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#i can't let my family take care of me
okkennymay · 1 month
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It's been a very interesting year to say the least- those months still weren't 100% healthy but it was such a difference it was like living a different life, one not filled with constant dread and fear of the next monthly health episode.
It was unreal and I wish I'd made more use of of that time online while I had the chance, instead of being nervous of setting my body off and ruining a good thing going- but having past a new month my body completely imploding (only partially, which still sucks eggs), I can start to pick myself back up and keep going, hopeful once more! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
To all of you who have watched fade in and out of existence since my return online, Thank you for always being so patient 💖 my god was my previous username ghost-chicky ironic as hell, s2g it would be more appropriate these days than anything 0w0"
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poppies · 4 months
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2023 was the worst year of my life. not sure what's to come or where to start but i know things have to change, i have to fix things somehow
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anaalnathrakhs · 23 days
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btw my mom said it. she said it to me looking me in the eyes. i told her about how difficult it was for me to get through those family reunions, and she admitted it was very important to her, important enough that she was just going to do it anyway.
#i know there are compromises out there#and i'm not going to live w them my whole life so i'll be out fairly soon all things considered#and i'm trying to be understanding when people's priorities aren't the same as mine#but i uh. would be lying if i said it doesn't hurt a little wittle bit.#i'm gonna keep handling it because i've been an asshole to my parents for long enough#i largely owe them that. cooperating and spending time with them and engaging in what matters to them.#but then she's says things like ''but whenever you move out you'll still be part of the family and invited if you want uwu''#it's just ?????? okay thanks ???? perhaps you could also try seeing things from my point of view perhaps????#it's all circling back to that. they have a very weird way to ''help'' me#throwback to them trying to cure my depression with amusement parks#when i would have liked a little less of that and a little more help and understanding#it feels like they're trying to put bandaids on a cancer#''you don't ask for help'' okay no help is coming. i am not being helped.#the system can't help me cause there's no damn beds no damn professionals no damn time to help everyone#the people around me can't help me because it's not their job or within their wheelhouse to help me#and they've got their own shit to deal with#on that note#i was discussing stuff with my mom#and i mentionned it was indeed pretty difficult to manage your time when you had to deal with school and friends and your parents#and she was like ''deal with your parents???? what do you have to deal with????''#oh i don't KNOW maybe that i'm officially an associate of my dad and i have to help out w events and some accounting#or maybe i have to pay back the fucking years i spent being an ungrateful child now i do everything you expect me to and it's exhausting#maybe that you constantly remind me i am living in YOUR house by touching my shit instead of letting me deal with shit at my own pace#maybe the fact that despite everything i care about you and i want us to have a good relationship and that takes WORK and i'm exhausted#maybe the fact that you keep giving me advice that is unproductive misguided misunderstanding etc etc#and cold comfort after you did something you knew to be difficult for me#how you keep encouraging shit that i don't want and am unhappy with because it's the ''normal'' way#how you raised me from childhood to be an empty shell in a family of empty shells#broadcasting my misery#vent
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gxlden-angels · 2 years
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Someone tagged one of my posts as "bride socialization" and I probably thought about it, but having someone explicitly say it is another thing. I can make posts about the marital due and biological essentialism/determinism all I want, but those aren't terms the average person would know about.
"I was socialized to be someone's bride, not a person" is explicit, understandable, and straight to the point. It sums all of it up nicely
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britneyshakespeare · 10 months
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well i didn’t get my paycheck in the mail but i did get a referral notice from my doctor saying that i can expect to see an endocrinologist... in SIX. FUCKING. MONTHS.
#no. fucking. no#i can barely get out of bed on a good day. i've been feeling this way for months.#bloodwork says i HAVE hashimoto's disease. i have a family history of thyroid issues on both sides#i am NOT in acceptable health to be waiting six months. i wanna cry. maybe i will#tales from diana#another fucking phone call i have to make on monday. i still haven't called the other specialist i need to see to make an appointment#the secretary told me they'd take care of this one and schedule it for me#they said it might take until the fall#i can't wait until the fucking winter solstice#i have so much anxiety on top of all of this health shit i have barely been able to think straight this week#everything in my life is falling apart#reducing/managing stress is all they told me i can do for now (until i potentially start a treatment course)#to prevent myself from developing full-blown hypothyroidism#AND LET ME TELL YOU... CIRCUMSTANCES IN THE LAST WEEK HAVE NOT BEEN GREAT FOR THAT#i'm gonna have to drop out of society and be a recluse again at this rate. this is so discouraging#i'm not gonna be able to continue my education or pick up a steady job#luckily being a substitute teacher is super flexible but i wanna fuckin be able to pick up hours at that job#i haven't been able to work more than two fucking days a week since april#i don't leave the house to see ppl anymore bc if i so much as walk in a parking lot im unable to get up for the rest of the day#im PISSED#i do wanna cry#ok bye i can't be ranting like this anymore i wanna cry
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foxgirlmoth · 1 year
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#Hiw am I supposed to tell someobe that I love in the future that asking what I'm eating will make mw not eat fir a day#Because every time I'm asked that here Ibfeel like a burden#How about if I flinch to being touched unexpectedly? Even though I *crave* to be touched and loved#How do I get to feel loved when So Many Barbs have been implanted in my skin#Just so I can walk in this house with less pain#How can I sleep next to someone when my head is only calmed by a double dose of sleeping medicine or complete exhaustion#How can I be out and in the world when I can't even get past a semester of college without a breakdown#When can I stop climbing this 90° cliff. When does it stop#I can't hardly take care of myself#Who the hell wants that with me?#It's mostly just these damn. Mental blocks. Mental holdbacks#Yeah I can do work. Upkeep a house or whatever.#Care for pets and cook and take csre of myself thst way#But making a living?? In this economy? Fucking can't#Can't do it without my mental health tanking and it taking all my strength to not let it get too low#What am I even doing. Game Design? Art? I won't get mobey that way hahaha#I've heard that so many times from family so it MUST be true#I wanna stop crying. This never feels like me#Not this numb body. Tears stinging my eyes. Head hurts from sobbing depressed lump#I hate capitalism and the fucked up lives we gotta live in jts hellscape#I still so desperately need sleep. Please#ed mention#in the notes. Jic#Ranting again I'm sorry mutuals and friends#I don't thibj I'm okay rn#I just want a year I can sleep eat and play no worries#yknow?
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kittlyns · 1 year
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One day I am gonna start journaling again and then I won't post all this sad shit on here but until then! *posts another sad post*
#it's dark and I'm tired so this means NOTHING. but.#there's no heartbreak like raising your younger siblings and them growing up to side against you#I lost my childhood to playing parent and trying to distance my siblings from the fighting and verbal abuse I witnessed and endured#I learned to read the room early on so I could get them out of situations before they turned bad#I knew I had to be perfect so I could take the fall for shit I'd never do and get a lighter punishment than the 'problem children'#I understand the younger kids. I was older so I could shield them better until they were old enough for our parents to mellow out a bit#of course they would choose the parents who don't care enough to parent them over the bitch who had multiple public breakdowns over them#but my brother. I don't understand that. it was our war. we had to figure it out together#of course he didn't though. he'd hit every landmine and it was up to me to pick up the pieces and salvage what I could.#instead of there being a solidarity between us as survivors of a pitiful childhood he's taken to blaming me for it all#I'm the reason he's depressed. suicidal. can't get a job. can't drive. never leaves the house. it's all because of me.#he'll joke around and egg on the man who used to corner and scream and threaten and insult him.#he'll wax poetic about how he has our bio father's blood. how he shares so many traits with a man who never wanted him. will never care.#I won't say I was perfect or that I did right by him in every way. I was a child trying to survive and I lashed out plenty of times.#I never understood why he couldn't just shut up. couldn't just let words be said and meekly take them. always had to get the last word in.#couldn't just curse the man in his heart with his head bowed and a 'yes sir. sorry sir.'#I blamed him for that at the time. I was wrong for that.#so yeah. I can accept my part of making things worse for him. I should've tried harder to understand him.#what I can't accept is that the blame falls solely on me. not our bio father who beat our mom and abandoned us.#not our stepfather who made every day a walk on eggshells. not our complacent mother. not the external family who only ever made it worse.#just me. I'm the only thing that ruined his life.#and sure. he can believe whatever he wants. if that's how he feels then so be it.#but he has to tell everyone. yeah my sister ruined my life. yeah she's the reason I want to kill myself.#over and over and over. all the family believes him.#my mom tells me to be nicer to him. my grandma asks me what I've done to hurt him so badly. he tells our siblings I'm a bitch and a liar.#I haven't even spoken to him in years. but every time he has a mental health crisis it's my fault.#in what way? who fucking knows. he talks in circles and the only thing he says for certain is it's my fault. and that's all my family needs#it truly got to the point I had to stop speaking to him cuz no matter what I said he decided it was an attack on him.#so. I've dealt w a lot. sacrificed an entire life stage. got nothing to show for it#except mental illness and a creeping sense that it was all for nothing
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dredshirtroberts · 3 months
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sooooo many things are simultaneously kicking my ass right now thank god i don't play cod or i'd have to also suffer the humiliation of 12yos kicking my ass too
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sexcaliburs · 5 months
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I think I had an attack of sorts last night. lol. lmao even
#like. okay. I'm gonna make this as short as possible#we have three dogs and one cat now. all of them adopted by my dad and sisters#however. they barely take care of them bc they aren't home often and when they are it's to sleep#which leaves me. mom. and my elderly aunties to care for them#the dogs don't really get along and growl at each other often. two of them hate cats (our eldest dog was adopted when my late cat --#-- was still alive so he's used to them) which means we not only have to keep the dogs away from the cat but from each other as well#I used to have to wake up at like 8 am every day to care for the dogs while my aunties got groceries#I'm now on kittysitting duty at that time until anybody has the kindness to help and let me rest damnit#THING IS. since I've been caring for the cat I've had to let my family care for our dogs and hopefully stop them from fighting#four days man. four days and they've already failed. I woke up at 1am because the sigs were at each other's throats#and I guess the stress of not being able to study as I'd want bc if the cat. my sisters and dad thinking it's ok to adopt animals--#-- they know they can't take care of. and me not having slept well in days plus being hella tired overall led to me sobbing for 20 mins 💀#AFTER stopping them ofc. it seems everybody here can sleep through a dog fight#I'm just tired man. why leave all your damn animals at the care if the guy that's studying to enter college. too much shit at once#| gareth's woes |
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romeoandromeo · 8 months
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applejarjar · 11 months
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Oh the dichotomy of the human race
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keefechambers · 2 months
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I wanna be blunt about this ongoing James somerton suicide threat issue but I don't want to connect it to my IRL Twitter to comment on the dogshit takes I'm seeing there or the good and well meaning but maybe too kind takes I'm seeing here.
Obviously, I hope that this is a false alarm cry for help fake threat. Yes, it would reinforce that Somerton is a self-centered egomaniac who can't handle consequences but that's preferable to dead.
But I work in local news and let me tell you something. I've covered half a dozen family annihilating murder suicides and heard hundreds of men making suicide threats over police scanners and a huge swath of these don't happen because they're depressed or because people are mean to them on the Internet. They're punishment. A person with an enormous amount of entitlement towards people around them gets backed into a corner and they punish the people closest to them by killing themselves or threatening to kill themselves.
No one wants to talk about this feature of suicide because...you want to help people who are struggling and guide them away from this path and being blunt about the fact that sometimes people die of suicide as a consequence of their own shittiness towards the world does not really help actively suicidal people. But suicide rates are higher in men not just because they have higher rates of untreated mental illness (a societal issue we must address for the sake of all) but because some people, often men, use suicide (but more often the threat of suicide) as a tool of abuse and control.
I'm not saying somerton is like, an icky abuser bad guy, he's just a run of the mill grifter scumbag, but his actions in the past show a clear pattern of escalating behavior that aligns with this.
Somerton gets called out -> somerton alleges physical threats of violence against himself and his fans rally around him supportively -> Harry calls somerton out in a bigger way -> Somerton says he's hospitalized but there are inconsistencies with the story but no one wants to talk about that because you wanna be nice-ish about a guy who just tried to kill himself and now he's trying to be framed as tragic but it doesn't really stick -> somerton apologizes again but his apology is rightly called out for lies and manipulative framing as well as his continuing attempts to profit off the community he betrayed -> James posts a suicide note publicly putting the onus of his own suicide on the loss of his friend Nick who he repeatedly threw under the bus and now everyone is rallying to say nice-ish shit and wring their hands in concern over poor james -> indefinitely repeat this vicious cycle forever until he actually does die or finally gives up and gets real, intensive therapy and a day job.
Thats not to say anyone's concern is misplaced, it's 100% better for him to be a living scumbag than a dead one. He deserves the chance to grow and learn and have a life outside of youtube.
But you don't have to portray this as the action of a sad depressed man who got bullied off the Internet. It's manipulation, whether he intended to go through with it or not and whether someone intervened or not. Not denying that internet bullying is a thing, I'm sure there were some people who were shitty directly to James but he made the choice to not unplug from this and to try and keep being a public figure rather than taking care of himself. He could have deleted Twitter, blocked anyone who was an asshole, gone to therapy and tried to move on with his life but if he'd deleted his channel he'd have lost monetization... Can't have that, right? So he posts some apology videos so his channel stays active and then complains about how ruinous this is while never trying to take real accountability.
But the reality is that people would have forgotten about him so quickly and maybe his job prospects would've been impacted but...that's on him, and that's for him to figure out but it's not actually life ruining. He chose to continue to engage knowing he'd get backlash and hate and he'd feel worse and worse and things would never get better without the time and space for people to forget.
He made the choice to make a public spectacle of his own alleged suicide. That is the action of someone who wants to put the weight of their suicide on someone else's shoulders and is morally wrong. He can be held to account for that, alive or dead.
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yeetus-feetus · 3 months
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Today my mother made me go to the beach. And while I was there I let myself enjoy the water and sand between my toes.
After a little while I felt like crying.
I felt like crying because remembered the videos I had seen of Palestinian children playing in the water of their beaches, of parents chasing children around while they laughed, of people enjoying the water and feeling the sand between their toes.
Then I thought about how these people don't get to enjoy their beaches anymore. Because Israel won't let them, because Israel is bombing the families who used to play in the sand.
When we got in the car my mum rolled all the windows down, said something about the fresh air. And as we drove I felt the cool wind against my face, in my hair.
And I wanted to cry.
Because the people in Gaza don't get to just enjoy the fresh air. Because all they're breathing in is debris from destroyed buildings and white phosphorus, and the smell of the dead.
I looked out my window and saw my old school as we passed. And I felt guilty, because I dropped out. But their are children in Palestine who are crying and begging to go back to school and they can't.
The children in Gaza can't go back to school because Israel has destroyed and bombed them.
And I think about the displaced people taking refuge in those very schools while Israel attacked them. I think about how unfair and cruel that is.
And then I see the trees. My favourite trees, Gum trees that are native to my land. And I think about how the native trees in Gaza are being destroyed and bulldozed, very important trees that mean a lot to the Palestinian people. And those trees are being taken away by Israel.
Then there are houses, homes and people going about their day. I watch them from my car window and I want to cry still. Because the people in Gaza have no homes, they don't get to go about their day.
I think about the displaced people in Gaza, who are lucky to have a tent to sleep in. Because Israel has bombed their homes, rained white phosphorus above their homes, bulldozed over their homes, forced the Palestinian people to flee from their homes.
I'm barely holding in my tears, because I'm in the car on the way to my own home and the people in Gaza don't get to do that.
We pass the shops, and my throat starts to close up because there's people buying ice cream and groceries for their families. And the people in Gaza are being starved by Israel.
The people in Gaza don't get to have ice cream, they can't do their grocery shopping. They don't even have enough food for their own children because Israel refuses to let any aid trucks in, because they control all the borders and entries into Gaza.
We pass by a chemist in particular and I think about all the children in Gaza not being able to receive medical care. Because the hospitals are being attacked by Israel. Because no medical aid can get in. Because they have doctors being killed.
And then we pass by the park. The park is empty. And I think about the empty parks in Gaza. Because there are no children to play on the swings, no children to run and laugh. Because the children are crying instead. The children have no legs to play because they've been bombed. They can't laugh because white phosphorus has burned through their faces. They can't do anything because they are frozen in fear.
Theses children who should be filling up empty parks are holding their baby siblings, trying to keep them alive because their parents, aunt's and uncles, have all been slaughtered by the IDF. These children who should be laughing are screaming out for help because members of the IDF are raping them.
These children who should be having fun at the park are prisoners of Israel for throwing rocks at tanks like the boy David who threw a rock at the giant Goliath to save his people. And these children are being tortured in these prisons because they were hopeful and brave.
These children who should be with their families at the park are dying. Are dead. A lying beneath the ruble. Are cold and limp with no air in their lungs. These children are in pieces scattered across the blood drenched ground.
They should have been at the park today.
I can hear a man talking on the radio, and he's talking about unimportant nonsense things and I feel angry. I feel frustrated. Because why is no one else talking about this!? Why is no one talking about what's happening to these people!??
We pass by the fresh water creak right before my house and I want to scream! Because I know there's no fresh water in Gaza. I know there are Palestinians dying of dehydration and yet there is fresh, drinkable water running right there! But the water in Palestine has been polluted by blood and disease, and the seawater Israel has flooded their water supply with.
And when I get to my bed I finally scream and cry and punch my mattress to get all my emotions out.
Now I'm numb and writing this so that someone will see it, hoping that someone will understand, hoping that someone will fight even harder for the people of Palestine.
I'm hoping that they can enjoy their beaches again. I hope that's sometime soon.
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dotster001 · 1 year
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For Tuna
Summary:Grim does some interviews to find the perfect sugar dad for him you gn!reader x all boys in one way or another.
A/N:I haven't unpacked my tag list yet, so hopefully this is everyone!
Part Two Part Three choose your ending...
"Grim, we can't afford the bougie tuna. Put it back."
You'd missed it before when you were loading your basket at Sam's shop, but Grim had snuck in the expensive tuna. Now you were at the counter, trying to hide your embarrassment as you told Grim to put it back. Sam gave you a sympathetic smile, but still. You didn't need to add his pity to your plate of worries.
"Prefect, don't worry about it. I can take care of it."
You jumped. You hadn't realized Ruggie had lined up behind you with his own basket full of stuff.
"Yeah! Let Ruggie-"
"I couldn't do that, Ruggie, but thanks for the offer."
Ruggie grinned, "oh please, it's on Leona. He said I could get whatever I want as long as I come back with his energy drinks."
You made an unconvinced face, and Ruggie gave a playful wink.
"Trust me, your tuna won't even make a dent in his wallet. I could pay for your entire load, and still be able to pay off my student loans. In fact," he slapped down Leona's wallet, "Sam, add Y/N's groceries to mine, I'll take care of it."
Before you could protest further, Sam was ringing you both up.
And then Grim got an idea. A terribly, wonderful, awful idea.
"There, all settled. Plus now you can afford to fix your windows this month, or…." He looked at the cash in your hand, "well you can fix one window at least. And don't feel too bad for Leona. Eat the rich and what not," Ruggie patted your back comfortingly then left with his groceries.
"C'mon Grimmy, let's go," you said with a heavy sigh.
"Actually, I have something to do, Henchhuman. You go on home, I'll see ya later."
"Okay, but if you need me…."
"I'll be okay! Geeze you get so anxious without the great Grim. It's embarrassing."
You rolled your eyes and left. You would be so proud of him once he had finished though. He was excited already.
Heartslaybul Dorm….
"Mr. Rosehearts. Thank you for meeting with me."
Grim primly took out his pen and began to scribble on a clipboard.
"I didn't meet with you. You barged into my office," Riddle said, his arms crossed along his chest.
"I think you will find this meeting beneficial. It pertains to Y/N L/N."
Riddle relaxed a little, and raised a single curious eyebrow.
"You see, It has come to my attention, that Y/N and I do not have the funds to live comfortably. In fact, Y/N is practically starving to death! It has also come to my attention that you harbor some feelings for the prefect, and are in possession of a great deal of funds. Now," Grim dramatically looked up at Riddle, who's face was a shade of dark red. "How do you intend to provide for Y/N?"
Riddle opened his mouth, and Grim prepared himself for the worst, but…
"Wait, Y/N's on the market?!?!!"
Grim turned over his shoulder just in time to see Cater run in, tea tray in hand.
"He's only taking applications from rich people."
"Not a concern, housewarden!" Cater cleared his throat. "Hi, I'm Cater Diamond, and my dad is a banker."
"Oh!" Grim made a note on his paper. Riddle stood up abruptly.
"You only talk to your family on holidays, I wouldn't call that a solid source of income-"
"Yes but I'm a people pleaser, so I'll probably follow in his footsteps. So I will also have a banker's salary."
Riddle turned to Grim in a panic.
"I'm going to be a doctor!"
"Oh!" Scribble scribble.
"Oh please!" Cater rolled his eyes before conspiratorially leaning into Grim. "We both know Riddle. He'll work long shifts, day in and day out, and he'll never come home. Meaning poor Y/N will be trapped in a lonely loveless marriage. Meanwhile, I'll work my nine to five, and be home in time to gift you tuna, and keep Y/N warm at night."
"You think Grim cares about that?" Riddle shoved Cater out of the way. "I'll make time for Y/N. Plus my salary will provide double the tuna for you."
"What's all the yelling about?" Trey entered the room, followed by Ace and Deuce.
"Don't look at them, those three are poor as fuck. I mean a baker? Blech, disgusting," Cater apologetically smiled at Trey. "No offense."
"What?" Trey said, feeling more confused than he ever had been.
Grim clicked his pen closed.
"Thank you for your time. I have more interviews to conduct, but I will be in contact if you get through to the second round."
He scampered out of the room as Riddle and Cater nodded after him.
Savannaclaw Dorm….
Grim sat at the foot of Leona's bed as he tapped his chin thoughtfully.
"How can I provide for Y/N, huh? You mean the little demonstration Ruggie gave this morning wasn't enough?"
Grim tapped the pen impatiently against the clipboard.
"Mr. Kingscholar, it is important that you participate fully, or I will remove you from the list entirely."
Leona groaned.
"I receive a….certain amount of, shall we say, an allowance."
"And how much can I expect from that? I have a lot of people to interview. Please don't waste my time."
Leona looked over at Ruggie, who was folding laundry, then gestured Grim closer, before whispering a number into his ear.
Grim gasped, then hastily scribbled something onto his clipboard.
"We will be in contact with you when the second round of interviews begins." Grim stood up and hopped off the bed.
"Ruggie," Leona snapped, "Ensure my future relative makes it out of here safely. Let no one stop you."
Ruggie nodded in understanding as he escorted a proud looking Grim out.
Once they were halfway through the dorm, Ruggie began to speak.
"Leona has promised me a job with an excellent salary once I graduate. Just sayin."
"Won't he just take back the job if he finds out you're competing with him?"
Ruggie rolled his eyes, "Nevermind."
Jack left his room, and noticed the two of them, and began to walk towards them.
"Jack will make you get a job if you pick him," Ruggie whispered hastily. Grim hissed and sprinted the rest of the way out of the dorm.
"What's wrong with Grim?" Jack asked.
"Shi hi hi who knows?"
As Grim made his way to his second location, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck.
"Hey! What's the big idea?!?!?"
"Aw little sealie you're so cute!"
Grim stiffened.
"Fu fu fu," Jade laughed next to him. "our boss would like to have a word with you."
Grim gulped.
Octavinelle Dorm….
"Thank you for agreeing to see me," Azul said smugly.
"I didn't. Your scary twins picked me up and dragged me here."
"You see," Azul pushed his glasses up his nose, expertly ignoring Grim, "We got word that you were interviewing potential candidates for Y/N's future husband. I prepared some charts for you."
Azul pulled out several charts. Grim understood exactly zero of them. But he nodded thoughtfully and pretended to make a note on his clipboard.
"As you can see, my income is projected to continually go up until retirement. Plus my assets will continue to be of value, and my investments will be bringing in money for many years to come. I can safely say, money is no object. Plus, I am an excellent cook. You will never have to eat poor person's tuna ever again."
Grim made a real note this time just as the twins roughly turned his chair around.
"Now that Azul has had his turn, we would like to give our pitch," Jade said with an eerie grin. 
"You see, our parents run a certain…. organization," Floyd and Jade shared a grin before turning to Grim again. "Jade and I are the sole inheritors of this empire when they pass. Just keep that in mind."
"Also, people who oppose this organization have a tendency to, shall we say, disappear."
Grim shivered as he made a skull and crossbones picture on his clipboard.
"Awesome. Great. I'll be taking Grim now…."
"Sea Snake!" Floyd shouted, wrapping his arms around Jamil, who had silently snuck into the room. 
"Let go," Jamil hissed, wriggling away from Floyd. "Give me the cat."
"Aw, but we were playing with him…."
"It's alright Floyd. I think the three of us have made our point quite clear," Jade hummed, before the octotrio shared a laugh.
Jamil rolled his eyes before carefully picking up Grim.
Scarabia Dorm….
"Look, Kalim isn't going to brag for himself so I thought I'd bring you here and remind you that this entire dorm was funded by his family. And he will be inheriting said funds."
Grim nodded and made a note.
"What about you? I mean, I already know you aren't getting picked cause, well, " Grim pointedly looked him up and down. "But the other broke losers have tried to participate."
Jamil leaned down and gave a dark smile.
"I don't need money to win over Y/N," eyes flashing red as he spoke.
"Monsieur Fuzzball!" 
Grim and Jamil both groaned. It only took two seconds for him to be scooped up by the hunter.
"Non, non, do not struggle. I only wish to prove myself as a proper caretaker!"
Pomefiore Dorm…
Grim had never been so pampered, well fed, and relaxed in his entire life. Rook had provided snacks galore, given Grim the full on spa treatment, brushed out his fur, and was now massaging his sore kitty back.
"Monsieur Fuzzball, doesn't this feel wonderful?"
Grim nodded as Rook continued his massage.
"Just think, you could have this everyday!"
Grim groaned happily as Rook hit a tough knot.
Suddenly, Rook's voice was directly in his ear.
"All you have to do is give me the Trickster."
In that moment, Grim knew he would sell you for this life without a second thought.
But before he could do that…
"For heaven's sake I told you to find Epel, not this rodent!"
Rook immediately stopped the massage, to turn to his Queen.
"Roi du poison! I was simply-"
"Spare me," Vil snapped, before handing a struggling Epel over to Rook. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small card, gracefully handing it to Grim between two fingers. 
"I believe you are aware of my financial situation, but should you have questions, you can reach my manager on that card."
Then he left the room with a flourish, and the lingering scent of apple blossoms.
"You know I am willing to share the trickster with you," Rook whispered to Vil in the hallway.
"Ew," Epel groaned.
"As if I'd ever share," Vil smirked.
Outside the Ignihyde Dorm…
Ortho stood next to the tablet, holding Grin up so he could see what it said.
"So as  you can see from my bank account," Idia's voice said from the tablet, "Money is not and never will be an issue."
"It all looks good," Grim muttered as he made a note, "but I have to say it's a red flag that you couldn't come here in person…"
"Hey! Big brother is just busy with his experiment!"
"Yeah, exactly, thank you Ortho, for being the only one who appreciates genius. In fact this conversation is over. If he doesn't get it, then that's his loss. Ditch the noob, Ortho!" And the tablet floated back into the dorm.
Ortho gently set Grim down. "Look, big brother gets nervous around the prefect, that's all. But I think they'd make a great couple."
He gently patted Grim's head, then floated back in. Grim sighed, made a note about how Idia was a package deal, then continued to the final dorm.
Diasomnia Dorm…
"Small kitten, I am to be king of a country. Not only that, but I have spent centuries curating my hoard. Our nest will be always warm, and my perfect child of man will want for nothing," Malleus finished with a smug grin, as he leaned back in his throne. Then he sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Now you three can make your offers, or whatever."
"Me next! Me next!" Lilia said, cradling Grim like a baby. "I'm not as young as I look, and am on the best of terms with the queen and future king. I also have a great fortune built up! Kay, who's next?"
Silver timidly raised his hand.
"I just want to say, what about what Y/N wants? What if Y/N doesn't like any of us? What if Y/N doesn't even want to get married in the end? Or maybe they'll be just as happy with or without money?"
There was a long pause. Then…
"Silver's father is loaded and will do anything to see his children married and happy!"
"Fa-Lilia!" Silver hid his face in his hands in embarrassment.
"Same with Sebek. And his dad's a dentist!"
For once Sebek had nothing to say.
"Excellent, this looks very promising for you four," Grim nodded scribbling his final notes, "Now to-"
"GRIM!" 
Uh oh. He turned around and saw you storming in.
"Child of man!"
"Save it Mal Mal! I'm here for my rat," You scooped up Grim, placing him under your arm as you left the room.
"When will we hear about the second round of interviews?" Lilia giggled.
You answered by flipping them the middle finger without looking back.
The Hallway….
"What the hell, Grim? I'm not for sale!"
"I'm not selling you! I'm just trying to get you provided for!"
"Please! This is about tuna and you know it!"
"Who even told you?"
"Jack called me about an-"
"Ah! Prefect!" 
You and Grim groaned as you heard Crowley call to you both.
"Yes, headmage?" You asked through gritted teeth. You turned and saw Crewel was with him….wearing a bigger coat than normal.
"That coat looks so soft," Grim muttered.
"Yeah," you whispered back. "Wait, headmage, what do you need?"
"I heard your current allowance is no longer sufficient," he gently traced your jawline, settling below your chin, tapping up against it thoughtfully. "How does a little extra sound?"
You nodded dumbly.
"Good good, I'm too generous, I know," he hummed and walked off.
Before Crewel followed him, he smirked and patted the top of your head.  
"Good pup."
He stalked off. You stood frozen for a moment. Grim smirked up at you.
"You know, they look like they…."
"You keep that thought to yourself, Grim."
....
Tag list-@shytastemakerthing @stygianoir @leonia0 @lleoll @eccedentesiast-sapphic
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rafeandonlyrafe · 4 months
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countdown
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words: 700
warnings: 18+ only, smut, established relationship (theyre married), age gap (rafe is late 30s reader is 23), breeding, pregnancy kink, p in v sex, unprotected sex, rafe counts reader down to orgasm
taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @rafecamerongirl @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @drudyslut @drewsbabygirll @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog @outerbankspov @drewstarkeyswifehoe @cutielando
“my pretty little wife, supposed to give me a baby.” rafe grunts, his hips slamming forward into you, making your eyes roll back in your head.
“supposed to give me an heir. someone to take over.” he grunts, pressing your body further into the mattress, not caring about his weight holding you down.
rafe was a sweet lover, at first. before you married, he was gentle and soft, treating you like you were a breakable thing. it all changed on your wedding night when he switched from treating you like glass to like a toy, ready and willing to be fucked as hard as he wanted to that day.
it's been three months since your wedding night, and your stomach remains just as flat. he expected you to swell up with a baby instantly, give him someone to take over as he moves into his older years. someone to continue the family business, to carry on the cameron name in the outer banks.
“gonna get you fucking pregnant this time, i swear.” rafe mutters, your legs tightly wrapped around his waist, as if he would dare to pull out. “gonna flood you with my cum.”
“i want it rafe.” you moan with every thrust, clenching your cunt around his fat cock. 
you knew what was expected of you when rafe began his relationship with you. he's in his late 30s, still fertile but getting up in age, while you are at the ripe breedable age of 23. some people looked down on you because of the age gap, but you couldn't care less.
“gonna give you a baby rafe. give it to me.” you moan, moving your hips in time with his thrusts, wanting to feel his warmth spreading inside of you.
“gonna look so good with your tummy all swelled up with my kid.” rafe says, his lips moving to yours, taking your mouth in a dominant kiss. 
he moves a hand to your pussy, his thumb rubbing over your clit, massaging it. “i-i can't.” you gasp out.
“you can, baby.” rafe says. “come on, need you to cum for me too. together, okay?”
“it's too much.” you whine. it's been constant sex. rafe felt the pressure to get you pregnant and has kept you on his cock all day and night.
“im gonna count you down baby.” rafe says, pressing his lips against your jaw and cheeks, your mouth slackened open, breathy pants and moans coming out. “gonna count us down.”
rafes thumb flicks over your clit, not managing to be gentle. “5…”
you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to force yourself to relax and let your orgasm come, but you're wound so tightly.
“4…” rafe continues, his hips moving at a blistering pace.
“3…” you feel your orgasm building, your body responding to his needs, not caring what you want, just focusing on your husband.
“2…” you let out a shout, back arching off the bed as rafe pushes his cock through your clenching muscles, forcing himself as deep in as he possibly can.
“1!” rafe finally shouts, his cock immediately spurting inside of you as your orgasm hits, your entire body quivering and shaking as your high works over your body, legs locked around his hips as you angle yours up, keeping the cum inside of you, even as he pulls out.
“shh, good girl.” rafe mutters when you whine, his fingers pushing into your hole, clogging you full again.
“just gonna keep my fingers in for a bit. you're okay though.” he says calmly as you breathe deeply, exhaustion taking over.
“‘m tired.” you hum, looking to rafe. it's only midday, but you were up half the night riding rafe.
“go to sleep, my beautiful wife.” rafe says, kissing your cheeks as he moves to the side to lay against the bed, keeping his fingers plugging your cunt.
you close your eyes, nuzzling into his side with a yawn. “rafe?” you ask softly.
“what is it baby?”
you blink your eyes open, looking into his beautiful blue ones. “I think it took this time.”
rafe smiles, knowing you want to be pregnant just as much as he wants to breed you. “i think so too baby.”
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