#i figure this will be important later when they take on heaven and hell but i wonder how it will play out

[single-snail]

so by themselves neither aziraphale or crowley are powerful enough to bring even one person back from the dead but together even intending to do just a small miracle they had the power to bring 25 people back to life…. that’s incredibly sexy of them

#no wonder the metatron was terrified of keeping them together #i figure this will be important later when they take on heaven and hell but i wonder how it will play out #like i assume it’s an angel and demon doing magic together that’s so powerful so i wonder if we’ll see more pairs besides the established 2 #idk i just say things #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #anthony j crowley

[actual-changeling]

no but i'm still thinking about this post and now i want a fic that's just duke of hell crowley and archangel aziraphale somehow always ending up in the elevator together, having a silent fight over whether they go up or down first in the mornings and tense silence in the evening when they both return to earth.

because they're not talking. about any of it. aziraphale is in the bookshop with muriel whenever he goes back to earth and crowley has his (renovated) flat. it's horrible. they miss each other. crowley refuses to cave and it's a matter of pride, spite, and heartbreak he needs to process. aziraphale still went back to heaven, even if he's technically 'living' on earth. he went back to hell because fuck it, he might as well try to stop the second coming himself.

it starts slow. aziraphale brings him a coffee one morning and crowley looks at it for a long while before taking it just before he gets off. crowley brings him a muffin the next day. they do small talk, they begin to say "good morning" and "see you tomorrow" and most of it is lingering looks and almost-touches, but it helps.

then one evening, late, later than usual, they're both exhausted and had horrible days caused by the same bureaucratic bullshit, and when they part in front of the pub, aziraphale hesitates.

nightcap? he tries to smile, tries to not seem too hopeful, tries to ignore the way his heart beatsbeatsbeats.

sure. crowley decides one drink can't hurt.

(it's not just one drink. it's a bottle. they talk about nothing important, complain about work and idiotic celestial beings.

two bottles in, aziraphale grows brave.

two bottles in, crowley grows desperate.

crowley, he says in that tone of voice that means something big is about to follow, and he cannot do that, not tonight, not yet. so he kisses him, leans into his instincts to shut him up, and as it does, one thing leads to another, and the next morning the elevator ride is awkward.

they both come out of the bookshop. not a single word is spoken.)

two things happened that night, and i have only told you about one of them, but it's the other one that changes things.

they figure it out eventually, they always do, but for now their fingers brush when they both try to go for the buttons, and crowley flinches back like he's been burned. aziraphale swallows apologies and tears, and, after a moment of thought, presses 'down' first.

it's a start.

#alex talks good omens #good omens #ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #good omens season 2 #go2 #aziracrow #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable divorce #the final fifteen #if this doesnt make sense its 4 am and i need to sleep but this didnt let me rest so #ignore any spelling mistakes

[hazbinhazbinhazbinreblog]

For the DadStaticradio AU, how would Alastor and Vox react to learning that Vaggie was an exorcist (Post-E6)? I can see them simultaneously being annoyed on Charlie's behalf that Vaggie never told her about it, but also protectively pissed off that Vaggie was just…thrown out of Heaven (i.e. "What do you mean the man who literally named you just watched while you were kicked out?!").

Actually, how would they act with the rest of the hotel members + Vaggie, period?

Sorry this took so long to respond I wanted to make sure I had time to write out everything properly

Specifically regarding Vaggie's fallen angel revelation: So a little context we've figured out is that Charlie probably wouldn't be as angry in this AU over it. Obviously she's still hurt,but mostly because their conversation would go "You didn't tell me you were an angel??" "You forgot to tell me you have three dads and two are overlords" "...okay fair enough"

It's probably going to be one of each, not to an extent where they argue but different levels of concern. Alastor on the should've told Charlie side, Vox on the general protective side. They wouldn't be outright angry with Vaggie either, though they would still take Charlie's side in the matter and slightly more encouraging on mending the relationship. Both Vox and Alastor grow more protective of her once Charlie and Vaggie have made up, and Vaggie crosses a threshold from "someone important in our daughter's life" to "idgaf if they're not married yet she's our daughter in law too and you don't fuck with our family"

It's been talked about a little how Vaggie would react when Alastor randomly shows up one day for a casual visit (since in this he's always been a background supporter of the hotel and didn't announce himself like in the pilot, still doesn't believe in the cause but supports Charlie anyway for the hell of it). Short version is Vaggie panics bc Charlie forgot to tell her, and the exact same thing when Vox shows up later.

Angel didn't know who Alastor was in the pilot, and because of this Vaggie never would've had the chance to explain it, so he's ambivalent on Alastor's sudden arrival. Vox's arrival, on the other hand, freaks him out a bit bc of his association with Val but they keep their distance from each other and Angel eventually gets used to the idea that, no, this is genuine and Vox wasn't sent as a spy or something

Husk and Niffty were still brought by Alastor so their interactions wouldn't change much, just the normal confusion everyone has when they realize the parental relationship that exists

Alastor still lives at the hotel once things are fully up and running, and Vox comes over for dinner most days since Alastor enjoys cooking for the group. It's something everyone has to get used to, but kind of like Charlie, after a while it just becomes routine and everything feels normal

#ask #dadstaticradio au #long post

[aziraphales-library]

love this blog sm, thank you for your work :)

Got any reunion fics, of them being reunited after being worried about each other. Everything under reunion tags seem to be break-up related and I'm looking for more of a hurt/comfort thing

You might be interested in our #kidnapping tag, as those fics often include separation, worry, and hurt/comfort. Here are some non-break up reunion fics...

Quietude by actualchangeling (G)

When the weight of the world had become too much to bear, Crowley had reached out for the comforts of sleep. Now, a year later, coming home to the one being he has ever considered family, he discovers it is easier to share it than to escape it.

Someday I'm Gonna Be Free, Lord by MnemonicMadness (T)

“How have you… whiled away the last two years?” He supposes it is a better conversational starter than Still a demon, then?, if only slightly. The silence shaped to fit where the words my dear might ordinarily go somehow feels even quieter. “Oh, uh, uhm… Yeah, whiling, it’s been a while, lots of… you know. Wiles. A very wily while. You know how it is.” “Yes, quite.” He hesitates, rethinking his answer. “Well, no, wiles aren’t really my department. Blessings, though, and a miracle here and there. It’s been rather peaceful.” Lonely, he doesn’t say. - A tale of love, Love, ineffability, and loopholes.

Lost and Found by Nadare (T)

When Aziraphale is late for a date, Crowley instantly knows he's in trouble. His journey to find Aziraphale will take him to old and new places, as well as reveal what's truly important in the end.

I Jump Off And Into Your Arms But I Can't Trust The Fall by adashofblue (T)

Excerpt from fic: "Akin to a snap of one’s fingers, the world the angel had come to know; his tidy little bookshop and home - was gone, and replaced by a blinding light." Or, Aziraphale falls. Will he be able to escape Hell and return to his husband?

Be My Light by fractalgeometry (T)

Aziraphale has a headache. Heaven has a vendetta. Crowley is very not okay with his angel disappearing without warning. Neither he nor Aziraphale like the dark, or the idea of spending unknown amounts of time away from Earth against their will. Clearly, they have to get back to normal. The problem is, how?

My Favorite Ghost by DiminishingReturns (T)

Decades after the world didn’t end, Heaven and Hell got their war — and nearly destroyed everything in the process. When Aziraphale finally manages to reacquire a corporation and return to Earth, he discovers he was gone longer than he thought and the planet has become unrecognizable. As he searches for Crowley and tries to figure out how he fits in a world that Heaven, Hell, and God have all wiped their hands of, nature works around him to reclaim the bones of an old civilization as the scraps of humanity build a new one. A lush and optimistic post-apocalypse story, told from the POV of an immortal who can't let go of the past.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #reunion #separation #hurt/comfort #mod d

[fahbee]

Theory: Why did Aziraphale agree to the Arrangement?

There's two moments in Aziraphale's and Crowley's history together that we haven't seen yet, that I think have the potential to change the way we see them and their relationship to each other.

They are: The Fall and the Arrangement.

This post is about the latter.

[Slightly edited because I completely forgot the Good Omens book states that the Arrangement began "somewhere around 1020".]

Here's what we know about the Arrangement:

It started around 1020.

By the time of 1601 it had been in place long enough for them to have used it "dozens of times". I take this to mean at least 30 times, but probably closer to at least 50 times. I assume that the upper limit is likely under 200, else I would have expected Crowley to say "hundreds of times" rather than dozens.

The parameters of the Arrangement are that they "stay out of each other's way" and "lend a hand, when needed." It involves both of them performing blessings and temptings.

Crowley proposed the Arrangement under the justification of convenience. No sense for both of them to be uncomfortable in damp places only to cancel each other out, etc.

Aziraphale rejected the Arrangement because he didn't want to lie to Heaven. This was centuries after Aziraphale already lied to Heaven in order to save Job's children, so we know the problem isn't with the act of lying itself.

From this, we can deduce that Aziraphale is willing to lie to Heaven/other angels when he considers the matter important and/or righteous enough, and that sparing himself inconvenient travel and accommodation, etc does not rise to that standard.

By 1601, we know that Aziraphale no longer worries about lying to Heaven ("dozens of times now") but that Aziraphale does worry about the risk to Crowley if Hell were to find out what they're doing. "They would destroy you." Yet this protest seems more like a routine warning than a truly serious objection, and Crowley rolls over it easily. "Nobody ever has to know."

While it's possible that Aziraphale could have changed his mind about the Arrangement solely due to decades (centuries?) of Crowley asking him to reconsider every time they encountered each other while on the job, that would be a boring waste of an opportunity for character and relationship growth. IOW, I don't see Neil choosing to write that Aziraphale finally decided to go along with the Arrangement just because he got tired of Crowley asking.

No, the better, far more satisfying choice is for something to have happened that changed Aziraphale's mind. And it couldn't have been something to do with the actual work of the blessing and tempting. In 1601, the job involves a few minor blessings and tempting a clan leader to steal some livestock - nothing at all like the life-and-death, killing-children-to-win-a-bet circumstances which led Aziraphale to lie to Heaven for the first time.

There has to be some other reason then for why Aziraphale grows comfortable enough with lying to Heaven that it doesn't even warrant a mention as a token protest in 1601. But what does merit a mention? "If Hell finds out... they'll destroy you." Crowley's safety.

So what could possibly be so important, so righteous, as to justify not only lying to Heaven on the regular, but also risking Crowley's very existence? What could have possibly happened to make the Arrangement, with all its attendant deceit, risk, and danger, something that Aziraphale willingly participates in, over and over and over again, for centuries?

My theory? He does it for Crowley's happiness.

We know that as far back as 3000 BC at the flood/Noah's ark, Crowley had no stomach for the death of children. 500 years later he defines himself as a demon who goes along with Hell as far as he can and killing Job's kids (both human and goat lol) is going too far. He not only refuses to kill them, he performs miracles to save them and return them safely to their parents. And before Aziraphale figured out the trick with the goats, Crowley was clearly determined to keep his actions secret from both Heaven and Hell.

I think Aziraphale finally agreed to the Arrangement in order to give Crowley an excuse to do good. I think something happened in 1020 to make Aziraphale realize that Crowley sometimes needed to do good, but couldn't allow himself to do good unless he had an excuse for it.

The Arrangement is just another dance between them, another ritual they perform for seemingly plausible reasons but which actually has a much deeper meaning behind it. On the surface, the Arrangement allows them to cut down on redundant and/or unpleasant tasks. It's true purpose though, in my opinion, is to give Crowley the excuse he needs - even if it's just to himself - to balance out his demonic work with good deeds. Either Aziraphale does his tempting for him and he's spared from having to do evil deeds at all, or he does his own tempting but gets to cancel it out by doing blessings on Aziraphale's behalf.

Does Crowley realize it, though? I don't know. Prior to s2 I would have said of course he does. But we know now that Crowley has a huge blind spot when it comes to Aziraphale. He didn't even realize how clearly, obviously in love with Aziraphale he was until Nina bashed him over the head with it. Aziraphale's motivations and feelings, especially as regards Crowley himself, seem to be a complete mystery to Crowley. It would not surprise me to learn that Aziraphale made up some flimsy excuse for why he changed his mind about the Arrangement, and Crowley simply accepted it and never questioned it further.

In conclusion, I think Aziraphale entered into the Arrangement for Crowley's benefit whether Crowley realizes it or not.

#Good Omens #good omens meta #about 'the arrangement' #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #aziracrow

[sistervirtue]

YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS

welcome to sistervirtue dot tumblr dot com. those of you who have read my url...seen my icon...may be wondering: who is this woman? who is Sister Virtue?

as the @original-character-championship bracket begins, I would like to take the time to introduce you to her. go on. take a seat.

[art credit: @/omusubigender, @/citrus-sours, @/kkbardd, @/pcktknife, @/celebiis, @/citrus-sours]

Sister Virtue is a not-quite woman not-quite of the cloth with a bit of a scowl and an unholy attitude problem. Formerly a cherub known as Theophania serving in the appellate choirs of heaven, she judged human souls and debated the dogma of heaven day in and day out.

Although a perfect machine of heaven, Theophania was not heartless. Through her friendship with the Archangel Gabriel, whom represents human souls and their interests in the courts of heaven, she learned about those she judged.

And I am going to let you in on a secret. Angels and demons are both creatures of passion, just their passion turns in different ways. Demons experience passion for the self. Angels turn their passion towards God. And for Theophania, her passion turned in a different way-- towards those silly little animals whom she watched day in and day out. (Even you!)

So when Gabriel came lamenting of the Seraphim's decision to bring forth the end of humanity, she may have done something a bit drastic. Drastic like stealing the Eye of God, an important artifact containing the summation of all knowledge, and then slamming it into her own skull in order to hold it hostage and kick up enough of a fuss that the angels acquiesced and agreed to come to some sort of truce. The ultimate blasphemy.

She would be felled. If she cared so much about those silly, stupid animals, she could spend the rest of eternity proving they were worth it. Shoved into a body made of flesh and her powers largely sealed behind seven penances, Sister Virtue is tasked with protecting humanity from all threats divine or diabolic. She cannot die; [officially banned to prevent any loopholes or complicated litigation later] but she can give up... but doing so would mean damning all of humanity in the entire process.

After crash-landing into a convent and taking the administrative lead of the attached school (now known as Eschaton Academy) Sister Virtue is establishing a network of those both blessed and possessed to aid her in the arduous process of keeping people safe, all while trying to figure out what it means to be human herself.

So Why should you vote for her?

Let's face it, we're not in high school any more.

Coming of age stories for teens are fun, but sometimes... you don't really start coming of age until your 20's, 30's, 40's... Virtue, 37 human years old, is here to show the journey of growing into your skin even if that comes after high school.

2. She's hot as hell.

A nun in her work uniform, Sister Virtue at heart is a truckin', smokin', wrestlin' uncle of a woman, and her casual attitude and casual attire reflect this. And let's face it. A woman who hates wearing shirts and has a happy trail is a god-sent gift for all of us.

[art credit @ koiiluvz]

3. She's just a bit weird.

She named her car (a self-"upgraded" hearse) the Popemobile. She smokes cigarettes because she likes the taste. She doesn't mind nudity, but gets shy eating in public because digestion is just a little too intimate for an angel. She loves paperwork. Sometimes she regurgitates the angel equivalent of a hairball.

4. Don't know about all this original universe lore? She's got a D&D Iteration.

You can find her character sheet here-- She;s a tanky fallen aasimar paladin with 3 different ways to intimidate. Because you don't even need a gun with an attitude like hers.

5. She'd vote for you

At the end of the day, Sister Virtue is someone who runs on love. Love for all of humanity. Including you. Even if you don't believe in Virtue, virtue believes in you, and you should believe in you too.

Questions? Concerns? Comments? Check out my eschaton academy tag. Or pop into my inbox or dms.

(she even has emotes. art credit @/pcktknife, @/citrus-sours, and @/GR4FF1T1 [on toyhouse] )

#eschaton academy #sister virtue #VIRTUESWEEP2023

[luckydragon10]

One Interpretation: Dum Dum MV

I was looking around for some story interpretation for Jeff Satur's new MV that just dropped, couldn't find what I wanted, had to do my best to work through what I'm seeing and all my feels.

First, the video:

NOTE: THIS IS HIGHLY INTERPRETIVE. There's no one true way to interpret a music video like this. I'm going with the interpretation that I enjoy the most.

As much as I love everything Jeff does, I'm a story slut through and through, and this story lit my brain on fire.

On my first time watching, I was struggling to figure out what the story was saying. I felt like I was getting a lot of little pieces and clues, but they weren't forming a coherent picture for me.

Then like a lightning strike, "AHA!" I got it at the very end, BAM, right when this big gasping moment happened:

The story that came together for me:

Businessman!Jeff was murdered, brutally (stating the obvious here). Then somehow, some way, he was able to come back to life. The means and reason behind this are unclear, and what he comes back as is also up for interpretation, but for me it reads as Zombie!Jeff.

Visuals that support my zombie feels:

The scenes with the red windows with clawing hands

The washed out, faded hair, reminiscent of life being sucked away

The dance moves, which I know people are ragging on hard, but which to me read as "baby zombie relearning how to move"

^-- this basically comes from every zombie movie ever.

He doesn't go on his roadtrip of vengeance right away after his reanimation. He does some development first, learning how to move, getting tattoos, stockpiling weapons, etc. He also has to sing about it.

I also feel like there's a little bit of a choice that Zombie!Jeff has to make. Is he going to live his second life for himself, or is he going to pursue vengeance?

The DUALITTYYYYYY.

What happens if he does pursue vengeance? What does he lose? Does he lose his soul? Give up his chance at heaven? For me, the sky imagery supports the choice being made between heaven and hell:

Later, after he exacts his revenge, there's definitely a resolution and a CHANGE that occurs, when we see Zombie!Jeff drop like a puppet with its strings cut:

That's going to break my heart every time I see it. Ugh.

But, for me, storywise, here's the most important thing: It's only AFTER Zombie!Jeff collapses that we then see Businessman!Jeff gasp.

Big AHA! moment.

At this point, how I interpret the story is fuzzy and depends on whether I'm looking at it optimistically or pessimistically. And how that works has to do with the timeline:

The optimistic interpretation is a sequential timeline: After Zombie!Jeff gets his vengeance and then collapses, Businessman!Jeff comes back to life. Maybe his mission was actually what he had to do to regain his real life.

The pessimistic interpretation is non-sequential: After Zombie!Jeff collapses, he's finally dead for real. What happens then in the video is that we the viewers jump backwards in the timeline to see the moment Zombie!Jeff initially reanimated, taking his first zombie gasp, his lovely zombie life just beginning. Was he given a choice between following vengeance or living peacefully? Perhaps the cost of vengeance would be this second half-living life, a price to pay?

This is a face that says "my vengeance is worth any price":

Whew. Still having feelings over here. I actually hope Zombie!Jeff is okay, living his best undead life. 🥺🙏

#jeff satur mv #jeff satur #kinnporsche cast #dum dum #dum dum mv #music vid #music video #story meta #story interpretation #Youtube #zombies

[reshramlove1ob]

Happy birthday, @iinkxerror

Things are gonna get sappy, so I'd say sit down for this one. I'm putting it under the cut, since it's gonna get long.

...

Thank you.

You are truly the best. You are so creative, imaginative, fun, and such a joy to talk to. Meeting you was a miracle, I'm serious.

You were one of the first people I ever interacted with on here. If not for my interest in role playing, and if you didn't post that post about potions, I don't think I would have made friends with you. Remember how you would spam tag me? I thought it was so annoying, and I even considered ghosting you. I'm so glad I didn't. Remember when DS!Blue and your sona fell in love? I was so invested, even if DS!Blue was a jerk. Remember when we'd draw scenes of the characters, sometimes as ponies? I sometimes think back to that and want to go back just to experience that joy again. We created one of my most precious things to ever come out of our combined concious because of that silly role play that never made sense.

When I was down, you were always there. I always feared the day I might take my life, but I kept going. I couldn't leave my life, my family, my pets. My friends. You. Even when I'm stressed now, you're always there. When I'm angry or frustrated, I always go tk you because you just existing makes me happier.

I still remember when you created Griffin. I kicked my feet in joy because, even as crazy as she looked, it was you who created her. I still remember when I was still trying to figure out my OCs lore, and yet it seemed like you knew yours already. If not for you, Heaven and Hell War wouldn't be like it is today. My most important project, and my longest, was because of you.

I remember learning learning you entering into high school. I was also entering it at the same time. My life suddenly turned upside down, though. My workload suddenly increased. I had more homework. I was spending less time on my phone. I was scared I was neglecting you.

I remember being in drivers Ed wishing I was role-playing with you instead of falling asleep in a boring class. I remember when I finally got my license. Then, a year later, I learned that you're working on getting yours. At this moment, I realized something. You've grown so much. And I'm so proud of you.

You mean the world to me. I wouldn't be the same without you. I wouldn't be as confident in my interests or talking about them openly. I wouldn't of drawn as much as I do. I wouldn't of wanted to write.

So thank you. Thank you for being born. Thank you for being alive right now.

When this is posted, I'll be in finals week. I don't know how you'll respond, maybe with just emojis, with a keyboard smash, maybe even an uno reverse card.

But I don't care how you respond. I just want you to read this and know how much I love you. /p

With all my heart, Selena

#her art #happy birthday

[seramilla]

So after a few months Carmilla has to return to work as much as she doesn't want too but someone has to pay for food, housing safety and providing for two new family members without any planning in advance isn't cheap so she has to go back to work. They had talked a bit about what Sera was going to do and have decided more so Carmilla has that Sera will take a few years off as a maternity leave before she starts working because Carmilla knows how has Sera worked herself in heaven and thinks she needs a break, it means the girls always have a parent at home to care for them, while Sera has recovered from giving birth and mostly recovered from falling she still isn't as strong as she was before so Carmilla wants her somewhere she can rest and be safe and lastly and most importantly they want to make up for lost time when it comes to bonding with Odette and Clara I mean Odette was biologically 4 when Sera learned she existed and Clara 2 they want to make up for lost time so having Sera at home all the time for a few years would be good. Maybe once Emily is Clara's age they can talk about her going to work.

There is no way in Hell (ha!) Carmilla would make Sera get a job in the state that she's in. Her body has become weaker since she fell -- not just due to giving birth, but also because her body is still getting used to being in Hell. The recovery process would be faster if she hadn't just had a child, but it will still take time. Carmilla also just wants her to relax as much as possible and bond with her children. She has multiple years to make up for with Odette and Clara, and Emily needs her at home, more than anything.

Sera feels extremely guilty and without purpose. She'd literally been one of the most important people in Heaven, so to have to sit at home all day with the girls drives her a little stir-crazy at first. They keep her busy, but during the times when they're sleeping or keeping themselves occupied (Odette is such a good little babysitter), Sera will get stuck in her own thoughts and feeling sorry for herself.

She relays these feelings to Carmilla, but Carmilla insists she's still just getting used to everything. She can't be this hard on herself. They've never fought before, but they regularly fight about this. Sera says she feels worthless, like she's not good for anything down here, but no matter how many times Carmilla tells her otherwise, she has a hard time believing it.

Carmilla apologizes. She admits it's been so long since she fell, she often forgets how it feels to be new to this place. She was able to make it for herself and the girls, but she understands her path is not Sera's path. She insists that Sera still needs to spend time with the girls -- she reiterates that they grow up too quickly, and she will regret it later if she doesn't enjoy her time with them now. Sera's purpose in the present can be making up for lost time -- Sera agrees that can be enough, for now.

They agree to talk later about what Sera's life will look like post-maternity recovery. They talk about her working at Carmine Industries, or about finding her own job, but it's all too soon to figure anything out now. Sera resolves to just be the best mom she can be and try not to get stuck in her own head anymore. Her self-worth isn't tied to what she can do for Heaven any longer -- it's tied to these girls and watching them grow up.

#hazbin hotel #carmilla carmine #sera hazbin hotel #odette hazbin hotel #clara hazbin hotel #emily hazbin hotel #ask #anon #fan theories #biological kids au

[skybristle]

ok. finally my big gc post i've been hyping up. im sorry theres so much context bullshit here my fanon is complicated and this is Very me-specific, i don't think this could ever work in canon. bear with me though.

First: magic system . long story short, there are divine planes of magic, the 'source' of each type of magic's power and usually what the god of it has direct control over. another important thing about them [particularly the celestial planes, which is a distinction you thankfully don't have to care about] is that they can hold souls 'hostage' from the flow of life. this will be important later. particularly, the world of dreams has most of the main celestial body magics, plus some other rudimentary stuff, including the sunlight realm, a daydream facet of the whole world of dreams. normally, a god will by default have the 'birthright' to their realm,,, however sometimes spirits can get minor or even major godhood if they know what they're doing. it's both incredibly painful and simply unreasonable to expect a mortal body to be able to take the inflow of divine magic. [and yes, even though the ancients are immortal, they still Classify under mortal, they don't have any divinity asnd they just got a shitton of magic in their things]

and secondly: city of wizards. i mentioned it, but the world of dreams Does have a sun facet, and there IS a sun goddess, sunshine! [my lovely girlfriend @princess--bongwater 's oc].. i've always wanted them to be connected, but i haven't really figured out a way to make it work since i didn't want gc to straight up have a divine blessing that would set her apart from the other ancients. you see, uhm, a certain Incident happened in the city millenia ago where tldr moonlight got cursed by some twink, the city fell, and the dream barrier [divine in origin since it's technically moonlight's magic, so sunshien can't break through] and eclipse, their adoptive mother, tells sunshine to run before hell completely breaks loose when it all begins. sunshine, locked out with a vieled city only being able to see her twin chained up in the abyss of the dream realm, with an assumption her mortal mother is dead or will be by the time she's able to return,,, wanders off to the mortal realm. and, in a mortal diguise, that's where she's been, unable to face the dream world let alone her own personal godly duties, fucking around in bars getting slammed and shit. so. she's really out of the picture. the throne of the sun has been empty since a time beyond memory

NOW. golden cheese. i imagine a lot of the ancients came from the general place they founded their kingdoms [besides white lily and pv probably], and i've always seen gc as a thief wandering between villiages and oasis' on the sands prior to meeting hb / the others. it's a very disjointed soceity, with only one unifying trait: the worship of the sun goddess.

once she's settled in as the pharoah, the worship of the sun is still very much there, even if gc has kind of become sort of a godly figure among her people. she personally doesn't consider it much, having originally lived a harsh life and never being given sol's grace. until shes on her knees, sobbing, crying, clutching the staffs of her dearest friends and her people over the ruins of her kingdom, over the dried blood in the fractured golden tiles. the wind whistles in her ears. this is the first time in her life the desert sun has felt completely scorching. and, in the deepest depths of her grief, she finally prays to the sun. for anything . [she doesn't know that's what all of the bodies before her were spending their last moments doing]. she cries and sobs to the heavens as her talons are digging so hard into her other hand they bleed. she has no other choice. the heavens are silent

well, golden cheese has never exactly been a cattle waiting for rescue. fine then, sunshine, be that way. she has to bring them back. her finest treasures, all of them. the gold burning her eyes doesn't matter. so she soars. up and up and up. her lungs are burning with the thin air. her wings are pounding in her ears and she can see nothing but light, and she can't tell if it's what she's staring at or her soul jam overflowing with the power of her grief and denial. but she keeps going.

her talons clutch the sun, finally [this is a little metaphorical, she's actually seizing the divine realm, lol dw the literal sun is ok] and as she finally falls back down she holds it close and channels all of her power into it and even if it's fighting back she's wrangling it like a jackal and she'll fucking win. she has to. there's no other choice now.

before she smashes into the sands, it fianlly takes her there. a blank slate. a little messy from hosting daydreams and not being attended to by its god, but it's workable. it's oddly dim, i guess there's no sun here anymore.

perfect. with just the right timing, she grabs the souls here from the hand of death and takes them away.

the 'digital' kingdom is, yes, a lot of technology, but its also a melting pot of magic and souls and code and it's very,,, hectic. thankfully, her people weren't big mage-types, and she mainly assigns the souls of former mages similar powers using the fakeness of her world. just trying to look at this thing using their magic sight would give them vertigo if they were using Actual Magic that's real. i should also add she had to personally bury each one with her own two talons. sure, the cheesebirds helped, but there's only so much they can do. her closest friends to the tiniest babies to her wisest elders. and,,, i mean,,, she's sitting on the throne of the sun. she *is* the sun goddess. but while she is sitting in the vacated land of the sun she betrayed, her soul jam is supporting a lot of it, and she's actualyl despite her ego actively fighting against the transformation into a god. the divinity is seeping into her, but its absolutely *agonizing*, i imagine the 'sun deity' transformation in her skill is absolutely brutally painful, and even if her soul jam cam help her bear the weight of this whole charade, it's not very,,, fun. it's just such a captivating hc to me. she usurped the goddess of the sun to keep up this lie. in fact, that's why the digital kingdom is always night, a false sun can't illuminate it. and there's a timer ticking. stop being delusional and face the music of what really happened, or get eaten from the inside out by the reminder of what she stole. i wonder which she'll choose. a lot of my thoughts with this hc r just visuals. ill have to draw smthin later

#sky rambles #cookie run #cookie run kingdom #crk #golden cheese cookie

[mask131]

For my last Helluva Boss celebration I made a whole series of posts about the Nine Circles of Hell in Dante’s Inferno (see a few reblogs below). For my new Helluva Boss celebration, I wanted to take a look at various literary depictions of the seven deadly sins as personifications. This post was originally prepared to celebrate Mammon’s Magnificent Musical, but given the release of “Look My Way”, it will still work even though I post it quite late.

When it comes to looking at classic embodiments of the deadly sins, I want to begin with one of the “modern, non-Antique epics” that marked the history of literature, like the Orlando Furioso or Paradise Lost. I want to take a look today at Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene, the great British epic of the 16th-17th centuries, a medieval-romance-like set of stories depicting the adventures of allegorical knights fighting allegorical monsters. The poem is filled with characters embodying various vices and virtues – the very heroes of the story are a set of knights acting as the champions of the various Christian virtues (the Redcross Knight is the champion of Holiness, as an avatar of saint Georges the patron of England ; Guyon, first of the Faerie Queen’s knights, is the champion of Temperance ; Britomart, the woman-knight, is the champion of Chastity, Artegal is the champion of Justice, etc, etc.) ; while the villains are very unsubtle in their nature (a female demon named Ate is assisted by Duessa – deceit – and spreads discord among friends ; a lonely man named Despair convinces the hero to kill himself, etc, etc.)

But today I want to focus on a specific episode of the epic’s first book. An episode usually known as the “House of Pride” and where the main hero (the Red-Cross Knight, the protagonist of the epic’s first book) encounters the embodiments of the seven deadly sins.

For a bit of context, the depiction of the seven deadly sins here is meant to parallel and counter-exemplify two other parts of the poem. On one side, the House of Pride is later opposed by the “House of Holiness” where the Redcross-Knight is helped, healed and cared for by a lady named Caelia, who has three daughters, Fidelia, Speranza and Charissa. This is all supposed to embody the Christian concept of the “three theological virtues”, the three virtues that come from God – Faith, Hope and Charity, born of “The Sky/The Heavens”. On the other side, the House of Pride and its queen are meant to mirror the titular Faerie Queene of the poem, Queen Gloriana – a very flattering fictional portrait of Elisabeth the First, but also the embodiment of “Glory” as her name says. Aka the positive, well-deserved and non-sinful twin of the viceful Pride – here embodied by the dreaded lady Lucifera.

Lady Lucifera is, it comes to no surprise, the owner and ruler of the House of Pride. The other deadly are all male, and act as both her counselors and her court wizards (being called alternatively “sage counselors” and “old wizards”). This all fits within the accepted idea that pride is not just the most dangerous and “important” of the seven deadly sins, it is also their root and their “superior”. In many metaphors, it is translated by pride being seen as the “king” or “mother” of the other deadly sins: in the Faerie Queene, she is their ruler, their queen. But, in an interesting twist, Spenser establishes a true relationship of co-dependency between the sins: the other six might be Pride’s servants… but they are still her advisors, counselors, and they are later literally seen pulling her chariot, clearly showing that while Pride leads them and gives them order, without the other sins, Pride would literally go nowhere.

But let us return to Lucifera before looking at her “old wizards”. Lucifera is obviously named after Lucifer, the figure of the fallen angel that became a devil, if not THE devil, for thinking of himself as better than humanity, and ultimately rebelling against God and trying to cast Him down. Lucifer is commonly seen as THE demon embodying pride – and Spenser also loves to throw various references to the mythological origins of Lucifer, as his name meaning “light-bearer” is due to how, in Greco-Roman mythology, Lucifer was the spirit of the Morning Star, announcing dawn. Here, Lucifera is constantly described as “bright” or as “shining”, and when she leaves her castle on her chariot, she is explicitly compared to “Aurora in her purple pall” coming out from the east of the world – aka, Eos, the Greek goddess of Dawn. Not only that, but the excessive “shine” and almost blinding light that is emitted by the lady of Pride is also put in parallel to the light of Phaeton. Remember Phaeton? The human who thought he could drive the chariot of Helios/Phoebus, the god of the sun? And who in the process almost destroyed the earth, and had to be killed by being thrown out of the sky with a fire-bolt? Another example of pride punished, and one explicitly meant to mirror Lucifer’s own fall from Heaven. But this woman is not a fallen angel, no: rather she is described as an actual goddess, “daughter of grisly Pluto and sad Proserpina, queen of Hell”. So, she is a deity, but part of the grim, sinister, chthonian gods of death, and she is a princess true, but a princess of the Underworld (aka Hell, since the two are treated as one and the same, and Pluto/Proserpina gained demonic connotations by this time). Already we have here a Pride that is explicitly rooted in death and the afterlife, in darkness, oblivion and rot – we are in the same logic as the “vanities” and the “memento mori”, the lesson that ultimately nothing is eternal, and vanity is a folly because all beautiful faces will end up as a skull.

However Spenser cleverly also prepares us, by this mythological references, to the presentation of what Lucifera’s behavior and crimes are. Because Lucifera is not one of those “vain fools” who think of themselves as beautiful when they are not – on the contrary. Lucifera is immensely beautiful, and even if it wasn’t for her beauty, she sits in an array of immense luxury, wearing the most refined and outstanding clothes and dazzling jewelries you can imagine. Lucifera is a truly admirable figure – quite literally since it is said that knights and lords from all four corners of the world come to her palace to admire her. The twist lies in HOW she behaves and acts. Because Lucifera does not care for her many guests, hosts and admirers, treating them with only scorn and disdain – breaking the basic law of hospitality and the rules of courtly behavior by her immense selfishness. Her many admirers and courtiers are said to constantly make themselves prettier, shinier, more noble and more appealing, attracting, charming, all in the hope of pleasing her – but she does not care at all for all their effort, and probably does not even notice them. When great knights and lords offer themselves to her, she does thank them… But in a disdainful way, and with very brief words, and only because they promised to spread words of her fame and glory and beauty. She is said to hate everything that is “low” (which is why, out of allegorical joke, she always sits on a high throne and makes sure she is above everyone else) – but given she thinks of everything outside of herself as “low”, she ends up hating everybody. She only looks at two things – either her hand-mirror (because her own reflection brings her “great delight and joy”), either the heavens. Again, due to a hatred of “anything low” and a desire to only have the highest, tallest and grandest things – but also because she rejects her own chthonian, underworld-roots. Indeed, while she is the daughter of Pluto and Proserpina (Hades and Persephone), she rather places herself on the same level (and sometimes above) as Jove (aka Zeus). Zeus/Jove, Eos/Aurora, and Phaeton: Lucifera dreams and fashions herself after the celestial beings of the sky and of light, when in truth she is a chthonian entity of death, earth and darkness.

Not only that, but she fashions herself a queen when she is not… Remember when I said that she was the daughter of Pluto and Proserpina, king and queen of Hell? It makes her a princess alright… An eternal princess, since her parents are immortal gods and thus will never pass any crown onto her. But Lucifera, devoured by ambition and arrogance, HAD to be a queen. So what did she do? She went onto earth and there obtained a crown… “with wrong and tyranny”. She literally stole and took by force a crown that was not hers, usurped a territory and made herself the sole and absolute ruler of it. Not only is she a false ruler with no actual right to sit on the throne, but she even went as far as to usurp a domain that had no relationship to her parents, lineage or world – daughter of the principles of death and the underworld, she decided to make herself a queen of the livings onto earth’s surface… Even worse, she is not a good queen, because according to Spenser, beyond being a “tyrant”, she does not rule with “laws” but with “policies”. And in the language of the time, “policies” are here to mean “cunning and crafty devices”. She is a tyrant who not only brutally seized a crown and usurped a thrown, but on top of that establishes her rule through cunning, trickery and unlawful behavior (it is not surprise that here, her counsel is explicitly described as being formed of “six wizards” – they are not men of the law, they are not men of politics or courtiers, they are not men of war or economy, they are wizards and sorcerers, forming a government of magic tricks and deceiving enchantments). As a visual touch to denote the evilness and danger inherent to her superb appearance: at her feet, lies a dragon, that forms a “hideous trayne” to her glorious, shining, sparkling and luxurious dress.

[There is also a “gentle husher” that works for queen Lucifera, and notably always prepare her passage before she goes anywhere, obviously called Vanity, but there isn’t much to say here since he is a one-line reference]

Just as important as Lucifera herself is the palace she lives within and rules from: the House of Pride, which is the architectural twin of Lucifera, and the inanimate embodiment of the sin of Pride (and of all sins and vices in general). The House of Pride is described as a great and grandly palace, all filled with luxuries, all shining and bright… It is covered in gold! Or rather… it is foiled in golds. The walls of the palace were covered in a thin layer of gold to hide the actual material in which the castle was made – a very rough and very poor material. Great and high walls that impress everyone by their size – but which are made of bricks without mortar, and are thus very easy to destroy. The palace is thought of as grandiose because it has many hallways and numerous towers and a LOT of rooms – but its foundations are actually very weak, since the castle was built… on a “sandy hill”. A hill of sand that is very unstable and regularly collapses – threatening the entire palace, which “shakes with every strong wind”. Finally, while everybody amasses themselves and awaits by the front of the palace, its backrooms and back-parts, those not seen from the path leading to the House, are noted to all be old ruins… but “painted cunningly” to hide their own decrepitude. You could say that Vanity, the “gentle husher”, is an extension of the House of Pride itself – since it all depicts the sin of vanity itself. A great care of appearances and an obsession with beauty forcing one to hide the truth, to fight foolishly and senselessly the effects of time or one’s true nature, all to create a deceptive idea of an ideal self that never truly existed. More generally, the House of Pride represents the very trap that is a sin, or a vice in general – it is the House of Evil if you want. It is grandiose, immense, beautiful, shining, with all sorts of riches and treasures… But it is built out of poor materials, it offers no real protection or comfort, its riches are only skin-deep (or wallpaper-deep), and it is overall an unstable structure that is already a half-ruin. The danger of the House is made even more explicit by the large road that leads to it – a large pathway that many people take to go to the House, but that very few people use to leave… And when Lucifera leaves her castle on her chariot, and goes down the road, the protagonist can suddenly see what paves the way and that he missed before – the things the wheels of Lucifera’s chariot gleefully crushes. The bones and skulls of all those that “went astray” and went by the House of Pride…

The dual of nature of the House and Lucifera (who represent the two sides of pride – Lucifera is scorn, disdain, ambition and arrogance, while the House is vanity and vainglory, Lucifera is the “superbia” pride while the House is the “vanagloria” pride) is even reflected in a sort of bizarre “competition” that is sets between the two. Indeed, when we see Lucifera sitting on her throne… The poet sarcastically describes how both the throne and the queen on it shine brightly, and they glitter and sparkle so much as if “the blaze of the glorious throne” and the blaze of the queen herself tried to “dim each other”. Pride will always be the most envious and jealous of itself…

After spending some times inside the House, we follow Lucifera as she leaves her castle and takes her coach by the road. The coach is just as luxurious and glittering and blazing as the House and the queen, since it is all of “gold and garlands”. And again, we have explicit mythological comparisons: Lucifera, with all those flowers around her, make her look like “Flora in her prime”… But she actually tries to imitate and surpass another goddess – Juno, aka Hera, queen of the gods and the heavens. The parallel is even reinforced by the presence of peacock feathers on the chariot. “Argus’ eyes”, on one side, the mythological emblems of Juno/Hera… But also the common symbol of vanity and pride, the peacock being considered THE bird of this sin.

And if it was not clear enough that this was an EVIL queen, the coachman of Lucifera, the one holding the whip… Is said to be none other than Satan himself. Aka THE actual Christian Devil, THE Great Fiend himself who gleefully leads queen Lucifera wherever she wants to go. And whips the six other sins to ride faster… Because, as I said before – Lucifera’s chariot is not pulled by horses… But by her six “sage counsellors/old wizards”, aka the other deadly sins. However, since this post is already getting quite long, I’ll keep them for another time.

#seven deadly sins #pride #the faerie queene #lucifera #deadly sins

[psshaw]

Feelings-first therapy language has been interesting to navigate because I’m a very “actions are more important than words” type of lady. Growing up midwestern, I learned early that “sorry” means “don’t be mad at me”, and “we’re so happy to see you!” has no bearing on whether a person gets talked shit about later. “Nice” was never a trait I admired. In my experience, “nice” people were either naive or liars. “Nice” people cared what you were supposed to say, not what was true.

I could not figure out the motive for living like this, because it looked like torture. Now I realize the political benefits, but grokking it feels like reverse-character development.

Meanwhile, I can argue with you 100 times a year and feel nothing, because I respect you more for holding your own and being honest than I would if you agreed with everything I said. When I’m looking to knock someone off-guard, honest observations change the tone fast. I start asking questions— really, you agree with everything I said? That’s all you have to add? And sometimes people really do start to wonder what programmed them to do that.

I still hold a lot of hurt from an old friend who hated to argue. They always asked my opinion before giving theirs. Looking back, they were used to getting what they wanted by being “nice”, and got enraged and confused when it didn’t work. They often did objectively cruel things, just a step removed from where the victim could see it. They kept no-one’s secrets, “played both sides”, and took zero responsibility for the part they played in ratcheting the tension. Whenever things went south, they washed their hands of it and told the story as if they weren’t there. But the next time around, they still couldn’t resist getting involved. Because when two people won’t resolve things directly, the agony aunt gains two friends.

That preoccupation with perception— agreeing with two people at once, only taking responsibility for what they’ve been caught doing, using “sorry” like a magic word but repeating the cycle anyway— feels familiar in the obfuscations of therapy speak. I think a lot of people are attracted to “toxic” and “gaslighting” and “red flag” because it facilitates a flattening of a situation— a good guy and a bad guy, maybe. I’m often surprised by how little some people examine their own actions for anything other than “does this look good according to the current zeitgeist?”

The way I handled my Catholic guilt was by noticing I wasn’t in this alone. My whole congregation supposedly had Original Sin, and they sure as hell weren’t living more morally than me at 9 years old. Plus, what loving sky-daddy would put us on a world with so many temptations and just quietly scratch off our Heaven points for 80 years? So I deduced there was more wiggle room than we were interpreting the Bible to have— otherwise, Hell is full of preteens.

All of this is to say that “bad person” has never been a scary label to me, because I was raised to believe we were all bad. What mattered is that we were trying to be better. This is what made social justice make sense to me, too, though now I understand why other people see “don’t do that, it’s racist” as some kind of indelible attack on their character. (It’s cos they were raised wrong.) To me, the point isn’t to come out of the gate being perfectly liked and agreeable. It’s to show everyone how hard you can try.

#RAMBLY SORRY

[red-dyed-sarumane]

marshall maximizer is a series song right. i think thats the only one ive listened to (yet), un:c did a good cover of it ...... what are ur thoughts on it whats it about . kicking my legs in the air

YES YES MARSHALL MAXIMIZER IS A SERIES SONG. theres so much going on in it u have no idea yes the song fucks verily but holy shit is it so important to the story.

okay so i think i need to give like. a quick reminder of the story here right. so u have "a certain world" & basically these people onset the destruction of said world such that it basically crumbles to pieces & then disappears. tragic. okay. but theres a catch. they get more than one chance to try. when one iteration of the world ends instead of really dying they kind of just. wake up in a new version. the world's still going to end in the day, but they get another chance to try and save it. the only real thing about it is any given person still has to have sight of their own goals or they aren't allowed to wake up next time & they disappear as well. this is, in the original song and afterwords referred as as being a "person" and having "one's self" or not having your self & being a "thing".

marshall maximizer is the explanation of this phenomenon (the later song laboratory being the demonstration of this concept btw to build off what this song says) among other things.

ill get to the lyrics in a second but the thing that always gets me about this song is the text in the middle of the video that's a conversation between two people. idk how to even go about this i just want to quote the whole thing at u. the beginning of its the narrator (perhaps not the same one as the lyrics but i cant prove or disprove this) trying to figure out the whole thing and the person working with them- referred to as "doctor"- basically says choosing who u are is an impossibility and if u cant prove ur alive of ur own volition then u arent even truly "alive" & won't have a place in heaven or hell. the narrator then asks the doctor to prove if he's alive for himself to which he doesnt answer and the narrator goes "Doctor, you have the appearance of a human. But, what of the possibility you're a 'thing' someone created?" to which the doctor answers "and if im not a 'person'?" and the narrator continues "Just as an example. Doctor, you said 'I chose this job in order to go to heaven.' And the reason you stay here is because 'if i can go to heaven, then it's fine to die,' right?" after this the doctor still cant give a solid answer and when the narrator looks for him again, he's disappeared entirely. which is nearly one to one with what the girls in the songs are going through. the doctor wasnt really doing it for himself he was doing it simply to achieve an end, with no real strong desire or goal along the way, which essentially turns him into a mere tool or 'thing' to achieve that end. much like the girls in the songs; they have to have something in it for themselves or they're a mere "thing" to be used, and at that point they'll disappear entirely.

theres also flashing text of 2 kanji words at the end that are a lot less profound but do give some insight on the series. the terms are broken up a series of three question marks & im willing to bet its describing the timelines in the story. the first 5 words regarding observing the failures of the past, the next 11 dealing more with what sounds like the more modern songs & all the confusion & rash decisions bringing them to their end, and then the last 15 words possibly being from the sort of future or at the very least whatever point in time the first song takes place in as it seems to lineup the most with shoushitsu itself. but its not like its as important to this song's understanding as the mini novel in the middle is.

so whats up with the lyrics then. as u can guess its not as fun as the song sounds. theres a lot of mentions of experiments in this song & ive seen people say its like the demon core thing irl, but i need u to understand the while series been talking about science experiments the whole time. like. all of aru sekai shoushitsu is talking about it, kyuuyaku is talking about it, shuuen touhikou is to some extent talking about it, oumen is, apoptosis is, etc etc this is just par for the course okay, but it does show maximizer in particular does have direct influence on experiments being performed or at least attempted. she is pretty casual about how she talks about it btw the character in this song gives me a very easy going type of vibe with how she talks which is probably why the song itself is the way it is and not like something that fills u with dread the entire time. though i would argue parts of the instrumental do sound like theres a bit of weight in them and its not ALL party time vibes.

one thing i do want to point out in regards to both the lyrics and the people vs thing topic, are the lines "ki ga kuruu HITO no furi wo shiteiru KIMI wo miteiru" (observing You pretending to be a Person gone mad) and "ki ga kuruu HITO no mane wo shiteiru KIMI e" (to You who's imitating a person gone mad) where both the words for person and you are in katakana drawing emphasis to it as well as mirroring how the "people' vs "thing" is written in both the background texts & previous songs. which is to say the narrator here is very aware of this other person not actually being a person. the implications here that since its "pretending to be a person" the "you" is a…. perhaps less direct way of calling out that its a "thing" or in completely transparent terms, is a person not acting on their own will and doomed to disappear. similar to this is the most recognizable lyrics in this song the "tabete sugu nete ushi ni naru/ okite mata nete hito de nashi?"(eating, falling right asleep, becoming a cow/ waking up, sleeping again, is that so inhuman?) is also calling on that "person" aspect, although not as strongly as hito uses the kanji this time rather than katakana. in any case she's still making the claim that despite all the horrors going on she's still acting as she pleases so she should still count as a person……right?(spoilers she does)(this isnt really spoilers because its told to u by the fact the nami no ne no motif is in the song) but it DOES show she's a little worried about it. not enough to full out panic but she sees other people no longer counting as people it makes sense she's going to worry about herself.

likewise the lines in the chorus "nante koto da! shindeshimau!"(what the hell is this! we'll die!" is much more likely referring to the fact if they arent "people" they disappear and are REALLY dead & is kind of worrying over that. like the line later what the hell is this! we'll live! is not really rejoicing at a percieved break in the case so much as realizing she DOES have her own goals in it and she's not about to disappear just yet.

and then of course i cannot overlook that this is also Sunk Cost Fallacy:The Song. the whole "sunk coster, sunk costess! 'i want to return to the isotope we had at the end!' 'we're falling to the worst of hell! falling!' but a dazzling unbalance diverged farway!" like on top of all of this she's still going to run the experiments that are risking her literal self to whatever extent that she invests herself in them. she cant give up yet. they've put so much into trying to correct this disaster, lost so many people, endured so much trauma, even when continuing is a sin, there's no other option but to continue at this point. even when they know it's pointless, even when they can see (to take imagery from kanon) the scales have been upset & the outcome will never be good, theres no other option.

theres a bit more to it but that requires getting sources from other songs & its not overly huge details its probably fine to leave them out for now this is long enough as is. one thing i do want to mention is its one of the side songs(songs that are not directly linked to aru sekai shoushitsu itself/not one of the kanji songs that links to certain lyrics in it) that has alliteration in the title (ma ma) as a way of keeping with the "repeating fractals" theme in the series. which to me implies this situation is not particularly unique to this character as some other songs are (oumen especially, touhikou, ashura, etc)(apoptosis i have an argument to make about but thats another topic entirely) and while maybe not 1:1 it can also be applied to other chara's experiences, or maybe implies its happened at other parts of the timeline as well. which makes sense since its common knowledge among the charas that some people are not "people" anymore so yeah i can imagine them keeping watch on coworkers they think are losing or have lost their selves. that doesnt make maximizer a general song though this is still VERY MUCH a subjective song from a particular chara's perspective & leaves things out & emphasizes others accordingly.

anyway my opinion on this song is that its VERY good and VERY important to get a good look at the story. the instrumental behind the tabete sugu nete ushi ni naru parts scratches my brain & the inclusion of the series "this chara lives" motif drives me insane.10000/10 everyone should like this song.

#asks #rottel #aru sekai series #the text in this song makes me sick like this concept is so uniquely terrifying to me im not joking. #laboratory still fucks me up if i think about it bc its THIS but a demonstration of it from the other side #like maximizer is kind of about keeping ones self #but labo is about having passed into 'thing' territory & the fear & panic & futility of knowing ur going to disappear forever #and of course that means nothing they did had any real meaning so essentially just throwing their lives and selves away for nothing. #makes me ill #anyway i love this song with my whole life & it deserves its popularity

[lilliankillthisman]

Augustine, Satan, and Paradise Lost in The Locked Tomb

I was reading through Book IV of Paradise Lost (as one does ya know) and some of the imagery used by Satan to describe his fate suddenly jumped out at me:

Me miserable! which way shall I fly Infinite wrath and infinite despair? Which way I fly is hell; myself am hell; And in the lowest deep a lower deep, Still threat’ning to devour me, opens wide, To which the hell I suffer seems a heaven.

"And in the lowest deep a lower deep/Still threatening to devour me, opens wide" is metaphorical here, but it's a very, very literal description of what happens to Augustine at the end of HtN, swallowed up by the stoma at the bottom of the river. The preceding part fits perfectly too; Augustine literally casts everything around him into hell in a fit of despairing rage.

This got me thinking of Augustine as a Satanic figure; God's angel and Saint who betrays him, attempts to cast him down and is cast down in turn instead. I'm almost certain this is a deliberate framing from TazMuir; Augustine's story is absolutely the story of Satan, and she likes melodramatic religion and classical references enough that I think she's not above references to Milton. This suggests that Augustine is going to reappear later just as casting Satan to Hell is only the start of the story, and that he definitely isn't going to give up on his grudge against John/God. In addition, in Paradise Lost the gates of Hell are guarded by Sin and Death. Lyctorhood is consistently referred to as the Lyctors' sin in a setting where I think no one ever mentions any other sin at all despite our main characters being nuns, so it's safe to say the concept is usually absent and its usage for Lyctorhood is important. Since Sin persuades Death to allow Satan to pass out of Hell, that might suggest that Lyctorhood is key to escaping the place beyond the river. Of course, that won't be easy: "Long is the way/And hard, that out of Hell leads up to Light". But I really do think we haven't seen the last of Augustine.

When we run this symbolism along its course we come to Harrow and Ianthe as Adam and Eve; the new creations of God to replace the angels he has lost. Ianthe clearly fills the role of Eve, the woman Augustine/Satan tries to tempt away. Unlike in Paradise Lost she resists his persuasions at the climax of HtN, and in doing so avoids dooming humanity in the form of destroying Dominicus. However, I genuinely think this association is very relevant, and may well predict future events in the series - Eve is not tempted at Satan's first attempt, but instead later in Book IX. How is she tempted away from God? With an apple, forbidden knowledge, and the promise of divinity. That is a remarkably specific parallel to her studies and her suspected goals, and again I really don't think this is wild speculation; I think Ianthe's story could really mirror Eve's, ending with her turning from God in an attempt to replicate his power and getting fucked over for it. The specific way I think she might get fucked over is losing her exalted state and immortality, just as Eve did; to whit, losing her Lyctorhood. If we take Harrow as Adam, that suggests Harrow will cease to be a Lyctor as well.

Btw, the last book of Paradise Lost focuses on the child of God saving mankind, which is definitely good vibes.

#harrow the ninth #augustine the first #the locked tomb #tlt #long post #i believe all of this to a greater or lesser extent #nona is augustine in harrow's body confirmed by the way #<-<- i do not believe this #paradise lost is unironically good btw

[mxthbladed]

Vaggie, Mannerisms and PTSD

Fuck it, I'm gonna do the thing.

So, this is specific to my take on Vaggie but this will be integral to her reactions and the way she sees herself and the world.

First and foremost: as an exorcist, Vaggie was part of an army- a militaristic culture that has left a lasting impression on her. As such, Vaggie values the chain of command. During her time as an exorcist, she deferred to Lute and Adam, whether she liked them/their decisions or not because, at the time, she respected their authority. After falling, this extends to Charlie and, later, Lucifer and the others in the hotel.

As she stated in the show, "There is nothing stronger than the trust between comrades in arms!" Due to her militaristic lifestyle in Heaven, Vaggie learned how to trust through battle. The trust you gain in someone when you're on a battlefield, risking your lives for each other, is a completely different kind of bond. If she has fought beside someone and they defended one another, her trust in that person has been earned. In Hell, this begins to shift slightly towards the end of season 1 but not by much. Her trust is still hard to earn but she has a lot of respect for battle prowess and people who feel love and loyalty as deeply as she does.

Now then. Because of her militaristic background, her manner of speaking is blunt and honest, almost to a fault of being hurtful or rude. However, this does not mean that is how she intends her speech to be taken- it is just how her manner of speaking is. Likewise, she is unafraid to call out her superiors (or those that would be notably ranked higher than herself), even going so far as to swear at them to convey her message. If her respect is earned and the person is an authority figure, she's more likely to refer to them as "sir" or "ma'am."

Other than her manner of speech, notable habits that she has and persist even years later: she has a higher than average tolerance for physical discomfort, wakes up quickly and ready for action, very detail-oriented, knows how to clean and organize living space, can sew basic repairs (can fix buttons, minor tears, patches, etc), is aware of political structure and information on important enemy figures, has a low tolerance for laziness or slacking, refuses to ask people to do things that she herself will not do, likes having clear orders, following chain of command and fair penalties, works efficiently and quickly, is very self-reliant and has a fairly high tolerance for work stress.

Her fall, however, created a stark change in some of Vaggie's behaviors. While she's incredibly loyal when someone proves themselves to her, due to her status being stripped by Lute and Adam, her trust in others was shaken deeply and she developed PTSD.

Vaggie's PTSD is something I wish to characterize as I, as the mun, have PTSD associated with the military and it's something that I feel Vaggie would also deal with.

Now, concerning her PTSD: Vaggie suffers from night terrors, insomnia, flash backs and depression. Her night terrors often deal directly with her fall, either making her relive the experience or an altered version in which she was not left alive or Charlie never found her. These usually cause her to wake suddenly, either screaming or in tears. She hates talking about her night terrors and, if touched immediately after, will pull away and begin to panic. Charlie is the only one canonically who can calm her down from these (unless plotted otherwise). Vaggie's insomnia regularly keeps her up quite late and she doesn't sleep particularly long. Flash backs can be triggered but they're much more rare. She has scars on her back from where her wings were initially torn and they are quite sensitive. Rough hits to this area run the possibility of triggering a flash back, which would cause a panic attack. Panic attacks, flash backs and night terrors are all incredibly taxing both physically and emotionally and Vaggie is usually exhausted after any of these. It's not uncommon for her to have a migraine after any of these. Her depression causes a lot of issues like a deep-seated self-loathing, abandonment issues and trust issues.

Aggie (my take on a transmasc Vaggie) would also have these issues but also compounded with other issues that I'm probably gonna cover in a different post because this is long enough already.

#as above so below | meta #verse | main

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: How Your Life and Cultivation Was Ruined

Our actions are always driven by our values, which teach us how to choose and give up things, and say “no” or “yes” to others. If you happen to have the right values, you will end up in heaven, but if you unfortunately have the wrong values, they will send you to hell. I have seen many people brought to heaven by their values, and also seen many people dragged to hell by their values. Their position in your life is so important that I have to emphasize it over and over again. Over the years, I have seen many cultivators obsessed with nonduality, Longchen Rabjam, Dudjom Lingpa and Dzogchen. But they don't seem to have ever examined their own values. In my opinion, most of them are not good enough to truly cultivate these teachings. If your values are problematic, learning these teachings is like dancing on a collapsing wall. So I hope those who are studying the Sixty Stanzas of Reasoning and the Wisdom Guru take a look at their own values, which may save your life.

Over the years I have met many people, good and bad. When I was younger, I used to think most people were good, although I knew there were bad people in the world, I didn't think I would encounter them, I wouldn't think badly of others, I wouldn't suspect others of having bad motives from the get go. Later, the world taught me some lessons, making me realize that some people are not what I thought they were, their motives were not friendly from the beginning. I was depressed for a while because of this. When I slowly walked out of my depression, I began to become interested in their motives. I slowly sorted out the roots of their values, which allowed me to gradually see clearly why they would be like that. When I figured out the origins of their values, I was completely relaxed. I'm not at all surprised why they would think that way and act that way, essentially, put anyone in the environment they were raised in, and let them grow up in that environment, the possibilities of them breaking free aren't high either. So for them, they can only think and act that way. Their values give them an extremely narrow range of choices. Unless you are exceptionally capable, to the point of being able to completely change your ideas, otherwise you will only be a victim of your values, being carried by them throughout your life until destruction.

When I studied their values, I found that they all had one thing in common: they don't trust anyone, or to be more precise, they don't trust anyone. I believe this has to do with their upbringing. Unlike them, I was fortunate to be born into a relatively wealthy family. Before I was 15 years old, I hardly experienced contempt from others. During my youth I mostly encountered good people. Even later, when I met those who could be called bad people, they were not so bad as to be completely unprincipled. Needless to say, such experiences limited my imagination about bad people, so I don't tend to think badly of others, and even if I do, it's very limited. I still remember the shock in my heart when I first read The Deer and the Cauldron in elementary school: I didn't know there were people in the world with such cunning minds.

But they were different. They grew up in the jungle world. Everyone around them was cheating others, and everyone was guarding against being cheated by others. While guarding against being cheated by others, they were also thinking about how to cheat others. Everyone wanted easy gains, believing that trickery was superior to hard work. No one believed that failing to keep one's word was a serious issue. No one cared whether the source of others' wealth was moral. There were no virtuous people around them, and those unvirtuous ones never believed they were unvirtuous, because they had all kinds of absurd reasons to prove they were right. This allowed them to be unscrupulously bad. They grew up in this kind of world, which made them feel that all the kindness and compassion in the world was nothing but elaborate disguises. It also allowed them to easily understand the real motives of those who lived in the same culture without too much effort. They were taught from a young age that everyone is selfish. I'm not saying their parents or those around them taught them this directly, but everyone demonstrated it to them with their actions, everything around them taught them this, helping them shape their own values. Although they never truly believed anyone deep down in their hearts, they wouldn't let others know they didn't believe in them, they would pretend to believe. Not only would they pretend to believe in others, they would also pretend to believe in Buddhism, pretend to believe in gurus, pretend to believe in karma, for a practitioner, this could be the worst thing ever. They lived in self-deception for a long time, and one of the long-term consequences of prolonged self-deception is that you will believe you truly have faith in the guru, because you will numb yourself, brainwashing yourself into believing you have faith in the guru, but since this trust is pretended, it cannot withstand weight. As soon as the guru fails to meet your expectations, or does anything you think hurts you, this pretended trust will be blown away instantly.

If one believes everyone is selfish, it means one has been sentenced to death in terms of cultivation. Our practice is built on some kind of foundation. On this foundation, we believe that there are saints beyond selfishness, saints who are completely without a "self", we believe they exist in the world and are working for our benefit in a completely selfless way – we believe our teachers are such people. But to believe this requires tremendous merit, there aren't actually that many people with such merit. Those with the wrong values believe everyone is selfish. Along with this, they will naturally believe the deities are selfish too. If one believes the deities are selfish too, one will naturally believe the deities can also be bribed. So they make deals with the deities.

If you are this type of person, if you hold such values, I don't know how you will be able to truly love anyone. You are full of suspicion about everyone's motives – not just the stranger who voluntarily helps carry your luggage on the plane – you will be suspicious of everyone, suspicious of taxi drivers, deliverymen, newcomers to the company, gurus, you won't even trust those sleeping in the same bed, eventually not even trusting your own parents and children. These things will slowly erode all your relationships until they completely collapse. If you are used to suspecting others, you will definitely bring this habit into your cultivation as well, you will be suspicious of Buddhism, suspicious of fellow cultivators, and worse still, suspicious of the guru who teaches you the dharma and gives you empowerments. I can't think of anything more terrible than this. I have encountered some people before, although they were interested in Buddhism, they had great difficulty believing in others, and were suspicious of everything. They and I were like people from two different worlds. This manifests in that if my guru asked me to get up at 5 am every morning to clean his bathroom, I would consider it an honor, I would think he was being good to me, I would be very willing to accept the guru's arrangement, and regard it as an important cultivation practice to end my samsara. But these people are different. They speculate about the guru's motives, and regard him as an ordinary person when speculating. So they have no problem concluding that the guru is taking advantage of his status to take advantage of them. Although in the end they may still have to do it, holding such an idea, I don't know where it will lead them. People like this find it very difficult to even establish basic trust. And without this trust, you can't truly cultivate even the most basic things in Buddhism. (Your practice will always only be superficial, never able to touch your heart. You're only acting, only doing things that look right. You do these things because you have to, you don't even know why you're doing them, let alone believing that doing them benefits you.) Judging every word of the guru as ridiculous as examining every piece of toilet paper in the bathroom. Not to mention the guru yoga practices of complete trust and complete devotion to the guru. Lacking this kind of trust, even if you do what the guru tells you, you won't believe the guru has your best interest in mind, especially when he wakes you up at 4 am to have you drive him to the airport – you will never believe it is for your liberation. Especially since your flesh and blood guru also often catches colds, loses his temper, and has all kinds of mundane preferences. Occasionally, you can also see him sneakily looking at nude girls on his phone, which further deepens your distrust of him and further proves your belief that he is just an ordinary person. However, because of many reasons, you need to maintain your relationship with him. In order to maintain your relationship, you will pretend to believe in him, pretend to be very willing to do the various things he asks you to do, pretend to be a good disciple, while believing that others are pretending too. This makes you more hypocritical and self-deceiving.

It is said that arrogance is the trait of celestial beings, while suspicion is the trait of human beings among the six realms. As human beings, we are only willing to do as others say when we believe they truly have our best interests in mind. But having the aforementioned values causes you to lose this capability. People with such values do not believe anyone would truly care for them. But it gives you another capability – no matter what others say or do, you always want to uncover their underlying real motives. I believe even if the Buddha was before you, you would still be able to pick out His flaws. You would think this glowing One just talks nicely. You would not believe He truly thinks that way. You would believe it’s impossible for such a person to exist in this world. You would believe He must have some other agenda. Therefore, even the greatest saint would be projected by you to be selfish – a sophisticated egoist. You would think He is no different from others, just pretending to be caring for your sake while actually caring for Himself, just pretending better than others. This is the inevitable product of such values.

We will only do something when we truly believe doing it will benefit us. Therefore, when you cannot truly trust another person, you have essentially completely blocked your path to liberation. Because for anything that person says, you would think he is just caring for himself under the guise of Buddhism. When you think this way, you will flatter and deceive the guru while doubting and selectively following his words. It is not hard to imagine what impact this would have on your cultivation. Moreover, once your teacher starts to displease you, starts to fulfill his responsibilities, starts to crush your ego, injure your pride, your pretended piety may no longer be able to hold. The more pressure he puts on you, the closer you get to the verge of collapse. Because you do not believe he wants to end your samsara, you do not believe he is doing this for your benefit, because you don't even believe in samsara itself. You also cannot understand that this is how one cultivates by taking the guru as the path. Ancient warriors were able to endure the excruciating pain of having a leg sawed off largely because they knew the doctor was caring for them and they knew they would likely die of sepsis if that was not done. But modern Buddhist practitioners may not necessarily believe the guru is helping them. They would not believe the guru sawing off their leg is helping them. For those who are accustomed to believing everyone is selfish, when their ego is severely humiliated, they would think the guru is making fun of them. They would think the guru likes to watch them make a fool of themselves in front of everyone. They would think the guru likes to torment them. Their values determine that they would think this way. (If you are a Vajrayana student, you should know how terrifying this idea is). Therefore, when encountering extraordinary pressure, it is highly likely that such people would turn against the guru. Because they never believed from the beginning that the guru wished them well – this determines that their tolerance level is very limited.

I have encountered some people before who really liked sayings like “you are your own best guru”. They like to advocate taking oneself as guru. I didn’t understand before why they would think like this, why they don’t go learn from existing teachers but want to explore on their own instead. Now I know it is because they do not believe in anyone at all. They only believe in their own exploration (this is like you only eat your own cooking and drink your own water). They believe everyone is selfish, untrustworthy and has ulterior motives. So they like “you are your own best guru”, “only you can really rely on yourself”.

“Only yourself can really rely on”, “you are your own guru”, these sayings do come from the Buddha’s teachings. But clearly, these sayings have been decontextualized. If you happen to be smart and wise enough to understand them correctly, these words can indeed aid liberation. But if your understanding is incorrect – which is almost certain – such words would become the authority of demons. They would become weapons for you to oppose the guru. They would become the biggest obstacles on your path to liberation, completely ruining your cultivation – terminating your cultivation even before it commenced.

Then how can one understand such words correctly? The answer is actually a paradox – if you don’t have a teacher, it is impossible for you to understand such words correctly. But it is impossible for you to have a teacher, because you believe you can understand such words correctly without needing a teacher, since you believe you are your own best guru.

Therefore, if you believe everyone is selfish, you cannot believe anyone at all. If you cannot believe anyone at all, you cannot truly cultivate or truly live. Your sleep quality must be very poor, because you have to contemplate various possibilities. You don’t believe anyone, you won’t entrust yourself to anyone. Over time, you will become mentally deteriorated. Some of those who cannot believe others choose to teach themselves Buddhism, taking themselves as their own teachers. They choose to draw wisdom from the Buddhist scriptures. They believe this is safer (but this is actually the most dangerous path, with the devil having set up innumerable traps waiting for you). Some others may seem to have teachers, may seem to be cultivating and obedient, but if you observe carefully, although they pretend very well, they actually only listen to themselves. No matter which kind you belong to, the future looks bleak.

In summary, if you have such values, if you believe everyone is selfish, the result would be you cannot truly trust anyone. You also won’t commit. You treat everyone perfunctorily. Ultimately, your life would be ruined by it. Your cultivation would also be destroyed by it. This is what I call the disaster of values.

Fortunately, our values are not innate. Most of our values are acquired after birth. Although some values do come from conditioning over many lifetimes, that does not mean they cannot be changed. That said, changing one’s values is not something that can be done overnight. You may spend your whole life unable to shake them one bit. Because the premise for changing values is admitting almost all the notions you held your whole life have been completely upside down. Very few people can accomplish this. Therefore, most would not change one bit until death. Those who believe everyone is selfish have another trait – they never believe they have done anything wrong. So this becomes a dead loop, completely cutting off any possibility for them to change.

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灵山居士：你的生活和修行是怎么被毁掉的

我们做任何事背后都是价值观在驱使，价值观教我们如何选择、教我们如何取舍、教我们对他人说NO或是yes。如果你恰好幸运到有正确的价值观，你会上天堂，但是假如你不幸拥有错误的价值观，它就会送你下地狱。我见过很多人被自己的价值观带入天堂，也见过很多人被自己的价值观拖入地狱。它在你生命里的位置是如此重要，以致于我不得不一而再再而三的强调。这些年，我看到很多修行人迷恋于不二，迷恋于龙树和创巴仁波切，迷恋于大圆满。但他们似乎从未审视过自己价值观。依我之见，他们中的大多数人并未优秀到真正可以修持这些教法的程度。假如你的价值观有问题，你去学习这些教法就像是在即将倒塌的墙上跳舞。所以我希望那些正在学习《六十颂如理论》的人，那些正在学习《智慧上师》的人，看一下自己的价值观，这可能会救你一命。

这些年我遇见过很多人，他们中有好人也有坏人。在我比较年青的时候，我是习惯于认为大多数人都是好人的，虽然我知道这世上有坏人，但我不觉得自己会遇到，我不会把人往坏处想，不会上来就揣测别人有不好的动机。后来世界给了我一些教训，让我惊觉有些人并不是我以为的那样，他们从一开始动机就并非友善。我曾经为此而抑郁了一段时间，当我慢慢走出抑郁，我开始对他们的动机发生兴趣，我慢慢梳理出他们价值观的源头，这让我开始慢慢看清楚他们为什么会这样。当我理清他们的价值观的来源，我就完全释然了，我一点也不奇怪他们为何会这么想，会这么做，为什么会生生把自己毁掉。基本上，把任何一个人放在他们所生活的坏境下，让他在那样的环境下长大，他们跳脱出来的可能性也不大。所以，就他们而言，他们只能这么想，也只能那么做。他们的价值观赋予他们极窄的选择空间，除非你是非常厉害是那种厉害到极致的人，除非你真的能彻底改变自己的观念，否则你只会是你价值观的牺牲品，你一辈子都会被你的价值观裹挟着往前走，直至毁灭。

当我去研究他们的价值观的时候，我发现他们都有一个共同特点，就是他们都不相信别人，准确的说，是不相信任何人。我相信这和他们成长的经历有关。和他们不同的是，我很幸运地生在一个相对富裕的家庭，在15岁之前，我几乎没遭遇过别人的白眼。在我的青年岁月，我遇到的大都是好人，即便是后来，我遇到那些堪称坏人的人，他们也都不是坏到毫无底线。可想而知，这样的经历限制了我对坏人的想象力，所以我不太容易把人往坏的方向想。即便是想也只是很有限的想。我还记得上小学的时候第一次读到《连城诀》时心里的震撼：世上居然还有这样的心术。

但是这些人就不同了。他们从小就生活在丛林世界里，他们周围的每个人都在骗人，每个人也都在提防着不被别人骗，每个人在提防着不被别人骗的同时还想着怎么骗人，他们每个人都想不劳而获，都认为巧取胜于苦耕，没有人认为说了不做是严重的问题，也没有人关心别人的财富来源是否道德，他们周围没有善良的人，而那些不善良的人也从不认为自己不善良，因为他们有一整套歪理来证明自己的正确，这让他们坏的理直气壮。他们在这样的世界里长大，这让他们觉得世间所有的善良慈悲都是精巧的伪装，也让他们不需要太费力就能理解那些和他们生活在同一种文化下的人们的真实动机。他们从小就被教导每个人都是自私的，我并不是在说他们的父母或是周围的人会这么教育他们，但是他们每个人都在用行动来教导他们，他们周围的每件事也都在教导他们，在帮助他们塑造自己的价值观。虽然他们内心深处从未相信过任何人，但是他们不会让别人知道他们不相信别人，他们会假装相信。他们不但会假装相信别人，还会假装相信佛法，假装相信上师，假装相信轮回因果，对于一个修行人来说，这可能是最糟糕的事了。他们长期活在自我欺骗之中，而长期自欺的后果之一是你会认为自己是相信上师的，因为你会自我麻醉，会自己给自己洗脑说自己是相信上师的，但是由于这种信任是假装出来的，所以它无法承重。一旦上师无法满足你的期许，或是他做了任何你认为伤害到你的事，这些假装出来的信任会瞬间告吹。

假如一个人相信世上每个人都是自私的，那就意味着他在修行上被判了死刑。我们的修行建立在某种基础之上，在这种基础上，我们相信有超越自私的圣者，有完全没有“自我”的圣者，我们相信他们存在于世，并且完全不抱私利地在做着利益我们的事——我们相信我们的老师就是这样的人。但是相信这些需要巨大的福德，有这样福德的人其实并不多，大部分人并无这样的福德。那些怀抱错误价值观的人，他们认为每个人都是自私的，附带着他们会认为神灵也是自私的，如果一个人认为神灵也是自私的，那么他会理所当然认为神灵也是可以被收买的，所以他们会和神灵做生意。

如果你是这样的人，如果你拥有这样的价值观，我不知道你会怎么去爱，你几乎无法真心去爱任何人。你对每个人的动机都充满怀疑——不只是在飞机上主动帮你搬箱子的陌生男子——你会怀疑每一个人，会怀疑出租车司机，怀疑外卖员，怀疑新入职的同事，怀疑上师，你甚至对睡在同一张床的人都不会信赖，最后连你的父母子女你也会怀疑。这些东西会慢慢侵蚀你所有的的关系，直到它们彻底崩塌。如果你认为每个人都是自私的，最后你会如愿以偿发现每个人确实都是如你所想的那般自私，最后你只能自己一个人孤独地活着。

在成年以后，我是不看电视的，在很长的一段时间里，我的住宅里连电视机也没有。后来因为我父母想要看一些新闻，才购置了一台电视。我偶尔也能看到电视里在播什么东西，有时候我会看到电视里在播一些打官司的新闻，那些打官司的人，他们都是很近的亲戚，他们之���居然用法律说话。我看到那些父母和子女，兄弟和姐妹，他们之间完全是在用法律说话，好像他们彼此是完全不认识的陌生人，这对我来说是个冲击。因为和我生长的文化完全不一样。在我生长的地方，即便是再大的矛盾也不至于闹到对簿公堂的程度。我从来没见过亲戚之间闹到公堂上，我们那里关系最差的亲戚之间也只是互不来往而已。现在我知道，那是因为他们和我生长在完全不同的文化环境里，在他们那种文化里，他们相信每个人都是自私的，他们相信只有绝对自私才能维护自己的权益，只有绝对自私才能抗拒别人的自私。所以他们全副盔甲去对付那些最亲近的人。

从这些事，你就能知道这些观念会毁掉多少东西。它会毁掉你的生活，让你失去爱的能力，失去相信的能力，失去同理心，把你的每一段关系都搞得一团糟。我见过很多这样的人，他们不懂得怎么表达感情，不懂得关心别人，也不懂得如何协作。不懂得如何协作我认为这是现代人极度疏离自闭的的后果之一。我见过很多不喜欢沟通的人，起初我会认为他们是懒，后来慢慢发现他们不懂得沟通协作的根源是因为他们不相信别人。他们不相信别人，所以不愿意和别人沟通，不愿意把自己的想法暴露在别人面前，也不愿意和别人多说，他们唯恐让别人深入了��自己。他们宁可选择自己去做，但是很多事情是无法一个人完成的。

假如你习惯于怀疑别人，你一定也会把这种习惯带到修行上来，你会怀疑佛法，怀疑同修，更可怕的是，你会怀疑教你佛法给你灌顶的上师，我想不出还有比这更可怕的事了。我曾经遇到过一些人，他们虽然对于佛法感兴趣，但是很不容易相信别人，他们对一切都充满怀疑。他们和我完全就像是两个世界的人。这体现在如果我的上师要求我每天早上五点起床去把他的浴室打扫一下，我会认为这是我的荣耀，我会认为他是在对我好，我会很乐意接受上师的安排，并且会把它视为终结我的轮回的一项重要修行。但是这些人不同，他们会揣测上师的动机，而且是把他当成一个凡夫去揣测。所以，他们不难得出上师是在利用上师身份占他便宜这种结论。虽然最后他们可能也不得不去做，但是怀揣这样的想法，我不知道他会被带往何处。像这样的人，他们连基本的信任都很难建立。而缺乏这种信任，你连佛法最基础的东西都无法真正修持，（你的修行永远都只是在表面，永远无法触及你的心，你只是在演戏，只是做出一些看起来正确的事情，你做这些事是因为你不得不做，你根本不知道做这些事是为了什么，也不相信做这些事对你有好处。）——因为你会审视上师的每一句话，审视上师的每一句话就像是你要检查厨师做出来的每一道菜检查厕所的每一张纸巾一样荒谬——更不用说把自己完全交出去的完全信赖上师的上师瑜伽修法了。缺乏这种信任，即便你去做上师交代你的事，你也不会相信上师是为你好，特别是当他在早上4点把你叫起来让你开车送他去机场的时候——你绝不会认为这是为了你的解脱。尤其是你的这位肉身上师还会经常感冒，还会发脾气，还有各种庸俗的喜好，你偶尔还能从上师手机上看到他在偷看裸女，这更加深了你对他的不信任，也更验证了你认为他是一个凡夫的想法。但是因为很多理由，你需要维系你们之间的关系，为了维系你们的关系，你会假装相信他，假装很心甘情愿地去做他要求你做的各种事，假装自己是个好弟子，而且你会认为其他人也都在假装。这让你变成更加虚伪和自欺。

据说在六道众生之中，天道的特质是我慢，而人道的特质则是怀疑。作为人类，我们只有在相信别人是真的为我们好的时候，才会愿意照他说的做，但是拥有上述价值观会让你失去这种能力，拥有这样的价值观的人不会相信有人会真的为你好。但是它会让你锻炼出另外一种能力，那就是不管别人说什么做什么，你都会想要找出他们背后隐藏的真实动机。我相信即便是佛陀在你面前，你也能挑出他的毛病，你认为这个发光的人只是说得好听而已，你不会认为他是真的是那么想的，你认为世上不可能有这样的人，你认为他肯定是有别的目的。所以，再伟大的圣者，在你面前也会被投射出他是在利己——他是个精致的利己主义者。你会认为他和其他人一样，只是打着为你好的幌子在为自己好，只是装的比较像而已。这就是这种价值观的必然产物。

我们也只有在相信一件事做了真的会对自己好的时候，才会去做。所以，当你无法真正相信另外一个人的时候，其实你已经把你的解脱之路彻底堵死，因为他说的任何事情你都会认为他是在对自己好，只是打着佛法的名义而已。当你这么认为的时候，你会对上师虚以委蛇，你会对他的话半信半疑，你会选择性执行他的话。不难想象，这会对你的修行产生什么样的影响。而且，一旦你的老师开始让你不爽，一旦他开始履行他的职责，一旦开始碾压你的自我，开始挫伤你的骄傲，你假装的虔诚可能就无法继续维系。他给你的压力越大，你就越接近崩溃边缘。因为你不会认为他是要终结你的轮回，你不会认为他这么做是在对你好，因为你根本不认为有轮回。你也无法理解以上师为道就是这么修的。古代战士能忍受锯掉一条腿的痛苦很大程度上是因为他知道医生是在为他好，他知道如果不这么做他会有极大的概率死于败血症。但是现代佛法修持者可不一定认为上师是在帮他，他不会认为上师锯掉他的一条腿是在帮他。那些习惯于认为每个人都是自私的人，当他们的自我被狠狠羞辱的时候，他们会认为上师是拿他取乐，他们会认为上师喜欢看他们在众人面前出丑，会认为上师喜欢折磨他。他们的价值观决定了他们会这么认为。（如果你是个金刚乘的学生，你应该知道这是多么可怕的想法。）所以，假如这样的人遇到超乎寻常的压力，他们有极大的可能和上师翻脸。因为他们从一开始就不认为上师是为他好——这决定了他们的忍耐程度非常有限。

以前我遇到过一些人，他们很喜欢诸如“你是你自己最好的上师”之类的话。他们喜欢标榜以自己为师。以前我并不理解他们为什么会这么想，为什么放着现成的老师不去学要自己探索。现在我知道他们其实是因为不相信任何人，他们只相信自己的探索，（这就像是你只吃自己煮的饭只喝自己打的水一样。）他们认为每个人都是自私的，每个人都是不可信的，每个人都是有所图的。所以他们会喜欢“你是你自己最好的上师”，“只有自己才是自己的依靠”这样的话。

“只有自己才是自己的依靠”，“你自己是你的上师”，这些话确实来自佛陀的教言。但是很显然，这些话被掐头去尾肢解了。如果恰巧你聪明智慧到能理解对的程度，这些话确实有助于解脱。但是，假如你理解的不对——这几乎是肯定的——这样的话就会沦为魔王的权柄，它们就会成为你对抗上师的武器，就会变成你解脱路上最大的障碍，就会彻底葬送你的修行———你的修行还未开始就被它终结了。

那么如何才能正确理解这样的话呢？答案其实是个悖论：假如你没有老师，你就不可能正确理解这样的话。但是，你不可能有老师，因为你相信不需要老师也能正确理解这样的话，因为你相信你就是自己最好的上师。

所以，如果你相信所有的人都是自私的，你就无法相信任何人。如果你无法相信任何人，你就无法真正修行，你也无法真正生活，你的睡眠质量肯定很糟糕，因为你要思考各种可能性，因为你不相信任何人，不会把自己托付给任何人。时间长了，你会神经衰弱。那些无法相信别人的人，他们中的有些人选择自己教导自己佛法，自己当自己的老师，他们选择从佛经里汲取智慧，他们认为这样比较安全（但这其实是最危险的路，因为魔王挖了无数的坑在等着你。）；另外一些人虽然看似有老师、看似在修行、看似在听话，但是仔细观察你会发现虽然他们伪装的很好，但其实他们只听自己的话。无论你属于他们中的哪一种，前景都不美妙。

综上所述，假如你有这样的价值观，假如你相信每个人都是自私的，那么结果就是你对谁都无法真正信任，你也不会付出，你对每个人都是虚情假意，最终，你的生活会被它毁掉，你的修行也会被毁它掉。这就是我说的价值观灾难。

但是好在我们的价值观并非天生的，我们大部分价值观都是后天养成的，虽然有些价值观确实来自过去生很多世的熏染，但是即便是这样也不意味着他是不可改变的。话虽如此说，要改变自己的价值观可不是一朝一夕的事，你可能倾尽一生都未能撼动它一分。因为改变价值观的前提是承认自己大半辈子几乎所有的理念全都是颠倒的，很少有人能做到这一点。所以，大部分人至死也不会改变一点。那些认为每个人都是自私的人，他们还有一个特点是从不认为自己有任何错，所以，这就像是一个死循环，彻底封闭了他们改变的可能性。