#i dont know what i was breathing in but i didnt like it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

So this is an ongoing argument with my roommate. I (22nb) am autistic, and T (55f) has ADHD.

Now to get this out of the way, i do say thank you. I was always taught to wait a moment after receiving something, take a bite or appreciate what you were given for a breath, before thanking someone so that you could add something more to it. My roommate and I both agree that i do say thank you the vast majority of the time, but the problem for her is that i do not say it fast enough.

T often gives me a "tHaNk yOu" while the item in question is still being passed. This seems ridiculous to me as i haven't even been fully given it yet.

In addition, i have the dishes as my household chore, and i do them daily, despite almost never making any dishes myself. I do this to both support T and her diet, as well as contribute to the household that i live in.

T thanks me near daily for doing the dishes. This always seems weird and unnecessary to me, as it is my responsibility. I have told her this. I dont expect to be thanked for doing my own laundry, after all. In return, T gets upset that i dont notice and thank her for taking out the garbage/recycling/compost, to which she is the main contributor to and is under her responsibilities.

As for please: i do say this much more rarely. I think it feels overly preformative and fake, and i typical choose more "would you mind closing my door for me" "if its not too much of a hassle, could you toss me my waterbottle" "id appreciate it if you could preheat the oven while you're in the kitchen"

I think that these work perfectly fine as a replacement. Please just has always felt wrong and fake. No one else in my entire life has ever commented on this before.

Thirdly; T has been upset that i don't respond to her apologies appropriately. After she is snappy at me (due to her emotional disregulation from ADHD) (last time it was because i asked if she was using the oven instead of asking if i could use the oven myself, for reference) there is a 50/50 shot that she will come and apologize.

I dont often accept apologies. Apologies are for the person saying them to get it off their chests, or to make you put it behind them. Usually, ill say something like "it was just one of those days, y'know?" Or "its alright, water under the bridge"

Because i was always taught that apologies came with a promise of change, and T can't (or won't) change how she re-directs her frustration at unrelated things to things ive done "wrong". When she told me the correct response was "i forgive you", i decided to not engage instead of telling her directly that i didnt forgive her (because i am certain she will do it again). (I usually dont engage with her when shes irritated: she never notices and just wants to say her piece so im not being rude here)

She said that i was being disrespectful, "like always", and when i suggested it may be more difficult for me due to my autism, she said that we made plenty of accommodations for me (which i think is false), and that i just needed to do this for her comfort. That please/thank yous were something she needed to feel appreciated and i should be making more accommodations for her.

To me, i feel like she is getting really caught up on semantics and is being a little controlling about it. But maybe its just a boundary? I dont know if i could commit to changing my language for her though, i feel like i will just start forgetting after awhile because it feels so fake. Shouldn't it be better for me to say things genuinely than just for her approval?

AITA for not saying please/thank you?

#aita #am i the asshole

[toniiswrld]

thoughts on your Sohee thoughts anon back again 😊

i've returned to further discuss Mr. Lee Sohee's perv tendencies, but i wanna talk about the first time he ever did it. it all started be he saw some random tweet about how panty sniffing is actually very okay and normal and totally not pervy. he didn't pay much mind to it and went on with his life. that was until it was his turn to do y'all's laundry.

he ends up dropping a pair of your panties and as he picks them his mind wanders back to that tweet. immediately there's an angel (no! sniffing panties is weird! don't do it!) and a devil (just do it! no one will know! foreshadowing :D) on either of his shoulders. since our sweet Sohee is so easily influenced (even by his own pervy little mind), he "hesitantly" brings them up to his nose and breathes in. the scent goes straight to his dick and he gets red in the face so quickly. it's just so good that he smells them again and again and again until he's sitting on the floor with your panties in his face, his hand palming his dick, and his eyes screwed shut. he stays like that for a while, moaning softly to himself (it'd be a shame if you heard him also foreshadowing). Sohee was so close when he heard you want in the room. he jumped so hard he hit his head and blamed his blood-red face on that. he just hoped you didn't see how hard he was or wonder what he was doing on the floor. little did he know, you saw most of it and found it pretty hot. you would have said something, but he looked so embarrassed you felt bad. you rushed over to him, held his head to your chest, and apologized for scaring him. he squeezed his eyes shut and hoped you didn't notice him cumming in his pants (but of course you did).

((side note: can i be 🎀 anon pretty please?? 🙇🏾‍♀️ i promise to bring you my borderline criminal thoughts on a semi-consistent basis))

anon your brain... you're so crazy genius ily

poor boy would be so embarrassed and nervous that you would think he was a freak, the thought of him getting off to your scent soaked through your panties should have disgusted you, but you couldn't help watch him with your thighs pressed together.

him having the little devil and angel on his shoulders is so real, like its giving "i don't want candy i don't like candy, but the parasite in me wants the candy" he's like no sniffing my girlfriends day old underwear is weird if i wanted to smell her i could give her a hug, but then he knows that he loves eating you out after a long day so the scent in your panties would remind him of that, and then he's going in for just one quick whiff and then he's hooked. he instantly feels guilty, like a kid sneaking a cookie when his parents are in the other room so he tries to be quiet as he takes another deep whiff of your panties, if people on twitter think its normal then surely he isn't weird for doing it, after all you're his girlfriend and every part of you gets him going.

after the day he gets caught you dont bring it up for a while, but you do notice a sudden change in your boyfriend. suddenly he's begging you to let him do the laundry, and you raise a brow at him but shrug it off because it's less chores for you.

little did you know (but not very little) that he was using this as an opportunity to go on a panty sniffing spree, making sure to take deep whiffs of the ones you wore on particularly long days, and the cute lacy ones that usually had the scent of your arousal on them from nights you two were doing the dirty. call him a sick freak for this one but his guilty pleasure was sniffing the panties you wore after going to the gym, or just having a day where you were a bit sweatier than usual, not his proudest moments but he couldnt resist it.

one day you decide to confront him about it, not because you didnt like it but because you wanted to see him in action. so when he's doing laundry you 'innocently' walk into the room to catch him sitting on the floor with his cock in hand, your panties wrapped around him while he has another pair pressed to his face. there was no way for him to get out of this, you caught him right in the act.

so dirty, so pathetic, words you say to him as you jerk him off, pushing your panties into his mouth to drown out his moans and he has tears threatening to spill while you coo at him for being so gross and perverted, getting off with your underwear that you had worn days ago. he cums all over your hand and you lick it up, leaving him dazed as you walk out of the laundry room.

dirty pervert sohee makes my brain melt... he's so icky in the hottest way possible 🫦 and yes you can be 🎀 anon! welcome to the club... i will be expecting more deranged yummy thoughts from you 🫣😇

#toniiswrld 💌 #toniiswrld☆hard hours #riize hard hours #riize smut #sohee hard hours #sohee smut #toniiswrld༄🎀 anon

[marrycv]

Pick up your phone!

paring : toxic!ellie x toxic!reader

warnings : Mention of weed, alcohol. Ellie’s punishment with sex. Mention of nudes. Oral (e!receiving), fingering (r!reveiving). Language, nicknames such as : slut, doll, angel, baby, bitch, motherfocker (and others). mention of yn like twice. Mention of cheating and lying and many other bad things 😅. Ellie and reader are NOT healthy, do not romanticize their relationship, its fucked up. Porn w out plot? (kinda). Both reader and ellie are mean and does fucked up shit. 18+

summary : You wait Ellie again. she’s late for 4 hours and she wants to make it up to you. But you didn’t want to fall in her arms this time- which you obviously lost at trying to do. Ellie’s mad and has a punishment for you when she was in the wrong, and you had every right to be mad at her.

kinda a scrap this is bad 🙏

short asf

you :

00:12 - Ellie, where are you?

00:34 - Ellie istg answer me!!

1:02 - c’mon you said you’d come over today

Els 🖕🏻:

1:55 - im omw

1:57 - dont bother.

2:01 - im sorry im late

2:01 - you’re always sorry, dont come home and go fuck one of your stupid fangirls

2:02 - im coming over

2:02 - i said no

2:03 - c’mon lemme make it up to you 💋

2:05 - im gonna block you

2:32 - yn? !message not delivered!

“fuck” Ellie mumbled under her breath, going out of the studio and jumps in her Truck. going over speed’s limit and then knocking hard enough on your apartment to wake up everyone else in the combo.

you get up from your bed, unable to sleep due to waiting for her all night.

you open your door and when you see Ellie standing in front of it, smelling weed and alcohol, you know she wasn’t gonna be easy to deal with tonight.

“Ellie go home, its 3 in the morning…”

“cmon let me in baby” she said in a whisper, almost sounding like a whine.

You and Ellie’s relationship was complicated- that was what you were saying to your friends, because the amount of time you two broke up, that she cheated on you, that you would expose her nudes on internet, that she would sleep with a stranger just to piss you off and somehow you’d still let her come back in your arms- as she did the same with you. you would do shitty things as well, like saying to all of her fans that the concert was cancelled or that it changed location. you could also post on twitter her worse secrets when you learned that she cheated on you. you’d also make up lies about some random stuff just to get a revenge out of her.

but mostly she would just fuck up your trust for her like coming home 4 hours later or cheating on the infinite amount of girls. she’d also love bomb you to get you back and then would disappear for weeks. she also showed all of her band’s member the sextape she got of you- and you knew after Dina, the base player told it to you. You and ellie would randomly call eachothers- especially when she or you were under something, most likely weed or alcohol but sometimes something else. It wasnt rare that you would make her jealous and posting a story of you and a girl on instagram and she’d come over to fuck you dumb. only to wake up alone in the bed.

“ellie please i just wanna sleep tonight, no fight.”

“and please i just wanna say sorry, no fight.” Ellie answered, thinking she was a smart girl for this one

you rolled your eyes.

“are you even able to walk?” you asked her, seeing her flushed cheeks and her eyes red like hell

“of course i am baby, im okay.. please let me just make it up to you im so sorry im late”

“no youre not! because you wouldve told me you’d come home late or you wouldve just told me that you were busy!!!”

“im so sorry..” she says in a childish tone, just as if she was mocking you for being so mad.

“fuck off els”

Ellie rolled her eyes and made her way inside, taking steps closer to you.

“dont talk to me like that.” Ellie says, looking right into your eyes- mood changing suddenly, she didnt get the answer she wanted.

“you dont show up 4 hours late, bitch”

Ellie’s jaw tightened and she looked at you furiously

“tell me you just wanted to fuck me Ellie.”

“dont you ever call me ‘bitch’ again.”

“or what? you’re gonna leave? that already happened, i can survive it.”

“nah.. im gonna give you a lesson.”

“the fuck you mean?”

“get on your knees” Ellie said, tone demanding.

“i wont do shit you ask me to do Ellie.” you say scared of what she’s gonna ask you to do. you have some suspicions, but your mind is overthinking about so many possibilities.

Ellie puts her hands on your shoulders and force you to get you on your knees. She looks at you from down and she takes off her pants along with her boxers.

“you know what to do now.” Ellie tells you, intertwining her fingers with your hair, pulling you closer to her pussy. You start to give her short licks, obviously nothing enough for her.

“I swear to god you motherfucker if you dont do what-“

Ellie started but got cut off with one of her whines by you sucking her clit like your life depended on it. Your knees hurts, but her grip in your hair is too strong for you to move. your holding her by the thighs, moaning against her cunt by how good she tastes. obviously pussydrunk by her. and the perfect little grunts she would make made you so fucking wet. her hips would be jerking against your face, riding your tongue the best she could to chase your high. Ellie would never tell you, but you ever were the only one to make her cum. she knew that it would make your ego so much too high if she told you that on countless girls you were the only one able to please her. you know her sweet spots and she wasnt scared to be vulnerable with you. she always was. and you always were too.

“Fuck- fuck.. just like that, yeah”

her grunts would turn into whines and her whines into small moans. Ellie wasnt that much of a loud girl, but you knew if she was vocal- it was good. it made you laugh, sending vibrations through her clit.

“Im gonna- fuckkk!!” she moans out as she cums in your mouth. you still suck her clit as she rides your tongue for her high to be longer.

you get up from your knees and ellie kisses you, tasting herself on your tongue. the kiss turns rapidly messy and rough. Ellie would hold you by the hips, directing you by the bed. as soon as you touched the bed, she made you lay down on it and she got on top of you, still making out with you. her kisses got on your jaw until your neck. she then took a pause to look at you. you were eye doying her- she would always win. you were her little slut.

“only needed my” puts a finger into your core “fingers to shut that attitude huh?”

she takes off your shirt- which you were braless under it. peaking already your tits, ellie titled her head, smirking

“you got ready for me, doll?”

you nodded, wanting more of her.

“nuh huh, words baby, i want words.” she told you as the sucked one of your nipples as one of her hand was massaging the other breast. as her other hand was working on your clit to make you feel sooo good.

“j-just for you els!” you obey to her request, only wanting her to go faster.

“faster el- faster!!” you try to manage to tell her.

“faster huh?” Ellie says as she just slows her pace of her fingers brushing against that sweet spot of yours.

“please ellie!!” you beg for her to go faster as she just slows down again and again.

“i didnt say you’d get a good time Baby, this is your punishment, as deserved.”

“please.. ill be good Ellie- never gonna be m-mean with you ever” you faked promised her, just needed to tell her whatever she wanted to hear.

“yeah? you’d do this for me, angel?” Ellie asks as shes at only one finger, completely ruining you. completely making you cry for more- needing more.

“id do anything- just please fuck me ellie, fuck me.”

-

2 days after this huge mistake. You and Ellie started to do this kind of thing all the time. She’d piss you off, you’d be mad, she’d become madder for something she made you mad at- and would finish as sex. the only way you two did work out with.

she made you feel so good and you made her feel better.

This was unhealthy, but she was so addictive.

she’d come home in the middle of the night- wouldnt care if you were deep asleep or had a party- she’d take care of that pussy no matter what. Her songs would be about you two relationships.

Everyone liked it.

and you were happy you had such a big impact that she wrote- and sang about you.

But she didnt see you that pretty- you were her fucking toy.

14:01 : why the fuck did you say that i was toxic in your song?

15:56 : because you are.

15:59 : fuck you els

16:01 : you wish <3

16:01 : you’re the toxic one in our relationship

16:30 : 💀💀 hell nah

16:31 : Ellie how many times did you cheat on me?

17:23 : babe, we were on break how many times do i get to tell you that?

17:23 : anyways i gtg ill see you tonight ;)

She wasnt easy and you werent either.

but whatever, she has become way more famous than ever.

she’d send you those pictures before a show, trying to make you come to one (which you did but didnt tell her).

“does that feel good els?” you say as your face was in between her thighs, on your knees just like how she loved you like that.

“fuck babe dont stop!!” Ellie would tell you into a soft tone, not so much like that little ‘dominant’ cover she’s making everyone believe she was. she was always the one screaming your name over and over.

she then would make you see heaven with her cock filling you up, camera in one hand and the other one on your breast. She’d look at it all the time, rolling circles on her clit whenever she missed you and you blocked her so she couldnt ask you for any nudes- she has better, she could literally see you in action getting fucked by her.

she loved you, that was why she was so fucked up at showing it.

and you just were getting revenge for how she made you feel.

But in a way you two belonged together.

But she’d still use you for your amazing body and how good your tongue felt against her cunt.

you were her little stress reliever. (you’d let her do whatever she wanted to you- you’d just never tell her that)

request are open 💋

#ellie williams #ellie fanfic #the last of us #ellie smut #ellie x reader #tlou fanfiction #wlw ns/fw #wlw post #wlw smut #toxic relationship #toxic love #toxicity #not healthy #wrong #ellie x you #ellie x fem reader #smut #so hot and sexy #dom x sub

[iclimbtreestofeelalive]

okay i'm gonna say something and you all have to give me a chance. ready?

we need to stop making fun of poor american southerners who distrust the government. it's real easy to call them all conspiracy theorists and dismiss them, but half the time, its built off of a genuine feeling of being abandoned by the infrastructure meant to keep them safe.

in appalachia, a lot of people lost their homes because of coal mining operations. a lot of people worked in those mines, and then when the mines stopped being profitable, they got tossed out with the bathwater. a lot of appalachia is poor, malnourished, and i don't blame them for not trusting rich politicians who dismiss them as stupid and lower class.

if yall actually listened to half the things poor southerners say, you'd realize that a Lot of common leftist complaints are virtually identical to the rural grandma who doesn't hold with electronic money and politicians. it stems from a genuine feeling of abandonment and ostracization by the people who run the country. functionally, someone living paycheck to paycheck in the city in a tiny apartment has infinitely more in common with someone from rural appalachia than a politician. high rent, high taxes, food insecurity, feeling lied to by those in power, a general sense of frustration. it just sounds fancier coming from a city mouth than one with shitty teeth and a southern accent.

tl;dr stop dismissing southern people as stupid. they're absolutely right not to wholeheartedly trust politicians, because they've been fucked over by them time and time again, and honestly, id rather talk to a southern person who openly distrusts their representatives than someone from the city who wholeheartedly believes that Frederick Jamestown OldMoney III genuinely cares what people think and can be convinced to change his ways.

#appalachia #gettin real tired of this #hot take: southerners were right when they said never trust a politician theyre the devil #its easy to laugh but jesus christ are they wrong?? #those in power rarely came to power through just means #there i rephrased it fancy will you listen now #jesus christ #some people genuinely were never taught the fancy words to make people pay attention so you have to pay attention anyway #please note that i didnt mention race because thats an intersection im not qualified to talk about and would very much like to hear about #but jesus christ. have you all considered that maybe. just maybe #southerners arent stupid. trump was fucked up and awful and a piece of shit #he won because he at least Appeared to be sympathetic #leftists so so rarely try to actually understand poor people they dont like and its gonna be what fucks this country over #edit: hey terfs reblogging this 👋 #fuck right off unless youre prepared to include trans people in this statement #poor trans southerners exist!! i know an awful lot of them!! #im trans and southern and if you touch my post you acknowledge that trans people are breathing thinking people #with our own rational thoughts and opinions and live complex lives and face similar issues

[abtheb]

April 28, 2023

Despite everything, it's still you.

#me #ive cut back on lifting a lot due to injuries and struggles with my joints and instead picked up lane swimming in march #i had never used a public pool in my life and never swam with intent before #it was new and kind of terrifying but i needed to move my body again in a way that didnt cause pain #the first few times were pretty rough- i couldnt swim well or hold my breath and struggled with the repetitive motion and breathing #one day beams of sunlight shone through the airy space and large windows and cast shining watery reflections on the pool's bottom #i had been learning water caustics for 3d art and i loved to watch them #its gotten a lot easier now and i can let my mind wander and enjoy the sensations instead of worrying about drowning #the cool water on my skin #the muffled amniotic sounds of bubbling fluids #the mosaic tiles and patterns #the sunlight and caustics #every time i go its a social stress test- but I've gotten better at handling it and it helps me connect with other people in a tiny way #i dont know what the future of my body's training will look like as i plow into middle age #but im proud of myself for doing something totally new and finding joy in it

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i walked into a situation today where my mom was effectively already dead. effectively bc her body was and is still alive. still breathing #painful groaning purrs. but her mind was gone yesterday. my dad said he showed her a picture of the mountains i took that day and told her #i loved her and she smiled. thats what he said. maybe he was just being nice. or maybe thats the last time she thought of me. i dunno. but #the human body is an incredible thing. shes got a heart still powering a broken body. too full of tumors to function anymore. stomach #streched like a pregnant mother. it happed really fast and now its happening very slow #im somehow probably better off than the rest of them. i only got here for the aftermath of a downslide. my daily life will b least effected #i only really saw her twice a year living so far away and she didnt text much. didnt call often. so life wont change much ill just kno shes #not there. which is sad. but theres nothing to b done abt it. life goes on. it hasnt been all bad tho. its nice to talk to my family abt her #how incredible she was. bc she was. wish her mom wasnt here tho. she doesn't deserve to b here. my mom wouldnt want her here. she didnt want #her here. but anyway. i wish her body would just let her go now. so we can sleep. so this can be over. so she can rest #but even like this shes stubborn and resilient. they say it could go on for days but i hope not. may the universe let her rest shes gotta b #so tired after 10 years of this. but i have no regrets. she knew how i felt abt her. and i dont think she had regrets either. she did so #much up to the very end. went out on a high note without the burdon of knowing it was coming #i dunno. its just such a strange experience to watch the empty shell of your mother sleeping like a gurgling baby #unrelated

[jils-things]

SKADJKAJFKSFSAA content warning: embarrassing moment during my dinner out... /lh

#so - my dinner party right? while eating - i couldnt help but notice the waiters that attend to our tables were... young and nice looking #SAGFHHJAHJGSDSAGAS LISTEN JUST LISTEN #one of them stood out to me - he just looked.. really good looking #i promise you i dont fall easily irl -- but this guy just caught my attention #he had the whole waiter outfit though it was more casual - i frowned noticing that he didnt have a nametag on like the other workers ASDDJA #everytime i passed by - i would glance at him and just.. idk appreciate him adjsahsjfksfs im so sorry if this sounds weird HELPLASDAWHA #he just kept visiting our table since there were many of us and i would just smile when he pops up #now when everyones done eating - he would pick up their plates and bro. he took one plate in front of me and i was not ready for it SDFGSHF #picked up the dish next to my sister and i was like ASDAHFJSDAGSD (BREATHE) #BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT WORST? (OR BEST?) #IT WAS GETTING LATE. THE RESTARAUNT WAS CLOSING UP AND THE WAITERS KINDA SLOWED DOWN WITH THEIR PACE #they were moving the chairs back in order. the guy i like decides to sit down. and hes there. just breathing #SUDDENLY HE STARTS TO REMOVE HIS BOWTIE AND I WAS LIKE.OH OKAY OKAY. OH #i thought that was it BUT THEN NOOOO HE UNDOES TWO OF HIS BUTTONS AND I SAW HIS COLLAR BROOO I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD #AND THEN WE WOULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WHAT KINDA FUCKIN WATTPAD STORY IS THISSSSSSSS #I WAS SO . EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO LIKE AKSJDAKJFS WHY IS HE SO FINE HHHRRR #i was legit praying to just think back to steven like i dont know how to handle this genuinely ahjdfksafhsfsa #what a day that was...... #~ rambling #man i hope this never happens to me again /lh

[the-knife-consumer]

Forgot just how upsetting gloomed korok forest is

#idk. just this one sanctuary that was different from the rest in that all of these spirits only link and a few others #can see are offering you help and safety. care uniquely for you. a bed for YOU. YOUR sword. kept safe for 100 years for YOU. #thrown together shops just for YOU because nobody else goes here or even knows it exists. #and then you return and the people who cared so much about you dont even speak to you anymore #they cant speak. they just stand there #idk korok forest made me feel the most like i fucked up somehow #rito village was bad but still livable. if things got any worse then they would have to abandon home until it settled #but no one was in immediate life threatening danger #gerudo was really REALLY bad and people were in danger. just all crammed inside a bunker. no going into town because your #home doesnt belong to you anymore #and then the zora were ... idk felt the least pressing even though it definitely should be bc like. they breathe water. #if the water is gross theyll die. but idk something about how it was executed felt less terrible #maybe they outwardly expressed more hope? idk. same with the gorons didnt feel like there was a pressing threat #but korok forest is fucking AWFUL. god #idk. nobody in hyrule talks about it because they dont know there are people there. nobody else can see them so nobody knows #somethings wrong. with no lead into it finding korok forest the way it is just feels soooo much worse. #idk. on my first playthru i kind thought i fucked up and shouldve gotten there sooner. #it just feels like no matter what youre too late and its your fault

[lanayrutower]

Epona's name being an auto-input with the amiibo is actually so funny and sweet because it implies that, while Link may not remember Zelda or any of the other Champions, he remembers he had a horse, and her name was Epona.

#HORSE GAME! HORSE GAME! HORSE GAME! #botw #loz breath of the wild #botw link #freya talks loz #if the game wanted urgency they should have been like 'ganon has your horse'. i would have bolted. #on a more serious note it's like. he couldnt talk to anyone when he was alive but he didnt need to with her. they understood each other #through everything. i cant believe they dont just let me find her. MESSED UP. #botw epona #totk should have let him start a ranch. it's what he wants. i know it.

[goodlucksnez]

personal/emotional vent/observation thing please understand how vulnerable i am right now and respect that

what is my life

i am sitting in a hospital recovering from one of the worse experiences of my life,so traumatic, still sick with infection and pain, AND the fucking Netflix adaptation/live action of avatar --THAT made me realize im broken and i need people...like what the fuck is this timeline....I'm crying like actively sobbing/wailing at the show because fuck i relate to zuko too much. --god i need therapy -but even that, i dont know that would help, im going to do it but fuck depression is SPIRLING

"the truth is we would do anything for the ones we love...we travel incredible distance,risk our life and even fight mosntors ....it is scary to admit you need people....so people might see that as a weakness/liability, after all what greater pain is there for loving someone you lose or worse finding out someone you love has left you behind.

#emtional vent #im sorry for anyone who read this is and like what i baby #i am a baby #im 25 and i am scatred #scared #i dont know what to do #im emtional and sad and scared and bunch of other stuff #in other news i have been taken out of icu just in regular recovery hosital wing BUT i did get phenomena.... #i fuckin told them i had a bad immune systyem and they still didnt belive me when i spiked a fever #but then 2 days ago when i woke unable to breathe they were like of yeah phenomena #love it love my fuckin life #thank god for insurance becuase fuck i would be paything this off for the rest of my life if i did nt have my insurance #im going to keep crying over this show #god i would kill for a hug or something comforting #also spoiler but the fucking “leaves from the vine” chords that they keep putting in the show background music #my heart cannnot take it bro

[grgie]

just really humbled myself by slipping down a few stairs and winding myself 😐

#helena talks to the void #why am i now sat on the stairs tryna catch my breath like i dont know what breathing is #at least i didnt stab myself with the scissors i was careying

[depressedgremlinbitch]

it's so scary that there isn't a narrative irl that would keep us from fucking up too bad

#2 hours from now ill be on a date with a guy #bc hes my friend and i like hanging out with him and rn im afraid that all my other friends secretly hate me #and i could say that i didnt know it was a date when he asked me out #but i did have a suspicion and i still said yes #and idk why #bc i dont think im attracted to him #im pretty sure that im a lesbian #i cant stop thinking about kissing my crush and climbing into her lap and making out with her #but before i realized that i 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 like her i thought i was aroace for years #what if im wrong again? #and hanging out with this guy feels so much easier than with my other friends #including my crush #bc im not afraid of his opinion about me #and i thought its bc i dont really care #but isnt love supposed to feel easy? #“like breathing”? #but also its possible that i just wanna use his affection to boost my self esteem #thats what i did will all the boys who confessed to being in love with me so far #i didnt encourage them #but i took their gifts and compliments and basked in the light of being wanted #i even thought about getting together with one of them bc i thought i could make myself fall in love with him #but i didnt wanna give up on real love so i ended up chasing him off and never talking to him again #i was cruel #i can be the worst #and thinking about kissing this guy doesnt feel right but it also doesnt make me wanna throw up yk? #and my family is so happy about this date #i dont fucking know how i feel #i dont fucking know what is the right thing to do in this situation #✩‧₊˚

[butchyena]

reading the notes from my hospital stay and apparently i had an anaphylaxis event while under anesthesia

#they said some salve they use for abscesses thats gentler for the wound had some shellfish stuff in it #even the nirses were like ‘’we dont know to what extent but the warning is on there’’ #i told em my allergy is not as severe as it used to be but still there #they said theyd consulr the rest of the surgical team about it but i must been unconcious when they did lol #like eight people walked into the room right as i was thinking ‘’i should be under by now’’ #anyway i had a breathing tube in already #but that might explain why i was under for like 3-4 hours for a 30-90 minute procedure #and why i had oxygen going when i woke up #weird they didnt tell ne but its in the notes !!!

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

finished on earth we're briefly gorgeous. want to fucking throw up. i want a movie made out of this but just as abstract and non linear as the book with exactly as much detailed imagery and nothing left out. i want to cradle it in my arms and kiss it. i also bawled for an hour. read the author's discussions on the book reviews etc. im fucking losing my shit this reminded me of what poetry can do to a person. i had forgotten how words can make you feel. i have never seen a book about being born into survival like this and learning to build a life around it and ive never seen an asian person write it. people i am frothing at the fucking mouth.

#i also wish i had a mom and grandma like little dog honestly. #lan seems amazing #my brain hasnt been rewired so much as my soul has felt seen and understood. i have been so lonely without poetry in my life #on earth we're briefly gorgeous #i desperately want to read everything this man has ever written and everything he was ever inspired by. but i dont want to #read a pdf i want something to hold and treasure and mark up. i also dont have time ive got jee and olympiads and this is a bad #fucking time to get into reading. #but. after this. in college maybe. i want to. #ocean vuong #the monkey scene knocked my breath out and haunted me for the rest of the book and when it was brought back up #it was like an arc i didnt even realise was unfinished. god that took me out. #the butterflies and the monkeys. my favourite scenes. i wish i was a artist just so i could draw fireproof butterflies #fuck. this is the closest thing to a holy book i have. someone's life and heart and mother. jesus fucking christ. #i know its published and all but it kinda feels like peeping sometimes. and at other times i feel like i should be doing something to #show how grateful i am to be let into someone's life like this? but i dont know what to do so i just hug it sometimes. #its changed everything. #fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

[silenthillbunni]

the desire im capable of feeling for a person is insane like i rlly cannot see any other way my life could go that i'd be happy w unless im by their side in their arms :((

#genuinely idgi. w my other crushes i daydreamed but i didnt wanna get close to them rlly. this is more than a crush how does it work #r u supposed to go crazy or am i a freak #i mean like.. idk!!!!! idk anything im so confused!!!!!! #all i know is that when i wake up their my first thought. when i do anything during the day i wish i was w them doing those things #when i go to bed i think of them #every thought i have i wanna share w them. it feels good nd nice to share everything w them #it's exciting to talk abt my boring fkn day. it's exciting to listen to details of their borinf day #like thats music to my ears. everything. i want. when i think of watching a show i want to know what they think of it #when i come across a movie my 1st thought it hmm wonder if theyve seen it #when i come across various ideologies nd stuff im like hmmm i wanna discuss this w them #it's all them them them them! #im jealous of the air they breathe the ground the walk on. those things get to be so close nd im so far away #i dont know #cant.. imagine. i mean maybe to other ppl #being in love and loving someone is .. idk. i've never experienced it before so idk anythinf #im just... so.. dizzy #i cant focus on school even if im like yeah wow im gnna go homeless if i dont do my homework lmao #i cant read my books or watch shows bc i keep pausing nd being like ok but what if WE were in this position #well. maybe. im ??? is this what love is? or am i too intense? should u be able to function anyway? idgi

[good-beanswrites]

Translyrics for Eve's 名前も知らないあなたに恋をした (I fell in love with you without even knowing your name). I thought the song was so cute and fun and silly, I really wanted to try my hand at some lyrics! They're under the cut and my commentary is in the tags :3

A late-night restaurant, always in the same seat over there and

Smoking a cigarette, I see it rise and run through your hair.

Oh, what to do? I look at you and feel my heart race.

"Not much to look at, huh," you say while gazing into my face.

Pajamas on and I'm always in the same seat over here, with

Coffee, two scoops of milk, I sip it and I try not to stare.

Oh, what to do? Every line I have sounds way too cliche.

"Let's stick together, huh?" Is all that I could say.

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

A late-night restaurant, you're here each day each month each week and

Smoking a cigarette, I see it trail and trace on your cheek.

Oh, what to do? I look at you and feel my heart race.

"Not much to look at, huh," you say while gazing into my face.

I bet you like me too,  I tell myself but without success, and

I remind myself it's crazy, it's crazy, it's crazy, it's crazy, it's --

Oh, what to do? It's time to clear my heart and my head.

"You know you're beautiful," is what I finally said.

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

Begging on my knees, answer me please!

No, I don't know your name, but I fell in love with you the same.

#eve #lyrics #i do love a song with a good boing sound effect..... #kinda went off on a different vibe for the 'begging on my knees' line but it was tough getting the rhyme/emphasis to line up #so i played around with a ton of possible close-but-different sentiments #the rhythm is a but funky - i used more enjambment than i usually like for lyrics but it fits the vibe for this one ya know? #like someone going off on one long rambly sentence stopping to take a breath mid-'and' #im impressed with how effortlessly he sings the 'dameda' repetition -- that shits hard 😭 #i had 'craziness' but it didnt flow nicely so i think this works better? i still dont fully articulate 'crazy' because its too quick but #thats what makes it fun 😂 #i didnt end up singing this one because it lines up pretty intuitively i think (and has a lot of repetition lmao) #though if anyone wants to cover it and does need a reference lmk 👍