#i can no longer bear things

[front-facing-pokemon]

#alolan raichu #holy shit these alolan forms are kicking the fuck outta my ass #the things i do for you all. my production value on this blog has increased over the years and i don't think i can get away with the same #weird shit i used to be able to when i couldn't find a good model so now i'm having to learn how to use blender and shit?? #downloading weird scripts off the internet just because i can't find the right models. and now alolan raichu has kantonian eyes #they have kantonian eyes. i know. i'm sorry. i don't know how to fix it and this is the best you're going to get because i had to work for #like an hour and a half just to get to this point. and i know the lighting is dark. it's. it's bad. it'll probably be like this for all #the alolan forms at least. and holy shit when we get to gen 9 it's going to be even worse #this is a wreck!! this is a wreck. i had to use the sv model for this one and it's like #i dunno the eyes in sv aren't textures?? they're procedural. they're fucking. shaders. in sv. which is why espeon's pupils #are no longer pupils and are instead reflections (lie‚ falsehood) #and i'm. dissolving. y'all're gonna have to bear with me moving forward bc i've gotten Very used to the “it just works” nature of #the older models that i was using but this is getting way harder on me as we move into newer generations

[askblueandviolet]

What do you want to be in the future?

You'll live for a long time, right?

#lego monkie kid #lego monkie kid fanart #monkie kid #monkie kid fanart #lmk #lmk fanart #lmk mayor #monkie kid mayor #blue and violet #bear in mind that the life expectancy during Ling's time would have probably been around 40-60 #Ling is 30 #so this dude probably thinks they do not have much time left in the grand scheme of things #I mean of course some people like those of the higher class will probably live for much longer than that #but Ling is still constantly going out to war lmao #the dude can die any day #but they do want to be a good father #a shame they are not brave enough to run away with Baihe and not do what they are told to do anymore #to make their own choices

[muckyschmuck]

mostly bear but deaddog’s there too

#hi sug #i clean my room when i woke up and instantly fell back asleep #why #my art #oc art #sona art #doodlings #digital art #traditional art #mostly #hahahahhahahaha hiii #can i coffee #no also i didn’t find a good bear documentary to draw bears too thanks for asking #i think i spelled go wrong but unfortunately because mobile tumblr sucks massive nuts i can’t edit that without rewriting the entire thing #was gonna say something about simply not having the time for that however i am #continuing to write multiple long winded tags thats probably taking me longer than just #shut up?

[revawake]

Lottie pre-crash eating her breakfast alone save for the maid who works for the Matthews, who is both Lottie's subject in a way (serving her) and her superior in a way (acting as an extension of her father's will, serving her medications she's not allowed to decline).

Lottie as an adult crafting herself a home where she can permanently banish the isolation and powerlessness of her childhood without losing its comforts. She's fixing it. She'll be what her father wasn't. Loving, not cruel. Liberating, not tyrannical.

She's a healer. She's a leader! She acts graciously when one of her servants followers serves her maca root instead of ashwaghanda. She makes it a rule that they can leave whenever they want!

Lottie in the wilderness hallucinating all her friends eating together, and look, even though she's died her disciple best friend Laura Lee is there and she already served got her some takeout! And Jackie isn't there there's one free seat just for Lottie!

Lottie's the good queen. Someone has to be! They can't all be unborn queens, she tells herself, or else she everyone would starve!

#lottie matthews #yellowjackets meta #hopefully this isn't kicking a hornet's nest (pun intended) but for real though. #why do we not feel like acknowledging that lottie likes being served and having subjects? #she's the antler queen not the antler comrade!!!!! for fucks sake!!!!! #this is not an anti lottie post btw i just get annoyed when she's so often characterized as purely compassionate and nurturing #as if she can't genuinely be those things AND manipulative and controlling #like there's so much more of this character to chew on (pun also intended) #stop shopping for purity at the cannibalism show etc etc #i want to do a longer post now comparing lottie being served food to lottie serving food because the latter is a WHOLE other can of worms #lottie killing the bear - lottie blessing the meals / let's collect its blessings (the starlings) #lottie feeding nat and travis her own blood - lottie serving jackie the hot cocoa of death making her a permanent subject of the underworld #^and freeing up the throne in the process. #oh yeah and lottie attempting to hunt / serve travis as food. that's a big one sorry i forgot flex!!!

[thelastharbinger]

Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell #also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice #but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy #cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and. #you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo #and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk... #if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. & #hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“ #AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER #SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED #HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO #ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO. #anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks #from gwen of all people! i love that for me. #also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right. #atsv #miles morales #itsv #miguel o'hara #the spot #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen stacy #ghost spider #gwen x miles #rio morales #across the spider verse #into the spider verse

[deeva-arud]

Boo!

I'm the paranormal activity on your dash :]

#Udi posting in 2023? truly a christmas miracle #Now it'd be pretty funny if everyone seeing this collectively thought 'who the hell is this person?' I mean. UNDERSTANDABLE- #I've been gone for so long I don't even recognise this dash layout help?? #Excuse me while I have a grandma moment trying to figure out where things are #Anyway I don't have much to post since I've barely drawn in all these months. So many art blocks stacked on top of more art blocks #(among other things) #BUT I still have some drawings here and there. Not the best I've ever produced but hey it's something #and you know what happens when Udi has an art block? Exactly. Cateeva content (and silly drawings) (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧ #Now it's time for me to fill my room with sticky notes reminding me to take things easy #you'll have to bear with my slowness for a little bit longer. Life hit me hard recently and everything feels so heavy to me #but I just didn't want to let this year pass without saying anything... #I actually missed being on here. If I see art or an oc from any of my moots I'll probably cry on the spot #Moot reading this you've been warned (🫶) #I'll shut up now. I really hope everyone's doing as good as they can. This is such an awful world #Udi talks

[shut-the-burrow-door-pls]

my destiny definitely ends with simping over lords of decay..., no way i can escape, ancient skaven is like well-brewed wine

#i just screenshot these part so that i can later do the actual good work #let me finish school things first #already work on it whole day cannot bear it any longer #hear me out... i cannot forget that shit said Gnawdwell's member has warpstone piercing on it im done

[afieldinengland]

thinking about oliver francis reeder phd director of communications to the opposition again

#and the government eventually of course. as always i am deadly serious when i say i think ollie reeder got the party back in power #because it is the longer and the lesser and more perpetual murder and also because i believe he was very very good at his job indeed #he learned from the best. and outgrew him #the new political animal demanded by the post-spin post-truth age is a slick little turncoat with no spine or principles #as chris addison himself said if you look at the cabinet– any cabinet– ollie is everywhere these days. nothing behind the eyes because #spinelessness means flexibility. and he can manoeuvre around all the bear traps that men like malcolm set because he watched him lay them #helped him. lay in them as bait. dear god. ollie reeder as spin doctor in chief and sick boycaesar is a terrifying thing indeed #as i've said i think he must have been so much worse because he had no morals. the fact he didn't know when to stop as a churlish #undergraduate of a spad became the fact he didn't give a fuck about stopping as machiavel-elect. he'd have terrorised mr tickel himself #the impact of one man. or bringing out what was already there like a babe in the belly #stand in the dock of the inquiry malcolm tucker and shake thy gory locks at him #the thick of it

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

[sysig]

Working on some designs for one of my oldest OCs, “Cure” (Patreon)

I also managed to track down some of her initial concept sketches from 2018 - why 2018 considering I called her one of my oldest OCs?

Well, her design has always been rather elusive, even more so since she spent so much time in my head without being brought to paper - even these sketches make mention of it!

Pretty sure she got “Cure” in 2018 too - starting to take form!

#Doodles #Original #The quotes are very intentional lol #As stated under the cut I started designing her in 2018 but she's existed since around 2007-ish? Latest would be 2010 #Part of her having such a range of uncertainty is that it took me many many years to consider putting her to paper! #She might've existed in 2007 but there's no record! She might've existed in 2010 but no record! I don't think I even wrote about her #She was a completely mentally-extant OC for many many many years #Partially because at the time I had just started drawing and knew I wouldn't be able to put down what was in my head to physicality #And then the longer she stayed in my head the more she became that kind of mental kaleidoscope ever-shifting impossible-to-draw design #But screw that! I have a few years of doodling under my belt now! Even if I can't get her quite right I can at least make an attempt! #It's especially funny because outwardly she is meant to be a pretty generic teddy bear lol - not Exactly but more like the vibe of one #Round and plush and innocent - innocuous #And really she's not like Nefarious or anything lol - she's not what she seems but she also is?? It's hard to explain lol #A lot of it does still come down to subtleties so it actually is still hard to capture but it'll only keep getting harder the longer I wait! #So at least pinning down Some things about her design that I'm happy with and can refer to helps the me down the line haha #The first one is actually pretty close! It's always a coin flip on whether the first one is a disaster or nails it haha #The heart ears and straight body are pretty good tho I gotta say #And honestly it was the little lace-ribbon bracelet that was the deciding factor for me to try drawing her again haha #I had an idea I thought was silly but to do it I needed a design to work with! #Getting there getting there - every little bit closer

[tamagotchikgs]

i try my best not to think of it and i havent in years but the fact the only people who were ever supposed to be my friends irl would always dump their love on me and then to leave me & say they dont like me over and over and over again only so they could watch my reaction n make fun of me together maybe did affect me huh

#i am normal i am not affected ii do not see ◡_◡ #[distant sounds of me crying & screaming && gasping for air &&& ripping myself to shreds like a bear] #i was always an autistic lil freak who didnt speak so i guess i shouldnt be surprised #but like. i always just wanted them to like me #i always just wanted the chance to like them back and let be allowed. always just wanted someone to be pals with. someone i could trust to #have my back for once vs everything else #i remember such a specific moment right #and we were going on a roadtrip w her and one i already had #and they ended up talking before we left #the worst part is i had to keep seeing them. i had to just keep reliving the humiliation over n over again n it got so deep in me #& the og one had a plan that we would sit together in the back n n we had like. tons of stuff brought we could do n snacks n all this #n then at the very last second literally as i had just sat down she was like . actually. i dont want you back here. i want her she's way be #better #and i remember so specifically she was like. LOL look at ur face.......... #and so i had to sit up front alone w nothing to do the entire ride but listen to them make fun of me for it #i feel like it would be better if they had left it at that but then they always came back n treated me so sweetly so i was like . ok i have #a chance #maybe they do like me #like the same girl went on to share cookies she had bought w me and we sat on the lawn for hours hanging out n eating them #and then she did it again #and again #but i was so alone in the world otherwise that i stayed #for years n years #my therapist always talks about how because of how long ive had anxiety means itll take either equally as long or longer to recover #and all i can think ab is how i lived with everything horrible at home #always just wanting to escape #to living through bad things outside of it too #just piling on top #from 6-16 #and i kept going back

[tj-crochets]

So the broken pipe situation is mostly fixed, but until my asthma stops being on such a hair trigger I'm not going downstairs unless I am wearing an N95 mask, and even then limiting my time down there, so I've been spending a lot of time in my craft room/work from home office. Y'all, I have gotten so much done it's a little ridiculous. Today so far I have: - sewn together batting to make a piece big enough for a baby quilt - quilted the baby quilt - trimmed it down to size and added the binding - washed the baby quilt - did some unpacking - found a skein of yarn in a box I was unpacking, got distracted, and knit an entire hat - cut out all the pieces for a pride bee for one of my 2022 MTH auction winners and got most of the seams sewn (only two machine sewn seams left, then it's just stuffing it and handsewing on the eyes, wings, and antennae) - tackled some of my scrap batting pile, getting it sorted into "large pieces to sew together to use in quilts", "this one rolled up piece that is somehow the perfect size for the coasters my friend wants", "pieces to cut 2.5 inch strips out of for future baskets", and crumbs, then diced up the crumbs into smaller confetti to use as pillow or stuffed animal stuffing later

#the person behind the yarn #not sure what is going on but I will ride this wave of productiveness while I can! #I wanted to make the winter soldier bear #but the gray fleece did not make it over in the same box as the rest of the bucky bear fleece apparently???? #I have all the other ones I use for bucky bears in their own section on the shelf #and the gray is just not there. Which means it is either in a bag of fabric I have yet to unpack #or (more likely) in my 'general fleece storage drawer' in the living room console table thing #but that's downstairs and I have used up my downstairs time today washing dishes #console table is not the right word but idk the right word. table for living rooms that is not coffee table #it had a drawer in it that was empty I had fleece to store the drawer is no longer empty #today I have also played just like so many neopets games (I am very glad they got so many games updated) #and put my music on shuffle and sang along a lot #I am resisting the urge to cast on another hat but I am not resisting it well

[cerbreus]

i will.... find a good workout routine this time.... i will spend way way way way way longer than necessary keeping it low intensity and focusing on building core muscles so i don’t hurt my back for the 5th time in 2 yrs... willing this into reality..😣

#it has been 2 years of me trying to go slower and lower intensity every time i start back up #and still straining my back and being stuck with the herniated disk pain on level 7 for 4-5 months #the worst part about having a chronic back injury is like #the only thing that makes the chronic back injury and pain better is regular exercise #and building up core muscles/muscles in general to prevent it from getting strained again #hopefully when i have consistent healthcare for longer than 6mo i can approach a dr about getting some pt #and maybe xrays to see just how bad it is #it feels bad #nothing helps except waiting #living in fear of the day waiting doesn't help anymore #personal stuff #whatever u do don't be me if u fall and hurt your back like immediately go to the dr and get it taken care of so it doesn't become a chronic #injury like what happened with me.... this could have been avoided if i could have gone to a dr instead of just bearing the pain

[silasbug]

man, you think you put in the work. figured it all out. but then there's more.

#'ah shit here we go again' #rethinking my sexuality pt. 1 #i don't know why but it's so freaking funny to me. frustrating for sure! but so funny #like. my guy! my homeboy! i thought we figured this out a decade ago!! #i feel like a pokemon. the evolution doesn't stop at putting the clown make-up on. next form's got a fucking WIG #and a whole ass clown SUIT #why not slap on a duel typing? ain't got nothing to lose #asexual AND kinky? not sure what good that'll do in a battle but WHY NOT #'how can we make bug as uncomfortable with themselves as humanly possible' #truly the 'build-a-bear' of confusing and conflicting wants and desires #sex is only appealing in the privacy of my own mind. and fanfiction. (loads of fanfiction). yeah. #no shame in that. not even going to pretend that there is. #like suddenly a lot of things make sense while a lot of things no longer make sense #brain goes 'hold my beer' and then just.. 'brrrrr'. very helpful #personal

[bear-cubs-art-things]

Can you draw Kayna?

I initially read that as Kenya XD

#I can no longer say “kayna” it HAS to be “kenya” #bear answers #bear cub art things #msm #my singing monsters

[commissionsdarian]

Around the big ones now. I'm going to stick around here for a bit, see if what I'm thinking works. Sorry, Averagebuildman, I'll be up in a few hours. Not much to do down here, plus they can't do anything, they're contained well enough. Ideally there shouldn't be any branching

#I'm being dramatic #I'm literally just checking if being around these things can affect the affects of other inter reality beings #aka #quick fix to the headache #I couldn't fully back out 1 or 2 of the deals #which is understandable I don't blame them #just got to deal with it for a week longer #do a few things #then we're all good to undo deals #could be worse #but if this does work #it'll be useful for future use #which I can make assumptions about given the post-it notes down here #tua rp #oc #the crow and the bears