#i could go on about how jordan feels insecure or inadequate after being second place to luke and that’s why they’re so obsessed w being | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leadwithlove-blog1 · 5 years

Text

Resilience in Rejection

I think one of the hardest moments in life to overcome is rejection. The deepest level of insecurity and shame come from being rejected, in any kind of situation. Maybe you got turned down for a job. You held your baby niece for the first time and she cried the whole duration of you holding her until mom picked her up. You finally got the courage to tell someone you like them and they friend zone you. Maybe you had a friend who you thought was always going to be in your life and one day they slowly or abruptly leave it. Every single one of these moments cut deep, the worst part isn’t even the laceration its the infection that follows. The likelihood that you will get an infection after surgery is a 1 in 3 chance. Maybe right now you’re like ok I thought this was a metaphor, it is. If the chance of you getting an infection in a sterol environment with doctors and nurses caring for you and your wound being freshly dressed daily is still 33% then what about the wound you don’t tell anyone about. What about the wound you hide in the dark because you’re afraid people will be repulsed by it or see you differently and don't want to “deal” with you. It only gets worse, it starts to infect other areas of our life along with it. We are so good at assuming the rejection was because of something we did wrong, “it must be my fault they didn’t want me” or “I knew I wasn’t good enough”. I’m about to blow your mind with something that’s just a fact. 99% of the time rejection isn’t about you. I’ve seen people run away from relationships like they were nightmares. They were broken you didn’t do anything wrong, you don’t have a huge character flaw written on your forehead. People don’t always leave because of something you did they leave because of fear or self-sabotage or a million other reasons racing through their head. Think about all the time you spent in your head convincing yourself to walk away from something you didn’t even want to walk away from only because you thought he/she/they/them would walk away from you. How absurd is that? We ruin good things thinking it’s because we weren’t worth it. I’m sure you’ve had to turn someone down, maybe they asked you on a date and you just really didn’t see them that way. I’ve seen people go on the date because they feel bad, all that does is prolong the inevitable rejection. You gave them hope that this was going to be a real thing. Afterward, you take days to respond to their texts hoping they take the hint. Unfortunately, they don’t. What you should have done in the beginning now is inevitable, you have to tell them you just don’t see them that way. Then they play the “date” over and over again wondering if they were too nervous, not funny enough, not pretty enough and now here they are hiding their wound because they’re embarrassed. The second route and the one that causes the least amount of drama is just telling them, “I’m so sorry but I just don’t see you that way.” It is possible to be honest with people and still tell them no. Don’t lie about it either, don’t pull that “I’m just not in a place to date right now” nonsense unless it’s actually true. Because in two weeks when you start posting about your new boo that lie of a rejection is going to hurt a lot more than if you were just honest. Now that you've read that nodding your head the whole time being like, "Oh God that is me." Flip it, remember the times you were in the shoes of both versions of rejection and which one was worse. How you stalked the new boo trying to find all the ways they're better than you or you're better than them. Which is completely irrelevant because they probably didn't even know about you. Remember how you felt when you gave the rejection and how you felt when you received it. Don't make the outcome something it isn't, move on to the next person and hope the best for the last one. I've been rejected and I've had people leave, it hurts like hell. You made a space for them and now they're gone. There is no one that is immune to how much that hurts. For a long time, I saw those moments as being inadequate. I didn't do enough, I didn't love enough or something is wrong with me. Some of them still sting, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss some of the people that left. The ones that are the hardest to let go are the ones you never got an answer for. They never gave you a why. Looking back I can guess a few reasons just from other experiences but I would've felt much better knowing the truth. I've seen through relationships with others that the rejection isn't because you did or said something wrong. It's not that easy or uncomplicated. Relationships are two ways not one, with an equal split. I stopped feeling like it was my fault, it's ok if they didn't want to stick around. They taught me a lot of things and made room for the people who wanted to be there. Being human is hard and messy and comes with feelings we wish we could remove. Sometimes people leave, sometimes people say no or push you away and you may never know why. But at the end of the day it can't take away your value or worth. That only removes possibilities from your life because you think you're less than worthy when that's never the case. Michael Jordan was told he was too small to play basketball and was cut from his high school team, now he's a legend. Walt Disney was fired because he had an editor say, he “lacked imagination and had no good ideas.” Khalid in high school was bullied. A popular kid found his SoundCloud, put a giant rant about it on his social media saying how bad he was and that he wasn't going anywhere. Imagine if they'd let those rejections stop them. I'm the person that at the end of the day even if you hurt me I'll still show up, I'll still answer the phone and I'll still love you. Love is easier than holding onto hate and anger. Holding on only wears you out and makes you weak because it's exhausting. Choosing to love changes the whole game, it gives you strength and freedom you didn't know you had access to. I want you to know you are bigger than your rejection, you are bigger than your broken, you are bigger than your pain and you can accomplish so much more than you even realize. Something I’ve learned from my faith is that God doesn’t reject you, he chooses you. No matter what. All of you. The good, the bad, the messy. Every single piece of you because it’s part of what makes you beautiful and uniquely you. It's how you can relate to people who are hurting too, who think no else one understands. God uses our weaknesses to strengthen relationships, to connect with others and to grow. This world would be a much better place with more love and less infection, communicate and let your wounds heal so you can love better. Let go so you don't get blisters from holding on for too long. Forgive so you can breathe, the other person didn't even know you were holding your breath.

1 Peter 2:4 ESV “As you come to him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious”

Psalms 118:22 ESV “The stone that the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.”

1 note · View note