#i dont know what to make of this i might me wrong as well

[drdemonprince]

Any chance you'd expand on the hank hill trans guy post? (Sorry, best indicator I could come up with.) The concept interests me as I decidedly know my maleness, yet don't feel impeded by for the most part, any male gendered norms/boxes. I am fairly masculine, though I rarely use those kinds terms to describe myself. I have found I often do stray outside of what society pushed for me when I transitioned, yet I again do not feel it has taken from my right to maleness whatsoever. I am just me, who happens to be male. I have had friends try and suggest I am NB adjacent but I do not feel this way whatsoever. I feel more people are outliers to gender expectation than we care to admit and it's disappointing the way cis-people deny that. Hope this wasn't too long winded, I value your writing and perspective, and wanted to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Yeah, well so many things all get conflated by gender labels, and it's all so personal, you know? Masculinity does not have to mean maleness, and a person's gender identity might be a reflection of some innate quality they experience themselves as having, or a general summary of their tendencies, or their desired presentation, or their sense of affinity with other people, or an interpersonal tool, or something they just go along with because it was given to them by society, or any other number of things.

I think my recent substack piece on detransition goes into this pretty well, and I have an upcoming piece of what @pastimperfection calls "bilateral dysphoria" that comes out next week that delves into it too.

I think I mostly saw taking on a male identity as a means to an end more than any kind of innate reflection of who I was, though I did feel an affinity with effeminate men for a lot of reasons. I think I also discounted how much I have in common with my fellow nonbinary people of all stripes, because that identity became so strongly associated with being an annoying type of queer person that everybody else just wrote off as ultimately being their assigned gender at birth anyway no matter how much they protested. it doesn't help that 'nonbinary' is a catchall term for literally thousands if not millions of very distinct experiences and desires.

transitioning gave me control over how i was perceived, finally, but hormones are a throttle that only go in one very specific direction, and you don't really have all that much control over which changes kick in at which times and what people will make of you once you do start registering to them as some identity other than what you were first saddled with. it's an incredible gift to be able to toggle that throttle. but it's limited, not because medical transition isn't incredible and needed for so many, but because there is no escaping the goddamned binary cissexist logic that influences everything about how people treat you, how you navigate institutions, who finds you desirable and what they want out of you, and so much else.

if you're able to cast a lot of the external societal bullshit aside and feel strong in your maleness, maybe you're stronger than me or maybe our orientation to these things is just different, i don't know. i was never all that sensitive to feedback that i was doing the whole being-a-woman-thing all that wrong. i reveled in violating those rules to an extent. succeeding at being a woman despite my best attempts was what felt super dysphoric. and now i guess im succeeding at being a man, insofar as im always read as one, and it feels just as uncomfortable and objectifying and false. i thought that with manhood i could probably just grit my teeth and deal with it, but i'm finding that i can't.

ive always been very open that for me, gender is a thing I Do, and i guess to those who know me well it wouldnt be surprising to hear that i have gotten tired of Doing Being a Man and dont feel like playing that particular gendered game anymore. I tend to get bored of things! and find the flaws in things. and find my comfort in being fault-finding and contrarian and not being a joiner. and thats okay. i learned a lot along the way. not having to try any more is a huge relief. i can just do whatever. and know actively that people will more often than not be wrong in what they make of me.

maybe it was natural feeling for you to decidely 'know' your maleness without a care for masculine standards because that is the right identity for you! and maybe i only feel secure in the "not knowing" realm and in letting go of what people think of me or finding any kind of tidy categorization for it because that's the right spot for me. for now. until i find a new interesting way to be unhappy and striving for more and different again. :) that's just part of being alive, for me.

[dixons-sunshine]

i i love your brazilian reader so much😭😭 we dont really have that kind of representation😔 maybe could you write something with her and young daryl? maybe she could be an exchange student and got friends with daryl and is teaching him how to make brazilian food(and desserts too)? that would be adorable!! i love your writtings soo much💕

Run Away With You | Daryl Dixon x Young!Brazilian!Fem!Reader

Summary: Meeting Daryl Dixon was one of the best things to ever happen to you. He was introverted and shy, but with you, he was free to be himself. While preparing one of your favourite desserts, you suggest something to Daryl.

Genre: Fluff.

Era: Pre apocalypse.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse.

Word count: 839.

A/n: I wrote this at midnight while almost falling asleep, but I hope you like this! And thank you, @v1rtualv4mp, so much for helping me with the translations! However, some phrases are from Google translate and the recipe for the dessert in this was found from Google, so please feel free to correct me regarding any mistakes!

And with this fic done and my inbox cleared out, I can now officially say that requests are reopened! Feel free to send them in!

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“Should I fill it all the way up or nah?” Daryl questioned you, holding the tray in his hands.

You shifted your attention from the stove to him. “No, only three fourths of the way. That's what my mom taught me.”

Daryl nodded and followed your instructions, carefully pouring the custard into the dough-filled muffin cups. Afterwards he handed the muffin tray to you, carefully observing as you placed the tray in the preheated oven.

Daryl leaned back against the counter. “How long do we need to bake it fer?” he questioned, motioning towards the oven.

You joined him against the counter, leaning your head against his shoulder. Daryl stiffened momentarily before relaxing, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you closer into his side. He pressed a soft, tender kiss against your temple, smiling softly when you let out a small giggle.

“For about one and a half hours,” you answered him, checking the time on your wristwatch. “So we have to take it out at about four-thirty. Then we let it cool down for ten minutes and then we have ourselves some delicious Pastéis De Nata.”

Daryl hummed. “Portuguese Custard tart?”

You rolled your eyes at him, sending a playful smile up at him. “Sure, if you want to be a falante de inglês chato,” you joked, earning a faint, playful jab to your side, making you laugh. “Hey! Do you even know what I said?”

“Nope,” Daryl replied, shaking his head with a faint smile on his face. “But I do know tha' it probably wasn't a compliment.”

“You're right about that,” you laughed and nodded, nuzzling yourself snuggly against his side. However, you withdrew from his hold when he flinched in pain, sending him a concerned look. “What's wrong, amor?”

Daryl shook his head. “Nothin'. Jus' my father who got a bit carried away last nigh'. Nothin' I can't handle.”

Your heart sank to the depths of your stomach at his revelation. You took his hand in yours and interlaced your fingers, squeezing his hand reassuringly. However, you knew that Daryl hated addressing his home life out loud, so you opted to try and cheer him up.

“You know, we could run away together.”

Daryl raised his eyebrows in surprise, an amused smile gracing his beautiful features. “Yeah?” he asked, looking into your eyes. “And where would we even go?”

“Brazil,” you answered instantly, shrugging your shoulders. “I might be biased, but I do believe that it's one of the most beautiful countries in the world. I just know you'd love it.”

Daryl thought it over for a moment, before letting out an approving hum. “Well, let's say I agree to run away with ya to Brazil. What would we even do?”

“A gente poderia ir no Carnaval, e talvez visitar meus avós,” you mumbled to yourself, soothingly rubbing your thumb over your boyfriend's knuckles. You giggled at the confused look he gave you. “It doesn't matter what I said. We could do anything you want, gatinho. Just name it and I'd make it happen.”

“I've always wanted to go check out what Brazilians do during that festival ya keep ravin' 'bout,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “So we could start with tha'?”

You smiled and nodded. “Anything you want, amor. We'd have to wait for Carnaval to start in a couple of months, but we could make it happen.”

Daryl smiled. “Have I ever told ya tha' I love ya?”

“You have,” you nodded, stepping into Daryl's arms and peering up at him. “And I do, too. Eu te amo tanto.”

You leaned in and kissed Daryl on the lips, savouring the taste of him. However, the moment was short-lived, because the power soon went out, causing you and Daryl to look at each other in confusion.

“Well,” Daryl started, looking towards the oven. “Guess tha's gon' take longer to get ready.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Seriously? That's your concern?”

“Wha' can I say?” Daryl mused, sending you a playful smile. “I was really lookin' forward to tha' custard tart. Would've packed some fer our journey to Brazil.”

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

Translations:

falante de inglês chato: boring English speaker.

amor: love

A gente poderia ir no Carnaval, e talvez visitar meus avós: We could participate in the Carnaval, and maybe go visit my grandparents.

Eu te amo tanto: I love you so much.

#krys writes .ೃ࿐ #daryl dixon #daryl dixon x reader #twd daryl #daryl x reader #daryl dixon x female reader #daryl dixon imagine #daryl dixon the walking dead #daryl #the walking dead daryl #daryl fanfiction #daryl x y/n #daryl x female reader #daryl x you #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon fanfic #daryl dixon x y/n #daryl dixon x you #young!daryl dixon #young!daryl #young!daryl dixon x reader #the walking dead #norman reedus #norman reedus x reader

[crispywizardtale]

#i am kind of confused #while they were training it looked like they had a special connection between eachother but after it they are just awkward around eachother #its like Phaya is keeping special attention to Tharn but only in training outside of training its Tharn who pays attention to Phaya #i dont know what to make of this i might me wrong as well #sargent didnt remove Phaya's hand from Tharn's shoulders because that was Phaya keeping Tharn warm and that was teamwork he talked about #but also a cute bl moment for us #Phaya motivating Tharn by hitting him with his cap #they always have eyes on eachother #that Jack and Rose scene was so impactful to me #the chemistry was incredible #the tension could have been cut with the knife #the eye contact shared here was so meaningful #the camerawork was amazing as well and those waves... just perfect the mood was set perfectly great cinema #i also love Tharn's relived and despeate expression he had on #he might be a rookie but he is on great path already #the sign #the sign the series #phaya x tharn #tharn x phaya #billy patchanon #billybabe #babe tanatat

[hella1975]

not someone commenting on tams to tell me to update taob. what if you fucked off forever

#the actual nerve of some people like it's bad enough getting those kinds of comments ON taob #bc obviously any comment along the lines of 'im literally begging you to update' is gonna piss the fuck out of a writer #BUT TO DO IT ON A DIFFERENT FUCKING FIC????? HAVE A HORRIBLE DAY #and the fact these people not only dont think they're doing anything wrong but think they're COMPLIMENTING ME #'i love your writing so much please update taob' IS NOT A FUCKING COMPLIMENT. LET ALONE ON A FIC THAT HAS NO RELEVANCE TO TAOB #WITH NO MENTION OF TAMS IN THE COMMENT EITHER. NO 'I REALLY LIKE THIS FIC. UPDATE TAOB' not that that would make it okay #but the utter audacity of it all is jarring. how are you gonna clearly have read tams and felt the need to comment #just to have NOTHING to say about it and tell me to update a different fic. actually fuck off #ending the comment with 'okay i love you' do you now. do you really. well it's unrequited babe. fuck off #you people make me mad sometimes istg #'hella why are you always so negative about taob's popularity' when i get something good out of it i'll let you know #edit: they left that comment on ch1 of tams which actually implies they didn't even read it which is somehow. worse #like they've clearly just clicked on it with no regard for the passion and effort i put into it seeing as it's a WHOLE SEPERATE FIC #and considered only that i might give the comment more attention if it was on tams not taob. what the actual fuck is the thought process #in what WORLD is someone taking that as a compliment. in what world am i gonna go 'omg writing it rn just for you bestie 🥺' #actually fuming about this idk why this one has got to me so much the utter CHEEK of it all has really knocked me sideways lmaooo

[spider-man-2o99]

Just wanted to say that I have been thinking of you and pre-emptively empathizing with the nonsense you are no doubt being flooded with and the psychic damage it must be causing. Keep stanning the king ignore the weirdos <3

thankg u.,, i feel like ive been trapped in a fuckign . Torture Labyrinth these past coupl days . but. wwe will. We Will Yet Persist onwards w/ our hand on the left wall till we;re either out or at the center i swear 2 fucking GOD,

#talking tag #asks #th pain is forever the Horrors r unending the lack of media comprehension on all sides is Disappointin But Also My Goddamn Life I Guess lol #though i will say ppl in my inbox have actually been.. surprisingly polite overall? if not outright rather kind as a whole. um. post-atsv. #but. god. i have not Talked About so much of that movie because i kind of just. #..ok actually i realize this is gonna sound rude as hell lmao. but. hhaha i Kinda Just. was fool enough to Assume that everbody would yknow #like. Comprehend The Film yk yk yk. since it is a well-written movie that doesnt try to Hide any of what it;s abt? yk? #i come On Here onto tumblr dot bumblr and i make my stupid esoteric gddamn complaints abt 2099 Themes for Me Only so my head doesnt blow up #n silly ol me i really do like earnestly honestly in my Heart think. like. we all saw the same movie. right? mayb thingsll calm down. #but oh oh oh oh oh no no no No No. they do Not calm down they get So Much Worse. #and now hypothetical Internet Strangers might be Passing Judgement bcuz we look like an Apologist 4 assuming Everyone Knew Media Literacy #CHRIST. do people think i think mig was. like. In The Right. in atsv. no ive known he would be Wrong for years dudes. #why do yall think i was so low-key Disappointed he was placed in a role that couldve better suited. like. Superior Spider-Man. #public image. DING-DONGs. man he is Never Going To Be In Movies Again After This Hes An AU SPIDER-MAN FROM THE 90S. LORD! #i had SO MUCH FUN watching atsv!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i dont like the choices it made to put miguel in the situation that it did. Bizarre Thematic Changes to 2099 that Only I Care Abt. but like #that is SUCH a fuckin SMALL and insanely autistic nitpick like i earnestly loved the hell out of the film and its mig is-- #--Earnestly One Of His Better/Best Adaptations despite bein within the limited confines of th plot nd setting he is In & w/o his inner mono #..i just. Hate So Much That This Movies Version Of Miguel Will Be The Only One That Anybody Knows For The Next Seven Years At Least. yknow. #i lov watching that fuckers trainwreck of a slowmotion mental breakdown for two hours but the movie gave practically Zero Context 2 newbies #BTSV please save me BTSV please save me BTSV PLEASE save me PLEASE please please please PLEASE BTSV youre my last hope.... #(arthur clenching his fist meme) ppl r Already so shitty 2 ppl w/ Messy Symtptoms i could Handle losing MK but SM2099 means too much 2 me..

[the-deadlock-south]

rocket queen :)

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #pharah #fareeha amari #art tag #idk something compelled me to doodle her #i think its cause i used to draw her a lot back in the day #and just like back then i will only draw a headshot of her :) #i just like drawing faces man im not tryna do a full body #i just like studying faces and drawing them #im def not super happy with this there are a couple things that rub me the wrong way but im just tryna have fun with drawing #opposed to trying to make everything perfect so #i havent really been in a super drawing mood anyway but i also dont wanna slack on practicing so #a good piece of advice i heard was to just take doodles as making notes for when you do make a bigger piece #since then drawings been more easygoing for me and thats how it should be imo #because of this now i feel like i can draw a better pharah next time #-which might be in like. as soon as i post this #im in a drawin mood but dont really know what to draw #and since i already have pharah on the brain might as well see what else i can doodle

[lightbulb-warning]

i like keeping all my wips open because otherwise they go straight into "i forgor"-ville (population? everything im not currently staring at.)

my laptop fucking HATES it though. very unsupportive of you, bestie. wdym you can't handle the weight of 12 different overly ambitious projects at once?? massive you problem, you inanimate object.

#/lh #hi i know i haven't uploaded anything art related in THREE WHOLE DAYS #i know right? completely unprofessional of me. #/sarcasm #dont worry i know i have unreasonable expectations for myself. it's just how i have fun! #“aim for the moon because if you miss you still end up among the stars 🥴” except i am launching myself out a window with a firecracker #thus am impressed by any achieved elevation at all. idk metaphors are hard. you get it. #anyway just here to bitch and moan about my physical form preventing me from dishing out unlimited amounts of drawings #my physical vessel do be acting subpar as of recently. groan. hate it when can't get good am i right kids #new symptoms unlocked! randomly just. crashing? idk how to best describe it #“guess im on the floor for the next five minutes. love your ceiling btw very ceiling-y” #the social circle is lovely though they've really taken it (maoira corpse era) in stride im really happy about that #*maiora (i really should have chosen a fake name that doesn't make my dyslexic ass implode but it's funnier this way) #i got my blood stats results back tho! mayhaps the docs might figure out what the hell is wrong with moi??? #i sincerely ✨doubt✨ it because the medical system always finds new ways to screw people over #groan #oh well literally nothing else i can do about this #the tone is lighthearted i am speaking lightheartedly im having a chuckle at my own expense for funsiez!! #wow i really appreciate you asking about my day! (yes. you totally *did* do that) how was yours?? #/genuine question since you're still here reading my tags #fun fact! all my electronics are named Apοllo. all of them. #thanks for reading have a nice day take care of yourself buhbye!! #shut up maiora #anecdote anthology #gargantuan levels of eepy in me rn

[trainingdummyrabbit]

well ! time to be mentally ill abt Charactors. picks up tablet pen again

#tried t get smthn done All Day and i shrimply could not itseems! might aswell waste time in a way that makes me happier. #piktalk #hraaghh. odd and offputting again for a moment #rapidly coming to the conclusion i just desperately need to talk to someone abt this but like . who. who do u even bring that to. #like 'yea bear with me; the one who doesnt know shit from fuck; but i think something is wrong. what is it? well funny story; #i dont actually know. anyway;' #i dont wanna Bother anyone with it because its Weird and Kind Of Intense and i dont even know if im Right about it #but i cant be silent either!!!! i have to say Something! do Something! if i dont then . !!!! i dont know!!!!! #i dont even know if people who Do know what im talking about know what to do about it! augh!!! #im being way more open than i should be to begin with here; but its like... a step beyond yknow. thats dangerous; very potentially. #hraahhh. maybe ill just run out of options n just be reckless anyhow. lies on the floor.

[starphobe]

fh fandom back to wishing death on a fictional teenager for being mentally ill and not learning how to cope with that in a healthy way. what else is new

#do i think klck is correct? no #do i think a fandom full of grown adults should stop holding this (manipulated) (not sound of mind) teenager to wack standards? ya #like.... some of you are... how do i say this.... ~projecting~ #and dont get me wrong this isnt me trying to say shes some kind of innocent misunderstood blorbo 🥺🥺🥺 #i think shes a freak and a cunt. but im going to be normal about it and NOT say that she deserves to be killed (????) #pre-overtaking she was clearly aware that her behavior wasn't healthy #the fact she even went to jawbone at all (and was honest with him!) proves that imo #personally i feel like she might be neurodivergent -> struggling with knowing which rules to break and which ones to not #we literally JUST had an episode where the principal of AAA told students to their face that studying and working hard is dumb #i think kipperlilly came to aguefort. couldn't get a grip on what they Actually wanted from her #(parents went to mumple. she couldnt have been prepared for aguefort) #and out of frustration she fixated on people who were doing well and compared herself to them #and the only major surface difference she could find? tragic backstories #it only makes sense that she'd assume that THAT is what was missing. her inability to adapt to AAA was out of her control #so instead of blaming smth abstract (neurodivergence/other mental illness) #this single. concrete. and obvious difference is way easier to latch on to #but yeah. imo she just reads as someone super neurodivergent who received No Help because she 'made do' #and when thrown into a situation that required a skillset she wasn't born with. she shut down and got defensive #noone is born wanting to die yadda yadda #i think it's very interesting that when jawbone turned the question around on her (asking what SHE could do to get better) #she got quiet and awkward #its almost like she was trying her best? and just couldn't figure out where to go next? #and OH would you look at that. jace offering her a trip to the mountains of chaos. for a ~super dangerous adventure~ #🙄 #anyway. #awfully convenient. isn't it. #this has been me. having takes on ms goldendoodle shibainu #goodnight everyone (its noon) #not tagging this out of fear of the *** stans out there who will not stop taking things personally

[technicolorxsn]

kabru is so fascinating to me.... girl what is wrong with u

#i love him though #see i understand partly whats wrong with him bc i also have a fascination with the workings of humanity and analyzing individuals #but the way i approach/feel about that interest is more similar to laios #well. not as unhinged when its real people but yknow #its more from a place of care and wanting to know how things work and how i fit into it (<-will never figure that part out) #but with kabru i dont get it #is it all about fitting in and being liked? what is it about laios that makes him tick? #he says his main motivator is his past but.. what do his weird mind games do to help him with his goals? #why lie to laios? why lie to anyone? why go through all that effort to be liked by everyone? #i dont understand people like that at all..... ive met a fair few and they all scare me #im definitely far more like laios ^^' #maybe its that sincerity that bothers him? laios cant lie to save his life and he cares so earnestly #and kabru keeps trying to come up with reasons as to why he might be sinister or evil but.... kabru knows hes not

[inhumanfuckingdogman]

If i had to pick (and lbr you do) between either roman or tomgreg being canonically gay and explored in the series id pick roman 100%. Tomgreg going canon would set gay rights back by like 40 years

#like its still a big tv show they can only have one gay person on it #succ #i think tomgreg will always be reaching new insane heights of whatever the fucknis wrong with them #but roman. roman. #the gerri thing was completely a mommy issues deal #roman ‘for reasons of … we dont know why i cant pee next to other men’ roy #i enjoy watching his torment and quite frankly i cant think of anything that would turn him inside out with misery #quite like the slow tortuous realization that everything his father is disgusted by in him #are the things that make him feel happy and at peace and loved #i hope his interactions with mattson are confusing and scary and addicting and he keeps going back #mencken works too but im sorry that more boring.2 me. ohhh hes into it bc facism bad but he likes when thing bad we get it. #thats the same thing hes been doing tho #now imagine: rome but hes in a relationship with someone whos a little fascinated by him #this dettached deadeyed weirdo who doesnt roll his eyes when he speaks #and instead seems to listen to every word and remember what he says #and who maybe. just maybe. even cares about him #like mattson would definitely treat him like a bug under glass but roman ‘dog cage and chocolatte cake’ roy #would easily mistake that for love #idk not articulating it well. might write a fic abt it. we’ll see #tomgreg canon truthers btw no hate i lov the ship sorry if this shows up in the tag #but theyre definitely going to be in weird limbo forever & ever #i think at best tomgreg will become canon? (audible question mark) #i think they could fuck nasty and weird on screen and tom would start gaslighting greg into thinking it didnt happen #because nothing like. nice or good happens in the show its about misery #i want tomgreg to stay on ao3 so i can read abt tom healing after leaving waystar #anyways! #chatter

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Oh haha yeah I'm definitely feeling better <- he is not talking to people

#i'm not doing it on purpose i just. have so much on my mind and i wish i didn't #god what i would give to see everything slow and stop again. for the world to slow down again. i know it won't #it's like. i feel like i should be doing more. looking for more jobs looking more doing more #getting 5 billion little pieces of paper that say i can type fast or i have excellent diction or whatever #it's like. i can't objectively tell how much i'm doing. i can only feel the subjective part of it and i know that part is super skewed #bc like. raised as a trophy child and all that. i feel like. if was doing better or enough then i wouldn't be so uncomfortable #and it doesn't work like that!! no one has money and everything is expensive and i'm not doing anything uniquely wrong but like. #i could be doing more and is it not foolish of me to do more when the opportunity presents itself? or am i running myself into the ground? #i feel. well i'll be honest i don't feel very good. this has been a rough month for me #at my current rate i'll financially make it through april but it might be a tight squeeze #and i dont even WANT to be worried about money like. getting by is fine and not a mark for or against me #but like. i don't know. tossing these thoughts out here to get them out of my head. #shai speaks

[hearties-circus]

↖️ *guy that is having such a normal one right now* *guy that totally isn't fucking losing it* *guy that surely isn't about to explode into a million pieces with no idea how to put itself back together this time*

#gamer txt. #i cant i can do this i xant its too hard its too hard #zo yous know that post i made a bit ago? how o said i was fuvking desperate and hanging on by a thread? #well unsurprisingly as it turns out the sevonf ppl extended help i closed mysf back off and started lying again. who couldve daw that coming #ive vroken down plenty of times over the years but ibe always got back up ive bever had a 'i cant do it this time' moment #well i mean. until now #i just cant i cant do it it all hurts so much i cant enjoy anything i dread everutbing theres nothing theres fucking nkthing #it hurts all the time and i xant do anything about oy because no one in this house gives a shit #and i ca t do anything becayse eberyone online is do easy to ignore so easy to lie to #ive never veen this bad before ibe never dreaded life like this #i really dony know if i can xome back fron this #ya know on the 24th i would've been 3 years clean. i relapsed about a 2 months ago i wanna say? im really close to doing ot again #but i dont know if i wkuld stop. nor when i isuallu do anyeay i think i would keep going past what i know i could take #it would be stupid #no one gere would nhtive anything wrong until ot was too late id hust be making the worst mistake of my life #but despiye that. despite everything its so tempting. just for the chance that someone might notice #that someone might actuallu acknowledge theres sometjing wrong with and gove a fuck about me #i know this fanily. i know how they work. i know how they treated my xousin the last 2 tjmes she tried to off herself #but one of them would care right sureky? even just kne #i need someone yo see me to actually fucking see me and not all the walls ibe set up #someone to recognise that im in no state to take care of myself and never has been #something that will fight me when i obviously lie #but theres no way for me to get that #im not stupid enough to risk myself and um too much of a coward to call out in any other way #what the duck an i meant to do? #im a wreck thats too scared to tell anyone #ive been theoen into the middle of the ocean and the water is the strongest ots ever been #and there is the vague imsge of a life boat off in the distance but its too far and ny arm hurt too much to swim #even if i did make my arms hurt too much to climb aboard and theres no one on it to help me up either #so i just have to float here because at least drowning is less shameful than yaving made it to safety and been too weak to grasp it

[impostorsshow]

I love watching Tears of the Kingdom memories out of order /sarc /lh

It took my around 100 hours to even find out the tears were a thing and wondering wtf my mom was talking about when I kept asking for help on what to do but that aside, I had seen #1 and #2 in order, tried to find Tabatha stable for a good 2 hours and then decided to go take a break and got hit with #8, WHICH WAS LIKE GETTING HIT BY A TRAIN

#1: :0 time travel wow oh wait your my old grandparents

#2: "let's go to the castle dear and get some clean clothes"

#8: SHE'S DEAD AND GANON IS IN POWER AND YOUR FUCKING WIFE IS DEAD AND ITS YOUR FAULT RAARU

Also there's 18 memories?? Damn how the fuck is it gonna sucker punch me more than that fucking 180 in story but aside from that i. I really wish it gave you a little way to back out, like it tells you the memory of what your about to watch and if you wanna do it later, I wanted to watch them in order TT AND I STILL HAVENT FOUND TABANTHA STABLE

#once i lost a carton of milk in the fridge and genuinely stood there for like an hour i was later told trying to find it. and then #my roommate walked over and handed it to me in about 4 seconds so i am not surprised i cant find the stable #im gonna go use google now #im mostly posting since i realized i should make semi regular posts on this account for my own sanity even if its not s&m related #since im not really s&m related anymore aside from the occasional art i'll change my pfp to reflect that eventually #i want to start making zelda art but i would want to put ALOT of time learning a more realistic artstyle to be happy with that #and contrasingly im struggling to learn the really cartoony style of aga so uh. shit outta luck with all of my hyperfixations rn #i might make something genuine related to undertale in the meantime? i have some aus ive held incredibly close to my heart #talk talks #hmm okay yeah i should start using fandom tags but i dont want to clutter anything what do i do here #zelda ranch dip #hell if i'll remember that but i'll put it in my searchable tags as a hail mary #would anyone be interested in my wackass theory about how i think link is a witch #i have a giant ass rant in my discord i think as well as a few rants on the fae and the such #oh shit good tag to put in her actually right before i hit post #spoilers #totk spoilers #just in case cause i got spoilered a little bit? but i have really good luck and skill with avoiding spoilers about alot of games and #the only thing i really know is that zelda turns into the dragon..i think ive been told that was wrong but i might be being juked

[earlyspringtranscendence]

ik im talking a lot abt the books im reading rn (this is due to the fact that after eons of not having the time or energy i am once again reading books) but theydies i can happily announce that after 2 unsuccessful weapons and wielders books soulbrand has truly captured my enamoration once again i’m kissing keras lovingly and tenderly (the only way to kiss him)

#just got to the scene where he fights edria song & she's so sweet about it and he's so unintentionally flirtatious #ugh !!!!! babygirl <3 #like dgmw theres nothing wrong w the first two but like they just haven't been for me #and its like there truly is no rhyme or reason as to why because i love keras i love dawn and reika absolutely #and i especially love seeing keras as . you know. keras. instead of as taelien (but taelien is my sweet angel forever so yk) #like its not like i prefer keras to t or anything i just like seeing his growth and his changing #so idk why the first two didnt like hook me as much as any of the other books within the universe #but anyway. soulbrand has gotten me thank god ! i think i should get the paperbacks for w&w to like #reread them and just see if the medium might make a difference #eventually i wanna own all the andrew rowe books but i do also have to prioritise cause i only have the first 2 aa books #and how to defeat a demon king i found that one second hand as like a library copy im p sure ??? which is cool #so anyway i wanna complete aa first and honestly i do also very much want to own wobm very dearly #but those ones are just for the collection of it all because i dont think i'll ever reread those physically i love the audiobooks too much #and i dont have That much annotating to do in those as opposed to the arcane ascension ones #and then we get into the shatter crystal legacy (not what its called cant right recall rn) of which . i think the second one is out #but anyway ive only read the first one but would love to have that one as well obv #ugh. i love this universe so much it truly is so captivating to me #recently read

[bingobongobonko]

just the slightest.......... and by slightest i mean extremely frustrated i cannae focus on the things i need to do... but on shit that really don't matter, but also it matters to me. but in general i know i gotta focus on other stuff but i cant and its damn frustrating!!!!!!! how do i focus on stuff!!!!!!

#begrudgingly working on thangs... but i like it.. #but i should do other stuff but then i stop focusing.. #wtv... #slapping my brain around at full speed. Work you fool! #tho i do think its good im getting better at drawing mechs hee hee hoo heee hoo.. #thinkin if i just do what my heart asks of me then eventually ill have the ability to focus on the stuff i wanna work on #i think too. srry i got a lot to say.. been retrospective #i know i have a difficulty connecting to ppl it just frustrates me to no end how big the wall feels sometimes #i dont want that wall to BE there #difficulty connecting to people. even ppl i care about recently and it makes me sad. i dont know how to get it across #it feels like a different language again i guess. and its real frustrating not understanding how to put myself across #sucks 2 suck i guess. im not sure how i come across sometimes. maybe too talkative or too unresponsive idk man #it gets scary. i dont pick up on the signs nowadays. i dont KNOW how people think of me and i dont wanna do something wrong #agh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im thinking hard. just not been able to connect to people and its got me in the dumps i guess #i wish i knew why #oh well im workin on it. i gotta get better. been struggling to feel normal and its distressin to know i might not ever be #just got me cryin outta frustration