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eileyhq · 4 years

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❛ ✶ ( CINDY KIMBERLY , CISFEMALE , SHE/HER ) — did you see EILEY RIVERA walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the TWENTY-TWO year old JUNIOR . from what i know , they are studying PRE-MED and are a part of SIGMA EPSILON CHI . they come across as + SACCHARINE but also - HYPERSENSITIVE , which makes since because on their instagram ( @EILEYS ) it says they are a CANCER . when i see them , i think of LAYERED GOLD NECKLACES, ODDLY SPECIFIC SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS, FLOWY SUNDRESSES, SMALL HIDDEN TATTOOS, & STARGAZING ON A SUMMER NIGHT . the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that [ REDACTED ] , but don’t tell anyone i told you that .

i am soooooooo sorry this is soooo late. it’s always when i join rps that things come up 🥴

hey hi hello!!! i’m ur local Hot Mess™, brenna lol. i’m so excited for this rp and to have eiley in this lil group bc i’ve honestly always seen her as a Sorority Girl™ and i finally have a space to play that out :’~) hit me up for plots on discord!!! i’m sometimes bad at replying (i get distracted easy lol) so if i don’t message back, feel free to send another message! im so sorry i rlly am i mess :~) DISCORD: ʙʀᴇɴɴᴀ#7518

♡ QUICK STATS ♡

NAME: eiley sofía rivera

FACECLAIM: cindy kimberly

PRONOUNS: she/her

SEXUALITY: heterosexual (unfortunately)

AGE: twenty-two

BIRTHDAY: july 4, 1998

ZODIAC: cancer

♡ BASICS ♡

eiley is originally from weston, ma -- one of the richest towns in massachusetts that’s only twenty-ish minutes east of beaumont university.

her parents are both graduates of beaumont university, both with doctorates in the medical field. that being said, with the combination of their salaries, they’ve got quite the wealth -- and that’s just outside the inherited wealth from each of her parents’ families. that being said, eiley lived quite comfortably.

growing up, eiley cheered competitively and did so throughout most of high school when a rotator cuff injury put her out for her senior season. she did the little cheers on the sidelines of games, but was benched for the competitive season. after her surgery, she just decided to not go back nor pursue collegiate cheer, but to delve into her studies.

she was inspired by both of her parents’ careers that she made it her dream too and pursued that full-speed ahead, even attending the same university that they did after taking a gap year. during her gap year, she gained a lot of popularity on instagram from all of her traveling, thus now gaining the title “instagram model”, but she really doesn’t identify too closely with that. it’s just something she does for fun (with some monetary gain). school & becoming a doctor are ranked higher on her list of priorities than instagram is.

when she got to beaumont, she rushed sigma epsilon chi to be apart of the sisterhood her mother was too apart of. the lifestyle and atmosphere just seemed to feel like home. being a legacy, it was really easy for eiley to be a part of it.

eiley’s first year at beaumont was life-changing. when she started that fall, she had no idea how drastic her life would be as by that thanksgiving break, she would discover she was about 9 weeks pregnant. admittedly, eiley was quite open with her own sexuality and didn't shy away from landing in strangers. if you ask anyone, eiley doesn’t know who the father is and that was a lot for her family to take in. being their only daughter, they had high expectations and pregnancy out of wedlock was not one of them. by the time the baby came that june, they were accepting. she was mostly glad that her sorority sisters helped her through everything and were supportive. that only made her bond with her sisters closer.

now that her daughter, catalina, is over a year old, they’ve come up with a routine that’s helped everyone out. although eiley would rather be with her baby all the time, she’s pushing through to her doctorate with the help of her family and full-time nanny. about 5 days of the week she sees her baby, whether it be for an hour or for a weekend.

♡ PERSONALITY ♡

she’s such a kind and gentle soul that would genuinely never hurt anyone intentionally. however, once her mind is made up, that’s what she’ll stick to and she’ll try to let you down in the nicest way possible.

DO NOT BE FOOLED BY HER SWEETNESS & KINDNESS!!! if you piss her off enough, she will snap quick and hard while maintaining a calm demeanor (she’ll cry later). her words can be as soft as silk or crack like a whip. don’t cross her.

she’s a very sentimental person. she has a box of things (key chains, post cards, polaroids, etc.) that she likes to keep under her bed and add to whenever something, she feels, memorable happens. her walls are filled of photos of her family, friends, & sorority sisters.

she loves literally every genre of music except classical & heavy metal, BUT even then she’ll sit & listen to it if that’s what you’d like to listen to. currently she’s into more of a 70′s style of soft rock, but she loves listening to pop radio.

she’s no stranger to that good kush™ . she prefers edibles, but is always down for a smoke sesh. anything past weed, she’s not interested in trying.

eiley grew up going to sporting events due to having three sporty brothers, so you’re likely to find her at some of the sporting events if she has the time. although she was a cheerleader and football is expected to be her favorite, you’re most likely to see her at hockey matches or baseball games

AESTHETIC: gold necklaces, oddly specific spotify playlists, strawberries, white daisies, flowy floral sundresses, vintage polaroid camera, small tattoos, lace bralettes, stacked rings, glitter gel pens, niche mugs as makeup brush holders, fresh peaches, fairy lights, denim jackets with patches, tousled hair, shopping sprees, glass coca-cola bottles, stark white air force ones, vinyl records, succulents, blush pink, oversized hoodies as dresses, big eyeshadow palettes, fluffy slippers, sunny spring days, stilettos, athleisure, rose water, sugar cookies fresh from the oven, big diamond earrings, sunrises, drinking wine from the bottle

♡ WANTED CONNECTIONS ♡

i have i plot page here!!! <333

here u can find a lil page about eiley n all her things (links to a stats page, muse tag, & pinterest board!!

hmu cuties!!! again, super sorry this is so late!!!! & if there’s typos i swear im not illiterate

#bu.intro #here she iiiiiiisssssss

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cruelangelstheses · 5 years

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11 questions meme

i was tagged by @arcanedagna like a month ago and i kept forgetting to actually do this so !!!

Rules: answer the questions of the person who tagged you, come up with 11 new ones, and tag 11 new people.

1. What’s the first fandom that you remember joining? avatar: the last airbender baby!!!

2. What style of clothes do you prefer to wear? i like to refer to my style as “fuckboy butch” lmao. i like a lot of sporty “boyish” clothes, jackets, baseball caps, as well as punk fashion, like patches and pins and spikes and that kind of stuff

3. Do you like making playlists? What kind of themes do you use when making a playlist? yeah i do! depends on what i’m using it for. if it’s songs that remind me of a certain thing lyrically (like a character) then i don’t really pay attention to genre, but if i’m making a playlist for myself when i’m in the mood for a certain type of music than obviously the genres are usually similar

4. What’s your favorite OTP and why? oh god oh fuck. i think my biggest ones are zukka and fenhawke. zukka was my first same gender ship back in like 2011 and i’m so glad it’s getting more popular now because zuko and sokka honestly balance each other out perfectly, they bond really quickly and have impeccable teamwork and are a PERFECT example of enemies to friends to lovers and. kind of lowkey hoping they’ll do something with it in the live-action atla remake djfsdkdslkfk. as for fenhawke. idk i just love both characters a lot and seeing fenris actually have a positive relationship with like, anyone is super important to me and the way it’s written is super important too, how he recognizes that he’s not ready and takes time to himself to heal, how hawke is understanding and patient and loving and kind, and how fenris is so fucking loyal and devoted and passionate when he’s actually finally ready.....im soft. im soft!

5. What’s the video game quest that you hate the most? Why? oh god fighting thunderblight ganon in botw was so fucking hard dude sdfhkjdsk i actually had to learn how to block/parry which i’m never good at in video games

6. Who’s your favorite video game character? f...fenris...uwu

7. Are there any “tropes” that you love seeing in games/books/series you like? Things like the “found family” trope or stuff like that. I FUCKING LOVE THE FOUND FAMILY TROPE!!!! also like idk enemies to friends to lovers is Good, and so are a lot of supernatural tropes, like “immortal falls in love with a mortal” or something lol

8. What’s your favorite class to play in fantasy video games? ROGUE ALWAYS

9. What are some fictional characters that you personally relate to? oh lord time to expose myself as a kinnie lmao. anders, sera (!!!), hawke, alphys from undertale, roger davis from rent, nico yazawa, robin from fire emblem, and also fenris and zevran. lol!

10. What video game moments have made you cry because they got you emotional? a lot of fenris’s cutscenes always get me lol, especially his romance cutscenes, and i got really emotional (in a good way) finishing butterfly soup bc it made me soft :0 also the last few chapters of FE fates conquest :-(

11. If you could teleport and visit three video game locations, which would you pick? Oh Lord Uh. the mushroom kingdom at the end of super mario odyssey made me rlly happy so that’s one, hateno village in botw, and uhhh im really pumped for animal crossing new horizons so im gonna say the island you go to in that game !!! :D just let me go to a nice peaceful place with magic and anthropomorphic animals

———————————

uhhh i tag @feiandaris @caed-nua @ghostmage @courier76 @ovinkype @will-and-her-fandoms @sparklingdwarf @fandomn00blr and uh !!! i can’t think of anyone else!! you don’t have to do this obviously i just thot i would tag some ppl lol. also if you want to do this and i didn’t tag you, you can just say i tagged you! (i know people probably feel awkward doing that, i know i do, but seriously don’t be shy if you want to do it lol)

and here are the questions i came up with:

1. How would you describe your “aesthetic”?

2. Do you have any pets?

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?

4. What was the first video game you remember playing?

5. Do you collect anything?

6. What was the last book you read?

7. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would you want to meet?

8. What’s your favorite meal?

9. What video game has your favorite gameplay?

10. What is your least favorite color, and why?

11. Who is your favorite band/singer?

#fun!!#ash.txt #long post

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tyonfs · 2 years

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🤧: okay I have been terrible but I have been so behind I haven’t been able to listen to the album 😪 BUT what I have heard sounds great 👍🏻

Really loved the baseball, boyish concept of universe that is like my FAV version of Mark Lee and Jeno and the SNAPBACKS hahsujqhswh

I wish Renjun got to be in that kind of comeback cause I want boyish, sporty Renjun hehe

So about the boy 🤭 we are in the same grade and he’s a smart pants, but he is very kind and genuine. In the extracurricular we are in together he has a leadership role and he is on the quieter side but always makes sure everyone is heard ❤️ and he has such a nice smile and dimples ahhh

But yeah the problem is he is so, so focused on school (a stem major naturally) and doesn’t have time to date and his ex broke up with him back in freshman year (like how DARE she he’s such a great person) but even past the feelings he is a good friend and I care a lot about him 😊

My winter break is not extremely busy but my budget is making me get crafty with gifts ooof — and I did absolutely awful this fall 2021 so we have to fix that next school session after break. I’m glad you got to hang with your family over break 💗

I’m thinking of writing a Jaemin oneshot so stay tuned for that 👀 BECAUSE HIS ORANGE HAIR IN UNIVERSE AND MOTORCYCLE JACKET AND THAT CLASSY SHOOT WITH THE SUNGLASSES AJYAUWVWHW IM WRECKED

YOO WHAT SONGS ARE YOUR FAV?? also don’t worry bc it dropped during finals week for me + i was rlly sick so i didn’t listen to it right away either 😭😭

but yes yes YES !! universe’s concept was sooo good like i couldn’t get over jaemin 😭 and DOYOUNG AND HYUCK?? completely came for me this comeback omfg and i’m so glad we got to see yanghyuck again 🥰🥰 and oh my god whoever styled jeno…… raise rn

also right ?? have you seen the pictures of renjun with the skateboard and lip piercing OH MY GOD 😩😩 it’s just making me mourn over the loss of what we could’ve had with all of 00 line in universe 😔 renjun’s vocals would’ve been SOOO good for the song too 🤧 but then again the line distribution was so bad that i wouldn’t want to subject the loml to that

awww he sounds so sweet !! but i totally understand being focused entirely on studies at this point 🥲🥲 it’s good that you care ab him tho and i’m sure he sees that (and if he doesn’t then 😡😡). are you gonna make a move anytime?? :o

AH SAME 🤧 i was supposed to go out on vacation but it’s been raining so much that we ended up just staying home sobsob but i’m glad that i just get to relax honestly !! this past semester had been a whirlwind 😵‍💫 ALSO A JAEMIN UNIVERSE ONESHOT??;!; HELLO IS IT OUT YET AND PLS ADD ME TO THE TAGLIST 😔💖

#tyonfs asks #🤧 anon

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bakukirikami · 7 years

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I'd like to request all the angsty headcanons please

GOD ok this ask is over a week old but im finally ready 2 deliver

under the cut bc this is literally 2k of bakukirikami angst hc’s

bakugou

not rlly super angsty but he’s rlly touch sensitive

mainly bc of the sludge villain which. makes sense

the first time kiri and kami swings an arm over his shoulder he flinches To The Max and they’re shocked bc angry baku just jumped away from them

though it’s good for the beginning of their relationship bc it helps them realise and understand it

they both ask him first if they can hug him and tbh for the first few seconds baku doesn’t know what to do

eventually he hugs them back and Gosh it’s such a good feeling

he feels a little calmer and he just relaxes and shit he feels gr88

he doesn’t even mind if he tells anyone else abt hugging them bc he’s just so glad that he feels safe being held by someone

tbh it’s not easy to overcome something like that? esp for baku, he’s so used to having control that the sludge villain really hit him hard.

the first time they share a bed together baku’s in the middle although he’s the tallest.

he’s been so long without proper touch and kiri and kami really just wanna make him feel loved

at first it’s Too Much Touch and he feels really trapped but his bf’s really did some research abt touch sensitivity and they figured out how to calm him down

he sleeps really well when he’s in the middle bc he knows that he’s literally surrounded by love

he’s the last of the three to wake up in the morning and when he does he can just hear kiri and kami whispering about how much they love him so he buries his head in his pillow and kicks them both so they don’t see him smiling and blushing

eventually after a REALLY LONG TIME he does end up trusting 1a so he doesn’t really mind if they know about his touch sensitivity

there’s nothing wrong with it ofc he’s not any less of a hero it’s just another part of him

but if anyone from another class/in general mocks him about his flinching he will try to explode him and it takes kiri and kami 43 tries to get him to calm down

he finds it really irritating ofc bc he wasn’t always touch sensitive! fuckin sludge villain

when he goes home to visit his family he brings kiri and kami home to meet them

mitsuki hasn’t seen baku in ages so her first instinct is to hug him which is p normal for a mom imo

he flinches for a second and then he realises this is my mom she literally has baby soft skin she can’t hurt me before he relaxes

she still notices his flinching bc she’s his fuckin mom so she asks kiri about it later bc he seems like a good lad

kami overhears and helps explain

later when they’re trying to go to sleep they tell baku and he just shrugs bc he doesn’t mind. he’s getting used to it now

sidenote bakugou’s family fucking love kiri and kami

when he finds out ragdoll lost her quirk he gets a few nightmares about losing his own quirk

makes sense tbh bc the majority of his confidence and arrogance stemmed from his Super Awesome Quirk

usually ends up with him waking up really sweaty and holes in his blankets from uncontrolled explosions during his sleep

he goes to the bathroom to cool off and he stares at his reflection a lot and constantly reminds himself that he’s not going to lose his quirk he’s not he’s not he’s not

what happened to ragdoll isn’t going to happen to him he’s okay

when/if kiri and kami find out they’re shocked again bc they’re not used to insecure bakugou

however they do reassure him a lot that he’s not going to lose his quirk

they remind him a lot that nightmares don’t make you weak at all

he doesn’t usually say anything but if he does it’s usually just “yeah, yeah, yeah, i know.”

“thanks dumbasses”

his dreams usually rotate between hero dreams and fluffy dreams abt his bf’s so the first time he has a nightmare he’s super pissed off bc! He’s strong he shouldn’t be getting nightmares

kami and kiri are Best Bfs they buy baku all might merch when he’s feeling Bad

kirishima

right so listen up kiri’s rlly insecure about his quirk in general so like after baku got kidnapped he really beat himself up about it like A LOT A LOT

his updated hero costume has sleeves from a few of the scars he gave himself during that time

bc of his quirk he rlly doesn’t need armour or anything so everything when they tell him he can upgrade he goes

“fuck i need to hide these scars”, thus, sleeves

during the hero license exam arc kami’s confused bc why the fuck would kirishima, whos ((pretty much)) made of steel need s l e E V E S

kami doesn’t question it tho bc who the fuck is he to judge. kami’s costume is literally just a cool jacket and pants w/ lightning bolts

baku (and everyone else) doesn’t really notice bc theyre used to kiri’s Extra As Fuck costume

anyway eventually bakugou and kaminari are going to end up seeing his scars, whether on purpose or not

when kiri explains baku’s first reaction is just anger bc not only does he think he’s the reason for all might’s end, but he’s thinks that it’s his fault kiri hurt himself

its no one’s fault of but neither of them know what to say but they just both hold kiri really tightly and at that moment, that’s all he needs

DOESN’T LIKE TALKING ABT HIS FEELINGS BC HE DOESN’T WANT TO BURDEN HIS PALS

sunshine kid needs to stop bottling things up blease kiri

spends half of his time in class overthinking about things

he wants to make everyone happy and please everyone but kiri u can’t do that you gotta make yourself happy first

after he, baku and kami get together he talks a lot abt his insecurities and he feels so liberated honestly its a good feel u go kiri 👏👏

they’ll be in bakugou’s room watching a movie and as soon as the credits start rollin he exhales and sits up straight and just Starts Talking

bakugou and kami don’t interrupt them, they just let him talk and as soon as he’s done kami cuddles him and drowns him in blankets

baku does His Thing but kiri still knows he cares so he smiles really fondly at baku which makes him blush bc kiri has the nicest smile!

eventually kami will make bakugou cuddle w/ them

they all sleep a lot better that night.

(kiri’s in the middle)

used to get a lot of shit @ middle school during The Edgy Phase

filed his teeth in anger

vowed to be the nicest person he could be

he doesn’t like thinking about it a lot but he definitely thinks it made him a stronger and better person

got mocked a lot abt his quirk bc it wasn’t “flashy enough” ://

this is already canon but he cried when meeting tetsu for obvious reasons

STILL CANON but best bros w/ tetsu

he talks to tetsu abt their quirks a lot

tetsu is a Comfort Buddy

initially tetsu doesn’t rlly understand why kiri is upset about the lack of originality of his quirk, but once he does understand he’s very comforting

of the two, people say tetsu’s quirk is more unique because he’s transforming his body from flesh into steel, whereas kiri’s is flesh into harder flesh

(this is p much why tetsu initially has difficulty understanding)

tetsu reassures kiri a lot tho and in the end they always feel a lot better about their quirks

once or twice tetsu mentions it to kami and bakugou

out of the blue they’ll randomly compliment kiri and his quirk and he’s super happy

they never say anything to kiri about tetsu but kami and baku are really grateful that he told them

forever upset that he won’t meet crimson riot

kaminari

mmmMMMKAY maya has some angsty kami hc’s here in case u havent seen them yet but ITS MY TURN NOW

super pissed off bc of how he always gets called stupid and dumb!

yes he doesn’t have the best grades but can you stick a knife in a toaster without dying? no? didn’t think so

whenever anyone is a dick about his intelligence he gets really pissed and starts shooting tiny sparks out of his body

when he came to UA he did that a lot less tho

but he does it most often around jirou

(at UA its usually her being a dick)

once she pushed him a lot and he nearly did fry her

kiri had to calm him down and hold him back

when he was little and figuring out his quirk he accidentally fried his favourite book and he cried for ages

got yelled at by teachers as a kid by teachers for accidentally short circuiting the building

bc of this he doesn’t like loud shouting a lot

he Will Flinch

especially when he goes to UA and when all might teaches

nothing wrong w/ all might ofc but his voice is really loud i’d flinch too

like he knows all might’s not going to hurt him but fuck it sounds like he is

after a while all might is the only loud adult voice he can deal with

he doesn’t really want the teachers to know bc its sorta a sensitive topic

when/if kiri and bakugou find out they won’t force him to tell anyone, they’ll just help him cope with it and comfort him

scars on his limbs from not knowing how to use his quirk as a kiddo

constantly terrified of losing control over his quirk and hurting ppl he cares about

idk i think that’s already canon but it’s important bc !! he actually likes the people at UA and he doesn’t want to hurt him

craves affection and attention all the time

he doesn’t need to be the center of attention at all, he just wants to be noticed and would rather not blend it

it’s not like he would go out of his way to stand out though, he just wants to be liked for who he is

it helps him a lot w/ his self confidence since he’s so used to him and his quirk being shoved aside (a result of the backlash of overusing his quirk)

will cover up his pain or hurt with a joke because he like other people seeing him helpless

always stressed on how to be a better hero

runs his hands through his hair a lot

on bad days he’ll pull at his hair

bakugou and kirishima can tell whenever he’s feeling more upset because they’ll notice random strands of his hair floating around

a short attention span

it contributes to his “bad grades” and he hates himself for it

literally when he figured out just how short it was he electrocuted a couple trees because he was so pissed off

his parents gave him a really old record player for his dorm at UA but it broke when kiri and bakugou were having an arm wrestle in his room

dunno why they arm wrestling in his room BUT THEY WERE

he’s upset for ages bc that’s what reminded him of home

tries every possible way to fix it

he’s not even upset with kiri or bakugou he’s just. Empty

kiri and even bakugou apologise a lot and they actually feel awful for ages

at some point they buy him another one

ofc they know they can’t replace the other one but what else can you do

can’t go a day without someone insulting his hero costume

cries when he can’t buy a new video game and starts shooting sparks if someone else in 1a has it but he doesn’t

he gets really insecure about his body randomly, especially when he compares himself to bakugou and kirishima

but he wouldn’t mind being a little stronger but boi gets distracted all the time

but its obviously different bc ofc baku and kiri use their whole body to fight, but kami doesn’t need to do that

that being said, he doesn’t really want to be Super Buff either

#katsuki bakugou #kirishima eijirou #kaminari denki #bnha #mha #i listened to my emo romantic playlist on full blast the whole time writing this who the fuck am i #also this is all over the place im sorry !! hope u enjoyed tho #also i think touch sensitive baku is kinda popular but its one of my faves so #self harm mention /#headcanons #bkkb #mod maia #maka lucy #asks #angst #affection #cuddling #fluff #requests

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lesbianakaashi-archived · 7 years

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uhm, i was just wondering if you had any makki hc's to spare? bc, i absolutely love your hc's and i love makki so ?? idk ?? thank you

*slides anon 30$ and an apology note across the table* thank u for this and also im sorry it took like three days fr me to get to it i dont have an excuse im just rlly lame

-he has a cat named princess. he is incredibly spoiled and doesn’t let anyone but makki and occasionally iwaizumi pet him. he’s really mean but makki insists he’s just shy.

-(“princess is just shy!” says makki, eyeing the scar running the length of his forearm from the time princess tried to kill him)

-he is, somehow, always cold even in the summer heat. he’s the kind of person who has to wear a jacket in the summer. he feels normal when he’s hugged or touched by other people, though?

-speaking of him being cold, his hands are always freezing and he sticks them on people all the time.

-one time he tried to shove his hands up oikawa’s shirt and oikawa hit him so hard he actually broke his nose lmao rip makki

-animals love makki. he’s weirdly good at getting stray cats to come up to him, dogs always get super excited to see him, birds come to him when he sings, etc, etc. he’s basically a disney princess.

-he feeds the birds that come to his bedroom window almost every day. he tends to sing to them.

-speaking of singing, makki is never silent. ever. even when hes asleep. he’s either humming, singing quietly, or talking. when people tell him to stop, he will for a moment before continuing where he left off. he just likes to make noise.

-(none of his friends mind bc his voice is rlly pretty and hes usually fucking hilarious when he talks even when he doesnt mean to be)

-he fucked up his sleep schedule by pulling all nighters for years and napping a lot during the day. he tends to nap during half of lunch, on the bus, after practice, etc, etc, etc. sometimes he almost falls asleep walking home (mattsun has carried him home more times than he can count)

-he rocks eyeliner so well and it pisses oikawa off bc their eyeliner never looks that good. fuckign. rude.

-was The Bitey Kid™ when he was young. he bit people mostly, but he also always had smth in his mouth. usually jacket sleeves or collars, which his moms both got onto him for.

-he has a cool™ older sister and she legit knew he was trans b4 he even said anything. when he came out to her she just said “yea ive known that 4 like two yrs now, hey do you wanna go get lunch today?” and makki just kinda “what”

-said older sister also has the nickname makki and when her friends come over and yell it out he always thinks they wanna talk to him??? and he gets Confused™

this is all i could think of??? if u want anything like more specific id be glad to give u them!!! (like,,,trans makki hcs or smth)

#anon #asks #hanamaki takahiro #anon i would give u my first born child for this ask alone #id

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alxxkim · 6 years

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December 2

I’m currently listening to Overwhelming while eating candy corn Jin got me for my bday (so its been a month and yet) and I feel like I have a lot to say that I don’t have someone to tell to all in one sitting so here it goes. A few weeks ago I decided to stay at Biola for the spring but now I am having second thoughts. I am WAY happier at school away from my family/house and the thought of living at home 24/7 aka how summer was aka hell makes me actually want to kill myself. I really hope that there’s a chance Karina and I both go to Fullerton so we can have a place together. It sounds so fantastical but also just imagining how amazing my life would be is just all I am looking forward to. I think that I am going to end up enrolling late and not get any classes I want because people have already signed up for classes and most are full lo l but yeah. I am suffering from writer’s block. I tried writing tonight and I actually started crying as I was singing but it just didn’t feel right. I really want to write songs that I can 100% sing-cry to and make it feel so right. I just haven’t found it yet.I wonder how Jon Bellion wrote these songs haha. His lyrics are just so fucking wholesome and relevant to so many aspects of my life. Listening to him tho makes me feel so fucking confused cause the first time I saw him, I was “happy” and brown haired and dating John and the last time I saw him in September I was black haired, single, and broken. I still am those three things. Work has taken over my life again. I am scheduled Friday-Sunday for the next 2 weeks and as $$ as that made me think I was be, honestly it just doesn’t feel worth it right now. Granted, when I get paid, I will probably feel otherwise. I’ve been telling myself and others that I am okay with things with John. I honestly can’t fucking tell what I am. I obviously miss him. I am doing fine without him, I will keep doing fine without him, but I miss having that person. I guess it’s slowly transitioning to the point where you miss the feelings and not the actual person. But just typing that made me realize how false that is. I miss John a lot. He was so funny and caring and loved me so much. I honestly think I can now realize that he loved me just as much as I loved him. And I loved him so fucking much. Just being next to him made everything okay. The night my mom found an empty cartridge in my room and messaged me about it asking and I thought I was done for, and all I did was just cry, John was just there and as terrified as I was, I was okay because of him. I think its because its December and the holidays are coming and last winter was probably one of the best parts of my life so far. My 6 week winter break was full of shabu, Fiona, my new polaroid, and just freedom. I was so happy I had Sen Nick and Tyler. I was so happy I had my friends at home. Everything was just so nice. And I had the plan to go to slo with Faith before break ended, and it was just so nice. I miss that feeling of being so excited to see John again. As hard and fucking unfair the distance was being with him obviously made it worth it. I wish I realized how unhappy John was. But there’s nothing I could’ve done. And I need to accept that so that I can stop hating myself for not being better. Maybe I need to take the next semester off. Maybe I just need to find new things I could enjoy. I don’t think I want to go to Disneyland next week with my family. My sister isn’t talking to me again. I feel like the family is broken again but its just with me. I’m slowly turning back into the person I was during the summer. There are so many people in my past that I want to rekindle things with and just fucking get a meal to catch up, but I can never do that. I don’t want to talk about John I don’t want to talk about how unhappy and depressed I am. But I am so tired of pretending like everything is okay. I feel like deleting all social media again. Looking on insta after shifts is just shit because I just feel this urge to fucking post but i have nothing to post because I spent my night inside working. Last night was really fun though. I got off work at around 11 I think and came home and showered and was just going to be on my phone for hours till I was okay enough to sleep. I knew Shin wanted to fuck haha but I told him that I felt like shit so he called me and asked what was up and why I’m depressed. He actually listened even though I was barely telling him everything because then he would probably think I’m insane if he doesn’t already but yeah he told me to just focus on things I love and that it really helps. It’s so admirable how much he loves working out and playing basketball. But yeah we talked for nearly an hour until he decided to get me and I came outside when he said he was here and as I walked out i noticed he was outside walking to me and he gave me a hug and we drove behind Target and sat there for maybe like 30 min just talking and listening to jbel and the script LOL HE SANG THIS ONE SONG SO FUCKING LOUD he said hes never sung that loudly in front of anyone before hahaha i wish i knew what song it was but i will cause he plays it daily. i just hate asking so im gonna have to snake a peek at his phone the next time it plays. my toes were rlly cold and so he started warming my right foot with his hands and blew air into them a lot haha it was so cute and he gave me a dank ass fucking foot massage holy shit. it hurt like a bitch but in the best way possible. my feet/ankles are always so fucked when i work. so it was especially dank. I also didn’t wear makeup and he said I look better without makeup haha i was like ooooooooooooooooooooook but rlly yeah i was happy he said that especially because I’ve been wearing makeup daily because I just hate myself without it. But that day I had a bare face and actually felt okay. He kissed me and he kept saying how he loves kissing me so much. Omg and we made out to jon b like im sorry but it was fucking amazing. ok we also fucked to him too HAHAHAHA And then kevin told us to cruise outside cydni’s house cause him paul and esther were smoking so we went and as we pulled up, paul looked at us through his open window and we both laughed in the same explosive way HAHAHAHAH and they told us to shut the fuck up jk they just sushed us ahahahah omfg. it was just too gold. i really don’t want to ever smoke in front of shin again but yeah I couldn’t just say no to weed haha so we hit a piece which burned the shit out of my throat and I was pretty faded I guess and shin kept coughing cause we werent hotboxing the car but it was still potent and i felt bad :( and he was like IS SECONDHAND FADED A THING hahahaha and esther had her juul so i hit that and then we left the car to smoke and i smoked a stoog. oh yeah so immediately after we got out of the car to walk to their car in the beginning, we were just standing outside their car as they were sitting inside and shin like immediately took off his jacket (the warm flannel we got at pacsun whom he loves) and gave it to me even tho he was wearing a tshirt and shorts ugh. i took it off before smoking cause i didn’t want it to smell so he put it back on and he was like “you can wear it once youre done smoking” haha. and he offered to give it back on the way back to his car but i said i was ok. then on the drive to my house i stuck my body out the window to vent out the smell LOL and it was cold as fuck but felt cool esp with shin’s crazy ass driving hahahahah and i was like i wish you had a sunroof and he was like “yeah thats my bad” and i was like NO BITCH IM NOT TRYING TO COMPLAIN ITS NOT UR BAD I MJSUT SAYING lol and shin has told me how much he hates smoking and the extent of it and how its so unattractive to kiss someone whos smoked so im like welp but as i was getting out of the car he was like yeah fuck u u smell i aint kissing you and i made a pout as i was getting out and he was like no wait and he kissed my cheek hehe. and before that he asked if i was feeling better and i said yes and thanked him and he said yeah of course anytime in a tone like ofc bitch. haha i love when he kisses my head T^T but yeah i came home around 4:40 or however long it took to get to my house and I was happy and hickey’d up and i was just so happy we ended up doing that.

i slept right before 7am and woke up like 11 so yeah i barely slept which is probably why i felt so off today. but i just stayed in bed till my hair cut which was at 2 and kathy was so shocked to see i cut my bangs LOL going on and on about how i never wanted bangs and then i do it and i WISH I DID NOT TRIM THEM LAST WEEK CAUSE THEYRE SO SHORT NOW CAUSE THEY WERE SO UNEVEN AND I LOWKEY HATE MY HAIR AND I WISH I DIDNT GET IT CUT SHORT UGH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE but im gonna work with it and we’ll see. I wanna change my hair color again but idk what to change it to. Then i went to emily’s and we picked up at unity and smoked and caught up and she was doing her interior design homework and i had to leave cause of work which sucked cause i just wanted to actually hang out but i covered shin’s shift today cause he spent all day studying so im glad i got to help him out and if it were anyone else’s shift i would’ve hated myself lol. but he didn’t call me until like 1 or something but i knew he would call eventually and he said he wanted to finish his work early so we could’ve hung out but he has way too much and so we just talked but i could barely talk cause my bitchass sister always fucking goes off about how inconsiderate i am so yeah lmao but yeah and i told him i got off work early to which he said he knew cause i got home around 11 and i ate and he calculated it and theres no way i couldve eaten after getting off at 10:30 and got home HAHAH like he cared enough to think about that.... and then i told him i have work tomorrow 11:30-5 and he said then maybe he’ll come bring me boba

i dont expect him to but maybe he will im so fucking over work

i cant believe its already sunday tomorrow and i have to go back to school for chapel i think. fucking kill me. i just want to have free time

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