
{Text on brochure: Let’s go to a Hungarian spa!!}
Czechia: So why is your ridiculous ad promoting sexiness over the healing power of the hot springs?!
Hungary: We’ve been a little short on funds lately and my boss thought this would help us bring in more tourists.
Czechia: That’s such an amateurish approach, and I would love it if it weren’t so tragic! Why don’t you just give up and admit that I’m the only one who should call herself the country of spas? The last resort for poor resorts.
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Hungary: I understand how passionate you are.
(Czechia: Huh?)
Hungary: But do you really need to lash out at me over this?
Czechia: I kinda do. I don’t appreciate that you’re weirdly more famous for spas than I am.
Hungary: Oh, that’s mature of you.
Czechia: Between the two of us, I’m the one who established the first research into the medical efficacy of spas, and I even offer that as a subject of study in universities. It’s an integral part of my culture, you see. I am like a spa sage!
{Caption: Ta-Spa!}
Czechia: Czech should now and for all time be considered the king of spas! Ahahahahaha! Surely you understand now; I am far more worthy of being a spa country than you are. Hmhmhm!
Hungary: Ehe!
Czechia: Never mind. I see it will take yet more convincing. Why don’t we ask a perfectly neutral third party?
Hungary: I guess we can, but who?
Czechia: Slovakia, duh! He’s always had an eye for quality!
Slovakia: Ahoj.
(Ahoj: Hi → Slovak)
Czechia: Listen, sorry, don’t think, just answer: who’s got the better laznias between me and Hungary?
(Laznias: Baths → Czech)
Slovakia: Well, they’re both impressive…but I guess I gotta go with whoever’s are bigger!
Czechia: Oh, shut up, you creep; you’re throwing off the call! Uh! It’s totally fine, I didn’t just buy that phone, my life isn’t ruined. Ahahahaha…
Hungary: Why don’t we ask somebody who might take it seriously?
(Czechia: Huhehuehuhehueh…)
Hungary: I hear Japan is lousy with hot springs experts!
{Caption: Splash}
{Text on blue pool #1: Monkey}
{Text on blue pool #2: Capybaras}
{Text on blue pool #3: Hungary’s hot spring water}
Capybaras, Monkey: Ahh…it feels so good to soak my whole body like this.
{Text on pink pool #1: Pochi}
{Text on pink pool #2: Czech’s hot spring water}
Pochi, Dog: I can feel all my tension melting away in the water. Ehum…
Hungary: It’s nice to have them over, but maybe we should have invited people.
Czechia: Probably.
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Germany: Und moving along; Austria, you have the floor.
(Und: And → German)
Austria: Right, I have noticed there are too many olive fields, so I move that we begin regulating them.
Spain: No! You cannot be serious!
(Belgium: Ah?)
(Portugal, Luxembourg, Greece: Hm?)
Spain: Look, I grow 40% of the world’s olives on my own, so this proposal is a matter of life and death for me! Besides, they’re great for your health and adorable to boot.
Olive: Wink!
Austria: I am aware, and it might be fine if it were only you, but the worldwide production is simply out of control.
Spain: Sí, it is a trickier issue on a global scale.
(Sí: Yes → Spanish)
Spain: But wait! I’ve got a perfect idea! We can bottle 100% olive oil as a beverage! For parties!
Dream Spain: Gulp gulp gulp! Refreshing!
{Caption #1: Refreshing!!}
{Caption #2: 100% premium olive oil from Spain!!}
Austria: I move to dismiss this stupid idea.
Italy: Snore, ah!
Spain: Well, they say the way to one’s heart is through the stomach, so if you won’t listen to reason…then why don’t you try this instead?
Germany: Auh…the smell of olive oil does indeed wet the appetite.
Spain: Really?! Then let me cast a spell to make it even tastier!
Germany: Go on.
Spain: Hmhmhmhmhmhmhm…
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{Text in Germany’s speech bubble: It’s basically just olive oil…}
{Text in Spain’s speech bubble: It’s heavenly!}
Spain: Seriously, though, my olives are deeply important to me. You can’t regulate them. Please rethink this decision!
Austria: Fine. If you can explain why you’ve hitched your wagon to one single crop, then we can talk.
Spain: You see, I consider olive trees to be my dearest friends. They have been by my side since I was very small.
(Baby Spain: Hahaha!)
{Caption: Nibble, nibble, nibble…}
Baby Spain: Oh, yes, this is a good olive tree! Hahaha!
Spain: We grow together! And now I know these trees well enough to tell if they will bear good fruit by simply nibbling on their leaves.
Austria: So you want us to tank the economy just because you’re sentimental?
Spain: That would be great, gracias!
(Gracias!: Thank you! → Spanish)
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Spain: Well, this is the pits; I really thought that would convince him.
France: Your impassioned pleas were truly moving, so I hope you do not give up yet. I will be happy to help you spread the good word about olives! Tell me what I can do.
Spain: Ah, gracias, amigo!
(Gracias, amigo!: Thank you, (male) friend! → Spanish)
Spain: In that case, would you help me pitch my olive oil juice?
France: I thought he thought that was a joke! Mais oui, of course.
(Mais oui: But yes → French)
France: Wow, I sure do love to drink straight, cold olive oil. Ahonhonhon! I don’t think anybody in their right…mind…eugh!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #10: Industrial Revolution Part 6 Transcript
This episode has the sixth part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
America: Hm hm hm, hmm, hmm hm hm…
Romano: Spain! I need your help, you lazy jerk! America’s working me to the bone!
(America: Hm, hm…)
Spain: Oh, Romano, is that really you? You never call me! Qué pasa?
(Qué pasa?: What’s up? → Spanish)
Romano: I need you to take care---
Spain: Has anyone told you you sound like a different person over the phone? Now, what can I do for you, mi amigo?
(Mi amigo?: My (male) friend? → Spanish)
Romano: You can stop talking and listen because as much as it pains me to say it, you're the only bastardo I can depend on.
(Bastardo: Bastard → Italian)
Romano: Ehah! Since I moved in with my brother…my life has been a disaster!
(Dream Italy: Na na na, fratello!)
(Fratello!: Brother! → Italian)
Romano: So, listen, you’re raking in the cash like the others, sí?
(Sí?: Yes? → Italian)
Romano: With that whole Industrial Revolution thing?
Spain: Auhn? Industrial Revolution? Ha! No, all our money grows on trees.
{Caption: It’ll be all right because we’ve got agriculture!!}
Narrator: He’s flat broke, but at least he’s got plants.
Romano: Ehum…
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Romano: Tch…fine! I can’t believe I ever expected you to bail me out.
Spain: I’m glad you called either way and I’m glad you seem to be thriving, no matter the circumstances.
(Romano: Ehum!)
Romano: Whatever! How are you holding up?
(Cat: Meow!)
Spain: Ah, I’m doing pretty good!
(Cat: Merooooow!)
Spain: My place has actually been super lively lately. Every day feels like a festival!
Romano: Sí, I definitely want to hear about your festivals when America’s taking such tremendous advantage of me!
(Sí: Yes → Italian)
Spain: Well, since you asked, I guess I can indulge. The Spaniards seem of late to quite enjoy beating each other up in the streets.
(Spanish men: Grr…ehm! Auh! Grr…)
Romano: Really? That sounds like a civil war; you should stop them.
(Spanish men: Grr…ehm! Auh!)
Spain: No, you think they’re really fighting? I just assumed the hearts of my citizens blazed with the intensity of the midsummer sun and their love for their country couldn’t be expressed through words alone!
Romano: Idiota.
(Idiota: Idiot → Italian)
Spain: Anyway, it brings a tear to the eye to hear you’re finally working for your supper. I’m proud of you!
Guitar: Strum!
Romano: DON’T PUNCTUATE YOUR REALLY BAD JUDGEMENT WITH STUPID NOISES!
Spain: Lo siento!
(Lo siento!: I’m sorry! → Spanish)
Spain: I feel that even in the saddest situations, you can always boost the mood with a little classical guitar.
(Guitar: Strum strum strum!)
Guitar: Strum strum strum!
Romano: Huh! You may be a lot of things, but pessimistic certainly isn’t one of them.
Spain: Like I always say…as long as you have a heart full of strength and a belly full of tomatoes, everything will be okay, yeah? Oh no! My tomatoes are all gone! Nothing will ever be okay again!
Romano: Tomatoes can’t ruin your life!
Spanish men: Grr…
Spain: Listen…
(Guitar: Strum!)
Spain: It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, so why don’t you come visit me?
(Spanish men: Ehm! Auh!)
Romano: I’m not interested in crashing your fight club.
Spain: Oh, don’t be like that; I have so many new things to show you! So, prepare to feast your eyes on beautiful Spaniards dancing with live roses in their mouths! Ow! This one had thorns on it!
Romano: Hueh!
Spain: He he!
(Romano: Hee hee!)
Spain: I cut myself quite good; no spicy food for me for a while.
Romano: That’s too bad---
Spain: Ow!
(Romano: Aah!)
{Caption #1: Hit}
Spain: Owowowow!
Romano: Aah!
{Caption #2: It hurts a lot!}
Spain: It super duper hurts!
Romano: Aah!
{Caption #3: Hi! I’m getting a lot of blood!}
Spain: Aah! I’m bleeding! It’s everywhere!
(Romano: Aah!)
{Caption #4: Cough…}
Spain: Ah huah heh!
Romano: Aah!
{Caption #5: It’s funny…}
Spain: This is bad! Something is wrong!
{Caption #6: Wow, is this okay?}
Spain: Everything is getting dark! What’s going on?
Romano: Aah!
Spain: Am I gonna die?
Romano: No, you’re just having a panic attack.
{Caption #7: Power…I don’t know…}
Spain: I feel so weak…I…
Romano: Neah!
Phone: Beep! Beep!
Romano: Duah! SPAIN!
(Phone: Beep!)
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Spain: Uah! Well…knowing Romano is doing his best gives me strength to carry on too.
Portugal: Finally done yakking?
(Spain: Huh?)
Spain: Oh, Portugal.
{Caption #1: Portugal}
{Caption #2: Spain’s neighbor]
Portugal: Heah. You know, it breaks my heart to watch you put on a front like that and pretend to be fine. But you won’t fool anyone for long. Heum!
Spain: Hey, shut up! I’m not pretending to be fine; I am fine! But! If I’m not fine, then you’re not either! We’re the same!
Portugal: Yes, we may both be behind the curve, but my secret is that I don’t care. Oh, and also that…I’ve still got Macau!
Spain: Ptoo!
Narrator: These two dingbats are in almost identically dire economic straits.
Spain: So what brings you by today?
Portugal: Why, I simply wanted to visit you, of course.
Spain: You did?
Narrator: But their relationship has become strained and delicate in recent years.
Portugal: I wanted to check on you after that whole “the sun never sets at my place” thing blew up in your face. But you haven’t completely imploded yet, so congratulations!
Spain: How dare you fandango all over here with your clothing and back-handed compliments! I would never do anything like that to you, you know!
Portugal: Indeed. But to be frank, I’m glad we’re perfect opposites. Imagine if we were the same.
Seychelles: Oh, Portugal!
Spain, Portugal: Huh?
Seychelles: I have a letter here for you from Mr. Eng---uh! Which one of you is Portugal?
(Portugal: Uh uh…)
(Spain: Uh…)
Spain, Portugal: Huah?!
Spain: Wow, I never expected a joke about not being able to tell us apart. I missed my chance to react.
{Caption: They share the same ancestor}
Portugal: Ugh, looking like you is enough of a joke.
Seychelles: Yeah, so, anyway…
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Britain: The revolution is over, chaps, and it’s all downhill from here!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #9: Industrial Revolution Part 5 Transcript
This episode has the fifth part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
Narrator: England is learning Japanese artistic principles to make his products suck less.
Britain: Behold, the long-dormant creative prowess of the glorious British Empire!
Japan: Indeed, it is a well-crafted and appealing piece.
Britain: And now all that’s left is to design and build a machine that can repeat the entire process perfectly over and over.
Japan: Perhaps you should take a break until you are finished spitting up blood? This is only an idle thought, but perhaps there is another approach. Rather than imitating humans, use machines to craft things humans could not make.
Britain: Auhn? Brilliant, mate! I think you may be onto something there!
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Britain: Right, here’s what I’ve got!
{Caption: Thermos}
Britain: It’s a design only I could have conceived, but it can only be made by a machine.
Japan: It stirs something primal in me. My spirit is burning!
Britain: Glad to hear it, but I’m not sure why you’re flushed there.
Japan: What if it was a massive, humanoid robot that allied with a passionate, pure-hearted young man in his battle for justice?
Britain: That’s…a thought.
Narrator: England’s industry had made great strides, but the competition was younger, faster, and had better eyebrows.
America: Sorry for steamrolling you, old man, but at least you know I’m kickin’ everyone else’s butts!
Britain: Great, you’re the number one economy on Earth.
America: It is great, right? I still can’t believe that I’ve literally got the biggest economy on the planet!
Britain: That was sarcasm, you twit!
America: Number one! I am number one in the whole friggin’ world; that is so sick!
Britain: Bully for you.
America: That’s it! From now on, I’m gonna try to be the world’s number one at everything!
Britain: Huah! Since I’m forced to be in your presence either way, I suppose I may as well ask…how’d you pull this off?
America: Bro, it’s totes easy! You just gotta make so much stuff that you can sell it for really cheap! Then you sell all the cheap stuff and make a ton of money!
Britain: Oh, is that it, then?!
Romano: Are you feeling tired and irrelevant, England?
(America: Uah!)
Romano: Come make yourself useful and give me a shoulder rub, you bastardo!
(Bastardo!: Bastard! → Italian)
Britain: Just shut up and sweep!
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Britain: Unhn! Your productive capacity is utterly preposterous, mate.
America: I felt like becoming the best at making cars too.
France: Oui?
(Oui?: Yes? → French)
America: Uh uh!
France: But the car you make, she simply carries you from place to place, much like a big, ugly iron mule, non?
(Non?: No? → French)
France: People want cars like I make, with the beauty and power of a wild stallion!
America: But I thought people wanted their cars to not break.
France: Uweh!
Italy: It’s true that cars are better when they’re nice to look at though, right? Hehe! Heh! The thing that matters most is that when a pretty girl sees it, she wants to hop in and go for a ride.
Germany: Industrial design is a delicate und complicated matter, and you only invite disaster by thinking about it with your schwanz.
(Und: And → German)
(Schwanz: Cock → German)
Germany: A car is a tool; it should be robust und reliable!
(Und: And → German)
Italy: That’s such a German thing to say!
Japan: Perhaps one day, a car could avoid obstacles on its own or hold a conversation or transform into a robotic warrior.
America: Man, that would be one bitchin’ comic book!
Britain: Did anyone notice China standing there with a smug look on his face?
America: Ahn?
(Italy, France, Germany, Japan: Hm?)
China’s thoughts: They have finally figured out a self-propelled carriage design like I had three hundred year ago.
Chinese man: Giddy up.
{Caption: Smug}
China’s thoughts: Cute!
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Japan: Ahem, ahem!
China: Aiyah, Japan! You have caught a bad cold, haven’t you? I would be happy to prepare some medicine to help.
Japan: Oh…it wouldn’t be a bother, would it?
China: No way! I’ll compound some herbs to make a strong medicine as I have done for many century!
Japan: I’m sorry…but when was the last time you opened your medicine cabinet?
(Spider: Ehah! Neah…ayeh!)
China: Oh! I hope you’re not implying that I stopped making medicine now that I can import drugs from abroad because that definitely is not the case!
(Spider: Eh, oh! Ayeh! Ayeh!)
Japan: But the spiders…
{Caption: Spider}
Spider: Spider!
China: Sergeant Huntsman is here as my security guard. And these are my special medicinal mushrooms that have been growing in my cabinet on purpose.
(Spider: Eyeh! Ehuhn, aiy! Eh…aah…eee…heyem!)
Japan: Oh, are they?
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Phone: Ring!
{Caption: Rrrrrrr}
America: Augh! It’s awesome that all my stuff is selling so well, but I don’t have time to do anything else and that really sucks!
(Phone: Ring! Ring!)
(Lithuania: Heah heah heah heah! Heah heah heah heah!)
Romano: Have fun working yourself to death, you big dumb jerk! I just took a nice two hour lunch break. Hehe!
(Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!)
America: Come to think of it, I’ve been hustling too hard to slow down and eat lunch for, like, a week or something!
(Phone: Ring! Ring! Ring!)
Romano: Well, even a jerk doesn’t deserve to go hungry, so I guess I can share a little bit of my lasagna I have left over from lunch.
(Phone: Ring! Ring!)
America: Dude, you’re offering me your leftovers?
Romano: Or you can fend for yourself, you bastard.
America: I appreciate it, buddy. But I’m good!
Romano: Neah, ahah!
America: Heah!
{Caption #1: Fast food}
{Caption #2: Chocolate bar}
America: Ah…nom!
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #8: Industrial Revolution Part 4 Transcript
This episode has the fourth part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
Narrator: England industrialized first, and yet…
Britain: Switzerland, elegant yet practical. Germany, sturdy. Italy, with its eye-pleasing curvature. America…can make several. Got it.
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Italy: You’re really asking me to teach you art?!
Britain: Oi, don’t trouble yourself over it, mate. It’s just that I’ve recently realized that even industrial products need appealing designs and it seems I haven’t quite got the knack for it, I guess.
Italy: But why ask me?!
Britain: Honestly, I’ve always thought highly of your aesthetic sensibilities.
Italy: Neahahah…
Britain: And I’m sorry if that came off a little bit weird.
(Italy: …ahahah!)
Italy: No, it’s not weird. I mean, someone thinking I could be useful for something is a bit weird, since even my own brother’s never asked.
Britain’s thoughts: Well, that’s unexpectedly sad.
Cat: Neah…
Italy: Welcome all to Intro to Design with Professor Italy!
(Cat: Meow!)
Italy: Your first assignment is to gently pet a kitty or doggy!
(Cat: Neah…neah…)
Britain: Cool, looks like I’ve enrolled in the easy section. Right, pet the cat, then.
(Cat: Neah…neah…)
Italy: And next, you come up with an image of the product inside your head!
Britain: Hm…I understand the theory of it, but this is the bit that eludes me.
Italy: Ve! When I get stuck, it helps to go “aaaahhhh”!
Britain: You what?!
Italy: Then you make your brain bing bong the image into your arms because your arms will use your hands to make it into a thing!
Britain: Bing bong?
Italy: You can also yabba dabba dooble it, or schween it, or whatever works for you. Wooh! There, you are done.
Britain: THOSE WEREN’T REAL WORDS!
Narrator: After Japan opened up in the late 19th century, the common folk started developing a taste for goods and culture from the west.
America: Daaaamn! Seems like you’ve done a lot to the place since the first time I showed up!
Japan: The world powers won’t see me as an equal unless I can change with the times.
{Text on note: Up for grabs}
America: Hey, Japan…what’s all this stuff here for?
Japan: Oh, this? I am getting rid of old household goods, trying to free up space. My hope is that someone will find them of use.
(America: Ah-haahah!)
Japan: Help yourself.
British man: I say, me lad!
Japan Dmhm?
British man: Fine workmanship and all around, and what’s all the good stuff, right then, pip pip, I’ll have it all and bob’s your uncle, I’m off to be the envy of all me friends back home!
(Japan: Goah! Eh eh eh eh…oh! Eh, uh?)
British man: Been a pleasure, mate; cheerio!
Japan: Ehah, I cannot possibly accept this much, sir! It would not be right! Deuh…oh.
America: Wow! That salesmanship!
Japan: I could not get a word in, yet it feels like I deceived him.
British man: And the vibrant colors, and the simple but elegant patterns…
Britain: The feeling radiating from this…
(British man: It’s all very brilliant, isn’t it?)
Britain: It’s like I can sense it brimming with some mysterious energy that’s lacking in my own work.
{Caption: Experts}
Britain: Oi! Taste-makers! All my products are a bit crap, and I want to know why! I’ll need you to help me! I tried taking some inspiration from France’s work and I made these, which…as you can see…
British man #2: Bit crap, innit?
Britain: As I mentioned, but thank you.
British man #3: My heavens, is our industry…
(British man #4: Ooh)
British man #5: A deconstruction of the traditional floral pattern!
(British man #3: …in a death spiral?)
British man #4: Oh!
Britain: Ahem. Therefore, I’ve hired a tutor in order to help develop my design skills. All the way from the far east.
Japan: You have done me a great honor.
Britain: This is my friend Japan.
Japan: Hello. I am Japan. You humble me by asking me to train you in my craft.
British man #2, #3, #4, #5: Woah, it’s Japan!
Japan: You are too kind.
British man #5: My venerable sir.
Japan: I’ll do my best to meet your expectations and earn the undeserved praise you lavish on me.
British man #5: Cor, your top knot comes off?
Japan: Thank you for having me.
British man #3: Tell me about the wabee sabee; do they mix it into the soy sauce or---
Britain: That’s enough of all that, Jeffrey.
British man #2, #3, #4, #5: Duoh!
Britain: I brought Japan here to tutor me in art and design, not to answer your nonsensical questions.
Japan: It is really no trouble.
Britain: Well, you’re a trooper, mate. You won’t make use of ninja techniques or throwing stars while you’re here, right?
Japan: No…
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Japan: When painting ceramics, notice that each brush is suited to particular steps, such as this one for detailing the border.
Britain: Goodness!
Japan: What is wrong? Have I pushed you too hard?
Britain’s thoughts: A teacher who actually explains what he’s doing using real words!
(Dream Italy: Ahh…)
Britain: Well, I’ve followed your instructions to the letter, and I got something approximating your style.
Japan: So glad to be of help! Will you please show it to me?
Britain: I’m sure it can hardly hold a candle to the original work…
{Text on plate: World}
Japan: I must buy it! I will pay whatever price you ask without a moment’s hesitation!
Britain: Ack, mate, just take it! I couldn’t imagine charging you for it!
Japan: I am grateful beyond words!
Britain: Not sure why you’d want my bad version of your design, but I won’t argue the point.
(Japan: Hm…hmhm!)
Japan: Hmhm!
Narrator: And strangely enough, in Japan, England’s bootleg Japanese goods sold like hot-o cakee.
(Japan: Hm! Hmhm!)
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #7: Industrial Revolution Part 3 Transcript
This episode has the third part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
{Caption: Clamor, clamor}
Prussia: You’re a demon clown man!
(America: Child workers!)
Prussia: You can stop it!
Britain: Cheerio, eh, mate!
Russia: Industrial Revolution?
(America: Cheers to everything!)
Russia: It is amazing to me that they all can be keeping up with science technologies. Too much for simple farm nation like me.
Narrator: While the rest of Europe had been industrializing, Russia was still a bit behind curve.
(Russia: Deh! Deh!)
Russia: Huah! Winter is long and dark. We must grow plants for food, but plants need sun for food and there’s no sun. And when there is, soil is still too bad for any plants to grow.
{Caption #1: Chink}
{Caption #2: Chink}
Russia: I try to dig in ground, but instead of dirt, only shiny and hard rocks come out. NEAH! Huah! I have found only geysers of mud grease that smells like death and a weird mystery gas that makes me pass out. I envy places where they can grow potato.
{Text on cloud: Natural gas}
{Text on oil gush: Petroleum}
{Text on rock #1: Coal}
{Text on rock #2: Noble Metal}
{Text on rock #3: Iron}
Narrator: What Russia didn’t know was that he was standing on a treasure trove of resources, just not ones he could use yet.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Narrator: Despite his intimidating nature, Russia has always been quick to fall in line for the higher-ups.
{Caption: Mr. Russia’s Boss}
Russia’s boss: The era of science and industry is upon us, Russia! Ride a wave of knowledge into the future!
Russia: Heah! You mean I am permitted to make industry?
Russia’s boss: Indeed, friend; study diligently and move forward with great fervor.
(Russia: Hm!)
Russia: I will do my best. I am enjoying chemistry.
{Caption #1: New Boss}
{Caption #2: Bash!!}
Russia’s boss #2: Now you are going to do it our way!
(Russia: Aaaaaahhhhh!)
{Caption: New Boss}
Russia’s boss #2: We must abandon the corrupt science of the old guard!
Russia: But doing the corrupt science was my entire job.
Russia’s boss #2: We have now hired these non-corrupt German scientists, see?
Russia: I could learn from them!
Russia’s boss #2: There is no need. We can let the Germans do everything!
Russia: Huah!
Russia’s boss #2: Haha! Germany has best technology! Ochen' Rossiya!
(Ochen’ Rossiya!: Very Russia! → Russian)
Russia: I bet I can do industry good if they just let me.
{Caption: Grab}
Russia’s boss #3: We’re the new administration.
(Russia: Uah?)
Russia: Ahuah?!
{Caption: Mr. Russia gets a new boss once again}
Russia’s boss #3: And from now on, we’re going to train up our own engineers in this country.
Russia: You mean I can become engineer?
Russia’s boss #3: You will become engineer!
Russia: Great! I will try hard.
Russia’s boss #3: Good. We have all the pieces for you here.
Russia: Auh!
Russia’s boss #3: A week should be enough time to make steam engine, yes?
Russia: Ahuh?
Russia’s boss #3: If not, there are consequences.
(Russia: Mmhm, mm…gulp!)
Narrator: Russia has been living life on hard mode for centuries and industrialization is the sewer level of human advancement.
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{Caption #1: Latvia}
{Caption #2: The middle country of the three Baltic states}
Latvia: M---Mr. Russia? What can I do for you today? Oh, and I think the retro aesthetic suits you very well. Your old-fashioned clothes look good.
Russia: But this is latest, cutting-edge fashion, considered very trendy at home.
Latvia: Home as in retirement?
Russia: Ah?
Latvia: I mean, hey, different strokes.
Russia: I have a favor to ask of you.
Latvia: You seriously want me to build an entire railroad?!
Russia: And I know you are a very good friend who would never let me down, Latvia.
Latvia: Wait, I am?
{Text on boxes: Mountain of work}
{Text on paper #1: Finish by o/o}
{Text on paper #2: Finish by x/x}
Russia: I have many things to do for my boss and if we work together, we can get through them quickly.
Latvia: If it’s work for your boss, shouldn’t you be the one doing it?
Russia: Friends are supposed to help each other, aren’t they?
Latvia: But I am a simple agricultural nation and building railroads is a huge, important industrial project. I am the worst possible candidate if you think about it for even a second---
Russia: Sorry, I think I mishear you just now.
(Latvia: Ahaaaaaaaaha!)
Latvia: With all due respect, I’m simply telling you that this is a terrible staffing decision and I---neeahahah!
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Latvia: Huah, why is Mr. Russia so terrifying? Well, it basically looks like a train, but I have no idea what I’m going to say when he sees it doesn’t work. Huoh! But it does! Amazing! I built a complex machine from scratch by simply imitating others and succeeded on the first try! Maybe I have a hidden talent! What kind of a fool gets so excited about one single success?
{Caption: Bonk}
Latvia: The totally hopeless kind like me.
{Caption #1: Latvia}
{Caption #2: Under long time foreign rule, he has pursued agriculture. When given an unreasonable task, he says he can’t, but then makes it happen}
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{Caption #1: Estonia}
{Caption #2: The northern most country of the three Baltic states}
Estonia: Latvia, have you been doing okay with all the work Russia is pushing off on you?
Latvia: Oh, I’m only handling minor matters like medicine and iron-working and transportation and commerce, Mr. Estonia.
Estonia: How did you end up juggling so many difficult tasks for the him?
Latvia: He may be overestimating me since I built him a working locomotive from scratch.
Estonia: Stop making it sound like you made him a plate of blini!
Latvia: But…making medicine and forging iron are actually very relaxing tasks. It helps with the stress.
Estonia: That’s a bit terrifying.
Latvia: And sometimes I play chess with myself in my head so I don’t get bogged down by all the work.
Estonia: Chess with yourself?
Latvia: Heh, sorry, I know how weird that seems.
Estonia: Heh!
Estonia’s thoughts: My, that sounds like hard job…
Estonia: That was blatant humble brag.
(Estonia’s thoughts: …for one brain!)
Latvia: Did you say that last part out loud on purpose?
{Caption: Trivia: Mr. Latvia is a good chess player}
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #6: Industrial Revolution Part 2 Transcript
This episode has the second part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
Italy: Phew! Yay! I’m not sure how, but I made a really cool-looking car! I bet it will be popular with girls. Next, I need to make an even cooler-looking car with a passenger seat so they can hop in. Ladies love me!
Romano: Ugch! My brother is getting this excited over one little car.
(Italy: Ladies love me! Ladies love me!)
Italy: Ladies love me!
Romano: And dammit, I hate how cool the thing looks! Since when can that idiot make machines? How did we turn into a modern, industrialized nation overnight?
(Italy: Ladies love me! Ladies love me! Ladies love me! Ladies love me!)
Romano: I want to go back to how things were before.
Radio announcer: America’s economy is surging!
Romano: Huh?
Radio announcer: The United States has recently surpassed England to become the world’s…
Romano: You can’t possibly be serious! That man-baby America has already reached number one?!
(Radio announcer: …largest economy, due to a massive manufacturing boom formed in the nation!)
Radio announcer: As a result, America is now offering, quote, hella jobs!
Romano: Okay! You’ll miss me when I’m in America, stupid jerk brother!
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Romano: And that’s why I’m here to help you, so love me, you dumb jerk!
America: Hey, Romano, good to have another set of hands around. Sorry to jump straight in, but Lithuania’s already handling all the office work, so could you get started on the cleaning?
(Lithuania: Hm?)
Romano: Auh huh…I said I wanted to help, but I didn’t expect you to ask me to clean.
America: Oh, so do you not want the job?
Romano: C’mon.
America: Aah!
Romano: I know your economy’s booming and your industries are strong, yeah?
(America: Eum! Aegh…)
Romano: SO WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME TO CLEAN WHEN YOU COULD EASILY FEED ME FOR FREE, YOU JERK?!
America: Dude, seriously?! Why would I do that?!
Romano: YES, SERIOUSLY! I need to be taken care of! I’ll do anything!
America: Hey, it’s okay, buddy; just help out with the yardwork and house cleaning and take your cry breaks in the bathroom.
(Romano: Wahahaha!)
Romano: Anything but grunt work, wahaha!
Broom: Swish, swish.
Romano: Why am I being bossed around by someone younger than me? Whoever invented work, I hope they’re burning in hell!
(Broom: Swish, swish. Swish, swish. Swish, swish. Swish, swish. Swish, swish. Swish, swish. Swish, swish)
America: Ehm!
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America: Hey, you done cleaning up in here? Wait, what the crap? You did the opposite of cleaning!
Romano: Hmhm, yes, I knocked over the bookshelves on purpose, and I meant to block the door and trap myself in here.
America: Uhn…
Romano: It sounds like you still don’t understand. You spent years abusin’ me and workin’ me to the bone. You asked for this.
America: You only got here three days ago!
Romano: The trauma has corroded my soul and the worst parts of my nature have overtaken me. I’ve become Romano Male!
{Caption: Evil-ano!!}
America: Wait, male?!
(Male: Evil → Italian)
America: But that means “evil” in Spanish!
Romano: Not quite, but the point is, I’m a bad dude, so treat me right or my organization’ll come for ya.
{Caption: (Currently 1 person)}
America: If you’re really a bad dude, stop talkin’ and square up, bro!
(Romano: What?)
Romano: Hold on! There’s no need for violence!
(America: Eum!)
Romano: I just like to dress up! And make threats.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Radio announcer: The Krauts and Yanks are both leaving us in the dust as industry goes!
Britain: Bloody hell.
(Radio announcer: Let’s all stop pissing away our leave, shall we, gents?)
Britain: Everything is cutting-edge this and state-of-the-art that and what, may I ask, has become of tradition?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
British woman: They appear quite similar, so why does one cost so much less?
British shopkeeper: Even for me, the difference is quite hard to make out, but the less expensive of the two is a German import.
British woman: Well, I suppose there’s no reason to pay more.
(Britain: Augh!)
Britain: People are only buying your product because they’re practically identical to mine! Now make it so everybody can tell them apart!
Germany: In the spirit of fair play, I would be happy to mark all of my wares “Made in Germany”.
{Text on cup: Made in Germany}
British woman: Oh, lovely! Now we don’t have to try and pick out the German items for ourselves!
British man: Lucky find, miss!
British woman: Uwah!
British man: I’m barely able to keep these German-made goods in stock.
Britain: Auh!
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Britain: Mm, beg pardon…much as I hate to ask you for help, might you two have any tips as to how I could go about improving my product?
Italy: Hm…a plain white cup with a matte finish is boring to look at.
Romano: Hm. And when you do decorate, desaturate your pigments if you want to use gold leaf or else it will turn into a garish mess, you jerk.
Italy: I think you should make it out of glass instead!
Britain: Eh, do you?
{Caption: Venetian glass}
Britain’s thoughts: They’re crazy if they think they’ll get something like Venetian glass out of a factory!
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Germany: Interesting. I see the tell-tale groove left by the hoo-ha shemegagehyeh forces, and from experience, I know the Oggleboggle Company’s foofarah method is superior.
Britain: Right, of course; the foofarah method!
{Caption: ??}
Britain: Good eye!
Britain’s thoughts: I understood not one word of that.
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Russia: Improve? I would like very much if you could improve your attitude and be nicer to me in future!
Britain: Ahahaha, good one, mate. It’s not the fact you’re always staring at my territories and salivating; my attitude is surely the issue.
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France: It could not be more clear to me what your products are lacking. There is no love in them! Ahonhonhonhon!
Britain: Well, I was expecting drivel and I got it, so I can’t say I’m disappointed.
(France: Ahonhonhonhonhon!)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
America: What the?! Did you design the world’s most depressing coffee cup on purpose?
Britain: That’s it! The design’s total bollocks! That’s my way forward!
Narrator: And thus, England began his journey into the world of modern design.
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #5: Industrial Revolution Part 1 Transcript
This episode has the first part of the Industrial Revolution arc.
Narrator: In the late 18th century, the world was on the cusp of a massive change. And this is how it all began.
Britain: If we make it this way…auh! And if we do this other thing like this and just shove this bit right in here, I can make a load of goods rather cheaply.
Narrator: These small refinements led to a huge growth in efficiency. This Industrial Revolution would spread through Europe and across the globe with grave consequences, firstly…
Britain: I’ve got money. Falling! Out! My! Arse!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Narrator: It was England who kicked off the industrial boom, quickly flooding the market with heaps of high-quality products.
{Caption: England}
France: England, what is this folle de roue?
(Folle de roue?: Crazy wheel? → French)
France: Ça alors. You have so many boxes.
(Ça alors: Wow → French)
Britain: Good to see you as well, France, old chap. Are you here to peruse my selection of fine wares?
{Caption: France}
France: Since when are you able to make goods in such numbers?
Britain: The trick’s to get a little better each day.
France: How lame.
Britain: What have you been up to, mate? You look like crap on toast!
France: Oh, a revolution here, a few wars there, non?
(Non?: No? → French)
Britain: I’d be willing to cut you a deal to help you back on your feet.
France’s thoughts: You think I want to buy your stuff? You think you are better than me because you have industry?
Britain: I’m not gonna twist your arm.
France: Please let me buy your stuff, I beg you! Euh, you dirty crook! How dare you make consistently high-quality products in mass at a low cost! You can’t just improve people’s lives!
Britain: Oh, do give it a rest! Who cares if I can make more than I need? Plus, it’s not like I want to sell you any of my goods, ‘cause I don’t, not in the least.
France: This is your sales strategy?
Britain: Eh huah!
{Caption #1: Unorganized}
{Caption #2: Textile}
{Caption #3: Iron}
{Caption #4: Before the unification}
Narrator: Meanwhile, the newly unified Germany was struggling to hop onto the industrialization train.
{Caption #1: After the unification}
{Caption #2: Whoa! Relax!}
Prussia: And now I, the great Prussia, foremost among your brothers in the field of manufacturing, shall teach you the manufacturing practices of the great Prussia!
Germany: I know who you are already! But machines seem very complicated.
Prussia: That’s why I paid a heap of money to buy this technology from England!
Germany: That is just a blueprint, dummkopf!
(Dummkopf!: Idiot/Fool! → German)
Germany: Putting you in charge is like giving a brokerage account to a baby!
Prussia: But the machine itself is well outside of your price range.
Germany: Hm? This part could surely be built more efficiently…if we made it this way instead.
Prussia: Woah! That’ll cut way down on material costs! And it looks super cool as well! Excellent work, my little brother!
Germany: If we built a prototype, we could put it to the test.
Prussia: I shall take care of the metal-working!
{Caption: Clang, clang, clang, whirr}
Germany: Dueheheh! Don’t just randomly melt things onto it, brother!
{Caption: Clang, clang, whirr. Clang, clang, whirr}
Prussia: But it looks cooler with more stuff stuck on it!
Germany: But we---wait, that actually might be a bit more efficient.
Prussia: Ah! Well…we finished it. What is it?
Germany: After all the modifications, I’m not sure myself. This is absurd. Yet…it was so exhilarating to build!
Prussia: Indeed! I can hardly remember getting so absorbed in a project.
France: Hey, sneak, sneak, sneak! What is this, Germany? You made a new machine? I shall steal it and see. Honhon! Let us learn! Très nyan!
(Très: Very → French)
(Nyan!: Meow! → Japanese)
Prussia: Hahaha! If we put this engine in a car, I bet nothing in the world would defeat it!
Germany: No way it has the horsepower for that. Although I guess we could bolt it to the carriage out back for scheißes and giggles.
(Scheißes: Shits → German)
Prussia: Yee-haw!
{Caption: Yee-haw!}
France: I always knew Germany was a workaholic, but it’s très pas à la chic to be in the shop at midnight with a smile on one’s face.
(Très pas à la chic: Very not chic → French)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Britain: So you really are darkening my doorstep to brag about your new-fangled invention. Slow day at work?
{Caption: Epoch-making New Product Pamphlet}
Germany: Not entirely. We used your design, so we made extensive modifications. It only seemed right that we show you what we’ve done.
Prussia: And also we came to brag about it!
Britain [talking over loud machinery]: My machines aren’t perfect by any means. They’re outdated, finicky, costly, and obscenely loud.
Germany, Prussia: Huh?
Britain [yelling over loud machinery]: I said they’re obscenely loud!
Germany, Prussia: Huh?
Britain [yelling over loud machinery]: THEY ARE OBSCENELY LOUD! That said, our manufacturing techniques are still a point of pride. We’ve come too far with them to abandon them now!
America: Hey, guess what I did, dudes!
Britain: The Yank?
(Germany, Prussia: Hm?)
America: I just built a machine at my house that mass-produces stuff and I was kinda wingin’ it, TBH, but it seems to work and makin’ lots of stuff sounds dope!
{Caption: Uh-huh}
America: Basically, I’m gonna mass-produce the hell out of whatever for the next forever and I thought you all should know!
Britain: What’s the pose about?
America: This is my industrial pose, hoss!
{Caption: Industrial pose}
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Hetalia: World Stars Episode #4: Czecho to Slovakia: Kouhen Transcript
This episode has the second part of the Czechia and Slovakia arc.
{Caption: Year 1989}
Slovakia: HOORAH! We have escaped Russia’s pact of friendship and restored democratic rule to our nation!
{Caption: Czechoslovakia democratized}
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Czechia: I can feel the democracy filling up my lungs!
(Slovakia: Ahhhhhhhh!)
Czechia: The new year is coming and I am a new person!
(Slovakia: Ahah! Haha! Ha!)
Slovakia: But I have many plans now that we are free. Like restoring the hyphen!
Czechia: The hyphen was the first thing that came to mind? You know what, fine, we’ll just write it out like this from now on!
{Caption: Czech and slovak federative republic}
Slovakia: Really?! We look so equal now I don’t even mind that you get top billing!
{Text on paper #1: This}
Slovakia: But if it’s okay with you, may I capitalize my “S” so it matches your “C”?
{Text on paper #2: Ĉeská a Slovenská Federativní Republika}
Czechia: Are you really so insecure you’re willing to change how you write your own language?
Slovakia: What if I am?!
(Czech: Euh…)
Slovakia: You can’t be capitalized while I’m not! We’re supposed to be equals!
Czechia: I was not stepping on your stupid hyphen and you’re still whining; I’ve had enough of all your hang-ups!
Slovakia: YOU ARE ONE WHO HAS HANG-UPS; I’M FINE! IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE A BUTTHEAD, I’LL MOVE OUT ON MY OWN AND SHOW YOU I DON’T NEED YOU!
Czechia: Good! If you really think you can get by without me, why don’t you go and try it, for all I care, jerkface!
Slovakia: Grr…
(Czechia: Eum!)
Bulgaria: Who wants to watch Czech and Slovakia get a divorce?
(Slovakia: Grr…)
(Czech: Eum…)
Slovakia: Ehah?
Narrator: And on January 1st, 1993, they did just that, splitting into the Czech and Slovak Republics, an event frequently called “The Velvet Divorce”. “Velvet” because it was a pretty smooth break, just a few issues to work out in court over some real estate in the boonies; no murders or anything.
Slovakia: HOORAH! Haha, ha!
{Text on building: Slovenská republika}
Slovakia: I am a whole Slovak Republic with top billing and a capital “S”! Hahaha!
{Text on building: Ĉeská republika}
Czechia: Mesta ve wordu.
(Mesta ve wordu: Cities and words → Czech)
Czechia: How men get so obsessed with minor details, I don’t know.
Slovakia: Slovakia! Slovakia! A whole house just for me! AWESOME! Not only do I have all this space, but now I don’t have Czech here, keeping me on a leash. This calls for a celebration! I think I will have a slice of toast. Dah?
{Caption #1: The usual one}
{Caption #2: You just pull down}
Slovakia: Except Czech owned the toaster and all the other appliances.
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Slovakia: Gah! This toaster doesn’t make sense! Why does it have so many buttons and which one do I push to make it make toast?! Ahnom! Geheheh…now that I think about how much Czech used to do for me, this half-toasted bread just tastes like loneliness and mold. Or maybe it sat out a few days.
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Czechia: Hm hm hm! Since Slovakia left, I can clean the house from top to bottom in no time flat! If I’d known it would be like this, I’d have walked away years ago! Hah…the bourgeois decadence of a bubble bath! Huh? Why didn’t we unpack the towels yet? Grab one and bring it for me! Hurry up already! Wait, he is gone. Duah!
Cat: Meow!
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Narrator: Things got off to a rough start, but eventually, they both settled into their new lives.
Slovakia: How have you been? Bet you miss me, right?
Czechia: I am living best life! My home is so clean and quiet now that each morning feels like waking up in a meadow full of wildflowers in bloom.
Slovakia: Goh! Well, life has been just peachy for me. Living alone is great.
Czechia: The best, yeah! No ranting about hyphens. That is my favorite part.
Slovakia: Ehh…
Czechia: Uh…though to be completely honest, there have been a few times I’ve missed having you around.
Slovakia: DO YOU MEAN IT?!
Czech: Euaha!
Slovakia: Because I feel exactly the same! There are so many things I miss from before!
Czech: This is the part I did not miss! You getting all clingy and blubbery!
(Slovakia: Weheheh! Weheheh!)
Slovakia: Hearing you belittle my emotions is making me feel whole again!
(Czechia: Euhah…)
Czechia: It’s easy when you suck so much!
(Slovakia: Weheheheh!)
Liechtenstein: Hello!
Czech: Auh?
(Slovakia: Dueh!)
Liechtenstein: Ehah, now that things are settled between you two, I was hoping you might be ready to give me back my land maybe?
Czechia, Slovakia: Eah…
Liechtenstein: Um…
Narrator: All right! Back when they were together, Czech and Slovakia might have yoinked some of Liechtenstein’s holdings in a maybe not quite legal manner, but they won’t be paying her back until Greece can pay them back, which…haha…yeah.
(Liechtenstein: Eum…ah…eh…uh…oh)
Liechtenstein: Guys?
Slovakia: Nice weather, right, Czech?
Czechia: Yes. It’s quite lovely, Slovakia.
Narrator: Still, their friends say the split was good for both of them and their relationship is the best it’s ever been. These things tend to happen ‘cause they need to.
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Text
Hetalia: World Stars Episode #3: Czecho to Slovakia: Zenpen Transcript
This episode has the first part of the Czechia and Slovakia arc.
Narrator: With the collapse of the Austro-Hungarian Empire in 1918, following World War One, Czech and Slovakia got a sweet new living arrangement.
France: They say they want independence, so I say let us give it to them, non?
(Non?: No? → French)
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Czechia: Finally, we got independence we have been wanting for years, Slovakia! Hahaha!
(Slovakia: Hahaha! Ahahaha! Ahahaha!)
Slovakia: Yes, Czech; at last we’re free to live our own lives!
(Czechia: Hahahaha! Hehe!)
Slovakia: Big brother Austria and big sister Hungary cannot tell us what to do anymore. From now on, we will live as we choose and nobody else can stop us!
{Caption: Czecho-Slovakia}
Slovakia: Today is the day we will begin our new lives as Czecho-Slovakia! And we do it together, right, Czech?
Czechia: Right, Slovakia. Independence was never the finish line. We are only starting!
{Text on sign: Global Community}
{Caption: Czechoslovakia}
Czechia: And I will register our name as “Czechoslovakia”.
Slovakia: Do not write it like that; it needs a hyphen!
{Caption: Czech --- She’s a hard worker and tries to do things carefully, but Slovakia always behaves unexpectedly. She’s got a delicate, unique sense of art!}
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Slovakia: There has to be a hyphen in the name!
(Czechia: Auhuh…)
Slovakia: Czecho hyphen Slovakia! You cannot leave the hyphen out!
Czechia: You pronounce it the same either way, so what difference does it make?
Slovakia: When we are Czecho hyphen Slovakia…
Czechia: Auhuh…
{Caption: Czecho-Slovakia}
Slovakia: …we can stand as equals.
Czechia: I guess I can understand what you’re saying.
{Caption: Czechoslovakia}
Slovakia: But when we are Czechoslovakia, it comes off like you’re dominant in the relationship!
(Czech: Ahum! Ahum! Ahum! Ahum!)
Czechia: What are you talking about?! Don’t make it weird!
(Slovakia: Hm, hm, hm!)
Slovakia: Not having the hyphen makes it weird for me!
Czechia: Aah-euh!
Slovakia: Put it back or I’ll whine and sulk and act out in an antisocial manner!
(Czechia: Aah-euh! Aah-euh! Aah-euh! Aah-euh!)
Czechia: Well, I’m not going to give you what you want if you keep being a brat!
(Slovakia: Huhn! Ee! Huh! Hm! Hm!)
Bulgaria: Big dom energy on Czech, am I right?
(Czechia: Mm, mm! Aah, woah aah!)
{Caption: Slovakia --- Same as Czech, but is more laid back than her and gentle in many ways. He normally doesn’t assert himself, but is particular about strange things}
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Slovakia: There is much that still needs to be done since we gained our independence and you’re here reading? What is that, a romance novel?
Czechia: This is important work! I am looking through my old diary entries and some notes I have found to help me try and remember the way we lived our lives before.
Slovakia: The way we lived before?
Czechia: We have spent so many years under the thumbs of other countries and having to adopt their languages and cultures, we’ve forgotten much of our own. We cannot call ourselves fully independent until we reclaim our true identities from those Austro-Hungarian kategy!
(Kategy!: Categories! → Slovak)
Slovakia: What would it be like to go back to how we were?
Dream child Slovakia: Eheah, hah, hah!
Czechia: Well, I beat you in foot races and arm wrestling.
Dream child Czechia: Ahahahaha! You really do need to work on your stamina!
Dream child Slovakia: Shut up, you big jerk-face; it’s just ‘cause you’re bigger, but someday I’ll be bigger! And then I’ll show you!
Dream child Czechia: You shut up! Your face is jerk!
Dream teenage Czechia: So you can’t keep up in arts or academics, either. Would you like me to help you out with your studies, little boy? Hahahahaha!
Dream teenage Slovakia: Don’t be a butthead just ‘cause some big-shot decided to open a big fancy university for you and nobody built one for me!
Dream teenage Czechia: Your head is butt!
Slovakia’s thoughts: Now that I think about it, Czech kind of sucked before.
Czechia: What? What’s that look?
Slovakia: I think you’re cuter as you are now.
Czechia: Euh…euhoh. Shut up. You’re cute.
Slovakia: Heh. I remember when you talked like that. You sound just like the old Czech.
Czechia: Auhah, enough! Please stop! You’re being so annoying!
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Slovakia: But the name needs the hyphen!
(Czechia: Oh!)
Slovakia: Czecho hyphen Slovakia! It’s important! It should have a hyphen!
Czechia: Would you just shut up?! All your hyphen tantrums are starting to make word “hyphen” sound really weird!
(Slovakia: What do we do? We need hyphen! Hyphen! Hyphen! Hyphen!)
{Caption #1: Year 1938}
{Caption #2: Czecho-Slovakia}
Slovakia: It took a lot of tantrums, but the hyphen is finally back in! Hooray!
Czechia: We have far bigger things to worry about.
(Slovakia: Hehe!)
{Caption #1: Year 1945}
{Caption #2: Czechoslovakia}
Slovakia: Hold on, it was just there, right? We’re Czecho hyphen Slovakia. I know; the hyphen’s simply hiding.
Czechia: The hyphen’s not hiding. I have removed it for good. There was no point to it. None at all!
Slovakia: HENEAAAAAHHHH!
Czechia: Eheuh!
Slovakia: NO, PUT IT BACK! RESPECT OUR HYPHEN; THE HYPHEN IS IMPORTANT TO ME!
(Czechia: Eheaheww! Eh eh eh eh eh…)
Czechia: Gross! You can slather my hair with melted cheese, but the hyphen is gone, so you’re getting me all greasy for no reason!
(Slovakia: And if you don’t care about it, well, then, we are supposed to talk as equals, and you are to listen to my voices!)
Slovakia: Then I am going to keep rubbing this cheese into your hair until you put the hyphen back in!
Czechia: Why are you so clingy today?
Slovakia: Hehm…
Czechia: Get up out of my bubble!
Slovakia: It’s weird ‘cause I’m not trying to be.
Czechia: Ahuh…
Russia: Hm…hello to you; I am hearing you want fellow Slav for friend? I am friend to all Slavs. Now we are family, Czechoslovak Socialist Republic.
(Slovakia: Ehe…ehe…eheh…)
(Czechia: Ehe…ehe…)
Slovakia: Sounds great. But can we write it as Czecho hyphen Slovak?
Czechia: Stop trying to negotiate with him before he decides our name needs to be West Slavia, you idiot.
(Russia: Hm?)
Slovakia: Ehehehe…
Czechia: Ehehehe…
Russia: Gehuh!
Narrator: And so began a healthy, loving, not at all coercive friendship that would carry on until 1989.
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