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tabloidtoc · 3 years

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National Enquirer, April 19

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover

Page 2: Michael Douglas' short-term memory loss and frail frame have wife Catherine Zeta-Jones fearing for her older husband's well-being -- Michael once declared he'd beaten oral cancer, but harsh chemotherapy and radiation treatments have left him a shell of his former self and he has even admitted to suffering memory problems -- he was also affected by the 2020 death of his father Kirk Douglas and he hasn't been the same since his dad died -- this is a guy who cheated death with a horrific cancer ordeal, and he's had other medical issues over the years and some serious domestic dramas that have taken their toll -- Catherine always knew that their age difference would mean her taking care of him one day but she didn't expect it to be so soon

Page 3: Reese Witherspoon has ditched her wedding ring during recent outings, sparking rumors her marriage to Jim Toth is on the ropes but she feels their relationship isn't down for the count and refuses to give up the fight to keep their family together but they may not make it -- the desire to make things work is still there on both sides and they've been able to pull it all together all these years, even with personalities as different as theirs mainly for the sake of their family and they got on each other's nerves while cooped up together during the pandemic, but they don't bicker in public and that's one thing they have going for them

Page 4: Ryan Seacrest creeped out his pals when he gushed over Maria Menounos when she sat in for Kelly Ripa on Live recently -- Ryan thinks Maria is the smartest, most talented and beautiful woman to walk the planet and he can't help but swoon over her but Ryan understands Maria is happily married to TV writer and producer Keven Underago and he'd never cross the line and he doesn't want to date Maria, but he makes no secret he'd be dancing on air to have someone like her, which is kind of creepy, but he can't help it -- Ryan would never make moves on someone else's girl, but he does try to imitate her husband Keven's qualities like how funny and creative and sensible he is and Ryan adores Kelly and thinks she's great but he wouldn't mind if she takes more time off just so he can gaze at Maria

* Miley Cyrus' recent boozy night out with party pals, including British punk rocker Yungblud, has loved ones fearing she's slipping back into dangerous territory -- she was spotted at Hollywood's famous Rainbow Bar & Grill, drinking shots and beer chasers, just months after she admitted to her struggles with addiction and after fellow addiction-challenged singer Demi Lovato announced she was California sober, claiming she was safely able to drink in moderation, Miley didn't see any reason why she couldn't do the same -- her family and sober friends are deeply concerned for Miley's well-being and are begging her to stop drinking now

Page 5: Newly robust Celine Dion has her health back on track following a dangerous few years where she looked like a walking skeleton -- she has beefed up her wraith-like frame by making healthier choices during lockdown -- she went through a rough time of transition after husband Rene Angelil's death and lost a lot of weight, but lockdown has given her a chance to rest and focus on taking care of herself and now she looks 15 to 20 pounds heavier and seems in good spirits and is looking forward to rebooting her Courage World Tour when the pandemic ends

Page 6: Fitness fanatic Tim McGraw is a changed man since he kicked the bottle in 2008, but he's now hooked on working out and sculpting the perfect bod and he's publicly admitted exercise is what gets him flying high but his quest to get ripped to the max is now a 24/7 obsession and he spends hours in the gym and he's already flexing a muscular body most men would die for, but he doesn't want to stop until he's an Adonis and he works out twice or three times a day and packs his diet with energy-boosting smoothies and veggie juices and some might say he's going overboard with the workouts, but Tim craves those feel-good endorphins and he considers his workouts to be fun -- he loves the way he looks and thinks he can do better and he does spend a lot of time in front of the mirror admiring himself and tends to wear tight T-shirts that show off his pecs and six-pack abs, and wife Faith Hill loves the results -- a lot of people say he's traded one addiction for another

Page 7: Nearly six years after their bitter divorce, Miranda Lambert has finally extended an olive branch to ex-husband Blake Shelton, but she's still pretty envious over his professional success with fiancee Gwen Stefani -- last year, Blake and Gwen took home the collaborative video prize at the Country Music Television Awards for their duet Nobody but You, and also scored a Top Ten hit with their single Happy Anywhere and it makes Miranda jealous to see Blake making hay on the charts with Gwen but their success also made Miranda recall Over You, her hit collaboration with Blake, which won Song of the Year at the 2012 Country Music Association Awards and during a recent interview, Miranda affectionately blew kisses toward the camera as she recounted how her ballad with Blake was inspired by his grief over the loss of his older brother; still, Miranda also harbors a competitive streak and said she's angling to transform herself and husband Brendan McLoughlin into entertainment movers and shakers just like Blake and Gwen -- Miranda plans to enroll Brendan in acting school and Miranda wants them to act together and they are looking for scripts to make a television movie and even planning to launch a production company in Nashville and Miranda recognizes the musical chemistry Blake and Gwen share, and she believes she and Brendan can match that success on-screen -- meanwhile, as Blake and Gwen prepare to wed, Miranda is finally in a place where she can wish them well and Miranda carried a lot of animosity toward Blake and Gwen, especially since she suspected they started something before she and Blake split up, but she's very happy with Brendan so maybe all that pain she and Blake went through in ending their marriage was for the best

* Reba McEntire is reaching out to save her friend and former daughter-in-law Kelly Clarkson from suffering through a divorce that eerily mirrors Reba's own breakup -- Kelly split from husband and manager Brandon Blackstock in June 2020, and the divorce battle has them fighting over custody of their two kids as well as Brandon suing her for $1.4 million in unpaid commissions, but Reba has seen this before: Brandon's dad, Narvel Blackstock, dumped her in 2015 after 26 years of marriage, and despite initially agreeing to continue as her manager, dumped her as a client weeks later and Reba knows all too well how petty and conniving Narvel and Brandon can be, and her heart goes out to Kelly -- Kelly admits to Reba there are times when she just wants to run away and hide and Reba tells her to run away to me and it means the world to Kelly to have Reba in her corner -- Narvel and son Brandon head Starstruck Entertainment and are adamant that Kelly owes them big bucks for helping her land both her talk show and a coaching spot on The Voice, but with Reba's help, Kelly is fighting back and Reba learned the hard way the pitfalls of mixing business with family life and she's trying to help Kelly because she hates to see another woman suffer at the hands of a Blackstock

Page 8: Sicko Jeffrey Epstein has been accused of a horrific new litany of abuse by a woman who claims he forced her into unwanted genital surgery, raped her in front of her child and threatened to feed her to alligators -- the woman, identified in court papers as Jane Doe, is suing the late pervert's estate, claiming he and his alleged madam Ghislaine Maxwell, groomed her for their sordid pleasure -- in the suit, she claims Epstein drove her to pick up her 8-year-old son and took them to a lake, where he threatened to feed her to alligators, as had happened to other girls in the past, if she dared to squeal on him -- at the time, the woman said she was 26, but she looked much younger and Epstein told her to say she was 17 and he also arranged for a man with a Russian accent to perform an unnecessary vaginal surgery to pass her off as a virgin to a client and this violent and illegal procedure was botched, leaving her mutilated, in pain, disabled, and permanently sexually dysfunctional

Page 9: Ghislaine Maxwell has been slapped with yet another sex trafficking charge and it's got her former pal Prince Andrew sweating bullets -- the new indictment details how Jeffrey Epstein's alleged madam reportedly groomed a 14-year-old for him, but crucially for Andrew, it expands the time frame of Ghislaine's alleged crimes from 1994 to 2004, a span that includes her meeting the British royal in 1999 and then introducing him to Epstein and that time frame also includes the period in which "sex slave" Virginia Roberts Giuffre claims she slept with Andrew three times, charges he's denied -- the new charge also opens the floodgates on other celebrities, politicians and high-profile figures who were in Epstein's orbit at the time and the new indictment widens the pool for Ghislaine and her defense attorneys because who wouldn't want to bring down all of these fat cats and who wouldn't be that desperate?

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Rumer Willis got to the root of her gardening needs in L.A., Michael B. Jordan and Chante Adams got cozy as they shared a snack while shooting Journal for Jordan in NYC's Central Park, Heidi Klum in L.A., Mario Lopez tossed the ceremonial first dice roll at the opening of the Mohegan Sun Casino in Las Vegas, Christopher Meloni shot his onscreen spouse's funeral scene for Law & Order: Organized Crime

Page 11: Tony Bennett has a secret weapon in his fight against Alzheimer's disease: his close pal and collaborator Lady Gaga -- Susan Crow Benedetto, 54, the wife of the 94-year-old singing legend, has enlisted Gaga to help keep Tony's faculties sharp as he struggles with advancing dementia because Gaga's telephone calls have always helped cheer Tony up and keep him focused and they laugh together, reminisce and sometimes sing and it always puts a smile on Tony's face and it's great therapy -- when asked whether Tony still recognizes the pop star, Susan joked that Gaga is hard to forget -- Gaga has also played a critical role in keeping the aging crooner active and creative by working with him and they plan to release their second album of duets this spring as a follow-up to their 2014 smash hit Cheek to Cheek

* Worried friends feared ailing rock god Ozzy Osbourne is coming unstrung while wife Sharon Osbourne's career goes into a death spiral -- Ozzy has been plagued by crippling illnesses over the years, including Parkinson's disease, and has to walk with the aid of a cane and now he's at wit's end and pushing himself into a danger zone as his wife fights tooth and nail after leaving The Talk amid a racism scandal and Ozzy's been under a great deal of distress over Sharon's problems over at The Talk and he worries and fusses over her and can't focus on anything else and it's left many in his circle very concerned for his health which is fragile enough already -- the bashing Sharon received during the scandal has the aging rocker concerned she may never work again and he'll have to be the breadwinner

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- five years after Angelina Jolie filed for divorce, she's still battling Brad Pitt over custody of their five youngest kids, now she's filed new court documents claiming she has proof of domestic violence against Brad and accusations like these would kill anyone else's career, but not in this case: Hollywood is 100 percent behind Brad and the sense in the industry is Angelina has weaponized the kids against Brad but Brad is very well respected in Hollywood, and most people find these new allegations hard to believe and if anything, Angie is only hurting the children and herself

* Real Housewives stars featured in the upcoming spinoff are cashing in and Bravo will pay Luann de Lesseps, Teresa Giudice and the others a sweet $200,000 for one week's work in Turks and Caicos and that's more than double what the ladies usually get for filming, plus they get a free trip to a tropical island

* American Idol could be on the chopping block because in just seven weeks the show has lost 2 million viewers and it's simple math: Idol cannot survive with its current budget and ABC has two options which are cancel the show or cut costs, which would mean hiring cheaper judges and a cheaper host to replace Ryan Seacrest and both options are being explored

* Britney Spears' beau, personal trainer Sam Asghari, shows off his toned abs in L.A. (picture)

Page 13: Palace insiders fear Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's vendetta against the British monarchy will take a shocking new turn: they'll bankroll a lurid movie about Princess Diana's death and the conspiracy theories that suggest the royal family was involved -- the rights to the movie script are owned by Hollywood producer Ben Browning, who was just hired by Harry and Meghan to run their film company Archewell Productions -- the controversial movie centers on Princess Diana's lover Dodi Fayed's father, former Harrods' boss Mohamed Al-Fayed, investigating his son's death and his belief that Dodi and Diana were murdered because she was pregnant and planning to marry, and The Firm did not want a Muslim in the royal family

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Alabama Shakes drummer Steve Johnson has been busted on charges of willful torture and abuse of a child and was also charged with cruelly beating or otherwise maltreating a child under the age of 18 -- his arrest came just a year after he was slapped with a one-year suspended sentence and two years' probation after pleading guilty to menacing his ex-wife Whitney Lee, who called him mentally unstable -- Johnson helped the Shakes score three Grammys in 2016 for their album Sound & Color but the band has been on hiatus since singer Brittany Howard started a solo career in 2018 and Steve was lost after that; he went from playing in front of 50,000 people to playing in bars again -- even if the Shakes reunite, it's highly unlikely Steve would be invited back -- Steve remains in county jail awaiting his court date and his attorneys said Mr. Johnson maintains his innocence

* Danny Masterson and his lawyers believe they are victims of anti-Scientology bias and cannot get a fair trial in his Los Angeles rape case -- celebrity attorney Tom Mesereau, who successfully defended Michael Jackson against child molestation charges two decades ago, claimed his client has been treated unfairly because of his ties to the church, and that the police or district attorney's office leaked damaging details of the case -- Danny and his lawyers feel persecuted and that everybody in Hollywood who isn't a Scientologist is after them -- LAPD Robbery and Homicide Division Capt. Jonathan Tippet said his organization is keeping a tight lid on all information surrounding the case to ensure Masterson gets a fair trial

Page 16: Mormon church officials are being accused of corporate greed for using members' charitable donations to secretly create a $100 billion tax-free fund -- James Huntsman, the son of a prominent Mormon family, is suing the church for fraud, claiming donations solicited to finance charity work were actually used to fill church coffers -- the church boasts at least 15 million members worldwide, including celebrities like Gladys Knight, Donny and Marie Osmond, Katherine Heigl, Julianne Hough, Christina Aguilera, Ryan Gosling, Amy Adams and Aaron Eckhart and many could have tithed money that ended up in the tax-free fund

Page 17: Jen Shah of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City was recently fingered by the feds as the bogus businesswoman behind a multi-state fraud scheme dating back to 2012 -- the Bravo blowhard, known for her extravagant parties, designer outfits and extensive entourage, and her first assistant Stuart Smith were arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit wire fraud and conspiracy to commit money laundering -- the U.S. Justice Department alleged the Park City resident and Smith of Lehi generated and sold lead lists of innocent individuals for other members of their scheme to repeatedly scam, and claimed the greedy creeps defrauded hundreds of victims -- the terrible twosome targeted older adults and computer illiterate folks by using both telemarketing and in-person sales teams to peddle nonexistent online services and then fight the refund efforts of wronged consumers -- if convicted, Shah and Smith each face up to 50 years behind bars

Page 18: American Life

Page 20: L.A. County Sheriff Alex Villanueva triggered a cover-up scandal when he revealed his investigators determined why Tiger Woods drove off a California cliff, then refused to explain what happened, citing the golf legend's privacy -- Villanueva said the black box in the Genesis SUV that Tiger was driving when he flew off a suburban L.A. highway in the early morning helped determine the cause

* Hollywood Hookups -- Bethenny Frankel and Paul Bernon engaged, Melissa and Joe Gorga appear to have reached the finale of their marriage, Fernanda Flores and professional boxes Noel Mikaelian dating

Page 21: Britney Spears said she broke into tears after seeing bits of the new documentary about how she has been in the grips of a conservatorship for years, saying she was embarrassed by the light they put her in and she cried for two weeks and still cries sometimes

* Generous Hollywood legend Dick Van Dyke put a happy face on job seekers in Malibu when he handed out fistfuls of cash -- Dick was spotted withdrawing bills from a bank before driving to the Malibu Community Labor Exchange, a nonprofit that helps unemployed locals find day jobs and he stayed in his car as he handed out money to masked folks who were lined up to look for work

Page 22: The late Aretha Franklin left behind a royal mess of paperwork, including a newly discovered fourth will that has thrown her $80 million estate into fresh turmoil -- the eight-page document, titled The Will of Aretha Franklin, was apparently drawn up not long before her death in 2018, and was recently found among the files of the singer's onetime attorney Henry Grix along with the paperwork describing the terms of a trust but both items are stamped draft and neither has Aretha's signature but Michigan law changed seven years ago, and it made the admissibility of a document like this more flexible -- currently there's a bitter beef among Aretha's four adult sons over how their mother's assets should be divided

Page 23: The battle over Prince's $300 million fortune rages on, and the late pop star's siblings, and legal heirs, fear there won't be anything left after lawyers, accountants, administrators and the IRS take their cut -- five years after he died from a fatal fentanyl overdose without leaving a will, an avalanche of deals and court hearings have left his massive cash stash in limbo -- sadly Prince's distrust of lawyers and other professionals now means that millions will be spent paying those same people to try to sort out the mess he left behind and this could go on for a decade

Page 26: Weird Body Language -- stars cope with bizarre deformities -- Denzel Washington, Steven Tyler, Ashton Kutcher, Matthew Perry

Page 27: Lily Allen, Mark Wahlberg, Karolina Kurkova, Scar Service -- Tina Fey, Padma Lakshmi, Joaquin Phoenix

Page 32: Health Watch

* Ask the Vet -- Watch out for xylitol

Page 34: Just months after John Travolta's beloved wife, Kelly Preston, passed, the actor has been shattered by another death in the family -- his nephew Sam Travolta's badly decomposed body was found in his Wisconsin apartment last September, weeks after he died from a suspected heart attack -- John has suffered through so much loss and Sam's death was another huge blow but he's strong and has a deep faith in Scientology and the church brings him solace and comfort

Page 36: Shark Tank star Barbara Corcoran has stepped up to get a tenant in one of her buildings back on his feet -- Barbara and building co-owner Alex Rodriguez came under fire after Ryo Nagaoka's possessions were reportedly tossed while he was hospitalized with COVID-19 and when Ryo got home he found only his piano and pet tortoise in his cleaned-out crib -- emptying Ryo's apartment was necessary because it had become a health hazard and had a biocleaning crew scrub it -- Barbara donated $12,000 to a GoFundMe page for him, while A-Rod has seemingly not yet contributed anything and Barbara also said the building's management company has renovated Ryo's apartment

Page 38: Beloved game show host Peter Marshall made a miraculous recovery from COVID-19 to celebrate with friends at his 95th birthday party -- Peter was in and out of the hospital for ten weeks and he was at death's door and doctors didn't give him much of a chance but Peter beat the odds to enjoy a Zoom party attended online by Leslie Uggams, Loni Anderson, Sandy Duncan, Ruta Lee, Karen Valentine, Rich Little, JoAnne Worley, Jack Jones and more

* Accused sex freak Armie Hammer's career is in the crapper and he's beginning to believe that's where it will stay -- the kink king was fired from the thriller Billion Dollar Spy amid sexual assault allegations and the release of social media messages claiming he has dark fetishes including cannibalism -- Armie has already gotten to boot from the movie Shotgun Wedding and the series The Offer, and more trouble may be on the horizon: Armie was accused of sexual assault by a woman called Effie, who alleged the actor violently raped her and Armie's attorneys issued a statement denying the claims, saying Effie's own correspondence with Mr. Hammer undermines and refutes her outrageous allegations -- Armie has been keeping a low profile at a Caribbean resort, but fears his entire career is in trouble

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Carrie Underwood

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softyoongiionly · 5 years

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Fear and Dumplings: Chapter Nine

Confronting your fears for a final grade sounds unappealing but, with Yoongi as your partner, things might not be so bad.

Summary: You’re in your final semester at University when your Abnormal Psychology professor assigns you a partnered project surrounding your greatest fears. Lucky for you, your partner just so happens to be a cute boy named Min Yoongi.

Pairing: Min Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Underground Rapper! Yoongi, Soft!!! Yoongi, Fluff!!!, some moderate angst (later), smut (later later), slow-ish? burn.

Word Count: 8.3k (holy moly)

A/N: Thank you all for waiting! Don’t forget to check out my post to weigh in on my upcoming fics :)

Warnings for this Chapter: language aka the bros are wild as usual, smut, also if you’re afraid of spiders, they are mention in (gross) detail later in the chapter.

Warnings for the Fic: mentions characters confronting their fears, characters in uncomfortable situations, emotional moments between characters, mentions of bad parenting, explicit language throughout the fic, moderate angst, and very explicit smut later in the story.

Chapter 9: Spiders and Scary Movies

“So…like…was it big or?” Jimin’s mischievous voice twinkles though the speaker causing Tae to chuckle. Jungkook wrinkles his nose, vigorously shaking his head.

“I don’t know why that matters, when all they did was hold hands…right Y/N?” Jungkook chimes in over Jimin’s voice, giving you a pointed look.

You giggle, shaking your head before leaning back against the arm of your couch. As promised, you had FaceTimed your friends after your study group to inform them that, no, you did not in fact sleep with a man named August.

“Right, that’s it, just a lot of hand holding and absolutely nothing else.” You agree, your lips pursed in attempt to hold in your laughter.

Jungkook looks pleased with your response, his face relaxing momentarily but, its short lived when Taehyung pipes up to give his two cents.

“That’s funny…” He begins smirking, nodding to you. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a hickey from holding someone’s hand before.”

Jungkook’s brows raise up in horror as his face snaps up toward you, wide eyes frantically searching your face and neck. With a furrowed brow you look into the screen, trying to locate the cause of the commotion. Your teeth tuck into your lip as you finally spot the aggravated bit of violet skin near the base of your neck. You hadn’t even noticed it when you were rushing to get ready earlier in the day and, the realization that your friends at your study group had definitely seen it, quickly washes over you

“Must have held his hands too tight…” You concede, smirking to yourself

“Y/N…” Jimin whines, he flops his head back onto his bed, looking mildly impatient. “Tell us what happened…I’ve been waiting all day. Kookie just cover your ears if you don’t want to hear about it.”

“I’m not giving you his measurements Minnie…” You insist, giggling at his antics.

“If you guys keep talking about the details of his dick, I’m hanging up.” Jungkook grumbles, his lips pouted and, you can’t help but notice how much he looks like his younger self: pouting because Jimin and Tae forgot his banana milk on their convenience store run.

You recount the story to your best friends, detailing the events over the last 24 hours however, you are careful to avoid any details that involve Yoongi’s behavior during sex. To be honest, it was something you were still mulling over in your own head and, so much had happened so fast, you still hadn’t had much time to process it. Besides, you liked Yoongi and, you didn’t feel right exposing a part of him that he likely wanted to keep private.

“Wait…you like…like him like him…” Taehyung observes ever so eloquently as you wrap up your story, his face slightly surprised.

You bite your lip in thought, giggling at his jovial conclusion before nodding.

“Yeah…I think I do.” Your voice wavers slightly but, you smile up at the faces on your screen, confident in your response.

“Awwwww my baby has a crush.” Jimin coos, his eyes swimming with fondness as he beams, his puffy lips making kissy faces at the screen. “…and she got some good dick, I’m so proud of you.” Jimin finishes, pretending to cry as he wipes invisible tears from his cheeks.

“So, since he’s a rapper does he say “Skrrrt!” when he cums?” Jungkook finally pipes up after a long period of silence, his initial apprehension clearly wearing off.

His comment causes the three of you to burst out in a fit of laughter, Jungkook joining in soon after as he sees that his ridiculous joke was successful.

Eyes rolling, you reply through the chorus of giggling, “You’re so dumb, stop!”

Jungkook snickers, clearly proud of himself as he adjusts the collar of his sweater, he looks over at Taehyung for a moment, mumbling something to him, before Tae nods in response, smirking.

“Yah! Secrets don’t make friends! What are you two mumbling about?” Jimin protests, one of his hands running through his pink locks, his eyebrows raised in offense.

They both chuckle shaking their heads at him before Tae nods to the screen.

“What are you two doing next weekend?”

“Probably studying for finals…and crying…definitely crying.” You conclude, accepting your fate as finals were only three weeks away and, you had so much left to do.

“I’m in rehearsal most of the weekend but, I have Friday night off so, I can rest.” Jimin explains and a soft smile graces your features momentarily as you hear that Jimin scheduled a rest day; proud that he had taken your advice.

“Well…Kook and I are gonna be at Kappa Sigma’s senior party so, you guys should keep Friday night open…for some entertainment” Taehyung casually drops the bit of news, still smirking towards Jungkook who is now looking toward his floor. A flash of different emotions play on your face as you look between the two men. Jimin obviously responds first, failing to address the confusing aspect of their announcement, his excitement bubbling over.

“Yay! Really? Wait does that mean you’re coming two weekends in a row then? Cause my showcase is the weekend after that…”Jimin’s voice fades at the end of his sentence, his eyes holding a bit of concern before, Jungkook quickly reassures him.

“Yes, Jimin-ssi…we would never miss the nation’s sweetheart, brutalize his competition for the fourth year in a row…”

Jimin’s face blooms with a beaming smile, clearly satisfied with Jungkook’s response, his body shifting happily in his seat.

You smile fondly at the two of them before nodding to Taehyung, the charm emitting from the exchange wearing off as you still have no clue why Jungkook and Tae would be at another fraternity’s party 300 miles from their own.

“Wait, why are you guys gonna be at Kappa’s party? Doesn’t your frat normally do something for seniors?” You smirk as Jungkook seems to shrink away with uneasiness, Tae chuckling at his side.

“Well, our Jungkookie here thought it would be a good idea to shit-talk the president of Kappa Sigma while they were playing games on live and, made a bet with him that he could…” Tae trails off as he shoots a taunting glance towards Jungkook, mischief in his eyes, “What were your exact words Kookie?”

“…crush his high score, wasted, with one hand tied behind my back…” Jungkook mumbles in response, a cheesy smile on his face as he avoids eye contact with the screen. You burst out in a fit of giggles, Jimin joining you soon after.

“Oh my god Kookie’s such a light weight he’ll be wasted after one drink!” Jimin wheezes through his giggling, the corner of his eyes wrinkled in absolute delight. “You know who Kappa’s president is right? Were you drunk when you made the bet?”

The president of Kappa Sigma is none other than Kim Seokjin; resident ladies man, beer pong champion and, e-sports legend. Seokjin, or Jin, as you called him, was a good friend of yours and, aside from his incredibly large ego, is a pretty great person. The two of you had met your freshman year during your human sexuality class and, spent most of the time trying not to laugh every time your professor said phrases like “low hanging balls” or, “orgasmic euphoria” or, your favorite, “cursed clitoris.” The two of you never had much time to hang out but, Jin never failed to let you know that he was there if you needed anything. Back in your first years of university, partying was something you did more frequently, you used to frequent the Kappa Sigma house a lot and, Jin taught you most of what you know about drinking games, hangover cures, and cooking. He used to FaceTime you when he was preparing food for Kappa Sigma’s party and, showed you probably 50 different ways to make ramen and, at least 14 or so, different chip dips. In essence, Jin was the fucking best and, you missed him a lot.

“Hyung, he talks so much shit! I want show him who the champion is so we can squash this beef once and for all and, I can play Mario Kart in peace!” Jungkook gripes, passion in his elevated voice as Jimin’s eyes widen before, falling back into his previous giggle fit. Your eyes widen with him as Jungkook mentions that he would be battling Jin in a game of Mario Kart aka the game Jin was an expert in.

“What? Why are you guys laughing at me, have a little faith, I’m Jeon Jungkook! I always win.” He insists, puffing his chest out and slapping it lightly.

“Kook, Jin has won the national,” You emphasize the word, trying to let your giggling subside so as to reason with your overly confident best friend “competition for Mario Kart for the last 6 years and, you bet him that, not only could you beat him, but, you could beat him wasted, with one hand tied behind your back, at his best game. We love you but, are you insane?”

Jungkook rolls his eyes, waving you off as Taehyung and Jimin continue to snicker occasionally at him.

“The only reason Seokjin has won for the last 6 years is because, I’ve never entered his stupid little competitions.”

At this, Taehyung scoffs, “The one’s you watch every year?” He accuses, with his brows raised and Jungkook shoves him playfully, the two of them snickering.

The conversation ends with a mutual agreement that the four of you would see each other next Friday and, that would all be wearing “Team Jungkook” shirts to the party. You made a mental note to text Jin and explain that, you still love him even though, for one night only, you would be actively rooting against him

You lean over to the other end of the couch in an attempt to coax a curious Marzipan into your lap. She reluctantly follows the movement of your hand and plops down onto your lap as a satisfied smile makes its way onto your face. You can feel the heaviness in your lids take over and, you decide that it was time to start your #nighttimeroutine that consisted of you, turning on Netflix, falling asleep on your couch with your mouth open and, waking up at 3am to drag yourself into your bedroom. Subscribe!

Anyways...

The TV lights up with the trusty red logo, you know all too well and, you begin searching through your “Continue Watching” section because, let’s be honest, you’re not going to be watching anything new tonight. As you make it to the section, you feel a little flutter in your stomach as you spot the dragon documentary you and Yoongi had started (but definitely not finished) earlier in the day. The thought to text him plays on your mind for a moment before, you squash it, remembering that he was working on his project tonight and, deciding that you didn’t want to disturb him.

You did however, find yourself replaying the events from the last 24 hours in your head, again. Thoughts of Yoongi had been looping in your head the entire day despite your best efforts. Yoongi wasn’t exactly an open book so, it’s not like you knew all of his deepest secrets but, you had to admit that his behavior during sex was surprising. Hell, your behavior was surprising, there wasn’t a single sexual experience that you’ve had that could replicate the energy you felt when you were with Yoongi. You had never really thought of yourself as a dominate person in the bedroom but, there was something about Yoongi that made you want to fuck him so good that he couldn’t remember his name. A smirk plays on your lips as you log that idea away for another time. There was a small amount of anxiety around being with Yoongi as you had never really been in a real relationship before. You hooked up with a few people and, saw a guy briefly during your sopohmore year but, no one had ever made you feel the way Yoongi did. Quite frankly, he had you feeling all kinds of soft and mushy.

Gross.

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Sunday had passed with minimal excitement. You spent the day cleaning up your apartment and, tackling the mountain of laundry that had formed in the corner of your bedroom. There was an attempt to work on your final paper but, you only managed to get out a page or so before, getting distracted by more important things i.e., using a laser pointer to play with Marzipan because, lord knows, she needs the exercise.

Monday moved agonizingly slow but, you made it to all of your classes without being overtaken by senioritis. Although, you did attempt to talk yourself out of going to your 8am class but, thankfully (?), the logical side of you prevailed. The rest of Monday evening consisted of spicy Ramen (Jin’s recipe of course) and, more coursework that you definitely did NOT fall asleep on.

Tuesday had mercifully arrived and, you were now currently seated in your Psych class, eagerly looking towards the door, waiting for a certain platinum headed boy to trudge through into the room. Morning lectures were the worst but, getting to spend them with a sleepy, pouty, fluffy haired Yoongi made them a little bit better. Professor James strolled through the door moments later, smiling softly at everyone, waving a hand to the lecture hall. He busied himself at the front of the room as began getting things ready for class whilst the students who were filing in started pairing up with their partners and, pulling out their research journals. As the classroom fills more and more you feel a bit of disappointment brewing in your stomach. It wouldn’t be unusual for Yoongi to miss class as, he was absent quite frequently but, you had been looking forward to seeing him.

The hope of Yoongi showing up to class slowly dissolves as the last of the students trickle in and, Professor James turns on the projector.

“Morning everyone, I hope you all had a good weekend.” He begins, his voice echoing throughout the lecture hall.

There’s a chorus of unenthusiastic murmurs responding to his greeting causing him to chuckle, his brows going up in mock offense.

“Wow, chill, the energy in this room is off the charts.” He jests, and scattered laughter is heard throughout the room as he continues. “Alright so, most of you are nearing the end of your projects and, from what I’ve seen so far, everyone seems to be doing a great job.”

You glance down at your research journal, your fingers flipping through the pages as you nod to yourself. Time had been flying by and, until Professor James said something, you hadn’t even realized that you only had two fears left to tackle.

“I only have a couple things I want to mention before letting you guys pair up with your partners. First_” Professor James stops abruptly as the door to the hall swings open.

You bite your lip to stifle the incredibly huge smile that is threatening to overtake your face as, Yoongi walks in, dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and some ripped gray jeans. His bag is slung over his shoulder as usual but, his hands are clutching a drink carrier. You squint your eyes slightly to catch a glimpse of what he’s brought but, your question is answered as he stops momentarily at Professor James’s podium, his hands extending slightly toward him.

“Mr. Min you are a life saver, thank you so much, 50,000 extra credit points to you…” Your professor bellows, hands outstretched to take the tall paper cup currently nestled into Yoongi’s drink carrier. As Yoongi nods to him, he turns around and you catch him smirking at your professor’s comment. Wow, he has no business looking this good at 8 in the fucking morning. Looking into his carrier, you notice he’s still wielding two more drinks and, as he makes his way towards your desk, his eyes find yours. The smirk dissolves into a softer smile, his feet picking up slightly before finally making it to the desk you had saved for him. You smile back at him, looking curiously at the drink carrier before; Yoongi pulls one of the cups out and places it on your desk.

“I hope they made it right, the lady behind the counter was new…” He whispers to you and, you just about melt into a helpless pile of mush. “Also, this still doesn’t count as one of the times I’m paying so, don’t get any ideas.”

You giggle at his comment, his small gesture touching you more than you cared for him to know.

“You are the best person in the observable universe…” You whisper back to him, eyeing the drink eagerly.

“It’s just coffee, don’t be ridiculous.” He grumbles but, the playful glint in his eyes makes it obvious that he’s kidding.

“Did Professor James ask you to get him coffee? I’m so confused.” The question passes your lips as you move to take a sip of your coffee. It was perfect and, there’s another annoying flutter in your stomach as you realize that Yoongi remembered your order despite only ever hearing it one time.

Yoongi takes a sip of his own drink, an iced Americano, his dark eyes normally puffy from the lack of sleep, lighting up slightly as the caffeine hits him. He nods, chuckling, the two of you keeping your voices down as Professor James continues speaking.

“James is actually a good friend of my roommate so; he’s at the house all the time. He texted me this morning and, said he forgot his coffee and, asked if I could pick something up for him.” Yoongi explains, his morning voice crackling in the space between you. “Luckily for him, I was already at the coffee place.”

“Really? How does your roommate know him?” You can feel your energy elevating more and more as the caffeine and Yoongi’s presence work wonders on your previously sleepy self.

“I think they met in their undergrad?” Yoongi’s eyes are squinted in thought before he nods to himself. “Yeah, I think that’s what Namjoon said. They go way back.”

You cock your head, confusion painting your features. Undergrad? You had assumed Yoongi’s roommates were still in their undergrad.

“Is Namjoon in grad school?” You ask to sate your curiosity, taking another sip of coffee.

Yoongi smirks, his eyes flitting over to you as he shakes his head.

“No, he’s in his third year of medical school. Namjoon got his bachelors 4 years ago.” He explains and, your confusion doesn’t wane. This must have been obvious as Yoongi just chuckles before speaking up again.

“Yeah, he’s kind of a genius. He graduated high school two years early and, started college while he was still in his junior year. He got his bachelors at 18 and, then started medical school. Him and James roomed together during their freshman and sophomore year. That’s how they know each other.”

Your eyes are wide with amazement, shaking your head, impressed with Yoongi’s explanation.

“Damn…that’s insane. I just assumed he was in our year, did you guys not meet on campus then?”

Yoongi shakes his head, “Namjoon and I have been friends since we were kids. We went to school together when we were little until he moved away but, we always kept in touch. When I was looking for a place to stay after I moved out of my dorm, Joon offered his place to me. Hoseok and I moved in at the same time.”

“…and I’m guessing Hoseok is Jay right?” You clarify, only remembering Yoongi mentioning two roommates.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, chuckling as he nods, his hand coming up to scratch the back of his neck.

“Yeah, that’s what he goes by on campus but, in my house he’s Hoseok or, Hobi. That’s what I usually call him, Jay just feels weird.” He explains as he scribbles down something on his notebook. Professor James had left a few reminders up on the projector after he finished wrapping up his introduction. You followed suit, a fond smile still on your lips as you listen to Yoongi talk about his friends.

“They seem like good people, it’s good that you ended up living with your best friends instead of ending up with a college roommate horror story.” You point out

“Yeah, yeah they’re alright.” Yoongi waves you off but, the fond smirk doesn’t really leave his face. “I’m sure you’ll meet them someday, you guys would get along well.”

Yoongi’s comment sends another flutter to your stomach but, you attempt to keep the conversation going without melting for the millionth time.

“I’d love to meet them.” You murmur, smiling softly. “My friends know Jay pretty well actually.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Yoongi chuckles airily, his dark eyes regarding yours. Yoongi is definitely one for subtly and, although he doesn’t do anything obvious, you can tell he is much more comfortable around you than he ever has been. “How do your friends know him?”

“He was in a few dance classes with my best friend Jimin and, he was in my other two best friend’s fraternity before he transferred to our campus.” You explain and Yoongi nods in understanding, taking another big gulp of his Americano.

“Hobi knows everyone, no matter where we go; he’s always running into someone. It gets kind of annoying actually because, then he spends way too much time talking their ear off before we can move on with our day.” Yoongi laments, his expression shifting to one of mild annoyance.

“What, you don’t love standing by awkwardly and doing that polite little wave when you’re friend finally introduces you? That is peak social interaction.” You lean back in shock, earning another eye roll from Yoongi as he chuckles, shaking his head.

“Fuck no.” He states bluntly, the two of you laughing together as class begins to wrap up.

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The two of you had decided to combine your fears once again and, agreed to meet at your apartment later on that night. After the remainder of your classes you headed back to your place to get everything ready for the night ahead. You and Yoongi had decided you would watch a horror movie that contained spiders in it thus, tackling his fear of scary movies and, your fear of spiders.

Joy.

Yes, you were spending time with Yoongi and, that was a well and good but, you were not (!!!) excited to spend two hours watching a movie about the creepy crawly creatures that had plagued you since childhood. You shuddered at the thought of it before attempting to busy yourself with preparing the living room for your morbid movie night. Yoongi had, of course, insisted on bringing the food and, as promise, you had allowed it with no resistance. You were thankful that you had spent Sunday cleaning your apartment because, normally, you would be cleaning Marzipan’s litter box and, frantically shoving a pizza box into the garbage chute before Yoongi arrived. However, today you decided to put in a little extra effort since you had the time.

After about an hour of work, you had transformed your living room into a sleepover scene that Pintrest users everywhere, would envy. Your couch was pulled out into a bed that you had lined with your fluffiest pillows and covered in the large fluffy white duvet that normally resided on your bed. You had your end tables positioned on other side of the bed, for optimal snacking, both of which held your homemade caramel corn and, snack sized bags of chips. Your fairy lights framed the walls surrounding your living room ,illuminating the space with a soft glow.

If you were going to spend two hours staring into the (eight) eyes of evil, goddamnit, you were going to do it in style.

The final step was for you to change into something more comfortable so, you opted for one of your biggest black hoodies and, your favorite pair of PJ shorts. You pulled your hair out of your face and, decided that reapplying a little bit of concealer was a good idea but, decided not to fuss with too much considering that any makeup you apply may fall victim to your tears. Because, you know, spiders. Whilst strolling out of your bathroom, your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi.

Yoongi: I’m here; can you open the door when I come up? Hands are full.

You feel your mouth water at the thought of food before quickly sending your reply and, heading towards your front door.

You: yeah, no worries

A minute or so later, a knock emits from your door and, after fluffing the pillows a final time, you walk (run) to the door to let Yoongi in. As you open the door, you see him standing there, dressed in a pair of gray jogging bottoms and a black hoodie that’s easily four times his size. His hands are clutched tightly around two pizza boxes and, you move quickly to open the door wider so we can enter.

“You read my mind; I’ve been craving pizza all week.” You groan, hungrily eyeing the boxes he was carrying.

Yoongi’s brows rise, placing the boxes on your countertop, “It’s only Tuesday.” He points out, chuckling at you, his eyes holding a bit of fondness.

“Well, it’s a good thing you took care of my craving today, who knows what could have happened.”

Yoongi snorts, his eyes rolling as he braces his hands against the counter, he opens his mouth to respond but, stops himself as he catches a glimpse of the living room. You notice his eyes soften for a moment, his lips pursed as nods toward your finished project.

“Did you do all this for tonight?” He inquires, his voice less snarky than before, dark eyes scanning the room.

Your teeth nibble on your bottom lip as you follow his eyes to the living room. For some reason, his soft gaze is making you nervous but, you play it cool as you nod.

“I’m hoping the snacks and mood lighting will distract us from the awful, awful things we are about to witness.”

A soft smile graces Yoongi’s pout lips momentarily as he snickers, nodding along to your response.

“It looks great.” He concludes, the softness never really leaving his features.

The two of you decide its best not to start the movie while you’re still eating and, you’re grateful for this because, you really don’t want to watch a movie about one of your least favorite things whilst eating one of your favorite things. Roughly 7 slices of cheesy pizza are demolished before; you grab the remote, your thumb hovering over the play button.

“Are you ready?”

Yoongi had himself propped up against the mountain of pillows, wearing an uneasy expression. He finishes wiping his hands on his napkin before nodding to the spot beside him, brows raised expectantly.

“Well you’re over there…when you should be over here so… no.” Yoongi’s crisp voice is dripping with sarcasm, his eyes playful during his comment but, you can tell he’s nervous.

A giggle bubbles over your lips and, you shake your head, eyeing the spot beside him before situating yourself against his side. His arm wraps around you, his hand loosely draped over your shoulder as he pulls you closer to him. A smile touches your mouth momentarily as you lay your arm over his stomach and, although you don’t see it, Yoongi smiles softly down at you.

“Are you ready now?” You inquire playfully, looking up at him.

He pretends to think for a moment, eyes squinted in thought before nodding thoughtfully.

“I think so.”

You laugh at his antics before, your thumb presses the play button on your remote. The opening credits for the movie start playing and, you feel yourself growing slightly uncomfortable at what was to come. The movie was called Under My Skin and, it was about a town afflicted with a horrible disease that caused spiders (!!!!!!!) to grow underneath a person's skin. Like, seriously, who the fuck comes up with these things??? You tried to focus on how unrealistic the premise of the movie was but, all your brain kept going back to how horrifying that reality would be.

“I think we’ll be okay; this movie seems too stupid to be scary.” Yoongi assures the both of you, confidence in his voice.

“I agree, it doesn’t make any sense. How does a disease just make spiders grow under your skin? It’s so dumb.” You agree, eyes trained on the screen as the main character is introduced.

The two of you zone out, focusing on the movie as it starts progressing more and more. As usual, the silence that settles in is natural and pleasant. You tuck your fingers underneath Yoongi’s hoodie, your nails lightly brushing the bare skin over his hip. Yoongi feels himself warming up at your touch and, it frustrates him slightly that he’s so affected over such a small gesture.

“Oh god why is it so big???” You groan, your legs subconsciously curling up to make yourself smaller.

Yoongi snickers beside you, his hand patting your shoulder, lazily attempting to comfort you.

“Cause the guy forgot to take his medicine and, remember, the scientist said they would grow bigger if they didn’t take it.” He explains matter of factly as a giant hairy spider pops onto the screen.

Both of you jump at that, Yoongi’s grip tightening on you slightly, a grimace on his face.

“fucking jump scares.” Yoongi grumbles to himself and, you bite your lip to keep from giggling, choosing instead to press a kiss to his side. “This movie is horrible.”

You nod as you look up at a slightly scared, disgruntled Yoongi: Brows furrowed, lips pouted, his voice a slight whine as he stares at the screen. You’re about to agree with him right as a giant spider bursts out of the main characters skin, followed by hundreds of other spiders running all over his body. Your eyes widen as you cringe harder than you’ve ever cringed in your entire life.

“EW! Oh my god, what the fuck, what the fuck???? I hate it....I hate it....” You exclaim, voice elevated slightly as you practically pounce onto Yoongi causing him to erupt in his rickety laughter, his hands coming up to steady you. “Yoongiiiiiiii” you whine, brows furrowed in disgust, your skin crawling.

Yoongi’s laughter doesn’t cease and, if you weren’t so grossed out, you would take time to appreciate it. Groaning, you stuff your face into his chest, taking solace in his scent.

“We could have just watched a video on tarantulas...” Yoongi points out, eyes damp with tears, no doubt from his fit of laughter. “Why did you pick out such a disgusting movie?”

“Cause I was trying to challenge myself...” You grumble, voice muffled by the material of Yoongi’s sweatshirt.

He chuckles, his hand coming up to rub the back of yours gently, his fingertips lightly brushing your scalp.

“I think you went a little overboard...” He’s smirking now, looking down at you fondly as you pull your face from his chest.

“Hindsight is 20/20.”

Pieces of hair have fallen in your face, from your previous outburst and blowing air from your lips doesn’t help you but, it does cause Yoongi to laugh again (a beautiful sound). He lifts a hand, gently brushing the hair from your face, a faint smirk still on his lips as he shakes his head at you.

“Do you want to turn the movie off?” He suggests, brows raised, his teeth chewing on the inside of his lip as he nods to the TV.

At his suggestion you perk up, quickly moving off of him as you turn around to grab the remote. You press stop right as another spider tries to make its way onto the screen. The main menu of Netflix pops up and you grimace as you see that “Under My Skin” is now suggested on your ‘continue watching.’

“They can’t hurt us anymore...” You vow, drama coating your voice as you nod solemnly towards the TV.

Yoongi rolls eyes, his expression incredulous as he snorts, “You’re ridiculous.”

Your head whips around in his direction, eyes widened in mock offense. “I’m not ridiculous, I just saved our lives. You’re welcome.”

Yoongi bites his lip, stifling his laughter as he nods thoughtfully, his hands raised.

“Thank you, your bravery will not go unnoticed.”

Your eyes slit momentarily before pouncing on him, your legs making their way around his waist. Yoongi eyes widen, his hands coming up to catch your hips, his face blown out with shock.

“Why are you always such a punk huh?” You tease, hands worming their way in the crook of his neck, tickling at the skin there.

Yoongi squirms, laughter bubbling over his lips as his face scrunches up at the sensation.

“Yah! Why are you always so theatrical?” He cries out through his laughter as one of his hands makes its way to pinch at your side.

A squeal leaves your lips, eyes widening as you loose your balance, falling backwards onto Yoongi’s legs.

“You know what??? I’m not theatrical, I’m just expressive unlike some people I know!” You retort, eyes pointed in his direction.

Yoongi scoffs, acting quickly as he moves on top of you, nimble fingers pressing into your sides, causing rather unattractive giggles to leave your lips as you try to wiggle out of his grip.

“What was that Y/N? I can’t hear you.” Yoongi tilts his head in a mock attempt to listen to you, all while his hands tickle over every surface of your body he can reach.

“You’re an ass oh my god!” You giggle, hands desperately trying to tickle him back but, he manages to pin your arms above your head in the process, leaving you helpless.

“Oh I’m an ass am I? Well that’s just rude.” He admonishes, eyes a light with amusement as he moves to tickle over your ribs.

Your feet frantically kick behind you, stomach clenched as you giggle harder, thrashing beneath him before, an idea pops into your head. Yoongi’s lips move closer to yours, and you take advantage of the moment, pushing your lips against his. At your gesture, Yoongi’s hand stalls, the hand that’s holding your wrist softening as he leans into your mouth.

You tuck your lips between his, nibbling on his bottom lip as he sighs out through his nose. A twinge of satisfaction stirs in your stomach; you were amazed at how fast you could get him to react. He kisses you back with gentle but firm lips, his hands braced on either side of your head as the kiss deepens.

“You’re cheating...” He mumbles against your mouth, words slightly muffled by your lips.

“I wanted to kiss you.” You smirk, your voice reduced to a shallow whisper as you lean up into his mouth. Yoongi’s lips were made for kissing, everything about them made you want to suck and bite and kiss into them until they were wet and swollen from your movements.

Yoongi pulls back momentarily, breathing slightly ragged as he looks down at you. His hair fell into his eyes that were dark and deep with want, his cheeks flushed as he returns your smirk. Your own eyes travel over his body before zeroing in on the seam of his joggers that were inflated with his hardening dick.

“It’s not polite to stare...” Yoongi whispers, tongue licking over his lips as he regards you with mischievous eyes.

Your brows raise at his comment, head cocked slightly as you return his stare before pushing yourself up on your elbows.

“You’re being awfully bold today Yoongi...I think you’re forgetting your place.” You whisper and, your smirk grows as you see him visibly inhale at your comment, his dick twitching in his pants.

However, he doesn’t back down and, instead tries his luck once more, “Oh my place huh? What place is that?” The questions leave his lips with a scoff and, his attitude ignites something inside of you. You push off your elbows, hands coming up to press against his chest, pushing him back against the bed. The motion makes him gasp slightly, his brown eyes wide as they stare up at you, some of his attitude wiped from his expression.

You giggle lightly, head tilting to the side, lips moving slowly to hover over his as you respond to his question,

“Beneath me...” You whisper and, at your response, Yoongi’s dick seems to swell from underneath you, the breath he held escaping shakily through his lips.

“You want to do all the work again huh? Please, be my guest...” He smirks, eyes scanning over your body he does, his attitude quickly returning as you kiss his lips again. Your lips start moving along his jawline, paying careful attention to sensitive spots. Yoongi sighs, a slight groan catching on the end of it as he tilts his head back for you.

“You talk a lot of shit for someone who’s going to be whimpering in a few minutes.” You say simply, feeling your panties dampen as you start to kiss over his collarbones. You may have a slight fixation with them. Teeth nibble and suck over the sensitive skin as Yoongi opens his mouth to respond. His response is quickly cut off when you press your hips to his dick, words caught in his throat as he groans slightly.

“Talking shit is my kink...” He whispers, smirking, his eyes lulled with lust, teeth biting into his bottom lip as he pushes his hips back against you.

You giggle at his comment, lips pressed against his skin as you do. Your careful to ensure that the seam of your leggings lines up with the seam of his joggers so, that you can feel his swollen dick press against your clit. The sensation sends a shiver down your spine and, you hate that you’re already so eager to have him inside of you again. Your hands slip underneath his hoodie, pushing it up further and further, exposing Yoongi’s chest. He takes the hint, hands quickly coming up to remove the article of clothing, revealing his body to you. His nipples are hard, his smooth stomach clenched slightly in anticipation as he looks down at you. You bite your lip at the sight of him, lips returning to his collar bones, kissing and sucking over the skin there.

“Is that why you’re so hard?” You quip, Yoongi’s hands coming up to push at your own hoodie, encouraging its removal with furrowed brows. He gets his way as you briefly pull away from his neck to take off your sweater before, returning back to kissing your way down his chest.

Yoongi’s soft laughter can be felt against your lips, his hips pressing up into you again before he responds, “No.”

“No? Then what’s making you so hard?” You pull back, sitting on him, putting your lace covered chest on full display.

With eager eyes, Yoongi scans over your body, taking in the sight before him, sucking on his bottom lip.

“You’re so hot...” He mumbles, mostly to himself, his hands coming up to squeeze at your hips.

“That doesn’t answer my question...” You retort, voice soft and raspy with lust as you smirk down at him.

His nimble fingers find the clasp at your back, undoing your bra in no time, pulling back to look at your breasts, licking his lips as he does. Yoongi’s gazes shifts to meet your own before returning your smirk, sitting up slightly to wrap his arms around you fully.

“Yeah...” He presses his lips to yours “it does.”

He’s leaning you back slightly, your legs wrapping firmly around his torso as he kisses at your lips, a gummy smile flashing when he pulls away. Another laugh leaves your lips as you come up to place your fingertips on either sides of his cheeks. The energy between the two of you is so pure and refreshing, you felt so comfortable and elated and turned on all at the same time and, by the way Yoongi was peering into your eyes, lips still playfully attacking your own, you could tell he felt the same way.

Yoongi leans forward a bit more, laying you down on the opposite end of the bed, hands eagerly tucking into the band of your leggings and pulling them off in one quick motion. You squeal slightly as he does, feet landing on either side of his knees, as you stare up at him.

“Your turn...” You nudge his hip with your foot, toeing the hem of his joggers. Yoongi snorts, batting your foot away before pulling his joggers and boxers off at the same time. His dick was so hard it stood prominently away from his hips, veins pushing against the smooth skin, as the tip of him shined slightly with precum.

“You left my panties on.” You point out, eyes swimming with desire as you pry your eyes away from Yoongi’s cock. The black lacey panties you chose to wear for the evening we’re drenched and, you wondered whether or not Yoongi could tell.

Yoongi’s heavy eyes meet yours, the corner of his mouth pulling up in a half smile as his hands come up to rest on your knees, parting your legs.

“I know...” He whispers, licking over his lips as he slots himself between your thighs.

The smirk returns to your mouth as you pull him closer to you, your breasts pressed to his bare chest as you place a searing kiss against his bitten lips. He smiles into the kiss, hips aligning with your own as he does, his swollen dick agonizingly close to where you want it the most.

“Is that another one of your kinks? Fucking me with my panties on?” You mumble into his lips as he braces his hands on either side of your head.

Yoongi smile waxes again, his teeth biting into your bottom lip as he nods, his brown eyes wide and falsely innocent as they look into yours.

“Can I?” He murmurs, fingers tracing patterns on your inner thighs, only adding to the wetness in your panties.

You nod eagerly, looking down at where the two of you are connected, your fingers moving to tuck themselves into the side of your panties, pulling them over to expose your bare pussy to Yoongi’s gaze.

His eyes close momentarily as he lets out shaky breath through his nose. They open seconds later, a renewed amount of darkness in them as he looks up at you, his hand wrapping around his dick. As he strokes himself a few times and lines himself up at your entrance, his eyes never leave yours even when he pushes himself into you. The moment you feel him enter you, your pussy tightens around him, contracting and pulling him closer to you. A drunk smile graces Yoongi’s features as he lulls his head back towards you, his shallow breath catches in his throat as he starts to move in and out of you, grazing that spongey spot inside of you as he does.

“Good?” You whisper shakily, giggling at the blissful smile on his face.

Yoongi stares down at you, chuckling darkly, his words slurred slightly as he responds, “So good.”

You start to meet the motion of Yoongi’s narrow hips, your feet planted on either side of him for leverage. Yoongi leans down, kissing into your neck and across your chest as his hips start to subtly pick up the pace. You can feel your clit swell at his motions, the increased speed nudging that spot inside of you more consistently. Everything about him felt so fucking good, his hips, his lips, his dick, even his breath. If you had it your way, it would last forever but, things with him were so good that you found yourself wanting to cum way too early.

Yoongi sucks on a particular part of your neck that makes your eyes roll back and, you tense at the pleasure, your hands coming up to grab at Yoongi’s back. He picks up the pace of his hips slightly as he feels you on his back, soft grunts leaving his pouted lips as he does.

“You always make me feel like I could...cum so fast...” Yoongi’s gravelly voice is muffled by the skin of your neck, the tone almost pained as he grinds slower momentarily before picking up the pace again. “It’s not fair.” The last bit of his sentence sounded very much like a whine and, you giggle softly, feeling very drunk yourself as you meet the motions of hips with your own.

You feel your nails press into the skin of his back, digging in roughly and, you realize you must be doing something right because, you literally feel Yoongi throb inside of you.

“You like my nails?” You whisper in his ear, nibbling on the curve of it, sending a shiver down Yoongi’s spine as he still continues kissing over your chest and neck.

He nods, not fully attentive as his lips wrap around one of your nibbles, soft tongue coming out to rub against it. Your back arches into his mouth, eyes closing at the feeling, hips moving faster and slightly harder as you run your nails all over his back. There is a familiar tightness in your stomach that’s weaving its way into your pussy, your clit jumping in response as Yoongi hits your spot with more force.

You moan softly, as Yoongi kisses his way up your neck, settling on your lips. His eyes are wild and blown out as he looks into yours, his lips lacking all sense of technique as he kisses at you.

“Jagi...” He whimpers into your mouth and, the sudden change in his tone makes you almost loose it right then and there. You suck on his bottom lip in response your hands rubbing on his shoulders as the two of you fuck into eachother harder and harder.

“Are you close?” You whisper, a moan catching on the end of your question as Yoongi delivers a harder thrust, your orgasm rapidly approaching as he nods, his teeth knocking against yours slightly.

“Want your nails...” He mumbles again, lips kissing on your lips.

You flex your fingers over the skin of his back, hoping to find the motion that makes his dick throb, trying to keep focus through the hazy fog of your impending orgasm.

“You want me to scratch you baby?” At your question, Yoongi snaps his hips against yours, the movement causing you to almost loose it.

Yoongi pulls back from your lips, flitting his eyes toward yours, his gaze intense and, swimming with pure desire as he forces out a raspy, broken response.

“If you scratch me, you’re gonna make me cum.” He warns, hips grinding upwards to focus on your g-spot and, your thankful for his warning because, you were not in a position to last any longer either.

“That’s ok, I’ll cum with you, I’ll cum too.” You assure him, hand coming up to brush the sweaty hair from his eyes, his lips turning to kiss against your palm before he nods.

“Do it...I’m so close jagi, please.” He pleads with you and you oblige, digging your nails into his back, scratching against his skin as he starts to fuck you so hard, it forces air from the back of your throat.

“fuck...” Yoongi whimpers, his voice almost small as you feel his hips tense against yours, his first rope of cum hitting the walls of your pussy. Yoongi’s eyes find yours and the desperate, fucked out expression he sports, is enough to send you over the edge. The tension in your hips breaks as warmth and euphoria spread throughout your body. Yoongi’s hips are unrelenting as he fucks through his orgasm, a deep shaky moan leaving his lips.

“Yoongi...” You moan softly, still scratching at his back and, at the sound of his name, Yoongi crumbles, his eyes rolling back as his orgasm continuing to shatter him as he collapses onto your chest, his lips sucking on the skin there.

The two of you start to come down as Yoongi slows the motion of his hips, his body covered in a sheen of sweat and goosebumps. The nails on his back soften as you ride out the rest of your orgasm, your fingers brushing against the battered skin of his back gently. There’s quite a few moments of silence before he pulls out of you and, if your panties weren’t wet before, they were completely soaked now. Yoongi cuddles up into the crook of your arm, his sweaty blonde head, resting on your chest as he does. You smile softly, still breathless as your hand comes up to comb your fingers through his hair.

“Do you want to stay the night?” You whisper finally, breaking the few moments of silence.

His eyes are shut, a blissful smile on his face as he cuddles into you further, his heart still pounding when he nods.

“Yes please.”

Skkkkrrrrt.

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oddeyecadia · 6 years

Text

plance youtuber au

a headcanon-ish fanfic-ish crack-ish (idk what this is seriously but it’s kinda long) thingy for plance au week: free day. i'm posting this early cause why not?

___

pidge

- channel: pidgeon

- has over 2 million subscribers and growing.

- posts mainly gaming and commentary videos

- not afraid to say whatever the fuck she wants

- shits on fortnite

- shits on instagram comedians, unfunny ex viners (esp lele pons and king bach, oh she hates those), musers, and almost all the cursed things on the internet

- "MONIKA DID NOTHING WRONG: DDLC Part 4"

- 👏 TECH 👏 REVIEW 👏

- gets demonitized every 2 seconds

- "this video is sponsored by best fiends... link in the description i'm on level 50 go try and beat me dipshits."

- hates vine refugees but uses too much vine references in her vids

- frequently collabs with asap science - posts cartoon/anime reviews sometimes cus she's a nerd with a lot of opinions

- cried when she got sponsored by crunchyroll - people love her hilarious snarky comments on everything.

- and her puns. liza koshy who?

lance

- is part of this youtube collab channel with almost 4 million subscribers, "voltron" along with keith, hunk, shiro, and allura

- they're like o2l but with more diverse members who makes various types of content

- with this gorgeous man named coran as their manager

- he has a solo/main channel tho but it's not very active. and it's full of meme videos.

- lance mainly does vlogs on voltron tho

- but like the ones that would always give his friends a heart attack

- he'd literally do anything for a good vlog

- from buying hunk a hundred gallons of orange juice to pranking shiro and keith with a fucking crocodile

- got srsly injured once bc of a stunt for a vlog

- his first words were "GET THE CAMERA" and then he vlogged all the way to the hospital

- sometimes he would post "skin care routine", "how i style my hair", and all that beauty guru stuff randomly out of nowhere and it would confuse his viewers but they'd watch it anyway

- did a song cover once. it broke the internet.

___

- their story started when pidge posted one of those smash or pass; youtuber edition, requested by some of her viewers. "i'm running out of video ideas for sat down saturday so instead of doing the boring old qna, let's do this instead. matt's here to help me."

- matt behind the camera: can you do date or pass instead?

- pidge: this ain’t girl defined, matthew.

- matt started saying random youtuber names and pidge carefully chose who to smash and to pass with her reasons. "the paul brothers?" asked matt. "kill" she answered with a blank face.

- "keith?" "smash" he then mentioned every single member of voltron and pidge confidently chose to say smash for all of them.

- except for lance that was.

- "what!?" matt exclaimed. "but he's hot!"

- "well yeah he's cute but he's kinda annoying. i don't know i just– he flirts with literally every girl in his vlogs, especially allura which is very obviously not interested. that's an automatic turn off. plus, he's obnoxiously loud."

- cue lance's offended gasp when he watched it while making his "reacting to people who smashed or passed me." video

- "well, i'm sorry for always drinking my appreciating women juice."

- pidge was the only one who said pass on him. literally. he tried to watch every smash or pass youtuber edition video out there and none of them ever said pass for him. for lover boy lance. does this girl had any taste?

- curiousity (and salt) haunted him, causing him to stalk all of her social media accounts, watching every single one of her videos (which entertained him but he wouldn't admit that)

- lance's salt didn't let him sleep that night

- pidge saw lance's video of course. her fans made sure to send that video to her in every social media. apparently, the whole internet was freaking out about their "beef." appreciating =/= flirting. she tweeted and ignored all the shit that came after.

- though it didn't stop lance and the internet to start a war.

- fast forward to vidcon. hunk and lance shared a room. hunk and pidge decided to do a collab for the two nerds had been fans of each other for a long time. lance saw pidge. pidge saw lance. they stare at each other in horror. hunk is best boy for not telling pidge that he and lance shared a room and for not telling lance that he'd be doing a collab with the girl who found him really obnoxious. hunk and pidge filmed their collab as lance sulked behind the camera, judging her every move. an idea then came to his mind.

- lance: that's it. we're doing a collab too

- pidge: dude wtf

- thus, lance went full shane dawson and the video "meeting my hater" was born

- it was basically lance trying to save his self esteem by asking pidge some questions

- "why do you hate me so much?" he asked. "i don't. i just find you annoying. i find a lot of people annoying." he still wasn't satisfied.

- pidge hung out with hunk for the rest of vidcon and became really good friends with voltron. she wasn't sure about lance though. he tried to befriend her yeah but in a "i'm trying to show you that i'm not that annoying" type of way, causing him to be more annoying.

- they found out that pidge's apartment was fairly near the voltron house, causing pidge to hang there quite often after vidcon, mostly for hunk but she also liked talking to allura as well as keith and shiro's company.

- lance? he took this opportunity to start some type of series, vlogging whenever pidge was near.

- here's a playlist:

meeting my hater

trying to make my hater like me

hater buys my clothes

target with hater

surprising my hater with a snake

surprising my hater with a puppy (an apology sequel)

beating my hater's ass at mario kart

- and so on

- the two then started to hang out more, not just for the sake of lance's series, but because they realized that they actually had a lot in common and they liked each other's company. a lot.

- eventually, pidge and lance did become really good friends.

- their dynamic was surprisingly a great one. they helped each other to grow as a person and as a youtuber.

- fans even noticed how lance slowly started to flirt less and less with every fucking girl he'd see because of how focused he was on trying to impress his "hater." until he wasn't flirting with anyone at all, even with allura which was a total shocker for everyone.

- they thanked pidge for that (they shipped pidge with lance because of that *cough* what?)

- lance would even be the one to visit her sometimes

- he would find himself talking to pidge whenever he would feel homesick for she was the one who understood this the most because, unlike the members of voltron, her family wasn't just a few drives away.

- lance took care of pidge. he was always making sure that she wasn't stressing herself out with too much work and too less rest like she'd usually do before she met him.

- pidge felt terrible for thinking so poorly of him.

- "i'm sorry." she said when they were watching a movie at her apartment. "for what?" he turned to her and their eyes met. when did they become this close? she could almost feel his breath on her face and it made things in her stomach flutter. "for being a 'hater'" she chuckled at the word. "i mean you're still kind of annoying for being too loud and wanting to kiss like a hundred girls but you're actually pretty amazing." his lips formed the sweetest smile and her cheeks burned. "thanks, hater. though, just so you know..." their faces moved closer and he continued "all i really want is to kiss one snarky girl one hundred times." and he did.

- lance then added a new video to his hater series "my hater loves me now and i love her more."

#plance au week 2018 #plance #pidgance #pance #yes lance's yt content is heavily inspired by david dobrik sdfhbhf #remember when i was an o2l fan #satri writes #kinda

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themattress · 6 years

Photo

A random Elena of Avalor post:

Mario Lopez leaked this image, and there are several interesting things here.

First of all, as seen by the production code, this is Episode 23 of Season 2. That means that it is far past the current story arc, which Craig Gerber confirms concludes in Episode 15.

The script page that can be seen behind the title page confirms that Victor and Carla Delgado are still on the show even after the arc is over. In what capacity, I don’t know - they could turn against Shuriki and become good guys, or they could decide to stay bad guys but on their own terms rather than serving Shuriki and getting a raw deal from her in return. I’m just happy knowing that they aren’t leaving, since they’re very entertaining.

The scene seems to revolve around Victor making Carne Guisada (beef stew), but what catches my eye is that what’s visible of the line on top reads “as her parents, VICTOR”...OK, hold up! Is Victor there in addition to someone’s parents (Naomi’s?) or is Victor one of the parents, in which case the “her” refers to Carla and the other parent would be Carla’s mother? Is Carla’s mother still alive? And if so, where has she been up until this point?

The episode is written by Rachel Ruderman, whose only previous contribution to the show is “A Spy in the Palace”, which gave the most humanizing insight into Victor and Carla thusfar in terms of what motivates them, so maybe she has an affinity for the characters?

Finally, as Mario Lopez says, “Cruz is back” (which should be a given, since he voices the character), and that’s interesting in of itself because in the recent episode Cruz proved himself to be nasty and vicious to a degree far beyond most other villains on this show save for Shuriki herself. He was so power-hungry that he locked his chief in a cave to die, and frame two innocent parties for said chief’s disappearance, and he did this without any hesitation or remorse whatsoever. If he’s back, then it can’t be for anything good.

#Disney #Elena of Avalor #Cruz #Victor Delgado #Carla Delgado #Speculation

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ulyssesredux · 7 years

Text

Aeolous

HELLO THERE, ESQUIRE, ESQUIRE, BELIEF.

—And yet he died without having entered the land of Egypt and into the office behind, parting the vent of his present portance, which of you but counterfeit? Return to the Telegraph.

―I know.

―After he'll see.

—But, ladies and gentlemen, had he bowed his will and bowed his will and bowed his head and bowed his head firmly.

―Crawford said, helping himself.

SHORT BUT TO THE RAW.

-We were always loyal to lost causes, the editor cried in Mr Bloom's face: talking in the peerless panorama of Ireland's portfolio, unmatched, despite their wellpraised prototypes in other vaunted prize regions, for his thoughts, would you have, though, I charge thee, 'Twas empire charmed thy heart. He went down the manner of his neck, Simon Dedalus says.

ITHACANS VOW PEN.

Besides, if it be to God. He wants two keys at the foot of Nelson's pillar to take in many sorts of music that will put you to hear, their mutinies and revolts, wherein they show'd most valour, spoke not for idle markets, sir?

―They went under. Mark'd you his absolute 'shall?

―I must get a drink after that.says she; 'be opposite with a bit in the heat of their power are forth already, sir.

Another newsboy shot past them to the successful. -Taylor had come there, of great estate, years, when youth with comeliness plucked all gaze his way towards Nannetti's reading closet.

Feathered his nest well anyhow. No, sooth, thou most excellent devil of wit!

―My valour's poison'd with only suffering stain by him; I saw it, Myles Crawford said.

―He ceased and looked at them, blowing out impatiently his bushy moustache, welshcombed his hair with raking fingers.

―Myles Crawford said. -Never mind Gumley, Myles Crawford and said: Gentlemen, Stephen said.

THOSE SLIGHTLY RAMBUNCTIOUS FEMALES.

The palm of beauty from Argive Helen and handed it to poor Penelope.

―

-Who wants a par to call me fool. —'Twas rank and fame that tempted thee, captain; and your cry! An Irishman saved his life I gave him that which they have had you put a false conclusion: I mean. A spirit I am now so far my son Were in Arabia, and made what work I pleas'd; 'tis well; a wrack past hope he was beset: where, if I lov'd my little should be so,—hear me speak: I would not answer to; fresh embassies and suits well for Rome. —That will do, Lenehan said. I could be corrupted. Yes, Red Murray said earnestly, a straw hat awry on his shoulder.

―Now am I going to tram it out. Stephen said, waving the cigarettecase aside.

Here: what's the matter? Johnny, make out for him. Holohan told me. Dead noise.

-I can see them. Don't you forget that! This ad, Mr O'Madden Burke said.

―The tissues rustled up in the Star.

―—show themselves; which were inshell'd when Marcius stood for, what? Where's Monks?

Davy Stephens, minute in a minute. Nay, an you had done the deed. Double four.

We haven't got the chance of a doit.

WITH UNFEIGNED REGRET IT!

―And so is now in some commerce with my speech; he did not mock us.

He lifted his voice. J J O'Molloy said.

Hackney cars, cabs, delivery waggons, mailvans, private broughams, aerated mineral water floats with rattling crates of bottles, rattled, rolled, horsedrawn, rapidly.

―

You don't say so?

―Feathered his nest well anyhow.

Mr Patrick Dignam. You're looking extra. Lay on, Sandymount Green, Rathmines, Ringsend and Sandymount Tower, Harold's Cross. We have ever glorified my friends of noble touch, when for a coward and a madman: one would think his face rapidly with the shears and whispered: The moon, shouting their emulation.

So, your kinsman; but from her birth had number'd thirteen years. See it in for July, Mr O'Madden Burke mildly in the small of the land of Egypt and that I may proceed in my master's griefs.

SOPHIST WALLOPS HAUGHTY HELEN SQUARE ON THE CANVASSER AT WORK.

He strode on jerkily. Where, good fellow. He closed his long lips. —B is parkgate. I beguil'd! Enough of the outlaw. Thumping. The bloodiest old tartar God ever made. This double worship, where manners ne'er were preach'd. On the brewery float. Sot, didst see Dick surgeon, sot!

SOPHOMORE PLUMPS FOR OLD MAN OF THE CROZIER AND REASONS.

Vagrants and daylabourers are you now like John Philpot Curran?

Never mind Gumley, Myles Crawford and said quietly to Stephen: He wants it copied if it's not too late I told councillor Nannetti from the hallway. Mr Crawford? Yet, welcome! A Hungarian it was follow'd, May give you any commission from your lord: I mean, to the successful. Racing special! His finger leaped and struck point after point, vibrating. It is amusing to view the unpar one ar alleled embarra two ars is it? I see what you mean. House of keys. Poor papa with his lord, I pray you, a speedy infirmity, for the racing special, sir, my masters! J O'Molloy, smiling palely, took up his cutting. —Bloom is at the top. Sure, my noble heart a root of ancient envy. Where is that young Dedalus the moving spirit. Go not home. Well, I will, then; and in his blood. The world is before you. Rows of cast steel. —The Rose of Castile. That's copy. What's thy name? Keyes just now. Let there be life. —Come in. But Mario was said to be trouble there one day. Most pertinent question, the vicechancellor, is his blood.

He raised his head. I say? Have you ere now denied the asker? There is no more to say he'll turn your current in a man now at a poor man's house; be that I may pass this doing. What, what then?

―Lady, you know, councillor, just what he wants it changed.

Where shall I feast him? Reads it backwards first.

All off for a fellow O' the air and against the mantelshelf, had the foot and mouth disease and no mistake! You know how he made his way towards Nannetti's reading closet.

―If Bloom were here, he said.

Nay then, know me.

―J J O'Molloy said quietly and slowly: Quite right too, Mr Dedalus said, hurrying out.

―Wellread fellow. Madam, I'm Adam.

―He forgot Hamlet. —There it is, Red Murray whispered.

―How! -What was he doing in Irishtown?

I stood in his sleep.

Ah! Out of my fancy: only that name remains to the window. Florence MacCabe.

WE SEE THE DISSOLUTION OF PEACE.

Child, man, Whom with a reflective glance at his toecaps.

―-Did you? -What is it? Mistress Mall's picture?

Johnny, make I as patient as the sea.

―But I do live at peace.

X is Davy's publichouse in upper Leeson street.

―Be good to us shall have a heart of stone. Alexander Keyes, you know? What did Ignatius Gallaher used to be her wooer. 'Under the canopy.

Jesusmario with rougy cheeks, doublet and spindle legs. -the-Goat. He's poor in, and such a confirmed countenance. That's press. Right.

Hackney cars, cabs, delivery waggons, mailvans, private broughams, aerated mineral water floats with rattling crates of bottles, rattled, rolled, horsedrawn, rapidly.

―J O'Molloy said, taking out a cigarettecase in murmuring meditation, but they always fell.

O'Rourke, prince of Breffni.

-O! We'll call thee? The air blue scrawls and under the table, read on: no; though therein you can imagine the style of his worth as I could not with such words that are in arms. Mr Bloom laid his cutting. Worth six on him. Do you hear the belly's answer.

-When Fitzgibbon's speech had ended John F Taylor rose to reply.

HIS NATIVE DORIC.

―-Ossory. To be seen? Peace! You sooth'd not, never trust me. They save up three and tenpence in a red tin letterbox moneybox. -Help!

I am a foul way out.

―We charge you, when it spit forth blood at Grecian swords, contemning. I heard the voice of occupation and the butcher. He'll never hear him speak, our general? Ireland my country.

What cause, not an imperium, that for his death written this long time perhaps.

―Let him die for 't. Three merry men be we. Hard after them Myles Crawford and said quietly to Stephen. Mr Bloom said. If you will. —And poor Gumley is down there at Butt bridge.

A lie! Prithee, Virgilia, turn thy solemness out O' favour with my reason that persuades me to my nature where my bones shall be so. -the—Off Blackpitts, Stephen said.

―They were nature's gentlemen, had he bowed his head. Owing to a lost cause.

―The bloodiest old tartar God ever made. You can do it, the dayfather. Bemock the modest limits of order. —lingering—Is the boss? -I have much, much to learn. We pray the gods, i'd with thee awhile: determine on some course, if he had. Thy reason, Sir Andrew, would they were in Tiber! The nethermost deck of the inflated windbag! What's that?

Stephen turned in surprise.

―Shite and onions! He began: Where do you know, from a girl at the college historical society.

Been walking in muck somewhere. -I see, the professor said. Will you join us, Myles Crawford said with a great eater of beef, and be rul'd; although I know your drift: speak what?

Better not. Want to fix it up. He would never have spoken with the shears and whispered: They went forth to battle, Mr O'Madden Burke, following close, said: It is spoke, she may command where I know him, uncovered as he ran: Skin-the—North Cork militia! He were bitterer against others or against himself. Myles Crawford crammed the sheets into a country far away from them towards the window. All very fine to jeer at it! Israel Adonai Elohenu.

Nightmare from which you will not hear thee speak. -Yes, Evening Telegraph here Hello? Entertainments. Welcome to Rome, renowned Coriolanus! —Knee, Lenehan said to be on, Macduff! Law, the professor said. But listen to this, to mourn for your voices might be curses to yourselves?

-Who? Speaking about me? Thank you. And yourself? —Like fellows who had blown up the gage. Ay, a mouthorgan, echoed in the armpit of his newspaper. He offered a cigarette to the editor cried in scornful invective. I must say.

LOST CAUSES, CENTRAL!

—You remind me of Antisthenes, the professor said, going.

―Believe me, councillor, Hynes said moving off. -Hello? Ned Lambert agreed. Nay, but it goes down like hot cake that stuff.

With a proud heart he wore his humble weeds.

―-I'll answer it, damn its soul. M A P.

―Inspiration of genius. -Hello?

―

Is the boss? -Throw him out perhaps.

―He made a sign to a brother, who have all Great cause to work with him.

―

―Thank you.

As for my brandnew riddle! He has it, O dear! Right outside the viceregal lodge, imagine! Learn a lot teaching others. Look sharp and you'll catch him. He's a bear.

A DAYFATHER.

—Yes? Sober serious man with a reflective glance at his toecaps. -He is sitting with a word: I see what I cannot get him. Ah, bloody nonsense. Lord Jesus? —from—Skin-the-Goat drove the car for an instant but, I may be abhorr'd further than seen,—both day and night did we all joy and honour! Fetch him off, gives manhood more approbation than ever she bestowed upon me; the volsces are in arms. What is 'pourquoi? To unbuild the city I am.

Briefly, as well as I do? His name is Keyes. By your leave, and I'll take it round to hear any more of this; your true love's coming, madam, pardon me; gave him that which he set his foot on our shore he never stood to ease his breast forges, that striking of that Egyptian highpriest raised in a gown of humility mark his first approach before my lady has a most war-like. Have you got that? Like that, your news? Let us build an altar to Jehovah. Stephen said. I'll show you. -Eh? Mouth, south; and for an instant and making a treaty find i' the way how did he find that out? —Thanky vous, Lenehan said, Bushe K C, for the day is the steed, and 'tis poetical. What did he find that out? As Hercules Did shake down mellow fruit. —Of course, if you fail in the air with noise. But make you ready? You have no cities nor no wealth: our cities are hives of humanity and our watchful friend The Skibbereen Eagle. Right. Would anyone wish that mouth for her kiss? Passing out he whispered to J J O'Molloy. Thou worthiest Marcius! J J O'Molloy sent a weary sidelong glance towards the statue of the file.

Peace! Now am I beguil'd! True, the sophist. Lenehan wept with a bite in it. Glory be to God. Sayst thou that, Mr Bloom said, holding out a hand. They went forth to battle, Mr Bloom said, his eyes to sweat compassion. Penelope.

WITH THE WINNER.

Let us construct a watercloset. He gave a sudden loud young laugh as a hanging to you. And with a bite in it. -What was their civilisation? I could myself take up the gage.

Give them something with a wave graced echo and fall. I may proceed in my soul disputes well with my reason that persuades me to-morrow; to cure this cause. —Come on, Macduff! He got paralysed there and no mistake! Welts of flesh behind on him.

Lazy idle little schemer. Kyrie eleison! But O! O, my lord by me! Hail fellow well met the next. Owing to a lost cause.

Magennis was speaking to me. Faith, I'll not meddle with my niece till his brains. I had children's voices? Same as Citron's house. Was he short taken?

If you see.

OMINOUS—-YET CAN YOU BLAME THEM?

―The editor came from the top of Nelson's pillar to take in a child's frock.

Red Murray's long shears sliced out the advertisement from the inner office.

―J O'Molloy, about this ad of Keyes's.

Used to get some wind off my chest first.

―Prithee now, mistress, I said banish him that none could tell if he would have found issue. Two old trickies, what talk you of your bragg'd progeny, Thou know'st, great son, the editor cried. Thy friend no less: therefore get you home. Out of this present hour, and for Rome's good.

―If you are mad indeed?

You should have said when he did.

―—Mr Crawford? My Ohio! His finger leaped and struck point after point, vibrating.

―They went under with the tune of your conversation would infect my brain, and taking the cutting from his pocket pulling out the soap and stowed it away, tearing away.

―—Bingbang, bangbang. I point at, saw the liveried porter raise his lettered cap as a politician.

I heard his words deftly into the pauses of the empire of the Weekly Freeman of 17 March?

Lukewarm glue in Thom's next door when I was there. Quicker, darlint! Miles of ears of porches. Better not teach him his own shadow this half-hour. Seems to be on, raised an outspanned hand to the gentleman at the junior bar he used to be a fool that the precipitation might down stretch below the first that ever anywhere wherever was. A perfect cretic! Pop in a master of forensic eloquence like Whiteside, like silvertongued O'Hagan. Clank it. —Wait. Same as Citron's house. Alas! —T is viceregal lodge. He set off again to walk by Stephen's side. Calmly, I would be sorry, sir,—he dropp'd it for him. You bloody old pedagogue!

―I did Contend against thy valour.

―Alack! Dublin's prime favourite.

―-Most pertinent question, the professor and took his trophy, saying: My dear Myles, J J O'Molloy said gently. O Jupiter!

THE GRANDEUR THAT WAS ROME.

―Alleluia. With a heart and hand.

―Anne Kearns and Florence MacCabe takes a crubeen and a passy-measures pavin. My Ohio!

―The vent of his resonant unwashed teeth.

―What say you will, put up your swords. You must not.

And with a start.

―-He's pretty well on, Macduff!

-Is the editor to be entombed in an obedient start, make up that: he will not say, Cesario?

―The machines clanked in threefour time.

—Clever, Lenehan said.

―In that there's comfort.

―Did you?

―Mr Bloom said. Fuit Ilium!

―' O!

―—Never mind Gumley, Myles?

―Mouth, south. Better not.

-I see, let us say.

This is most grateful in Ye ancient hostelry. Psha! It wasn't me, sir, and trouble not the matter? Sufficient for the show. Way out. Nightmare from which you are well fleshed; come on to the mantelpiece.

―The crows to peck the eagles.

―J J O'Molloy.

―Dublin from the inner door. —Well, J J O'Molloy resumed, moulding his words were these.

―—The turf, Lenehan confirmed, and so forth. I declare it carried. Fire and brimstone!

I are the boys of Wexford who fought with heart and a half if I cannot help in his behalf.

What, wench! I was listening to the rock Tarpeian, and your misdemeanours, you remember? Let him take that in. Been walking in muck somewhere. They turned to Stephen: But listen to this, Sir Toby, my lord? He thrust the sheets back and went into the inner door was opened violently and a polity. -A recently discovered fragment of Cicero, professor MacHugh answered with pomp of tone. —What about that body, admiring a glossy crown. Bid them all home; and, holding it ajar, paused. Be calm, be that I was looking for a fresh of breath air! The door of Ruttledge's office creaked again. You must take the one half of what is it? —Telegraph! Thumping. He will bear the business. Kyrie! He closed his long lips. I have often made against the rich golden shaft Hath kill'd the flock of all that ever he heard the charges of our levies, answering us with our general? I prithee, be gone.

―-Him, sir. —Very smart, Mr Dedalus said, of no second brood—Has cluck'd thee to the down line, glided parallel.

―Hear me one word. O yes, every time! -Is the boss?

―I have heard you were conducted to a typesetter neatly distributing type.

―He laughed richly. And so did I. Come; we'll inform them of our saviours also. I'll after him.

―Three bob I lent him in the embracements of his mother; Cry, Welcome, ladies and gentlemen: Great was my speech, mark you, sir, Stephen, the soap I put there.

THE PRESS.

―J O'Molloy. You are most welcome!

―—But wait, Mr Bloom said, elderly and pious, have lived fifty and fiftythree years in Fumbally's lane.

―We'll attend you there?knight? Bullockbefriending bard. Toby, I say: go, and part, being naked, and show you the design I suppose. That will do, now.

He said: It is held that valour is the doer of this knavery.

The same, looking towards the steps. Great was my brother; nor your name to the left along Abbey street.

―And yourself? You so remain.

SHINDY IN WELLKNOWN RESTAURANT.

Do not desire to purchase; and my true lip Hath virgin'd it e'er since. An Irishman saved his life on the steps. Art thou mad? Thou art my warrior; I heard thence; these in honour follows Coriolanus. By no manner of means. —There it is, sir! -The accumulation of the symmetry. In mourning for Sallust, Mulligan says. Who? I saw him he can kiss my arse? Wait a moment, professor MacHugh responded.

The professor, returning by way of the Weekly Freeman and National Press and the honour go to: come. You know the grounds and authors of it.

―He pushed in.

―What is the house of keys. Well, J J O'Molloy said eagerly.

―Working away, let me be boiled to death with melancholy. Country bumpkin's queries.

―We're in the language of the kings. Vast, I must say.

―Come, let's see the views of Dublin. Whole route, see? —Hello?

―How now! Ere you go hunt, my lord.

To all whom it may come on; if none, awake your dangerous lenity. Thy Fates open their hands.

―Red Murray agreed. Come in.

CLEVER, SANDYMOUNT.

―-We can do him one. His name is Keyes. Nay, I am most apt to embrace your offer. Look you now like John Philpot Curran?

―-Wise virgins, professor MacHugh answered with pomp of tone. -But what do you find it other.

―The lamb. We.

―His finger leaped and struck point after point, vibrating.

He has a house there too.

―I came to earth. Help!

―Poor, poor chap. Am not I say. J J O'Molloy murmured.

―In his bosom! Mr Bloom said. Might go first himself.

— WHERE?

-All the occurrence of my mother, who is of Rome gates by the collar as the door was pushed in.

―Fuit Ilium!

—demise, Lenehan said, staring through his blackrimmed spectacles over the threshold till my return.

―-They want to phone about an ad. Very much so, putting on his topper.

Fuit Ilium!

―We gave him the field prove flatterers, let him slip at will. Must be some.

―'Twill be admirable. Pessach. For your wants, your wife use? I said 'Twas pity.

―He wants it in the language of the Irish. Monkeydoodle the whole body: but, if he were son and heir to Mars; set on.

This, as in name.

―I know not; it shines every where.

DEAR DIRTY DUBLIN BURGESS.

Most pertinent question, the man is he within your walls?

―The editor said promptly. —Monks! A sudden—Pardon, monsieur, Lenehan said. Are you there: where being apprehended, his eye running down the typescript.

Strange he never set it only his cloacal obsession.

Where was that small act, trivial in itself, that kiss I carried from thee, 'Twas empire charmed thy heart.

―I saw it, one moment. O dear!

Press and the charters that you seem, as you malign our senators for that I woo, myself and Toby set this device. Give them something with a sweet thing, we can do him one.

―The telephone whirred inside. Let the garden door be shut, we are politicians; Malvolio's a Peg-a-bed!

―Evening Telegraph here Hello? That is fine, isn't it?

He gazed about him round his loud unanswering machines.

―Subleader for his sake Did I redeem; a fool. Well, yes, every time.

Strange he never saw her: what O' that.

―Kyrie eleison!

―Working away, death, Reliev'd him with quick grace, said: Yes, yes.

But wait, Mr Bloom said slowly: Out of an advertisement.

-First my riddle, Lenehan put in hazard Than stay, I prithee.

―Bold gentleman, one asking the other two gone?

―-Tickled the old ones too, wasn't he? Ned Lambert said. What's that? I myself am best when least in company. Evening Telegraph here Hello? Time to get into step. -Mr Crawford! An illstarched dicky jutted up and back.

KYRIE ELEISON!

J O'Molloy said not without regret: And Pontius Pilate is its prophet, professor MacHugh cried from the window. Lo!

―Taking off his silk hat and, hungered, made ready to nibble the biscuit in his other hand.

―How's that for the racing special, sir! Sir Toby. We'll paralyse Europe as Ignatius Gallaher do?

―Steal upon larks.

Through a lane of clanking drums he made his mark?

―O'Rourke, prince of Breffni.

―—What is to be here.

Therefore, I,—I extend my hand. You must take the will for the inner office with SPORT'S tissues. He poked Mr O'Madden Burke's sphinx face reriddled.

―J J O'Molloy said, and were I ta'en here it would scarce be answer'd?

KYRIE ELEISON!

―'Twere well we let the ports be guarded: keep on your head. -I see, the life. A B P Got that?

All his brains are in the small of the whole name of men. Stephen said, suffering his grip.

―Very smart, Mr Dedalus said. To say so? O knight!

―A POLISHED PERIOD J J O'Molloy said.

A meek smile accompanied him as he thinks, and cry, Lenehan put in of course on account of the invincibles, he said.

―—O yes, here is my lover: I tell thee where that saying was born, of their house of keys. Stephen said.

―We. I think not on him. Yes.

WILLIAM BRAYDEN, CENTRAL!

Speak briefly then; and heavens so shine that they of Rome are his: mine emulation Hath not that time?

―-Hello? Iron nerves. An instant after a gilded butterfly; yet I can see them. The accumulation of the mind. Money worry.

He wore a loose white silk neckcloth and altogether he looked though he do nothing but reprove.

―What's keeping our friend? Is he a widower? On now.

―Very much so,—no impediment between,—conceal me what I do? I'm up to here. —Grattan and Flood wrote for this, and then catch him. -UNHAPPY. What bestow of him?

―Thump. Defy the devil, an it would bow to me.

Hosts at Mullaghmast and Tara of the jaws of death, and you shall chance to sentence. I would crave a word: give't or take't.

―—Bloom is at the college historical society.

―'Tis not for gravity to play the man; do thy office. Thou old and antique song we heard last night?

A STREET CORTEGE.

Where is the rock Tarpeian, never trust to what thou dost confess, much to learn. It gives me an estate of seven years' heat, Shall not behold her face at it! Thou hast done a deed whereat valour will weep.

―Member for College green.

Dick Adams, the editor crowed in high treble from his uplifted scarlet face, asked of it: I am constant. By this hand, sir: put them to motion.

―I Believe that I may bear my beating to his chin.

They give two threepenny bits to the market-place.

―He thrust the lie unto him. Are you so? -Finished?

The editor laid a nervous hand on Stephen's shoulder. Here's he that has but a toy, for the inner office.

―And hark, what talk you of Marcius?

―Hear you this, and Marathon looked on the same, two grey eyes, lengthened his long lips. Let us construct a watercloset. —I hope you will, sir.

-Foot and mouth disease and no way approve his opinion?

―Want a cool head. Rows of cast steel. Could you try your hand, suddenly stretched forth an arm amply. And Madam Bloom, Mr O'Madden Burke said greyly, but they always fell.

A MAN MOSES.

―-A few wellchosen words, by heaven I swear, and commands shall be so, professor MacHugh said gruffly. —Start, Palmerston Park, Ranelagh. O!

Good news, good Cominius with thee every foot.

―Grossbooted draymen rolled barrels dullthudding out of the old ones too, the fittest time to corrupt a man's day, a straw hat. The editor who, as cause had call'd you up, for I do love my country's love than when I last saw you; but the fool should be join'd with Volscians,—no interim, not the god, thou art, thou dost know Hath newly pass'd between this youth and me; and power, I doubt not but our Rome hath such a deadly life, more fearful? -Why will you not that time? What is it? All very fine to jeer at it now in some of your country. Have you got that? Lenehan said, opening his long lips. Noble words coming.

―—It gives me an estate of seven years' heat, Shall say, the professor said uncontradicted. -I'll go through the hoop myself.

―—Where was that? God, he is now she will veiled walk, Mr O'Madden Burke mildly in the Clarence.

―Mr Bloom said, about this ad, I have a vision too, printer.

―Just this ad of Keyes's. Now he's got in with Blumenfeld. You remind me of Antisthenes, the Manx parliament. Queen Anne is dead.

―To him, he said turning. Myles Crawford began.

I may appear stubborn to him! I have set them in parts remote, to save labour, nor followed the pillar will fall, Stephen, the opal hush poets: A E 's leg.

―Queen Anne is dead. Highclass licensed premises.

―-Yes, he said, of what that want might ruin. —Is the senate possessed of this; it is done.

―'I would he were opened, and I henceforth may never meet. His pupil age Man-enter'd thus, with over-measure. Mr Keyes just now. Mary, Martha.

He save the circulation?

―Ignatius Gallaher do? After he'll see. Psha!

He hath resisted law, graven in the Telegraph.

―Who's there? Are you turned?

Speak your office.

―The land of Egypt and that is.

―-USED MALVOLIO. -But what do you judge my wit. Orsino, noble Marcius!

But Mario was said to him in his walk to watch a typesetter.

―Three bob I lent him in, and one things. 'Rain odours! —Clever, Lenehan announced gladly: Excuse me, sir?

Faith, sir.

YOU BLAME THEM?

―-As 'twere, in dimension and the overarsing leafage. Same as Citron's house. Marry, will you?

―Wherefore are these things further thought on, raised an outspanned hand to his utmost peril. Might well have given us bloody argument. Don't ask. Or was it you shot the lord lieutenant of Finland between you? The condition of this.

—Gave it to poor Penelope. I'll tell him he shall answer for her kiss? Manifest treason!

―He doesn't hear it. Madam, I'm Adam.

―How does he love me? Ballsbridge. —He wants you for the Express with Gabriel Conroy. With a heart of what lies before them. And Pontius Pilate is its prophet, professor MacHugh cried from the lips of Seymour Bushe. He was all their daddies! With a heart and hand. How dost thou, that my most jealous and too doubtful soul May live at peace. Something quite ordinary. Let him be the devil. Mainly all pictures.

―The door of Ruttledge's office whispered: ee: cree. Miles of it; and drive the gentleman at the junior bar he used us scornfully: he cried.

Tell him that straight from the stable.

―We can do that? Hello?

―-expectorated—Doughy Daw! These wise men that give fools money get themselves a good cure for flatulence?

THE WEARER OF KEYES.

―They watched the knees, legs, boots vanish. Though I struck him first, ready, when you cast your stinking greasy caps in hooting at Coriolanus' exile. Amen, amen. -Did you never see the idea. Are you turned? Were in wild hurry. -Like that, Simon? O. Under the porch of the giants of the kings. O yes, every time. Losing heart. Your request? Habsburg. Pyrrhus!

THE EDITOR.

I have sent after him again and offered it.

―You have said when he clapped on his shoulder. Where are they? Psha! Why, so it cannot be denied but peace is a happier and more a friend than e'er an enemy to mankind. Od's lifelings! We were only thinking about it. Myles Crawford began on the table. -Waiting for the corporation. That it be. Stephen said, suffering his grip. Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu. These are the fat in the Clarence. He began to mazurka in swift caricature across the floor, grunting, encouraging each other, afraid of the general food at first, let me be laid; Fly away, death, Reliev'd him with quick grace, said: Gave it to them on. The ramparts of Vienna. Catches the eye, you see.

Yet, to bring him hither.

―A smile of light brightened his darkrimmed eyes, lengthened his long lips.

―Pow, wow. I'll run away. La you! A meek smile accompanied him as he rang off.

Because you talk of Rome, imperial, imperious, imperative.

CLEVER, BELIEF.

J J O'Molloy said. Pyrrhus! Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. It was in a dark room, and you are a tribe of nomad herdsmen: we will not say the vials of his resonant unwashed teeth.

C is where murder took place. But when they get the plums?

Shapely bathers on golden strand.

―Now, sir, I saw it, the professor said, waving the cigarettecase aside. Mr Bloom said with a nod. Alack!

I would have been called so of him?

―Receive it so. Reaping the whirlwind. Right.

―He forgot Hamlet. Used to get in.

That'll be all right.

―What is become of Marcius? X is Davy's publichouse in upper Leeson street. -Whose land? O!

—Just this ad of Keyes's. Come along, Stephen said, and therefore give you a man as any's in Illyria?

―-Boohoo! We. Country bumpkin's queries.

He took out the soap I put there.

Maybe he understands what I do feel't and see't; and he wag'd me with his thumb.

―Dublin's prime favourite. -Him, sir, I must get a drink.

―Fear not,—Sir, it shall be lov'd when I came to earth. Monkeydoodle the whole bloody history. Twentyeight No, faith, I'll not to mention Paddy Kelly's Budget, Pue's Occurrences and our galleys, trireme and quadrireme, laden with all. Let him take that in.

— WHERE?

―Is the senate has letters from the isle of Man.

―Messenger took out his cigarettecase. I will awake it anon.

―Innuendo of home rule.

―Where is that?

―'Twere as good as a chair to extol her blood? How is it?

―That's press. Then Paddy Hooper is there with Jack Hall. We can do that?

Stand you awhile aloof.

―It has the most polished periods I think. In Martha. Twentyeight double four. Thump. The right honourable Hedges Eyre Chatterton.

ONLY ONCE MORE THAT SOAP.

All places yield to his pity.

―A bevy of scampering newsboys rushed down the steps, scattering in all with yew, O dear! The word reminds one somehow of fat in the Clarence. -Goat. Aha! Lenehan announced gladly: Grattan and Flood wrote for this very place.

-First my riddle! —They want to hear my nothings monster'd. -He wants it changed.

―Go whip him 'fore the people's mouths, why mournest thou? How now? As 'twere, in recompense desire my dog again. Look out for length, and perish. By Jesus, she shall know of none; nor are you sewing here? —Don't you forget! O, peace! Where are those blasted keys?

―—You remind me of Antisthenes, the Manx parliament.

Then the twelve brothers, Jacob's sons.

―I'll follow thee a challenge; read it.

INTERVIEW WITH THE POINT.

―Thou hast spoken for us is the sink O' the Marcians, from the empty fireplace at Ned Lambert's quizzing face, crested by a comb of feathery hair, thrust itself in. Good day, sir. He would never have spoken with the light of inspiration shining in his time: obituary notices, pubs' ads, speeches, divorce suits, found drowned. That's all right. North Cork and Spanish officers! Have you got that? —How do you think really of that for high? —But listen to this lady? We can do it, Stephen said, in private. You have deserved nobly.

As 'twere, in roaring for a drink.

―I was set on. Alexander Keyes. Better not teach him his own notion—who wears goggles of ebony hue.

I' faith, they say.

―Professor MacHugh came from the Evening Telegraph office. —Thanks, old man, and myself. Daresay he writes him an odd shaky cheque or two on gale days. Sneck up! Sllt. Wife a good pair of strange ones.

―Gallaher do? I declare it carried. I can bring them to a typesetter. On, to desire the present lord justice of appeal, had propped his head firmly. Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu.

―How apt the poor with begging. —Look at the airslits.

―North Prince's street was there. An instant after a demure travel of regard, telling them I know you well enough too.

I; for he's in directitude.

―Mr O'Madden Burke asked. Thy slippery turns. He took out the soap I put there. His bloody brow!

―See the wheeze? —What is his granduncle or his greatgranduncle. That's it, Stephen said. —Like fellows who had blown up the bloody flag against all noble Marcius. Farewell. Are you ready? Been walking in muck somewhere. How now, my rib risible! Better not teach him his own business. Amen, sir.

As he mostly sees double to wear them why trouble?

―Two Dublin vestals, Stephen said. Right. Ned Lambert is taking a day her chamber round with you.

How do you both!

IN WELLKNOWN RESTAURANT.

―At a few drops of salt, your news?

―Soft! You bloody old pedagogue!

These wise men folly-fall'n, quite taint their wit.

―It seemed to me. -Continued on page six, column four. Madden up.

They always build one door opposite another for the deed. But your people; and, as cause will be so; almost all repent in their tracks, bound for or from Rathmines, Sandymount Green, Ringsend and Sandymount Tower, Harold's Cross.

―O! Breathe you, Dedalus? -You like it? Sneck up!

―A blank, my lady; he is one of my standing here? His mouth continued to twitch unspeaking in nervous curls of disdain. Way out.

He can kiss my arse?

―Moses and the tribunes are the other.

―Steal upon larks. I want you to the railings.

KYRIE ELEISON!

―Mainly all pictures. Gambling.

―—Don't you think to blow out the advertisement from the Kilkenny People.

And poor Gumley is down there at Butt bridge.

―The clock upbraids me with estimation. Inspiration of genius. Dear Mr Editor, what answer made the design for it.

All very fine to jeer at it yourself?

―Two old Dublin women on the scarred woodwork. My matter hath no voice, sir!

―It's to be here. Yes, Telegraph To where? Citizens, he said smiling grimly. He is wounded, I saw him he had met you again? To all whom it may concern schedule pursuant to statute showing return of number of mules and jennets exported from Ballina. With an accent on the doorsteps: What is your servant. So on. He can kiss my arse? -Come on then, is most grateful in Ye ancient hostelry. You stand amaz'd: but, if he wants. Kyrie! —Yes, we can do it. He poked Mr O'Madden Burke's loose ties.

―We were always loyal to lost causes, the Childs murder case.

―Arm in arm. Vestal virgins. That's all right. A newsboy cried in scornful invective.

―How often he had been nibbling and, holding it ajar, paused. Racing special! Hooked that nicely.

―He tossed the tissues up from the top.

―Now, this is excellent.

Good day, Myles Crawford said.

―I hope you will live to see with his lord and master loves her dearly; and though I owe olivia.

―Call in my bed. O. Lenehan put in mind; I am his: mine emulation Hath not a grize; for they shall know of none; nor never none Shall mistress be of it: deus nobis haec otia fecit. The Plums.

―Psha! Is't possible? Nay, but even thus—for in such business. Ignatius Gallaher used to be, perhaps, there it lies you on to the commonalty. Noble words coming. You see? -I see thee! I did impeticos thy gratillity; for whose dear love, let me be laid; Fly away, tearing away.

Some four or five attend him; but in conclusion put strange speech upon me!

Miles of ears of porches. Member for College green. —Mm, Mr Dedalus said, suffering his grip.

A DAYFATHER.

Did follow to thine. Face glistering tallow under her fustian shawl. A E 's leg. The cloacamaker will never awake. My casting vote is: Mooney's! Professor said, did you write it then.

I could hardly entreat him to the gates of Rome, and not valiant, you fragments!

You have made good work, that, though he was lord of; or, to make his requests by particulars; wherein every one of those that shall become the function well, now the gates are ope: now heaven walks on earth! Go for one another baldheaded in the spleen.

―—And Pontius Pilate is its prophet, professor MacHugh said.

ERIN, MAGISTRA ARTIUM.

Rub in August: good idea: horseshow month.

―Therefore lay hold of him? This paltering Becomes not Rome, and sing them loud even in a child's frock. I'll take it round to the city? Their names are Anne Kearns and Florence MacCabe. If I should hide, as cause had call'd you up, that they are no fool. Two old Dublin women on the shaughraun, doing billiardmarking in the Telegraph too, printer. He lifted the counterflap, as to drink in, said: It is amusing to view the unpar one ar alleled embarra two ars is it?

―Putting back his handkerchief to dab his nose.What an arm amply. That's saint Augustine. The foreman moved his pencil towards it. Aha! O! There's a ponderous pundit MacHugh who wears goggles of ebony hue.

―Parked in North Prince's street was there first.

―For a stone. —in peace,—Sir, we are undone already. -Twentyeight No, madam,—the mouse ne'er shunn'd the cat. The Skibbereen Eagle. To the Capitol?

―It were a god but eternity and a butterfly; yet his nature, which I should have said.

Tim Kelly, or Kavanagh I mean Seymour Bushe.

―So do I know not where to turn back the galleypage suddenly, saying: Incipient jigs. Monkeydoodle the whole thing. Dublin vestals, Stephen said. Bolder, though Marcius earn'd them not; adieu.

-Like that, Myles Crawford. Might go first himself. Very smart, Mr O'Madden Burke said.

―Sllt. Two crossed keys here.

ERIN, BELIEF.

―Tim Kelly, or a codling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis a condition they account gentle: and yet I cannot do for you to me. The door of Ruttledge's office creaked again.

―

―He said of it. I'll show you.

O yes, every time. Your request?

O dear! A circle.

If I fly, that know it: I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir.

Dear Mr Editor, what should I do not,—conceal me what I. You know the sweet sound that breathes upon a bank of violets, stealing and giving odour.

Are these your herd?

―It is spoke freely out of a harassed pedlar while gauging au the symmetry with a rude gesture he thrust it back into his waistcoat pocket and, hungered, made a comic face and then bent at once to the people, which before Were in wild hurry.

The professor came to the running stream.

―Inspiration of genius. Close, in!

―-I want you to hear, their white papers fluttering.

―Thy dangerous stoutness, for the wind anyhow. To him!

RETURN OF BLOOM—New York World cabled for a drink. O! To the Elephant; yet, they will; and their meaning was revealed to me. An I thought he had been pleased, would I very shortly see thee there; but thy intercepter, full of labour as a politician.

―'—Plague upon't!

O, ESQUIRE, OF PEACE.

―One story good till you hear the next moment. For myself, lacks recompense. The moon, were to make this rescue? We will sternly refuse to partake of strong waters, will breed no terror in the wind and the cat and the cat. These eyes are not, boy, to call attention. A child bit by a bellows! Came over last night.

That'll go in. Away with him. A thousand thousand sighs to save, Lay me, sir. High falutin stuff. The very highest morale, Magennis.

―Demesne situate in the proof of his discourse. Sufficient for the deed. -Antithesis, the patricians, make us quick in work, that my deserts to you. Hot and cold in the fire of burning Rome. A E has been telling some yankee interviewer that you not set mine honour, why I do care for the pressgang, J J O'Molloy turned the files.

I've been through the park to see the idea.

―Where's Monks? Or again if we but climb the serried mountain peaks—Madam, I'm Adam.

―The first newsboy came pattering down the house of bondage, nor followed the pillar will fall in broil.

―-Good day, Stephen said. I may be heard, I doubt not. Gentleman, God save thee.

―I doubt not but our Rome hath such a bloody nature, you shall divide in all directions, yelling: So it was worth. It was then a new focus. Slipping his words: We will sternly refuse to partake of strong waters, will we not born under Taurus?

He said: It is not as common fools; and not all love to see all the swords and hear me but out at gates!

He ceased and looked at them, a sad occasion.

―—Let him send no more wit than a theft, no; our sufferance is a lion that I am a great maker of cuckolds. Sir Topas, good mother, I will for the gods go with thee; so do I know thou hadst rather Follow thine enemy in a coranto? He is a man: if you are she. -He would never have brought the chosen people out of their breath only!

Marry, but it is my conscience, sir. He turned towards Myles Crawford said, and those poor number sav'd with you. A commemoration postcard of Joe Brady or Number One or Skin-the-Goat.

―Phil Blake's weekly Pat and Bull story. What a caterwauling do you know of me that I may pass this doing.

If it were—durst not once peep out. Professor MacHugh said. He that trusts to you, the Childs murder case.

Practice dwindling.

―Stephen: Just cut it out of my fortune since Hath been! Ned Lambert, seated on the counter and stepped off posthaste with a bit silly till you come so early by this hath enter'd, and there, before you were born, I think he'll hear me speak: matrons flung gloves, ladies and gentlemen: Great was my speech, mark you, the city?

Stephen said, and my stars be praised! So, here is the rock! O'Rourke, prince of Breffni. The vowels the Semite and the rest of the orchard. Direct me, sir.

―Ay, but you must have been on the file of capering newsboys in Mr Bloom's face: Racing special! Why did you see.

CLEVER, VERY.

—A recently discovered fragment of Cicero, professor MacHugh murmured softly, biscuitfully to the window. Youth led by Experience visits Notoriety. You know Gerald Fitzgibbon.

―Have you the apprehension of his trousers. Where are you roaming? We should by this, good youth, address thy gait unto her, and have hearts inclinable to honour mine own life, in terms so bloody and so cunning in fence I'd have seen the dumb men throng to see with his last attempt he wip'd it out all the size that verity would without lapsing suffer: nay, let them pronounce the steep Tarpeian death, Vagabond exile, sweet one, is it? He would never have spoken with the spleen.

—Come in.

Taste your legs, by the overarching leafage of the land of promise.

―He flung back pages of the Irish tongue. Marry, hang thee for. A meek smile accompanied him as the others and walked on through the printingworks, Mr O'Madden Burke, hearing the loud throbs of cranks, watching the silent typesetters at their heels and rushed out into the pauses of the Irish Catholic and Dublin Penny Journal, called: Who? I think she would.

I am above thee; but I know your drift: speak what? Reflect, ponder, excogitate, reply.

―How! Hold, there is a poor man's house; he shall find no public benefit which you are and what is left, to grace him only that name remains; the parts that envied his receipt; even such and so cunning in fence I'd have beaten him like a Lucrece knife, with nodding of their mouths and spitting the plumstones slowly out between the railings.

He hath in quarrelling, 'tis true.

THE POINT.

Indeed, no damn nonsense.

―You sooth'd not, let him slip at will.

―I ever heard was a speech made by John F Taylor rose to reply. He said.

I would therefore my sister had had no idea it was against our will.

―—Why will you undo yourselves? -Come along, the present lord justice of appeal, had your bodies no heart among you have done, consider; think upon the new movement. Long, short and long. -O yes, J J O'Molloy said in quiet mockery. Quickly he does some literary work for the waxies Dargle. Speak your office. O dear! He strode away from this very hour. But then there is at the junior bar he used to say, if he wants.

This is good news!

―But he wants a par to call attention. The editor who, leaning against the gates of Rome, '—this lady's husband here, to the bold unheeding stare.

―The world is before you took me from my niece. Alack! But had he bowed his head on his brow. Cuprani too, and so be Thou dar'st not this mockery?

―Wert thou the drum, that I am to hull here a little puff. He forgot Hamlet. Loyal to a lost cause. And in the park. Shema Israel Adonai Elohenu. Saving princes is a good idea?

Take good Cominius with thee?

―I see, the press. No, no, no, by sounds of words. Ay, and crown thee for thy repeal, we, alas!

I'll throw your dagger o'er the lives of men that have mended my hair?

―Pray now, eh?

―—Silence for my purse? Their noise be our instruction. Welcome to Rome that's worthy death? Are you ready your stiff bats and clubs?

Let me yet know of this with you.

―No. Gee! Don't you forget that! The turf, Lenehan said. Nay, if 'gainst yourself you be never so hardy to come upon them. O Tullus!

You have stood your limitation; and here's my purse?

THE HEART OF PEACE.

Better not teach him his own business.

―It's to be pinched with the rustling tissues. That youth's a rare turkey-cock of him.

-And Xenophon looked upon Marathon, Mr O'Madden Burke said.

―He is as the people's magistrates. To your corrected son! Our lovely land. Keyes. Where do you know that story about chief baron Palles? Where do you two, three. Come, what?

Know you on which he set his foot on our shore he never saw his real country.

―Hello, Jack.

Myles Crawford began. Professor Magennis was speaking to me.

O good but most unwise patricians!

―He poked Mr O'Madden Burke added.

―He wants it changed. He said. High falutin stuff.

The glass swingdoor and entered, stepping over strewn packing paper.

―He says.

KYRIE ELEISON!

―Or we must also tell him he can kiss my royal Irish arse, Myles Crawford said.

―Then round the doorframe. Where's my hat?

―Life is too short.

Third hint. Law, the press. Can you think? Put them not; but in my hand; my gentle Marcius, Had we no wine here? Stephen. —O!

Child, man! —as it seems. Our Saviour?

―Taking off his flat spaugs and the free maids that weave their thread with bones, do not gull him into a pipe small as a squash is before 'tis a condition they account gentle: and truly I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale them together. But let it appear in your pursuit. The Plums. Consider you what you mean. You'll mar all: And yet he died without having entered the land of promise.

―Myles Crawford appeared on the scarred woodwork.

DEAR DIRTY DUBLIN.

―How can that be to care whether he had rather had eleven die nobly for their love. What was he doing in Irishtown? A people sheltered within his voice above it boldly: Where was that small act, trivial in itself, till it feels,—Which, to the four winds. He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier, scabbard and all those swearings keep as true of heart as you have me.

There's a ponderous pundit MacHugh who wears goggles of ebony hue. Good news, you have given me such clear lights of favour, Live you, sir,—now, sir. I'll tell you.

―Come on; to't. Amen, sir. He would have counter-seal'd. Ha.

—now, gentleman!

He took a reel of dental floss from his uplifted scarlet face, thy wits the heavens had been transported into a notable contempt. —Call it: deus nobis haec otia fecit.

―It was in the halfpenny place.

—What is 'pourquoi? And it turned out to be.

―Twentyeight. What relish is in Elysium.

It is the parasite's silk, let him be call'd deform'd but the horn and noise O' the moon shine forth to irradiate her silver effulgence—Out of an advertisement.

―Third hint. Highclass licensed premises.

―-Opera? Did you?

―I do it, Bid them wash their faces. Co-ome thou dear one!

The sack of windy Troy.

―—Rathgar and Terenure! Rows of cast steel.

SPARTANS GNASH MOLARS.

―-moment—Clever, Lenehan prefaced. Red Murray agreed. The hoarse Dublin United Tramway Company's timekeeper bawled them off: We can do it more natural. -The idea, Mr Bloom stood by, hearing the loud throbs of cranks, watching the silent typesetters at their faces. Long John is backing him, with excellences, that I was preserv'd to serve this noble count. That is fine, isn't it? Way in. Kyrie! Will the time thrust forth a cause between an orange-wife and mother; Cry, Welcome, ass. No. 'Tis true: if he didn't know only make it brief wars. He is a thank you job. She is drowned already, sir, it was worth.

―I think, it was for his place. Wetherup always said that. Don't you forget that!

Ay, but my hope, why I do, professor MacHugh murmured softly, biscuitfully to the running stream. No, I'll bide your proof. That'll be all right. You must take the will for the day is the coal of fire. You so remain. They put the breath of life, in good faith. The ghost walks, professor MacHugh said. Practice dwindling. You, tribunes, it is excellently well penned, I suppose. Ah, the Manx parliament. Myles Crawford. Weathercocks.

―For here comes one of our souls, as thou hast spoken words? Forgive me your mind. The cloud by day.

―Lenehan extended his hands in his footsteps, brought to every new shore on which side they have loved, they say. -morrow, Sir Andrew.

They give two threepenny bits and sixpences and coax out the intended fire your city is this?

OMINOUS— AND THE WINNER.

―He shall be bless'd to do thee service. —No, at your service. -Silence! Funny the way how did he say about me? Everything speaks in its own way. Hard after them Myles Crawford blew his first puff violently towards the Freeman's Journal and National Press. —No, good father; such a mortal motion that it would be glad of your having: back.

He said he had made mine own from my remembrance clearly banish'd his. What is it?

―Endeavour thyself to what thou art as great a flatterer for my foes, sir, is gone, with trembling thumb and ringfinger touching lightly the black rims, steadied them to mind, his eyes to the bold unheeding stare.

―We'll paralyse Europe as Ignatius Gallaher we all joy and honour! I saw him he had made new head?

KYRIE ELEISON! — FOR THE PEN.

―Their noise be our instruction. Poor papa with his fingers. Hello? -Hop and carry with us.

―Well, you know this lady and this unnatural scene they laugh at them, Thou art my warrior; I can see them. Taking off his silk hat and, lifting an elbow, began to turn back the pink pages of the forest. I could hardly entreat him to you: I think I ever listened to in my life fell from the open case.

OMINOUS— THAT'S WHAT?

―She was a pen. Thank you. Why that way?

―I' faith, I'll come to look so they pull up their skirts—What was their civilisation?

―Must I then do't to them on. They see the Joe Miller. Sllt. Why did you see? Hooked that nicely.

K M R I A STREET CORTEGE.

―-Clamn dever, Lenehan announced gladly: I'll answer it, wait, Mr Dedalus said, of, for very beauty, of what he wants it copied if it's not too late I told councillor Nannetti from the open case. He said very softly.

What would you have found in any constant question. Nay, and throw forth greater themes for insurrection's arguing.

―Racing special! Where's Monks? That's new, Myles, J J O'Molloy said, going.

DIMINISHED DIGITS PROVE TOO TITILLATING FOR HIM! THE WIND. KYRIE ELEISON!

―Professor said, about this ad, you must desire them to a lost cause. The land of Egypt and that the house of bondage, nor admire not in the armpit of his labours you'd have done, even like a cock's wattles. —With a heart and a butterfly; yet here he is the enemy? Have you Weekly Freeman and National Press.

In Ohio! After he'll see.

Law, the good lady that lies in his pocket.

HOW A DAYFATHER.

He was wont to say, down there too, and he said. It's the ads and side features sell a weekly, not in their tracks, bound for or from Rathmines, Ringsend and Sandymount Tower, Donnybrook, Palmerston Park and Upper Rathmines, all still, and crueller in suffering; behold now presently, when the alarum were struck than idly sit to hear you to write something for me no more atone, Than crave the hire of their power are forth already, sir, and the promised land.

ORTHOGRAPHICAL. SAD.

―'Tis the hour, my good Marcius home again. Time to get some wind off my chest first. Dullthudding Guinness's barrels.

THE PEN. LOST CAUSES, OF THE DAY.

―Try it anyhow. Pray you,—when you were born, I would he appear i' the Capitol, yond corner-stone? Professor MacHugh came from the Kilkenny People.

―—though—Wait. Why stay we to be, J J O'Molloy who placed the tissues on to speak with you?

―Arm in arm.

Come in.

―At a few drops of blood out of the Mediterranean are fellaheen today. Racing special! A typesetter brought him a limp galleypage.

ANNE WIMBLES, NOBLE MARQUESS MENTIONED.

A telegram boy stepped in nimbly, threw an envelope on the others and walked abreast.

―-Hush, Lenehan put in.

-Most pertinent question, the world I would have been my son, these things hid?

DAMES DONATE DUBLIN'S CITS SPEEDPILLS VELOCITOUS AEROLITHS, FLO WANGLES— THAT'S WHAT WETHERUP SAID. ANNE WIMBLES, BELIEF.

―What relish is in hell. There's a hurricane blowing.

―I thought to have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria.

#Ulysses (novel)#James Joyce #1922 #automatically generated text #Patrick Mooney #Aeolous #William Shakespeare #plays #Elizabethan authors #Coriolanus #1608 #Twelfth-Night #1599 #1600

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Cooking Quotes

Official Website: Cooking Quotes

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• A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. – Barbara Johnson • A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness. – Elsa Schiaparelli • A good cook is not necessarily a good woman with an even temper. Some allowance should be made for artistic temperament. – Marcel Boulestin • A good cook is the peculiar gift of the gods. He must be a perfect creature from the brain to the palate, from the palate to the finger’s end. – Walter Savage Landor • A measuring jug is also vital when cooking rice, as this is always measured by volume rather than by weight – Delia Smith • Anyone who eats three meals a day should understand why cookbooks outsell sex books three to one. – L. M. Boyd • Are you casting asparagus on my cooking? – Curly Howard • Bad cooks – and the utter lack of reason in the kitchen – have delayed human development longest and impaired it most. – Friedrich Nietzsche

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Cook', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_cook').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_cook img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Beef is the soul of cooking. – Marie-Antoine Careme • Computers are to design as microwaves are to cooking. – Milton Glaser • Cook ingredients that you are used to cooking by other techniques, such as fish, chicken, or hamburgers. In other words be comfortable with the ingredients you are using. – Bobby Flay • Cookery is a wholly unselfish art: All good cooks, like all great artists, must have an audience worth cooking for. – Andre Simon • Cookery is not chemistry. It is an art. It requires instinct and taste rather than exact measurements. – Marcel Boulestin • Cooking certain dishes, like roast pork, reminds me of my mother. – Maya Angelou • Cooking demands attention, patience, and above all, a respect for the gifts of the earth. It is a form of worship, a way of giving thanks. – Judith Jones • Cooking done with care is an act of love. – Craig Claiborne • Cooking for people is an enormously significant expression of generosity and soulfulness. – Ted Allen • Cooking for people is an enormously significant expression of generosity and soulfulness, and entertaining is a way to be both generous and creative. You’re sharing your life with people. Of course, it’s also an expression of your own need for approval and applause. Nothing wrong with that. – Ted Allen • Cooking for six people every day is like having a cafe. – Linda McCartney • Cooking is about passion, so it may look slightly temperamental in a way that it’s too assertive to the naked eye. – Gordon Ramsay • Cooking is actually quite aggressive and controlling and sometimes, yes, there is an element of force-feeding going on. – Nigella Lawson • Cooking is an art and patience a virtue. Careful shopping, fresh ingredients and an unhurried approach are nearly all you need. There is one more thing – love. Love for food and love for those you invite to your table. With a combination of these things you can be an artist – Keith Floyd • Cooking is an observation-based process that you can’t do if you’re so completely focused on a recipe. – Alton Brown • Cooking is at once child’s play and adult joy. And cooking done with care is an act of love. – Craig Claiborne • Cooking is at once one of the simplest and most gratifying of the arts, but to cook well one must love and respect food. – Craig Claiborne • Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. – Harriet Van Horne • Cooking is like making love, you do it well, or you do not do it at all. – Harriet Van Horne • Cooking is one of the oldest arts and one which has rendered us the most important service in civic life. – Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin • Cooking is so popular today because it’s the perfect mix of food and fun. – Emeril Lagasse • Cooking may be as much a means of self-expression as any of the arts. – Fannie Farmer

• Courses in prosody, rhetoric and comparative philology would be required of all students, and every student would have to select three courses out of courses in mathematics, natural history, geology, meteorology, archaeology, mythology, liturgics, cooking. – W. H. Auden

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• Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it. – Phyllis Diller • Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. – Adelle Davis • Every country possesses, it seems, the sort of cuisine it deserves, which is to say the sort of cuisine it is appreciative enough to want. I used to think that the notoriously bad cooking of the English was an example to the contrary, and that the English cook the way they do because, through sheer technical deficiency, they had not been able to master the art of cooking. I have discovered to my stupefaction that the English cook that way because that is the way they like it. – Waverley Root • Food, like anything else, lives in the physical world and obeys the laws of physics. When you whisk together some oil and a little bit of lemon juice – or, in other words, make mayonnaise – you are using the principles of physics and chemistry. Understanding how those principles affect cooking lets you cook better. – Nathan Myhrvold • Good painting is like good cooking; it can be tasted, but not explained. – Maurice de Vlaminck • Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish, too much handling will spoil it.- Laozi • Growth springs from better recipes, not just from more cooking. – Paul Romer • Grub first, then ethics. – Bertolt Brecht • He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. – Raymond Chandler • He was an innovator, an experimenter, a missionary in bringing the gospel of good cooking to the home table. – Craig Claiborne • Housework is a breeze. Cooking is a pleasant diversion. Putting up a retaining wall is a lark. But teaching is like climbing a mountain. – Fawn M. Brodie • I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food – Erma Bombeck • I approach cooking from a science angle because I need to understand how things work. If I understand the egg, I can scramble it better. It’s a simple as that. – Alton Brown • I became a cook so I could cook and tell stories in wacky ways. – Alton Brown • I can make dough in a machine faster than I can make it by hand, but I want to make it by hand, because I want to remember the way it feels. It’s so important for me to make it by hand – whether it’s a pasta dough or a pâte brisée. You become involved in it. You become personal with it. For me it’s such a wonderful way to get satisfaction and gratification when I’m cooking. – Thomas Keller • I cook everything. I love Mediterranean cooking, I love Asian cooking. I do lots of Japanese noodles. – Ted Allen • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. – W. C. Fields • I don’t believe in low-fat cooking. – Nigella Lawson • I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting. – Andy Rooney • I don’t like gourmet cooking or ‘this’ cooking or ‘that’ cooking. I like good cooking. – James Beard • I don’t want to sound too mystical or weird but it’s important to know what garlic smells like when it’s cooking, or what eggs look like when they’re cracked out of a shell. – Joel Salatin • I ended up turning down a full scholarship of music at the conservatory to pay to go to cooking school. – Emeril Lagasse • I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I’m cooking. – Julia Child • I find cooking to be the one thing that relaxes me. I don’t get to do it often . . . – Lenny Kravitz • I get quite lazy about cooking because when I come back from work it is the last thing I want to do, really is spend loads of time cooking. – Prince William • I go out to the kitchen to feed the dog, but that’s about as much cooking as I do. – Betty White • I grew up in France, my first language was French, and I tend to gravitate towards French cooking. – Robert Stack • I guess I fell into cooking. – Bobby Flay • I have a cooking show that’s coming on that I did in Albany. It will be on The Cooking Channel – Dom DeLuise • I have a good collection of cookery books. This is not so much because I like cooking, but because I like eating. – Louise Brown • I have a lot of cooking tools. In fact I have a whole drawer full of knives. Cooking tools, especially cutlery, are my toys. – Martin Yan • I just signed to do my next book with Ecco Press, a new primer or encyclopedia. This will be my take on what classic Italian cooking is. – Mario Batali • I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work. Let God worry about your modesty; I want to see your enthusiasm. – Robert Farrar Capon • I like being at home and cooking. – Shania Twain • I like health-conscious cooking, but growing up in the South, I do love southern cooking; southern France, southern Italy, southern Spain. I love southern cooking. – Clarence Clemons • I like to get where the cabbage is cooking and catch the scents. – Red Smith • I liked the energy of cooking, the action, the camaraderie. I often compare the kitchen to sports and compare the chef to a coach. There are a lot of similarities to it. – Todd English • I love being at home and cooking and baking. – Blake Lively • I love cooking for myself and cooking for my family. – Al Roker • I love food and I love everything involved with food. I love the fun of it. I love restaurants. I love cooking, although I don’t cook very much. I love kitchens. – Alma Guillermoprieto • I miss my wife’s cooking – as often as I can. – Henny Youngman • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen – Rita Rudner • I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child’s cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef. – Martin Yan • I sometimes think the chef end of cooking is not the real end of cooking. Cooking is all about homes and gardens, it doesn’t happen in restaurants – Delia Smith • I started cooking when I was about 10. I have memories like when I was 6 or 7 with my mom, and when I was 12 I started getting real serious about cooking. – Emeril Lagasse • I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? – Julia Child • I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who’s close to you is about as nice a valentine as you can give. – Julia Child • I want to go to culinary school because I love cooking. One day I’d love to open up a restaurant or cafe – Mary-Kate Olsen • I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. – Julia Child • I was aiming for the cooks that I’ve talked to by teaching an online course and by traveling, listening to people who are really busy and harried but want to be cooking. – Sally Schneider • I was not such a great student, .. So, when I graduated high school, I went to work cooking. I cooked a little at home, but back then, cooking wasn’t really a profession that you aspired to, unless your family was in the business. I looked at it as a job. My first job was at Joe Allen’s, and I remember there was a photo over the bar of the Triple Dead Heat from the 1944 Carter Handicap. – Bobby Flay • I watched a lot of cooking shows when I was younger on PBS and TLC and those channels. It’s a very cool genre of television. – Thu Tran • I watched my mother waste her life on housework and swore I’d never do that. Dave does the cooking. – Siobhan Fahey • I won’t say my nutrition is perfect. If I’m at a restaurant and there’s fresh pasta on the menu, I’m going to order it. At home, though, I avoid grains and do a lot of the cooking to control what our family eats. – Gabrielle Reece • I would like to host a show, something like travel or cooking or something like that, something I’m really interested in, and so I’m pitching a couple television shows. – Trishelle Cannatella • I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘cooking’ but I can make noodles. That means I can boil water, put the pasta in and wait until it’s done. – Devon Werkheiser • I write because I’m a writer. It is rather like cooking: to make something out of the raw material at hand. – Sybille Bedford • If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong. – Tom Jaine • If I were to tell you that I’m the one who does all the cooking, you’d interpret it as me trying to be some kind of role model. And if I were to say that my husband does all the cooking, you’d say: “Ah, so that’s how it is with family ministers.�� – Kristina Schroder • If people are going to be cooking the books, you’re in trouble. – Don Nickles • If there is a Nora Ephron signature anything it is that there’s slightly too much food. I have a friend whose mantra is: You must choose. And I believe the exact opposite: I think you should always have at least four desserts that are kind of fighting with each other. – Nora Ephron • If thou rise with an Appetite, thou art sure never to sit down without one. – William Penn • If you think well, you cook well. – Ferran Adria • I’m a homebody. I’d rather be in the kitchen cooking than hanging out in a bar. – Milo Ventimiglia • I’m just someone who likes cooking and for whom sharing food is a form of expression. – Maya Angelou • I’m obsessed with cooking shows, even though they make everything look so easy when it isn’t. – Joely Fisher • In ’71 or ’72 I returned to New Orleans and stayed there. I started cooking Louisiana food. Of all the things I had cooked, it was the best-and it was my heritage. – Paul Prudhomme • In cooking, as in all the arts, simplicity is the sign of perfection. – Curnonsky • In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. – Julia Child • In growing up in Seattle, I don’t know a single family that didn’t barbecue or cook on the weekends and make its own kind of simple, pared-down, what I call Pacific Northwest cooking. – Mario Batali • In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad. – Friedrich Nietzsche • In recent years, I’ve been writing because I’m fortunate enough to work in the world of food television, to travel and taste and learn about cooking from the best chefs in the business. – Ted Allen • In rowing, you’re always striving for that perfect stroke, that repetition, each one being as good as the last. Same thing with cooking. You can’t say, ‘Oh, I don’t feel well, so I’m going to put out a crappy plate.’ – Bryan Volpenhein • In your actor’s heart, you know when you’re playing well. Others may not always agree with you, but I’m always aware of when the scene is cooking or not. You have an instinct about that from years of doing scenes and plays, and I think it stands you in good stead even in the TV world. – Michael Emerson • I’ve never considered myself a celebrity or even part of the entertainment business. I’m a cooking teacher. – Martin Yan • I’ve taught myself how to use good, fresh ingredients and to prepare them as simply as possible by cooking only to enhance their intrinsic flavors. – Ina Garten • Kissing don’t last: cookery do! – George Meredith • Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson • My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. – Phyllis Diller • My hobbies are cooking and gardening, especially growing orchids. I love soccer, my husband and I support a British team called Chelsea, and I also enjoy tennis. We have 3 cats. – Juliet Mills • My hobby is gardening, I love it, it’s my main hobby. I like being at home and I’m very happy being in my house, I love cooking. – Susan Hampshire • My interest in food really began with a months cookery course in Frome, Somerset, after my A-levels. I left the course not an incredible cook, alas, but a real enthusiast. Food and cooking is at the core of entertaining, and my passion grew and grew. – Pippa Middleton • My mother came here to New York. She and my grandmother were domestics, cooking, cleaning for other people. – David Dinkins • My mother didn’t really cook. But she did make key lime pie, until the day the top of the evaporated milk container accidentally ended up in the pie and she decided cooking took too much concentration. – William of Norwich • My mother was a good recreational cook, but what she basically believed about cooking was that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. – Nora Ephron • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman • My work is very controlled. I leave nothing to chance. Chance comes afterward… Making a film is like cooking a pot au feu. You choose the best carrots, the best potatoes the best meat, etc., and you throw all that together – but if there’s no soul, so to speak, it won’t yield much. – Philippe Claudel • News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not the material itself. – Rose Macaulay • No curfew. I live in the basement. I got everything I need. Home cooking … it’s awesome. – Mike Trout • no one is born a great cook, one learns by doing. – Julia Child • No one who cooks cooks alone. – Laurie Colwin • No one who cooks, cooks alone. Even at her most solitary, a cook in the kitchen is surrounded by generations of cooks past, the advice and menus of cooks present, the wisdom of cookbook writers. – Laurie Colwin • Noncooks think it’s silly to invest two hours’ work in two minutes’ enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. – Julia Child • Not on morality, but on cookery, let us build our stronghold: there brandishing our frying-pan, as censer, let us offer sweet incense to the Devil, and live at ease on the fat things he has provided for his elect! – Thomas Carlyle • Oh, I adore to cook. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way. – Truman Capote • Once learnt, this business of cooking was to prove an ever growing burden. It scarcely bears thinking about, the time and labour that man and womankind has devoted to the preparation of dishes that are to melt and vanish in a moment like smoke or a dream, like a shadow, and as a post that hastes by, and the air closes behind them, afterwards no sign where they went is to be found. – Rose Macaulay • Once you understand the foundations of cooking – whatever kind you like, whether it’s French or Italian or Japanese – you really don’t need a cookbook anymore. – Thomas Keller • One of the biggest challenges in the past for me in working on the networks was that audiences have grown accustomed to television being something that keeps you company-background music, something that you have on while you’re flipping through a magazine, cooking dinner, talking on the phone, putting the kids to bed. – Aaron Sorkin • One of the dirty little secrets of my job is that I don’t do ANY food or cooking shows. – Hank Stuever • One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. – Luciano Pavarotti • Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks. – Lin Yutang • Performing is very much like cooking: putting it all together, raising the temperature. – David Tudor • Possibly I want to bring my acting into the cooking, blending the two together. What I love is cooking for other people and seeing them enjoy what I have created for them. And same thing goes for acting. I have even tried to make some Chinese dishes before. It’s very difficult. That’s probably why eating at authentic Chinese restaurants is part of my journey here. – Jeremy Miller • Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler – Zero Mostel • Rule a kingdom as though you were cooking a small fish – don’t overdo it. – Laozi • She did not so much cook as assassinate food. – Storm Jameson • Slow Food unites the pleasure of food with responsibility, sustainability and harmony with nature. – Carlo Petrini • So when I do Chinese cooking, I mix everything together, then the kids have to eat their vegetables. They won’t have the patience to pick them out. – Martin Yan • Some people like to paint pictures, or do gardening, or build a boat in the basement. Other people get a tremendous pleasure out of the kitchen, because cooking is just as creative and imaginative an activity as drawing, or wood carving, or music. – Julia Child • Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. – P. J. O’Rourke • The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went. – Hector Hugh Munro • The country is making a big mistake not teaching kids to cook and raise a garden and build fires. – Loretta Lynn • The first meal was an object lesson of much variety. My father produced several kinds of food, ready to eat, without any cooking, from little tin cans that had printing all over them. – Mary Antin • The most indespensible ingredient of all good home cooking: love for those you are cooking for. – Sophia Loren • The new revolution in cooking can be viewed in two ways. One is that you can take any traditional food and apply modern techniques. The other approach is to create food that is quite different than anything that has existed before. – Nathan Myhrvold • The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude. – Julia Child • The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. – Julia Child • The pressure on young chefs today is far greater than ever before in terms of social skills, marketing skills, cooking skills, personality and, more importantly, delivering on the plate. So you need to be strong. Physically fit. So my chefs get weighed every time they come into the kitchen. – Gordon Ramsay • The process of making music is more interesting to me than the end result. If I was a cook, I’d be more interested in cooking food than eating food. – Ryan Adams • The space and light up there in Norfolk is wonderfully peaceful. I find myself doing funny things like gardening, and cooking, which I rarely do in London. – Jeremy Northam • The tradition of Italian cooking is that of the matriarch. This is the cooking of grandma. She didn’t waste time thinking too much about the celery. She got the best celery she could and then she dealt with it. – Mario Batali • There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there’s bad cooking or bad art or bad sex, you have bad religion too. – Karen Armstrong • There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will. – Robert Frost • They say that a good cook can ignite sparks by the way he kisses. The way I see, just because a guy can turn on the stove doesn’t necessarily make him a good cook. – Stefanie Powers • This is every cook’s opinion – no savory dish without an onion, but lest your kissing should be spoiled your onions must be fully boiled. – Jonathan Swift • This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun! – Julia Child • Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. – William Shakespeare • To be a good cook you have to have a love of the good, a love of hard work, and a love of creating. – Julia Child • To the old saying that man built the house but woman made of it a ‘home’ might be added the modern supplement that woman accepted cooking as a chore but man has made of it a recreation. – Emily Post • Vegetables to me are – I don’t want to say the most exciting part of cooking, but certainly a very exciting part of cooking, because they continue to change. They come into season and they go through different phases. – Thomas Keller • We all have to draw some lines. To preserve my sanity, I steer clear of cooking, professional sports and most imports, unless imported to us via PBS, Sundance, etc. – Hank Stuever • What I love about cooking is that after a hard day, there is something comforting about the fact that if you melt butter and add flour and then hot stock, it will get thick! It’s a sure thing! It’s a sure thing in a world where nothing is sure; it has a mathematical certainty in a world where those of us who long for some kind of certainty are forced to settle for crossword puzzles. – Nora Ephron • What I love about cooking is that after a hard day, there is something comforting about the fact that if you melt butter and add flour and then hot stock, it will get thick! – Nora Ephron • What is literature compared with cooking? The one is shadow, the other is substance. – E. V. Lucas • What it requires is that first of all you identify the hazards: Where in your production chain can contamination occur? This could be a simple matter of cooking a product to kill bacteria and making sure that the product is actually brought to that temperature. – Marion Nestle • When I’m not at the keyboard, I’m generally reading, practicing tai chi or middle eastern dance, or cooking. – Sarah Zettel • When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. – Gail Sheehy • When we no longer have good cooking in the world, we will have no literature, nor high and sharp intelligence, nor friendly gatherings, no social harmony. – Marie-Antoine Careme • When you say you’re not a feminist, if feminism hadn’t existed, and you didn’t live in a feminist world, you wouldn’t be saying that, because you’d be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband’s tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34. – Caitlin Moran • Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don’t want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat’s collar before cooking. – Mike Royko • Whether you change the linen or stitch up wounds, cook the food or dispense the medicines, it is in your hands to help build a public service worthy of all those who gave their lives for the dream of democracy – Nelson Mandela • While there are many varieties of grills, each with their own virtues to be sure, I prefer the standard Weber kettle grill. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you need any fancy gadgets in order to take advantage of cooking over a live fire. Just a good set of tongs and you’re set. – Barton Seaver • Women can spin very well; but they cannot make a good book of cookery. – Samuel Johnson • You cannot make women contented with cooking and cleaning and you need not try. – Ellen Swallow Richards • You don’t spring into good cooking naked. You have to have some training. You have to learn how to eat. – Julia Child • You don’t have to cook fancy or complicated masterpieces – just good food from fresh ingredients. – Julia Child • You probably think Italians like meals with heavy meats and sauces, but they actually prefer light meats. They see turkey as a healthy, light white meat that lends itself excellently to their style of cooking, and they use it in many different ways. Also, Europeans do not celebrate Thanksgiving so they perceive turkey as an all-year round option. – Todd English

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Cooking Quotes

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• Do not taste food while you’re cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it. – Phyllis Diller • Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper. – Adelle Davis • Every country possesses, it seems, the sort of cuisine it deserves, which is to say the sort of cuisine it is appreciative enough to want. I used to think that the notoriously bad cooking of the English was an example to the contrary, and that the English cook the way they do because, through sheer technical deficiency, they had not been able to master the art of cooking. I have discovered to my stupefaction that the English cook that way because that is the way they like it. – Waverley Root • Food, like anything else, lives in the physical world and obeys the laws of physics. When you whisk together some oil and a little bit of lemon juice – or, in other words, make mayonnaise – you are using the principles of physics and chemistry. Understanding how those principles affect cooking lets you cook better. – Nathan Myhrvold • Good painting is like good cooking; it can be tasted, but not explained. – Maurice de Vlaminck • Governing a great nation is like cooking a small fish, too much handling will spoil it.- Laozi • Growth springs from better recipes, not just from more cooking. – Paul Romer • Grub first, then ethics. – Bertolt Brecht • He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. – Raymond Chandler • He was an innovator, an experimenter, a missionary in bringing the gospel of good cooking to the home table. – Craig Claiborne • Housework is a breeze. Cooking is a pleasant diversion. Putting up a retaining wall is a lark. But teaching is like climbing a mountain. – Fawn M. Brodie • I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food – Erma Bombeck • I approach cooking from a science angle because I need to understand how things work. If I understand the egg, I can scramble it better. It’s a simple as that. – Alton Brown • I became a cook so I could cook and tell stories in wacky ways. – Alton Brown • I can make dough in a machine faster than I can make it by hand, but I want to make it by hand, because I want to remember the way it feels. It’s so important for me to make it by hand – whether it’s a pasta dough or a pâte brisée. You become involved in it. You become personal with it. For me it’s such a wonderful way to get satisfaction and gratification when I’m cooking. – Thomas Keller • I cook everything. I love Mediterranean cooking, I love Asian cooking. I do lots of Japanese noodles. – Ted Allen • I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. – W. C. Fields • I don’t believe in low-fat cooking. – Nigella Lawson • I don’t like food that’s too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I’d buy a painting. – Andy Rooney • I don’t like gourmet cooking or ‘this’ cooking or ‘that’ cooking. I like good cooking. – James Beard • I don’t want to sound too mystical or weird but it’s important to know what garlic smells like when it’s cooking, or what eggs look like when they’re cracked out of a shell. – Joel Salatin • I ended up turning down a full scholarship of music at the conservatory to pay to go to cooking school. – Emeril Lagasse • I enjoy cooking with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food I’m cooking. – Julia Child • I find cooking to be the one thing that relaxes me. I don’t get to do it often . . . – Lenny Kravitz • I get quite lazy about cooking because when I come back from work it is the last thing I want to do, really is spend loads of time cooking. – Prince William • I go out to the kitchen to feed the dog, but that’s about as much cooking as I do. – Betty White • I grew up in France, my first language was French, and I tend to gravitate towards French cooking. – Robert Stack • I guess I fell into cooking. – Bobby Flay • I have a cooking show that’s coming on that I did in Albany. It will be on The Cooking Channel – Dom DeLuise • I have a good collection of cookery books. This is not so much because I like cooking, but because I like eating. – Louise Brown • I have a lot of cooking tools. In fact I have a whole drawer full of knives. Cooking tools, especially cutlery, are my toys. – Martin Yan • I just signed to do my next book with Ecco Press, a new primer or encyclopedia. This will be my take on what classic Italian cooking is. – Mario Batali • I like a cook who smiles out loud when he tastes his own work. Let God worry about your modesty; I want to see your enthusiasm. – Robert Farrar Capon • I like being at home and cooking. – Shania Twain • I like health-conscious cooking, but growing up in the South, I do love southern cooking; southern France, southern Italy, southern Spain. I love southern cooking. – Clarence Clemons • I like to get where the cabbage is cooking and catch the scents. – Red Smith • I liked the energy of cooking, the action, the camaraderie. I often compare the kitchen to sports and compare the chef to a coach. There are a lot of similarities to it. – Todd English • I love being at home and cooking and baking. – Blake Lively • I love cooking for myself and cooking for my family. – Al Roker • I love food and I love everything involved with food. I love the fun of it. I love restaurants. I love cooking, although I don’t cook very much. I love kitchens. – Alma Guillermoprieto • I miss my wife’s cooking – as often as I can. – Henny Youngman • I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself “well, that’s not going to happen – Rita Rudner • I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child’s cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef. – Martin Yan • I sometimes think the chef end of cooking is not the real end of cooking. Cooking is all about homes and gardens, it doesn’t happen in restaurants – Delia Smith • I started cooking when I was about 10. I have memories like when I was 6 or 7 with my mom, and when I was 12 I started getting real serious about cooking. – Emeril Lagasse • I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? – Julia Child • I think careful cooking is love, don’t you? The loveliest thing you can cook for someone who’s close to you is about as nice a valentine as you can give. – Julia Child • I want to go to culinary school because I love cooking. One day I’d love to open up a restaurant or cafe – Mary-Kate Olsen • I was 32 when I started cooking; up until then, I just ate. – Julia Child • I was aiming for the cooks that I’ve talked to by teaching an online course and by traveling, listening to people who are really busy and harried but want to be cooking. – Sally Schneider • I was not such a great student, .. So, when I graduated high school, I went to work cooking. I cooked a little at home, but back then, cooking wasn’t really a profession that you aspired to, unless your family was in the business. I looked at it as a job. My first job was at Joe Allen’s, and I remember there was a photo over the bar of the Triple Dead Heat from the 1944 Carter Handicap. – Bobby Flay • I watched a lot of cooking shows when I was younger on PBS and TLC and those channels. It’s a very cool genre of television. – Thu Tran • I watched my mother waste her life on housework and swore I’d never do that. Dave does the cooking. – Siobhan Fahey • I won’t say my nutrition is perfect. If I’m at a restaurant and there’s fresh pasta on the menu, I’m going to order it. At home, though, I avoid grains and do a lot of the cooking to control what our family eats. – Gabrielle Reece • I would like to host a show, something like travel or cooking or something like that, something I’m really interested in, and so I’m pitching a couple television shows. – Trishelle Cannatella • I wouldn’t exactly call it ‘cooking’ but I can make noodles. That means I can boil water, put the pasta in and wait until it’s done. – Devon Werkheiser • I write because I’m a writer. It is rather like cooking: to make something out of the raw material at hand. – Sybille Bedford • If cooking becomes an art form rather than a means of providing a reasonable diet, then something is clearly wrong. – Tom Jaine • If I were to tell you that I’m the one who does all the cooking, you’d interpret it as me trying to be some kind of role model. And if I were to say that my husband does all the cooking, you’d say: “Ah, so that’s how it is with family ministers.” – Kristina Schroder • If people are going to be cooking the books, you’re in trouble. – Don Nickles • If there is a Nora Ephron signature anything it is that there’s slightly too much food. I have a friend whose mantra is: You must choose. And I believe the exact opposite: I think you should always have at least four desserts that are kind of fighting with each other. – Nora Ephron • If thou rise with an Appetite, thou art sure never to sit down without one. – William Penn • If you think well, you cook well. – Ferran Adria • I’m a homebody. I’d rather be in the kitchen cooking than hanging out in a bar. – Milo Ventimiglia • I’m just someone who likes cooking and for whom sharing food is a form of expression. – Maya Angelou • I’m obsessed with cooking shows, even though they make everything look so easy when it isn’t. – Joely Fisher • In ’71 or ’72 I returned to New Orleans and stayed there. I started cooking Louisiana food. Of all the things I had cooked, it was the best-and it was my heritage. – Paul Prudhomme • In cooking, as in all the arts, simplicity is the sign of perfection. – Curnonsky • In France, cooking is a serious art form and a national sport. – Julia Child • In growing up in Seattle, I don’t know a single family that didn’t barbecue or cook on the weekends and make its own kind of simple, pared-down, what I call Pacific Northwest cooking. – Mario Batali • In large states public education will always be mediocre, for the same reason that in large kitchens the cooking is usually bad. – Friedrich Nietzsche • In recent years, I’ve been writing because I’m fortunate enough to work in the world of food television, to travel and taste and learn about cooking from the best chefs in the business. – Ted Allen • In rowing, you’re always striving for that perfect stroke, that repetition, each one being as good as the last. Same thing with cooking. You can’t say, ‘Oh, I don’t feel well, so I’m going to put out a crappy plate.’ – Bryan Volpenhein • In your actor’s heart, you know when you’re playing well. Others may not always agree with you, but I’m always aware of when the scene is cooking or not. You have an instinct about that from years of doing scenes and plays, and I think it stands you in good stead even in the TV world. – Michael Emerson • I’ve never considered myself a celebrity or even part of the entertainment business. I’m a cooking teacher. – Martin Yan • I’ve taught myself how to use good, fresh ingredients and to prepare them as simply as possible by cooking only to enhance their intrinsic flavors. – Ina Garten • Kissing don’t last: cookery do! – George Meredith • Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. – Doug Larson • My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. – Phyllis Diller • My hobbies are cooking and gardening, especially growing orchids. I love soccer, my husband and I support a British team called Chelsea, and I also enjoy tennis. We have 3 cats. – Juliet Mills • My hobby is gardening, I love it, it’s my main hobby. I like being at home and I’m very happy being in my house, I love cooking. – Susan Hampshire • My interest in food really began with a months cookery course in Frome, Somerset, after my A-levels. I left the course not an incredible cook, alas, but a real enthusiast. Food and cooking is at the core of entertaining, and my passion grew and grew. – Pippa Middleton • My mother came here to New York. She and my grandmother were domestics, cooking, cleaning for other people. – David Dinkins • My mother didn’t really cook. But she did make key lime pie, until the day the top of the evaporated milk container accidentally ended up in the pie and she decided cooking took too much concentration. – William of Norwich • My mother was a good recreational cook, but what she basically believed about cooking was that if you worked hard and prospered, someone else would do it for you. – Nora Ephron • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. – Henny Youngman • My work is very controlled. I leave nothing to chance. Chance comes afterward… Making a film is like cooking a pot au feu. You choose the best carrots, the best potatoes the best meat, etc., and you throw all that together – but if there’s no soul, so to speak, it won’t yield much. – Philippe Claudel • News is like food: it is the cooking and serving that makes it acceptable, not the material itself. – Rose Macaulay • No curfew. I live in the basement. I got everything I need. Home cooking … it’s awesome. – Mike Trout • no one is born a great cook, one learns by doing. – Julia Child • No one who cooks cooks alone. – Laurie Colwin • No one who cooks, cooks alone. Even at her most solitary, a cook in the kitchen is surrounded by generations of cooks past, the advice and menus of cooks present, the wisdom of cookbook writers. – Laurie Colwin • Noncooks think it’s silly to invest two hours’ work in two minutes’ enjoyment; but if cooking is evanescent, so is the ballet. – Julia Child • Not on morality, but on cookery, let us build our stronghold: there brandishing our frying-pan, as censer, let us offer sweet incense to the Devil, and live at ease on the fat things he has provided for his elect! – Thomas Carlyle • Oh, I adore to cook. It makes me feel so mindless in a worthwhile way. – Truman Capote • Once learnt, this business of cooking was to prove an ever growing burden. It scarcely bears thinking about, the time and labour that man and womankind has devoted to the preparation of dishes that are to melt and vanish in a moment like smoke or a dream, like a shadow, and as a post that hastes by, and the air closes behind them, afterwards no sign where they went is to be found. – Rose Macaulay • Once you understand the foundations of cooking – whatever kind you like, whether it’s French or Italian or Japanese – you really don’t need a cookbook anymore. – Thomas Keller • One of the biggest challenges in the past for me in working on the networks was that audiences have grown accustomed to television being something that keeps you company-background music, something that you have on while you’re flipping through a magazine, cooking dinner, talking on the phone, putting the kids to bed. – Aaron Sorkin • One of the dirty little secrets of my job is that I don’t do ANY food or cooking shows. – Hank Stuever • One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. – Luciano Pavarotti • Our lives are not in the lap of the gods, but in the lap of our cooks. – Lin Yutang • Performing is very much like cooking: putting it all together, raising the temperature. – David Tudor • Possibly I want to bring my acting into the cooking, blending the two together. What I love is cooking for other people and seeing them enjoy what I have created for them. And same thing goes for acting. I have even tried to make some Chinese dishes before. It’s very difficult. That’s probably why eating at authentic Chinese restaurants is part of my journey here. – Jeremy Miller • Romanian-Yiddish cooking has killed more Jews than Hitler – Zero Mostel • Rule a kingdom as though you were cooking a small fish – don’t overdo it. – Laozi • She did not so much cook as assassinate food. – Storm Jameson • Slow Food unites the pleasure of food with responsibility, sustainability and harmony with nature. – Carlo Petrini • So when I do Chinese cooking, I mix everything together, then the kids have to eat their vegetables. They won’t have the patience to pick them out. – Martin Yan • Some people like to paint pictures, or do gardening, or build a boat in the basement. Other people get a tremendous pleasure out of the kitchen, because cooking is just as creative and imaginative an activity as drawing, or wood carving, or music. – Julia Child • Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin. – P. J. O’Rourke • The cook was a good cook, as cooks go; and as cooks go, she went. – Hector Hugh Munro • The country is making a big mistake not teaching kids to cook and raise a garden and build fires. – Loretta Lynn • The first meal was an object lesson of much variety. My father produced several kinds of food, ready to eat, without any cooking, from little tin cans that had printing all over them. – Mary Antin • The most indespensible ingredient of all good home cooking: love for those you are cooking for. – Sophia Loren • The new revolution in cooking can be viewed in two ways. One is that you can take any traditional food and apply modern techniques. The other approach is to create food that is quite different than anything that has existed before. – Nathan Myhrvold • The only real stumbling block is fear of failure. In cooking you’ve got to have a what-the-hell attitude. – Julia Child • The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. – Julia Child • The pressure on young chefs today is far greater than ever before in terms of social skills, marketing skills, cooking skills, personality and, more importantly, delivering on the plate. So you need to be strong. Physically fit. So my chefs get weighed every time they come into the kitchen. – Gordon Ramsay • The process of making music is more interesting to me than the end result. If I was a cook, I’d be more interested in cooking food than eating food. – Ryan Adams • The space and light up there in Norfolk is wonderfully peaceful. I find myself doing funny things like gardening, and cooking, which I rarely do in London. – Jeremy Northam • The tradition of Italian cooking is that of the matriarch. This is the cooking of grandma. She didn’t waste time thinking too much about the celery. She got the best celery she could and then she dealt with it. – Mario Batali • There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there’s bad cooking or bad art or bad sex, you have bad religion too. – Karen Armstrong • There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won’t, and that’s a wife who can’t cook and will. – Robert Frost • They say that a good cook can ignite sparks by the way he kisses. The way I see, just because a guy can turn on the stove doesn’t necessarily make him a good cook. – Stefanie Powers • This is every cook’s opinion – no savory dish without an onion, but lest your kissing should be spoiled your onions must be fully boiled. – Jonathan Swift • This is my invariable advice to people: Learn how to cook- try new recipes, learn from your mistakes, be fearless, and above all have fun! – Julia Child • Tis an ill cook that cannot lick his own fingers. – William Shakespeare • To be a good cook you have to have a love of the good, a love of hard work, and a love of creating. – Julia Child • To the old saying that man built the house but woman made of it a ‘home’ might be added the modern supplement that woman accepted cooking as a chore but man has made of it a recreation. – Emily Post • Vegetables to me are – I don’t want to say the most exciting part of cooking, but certainly a very exciting part of cooking, because they continue to change. They come into season and they go through different phases. – Thomas Keller • We all have to draw some lines. To preserve my sanity, I steer clear of cooking, professional sports and most imports, unless imported to us via PBS, Sundance, etc. – Hank Stuever • What I love about cooking is that after a hard day, there is something comforting about the fact that if you melt butter and add flour and then hot stock, it will get thick! It’s a sure thing! It’s a sure thing in a world where nothing is sure; it has a mathematical certainty in a world where those of us who long for some kind of certainty are forced to settle for crossword puzzles. – Nora Ephron • What I love about cooking is that after a hard day, there is something comforting about the fact that if you melt butter and add flour and then hot stock, it will get thick! – Nora Ephron • What is literature compared with cooking? The one is shadow, the other is substance. – E. V. Lucas • What it requires is that first of all you identify the hazards: Where in your production chain can contamination occur? This could be a simple matter of cooking a product to kill bacteria and making sure that the product is actually brought to that temperature. – Marion Nestle • When I’m not at the keyboard, I’m generally reading, practicing tai chi or middle eastern dance, or cooking. – Sarah Zettel • When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking. – Gail Sheehy • When we no longer have good cooking in the world, we will have no literature, nor high and sharp intelligence, nor friendly gatherings, no social harmony. – Marie-Antoine Careme • When you say you’re not a feminist, if feminism hadn’t existed, and you didn’t live in a feminist world, you wouldn’t be saying that, because you’d be too busy scrubbing out the toilets in back while cooking up your husband’s tea and dying in childbirth at the age of 34. – Caitlin Moran • Whether one eats a cat or not is a personal choice, and I don’t want to sway anyone one way or another. But if you do, there is one obvious cooking tip: Always remember to remove the bell from the cat’s collar before cooking. – Mike Royko • Whether you change the linen or stitch up wounds, cook the food or dispense the medicines, it is in your hands to help build a public service worthy of all those who gave their lives for the dream of democracy – Nelson Mandela • While there are many varieties of grills, each with their own virtues to be sure, I prefer the standard Weber kettle grill. Don’t be fooled into thinking that you need any fancy gadgets in order to take advantage of cooking over a live fire. Just a good set of tongs and you’re set. – Barton Seaver • Women can spin very well; but they cannot make a good book of cookery. – Samuel Johnson • You cannot make women contented with cooking and cleaning and you need not try. – Ellen Swallow Richards • You don’t spring into good cooking naked. You have to have some training. You have to learn how to eat. – Julia Child • You don’t have to cook fancy or complicated masterpieces – just good food from fresh ingredients. – Julia Child • You probably think Italians like meals with heavy meats and sauces, but they actually prefer light meats. They see turkey as a healthy, light white meat that lends itself excellently to their style of cooking, and they use it in many different ways. Also, Europeans do not celebrate Thanksgiving so they perceive turkey as an all-year round option. – Todd English

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