#i am this close to having a mental breakdown

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

Completely bombed a quiz in one of my classes taking me down from a B to almost a D :)

#I am #so close to being done #I am so close to having a mental breakdown and dropping out #it’s not even fucking funny

[vvitchynerd]

Traditional art jumpscare🔪

Just finished sketchbook I started in Feb of last year, first and last pages

Unedited versions below:

#are my hands blue right now? yes #did i spend 4+ hours on this? yes #does my hand hurt? very much #I was feeling funky so i decided to draw newly creted moon deity as last page #also don't ask for sketchbook content i just sketch silly shit there and decribe my mental breakdowns #artists on tumblr #my art #original character #my ocs #art #traditional art #I'm bad at traditional art okay #also can you tell my violet ballpoint pen died for this along with blue one #moon's eyes seem so wrong when they're closed but they kinda should be like that #also first one is Varu i drew after mental breakdown from trying to work in call center #i am talking-on-the-phone phobic i will absolutely cry if i have to do it #don't question how Varu's hair works in any of my artworks his local nickname is rapunzel #by local i mean nobody calls him that but me #the improvement is cheek reduction surgery literally

[rin-yellow]

Something possessed me to make this and I have no idea why. I am so sorry

#rita kanisuka #ohsama sentai kingohger #king ohger #super sentai #robespierre #french revolution #iron widow lmao #maximilien robespierre #I'm an art blog but #actually I'm not this was supposed to be a blog for book reviews and then I had a mental breakdown #I'm not actually sure what I am #I guess I'm posting memes and shitposts now #you have no clue how close I am to converting this into a fanblog for idk super sentai or even something like fucking M3 #do y'all even remember M3? That one anime from 2014 #I'm not even sure if anyone has talked about it since the final episode aired but I recently watched it and it has stuck with me #where was i going with this #whatever I apologize for these tags #sunk cost fallacy dictates I post it like this #oh right forgot a few tags #papillon ohger #french revolution shitposts #super sentai shitposts #yea thats pretty much it #sorry for having a mental breakdown in the tags #I just failed a physics exam yesterday and am reconsidering my decision to study engineering lol #I know that's tmi but ehhhhh #yeah idfk lmao this is chaos but I'm sticking with this #and send post

[recurring-polynya]

Me, a person who has struggled to get up to 3k words per week for all of 2023: Oh, hey, it's almost November. What if I just pulled a NaNoWriMo and wrote 50k words. Then my fanfic would be nearly done.

#writing #love 2 keep painstaking records so that i am fully aware of my own abilities and constantly overestimate them anyway #why am i like this #i did nano once and it was very stupid #in the sense that i got the 50k out no problemo i think i even finished early #and it was not even close to a complete story and it wasn't very good and when i finished i closed the document and never opened it again #i mean. 50k is not a novel. it simply is not. it's a weird and arbitrary goal that means nothing #i mean. i am super good at achieving weird and arbitrary goals that mean nothing. i was so so so good at being in school #i just have to be careful of such things actually because i will waste all of my energy on them for absolutely no payoff whatsoever #it really would be super cool to write 50k words on my fanfic in november and also have a mental breakdown probs

[alligaytorswamp]

Im kind of feeling like i can't take it anymore

#vent #bad sad sleep-deprived and mentally ill #i am currently crying myself to sleep just fucking sobbing because everything hurts #my brain is failing me my body us failing me #i dont know what to do with myself #so many things are happening so many things hurt and i have no body to talk to #i have never felt so utterly alone #i hate myself for even writing this because i feel so pathetic and as if im just whining for attention #because i probably am #some lame ass cry for help because i really don't know how to function at this point #truly i am just so fucking alone #and there is just so much that is happening and i cant share it with anyone so it just all stays in my stupid brain and #probably makes me more mentally ill or smth #and for however long all i do is keep myself from crying during the day bc i cant let my family catch me having mental breakdowns #yet i have all of these painful thoughts that are plaguing my mind all the fucking time #i am just so so tired #and i keep thinking about death and it's so fucking scary #i just wish i wasn't myself and i had a different brain i could be better than this because maybe then i would be fine #at home im in toxic hell #in online spaces i have no one actually close to me #in my brain i have horrible thoughts and hardcore daydreaming distactions that dont fix anything #in my course i think im not doing well enough and im scare dthat my the end of it im still going to be a useless unemployed moron #on my silly blog i think if i dont make content i have no value and ehatever i make is not even that good or interesting #so i better cover it up with quantity but i dont have time or ability to do so #which again makes me into a fucking Nothing #god my head hurts so much #that's what u get for wailing at 4 am #anyways i am doing horrible and i can't take it anymore truly reaching my fucking limit #all my fault tho so ☺ #delete later and if someone actually reads it Um sorry for this i am hashtag unwell 😋💫

[ghostofasecretary]

feeling very down! annoyed about it! i had a good day!! i am upset that my brain went on a 45 minute long spiral about how bad my last job went and also how bad All My Trauma Ever has been and also how my life is a mess! i am trying to get out of that pit but it's not going great! graaaaargh!!

#bad brains blogging #ghost speaks #can't i just. chill out #please for. like. one second #should i just try to sleep?? it's too early to sleep well tho #and i am shaking a lil bit with nervous energy #(rhetorical question don't answer) #grsasmxdkxmfkccnndmaARGH #self pity is a losing game but that doesn't stop me from playing!! #i want. for people to validate how bad it was. and for people to call me crazy and stupid and still be sad for me. no i do not want that on #i just. feel crazy and stupid and sorry for myself and it's not great i miss feeling cool and productive and helpful and funny and lovely #and no one can feel that way all the time but this. current bout of feelings. Sure Was More Memories Than I Wanted!!! #what would it be like to not have ptsd #i got--close to recovery/very few symptoms but also at that time i was getting set up for New Trauma 2.0 #and then transitioned straight from barely processing 2.0 to just. uh. trauma 3.0 you did it to yourself version #feels!! real bad!!!! #okay either go watch tv or go to bed stop having a mental breakdown in the tags

[insaneillusionist]

I love searching for mental illness tags I can pin on myself so I can fix what's wrong with me like a little checklist.

Anyway if anyone tries to suggest I might have a specific mental illness unless I ask for you to tell me, I will most likely block you or ignore that. This is one of the few boundaries I am forming, and it is a hard one.

#my random stuff #delete later #It really worsened my already bad mental breakdown and I am so close to snapping again #So fuck off cuz I know I'm broken and I don't need you to pretend there's a cure #Or that you think you know me #And I will most certainly lose it if you say “oh you have this probably” and then when I ask why say absolutely jack fucking shit #I am so fucking tired of that #And especially of oh we need more info maybe do that and then i give info and it's triggering #yes i am vaguing at this point #like yes i get it hurts and honestly i probably shouldn't have said such things in main chat tbf i didn't know they'd trigger ppl and I was #'t told but I do really have no excuse #But I am still pissed off #Anyway tell me that you think I have a certain mental illness and i'll fucking rip you to shreds #end rant i guess whatever

[widevibratobitch]

frustrated as all fuck but cant do shit about it because mom is grieving and i dont wanna add to it by being a bitch

#fine ill eat that fucking sandwich you made when i specifically told you i dont want to eat now. #ill spend the rest of the day hating myself for it but whatever makes you happy queen :)))))))))))))))))))) #fine ill let you drive me home instead of taking the train and getting a few hours of peace and time for myself. #ill lose my fucking mind but whatever makes you happy queen #fine ill call off the meeting with my dad and his gf on saturday morning like i planned. since you're staying over. its fine. #no fr tho. everything is fine. but eating that fucking sandwich after another of my ed related mental breakdowns is gonna kill me #i can feel my throat closing im gonna throw up fr #also i told her i need to be home BEFORE 1 pm. i had a train at 9. i would have been home by now. #and now it's 11 am and we havent even left yet. but i cant be mad about that either. cant be mad about anything ever. #therapy on wednesday therapy on wednesday therapy on wednesday save me save me save me save me save me

[femmelated]

who came up with capitalism im gonna beat their ass!!!!!!!!

#seriously im THIS close to a mental breakdown #i come home from my 9-5 abd work another 8 hours just sobbing #i am so tired i dont even have energy to cook #dont worry im balancing out all tge energy drinks with powerades #mine

[missrosegold]

I need to stop looking at MHA leaks before I go to bed beacuse I always end up having an existential crisis over Dabi my beloved and never actually sleep as a result.

#touya will be fine #i keep telling myself that #i am this close to having a breakdown #i am mentally unwell #i just need him to live

[stonedopossums]

starting to panic abt the move. im under so much stress.

#.txt #its been coming for years. weve been planning it for years. but now its 4 months away and its reslly starting to set in #being in wa feels right. when we went in oct it was the most 'right' ive felt in years. #seeing the mountain felt right. being in the rainforest felt right. i felt like i was exactly where i was supposed to be for the first time #since i was a kid. i know this will be good for me. i just dont know how im going to handle such a big task. #i was 12 when we moved to mn so i didnt have to deal with any of the moving process besides packing my room #so this is really big for me and its super overwhelming and i just want to shut down #but i CANT #its such a huge mental task and i know its going to be super stressful but i dont have the capacity to fully actualize everything until its #really happening. i need to talk to a therapist i need someone else to make sense of all the shit going on right now #i need someone to just take the fucking wheel for ONCE and tell me everything is going to be okay but so far every single adult in my life #who ive talked to is telling me its a stupid idea and we wont make it and its going to fail #i need someone on my side for ONE MINUTE #for the love of god can i please just have an actual support system for five minutes #can someone please just actually fucking support me for once instead of talking bad about every fucking decision ive made in my adult life #can someone please just fucking be my parent for once. i want my mom. i want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay. #vent #vent in tags #i am so close to a breakdown but i cant fucking afford one. this cant happen rigjt now i need to hold it together for a little bit longer. #just a little bit longer

[oyasleepy]

mm . mmmm. social media

#oyaspeaky #ahve been doing some thinking abt the state of things & my own stances. on what i wanna do #twitter has become such a shitshow that i barely look at it. bc it's a nightmare! and it's always been shit for my mental health anyway! #but also almost all of the ppl close 2 me use it as their main thing and it kinda feels lonely & bad to miss 99.9% of the things they post . #i just want to ahve fun and play toys with people but i know if i get active on twitter again ill have a breakdown within a week #bc im bad at limiting myself when i do certain things..... #tumblr & deviantart have always kinda been the sites tht feel most like Home to me #but pretty much everyone i care abt ditched dA due to eclipse! & so did i! the site's kind of a trashfire now! #this is mostly rambling at this point i am just. sorting my thoughts <3 #the bottom line is i kinda feel a lil isolated from things and i worry that translates to others' perspectives as me not caring #i do care !! i just mostly live here bc otherwise id die #this post has no point but. ive been tryin to Blog a bit more. so heres a Blogging

[villainelle]

living for 10 years in an unfinished house constantly under renovation has given me immense psychic damage. i'm gonna start scaling the walls and eat through the (few) plasterboards we have

#i am this close to having a mental breakdown. #mal.txt #tbd //

[be-good-to-bugs]

the weight of everything bad in my life has decided to crush me on this nice night

#the bin #its raining and windy and liek just a bit TOO windy to be a good breeze but not so windy that its super unpeasent #just windy enough to make me feel more alive in this weird headspace im stuck inside. #i want to get better. i wanna make friends. i need to have control over my own life #taking everything i have not to cut all my hair off right now #im so close to having a mental breakdown man. i just wanna have a car and live alone and feel like a have actual freedom #i think having a job wpuodnt feel so bad if i actually felt the the time i wasnt working was mine but i dont #i dont know why im having such a hard time today. i havent felt this bad in quite awhile or even like ever tbh #i dont know. i want to make frineds but even that sounds unappealing if it means ill have even less free time to myself #at the same time tho i wanna party. i am a party bitch at heart. but alas i was stuck in the middle of the woods with no contact with #other people for 7 years so. and ofc most places are 21+ so its hard. i want to be able to just go somewhere on a whim but noooo #well. my life will find joy again one day. i hope i can get one if these jobs and be less miserable.

[minivirgo]

i feel so stressed out by my emails i want to throw up

#there is only two weeks left today #but i sent my first email asking for these documents SIX weeks ago #i am SORRY for complaining about this every single day but it is all i think about #idk what im going to do if she doesnt send me this attestation #at this point im not even worried about my recommendation letter i have three others already #although this one would be better #but i at least would like to prove ive done research for her you know ?? #i feel like it is a Major change / upgrade from last year’s application #and i need this upgrate to get in #UGH #i am *this* close to a proper mental breakdown

[urbanbirdbud]

it’s been. a very rough afternoon

#fun to know that even while in the midst of my worst disassociative episode in the past year I can still cobble together a good meme #anyways um. about to tear down literally everything I ever derives joy from in my room and put into storage and never speak more than needed #to my dad. I am. so so tired. every time I think things are looking up and I can relax in my own home something has to happen #and then I need to slowly rebuild any safety I felt beforehand. I hate knowing my stuff was looked through and I dont know to what extent #anyways yeah. yearly deeply oversharing personal post over. gonna go hide literally half of my mortal possessions in a box somewhere #personal #no rblogging etc etc #edit: having another breakdown bear w me #I’ve scraped myself down to nothing for peace in my family I grovel and shut up and bear it fucking all and even then #they have the fucking audacity to ask me more? to put away the few reminders I have of people who love me things I enjoy #and the friendships Ive held onto like a dying man does to water? #they say they care about my mental health and how the devil affects everyone insidiously. I think they should take a long deep look #in the fucking mirror. open their eyes to how fucking close I was to just. giving up while I was suffocating under the veil of religion #and no before anyone asks I’m not gonna do anything stupid. I’m not one to live for spite but I trudge on hoping to get somewhere better. #just gonna have a short cry before bottling it up and dealing w it ten yrs down the road. not gonna go thru another ‘check in’ to lose more #oops forgot my little tag -> #ubb chirps