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#how much you want to bet that's a common trope in movies in this universe
pocketramblr · 3 years
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"Truuuuuu yeah there’s really only so much you can trust the names on a good day, let alone times of trouble" Also it can go the reverse. The guy with labels praising his loyalty is actually an incredibly loyal spy for the other side who's fooled everyone...
The spy absolutely has "loyal to the end" written where it can be seen- hand, neck, titty window, wherever- and must be accused by the betrayed person of writing it in themselves to gain more trust before laughing evilly and saying "loyal to who?" then like shooting the betrayed person
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bamfdaddio · 3 years
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X-Men Unabridged: Hellfire (1980)
The X-Men, those often stripsearched mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. We’ve been untangling that history for a while, but sometimes, you really want a more in-depth look. Interested? Then read the (un)Abridged X-Men!
(X-Men 129 - 131) - by Chris Claremont and John Byrne
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Since I think Scott, square extraordinaire, would also say: “I know squat about rap, but this Vanilla Ice dude is excellent,” I’m not putting much stock in his musical opinions. (X-Men 130)
Before we finally reach the apotheosis of the Phoenix saga, we’re going to take it a little slowly by focusing on the first three issues of 1980. They are basically the ramp-up to the end, putting all the pieces in place for the X-equivalent of the Red Wedding, the Bridge of Khazad-Dûm or the explosion of Alderaan. But, before smashing the board, Claremont introduces three new queens to the game. Here they are, in order of Awesome:
Emma Frost, or The White Queen; a telepathic HBIC with ambitions beyond dressing up in lingerie;
Kitty Pryde, or Sprite (Shadowcat, these days);
Alison Blaire (Dazzler), a disco dolly with light powers who unfortunately starts out as a relic of time gone by.
But before we can expand, Claremont shrinks the cast: Banshee, who sold his voice to a sea witch has injured vocal chords, stays behind on Muir Isle, retiring officially. (It’s gonna be a while before he returns to the X-Family in any true capacity - I think it might be the 90s?) It’s the first time since Thunderbird’s death that the core cast changes, and it’s not that surprising that Sean gets the shaft: Banshee, who has been positioned as the older, more experienced member of the team, has had very little to do (and Claremont has seemed reluctant to flesh him out the way he has the rest of the X-Men). Sean is essentially a decent, upstanding man who has mastered the use of his powers: there’s very little way to go without breaking him down or changing the course of his character. (If you’re a fan of him, go read the Phalanx Covenant and 90’s Generation X: it’s the best use of Sean.)
Polaris, Havok and Jamie also stay in Scotland, choosing a quiet life without superheroics. (For those familiar with X-Factor, this is where you laugh and laugh and laugh.)
Jason Wyngarde, meanwhile keeps fucking with the Phoenix, using his psionic fantasies to unleash her darkest self.
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Jean’s darkest fantasies amount to little more than a Victorian bodice ripper, which is adorable. (To be fair, if I were trapped in a lusty prison of my own design, I´d probably dream up my own Downton Abbey soap opera where I was sleeping with all the hunky house boys, so…) (X-Men 129)
Scott, meanwhile, reveals the sheer depths of his repression by admitting that he never let himself feel the grief for Jean’s death.
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If you think it’s weird that Jean falls for a sleezeball like Wyngarde, remember that the love of her life is a man who is so repressed that it took him 5+ years to tell his friends he had a brother. Her taste in men is questionable at best. (X-Men 129)
The whole “I accidentally picked up a stray thought” has to be such a bullshit. It’s like your sister claiming that she heard from a friend of a friend that you like someone, while she actually just read it in your diary. Telepaths are snoops, Jean, own it.
Speaking of telepaths without boundary issues, Professor X is back from space! He immediately slips back into a stupid, patriarchal role and treats this X-Men team the same he treated his X-Men in the sixties. Scott is like: dude, these aren’t the same dumb teenagers we were, but Xavier won’t listen. Their squabble is interrupted by Cerebro, alerting them to the existence of two new mutants! One in NYC, one in Chicago.
Somewhere else, the Hellfire Club is revealed to be listening in: they have bugged the mansion a long time ago. While most the Inner Circle is featured in some way in this arc - we finally get to see Sebastian Shaw’s face! - the main villain here is the White Queen. She’s coordinating the attack on the X-Men and is looking to recruit Kitty for her Academy in Massachusetts.
It’s kind of bizarre that it took so long for this plot - an emerging young mutant is an object of interest for two competing factions - to be a main plotline, considering it’s such a staple for the X-Men mythos as a whole. (See, for example: the New Mutants, Generation-X, the Young X-Men, but also Rogue in the first X-Men movie and the whole of X-Men: First Class. Hell, X-Men Evolution’s first season was practically built on this trope.) It is kind of fitting that one of the mutants introduced this way is Kitty Pryde, the first X-Man that would be completely Chris Claremont’s creation.
While teacher’s pets Cyclops, Phoenix and Nightcrawler can go to New York, Xavier takes Colossus, Storm and Wolverine to a suburb in Chicago (“to monitor them in the field”, fuck you too, Chuck). In the Windy City, we meet plucky YA-novel heroine Kitty Pryde, who’s being tormented by headaches.
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The KISS-poster in Kitty’s room is fortunately the only crossover we’ll have between the X-Men and the KISS-comics published by Marvel. (X-Men 129)
Just after a certain Ms. Frost has pitched her Academy to the Pryde parents, the X-Men arrive. While Charles works the parents, Ororo takes Kitty to get some ice cream, letting slip the secret of the X-Men.
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Wolverine reading a titty mag in an ice cream shop while both Ororo and Charles are trying to convince people they run a legitimate school is a hilarious mood. (X-Men 129)
Kitty’s appearance is supposed to have been inspired by a young Katherine Hepburn, which is particularly evident in these panels.
Anyway, they are promptly attacked by Hellfire droids, who spook Kitty into jumping through a wall. Finally, her powers are confirmed: Kitty can become intangible, ‘phasing’ through objects. When the X-Men defeat the droids, Emma Frost comes along to finish the job, psychically overwhelming Storm, Wolverine and Colossus. She abucts them, not realizing Kitty has stowed away in their… floating… hovercraft… thing. She also manages to abduct Xavier.
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I love how Emma’s to-do-list was:
Abduct the X-Men
Strip them naked (X-Men 130)
The Inner Circle and their motivations are slowly fleshed out: they’re all in it for power, money, glory. (Emma would love Lana del Ray.) But they’re not a united front: Wyngarde considers Phoenix the road to power, Emma believes in raising (and controlling) the next generation of mutants and Shaw… Well, Shaw is a clever opportunist, not afraid to sell out his own kind. (It’s heavily implied the Hellfire Club helped fund Lang’s Sentinel program.)
Through Jason, we pick up the thread in New York, where Jean and Scott visit some shady club downtown. Nightcrawler is stationed outside. Inside, Jean enjoys the relative perversion of the clubbing crowd, until Jason shows up and twists reality, shunting her to ‘their wedding day’.
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It’s never made explicit, but in between the lines, it’s highly probable that Jason seduced Jean, violated her body and mind. That, combined with the whole BDSM/Marquis de Sade atmosphere of the Hellfire Club where the men are fully clothed and the women prance around in lingerie amounts to a whole lot of ick, ick, ick. (X-Men 130)
In Chicago, Kitty skulks around the compound of Frost Enterprises. She manages to creep up to Ororo’s cage, who gives her a number to call. Before she can do anything else, Emma sees her, calls all her henchmen cretins and orders her to get that pigeon kitty. Kitty flees and manages to get a call in.
Kurt picks up the phone in their limo (which feels super swanky for the eighties!) and Kitty delivers her warning. Kurt is then promptly attacked, as are Phoenix and Cyclops. Together, they make short work of their attackers, with the aid of Dazzler. Introductions follow:
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Dazzler’s “nope” tells you about 80% of what her character is about. (X-Men 130)
It’s funny to see how relatively unknown the idea of mutants still is. Kitty doesn’t even consider it, even though freaky shit is happening to her, and Dazzler hilariously doesn’t give a figgin where her powers come from. (Though she may just be in denial. Anyone who wears a disco ball around her neck can’t be accused of good common sense.) In ten, twenty years, I bet there’s tons of teenagers in the Marvel Universe who get headaches or weird growing pains and fear that one morning, they might wake up a mutant.
It’s odd how Cerebro picks up Dazzler as a ‘neo-mutant’, even though it’s obvious she had her powers for a while. It might have to do with the fact that Dazzler wasn’t created by Claremont and Byrne, but by Tom DeFalco and John Romita Jr. However, because editorial wanted to Dazzler’s debut to make a splash, so they added her to their best-selling book and she had to be shoe-horned into this plot. She was originally intended to be closs-platform - there were plans for albums, Bo Derek would star as her in movies - but since Marvel had the keen foresight to introduce her just as disco was dying all of this got shelved. After a solo series, she’ll become a pretty solid B-Lister X-Man in a couple of years. (Should I be covering her solo series? It’s only very tangentially X-Related. Sound off below!)
Cyclops, Phoenix, Nightcrawler and Dazzler Trojan Horse their way into Frost Enterprises and make quick work of the White Queen’s cronies while Emma is creepily making Storm her personal plaything. Kitty, meanwhile, manages to free Wolverine by phasing through the electronic lock. Jean recognizes the Hellfire Club from her (fake) memories with Jason, but doesn’t connect the dots quite yet.
Emma, frustrated that her plan is falling to pieces, takes out her ire on Storm, threatening to lobotomize her. Jean… does not take this lightly.
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“I understand you call yourself something of a telepath” is absolutely the most badass line Jean has ever uttered. Fuck yeah. (X-Men 131)
With the White Queen defeated (rumors of her death are greatly overrated), the X-Men can briefly regroup. Dazzler does not join the X-Men, being too into the idea of becoming the mutant Madonna, while Kitty is delivered back to her parents. To prevent a nasty scene, Jean casually alters the memories of her parents, removing the memories of Kitty’s involvement with the kidnapping of the X-Men. This also neatly prevents her parents from realizing what a horrible idea it is for a 13 year old to join a superhero squad. (Even if she has a defensive power.)
This arc ends with the two people who love Jean the most voicing their concern:
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When you look up ‘muhahahaha’ in the dictionary, this picture of Jason Wyngarde will be the definition. (X-Men 131)
Hold onto your butts, people. We’re almost there.
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fireheartwraith · 3 years
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So, I decided to watch Fate: The Winx Saga after some deliberation (I saw the trailer and it looked cool). As I never watched the original Winx Club, I'm coming into this pretty much blind to the lore, so if you want to know what someone that doesn't have the "it's different from what I wanted" baggage thinks of the show, let's go!
Episode 1 and Episode 2
• Ooh, this is giving me flashbacks to my first day of university... Luckily Pedro is a good soul and saw me just standing there and asked me if I was a freshman (yes), if I was lost (very much so) and if I wanted help (please)
• I can tell the the show wants me to ship these two because meet cute but... I didn't think it was cute. He was kind of rude in the beginning and it wasn't *sparkles* it was small talk. My talk with Pedro was pretty much the same, except he was nicer. Being a decent person doesn't mean romantic attraction, Show, if you want me to ship this you will have to try harder
• Oh, he's the ex
• Something tells me Stella wasn't this bitchy on the original show. I am not here for the female rivalry, specially if it's because of a basic white dude
• I have never related to someone as much as I relate to Terra since I too tend to talk too much, too fast, and overshare to make up for my insecurities and anxiety. My mom is the plant gal though...
• I want a succulent!
• Bloom, who the heck talks on the phone with the speaker turned on in a room full of people you don't know???? Show wants me to believe you're an introvert when you pull this shit???
• I love Aisha
• I also love Musa
• Is a burned one kind of like a werewolf? Where if it scratches you, you turn into one? If that's the case, is there a way to get them conscious again? Like the wolfbane potion in Harry Potter
• I'm gonna pretend everyone is over 18 bacause I can't handle another Riverdale
• ........ everything changed when the fire nation attacked
• I'm sorry but you can't talk to me about the elements and expect me to not think about atla
• Being an empath in high school must suck. All that teenage angst....
• Changeling! Makes sense. My bet is that her father is the leader of the burned ones and the principal is her mom
• I get that she's missing home and normality but her mom was a bitch
• I'm glad they revealed this now and not at the end of the season, when literally everyone would know
• Stella quit being a bitch
• I expected the princess of Solaria to be a fire fairy, not an air one....
• Riven and Beatrix deserve each other
• Protect my gay baby!!
• MAGIC LESSONS
• Bloom needs to meditate and Stella needs to chill
• What kind of human parents name their child Bloom??? Aisha sounds like a human name, not fucking Bloom. I bet it's a white people thing, like Ashleigh
• Stop being mean to Aisha and Terra! They're just trying to help!
• Musa really found the one bitch in this place that doesn't have anxiety and went 👀 huh
• No! Don't use anger! Are you the only kid that never watched A:TLA?? Have you learned nothing from Zuko???
• No! Don't follow the whispery voice in the woods! That's how people get killed in horror movies!
• Oop, that's a lot of bodies
• Something tells me that burning a burned one isn't going to help
• Aisha to the rescue!
• Gross
• SO THERE IS A POTION
• Silva is a really common surname here in Brazil.... We're fairies confirmed
• Oh, they are going to pretend that Sam being Terra's brother is drama worthy huh
• Stella quit being a bitch /rt
• Yes! BOND
• huh
• That's different
Episode 3
• Have I already said that Aisha is the best??
• I still don't get what the specialists are. One the first episode Sky told Bloom "you are a fairy" as if he isn't one, and the only thing I've seen specialists do so far is fight with sticks. What are they doing in magic school?
• So, Silva can't get better until the burned one that infected him is dead? I'm pretty sure there's something like this in vampire or werewolf lore
• Is Silva Sky's dad or something?
• MAGIC LESSONS
• Don't go to the dark side Bloom! Beatrix bad!
• How many headmasters does this school have??
• Oh yeah, this dude is evil too. I forgot he existed
• Uh, do all hetero coupled do cringey shit like that?
• My mom starts talking to me about something she was thinking about as if I have the context ALL THE TIME!! We're all Terra #PowerToTheNerds
• But I'm more of a coffee addict than a tea aficionado
• Oh thank god they are using km
• RIP Silva
• Aaawww suite to the party!
• Okay but grown ups gossiping while being 100% of what the youngsters are trying to hide is my favorite trope ever
• All these pop songs are going to age the show
• Terra that was so awkward omg
• What the fuck Stella???
• How old do fairies get? Like, do they live for centuries?
• Is it bad that I discovered what shotgunning is through a smutty wolfstar fanfic? 😬
• Rosalind? Former headmistress Rosalind?
• Oop, another dead body
• Oop, Silva..... F 😔
• Bloom can't you listen to Aisha for once??? You are going to get yourself killed
• That's a sweater, not armor
• Because that's not creepy at all
• You could at least have phoned a responsible adult before running off into the forest looking for a toasted slender man
• Your suite mates don't qualify as responsible adults but it's better than nothing I guess
• Oh look, a portal to another dimension!
• Look! A responsible adult!!
• Oh, he's still alive
• Oh wait, nevermind
• Did she just Thanos him?
• Hugs!
• I still don't get what the specialists are
• My best friend in high school was adopted so I'm having flashbacks... Her birth parents got in contact after almost two decades of radio silence. It was a very difficult time for her, with lots of different and sometimes opposite emotions about the whole thing. In the end she accepted that whatever happened, happened and that the mom that raised was her real mom, no matter her faults. I hope that Bloom can get to the same conclusion
• Alright, I wasn't expecting Rosalind to be in magic cryogenic coma
• Why can't they meet? Is Rosalind evil or something?
Episode 4
• At least now Bloom is aware that her friends have their own lives and aren't they just to be her sidekicks
• Girls sticking together!
• Still don't get why Musa needs to hide her relationship with Sam.... If I was Terra I would be more upset that my friend was hiding the relationship from me than the relationship itself
• Last episode was Sky's daddy issues, so this one is Stella's mommy issues. And, of course, the whole show is about Bloom's issues (general)
• The Queen of Solaria is named Luna?? Huh
• This episode is also about snooping
• I'm going to find whoever thought hdr was good idea and force them to watch something on Netflix when the screen is so dark you can barely see what's happening
• I'm going to pretend that's a p!atd reference
• I'm going to pretend I didn't hear 2004
• Can the camera stop spinning, I'm getting dizzy
• Anakin noooo
• Rehabilitation magic?
• So Queen Kindness is not so nice after all
• I want to give Sky points for figuring it out but let's be honest here, it was not that hard
• When did they name themselves "Winx"? And what does that even mean?
• ANAKIN NO
• Good for you sky
• Yes! Tell the responsible adults!
• Push her
• So your parents were from Aster Dell
• Well they both are redheads
• Oh sweet Anakin...
• SEE???
• Silva that's shady as fuck
That's all for now! I will watch the rest, but don't know if I should make another post or just edit this one...
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leesh · 3 years
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because i have zero self control when it comes to christmas films and, well, cheesy christmas films are #life. 
basically, i have developed a collection of favourites over the years, including both classic christmas films that are fun for the whole family and terrible, dripping with all our favourite favourite cliches hallmark christmas films, and yet i am still always on the hunt for more. so, i thought i would try a little thing to share them with everyone else as well (and actually remember them for future reference)!
check out the tag here i will try and remember to use as i live blog some of these movies or head on down below the cut to see all of the christmas films i’ve watched in 2020. thoughts and star ratings included! as expected, i will also be updating this as i watch more and more this holiday season (follow along on twitter too if you want).
note: since i LOVE terrible hallmark films, some that i give a higher rating will not actually be......critically acclaimed. i am just #obsessed and have my reasons as stated, i’m sure.
holidate (2020) 
⭐️⭐️| first time watch | someone on letterboxd compared this movie to when you watch a rom com in sims and it’s just a bunch of random scenes that make no sense and they’re absolutely right. its only saviour is an australian dude and the line “so you know me well enough to cum in my mouth, but you don’t know me well enough to get me a christmas present?”
my christmas inn (2018) 
⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i’ll be honest, this film was pretty forgetful. i watched it over a month ago and don’t really remember what happened. however, i do remember being impressed that the leading lady wasn’t a stereotypical thin white woman. so i guess at least it has that going for it.
christmas made to order (2018) 
⭐️⭐️⭐️| first time watch | i actually thought this was pretty cute. it’s not the best, but also not the worst, so a decent medium if you need to fill up those figurative christmas stockings. the concept of hiring someone to decorate your entire house with no budget sounds pretty cool, but when the guy is aaron samuels and looks far from straight, it becomes a little questionable. 
last christmas (2019) 
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | now this is not a cheesy hallmark film. in fact, i LOVE this film a lot and think i saw it twice at the cinema. last christmas is a top tier christmas song and i remember theorising about it when the trailer first came out, but i will say tissues may be a requirement to watch this. AND henry golding is my husband thank u and goodbye.
operation christmas drop (2020) 
⭐️| first time watch | interesting concept in theory, but this is nothing more than US military propaganda and a cgi lizard. bonus: white saviourism. 
the knight before christmas (2019) 
⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | a medieval knight transported into today’s world and has never seen a car before can drive better than me. that’s it. that’s the movie. also, he literally says the words “modern technology is lit af” at one point. solid christmas film if you ask me. 
the princess switch (2018) 
⭐️⭐️⭐️| rewatch | i strongly believe in the vhcncu (vanessa hudgens christmas netflix cinematic universe). i also have so many questions, like how did they afford the flights or solid conversation or was it all expenses paid? how did they finish a bulk of the cake without a mixer? why does everyone always speak english with a posh english accent even though it’s a non-english european country?
the princess switch: switched again (2020) 
⭐️⭐️| if we learnt anything from a christmas prince, it’s that sequels are generally never better than their predecessor. that being said, this was much less cute body swapping christmas fluff and a little more literal kidnapping and saving the day. either way, blonde vanessa was hot and i appreciated the amber/richard cameo that insinuates a christmas prince is actually a dramatic documentary.
midnight at the magnolia (2020) 
⭐️⭐️| now if you’re after an absolute cheesefest that ticks the boxes on best friends meets fake dating over the holidays, then this is the movie for you! albeit it takes place between christmas and new year’s, it’s still filled with their families knowing they were soulmates the whole time and two people who are a literal too comfortable on the radio. also, the dad’s totally should’ve been gay. they had more chemistry.
christmas wonderland (2018) 
⭐️⭐️⭐️| tbh, i genuinely enjoyed this one. post breakup/high school sweethearts is a personal favourite trope of mine, so throw christmas & being forced to spend time together when she goes back home into the mix and i’ll have a serotonin explosion. bonus points for the guy telling the girl to go back to nyc to follow her dreams without being a dick. OH and the scene when he points a fuck load of sugar in his hot beverage.
a wish for christmas (2016) 
⭐️⭐️| who doesn’t love a good office romance between a boss and an employee at christmastime? especially when you throw in a little christmas magic that makes her more confident that results in her finally getting what she deserves and having to travel and rekindle with his family? also, fuck them rich white dudes, but props to her for the significant job promotion.
christmas with a prince (2018) 
⭐️| this was TERRIBLE and not in the good way. it featured: an entitled prince who suddenly had growth even though he did nothing to achieve it, majority of the film set in one hospital room, and the fact that she’s the only one with a tiara at the party filled with people who actually have titles. also, thought there was a decent ending but turns out there was still another 30 mins to go. ugh.
a royal christmas engagement (2020) 
⭐️| don’t be fooled by the title. the engagement doesn’t happen til the last two minutes. it’s actually about a prince (bet you didn’t see that one coming) who travels to america, pretending to be his best friend who works for this major marketing firm because he’s tired of being the spare. this gets one star purely for the line “she’s not a commoner, patrick. she’s an american.”
christmas wedding planning (2017)
⭐️⭐️| it looked like it would be half decent, and while it’s definitely better than the last two, it was still pretty eh. i could get on board with her texting her dead mother’s number as a way to talk to her still, and i understand we all experience grief differently, but.....actively paying your mums phone bill 3 years later? girl. also, the end made me SCREAM. WHY DID THEY DO THAT!!!!
santa girl (2019)
⭐️| this was just painful to watch. evil jack frost makes memes in his free time, santa has a fancy car and doesn’t eat sweets, and there’s an odd comparison between the elves, minimum age workers, and racism. however, one star purely for the entertaining (read: bloody awful) tooth fairy cgi that gave me a right laugh.
the christmas chronicles (2018)
⭐️⭐️⭐️| this was really cute and had the makings of what could be a christmas movie staple along with the likes of elf and the santa clause (but will never reach that standard, obvs). tbh, it’s just a nice heartwarming family christmas movie about two siblings who band together to help santa and save christmas. also, santa was a #dilf.
the christmas chronicles: part two (2020)
⭐️⭐️| one of these days i would love to see a sequel that’s better, or at least on par, with its predecessor, but that day is not today. sadly, this film lacked all the heart and magic the first one was filled with and some scenes were pretty redundant. kurt russell and goldie hawn, however... one star for each of them.
forever christmas / mr. 365 (2019)
⭐️⭐️| the title varies depending where you’re from, but that’s probably the most exciting part of this movie. a guy celebrates christmas 365 days a year and a reality show wants to invade his house? ok, sure. one star for the eye candy and one star for, surprisingly enough, their chemistry and all the kissing scenes that don’t usually make the mark in the hallmark world. 
noelle (2019)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| did i renew disney plus just so i could watch this (and a couple of others)? maybe so... this movie is so fun! and family friendly! and is actually funny! it gives me major elf vibes, but if elf was set in a more modern day setting. either way, i had a great time and have been holding out on this one after loving it a lot last year!
the nutcracker and the four realms (2018)
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️| anything nutcracker related is an instant win in my book because it’s my favourite ballet of all time (except for graeme murphy’s version, we don’t talk about that). does this movie actually deserve the four stars? maybe not. am i going to give them anyway purely for my love of the nutcracker and the soundtrack? absolutely!
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jeanjauthor · 5 years
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Origin Stories
I think one of my favorite things about the Captain Marvel movie, something that really has only been discussed by a handful of people so far, is that it’s a Dual Origin Story.
What’s that, you say?  What is an Origin Story? Why, it’s the backstory told to explain How Or Why That Character Became This Way!
...Of course, it isn’t always a backstory when you’re starting a new version (a very common and popular thing to do with comic book protagonists, etc).  And that’s okay; you can start at the beginnings.  Or (if you’ve rebooted a character a gazillion frikkin *coughspidermancough* times) you can skip over an extremely well-known origin story.  It’s just that, to be an Origin Story, the character almost always has to have been established as Badass or Awesome or Dangerous or whatever.
This is often told in flashbacks, or in the rarer (but still used) flash-forwards.  In Deadpool, we get the Maverick (old television series) style “protagonist in the thick of a predicament” action scenes or peril scene, etc...and then they say something like,  “I’ll bet you’re wondering how I end up in this mess!”  Or, they can be self-aware of the Origin Story trope while narrating their own story, which, although it strains the Fourth Wall, doesn’t necessarily break it.  (Self-narrated dawning awareness of an Origin Story setting doesn’t have to actually say “Origin Story” at any point, btw, but rather, it just has to be aware that Things Are Changing & Becoming Greater Than Before.)
In Captain Marvel, we don’t get the flash forward, or the flash back within the movie.  Or even the self-narration.  But we do get two Origin Stories.
We got the obvious character, Vers / Carol Danvers, who becomes Captain Marvel...but is it really a backstory, when we haven’t seen her before now in the MCU?  Yes, it still is a backstory, because in the late 2010s, we see her being summoned at the end of Infinity War, and then her movie--her story--opens up back in the mid 1990s.
If you stick strictly to the MCU, it doesn’t seem to work as coming off of a pre-established character of Badassery, Dangerosity, and/or Awesomeitude. (Hush, those last two are words; I’m a writer, I get to make up shhh all the time! My job is awesome in that regard.)  ...But since we don’t have to stick to the MCU to be familiar with this character and her many incarnations...it technically is still an Origin Story.
However...even if we do stick rigorously to the Marvel Cinematic Universe...it does technically work.  Because the MCU establishes that calling upon Captain Marvel is Nick Fury’s Last, Best Hope.  Which brings us to the second Origin Story:  Nick Fury’s Origin Story.
The first time we see him, we see a battle scarred, hardened, calculating, clever, resourceful Nick Fury. (Played incredibly well by Samuel L. Jackson; I like his portrayal way better than the scarred, grizzled, gray-haired white dude (who frankly always looked more like a HYDRA agent to me than a SHIELD agent) we’ve always seen in the comic books & cartoon series.)
He’s so resourceful, he even keeps his scarred eye on retinal scan profile Just In Case. He admits he doesn’t trust anyone.  He connives, he schemes, he’s dedicated to protecting and saving humanity, a complex, kickass character along the lines of Hawkeye and Black Widow, not a superhuman, not an extraplanetary god or the son of an Eternal, or an Infinity-Stone-empowered whatever.  He. Is. Badass. Dangerous. And Awesome.
But he’s not that in this story.  This is a full-blown Origin Story for Nick Fury, far more so than Captain Marvel, because we already know what he’s become.
Instead, we get to go back in time to see him when he’s a mere level 3 clearance middleman of SHIELD.  (Plus we get to see seemingly-mild-mannered Agent Coulson’s earliest days, yay!)  Fury is not calculating, is not heavily resourceful, is not scheming, is not prepared to do anything and everything.  Willing, yes!  Don’t ever mistake that.  But...he is not yet the prepared & resource-rich Badass of the other movies.
And though we don’t get to see how he becomes that resourceful, dangerous Badass (we instead get to see how Carol Danvers becomes her own powerful Badass self), we get to see the origins of his badassery story, as in the impetus, the stuff that makes him very much want to step up his game in all the intervening unseen years between the mid 1990s and the end of the Iron Man movie in the late 2000s.
I know that a lot of guys online are trying to wreck Captain Marvel by trying to discourage viewers from seeing it...and that some of the methods they’re trying to use are slandering Nick Fury’s Origin Story...saying he’s been emasculated, that he’s shown as weak, etc...
Dudes.  Stop.  You’re just embarrassing yourselves.
Nobody is born super-fantastic at the very start. (Not even Clark Kent/Superman; he couldn’t change his own diapers, ya know, and he had to learn to control his super-strength growing up, and he had to learn how to fly, etc, etc.)
That’s why it’s an Origin Story.  You’re never fantastic before you get the training you need to actually use whatever badassery or awesomeitude or dangerosity you end up possessing later on.  There doesn’t have to be a training montage in an Origin Story.  There just has to be the impetus, the change in circumstances, The Reason Why This Character Is The Way They Are When It’s Later On.
And for flerken’s sake, dudes!  Washing the dishes is HELLA manly, NOT EMASCULATING!
If these guys truly think washing dishes is “unmanly” and “emasculating”...I feel sorry for anyone those dudes have to live with, and/or the frequency of cockroach infestations their landlords have to spray against. *shudders at the horror of how nasty & pathetic their home life must be, if they can’t even bring themselves to wash the flerken dishes...*  (Seriously dudes, grow up, get your own Origin Story impetus going, and become someone tough enough, skillful enough, resourceful enough, and flat-out badass enough to do the dishes!)
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somethinglantern2 · 5 years
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Tropes in manga and anime that I wish would stop, occur more, or be altered
I recently rediscovered my passion for manga/anime and because of that I rediscovered anime tropes so as the title says this is a list about personal tropes I wish would either happen more in the manga/anime community, stopped or not used so often, or altered a bit.
More what if episodes/ alternate universes- Some shows make arcs and even movies based on characters being in an alternate universe. I like this as not only do we get to see something mostly used for comics in something where continuity is key, but we get to see what could have been if something different had happened in that series. I think this should be used more, at least as either a filler arc or manga omake(s)
More interesting one shot episodes/adventures in filler arcs- Though some hate them, filler seasons/arcs can be interesting as not only do we get to see something new and original, but since the things in it aren’t going to be referenced later on, it gives the writers the chance to do whatever they want, though I hate it when the filler time is used to focus on one specific arc that is similar to what usually happens in the canon arcs instead of something different.
Personally I think instead of getting the same old, there should be more one shot episodes that explore something different, like what the characters do when there’s nothing big is going on or put them in a unusual situation like going to a dance in order to do a mission, or have the main cast go on multiple adventures in one arc instead of just one big one, kinda like in season 3 and 4 of Naruto though maybe not as many as that.
Other characters using skill main character uses- I find it kinda odd that in some action manga/anime series we never see many characters use abilities commonly found in there series, like how no one in Naruto uses the shadow clone jutsu as much as Naruto even though its a common jutsu, I know his version is different then others but still. I know everyone in these kind of series is suppose to have a specific skill set but I don’t see the harm of some people having some abilities as the main characters, though at the same time they shouldn’t do what One Piece is doing with Haki or make that character be a copycat. Maybe doing more of this could also make the show’s world a bit more realistic.
Stop 2-3 minute recaps at beginning of episode- I personally don’t see the purpose of anime episodes recapping what happened in the last episode in this day an age by replaying scenes from a previous episode following a intro, which can be pretty long in some. Sure it had its uses in the past when you couldn’t watch your favorites shows whenever but now that you can with ease its just seems like a waste of time, time that could be used to show more of the current story. Writers should either stop doing this or make recaps shorter, like Avatar the Last Airbender short.
More decisive fights between main/side characters- In a series when fights are common it’s a bummer that we never see certain fights happen, like instead of Naruto fighting a one time villain, he should fight with Rock Lee, or instead of another fight between Natsu and Gray, why not Natsu vs. Juvia or another water wizard. Of course it is hard to get every fight combination while also advancing the story but still, maybe for the future writers could try and make more decisive choices for fights.
Side effect to the protagonist newly discovered power/ability- You’ve probably seen this before, bad guy is about to win but after something happens, the protagonist gets a new power (or something like that) and uses it to defeat the bad guy with ease, even though its there first time using it.
Though tired and predictable, this could be fixed if instead just of the good guy just winning after using it, there were scenes where there are negative effects to the new power the protagonist has obtained. Some examples I can think of are the protagonist loses there other abilities for a period of time, they severely hurt themselves or an ally (maybe even kill someone) because they don’t have full control over the power or scenes where though they win due to him he almost didn’t due to lack of experience, causing them to train in order to use it properly. I have seen theses examples used in shows before, like in Avatar the last Airbender and My Hero Academia, and if played right can make the series more intriguing.
Stop making it seem that the protagonist are going to lose/die- There’s only a certain number of times this can be pulled before it gets really fucking annoying. Either writers need to stop doing this every time a fight happens or make the protagonist actually lose/die.  Stuff like this could be GREAT for the story. If they lose from time to time it shows that they need training as well as get development and if losing involves getting knocked out by the opponent in a series about fighting, it could also mean a side character can jump in and save the day which causes that character to get some development. Same for if a protagonist dies as it means other characters can get screen time and character development, plus you can always bring back that character after a while. 
Protagonists with more then one dream/goal in life, either make it happen before the series finale, or change it/ find a new one later on- Its good for characters to have goals and dreams but how come they always just have one that always come true at the very end of the series, isn’t there anything else they want to do ? If characters in a series showed that they wanted to do more with their lives and achieve them along the way, the series as well as characters would be a bit more interesting and more relatable. No one complained about Usopp getting more dreams in One Piece or Sanji achieving his dream so why not do that more often ?
While there at it maybe in future stories we can get characters who at some point change there life long goals, one example is about a story where after half of the series is over the main character finds outs the organization he always wanted to join are working for the series antagonist, so he decides to change his dream to starting his own organization that follows what he believes is right. I also think having more goals would be good, cause if we see them finish the goals it at least shows progression in the series story.
Making characters who are romantically involved get together before the end of the series- When 2 characters show clear signs that they love each other they usually get together at the end of the series. I am FUCKING TIRED of this as it’s not only predictable as fuck but the outcome of the characters getting together is really small compared to how LOOOONG it took for them to get together, as again when the characters do get together (if the writers want them to) they usually just admit there feelings and/or finally kiss and that’s it, course some series show more of what happens afterwards like the characters getting married, having a child, or a picture of them in the future living happily ever after, but its usually just the former.
Again we often never get to see what happens after they get together like see them try and be more then friends after being so for so long, how other characters in the series react to there relationship, or see if they even stay together. Course this is for drama but showing more of the relationship might be good for the story. For romance series it can lead to seeing the characters grow as a couple instead of just being friends as well as break the cycle usually used in it, I mean the manga My Love Story was praised for doing this.
This would also be good in action adventure series as well, which though has the same problem, gets a small pass as they focus more then just romance. I bet we’d get some good fights and drama if characters that liked each other were in a relationship. I’m not saying they should make all the couples get together before the series ends but maybe they should just do couples that either wouldn’t change the story that much or the 3rd or 4th most popular character couple/ship. Star Vs. The Forces did this for both examples, making there main ship canon twice and made a minor ship canon for over a season, both (with the exception of the breaking the main ship up the first time) were liked by the fandom so why not do that more ?
   The following are tropes from romance and harem series.
Make harem protagonist get with someone in series- This genre has a similar problem as the previous trope, but its much worse as pretty much all shows (with SOME exceptions) end with the male protagonist, even at the end of the series, still having no idea which girl he loves more/would want to date/marry, even if its clearly shown he likes one girl more others, even mature manga/anime do this. Again this is for story but it wouldn’t kill the writers to make the protagonist end up with someone, heck maybe if a series did do this (or one where a guy marries all the main girls unless its illegal to publish fictional polygamy, even in fictional mature manga) it would be praised.
More relatable male protagonist in harem/romance series- Most male protagonist in theses all seem to have one trait that describes there personality and usually its one of a small list of traits used in harem/romance series like the dumb guy, shy guy, or stoic guy sometimes they have 2 traits but there also the same like “the nice guy who gets afraid when the slightest sexual advance” or “the dumb/oblivious character with a heart of gold”. I just think it would be more interesting if the male protagonist had more personality. I mean I know there are some that aren’t like this but those are outnumbered by protagonist with traits that I just described.
Give the male protagonist in harem series a true male friend- Another thing that bugs me a bit about male harem protagonist is how he never has any guy friends and when he does there also predictable, whether it be ones he only hangs out with at school (not during weekends/adventures), the jealous/perverted one who either hangs out with the protagonist to get to a girl(s) he likes or complain about how lucky he is, or someone who is related to one of the girls in his harem in someway.
I’d like to see a series where the main character has a true friend that not only appears often, but also can help the protagonist out, or for humor willing get him into trouble from time to time. A benefit of the main character having a friend is that he could become a possible love interesting for one of the girls in the harem, thus adding more drama to series.
Mix up the tsundere trope a bit- There are two types of Tsunderes but I’m talking about the one where the girl always fights with the guy they like, even hurting them physically depending on the character. This has been used a lot in romance and harem series and I know it will continue to be used in the future, but I wish someone would at least try to change this trope a bit somehow.
I have 3 personal ideas to how to change this trope. One is instead of a tsundere we get a character similar to Centorea from Monster Musume who though loves the main character puts her duties/responsibilities before that, though she still does things to show that she like him like get jealous when other girls are near him, happy when he says or do something nice/romantic or mad when he does something inappropriate. Another is to make it so that the tsundere’s anger is actually out of her hand, as in she has either some medical/psychological condition, or was cursed with magic at a young age that makes her hate people that are close to her (like friends, family and boys she like). That would not only be interesting as seeing the tsundere have more trouble control her anger then usual, but would add more drama to the series. And the 3rd is that the girl isn’t always a tsundere. Maybe in one scenario she just hates the boy in question for a good part of the series but after something big, she turns into a tsundere or in another scenario she’s the opposite as that she is a tsundere at the beginning of the series but later on accepts her feeling and does whatever it can to date the boy. Either of these ideas would make this trope a little bit likeable to me. 
That or make it so that there are consequences to there actions, as even in the most realistic anime series the tsundere can get away with a lot of things that would result in consequences. Make her pay for her actions like have her get grounded, detention or get a bad reputation for it. I’d like to see that happen as this could result in her trying to be nicer, be a good change of pace for the show, or to make things more dramatic as another consequence could be that her attitude drives the boy she likes away to a point where he doesn’t want anything to do with her or date a girl the tsundere hates, thus breaking her heart.
Episode where guy or girls are mysteriously gone/don’t act like themselves- I always wondered what would happen if the routine of the male protagonist or the girls in a harem series just stopped for an episode.
What I mean is what if we got an episode where after the male protagonist had a bad day caused by the girls in his harem, he gives a rant to them eventually saying he wished they would stop bothering him (or disappear) and the next day it comes true and this lasts for a few days. It would be interesting to see how the male character would react to this this and see him try to get use to his life after dealing with the girls for so long. This could also work for the girls as well, which I think would be more interesting because we would see what the girls would do if the guy they liked wasn’t in there lives anymore.
Episode where other people cause harem to stay apart- Similar to my previous idea but this time a known outside force is causing the characters to be apart as I also wondered if there were people in harem shows that got tired or angry at the shenanigans the main characters in a harem always got into, especially characters like the parents, the students, or teachers. So what if they did something about it, like make a rule or get restraining orders prevent the characters from hanging out. It’d be interesting to say the least.
Girl in harem falling out of love with protagonist- Again what would happen if a girl in a harem fell out of love with the protagonist, what would happen ? Would she just try and stay friends with the boy or try and avoid him at all cost ? Plus would she rejoin the harem later on or fall for another character ? Would it be as good as any other couple where one falls out of love for a bit or not ? I say a show should test this to see what happens.
Which of these tropes would you like to see change ? Are there any tropes not on this list that should change ?
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pushesbuttons-blog · 7 years
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Creedy Rambles-
So this is just gonna be a new thing I do on occasion when I can’t focus on drafts or messages, where I’m going to talk about stuff related to TSP, fandoms, tumblr and roleplaying in general. I’ll be tagging these specifically, and they’ll all be under a read more. So if you don’t want to see them, just blacklist the tag.
REGARDING OC’s:
THIS IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE OR THEIR CHARACTER, SIMPLY IT IS TO HELP PEOPLE WHO WANT TO IMPROVE AND EDUCATE PEOPLE ON WHAT IS ORIGINAL IN A CHARACTER AND WHAT ISN’T- BASED OFF OF HOW MANY OTHER PEOPLE DO IT.
Before I start in I’ll quickly identify what an OC is-
OC or Original Character, is a person or entity developed entirely with the creative mind of one person and does not stem from an existing copyright/franchise.
Essentially- it is a being that you made up. You made up their personality, backstory, appearance- all of it. Yes, you probably got inspiration from other places or characters, but it is still your own character. They can be set in a specific game/movie/book or any franchise, or you can make up your own world for them.
Now unfortunately on Tumblr, Oc’s face A LOT of criticism and backlash. Not necessarily because Oc’s are bad.. but because of the stereotype that they’re bad.
And even worse, this stereotype is often very true, in the sense that- people do NOT understand how to make a character.
People make a character, but its not really original. Because it conforms to ALL the stereotypes that other people’s OC’s have. Thus negating its originality in the first-place. Making it ironically an UNoriginal character.
And it kills me, because those Oc’s ruin it for the GOOD Oc’s out there.
I’ve been on Tumblr for only around 2-ish years and I’ve seen HUNDREDS of Oc’s. Some AMAZING and others horrid.
And It hurts me that the good Oc’s aren’t given a chance because of the negative association with stereotypical ‘bad’ oc’s.
Now I bet you’re asking- ‘Creedy, what are some of the things people do that make BAD Oc’s? Surely it can’t be that bad, that people on tumblr sometimes won’t even consider writing with them, right?’
Sadly, that is completely correct.
Disclaimer: Sometimes people won’t write with your OC simply because they don’t like them, and thats THEIR problem. Not yours.
So let me give a quick rundown and reasoning as to what people do that give Oc’s (GENERALLY) a bad name-
1. Mary Sue / Gary Stu
Okay, we’ve all heard these ones. But if you haven’t- A Mary Sue is basically a stereotypical OC with NO FLAWS. She’s often described as ‘smart, pretty, honest, kind, and amazing at everything she does’.. okay. 
That is already a HUGE red flag.
And even moreso- the only ‘flaw’ these characters will sometimes have is ‘clumsiness’ or some other attribute that doesn’t directly negatively effect the character’s personality, and is usually used as a trope to get that character closer to what they want... which is NOT what a flaw is supposed to do.
And if you think that your character is somehow unique in spite of all this- the FIRST instance of a Mary Sue goes as far back as 1973. In a Star Trek Fanfiction
Mary Sue stories—the adventures of the youngest and smartest ever person to graduate from the academy and ever get a commission at such a tender age. Usually characterized by unprecedented skill in everything from art to zoology, including karate and arm-wrestling. This character can also be found burrowing her way into the good graces/heart/mind of one of the Big Three [Kirk, Spock, and McCoy], if not all three at once. She saves the day by her wit and ability, and, if we are lucky, has the good grace to die at the end, being grieved by the entire ship.[7]
If your character matches this description, I’m sorry but- they are NOT original. If they’re good at basically everything with no flaws (especially at a younger than normal age) that character is by all means considered a Mary Sue. A Gary Stu just being the male counterpart.
How to fix this:
Now there IS a line in the sand. Your character can be young and good at things, nothing wrong with that. But make sure you add in some flaws such as- ‘unintelligent, rude, brash, liar, insecure, boring, cruel’. And make it so that there are things they hate in the world, and people that hate them. Mary Sues are also often depicted with everyone liking them, but as we all know that is simply not realistic. Create enemies or rivals for your character- or Hell, even someone they just plain dislike.
2. DO NOT COME UP WITH EVERYTHING ON THE SPOT
This^^^ Is important
Do not force your ideas. Do not try and just pull a character out of your ass, because then that character will be shit.
Take your time, no pressure.
You do not have to come up with their favorite color immediately- or even finish their backstory.
Somedays you may like an idea but later on you might realize it was stupid or unfitting, and vice versa.
Be patient and pace yourself
But lets say you’ve already kinda rushed it with your character, no biggie.
How to fix it:
Again, take your time. Don’t immediately go deleting everything you dislike about your character. Put it on the backburner and give it time to boil, slowly but surely- it will come to you.
3. Do not LIST things.
Unfortunately I’m also guilty of this one, as is most Tumblr rpers.
When you make an about page for your character- listing the name, age, birth. Thats okay. But why do it that way when you can show off your writing skills a bit?
And don’t make giant random pointless lists of likes and dislikes. Place them in relevant categories.
How to fix it:
Instead of doing the following:
Likes: Swords, rock, fighting, snow.
Do this:
Aya lives outcast in the snowy tundra nearly 20 miles from the nearest city, but it suits her just fine. The harsh snow is actually quite comforting and she can’t imagine living anywhere else. Additionally she has a fiery passion for sword-play, and practices as often as she can in her own private training room. The adrenaline of fighting keeps her fit and on her toes, and it drives her to do the best she possibly can each day. Aya also has a great taste in music, hard rock to be specific. She enjoys rocking out to AC/DC while battling her training dummy.
Is it a bit long and drawn out? Maybe, but it’ll give that person a better idea on how you write and how descriptive you are. Its not a cookie-cutter sort of process anymore.
4. No Eye-bleeding color schemes.
Dear sweet baby Jesus.
Look, sometimes it works. But a good 99.9% of the time- using every color of the rainbow WILL NOT WORK.
When you do that, it looks like someone crushed the color out of every sharpie that exists and dumped it on your character.
Its not pretty or cute or creative, because everyone has done it and it hurts to look at. Especially if you choose NEON OVER BLACK. You will burn someone’s eyes out, don’t do that.
Here is a basic read-up on Color Theory and some beautiful Color Palettes, to give you an idea.
How to fix it:
Now look, rainbow coloring in itself isn’t bad. But instead of just choosing the brightest colors you can find. Go to google and search for a color palette and use that. A good chunk of canon characters generally have a set of 5-6 colors in the same moodset that they stick to.
Also tacking on this: generally make your character’s clothing simple. Don’t add too many crazy patterns or random hats and glasses and wings and tails just.. unless you can justify it in their backstory properly- stick to a standard set of clothing and then maybe tack on a maximum of 3 accessories. A bracelet, a fancy hairtie and glasses.. okay done! Simple but cute!
5. Do not base that character entirely on a character that already exists (especially if you intend them to be in the same fandom)
It does not take skill or originality to take Elmo and turn him blue and then call him ‘Omle’
That is not an ‘original’ character and its not ‘inspired’ off of Elmo- yet I see people do this all the time.
Now look, this one is hit or miss. Sometimes it works and its cool, but most of the time it doesn’t. Especially if they’re in the same franchise.
Inspiration =/= Copying
How to fix it:
Unfortunately if you’ve done this you may need to make drastic changes with your character. But that doesn’t mean you HAVE to take away everything, you can just add new stuff. A change of clothes, skin color, eye color, maybe body shape, swap out some personality traits and boom- you’ve already got something more original than what you’ve started with!
6. Simple, my God.. simple
Meet Simplicity, no- they’re not an OC. But they’re gonna be your new best friend.
Simplicity is what you need. No over amount of accessories, powers, positive OR negative personality traits. Just a nice SIMPLE amount.
How to fix this:
Again if you’re not comfortable putting your character through drastic changes. Then this won’t be for you. Try and limit yourself with a set number of general stuff about your character. Like top five positive traits, and top five negative traits. Okay-
Compassionate, Goofy, Hilarious, Bubbly, Kind
Airheaded, nervous, panicky, oblivious, naive.
Notice how all of these traits generally have something in common or similar to the ones next to them? That is what a character is supposed to be like. Different enough to be their own thing, but similar enough to still ‘blend’ with that character. They OVERLAP each other.
7. I...I’m not sure what to call this one?
But basically- if your character is lets say.. ‘the sonic oc’. Make sure they look as though they’re from the sonic universe, but also doesn’t look too similar to a character already in that universe.
ALSO DO NOT USE BASES.
Any art you do will be SO MUCH BETTER and IMPROVE YOU SO MUCH MORE than ANY base you use.
Bases are actually proven to make your art skills WORSE.
Here is a POSE sight used to help artists draw, this is better to use.
Disclaimer: Using bases as references is fine. Do not copy it pose-per-pose. But maybe you just want to get a general idea of that character so you look at a base- thats fine. But do not copy it.
How to fix it:
Again you may need to redesign your character if this is the case.
Can’t draw? Thats alright, a detailed description can generally be enough for an OC. And even if you feel like your art sucks, practice makes perfect. I promise you.
8. Fit the personality with the appearance.
A character in a dark hood with circles under his eyes that look soul-crushing probably won’t have the personality of a six year old girl.
When you make a character who has a sad or depressive general mood or personality, match that with colors and clothing articles. Like blue or fluffy sweaters.
Think of the emotions in Pixar’s Inside Out. Their appearance directly correlates to their personality and the emotion they give off. That is what makes them good characters.
How to fix it:
Again, a redesign might be in order.
9. Long V.s Short Backstories
Alright so theres a huge doublestandard on Tumblr that I CANNOT STAND.
On one hand- people reprimand you if your backstory is too short. Alright, fair enough. Its their life story, I’m supposed to make it long and specific right?
WRONG!!!!!!
Because then people will get lazy and not even bother to read your character’s backstory because apparently 7 pages is ‘too much’.
How to fix this:
So, what do?
You make both.
You make a small summary of your character with something like ‘Very brief history’ and then you expand upon it under the summary with a title like ‘detailed/specific history.’ At least that way people can’t piss on you for your story being too short or too long.
10. The stereotypical ‘Tragic backstory’
Okay. I’m guilt of this. I’m SEVERELY guilty of this.
However, a tragic backstory isn’t bad.. as long as there is reason behind it.
When you have a character- having sad or horrible things happen in their life is good. Otherwise they’d just be another Mary Sue. But you don’t want to completely make your character miserable unless they call for it.
Lets say your character is blind- it makes sense that they could’ve had a tragic accident that blinded them.
But if your character was bruised or beaten for...seemingly no reason and it had no effect on them personality wise.. why is it there? What was the point in throwing it into their story?
A smiley, bubbly character who is constantly happy and has nothing wrong with them is not going to have ‘Macbeth’ as their backstory. And vice versa.
How to fix this:
Add happier or brighter moments in their life, intervals where things weren’t so bad. Role models, hobbies and when they learned them. Things like that.
On the other end (if they’re too happy) Add some sad parts. Struggles they’ve had, confrontations they won’t forget etc. etc.
11. Research.
I’m not saying you have to write a book report, but looking up on google about real-world locations, how certain jobs and processes (such as being arrested, giving birth, whatever is relevant to the character/your thread) will do you some good in an rp. And you might learn something!
And this is not meant to offend anyone.
Alright. Now I want to say that yeah- you can get away with some of this stuff. I list things, sometimes my characters are over the top, or their color scheme isn’t great. And people still think the character is good.
But it IS highlighting the things literally EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE, therefore making these tropes unoriginal and making your character unoriginal. This is meant to give tips on how to make your character more original.
Do you have to change it if you don’t want to? No.
Is your character so awful it’ll make me vomit if you don’t follow these rules? No.
But if you want to improve upon your creativity, these steps will do nothing but HELP you in the long run. I promise!
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wnnbdarklord · 7 years
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Dear Crossovering 2017 Creator!
First off, thank you for writing for me! I'm sure I'll love whatever you come up with! Also, my letter grew a bit long, so have a table of contents, with the rest under the cut :D
Table of Contents:
General Stuff
General Likes
General Dislikes
Request #1
Leverage/MCU
Request #2
Thor/ASoIaF
Request #3
His Dark Materials/Avatar the Last Airbender/Pacific Rim
Request #4
Stand Still Stay Silent/Thor
Request #5
Better Off Ted/Discworld/Andromeda/LOTR/Brooklyn Nine Nine/Dragon Age/Jurassic Park
The Adventure Zone/Andromeda
The Adventure Zone/Better Off Ted
The Adventure Zone/Brooklyn Nine Nine
The Adventure Zone/Discworld
The Adventure Zone/Dragon Age
The Adventure Zone/Jurassic Park
The Adventure Zone/Lord of the Rings
Request #6
Timeless/Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries/Brooklyn Nine-Nine/Elementary/American Gods/Gargoyles
Request #7
American Gods/Star Trek: the Next Generation
Star Trek TNG/ASoIaF
American Gods/Thor
Request #8
Jurassic Park/Parks and Recreation
Jurassic Park/Better Off Ted
General stuff:
General Likes:
Polyamory, gen, het, slash, femslash, families of choice, competence, BAMF female characters, angst, hurt/comfort, teamfic, pretty much all the tropes especially if there is a twist, worldbuilding, redemption, for want of a nail AUs, time travel, werewolves, etc. Smut is fine, but I’d prefer that the focus is not on that. Crossover specific likes: Canon events changing as a consequence of the two canons meeting is always a favorite. Especially if it makes one canon's events unexpectedly a whole lot better or a whole lot worse. Unexpected character interactions and parallels. Note on the characters: All the characters I've listed are merely preferences. I'd like it if they were included or the focus, but if you're inspired by a prompt only with a different character than one listed, then go for it! Pretty much the only exception to this is Loki. He's a favorite character of mine and if the canon includes him, I'd strongly prefer for him to be the focal point from that canon. Which is one reason I've been listing the Thor movie instead of the MCU as a whole, even though I'm familiar with all of the characters and movies there (and I'm more partial to the rest of the characters in the Thor movies as well). In general, I prefer Loki to be morally grey or conflicted or redeemable and not outright villainous. Which I’m sure is fairly obvious from not only my requests, but my blog and fics as well. I'd be happy to see a fic with other MCU characters too, as long as Loki is included. I feel like the prompt ideas I've included will make it fairly obvious when I'd be fine with a more ensemble setting and when I'd like a tighter focus, so don't stress!
General Dislikes:
I’m not a great fan of permanent character death, rape, torture porn, underage stuff, infidelity, humiliation, character bashing, ship bashing, no powers AUs, love triangles, fake married/dating, incest, power imbalances in relationships, hate sex, hardcore kinks, necrophilia, PWP, abuse Tragic and sad endings are also not my thing. They can be bittersweet, but I prefer something hopeful. Crossover specific dislikes: I'm not really a fan of fusions, except for the one exception in my requests. I find that too many of them just take the characters from one fandom and put them in another canon without bothering to consider how events might change because of that. Or how the characters themselves might be changed by the differences in their circumstances. Characters from different canons being related or being the same person. Extolling the virtues of one canon over the other or making one canon blatantly superior. Introductory infodumps. While I do want the characters to get to know one another, I have read so many crossovers that just have the characters spilling their entire life story seconds after meeting each other. Not a fan of that, honestly. Note on Star Trek TNG: I don't have anything against any of the ST TNG ships, but a persistent failing of mine is an utter inability to ship characters from my childhood fandoms. So gen or canon relationships from this canon only, please! This also applies to Gargoyles. Note on MCU: My NOTPs are Steve/Tony, Steve/Bucky, Thor/Loki. DNW: Civil War shenanigans or any bashing of characters related to any team.
Request #1:
Leverage/MCU:
Either a crossover where the MCU characters are like the Leverage team (maybe in a dark AU where Hydra takes over) or a fusion where they are the Leverage team. Loki and Thor as a grifter and hitter, respectively. Tony as the ultimate hacker, with a minor in grifting and masterminding. Natasha being the ultimate grifter. Bonus points if they keep their MCU abilities and powers. Maybe they get lost in the universe and have to resort to this to survive. Even in a fusion setting, I'd love for the original Leverage characters to pop up, since I am very fond of them.
Request #2:
Thor/ASoIaF:
I'd love anything where Loki falls to Westeros after letting go. How does he change the course of events there, for better or worse? Or maybe he's exiled there by Odin for whatever reason before the events of the Thor movie? Also Loki shapeshifting into a wolf or dragon would be super cool. Super specific prompt that I'd give my soul for to be filled and would please my id greatly but is also super optional: Loki discovers Westeros during the time of Theon Stark the Hungry Wolf and is super into him and they marry and have kids. Odin discovers this and decides that if Loki likes wolves so much, he should be one and turns him into a direwolf. Centuries pass and Loki is actually the direwolf found in the snow by the Starks, but only wounded and they take him in. Loki eventually learns how to break Odin's curse and works on helping his descendants with the politics of the kingdom. This might be a good resource if you decide to go with this: http://towerofthehand.com/blog/2016/08/16-politics-of-seven-kingdoms-2/index.html Another prompt that includes more MCU characters: Stark Tower gets dropped into the North in Westeros, still fully functional and years before the events of the books. Winter is coming, so how do Tony Stark and the Avengers prepare for it and what do they change? Does Tony decide to kickstart the industrial revolution?
Request #3:
His Dark Materials/Avatar the Last Airbender/Pacific Rim:
These fandoms usually show up as fusions with other fandoms. Let's switch that up a little and make them fusions with each other. Doesn't have to be a 3 way crossover, but that would be interesting to see! Who is drift compatible in the Avatar verse? What daemons do the Jaeger pilots have? Or are their souls more like polar bears' armors? Is Lyra the Avatar? I don't have anything more specific for this, I'm just really interested in the worldbuilding of these fusions and how it would change or not change the characters.
Request #4:
Stand Still Stay Silent/Thor:
The world of SSSS is heavily influenced by Norse mythology, even featuring magic powered by the gods. How would the crew react if they came face to face with the gods? Would Loki and Thor help or hinder? How would they react to a Midgard almost devoid of human life? Would Thor travel around the world to see if he could find more survivors? Would they be forbidden to interfere directly? I bet Loki would totally take that as a challenge to interfere indirectly and try to lead the crew to answers. Or just to cause a bit of chaos.
Request #5:
Note: I know this request mostly focuses on crossing over TAZ with the rest, but I'd be happy to see any combo of fandoms in this one. I just got prompt exhaustion and couldn't think of many prompts for the rest. I love all of these canons and I'd be pretty happy with anything, serious or silly. Consider it a free for all! Edit: I came back and added in some general prompts for more combinations.
Better Off Ted/Discworld/Andromeda/LOTR/Brooklyn Nine Nine/Dragon Age/Jurassic Park
Better Off Ted/Discworld - Veridian Dynamics certainly feels like a company that would fit into the Discworld. Perhaps something that translates the company onto the Disc? Does Vetinari compell Ted to work with him to keep the company from destroying everything? Does Veridian Dynamics hire Ponder Stibbins to work for them?
Actually, pretty much any prompt of mine with Better Off Ted is going to focus on the whackiness Veridian Dynamics will bring to the crossover. PR campaign for the Dark Lord Sauron? Crazy experiments caused the Blight? They take over the Free Trade Alliance? It's all good :D
Dragon Age/LOTR - I'd love something where Dragon Age characters find themselves on Arda. Sure, there's another apocalypse on, but at least these monsters don't turn you into them/kill you with diseases! And there's a giant lack of obvious magic in LOTR - fireballs for all! Super bonus points if demons just aren't a thing DA mages have to worry about on Arda, so Anders comes up with some scheme to move the mages that want it to Arda. Gondor gets a boost in firepower in exchange for land to settle; common folk are all over their healing magic; the dwarves are really keen on the enchanting and crafting these newcomes do; the elves on both sides get the surprise of their lives. So many possibilities!
Discworld/LOTR - anything off of this post, I mean it: http://berry-muffin.tumblr.com/post/160194985845/thebibliosphere-teapotdragon-zephyrantha
B99/any - like with Better Off Ted, I just want all the shenannigans with the team and the crossed over fandom.
Andromeda/verses on Earth - super bonus points for time travel stuff where Harper absolutely refuses to let Earth become what it is in his time. Not helped at all by the canonical indifference to Earth from the rest of the crew.
Andromeda/fantasy verses - the Andromeda crashes on those planets for whatever reason. Great. Now what? Bonus points for technomagic and/or out-of-depth questing. (I would also lol forever if Dylan Hunt contracted the Blight and died)
Discworld/Any - Granny Weatherwax Borrowing all the creatures! T-rex? No problem. Oliphant? Even easier.
The Adventure Zone/Andromeda:
The Andromeda verse is one the crew of the Starblaster visits during the Stolen Century. Either the Spirit of the Abyss is the Hunger, gets absorbed by it or they fight it out to mutual destruction/stalemate. Would love to see something where the Andromeda and Starblazer crews interact. Magnus vs Tyr, Taako and Harper snarking off at each other, Merle and Trance getting all philosophical, Lup and Bekka bonding over being badasses, anything would be great! DNW: Dylan Hunt and most of the clusterfuck that was the show after season 2
The Adventure Zone/Better Off Ted:
Instead of John, Merle meets Veronica in the Parley Parlour.
The Adventure Zone/Brooklyn Nine Nine:
Oh goodness, just anything with the teams interacting. Gina and Taako, Magnus and Terry, Merle and Captain Holt, Boyle and Taako discussing cooking? The possibilities are endless. For extra fun, maybe the 99 ends up in the D&D verse instead of vice versa.
The Adventure Zone/Discworld:
So many interesting possibilities! I'm just going to toss out suggestions, see what sticks: Kravitz meets Death. Taako vs Dibbler. Magnus and Carrot. Magnus and the Nac Mac Feegle! Taako being out magicked by the Lancre witches through headology, Merle getting evangelism tips from Omnians… Basically, I love both of these verses dearly and would be delighted by any characters in them interacting.
The Adventure Zone/Dragon Age:
The tonal clash between these two verses would be interesting, I think. Perhaps the Adventure Zone people could bring some much needed levity into Thedas? Some ideas: A Mabari imprints on Magnus. Taako wrecks a Circle. Merle shows the Chantry how clericing is really done. Or if you want to go for something darker, one of the Starblaster crew contracts the Blight and is Not Okay Mentally when the reset happens. Maybe the Darkspawn try to corrupt the Light of Creation?
The Adventure Zone/Jurassic Park:
Magnus adopts a baby velociraptor. Taako studies a T-rex because he wants to be one.
The Adventure Zone/LOTR:
So I know there's a pretty good canon explanation for why the TAZ guys can resist the power of the Grand Relics, but I also really really want a fic where they are just really really nonchalant about resisting the One Ring. Perhaps something that deals with the wildly different magic mechanics between the verses? Gandalf may be a demigod, but Taako can just lob fireballs at will. Or maybe Merle decides to actually heal people for once and Boromir doesn't die. note: I'd totally accept a crossover with the Hobbit as well, because the thought of the TAZ guys facing off an actual dragon is hilarious to me
Request #6:
Timeless/Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries/Brooklyn Nine-Nine/Elementary/American Gods/Gargoyles:
I'd find pretty much any combination of these fandoms interesting. Extra bonus points for crossing over fandoms without scifi/fantasy elements with those that do have that and focusing on the characters discovering the magical and strange. How would the mythologies of American Gods and Gargoyles intersect? Would the gods gain more power once the world finds out about the Gargoyles? Does Xanatos aim to become a god? I'd love for Jake to be a total fanboy of Miss Fisher and just be delighted when he somehow ends up in her time and meets her. Bring along the entire 99! Because of NYPD politics, Sherlock and Joan end up working with the 99 for a time. Sherlock and Joan meet Miss Fisher, how do they get along? Timeless and Gargoyles have diametrically opposed rules for time travel - in Timeless the timeline can change, in Gargoyles it cannot - it'd be interesting to go with Timeless rules for Gargoyles or vice versa. What can the Timeless crew change about the Gargoyles timeline? How do they react to the existence of magic and inhuman creatures? I'm totally stealing this bit from BBC's Sherlock, but can't bring myself to care very much: As Joan and Sherlock's fame grows and something happens to them ala Reichenbach, messages of 'I believe in Sherlock Holmes' start appearing. But in the world of American Gods, belief is power. How does that change the crime solving duo? Do they become something more?
Request #7:
American Gods/Star Trek: the Next Generation:
Humanity takes to the stars and of course their gods follow. Of course, humans are not the only ones with gods.
Star Trek TNG/ASoIaF:
The Enterprise crashes on Westeros after travelling through a tear in space. How do they survive on this impossible planet? The Prime Directive is almost impossible to uphold in this case. Do they try? What makes them decide to help?
American Gods/Thor:
After the Avengers, the world was suddenly reminded that the gods are very real and that they exist. The power of belief can affect people Realms away. How are Thor and Loki changed by this? Multiple versions of gods can exist - does the American Gods Thor come back to life? Do the original gods find themselves with a lot more power than they'd expected? It doesn't have to be limited to the Norse pantheon after all, because I would imagine the people of the MCU thinking that if the Norse gods are real, then the others might be as well. Do the Avengers become gods?
Request #8:
Jurassic Park/Parks and Recreation:
The Parks and Recs crew is put in charge of maintaining the Jurassic Park.
Jurassic Park/Better off Ted:
Veridian Dynamics buys the Jurassic Park.
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trendingnewsb · 6 years
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6 Things Hollywood Always Gets Wrong About Being A Teenager
Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? It’s … it’s the cocaine, isn’t it? Well, whatever it is, pay attention, writers. We’re about to help you out …
6
All Teens Are Totally Free To Interrupt Gym Class Or Practice
Teen movies like to portray gym teachers and coaches as sadistic disciplinarians who must win at all costs, yet they’re also super OK with anyone walking onto the field and interrupting things. Movie football practice has to stop every three minutes for each player’s girlfriend to walk onto the field and have a long conversation with him. In The Duff, the protagonist goes right up to the quarterback as he’s running drills.
Lionsgate Films“Hey! Star athlete in the middle of a play! Let’s talk about science class! No, YOU get the hell off the field, COACH.”
In 10 Things I Hate About You, a male student interrupts an all-girl archery class without anyone telling him he’s not allowed to just show up there for so, so many reasons.
Touchstone Pictures“Sup? You in class? Being watched very closely by a protective gym teacher as you shoot a dangerous weapon? Cool, cool.”
In Superbad, Seth has no problem completely ruining the gym class soccer game to talk to his buddy. People seem a little annoyed, but not to the point of anyone kicking him out. The PE teacher barely manages an irritated “Come on.”
Columbia Pictures“No, YOU come on! Movie school by-law 48B states that if I want to ruin a soccer game, you can’t do a goddamn thing about it!”
Once you notice this, you’ll see it everywhere. In Juno, about 30 seconds into the movie, everyone’s favorite quirky preggo hipster interrupts a track team’s cross-country practice to talk to her baby daddy, and the rest of the team continues as if nothing matters. Sandy in Grease tries the same thing, and can’t seem to understand why Danny won’t talk to her, despite the fact that he’s obviously in the middle of track practice.
Paramount Pictures“Sandy, I need to get a mustachey blowjo- I mean FINISH PRACTICE.”
5
All Teenagers Take The Same Classes, Everywhere
While pop culture would have you believe that teenagers spend all day making sex bets and hatching revenge schemes in response to sex bets, the truth is that they spend most of their time sitting in class. Literally, everyone who has ever written a script should know this and be able to get this fundamental element of teen life right, but much like the teens of today, they just can’t even.
Real high schools have level systems to separate students by academic ability, if not AP or honors courses to further separate our future leaders from the future opioid addicts and pyramid scheme victims. Movies and television are always sorting characters into jock, nerd, and slacker roles — which would absolutely have different schedules — and then throwing them all into the same class and hoping nobody notices.
Teen shows will have the smartest kids in school taking the exact same class as the pothead four grades behind and the lineman about to get kicked off the football team for failing lunch. For instance, in Boy Meets World, Topanga winds up being the valedictorian, yet she’s in class with Cory, the idiot, and Shawn, the wisecracking slacker. Even toward the end of high school, they have the exact same classes. Is this a Philadelphia school with only one classroom’s worth of students?
ABC Studios“Psst! Topanga! Who is this ‘Biology’ girl everyone is talking about? Is she hot?”
On Saved By The Bell, Jessie is an obsessive overachiever who resorts to speed pills to study longer, Kelly is an airhead cheerleader, Screech is more like a chimpanzee than a human, and Zack is a sociopath who would break up an administrator’s marriage in order to get out of class. And yet there they are, all in the same room.
Universal Television“Welcome to All the Math 1.”
Daria is in the same class as the cheerleaders and football players, who are portrayed as being so stupid that she can barely manage to feel contempt for them. Which must suck for her, because she’s learning the same things at the same rate they are.
Paramount Television“Class, please open your All the Math books to Chapter 4: Beginner and Advanced Math.”
Mean Girls also apparently takes place in a school with only one math class. Cady is “really good” at math, while Aaron is “kinda bad” at it, and yet they are in the exact same class, junior year. Should a mathlete like Lindsay Lohan really be sitting behind the handsome boy who has to count on his fingers? What’s she going to get out of that situation, other than HPV?
Paramount Pictures“Teacher, the answer is 1 over cute butt to the dreamy eyes!”
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In The Duff, Bianca is great at science, while Wesley is a jock with grades so bad that he is academically ineligible to play football and might lose his scholarship to Ohio State University, home of this tweet. By the end of the movie, he can’t get a grade above a B+, even with Bianca tutoring him every day. How could they possibly be in the same class? She should be in AP physics with all the other nerds, and he should be collecting bugs and guessing the names of rocks. The point is, this isn’t a frontier classroom by a pig farm– teachers don’t throw all the kids into one room and read to all of them from the same Bible anymore.
4
Cool Kids Love Carpooling
Hip teens are all about their spicy memes, Tide pod lunches, and sharing one vehicle between large groups of friends. Hollywood thinks that nothing screams cool like the environmentally friendly practice of carpooling, especially if you’re a teenager heading to and from school. TV teens are, like, so totally concerned about their carbon footprint that they cram into cars like they’re Bangladeshi buses.
Warner Bros. Television“One Tree Hill? They should have called it One Car H-“ “I will crash this car, Melissa. I will do it. I would love to do it.”
And it’s not like we are talking about friends aimlessly cruising around together. No, this trope is specific to the school commute, which all movie teens love. They act like driving to five different houses at the crack of dawn to pick up everyone for first period fills them with the raddest, most tubular joy.
Paramount PicturesThat girl’s probably mean because she’s been operating a door-to-school shuttle since 5 a.m.
This strange phenomenon happens in pretty much all teen-centered media across the decades, from Fast Times At Ridgemont High to 13 Reasons Why. Which is odd, since real teenagers think carpooling is about as cool as unregulated gun ownership.
Universal PicturesThe only way these guys managed to visit three locations and smoke a pound of weed before school would be if they were trying to make it to school two days ago.
3
There Is An Unlimited Amount Of Time Between High School Classes
Movies and shows think the time between classes constitutes about 70 percent of the entire school day. In a real school, you usually get five minutes to walk three minutes’ worth of distance. It doesn’t leave a ton of time to have profound conversations or gather together for bully ambushes. But in fictional high schools, like the one in Boy Meets World, you can style your hair, witness the beginning, middle, and end of a relationship, and give yourself a haircut. All between classes, with no one expressing any sense of urgency.
youtube
Their school gives them 90 minutes between periods. They know you always gotta look fly.
In Riverdale, they have time to trade long monologues and accuse each other of elaborate murder plans while still presumably making it to their next class.
youtube
“Can some of this intrigue wait until after school? I only have 40 more minutes to make it to Beginner/Advanced All Math. You know this, because you have it too. So do all of you. Hey, why did we even switch rooms?”
2
Teenagers Are Always Having Consequence-Free Food Fights
In a movie or TV show, all it takes to turn a room into a war zone is for one character to yell the words “FOOD FIGHT!” It’s as if movie teens have been waiting their whole lives to get covered in cafeteria food — objectively the worst kind of food. Try to think if there’s ever been a time in your life when that proposition interested you, much less enthralled an entire room full of carefully styled teenagers in their favorite outfits.
20th Television“Tee-hee, look at us ruin thousands of dollars’ worth of musical equipment!”
That last picture is a property-destroying riot from Glee, in an episode about several of the senior Glee Clubbers coming to terms with how they’ll soon be leaving the only school where everyone expresses themselves through song and dance. They halfheartedly attempt to recruit their replacements, and somehow, moments later, it is the goddamn food Purge.
youtube
“I’m going to miss this place, you guys. Wait, I have an idea! DESTROY THE FUCKING SCHOOL!”
In Vice Principals, two rival educators are trying to kill each other, and their angry presence sparks a massive food fight. So it seems that any chaos, whether it is life and death or plain silly fun, will ignite the volatile powder keg that is teen lunching.
youtube
We see these inexplicable, random fights break out over and over in films like Matilda, Max Keeble’s Big Move, Whip It!, Valley Girl, and Animal House. They also happen in shows like Lizzie Macguire, Boy Meets World, The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody, and even Power Rangers. Just because you defend the world from Lord Zedd does not mean you’re above trying to destroy a bunch of children with handfuls of chili.
Saban BrandsWhile they threw cake, 40,000 people died in a TurbanShell attack.
Picture the aftermath of a real school food fight. You’d have to spend at least a couple of hours covered in caked-on rotting food, all mixed together to form the exact recipe for vomit. You have to go home and explain to your parents why your best pants are ruined, your phone is filled with mashed potatoes, and your books have been soaking in melted Jello. The cafeteria is a legitimate biohazard that no school budget is prepared to deal with. Now try to picture the trouble you’d be in. Well, in a movie, nobody gives a shit.
You can create a tornado of garbage, and there won’t be a single consequence. Five episodes of Glee should have been them singing sad songs in detention after they destroyed an entire cafeteria. There should have been a scene in which they begged their principal not to press criminal charges with a Salt n’ Pepa song. You can’t simply decide to start a landfill where you stand because someone screams “food fight.” It absolutely does not go well when it happens in real life, as we see time and time and time and time again.
1
Teenagers Love To Hang Out Before Heading To School
For most of us, a school day started with a very unwelcome alarm, followed by a tough decision between personal hygiene and more sleep. Once you finally got ready and maybe ate something, you got on the bus or in the car with as close to zero seconds to spare as possible.
In movies, teenagers are always hanging out at their friends’ houses, meeting up in arcades, or stopping by the home of an elderly mad scientist of no relation to play guitar. High school has an average start time of 8:00 a.m., and most people take around 11 to 30 minutes to get ready. So even assuming you live next door to your school, you’re getting up at 7:48 at the latest. What kind of meth addict teenager gets up and does more than zero things before 7:48?
In a movie, that’s totally normal. Bill and Ted, two slacker kids failing out of school, managed to get up early enough to get together and then write, produce, and perform a music video before school.
Orion PicturesIt’s as if time travel movies don’t care about linear time.
Here’s a clip of Michael Cera and Jonah Hill in Superbad, both awake so early that they have time to share their masturbation fantasies while buying a slushie before school.
youtube
Jonah Hill, in particular, always seems to be up in time to run all his errands before his first class. He’s just a goddamn go-getter. In 21 Jump Street, neither he nor Channing Tatum mention how fucking early it is when they go pick up a new car before their first day as undercover high-schoolers. How the hell do movie teenagers manage to fit in a whole day before 8 a.m.?
Columbia Pictures/MGM StudiosIt’s as grand a mystery as 27-year-old Dave Franco being cast as a real, non-undercover high school student.
Diego Rivera is a film student from Chile. He’s sometimes funny on Twitter. Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and is taller than literally every teenager.
You only wish you had an alarm clock as powerful as these kids’.
Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more ways Hollywood sucks for teenagers, check out 5 Horrible Life Lessons Learned From Teen Movies and 5 Weird Things That Teen Shows Think About Actual Teens.
All the cool kids are following us on Facebook.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25504_6-things-hollywood-always-gets-wrong-about-being-teenager.html
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6 Things Hollywood Always Gets Wrong About Being A Teenager
Presumably, every single writer in Hollywood was at some point in time a teenager. At the very least, they probably inject themselves with teenage blood in order to keep their organs strong and their skin moist. So how in the world do they know nothing about them? It’s … it’s the cocaine, isn’t it? Well, whatever it is, pay attention, writers. We’re about to help you out …
6
All Teens Are Totally Free To Interrupt Gym Class Or Practice
Teen movies like to portray gym teachers and coaches as sadistic disciplinarians who must win at all costs, yet they’re also super OK with anyone walking onto the field and interrupting things. Movie football practice has to stop every three minutes for each player’s girlfriend to walk onto the field and have a long conversation with him. In The Duff, the protagonist goes right up to the quarterback as he’s running drills.
Lionsgate Films“Hey! Star athlete in the middle of a play! Let’s talk about science class! No, YOU get the hell off the field, COACH.”
In 10 Things I Hate About You, a male student interrupts an all-girl archery class without anyone telling him he’s not allowed to just show up there for so, so many reasons.
Touchstone Pictures“Sup? You in class? Being watched very closely by a protective gym teacher as you shoot a dangerous weapon? Cool, cool.”
In Superbad, Seth has no problem completely ruining the gym class soccer game to talk to his buddy. People seem a little annoyed, but not to the point of anyone kicking him out. The PE teacher barely manages an irritated “Come on.”
Columbia Pictures“No, YOU come on! Movie school by-law 48B states that if I want to ruin a soccer game, you can’t do a goddamn thing about it!”
Once you notice this, you’ll see it everywhere. In Juno, about 30 seconds into the movie, everyone’s favorite quirky preggo hipster interrupts a track team’s cross-country practice to talk to her baby daddy, and the rest of the team continues as if nothing matters. Sandy in Grease tries the same thing, and can’t seem to understand why Danny won’t talk to her, despite the fact that he’s obviously in the middle of track practice.
Paramount Pictures“Sandy, I need to get a mustachey blowjo- I mean FINISH PRACTICE.”
5
All Teenagers Take The Same Classes, Everywhere
While pop culture would have you believe that teenagers spend all day making sex bets and hatching revenge schemes in response to sex bets, the truth is that they spend most of their time sitting in class. Literally, everyone who has ever written a script should know this and be able to get this fundamental element of teen life right, but much like the teens of today, they just can’t even.
Real high schools have level systems to separate students by academic ability, if not AP or honors courses to further separate our future leaders from the future opioid addicts and pyramid scheme victims. Movies and television are always sorting characters into jock, nerd, and slacker roles — which would absolutely have different schedules — and then throwing them all into the same class and hoping nobody notices.
Teen shows will have the smartest kids in school taking the exact same class as the pothead four grades behind and the lineman about to get kicked off the football team for failing lunch. For instance, in Boy Meets World, Topanga winds up being the valedictorian, yet she’s in class with Cory, the idiot, and Shawn, the wisecracking slacker. Even toward the end of high school, they have the exact same classes. Is this a Philadelphia school with only one classroom’s worth of students?
ABC Studios“Psst! Topanga! Who is this ‘Biology’ girl everyone is talking about? Is she hot?”
On Saved By The Bell, Jessie is an obsessive overachiever who resorts to speed pills to study longer, Kelly is an airhead cheerleader, Screech is more like a chimpanzee than a human, and Zack is a sociopath who would break up an administrator’s marriage in order to get out of class. And yet there they are, all in the same room.
Universal Television“Welcome to All the Math 1.”
Daria is in the same class as the cheerleaders and football players, who are portrayed as being so stupid that she can barely manage to feel contempt for them. Which must suck for her, because she’s learning the same things at the same rate they are.
Paramount Television“Class, please open your All the Math books to Chapter 4: Beginner and Advanced Math.”
Mean Girls also apparently takes place in a school with only one math class. Cady is “really good” at math, while Aaron is “kinda bad” at it, and yet they are in the exact same class, junior year. Should a mathlete like Lindsay Lohan really be sitting behind the handsome boy who has to count on his fingers? What’s she going to get out of that situation, other than HPV?
Paramount Pictures“Teacher, the answer is 1 over cute butt to the dreamy eyes!”
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5 Common Sayings That Mean The Opposite Of What You Think
In The Duff, Bianca is great at science, while Wesley is a jock with grades so bad that he is academically ineligible to play football and might lose his scholarship to Ohio State University, home of this tweet. By the end of the movie, he can’t get a grade above a B+, even with Bianca tutoring him every day. How could they possibly be in the same class? She should be in AP physics with all the other nerds, and he should be collecting bugs and guessing the names of rocks. The point is, this isn’t a frontier classroom by a pig farm– teachers don’t throw all the kids into one room and read to all of them from the same Bible anymore.
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Cool Kids Love Carpooling
Hip teens are all about their spicy memes, Tide pod lunches, and sharing one vehicle between large groups of friends. Hollywood thinks that nothing screams cool like the environmentally friendly practice of carpooling, especially if you’re a teenager heading to and from school. TV teens are, like, so totally concerned about their carbon footprint that they cram into cars like they’re Bangladeshi buses.
Warner Bros. Television“One Tree Hill? They should have called it One Car H-“ “I will crash this car, Melissa. I will do it. I would love to do it.”
And it’s not like we are talking about friends aimlessly cruising around together. No, this trope is specific to the school commute, which all movie teens love. They act like driving to five different houses at the crack of dawn to pick up everyone for first period fills them with the raddest, most tubular joy.
Paramount PicturesThat girl’s probably mean because she’s been operating a door-to-school shuttle since 5 a.m.
This strange phenomenon happens in pretty much all teen-centered media across the decades, from Fast Times At Ridgemont High to 13 Reasons Why. Which is odd, since real teenagers think carpooling is about as cool as unregulated gun ownership.
Universal PicturesThe only way these guys managed to visit three locations and smoke a pound of weed before school would be if they were trying to make it to school two days ago.
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There Is An Unlimited Amount Of Time Between High School Classes
Movies and shows think the time between classes constitutes about 70 percent of the entire school day. In a real school, you usually get five minutes to walk three minutes’ worth of distance. It doesn’t leave a ton of time to have profound conversations or gather together for bully ambushes. But in fictional high schools, like the one in Boy Meets World, you can style your hair, witness the beginning, middle, and end of a relationship, and give yourself a haircut. All between classes, with no one expressing any sense of urgency.
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Their school gives them 90 minutes between periods. They know you always gotta look fly.
In Riverdale, they have time to trade long monologues and accuse each other of elaborate murder plans while still presumably making it to their next class.
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“Can some of this intrigue wait until after school? I only have 40 more minutes to make it to Beginner/Advanced All Math. You know this, because you have it too. So do all of you. Hey, why did we even switch rooms?”
2
Teenagers Are Always Having Consequence-Free Food Fights
In a movie or TV show, all it takes to turn a room into a war zone is for one character to yell the words “FOOD FIGHT!” It’s as if movie teens have been waiting their whole lives to get covered in cafeteria food — objectively the worst kind of food. Try to think if there’s ever been a time in your life when that proposition interested you, much less enthralled an entire room full of carefully styled teenagers in their favorite outfits.
20th Television“Tee-hee, look at us ruin thousands of dollars’ worth of musical equipment!”
That last picture is a property-destroying riot from Glee, in an episode about several of the senior Glee Clubbers coming to terms with how they’ll soon be leaving the only school where everyone expresses themselves through song and dance. They halfheartedly attempt to recruit their replacements, and somehow, moments later, it is the goddamn food Purge.
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“I’m going to miss this place, you guys. Wait, I have an idea! DESTROY THE FUCKING SCHOOL!”
In Vice Principals, two rival educators are trying to kill each other, and their angry presence sparks a massive food fight. So it seems that any chaos, whether it is life and death or plain silly fun, will ignite the volatile powder keg that is teen lunching.
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We see these inexplicable, random fights break out over and over in films like Matilda, Max Keeble’s Big Move, Whip It!, Valley Girl, and Animal House. They also happen in shows like Lizzie Macguire, Boy Meets World, The Suite Life Of Zack And Cody, and even Power Rangers. Just because you defend the world from Lord Zedd does not mean you’re above trying to destroy a bunch of children with handfuls of chili.
Saban BrandsWhile they threw cake, 40,000 people died in a TurbanShell attack.
Picture the aftermath of a real school food fight. You’d have to spend at least a couple of hours covered in caked-on rotting food, all mixed together to form the exact recipe for vomit. You have to go home and explain to your parents why your best pants are ruined, your phone is filled with mashed potatoes, and your books have been soaking in melted Jello. The cafeteria is a legitimate biohazard that no school budget is prepared to deal with. Now try to picture the trouble you’d be in. Well, in a movie, nobody gives a shit.
You can create a tornado of garbage, and there won’t be a single consequence. Five episodes of Glee should have been them singing sad songs in detention after they destroyed an entire cafeteria. There should have been a scene in which they begged their principal not to press criminal charges with a Salt n’ Pepa song. You can’t simply decide to start a landfill where you stand because someone screams “food fight.” It absolutely does not go well when it happens in real life, as we see time and time and time and time again.
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Teenagers Love To Hang Out Before Heading To School
For most of us, a school day started with a very unwelcome alarm, followed by a tough decision between personal hygiene and more sleep. Once you finally got ready and maybe ate something, you got on the bus or in the car with as close to zero seconds to spare as possible.
In movies, teenagers are always hanging out at their friends’ houses, meeting up in arcades, or stopping by the home of an elderly mad scientist of no relation to play guitar. High school has an average start time of 8:00 a.m., and most people take around 11 to 30 minutes to get ready. So even assuming you live next door to your school, you’re getting up at 7:48 at the latest. What kind of meth addict teenager gets up and does more than zero things before 7:48?
In a movie, that’s totally normal. Bill and Ted, two slacker kids failing out of school, managed to get up early enough to get together and then write, produce, and perform a music video before school.
Orion PicturesIt’s as if time travel movies don’t care about linear time.
Here’s a clip of Michael Cera and Jonah Hill in Superbad, both awake so early that they have time to share their masturbation fantasies while buying a slushie before school.
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Jonah Hill, in particular, always seems to be up in time to run all his errands before his first class. He’s just a goddamn go-getter. In 21 Jump Street, neither he nor Channing Tatum mention how fucking early it is when they go pick up a new car before their first day as undercover high-schoolers. How the hell do movie teenagers manage to fit in a whole day before 8 a.m.?
Columbia Pictures/MGM StudiosIt’s as grand a mystery as 27-year-old Dave Franco being cast as a real, non-undercover high school student.
Diego Rivera is a film student from Chile. He’s sometimes funny on Twitter. Jordan Breeding also writes for Paste Magazine, the Twitter, himself, and is taller than literally every teenager.
You only wish you had an alarm clock as powerful as these kids’.
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For more ways Hollywood sucks for teenagers, check out 5 Horrible Life Lessons Learned From Teen Movies and 5 Weird Things That Teen Shows Think About Actual Teens.
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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25504_6-things-hollywood-always-gets-wrong-about-being-teenager.html
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