#i mean i don't want to be a downer i do appreciate some moments and i do generally actually like the show lol

[sailorblossoms]

Not to be a downer, I'm minding my business when the recommended posts in tumblr dot com shows me this stuff (this is a vent blog) (sort of) but seeing Simon being paired with Alex from RWRB as fellow bisexuals instantly activates my fight or flight instinct. I get wanting representation, but... you have an explicitly bisexual character who goes through an arc to embrace that identity, you have him explicitly telling you, directly and indirectly, that he has had Bisexual Feelings and so this label fits him best, and then you have Simon Snow. A character whose instinct is to be put off by being considered bi, who upon serious consideration of what bisexuality means, gives valid reasons to say no. Can't speak for everyone but as a bi person this... kinda annoys me (his reaction alone is enough for me to never want to call him bi again haha)

I've said this before with more words and more politely than this, but what gets me is that reading Simon as bi requires you to straight up ignore (or miss) half of what he tells you. Not one to be against multiple readings and interpretations, but this right here requires missing or ignoring context and words and timing and comparisons and the way entire scenes are constructed. To a certain extent I can kinda see how a casual reader might read CO alone and assume (emphasis on assume) Simon must've liked Agatha like that at the beginning (romantically, sexually) if he even dated her in the first place, but after reading the whole trilogy? (I also don't think these books are fully appreciated if you read them casually, I get new things with each new read! but I understand some of us prefer to be normal about media. Not me though!). After spending so much time thinking about Simon and Agatha and all the things they communicate and the ways they say it (easy examples: they both choose the most unromantic, uncomfortable and/or mechanical, and sometimes honestly kinda gross ways to describe physical closeness to each other, like "spit that tastes different from your own" as the only thing it's said about kissing, or "sweat that makes skin stick all together and dampen t-shirts" instead of saying they were ~embracing each other~ or some shit. It's dry and undesirable – nothing romantic or sexual is coloring these descriptions, and they are different from, for example, Simon thinking Baz smells bad but "wild horses couldn't drag him away from him," or Baz thinking that Simon's morning breath stinks but he doesn't mind because it's Simon).

I used to not mind bi Simon headcanons, but nowadays it simply activates my fight or flight, because I can no longer help but see bi Simon as synonymous with the belief that he was sexually attracted to Agatha, and that to me is a "yikes," a "fuck no" and perhaps even a "what are we even doing here, this was addressed, we can read." Again, I can only speak for myself: anything involving those two to say "bisexuality" is simply a no from me. I don't want these, thank you. (Although I have never seen Agatha being hc as bi, she's always either in the ace spectrum or a lesbian, and to those I raise: these characters are mirrors). The other examples of just missing or ignoring half of what Simon says: the ren faire. Simon says he's "not mad about seeing cleavage" and that has been used to say dude is a woman liker. But that ignores how he says just in the previous sentence, while looking at boobs "I still haven't figured out what my deal is, but is in this moment, while I'm looking at boobs, that I consider that if I was ever attracted to women, those days might be over. [Still looking at boobs] perhaps I never liked women in the first place, perhaps I'm a Baz-sexual, which means I'm considering in this moment, while I'm [I cannot stress this enough] still looking at boobs, that I might only experience sexual attraction towards Baz." Call me crazy, but as a boobie-liker, the idea of a dude looking at boobs and thinking about how "perhaps he's no longer or maybe never was into women in the first place, maybe he's just into this one guy" is not the thought process of someone who's actually into boobs. I actually wrote a post about the ways boobs are portrayed in the ren faire somewhere, and Simon spends the whole time not noticing boobs that are in his fucking face, with writing choices like him going a little green at the same time that boobs are almost in contact with his person, and how he is thinking this with boobs that he sees at a comfortable distance. He's cool with cleavage, but he's not interested like that, especially because he never fucking notices outside of this particular place where is impossible not to, and even then he doesn't even notice when they're in his face! (Compare that with how Baz showing chest goes with "good enough to eat" which is indicative of wanting to do something about it, of a reaction linked to hunger). Or how, and I've said this many times, his "inanimate objects are attracted to Agatha" is some good ol' overcompensation, it comes in a moment where he's bullshitting (he tells Baz he doesn't like him; he was thinking just how much he likes him like 20 minutes or so before this conversation) to avoid processing, and how he's telling on his ass by using things that do not experience emotions or have the ability to choose in this example (the was no processing or feelings with Agatha)

In short: good ol' Simon is not bi, and saying the girl is cute or that he's cool with cleavage doesn't really contradict that. A gay person could say that. Baz notices beautiful and gorgeous girls, and it doesn't mean shit other than he has eyes. (I'm not accusing anyone of this, and I haven't seen anything that gives me this impression, but thinking about it, I also kinda resent the implication that being cool with women showing skin can only mean horniness. Surely we can be cool with showing skin regardless of whether or not we want to fuck) Fandom spaces putting Simon in "bi characters" lists is... whatever I guess, but since he's canonically unlabeled, honestly? it can be a disservice to the series. Recommending this as "has a bi character as the main" is misleading! You're setting this up for people walking away from it pissed! I've actually seen people tearing this appart because they are approaching it with certain expectations (and maybe also just not really paying attention to details) instead of engaging with it on its own terms. I mean, imagine being recommended something or being led to believe "it has bi rep" and then when the word actually comes up the character is like "whaaaa? hell no, take it away!" Probably wouldn't react too positively to that one, would you

#simon snow #simon snow trilogy #carry on #awtwb

[gralunaisland]

Part 3 of "Why Gray is NOT a Tsundere"

(An Anti-gr///via Post)

[Links to Part 1 and Part 2 are linked here.]

Some Instances of Gray's Lack of Tsundere-ness:

I went and found some moments where Gray is clearly showing how uncomfortable he is. I think it's fitting to provide my own evidence since Author did, but I was going to add examples anyway even if I hadn't read Author's post. Anyway, in anime and manga, the mangaka always makes it clear when someone is a tsundere, always makes the little details show that the tsundere actually likes the other individual. I see no such details in these panels.

Come on, look at how his hair is standing up in the last panel. His hair is literally standing on its end, which is indicative of chills running up your spine and being completely unnerved and freaked out. He's not joking that she's scary, he's not trying to cutely cover it up that he secretly enjoys this. The voice actors do a great job of showing how distraught Gray is by this in the anime too.

Yeah, Gray's face says it all. Those vertical lines on his face are used in manga to show when someone's uncomfortable or feeling some sort of negative downer feeling. And wow just look at her language. Gray right out says he's not into this type of thing, it's not something he's comfortable with, that he doesn't have these perverted hobbies, and yet she responds with "But I doooo~", showing very clearly that she doesn't care whatsoever about what makes Gray happy or at peace of mind, just that her own fetishes and fantasies are being fulfilled. Wow. The more I investigate juvia, the more I am disgusted. I didn't think it was possible tbh, but I suppose I should've known since it's juvia we're talking about, queen of toxicity and creepiness.

Just look how disgruntled and aggrieved Gray is here. He's literally sweating bullets. No ounce of blush, no once of him trying to hide any underlying feeling, just pure unadulterated discomfort and unease. juvia's not even denying what he's saying here (her deplorable behind is actually proud of her actions, which you can see on her disgusting smug expression). He obviously didn't invite her or happily let her in; she literally barged in and would NOT leave his house, which just means that she followed him to his new home, so yeah, the stalking never ends, people!!

I don't even remember which episode this is, but Gray's expression is full of distress and absolutely freaking the heck out. He doesn't find this endearing or cute at all, and he makes it clear that he doesn't even want to be associated with her by others nor to have to deal with her.

Also don't remember which episode, but c'mon, she's a naked chick rubbing up against him, and he's STILL disgusted. Those lines of discomfort on his face and those sweat drops again. Not even juvia's superficial paltry looks can make him interested.

Ah yes, I'm pretty sure this was from an Omake after the GMG where the losing FT team had to do a punishment game or something or other. Again, juvia's naked breast has been whipped out despite no one wanting to see it, what an actual disturbing pervert. (And no, this is not comparable to Gray's stripping habit in the slightest because juvia has full control of herself despite never using self-control, whereas Gray's stripping is sort of an instinct [I've seen some people say it might be a trauma response/coping mechanism, and I think it could very well be that] ingrained into him by his deceased mentor where he actually gets really embarrassed once he finds himself down to his boxers, as he does it unconsciously. juvia however has no shame and is actively sexually harassing Gray by doing this, not to mention just plain copying him with a complete lack of dignity, and she is showing that she literally has no personality outside of Gray and is literally amalgamating with him.) And instead of liking the view, Gray's utterly creeped out. You might think that Gray just doesn't appreciate the female form like that, but Gray shows that to be false through him going gooey-eyed when Virgo changed Lucy in front of him, or when he was excited to check the shower for Lucy when they were looking for her, or how he fantasized about Lucy in a skimpy paper outfit, or even how he blushed really hard when Virgo was helping keep Lucy's skirt down in high winds while her own was flashing him. All in all, Gray likes the female form, just not THIS female form because it comes with a psychopath.

Again, no blush, all freaking out, despite, again, a nigh naked woman glomping onto him full force (which is sexual harassment might I add since he doesn't consent.)

Note here, what's funny is Author used the first panel in their "proof", and yet they coincidentally decided to leave out the very next panel where Gray is clearly creeped out by juvia's refusal to face reality and her refusal of acknowledging his boundaries. Again, all sweat and all seriousness. Nothing about her reaction to his rejection is funny to him, nothing is being hidden, he's genuinely creeped by her (and honestly who wouldn't be?? Pros, think about it. If someone kept pursuing you despite you not being interested and despite you telling them you're not, would you not be creeped out? Why do you support this witch again?)

This last picture is even from the 100yq, something I don't even consider to be canon thanks to Gray being completely OOC, where gr///via has been hammered into being 'canon', and even here there are still scenes where Gray is just grossed out by juvia and completely uncomfortable, in a nervous sweat to boot. You can still commit sexual harassment even if you're dating, I hope y'all know that.

I would love to post more evidence, really, I would, but the internet actually just hates all things Anti gr//////via unfortunately. Looking up anti gruvia just brings up mostly anti-anti gr///via content because of course that makes sense, and I don't feel like rewatching all their "moments" right now because I value my sanity a little bit.

Oh well. That's why I run this blog. Gotta represent.

Whenever I do my next re-watch, maybe I'll take screenshots of all the times Gray is grossed out by her. Does NOT sound fun because I don't want to have juvia's pictures on my phone, but it might just have to be done.

Anyway, all that I put into these three posts (and probably more tbh but my brain is fried from thinking about juvia so much rn) is why I think Gray is NOT a tsundere.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Closing Notes:

I think I'll just end this trilogy of posts quite unceremoniously here. I've spent hours and hours working on it, so I really just want feedback on it at this point. I hope I don't sound too mean throughout the posts; I tried to be transparent and honest though.

Please do let me know your thoughts on the subject of Gray being or not being a tsundere, and please give me your thoughts on my post! Discussion helps get us closer to the truth! Please remain respectful even if you disagree with what I said, though.

(Also, I would like to know whether my readers like these long, in depth studies into different aspects of Pro gr///vian arguments, or if y'all like my shorter responses to asks instead. If you don't care, that's fine too. I don't do much of these longer posts anymore because I have so many actually amazing asks, so maybe that's for the better, idk, lmk.)

Anyway, thank you for your time, and I hope you enjoyed my analysis! Have a wonderful day/night!

#anti gruvia #anti juvia #fairy tail #anti juvia lockser #anti juvia loxar #defend gray fullbuster #gray fullbuster #anti gray x juvia #fairy tail debate #fairy tail discourse #fairy tail discussion #gray isn't a tsundere #gray is not a tsundere #tsundere #tsunderes #fairytail #gralunaessay

[subbe93]

The Light in my Nightmares, T, chapter 8

After the visit to the graveyard Ran hadn't gotten rid of the thought of Shinichi's past. Now she is only more curious to know what in the world had happened and what could have caused that much loss to him... If she only could find out...

A/N: So... Yeah... there is a next chapter x) I don't have much to say, since I don't want to complain to you about how busy and stressed out I have been on these two weeks and what else ^^' I almost wanted to say something about this chapter, but then I decided against it x)

So, thank you for being here, reading this, and everything ❤ Wanted to remind you how much your support means to me ^_^ And I hope you're going to enjoy this chapter too ❤

Prologue ~ Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 7

Chapter 8:

~ Ran ~

A week went by fast, especially for Ran. As much as she had tried to move away from the events in the graveyard, she couldn't do it. Every time she came to Kudo's mansion, she saw those ruins and remembered what Shinichi had told her. Every time she went inside and saw those turned photos in the living room, she started to wonder what happened to his parents. And every time she walked by that certain door, she remembered his remorse and wanted to know more so she could understand better.

But every time she saw Shinichi, she didn't dare to ask. She had done it before, and he hadn't wanted to talk about it. Ran kind of understood that it was probably hard for him to live those moments again, tear his wounds open again, just for her, and in the end, he had taken that little step towards those memories in the graveyard, which of course, was a big and impressive step for him. Ran didn't want to underrate it. With that much remorse that he had, it had probably taken much from him.

But it didn't change the fact that to her, his past was a story that had lost many pages from the beginning and here and there.

Yet, she didn't want to push him too much. At least not now. Because a few days after the graveyard visit, he had looked a little more... brighter. Ran could still see some exhaustion in him. He was still pretty silent and maybe a little wary among other people, but somehow he looked a little bit relaxed. A little emancipated. He came to spend more time with her, which had been a little surprise at first, but she appreciated it.

It felt nice to be together.

She also had noticed that he liked those yellow roses that she had brought to him that day. Even though he hadn't said anything, Ran had seen how he looked at those flowers in the living room every time he went there, sometimes taking care of them. It felt like something lightened up in him when he saw those roses. And when they cheered him up, it brightened her mood too. Those flowers had done their job as she had wished, and... it was refreshing and nice to see him relaxing and somehow softening a little bit. For a moment he has left behind everything that had shadowed him. Like he was enjoying his life again...

She remembered his painful expression on that day when she found him sleeping on the couch. How he had frowned and moved restlessly. He hadn't brought it up, even though Ran was pretty sure that he had realized that she had been there, putting those flowers on the table and covering him with the blanket. And Ran hadn't mentioned it either. As much as she was kind of curious to know about his dreams and if she succeeded to took him away from that restless dream - at least he had calmed down after that and continued sleeping peacefully -, she wasn't sure if she felt confident enough to admit it. Maybe he would think that she was only a fool if she would ask about it.

But still, remembering that desperate expression on his face... He still got sleeping bills and downers, and she knew that he wasn't sleeping well. Even the thought of him being that restless and looking desperate every time he closed his eyes, made Ran feel sad. Didn't those medicines help at all?

And what kind of nightmares he had gone through if they came into his dreams that badly?

So, she took herself on a mission. Every time she was alone and had free time, she tried to search for some information about something that had happened eight or nine months ago. If there had been something that can cause a house to come into the ruins, there was no way that it wouldn't have ended up in the news.

Yet, it felt like there were none. Nothing that would have caught her eye, nothing which would have mentioned Shinichi or detective or any kind of big cases or...

And she realized how awfully little she knew.

She had found some news about Kudo Yusaku and Yukiko’s death, but there was nothing more about it. Just two celebrities had passed away at a young age. No information about why or how. She had checked the comments to see if someone would have known more, but to her loss, there weren't any answers. If someone had asked, they hadn't got any answers, and most of the people didn't even seem to care. They just were sad about the loss and felt bad for Shinichi. And of course, there were also those people who just wanted to shout out and say bad things about Shinichi who had inherited his parents' fortune and had enough money for the rest of his life that he can shut down his detective agency and just be.

It almost made Ran want to throw her phone as far as possible, probably also to step on it and broke it in the dust. It took everything from her just shut the internet and put the phone away. God, how there could be people like that? How in the world they can only think about money, being so envious of others' property that they don't even think how much it can hurt to lose parents?! What Ran knew, she was pretty sure that Shinichi would give all his property away just to get his parents back, and probably much more!

But yeah, searching for information about Shinichi's parents was fruitless. Next, she concentrated on her another clue: professor Hiroshi Agasa. He had been with Shinichi in that case, and looking at those ruins, it must have been a big explosion or fire to take the house in that shape. And if it was big, there has to be some kind of information, which could lead her to the right tracks and... and...

The same went with the professor. There was some little news of an explosion in Beika, but not much more. Sixty-year-old man, an inventor, had been experimenting with his invention, but it hadn't been stable, and it had caused the explosion and the old man hadn't survived.

Well, she didn't doubt it. Looking at that sad house - or what was left of it - it must have been big, nothing that someone could have survived. And it sounded reasonable, but still... When she reminisced what Shinichi had told her in the graveyard, these stories didn't match. Why Shinichi would feel responsible for Agasa's death if it was an accident? Even though Ran kind of wanted to believe in the news, she still kind of doubted it. Why would Shinichi have lied to her? For her, it almost felt like there had happened something that had been hidden from people. But could they do that? Is it possible to make everyone agree with that? The other possibility would be that Shinichi would be more "sick" than she had thought and made those things in his head and somehow started to believe that they were real events. But that felt even more unlikely option. She had been with him like six months, most of them in the Safe Haven Center. He seemed to be a very reasonable guy, even with his PTSD, and in the end, Araide would have seen it if there would be something else wrong with him.

She started to have a terrible feeling that there was so much more behind it, but there weren’t any answers for her.

Ran also tried to ask all her friends. She tried to be as inconspicuous as she could since she didn't want them to make a big number of it, but it seemed that if there had happened something big, they all have missed it. Even her best friend, Sonoko, didn’t seem to know anything about it, not even though she was the one who was around the people all the time and heard all kinds of news and gossip.

So she came back to the same road as she did whenever she tried to find answers: Ask directly from Shinichi. And sadly, it was not possible, at least not now. She knew the answer she would get. She had almost wanted to ask about it from Araide too, but she also had remembered the answer she had got in the Safe Haven Center during those a few first weeks with Shinichi. She still couldn't tell if it was true or not, but she kind of had a feeling that if he didn't tell her then, why he would do it now.

And when she thought about it, maybe it really wasn’t her place to know. And what would it change? Nothing.

Yet, the thought of it hadn't left her alone. It had been a week, and she still couldn't give up! Gosh, she even decided to come to the front yard to clean those flower beds to give herself something else to think of, maybe even planning what kind of flowers she and Shinichi would go to buy and plant, but then her thoughts went back to Shinichi and his past. Gosh, this project gave her only more time to think about it! Why was she so obsessed about it? And what made her only more annoyed was the fact that she just wasn't smart enough to find out the information that she wanted!

She started to plan to go back inside and ask if Shinichi would put his book aside for a moment and come outside to enjoy the day with her. He had started to read again, some mystery novels, which probably shouldn't have surprised her, but he was pretty enthusiastic about them. At first, he had only answered when Ran had asked what he was reading, what is the story and what had happened, but soon he had started to talk more about them. And mostly he loved to talk about Sherlock Holmes and his adventures. Somehow his expression changed into childlike when he started to talk about Arthur Conan Doyle and Sherlock Holmes, and even though Ran wasn't so interested, she didn't stop him. It was refreshing to see him happy and excited about something, and to be honest, to Ran it was kind of cute to observe.

So she could ask Shinichi's help with this, and maybe he could tell another story of Sherlock Holmes or some other detective story that he had read recently. Part of Ran wanted to hear about the Night Baron since it was his father's writings, but she wondered if it was too early for him. Maybe she should try to read it herself.

She was about to stand up when she heard some noises. It sounded like a car would have stopped somewhere near, like behind the gates, but the engine was still on. Ran looked at the gate. She heard how someone opened and shut the door and after a little moment, she saw some movements. She frowned. They didn't wait for anyone, did they?

“It doesn’t take long, I…. No, I just ring it! He can be home this time!”

Ran stood up, patting her hands together to get soil away from her gloves before she took them off. She walked to the path to see clearly. There was a grey car in front of the gate, and a woman, who was standing back on her. She was talking probably to the driver.

“Just… Please, I need to try!”

Then the woman turned and froze. Ran met dark green eyes which looked at her surprised before they somehow changed like… angry.

“Hey, you!” the woman shouted with a weird accent and her dark ponytail swayed from the other side to the other when she came closer to the gate, looking at her. “Who are you? What are you doing there?”

Questions felt weird, but she realized that as natural as she felt to be here, she didn’t live in this house. Though, it was pretty rude to that woman just to shout at her and ask questions like that. Who she was anyway?

“Good day to you”, Ran greeted, remembering the good manners, and bowed. “I am Mouri Ran and I’m working for Kudo-kun”, she introduced herself and straightened up to meet this woman, who still looked at her like she was trespassing. “And how can I…”

“Is Shinichi-kun home?”

Ran pressed her lips together. She saw how the woman’s face got a hopeful expression.

It seemed that she wanted to meet Shinichi. And it made Ran feel a little uneasy. Why did she want to meet him? Why should she let her in?

“And who are you, miss?” she asked.

“I’m Hattori Kazuha”, she introduced herself. “Please, let me meet him! I… I have tried many months now, and if he is home, I really need to… I have to meet him!” Then she turned her back to Ran, moving to the other side of the car, and opened the back seat door. The woman bent over like searching for something.

Ran wasn’t still sure. She didn’t want to let that woman in, yet she couldn’t explain why. Maybe she should decline her and told her that she wasn’t sure if Shinichi could meet her. In the end, if he got a sudden attack because of her…

But he had been among other people. Well, there had been times when he has been tense and very aware of his surrounding, like waiting for something to happen, but nothing had triggered those hallucinations, so there was a high chance that there was nothing to worry about. There was no reason why she shouldn’t let her in.

Except she didn’t know that woman. Shinichi hadn’t told her that he would have friends, and there was nothing that would tell her that this woman, Hattori Kazuha, would be his friend. She could be anyone. Why was she so eager to meet him? If she knew him, why didn't she call him or… or…

Why did she hesitate so much? In the end, if she really was Shinichi’s friend, Ran couldn’t be the one who should decide if she let her in or not. And if Shinichi would say that the woman is someone he didn’t want to meet, Ran could always lead the woman outside, make her...

The woman straightened herself, and the car moved away. And Ran saw something which somehow shocked her even more. The woman got a safety seat for the infant.

And her only thought was: Were they Shinichi's girlfriend and a child?!

~ Shinichi ~

He wanted to lift them. He really wanted to lift those photos up and see his parents again, see their happy, smiling faces.

"It isn’t your fault. They chose to help you."

That was what Ran had said. And maybe she was right. But if he only would have…

He couldn’t forgive himself. At least not yet. But to be honest, visiting the graveyard had been kind of... relieving. He couldn't explain why, but it felt like something had lifted away from his shoulders, and even though he still saw those nightmares, they... weren't as bad as they had been. They were still painful, but somehow a little less.

The sound of the front door took him from his thoughts. Was Ran already back?

“Shinichi?” he heard Ran’s voice calling him. “You got a… visitor.”

Visitor? Shinichi frowned. Who in the world would visit him? He wasn't working right now, so there shouldn't be clients. Araide’s visit was not until tomorrow. Or maybe he had been just passing by? He sometimes did those surprise visits, telling him that he was just somewhere near and decided to come to say hello. Sometimes he visited a few times in a day for that reason. Shinichi wasn’t sure why Araide still wasted his time with him, but… he didn’t complain. At least someone was visiting him and… well, Ran too since she almost lived here.

“Shinichi?”

Shinichi shook his head and walked to the door, to go to the hallway. He raised his eyes to greet Araide…

Instead, he saw her. Worried and familiar dark green eyes turning into relief and happiness, red lips turning into a bright smile...

“Shinichi-kun, I…”

Shinichi lost all the air around him. Somehow world turned around, making him sway. He straightened his hand, trying to get a grip on something. He tried to gasp some air, but it felt like there were none. He looked at the floor, trying to find a benchmark that would grand him, but then he turned... He had a bad feeling and he needed to turn to look at what his best friend was doing. The detective from Osaka opened the other door... Shinichi opened his mouth, shouting out his warning, but it was already too late. The door opened and Shinichi saw how blood spitted around, Heiji falling on his knees, then... then...

Shinichi went to him fast and helped him up carefully, trying to stop the bleeding with his hand. Just enough to get them out and find help for him...

“Drop it, Kudo”, he heard him cough. “You know as well as I that I’m not going to…”

“Shut up”, Shinichi interrupted him, trying with all his strength to get him forward. He can do it! He has to! “You’re going to make it, we’re close…”

“Kudo…”

“We’re soon outside”, he continued ignoring him. “We get you out, get help for you that they can heal your wound and then you go home to take care of Kazuha-chan and the baby…”

“Kudo, stop…”

“No, I’m serious, we’re going to make…”

Suddenly he fell. Heiji’s weight was too much, he couldn’t keep himself up anymore, and Shinichi wasn’t ready to feel all his weight on him. But he has to try…

He lifted himself with the remaining strength and turned to get Heiji back to his feet. He has to, they were close…

“Give up, Kudo. Don’t waste your strength on me…”

“No, I… I…”

He tried to lift him, but it was pointless. He was wounded enough that he could lift him, and Heiji didn’t seem to be in condition to help him anyway, to carry even a little bit of his own weight. This can't happen...

“If you just…”

“Kudo…”

“Just a little bit, Hattori! Help me a little bit here, just…”

“I… I can’t.”

Shinichi didn’t want to give up, not yet. But still, the harsh truth was traveling fast into his consciousness: He couldn’t get Heiji safe, not in time. He can’t save him…

But he has to! This whole mess had already cost too much for him, and Kazuha... She was waiting for Heiji back, they were… they were…

He started to look around him, trying to see something which would help him, help them. There has to be some way to get Heiji out! Must be! There is always some way!

Come on! Think! Think something and fast! You can...

“Hey, Kudo…”

Shinichi hardly ripped his eyes from the surroundings to look at his friend. Heiji was moving slowly, trying to get sit against the wall. Shinichi moved closer to help him.

Okay, Heiji can rest here a little while I search for a way to get us out of here...

“Promise me two things, okay?”

Shinichi frowned. “I can promise them when I get you out…”

Heiji let out a weak laugh. “I’m not getting out here, and you know it as well.”

“You will”, Shinichi disagreed stubbornly. “You will. You have to… Kazuha-chan is waiting for you. And the baby… The baby needs its father. So you have to…”

Hattori dropped his head a little, making Shinichi’s heart skip a beat. “The baby…”

“Yeah”, Shinichi continued and smiled, hoping to give him some strength, hope... “You’re going to be there when the baby is born and… and…”

“Kudo…”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me… Promise me to take care of them.”

Shinichi felt how air froze around him. How the cold, hard reality was slammed against his face. It was the reality. Even though part of him had known it, but...

No! He wasn't ready to admit it, not ready to give up! Heiji was still breathing, still alive... And as long as he was alive, there was a chance...

“Hattori, you’re going to…”

“Face the truth, Kudo”, Heiji interrupted him and raised his head to meet his gaze. He looked tired but determined. “You just take down this organization, okay? You can do it, you’re close! And doing that, you’re making a world a better place for people… for… Kazuha and… and the baby…”

“Hattori…”

“Just… Please, make sure they are going to be okay… If they need something…”

“You’re going to take care of them yourself”, Shinichi said, trying still to believe in it even though he heard a crack in his voice. “You don’t need me to…”

“And the second, promise me… not to… blame yourself.”

Something tightened in his chest. It started to be more realistic. Deep turquoise eyes being only darker, ready to close... “Hattori… I…”

“I know you… You will”, Heiji continued and smiled weakly. It was only a shadow of the smile that Shinichi had seen many times. Only a shadow from the smile he had shown when he had claimed to be a better detective than Shinichi was, the smile he had shown to him when he had said something stupid... “But don’t, please. I wanted to help my best friend, you know. I’m here, because I wanted to help you, and no one could have stopped me, not even Kazuha.” He let out a laugh that sounded more like a gasp. “Well, she didn’t even try, just… Just…” He closed his eyes, yet the smile stayed. “And… You would have done the same to me.”

Shinichi felt something gripping his wrist. He lowered his eyes and saw how Heiji had grabbed it, slowly moving his hand away from the wound that he had tried so hard to cover from bleeding, hoping to buy some more time to...

No...

“Hattori, please, don’t…” he pleaded and raised his eyes to the man whose eyes were still closed. "We still can..."

“Don’t… blame…”

“Shinichi?!”

Shinichi opened his eyes, breathing heavily. He saw a wooden ground, he…

“Shinichi? Is everything okay? Shinichi?”

Someone was holding at him. He looked right side of him and saw her… Ran… She was Ran, right? Those worried orchid eyes looking at him…

He felt something on his cheek. For a moment he thought to panic, but… somehow that touch… It was rather soothing. Gently. Soft. Granting him to this reality.

He was home. At his home.

He raised his head. A few steps away, a woman was standing in front of her. She looked worried, sad and… and… scared.

Kazuha…

And he remembered...

He lowered his head. God, he can’t look at her in the eyes and be fine with it. He was the reason for her miserably. It was his fault that she was alone, that she had lost him too, and… and…

“Shinichi-kun?”

He closed his eyes and felt more disappointed in himself. He hadn't even kept his promises, not any of them. If something, he had abandoned her from the beginning, abandoned her when she needed him the most...

I'm sorry, Hattori...

“Shinichi?” Ran’s voice said gently with a tip of worry. He felt her other hand stroking his back, like trying to calm him. He almost wanted to turn, hide in her arms, try to escape from this... “If… if you’re not feeling well, I can ask her to leave…”

“No, this is fine”, he answered, but couldn’t raise his gaze. He needed to meet the consequences, needed to do this even though he wanted just to turn away and ran... Leave this behind. “She can be here and do whatever she likes. I…” He kept a little break, trying to brace himself. Do it now. Only this way, there is a chance to gain some kind of peace. “I deserve everything she does.”

There was a silence, which felt like an eternity. And he waited. Shout at me. Hit me. Whatever you feel like, it's fine. Whatever she would do, he deserves it. That was what he could offer her anymore.

“I… I didn’t come here to blame you for anything”, he heard Kazuha saying. “I just came because I wanted to see you. I wanted to… I wanted to see how you’re doing after… after...”

She didn’t continue.

“You should”, Shinichi said eventually, still keeping his eyes on the ground. “I… I kind of took everything from you. A husband… and… a father…”

“Wait, what?!"

Shinichi raised his head and looked at Ran, who glanced between him and Kazuha, looking a little confused. Then she looked like she had realized something and seemed apologetical. “I… I’m sorry, I just… I… I…”

“Oh, don't be. We’re talking about my husband… late husband”, Kazuha said. Shinichi still didn’t dare to meet her gaze, so he kept looking at Ran, that beautiful and kind face that turned into sadness and a hint of horror...

Another truth about you that she would find out... Another mistake she would learn about you...

“He helped Shinichi-kun with a big case and…"

Shinichi looked away from Ran. He didn't want to see the disappointment in her eyes when she would face him again... Even she can't release him from this... Not after this one.

"Well, that hot head lost his life, even though I told him to be careful. Fool man.” He could hear the sadness in Kazuha's voice even though she let out a little laugh.

He felt a stab in his heart. She pretended to be fine... Like he had tried to do too.

“I… I’m sorry”, Ran said with an apologetic voice.

“Don’t be”, Kazuha answered. “I mean… Well, it had been nine months, but… Well, I try to believe that with time everything would get easier.” She kept a little break. “I came here many times during those months. I couldn’t get in touch with you, and… I didn’t hear anything from you, so I thought… I… Every time I got a chance, I came to see if you would be at home. I... I really wanted to see you again.”

Another spike in his heart. She had tried when he had shut himself in, trying to escape from the reality. She had been there, trying to survive, with a child, alone, and still tried to get in touch with him...

He hadn't done anything for her...

“I… I was in… sanatorium some time”, he answered eventually, even though he knew that any of his explanations wouldn't be enough. “Well, a half of year, I… I think? I just came back home like... almost two months ago…”

“And I’m happy about that “, he heard her saying. “You know, I was really worried about you. I… I was worried that something bad had happened to you…”

He didn’t deserve that. He really didn't.

He didn't answer.

“Mmm… Would you like tea? Coffee?” Ran asked, breaking the silence that he was building. “I could make some…”

“Ah, no need to”, Kazuha answered. “I’m just making a fast visit. My father told me that he would get me in an hour, so I don’t have much time.”

Not much time... He really needed to make this right, even... somehow. He owed her that much. He owed it to him...

He still could see him, in front of him, bleeding...

"Promise me to take care of them."

“Kazuha-chan, I… I… I’m… so sorry…” He closed his eyes, trying to keep the pain inside him. Kazuha has enough already, she didn't have to worry about him or feel bad for him, or... or... “If… if it wasn’t because of me, he would be… he…”

“You have nothing to be sorry for”, she interrupted. “You know him. He came because he cared for you, he wanted to help you with all he could. I didn’t even try to stop him, but… if I could have, I probably even wouldn’t have. He came because he wanted to, and… We both knew that anything could happen. No one blames you.”

“I… I didn’t keep any of my promises to him”, Shinchi continued. Heiji trusted him, and yet... “He told me to take care of you, but… I… I didn’t…”

“Shinichi-kun…”

“I just… couldn’t face you after everything.” He let out a laugh. “I couldn’t face anyone. But you? It was terrible to tell you that he was gone, because of… Because I couldn’t save him. A thought that there is you without him, waiting for a child that he… he…” He took a deep breath before he raised his face and met Kazuha’s eyes, seeing her pain... “I am so, so sorry for… everything.”

There were tears in her eyes, but she was still smiling. “Don’t you dare to be, or I kick your sorry ass”, she said before she took a few steps closer and wrapped her arms around him, making Ran move away from him. She pressed herself against him, hugging him tightly. “I told you, I don’t blame you for anything, and I know Heiji wouldn’t either.” She let out a weak laugh. “He would probably be angry if he would know."

Shinichi smiled shortly.

Then Kazuha continued: "We both lost something important on that day. I heard that you more than I did. I’m just so happy to see you again, that you’re doing fine.”

He didn’t deserve those words. Not her kindness. But knowing that she didn’t hate him, even though she had every right to do so…

“I’m sorry I… wasn’t there for you”, he said eventually, wrapping carefully his arms around her. “I’m… also happy and… relieved to see that you’re doing fine, after everything. And… Well, I don't deserve this, but I'm also happy that... you don't hate me..." He kept a little break.

"I could never hate you, you know."

You should...

"And... Well, this can be a little late, but if you need anything, just… tell me, okay?”

Well, he couldn't keep all his promises, but if even somehow...

“I’m fine”, she answered, but her voice was broken. “I… just got help from my parents… and his… and our friends. And of course, for our son… I will keep going. I… I wanted to call you when he was born. I wanted to ask you to visit… I waited so long that I could show him to you...”

Shinichi looked at the safety seat, where the baby was probably sleeping, awfully unaware that he didn’t have a father, and that the reason for his loss was in the same room. If he would have never got interested in that case…

He would tell him. When the baby would be old enough and if he wouldn't hate Shinichi too much, he would tell him everything about his father... How determined and loyal friend he was, smart detective...

“But…" Kazuha's voice took him back to that moment. "Sometimes I feel like you’re the only one, who… who would understand… How much I miss him...”

Shinichi felt tears against his neck, and they weren’t his. He wished that he could say something comforting, something which would make her feel better, but he got nothing. He hoped that he could take her pain and suffer it by himself, to spare her from it. But he couldn't. He only got his remorse which was blaming him for this. He knew how she felt, at least somehow. He missed him too, and he really, really hoped that he would have been the one who had got that wound instead of Heiji.

Maybe they would have missed him, but at least they would have been together, as a family...

So he let her cry in his arms.

~ Ran ~

Ran closed the outdoor silently behind her. She had been very relieved when they had escorted this Kazuha to the gate and look how she had disappeared into the grey car and left. It wasn't like Kazuha wouldn't be a nice person, but all those emotions...

She felt so bad for that young widow with a child. How hard it must have been to grieve the one she loved, and at the same time take care of the child.

And then there was the one who has been blamed himself for it.

Ran went to the living room's doorway and saw how Shinichi sat couch's arm, looking somewhere down like seeing nothing. Not even the yellow roses hadn't cheered him up, like usually.

She went closer to him.

"It's okay if you want to leave. I... I understand."

Ran stopped in front of him. He didn't raise his head.

"I'm not going anywhere."

There was a short silence before he raised his eyes and spoke again. "Don't you hate to be near someone who hadn't brought nothing else than death?"

Ran looked at those blue eyes which had gotten back all the vulnerability, self-hatred, and remorse that he has gotten away for a few days.

She shook her head. "You have done many good things too. Saved many lives and found out the truth, making bad guys regret what they have done." He opened his mouth, but Ran continued. "I know this doesn't help you now, but you haven't killed anyone. You are a nice and kind person, and I believe, and I know, that you tried your hardest to save all those lost lives." He lowered his head again. "I know that you're blaming yourself, but you shouldn't. What I understood, he wanted to be there. And no one couldn't have changed your friend's mind. No one."

Shinichi didn't answer. Ran observed him, his sad appearance. She still couldn't even imagine what he was going through... And she still couldn't do anything to help him. Unless...

"Shinichi?"

He raised his head and met her eyes. Ran smiled and opened her arms, stepping a little closer to him. "Can I?"

He observed her for a long moment, frowning. Ran kept her position even though she slowly started to doubt her idea. Yet she stayed still until he opened his arms, like accepting her silent request. Ran stepped closer, taking him to her arms, closing him to her embrace. She felt his body against her, his head carefully resting on her chest, arms slowly wrapping around her. She let her cheek carefully rest against his head, letting his hair tickle her skin.

It had calmed him in the graveyard. And it made Ran happy and relieved that this worked. At least she could even somehow try to ease his mind, his pain, make him feel a little bit better...

"I... I should have been there for her..." he spoke silently. "For Kazuha-chan."

"Shinichi..."

"She tried to meet me", he continued. "To... see how I was doing... And I was just hiding..."

"You weren't hiding", Ran said and tightened her grip a little bit. "You got a bad PTSD and depression... You needed your time..."

"But I still should have been there, help her."

"You probably couldn't have helped her back then", Ran said and closed her eyes. "Sometimes you have to heal yourself before you can try to help others."

He didn't answer, just rested in her arms. Ran did her best, trying to make his being as comfortable and relaxing in her arms as she could. It must have been a very hard thing to do, meet that woman without warning and go through some more of those memories. But she was so proud of him, that he had met that woman instead of running away. At least he knew now that she wouldn't hate him and maybe it would bring him some more peace.

But she wondered how much more she would still find out.

Chapter 9

A/N 2: Okay, so last minutes changes: I'm sorry if the Ran's last part feels like I have written it in a rush... because I have xD This chapter was meant to end with Shinichi's part and with the sentence where he let Kazuha cry into his arms, and I thought it would be a perfect place to stop... Yet, when I reread it the second time, I got the feeling that there needs to be something, and since I'm not mentioning this scene in the next chapter, I started to write Ran's part. Yet I was stuck with it, I didn't have a clear vision of what there would be, and since I didn't have much time to let it be, I decided that maybe I let it end on Shinichi's part, and maybe I mentioned something about it on the next chapter. And yet, when I last night reread this last time, I still got the feeling that this needs a different ending... So I went and started to write it, and this came out :D Sadly I don't have time anymore to take a few days' breaks and reread it, so... It is what it is xD But hopefully, it was fine :D

#ShinRan #The Light in my Nightmares #PTSD!Shinichi #Detective Conan #Darkfic #Hurt/Comfort #Romance #Fanfiction #Shinichi Kudo #Ran Mouri #Chapter 8

[librarygf]

anyone else feel like maybe s5 is uh... not that good?

#asdfgh i just #hate gus and hate sean and hate debbie being a rapist and annoying about boys all the time #i hate kev and v's story of fighting about their kids and separating and the rape walker storyline #frank's starting to have storylines not involving anyone else (up until s4 they were at least adjacent to the family) #which means we have to watch scenes of him and other random people all the time #carl's storyline is pretty weak compared to s4 and s6 too tbh #sammi's just feels like a more annoying repeat of s4 #and like i just said fiona's feels kind of like a repeat of the themes of s4 too #and besides the two episodes where he's struggling with tuition money lip barely has anything to do #other than his professor and amanda which is just not that poignant compared to how strong he is in all other seasons #including like 6 and 8 lol #like for real s5 might be his worst season asdghj #obviously i really love ian and appreciate this story about his struggles just like a love all the tender moments with him and mickey #and i'm just happy when mickey's in scenes obviously #but other than that it's really like. kind of not that great asdfjghjk #and then it ends like that... the why of it all #i mean i don't want to be a downer i do appreciate some moments and i do generally actually like the show lol #but like. still #anyway i've finished 5x12 now and i think i'm actually gonna continue to s7 bc i cannot handle more sean or fucking caleb right now #excited to see sierra and franny and ian being an emt <3 #okay that's all bye #m

[retphienix]

I Have A Lot To Say So I'll Read More This.

The short of it?

I'm glad I played Joker- I played it because I wanted to know how DQM evolved when it reached the DS and I got my answer.

It's mediocre. Not bad exactly, I enjoyed playing it, it adds some REALLY appreciated features to the DQM series and if you were playing it at release it had online play which plays well with the post game content which I haven't touched by the time I wrote this:

-but there are some engine/console specific things that made it a drag and there are some parts of the game that are just weaker than the previous games which is amusing since the previous games were simple GBC titles.

And finally, I don't really recommend playing through Joker 1. Can't speak on the sequels, but Joker 1 was a pretty middling experience for me so I'm the wrong person to get a positive recommendation from.

And since the opportunity presents itself: If you like monster RPGs and haven't tried it- go emulate Dragon Warrior Monsters 2 for the GBC, it's really good and also if you emulate you can fast forward the GBC era grind if that's your taste- really a win all around.

On to my rambling:

I debated on writing, rewriting, rewriting, and better presenting my thoughts on this game and the series as a whole but nah, Joker ain't getting that, I'm ramblin'- lol

I will split it slightly between "The ending" and "The game as a whole" though.

Ending:

1:07 - This is slightly a 'game a a whole' thing but honestly it's funny to me that you unlock a permanent repel in this game by doing the main quest. I entered this dungeon feeling strong enough to beat the game, so I just avoided 90% of encounters entirely.

5:00 - I genuinely got a laugh out of Sparkpug's whole deal in this finale. Not story wise, that's fine, no complaints- I mean that Sparkpug is clearly built to be a monster that can carry an ineffective team. He's clearly meant to be bred a few times and a god tier member of a potentially inexperienced player's team- but I literally never used him after the intro.

So during this scene it's supposed to be like "I'm a demi-god monster, you can't possibly beat me" and I'm thinking "Dude, you're like level 10 and shit tier, you can't win, this is hilarious."

Obviously it's a real boss fight and not 'face the monster you once had' but I was having fun roasting him behind the scenes of this recording.

45:00 - What an entirely unexpected change of pace.

Like, I had it spoiled for me by a screenshot that Dr. Snap becomes a monster or something- but I thought maybe he was always a monster or something, and also I got a bad look at him.

HE TURNS INTO A BODY HORROR BEAST, THAT'S NUTS.

Genuinely a highlight of the game.

52:00 - I fucking laughed what a meaningless exchange where the payoff is saying "He was stupid!", it's honestly just silly and dumb but not necessarily bad just dumb lol

55:00 - Not a great 'you won' victory lap. Like at all. Kinda feels like they should have just made this all a cutscene where I appear back at town and see that Solitaire is the leader now etc etc.

I kinda don't understand why it's a victory lap at all? Because all anyone says is "They picked a weird successor to Snap >:(" or "Snap went to the island? I bet he was stopping the calamity :)"

If you have 2 lines of dialogue prepared, maybe don't make a victory lap???

1:00:00 - What a fucking stupid payoff lol

Like sincerely, Solitaire does NOTHING the entire game! She's meaningless from start to finish! And the 'surprise' is that she's the new commish??? And she got the position because she's a rich spoiled brat??? Like LITERALLY that's why????????

What a stupid fucking ending lol

Now her proposed evolution of the contest is fair enough, I mean it's childish as hell, but to be fair- more contests is a fine idea especially since prior games and this game demonstrated the public's interest in watching monster fights. And the goal being to fight her as the final fight is fucking egotistical and stupid- BUT- it does play into the fact that the player didn't get to fight her the whole game so it's whatever?

1:03:00 - This is both the best and worst lol.

This game has no story, like at all, it's fucking empty front to back, and only explodes with like- 1 event at the very end.

This moment is a montage of memorable moments with your 'best friend' Sparkpug. It's cinematically very nice to be honest! Even includes a moment I don't remember at the arena which probably didn't happen lol.

So visually it's cool- I dig seeing the camera zoom out as we run across the beach, and the flashback moments intersplice over us making our way to the scout memorial- that's very well done.

The content is empty lol

As I said there's no story, these moments are nothing lol

And that's that.

All said the ending was a very nice challenge to face with my team- I had to abuse items like mad but I MADE IT! It was a GOOD fight.

The rest I've already said.

On to the game as a whole:

I have issues with this game, but there's good too. It's really like 4 steps forward 6-7 steps back it's weird, it's really weird.

Positives are neat!

> First and foremost- TRAITS!

Monsters in Dragon Quest Monsters have always had a problem with keeping their identity for long. The way I'd explain it to an outsider to the series is that Monsters DO have special stat variance and intended movesets and all that jazz- but the breeding system completely and entirely destroys that relatively early into the game.

While a monster might normally have really high defense and low other stats while knowing buffing magic- breeding, EVEN UNINTENTIONALLY, will have that same monster come out with 9 billion attack and all ice magic.

Monsters in DQM have a habit of becoming canvases for the breeding effects rather than their own mons- and this is undeniably a downside. It makes the game feel unique, it doesn't 'hurt' it, but when by mid-game monsters are more easily identified as sprites rather than strengths and weaknesses or even types (family) it's a slight downer on the series.

Traits fix this a lot by making every specific monster have unchangeable traits which offer things like "immunity to x type of damage" or "higher crit chance"- it's small, but it gives each monster more identity.

> Second and secondmost- SKILLS!

The older games didn't use trees, it used each individual spell as a potential pass on during breeding.

Each monster could have 8 spells, and when you breed two monsters you pass on all 16 spells to the offspring (they don't learn them all at once, they learn them as they level up) as well as the natural spells the monster would learn by level up.

So in the older games it is really easy to end up with a refined and overpowered list of 8 spells on each of your monsters.

Now spells are tied to Skill trees and your monsters can have 3 skill trees total (which are passed on as OPTIONS when breeding).

All to say skills do a lot for removing the "Master of all, weakness of none" spell lists that the older games made trivial to make, now you have to limit your builds and be more specialized- also they added skills like "Attack up" to add more variance to a build- instead of having spells you might just have high stat buffs as skill trees.

Overall I think Skills are an improvement because coupled with Traits it makes each monster feel much more specialized and unique and less like a sprite with no identity.

> Breeding is improved.

This is very much because of skills and traits- again- but also the system is just improved in general. Instead of being told "That's a monster you haven't had before!" and judging your decisions based on the name of the offspring breed, now you get to see a small sprite of the resulting monster to help you decide- ALSO instead of getting 1 result for every combo (to the point where you have to back out and choose Monster A + Monster B and Monster B + Monster A as separate options), you now get up to 3 results to pick between for every breeding opportunity.

It's just better.

> The engine is impressive.

At least to me. This is a DS title using (from what I read) a rework of the DQ8 PS2 game's engine- it certainly looks like it.

Combat models are nice, using moves looks nice, overworld exploration looks nice- it looks nice.

Now for some negative and general nonsense- all of which is more often than not 'weird'.

> I gotta be unfair and say "The Story" first and foremost.

DQM 1 and 2 are not intense story games. They aren't.

But they both knew how to handle their story well for what they wanted to tell, I can and will praise both for their narratives because they know what they are and do it well.

DQM:J does not. It's fucking bad.

Basically: The overall story doesn't exist- you're told to be a spy, but that comes up 1 time towards the end of the game and LITERALLY doesn't matter at any other moment INCLUDING the one time it comes up.

You have NO meaningful objective from the start up until near the end of the game. You show up and have no goal- so you get told to get some crystals with no meaning behind it (not even a lie because they are clearly evil- not even a lie to motivate you! NO MEANING IS PRESENTED! JUST DO IT! TO DO THE CONTEST I GUESS! WHY? SHUT UP!)

So 90% of the game time you're not doing anything meaningful. So what about the islands? Any small narratives to keep things moving?

NO!

NOT AT ALL!

So you go 90% of the game having no real objective, just kinda wandering forward mindlessly- and then the game suddenly goes "Oh! Guy who seemed sus! He's evil! He's gonna unleash the calamity that you were 'kinda but not directly' working towards with your dog! You know, that plot point that's kept vague and paid 0% attention to the entire game? Yeah it's happening! Aaaaand you're done! GG!"

Basically there's just nothing going on in this game, it's all background noise until the last 10% of the game. And that's lame.

DQM1 had a light story- but from the very intro cutscene you have a clear objective which makes every action you do seem relevant as you are working towards that goal.

From the start of the game you know "My sister is gone! The king says a magic wish can get her back! I'll go do that!" and then you do!

DQM2 has a much better story!

You have a goal from the start (The kingdom is physically dying and you have to save it by getting a new plug!) AND it has stories for each world you visit!

THAT'S MILES BETTER! THIS GAME COULD HAVE DONE THAT FOR THE ISLANDS!

Anywho. Story is lacking and empty and lame especially when DQM2 has a similar format but does every part better- you have a clear objective you're working towards AND side stories to keep the light narrative moving!

WTH!

The spy plotline doesn't matter! It could have been used to build suspicion on who's the good guy!

The islands are so empty of story!

DQM2 has a fun mix on how a rival character works which makes every world interesting to see how they get involved!

This game has a rival that does NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

It's just such a step back from the previous games, it's weird to see DQM 1 land a solid simple story and DQM 2 build a great format to expand the story going forward- and then DQM:J just slams its head into the dirt and wipes out.

> Game's slow.

The engine switch is a good thing overall, but it makes combat slower (a lot), adds loading screens to combat (primarily), and they didn't bother speeding up the grind from previous games.

Because of the grind still existing which isn't a problem in and of itself- the game becomes SLOW AS HELL because the engine makes that grind take longer.

Also world exploration is slow which is to be expected when moving from 2d to 3d, but this is countered by adding things to the world to find or do- and Joker tries but it's still noticeable. The world exploration isn't a problem, it just stands out alongside the combat being slow as hell.

The engine change was a great thing- but it feels like they should have put more work into speeding up combat to counter the slowdown of load times and flashy animations.

A GOOD WAY TO FIX THAT MIGHT BE XP!

> Music ain't great in my opinion.

DQ has amazing music. This game has some weak renditions in my opinion. The CELL HQ theme song is a pretty good poster child for the worst there is, but just in general even the better music is lacking compared to the chiptunes of the GBC or the better mixes of the main series.

Maybe it's unfair, it's a DS game, I don't know, I just know I ended up just muting most of the game because it didn't sound great. I played the GBC games OSTs instead for a large portion of my playthrough. I listened to videos instead for the bulk of the game.

It's just not pleasant to me, sorry to say.

> XP!!!!!!!

I'm being a spoiled ass on this but yeah!

XP SUCKS IN THIS!

There aren't good placed to grind until you beat the game! (apparently)

The first level blatantly has too low xp which makes you grind before you can tackle the boss of the island- and the late game has you mindlessly grinding low xp rewards in order to be ready to face the final boss.

It's WEIRD!

Why is it so low!

> Tech is weird!

I could ramble on this alone but here's the short version:

DQ has a unique fantasy world aesthetic that each game has explored in its own way. It's basically "swords, magic, monsters, and charm- things feel light but aren't afraid to get scary sometimes :)"

This game... doesn't.

This game has fuckin' tech watches, jet skis, TOWER PCS????

This ISN'T dragon quest on a world building level.

It's like, contemporary modern world but with slimes.

And that could be good I guess, but it feels so fucking weird to see PCs right alongside swords and axes and a dracky.

Like... why?

It's a poor aesthetic according to my tastes. Maybe I'm an ass for that. The tech is weird.

All to say, in a poor rambling "I gotta get this out of me" kinda way, is Joker was fine.

I enjoyed breeding. I enjoyed seeing the engine. I enjoyed the unique additions like a 'hero monster'.

But I also had to grind mindlessly on a slower game.

I had to endure a story that forgot to show up until the very end.

I sat there thinking about replaying the older ones the whole time.

It was fine.

It's mediocre.

I'm glad I played it.

I'm done now :)

#RetPlays #Dragon Quest Monsters: Joker #Dragon Quest #Dragon Quest Monsters #Dragon Warrior Monsters #DQM #DWM #DQM:J #DS #Nintendo

[lost-eternity]

Match Up Requests: CLOSED.

Please read the rules before requesting

Match up for: @melancholicbutbeautiful

Okie dokie! I match you with....

The 9th doctor!

I know. This isn't everyone's favourite Doctor. He isnt as cute as the 10th or as puppy-man incarnate as the 11th but hear me out. I think he needs you.

Let's start simple, shall we?

He absolutely adores your height.

Standing at an impressive 182cm (6 feet), the 9th would be all over you. He's got a good 18 cm on you. Fully expect him to be "accidentally" leaning on your head and cracking short jokes at the most inappropriate times.

You're running from Daleks (it's an occupational hazard)? He'd say something along the lines of "hahah! I'm suprised they can even see you down there!" Cue and unamused glare from you. It's like.... we're trying not to die here and NOW you are making a short joke? Seriously?

~

You both probably meet at a museum. One of those quirky wax museums. Life-like historical figures expertly sculpted in wax, their empty eyes somehow full with false life. It combines both your passion for history and art, enabling you to walk up close to these esteemed figures who shaped our society.

But you can't focus on the wax creations, nor the historical excerpts that come with them. Instead, you keep getting this unnerving feeling like your being watched. When you turn around, you catch this one guy staring at you. So you look back at him like ???. And instead of quickly looking away like a NORMAL person would he just continues to stare.

So now things are awkward and your kinda tempted to reach for your keys. You know. Just in case.

And that is when you feel someone grabbing you from behind. Weirdly cold hands wrap around your arm, constricting you in a white-knuckle grip. Spikes of numbness shoot up your arm as the blood circulation is cut off to your hand.

You whirl around to face your attacker and are like ???. Why the HELL is Bob Ross attacking you? Like. What?

That was when the fire alarm began to go off.

Before you could react much, someone full on BEHEADED Bob Ross. He immediately releases you and promptly walks himself into a wall. The now headless wax Bob Ross backs up, then moves forward again. Then hits the wall. Rinse and repeat.

The guy who was staring at you earlier, now clutching the ironically red fire axe. Guess you now know who pulled the alarm.

The expression on this guy is borderline mianical as he Cheshire grinned at you. "Hi! What's your name?"

"Uh... y/n..."

"Nice to meet you, y/n, I am the Doctor. Now. Run!"

He grabs your hand and you charge for the exit, herding everyone else out of the museum as more and more wax figures come to life.

Springing into animation, they kinda slowly amble after you. It's not exactly efficient but it is pretty damn threatening.

This moment lead you into a series of events that eventually concluded in you both accidentally almost blowing up Big Ben to stop and alien hive mind from taking over Earth.... whoops. Not that it mattered to much. Because despite the terror and confusion that seemed to now be perpetually stricken in your mind, you had the time of your life.

But despite your pestering and begging, the Doctor adamantly refused to allow you to tag along on his next adventure. He wouldn't explain why. Instead he just dropped you off at your house, swearing to wipe your memory if you spoke a word of this to anyone.

Of course, you called him out on it, asking him if you could meet the "Men in Black" later.

He wasnt amused by your jab, saying that you reminded him of someone who we couldn't afford to lose again... and then promptly vanished after that

At first you thought you would never see him again. That he was just a phantom that emerged in your life, a chance crossing that never should have been. The moment your life was touched by something bigger... greater than the mundane reality you have been so long trapped it.

It was intoxicating. Addicting.

But as fate would have it, you did meet again. Except this time you weren't saving him from a domineering alien race, or robotic tin cans that sewed a path of destruction. No. You were saving him from himself.

~

Cut off from his own kind, the 9th Doctor was a damaged man, disparagingly grieving over the intense suffering he had witnessed; the destruction he had inflicted on his people as the result of his own actions.

He tore himself up, berated himself. Told himself that he did not deserve to be alive. After all, he was a monster in human skin. Because only a monster could cause the pain he had

The doctor struggled with the idea of isolation, he was the last of the Time Lords, having left the conflict with the excruciating knowledge of his hand in its apparent grisly conclusion and he would react strongly if pushed on the matter.

And for whatever reason, he came to you. You found him delirious and beaten down on your porch step, rambling, hardly making sense of himself and... glowing a little? Wtf?

You took him in, and only did not call for emergency care at his persistence and mumbled pleading. After doing the rather peculiar things he instructed and gave him a few questionable concoctions, the glowing stopped and he checked out.

You were up all night worrying yourself sick over this man. This stranger that you hardly even knew. I guess it is just the kind of person you are.

You were there when he awoke in the morning, calling out for you. At least you think it was you because he never said your name. Instead called for a "Rose". You weren't sure if this "rose" was a person or another wacky demand on his part.

You never did find out exactly what happened to him. From what he would say, he had an encounter with an alien species that really kicked his ass. Although you thought there was something more to it than that. Some more emotional undertones and reconciliation. You also did not understand why he came to you. You hardly knew each other. There was definitely something he was not telling you.

Whenever you asked who Rose was, he merely dismissed you or cracked a joke about your height. If you continued to press the matter, he would quickly get very snappy and drop his energized, maniacal façade.

It was after this moment that the Doctor agreed to allow you on the TARDIS with him. And you officially became his traveling companion. However. It was never all sunshine and rainbows. Although it was a rare occurrence, the Doctor would occasionally slip up and call you "Rose" again. He would always act like nothing happened and deny it if you brought it up. It was clear that this Rose person had a major impact on his life so... what happened to her?

~

So. I think you would be wonderful with the 9th Doctor because of your empathy and compassion. You unconditional understanding and empathic nature would definitely be unnerving for the Doctor at first. He feels like he does not deserve a person like you in his life. You are too good and pure. He fears that he will hurt you. So he pushes you away like he always does.

And this is why he needs you. I beleive that you would not stop pursuing him. Healing him. Your compassion and life would be what slowly seals up the wounds of his past and his own self-inflicted hatred.

He will finally be able to see his own worth because of you. And that was the primary reason I had for matching the 9th doctor with you. He is the one who needs someone like you the most.

Also. While you are genuinely empathic and loving, you will not allow yourself to be walked over. As you two grow closer, the 9th doctor will greatly appreciate your quips and sarcasm as it mirrors his own. You wont always be lost and confused like most of his companions end up being. Instead, you manage to keep pace with him. It's refreshing for him, honestly. And he will enjoy the playful banter exchanged between the two of you.

Also your dreams to travel align perfectly with the Doctor's noncommittal wanderlust shared by every single one of his incarnates. Your appreciation for other cultures and ways of life is something he can deeply relate to and will have a blast showing you more subtle cultures that may have otherwise bored his previous traveling companions.

~

Actually, as you two travel the universe together, you slowly grow closer and closer. The doctor begins to develop a kind of dependency on you. Because he only ever feels worthy of this love when he is around you.

Isolation really messes with his psyche. He can't handle being alone with his own thoughts. They constantly remind him of the pain he had caused, jeering and taunting him. They tell him that he will just run away from you. Like he always does.

He probably will try.

Don't think he will get far.

As he opens up to you, he finally tells you about Rose. Who she was. What she meant to him (I'm making this an AU where Rose died somewhere along the way).

And the realization is painful.

You dont just REMIND him of Rose. He is PRETENDING that you are Rose. Because for him that is much easier than coming to terms with her death.

I mean. Can you blame him? You look so much like her. Even down to your height.

All of those height jokes were made because of the way he used to tease Rose.

Your hair, your eyes, even your personality is a painful reminder of her. Which is why is tried to abandon you the first time. It is also why he showed up at your house when he got hurt.

He was running on empty and just instinctually went to the place he knew he would be the safest. At your house. With the person he sees as Rose Tyler.

Honestly it's not psychologically healthy.

So now you have a choice.

Do you want to remain with the guy who is clearly still hung up over his ex? Going so far as to convince himself that you ARE Rose? Or do you think you can work with him. Help him. Heal him and allow him to reconcile with not only her death, but the deaths of his own kind.

I guess that decision is up to you...

Aaand, I am done! Whew. Sorry that one ended on such a downer. Haha. But most of the Doctors are psychologically traumatized and their coping mechanisms are super unhealthy. I would feel like I am betraying his character if I did not find some way to portray that. Anyways. I hope you enjoyed 😁. I had fun writing it.

#match up #ships #ship #shipping #doctor who #bbc doctor who #9th doctor #rose tyler #reader x doctor #reader x doctor who #reader x 9th doctor #matchup #matchups #ship request #doctor who match up #doctor who ships

[silversundown2]

You're breaking my heart in a good way with your story, the same way lilabut used to do. Thank you so much for continuing to write. I just wish I could find the inspiration to continue my own stories. They're nowhere near as good or loved as yours, but I don't want to give up on them. I love writing them when the show itself isn't doing its level best to break my Caryl-loving heart. And I hate being a quitter. So there's that at least. It may take me 84 years though, lol. So much love.

Oh man, I love lilabut’s work so much so this is a huge compliment. I know exactly what you mean about her stories breaking your heart, but in a good way. I often felt the same while reading them and thinking about it now just reminds me that I miss her writing a whole bunch. I’m still sad that she stopped writing caryl even if I totally understand why. 

I’m really happy you’re enjoying Married at First Sight, and that you’re getting some good feels from it. It’s been so much fun to write and a good distraction from the show for me.

I hope your muse finds you again. Even if it takes 84 years, or 84 minutes. I enjoy your stories and I know others do as well. Hang in there and don’t give up! The show is a downer right now and that can zap motivation, so I’ll just be over here crossing my fingers and toes that you find some soon.

We don’t need the show to appreciate caryl. We already know who they are to each other and we already have so many beautiful moments to provide a hundred years worth of inspiration. The show? Pffft, what do they know? Not a damn thing anymore. I’ll take fic instead any day of the week.

#caryl #caryl fanfiction

[youspoketome]

My Favorite Albums of 2018

I tried something new this year. All year long, every time I bought a new album I added it to a note on my phone as a list so that I could adjust the order as needed. Some things settled into their order quickly, but a couple spots went down to the wire. Embarrassingly, I was just looking at my 2015 list and six albums on that list were the previous albums by six of the bands on this list, and one was a solo album by the singer of a seventh band listed here. I'm not quite sure what that means in the grand scheme of things. And that seems like a long enough introduction, so here we go!

Murder By Death - THE OTHER SHORE

Honestly, I thought Murder By Death was finished having albums on top of my best of lists. I had been so disappointed in GOOD MORNING, MAGPIE. That album had like two good songs, but the rest was at best forgettable filler and at worst sounded like a parody of themselves. The two albums since then had definitely been better, but still not at the levels of their earlier albums. Enter THE OTHER SHORE: an incredible return to the long form concept album following a story of love and dying planets in a western in space. It's full of catchy hooks without ever being clichè, small character moments and big, world-ending finishes. Best of all, it's got ripping 2-minute long cello solos. This is peak Murder By Death right here.

mewithoutYou - [UNTITLED]

mewithoutYou is another band I've loved for years, but thought was coming off of a weaker album. I enjoyed PALE HORSES (it made my top ten list the year it came out), but it didn't have anything that really grabbed me and made it a necessary part of the mwY canon. [UNTITLED] immediately feels important. It's not the most easily accessable album, but when have mewithoutYou ever been accessable? This is an album that has layers that you can appreciate as you dig down to them on further listens. Over the years mwY's sound has evolved from the heavier hollerin' of [A->B] LIFE and CATCH FOR US THE FOXES to the completely clean and folky IT'S ALL CRAZY... and back again. [UNTITLED] really blends things together by taking the heaviness from early albums and adding them in for flavor rather than building the songs around them, giving the songs depth and intensity. For my money, it's their best album since BROTHER, SISTER. Still waiting on that album/EP collector's edition to ship though, so no pictures.

Gregory Alan Isakov - EVENING MACHINES

I've enjoyed Gregory Alan Isakov's previous albums of folky songs fit for sitting on the front porch at your farm while reading an old book, but whenever I'd see him live my favorite song was always the non-album track "Liars" and I'd always wish he'd record it. That song seemed darker than anything else he'd written and had this slow build to an epic climax that almost gave you chills. He finally did record it on his studio album with the Colorado Symphony in 2016 and then he followed that up with his most eclectic album yet. From the soft and haunting opener "Berth," all the way to the end, EVENING MACHINES expands on what Isakov is willing to do, keeping that same welcoming, mellow feel, but getting there in new ways and with new instruments. "Caves" captures that darkness "Liars" had in a way that is wholly satisfying to me. It feels like he wrote the album I didn't even realize I had been wanting him to write all along.

Emery - EVE

I've always enjoyed Emery, but it wasn't until their last album YOU WERE NEVER ALONE when they broke the album down song by song on a behind the scenes podcast that I fully appreciated them as musicians. Unlike a lot of bands that came out at the same time in the same genre, Emery is a band with multiple members who have actually studied how music works and can point out and name every single time signature and key change in every song. Now with EVE, I've been able to listen to the little details, noticing and appreciating the attention they give to every little part of each song. The way they don't add the screamed vocal at this part of the song because that seems to obvious, so they save it for when it'll be more striking. How they add the harmonies and layer the vocals. Some bands with that kind of background forget how to write a catchy song or what makes a song enjoyable to listen to, but Emery has this ability to perfectly blend this crazy musicianship with honest, straight from the gut songwriting. The end result is an album full of fantastic songs with awesome little parts and details that make it special and stand out.

Thrice - PALMS

For me (and a lot of people, I think) Thrice and Thursday have always been kind of linked. I discovered them at the same time, both on their second albums. They were post-hardcore bands, similar enough sounding to compare to each other and they both started experimenting with their sound on their fourth albums. Then they both announced they were breaking up within a day of each other. The weird thing is when I first discovered them, I preferred Thursday hands down. Then they both released their third albums and cemented my opinions of them, so much so that I decided not to buy Thrice's fourth album when it came out. Man, that was a huge mistake. That fourth album, VHEISSU was the album when Thrice hit their stride, expanding and exploring their sound with each release since then. Each of their post-reunion albums have continued this trend and PALMS might be their best full album yet.

Frank Turner - BE MORE KIND

To be honest, I'm surprised this album is this far down. If you had me rank my expected best albums of the year list at the beginning of the year, Frank Turner with have been number one with a bullet. But BE MORE KIND was not the album I was expecting, and I was a little let down by it. That I'm saying that my number 6 album of the year was a bit of a let down should tell you how highly I think of Frank Turner. It starts off strong with the mellow opener of "Don't Worry" followed by a full on banger in "1933." But the third track "Little Changes" just didn't hit for me. It seemed like Frank Turner dumbed down for the masses. And it's not that it's too poppy; I enjoy myself a good pop song. It's just that the songwriting seems so simple. There are a number of really good songs throughout the rest of the album (like "Blackout"), but the overarching feel for me is that it's too simplistic, there's no depth to any of the songwriting. All that said, it's hard to rag too much on it because how can you bash an album that's sole message is to be kind and positive and to treat other people decently? Maybe it's that message that made him lose his teeth. In summation, I like Frank Turner a lot, even when he's disappointing me.

Smoking Popes - INTO THE AGONY

INTO THE AGONY is the Smoking Popes first album in seven years. They were putting out albums more frequently than that while they were broken up! After being broken up from 1999-2005, the Popes returned with STAY DOWN, which was not the strongest album to come back on. It was mostly a downer and ended up being completely forgettable for me. This time, upon returning from a seven year album cycle with new album they've knocked it out of the park. It's upbeat and catchy, it's slow and meaningful, it features Josh Caterer's soaring vocals, and it's another fantastic entry into the catalog.

Death Cab For Cutie - THANK YOU FOR TODAY

I think Death Cab's existence as a band is better broken up into stages. You've got the pre-TRANSATLANTICISM era, the TRANS/PLANS era, NARROW/CODES, and now KINTSUGI/THANK YOU. TRANS/PLANS is my favorite era. It's where I discovered Death Cab, it's where I spend the most time with them, it's just the best. But after a bit of a dip there for a couple albums (not saying they were bad, it was just a dip), I felt like KINTSUGI was a step back up, and now THANK YOU FOR TODAY continues in the same vein. It's a more electronic/synthy sound than previous eras, which sets it apart from their highest peaks, so you're not just constantly comparing it to something they'll probably never reattain. I really enjoy where this era is taking them.

Alkaline Trio - IS THIS THING CURSED?

This past summer I decided to give Alkaline Trio's AGONY & IRONY a listen for the first time in I don't know how long. Everyone agrees Alkaline Trio used to be good and then got less good, and I agree, but that specific album was for me the low point, mostly because of "Love Love Kiss Kiss." But then this weird thing happened: I really enjoyed it. Even that song, which is still doofy, wasn't as bad as I remembered. I was so bummed out about it at the time, but that album has some really good songs on it. Even at their lowest point, I still really like Alkaline Trio. IS THIS THING CURSED? is a new Alkaline Trio album. It's got Matt songs, it's got Dan songs, it's got one Dan song that kind of too doofy (Little Help?), it strangely has multiple song titles that end in question marks, and it has an acoustic closer featuring Matt's scratchy-voiced wailing. This is another solid Alkaline Trio album.

The Decemberists - I'LL BE YOUR GIRL

Every year at the same time, all of the baseball websites post their top prospects lists, where they rank the upcoming minor league players in all of baseball or on each team individually, so people can get excited about the next wave of baseball All-Stars. In almost all of these lists you've got your top five or six guys who are clearly the best players in that team's minor league system in that order, but then at about number seven they kind of become interchangeable for a while. You could switch prospect #8 with #12 and no one would cause too much of a ruckus because they're all pretty similar at that point. We've reached that point in my best albums list (really, we reached that point with Alkaline Trio). These final couple spots could have also gone to 6666 by Four Fists, 9 by Saves The Day, KIDS SEE GHOSTS, or if I was in the right mood, even the new MXPX or the Matthew Thiessen solo album. What pushed I'LL BE YOUR GIRL across the line was (a) my wife's incredulousness at my mentioning it might not make the cut and (b) the fact that "Once In My Life" and "Everything Is Awful" have full-on been our anthem songs this past month. This is the Decemberists doing what they do. Folky songs about sea monsters, horse gallop rhythms, and cowboy sing-alongs. Throw in some synth lines to keep things fresh and baby, you've got a stew going.

[aetherscribe-blog]

i love when people rewrite classics or famous works as fanfictions, and i really want to write one, but i don't like writing fan fiction. maybe because the fandoms I'm in are really small or idk I just don't like writing about already existent people or characters. But like, wouldn't it be awkward to write "re-makes" with OCs? Plus no one would read them. I mean people read that cause they like to see characters they love in famous characters' shoes?

   I know what you mean, sometimes we look at other people’s works, whether they are fanfictions, re-written classics or anything else like and we get pulled into the idea of “Ooh… I so wanna try that.”. I, for one, am terrible for this and it can be quite debilitating when you can’t quite decide what you want to write because other people’s works unwittingly effect any form of decision making.

   Something that I learned a shockingly short time ago, just about the time before I formed this blog (roughly one and a half months ago), helped me get over this scramble of indecision. It helped me focus in on the stories that mattered to me and the projects I wanted to do. This something was this.

   Somebody out there is going to dislike your story. 

   Now upon hearing this at first, this might get you on somewhat of a downer but faster than you might expect, it turns into acceptance. You will never get 100% of the world to look at your story and see it as a masterpiece. Even if you only think that 10% of the world will like the story, don’t try to find ways to increase that number as you cannot do this without changing your story’s original vision. Instead, concentrate on making that story the best thing that 10% has ever seen!

   During his time, the artist Vincent Van Gogh was heavily unappreciated by almost everybody. People called his art too dark and not bright enough like other artists of the time. Van Gogh could have listened to this and changed his work so that people would appreciate his art better but he never did. Instead, he just carried on doing his art. Now he’s an artistic legend and it’s because he never conformed to what other people thought about his work - he did what he wanted to do.

   The world of art or writing or film-making or just about any other creative medium cannot move forward if people do not take bold steps and go against the grain. Van Gogh dragged the world of art a step forward by stubbornly refusing to let people’s opinions change his view and ideals. The world cannot change if the people within it demand the same things.

   Now I know that this answer was quite honestly a lot more grand than you expected but there is no other way to put it. The moment you choose not to write what you expect people to enjoy, and instead write what you want to write is the moment that you become like Van Gogh and just about every other creative individual who moved art forward in history. Don’t give the audience what they want all the time, show them something new and make them want more of it!

   Whether you want to re-write a classic tale or write a fanfiction, if you want to recreate the classics with your own original characters that breathe new life into the dusty tale, then do that! Hell, I’d read it - it sounds fun! At some point, the whole world would have thought that taking the plunge into an ocean of uncertainty was a bad move until some crazy pioneer comes and does it in front of them, showing them how fun it is to try new things!

   All you have to do is take the plunge and soon, you’ll find other people will follow you. Then others will see those people, and decide to follow them as well. It will take time but with patience,you will find that no amount of hate can stand up against a pure idea! As the surrealistic artist, Salvador Dali, once said:

   “Have no fear of perfection - you will never reach it.”

   Okay, that was a seriously long and crazy answer - sorry about that! Just remember to stay true to your vision, no matter what it is. If you need more details or have more questions to ask, feel free to do so and don’t hesitate! Find the story you want to see out there and write it, no matter who yells at you to do otherwise! Happy writing!

- CR

#writing advice #writing help #writing tips #ask me #ask aether #writing blog #book blog #fiction #literature #write what you want to write #perfection #vincent van gogh #salvador dali