#i dont know i dont know how crushes work but i really like them and i want to like them and i cant wait to meet up with them

[ac3ifix]

Saiki or tsukishima with a male reader my beloved ❤️ i just love when the emotionally constipated boys have to deal with having feelings for someone, i’d love to request one (or both) of them hanging out with trans male reader and just then realising they are head over heels in like <3

Yea sorry for being gone for a month. I dont have an excuse other than I didnt feel like writing at all so yea.. Sorry ab that. Love you guys tho!!

Also, sorry if this isnt quite what you wanted, its sorta rushed and honestly not my best work at all. Also I know you mentioned trans reader but theres really no specifications on whether the reader is trans or not.

Tsukishima doesn’t understand love.

This story features: Clueless character, confusion, mutual understanding, sfw, fluff, boys kissing, height difference, can be read as either tmale or cmale

Wc: 408

He never really got it, why he was so unbelievably drawn to you. How he smiled when you laughed and how he was ready to kill someone when you were upset. Tsukishima Kei was infatuated by you. He walked with you to class, you watched his games, and he just enjoyed your company so much. He couldn’t understand it. Until one day he was talking with Yamaguchi.

“Hey Tsuki?” Yamaguchi had asked

“Hm?” He responded “What is it?”

“Do you.. uhm.. This is kinda an odd question but.. do you.. like (Name)?”

Tsukishimas eyes widen and he found himself saying,

“I think so..”

So thats what it was. Like, maybe even love. He liked you. He didnt know how he was going to deal with this newfound knowledge but now he understood what his feelings were. He had never had a girlfriend before, let alone a boyfriend, and he had no idea how to approach the idea of a crush. He was confused to say the least. And to be perfectly honest, that was all he thought about for the next couple of days. How was he going to tell you? He began to avoid you in the hallway, putting distance between you two as the truth became more evident to him. He knew he had to face it eventually so when you came up to him, tears staining your face, his face dropped.

“Who the fuck-“ He swore, cupping your cheeks in his hand.

“Why..Why have you been ignoring me Ts-Tsuki?” You asked him, your voice breaking.

“What- I haven-“ Oh. He realised. He had been avoiding you, hadnt he?

“Yes you have! You’ve been avoiding me like the fucking plague!” You said, tears beginning to fall again.

“Look, (Name) its.. Geez, this is hard to say… Its because I..I like you, I think..” He said, looking away from you in embarrassment.

Your eyes widened, you were dumbfounded, thats why he had been ignoring you? You had thought something had happened, you had assumed the worst.

“Tsuki..?” You mumbled, wiping your eyes.

“Hm..?” He said, now facing you again, shamefully.

You leaned forward, stood on your tip toes, and gave him a kiss. It was a soft kiss and he was surprisingly good at it, his hands ended up on your waist as he kissed you right back. You were both disappointed when the kiss ended.

Pulling away you muttered “I-I think I like you too, Tsukishima.”

#male reader #x male reader #bottom male reader #ftm reader #smut #x ftm reader #ftm sub #ftm bottom #ftm nsft #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu #tsukishima x you #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima kei #x male y/n #sub male reader

[puppyeared]

doodles of my fav sillies

anton belongs to @poicyss

#my brain is a barbie dreamhouse and theyre all just living in it #im especially fond of the second one because my mom used to hold me like that all the time <3 #im drawing them a lot lately because im being crushed by the horrors and have to compensate for it somehow #homemade comfort blorbos...... #watch me draw anton inconsistently bc i can never decide if i wanna draw him close to how he actually looks #or yassify him and give him soft fluffy hair and kind eyes and defined features. head in my hands #i dont really have a lot of drawing ideas for them bc they dont have like. a canon storyline or anything methinks #its just stuff me and bow toss around and giggle abt thru messages lol. maybe ill draw infant vincent one of these days #i just come up with stuff and draw them doing it. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside #cuz like anton works for lobocorp as an abnormality BUT hes super duper chill and cute and does his funny little tasks so its fine #AND hes unkillable. auggie is an oc ive had since like 6th grade and i smushed them together. and vincent was for fun but i got attached #i dont have much of a read on anton either bc i think hes meant to be more of an insert character??? if im using that right #on one hand i dont think too hard abt anything being ooc since im not taking it seriously. on the other hand i just hold them in my hands #and stare into space until i can come up with something to draw since i dont have much to go off of. but its fun to build on small tidbits! #i think bow called it an au so i guess??? its an au????? im not really sure. bow if youre reading this im just willy nilly #the only thing i know for sure is that they boink like rabbits. im talking gomez and morticia levels of boinking #maybe ill go back and look at my old doodles for them and redraw em lol #myart #my art #my oc #oc #friend oc #augusta #anton #vincent #sillies family #doodles

[slimeciclecock]

Forgive me for the person I'll become when Missa releases all his new music <- delusional

#been on a missa kick lately which I've never really shared #been getting reeeeally into some of his music and lowkey getting a crush on him 😳🥰 #and like. who cares if its been a month or smth. im still very obsessed with that stream he did where he showed off music he was working on #like his voice is insanely good and im going crazy like. to this day i still dont know if he plans to release all that or if that was just- #-scrapped music. with how excited he was when showing music i dont think its scrapped? but idk #dont wanna get my hopes up but. gah #also im just gonna come right out and say it. missa sinfonia is fucking hot as hell #he's so insanely hot and attractive and the music makes him hotter and he's so funny and grhgrgjfrh #ive been a little bit a lot obsessed lately. oh my god how are you so damn attractive #ive kinda told myself that if i ever get a partner the first thing i would do is show him missa and make them fall for him like i did #he's like. handsome like a guy from my culture. does that make sense #missa sinfonia has malay guy swag #i think i can say that here yeah. ive spoken my mother tongue language here #sorry im reaching he just reminds me of someone irl. but also. missa is hot asf i need someone to shake hands with me #frickin. schoolgirl crush on a funny mexican youtuber #ive watched more missa videos than i thought i would and its embarrassing how giddy i would get watching like #i am in my 20s but i am resting my chin on my hand like 🥰 #brother I've fallen someone pull me back up i cant do this today

[theygender]

My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life

In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings

I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭

...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭

#rambling #the friend i showed the message to was the same one i made ask the other girl if it was a date #and he didnt even answer he just raised his eyebrow and stared at me like 'really?' #god im just. remembering how stupid i was in high school now #there were two other crushes that i had who may have potentially liked me back and i may have even been told that by multiple people #but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭 #they both were friends of mine and they eventually stopped talking to me completely and i couldnt figure out why #and now i hope its not bc they they thought i was leading them on. bc i wasnt. i was just a massive idiot #you have to explicitly tell me that youre interested in me or want to go on a date or whatever or im not gonna get it #and tbh. that didnt even always work #my first major crush in high school was on a girl who told me directly multiple times that she was into me #but i was even DEEPER in my self hatred at that time #(and also only just figuring out how social interaction worked bc she was helping my autistic ass learn) #so i just. assumed it was a joke. bc no one could have possibly been interested in me and definitely not such an amazing person #i guess at least i have a scrap of self confidence now and im brave enough to ask for clarification now #and if i specifically ask someone on a date at least i would know for sure its a date? #and it could either be lame or cute but i could ask for permission to kiss them. it worked for my gf #i cant interpret signals for shit 😭 #i dont even have a valid reason to be thinking about this right now lol its not like i have permission to date anyone else romantically yet #but ive been watching clone high with my gf and abe keeps misinterpreting joan directly saying that she wants him in increasingly dumb ways #and i just keep cringing bc i realized that that was me ahdjsksl.... #only difference is in my case it was never bc i was ignoring them for someone else. it was ALWAYS bc i was an idiot #literally i would be there pining for them and every attempt they made would go right over my head #you have to be morosexual and very persistent to date me 😭 or tell a mutual friend whos very persistent ig lol #i know we are All useless lesbians but i think i deserve a medal or smth #ill hang it on my corkboard next to the souvenir that one of my crushes who i didnt think liked me back got for me in high school #which was a plastic license plate that said 'babygirl' on it bc that was her nickname for me 😅 #god i really hope people didnt think i was leading them on. imagine someone thinking im a player flirting with a bunch of different girls #without ever making things official. when really if i found out for certain any of them were interested in me i would have died of shock 😭 #and if we WERE in fact flirting i wouldnt have realized it. i was just SO scared and SO stupid 😭😭😭

[readymades2002]

something difficult about writing/storytelling but only in short disconnected bursts is that writing anything longform is very difficult. there isn't as much time to practice long-term character development or subtlety (implying character instead of immediately clarifying) when its not really meant to go anywhere but a notes app. its a little frustrating...i'd love to do something more longform though. i've considered maybe just doing some short writing scenes in my various original universes a lot recently mostly because i just havent had time to draw anything fancy recently </3 maybe that would be something...

#briefly talked about it with a coworker today bc i mentioned my brother makes music #and she got excited because she paints and she showed me some of her work (beautiful btw!!!) #and said she hopes he pursues music and doesnt get his heart crushed by retail like we do #we still make things but ive been thinking about it...it really is like #i feel like ive had less TIME to make things but ive also developed more interest in my own ideas #and in constructing them on their own terms. its hard to describe and even harder to share because its #not churning out fanart for a response i guess? #i dont know. i do feel more satisfied with what im planning but theres less to share #anyway i promised her i'd show her my art sometime so essentially i have to flee the country now #she does lovely work she paints pictures of pets and it seems so nice. she seems so happy with it! #its like...i love it. im a little jealous of it. i feel so much pressure to Do Something New with my art #try to craft scenes and settings (i think setting is such ann important part of storytelling but i have so much trouble drawing it!) #and try new compositions and poses and just not have everything look the same all the time #its led to a lot of work im proud of but its also hard to create under those expectations... #i wish i could find a niche and settle into it comfortably. i think fun character drawings could be that for me #but its...it frustrates me to post those because it feels like if its easy and i like doing it and how it turns out then im not trying #okay i think im done now. sorry for these rambling introspective posts lately lol im #trying to warm back up to posting so i can use this website again (despite how very very bad it is)... #i want to see my frieeeeeends <//////3 i want to be here without running away <///3

[mejomonster]

Trying to date makes me so sad...

#rant #is it the advice love comes when ur not looking that makes me sad? hell yeah ToT i havent looked in years #and lo and behold i am still single! love didnt show up when i wasnt looking as they said dudjfjf #is it how a lot of ppl on apps are poly and partnered #and i am not personally. but id like to ask them HOW ON EARTH they found someone they love so i can learn from their advixe #(but rhats a lie. i probably cant learn from their advice ;-; cayse ive been trying to learn from advixe for over a decade now #and well none of it worked did it) #is it perhaps that lots of young 20 #year olds like me on dayint apps. and im looking for a serious relationship with someone else whos working and stuff and #generally a 20-22 year old is gonna be more likely foguring out stuff and having fun and not planning long term #is it that im simply demiromantic and demisexual and in a Swipe Right world the months long pace #that takes to develop attraction is just boringly time wastingly slow for pwople who Know immediately if they wanna bang or fall in love #and i get it. if theyre trying to xut their loses and date casually to find a compatible partner. i probably taje too long compared to #other options. #am i gonna just be alone. i wish i wasnt but i really dont know what to do #i havent had a crush in years :c not even a date. . im talking i havent evrn felt simple attraction in many years #:c :c oh im so sad i could cry #i got onto the dating apps today and was recommended 20 21 year olds. 10 poly people. and 10 people who want children #:c then i felt so sad i didnt wanna look at the apps any more

[biolums]

why not mewhynot me whynotme whynotMEwhy Not Mewhy not me whynot me whynotme Whynot me WHYNOTME why not me. why not me

#irls please dont read this. sorry #im so overwhelmed rn. and i fucking feel like im going to die #like yes we all know im soooo unlovable that nothing new but god. i just want to be intimate and have someone be my safe space again #i KNOW its unhealthy and its not like its ever gonna happen again. but its all i can fucking dream of #i wwnt to be all someone thinks about just like how i always think about them. maybe i just want to be equals in a relationship. because #CLEARLY my last relationship i was the only one feeling anything!! and CLEARLY I PUT ALL THE FUCKING WORK IN AND I LOVED SO HARD. AND #IT WASNT EGEN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IT WAS THE HEALTHIEST ONE IVE EVER BEEN IN. BUT IM STILL TOO MUCH 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 #even now i cant think about that too much because i literally think were soulmates. and its Too Upsetting to think about that #when she broke up with me and said ‘i had a lot of fun with you’. we dated for 11 months. you met my family. donyou know how mucch ghat #CRUSHED me #i was doing so well. and i was having healthy relationship thoughts! and i was telling myself that i was just insecure those last few weeks. #and then i fucking spiraled OF COURSE I SPIRALLED. #hahahahahaha im not even talking about the other thing i think ill really kill myself if i think out that at all #whatever i dont even have time to be having a breakdown right now!! haha hahahaah i literally cant imagine making it to the end of this week #jace.txt

[olberic]

back into phantasia again and thinking a lot about claus. anyways ive subjected myself to liking a canon divergence for post-dhaos more than whatever canon actually says SO! this is my sort-of-redesign for 12 yrs after he returns to his time.

elaborate headcanon below the cut (bc its. so niche. im not subjecting you all to it)

SO first and foremost i like claus with. other ppl. who aren’t milard. anyways to ME when the party goes back to their respective times he and arche decide to stick together and explore the world and teach magic to humans and half-elves. she’s very cognizant of her crazy long lifespan and how claus will be dead before she meets back up with cress+mint+chester btw. anyways like it takes a couple of years but they fall in love and get married and have 3 kids.

so have this (ft. slight mods to arche’s design/redrawing my fave pic of her in my style)

#i love elven/half-elven lifespans and the angst behind them AND the potential for humour #bc i think arche outlasting all of her friends is really tragic for her. #but i also think it's really funny if she meets up w the party (age 87) and looks like she's 30 and has several grandkids #ive got a fic in the works where the 'present-day' crowd is like rly sad abt knowing claus is dead #then arche is like heh. wait til you meet our kids. and theyre like WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT #also chester still crushing on her is rly rly funny to me shh king dont think about how she was married to claus for 35 years #anyways! in that pic their accessories match each other's colour scheme :-) #its self indulgent but tagging anyways #tales of #phantasia #tales of phantasia #t #my art #claus lester #arche klein

[andragoras-in-vanity]

did i almost have a breakdown today because there were too many strawberries in my smoothie? maybe. maybe.

#but i have a crush on someone and i though my fucked emotions were going to break it but they said something cute and im mushy again #like i think maybe i still have it but im past the initial omg theyre so cute and fun and funny and onto the but i dont actually know them #so why was i so eager to date them? and i hate this stage cause i feel so lost and wrong for wanting to go out with them #but gosh they are so sweet and exciting and im scared and doubtful and the feeling seems gone then they say something and it comes back #for a little while and maybe maybe that light swwet fweling will come bzck when i do know them better? and i stop feeling like #i have no idea who they are or how to read them? #i dont know i dont know how crushes work but i really like them and i want to like them and i cant wait to meet up with them #but i still feel weird and guilty because theyre not my person and that doesnt fwel good #maybe starting something thatll last with them just doesn't feel like a good thought or something i should want when theyre not my knight #this all feels awful #but i have therapy this week and i want to be happy and my cards say to just do what i will as it comes and the rest is meant to be #so please please please let this feeling pass and let me be happy #i give up for tonight though im going to play games and rest

[mrfoox]

Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

#miranda talking shit #Autism tag #I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them #As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot #But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao #The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived #Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed #Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him #But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you #I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things #As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people... #I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just #Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle #Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it #Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im #Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way #Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')

[universalsatan]

can’t tell if i’m confusing wanting to look like almost stereotypically macho men or just being wildly attracted to them. or both i guess

#i mean i always used to say bi dilemma but im realizing this is mostly just gay now godbless. trans rights #for context. im thinking like. young harrison ford (i Know.; the reason im saying this is i remember Both my mom and dad acknowledging him #as the og Macho Man™️) and because it crossed my dash. jackles. but not really young jackles like s1 dean but matured jackles like more rece #it’s funny cause in practice. the person ive been pursuing (while Also an idiot. maybe i should just accept myself as morosexual at this #point) is actually. very effeminate HAHAHDHAHSJDHSJ #to the extent that my mom has thought he was gay in the past. i was talking about him to my sister and she asked if he was gay LMAO #which is hilarious because as far as i know (and ive known him for… almost 6 years ig? pined for almost 5). i’m Only aware that hes had a #crush on a girl ages ago. but this was also thru a secondhand source we’ve never actually talked about that #we probably should but we’re both idiots i have no idea how it’d be brought up #but in terms of effeminate. hm. he’s actually Really tall maybe over 6ft? and he Can have a deep voice. i think he can sing bass? but he #actually speaks in a higher register. god i wonder if he’s doing the opposite of me. who’s always consciously deepend my voice LMAO #he’s a HUGE plant enthusiast. HUGE. i dont Think he’s ND (or at least he doesn’t from what i can tell. I get vibes) but he straight up has a #plant fixation. knows so much about care. when he worked in greenhouses he learned the latin names for a good portion of them. i know this #isnt exactly ‘effeminate’ but he does all the gardening. oh and to add to it ig. i dont know HOW. he was NOT. irked by gore and blood??? #when i explained to him what my potential job as a crime scene cleaner could entail??? but he cannot STAND bugs. he FREAJED OUT (over text) #at the mention of a spider. so of course. me being the 8yo boy with a playground crush. proceeded to tell him all my Fun Spider Encounters #lets see i think he also really loves to bake? ive seen these elaborate cakes (tp roll for covid. a fish) he’s made on insta. and there was #that one time he brought me those three most MOIST chocolate cupcakes with raspberry buttercream icing. i deadass ASCENDED to heaven. #food IS the way to a man’s heart btw. #oh yeah and the fact that i met him in the first place — well. i play oboe in ensembles. and he’s flute/piccolo. yeaHAHSHAHSHH #LMAO remembering that while he doesnt keysmash (i’ve started to around him. it’s mostly emojis bless his heart) he deadass called me ‘hun’ #oh and the best part? i couldnt think kf what to watch. and he’s over here saying he doesnt watch ANYTHING. like bro how do u NOT. listen to #any music past 1900. OR OPERA EITHER. and NOT have any favorite movies/shows??? wh??? like. he deadass was like ‘unless [gardening channel #on youtube] counts’ like girl i am so in love #but yeah i was literally sitting there sounding like a pretentious film nerd bro i cant fuckin believe it. but i FINALLY wriggle it out of #him. because apparently he cant concentrate on most movies (valid.). the ones he CAN are cheesy chick flick comedies #saying that he can recite 90% of mean girls. thats his favorite movie #and he also mentioned like. legally blonde #and i have a feeling he almost was avoiding it in case i would judge him or whatever but ngl i honestly fell harder HAHSHSJAJDJAJ #fuck 30 tags but let’s just say. very effeminate compared to me. a full on Dad

[britneyshakespeare]

[britney spears’ voice in the beginning of break the ice] it’s been awhile

#i think one of my friends has a crush on me #tales from diana #& the reason it's been awhile is mostly that it's been awhile since i had like. new friends. who were not completely accustomed to my #bubbly demeanor in the comfort of good company but my overall immovably aromantic nature. #& most of my friends. i dont talk to them about being aromantic but im like. quite sure many of them know whats up. #theyve seen me be pursued before & theyve rarely if ever seen me pursue anyone myself. they know something's going on. #but now i'm making new friends which is good and im quite excited about it & like them which is great. #but im like oh no!! is someone catching feelings for me or am i being vain... oh no wait that's probably not vanity either is that-- #oh no it's legit. #& what's weird is. this time it's not like. my fault? which is strange to say. that someone's attraction to me can or cannot be my 'fault' #but i used to be a compulsive flirt when i was seeking validation in social situations. bc you wanna know how you get ppl to like you? #you make them feel like YOU like THEM. i figured them out in high school. #but you know why it worked for me in high school? a shallow surface level of belonging was all i really got. no one seemingly ever fell #for me all too badly. nobody PURSUED me romantically either. i know ppl did not find me repulsive but i kinda was never 'in' #& then when i got to be an adult & retained that habit. & ppl started... actually somewhat falling for me i was repeatedly asking myself #'oh no what did i do!!!!' whether or not i was flirting w someone all that intensely or not. sometimes i definitely was not but id still #blame myself for being nice to them. while maybe just giving a look or a touch on the elbow. this time i didnt initiate anything!!! #ive tried not to!!! im really trying hard not to fall back into that habit bc i dont like the outcome. i dont like handling ppls feelings. #this time for the most part it seems i am *actually being flirted w* far more than i am doing the flirting... like??????? #~MAYBE~ it was just ~POSSIBLE~ ive been ~ATTRACTIVE~ this entire time #but yeah right. no. every unreciprocated crush ppl have ever had on me has been my fault somehow. so i felt. #& to be clear while i am ripping myself a new one in these tags about these past & present predicaments. i do like this person. i like them. #they're very nice and interesting and funny and all that. i have a good time with them. talking and hanging out and whatnot #im just BAFFLED and i DO NOT KNOW what to do!!! i did not see this coming in the least #this was not part of the plan #how should we like it were stars to burn with a passion for us we could not return? #if equal affection cannot be let the more loving one be me

[be-good-to-bugs]

i need to go to bed but i dont wannnaaaaa

#the bin #i work at 7am and its 1:23 am i have GOT to go to bad but ugh. if i go to bed then that means ill have to go to work as sokn as im conscious #so the longer i stay up the more time i have. but km gonna be so tired at work. hhhhh. #i dont know why but ive felt so horrible today. super anxious. miserable and really sad #im trying to just deal with it. soon enough things are gonna change. its only 34 days till my planned moving date. i will only bave like 20 #more shifts at this job. maybe less depending on what i get given. including tomorrows shift. and tomorrows shift is only 5 hours long #and the day after its only 4 hours and then i have 2 more days off. itll be ok. but i still feel so anxious and depressed and awful #i just wanna stay home and be high all the time. i feel so lonely always. literally the only thing that helps me not feel completely crushed #and paralyzed by how lonely i am is getting high. i know its not healthy to rely on getting high to feel better about stuff but idk what #else to do so who cares. when i dont do anything about it i i stead end up relapsing or worse so i think its an ok option #i hope i can meet nice people this year. year after year it doesnt happen but so much has changed! #it makes sense i havent met people since i moved out. and everything is so different from wwhen i last lived with them #all my siblings are in school. they have people over at the hair a fair bit afaik. my dad wont be there to me make feel awful. my sister #also wont be there to me me feel awful. i can figure something out. itll be ok. it has to be. #i just want to squeeze someone. i just want like. a hug. a good cuddle. and i need to talk to someone. its been so long since u had an actul #fun time hanging out with another person. i need to watch a movie with someone and joke around and. ugh. #how did my life reach this point? what happened that resulted in me spending ages 10-19 all alone. im not even 19 yet but i will be soon #and theres not a chance ill meet someone before then esp bc im moving. when i was little i didnt have mych friends but i had some #i had such high hopes for the future. i also thought the future would be terrible but i imagined id still have friends and peopwl to talk to #all ive wanted sincei was 10 is just to have people to talk to and hangout with. but i dont have a single friend. i can hardky name anyone #besides my family and coworkers. and like aa couple of my sisters friends. there isnt even like people i know who i dont really consider #friends but we talk sometimes. if i dont go to work. call my mom. or tex a sibling. i dont see or talk to anyone period #i guess unless i go to the store. that doenst really count tho. #i want to have a friends group. i want to have A friends. just like. a person. to interact with. what happened that made mw spend the past #8 years just not interacting with anyone? whats wrong with me. #its fine tho. becausebit will change. i acan heal from this and i can meet people. even if half my conscious life has been spent all alone #it will get better. it has to.

[anarchyloser]

I'm too autistic for this shit can people PLEASE tell me when they have a crush on me and not after the fact?

#like wtf am i supposed to do about this now??? #cool story bro id acrually rather not know how you hid your feelings from me for so long and i didnt even notice #maybe i notice and just refuse to think that people ever see me like that #ive always been more the type to laugh at or ask put as a dare for a joke #im. so tired of this shit #i dont even really get crushes on people not ones id be able to act on anyways #i dont want to hurt people but dear lord do they seem to relish in hurting me #im over it no relationship has worked for me before and i don't know what to change to make them work #im just so tired

[abd-illustrates]

YOU!! I DONT KNOW IF PEOPLE SEND ASKS ABOUT HEARTLESS ANYMORE BUT I RECENTLY RESURFACED BACK TO IT AND I JUST *EXPLOSION SOUNDS* /pos

BRO I cannot express to you how much I think about Doppel and Glass and their character concepts and their dynamic and just generally the story. Man, I don't know what it is about those two, but like...AJHSJHD!!

I really like thinking about angst and ways that you can make both of them complex and stuff, you know, separating from just "haha silly comic relief guys!" I like thinking about them and how their not the same, and how they're both technically separate beings kinda? And how they're different and stuff and AA-

ALSO I love they're character design man? Like, it looks...crunchy. that's probably a bad way to put it, but they feel like those sensory videos where people take wax and slime and crush it all up and its really satisfying and crunchy.

AUGH they're all so awesome and I love love LOVE thinking about Heartless as a story and how it would play out and stuff. Keep up the good work and stuff, sorry for word bombing you I just suddenly got a lot of feelings and had to get it out somewhere

sgssgfjsgh thank u so much for taking the time to send this ask dude!

Seeing any love for the Heartless gang always sparks more joy than I can convey, no matter when -- but ur timing is uncanny haha, these two have been on my mind a lot lately too! (Especially since the new Madds Buckley song dropped 'cause it's just sO--- 👀😩🤌)

I'm not very articulate rn but pls take this doodle as a big thank u for the encouragement and for sharing ur thoughts about 'em! 🪞💜

#abd illustrates #heartless #doppel & glass #this was such a nice message thank u again (^^)/ #I've been pondering their backstory (and a bunch of others) more recently #so ur not alone in the “heartless hyperfixation resurfacing” club haha #tis the season #I won't get into it rn but “Drivers Seat” has been on LOOP since it dropped and it sparks such an AMV in my mind about them

[ihavemyfits]

a boy w somewhat artsy eyeliner was our cashier at a shop today and im sorry to say that i havent changed at all since i was a kid. i am not immune to guyliner

#like i havent felt like 'omg... what a cutie hiii' abt a guy for a While but he was cute. #in other news i think i have a lil crush on a Nother coworker. -_- but it will go away i hope. #tbh i think actually a few of my coworkers r cute... 3.5 guys and 2 girls now #more guys i know :/ but there are simply so few adult women there. all the girls r highschoolers and even then theyre scarce... #male dominated workplace fr. #20 guys and 12 girls :| TWELVE. WHOLE GIRLS. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUN EVER WHEN I DONT LIKE TALKING TO GUYS OR BEING AROUND THEM OR #BEING FRIENDLY TO THEM OR HAVING FUN W THEM OR ANYTHING I ONLY LIKE GIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRLLLLLSSSSSS #if it was mostly girls i swear to god id be a different person and tbh that probably part of the problem of why im so dead/indifferent to t #he world so often when im at work. i can only start relaxing the rare moments when its just girls #i do not think i am gay currently or if i am which i have to admit is still a distinct possibility i am still in the deep and wretched #throes of a lifetime of comphet brainwashing so when i say i only like girls i mean like. technically and theoretically and hypothetically #and in the exact right circumstances and w caveats i like guys but.. #my friends my whole life have been 95% girls. i just prefer spending time around girls in literally any form or way... #guys are just like the fun and interesting hypotheticals i play/experiment w in my mind and then use what ive learnt w them to transfer #onto what to me is the Real Deal what Really matters which is girls. like boys to me are just a testing ground so that i dont accidentally #explode a girl i really like w my mind in a pointless way. kinda thing