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flightsoffandom · 4 years

Text

Co-Conspirators

Pairs: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Words: 5421

Summary: Getting your career at the BAU started gets interesting when you realize you're attracted to your boss.

Warnings: None

Notes: Left completely gender-neutral. I had been interested in watching Criminal Minds for a long time, but a friend of mine finally got me to start it. Suffice to say my damn ass completely fell for Hotch. Was there other things I was planning on writing… Yes… but I couldn't help myself. Hopefully, now my obsession will chill out enough I can work on other projects for a bit.

I found this writing prompt @witterprompts and went with it. The original prompt is below.

"Look, I think it's a fairly simple question. Do you or don't you want me to work with you?"

Continuation of Co-Conspirators –Part 1*–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5 –Part 6

You had initially gone to college for something completely different. Or at least you planned on using your degree for something else. One of your classes had Jason Gideon come in as a guest speaker, which sparked an epiphany. So you picked up some extra classes and buckled down, reading as many books as you could on the subject, David Rossi’s books were among the ones you read. Whatever college social life you may have had was put on the back burner, so you could pour all your energy into learning. It took a lot of hard work, but you managed to do it. You wanted to help people. This seemed like one of the best ways you could do that. When you were ready, you pushed ahead and got an interview with the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico.

You had been beyond nervous. For the past few years, you had been training for this moment. So you steeled yourself before going into the FBI building. You made sure to wear something very professional, wanting to make an excellent first impression. Walking into the building was easy enough. When you got into the BAU area, you saw some of the other employees there. They were already watching you. It was easy to tell that they knew you were there for the job opening. While you walked up the stairs, you tried to absorb all the information around you. You reached the office and knocked on a door that read 'S.S.A. Aaron Hotchner', the man who would be interviewing you. You heard a voice call you in. You were thrown off when you entered Hotchner's office. He was older than you, but even with that scowl sculpted into his face, you immediately found him attractive. So that caused you to begin your interview precariously. You knew he was a profiler, so you did your best to bury your attraction to him. Agent Hotchner was your boss. You were going to handle this professionally. You closed the door behind you, "Nice to meet you, Agent Hotchner." You introduce yourself as you take a few steps closer before stopping a respectable distance from him. Hotchner motions to the chair on the other side of his desk, "Sit. Despite what the other profilers might say, I don't bite." You chuckle, moving to sit in the chair. Hotchner moved some papers around on his overflowing desk, “Hotch is fine.” He looked over what seemed to be your personal file. You weren't sure what to expect before you came here. There were rumors about the team and gossip sure. Agent Hotchner was supposed to be intimidating and mean. While he gave off those vibes at first glance, that wasn’t the feeling you got from Hotch when you took a second to read him. Hotch looked up at you from your file, “Your look qualified for the job, but you’re young. What makes you better for this job than other applicants with more experience.” You hum, quickly thinking to yourself. You make sure to thoroughly look around the room, trying to get every detail. You look back at your interviewer, “There are no other applicants.” You said with a very matter the fact tone. Hotch leans back in his chair, a ghost of a smirk on his face. “What makes you say that?” You sit up enough to get another look at the files on his desk, “All these files are paperwork for cases, the dates, and how they are labeled. Applications aren’t labeled like that.” Hotch narrows his eyes at you, signaling for you to continue. You smile, “You don’t have any other applications on your desk. Which means either I’m your last applicant or there were no others. ” You glance down at your watch, “Judging by the time of day, the stacks of paperwork on your desk, and the bags under your eyes, you don’t have a lot of time for interviews. This is why you’re doing this on your lunch break, and I don’t think you’ve actually eaten lunch yet. I imagine you would have scheduled all your interviews in one day to get it taken care of quickly. Limited time, limited people you are willing to bring in and try to fit into your already busy schedule. I'm guessing that I am the only applicant.” You pause and shrug, “I suppose I could also be the only application you deemed had enough potential.” Hotch leaned forward again, closing your file, “Can you start tomorrow?”

You curiously peek at the papers on his desk. Interestingly trying to see if you missed anything as you respond, “I can start right now if you need me too…” You pause for a second, before looking back up at Hotch, “Was I right?” Hotch tucks your file away, “Yes.” You perk up. You had done exercises in classes and during training, but you always found them too easy. So being able to test your skills on something more challenging and being right was exciting, “Which one I am then? Only applicant?” You assumed you were the only one. Figuring if someone with more experience had applied, they would have easily won out over you. Hotch shakes his head, “The only file I saw with enough potential to bring in was yours.” You slowly stand up, making a curious noise. “Thank you, then.” You reach out your hand. Hotch raises his eyebrows and shakes your hand, “Don’t thank me yet, You'll still have to prove yourself in the field.”

That was how you got your job with the BAU. To start out, Hotch partnered you and him together a lot, you were assuming it was a probationary situation. You did some cases with other people while you were learning. After you had been at the job long enough to handle yourself, you were still partnered with Hotch most of the time. Part of you chalked it up to the fact that you could handle Hotch’s grumpy and bully-like behavior. Quickly the whole team became your family. You spent most of your time at work, which meant you spent all your time with the team. You enjoyed hanging out with everyone on the team.

Emily would help you learn new languages if there was time. You found it oddly soothing listening to Reid talk about whatever he was excited about at the moment, plus you usually learned something. Rossi shared a love for classic art, the two of you also shared a love of snarky banter. You and Penelope shared anything nerdy with each other, whether it was movies, shows, or comics. Derek would discuss books with you, and he would introduce you to new music. You were always happy to look at pictures of Henry while talking about family life with JJ. You and Hotch were workaholics together. Hotch got onto you about it a few times, but you always turned it back on him. It was hard to explain, you and Hotch kind of just gravitated to each other. There was always a calm mutual understanding between the two of you. Working so closely with Hotch didn't exactly help with your attraction to him. You were a professional. So you ignored it for the most part. You had resigned yourself to the fact that Hotch wasn't interested in you. Even if he was interested, he was such a stickler for rules that it wouldn’t matter.

You had been good at remaining professional for a few years. However, you slipped up one night when you and the team went out to celebrate. A case had gone really well, and you all knew you deserved a break. Emily and Derek were the first two to get the idea rolling. Soon everyone was ready and willing to go, except Hotch. Since you both worked way too much when the team went out, it was usually down to either you or Hotch to be what Penelope lovingly referred to as the ‘designated buzzkill’. You agreed to go but kept wondering if you should invite Hotch. Reid quickly caught onto how you were glancing up towards Hotch’s office, “Shouldn’t we invite Hotch?” Everyone except you and Reid made a face. It was a collective look of ‘We could try, but he’ll just say no.’ Their skeptical looks sealed it for you. You moved away from your desk and to the stairs, “I’ll ask him.” Penelope let out an excited squeak, practically bouncing as she spoke, “You’re the only one of us who can speak fluent ‘Hotchner’. You can do it, sugar.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes as you walked up the stairs. You knocked on Hotch’s office door but didn’t even wait for a response before going right in. You and the team had only been back for maybe 30 minutes, and Hotch had already buried himself in paperwork. You walk over and sit in the chair in front of his desk. Hotch doesn’t even look up as he addresses you, “Yes?” You shift about in the chair using the sweetest voice you could muster, “We have all been talking…” Hotch looks up, cutting you off “A night out? I have paperwork.” Hotch had his scowl on, but it no longer affected you unless he was mad at you personally. You grin at him, “It will be fun.” Hotch just stared at you, waiting. You sighed and rolled your eyes quickly, dropping being overly nice, “Why do you make me do this?” Hotch leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. A smirk threatens to slide onto his face, Hotch still just stares at you. You glare at him, “Fine, you asked for it.” Hotch just waits, already knowing he pushed you to the point where you lose your verbal filter. While he had gotten onto you before for your lack of filter on cases, you think he enjoyed it when you spoke candidly in more casual situations. You point to his desk, “When is the last time you went somewhere that wasn't this building, the plane, or a company car?” Hotch goes to protest. This time you cut him off, “This stack of paperwork has been like this since you hired me... What two years ago now? You always do all your work. Go above and beyond. The files have changed, but the stack remains the same size. It can wait twelve more hours. At which point, you’ll realize trying to sleep is pointless. You'll come into work early anyway.” Hotch makes a face, doing what he does best and avoids the main parts of your argument, “It’s been two years and six months.” You open your mouth, ready to argue again, but are temporally confused. “What?” Hotch moves some papers around, “It’s been two years and six months since I hired you.” You gave him another confused look, “You remember how long it has been?” Hotch once again dodges the main issue. “Also, I’d like to point out that you also haven’t been anywhere other than here or on a case in a while, either.” You scoff, “I totally have…” Hotch rolls his eyes, “Sleeping in your car in the company parking lot doesn’t count.” You grumble and lean back in the chair. You decide to do what Hotch does and just avoid that statement, “What if I promised you I would help you with the paperwork after the teams’ little night out?” You could tell you were starting to win when Hotch sat up in his chair. Hotch motioned to the paperwork on his desk, “This is important.” You stand up and put your hands on his desk, raising your voice in a nonaggressive manner, “Mental health is important too.” You glare down at Hotch, “And I swear to god if I have to drag Reid in here and make you listen to the statistics about mental wellbeing and overworking yourself, I will be so pissed.” You get a bit more dramatic with your voice, “Aaron Hotchner, I already got that lecture from him the other day. If I have to listen to it again just to get you to go to the bar with us, I will.” Hotch puts his hands up in defeat before pushing himself away from his desk, “Please don’t subject me to that.” Hotch stands up, and you start grinning, “Thank you for caving.” You walk to the office door, waiting. When you looked through the window, the whole team automatically looked away. Trying to hide the fact they had been watching. You chuckle, shaking your head at how bad they were at ‘acting casual’. You walk down the stairs, “Stop pretending you weren't paying attention. Bossman agreed to join us.” Derek claps you on the back, “The boss whisperer has triumphed for us once more.” You roll your eyes, going over to your desk. “Why do you all act like Hotch speaks a completely different language?” JJ giggles, commenting, “Asks the only person who understands him half the time.” Hotch walks down the stairs from his office, “Let’s keep it that way. If the rest of you catch on, then I’m doomed.” You laugh. Now that you all were ready, it was time to go. The team went back to their excited chattering as you left the building as a group.

At the bar, the team stayed together for the first few drinks. After that, though, everyone slowly splintered off on their own. You flitted from each small group for a while until like always, you ended up sitting next to Hotch. Hotch was nursing a drink while watching the rest of the team have fun. You ordered another drink. After a few moments of comfortable silence, you spoke up, “We are supposed to be having fun.” Hotch chuckles, “Is sitting over here with your boss your definition of fun?” You smile leaning back against the counter to relax, “Actually yes.” You take a large drink from your glass, turning to look at Hotch, “But you knew that already.” Hotch turns to face you, “I do. It’s the ‘why’ I could never figure out.” You laugh, playing with the small amount of alcohol in your glass, “You’re a profiler, you tell me.” Hotch glared at you before taking another drink. You couldn’t help the cocky look that fell onto your face. Hotch looks back out at the mixture of people floating around the room, “Really want to go down this road?” You scoff, getting another drink, “Hit me with your best shot Hotch.”

Hotch motions to all the people mingling in the bar, “You’re as bad of a workaholic like I am. So you don’t have a personal life.” You make a fake offended noise, but let Hotch continue. “You find flaws in anyone who would be considered a potential romantic interest before even speaking to them. Convincing yourself, there is no use in trying.” Hotch glances back over to you, “It's why you like hanging out with me that I don't understand.” You cock your head, “I’ll answer that after I correct you on a few points.” Hotch crosses his arms, leaning back, waiting. You chuckle, “You guys are my personal life, my family. Your right about the romantic interest part, though... Hard to stay interested in someone when you can profile them in one glance...” You pause before knocking back your drink, “I like grouchy, serious people. Lots of nice silence that isn’t awkward gives me time to think. No bullshit, you’ll tell me if I did something wrong or whatever else. Plus, My mouth normally gets me in trouble but not around you. I can be a sarcastic asshole or brutally honest.” Hotch makes a noise, “Your mouth is a huge problem.” You nervously rub the back of your neck and chuckle, “I mean… I’ve at least gotten better when we are on the job.” Hotch smirks, “You have.” He pauses for a second, “What else? You’re leaving something out.” This is the point where you would usually come up with a convincing lie to hide the fact you had feelings for Hotch. You were a few drinks in. You could handle your liquor, so you weren’t drunk per se, but you had drunk enough that you didn’t really think about the need to lie. You smile to yourself as you let out a small hum, “Because… seeing a sullen person smile… and I don't mean smirking… a genuine smile... It’s a special thing to be able to see that.” You realized that was the first time you had said something like that or even admitted it to yourself. You let out a curious hum. Turning back around in your seat, facing the counter. When Hotch turned around, that’s when you notice the two of you were shoulder to shoulder now. You glanced over at Hotch. He had a real smile on his face. It made you happy seeing him like that. You forgot where you were and that there were rules against fraternization at work. Hotch was so close to you, so when your eyes met his, all logic left your body. You closed your eyes before leaning in and kissed Hotch.

Hotch even kissed you back. It felt so right that you got caught up in it. Both of you kept kissing each other. That was until your brain quickly started to catch up to what you were doing. It only took a split second for your bliss to come crashing down. You had just kissed your very handsome, regulations focused boss. At a party with your coworker’s nonetheless. When you realized that you just put both your and Hotch’s job on the line, you pulled away. Hotch looked confused. You couldn’t tell if it was because you kissed him or because you stopped kissing him. Not sure what else to do, you decided to bolt. Digging cash out of your pocket before putting it on the counter to pay for your drinks. You avoid looking at Hotch, “I… I have to go.” You said it so fast it sounded more like one word then a sentence. You didn’t wait for a response. Booking it out of the bar and straight to a taxi to take you home. You were mad at yourself. You managed to stay professional for over two years. Then it only took one night out for you to ruin that. Though deep down, you knew the real reason you were so upset was that kissing Hotch had felt perfect, but there were multiple rules against things like this. You didn’t want to forget about that moment but thought it might be easier if either you or Hotch just forgot about it by the time morning rolled around. As soon as you went home, you went straight to bed, hoping to sleep it off.

When you woke up a few hours later, you hadn’t forgotten. It was actually the first thing you thought about. Making you realize that maybe it was more than a crush you had on Hotch. You pushed the thought back in your mind and decided to just go into work. Knowing you couldn’t go back to sleep even if you wanted to. Even though you were walking into work a few hours before anyone else should be there, you weren’t surprised when you saw Hotch’s car already here. You had your fingers crossed that he had forgotten about last night, and you never had to think about this ever again. When you walked into the bullpen, you got your answer. Usually, when you came in early for whatever reason, especially helping him with paperwork, you would sit in Hotch’s office while you both worked quietly. However, today Hotch’s office door was closed. The paperwork you had promised to help him with was sitting on your desk. Last night may have just fucked up your usual routine and, even worse, a friendship. You sighed to yourself and just sat down at your desk and worked.

Over the next few months, it only got worse. Where you and Hotch typically gravitated to each other, now you were both constantly apart. He no longer paired you two together on cases, never sat next to each other on the plane. The worst part was probably the early and late hours both you and Hotch always worked. You both were the only two in this part of the building at those times, and still, there was no real communication between the two of you. Just basic, stiff sentences. Neither you or Hotch talked outside of team meetings and cases. It was a shock to your system considering how close you two had been before that night at the bar. But you felt you had no one to blame but yourself. You also felt lucky you still had your job considering Hotch could have fired you.

You reached your breaking point one random morning after a few months of this. It just hit you how much you actually needed to know what was going on. You didn’t even care what the answer was, you just wanted to know. So while you and Hotch were still the only two at work, you barged into his office. Before you could even get the door closed, Hotch spoke up, “Yes?” You closed the door and crossed your arms, “If you’re pissed at me, could you go ahead and just say so?” You shouted that louder than you meant to. Hotch furrowed his brow and looked right up at you. You didn’t give him a chance to say anything just yet, “I was really drunk, okay? So don’t think anything of… of…” You tried to think of what to call it because calling it a kiss reminded you how much you enjoyed it. You subconsciously touched your fingers to your lips. As soon as you noticed, you dropped your hand and continued, “that situation… It meant nothing.” You didn’t even believe yourself and knew that Hotch saw right through it too. As an effort to hide more of your feelings, you let out a loud, annoyed huff before standing there and staring at Hotch. Hotch narrowed his eyes at you, testing you. “Then why are you yelling at me about it?” You scoffed a few times before you started walking around. You stayed mindful enough that it didn’t look too much like pacing. You calmed your voice, “Because I feel like I’m in the dog house because of it. You stopped partnering with me, practically stopped talking to me altogether.” You sigh, “I understand you could have fired me for that drunken mistake. You didn’t, and I appreciate it. But if you really hate working with me that much now, just tell me.” Hotch leaned back in his chair and watched you. There was some emotion in his eyes you couldn’t pinpoint at the moment. It almost looked like he was amused as he spoke, “You weren't that drunk.” Hotch moves some papers around on his desk, “You know, normally anyone else on the team would think being partnered with me constantly would be the punishment. Not the other way around.” You think for a moment watching Hotch, “I don’t feel that way about it.” Hotch nodded, “I know.” He looked a bit too amused for your liking. So you started speaking louder again, "Look, I think it's a fairly simple question. Do you or don't you want me to work with you?" You paused, but your nerves got the better of you. You let out a loud sigh before adding mostly to yourself, “I knew my mouth would get me in trouble one day… this just isn’t the kind of trouble I thought it would be.” Hotch chuckles at your comment, “I’m not mad at you.” You scrunch up your face, confused. Hotch’s voice turns more serious as he finishes, “I do want to work with you, but I separated us because you’re a distraction.” You glare at Hotch, “What the fuck do you mean a distraction?” At this point, you may not have been thinking too clearly because you automatically took offense. You fully turned to face Hotch, your body language and tone reflecting your irritation, “We have worked with each other for over two years. Suddenly I’m a ‘distraction’?” Hotch stood up, crossing his arms and staring you down. You dug your heels in, “Am I really that bad at my job that I’m affecting your or the team’s work?” Hotch started walking over to you, “Will you stop and listen to me for a second?” Hotch had raised his voice just enough to get your attention. It was stern with no real anger behind it. You let out an exasperated huff but stayed quiet. Hotch stopped a few feet in front of you. Even a few feet away, Hotch seemed to tower over you. The serious look that was normally stamped on his face was softer than normal, “You’re a distraction because I have feelings for you as well.”

You falter for a second, “What?” Hotch lets a smile slide onto his face, “You heard me.” You take a minute to think it over, “Then why didn’t you say anything before.” Hotch shrugs, “You’re the one who ran, and I wanted to cover all my bases.” You glare at him, wondering if this was a joke. Hotch wasn’t one for jokes, so it was unlikely, but part of your brain wouldn’t accept he was telling the truth. So naturally, you challenge him, “Since when?” Hotch raises his eyebrows at you, “Does it matter?” You give him a firm nod. Hotch looks off to the side, “Longer than I would care to admit…” Hotch knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with that answer, so after a pause, he looked back at you with a smirk on his face, “The first time you yelled at me. I was able to see how passionate you were. It started then.” You start laughing, “Really? You also wrote me up for that.” Hotch nods, “It was still against regulations, so, Yes.” Hotch pauses, “What about you?” This time the laugh that leaves you is a nervous one, “Since my interview.” You rub the back of your neck, “Tall, Dark, and Handsome. What else can I say?” Hotch makes a curious noise, “I just read that as regular nerves, not attraction.” Hotch smirks at you, “If I had known you had such poor taste, I wouldn’t have hired you.” You scoff and roll your eyes, “Shut up.” You look out the window down into the bullpen below, “If ‘poor taste’ is liking a man who is constantly pushing himself to do the right thing and can be an ass at times because of that. Then sure, I have ‘poor taste’.” Hotch scuffs, “The word I think you meant to use was jaded.” You smile, looking back over at Hotch, “Nope.” You say it very matter of factly, letting the ‘p’ pop as you speak. You tilt your head and give Hotch a cocky grin, “So you like being yelled at?” Hotch rolls his eyes, “Only when you're the one yelling. If I didn’t, I would have fired you by now.” You chuckle but then have a serious thought, “How much trouble are we in?” Hotch sighs, “None… at the moment, but if Strauss catches wind of this…” It was finally time for other people to start showing up for work, just some background workers. Drawing both you and Hotch’s attention to the window watching over the bullpen. You think, “So we don’t let Strauss catch wind of this.” You tap your foot on the ground. “Everyone on the team hates the bitch, but…” Hotch nods, finishing your thought for you, “But… If we keep it a secret from the team, it will at least buy us time.” Hotch glances at you for a second before looking back out the window, “What do you suggest?” You tilt your head from side to side as you think, “We build upon what the team already knows about… We have clearly distanced ourselves from each other. The team has noticed… So we make it seem like we are actually mad at each other.” Hotch nods, agreeing with you so far, “An event about two months ago that would cause this ‘rift’...” Hotch scowls while thinking about it. You laugh, “It is us we are talking about. There are too many things to choose from. The team knows you can be a hard ass, and they know I have a smart-ass mouth.” Hotch chuckles, looking over at you. Your eyes meet for a second, and you can’t help but smirk. “Are you willing to get this elaborate with lying to our friends and colleges?” You were joking at first, but you had a serious thought. Your tone quickly changed, “In all seriousness… I don’t want to put your job on the line… Don’t get me wrong I want this, but not so badly that I’m willing to risk your career without both of us being on the same page.” You look over at Hotch. He furrows his brow, “It’s not just my job. It’s yours too.” You let out a melancholy chuckle, “Im young, I haven't built up my whole career yet. I could find somewhere else to work.” Hotch shakes his head, “You’d be miserable.” You shrug and smile, “ ‘Miserable’ is a relative term.” Hotch’s frown sets in deeper on his face, clearly he was starting to rethink things. So you quickly spoke up, “I just want to make sure we are on the same page. I’m more than willing, but if you want to back out before we break any rules, I want to give you that chance.” Hotch stares at you for a very long moment, “What event are we going to use from two months ago?” You smile softly, relieved that he wanted to proceed with things. You thought, “I cursed out that cop which you got onto me for even though the guy totally deserved it.” Hotch smirks, “He did deserve it but still inappropriate.” You chuckle and nod, “We could use that… act like someone in the department complained about it more and is riding your ass about it. Could combine it with several other things for more drama or leave it at that.” Hotch nods, “We can work with that.” You move away from the interior window, “When everyone gets in, we fake an argument and let the team see it.” Hotch moves back over to his desk, “They will see it and shouldn’t ask too many questions about it.” You sit in the chair in front of his desk, “From partners to partners in crime.” Hotch glares at you and rolls his eyes, “Crime makes it sound much worse than it is.” You chuckle, “Fine. Why don’t we plan something fun then? Maybe it will make you less grumpy.” Hotch sits down, crossing his arms, “Something fun?” You roll your eyes, “A date. I mean, we literally put all this effort into the lie to cover up something that hasn’t even really happened yet.” Hotch smiles, “Tomorrow night, we are supposed to have it off.” You give him a smug grin, “It’s official, then Aaron, we're co-conspirators.” With a sigh, Hotch leans back in his chair. As he rubs his temples, you can see a large smile on his face.

Continuation of Co-Conspirators –Part 1*–Part 2–Part 3–Part 4–Part 5 –Part 6

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #gender neutral #criminal minds fanfiction #gender neutral reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner #fanfiction #fanfic #series #reader insert #co-conspirators

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iamconstantine · 5 years

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RWBY Episode 8 I FORGOT IT’S 2019

* The opening with Ruby and Weiss was funny bit I felt like Weiss’ facial animation was a bit off * Nora is insane and I love her * Also doesn’t this mean that Ruby, Jaune, Yang, and Blake are a team since they all got together first? * Blake commenting on all these weird things like she didn’t jump onto a high speed train and slaughter a bunch of robots * Also I didn’t realize the Grimm had names I thought they were all just Grimm * I don’t think the voice acting is bad by any means but sometimes it sounds like the VAs are retstraining themselves just a little bit. Like Yang’s outburst didn’t have as much fury as it needed * On the other hand maybe Glynda and Ozpin don’t need to be blamed for leaving these kids in a life-threatening forest full of monsters they seemed to be taking their possible demises in stride * I felt like Weiss was supposed to be screaming * Jaune looks WAY too eager to catch her he ain’t gonna make it * He made it * I’m pretty sure Weiss just crushed every bone in Jaune’s body * Weiss he cushioned your fall for you a simple “thanks” would suffice * “Now we can die together!” This is what I mean * Ruby I’m not sure what you were expecting * *Edna Mode voice* NO CAPES * Okay points for you Weiss * I appreciate that instead of setting up a rivalry between Ruby and Weiss it’s more like a complicated comradery. Like yeah they aren’t best friends but they can’t really be enemies on the same team. * Plus I think I kind of have to agree with Weiss; I know Ruby’s trying to prove herself but running alone to fight a monster isn’t exactly smart * Yang’s running animation was really off just now * You go Ruby! Do your Little Mermaid pose on that rock! * I’m getting Shadow of the Colossus vibes hardcore * Of course Nora’s weapon is a big ol’ honking gun * ALL THE KIDS HAVE GUNS. * Of course Nora’s weapon is also Mjolnir * I’m legit about to scream Blake’s whip is ALSO A GUN. * Well that didn’t work * Is Jaune some kind of lower form of a human being? All these girls are defying gravity just fine but he can’t make the jump? * Good on Jaune for trying * Ren is dead. * No kill like overkill! * Ren isn’t dead. * Ren is dead. * Yang I don’t know what your plan was here * Again, this fight is really cool and dynamic. The girls are making use of their environment, I don’t usually see that in animated fights * HOW STRONG IS RUBY WHAT THE HECK * Glynda watching on her iPad: “neat” * “Okay these guys’ first initials are R, L, C, and D. What can we make out of this?” “Well, this guy’s name is Cardin--” “Genius.” * I know I said before I would like the other students to be addressed so this is good. * I love how even Jaune is like “I can’t lead what the heck” * Pyrrha be gentle he’s delicate * I know Ruby was chosen to be the team leader because she proved a lot more skill than anyone else in the fight but also I like to think Ozpin was looking at everyone’s initials and was like “Okay RWBY is only going to work if Ruby is the leader” “but sir--” “No, it’s cool!” * Oh great this guy again * He smokes so you know he’s evil * His eyeliner is on point though * I wonder what the other team names would have been if the roles were switched. Like if Jaune, Weiss, Blake, and Ren were on a team would their name be “JWBR”, pronounced Jawbreaker? * I appreciate the show setting up an arc at the end. It’s a good sign that the show isn’t just going to be slice of life, though maybe that was already apparent * I can tell this is the end of the “prologue arc” and honestly I’m really looking forward to how this story goes * (Side note but according to all spoiler-free fandom stuff I’ve seen, Whiterose, Bumbleby, and Arkos are going to be my OTPs so we’ll see about that)

#rwby #my thoughts

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tuckinpodcast-blog · 7 years

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EPISODE 8: THE LONGEST SUICIDE.

LISTEN: SOUNDCLOUD / iTUNES / GOOGLEPLAY

SOURCES: will be listed in separate post (Yes, I know I still haven’t posted sources for the James Dean episode yet, I’m a mess, I’m sorry)

NOTES: Just a quick reminder that there’ll be no episode next week because I’ll be in Los Angeles for the weekend. Expect some photos and things from me while I’m o my trip though!

TRANSCRIPT:

Hi, I'm Jack, and this is Tuck In We're Rolling: Queer Hollywood Stories. Before we get into today's story, I just wanted to mention again that there'll be no episode next week because I'm going to be spending my weekend in Los Angeles visiting a friend and doing touristy things like taking selfies with the Hollywood sign and visiting a few cemeteries so I can pay my respects to some of my favorite Golden Age stars. We'll be back with our regularly scheduled programming in two week's time, and I thank everyone for their patience. And real quick, I want to go ahead and give a content warning for the entire episode – there's a bit of, I guess, body horror and a lot of talk about addiction and conversion therapy. Here we go:

I'm very excited for this week's episode, because it's essentially the reason I made this podcast. We're going to be talking about Montgomery Clift, his struggle with his sexuality, and why we don't talk about famous queer people when they're not young and beautiful anymore. If you're not familiar with Monty's movies, I'll forgive you, but I think because his life was so short – not as short as James Dean's, but short enough – it's all the more important to watch his films. Like Brando, he was from Omaha, and also like Brando, he employed the Method – though he bristled at his style being categorized that way. In the beginning of his career, he was incredibly handsome. I mean, it hurts to look at him handsome the way young Kurt Russel and Patrick Swayze were. The camera loved his face – probably because it had a lot of ins and outs. I mean, he's gorgeous. In A Place In The Sun, when he smiles at Elizabeth Taylor, it's like – I don't know how to describe it without getting cheesy and maudlin. But I think that's kind of the thing about Monty Clift. He makes it okay to get cheesy and maudlin, because that's what he did. So if you're going to binge on Monty's movies, start with A Place In The Sun – and give it a chance. I swear, in your memory, it's a million times better than the first time you watch it.

And that's the thing with Monty, I think. In your memory, he's a million times better than he ever was in life.

So, after you've watched A Place in the Sun and maybe From Here to Eternity – which you've probably seen clips from or homages to, whether you know it or not, because of the scene where Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr's kiss in the breaking waves – switch it up to the movies he made in the second half of his career. Watch Suddenly, Last Summer and The Young Lions. You'll notice something very different, and that's his face. That handsome boy from Omaha with the stars in his eyes doesn't look so handsome anymore. He's different. His characters are wild-eyed, tired. His face is different – he still looks like himself, but … wrong. So, what happened?

I think I've mentioned “post-accident Monty Clift” before, and now I'm going to explain the distinction. There were really two things that defined Monty's life and his career: meeting Elizabeth Taylor, and the car accident that destroyed his face. I know that when I say it like this, it sounds simple – but it's a lot more complicated than that.

Clift got his start around the same time as Brando, in the same place as him – in New York on the stage. He was only a few years older than Brando, and the two of them were friendly their whole lives. There are some rumors about them being involved, and maybe it's true, but Brando never said anything in the affirmative – and, you know, even though Brando admitted that he had relationships with men, he never named names. But I think it's worth pointing out again that theater and drama nurture this vibe of weird, queerness, but especially in the late 40's and 50's when Brando and Clift got their start, they were very actively denying queer people their right to exist.

So Monty is hands-down one of the most handsome men to ever grace the screen, but Monty is queer. And I say queer and not gay because because he had sexual relationships primarily with men, but fell in love primarily with women. I honestly don't think that he really gave it much thought until he met Liz. He had a few relationships with women before her, and he had been arrested for soliciting a male prostitute at least once, but you know, then he meets Liz. She's seventeen, eighteen. She's the most beautiful girl in the world. They met because the studio forced them to go out on a date for a premier of one of his movies, to drum up some buzz about Place In The Sun, but they ended up getting along like a house on fire.

There's a lot of talk about whether or not Monty and Liz ever had a “real” romantic relationship. Liz broke a thousand hearts, but after his death, she said that she always knew Monty was supposed to be with a man – which makes me think that he might have really been one of the only ones that ever broke her heart. So you know, like I said, I really don't think Monty thought about his split sexuality too much – not because it didn't cause him anxiety or anything, but because it really did, and sometimes when you think on something that causes that much pain, it's just too much. And he meets Liz, and it's like – all of a sudden, he realizes that he can't love Liz the way he feels like he's supposed to or the way that he should, and I think – I think really, that's a pretty big contributing factor to some of his emotional issues. I mean, when Liz had her first baby, he spoiled that kid so bad that people joked about it being his, and he would answer them with: “I wish.”

So when I say that meeting Liz Taylor was a defining moment in Monty's life, I say it because I think it ended up dredging up a lot of things that he would have rather kept locked up. Monty was prone to being “that weird guy” at a party. I've heard stories about how he did things like cook a steak in a fireplace at a party and then carve it up and serve it right there, and how he and Liz used to hang out when she was pregnant surrounded by magazines with their faces on it. His apartment in New York was covered with mirrors so that he could look at himself constantly. I mean, you can't make this stuff up. He and Liz really had a tendency to bring out the worst in each other, and he was already hooked on pills and booze by the time he got into the accident that ruined his face, but he was supposedly mostly sober when it happened.

The other reason I list Liz as a defining moment is simply because Montgomery Clift had his car accident when he was driving home from a party at her house – a party that she had pestered and goaded him to come to. Now, I kind of debated how in depth I wanted to go into exactly what happened to Monty in that car accident. On the podcast You Must Remember This, Karina Longworth's episode about Liz Taylor has a pretty graphic description of how it looked when Liz and her husband followed Roddy McDowall down to where Monty had crashed his car and how she saved him from choking to death by pulling his teeth out of his throat. Sufficed to say, most of his teeth were knocked out, he had fractured ribs and vertebrae, and his face was in shreds. He had a lot of reconstructive surgeries after that, but he never looked the same. The thing is: he was notoriously vain. Remember how his apartment was covered with mirrors? I guess if I looked like him, I would want to look at myself all the time too, but it was an immense blow to him that his looks were gone. Looking at photos of him post-accident now, you almost can't tell the difference. But you look again, look a little longer, maybe look at a picture of him from Judgment at Nuremberg and feel completely jarred. His upper lip was completely paralyzed, and there's something a little wrong about his face around the eyes. He looks pinched and pained, and a little – as one of his friends put it – stuffed. He was in constant pain for the rest of his life after that, and it really only worsened his addiction to pills and booze.

So you know, I could talk about Monty and how people called his death “the longest suicide” for literal hours – and he did die young, at the age of 45 from heart failure as a result of his addictions. He's buried in an unmarked grave in a Quaker cemetery in Prospect Park that no one's allowed into. And this is a really sad ending for a man who had so much promise and was such a talented actor. But even though I could talk about him and just him forever, I wanted to sort of use his story to talk about something else: the way queer people torture themselves to deny who they are out of fear, and the way we reject and queer people once they're not young and beautiful and perfect anymore.

I'm finally going to explain to you why I have beef with David Thomson, you guys. This is probably the last time I'll talk shit about him in the entire series – no promise, though. So, my big issue with Thomson is that he was very flip and dismissive of Monty. He mentions somewhere in the text that John Wayne was totally unimpressed with Clift while they were filming Red River – which really makes no sense to me, because the two have been compared to one another quite a bit. Seriously, if you've seen a picture of young John Wayne, he's a dead ringer for pre-accident Monty. So, fine, okay, maybe it's true and Wayne was just giving a young buck a hard time. Okay. But Thomson really put the nail in his coffin for me when he started in on Monty for turning down the main role of Joe Gillis in Sunset Boulevard. The role was written for him, and it's been said that Clift turned it down because he felt uncomfortable playing a man who was in love with an older woman because he felt it would hit too close to home for him. Thomson had another idea, positing that, and I quote: “[…] Clift would have made Gillis insidiously charming instead of a desperate scrambler. You would have wanted to save Clift (that was his trick); [William] Holden knows that Gillis is beyond salvation.”

Let's unpack this for a second, shall we?

Okay. So we know that Clift did have a gift for playing sensitive, conflicted men – probably because he was a sensitive, conflicted man, and because he employed the Method school of acting, he brought some of himself to all of his roles. So. Thomson has a point, right? Well, sure. Kind of. But Thomson is mocking Clift for 'tricking’ people into saving him. I take this quote as derision as opposed to a compliment to the actor’s ability to play a role because of the overall scorn it appears Thomson shows for queer people and also women throughout the book, and because he seems to have so much scorn for Clift himself. You know, my thought process is more like: Could it be that maybe Clift had this knack for 'tricking’ people into thinking they could save him because of his own tortured inner workings and his need for support and validation due to the turmoil he felt because of his sexuality? I don’t think it would be a stretch to consider that maybe Clift’s close friendship with Elizabeth Taylor and his own film roles all contributed to trying to reach out to someone to ease his pain. And, you know, maybe - just maybe - Thomson has some kind of problem with this.

Clift ended up going to conversion therapy to try and “fix” his sexuality, along with his drinking. He had a fourteen-foot long medicine cabinet packed with every kind of drug he could get his hands on. His addiction was so bad that on the set of The Young Lions,Marlon Brando sat him down and had a long talk with him about going to therapy, going to AA, and getting help. He knew addiction firsthand, because, as I've mentioned, his mother had been the town drunk growing up. She dried out, got help, and started a few chapters of AA. Brando admired Clift, and I'm sure Clift admired Brando. But I think by this point, Brando had come to terms with his sexuality. It might have taken until 1976, but he fully admitted that he experimented and hooked up with men. And maybe if Monty had listened to Brando or even quit the sauce, he would have been around in 1976 to say something similar.

I think that we're looking at two sides of – if not the same coin, but something similar. Brando accepted himself and he came from this family of artistic weirdos that understood how to accept people who were different from them – with the exception of Brando's father, Marlon Sr, who he had a famously troubled relationship with, but you know – for the most part, he had a good family that he loved. Monty had a pretty troubled relationship with his father, too, but I think everything about his family life was troubled. His mother had been adopted, and she was convinced that she was part of a blue-blooded New England family, and she insisted that all of her children be given the best of everything. Monty's father could pay for it – up until he lost his job. So Monty was raised in a kind of rich boy vacuum. He never did well at school, never felt at home anywhere but up on a stage. You've got a lost boy in Monty, and a “not all who wander are lost” boy in Brando.

It's been pointed out that people sort of dismiss Monty after his accident. He's not as good looking, and he looks very old and somewhat rumpled by the time he reaches the age that he died at. Way more like a harried old professor than a forty-five year old movie star. The roles he took, too, turned dramatically. He's not that starry-eyed young man anymore. He plays men absolutely haunted. The scars on his face actually do lend to most of these roles – grizzled cowhand alongside Clark Gable in The Misfits, a witness to Nazi war crimes Judgment at Nuremburg, even as Freud in the creatively titled Freud. It's almost like losing his good looks opened up other avenues to him, because he wasn't pinned down as a young, pretty boy anymore. But it was hard to look at him sometimes, and it was hard for him to act – in Judgement at Nuremburg, he couldn't remember any of his lines and ad-libbed the entire scene. To go from being hard to look at because he was too handsome, to being hard to look at because his face was so unidentifiable – I can't even imagine what that could have been like. And I want to point out again, going back to the Brando episode where we talked about masculinity, how no one really talks about these roles. They all want to talk about A Place In The Sun, and it's a very good movie – but it's not Monty challenging masculinity and male beauty standards with a scarred face and chronic pain. People only want to remember their queer icon when he was gorgeous, but that's really only paying attention to half the story.

After the accident, it was hard for him to get jobs because he was deemed uninsurable by most of the big studios. Liz Taylor offered to put up some of her own money to insure him for a few movies, but he mostly backed out of them due to his health. He was supposed to play Brando's character in Reflections in a Golden Eye, and Liz had put in a lot of money to get him insured for the picture. He backed out, and some combination of Liz and Monty's suggestion both landed on trying to get Brando for the part. The studio said Brando was too expensive, so Liz offered up even more of her own money to pay his salary – to be paid back to her if the movie made enough money. It made enough money.

I've talked about this movie before – it was really one of the first on-screen portrayals of what everyone knew was a gay man, instead of being buried in subtext. Something in me thinks that Liz trying to get Monty into these roles was her convoluted way of trying to help him, but when I think about Reflections in a Golden Eye, I can't see Monty doing it. There's just so much violence that pours out of Brando's Major Penderton as a direct result of being closeted in the military, so much rage – maybe a post-accident Monty could have pulled it off. Maybe. But I think, ultimately, playing a closeted gay man who directs the anger and confusion and rage of being closeted outward – as opposed to Monty personally, who directed it inward – would be too much for him. The movie came out the same year he died, and part of me thinks that he knew that he had taken a toll on himself.

When he died, people like Lauren Bacall and Frank Sinatra showed up to the funeral, but Liz was in Rome shooting on location, and she just sent flowers. She talked about Monty a lot in her later years. She missed him. She missed their friendship. And I think – you know, I think she couldn't bear going to his funeral, as shitty as it was for her to skip it. Monty died from a heart attack because of coronary artery disease, and his autopsy revealed a whole host of other issues that he was dealing with – thyroid problems that would've caused issues with his balance and speech even when he was sober, problems with his digestive system from dysentery and colitis.

I want to say, I had a lot of trouble with this episode. I have a lot of trouble reading books about Monty and even watching his movies sometimes, and I thought at first that maybe it was secondhand embarrassment – knowing that he hated watching his own movies and always thought he looked terrible – but I think it also comes from knowing that he probably wants to be left in peace after so many years of suffering. They called his death “the longest suicide”, and I think that's fair. So I want to express that I did this episode out of the highest regard and the desire to not let Monty writhe in obscurity after his death. You know, the American Film Institute took A Place in the Sun off their Top 100 Movies list when they remade their 10th anniversary edition, and Monty isn't listed among their Top 50 actors – though Brando is number four, right after Jimmy Stewart, and James Dean made the list at number 18. Elizabeth Taylor made the number seven spot on the list of actresses. So I think that Monty was a phenomenal actor, an influential actor, but I just don't think he has the same sort of cultural pull that James Dean did – dying at twenty-four and capturing hearts and imaginations. And he certainly didn't have the same kind of sex appeal and back story that Marilyn Monroe does, which is why I think she's still on our radar so many years later. Monty fell off the face of the cultural radar because he lost his looks. He disappeared because his death was a steady descent into alcoholism and chronic pain. People don't talk about famous people, queer or not, when they're not young and gorgeous anymore – unless they're doing some reality show like Anna Nicole Smith. They care for a minute when they die, and then forget. And maybe Monty wanted to be forgotten, but I think we shouldn't lost the lessons we got from his life in the process of letting him rest in peace.

Before we go, I wanted to mention this quick aside – my roommates and I play this game where we ask each other stupid questions, mostly to do with whatever fandom we're into – you know, right now there's a lot of, “If you weren't your chosen house in Game of Thrones, what house would you be in?” but the other day, one of them asked me if I think Monty's ghost would have his perfect face or the one from after the crash, and I had to really think about it. I think maybe he would make himself perfect again, but then I thought that maybe he would let it go and keep his wrecked one. You know, maybe him having the scarred face that he did after the crash kind of … took a little bit of that pressure off, you know? He didn't have to be the most handsome actor in the entire world anymore, and he could take interesting, challenging roles – even if he was so far gone he could barely remember his lines. Just a thought I kind of wanted to share with you all.

Thank you so much for listening to Tuck In, We're Rolling: Queer Hollywood Stories. This week's episode was written, researched, edited and recorded by me, Jack Segreto. You can find a transcript of this episode and all our episodes, along with movie and book recommendations, fun facts and photos on our tumblr, tuckinpodcast.tumblr.com. You can also give us a like on Facebook at facebook.com/tuckinpodcast. We accept messages on both of those platforms, so please feel free to shoot us any suggestions for show topics and comments you might have. We put out new episodes every Wednesday, and you can listen to us on SoundCloud, iTunes and Google Play, so don't forget to rate and subscribe to us! We'll be back in two weeks with a round-table discussion featuring my roommates about why we care so much and cling so hard to stories about queer people in popular culture. See you next time!

#( TRANSCRIPTS & SHOW NOTES. )#( EPISODE 8. )#queer history #queer history podcast #hollywood history #hollywood history podcast #new podcast #montgomery clift #monty clift #elizabeth taylor #marlon brando #[ SEE Y'ALL IN A BIT MAN IT'S GONNA BE A GREAT WEEKEND ]

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vintagemichelle91 · 7 years

Text

A Chance Encounter

For @yourtropegirl and @rauliskafan (Thank you my dear for helping me and making sure it was worthy of posting!)

Author’s note: @yourtropegirl you inspired a great idea and thank you for giving it to me. I took some liberties with it, but I really hope you like it!!!

(gif from @all-things-raul-esparza)

“You’re up early.” Amanda Rollins, your neighbor from across the hall, greeted as you both locked your apartment doors. “I hope Jesse wasn’t your morning wake up call.”

You smiled with a shake of your head. “It was more like my boss with her own wake-up call…fashion never sleeps,” you said as you rolled your eyes and waved your hand. A strong cup of coffee was going to be a definite necessity this morning.

Amanda chuckled and walked alongside you towards the elevator. You’ve known Amanda for about three months now, and it was a relief to have a friend outside your job. The move from Georgia hadn’t been easy, especially to New York. Everything in the fast-paced Big Apple seemed so different from the semi tranquil life to which you were accustomed. But when an old colleague of yours contacted you with an opportunity to work as an Art Director for Crimson Magazine, you jumped at the chance immediately.

The change was necessary and very much welcomed.

“Well if that is the case let me just say you look lovely this morning,” Amanda complimented. Your outfit consisted of a simple grey wrap dress and a pair black knee-high boots. Yet the off-white coat and the right accessories topped off your outfit just perfectly.

“Even if I haven’t had my morning cup this morning?” you questioned, your voice edged with amusement.

Amanda sighed and playfully squeezed your shoulder. “Of course, even then.”

“You are sweet.”

“When you catch me on my good days, honey.” You both laughed as you reached the lobby.

“I hope you have a good day,” you continued. “Wish me luck… it’s Fashion week and I have to attend two shows before lunch.” You mentally flicked through your schedule for the day and realized that you would not be home at a decent hour tonight.

Amanda gave you a pained, sympathetic expression. Although your careers were worlds apart, you had things in common with the pretty blonde detective. And it was such a comfort to you to know that you lived right across the hall from a cop. Your first encountered one another when her daughter ended up spilling her sippy cup filled with apple juice on your suede Manolo Blahnik pumps. To say that you were internally screaming would be an understatement. However, the baby girl’s sweet giggle led to your own laughter. Amanda was horrified and offered to find some way to pay you for the damages, but you said that keeping an eye out on your humble abode from time to time would suffice.

“Sounds fun nevertheless,” Amanda said.

“It’s a labor of love,” you said as you scrolled through your messages. As clichéd as it might sound, fashion was your passion. Your career was everything to you, no matter how stressful or exhausting it could be.

Ding!

Your neighbor took notice of the small smirk that spread across your lips as a message came through your phone.

Sorry about canceling on you last night… work held me back. Hope your morning is running more smoothly than mine and if it’s not… tell me how to make it better for you.

“Oh that secret man of yours has you wrapped around his finger.” Amanda poked fun, but she had admitted from time to time that it was nice to see that you were taking the time to at least date. It had been her idea to sign you up for an Internet dating service, which you were entirely against at first. But after a few drinks with Amanda and an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, you decided to give it a try.

You sighed and clutched your phone stepping out into the cold New York street. “Figuratively, honey. He ended up canceling our date last night because of work.”

“It’s been two weeks,” Amanda said in disbelief.

“I know and I don’t even know what he looks like!” The rational part of yourself was at odds about the whole thing because this site was a little different. No pictures; this was more of a private website for people with solid careers. You went through the whole background check and everything, but you were still wary about it.

“Maybe I gave you the wrong idea about this, but from the look on your face you are already in deep,” Amanda pointed out as she dug her hands further into her coat pockets.

“He says the nicest things, Amanda. He doesn’t give me the vibe of having an agenda like most men,” you tried to reason with some ounce of hope that you were right. “This one is different.”

“Mmm… as soon as you get a name let me know to run him through the system.” Amanda smiled before heading off in the opposite direction to head to her precinct.

“Sure thing, momma.” You waved back with a laugh and hailed a cab to whisk you off to the nearest coffee shop.

As you stood in line, you debated on how to answer him back. You didn’t want to seem desperate and answer right away; he had to work for it now that he had canceled on you last night. Heck, you even blew off the dinner with an upcoming brand and sent your colleague to the event.

But Amanda was right; this man, whoever he was, had bewitched you with his digitized words.

“Carmen, hold all my calls. Also, can you double check when I am supposed to meet with Judge Barth and can you please get me the Kemp brief from one of the interns… thank you.”

You were never one to eavesdrop, but the man in front of you seemed to have a lot on his mind as you heard him sigh in annoyance and the line in the coffee shop was not moving any faster.

“Tough morning?” you mused out loud.

The man glanced up from his phone and subtle green eyes stared back at you in confusion. Your small smile made him realize you were talking to him.

“More like week,” he replied in an annoyed voice.

“Sorry to hear that. I don’t suppose saying it will get better will make much of a difference?”

“In my line of work not in the slightest,” he answered with a sad smirk.

Before you had a chance to say anything, your phone beat you to the punch.

“No… I’ll be there in a few... make sure you get a picture of Vera Wang. We’re going to need it for the spread. Also, make sure you confirm my meeting with Barneys this afternoon. Send me the draft for that accessory article Tamara wrote, you know the one that JJ approved so I know how to lay it out. And please don’t forget to get my dress from Gucci for tonight’s dinner.” You hadn’t realized you said it all in one breath and the man behind you was completely amused by the time you ended the call.

“It seems that your morning is busy too,” he pointed out.

“Fashion week is incredibly notorious for that in my line of work,” you replied as the line finally began to move up and you counted your blessings. You were not sure how much longer they would hold your seat at the show.

“Are you an editor?” he asked

“An art director. But just as busy as the editor I suppose.” For the first time, you focused on his gray three-piece suit. It was tailored to perfection and that was an A+ in your fashion book, especially when it came to a man. Your eyes flickered down to his left hand and you didn’t see any sign that he was already taken. Another tick off your list. He was handsome and you felt the blood rush to your cheeks.

And yet you held back on introducing yourself. There was no chance you could handle talking to two men as the same time and the one in front of you did not give you any indication that he was in the market for a date. Best to just give him one more smile and go your separate ways.

You did just that as he reached the front of the line to finally order his coffee and left with another smirk. Just as you were about to pay for yours, the barista informed you that the stranger had paid for your coffee as well.

Pulling out your phone, feeling generous with the nice gesture that was just bestowed upon you…why not make one yourself and reach out to your mystery man.

You can make it up to me by meeting me tonight for drinks.

When you finally took your seat and the models were ready to strut the catwalk in Vera Wang’s spring/summer collection, a message appeared on your phone.

Just tell me where to meet you and I’ll be waiting- R

So now you knew his first initial.

Your head was miles away and nowhere near the dinner the magazine was hosting in honor of fashion week. On the outside, you dazzled your colleagues with your smile and your quick wit, but on the inside, you were a muddled, nervous mess. Was meeting your mystery man tonight the right choice? Would he cancel on you again? Were you just too damn brazen to be doing this in the first place?

“Pull yourself together!” You mentally screamed at yourself as you took a small sip of white wine. Initially, you didn’t want to drink but you needed all the liquid courage you could get. Then again, you did not want to be drunk when you finally met him.

R…

There was a range of possibilities as to what his name could be. Amanda was less than forgiving about the entire ordeal when you called her during lunch to give her the news. But she was the one that actually knew about your dilemma and you needed to vent. You were starting to think that maybe this was just not right.

Your eyes kept gazing over at the bar, hoping to notice any possible stranger with a phone in hand… but then again everyone these days clutched onto their phones for dear life. Opting to meet him after your work dinner, you told R to meet you at Bar Fiori which was conveniently located in the same vicinity of the restaurant. He happily agreed and said that he would be waiting at 9pm.

According to your watch, you were due to meet him in ten minutes, and your heart raced at the prospect. Dessert plates were being pulled away as everyone said their goodbyes for the night and made plans to head out to after parties. You kindly declined the invitations and ducked into the powder room to make sure you were put together.

“I figured you would be in here.” Amanda burst into the ladies’ room with a sigh of relief.

“Amanda, what are you---?”

“Honey,” Amanda said with her palm in the air. “You think I was going to let you meet him alone without back-up? No chance in hell.”

You were touched at how protective Amanda was. Then again, did you really want to show up for your blind date with an SVU detective as a wing woman?

“Thank you but---”

“No, no buts. It’s not like I’m going to walk you over to him. I’ll be in the shadows watching,” Amanda reassured you before you could ask her to leave. “Once I make sure everything is okay, I’ll leave you to it.”

You shook your head in awe. “Jesse’s dates will have to watch out for Momma Rollins.”

Amanda laughed. “You know it. I thank my lucky stars that won’t be happening for quite awhile.”

“Agreed!” You laughed as you touched up your lipstick. Everything seemed to be in place. Your hair was loose, falling in perfect waves and the deep plum knee length dress hugged you in all the right places. The black satin Christian Louboutins completed your look and just happened to be your good luck heels.

“You look amazing. Honestly, I hope this guy turns out to be everything you hoped for. Because you deserve it,” Amanda said sincerely and you felt as if you were about to cry.

“You are so sweet. But you’re going to make me ruin my make-up.” You gently wiped the corners of your eyes and fanned away the tears threatening to fall.

Ding!

Your heart practically leapt out of your chest as your phone signaled a new message. You took a small breath and checked.

I’m here and very much ready to meet you- R

“He’s here,” you said almost breathless…

Amanda took hold of your shoulders. “You got this. And remember, I’ll be nearby if you need me.”

You nodded, shaking your head as you set out meet your mystery man. Amanda stayed behind you as you made your way towards the bar. It seemed to have filled up even more so as the minutes ticked by and you glanced around. There were about three men who seemed to be alone.

You turned back to Amanda and gave her a slight panicked look because you just weren’t sure. She looked just as distressed as you and narrowed her eyes looking at the men hoping to notice something that would give him away.

Until her eyes widened and she shook her head in disbelief.

“Counselor?” she called out rather loudly. You froze in the place you were standing.

It was the handsome man from the coffee shop.

“Rollins? What are you doing here?” the man said in disbelief as he set his glass of scotch down. Scotch? R had mentioned his love for the drink and your heart fluttered at the sight of it. You had no idea if it was the tall glass of wine you had at dinner or the hopeful prospect that he was indeed R that pulled you forward.

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but… are you R?” You still had to ask just to make sure you were not about to make a fool of yourself.

His gorgeous green eyes narrowed slightly in recognition. “I am. You’re the woman from the coffee shop.”

“Yes,” you replied sheepishly.

Forgetting that Amanda was standing close by, you let out a small breath of relief to discover that this was your mystery man. To top it off, Amanda seemed to know him quite well.

“Well isn’t this something?” Amanda seemed beyond amused. “What a small world.”

“You know her?” He pointed toward Amanda.

“She’s my friend and neighbor,” your smile confirmed.

“So treat her well, counselor.” Amanda firmly grasped his shoulder and gave you a wink. “I should head off to relieve my babysitter,” she said, checking the time.

“Thanks again, Amanda,” you said as you hugged her goodbye.

“Tell me everything when you get home,” she whispered and left with a wave.

“So….” you began, not knowing where to begin.

“I think its time I properly introduce myself.” He stood up and offered his hand. “ADA Rafael Barba. I work with your friend.”

“I guess her background check won’t be necessary after all,” you laughed and he quickly caught on as to what you meant.

“I would hope not,” he said as he pulled out a seat for you and called for the bartender.

You couldn’t help feel his eyes on you. Not a lustful stare; it was more of an appreciation of the way you looked. You weren’t uncomfortable in the slightest. Yet, his smirk still sent your knees buckling.

After introducing yourself, any and all doubts faded. It was replaced by light laughs, subtle smirks, and a hand on the back of your chair close to your skin. The conversation carried on as effortlessly as it had when you messaged back and forth.

By your third drink, you realized it was getting late and remembered you had a meeting in the morning.

“I should get going.” You weren’t keen to leave as you lingered closer to him.

“It is getting late. I wouldn’t want to answer to Rollins tomorrow for keeping you out to long.” He chuckled as he traced the rim of his glass while keeping his eyes on you. It was as if he was trying to take in every single feature of your face, like he was painting a picture with his gaze.

“I’ll make sure to tell her to be nice to you,” you replied.

“Does that mean you’ll accept a proper dinner invitation?” he asked with a sparkling stare. Oh, those green eyes were going to be the end of you…

“That depends… are you asking?” It didn’t hurt a little to tease him just a little. Better still to keep him on his toes and he played along flawlessly as he leaned in closer. The subtle hint of his cologne wafted between the both of you and you couldn’t help but sigh.

“Yes.” His voice was low and a tingle ran up your spine. His fingers slowly caressed your bare arm and your eyes closed. “I would very much like to see you again.”

You melted at the sound of his voice and your eyes fluttered open. “I’d like that, too.” He was just as irresistible as his written messages. More so.

With an agreed date and time for your next encounter, this time not by chance, he hailed a cab for you to make sure you would get home safely.

“Guess we have to say goodnight now,” he said as he grasped your hand and gazed into your eyes.

You looked at him from beneath your long lashes and felt your heartbeat quicken. Secretly you hoped that he would kiss you, but you weren’t sure it that was proper for a first meeting. But he was just so damn irresistible that you found yourself moving closer to him until his lips were inches away from yours.

“Until next time,” you whispered back in time to feel his kiss. Gentle and sweet and once he let you go, he left you swaying with longing for more.

With the blaring of the cabbie’s horn, you two were pulled out of your trance and he ushered you into the back seat. He still lingered by the curb with the door still open, seemingly not wanting to see you go.

“See you soon, Rafael,” you promised as you waved goodbye. The taxi had barely turned the corner when your phone dinged.

Dinner’s too long to wait. Coffee tomorrow?

You grinned like a schoolgirl as you fired back a response.

You’re on. But this time I’m buying.

Sweet dreams, fashionista.

With his kiss on your lips, how could they be anything but?

#rafael barba #law and order svu #raul esparza #rafael barba x reader #svu imagine #amanda rollins #rafael barba/you

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earlyaffection867 · 7 years

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ProfitBuilder 2.0 review Media

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