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enhanced-operatives-division · 25 days

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Junicrane/Starstruck Ramble

I will not be brief, all under the cut

To clear some things right off the bat:

No corpse, no proof with Juniper. Obligatory this is set in a canon where he's alive and adjacent to the agency in some way.

Reggie & Juniper are just gay to me, but I don't mind any interpretation of their sexuality

The games are set in 1967/68 to me (based on a couple bits in game) which is before it was legal to be gay in America at least (1971), which is relevant to how I interpret canon as being somewhat grounded in reality, despite unrealistic elements.

This is just an insane amount of headcanons/elements of and AU all culminated into one post. I will talk about some headcanons like they're just facts because they are established in my head, and it saves me over explaining literally everything, however I will explain some parts a little bit for clarity.

Alright. Actual beginning of the ramble:

Juniper is a character to me who had gotten so lost in his job as an actor and a social presence that in the end his whole life revolved around that 'role'. Because of this, by the time he's put into the situation where he's around the Agency, he basically knows nothing about himself, though he doesn't realise at first. Furthermore, what little identity he had has changed in so many ways. He's no longer a beloved famous actor in the prominence of public light, he's legally dead and he tarnished his career just before he was supposed to die, with the bonus of that making him lose the majority of his estate. From that, he also has horrific facial scarring from the electrical burns from literally having his face fried. I believe a friend of mine made a post about this a while ago (I also think they were the first to think it up also), but, to me, Juniper has a permanent trimmer in his right arm (aka his dominant hand) from the electrical current and it is messing with his nervous system.

All in all, he's not doing great, but he's too proud to admit that he's not doing great, because if anything, what's left of his ego is all he has as a defense since he's deep in unfamiliar water.

Before ending up around the agency (I have multiple interpretations of this, so I'm just going to bring it up generally), he'd never actually seen Reggie, and his only impression of him is a single voicemail, which was his only reference he had to later impersonate him. Juniper probably has very little feelings other than the ones he projects onto him because of Phoenix and that, at the very least, he's physically attracted to Reggie to some degree (that's like the beginning of how everything else would tumble into place in this sort of interpretation at least).

And on Crane's side? His feelings towards Juniper are probably very intense and muddled. On the one hand, he adores musical theatre, and that's his now ex-favourite actor. The thought of just casually being around him blows the bit of fanboy in him away at first because THAT'S the GUY, plus the inklings of a celebrity crush which still poke at him. And then there's the rational side of him, which knows Juniper has committed absolute atrocities on the side of Zoraxis, and hates him for that. Then there's how much Juniper comes off as an asshole at first because he refuses to cooperate with anything the Agency tried to put in place. He finds Juniper endlessly frustrating, and yet he's stuck working with him since, afterall, he's the one who knows the Agency's history with Juniper the best. I imagine him acting a lot like how he does IEYTD 1 around Juniper.

At this point, I'm just describing the pitch for a romcom.

I think the start of their relationship with one another largely started with Juniper trying to wind Crane up. It was a way of getting his attention, and I don't think Juniper knows why he's so dead set on that at first, because I don't think he realises he has a crush on 'this grump' at first. (I think that's actually the fun part about these two, because it's almost like a role reversal of the celebrity crush dynamic. This ex-big name actor has a TERRIBLE crush on an average joe and it is KILLING HIM.) But of course the Agency keeps them together because Juniper is at least conversing with Crane, so it's a start.

Through one way or another, they actually get talking casually, at least mildly at first. It takes Juniper a long time to fully deconstruct the wall he's built, and the thing is, Crane isn't the one trying to deconstruct it, at least at first, because yeah, Juniper realises if he wants Reggie to actually like him in any way, he can't keep winding him up. So they talk. Small talk at first, something rhythmic and almost easy to keep to a script. And over time that turns into actual conversations. Genuine ones in which Reggie rips out the occasional one of his jokes which Juniper is endlessly endeared about. The way he smiles just before he makes them, like he wants to chuckle at what he's about to say before he says it. That's probably when Juniper realised that he does have some vague crush on him, and that it wasn't going away.

This is what kickstarts John I can't-buy-you-things-to-impress-you-so-acts-of-service-it-is Juniper to do little things for him. It mostly starts off as him trying to make Reggie his tea how he likes it. However, the nerve damage in his arm makes that hard, as the weight of the kettle and trying to pour is hard all of a sudden. And he refuses to accept that, so he tries for a very long while. Long enough that Crane would go to investigate what was going on. And when he does see Juniper leaning over a cup with the kettle as he uneasily tries to pour it, and when Crane asks Juniper responds so matter-of-fact that his intention is nothing but genuine. And it catches Reggie off guard because Juniper hadn't done anything like that up to that point, and his very apparent vulnerability is so clearly on show.

It shifts something between them.

From that point on, conversations are longer, more familiar. Both of their attitudes soften, and Reggie makes more jokes. Juniper learns how to better use his left hand while strengthening his right back to a point where it could be used again. Slowly, they're both spending time with one another not because they have to, but just because they can. Little bits at first, not too far outside what they already were doing, but those little bits turned into long bits to a point where the other person's company was genuinely desirable.

As time passes, Juniper probably realises that he doesn't genuinely know much about himself or what hobbies he's into, because he never really had the time when he got big, and his home life in his youth wasn't bad, but it wasn't picturesque. I think Reggie would pick up on it, and absolutely try to introduce him to some things he's into. Some things stick, other things don't (corn husking very much stays Reggie's passion, and John will go with him sometimes because it's him, but it's not something he strongly cares for). Crane introduces him to a lot of music, and it's something that becomes a staple between them, with tracks they listen to more than others (tragically, I know relatively little about 60s music so I couldn't really say what). Occasionally they dance, never anything intense, think slow dancing, but the closeness is nice.

Through all of it, Juniper is battling the worst crush of his life, and he can't stand it, because I think he struggles to read people since he doesn't have anything like a script or a director to refer back to, so he has no idea if Reggie likes him back or if he's just desperate for that to be true. I think because of that any sort of confession between them would be incredibly raw, not only because of the time they live in making it hard for them to be truthful about how they love, but because it's a complete show of Juniper who's worked to be this better person. I don't exactly know how that would go, mainly because I don't have one set version of their dynamic, this post is just a generalisation of main consistent points.

Reggie does like him back, because he's gotten used to Juniper being just this guy, not a figure in the public eye, not a Zoraxis lackey, and not any sort of Agency operative (despite being under their care to some degree). He's someone he genuinely cares for, because they've given one another the time of day to learn one another, and I think because Reggie was a field agent, he was a lot better at reading Juniper than Juniper was at reading him. Eventually Juniper's company becomes something he could see around him for the rest of his life, and I think he accepts that he likes Juniper a lot more gracefully.

I think any affection directed at Juniper would at first be met with him feeling a little muddled. Reggie was a very physically affectionate person when he could be, and sure the initial flirting with one another came with the occasional little touches, but everything now was so deeply intentional. I also don't think Juniper would almost ever get over the novelty of being able to kiss him, or many other gestures, because it made the fact that they were together so very real, and it was great. I do think it comes easier to Reggie, and it's a big way of showing how much he cares, so it's important for Juniper to try and show it back because he knows how much it means to the other.

I like the idea of them eventually living with one another, too. I think Juniper would have always had a quiet little daydream of sorts where he does just live a domestic quiet life, and he can with Reggie (well, as close as they can get between the Agency and Zoraxis always being at odds), and he loves that, and he loves him, and it's immense.

I think they cook for one another a lot, it helps Juniper work on his dexterity in a controlled environment, which means a lot because it's a huge point of insecurity (that and his scars). He does improve, and Crane is proud of that and shows it and it's great. I also think they'd probably cook together too, because they can deal with being in the kitchen together and they work well with one another. It's probably a good way for them to unwind because over time they can do it in relative silence.

As I said before, I also think music is a staple in their household, and that Reggie listens to things on vinyl almost all of the time because he likes the background noise. Sometimes Juniper will catch him chuntering along to the music which he finds endlessly endearing. I wouldn't put it past his dramatic ass to also join in to fluster Reggie, but I also don't think Reggie would mind that terribly because Juniper has listened to the music enough to know the lyrics, and that's huge to him.

I don't think they are without rough patches, no relationship is, but I think the good part about them is that they're willing to talk about it (... eventually). They're used to long conversations, and while they're often less fun conversations, they're needed and they know that, and it works out.

Alright. I think I'm done for now. I haven't mentioned everything, but this definitely got the worst of it out of my system. If you ever want to hear any specific thoughts my ask box is open but other than that, behold my general dynamic for these two which has been festering in my head for years. I think they're great

#ty right-agent for explicitly telling me that this would be welcomed you a real one #i had a massive babble to my friend abt what if they all feed me to the hounds for speaking #and he said “girl that fandom is like 12 people big they need you to speak” and yeah that also helped #i have a hard time talking if I'm not asked/prompted to that's why i adding tags is great for me. that and i like the format #anyways.#THESE TWO.............dear lord can you tell I have been unwell abt them forever..#this is propeganda (/j) for them. btw. please you have to understand the potential here. it's so good.#it's slowburn <- my (probably) demiromantic ass cannot handle romance without a build up and this set up is perfect (it will never happen)#also i find it easier to write ANYTHING between these two from Juniper's perspective because i find it easier to get into his head #idk reggie is like the gay version of the: what is he thinking of? i could take a bear in a fight. audio ive heard.#whereas with juniper i have him trapped under a microscope #im going to tag this now so i can use the remaining tags to RANT #ieytd #john juniper #reginald crane #junicrane #starstruck #i expect you to die #<- being BRAVE!!!#when I get really excited i start getting like this internal shaking feeling and uh. yeah this rant started that #the worst part abt that is it also triggers my tourettes so like. double whammy. excited about blorbos? jail :(#but. yeah I uh. yeah. sorry this IS so long..I did warn but . AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHAUUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHHH #also i did this rant in 2 parts. last night and this morning so yeah uh. yeah.#god im so messed up about these two #make me a boat by the family crest came on while wroting this and while it's mainly a roxanix song to me......AUUUUUG.....#i struggle to find music for these sillies because they have such a specific vibe to me amd I've not quite managed to find something which -#- genuinely feels correct for them and it drives me up the WALL #GOD NIGHT SHIFT JUST CAME OF SHUFFL.....all my ieytd songs are coming out to drive me up the wall.......#FINISHED I've been adding tags as I've gone alonga #thank you for reading hope you enoyed and if you didn't im sorry

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iamthecomet · 4 months

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Comet my dear, do you have any aethshine thoughts you would like to share? I am Thinking about them and thought, perhaps, you would like to as well. 😌

Dearest Miasma, I'm sure I can conjure up some thoughts (I am plagued with thoughts). 650ish words of Aether/Sunshine musings. Not quite ficlet, definitely not just headcanons. Some angst (of the missing their packmates variety). More smut. They just love each other a lot ok!? Transfem Sunny because I said so.

With the rest of the pack gone, the ghoul wing is eerie. Sunshine's never seen it like this. Impossibly quiet. So many doors shut, rooms sealed off. Sure if she wanted to she could open Cirrus' door, slip in. Bury her face in the the blankets and pillows and clothes left behind. She could sleep in a different empty bed every night. Drift off to the smell of her missing packmates. She doesn't though, doesn't have to. Aether's with her. Noise carries differently when they're the only two in this part of the Abbey. Like a room with all the furniture moved out. The television drones, and she can hear it down the hall. Distant mumbling. When Aether's in his room, playing guitar, humming a tune she can hear him like he's next to her. They spend a lot of time together. Neither of them talk about it, but the emptiness of their home has seeped into the chambers of their hearts too. Bittersweet and aching with each video call where Cumulus pans the phone around so Sunshine can see the Eifle Tower lit up against the sky. Or when she can hear Aether and Dew talking through the walls. Dew's voice terse as he complains about everything except what's really bothering him. Sunshine slips into Aether's room once she's sure he's off the phone. Once they've both exchanged their good nights with their pack, halfway across the world. Sometimes they talk. Curled up together on Aether's big bed. TV on some show they've seen a hundred times. Voices hushed like there is someone they might wake up. Sometimes, Aether pulls her close. Kisses the breath from her lungs. Hands sunk into her curls as he holds her where he needs her. Thumbs pressed against the base of her horns, tongue sweeping over her teeth. She's glad it's Aether. Has been since they both announced their retirement independently of each other. Grateful not to be alone and glad it's him. Steady, devoted, Aether. Who only has to look at her to understand. Who will sit with her at the piano in their empty rehersal room and sing. Who lets her tag along on his infirmary shifts when she can't sleep. Aether who has good book reccomendations and makes sure Sunshine never gets bored enough to really feel how much she misses everyone else.

Aether, who knows exactly how to touch her to shut her mind off. Who holds her with confidence, knows she won't break as he presses her down into the mattress. Slips one hand into the waistband of her leggings and another up, under he crop top to cup a small breast in his giant hand. calloused fingers dragging over a pebbling nipple. Aether feels like home when he touches her. Even when it's rough and desperate. Even when he has both of their cocks in his fist, dragging the heads together, making her vision fuzzy at the edges. Even when he's three fingers deep inside of her, scissoring her open, pressing against spots that make her feel like she's going to cave in on herself.

Pleasure bowls over her, over and over again. His teeth pressed to her pulse. Breath huffed out in sharp pants over her sweat slick skin. Pressing in as deep as he can go, making her feel the way he carves out a place inside of her, his hand pressed firm over hers on her belly so she can feel him fucking her. There is no difference between this and the times when they move slower. When Aether presses his mouth to every inch of exposed skin on her body. When she does the same, grazing teeth over the swell of his belly, the cushion of his thighs. When I love yous are whispered freely. Either way, when she cums under Aether's gaze, it feels like going home.

#comet writes #miasma ♥#ficlet #ish #Aether Ghoul #Sunshine Ghoulette #Aether/Sunshine #I could talk about them forever #but this is going to have to be good enough for now #ghost fic #ghost fanfic #ghost headcanons #nameless ghoul headcanons #ghost band fic #ghost band fanfiction #I don't know man the metaphors and flowery poetry language really just got away from me tonight

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fatheroffdensen · 5 months

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ive got wicked murderface brainrot kicking in as we speak. of course i found him harsh at first but now i see him so tragically. everyone responds to their unique variety of trauma differently and he went the way of a stray dog, biting everyone who got close!! dont touch me i have rabies fuck you i'll stab you!!! but he also does have the loyalty and deep love of a dog too!!!! he verbally (or physically in a way) bites to keep distance so he doesn't get attached to anything or anyone but it's so obvious he craves so much love and validation but goes about it in the 'wrong' way which leads to him being ostracized more, affirming his own negative beliefs and putting him further into the spiral. i could be his therapist i could be his husband i could fix him

#there will be more #i'm severely sick so i've been doing nothing but writing for 4 days and it's got me in a mood. i could write paragraphs #THINKING ABOUT ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY AGAIN #HE DIDN'T GET HIS FIRST CONFIRMATION OF THE BAND REALLY LOVING HIM UNTIL THE MOVIES...FUCKGHKGJ #HE'S REACTIVE HE'S DEFENSIVE HE'S NOT BROKEN OR WRONG #HE'S HJST FUCKED UP AND I LOVE HIM A LOT OK MURDERFACE FOREVER #NOW IM CRYING FUCK #william murderface #blackfire

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tennessoui · 7 months

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I think I really lose braincells each time you post about couples counselling au - because I have never felt a characterization of Obi-Wan and Anakin fit *so much* to my own headcanon that it drives me crazy. The lack of communication? The desperate need to please (Anakin) the delusion of thinking you're giving someone complete access (Obi-Wan) while keeping them out. It is SO perfect, it's literally my favourite obikin fic, I am so invested in this au. The questions you have them answer at the end. When Obi-Wan said he's "happy to make the list as an obligation" because free time means a lot to an enslaved man. Kit. KIT *stick figure gore of me sinking my talons into your shoulders* When Anakin says he has nothing to hide from Obi-Wan but Obi-Wan never asks and he feels like he's getting away with something each time he learns something while Obi-Wan is like. He can ask me anything. KIT *BLOOD IN MY MOUTH*

ahhh thank you so much!!! i really love writing chapters and answering asks about this fic because i'm really attached to these versions of obi-wan and anakin like. their motivations are so interesting to me, especially at this part of the story, in the beginning, when all they are are motivations

anakin absolutely feels this need to please and be loved and the focus of his master's attentions. he also feels helpless in the face of thinking obi-wan will never let him in like that. he also is unhealthily controlling in small ways (checking and rechecking his closed door, for one, trying to have a say in what he eats out of concerns for his health) but he just loves him so much and he really experienced like.d devastation when obi-wan was temporarily dead that i feel like altered his motivations fundamentally, especially because he restarted his heart so.....probably a tiny part of him....illogically feels as if that's his heart now......

and obi-wan absolutely thinks he is so transparent for anakin!! he has let him in!!! more than he's ever let anyone in at all probably, but it's probably not that much. he's so practiced at keeping him out and hiding his real emotions that that's second nature. not to mention he feels betrayed in his own way at anakin marrying padmé --instead of just having an affair with her-- and he's trying to frantically detach himself before anakin leaves the order because he'll be devastated when that happens. not to mention he can also be shit at respecting boundaries (he reads the messages on anakin's phone when he's asleep)

and it's all just so interesting especially because there's so much narrative bias and just narrative inaccuracies where the narrator/POV character completely reads the other's reactions wrong, which makes the little questionnaire at the end have so much more weight because the counselor is 1000% right when she says that that's what's most important--how they feel about each other and their relationship after honest deliberation and reflection

#asks #couples counseling au #obikin #obviously i could talk about this forever too lmao #it's also been interesting writing so far because i don't want to imply that one character is wrong or not #like obi-wan isn't wrong to not want to share anything #but anakin isn't wrong to want more and to be worried about obi-wan's health #i dont think the projection of the story ends with obi-wan constantly volunteering information without being asked #because that doesn't feel like him #and it's ok to just not be that sort of person #it will involve them opening up clearer communications though #because that's healthy #but it's been a lot of thinking about ok #we don't want to magically change these two characters #or imply that to have a healthy relationship you have to fundamentally change yourself #but more like #if two people really want to be together because they're fucking insane about each other #how can we have that happen in the most healthiest way #etc etc #though to be clear i don't think they'll ever be completely healthy #like that would be a wittle bit boring in the end #but they'll be like. much better #started from the bottom now we're at 68 out of 100 on the healthiness scale #good job boys lets hit the showers

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willowser · 1 year

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Dearest will, I would love to read your take on bkg’s confession to us 🥹 delicious pining, the time and nerves it takes for him to work up the courage to actually say that he has feelings for us !!! Or maybe he can’t even find the words and he just demands a date or something 😭 I live for that man’s emotional turmoil I want to eat him

his emotional turmoil is so important to me 😌✨��💕 LMAOOO lemme think !! gosh, i — can imagine this going so many different ways and. none of them are anything less than dramatic because he is SO akfjdjejal it's like pulling teeth, i swear smh

i feel like. he's only willing to say something if he kinda thinks you might be into him, too. if there's been no indication that you see him as anything other than a friend, he's taking that shit to the grave. god, i imagine that rejection must be so difficult for this man; after always being second-best to deku and everything with all might and now edgeshot, he is probably just teeming with feelings of never being good enough and he's probably horrified that this will happen again, with you, and he is just. a wreck 😭

(you have no idea what you just unleashed, this got SO long, i am SO sorry 😩🥲)

the first thing that comes to mind is that he's angry about it LOL and i hate to make it seem like i'm dulling him down to that, but i think he's most comfortable being aggressive, because that's the way he was for so long, and it's just how he's used to processing his emotions outwardly, if that makes sense. so he probably has some idea that there is a lil' something going on between you two and he's probably like. do i really have to say this why haven't you figured it out already you think i look at just anyone like this. i think he will say everything he possibly can—except the actual words LOL the emotional charades with this guy is like. unreal.

(he only ever goes out for drinks with everyone because of you. because you always make a point to sit by him and you laugh and put a hand on his arm and sometimes you'll look at him while everyone is talking and he'll look at you and he thinks i've gotta figure this shit out because he can't stand it anymore.

and then when it's time to leave, he's leading to his car so that he can drive you home, like he always does, but for some reason, this time, you're being a brat about it.

"no, bakugou, seriously," you laugh at the frown on his face—but you're not stepping any closer to his car so it deepens. "i'm going to start owing you gas money at this point, you take me home every time."

it probably shouldn't offend him as much as it does, but like hell he's gonna take money from you, especially when having you in his passenger seat means twenty extra minutes of time. will give him the chance to remember the order of words in the script he's practiced over and over.

but now you're saying no.

bakugou huffs, averting his eyes to a crack in the sidewalk so this image doesn't sear into the front of his brain. "'f you don't wanna, that's all you gotta fuckin' say."

"no," the pitch in your voice has his attention back to you, the playful pout on your lips. "that's not it, of course i want to." and his eyes must go a little wide because you grin, up to no good. "i love riding with you."

and—okay. he's been thinking about this a lot, every time he knows he'll be spending any amount of time with you; how is he going to direct the conversation, so that he can spit it out already? and, what do you know, he doesn't even have to, because you've brought yourself right here, directly at the precipice, exactly where he needs to be to tell you—

"well," he shrugs, grumbling, "why do y'think i offer?"

there's this little glimmer in your eyes at that, and your soft expression curves into something you have trouble keeping a hold on, but you clasp your hands together behind your back and take slow steps closer, too close, until you're close enough to probably feel the heat coming off in waves from his fucking face.

"i don't know," you shrug, too, batting your eyelashes like you haven't got a clue in the world what he's getting at. what he's been getting at for months. "why do you offer?"

"it ain't 'cause i want your damn money!"

"no," you put a finger on your chin, exaggerating. "i'm almost sure that was it."

and he seethes at that, you little shit, and juts his chin out and balls his hands into fists because he can't believe you're gonna make him spell this out. "i ain't gonna say this twice."

a shock of laughter spills from you, lighting up your face in a way that has his stomach twisting. "you haven't even said it once!" you close whatever distance there might have been, tugging at the lapels of his coat, dropping your voice low and meant just for him. "c'mon bakugou, you can tell me. secrets don't make friends."

"were not friends," he finally—finally—grits, ears hot, probably steaming in the cold weather. there's a stretch of silence as you smile up at him, all victorious, and it runs so long that he starts to worry he's being too much of an ass, or has put his foot in his mouth. "'least, i didn't—to me—"

"no, bakugou," you agree, soothing his worries as you lean up to press the ice-cold tip of your nose to his. "we're not just friends.")

but also !! 🥺 the thought of him actually deciding to tell you is like !!! okay. i, like many of us, absolutely love the idea of him being a secret, big fat shoujo fan. i think that he reads these romance stories and gets all butterflies in his stomach and really enjoys them, honestly, because he is interested in how open some people can be with one another. it intrigues him, has him wanting that, too.

so i picture him as a huge romantic that is just so terrible about execution LOL he'll have a whole plan for what he's gonna say and what he's gonna wear and where it's gonna be and the flowers he's gonna have and xyz BUT he's such a perfectionist that if even one thing is off, he's out. bailing. saving it for another day because this one is ruined PFFTT. and he probably makes excuses for himself, too, like maybe the mood is right and he has his chance but he just gets too choked up, just thinking about what he wants to say. his nerves eat away at him too much and so he calls the day a bust and moves on.

but then the time comes when he just cannot take it anymore. he's someone that has a lot of self-control, and when it comes to romance and like being nervous, i think he's probably able to hold out for a very long time LOL until he's just at his freaking wit's end with himself for dragging his feet when you are what he wants so bad. and so he just has to get over himself.

(it's just the two of you after hours in the support lab, making small adjustments to his gauntlets. and it starts out just fine, because he's enjoying his alone time with you and how stupid-cute you look when focusing so hard and there's not much conversation being shared, because you're working, and bakugou is okay with that because he's not good with his words, anyway.

and then you do something so simple; wiping a hand against your nose, unknowingly staining it with grease, before holding your open palm out to him.

"can you pass me that socket wrench, please?"

there's really no telling what exactly it is in that moment. maybe that you look so invested in what you're doing, enjoying your passions. maybe it's how comfortable the whole setting feels, the kind of thing he can imagine doing with you for the rest of—forever. or maybe it's just the sleepy way you blink at him, a little worn out from the day, before sending him a smile that has his chest hurting.

so instead of handing you anything, he just says: "you drive me fuckin' crazy."

a spark of life flashes in your eyes, fatigue fading away with your surprise. "uh, what?" and—he could have said that better because now you're nervous and you give him an awkward little laugh. "what did i do? were you using it?"

"no, dumbass, you just—" bakugou sighs, dropping the tools from his own hands to run one over his face. none of this was part of his carefully concocted plan, but he's just suddenly overwhelmed, by you, and if he doesn't get it off his chest, right now, he's going to implode. "i'm gonna walk out of here and go home and—" he pauses to gnaw on his lip, trying in vain to think of any of the words he'd ever planned out for this. "you're gonna be the only damn thing on my mind."

"oh," you breathe, quiet, though he's sure you're able to hear how hard his heart is pounding. hard enough to cause him a little unease. "me? what about me?"

"fuckin'—everything." he frowns, and he's typically not one to back down from a little eye-contact, but you lean forward at other end of the workbench, attention all his, and—he's suddenly very interested in the control panel on the table in front of him. "your—everything."

"well i have to be honest," you look down at your hands and your little jumpsuit, brushing stray hairs from out of your face. "this is hardly the version of myself i want you thinkin' about."

and there's something about hearing you say it that makes him fucking embarrassed all over, so he just curls a little further into himself, eyes glued to his work. "don't matter," he grunts, flushed down to his neck. "look just fine t'me."

you laugh at that, and when he looks up at you, you're gnawing on your own lip and your eyes are jumping all over the lab, like you can't stand the eye-contact either, like you're feeling just as fevered as him.

like maybe he doesn't leave your mind, either.)

and there is a small part of me that thinks he has to make his feelings known in a physical way—as in, still with his mouth but not with his words LOL because even though i think he can be a little wary of intimacy, especially with someone he's not actively dating, he's such a physical person that he just has to do something with his hands at some point.

(he finds you in the back corner, at the copy machine. only reason he came back here was to shove some old reports into the shredder, be done with them so he could finally go home for the day, but—now you're standing up from how you'd been leaning over the machine and looking at him with big eyes and a smile and, well, he's not in all that much of a rush, anyway.

bakugou is shit at making small talk, but you're much better at it, thankfully. can talk forever just like goddamn deku, though he's much more inclined to listen to whatever you'll prattle on about, even if it's just the weather or whatever else you need to do for mina today or—

"—and so now i have to make all these flyers." you shrug and stick your tongue out, like it's a bother even though he knows it isn't. "not anything fun i'm copying, unfortunately. not like—" a little beep sounds as your pages finish printing and you grab them and set them straight, laughing a little as you glance up at him. "not like—do you remember when all might fought that villain xerox? and there were all these photocopies of his face squished against the glass?" for emphasis, you press your hands to your cheeks, pushing them together until your lips pucker—and then you laugh some more, like you're just so goddamn funny. "i don't know if you ever read that one, i think that issue came out when he was in the states or—"

and—he really doesn't consider himself this kinda guy, some casanova or what-have-you, but in one step, he's grabbing one of your wrists to hold you still and slipping the other around your neck and just crashing his mouth onto yours.

and he really does not consider himself this kinda guy, because it's clumsy and probably a little too firm and it's quite literally just lips on lips, because he's not that smooth. there's a very brief, clouded moment of euphoria at the fact that he's finally done it, with his heart fluttering in his chest, and then he's suddenly all to aware that he's probably going to catch a sexual harassment charge from this.

but when he yanks back from you, you're looking at him with the same surprise on your face, though you're still comfortable with his hands on you.

in fact, you even very slowly tug your wrist from his, tracing your fingers over his skin before you run them up his arm, up to dig into the hair at the back of his neck.

you don't kiss him again—not yet—but you laugh some more and nod. "so i take it you have read that one, then?"

"uh, yeah," he clears his throat, wondering if you can feel how hot he's become. "i have."

"it's a pretty good issue, i think."

"yeah," he murmurs, giving in to the tug of your hand, until he's leaning back down into your space. "'s'not too bad.")

#i could really just talk about him forever andbsjana #what do i think bkg would do in situation xyz ??? well HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU HAVE #i am a firm believer that bkg is sexually attracted to nerds and he is MORTIFIED by it #this really went out of control i am so sorry lmao #but thank you for asking !! 🥺 lil' ol' me 🥺#this was so fun ngl !!#✿ willow writes #✿ ask willow #✿ thoughts: bakugou

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swaps55 · 4 months

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2023 Year End Fic Wrap Up

Tagged by @cr-noble-writes. Thank you!

Words written (published or not, WIPs totally count too!):

Published: 65,113 Unpublished: 41,773 Total: 106,886

It feels like I wrote a lot less this year than previous years, but I think it’s less about word count and more that my two big projects, Fugue and Mezzo, sucked up my entire mental bandwidth and I just didn’t have capacity to kick out one shots like I have in the past. I have a bunch of ideas for fun one shots, but not enough time or energy to realize them.

Also, this number is by no means accurate. My Mezzo Leftovers document is sitting at 11.3k, and Fugue finished up with a scrapheap of 28.3k. Gosh, it's hard to believe Fugue was actually 2023. It feels like years ago. Just writing it aged me 10 years. XD

Smut scenes written (if applicable): None. Did I daydream frequently and in great detail about how Sam and Kaidan reconcile in ME3? Yes. Could I write it in my sleep at this point? Also yes. Did I write a word of it? No.

New things I tried: 2nd person POV, Mordin POV, and EDI POV were all new and very scary things I tried, and think were largely successful (jury is still out on EDI and Mordin because only my beta has seen it, but I’m pleased with them).

Fic I spent the most time on: Probably Mezzo, because I wrote more of it than Fugue in 2023.

Fic I spent the least time on: Probably Capriccio, because it was short and mostly wrote itself.

Favourite thing I wrote: Well…I wrote so little outside of the long fics, because they have sucked up all my time and spoons. Fugue is something I am so proud of, but Mezzo has been so fun.

Favourite thing I read: A Sip of Serenity was a Spec Recs Kaidan & Liara treat fic for me by @screwyouflightlieutenant and I love it with an unholy love. Also, Madrigal and Volta by @dandenbo are PHENOMENAL stories you should drop everything and read.

Writing goals for next year: Finishing Mezzo sounds ambitious, but I guess I can be ambitious in January. XD

Tagging...I don't know! Who hasn't done this? If you haven't, please do it and tag me, because I wanna see. @stormikins? @otemporanerys?

#mememe #2023 year in review #meme replies #how writing is written #i've been feeling Some Kind of Way about writing lately #not frustration or apathy towards WRITING #i am still loving the hell out of that part #but this general malaise and mental exhaustion that takes away my spoons to write is becoming something i really resent #if i could take a 2-3 month sabbatical and just...rest and write and recover from...[gestures broadly] this #i think i'd be a whole new person #but alas #capitalism and all #i think i need to just be more firm with myself that writing good stories take time #i don't do me or anyone else any favors by fretting about speed and schedule #if mezzo takes forever #people will either stick around to read it or they won't #it's more important i write the story i will be proud of #anyway i've had a lot on my mind lately #Deep Thoughts With Swaps #or something #it's just weird feeling creatively pumped up and also utterly demotivated at the same time #the spirit is willing but the Swaps is very very tired

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kimbapisnotsushi · 7 months

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you seem to have a good read on HQ and your takes are great, so i have a question...and if you'd rather not go there, please ignore this! but i see oikawa get called "arrogant" quite often and i'm curious, would you say he is? what is it that makes people think that? imo he has a plenty of flaws, but i truly don't think arrogance is one of them. self-centered, sure, but not arrogant i think. i'm open to being wrong, i'm just legit so confused by that particular criticism, it makes me doubting my reading comprehension. i feel like that one post that's like "free my man, he didn't do that. he did a lot of other stuff tho" LOL. if you do answer this, then thanks for your time!

oh, dear anon. this is a very very big question and i'm honored you think i am capable of providing an answer that does it justice!! i don't consider myself an oikawa expert by far, but i'll do my best because he's still very beloved to me, and i hope whatever i say helps!

(but also - maybe take what i say with a grain of salt LMAO)

anyways, to get the main point out of the way: i completely agree that oikawa isn't arrogant! i actually haven't seen any commentary about that myself (bless!!!), so i can't say for sure why some people might think that, but my guess is that they think his pridefulness = arrogance — they think that the confidence he has in himself and seijoh contributes nothing to their actual power and is utterly meaningless if they don't win, especially in the face of ushijima. which, like, come on. what kind of captain would he be if he wasn't confident in himself and his teammates? is he supposed to tell them that they're going to lose??? is he supposed to discourage their hard work and effort???

or maybe it's because oikawa acts like he's all that, but doesn't have anything to show for it. who does he think he is? what does he think his pride is worth? what right does he have to go around making grand declarations when he has nothing to his name?

(which isn't entirely true, either, but we'll get into that, promise.)

now, do i think that he can, occasionally, be flippant, shallow, and/or petty? yeah, sure. he's got one hell of a personality about it. even iwaizumi says as much. oikawa is great at being a little shit. it's one of my favorite things about him!

but is oikawa genuinely arrogant, or self-centered? well . . . i don't think so.

see, here's the thing about oikawa: he knows he's good, but he doesn't think he's good enough. i think it'd be easiest to really explain what that meant if we broke this down into two separate parts, so let's give it a go, shall we?

(buckle up, friends, because it's about to get LONG. also: TIMESKIP SPOILERS!! and there's a tldr at the start of the tags because. WOW.)

so, first things first: if people are calling oikawa arrogant, then i'm like 99% sure that they don't actually know what the word "arrogant" means.

"arrogant" is used to describe someone full of themselves. it's used to describe someone conceited and pompous. it's used to describe someone so assured of and invested in their self-importance that they don't care for other people, and if it seems like they do, then it's usually wildly off the mark and still serves to inflate their own egos.

oikawa has never once been like that. he's been pretty much the exact opposite, in fact.

and yeah, sure, by his third year of high school, he knows he's good at volleyball, and that's fine! it's perfectly all right to claim you're good at something if you have the skills/experience to back it up. confidence is healthy as long as it isn't in overabundance, and we actually see a lot of this throughout the series!

(not to mention that this was where ushijima fell short. he was overflowing with confidence. he did not believe, for even a single second, that hinata shouyou and his meager, scrappy little flock of crows could beat him.

but oikawa? he knew. he knew what it looked like to make something bloom.)

the key to oikawa's confidence that made him better was that he could pinpoint others' strengths and weaknesses just as well as he could with his own. and (bear with me, please, i might get kind of boring here bc it's nothing that hasn't been said in the manga before) i don't mean it in the way we see the coaches or more analytical players do, as observations to be taken advantage of by everyone else; i mean that in the sense of how vital it is to his position as a setter. that was always the biggest difference between oikawa and kageyama: no matter how much more raw talent kageyama had, no matter how much better oikawa believed him to be, kageyama, especially in the beginning, struggled to do what oikawa could with a team. kageyama struggled to bring out the best in each player. and it wasn't because he didn't know how -- oikawa freely admitted that kageyama had the skill for it, that kageyama, once he got his shit together, could win against him -- it was because kageyama didn't have that same confidence in himself.

(not until much later, anyways. but that's another story, for another time.)

so, oikawa's confident. he knows he's good. he can bring out the best in each player. he's got a killer serve (and a killer smile!), a mind for tactics that borders on machievallianism, and cherishes the trust he is given like it's something precious. his coaches let him lead without leaning on them. his team has the utmost respect and admiration for him. he has a reputation. from karasuno to shiratorizawa to the whole of miyagi -- there is not a single character who knows oikawa tooru and would believe that he is, in any way, bad at volleyball.

but it's not enough. despite all of that, oikawa still doesn't think he's good enough. and that, friends, brings us to the second point.

oikawa tooru is nothing if not passionate.

so were the others, of course. kageyama kept going after his grandfather's death. hinata kept going while being a nobody from nowhere with no one to back him up. atsumu kept going while osamu didn't. it's not even about just those who went pro -- kenma, kuroo, noya, and everyone else found things that they were passionate about and kept going with it. the entire story revolves around loving what you do and trying to keep that love alive, and, sometimes, that can be really, really difficult when it seems like it doesn't love you back.

oikawa was so insecure over kageyama to the point where he nearly decked the poor kid. oikawa got crushed by ushijima-- who kept telling him that his team was not good enough, that his choices were not good enough, that there was nothing good enough to be proud of -- for years in a row. oikawa was taught that there would always be someone better than him no matter how skilled he was, but if he let that stop him then he didn't fucking belong on the court in the first place.

oikawa tooru is intimately acquainted with not being good enough, but he keeps trying to be. he keeps going. he tries to keep the love alive even if he's not loved back. he pushes and practices and takes a plane far from home to become even better. even if he doesn't have the skill, even if he doesn't have the talent, even if he doesn't have the love -- he still has his pride. and what does that mean, in the end? how far does that take him?

in the end, oikawa tooru walks across a world stage and sees people who believed in him on the other side and calls it a family reunion. in the end, he gets to play the volleyball that reminds him of why he loves it and how it gives him so much love back. in the end, his pride is unyielding and unbreakable, a product of the forge. he molded it with his own two hands. he will not let it falter so easily.

arrogance would not have taken oikawa tooru this far. i hope this has proven that he is anything but.

remember: instinct is something you polish. talent is something you make bloom. and never, ever let anyone else tell you what your pride is worth.

#tldr: oikawa 's confident in himself but (believing that there will always be someone more talented) is always striving to become better #ANYWAYS #i know this one's a bit different from the itachiyama post where i analyzed each panel but like #that was REALLY hard to do for this one since there were so many good ones i could use!!!#so i ended up just smashing 2-3 panels together that i thought were best representative of each point i wanted to talk about #and then just diving deep into the whole thing #if i had done it the first way we would have been here FOREVER #literally that's why it took so long i kept deleting and rewriting and going 'holy shit how the fuck do i write this'#'how can ANYTHING i possibly say do justice to oikawa tooru'#i hope i did a good job and i hope this helped anon!!!#i genuinely think this is the most insane thing i have ever written so thanks for that i guess #oikawa tooru #haikyuu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu meta #sou says stuff

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fuckmeyer · 8 months

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Ok so I follow you because of your amazing analyzing and theories of twilight, but it's gotten to a point I have to consider reading your stories, and besides a Paul lahote story here or there over the years, I haven't really read twilight stories, especially ones that aren't about the Wolfpack.

I'm scared. So I wanted to ask about yours, what is it like?

Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?

(If you answer this, please consider the fact it might actually make me reread twilight (the original) and start ranting worse. For both our sanities, is it smart?)

Is it crazy like full of plot twists and insanity and madness covered into brilliance (the good kind) or crazy in a way that I start liking bella and edward (the terrifying part)?

both! liking Bella & Edward is THE biggest plot twist of this saga LOL. i'm not really one to hype my work so bear with me. here's the difference between Twilight & In The Afterlight:

the familiar:

setting. rainy rural PNW vibes

rough plot. girl meets vampire. vampire wants to kill her. love ensues. it starts you off in familiar territory, then slowly peels away as the story progresses. you'll find enough of the "iconic" scenes to keep you oriented in nostalgia, but not so much that you feel chained to the original book.

characters. no OCs. Bella & Edward are somewhat OOC, but their core traits are still intact.

the unfamiliar(ish):

Bella's personality. i think it was @blurry-walker who made this excellent point: we're supposed to like Bella because of how she's described, not by how she acts. Bella is not really selfless, mature, observant, compassionate, intellectual, or self-aware. which would be fine... if that were the author's intention. i've tried making Bella a mix between how she's described & how she acts: selfless, contemplative, & stubborn, with a sense of humor. & i threw in a backstory & hobbies - i.e, drawing, music, reading - so she has a life besides Edward. (she can still act like she's 18 tho. as a treat.)

Edward's personality. no stalking, no anger issues or mood swings, no misogyny, no invalidation of Bella's choices, no militant chastity. just a vampire who's lost his way & startled to discover he is every bit a part of this world as Bella. more humorous, more overwrought/ romantic, more contemplative.

the result is a relationship that's rooted in mutual respect, common interests & values, & genuine companionship. they talk about philosophy, they exchange mixtapes, they tease each other, & have slightly less self-control when it comes to sexual intimacy

James/Victoria plotline

twilight is less fairytale, more gothic horror

deeper thematic discussions (bc i think they're neat! :D). what does it mean to be you? how do you find yourself again when you're lost? what's the secret to keeping your humanity in death?

vampire/Cullen lore. what's the difference between a golden-eyed vampire and a red-eyed one? what are "la tua cantantes" and "mates"? why are the Cullens going to high school? what's the Cullen-Volturi relationship like? who are the Cullens, really? i'm trying to paint them as grayer characters & have their personalities/backstories make sense for who they are.

werewolf lore. i *hate* canon imprinting - how an imprinter loses him/herself to the imprint, how the imprintee can't say no, the fact that they imprint on CHILDREN when the theory behind imprinting is to "find the strongest genes"... NO. i hate it all. i hate that smeyer appropriates the legends of the Quileute tribe & how stereotypes/ tropes of Native people are perpetuated in this series. i especially hate the double-standards Bella puts on the pack vs the coven. justice for the wolfpack or bust

since you mentioned liking the wolfpack (same), the sequel, Come Nightfall (aka New Moon), has way more wolfpack content than the original, & we see a lot more interactions between Jake & Bella. (and Bella & Sam!)

i don't feel it's my place to tell you whether you should read this or even whether it's good. if it helps, this is what other people say:

"This… Was incredible. It was the kind of fanfiction that should be praised along the classics of the fandom, the kind you would want to print and put in the shelf in between Twilight and Life And Death."

"This is, to me, the epitome of great fanfiction--you took the story idea and characters and tweaked them to how you imagine it would be better as well as adding in your own flare, AND you have the story telling ability to back it up."

"You've managed to write something that not only surpasses the source material, but flies so far beyond it in nuance, craftsmanship, raw emotion and SMUT that it travelled through space and time continuum and shows no signs of stopping. Every time I think it can't get better, it does."

"I read both of your books in like 2 days; I couldn’t put them down. This is some of the best writing I’ve ever read on here."

"What a gem of a story. I read it in one sitting, the best canon rewrite I've ever read. Very very clever writing, engaging plot, and the most real Bella and Edward relationship I've ever seen. Everything about it, Bella and Jacob, Sam, Alice and Bella's dynamic, Billy and Bella, everything added so much colour to this story. I can't believe this came from Meyer's twilight and New Moon. Absolutely genius."

#thank you for asking :)#i really enjoy talking about this story because i'm so passionate about it! the fact that everyone is so intrigued is just really inspiring #i hope this doesnt come across as being cocky or bragging #i just really love this story and love that other people do too :) <3 #it just makes me sing im so grateful for everyone and for this experience #i love writing so much i could talk about it forever it's just the best thing on earth ahhhhhhh <333333333333 #it was especially nice to reread through comments people left me because i've been having a hard time & this was a great pick-me-up #please don't take this to mean you should reread twilight #for the love of god please don't reread twilight #you don't have to read this fic but please please please twilight will not be better on your next read-through TRUST ME

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