Tumgik
#i do lean towards judging morality by real-world outcomes
n0brainjustvibes · 2 months
Text
[gesturing wildly] i swear i'm not a taravangian kinnie because of the hospital murders thing i swear. no no it's about having two really shitty paths. when your perspective swings so wildly overnight that your chosen path seems wildly morally reprehensible, but you've sunk your costs to the point that backing out would be worse. when you can't trust yourself (now), so you have no better option than trusting your past self blindly. it all swings back around, right? helpless between two extremes. it's about two shitty choices.
18 notes · View notes
potteresque-ire · 3 years
Text
Here’s my response to @pussyibo, who tagged me on a post about Gg’s Li-Ning brand endorsement. 
First of all, I’d like everyone to please read @accio-victuuri‘s wonderfully written, detailedly researched post on the Li-Ning brand, the Xinjiang cotton support rally on Weibo, and the narrative the state has spun on the issue. I would’ve provided similar information in my response as well—although no way I could’ve laid it out as clearly, as to-the-point as @accio-victuuri did—because this background is critical in explaining my thoughts on this issue.
I haven’t reblogged the Li-Ning ads, but I must confess that the decision had little to do with politics. I’ve always leaned towards re-blogging art than real people.
That said, however, Gg’s Li-Ning ads have, of course, crossed my dash. And I’d be honest and say this as well: I haven’t really found them—or by extension, the idea that Gg was endorsing the brand—offensive, precisely for the reasons @accio-victuuri laid out. Li-Ning is a legend in China; a highly decorated olympic gymnast, he was the national pride chosen to be the final torch-bearer and torch-lighter for the 2008 Beijing Olympics. His company, established in 1990, was among the first Chinese brands with name-recognition overseas and has won high-profile international sponsorships—rare achievements among Chinese-owned enterprises, even to this day. 
Based on Li Ning’s identity and his company being a National Brand, I’d be more surprise if the Li-Ning brand doesn’t use homegrown, “patriotic” cotton, before even considering the practical reasons—Xinjiang cotton being a domestic product that eliminates the costs of shipping, tariffs etc; that it’s of such superior quality that international brands touted its use—a reversal of the usual downplaying of their products’ Chinese origin, due to the common associations of “Made in China”=“Bootleg”,“awful quality”; that makes up ~20% of worldwide cotton production—ie. most Chinese families are probably already using products with cotton from the region (blankets, for example). 
From that perspective, therefore, I’ve viewed the endorsement as little more than a case of a high-profile Chinese celebrity endorsing a high-profile Chinese brand, named after a national hero and targeted towards the local market. I breathed a little sigh of relief for Gg, admittedly—imagine if his new endorsement over those same few days had been for a brand under the Better Cotton Initiative; he would’ve been flayed alive, if the antis’ words were knives.
(And who said they aren’t?)
As such, I also haven’t considered the Li-Ning brand as “morally inferior” to Gg or Dd, or, the other way around, that Gg or Dd are “morally superior” to the Li-Ning brand. I haven’t considered drawing a moral ruler along this axis. I either believe they’re all doing what their sociopolitical environment has taught them, guided them, demanded them to do, or I don’t. Li Ning (the person and the brand), Gg, and Dd all have a celebrity status attached to them. They’ve all flourished in that one sociopolitical environment—that one they also call home.  
Ultimately, Gg and Dd belong to China. They’re the product of the country, its all powerful, all controlling regime. No one can be isolated from their backgrounds—my background colours every word I say here; likewise, there’s no place I can draw a line and separate Gg and Dd from the Communist Red behind them. I wouldn’t have posted about China’s sociopolitical environment, researched on it as a GgDd fan otherwise. 
I either walk away from them all, or I don’t. I either stay a fan, or I don’t. The latter is my choice. Every minute.
Have there been instances in which news about Gg and Dd make me especially uncomfortable? Yes. Photos of Gg in PLA (People’s Liberation Army; Chinese army) uniform for AT, or Dd in police uniform for BAH, for TTXS still give me stomach churns every time I see them. A violent squeeze of the heart.
Visceral reactions that come from, I suppose, the amyglada. More organic, primitive than thought. 
I’ve seen those uniforms in RL action—uniforms worn by those who’re truly responsible for the labor camps and mass surveillance, the torture, the unreported deaths, the disappearances; uniforms Gg and Dd have expressed support outside their drama, their host roles:
Tumblr media
Translation: #I support Hong Kong Police too# (On red banner) “I support HK police. You can beat me up now.” What a shame for Hong Kong.
(Dd reblogged the same post originated from People’s Daily, the State-Controlled Newspaper).
I’m going to go on a quick detour and provide the backstory of this red little box, this piece of propaganda that is much more blatant than a clothing ad. I’ll explain why in a bit.
Here’s an article that explained the incident from which the quote was drawn, that occurred on 8/13/2019 during the Hong Kong Protest and the airing of The Untamed. Essentially, a Chinese state media reporter was suspected to be a spy among the protestors after taking photos, refusing to show his press pass (he was found to have one but not his own), and possessing a “I love HK Police” shirt; he was tied to the luggage cart and beaten up. The reporter said the quote in the red little box; he suffered mild injuries and was soon discharged by the hospital.  What was the background of this story, however? Why did the protestors beat up someone who could be from the press—who, regardless of their affiliation, protestors know should be protected? The protests began in June, 2019. Hong Kong had had another large scale protest in between September to November, 2014 (aka the “Umbrella Revolution”). Spies had always been an issue. Why didn’t a spy beating happen earlier?
Here’s an English-subbed documentary (warning: violence) that offers insight of the background—the fear and fury of the protestors. The subject is what is now known as 721 Yuen Long incident, or the evening Hong Kongers—even those who had not been involved, who had been unsure about the protests—lost their trust of the Hong Kong Police, once known as “Asia’s finest”.
That evening went like this. On 7/21/2019, the local mafia violently attacked the passengers of a late night train in Yuen Long station—passengers who weren‘t protestors (who wore black)—while the police ignored the multiple emergency calls from locals who’d spotted something suspicious, and didn’t show up on the scene while the beatings occurred. Evidences, which the documentary detailed, pointed to the Hong Kong Police, and the government that backed it, endorsing the beatings, therefore working with the local mafia to deal with the protests. 
By 8/13/2019, therefore, protestors were convinced that their opposition wasn’t beyond using very low blows to get their way. One could argue that they overreacted to the spy-reporter; the Western media, who had long trusted HKers to know what they were doing, expressed its disappointment, and the protestors soon apologised. The Chinese propaganda machine, of course, jumped at the chance of casting the protestors as bad people, and the online rally on Weibo ensued (It lasted for at least three days; Gg and Dd reblogged post about HK between 8/14/2019-8/16/2019).
That was, briefly, the story behind Gg and Dd’s Weibo reblog.
Why did I make a detour and write up this story? Because I’ve actually posted blatant propaganda on my blog—the Weibo post, with its red little box. However, does it still feel like propaganda with the story?
Therefore, I haven’t, and don’t plan on pressuring anyone to stop posting and re-blogging specific pieces of GgDd information—be it an ad as in this scenario, or propaganda material from films, series, government/state-controlled media announcements etc. That I believe everyone should set their own boundaries, be their own judge of what they’d like to share on their own blog aside, I think—and this is where my opinion may deviate from many—“canceling” falsehoods often isn’t the best way to deal with them. 
This opinion is likely, again, coloured by my background.
My observations have been this: “cancelling” is effective only if the cancelling force is, overall, significantly stronger than the force being cancelled. In the scenario that prompted this post, making Gg’s Li-Ning ads disappear from the dash is only possible if there are more fans who ignore the ads than those who post and reblog them. “Canceling” is therefore a competition of headcount, with tactics for sidekick—the side with more people, and people who are good at disseminating information, decides the outcome: whether the intended-to-be-cancelled material go viral within the fandom, or whether they die out.
I’d like to highlight this word: headcount.
This isn’t the most favourable kind of competition to participate in, therefore, if the potential opposition belongs to the populous country in the world, its members, people who may have participated in fan circles, which are essentially fan armies who’ve been used to organising, battling on social media for their idols. I’ve previously set up a hypothetical scenario, in which Dd’s supertopic members were encouraged by their government to scale the Great Firewall to Twitter, spread their support of Xinjiang cotton—a scenario that is not totally unrealistic, given that the Chinese government has previously mobilised fans for propaganda purpose. 
We’ll use this thought experiment again ~ please bear in mind, once more, that this is SJD; a figment of our imagination.
Since we’re talking about Li-Ning brand, let’s add Gg’s supertopic members to the mix. The total supertopics member count is 6.11 + 8.34 = 14.45 million, as of today (2021/04/04). 
Let’s say, only a tiny, tiny percent—0.01% of them are mobilised; that’s 1,400 people.
Is it possible to cancel the voices, the retweets of 1,400 in Gg and Dd’s i-fandom? Cut down another 90%, reduce the opposition headcount to 140. Is it possible?
There are also overseas Chinese who do not intend to spread propaganda, but believe in the story and have no qualms disseminating the information. There are also fans who wish to remove politics from fandom and pass all information along.
Here lies the frustration of those who’ve tried to raise their voice of concerns re: the policies and practices of the Chinese government on social media; and this is why I mentioned that my background informed my opinion. On social media, where headcount and whoever shouts the loudest, retweet etc the most wins the exposure game, it’s nearly impossible to win against the Chinese Communist Party (CCP)’s propaganda machine, if the party chooses to have the machine running. 
Their side has so many people.
One more RL example: here’s a scholarly article detailing how Diba (帝吧), an old, popular online forum in China with 20 million members, mobilised, collectively scaled the Firewall and engaged in a cyberattack of the Facebook page of Taiwanese President Tsai Ing-Wen on January 20, 2016 — the day of President Tsai Ing-wen’s first inauguration; they left a total of 26,000 comments against Taiwan independence, using Simplified Chinese (which China uses) for their font instead of Traditional Chinese (which Taiwan and Hong Kong uses)—ie, the commenters didn’t even pretend to be not from China. They were proud and open about their "Expedition”.
(China’s state-controlled tabloid Global Times—yes, the same one involved in the Hong Kong airport incident above—”concluded the campaign was a “fun normal incident” that showcased young people’s passion for politics”)
Is it possible to try to cancel something of that scale? Is it realistic?
Personally, therefore, I’ve always advocated for “immunisation”: rather than protecting a fact by wiping out its associated lies—the idea behind “cancelling” a message, not having it show up on the dash—I prefer to do so by allowing it to be visibly challenged, until observers are no longer easily swayed by falsehoods. I used Gg and Dd’s Weibo reblog re: Hong Kong police as an example—is the red little box propaganda, a challenge to the protests? Yes. Is it information that I deeply disagree with, something I wish I’ll never see again? Also yes. But by providing context to it, I’m hoping to turn it into a vaccine—something mimicking the virus, the potentially viral piece of information, but doesn’t function the same way anymore. 
Hopefully, this vaccine will also encourage stop-and-think moments that boost future immunity; hopefully, with a few more boosters, questions will come automatically with such red little boxes reappear— questions about the context, the purpose, the message. 
Questions like these, for this incident: why did the State media make this incident the “Gotcha” moment in the Hong Kong Protests, important enough for People’s Daily to make a rally-starting meme? Why was the reporter, Fu Guohao hailed as a hero, when he’d just got ... beaten up? 
What did People’s Daily, and the government behind it, want people to find when the red little box popped up everywhere on Weibo, including the Weibo of the fastest rising stars from the hit summer TV series? What belief could be expected to be instilled into the audience with this photo, published by China’s state TV station (CGTN), of the reporter tied up to a luggage cart and surrounded by black-cladded protestors?
Who looked like the strong, evil side? The meek, good side? Why, finally, was the tag about the Hong Kong Police, when the conflict was between the protestors and an alleged Chinese state media reporter?
By then, Hong Kongers were already suspicious that the Hong Kong Police had been infiltrated by China’s law enforcement arm, from hints from the different dialects the police used, how they handled the protestors etc. It was the start the final break down of Hong Kong’s autonomy. Their suspicions were not wrong. Now, with the National Security Law having taken effect since July 2020, Hong Kong’s transformation into a police state is well under way.
What does the tag #I support Hong Kong Police too# mean now?
[Please excuse my using many examples from HK because 1) I’m familiar with the details; and 2) it’s the only instance in recent history in which the outside world can see, with relative clarity, a large-scale protest against the Chinese government and its outcome.]
Here’s my humble wish: next time, when a government-sponsored memes like this get translated and posted, be it originally reblogged by Gg, Dd, or other c-ent stars, be it on Twitter or Tumblr, the vaccinated, immunised will pause and wonder: What’s the story? What’s being told inside the Great Firewall, and outside? 
If this happens, red little boxes on my blog, unpleasant as they are, are 100% worth it.
The Li-Ning ads are therefore worth it too, IMO, if they spark a conversation, a dissemination of facts and perspectives. To me, the latter is especially precious in this fandom, where significant language and cultural barriers exist.  Fans who move Gg and Dd’s news and candies from Weibo are the pillars of this fandom. Sieving through that website is hard, translations harder; it’s unfair and unrealistic to ask them to also be the background knowledge deliverers. 
I’ve tried to do a small part, but I’m ... slow. Very, very slow. However, even if the background isn’t available, I’ve found being careful, skeptical about the information is already a very good thing. At heart, this is no different from the lessons from media literacy here, except there are even more falsehoods and half-truths to wade through given the country of origin of Gg and Dd’s material, and trustworthy sources are not always available. Li-Ning brand is an example that things do not need to be blatant propaganda to carry a pro-CCP message. 
What can i-fans do then about the Xinjiang cotton situation, if competing against the Chinese government propaganda machine on social media appears to be a losing game?
My thoughts are these, at the moment. First, please consider not dwelling on the competition, especially within fandom. Remember: getting several fewer fans to buy Li-Ning brand isn’t going to change the big picture.
Instead, if this is an area of activism you choose to participate in—please consider channeling your effort to watching the companies in your country. Put pressure on sustainability & good practice certification companies like Better Cotton Initiative, make sure they don’t, can’t have it both ways. Xinjiang cotton is either certified or it isn’t. There’re suspicions of forced labor on its production or there aren’t. The answer should be a simple yes or no, not whether the office is in Geneva or in Shanghai.
This is an answer that we, as consumers, have the right to know. Transparency in China isn’t for us to demand; we can, however, demand transparency in our own country. Remember too: it makes a far, far greater difference for one international company to re-consider its cotton source, than for one fandom to do the same. 
Meanwhile, and again, this is my humble opinion—please do whatever you’re comfortable with, that is within your ability, to fortify your stance. Should you choose to speak out online, you’ll likely meet opposition. Responses on current events from the Chinese Foreign Ministry (you can also find the spokespeople on Twitter) can offer a glimpse of the counterarguments you may meet. How will you answer them? Here’s a clip of one of the spokespeople arguing that the US used to use black slavery to pick cotton in the past. If you’re American and this is presented to you—what would you say? (Does mistakes by one country in the past mean mistakes by another country in the present is automatically acceptable?) The opposition may also use vicious words, the most extreme of which is probably “racist”. If someone call you racist—if many Twitter users scream racist!!!!!!!! at you at the same time for your critique—can you stand firm? 
[The pro-CCP camp has been taking advantage of the West’s effort to move forward from its racist past to stop any criticism of the Chinese government. It already knows the easiest way to silence the criticisms is to call whoever makes them racist.]
[If everyone fears the racist allegation, allows the conflation of Chinese government and Chinese people to take root, will there be more or less anti-Asian sentiments in the long run?]
[I’ve been called racist by writing these metas.] 
The last thing I’d like to say is this: please be kind to your fellow fans who’ve kept mum, or been hesitant about making their stance known. Some may be closely connected to China, others may not be in a psychological / health space to deal with the politics. Also, and here’s my default way of looking at this: I disagree with the idea that anyone owes anyone else a declaration of their political beliefs. I can’t imagine this issue to be an easy thing to think about for many Gg and Dd fans, myself most definitely included ~ as a (former) Hong Konger, a uniformed Gg or Dd gives me an unpleasant visceral response, but at the same time, it also means I’m used to accepting, even genuinely liking people on the other side of this political ... Grand Canyon. I can imagine the conflict, the pain this issue may have caused some fans who’re not accustomed to the latter, as being a fan, IMO, is never purely logical ~ and I mean that in the best of ways. 
Passion is the magic ingredient that separates a fan and a consumer. It’s also what makes choices difficult, when conclusions from logic, political stance included, conflict with it. Some make the hard choices quickly; some, slowly. Some make them in one go; some, piece by piece. Some never make them, let time be the decision maker.
As Dd said so famously and wisely, about the conflict between passion and logic: 愛就是這樣,沒有辦法 Love is like that. Nothing can be done.
The only common denominator is this: we’re all made to love.
❤️.💛.💚.
73 notes · View notes
bbq-hawks-wings · 4 years
Text
Revisiting Hawk’s MBTI type
At least a year ago someone asked me what MBTI personality type I think Hawks canonically seems to have. I think I gave it my best effort at the time, but now with what I’m more solidly convicted of what particular actions he took meant and more instances to observe him I wanted to go back and look at it again. 
At the time I thought his personality type was ISFP, but I wanted to double-check my work as some of my preconceptions of the time may have muddled my analysis so I wanted to go through each letter and see if I changed my mind or not and why. The old analysis contains manga spoilers if you want to go back and read it, but this one doesn’t really have any, at least not explicit ones. Just be aware that these are made with insights to his character not yet shown in the anime and even paint a very different picture than what season 4 and OJ2 paint of his character so far.
Extroverted [E] or Introverted [I]? - Same: Introverted
Back when, I came to this conclusion mainly because I didn’t have a lot of information in regards to his personal life to go off of at all but knew for certain the fact that he sought opportunity to be alone and unbothered - even if just infrequently. While the distinguishing factor between being an introvert vs an extrovert is whether or not social interaction gives you energy or expends it (and most people think it’s an either/or when it’s really more of a spectrum in which humans need a combination of both to remain emotionally and mentally healthy) many people are “ambiverts” who are split fairly evenly down the middle.
Now, we have concrete evidence he doesn’t have many, if any, deeply personal relationships. While he isn’t closed off to new friendships and does seem to enjoy the company of others, I don’t have any reason to believe he doesn’t still seek opportunities for solitude where others do not monopolize his thought life. He still strikes me as leaning into introvert on the either/or scale.
Observant [S] or Intuitive [N]? - Changed: Intuitive
Now that we have multiple examples of him thinking ahead, plotting, planning, keeping his options open, and reacting on the fly we can tell he clearly possesses the ability to take a single situation or limited information and imagine a plethora of outcomes and plan for several at a time. All options have to be open at all times. At the very least this is habit, even if he’s not naturally inclined to think this way - so with how conditioned he is to operate in this way it still counts towards his personality type, though it could change over time depending on how deeply ingrained into him it actually is.
I often struggle with telling these two categories apart as either one has the potential to be vastly creative, analytical, and all around strategic and clever; but the reason I ultimately landed on Intuitive because it’s described as the “bigger picture” approach of the two, and he’s been described by a few different characters as someone “able to see the big picture” and even ties into his iconic line of, “If it means letting everyone be at ease, I’ll gladly get my hands dirty.”
Thinking [T] or Feeling [F]? - Same: Feeling
While Hawks is more than capable of acting “rationally” or rationalizing away his feelings in situations where he’s asked to do something that makes him uncomfortable, his knee-jerk reaction is nearly always an emotional one. His motivations have a deep emotional undercurrent. He’s been shown to be a highly empathetic person. He relates to others on an emotional level, not a logical one, and so on. He connects to others as people with human experiences, fears, dreams, and values. By and far he’s a firmly cemented Feeling type.
Judging [J] or Prospective [P]? - Changed: Judging
This one was a little tricky to parse out as it's the other set of categories I struggle with telling apart, and while I might be inclined to say he might prefer the freedom to take a prospective approach to his life (just going with the flow, looking at your options and acting as you feel lead, etc.), a judging approach is once again habitual for him and often necessary for survival. He plots and plans; but he always has to be flexible. New information or developments mean the current plan he’s on has to be adapted to reach the same intended results. Particularly, he’s at least stuck playing by others’ rules and getting the outcomes they want and operating in a way where he can call upon others quickly and get them up to speed. He still prefers to work solo, however, as fewer involved parties means fewer variables and theoretically less stress and mental strain being expended to account for the added uncertainty and even perceived weaknesses that would only complicate the situation at hand when he'd rather stay focused.
New final type: INFJ -T!
The Advocate personality type is very rare, making up less than one percent of the population, but they nonetheless leave their mark on the world. Advocates have an inborn sense of idealism and morality, but what sets them apart is that they are not idle dreamers. These individuals are capable of taking concrete steps to realize their goals and make a lasting positive impact.
People with this personality type tend to see helping others as their purpose in life. Advocates can often be found engaging in rescue efforts and doing charity work. However, their real passion is to get to the heart of the issue so that people need not be rescued at all. (via 16personalities.com)
Now, doesn’t THAT look familiar! Looking through my old analysis vs this new one I think this is more true to his character which makes the updated analysis worth it.
109 notes · View notes
artificialqueens · 4 years
Text
Taking Advantage of The Moment (Max-centric; Max/Jaidynn if you squint) - Puppy
A/N: Hello, folks. I have posted things for writethehousedown, but this is my first time on AQ. After seeing/posting the Groundhog Day prompt, I wanted to take on the challenge.  I’ve always been fascinated with time loops, so heck. Here we go. Max and Jaidynn’s relationship here can be seen as either platonic or romantic.
TW: Panic/anxiety attack
Summary: Max Malanphy finds herself reliving her elimination day over and over and over and over again.
~~
Max solemnly rolled her bags out of the workroom for the- who knows how many times it was at this point. She understood completely what the universe was trying to tell her.
Was her runway not up to standards as other times? Yes. Was her Snatch Game performance questionable at best and terrible at worst? Well, she was literally near her last possible choice since producers disapproved of her first few choices. If only this stretched to yesterday, the grey lady thought to herself, I could’ve thrown in a line about Party City or something like that… She had already accepted that she lost the lip-sync against Jaidynn too. She was a damn good performer and 80s’ R&B wasn’t generally in Max’s repertoire. So why the hell was this still happening?
Perhaps she’d sleep on it, but that was useless. She’d wake back up on the same day. It seems she had lost count of the many things she had tried to do to finally fly back home.

~~~
“This seems a little familiar… repetitive even…” Max approached Violet with some caution.
“You’re the one getting read about your wigs, and you talk to me about repetitive?” The one-of-a-kind collectable joked, or at least attempted to. She was still getting used to the whole ‘bring a warmer person’ thing.
“Shouldn’t I have gone home already?”
Violet tilted her head in slight confusion. “What do you mean? I think it was Kandy’s time and…” she beckoned Max to lean down so she could whisper into her ear. “You didn’t hear it from me, but your Merle Ginsberg… wasn’t that bad last week.”
Max’s fears were assuaged until she got on the runway. The brightness of the lights and the tightness of the corset creeped back into play. She once found herself asking to loosen her outfit and sitting at the edge of the stage. Yep, she was reliving the moment that sent her home.
~~~
Around the fourth or seventh time she had been eliminated, Max had practically memorized the backstage conversations. “Well, now we know what she really sounds like!” Ginger joked, prompting a fit of laughter and a punch to the arm. Max hoped to have hit her face, but she wasn’t that far gone yet.
She once attempted to shed her purported prudish nature in another loop. She started conversations about what she once deemed vulgar, but all she had got was strange looks and reminders she was sharing too much information. She didn’t speak again until critiques.

Immediately after (or was it two times after?), she had tried her best to be the friend that everyone needed. She’d help with outfits and accompanied Fame and Katya as extra moral support. Among the sewing and helping others with makeup, she barely had time for herself. The moment she stepped onto the runway, she barely put on a face of makeup and nearly fainted from lack of energy. Thankfully, she woke back up in her hotel room and last night’s pajamas.
The most recent loop was just spent in utter silence. Max had just… broke.  She dared not speak or respond to anyone. She had choked back inaudible tears everywhere she went that day until the runway. As she was sweating under the lights, she prayed that she would pass out again. The voices in her head overpowered anything that she wanted to come out of her mouth. The ones constantly nagged at her for every decision she made on that show.
In an attempt to direct her attention away from those voices, her focus shifted elsewhere. This elsewhere unfortunately was drilled on the various sets of eyes staring at her, and the thousands more who would see it once it was edited and aired to the public. How many people would consider this some stunt? They’d probably think she was crazy or delusional.
She’d whisk herself back to Oz in times like this to cope, but it didn’t work. Any time she’d try, she would be trapped in the Witch’s castle near the crystal ball. “Auntie Em, I’m frightened…” Max whispered to herself as she slowly got back up. Hopefully the tear stains would have dried out of the corset by the time.
Max remained silent backstage. She knew what the judges’ verdicts were going to be; why bother discussing them? The outcome was the same yet again. She’d pack, she’d sleep, she’d wake up to walk the runway yet again.
As she woke up yet again, a thought crossed her mind. All of her attempts to actively change the situation ended up making things worse. The day kept repeating. Max got up out of bed and stared at her reflection. Had she been too much in her head? She chuckled; if she was that far in her, Fame probably would have gotten the joke by now. The queen took a deep breath in and vowed this. Go through the day as it was any other. Don’t make any drastic changes, Maxie.  If you do, just… have them be small and insignificant. Try to make someone happy. The grey lady sighed and officially got ready for yet another loop of the same day. If this was the last, that would make her one extremely happy person. If it wasn’t, she would go back to trying… maybe ask Violet for a cincher this time.
~~~
“You’re done early,” Ginger noticed Max from her peripherals.
“Well, I’ve basically worn the same face since I’ve been here, so I guess practice amounts to shaving off a few minutes.” Max retorted as she admired herself a little longer. Her red contacts stared back at her: the leather-bound black widow. She laughed at her own little joke. The other girls couldn’t possibly know what that little comment also meant. The queen hummed a show tune to herself as she waited until filming started.
Being done this early felt so surreal, almost voyeuristic. The now black-haired lady stared among the workroom, eyeing her little corner of the room in particular: the various wigs and looks she wasn’t going to bring to the public. Perhap she could use this time to start packing again; there was no need to delay the inevitable. She let out a sigh as she stared at her belongings.
“Hey, girl. You seem a bit out of it today.” Max was shaken out of her reverie and looked down at the shorter queen.
“It’s nothing, really,” Max lied, but saw that there was no use doing so. For all she knew Jaidynn was going to forget it the next time this happened; telling her wouldn’t hurt. In fact, it was cathartic for the tall one.  “Never mind.. It has felt a little strange. Ever since I’ve been here, it’s been as if I was in a dream and I still haven’t quite woken up yet. Speaking of… I’ve probably already asked you this, but can you pinch me?”
“Did you get enough sleep last night?” Ever concerned, Jaidynn leaned against the wall and  attempted to hold her friend’s hand.”I think this may have been the first time we saw each other today.”
“I’ve been reliving this day for gods know how long. Sleep is the least of my worries.”
“Have you actually done so or is this just ‘Max language’ for something else? I get that filming has been repetitive and it’s all routine, but I doubt that you’re going through some Bill Murray shit.” Max had a tendency to speak entirely in metaphor; Jaidynn and others on set knew that first hand. When she spoke, she often spoke in terms of Oz and werewolves when she wasn’t giving sage advice. When she wasn’t inside of her head, she was off in another world where magic is real and nothing can go wrong. Thank goodness she had folks who could snap her back to reality.
Max nodded her head as she then eyed Fame and Katya in another corner of the room, silently mumbling along to their conversation to prove her point.
“Damn, girl. That sounds pretty cool. It would definitely come in handy. You could improve on your looks and save yourself if you were ever on the bottom.”
Max widened her eyes, not wanting to say too much. She already violated her mission by confiding in Jaidynn. “I’ve already done so much. What else is there to do?” Before she could say anything more, a PA had come in telling them to line up. “Shall we continue this later?”
Before they knew it, the arduous hours of judging had passed yet again and the critiqued queens headed backstage. “Did.. did that happen every time? You sounded good” Jaidynn asked about the corset mishap. All Max could do was nod her head and laugh.
“Sometimes, I’d switch up the song,” she whispered back and giggled. “I remember I did ‘Over the Rainbow’ one night… ‘The Man That Got Away’ another… One night, I think I-”
“The accent…”
“What about it?”
“You lost it for a second there.”
“I- I did?” Max shouldn’t have been surprised, but she just stopped for a second. It felt strange, having slipped out of this persona she had made for herself after having maintained it for filming and then some, but also freeing too. It was as if a giant weight had been lifted off her shoulders. “Didn’t even realize.” She laughed a little louder than she normally did, garnering more attention that she usually got. Max and Jaidynn joined the other girls with smiles on their faces and an underlying sense of uncertainty.
Sitting with her fellow castmates wasn’t the best thing in the world. There was no doubt that Max Malanaphy was an introverted figure. When they were normally congregated backstage, she would be among them, but barely contribute. Her comfort zone could only extend so far. She’d often flock where Violet or Pearl were, so she could talk about her day and how the other queens acted towards her, but that was the longest she’d have a conversation. The constant loops had certainly made things easier for the young lady. The only time she broke away from the conversation was to practice the song with Jaidynn.
“You really don’t have to do this, Max. I mean… you have the song down better than me at this point.” The Nashville queen remarked, taking a headphone out of one ear.
Max blushed a little at the remark and bounced the curls of her wig with one hand. “Don’t puff me up too much, dear; I wouldn’t want to send you home tonight,” She awkwardly laughed afterwards. “I’d still very much want it to be an even playing field… or as even as possible considering circumstances.” Jaidynn popped the earbud back in and they continued to listen together, mostly in peace and quiet. The song looped on repeat until the five minute warning came around once again.
“You ready?”
“As I’ll ever be.”
“What happens after this?” Jaidynn started as she was lining back up. “I’m gonna forget all this ever happened, I guess…”
Max was shaken by the suddenness of the statement. She had never really considered the implications of Jaidynn’s situation. This whole day would be meaningless “I mean it depends… I might go through the wringer again.” Her cadence suddenly began to speed back up to an alarming pace.  “The outcomes of the lip sync might change but it does not seem likely at the moment because I’m pretty sure Michelle hates me and they’d want me out as soon as possible but who knows, it might be a double sashay or a double shantay or I might win or no one wins or-” She stopped herself yet again, but her breathing became much more erratic. Now wasn’t the time for yet another breakdown.
Jaidynn attempted to cup her tall fishy friend’s face, but settled for squeezing her hand. It would have looked ridiculous due to their sizes. “Look at me,” she started as Max crouched  to her height. “No matter what happens, you’re gonna kick ass. I’ve seen you, girl, and you’re a badass performer. You’ll turn it out.”
“The Shakespeare challenge…” Max’s eyes widened as she realized what Jaidynn had just said.
“What about it?”
“You used my own encouragement against me!”
“Y-yeah.. I figured it’d help.”
“And it did.” Max curtsied and kissed the back of the hand Jaidynn was still holding before throwing herself into a hug. “It’s just… I- I’ll make sure you won’t forget me.”
“Do you promise?”
“I swear.” That was the last thing Max had said before the final lip sync.
Like most go-rounds, the outcome was the same. Jaidynn had lived to see another week while Max was sent packing yet again. This time was different; she didn’t feel as defeated as she had previously been. She had said a speech, blown a kiss, then left the stage with as much dignity and grace as she had entered.
It was melancholic seeing the looks that she wouldn’t be able to show the judges, but  it wasn’t too bad. She’d probably see them the next day. That was the least of her troubles at that moment. The only thought occupying Max’s mind was Jaidynn. If this was her last tomorrow, how was she going to let her friend know she was safe and that she made it out with a little bit of sanity intact? Before she left the workroom yet again, Max tied the handkerchief that was paired with her final runway look to the end of the table where her friend’s stuff was. She took one hopefully final glance at the workroom and didn’t look back. All she could do was pray that she’d wake up with a phone the next day.
~~~
The next time Max walked into the werk room, she wasn’t alone.
She followed behind the eliminated queens. It was nice seeing everyone again. She apologized to Trixie for saying she’d win it for her, but her college friend laughed it off, saying it wasn’t that big of a deal. It was also quite lovely seeing Sasha and Kasha and Kandy again, as well as Tempest and Jasmine, but something felt missing.
Although she was ultimately paired up with Violet (something she was happy about), she still couldn’t get her mind off of Jaidynn. She was the only person she had trusted with probably the most valuable information of her life. Just seeing her had to have been enough evidence she was back. For all she knew, it could have been a couple more loops since she returned from Jaidynn’s perspective. Memory was a funny thing. For now, she just had to pretend as if her first yesterday was the only time the elimination had happened. There was a possibility of returning to the competition tonight.
“I think you might have forgot this.” Max put part of her corset down and looked up at a familiar face. There Jaidynn was with the little black shawl in her hand. She maintained herself the best that she could, but it didn’t last much longer. The tall queen hugged Jaidynn as hard as she could.
“Thank you…” Max whispered as a few tears started to form. “Thank you, darling, for everything.”
11 notes · View notes
holeinotomemind · 4 years
Text
MLQC Fanfic: Hearts of Storm - Ch 6 - Turning Point
WARNING: NSFW/18+ fic. No smut this chapter. Dub/non-con, eventual 3P, spoilers, long dragged out fic and angst. Not morally correct. Turn away if this is not your thing. Pairing: Shaw x MC, Gavin x MC, Shaw x MC x Gavin AO3 Link: [here]
Notes: [See full notes on AO3] Catch up post. Big thanks to Lutz and sushikitty (aka Aelyxandra) for betaing this chapter again! A longer chapter here. Gotta repair some damage I caused before things can move on. So we're still in plot territory.
Tumblr media
Yui leaned forward to wipe the steam off the mirror. Her reflection stared back at her, this time cleared of the blood and dirt that covered her before she stepped into the shower.
She couldn’t remember exactly how she got here. She was in a state of shock when Shaw led her away from the scene and by the time she realized, she was already at one of his workshops. Now, only her sore arms told the story of how tightly she must have held onto him during what was no doubt a high-speed skateboard trip.
“Get cleaned up. Don’t get my workshop dirty and stinky.” He said contemptuously, throwing her a towel along with some fresh clothes, before practically dumping her inside the bathroom.
She was going to protest until she saw herself in the bathroom mirror. Her hair was grey, covered in dust and her dress, hands, and legs stained dark red from the dried blood. She looked like she stepped out of a horror movie, except the horror was real.
Now that she scrubbed herself clean in the shower, she felt a bit calmer than before. Though still sporting hollowed cheeks and dark circles from the lack of food and sleep in the previous few days, she looked a bit more like herself.
She stared at the clothes sitting on top of the vanity. A black t-shirt and a pair of shorts. She didn’t realize earlier, but neither of the items was for women and, judging by their size, they probably belonged to Shaw. She didn’t want to put them on. Wearing a man’s clothes denotes some kind of intimacy between them. She didn’t want that intimacy.
Picking up her dress, she contemplated putting it back on, but the bloodstains and the ripped holes reminded her too much of the earlier carnage.
Sighing, she discarded the dress into the garbage and reluctantly put on Shaw’s t-shirt and shorts.
When she stepped out of the bathroom, Shaw looked up from his phone and immediately burst out in laughter.
Yui stared daggers at him. Of course, she knew how ridiculous she looked in his clothes. His fitted t-shirt engulfed her, its neckline so wide one side almost fell off her shoulder and its helm reaching her mid-thighs. The shorts, luckily, had a string to tie around its waist to prevent it from falling off her hips, but it wore so long on her that they covered her knees.
A red object flew towards her. Yui barely had time to reflexively hold out her hands to catch it before it hit her face.
A can of Coca Cola.
“Drink.” He jerked his chin towards it before he took a sip from his own glass while standing in the kitchen.
Yui had a feeling he was drinking his favorite Coca Cola mixed with Pepsi again. She tried it before but didn't see the appeal. It tasted just like Coke.
Shaw’s workshop was more like a studio apartment than anything, fully equipped with a kitchen, a bathroom, a bed, a sofa, and a TV. The only thing that made it a workshop was the large table in one corner with a computer and some machinery that she didn’t recognize.
She didn’t ask him what they were for; didn’t think she would want to know.
Walking over to the living area, she sat on the sofa against the graffitied wall. She was thankful that Shaw protected her, saving her from the horrendous scene of the explosion, but she was still uncomfortable with being so close to him. She wanted to put some distance between them.
Pulling out her phone, she checked the news. The incident dominated the headlines of multiple media outlets, but other than reporting the preliminary number of injuries and deaths still under investigation, no insights were revealed.
“There was a total of seven bombs,” Shaw said casually as he dug through a cupboard.
“Seven?” She exclaimed. Did more people get hurt or killed? Did Gavin get hurt?
“The NW took care of the rest. No further injuries.” He told her as if reading her mind.
Yui sighed in relief. She didn’t know how Shaw got his information, but having worked with him for over half a year, she knew she could trust the integrity of it. Still, she worried about Gavin.
Gavin was built to protect. Even if he was physically unharmed, he would surely blame himself for not being able to prevent so many innocents from injury and death. In the past, she was able to stay by his side to share his burden, but now, he was alone, by himself.
She was so deep in thought when Shaw suddenly plopped down on the other side of the sofa that she almost jumped.
“They timed it for maximum casualties. Hard to say if they had a specific person in mind as their target though.” Compared to the seriousness of the issue discussed, his tone was casual, almost relaxed. But the dangerous glint in his eyes made her wonder if, deep inside, he was just as upset about the bombing as she was.
“Who would have done something like that?” She continued the conversation while attempting to move away from him discreetly, trying to put some distance between them.
He frowned at her action as he quickly reached out to grab her, his long fingers encircled her delicate wrist. “What are you backing up for?”
“Let go! What are you trying to do?” Yui yelled, turning her wrist the way Gavin taught her when they did the self-defense shoot.
Knowing exactly what she was trying to do, Shaw easily diffused her movements. Her wrists remained firmly in his grasp.
“Trying to patch you up.” He chuckled amusingly. “What did you think I was going to do?”
“Huh?” It was only then that she noticed the first aid kit he laid out on the coffee table and the tweezer he was holding with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball at the end. She felt awkward for overreacting, but considering what had happened between them only a few days ago, she was hardly to blame. “I… I can do it myself.”
“Stop struggling.” He held on tighter without hurting her, that amused smile still plastered on his face. “It’s not like you can break away anyway.”
Yui was still not quite comfortable with his proximity but knew he spoke the truth. If the self-defense moves Gavin taught her didn’t work on Shaw, she had no chance of getting away from him. Giving up, she sighed and let him treat the cuts on her hand and forearm.
It stung a bit when he applied the alcohol to her wound, but she could feel that he was taking care not to hurt her unnecessarily.
She didn’t understand him. Shaw could be selfish. Often, he did whatever he wanted without the consideration of others, but at times like these, he was surprisingly gentle. She wondered if there was a side of him that she didn’t know or didn’t care to get to know before because she was so absorbed in her own grief of losing Gavin.
“Was it because of me not picking up the phone?” She asked softly after a long moment of staring at the lavender-colored hair on the top of his head.
“What was?”
“The information I got from working in the amusement park. It didn’t specify the location, no?” Her fingers unconsciously curled to hold on to his, stopping him from applying antiseptic cream on her wounds. “You were calling me to try to get me back in there to get that information, no?”
Yui could feel his hands froze for a moment before he lifted his head to stare straight into her eyes. Those amber eyes seemed to be able to look right through her. She felt naked with all her vulnerabilities exposed under his gaze, but she refused to look away. The questions had been eating away at her since she was at the scene of the explosion. She needed to know.
Instead of a straight answer, she got a flick on her forehead.
“Ouch! What did you do that for?” Rubbing her forehead, she complained.
“For being dumb,” Shaw took her wrist again, pulling her hand back down before wrapping gauze around her injured hands. “Haven’t I told you I have other informants?”
“But I was the one who got the original information. It would have been easier if I got back in than to send someone else to start all over again.”
“Guess you really didn’t notice him.”
“Him? You mean you sent more than just me there?”
“You think I’d send you in by yourself?” He arched his broken eyebrow and gave her a look that screamed “duh”.
Yui frowned. She wasn’t sure if he meant that he wouldn’t send her in by herself because it was an important mission and he didn’t want to risk her messing it up or whether he thought it was dangerous and wanted her to have back up.
She decided it was probably a bit of both.
“Then why were you calling me?”
“To get you back in, of course.” He said matter-of-factly.
This conversation was going nowhere and was giving her a headache. There was no point in asking him about whether she played a part in the inability to prevent the bombing. He wasn’t about to give her a straight answer. Besides, what kind of an answer was she fishing for anyway?
Did she want him to tell her that there was no chance of changing today’s outcome even if she had picked up the phone and went back to the amusement park in an attempt to collect more information?
Or did she simply want him to confirm that by not answering her phone, she lost any chance of preventing all the injuries and deaths today?
What good would either answer do?
The truth was that ever since she came to this dimension, she was so overwhelmed by the grief of losing Gavin that the only thing she could think about was how to make him regain the memory of her again. That had been her one and only goal - her sole focus - and because of that she lived in her own bubble. She was detached and uncaring of what was happening in the world.
She hadn’t been the compassionate person who fought for justice alongside Gavin. The old her would have investigated as soon as she saw the list of chemicals in the data she stole, but she had been so wrapped up in her own turmoil that she didn’t even give it a second thought of what they might be used for.
Annoyed and disappointed at herself for letting despair overwhelm her to the point of losing sight of what was important, Yui raised her hand wanting to shove it through her hair in frustration, when, belatedly, she realized they were bound together. Shaw had wrapped the bandage around her wrists while she was being distracted by her self-loathing.
“Untie me!” She demanded.
“Nope.” He chuckled as he reached under her knees and yanked her calves up to rest on his thighs.
“This is not funny!”
“The more you struggle, the longer this is going to take. So, be a good girl and let me finish.” He said as he began to roll up her shorts to reveal her scratched up knees. “And, yes. It is funny.”
As she contemplated whether she should kick that annoying smirk off his face, she suddenly realized that he might have done this for a purpose beyond his own amusement.
Of course, he was amused by it, but was it truly a coincidence that he did it while she was in the middle of self-loathing? Could it be that he did it to snap her out of it?
She snuck a peek at him. Although he still held that stupid smirk on his face, he was concentrating on treating her scraped knee. There was no telling whether she was right in her guess.
Either way, she was thankful for the distraction.
There was no point in beating herself up for what she didn’t do. Instead, she needed to get her act together moving forward.
There were clearly bigger issues at play in this dimension than her own. While she wouldn’t give up on her pursuit of righting the memories of those around her, she shouldn’t remain a bystander anymore.
She would work to help and protect innocents as much as she could from now on, just like she did with Gavin in the past. She couldn’t let herself be overwhelmed by her own despair to the point where she lost sight of what was important anymore.
“I won’t ignore your calls anymore,” she told him resolutely.
Shaw didn’t look at her, but his thin lips curved into an approving smile.
True to his word, it didn’t take long for Shaw to finish treating the wounds on her legs. She moved her legs off of him and held out her wrists so that he could untie her. To her surprise, he complied without making a fuss.
It wasn’t until he stood up to go put the first aid kit back that Yui noticed it. There was a huge gash on the back of his leather jacket at his right shoulder blade.
“Wait!” She instinctively grabbed his sleeve to halt him from leaving. “Are you injured?”
“Huh?” He turned his head to see where she was looking and shrugged. “It’s probably just a scratch.”
“Take off your jacket. Let me see.” She wouldn’t believe him unless she saw for herself. She had been with Gavin long enough to know that men had a tendency to try to downplay these things.
“Oh, so impatient to see me naked?” He teased, putting on an overly exaggerated flirtatious expression.
“Not funny,” Yui said in a stern manner. This might have been an acceptable joke before, but considering their current relationship, she was in no mood for it.
Perhaps he too realized his joke was inappropriate, Shaw obeyed without any further teasing. A large area with dark red bloodstain was revealed once he took off his jacket.
“I knew it.” Gasping at the sight, she gently pulled him to sit back on the sofa.
As he peeled his bloodstained tops off, the long angry gash appeared in front of her. The cut extended from the mid-shoulder blade up and ran the length of her hand. She couldn’t see how deep it was since it was mostly covered in dried blood now, but he must have torn it open just now as small drops of blood began to trickle down his back.
“You need stitches for this.” She frowned.
Shaw fished his phone out of his pocket, reached back and took a photo of his injury. He took a brief moment to look at the picture and declared, “It’s just a scratch.”
Yui looked at him disapprovingly. She wanted to drag him to the doctor to get it properly treated, but the way he dismissed it reminded her too much of Gavin. There was no convincing Gavin to go to the doctors when he thought the injury was minor, she had a feeling that Shaw would be the same.
Sighing for the nth time today, she gave up on the thought of arguing with him and instead told him to stay put.
She was well aware of his eyes focusing on her as she got up to head to the bathroom. He was probably unsure what she planned to do until she came back out with a wet towel and sat behind him.
Gently, she pressed the towel against his wound.
“What are you doing?”
“Returning the favor.” With careful hands, she wiped the dried blood off him. “I’ll patch you up.”
Twisting around, he looked at her with his eyebrows raised. It was almost as if she said something he had never heard before and it amused him. It was strange. She expected him to question her first aid ability instead.
“Turn around. Stop looking at me.” She ordered as she grabbed the first aid kit from his hands.
She had seen him fight other evolvers before. Unlike Gavin, who always held back and refrained from unnecessarily injuring his opponents, Shaw’s victories were always overwhelming. So, she was surprised to see his first aid kit so well-stocked.
She couldn’t help but wonder if he had to bandage his own wounds more often than she previously thought.
The gash on his shoulder looked even more gruesome once she cleaned off the dried blood and dirt covering it. The skin had split open, revealing dark pink flesh. While the bleeding had mostly stopped, some blood was still trickling out from the parts with a deeper cut.
Carefully, Yui applied antiseptic onto the open wound, her face scrunched up. “Let me know if it hurts.”
Shaw reached back and pinched her cheek.
“Hey! What was that for?” Protesting, she pushed away his hand and rubbed her slightly reddened cheek with the back of her hand.
“You were making a stupid face.” He chuckled; eyes full of amusement. “Hey, I’m the injured one here. Why are you the one making the face?”
“But it looks so painful!”
“This? It’s nothing.” He shrugged his shoulders. The movement stretched the skin around his wound, restarting a trickle of blood from it again.
“Stop moving!” She glared at him for a moment before putting more antiseptic on him and leaning in to gently blow on it to help it dry faster.
As she wasn’t responding further, he turned back around. He was about to reach for his phone to see if there were any more updates from his informants, when he heard her say, “Thank you for saving me.”
Her voice was soft, so soft that he almost didn’t hear her.
“Good that you realized.” His teasing started immediately again. “You were wiggling so hard I almost dropped you.”
She almost retorted, asking him who’s fault did he think it was? If it wasn’t because of what happened a few days ago, she probably wouldn’t have responded the same way.
She thought better of it, didn’t want to broach the subject. She would much rather put her head in the sand and pretend that night never happened and if she didn't talk about it, hopefully, Shaw wouldn’t either.
Although it still looked incredibly painful, his back now looked a lot less like a scene from a horror movie since she closed it with the wound mending kit.
Picking up the roll of gauze, she wrapped it around his shoulder several times before reaching around his broad chest, but soon realized she was sitting too far and her arms were too short to go all the way around him.
Reluctantly, she leaned in closer, then closer. By the time she was finally able to reach around and pass the gauze to her other hand, she was almost leaning directly on his back she could feel the heat emanating from his bare skin on her face.
“You turned into a tomato,” Shaw laughed when he saw her flushed face as she reached for the tape to secure the gauze in place.
As she taped the loose end of the wrap in place Yui glared at him, for the umpteenth time today, silently telling him to shut the hell up.
Completely ignoring her dirty look, he leaned close to her and whispered, “What were you thinking that got your face so red?”
Giving him yet another glare, she slowly tore off another short piece of tape. Looking him straight in the eyes, Yui smiled, then with an audible smack, slapped the tape over his infuriating smirk.
For a moment, Shaw paused in surprise, then, to Yui’s annoyance, his eyes lit up and he chuckled even louder.
14 notes · View notes
cowtale-utau · 4 years
Text
Sans/Ace INTJ vs ENTP
Welp this is not the full breakdown I’m working on but. This is contributing to that? I was asked about my type choice (which I super don’t mind! I love a good debate) and this will help in breaking down that part of the full work up. It’s super friggin long. I’d apologize, but I wouldn’t really mean it. Anyway, here we go.
First lets look at the functional stacks
INTJ / NiFeTiSe (NiTe) vs ENTP / NeTiFeSi (NeTi)
Ni – Internal intuition vs Ne – Extroverted intuition
Sans is suspiciously intuitive. There was no argument that Intuitive was going to be part of his typing. How the intuition functions and is used is where we have some point of potential debate. This comes down in many ways to how Jung viewed extroversion vs introversion. Extroverts are characterized as expansive and expressive, with short attention spans and rapidly shifting focus. They also tend to have relationships characterized by breath as opposed to depth. That is, many, more “shallow” relationships, rather than fewer, “deeper” connections. Conversely introverts are more focused and narrow, spending more time and energy on fewer things they give more value. Ne tends to have a wider range of hobbies and skills, while never focusing enough to master any, while Ni tends to develop mastery in fewer, selected areas. Ne also tends to want to bounce topics and visit many areas of conversation, while Ni wants to focus in on a singular topic to explore as deeply as possible. Ne wants to have many options while Ni wants to zero in on one singular answer.
Honestly, you can see traces of both Ne and Ni in Sans personality. He has a broad range of skills, and a pretty large number of arguably shallow “friendships”. He also keeps a very small number of deeper, more developed relationships, and there is evidence of him having a few areas he has a much deeper knowledge of.
Getting into the real differences is easier when you pair Ni/Ne with their respective sidekicks. Thus we have NiSe and NeSi. If we go by type theory Ni uses information Se has subconsciously gathered to find patterns and themes in their environment. They cast a wide sensory net to take clues from all possible inputs, visual, auditory, etc. They then use this data to compile a narrow underlying pattern. Conversely NeSi, draws on repeated snapshots of experiences to compile an established pattern to put forth a range of possible “what ifs”.
A simplification of what separates Ni from Ne can be put as such; Ni  is insight, Ne is ingenuity. Both E and I express intuition in their focus on the metaphysical and theoretical. NJ's can be seen as less creative while NP's are less able to come up with convergent ideas. ENPs see several potentials in everything, they struggle to trace back to a single causality. ENPs often take a “spray and pray” method, and are surprised should they hit upon the correct answer. They won't likely trust this as the true answer until they've tested and exhausted all possibilities.
INTJ and ENTP functions are perfect flips of one another and are often mis-typed. 
INTJ: Dominant: Introverted Intuition Auxilliary: Extraverted Thinking Tertiary: Introverted Feeling Inferior: Extraverted Sensing ENTP: Dominant: Extraverted Intuition Auxiliary: Introverted Thinking Tertiary: Extraverted Feeling Inferior: Introverted Sensing
Personally I'm inclined to lean towards Ni for Sans, but both are viable options. In fact both are so viable, that this breakdown wasn't particularly helpful. But it was interesting, and fun so I'm not mad I did it. So lets try this from a different angle. This time I'm going to ignore “stacks” and look at the purely E vs I, T vs P, etc break downs, and include my personal opinions on them, and how I got to the choice I did for Sans.
Introversion vs Extroversion
E – Energy is outward, towards people and things. Gains energy by being with people, batteries drain when alone. Need stimulation and are expressive. Like variety, action, and achievement. Communicate openly without censure. Allow conversation without conclusion. Take words at face value.
I – Energy focused inwards, towards ideas and concepts. Recharge with “me time”, drained by crowds and company. Tend to be reserved, and can seem subtle or “impenetrable”. Think before they act, often taking time to make a decision.
When I first typed Sans I had to ask, is he an introvert, or just depressed. I think it cannot be argued whether or not Sans suffers from depression. The indicators are there. It is a widely accepted view. However, I do not believe this excludes him from being an introvert. I see Sans as a social introvert. He likes people in general, enjoys crowds, from a comfortable distance. He keeps most relationships at arms length, and needs time alone to recoup. Sans is a very guarded and reserved individual, who can play at being an open book. He deflects with jokes and entertainment, but how many can say they are genuinely close to Sans. Even Papyrus is kept at a certain distance despite Sans clear love for his brother. I think Sans is kinda the poster child for the misconception that introverts are isolationists that hate people. They (cough we cough) aren't. They just need time to themselves to reorient, and re-energize. And that doesn't necessarily mean complete isolation either. This can often be achieved in the company of those held especially dear, or by simply withdrawing, even around company. This can be seen in Sans choosing to be at Grillby's but choosing a somewhat “closed” location. Yes he's towards the center of the room, but he's at the corner of the bar. He directly faces only Grillby. Or a common fanon example, Sans shutting down and allowing himself to be lugged around by Papyrus. He stays physically present, and is likely taking in the going ons, but has disengaged on a personal/social level.
Intuiting vs Sensing
S – Focus on immediate thought and sensory input. Trust conscious, limiting to facts and solid data. Pay attention to immediate, material, practical and “real”.  Work on a clear schedule and use logic to work in a direct sequence. Practical, realistic, grounded, direct.
N – Process data on a deep, subconscious level, trusting “gut feelings”. Spot patterns and take broad high level “big picture” views. Enjoy ideas and theories, are willing to work with factual evidence on a “instinct”. Change and adapt plans as information changes.
While I suppose an argument could be made for either I'm inclined to pin Sans as an N. Especially if one dismisses the “Sans remembers resets” theory. One cannot deny he uses facial cues and behaviors to make “gut” predictions about the player character/Frisk. Sans does not strike me as one to stick to any schedule not externally enforced by others (Papyrus). He doesn't need solid proof to make an accurate assessment, and trusts his own instincts. Somewhat unrelated to current discussion but one could argue a case for Sans having some almost... Arrogance in this regard. He is so confident in his assessment that he calls you on it, despite having no solid, in hand, proof of any of his accusations. This is a man who trusts his own mind.
Thinking vs Feeling
T – Thing logically and with reason. Desire fairness and objectivity. Black/White mentality. Seek truth and clear use of the rules. Sometimes forget or dismiss the “person” variable. Prefer truth over tact. Analyze pros and cons, and when a decision is made, consider it done.
F – Make decisions based on the feelings and considerations of others. The 'person' element is the first and primary considered. Value harmony, and try to be tactful even at the cost of some truth. Some times overlook the “hard” facts and can come off idealistic.
Here's another area where both typings agree. Sans is very much to me a T. Despite his apparent “easy to get along with” nature he can clearly lack tact (as seen in his 'you'd be dead where you stand' line). It's clear he is capable of dismissing the “people” component as seen in a neutral run. Even if you are to kill his brother there is little reaction beyond a few (or single, I'm slightly tipsy and my memory sucks) lines about his upset. This could theoretically be blamed on the nihilism/depression we see present, but could also be tied into his objective way of thinking (and if one considers that he's at least distantly aware that the outcome isn't permanent than this way further leans into T type. He knows it isn't the end, and so can accept that even if his brother is dead now, he won't be later, allowing him to remove emotion from the equation). If his magic coloring is tied into the presented soul traits the desire for fairness and objectivity is clearly seen in his secondary (?) Justice trait. I also believe Sans very much has a Black/White view of morality/the world. You can see this in the neutral run. While he may not attack you in anything less than No Mercy/Genocide, he definitely calls you out. Even just reaching LV of 2 is enough for Sans to express disgust in both you and your actions. This suggests he has absolutely no leniency in his views.
Judging vs Perceiving
J – Decisive and controlled. Are rigid and take charge of their environments, making choices early. Specific in what they ask, and expect others to do as told. Seek order and closure. Like to have time for preparation. Enjoy being experts.
P – Feel limited by structure. Feel more in control when options are left open. Thrive with the unexpected and are open to change. Tend to be loose and casual. Work in bursts. Are tolerant of people differences and will adapt to fit a situation.
And here's the other where the two potential types vary. And I can see a case for either. Its when all the parts are taken in together that I lean towards J over P. (although if we went with the percentages system I could see him as being fairly close, and sometimes slipping one way or the other over the line. I've know a couple of people personally who do so every now and then. A close friend of mine regularly tests at 51/49 in their J/P alternating between INFJ and INFP) I think when balancing Sans' N and T it comes together more comfortably in J. His rigid morality suggests a lack of tolerance and adaptability. Once he starts something, he sees it through to completion. His desire for the cycle of resets to be stopped can be seen as a need for closure, but I think we can dismiss it as extenuating circumstances. Anyone would want it to stop after a fashion, even if they are only distantly aware of the occurrence.  I think Sans straddles the J/P line leaning slightly more into J. He needs order and routine, but is stiffed by too rigid of a structure. I think for me this ultimately came down to me viewing Sans (or perhaps Ace in this case) as an ultimately science leaning mind. He needs answers. He needs clear, clean answers, and not getting them is distressing. While he may like to keep his options open in some areas of his life, overall he prefers to know what he's getting into, and how he's going to handle it. He's a free personality, that dislikes an unpredictable world. He wants to know where the end is, and have several methods of getting there. Not knowing the answers is scary, and Sans/Ace hates being scared.
So there's that. I don't know if any of it made any sense, but there you have it. How I typed Sans and why. Bare in mind, that this is also a half fanon typing. This is at least in part, based on occurrences after the events of canon Undertale, and how Sans/Ace behaved then. (you’ll see more of that in his full workup) As well as being based on some headcanons, though I tried to be fairly sparing with them. I also find myself frustrated as to the lack of information on Sans behavior/personality prior to the events of the game. What was Sans like, before the resets, before the depression. I would love to see what Sans had been like when he was younger. Alas, this is unlikely to ever happen. But anywho, this got way long, and if you manage to actually get through the whole thing I would love to hear your opinions. How do you type Sans, and why? Is there some glaring in game clue I missed? I'm totally open to friendly discussion on the topic, if you want. I included a couple links that give a pretty good rundown of the different functions and how they come together.
https://www.typeinmind.com/nite
https://www.typeinmind.com/neti
11 notes · View notes
luwucas04 · 3 years
Text
BING’S SPEECH ANALYSIS
Bing’s speech was a pivotal point in this particular episode of Black Mirror as it determined the outcome of everything Bing has been working toward since he lost Abi. Overall, Bing’s speech brings both the episode’s audience and real-life audience’s attention to how people’s free will and goals and ambitions are continuously being exploited and capitalized upon. The basis of their life and enjoyment—also necessities like being able to brush their teeth and eat proper meals—are all monitored and determined by how many of these Merit Points one happens to have (or is willing to give up). He talks about how nobody can do anything without it being tied to something that doesn’t even exist; artificial and temporary satisfaction that is manufactured to deter people from things that actually matter that are based on technological validation set up to control them.
(Before I get into why I think this speech is relevant to us, I realize I sound very pretentious in my explanation below so little disclaimer but this is how I feel and it has been getting on my nerves lately)
I absolutely agree with all these points he is making, and I unfortunately see these elements of which he despises ever so present in today’s media and society (although majority of my answers coincide with the takes of articles or characters we’ve looked at in class of modern culture supposedly being garbage, I do want to say that please trust me when I say I’m not actually a pessimist). I agree with Bing’s take because it’s so evident through social media and general behaviour these days that people base way too much value on their digital performance (whatever that may be); and because of how blaring it is, large corporations and business use this to their advantage (much like the judges). People become so lost in whatever temporary distraction they’re given that they genuinely lose sight of things that actually matter. They spiral into this detrimental black hole of not being able to support themselves for who they are, and get so caught up in the staged unreal lives of others that they feel as if they’ll never be someone they can be proud of or could even achieve something great. It’s easy for us to be bribed into valuing things that ultimately distract us and keep us from doing something that actually amounts to something more. Caring so much for the virtual avatars is similar to how people care so much for maintaining their hundreds of irrelevant Snapchat streaks—it’s clearly very weird yet most people find nothing wrong with it. And to top it off, ways have been established to monetize it, too.
Firstly, he mentions that “…the faker the fodder is the more [the judges] love it because fake fodder’s the only thing that works anymore, fake fodder is all that we can stomach — actually not quite all. Real pain, real viciousness, that we can take…”. This picks at how we have grown to find the most comfort in devoting a substantial amount of our time to things that simply do not matter; additionally, the most notable thing to maintain our attention are the emotions that come out of ridiculing others from behind a screen. As Bing says, in a world of superficialities, only negative occurrences seem to be the one real thing that tie people down to reality. A lot of people have become overwhelmed by responsibilities of that of a real, physical world, and primarily feel comfortable/resort to endless scrolling through some sort of feed or intaking information (whether it’s legit or useful or not). We don’t lean toward participating in constructive things much, anymore. Only instantaneous activities that (pardon my language) consist of pretty much bullshit in the grand scheme of life.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Like it’s clear we all collectively realize this yet we keep digging ourselves a deeper hole
The next idea from the speech I want to touch on is when Bing expresses that “That’s how we speak to each other, how we express ourselves is buying shampoo”. People place so much importance in how they present themselves—unfortunately it’s not usually from a personality or morality stance. Seldom do I see others worry that maybe they should do some self-reflecting on why a situation turned out the way it did, or why they feel a certain way, or how they could possibly help themselves in any current circumstances. They drown this out by buying things. A handful of people I know actually have the habit of dying their hair or purchasing new sets of clothes after facing a draining endeavour (take that as you will, they range in all sorts). And I’m like???? While it’s not exactly harmful, it kind of caters to impulsivity and doesn’t really do much to move past an experience you weren’t fond of. I understand the desire to change after going through something unpleasant, like people cutting their hair to signify a fresh start. That’s all cool and good. But that isn’t as easy as clicking a ‘purchase’ button. On the other hand, the whole god damn ‘brand name’ obsession. Like Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Chanel, the list goes on and on. I’m not sure if you’ve seen, but in many corners of social media people are absolutely infatuated with repping expensive and distasteful fashion/products made by corporations that pretty much definitely operate on abusing workers in developing countries and ruining the environment. And, especially on the internet, whether you own or can afford these brands dictates your stance in a metaphorical influencer hierarchy. I see people online take it upon themselves to paint these logos onto things like shoes, their walls, or even imprint them into things like food as an attempt at some sort of design statement. Why???? What does this amount to????? It shows that you condone child labour and severely overpriced goods?????? It doesn’t even look good either please do something else with your time for the love of god like what is this
Tumblr media
No it should definitely NOT be made for sale thanks
Similarly to people primarily expressing themselves based on their purchases, Bing then explains that “…that’s why when [the judges] find any wonder whatsoever you dole it out in meager portions, and only then til it’s augmented and packaged and pumped through ten thousand pre-assigned filters, til it’s nothing more than a meaningless series of lights…”. Going back and reading this, I realize how ironic it is in that this is the exact tactic the judges turn on Bing in the end. Anyway, this ties into how more and more things (I am realizing I say ‘things’ a lot but it just be like that sometimes) are becoming a commodity as opposed to something you can simply enjoy for what it is with no strings attached. You know what’s weird? In the past two months I have seen SO many people try to kickstart their own business. People my age, and they attempt this by selling their old clothes or making lip balm or bracelets. Power to them, but it puts me off because I see these first and foremost as hobbies (it’s not exactly in the same realm as someone having a business in making and selling furniture, for example). Society has made people feel as if whatever hobby or carefree activity they do isn’t real if they can’t get some kind of material profit out of it—and frankly that’s very upsetting to me. Remember the whole Bernie Sanders sitting thing when Biden officially became president? People decided they loved the gloves Bernie was wearing and somehow found the person who made them. Suddenly they decided they all wanted gloves like that from her too, and suggested that because of the high demand this person could quit her current job and establish a business for them. This person is currently an elementary school teacher who happens to love her job, and firmly stated that she is not interested in giving that up and turning something she did for fun into being a sole source of income (substantially less money than that of a teacher, mind you). We are so obsessed with money in so many ways, and it has bled into how we express and articulate our lives and warps how we determine our values. By all means, a side gig is cool, but how widespread accounts like these are becoming is a little weird. They end up losing sentiment and meaning; mass-manufacturing (the path these people seem interested in perusing after deciding they’re interested in entrepreneurial activities) eventually completely waters down the initial genuine intent behind a creation or something along those lines. I’m worried that we’re losing sight of being able to just do things for our own enjoyment—nothing more, nothing less.
Tumblr media
0 notes
takebackthedream · 6 years
Text
Donna Brazile, the DNC, and Democratizing the Democrats by Richard Eskow
Democrats are fighting again. The trigger this time is former Democratic National Committee Chair Donna Brazile’s forthcoming book, which says that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was given significant control over the DNC long before she became the party’s nominee.
It’s easy to be cynical about the tone Brazile adopts as she tells her story. She’s shocked, shocked, to learn that money and insider connections wield undue influence inside her party’s establishment. And she’s quick to pronounce the DNC innocent of actions, including her own, that are already widely known.
Still, Brazile is right on the particulars. And it’s hard not to admire her courage, book promotion or not, given the intensity of the attacks she knew she would face.
But the big question is, why are Democrats still fighting the Battle of 2016? Aren’t there better things to argue about? As it turns out, there are.
Claims and Counter-Claims
The weekend was filled with claims and counter-claims, revelations and counter-revelations. Here’s what’s known as of this writing: The Clinton campaign organization, Hillary For America (HFA) ,signed a Joint Fundraising Agreement and at least one other agreement giving it significant influence over the DNC’s hiring, budget, and strategy.
Claims that the Clinton team’s authority was limited to the general election appear to be false. While the document carried a legal disclaimer to that effect, attorney Brendan Fischer of the Campaign Legal Center commented that this clause is “contradicted by the rest of the agreement.” Fischer also pointed to a provision in the agreement that, in his words, meant “Clinton controlled every communication mentioning a primary candidate.”
Clinton’s defenders argued that the Sanders team was also offered a joint fundraising deal, but it was quickly revealed that the Clinton campaign executed a separate side agreement with DNC granting it oversight powers. As NPR points out, that agreement was executed while Joe Biden was still considering a run.
Sanders campaign manager Jeff Weaver denies it was offered the same veto power over staff. An email from an attorney representing the DNC, Graham Wilson of Perkins Coie, states only that “DNC staff would be happy to chat with the Sanders team and come to an understanding about the best way to use … funds to prepare for the general election at the DNC.”
The September 2015 email says that “the DNC has had similar conversations with the Clinton campaign and is of course willing to do so with all.” In fact, the Clinton deal had already been signed.
Perkins Coie represented both the Clinton campaign and the DNC when that email was written.
[Pause]
Some people will be outraged at this interpretation of events. In the progressive world, as in society at large, we seem incapable of sharing a common interpretation of facts and reality. The arguments will continue.
If I had the power, I’d press a “pause” button on the social media universe and ask everyone in this fight: What are we trying to accomplish here?
Democrats keep saying, “Don’t re-litigate the past.” This time around, I couldn’t agree more. Let’s litigate the future instead.
Litigate the Future
Despite what some people claim, Democrats – and independent leftists who might vote Democratic – have real differences in ideology and values.
The Clinton/Obama wing of the party has historically leaned toward reducing government deficits, public/private partnerships, means testing for government services, and as global, interventionist military presence. Politically, it has sought to align itself (and raise money from) corporate interests, Wall Street, and the national security establishment.
Expediency, self-interest, and cynicism play a role in this thinking, but I believe it’s often based on sincerely held beliefs about how the world works — economically, politically, and in foreign policy. I think it’s wrong, but I think it’s sincere.
For their part, many Democrats in Clinton wing  judge the left harshly. They’ve stoked false “Bernie Bro” memes, dismissed progressive proposals as unachievable “ponies,” and liberally thrown “Putin’s Puppet” accusations at those with whom they disagree. They’re dismissive of policies such as Medicare For All, a new Glass-Steagall, the breakup of big banks, an end to job-killing corporate trade deals, and the downsizing of our military and national-security complexes.
Democratize the Democratic Party
Many Clinton supporters back these progressive proposals, with more coming around every day, for example. But there are some big disagreements that need “litigating,” and that can’t happen in a party dominated by big donors and secret deals.
That means litigating the party’s organizational future, too. A reformed Democratic Party should:
Select Democratic nominees in a democratic way. The party’s candidates must be chosen democratically. Superdelegates should be eliminated. Primary winners should be selected by voters, not insiders.
Clinton’s near-universal support among superdelegates was used to manipulate press coverage of the primary and give her an unearned air of inevitability early in the campaign. That left lingering bitterness, casting doubt on the fairness of the primary process.
Clinton supporters who reveled in her advantage here were short-sighted. Their favored candidate may be the one who’s shortchanged by this broken process next time around.
Make primaries more open. The party should revisit its attitude toward progressive voters who aren’t registered Democrats. Open primaries — or, at a minimum, same-day registration as Democrats — could encourage millions of voters to participate in the party’s nomination process. Instead of seeing primaries as an “insider only” process, Democrats should see them as a recruitment tool — for activists, as well as voters.
The DNC has the power to penalize state parties who handle their primaries in an undemocratic way. That includes New York state, where voters who want to switch their registration for the June 2018 primary vote had to register as Democrats by last October 23.
Sanders supporters turned out for Hillary Clinton at far higher percentages than Clinton supporters did for Obama in 2008. But for those Democrats who are still angry at those who didn’t, perhaps this will help: If more Bernie voters believed that their candidate had lost a fair and democratic contest, more of them would probably have voted for Hillary. It’s hard to get progressive voters to turn out for, much less volunteer for, candidates who appear to have been handpicked by money-driven insiders.
Build a more progressive fundraising process. Joint Fundraising Agreements, even when well-crafted, are a way to evade campaign donation limits. They’re corrupt, morally if not legally, and they’re antithetical to the kind of campaign reform most Democratic voters support. In Clinton’s case, they were used raised a lot of money for her and very little for state parties. (That was reported in 2016.)
Another downside: These agreements tilt candidate and party fundraising toward high-dollar contributors. For a party that claims to represent ordinary working people, that’s proven fatal. It’s hard for party leaders to propose bold new economic policies when they’re hitting wealthy people up for contributions every day, as we’ve seen from recent experience.
How will the party raise money? Sanders raised nearly a quarter of a billion dollars in small donations. That’s the small-“d” democratic future, not a bloated party machinery dependent on big-money donors.
Focus on all races, not just the presidency. While the latest arguments concern presidential primaries, the DNC is also tasked with supporting local and state candidates. The party’s record there is downright dismal. Two-thirds of state houses and governorships are in Republican hands. That hasn’t just harmed these states. It has also allowed the GOP to engage in gerrymandering and engage in voter suppression that has changed the outcome of congressional (and very possibly presidential) races.  The party’s entire apparatus, from fundraising to communications to campaign support, needs to focus more on these crucial down-ballot races.
Although Clinton’s fundraising arrangement nominally helped state committees, only about 1 percent of the funds raised actually went to the states. That may not be illegal, but with state Democrats in such bad shape, it’s criminal.
End secret deals and promote transparency. Democrats should never enter into secret agreements about the party’s governance or management. The party needs transparency if it is going to survive.
The arguments taking place today would not have happened if the party’s operations were better understood. As Brazile has pointed out, even party officials like her didn’t know about them. Dems don’t have to disclose each and every decision, agreement, or plan. But much greater transparency is needed, both internally (as the Brazile story affirms) and externally.
Build bench strength. If the Democratic Party seems overly Clinton-oriented, that’s not just a function of money or influence. The Clintons spent decades training and grooming operatives in every corner of the political process. No wonder it’s a Clinton-friendly party.
Granted, nurturing new talent is easier when you can raise large sums of money in a single evening. But the Democratic Party will need new generations of capable staffers to sustain it. Who will build that deep bench? The party should be exploring ways to recruit and build its professional ranks going forward.
My suggestion? Look to movement activists. They’re smart, they’re committed, and they get things done. But that means giving them a party they believe in.
Debate the issues, not the personalities. The last one’s more for voters. There’s no reason to keep arguing the merits of Bernie vs. Hillary. That race is over.
There’s a historical shift underway. Its outcome’s unclear, but there’s no turning back.  We shouldn’t just ask our leaders, “Who are you?” or “What’s your story?”  We should ask them, “What larger forces do you reflect and represent?”
THAT question should also be asked everyone that’s fighting to influence the Democratic party’s direction  — a group that includes Sanders, Clinton, and Obama, as well as DNC chair Tom Perez, his former opponent turned vice chair Keith Ellison, as well as other DNC officials and party leaders.
Come to think of it, we should ask ourselves that question too.
Time to Move
In the wake of the Brazile flap, current DNC chair Tom Perez — himself the product of a controversial power struggle between the party’s wings — issued a statement promising major reforms in all these areas. That’s progress. But skeptical voters will need action, as Perez’s statement acknowledges.
Perez says he supports the party’s Unity Reform Commission, created in the wake of last year’s contentious primary, and that the DNC “will work with the Unity Reform Commission to implement their collective recommendations for meaningful change in our party.”
If Perez follows through, that will be a good start. But the party needs restructuring at all levels: organizational, political, and cultural. That will take a movement that acts in all 57 state organizations, where much of the power resides, as well as externally.
THIS movement must demand real reform. That call should be directed to all party leaders, including the hundreds of officials who will vote on the Unity Commission’s reforms in 2018. When reform is promised, the movement must demand a timeline for action. Accountability is key.
We’ve spent trillions on needless wars. The planet is being irreversibly damaged. Wealth concentration is now as high as it was in 1905 — so high that, as the author a UBS report on inequality points out, “even billionaires are concerned.”
Democrats have no time to lose. The world is teetering on the edge of disaster, and so is their party. Want to “litigate” something? Litigate that.
0 notes