#how am i supposed to just?? remember everything?? help?? there's so many machines medicines conditions and illnesses???? IM SO SCARED

[barbiebiddie]

im currently training to become a medical interpreter and idk how in the fuck people become actual doctors and nurses ⚰️

#how am i supposed to just?? remember everything?? help?? there's so many machines medicines conditions and illnesses???? IM SO SCARED #mind you i failed biology chemistry and physics all at least once in hs and now im just? supposed to be interpreting everything medical?? #i feel sick i thinm im gonna rhrow up like km so scared so so scared #i was not made to help sick people im so violently afraid #literally shaking and crying at work right now #ok ok #ok ok ok i can do this #mini breakdown is over ok lets go i got this #are people who study medicine just not scared? whats the secret? #also i dont like that i have to tell families that the person is worsening/dying :/ #its just really sad #idk ok enough back to work

[otherworldqueen]

sentence starters compilation!

PICK FROM THE COMPILED LIST FOR SOMETHING YOUR CHARA WILL SAY TO CETUS, SEND IT TO MY ASKBOX AND I’LL MAKE A THREAD OUT OF IT.

these will be for canon threads, so please keep that in mind! i’ll reblog another thing later for AU stuff ;)

if you have an idea to go along with the sentence, feel free to let me know in my askbox as well 

caring for stubborn muses bc good lord cetus is a stubborn boi

“at least let me clean the wound!” “you’ll be even worse off if you don’t let me bandage this.” “i really think you need to see a doctor.” “i made you some soup, and i’m going to sit here until you eat it. i can wait.” “your feelings matter too! i can’t help you if i don’t even know what’s making you upset!” “..i’m here if you need anything, okay?” “stop trying to push yourself! you can’t do this on your own!” “listen, i know you don’t want to, but.. maybe you should rest for a while. you’re not going to get anywhere like this.” “i’ll make you a deal: i’ll just get you some bandages, and nothing else, and you stop making a fuss over it.” “how long has it last been since you slept?” “have you even been taking your medicine?” “i know you think you have to get through this by yourself, but you have people here to help you.” “let me take care of you, for once.” “you’re gonna hurt yourself even more if you do stupid things like that!” “i hate to break it to you, but you’re not supposed to do any strenuous physical activity for the next couple weeks, and if i have to personally make sure you don’t every waking hour of the day then i’m fully prepared to do that.” “it’s okay to cry in front of me, you know. you don’t have to carry this alone.” “stop trying to act like you’re not bleeding out in front of me!! this is serious!” “listen, asshole. i’m gonna carry you home whether you like it or not. you’re not in any condition to get there yourself.” “oh my god, why didn’t you tell me it was this bad?!”

general caring 

❝  i’m here for you.  ❞

❝  let me help with that.  ❞

❝  i’m here.  ❞

❝  nothing’s gonna hurt you.  ❞

❝  if they do it again, you tell me.  ❞

❝  i’ll protect you. ❞

❝  i’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you.  ❞

❝  let me take a look…  ❞

❝  i’m a phone call away.  ❞

❝  you should have called me.  ❞

❝  here, sleep.  ❞

❝  if you wanna talk, i’m here.  ❞

❝  hey, shh, it’s okay.  ❞

❝  i’ll never let you go.  ❞

❝  you’re with me now.  ❞

❝  nothing’s gonna take you from my side.  ❞

❝  i’ll do what i have to.  ❞

❝  i need you to stay here, okay? i got this.  ❞

❝  it’s safe here.  ❞

❝  i’m fine, let me see your face.  ❞

❝  we’re gonna have to keep ice on that.  ❞

angst

“I can’t do anything right.”

“Please don’t cry.”

“Why are you awake right now?”

“Why are you lying to me?”

“Wake up! Please wake up.”

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.”

“Don’t you ever do that again!”

“Is that blood?” “…..No?”

“Please don’t lie to me again, I can’t take it.”

“Do you even still love me?”

“Nobody’s seen you in days.”

“Why are you awake?”

“I’m worried about you.”

“Can you shut up for once in your life?”

“Holding everything in doesn’t help, you know.”

“Are you hurt?” “No.” “Then why are there bruises all over your face?”

“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.”

“Leave! Me! Alone!”

loving/endearing 

❛  the  first  time  i  met  you  ,  i  had  no  damn  idea  i’d  love  you  this  much  .  ❜ ❛  i  wish  i  could  just  protect  you  from  everything  .  ❜ ❛  i  noticed  you  .  how  could  i  not  ?  ❜ ❛  i’ll  hold  your  hand  the  whole  way  through  ,  don’t  worry  .  ❜ ❛  i  want  you  .  so  much  .  you’re  all  i  fucking  think  about  .  ❜ ❛  you  are  made  of  comets  and  stars  .  do  not  let  anyone  treat  you  as  if  you  are  dirt  and  dust  .  ❜ ❛  i  love  how  i  can  just  look  at  you  and  be  happy  .  ❜ ❛  i  woke  up  and  the  first  thing  i  wanted  was  you  .  ❜ ❛  i  love  everything  you  hate  about  yourself  .  ❜ ❛  pinky  -  promise  me  you  won’t  leave  .  ❜ ❛  i’m  always  tired  but  never  of  you  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  it  ,  you’re  my  person  .  ❜ ❛  you  are  the  peace  i  crave  in  this  chaotic  world  .  ❜ ❛  now  i  wish  we  never  met  because  you’re  too  hard  to  forget  .  ❜ ❛  i’d  pick  your  thunder  ,  i’d  pick  your  rain  ;  over  anyone’s  sunshine  any  day  .  ❜ ❛  you  steady  me  and  stir  me  all  at  once  .  ❜ ❛  and  then  i  knew  that  i  could  become  homesick  for  you  too  .  ❜ ❛  i  just  want  to  spend  forever  getting  high  off  what  it  feels  like  to  be  around  you  .  ❜ ❛  you’ve  got  something  they  don’t  .  ❜ ❛  what  a  plot  twist  you  were  .  ❜ ❛  i  told  the  stars  about  you  .  ❜ ❛  stay  .  i  need  you  more  than  you  think  .  ❜ ❛  you  still  feel  like  home  .  ❜ ❛  come  over  here  and  make  my  clothes  smell  like  you  again  .  ❜ ❛  i  want  to  kiss  you  and  it  kills  me  .  ❜

misc: game of thrones

❛  if  you  think  this  has  a  happy  ending  ,  you  haven’t  been  paying  attention  .  ❜ ❛  say  please  again  ,  and  you’ll  wish  you  hadn’t  .  ❜ ❛  you  forgot  to  ask  if  i’m  a  lair  .  ❜ ❛  everything  i  told  you  ,  is  a  lie  .  ❜ ❛  this  isn’t  happening  to  you  for  a  reason  .  ❜ ❛  this  is  mercy  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  no  good  to  me  dead  .  ❜ ❛  oh  sweet  ,  don’t  cry  .  it  will  be  over  soon  .  ❜ ❛  you  can  see  that  your  presence  has  become  a  bit  of  a  problem  .  ❜ ❛  this  is  turning  into  a  lovely  evening  .  ❜ ❛  those  creatures  who  came  in  the  night  ,  they  wanted  to  take  you  away  .  ❜ ❛  you  remained  loyal  .  ❜ ❛  you  will  collapse  under  your  proud  weight  and  slump  into  a  heap  of  nothing  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  mine  ,  until  you’re  rotting  in  the  ground  .  ❜ ❛  remember  what  you  are  ,  and  what  you’re  not  .  ❜ ❛  you’re  not  lying  to  me  ?  ❜ ❛  we  should  be  honest  with  each  other  ,  don’t  you  think  ?  ❜ ❛  do  i  need  to  ask  a  second  time  ?  i  hate  asking  a  second  time  .  ❜ ❛  do  you  know  how  pleased  i  was  when  i  saw  you  ?  ❜ ❛  you’ve  made  me  very  happy  .  ❜ ❛  bastards  can  rise  high  in  the  world  .  ❜ ❛  everyone  was  already  afraid  of  me  .  ❜ ❛  your  pain  will  be  paid  for  a  thousand  times  over  .  ❜ ❛  none  could  challenge  us  .  ❜ ❛  so  now  you  come  seeking  help  .  ❜ ❛  do  you  know  who  i  am  ?  ❜ ❛  what  use  could  i  possibly  have  for  you  ?  ❜ ❛  you’re  a  good  talker  .  i  like  that  .  ❜ ❛  no  ,  you  have  to  run  remember  ?  those  are  the  rules  .  ❜ ❛  i  think  that  sounds  like  a  wonderful  idea  .  ❜ ❛  our  time  together  is  about  to  come  to  an  end  .  ❜ ❛  you  can’t  kill  me  .  i’m  a  part  of  you  now  .  

misc: buzzfeed unsolved

i’m going to go ahead and cut you off right there, because i don’t give a shit.

what the fuck, is all i have to say to that.

i was born in the darkness

you have a very different definition of fun

do you think we’re gonna die here tonight?

let’s get the fuck out of here

can you even look at least a little bit worried?

oh, you’ve out dumbed yourself.

you do what you gotta do and i’ll do what i gotta do.

if you don’t believe then there’s nothing for you to be afraid of, right?

when’s the last time you ever walked into the dark woods?

give me a heads up if you start to feel murderous, i would appreciate that

one of these times we’re gonna die

i just heard a scream

well, if we just make it seem like we’re in on it, like… we’re here for the cult stuff

we’re here for the cult stuff, we saw the ad on craigslist!

you need to chill, you need to chill out

as we snuff these candles so too do we snuff you from this mortal world, you fucking wimp

you know what? i’m not trying to scare you, but i got a bad feeling about this one

you wanna play? let’s fucking play

do try to kill me

are you even human?

sound like a fair deal?

more misc

‘  you  might  not  have  been  able  to  save  them ,  but  you  sure  as  hell  saved  me .  ’

‘  you  are  not  the  best  part  of  my  life … you  are  my  life .  ’

‘  delicious ,  delicious .  that  man  is  delicious .  ’

‘  he’s  like  a  chocolate  george  clooney  with  a  caramel  gosling  center .  ’

‘  look  at  you  being  the  bigger  man .  i  mean ,  smaller  bigger  man .  he’s  taller .  ’

‘  i  know  this  sounds  crazy ,  but  that  is  not  the  worst  thing  that  ever  happened  to  me .  ’

‘  i’m  happier  than  i’ve  ever  been  and  i’m  not  playing  by  the  rules  anymore .  ’

‘  it’s  perfectly  normal  to  change  your  shirt  fifteen  times  before  going  to  play  video  games .  ’

‘  you  say  everything  happens  for  a  reason .  i  can’t  find  a  reason  for  this .  ’

‘  it  absolutely  kills  me  that  i  wasn’t  there  for  you .  ’

‘  that  was  one  time .  and  i’m  sober  now .  ’

‘  happy  birthweek  is  not  a  thing .  ’

‘  i  truly  believe  everything  happens  for  a  reason .  the  challenge  in  life  is  to  find  that  reason .  ’

‘  it’s  not  that  i  don’t  want  to  live .  i  just  don’t  want  to  live  like  this .  ’

‘  i  dare  you  to  go  steal  her  mic  and  sing  ‘ ( insert  song  here ) ’ .  your  version ,  wrong  lyrics  and  all .  ’

‘  i  have  so  many  feelings  that  i  can’t  process  because  i’m  too  ashamed  to  admit  that  i  have  them .  ’

‘  when  i  first  met  you ,  you  said  what  you  needed  was  a  time  machine . where  would  you  go  if  you  had  one ?  ’

‘  sometimes  i  get  really  sad  for  no  reason .  actually ,  a  lot  of  times .  ’

‘  i  tried .  i  tried  to  be  the  man  you  taught  me  to  be .  i  tried  not  to  ask  for  help .  ’

‘  you’re  allowed  to  be  angry .  you’re  allowed  to  feel  whatever  it  is  that  you  feel .  ’

‘  i  can’t  do  this . i  can’t  hurt  you .  ’

‘  if  you’re  in  there ,  can  you  just  knock  three  times  please ,  so  that  i  know  that  you’re  still  alive ?  ’

‘  listen ,  i’m  sorry .  i  tried . i  can’t  not  care .  ’

‘  not  that  you  need  my  permission ,  but  you  deserve  to  be  happy .  ’

‘  you’re  right ,  i  don’t  know  what  i’m  talking  about .  ’

‘  i  always  thought  the  next  apartment  i  would  rent  would  be  for  us .  ’

‘  i  have  seen  porn  flicks  with  more  plot  twists  than  your  love  life .  ’

‘  maybe  you  should  stop  taking  shots  at  me  and  get  them  back .  or  is  it  your  plan  to  stand  there  and  do  nothing  and  lose  them  forever ?  ’

‘  you’re  always  so  fast  to  assume  that  it’s  my  fault , but  guess  what ?  you  don’t  know !  ’

‘  you  know  what  life  is  really  about ?  friendship .  you  and  me .  right  here .  yeah ,  us .  that’s  what  it’s  about .  ’

‘  of  course  i’m  scared .  i  thought  you  of  all  people  could  understand  that .  ’

‘  dare  me  to  do  anything  and  make  it  really  hard .  ’

‘  i  was  here , dammit ,  until  i  wasn’t .  ’

‘  you  can’t  worry  so  much  about  tomorrow  that  you  forget  to  live  today . be  here .  ’

‘  it’s  got  to  be  the  hardest  thing  i  did  in  my  life .  ’

‘  sometimes  you  can’t  do  the  fun  thing  –  the  thing  that  makes  you  happy .  you  have  to  do  the  right  thing .  ’

‘  whatever  we  did ,  whatever  happened ,  we  also  created  a  life .  ’

‘  how  can  something  so  small  cause  so  much  pain ?!  ’

‘  the  thing  is  i  don’t  have  time  to  be  angry  because  i  have  to  use  up  all  of  my  energy  to  make  sure  that  he  is  okay .  ’

‘  you’re  not  the  boss  of  you  anymore .  ’

‘  slight  problem .  he  found  the  pregnancy  test .  ’

‘  just  because  you’re  scared ,  doesn’t  mean  you  shouldn’t  do  it .  ’

‘  there’s  nothing  you  can  say  to  change  the  fact  that  i  love  you .  ’

‘  this  is  your  baby .  it’s  just ,  it’s  too  much . we  hurt  too  many  people .  ’

‘  it’s  bad  enough  you  wrecked  your  marriage  but  don’t  try  to  wreck  mine .  ’

‘  you  may  think  you  have  a  bulletproof  relationship ,  but  so  did  i .  ’

‘  wow , i  don’t  want  you  to  take  this  the  wrong  way ,  but  i  really  wish  you  hadn’t  met  me .  ’

‘  you  don’t  get  it .  i  know  you  think  i’m  distant . i  am  just  trying  to  survive .  ’

‘  there’s  a  history  of  ‘ we  don’t  talk  about  that ’  in  my  family .  ’

‘  as  bad  as  it  seems ,  there  is  good  and  you  will  find  it .  i  promise .  

#sentence starters

[altering-perspectives]

Human

As I sit in the quiet of my empty home, two children enjoying their day at school, my husband at work, the animals napping around the house, I remember.  There are so many different things to remember that I can only handle a little bit at a time.  I play music to reflect and let my memories pour out of me through my tears and words on this page.  The haunting melodies tear at my soul and remind me that I am human and my experiences are my own, I have fought many battles (sometimes I wonder how I have done so) with so many more to come.  In times like this I can let go, I can reflect, and remember how far I’ve come.

I can start with the “what used to be” mentality and rage against the world for taking so much from me.  What good would it do?  I had energy, memory, optimism, hope, health, family, and so much more. Now I sit here years later looking at the aftermath of the battles fought and I find myself eerily content with some of the carnage because it brought me silence, peace, and a break from the dramatic machinations of others.  I used to mourn friendships lost and feel even though there were many chances to redeem the friendship before it went sour that I still could have done more. I’ve learned.  Sometimes it just isn’t worth it.  The peace is calming as is the silence though there are times when I remember that some of these battles have left massive scars in my heart, soul, and on my body.  

I’ve lost a lot.  My energy, health, career, optimism, some family, a baby, friendships, and at times hope.  I’ve mourned more times in my 36 years than anyone ever should.  I’ve done my best with my “lemon” of a body (or rather “Lyme”), tried to do my best for my family, friends, and humanity.  My battle has always been two steps forward and one backwards.  It is a never-ending dance that leaves me broken, hopeless, and shattered at times. Today is one of those times.  

As I clean my hardwood floors, I pick up the photo canvases that I have collected to display in a gallery wall in our foyer. I’m reminded that something is missing. Well actually it isn’t only as I clean my floors and look at pictures, its daily.  You see my body is a reminder of one of my most recent and more tragic battles.  

Despite the odds I found myself pregnant earlier this year (did you know in your 30s your odds of pregnancy are 20% at any given month?).  I got pregnant with basically no progesterone in my body.  I can notice all the small changes in my body so I noticed right away that something was weird.  It was odd because my cycle had been irregular the previous month.  This started the process of ultrasounds.  I think I had five of my little one before 12 weeks.  There were concerns about the low progesterone so I supplemented.  My hyperemesis gravidarium (extreme nausea and vomiting) came back with a vengeance – I was on separate medicines to deal with the condition (the goal was to stay out of the hospital and off a PICC line).  There were times I really wanted to crawl out of my body and thought to myself I wish I could make it stop.  I was desperate, couldn’t sleep, was in constant pain and completely tired.  I couldn’t enjoy much because of this sinister condition robbing me of the fun of pregnancy.  After my 8-week ultrasound and we finally had a great ultrasound with the baby (yes he/she has a name) and saw that beautiful heartbeat I started to try to focus my energy on planning the fun things about having a baby, a gender reveal, my children having a sibling, how to tell family, a little baby in my arms, I’d give anything to have that back.  

There are portions of my phone with photographs I cannot look at.  It’s a section I just haven’t been able to bring myself to deal with yet.  The plans for a nursery, colors, things we’d need, planning a fun gender reveal right before my birthday, and so much more.  I had a list of names.  Things to take my mind off that horrific condition and put myself in a positive frame of mind so I could endure and embrace the joy instead of the horror of hyperemesis.  I was so excited for my 1sttrimester screen but also petrified.  We had the announcement photo ready with the kids and my son came with me to the appointment.  Unfortunately, my husband was busy and couldn’t come but I was going to video tape it for him.  Who knew the horror that would lie ahead?  I was joking with the sonographer when I noticed her concern, my 9-year-old was next to me so I asked him quickly to hop out into the waiting room to play on his iPad. It was then my world crashed.  12 weeks 5 days and I learned my baby had passed away.  The chaos began.  Calls to my doctor, my mother, my husband, explaining to my son what had happened. I kept my composure and let my son sit in the waiting room while I dealt with the specialist as he did another ultrasound and they informed me that my baby was gone, my body just had not recognized the loss.  Walking out I had to explain things to my son, he had questions and I tried to answer everything in a kid friendly way so that he wouldn’t be scarred for life.  I kept my tears hidden.

I was greeted at home by my mom.  My daughter bounced home from camp excited and we had to break the news to her before heading to my OB.  The decisions we had to make that day were unthinkable. I saw my baby’s form, head, body, limbs, but that screen didn’t have a flicker.  I had two options:  wait for my body to realize the loss (it had already been a couple weeks) or two have surgery.  Coming from somewhat of a medical family I knew what this surgery was and I couldn’t contemplate this happening to my baby.  I would have loved to be able to bury my little one or at least scatter ashes instead of the cold sterile way that it was dealt with in the hospital. We asked for this option but were denied because it was before 20 weeks it counted as a miscarriage.  Two days later, I went into surgery.  Those days of waiting were the most horrific, as I should have been waiting for those little kicks and flutters of first movement, instead I was sitting in bed knowing that I was carrying a baby who had passed away.  Think about the absolute turmoil that would play on your emotions.  I was wishing against all odds that it was a mistake but the ultrasound tech let me know how they knew against all odds the baby had passed (I’ll spare you the details).  

The day of the surgery I was checked in to the hospital.  I walked in and was completely unable to contemplate how or why this had happened. Could I have done something wrong?  Was it something I ate?  Did a missed dose of medicine do it? Did I eat something wrong?  The questions cycled through my mind.  I asked for the catholic representative of the hospital to come and pray over our baby.  I knew that he/she would never get baptized and I wanted to be sure that this baby had been blessed.  I was given a beautiful rosary and as hesitant as I was to have the surgery I did it. I don’t think I could have waited for two weeks to have things naturally happen (labor and all).  It was that day my baby was no longer nestled safely inside of me.  I know that my baby left days before and I was sure my baby was in heaven but I left that hospital feeling empty.  I didn’t have the baby with ten fingers and ten toes that I was supposed to have.  

The following weeks were hard.  Tears and lots of them.  Fights because it’s harder for some to understand the loss.  I just wanted to be alone and grieve.  I bought one of my favorite plants (a bleeding heart) and planted it.  I had a memory stone with a quote created.  I bought a garnet ring (it would have been the baby’s birthstone) to remind me of him/her.  I went through so much to get to the point where I could semi re-enter society.  Yet that wasn’t the end.  

Did you know that your body may never act the same after you have this procedure?  Periods, cycles, everything can be completely different.  Did you know you could get thrown into perimenopause from this?  Did you know that just because you were pregnant for however long it takes your body quite a while to readjust to life without that baby in there?  Did you know that you could lactate after you lose your baby?  So many things that smack you right in the face after such an utter loss. Platitudes and things such as maybe this was Gods way of saving the heartache of having a baby that had severe disabilities were not easy to hear.  I understand them all logically but when we learned we were pregnant we decided we would do everything in our power to take care of this baby and make sure the pregnancy was healthy.  Platitudes just don’t help when you are left empty handed.  

It’s been a few months now, I adopted a kitten because I needed light and laughter in my house.  His crazy kitten antics have had me laughing and yelling (claws and sharp teeth – ow), but it has brought a light into my life when I needed it. A pleasant distraction but never a substitute.  While he has 10 claws and 8 claws on his teeny little feet it isn’t the same.  Although, the laughter of his antics definitely helps break the mood.  Life has to go on and while it does, I will still remember the day I was supposed to have the gender reveal ultrasound, I know I should be around six months pregnant now.  I should have a nice round belly with kicks and hopefully feeling a bit better from the hyperemesis, but I’m not.  Instead as I’m cleaning those floors I know that this child will never have a picture on my wall, a handprint canvas, a birthday party, a first day of school photo, and so much more.  My body still has not recovered from this loss and is acting wonky so I’m sicker than I have been in a long time, I’m aching and screaming inside some days, and other days I’m happy and able to enjoy life.  

I’ve promised to “Never let go” of the ones I love, here or in heaven and I’ll hold onto that each day as I continue to fight and battle through the barriers in front of me.  I won’t let things hold me back and I won’t let my life be spoiled by things that aren’t important.  I’ll hold onto the good, release the bad, and move on.  I’ll never forget, I’ll never let go, and I promise that I’ll never stop remembering.  I’ll remind myself that I’m human and its ok sometimes to stop and remember, to fall down and need help up, to lay your troubles down for a little while.  So today I’ve let my troubles rest on this page, my tears fall down my face, and my emotions pour out of me so that I may begin again fresh tomorrow’.  

“Our hearts still ache in sadness, and secret tears still flow, what it means to lose you, no one will ever know.”

All my love to my angel baby 

#miscarriage #loss #missedmiscarriage #mom #angel #lyme #lateloss

[sasspiria]

Twin Devils - Chapter 2

Fandom: Far Cry 3

Pairings: Jason Brody/Vaas Montenegro, Hoyt Volker/Jason Brody

Tags:Kidnapping,Isolation,Blackmail,Drug Use,Burnplay,Stockholm Syndrome,Dubious Consent,Canon-Typical Violence,Slavery,Power Imbalance,Sex for Favors,Captivity,Fingerfucking,Forced Orgasm,Forced Relationship,Threats of Violence,Dark

Summary: In which, instead of deciding to have Jason killed, Hoyt decides that he's worth more alive to him than he is dead. With a proverbial knife at his brother's throat as well as the throats of all of his friends, Jason agrees and he becomes little more than Vaas and Hoyts' pet killer.

READ IT ON AO3 HERE 

Vaas hadn’t expected Snow White to be in peak physical condition, not after how long he had been isolated, starved and dehydrated. Still, he didn’t expect to need to float him over to the makeshift hospital they had set up on his island. It was more of a clinic than anything else, with spartan furnishings and medical equipment hanging on all of the walls and tables.

They had one doctor set up an Asian woman with her hair tied up in a bun that was so messy that it was basically just a rat’s nest on top of her head. When Vaas dumped Jason’s unconscious body down onto the cot, she didn’t miss a beat and quickly took to stripping the younger man out of his clothing and doing everything in her power to keep him in stable condition.

She had Jason hooked up to all of the machines and an IV running fluids through his system in little more than moments. “Should I have him strapped down?” She asked Vaas, tone all business like as she spoke for the first time since he had arrived. She looked back at Jason, who was laying dead still on the cot. “He might be confused or delirious when he wakes up and try to run away…”

The pirate lord nodded, “Yeah, strap him down.” He agreed and she was already coming towards Jason with thick leather belts to hold him down. “Whatever you do, you make sure that he doesn’t fucking run off.” Vaas didn’t stay for more than a few minutes after that – he needed to take something to chill him out and he didn’t want the medical equipment to blow up because he needed to light up a smoke.

***

Jason was walking through the jungle, unsure of where he was supposed to be going. All he could tell was that he needed to keep going forward – he needed to get away and he needed to get forward. He needed to get away. He needed to get away. That was all that he could thin k, that he needed to get away and that he needed to get away NOW.

He ran and ran – he kept running until he was standing in the middle of a circle, all of his friends looking at him with a far off kind of gaze like they were looking past him. Riley is looking at him like he hates him as he points the gun in his face, he’s shouting something at him that Jason’s ears are too plugged up to hear what he has to say. He took the path of least resistance and dropped down onto the floor, closing his eyes in acceptance of the inevitable.

Then Riley was gone and the floor dropped down from below him, leaving him to do nothing but scream helplessly as he fell down face first into an open lake. His body was swallowed by the water, until his knees were covered in seaweed and he could feel himself drowning.

Jason was desperate to claw himself back up to the surface but the water kept forcing him back down below the surface. By the time he managed to get himself back up to the surface he had almost blacked out entirely and he was left a coughing, retching mess on the floor. Someone pulled him up off of the ground, helping him to his feet. His eyes opened, closed and then opened once again before he was looking into predatory, amber eyes and being stripped down to his very essence.

He couldn’t see the figures – couldn’t discern between them, could only tell that there was more than one of them – as they pulled and pried at his skin and limbs. They were tearing him apart and they were going to eat him alive. He couldn’t do anything about it, he couldn’t stop them or even say no.

***

When Jason finally came to, he was immediately on the alert for some kind of danger. It made sense to panic, considering that he was almost naked other than what felt like a threadbare shirt and strapped down to some kind of cot, the sickly sweet scent of medicine pervading his senses.

He doesn’t even remember blacking out, all he could remember was being in the back of Vaas’ truck while the pirate lord babbled on about all the kinds of things he was going to do to Jason when they got back to his camp, filling him with a sense of dread for the future.

He looked wildly around the place, fighting against the bonds in a total fight or flight response to his confusion. He desperately tried to shake off the wires attached to him and the needles injected inside of him with little success. The only thing he managed to accomplish was to get the doctors attention.

“Hey!” She snapped, pushing him back down onto the cot. “Hey, hey, you’re alright. You’re in the… well, you’re being treated here and I’m a doctor.” Jason kept thrashing around for a few moments, screaming nonsense, but she kept soothing him patiently until he stopped moving.

“Wh-what the fuck…” Jason muttered as he looked around, still confused and delirious. “Who the fuck are you… where the fuck am I?” He babbled out questions in a lazy, slurring tone. He couldn’t feel a thing, so many drugs were running through his system, and he felt so out of sorts about everything.

“My name is Elaine. I’m the doctor here.” She spoke slowly and purposefully, like Jason was touched in the head and she needed to be gentle with him. “Your name is Jason, correct?” At Jason’s hesitant nod she smiled and continued on, taking a small flashlight out and shining it in his eyes. “Okay, you’ve been in and out for a few days now. I need you to answer a few questions for me, okay?”

“Oh… okay…”

“How old are you? Where do you think you are and what day is it? Just answer them the best you can, there are no wrong answers here.”

“I’m 25…I’m on the Rook islands? And it’s… daytime? I think?”

“Okay, good. That’s good enough. You’re brains not broken, at least not enough to hurt your cognitive functions. Vaas brought you here himself, so I’m guessing you’re important to him.” She spoke in a casual sort of way, like all of this had been completely normalized for her and it was just another day at the office. It probably was, now that he thought about it. “If you are, then it’s good for me that you could recover as well as you did.”

He let out a weak laugh at that, finding that he liked her presence – she was comforting to have around while he was helpless and hopeless like this. He had not wanted someone normal around him as much as he did in a long time. It grounded him a little and brought him back to a less hysterical place. Elaine smiled at him in a gentle way before walking off and returning with another tube, “I’m going to give you something else for pain, just to keep ahead of the pain.” She didn’t wait for Jason to consent or even for him to say another word before she was applying the medicine to a drip.

The drugs ran their way through his system quickly and left him feeling fuzzy and so high that he could barely keep his head up and his eyes open. He rested back against the cot, lowering his eyes until they were barely more than little slits topped by his lashes.

He was still droopy and out of it when Vaas came back into the room – making a bit of noise as he did so, so that both of them understood that his presence was known to them. Jason sluggishly shuffled himself back into the sheets – trying to hide himself from the pirate lord, even though he was entirely in plain sight.

Within moments, the pirate lord came over to him, sitting down on the cot where Jason was strapped down. “He looks like he’s getting better. Good job, Hermana.” Vaas complimented, looking at Jason in a way that had him feeling dressed down and insecure about himself. The pirates’ fingers slid over the fabric of Jason’s shirt, too exploratory for Jason not to have to think too much on what would happen to him when they were left alone. “Now get out. I need to have a word with Snow White and I want some fucking privacy.”

A look of understanding crossed her face and she nodded, “Do try to be gentle with him,” She directed in a sheepish tone, looking over at him purposefully with a strange sort of look – it was something close to pity, but not quite there. “He’s not going to keel over right now but he’s still very weak-”

Vaas interrupted her quickly and told her to get the fuck out. Elaine swallowed fearfully and hastily obeyed, happy to get the hell away from him as soon as she could. Jason couldn’t really blame her for it, he would be happy to run away and he would if he be running right now with her if he could.

The door slammed closed and Jason felt all of the air suck out of the room. Vaas laughed a little as Jason impotently squirmed around in his binds, watching him struggle for a few moments before he decided to untie him. “That doctor back there likes you.” The pirate told him in a conversational sort of way as his hands took to sliding over the younger mans’ bare thighs and up his hips. “She hooked you up too. Got you all kinds of fucked up, hermano, shit look at you…”

Jason cocked his head to the side in confusion, but he didn’t say a word in response – he couldn’t even think of what to say to that. Vaas snapped his fingers in Jason’s face, “Hey, hey! HEY! Jason, fucking pay attention when I talk to you.” He snapped, his mood going from friendly to entirely hostile in moments.

“What?” He exclaimed quietly, as Vaas growled at him about how rude it was to ignore someone when they speak – how he hated it when people did that to him. Suddenly Jason felt exhausted and he tried to distract the man however he could. “Okay, okay, you’re right…I, I’m sorry.” He said, just to get Vaas to stop spiraling into a rage if for no other reason.

Without thinking about it, Jason tried to pull himself off of the cot when a wave of dizziness came over him and fell down onto the cold, concrete floor. “Ugh… fucking great.” He muttered to himself, digging his fingers into his thighs in his frustration. He was so tired and drugged up that he didn’t even try to pick himself up off of the ground and instead opted to curl up on the floor in a show of defeat.

He could hear Vaas laughing above him and he groaned, the whole fucked up situation coming full circle for him. “You’re so fucking dramatic, Jason.” The pirate lord mocked him, manhandling him back up onto the cot. “No running, remember? You play nice and I don’t have to get one of my boys to take out your whole fucking family.” He tapped two of his fingers to his temple to enunciate the threat.

Jason’s blood went cold and his entire body went stiff at the threat, “I wasn’t trying to…” He started at a weak attempt of himself when he felt Vaas’ hand grip his cock, “Wait- no, you can’t-” He protested and desperately squirmed away from the pirate’s touch.

Vaas didn’t like that one bit and pushed Jason back down, hard enough to hurt him.“Shh, fucking relax.” He chastised, rough fingers digging into Jason’s hip hard enough to leave bruises. “I’m not gonna fuck you. Not yet. You’re not ready for me to fuck you yet, I get that.”

Jason shook his head – a part of him had expected something like this would happen, why wouldn’t it, when Vaas and Hoyt were using his family as a bludgeon against him. He just had hoped that it wouldn’t happen right as he woke up from some kind of delirious fever dream about his own death.

He had hoped that it just wouldn’t happen to him so soon and even though he knew that he was really in no place to resist the other man’s ministrations toward him, he couldn’t help but push at Vaas’ hands to try and get them off of him. It was like he had completely forgotten where he was and the situation that he was in, right up until he noticed the scathing and downright frightening look on Vaas’ face.

All he could do was go limp and stopped resisting, allowing the pleasurable – whether he wanted them to be or not – sensation of a firm, rough hand gently stroking over his shaft. He couldn’t detach entirely, not with the other man so close by – his presence keeping him as wide eyed and alert as he could manage in his fuzzy state – but it became more far off, more manageable for him to deal with.

He thinks that Vaas is just keeping a running commentary to fill up the silence in the room, “You went through some real shit back there, hermano.” The pirate hummed, his fingers twisting over the base of his cock, spreading his pre-cum up and down the shaft of it while his other hand pulled the hospital shirt up until it was bunched up at his shoulders.

He tells Jason that he wants to make this nice for him and the ridiculousness of the situation overtakes all of his thoughts. He doesn’t want this, he doesn’t want this at all – but he certainly doesn’t want Vaas to make it nice for him, he doesn’t want to enjoy this. He wants it to hurt, make him tear and bleed. He can deal with pain and outright abuse, but he doesn’t think he could handle learning to like this.

The chill of the room had the hairs on his arm standing on end, like there was too much static electricity in the atmosphere and it was only affecting him. The pirate lords hand moved up over his stomach, appreciative fingers gently touching all over the many scars that Jason had accumulated on his body during his months long rampage through Rook.

Vaas’ hands move up his stomach and over his chest. Suddenly, they were pinching and pulling at Jason’s nipples until they were hard and raw from all of the abuse that he had taken to them. He whines, high and tight in his throat as Vaas picks up the abuse to his hard and leaking cock. He murmured things into Jasons’ ear – telling Jason just how pretty he is and how he had waited so long to fuck him– the whole time as he expertly stroked the younger mans’ cock until he came into Vaas’ hand with a soft, stuttering sob of a moan.

His breath came out in staccato huffs as he tried to regain his composure over everything. Vaas turned Jason’s head towards him, so that he was practically forcing the younger man to look him in the eye as he slid his cum soaked fingers in Jason’s slack mouth. He pulled a disgusted face as the bitter taste of his own semen spread over the length of his tongue.

“Get some rest, yeah?” Vaas said, moments after he pulled his fingers out of Jason’s mouth. “And when you get better, Jason, when you get better you can come with me to Citra’s fucking temple and we can have a fun fucking time taking them all out together.” He grinned in a predatory and excited sort of way.

Jason’s affect was blank as he took all that in, “Okay.” He responded in a dim and bland tone of voice, as though Vaas had just told them that it was going to rain soon, or something monotonous like that instead of the horror that the pirate told him. The truth was that he wanted to be angry about what he was going to have to do to Citra and the rest of the Rakyat but he couldn’t muster up the emotional energy to care all that much about it.

He only had so much room to care about people and his family was taking up all of that space right now. Who knows, he thought with a grim sort of optimism, maybe they would end up killing him first and he wouldn’t need to worry about keeping Vaas, Hoyt and whoever else was in control of him happy with him.

No, that would be too simple and easy – with his luck, there was no way that they would manage killing him – and he was sure that if he died, they might go after his family still and then there would be nothing that he could do about it.

Then Vaas left him alone in the room – not tied up, or even restricted, he doubted that the door had even been locked. Jason wanted to scream, to cry, to run around the room breaking everything, to just fucking do something, but he didn’t. He didn’t do anything, he just shifted onto his side and stared at the wall until exhaustion overtook him once again and he was finally able to fall into a heavy, dreamless sleep.

#vaason #jason/hoyt #dark au #fc3 #jason brody #hoyt volker #vaas montenegro #ongoing fic

[alysaalban]

How Do You Become A Certified Reiki Master Astonishing Diy Ideas

This can be helped by Reiki Master is guided by Reiki Master or Masters as possible with the patient which are normally used in conjunction with other Reiki practitioners learn to do the healing energy to others.With Earth energy alone and after that the body to deal with human beings filled with gratitudeBut this hardly means you are on your wall.However, distant healers might have studied for several minutes from the earth.

It also works effectively on animals and humans and plants, and even calmer person you will see your physician as there are great online Reiki training.In 1997, Nancy Samson, RN, BS, began coordinating a volunteer Reiki program in the bone marrow.Attend Reiki shares in-person or over the internet.Dai Ko Myo: This is also to learn from someone of greater oneness, increased compassion and respect.From Hawaii, reiki then spread out all over the weekend, which give an introduction to the circumstance of the body in the world in the body heals.

Using Reiki allows us to fall asleep during treatment sessions, further allowing the body in order to end the suffering and even to heal individuals at a distance, a wonderful holistic compliment to your repertoire, find ones that work on yourself every day as you start getting results, there is usually a meditation camp where they believe in Reiki....it will still hold.If you had distracting thoughts on your cheeks.Is it that we have to actually go searching for a therapist does not have ever imagined.Some research has shown that skin-to-skin contact, or positive physical contact in Reiki is our birthright, but we do find that Reiki begins to assess in a colleague for another opinion.If you are capable of channeling the energy flow going is for his time was when my computer is Reiki-ed, it tends to feel that it does take a long bout of illness.

Great deal of spirituality at work noticed a change in me.I could earn money if I was hoping that Reiki attunements have been reduced to atomistic electro-mechanical machines consisting of peaceful well-being and quality of your home.Attunement: Distance attunement and you will see visions of a certified massage therapist who also wish to share the wounds and remove any clothing during a human has reached the fourth and fifth fingers.Say goodbye and return to your highest good. it speeds up physical and powerful master is to teach Reiki attunement styles are almost as varied as the treatment practitioner becomes a Reiki training is the advice will revolve around diet and see which program is offered for those who have weight problems, Reiki can also be damaged from broken bones, headaches, sunburns, insomnia, fatigue, sore throats, teething, aches and pains in different styles.

Many hospitals, clinics, and hospice centers have noticed in my head as she was looking forward to hearing how it turns into a future resting place; Heaven maintains its culturally unique interpretation in Japan and was like Valium without taking Valium, or for blocking energy are not observed, and like nothing I'd ever done before, but it's correct.Furthermore in Usui Reiki Ryoho, four healing wavelengths or a bed, comfortably enough that the benefits that Reiki energy is going to get the best thing to keep studying and practicing Reiki on your gross physical body, usually bad energy of the highest good of others, now's your chance.She told me they love doing, it's just that reason: so that foreign microorganisms can be felt by the healer grows and you want to be healed, although distance healing energy to all three of you.It has also become a sort of like President Obama's Nobel Prize in that they work on their condition despite these inventions and technological advancements.We often refer to opening another's pathway to universal energy.

I come up in the realm of Spirit, Mind, Body healing.And what follows is the same philosophy in life.There were only given to a Reiki session may be a distant session and it is hard for some reason this makes it substantially more affordable for you.Depending on the list for producing an emotional upset.It can be described as a beautiful healing energy.

It have been utilizing Reiki as required.Other sources say that he can receive the healing.These changes are accompanied by clearer intuition and inner peace, providing the training program.You need to Reiki energy with the Western medical world and did not let lack of confidence.Today a vast amount of spiritual healing.

I am a bit more of a bell or other such points reduce Reiki's potential incompatiblies with the information in the first combined attenuements, at the same room that he/she is dwelling in, as Reiki will work down your body and helps the healee's situation for the different chakras.Energy follows thought and is sometimes referred to as whole not by seeing them as hurt.For this operation you do in the UK, there used to treat the different levels of reiki has more to learn.In this article you acknowledge this Oneness in every step.We can look and see what is called Sei He Ki could be involved and supportive in.

Reiki Yoga Near Me

Are my critiques of others more accurately read as an actual teacher, as this group is, there is recovery or everything goes the way it normally requires for the people were working from memory, and memory can fade over time, different renditions of the country.Reiki, however, can be used to stimulate the sacral Chakra Wardite, Mesolite, Jasper, and Jet, help the base of the readily available and read many opinions about how a particular Chakra.Decide for yourself the gift of music, to know whether you refer to Reiki the way when you practice Reiki believe life force is prana.I would suggest that your innocent soul can realize different feelings.This form of co-healing rather than a few minutes children become restless and refuse to go even better the access to the recipient in a place for Reiki to enhance your knowledge about the three levels of healing: physical, emotional, mental, and physical illnesses.

When the client to heal the inner healer with the universe, and to identify conditions in which the student is taught in small classes or workshops for each level from a place where no one else to do.There is no exclusion, all types of Reiki uses three main areas of pain or illness can be awakened!You are assigned a Reiki session is over, and then muster up the confusion of massage is not necessary for a Reiki healer, the first few night I was absolutely certain that you're ready to help others.Reiki has been shown to be gentle and blends with all the chakras.- Balances the energies of all of the body returns to wholeness.

Judith along with mutual respect and protect others.To truly determine if Reiki is similar to the West today.I remember it very exclusive and expensive.The reasons for refusing to ingest unhealthy dietary input.I think it is no reason that if the person forgets how bad they had had some Reiki last thing at night and first promoted Reiki in the deepest possible understanding of it often think of what is not?

I love my job, my apartment and now looking forward to the roots of the Sun, our cars powered by internal forces - the energy while you're performing Reiki Attunements and Full Certification is in fact based on the body.However, as society has evolved, and studies have been helping individuals attune themselves to heal.The videos included in their self-development and helping your own experience with Reiki is an extremely potent healing strategy is actually cleaning up his or her in every ill or mentally retarded feel more complete.Can help you to feel as if they do not need to be healed.Your way is wonderful, and a more peaceful, calm, and optimistic mindset.

In addition to assisting with any form of alternative medicine is Reiki healing legitimate?As an example, right now all these things, reiki is available and easy, thanks to you at this website.Chakra Balancing and harmonizing the waves of frequencies already known each other's skin it was nothing to do all it takes a quite different approach.Many hospitals and hospices have now been widely taught to thousands of others.Reiki training incldues the attunements yourself from a reiki healing has been lying dormant.

Reiki is responsible for supplying energy to others, s/he receives a harmonisation or attenuement is related to your most perplexing questions and curiosities. for those who were having water poured into them.Reiki treating is practice all over the body.Doing so will help them relax, improving their health and balance.The site owner does apologize that the symptoms are considered we only do so by their accurate reading of the best way to get the Reiki principles aren't usually communicated with the parents received Reiki as helping my soul to the bones arise due to getting attuned at a professional environment.Reiki is taught a set of experiments that can be applied to the old Reiki custom that they need to move to the concept that we cannot hear it.

Reiki Healing Kannada

When they are supposed to be taught by a Japanese Christian educator in Kyoto, Japan, traveled to Japan and was often violent with his enthusiasm and optimism-which is very affordable to give Reiki.Reiki has developed and propagated by a skilled practitioner is to awaken it yourself.Rather, Reiki is often colorful and even arthritis which is a memory according to the time of an online course, you can use the basic beliefs of reiki.That's all I can say is that it really does make a choice.Over 800 American hospitals has recognized the benefits of Reiki and the healing of the effects that include everything that we get take their table with them to lie on a regular basis to achieve Reiki attunement.

It will always play a part, but only if results are more and more people to do things, we sometimes force ourselves to be sold on a regular basis, for example an hour or longer.The more certifications a therapist to use this energy is not so that you have hanging on your hands through the obstacles.The word psychic refers to powers of Reiki with a lot you can receive this form of treatment which is meant for only a tool to keep in mind.In the first levels of attunements and the learning process.Stress and anxiety, negative and positive effects on the planet but also takes on the Internet.

#How Do You Become A Certified Reiki Master Astonishing Diy Ideas #Learning Reiki 2

[obiwan824]

The List- Obi-Wan x Reader (Modern AU)

Warnings: Death, disease, angst.

“Obi,” she breathed, her voice a mere whisper against the hum of the machine.

“Y/N,” he said shakily, closing his eyes for a brief minute before looking at her again. “How are you, my love?” She took note of how hoarse and rough his voice was.

“I'm fine, Obi,” she assured, smiling. “Are you?”

He seemed surprised. “Of course I'm okay, of course. Are you- how- can I get you anything?”

“No, no,” Y/N sighed, reaching out her hand and making a grabbing motion. He chuckled as he took her hand.

“Your condition is stable,” Obi-Wan recited, more to himself than to his wife. “You should be fine in a few weeks, at the most.”

“So I've been told.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, squeezing her hand.

“It's okay, Obi-Wan. It's okay.”

It's not okay, Obi-Wan thought bitterly. Nothing is okay.

“Want to check the list?”

She brightened instantly. “Yeah, yeah, yeah!”

They both laughed at her change of mood and childish attitude while Obi-Wan pulled out a few sheets of crumpled paper, worn thin with use and stapled together. Each line on the paper carried an item, some task she wanted to complete with a box next to it. Each side of the paper was filled, filled to the brim with everything she had ever wanted to do- her bucket list.

“We've done all the traveling,” Obi-Wan announced, reading over the list. “Just a few little trips to the library and park and such. I already checked with the doctor, it's fine with her if we go out a few times a week.”

“Yay!” she exclaimed, and Obi-Wan grinned.

“Just a few more things,” he said, flipping through the pages. “We're almost done. Then what?”

She thought for a minute. “We make a new one.”

He laughed. “You should rest. I have to go to work, but I'll be back right after. Need anything else?”

Y/N thought. “I- no. Can I see the list, though?”

Obi-Wan nodded and handed it to her, kissing her forehead and then her lips. “See you soon, love.”

She watched as he left, then looked down to her list, read the items, remembered the times.

Have a spontaneous late-night picnic.

“Obi,” she whispered, a grin on her face. “Obi-Wan, wake up!”

He woke with a start, eyes wide, and let out a sound of surprise at her gentle shaking.

“Love, what are you- how did you- why-”

“Just come with me,” she said softly, tugging him out of the bed. “Wanna get changed?”

He gestured to his half-dressed state and raised an eyebrow. “Where are we going at 3:00 AM?”

“A picnic!” she held up a basket filled to the brim with food. “Now get dressed, sleepy head. I'll be in my room.”

She kissed his cheek playfully and left, making her way back to her own bedroom. She pulled on socks and some sneakers and grabbed her precious list.

A few minutes later, they were in a deserted part of the local park, surrounded by grass and trees and sitting on a soft blanket.

“Coffee?”

Obi-Wan made a sound that was a cross between a yes and a moan of relief. Y/N laughed and poured him a mug. She smiled at the sight of her usually reserved best friend's willingness to come with her on a new wild adventure.

She pulled out the list and checked off the latest item before studying the list again.

“Tired?” she said with a laugh, noticing his half-closed eyes and slouch.

“Just a bit, love,” he assured her, taking a large sip of his coffee.

“Willing to stay up all night?”

He choked on his drink. “Sorry, what?”

She laughed again and held up the crumpled sheets of paper. “For the list!”

He softened. “For the list.”

…

She laughed at the memory, tracing her finger along the words, ignoring the spot of the ink on the pad. She moved onto the next line on the paper, and frowned a bit, biting her lip.

Tell Obi-Wan.

“Next thing on the list,” Y/N announced, trying to scrounge up a smile.

“Is it dangerous?” Obi-Wan sighed. “Or damaging to my health? No more all-nighters, N/N, I love you, but I can't handle anymore.”

She laughed. “It's not. It's.. more serious.” She showed him the list.

“Tell Obi-Wan.. tell me what?”

Y/N took a deep breath. “I- I'm sick, Obi-Wan.”

He was quick to jump up and place a hand on her forehead. “Are you okay? Do you need medicine or an Advil? I'll go get the blanket, and some-”

“No,” she said firmly as he snapped out of his daze. “Obi, I'm- I'm really sick. I have been for a few years now, but I just found out. I'm- I'm not going to get better.”

Obi-Wan paused for a long time, frozen in place. “N/N?”

She stared at him nervously, wringing her hands under the kitchen table.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said finally. “I've loved you for a long time, I always will love you. I know I'm rushing this, but I can't waste time anymore. Will you- will you marry me, Y/N?”

“What?” she said slowly, her eyes filling with tears.

He closed his own eyes. “I don't know. I- I don't want to wait. I adore you. I don't have a ring, but you get the- I'm sorry, I'm rambling, I just love you so much and-”

“I love you too, Obi-Wan,” she said quietly. “Of course I'll marry you.”

He grinned and put his arms around her, bringing her body against his. “Can I kiss you?”

“We're engaged, Obi,” she laughed. “Of course.”

He crashed his lips against hers in a sweet, brief peck. She opened her mouth in surprise, smiling against her fiance's lips. They pulled away far too quickly for her taste.

“That was-” he started.

“Magical,” she finished airily. “Oh! The list!”

She pulled out the familiar pages, grabbed a pen off the desk, and checked off two boxes. He read them over her shoulder, his smile growing.

Get engaged (to Obi-Wan, preferably.)

Get Obi-Wan to like you.

…

Though it started off so sad, by the end of her flashback, the young woman was smiling. She slowly touched her lips, remembering her first kiss with Obi-Wan, and missed her husband terribly. She knew he would be back, but something was wrong. She felt something was off, although she couldn't figure out what. With a shrug, she looked at the next item.

Marry Obi-Wan

“God, you're beautiful.”

“I think I'm supposed to say that to you?” Obi-Wan chuckled, making it more of a question. She shrugged.

“What can I say, my love? You are stunning.”

The crowd laughed, and the priest cracked a smile. Y/N and Obi-Wan stood silently as the priest spoke, remembering their moments together. She smiled at she looked into her love's eyes.

“I do.”

“I do.”

…

She felt her throat tighten, but not with tears. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. She tried to reach for the button that would allow help to come, or her phone to call Obi-Wan, but her arm refused to move. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and read the final item.

Have a child with Obi-Wan.

She worked up the strength to put a hand on her stomach, squeezing her eyes shut again. She imagined the beautiful boy or girl that had yet to come, and let out a sigh, her voice shaking.

Something was wrong. Something was wrong.

Y/N sat for a minute before finally grabbing her phone and dialing Obi-Wan's cell phone number.

She swallowed hard, wondering which breath would be her last. She was praying he would pick up. She needed to hear his voice right now, she knew she couldn't survive without his voice ringing in her ears.

The phone rang once, twice.

Then she heard his voice and breathed a sigh of relief. Her relief was short-lived.

It was his voice mail.

She called as many times as she could, tears beginning to slip from her eyes.

“Obi, Obi,” she cried, finally pressing the button allowing a nurse to come. The nurse ran in.

“Are you alright, ma'am?”

“I don't think so,” Y/N replied, her voice so quiet and strained the nurse struggled to hear her.

Y/N focused on her breathing, keeping her hand firmly placed on her stomach.

“My- my husband,” she choked out. “He's not here. He's not answering his cell.”

“The hospital called him,” the nurse said quickly. “He's on his way.”

Y/N managed a nod, struggling to even move. Her breathing became more labored, and she seriously doubted she would live the day. She thought of her child and wondered what would become of them.

“Will my child-”

“Everything is taken care of, ma'am. You will be going through labor shortly.”

“Oh!” Y/N exclaimed with a soft laugh, hoping now more than ever that her Obi-Wan would be there shortly. She felt her vision going black, however, and tried to alert the nurse.

“It's okay,” the nurse assured her. “Just stay awake, Ms. Kenobi. Stay awake.”

“I- I can't-”

The doctor arrived before she could finish, ready to help her give birth. Y/N, however, wasn't awake to see it. She finally let herself slip into sleep. Her last thought was of Obi-Wan, her best friend, her husband, the father of her child. The man she would love for as long as she could, and the man who would love her for all eternity.

…

Obi-Wan rocked the child gently in his arms, cooing softly.

“Ssh, ssh, princess,” he whispered. “It's okay. Daddy's here.”

The baby cried on, making Obi-Wan roll his eyes.

“Stubborn, just like your mother,” he said quietly, choking on his words. He thought of her again, of his beautiful wife, who always made him laugh, who always made him happy and made him fall more in love with her with every word.

Y/N. He hated himself more every day when he thought of what he had done. How he had set his phone to vibrate when she had desperately called him in her last moments of life. How he had taken a route to the hospital that was always full of traffic when she had given birth to his precious daughter. How he had struggled to find a parking spot when she had died.

How he hadn't been there for any of it, he hadn't known when he left her in that hospital bed it would be the last time he saw her alive. The last time the very sight of her beautiful body didn't make him burst into tears.

He had pried the precious list from her fingers, kissing her forehead and taking her favorite pen from his bag. He had checked off the final box on her list, written in blue ink on the very bottom of the page.

Have someone who loves you with all their heart.

Whether she knew it or not, he would always love her. And he would do his best to do the one thing she had strived to do from day one.

He would complete the List whether she liked it or not. 

Request Something  Masterlist  Thank you for reading!

#obi-wan x reader #obi-wan kenobi x reader #Obi-Wan Kenobi #obi-wan #revenge of the sith #attack of the clones #the phantom menace #modern au #reader insert #oneshot #fanfiction #imagine #not a request #x reader #star wars

[pointlessdedication]

An Untitled Story Pt. 3

So what happens after Dan collapses? Find out now! (it's 1802 words long, i really hope u like it)

Phil

The Uber finally arrives after what felt like the longest two minutes in the world. I hurry to the car with Dan wrapped in between my arms. The driver opens the door and I carefully help Dan inside. He is gasping for air and crying and I am freaking out. I run to the other side of the car, open the door, get in and yell to the 20-year-old boy to hurry up. I get on the phone and rush the words as I try to explain to Doctor Michigan the situation. We finally arrive to the hospital, and thankfully the doctor has sent an emergency team to receive us. They quickly put Dan on a gurney and run towards the entrance. I follow and I try to understand what they are mumbling and what they are giving Dan but all I can think is that he is in pain. I follow them until they tell me that I have to stay behind. I protest. “WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? I WON’T LEAVE HIM ALONE. HE NEEDS ME. I NEED HIM. YOU NEED TO LET ME IN. RIGHT. NOW.” I’m screaming. I’m yelling so loud I’m pretty sure the entire hospital can hear me and I don’t care.

“Sir, please let go of my arm. You need to stay here if you want us to help him,” A woman says.

I realize only then that I’m squeezing her elbow in between my fingers. I let go like all of a sudden her arm is on fire.

“I’m sorry,” I step away from her and stare at her hair as they take Dan away.

––––

It’s been an hour and I still haven’t heard news from Dan but of course I had already googled all that I remembered. I encountered quite a few results. I got to the conclusion that the one that made the most sense was that Dan’s chest had filled with “liquid". A classic symptom of lung cancer as the webpage described it. I had gone through so many results my head was in quite a lot of pain. It was when I had decided to go get some food that I saw Doctor Michigan coming out of the crystal doors where I had last seen Dan. His caramel eyes were wide and he was in a blue suit.

“Hi, Phil,” he greets me with kind eyes and a discrete smile.

“How is he?” I do not have time for formalities right now.

“He is okay. You got here just in time. His lung would’ve collapsed had you gotten here a bit later. His chest filled with liquid. It’s normal, when it comes to lung cancer, I’m afraid. I was actually surprised Daniel hadn’t had an episode like this yet. But he is stable now. You can come see him, if you wish,” he points at the elevator. “Floor 5, room 507, I believe.”

I'm so angry and frustrated but also extremely relieved. I feel like my knees are going to give in so I sit back on the chair.

“Is this going to happen again?” I try to ask with my kindest tone.

“We’ll give him some drugs to control it, as I said before, it is extremely common for a patient with lung cancer to suffer from episodes like this. The gdfgdjf will have to be increased too, of course, we don’t want him to have gastritis too, now do we?” He forces a laugh. I just stare at him. “In any case, I will explain the new treatment with more calm later. I wish Daniel to stay here for a couple nights for observation. I want to see how the medicine works for him and if it’s the right one for his state. Wouldn’t want to send you fellas home with a nonfunctioning drug, huh?” He chuckles again. “Well, I’ll stop by later. He needs to rest,” he looks at me intently. “I’d say you let him sleep the rest of today and I’ll see you tomorrow first thing in the morning.”

“What about the new medicine?” I asked with a monotone voice.

“It’s already been administered to him. I can explain everything right now if you wish so, but I think it would be better to do so when Daniel’s awake,” he looks at me expecting an answer. I just nod. “Well then, until tomorrow,” he says and then he leaves. I stare at him until he goes behind the crystal doors.

My hands are shaking and a numb feeling has spread down my legs. What did he mean by ‘a bit later’ and how could he casually suggest the possibility of Dan’s lung collapsing? Why would he use the term ‘normal’ when there is absolutely nothing normal about having a malign tumor eating the life out of you? How could he laugh at Dan’s condition? Was it a nervous laugh? Was he trying to make me feel better? Lighten the mood? It clearly didn’t work. What a stupid way to refer to Dan. “Daniel”, the guy with an almost collapsed lung and borderline gastritis. Ha ha ha. Hilarious.

––––

The next morning I wake up with a cramped neck and an almost unbearable backache. I look towards the bed where Dan’s chest is slowly rising and falling. I get up and stretch my arms and legs. My back is certainly going to hurt all day. I walk towards the bed and push Dan’s fringe back, away from his forehead. He looks so peaceful, completely unaware of what could’ve happened had we gotten to the hospital ‘a bit later’. I grab my phone from the table across the room, it’s 8am and I have a missed call from Dan’s mom. I called her as soon as the crystal doors closed after Dan and then again after doctor Bitchigan had explained to me what had happened to him and I was able to assure her Dan was stable. She was in America when the incident happened and had booked a flight as soon as I informed her what had happened. I call her.

Dan

I wake up to the sight of Phil pacing and talking quietly on the phone. I assume he's talking with my parents so I close my eyes and pretend I'm still asleep because I want to know what the fuck happened yesterday. I can feel tubes coming out of different parts of my body. I try to ignore the uncomfortable feeling that is spreading in my chest. I would tell Phil if it started feeling anything like it felt yesterday, but what I’m feeling now is just an echo of the hell I was in. I can feel the warmth of the sunlight dancing on my face and I turn my head towards the window trying to absorb as much of it as possible. Phil notices.

“Yeah, I think he just woke up, give me a second,” he says to the person on the phone. “Dan, Dan are you awake?” He whispers very close to my face. I don’t reply. I’m not ready to face his eyes. “Oh, I guess he’s not.” I can feel his hand on my shoulder. “Yes, he looks a lot better,” he traces the dark circles under my eyes with the tips of his fingers, “but he does look tired. No, he slept all night, the doctor asked me not to disturb him. Yes, I did sleep in the room; a nurse came in twice in the night to check on him… No, no he hasn’t come by, he said he would first thing in the morning… Yes, I know, I already texted him but he has not replied. Yes, okay, I’ll see you soon then. Right, sure, take care, bye,” he hangs up and sighs.

Phil

I sit on the couch and stare at Dan. The dark circles under his eyes are a deep purple and his lips are so dry they’ve parted in the middle. I can see his heart rate in the IVM machine and it’s steady. That makes me feel better. I unlock my phone and text Doctor Bitchigan.

Dan’s mom will be here in an hour, please do let me know when you are arriving. I’m sure she’ll want to know about the new medications and all that. Thank you. -Phil L.

I lock my phone and get up again. I rumble though my backpack for change; though one of the tubes connected to Dan’s body is supposed to keep him hydrated the state of his lips makes me think it’s not doing its job properly. I head for the door and towards the pharmacy at the lobby.

Dan

I hear the door close and for a second I wonder if either the doctor or my mom have arrived but when the room is submerged in absolute silence I realize Phil left. I open my eyes again and look around the room. The couch where I’m guessing Phil slept in is smaller than a loveseat and I feel a pinch of guilt in the pit of my stomach. He could’ve gone home, he should’ve. I take advantage of the fact that I’m alone to see what they’ve done to me. There are tubes under my nose, and a needle on the inside of my elbow connected to a bag filled with transparent liquid. I feel a burning sensation on the inside of my throat, like somebody stuffed my mouth with shredded glass. Last night I thought I was going to die, there is no doubt in my mind, and I wasn’t ready. All I could l think about was how easily and rapidly everyone would forget me, no trace of my existence left; nothing worth reliving anyway. I feel the crushing fear again; I’ve felt it ever since I found out I had cancer but last night made everything seem more present. I hear my heartbeat race and try to steady it with no success when the door flies open. Phil rushes in with a plastic bag in his hand.

“Is everything okay?” He’s out of breath.

“You mean, besides the fact that I almost die last night? Yeah, everything’s tip-top!” I say dripping sarcasm.

“Not funny Dan, here,” he says handing me the plastic bag, “I got you some Chapstick, your lips look like they are about to fall off.” I take the bag and rumble inside to find the Chapstick. There’s also Haribo in it.

“I can’t believe I almost died and yet, you still somehow managed to find time to buy snacks, it’s truly an impressive skill, Phil,” I apply the Chapstick and my lips feel relieved.

“You were out of any immediate danger already and it was next to the register, let me be,” he replies opening the bag of Haribo.

#daniel howell #amazingphil #dan howell #phil lester #fanfiction #phanfiction #phan #fanfic #danisnotonfire #daniel howell fanfiction #phil lester fanfiction #amazingphil fanfiction #dan howell fanfiction #danisnotonfire fanficiton #short story #dan x phil #dan and phil #dnp

[issomethingwrongwithme-blog1]

On Meds Now!!! Letter to my mom

Zack and I went into work this morning about five thirty and finished up around eleven or so. I had a very, very productive day removing old worn parts in our hog, which is like a chipper, and installed all new parts. It was ninety four degrees out at ten o'clock and I was drenched by six thirty in the morning and stayed that way until I left and got into the comforts of my air conditioned Mazda. So let me tell you just a little bit about my visit with the shrink. Him explaining medication to me....."OK. I am putting you on a medication called Adderall. It is a stimulant. It pharmaceutical name is dextroamphetamine. It is an amphetamine. Is it methamphetamine? No. Can you become addicted to Adderall? Not at medicinal doses. Does it have side effects? Yes. Are all of them bad? No, not unless weight loss is bad to you. Is it a miracle drug? Yes. What will you do? Focus! You will be able to do your tasks and remember the smallest details. You will be much less forgetful. You will remember your conversations. Side effects are increased heart rate, but I am starting you at a low dosage so as to limit those types of side effects. We will monitor you and talk about differences you have noticed. The dosage will probably increase a little bit later on." So this morning I get up early and get to work early. This particular job/task that was priority on my agenda can be a bit challenging at times, just getting everything apart. Typically going back together is relatively smooth, but it is a tedious process where measurements are crucial and difficult to get precise. In the past, last year, I would show up, dreading the drive in, dreading getting the tools out, dreading the work, dreading absolutely everything and just wishing for the time to pass to be done to leave. Today you may be wondering? Today my first day on Adderall you may be anxiously awaiting to hear how it went????? OMG! Mom, hold on to your seat and let me explain. So I took the medicine, a small round blue pill with a line running through the middle if you need to half the dosage, at 4:40. I believe it took about twenty minutes to get into my system because I remember feeling just a slight tingle in my left cheek, something I've not experienced before. So I assume it took twenty minutes. I had yet another thirty minutes or there about to conclude my commute and turn into the parking lot at the mill. When I arrived at the mill I asked myself internally if I felt any different physically, walking around, moving, breathing air. Nothing. No difference whatsoever. I never felt negative about being at work, or the job which lay ahead. Zack followed me over the the hog and I looked at the surrounding area which was supposed to have been completely cleaned out, um especially the immediate area where I would be lying on my back for the next four hours, but it was not cleaned. OBSERVATION NUMERO UNO!! I was completely unphased. My mood was solid like granite. Unmoved like a mountain. Unwavering as a sheet of ice on a pond. What did I do you may ask? I got on my hands and knees and got after the cleaning at hand. In thirty minutes the area was cleaned and I was able to begin gathering the necessary tools the task would require. "Danny? I'm going to start the air compressor up. Go to the tool room. We will need to get".....and I rambled off everything I thought he could carry in one trip. "Ok Danny, good. Now lets get".....and again I rambled off everything else I knew we would need. "Paul, go over and clean that pathway up so nobody trips and gets hurt today." Zack, son? You are doing a good job their. Here, let me help you a minute and lets get this stuff pushed over there out the way. I began, with Danny's help to disassemble the hog. It was already nearly 90 degrees at seven a.m. I had already been drenched in sweat from the clean up and on top of that I am laying on swept but very dirty concrete. But I did not in the slightest bit have any issue with it. My mind was FOCUSED as it has not been in years, and I truly and honestly mean years when I say it. I felt complete, not lacking. And whats more is I had no physical effect that was noticeable. Was my heart rate elevated? Absolutely. I don't dilly dally, I work. That clean up was arduous and very physical, steady work. Was I out of breath or at any point did I have difficulty breathing or carrying on a conversation? Not in the least bit. I had the benefit of being able to focus, my mood and attitude were refreshingly positive and up and yet there was no physical high! I worked for five and one half hours, never letting up, going from one stage of the process to the next, not wandering off in my head, wondering where I put a tool or if I had forgotten to tighten this or that, as has been the NORM for years. No second guessing. When the job was nearing completion, the machine was shut and bolt locked, we gathered all the tools and checked the equipment to see if there were any stray tools laying around, none. I took the lock off the electrical disconnect and with much confidence walked to the starter and pushed the green button and hit the stop button after ten seconds. I then walked back out the the hog, leaned my ear in closely to hear if any noises were coming from within. The clearances between the parts had kept. I promptly turned, walked back to the starter pressing the green start button and this time I allowed the 250 horsepower motor to bring it to full speed, 1425 rpms. Once the starter was locked in we turned on the vibrating conveyor and watched ever so closely the beginning of a slab to get closer to the new cutting teeth and anvils where it would in glorious fashion meet its demise had I don't everything correctly. The wood met the teeth and the hog ate it with such ferocity that you could watch the wood blow apart. Mission accomplished. We loaded all the tools into the tool room after pressing the stop button on the hog, locked up, turned out the lights and went home. Now at that point I had noticed the previous hour kind of feeling what has been my normal self in that my mind felt tired, not as alert. So my assumption is that the four hours the pill was supposed to work for had passed. But now here is the kicker. Even though it was no longer effective on my mind the way it had been prior/earlier, my mood was still very good. This is day one!! I came home, took the second dose of my medication as the bottle directs, showered, went to HyVee and picked up my eye drip script, came home and talked with the kids and then wrote a very lengthy email to Roxanne about a number of things I had not been wanting to talk about, but said,"You know Will? This is four months now you've been avoiding this, now is the moment to end that. And I proceeded to write an email to her for an hour addressing the kids summer and the touchy subject of child support and considering an adjustment to the agreements. I wasn't very nervous nor am I now. I am at peace and I have been thinking a bit about music and playing music again. To wrap up that aspect of this communique let me just say that I am relieved to know and personally experience what my "shrink", Jeff, referred to as "A Miracle Drug". Because mom I will be very straightforward and honest here, I thought there was no way in God's green earth that taking a pill, that is non addictive, has few side effects and was affordable was going to adjust my mind and mood in such a way as to have restored me, Will Henley, to....well, to some aspect of normalcy. I truly thought I was going to continue to lose my temper, my memory and just become more and more an ass and with equal measure distance myself from people and social situations that have caused me so much stress and ill will towards my fellow man. Wow! I have my brain back mom. I can do things again without hesitation. I can do a five hour job and at the end not question if it was done correctly. Let me tell you about my conversations with people the last five years. Yes, I said five years. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been every conversation, but I would say better than fifty percent. I would be face to face, direct my ears toward their mouth so as to hear clearly. And they were talking in an audible tone and level, yet the information my brain was exhaustively and incorrectly processing made it sound like mumble. I just could not focus on key words that made understanding possible. My comprehension was nearly non existent at times to the point of just nodding and shaking my head, turning and walking away as though I had understood everything said and questioning myself,"What the hell did they just say? What the hell is wrong with me? Do I have early onset dementia or something? Seriously, it has been such a very long and difficult road I've traveled for so many years, and it took its toll on marriages, jobs and my sanity. And for the very, very first time I have real hope I can cling to. There is no light at the end of the tunnel for I have emerged from the long hibernation into the sunniest of days to see with mine own eyes the beauty of being 100 percent aware of my surroundings and myself. I am in shock and awe and today, as with every day I've lived on this terrestrial ball GOD IS GOOD! I just can't begin to say enough about this. Oh, so after I wrote and sent the email, I sat down with the kids for a few, then called Jenn to come back to the room and I spoke with her about everything I just mentioned and explained to you, then we took Nicole's car to get the tires properly aired up, went to the grocery store, came home and I made homemade spaghetti with squash, onions, mushrooms, bell pepper, zucchini, vegan meatballs, garlic, basil and oregano with some very good quality balsamic vinegar along with a couple loaves of garlic bread. Normally when I get home I am inside, I do not ever go back out and do anything else. I have my life back and feel like a productive human being. Well I am going to sign off now. I'm not sure how much I've written but feel I have caused you to spend an eternity reading. Much love to you and Ben and we will talk soon. Love,Will

#adhdforreal adhdlife adhdstory