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wavesoutbeingtossed · 2 months

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The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.

#thisisctrying and taylortruther sorry for tagging you two!#can remove if needed!#but you guys made me think a lot #this was inspired by a conversation i had with a friend the other day #where she relayed an argument she had with her partner #who basically felt slighted that he wasn’t getting acknowledgement for all the housework he does — which is. just. the dishes #and she was like ‘wow congrats you’ve done the dishes — i do every other fucking thing to keep this household afloat in ways you see #and don’t see and i never ask for praise because it’s just stuff that needs to get done because that’s how you support your family’#and it just reminded me that some partners (and a certain kind of man in particular) just… think their struggles take precedence #when their partners drown in them everyday but keep things afloat out of necessity and are never recognized or supported for it #(my friends have shitty husbands/boyfriends can you tell lol)#long post #again the way i just feel like i know the vibes of ttpd in my bones are 😵‍💫#i feel like i have a lot more thoughts but I’m trying to be more gracious and less parasocial so #also just want to again defend the introverts of the world by reiterating that being introverted does not mean unsupportive #being a shitty partner does though!#writing letters addressed to the fire #it’s also just like… i feel like if Taylor had had even a modicum of the support in private and even public she needed #she’d probably still be with you know who and wouldn’t have considered leaving let alone doing it #because it would have felt like enough and like it was what was needed for both of them #whereas we’re seeing a completely new side of her open up now because this is the first time she’s ever had that support from a partner #in her adult life at least #and it’s like it’s opening up things she didn’t know she needed or wanted

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volitioncheck · 11 months

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always thought this line was funny considering there’s Plenty of instances of kim calling harry his partner, and harry of course refers to kim as his partner all the time.

most of these i’d interpret as kim referring to him in a case-partner sense— i imagine that it’s a pretty common occurrence for non-partnered officers to pair up with each other on big cases considering kim mentioning that certain procedures (field autopsies, death notifications, etc) require two officers by RCM protocol.

but there’s a couple examples where it feels more… deliberate?

it intrigues me that the best example i could find of kim asserting him and harry’s partnership is from apologizing to him after the most egregious way you can fuck up your relationship to him in the game.

kim never ‘corrects’ harry anywhere else other than that convo with jean. kim seems to already be falling into viewing him and harry as official partners— only becoming self-conscious of it when suddenly faced with harry’s “actual” partner. his protest in front of jean feels like he’s correcting himself just as much as harry.

i dunno if i have any big conclusion i was trying to reach here, i just always found the line funny and even more telling when i looked up just how much he contradicts it everywhere else in-game. spongebob meme vc you likeee me don’t you lieutenant.

bonus result that doesn’t have anything to do with the rest really but i didn’t know you could tie at suzerainty and i’ve never seen this dialogue before. kim.

#disco elysium #kim kitsuragi #sure i’ll tag this as #kimharry #why not #sidenote i wonder if kim has to pair up with other random officers often in order to properly complete cases #i wonder how he felt about them‚ how much he usually likes or doesn’t like working with someone else #how long has he been working alone since his last partner (presumably) died? why *doesn’t* he already have a new one?#every other field officer we get a glimpse from in precinct 41 is paired up #maybe it’s more common for officers from the GRIH to work alone on account of it being less dangerous than jamrock?#does kim miss working with a partner i wonder #he falls into step with working with one again so easily it seems #again. spongebob meme bc you likeeeee me don’t you lieutenant #me talking

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evilbubu · 15 days

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nobody cares but i just want to say thank you to twenty one pilots song; next semester for giving me the strength to drop out of University after it absolutely crushed me mentally, emotionally and physically. So, thank you. I'll try again, next semester.

#twenty one pilots #twenty øne piløts #next semester #“I don't wanna be here”#“Can you die of anxiousness?”#“This is a taste test of what i hate less”#“There's a pressure in my chest”#“start fresh next semester”#never felt so heard and understood by a song at the perfect period of my life before #me at 2AM sitting alone watching the music video when it got on my recommendation page on ytb #it was like #a weight has been lifted off my chest #sounds corny but its so true #im not even like a fan #the only other songs i know are heathens and stressed out #i think ill become a fan now

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bylertruther · 1 year

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y'all moved on but i literally still can't believe this is real life. what the fuck. spread ur wings, mr schnapp... sniffling, crying, weeping bc i am so full of Joy... not 2 be corny but it's always a lovely thing when someone steps into the light n lives their truth... when they feel safe and loved enough by those in their life that they feel they can and genuinely want to share this part of themselves with the world... mr schnapp who has played will byers for such a big part of his life and explored his own self and come to terms with who he is at the same time that will has... will, who means so much to so many and has such a realistic journey that we seldom get to see, especially in such mainstream media, literally the biggest show in the world... just so moved that he went from being scared in the closet to feeling so loved and at peace that he would share this part of himself with the world in such a silly, light-hearted, and entirely noah way, always so true to himself and full of light... i just. 🥺 a lot of feelings are being felt rn. good for him!! GOOD FOR HIM!!!!! 💗🏳️‍🌈🫂

#like. he's gay 🥺!! tears in ym eyes lol the reality hit me like. omg. he's gay.... noah schnapp... gay... revealed it in a silly funny #little tiktok.. with a smile on his face :) <3 it just makes my heart so happy!!! i love when anyone feels safe enough to come out!!#i wish we didn't have to i wish that we could just exist and have it not be a big deal but we aren't there yet and for now i just.#i just !!!!! feel so happy!!! for him and those who felt inspired by his courage and told their loved ones about themselves too!#and for those of you that can't do that just know that you are still loved and seen and you are not less than or any less valid!#peace and love on planet earth!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺😭🤧💓#scared in the closet to being out and proud and smiling about it.... bro i'm really crying rn like . love is so real... it's out there...#staring up at my ceiling thinking abt how none of us are ever alone... wauw life is um . well. life sure is something sometimes huh

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anghraine · 1 year

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Just thinking about Gandalf saying that Denethor was "too great" to be psychically dominated by Sauron, and his warning to Pippin that Denethor is powerful in a way that Théoden isn't regardless of the particulars of descent, and dangerous; and I'm thinking about Faramir's deeply strange remarks about Gollum's mind and history, and Gollum crying out in pain when he tries to lie about Cirith Ungol, and Faramir's totally unexplained suspicions that Something Went Sideways For Boromir in Lothlórien Specifically—

And I'm also thinking of what it would be like to be young Faramir with all this happening in his head and around him. I have a lot of feelings about Faramir getting his only explanations and rules about what's happening from Denethor and what lore he can pick up and maybe what "little" Gandalf will tell him—

And then I'm thinking of what it would be like to be young Denethor, to have this experience with no guidance at all.

For Faramir, everything of this ilk is going to be filtered through his extremely complicated and fraught relationship with his father, the only person he knows who is like him.

For young Denethor, there isn't anyone like him. There are other Númenórean types in Gondor, and people who are Númenórean in different ways, but it's clear that there's no one like Denethor, and hasn't been in generations. So sometimes I wonder what that would be like, as well—to just have to figure it all out on your own and still end up as powerful and dangerous as he is.

I mean, obviously I find this cool and compelling, but I also think that the way in which Denethor is set apart from the world around him might well have made for an incredibly isolated experience, especially in his youth. For all his mastery of lore, there's probably a lot about his own nature and abilities that he never knew.

#sometimes i wonder if that's what got him into lore to begin with #just desperately trying to find out why this was happening to him #and there was nobody who could explain it and nobody who shared it until freaking thorongil comes along #and if you know thorongil is aragorn it's such a wildly suspicious situation #and even aragorn leans way less on mental powers most of the time #and couldn't prevent him from seeing who he really was #so i'm not sure it really felt like 'hey i'm not alone in the world'#even apart from all the other issues #anghraine babbles #long post #legendarium blogging #anghraine's headcanon #húrinionath #denethor #faramir #gandalf #this was actually a longer post but i can never shrink it down properly. oh well.

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bloodyandgay · 5 months

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yeah Debbie had Fiona but why do you think she felt the need to grow up so fast? i bet she felt like a burden. i bet she didn’t ask for help when she needed it. i bet she felt guilty when they struggled to pay bills. i bet she blamed herself when she saw Fiona really stressed out. i bet she felt like she didn’t deserve Fiona and Lip and Ian.

#not me projecting #as the younger sibling in traumatic… situations #im so grateful for my sister but that doesn’t mean i suffered any less #she was so much older i felt alone sometimes too #she left home when i was still a kid #anyway #debbie gallagher #fiona gallagher #shameless #shameless us

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adriles · 1 year

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"your violence is unspeakable now " ive always committed grievous acts of violence and war crimes . You are just mad at me for killing someone who matters

#hector #book 22 #book 24 #again imbued with themes ig #cause while yeah this is haha silly #it is also very much a take ive seen lol #less so in the case of achilles and more so with hector post patroclus #and can be applied to practically any other character #like there is horrific violence and devastation everywhere in this story #the evil isnt the person acting it is the totality of it. war and violence make monsters of men #there is a totality of devastation that is recognized in what happens between the 3 #but it isnt just limited to the characters alone. if u limit it to that it is so so deeply one dimensional #anyways if yall can stomach war crimes discussion #i would forever recommend the doc the act of killing #every so often i think about it and just…..god.#i havent watched the second doc still and im sad about that cause it is about a victim confronting the abuses exacted by these people #but the act of killing is just…..interviewing these people years after they horrifically maimed and killed so many. and then #asking them to describe the act. and how they felt. and how they feel now. and if it was justified. is just……god fr a must watch if u can #handle that type of pain. both visually and in spoken word #but yeah. nuance is the point of this aside lol #oh but also just cause no one gets upset over all those men who die. like that post that is like is the whole book just like this #these descriptions of death at a massive scale in another catalogue type form #hell ik people have talked about character kill counts on here. i have been that bitch #to prove a ferocity in battle or whatever the hell #but there is no recognition of that depravity. it is only when it touches someone we know by the narrative to be loved #to be powerful. to be good. to be worth something to the people around him #and to see him act with his family and in battle before the end and with the gods and #humanity makes it hit more obviously. that is how stories work. but to step back from that and recognize #oh so many men also died terribly. so many things happened to their bodies. and they only get a line. that is what gets me

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maxgicalgirl · 8 months

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Archive 81 tv show made Melody Pendras straight we cannot trust podcasts in the hands of mainstream media !!!!!!!

#archive 81 #I have mixed feelings about it and as soon as they introduced Gal Pal Annabelle to replace Actual Girlfriend Alexa it should have been a #red flag #conceptually I really liked what they did to flesh out the first season #but they took it in a completely different direction by the end and at that point it’s not even the same thing anymore 🙄#like you can’t even pick up anything from the original’s season 2 because they reconstructed the narrative so much #idk man its not like they’re going to make any more of it anyways but I still felt the need to come on here and bitch #honestly main stream adaptations of podcasts scare me like I revel in exposure for things I like but ultimately so much gets lost in #translation #like archive 81 podcast is weird and nonsensical at times and Tape Recorder Man’s adventures in the Upside Down just don’t translate to a #general audience ? so they gotta bring in reasons for it to make sense like satanism and witches and demons #when that was sooooooo not the point of the original #like seeing how much they had to adjust to appeal to an outside audience makes me almost glad the wtnv tv show didn’t get green lit #can you imagine ???? how the fuck would they get five headed dragon Hiram McDaniel on my actual television ????#standing next to a Cecil Palmer with a canon appearance no less #like adaptations are cool and they CAN work sometimes but if you’re going to have to break and bend the world in order to make it to the #point where it’s a new thing entirely #ESPECIALLY since we live in a world where audio drama is not respected as a creative medium #at that point I’m just like leave it alone it’s fine on it’s own #anyways archive 81 is an interesting experiment into what live action podcast adaptations COULD look like but you can pry lesbian Melody #Pendras from my cold dead hands and that makes the adaptation automatically inferior imo #I guess she could be bi but when you remove Canon Girlfriend and instead make her kiss a man ? not likely #I am just talking to hear myself talk now goodbye #max rambles in the tags

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foxgirlmoth · 2 months

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I had a timeloop dream that feels like it should be fucking me up a lot right now mentally.

#It was. A Lot.#There were some funny bits though I remember showing Carrie an ai generated video in it that made us laugh #There was love all the way through #Anyways I experienced becoming a black hole and becoming a god or something #And I remember a part where the computer I was on (where it all started)#And I think it was a new loop #The computer asked me to take a picture and use one word to make a wish #And I just kept trying to submit the word wife because I missed Maxie...#And it wouldn't take no matter how many times I tried... It'd mirror the image so it couldn't read the word and stuff like that #The whole thing probably counts as a nightmare.#All I wanted was someone with me the entire dream. Every loop it intensified how alone I felt #Less friends could be reach. There was a point where it just kept jumping a loop every time I messaged Maxine.#And she'd get further and further away. First loop would 'oh how strange. you know so much about me'.#Then it'd be a new loop and it kept going until she was saying stuff like 'I thought I blocked you' 'Go Away' 'How do you keep finding me'#And it broke my fucking heart.

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howabhwmwn · 1 year

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Ive never felt so understood by a movie. Its such a personal connection, i dont think i can recommend to anyone i know in real life without feeling like ive revealed too much.

#im so speechless #its like they took my fundamental self and made a movie out of it #Call Me Chihiro #i never felt less alone i think

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wall-maria-around-ba-sing-se · 4 months

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maybe this sounds corny but every once in a while I see/think about Korra am overwhelmed with the feeling that I’m glad she exits

#look at her!! strong and bold and intelligent!!#an openly queer poc!!#a visibly muscular woman!!#she can meditate and punch you out on the same day!!#i watched Korra Alone and ironically!!! felt less alone for it!!#i love her #i love herrrr

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cherryupworld · 2 years

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What I loved about the ending was that they showed that even if you aren't able to "fix" yourself, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I think we, as a society, are so obsessed with "fixing" ourselves that it puts this enormous pressure that if we aren't able to achieve something, then that means that we've failed . What we need to understand is that there will be one point where everything won't be so terrible (it can be as little as 5 mins of happiness) and all we need to is just take those 5 steps. That's all, just take 5 steps and count those 5 mins.

#my liberation notes #kdrama #asian drama #korean drama #my liberation diary #i love these characters so much #they're all different pieces of me #it's like the inside of my soul was opened up and i was shown parts of me that i didn't know existed and put back together #i felt so understood while watching this show #it told me that there isn't anything wrong with me #it felt nice to know that i wasn't the only one who felt that way. it made me feel a little less alone and a little more understood

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maddy-ferguson · 1 year

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This might be an odd complaint but I really don’t like how people act like Byler endgame would just excuse every other shitty thing that’s been done to everyone but conveniently attractive presumably straight white men in this show writing-wise. I’d be more than happy to have Byler be endgame and I expect it, but the amount of racism that’s been brushed off is ridiculous in and outside of the show. The weird St*ncy moments this season, the fact that she doesn’t get a storyline related to her trauma. Even season three was incredibly white of them. Joyce not getting hardly any scenes with Jonathan and Will these recent seasons. All of it and more—it won’t suddenly go away and make everyone on that writing team geniuses. And this isn’t to sound ungrateful or anything, but it really is disappointing sometimes. They exceed tremendously at some points such as the Upside Down lore but as for other aspects…

not an odd complaint at all! the only thing byler endgame makes okay is the fact that they didn't use will's feelings to fix a straight couple. there's so many other things they got wrong, and a lot of it has to do with the fact that the people writing the show are white men. and white women. white people

NOTHING they do could ever make what they did to lucas right. having their one black character go against the little white girl in season 1 which resulted in people being racist to caleb irl, having billy literally get physical with lucas and say he's gonna kill him and then saying in an interview that they "think" that billy was racist like they didn't write it themselves, the fact that it's literally never brought up again...lol. i know stranger things isn't a "this thing that happened was wrong. let's talk about it and try to make it better :)" type of show but still. it's crazy. also this regarding erica in season four

and you don't even have to dig that deep to find things that byler endgame won't fix: like you said, stncy being pushed on us and on nancy again in season 4? 98% sure it won't be endgame but like. why did you have to put us through that. WHY. and yeah lol, remember when they brought nancy back to that pool at the end of volume 1 like they remembered she was traumatized by the death of her best friend and then...nothing happened? idk, it's just so weird

also, the byers being sidelined? for will i guess you can rationalize it and come up with great and convincing meta reasons as to why his character was sidelined in seasons 3 and 4 (which, yeah, fascinating, i will still hate it ten years from now, no matter how important to season 5 will is), but what about jonathan? what about joyce? how does one justify the fact that winona went from being the reason 75% of people older than 15 started watching the show to having less screentime than fucking jason in season 4? it is annoying when people act like byler endgame will make everything right and will make stranger things a perfect show because it really won't

#also. s5 probably won't be as will-centric as most bylers/will stans are imagining #realistically😭#i'm sure it will be but yk #it's not like this is a season of skam where everything is about one character yk this is stranger things #is joyce having less screentime than jason true idk i read that on the news with no source website and i'm repeating it.#i know writers saying they 'think' a character felt this way is like a thing they do sometimes but it annoys the fuck out of me in #this situation here #it's like whoopsie yeah he's a little racist. maybe! who knows though ^^ not me the person who invented him #can i also just say steve in general #this won't help me beat the steve hater allegations and i like him i promise but the fact that the most popular character in their the #freaks are great and we are rooting for them and for the underdog at all times show is mr normal straight guy is so #and it's their own fault (obviously)#there's a lot of other things i wanted to say like i know what they're saying with the show isn't bad right it's like i just said #but the execution is so questionable and acting like it isn't simply because the gay kid isn't gonna end up heartbroken alone or dead #is kind of offensive. even though people mean well #ask

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