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inkskinned · 10 months

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you were raised in comparison.

it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.

you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.

you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.

what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.

it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.

you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.

you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?

a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.

you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.

it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.

something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.

#writeblr #warm up #my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky #i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles #yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help #for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT #and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen #than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say #''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help #i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't #actually offer fair support to everyone #we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help #bc i DID have it better than other people #and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn #instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself

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chiricat · 1 year

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honky star rail stuff 🍡

#i hope dango trio sticks. i saw someone use the dango emoji for them and they are so RIGHT #honkai star rail #hsr #honkai star rail fanart #cat’s art #dan heng #stelle #march 7th #trailblazer #i tried posting this 4 times. bro #anyways. huge dan heng fan. massive dan heng fan even #i have many thoughts about this game but nowhere to put them! all this energy and excitemeny #i don't want 2 bother my friends more than i already do tbh. i feel like i share too much hsr stuff that i find #anyways x2. I THINK ABOUT THEM SOOOO MUCH OKAY GOODBYE FOR NOW #dango trio #🍡

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turtleblogatlast · 4 months

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[ cw: risk taking behavior / circumstantial self harm kinda / ignoring of injuries / self-depreciation / slight ooc-ness but for a reason! / ]

Post invasion, Leo is fine.

More than fine! He’s better than before, even. That is, if you don’t count the slightly cracked shell and still healing bones, but those are only a problem when the weather wants them to be!

Leo really is better in the ways that matter.

He’s not as cocky, not as self-centered, and overall just more heroic in general if he does say so himself.

Raph even said he was proud of Leo!

So obviously things are going well.

But.

It’s not enough.

Leo’s better, sure, but he’s still got work to do.

So - and here’s something that will probably make his brothers faint on the spot - he needs to train.

_____

His brothers do not faint, but it’s a near thing for Raph. Mikey has to fan the snapper’s face and Donnie almost brings out the smelling salts before Raph shoots back to his feet with an excited grin.

Leo’s big brother gets teary eyed soon after and envelops him in a bear hug, saying once again how proud he is that Leo is growing up.

Leo lets himself be hugged, even hugs back as fiercely as he can, because unbeknownst to Raph, this marks the end of Leo’s childhood.

He lets himself be hugged like a kid one last time, looking through the hole in Raph’s shell all the while.

_____

Leo only trains the regular way with his brothers and occasionally April and the Caseys, but most especially Raph.

But of course that’s not enough, it was never going to be.

So he goes through the motions of the stretches, the spars, the meditation, and then he leaves.

He makes sure to have his excuses ready, usually defaulting to Hueso as his go to since his brothers are easily bought off with the promise of pizza. Leo hasn’t yet found the tracker Donnie installed in him, but when he does that’ll be dealt with too! But for now, this should be good.

See, the invasion made him realize something.

It’s not about him, but it was his shortcomings that led to everything going to hell.

So he just…needs to get rid of those shortcomings.

He’s working on it, gaining fighting skill in training, but there’s more he needs to do, more skills he needs to train.

Leo watches intently as Repo Mantis swindles someone, he memorizes the sleight of hand that Hypno performs, he sneaks back into the Mystic Library and is so quiet the hush bats forget he’s there, he talks Big Mama into honing his manipulation, and he even sneaks into human hospitals and reptile veterinary clinics to get a clue on more serious injuries.

And after any of these, he heads to Run of the Mill to compete in the Maze of Death.

_____

This is his twelfth time going through the (newly remodeled and even more deadly) Maze of Death, and would be his fifth time winning. The first three times had him waking up in Hueso’s office, and each time he wakes his old persona shines through.

He always waves off Hueso’s annoyance and questions and insists on trying again next time before he steals some pizza and bails.

The skeleton actively tries to stop him from entering the Maze after the first time, but hey- mystics are allowed before you enter.

It’s easy enough to teleport on by.

Harder to meet Hueso’s - and later his brothers’ - eyes when he fails again.

When he first actually won, Hueso congratulates him in that typical deadpan tone of his.

“Ah, felicidades, Pepino. Now you can move on, sí?”

“Hm? Nah, boneman! That run was sloppy!”

And then Leo runs off before Hueso can stop him.

He doesn’t even look at his picture on the champion wall when he next comes around. It’s not much to look at anyway.

_____

His second win is much like the first, and only his third win is actually acceptable.

But he knows the field too much now. He needs a challenge.

When he attempts to go through it blindfolded, he’s quickly shown how much he doesn’t know the Maze. So, obviously, he loses again.

He got a bit more banged up that time around.

“Pepino, basta ya, you’ve already won. Where are your brothers?”

“I can’t stop yet, señor! This is for my brothers - no les digas, please.”

Even if Hueso wanted to tell Leo’s brothers, they haven’t been in enough for him to get to, and it’s not like Hueso has their number since Leo’s the one Hueso usually contacts. For now, Leo’s safe to continue as is.

Though his injuries are getting harder to hide, and there’s only so much his shell in particular can take.

So to speed things up, he incorporates the blindfold into his regular training.

His brothers question it, of course, but hey, he initially got the idea from seeing Lou Jitsu do it in the third best Lou Jitsu movie, so it comes as a great excuse now.

He’s only a little put off by how fast Mikey adapts to it when the others try.

“I dunno-“ Mikey shrugs when asked, “You guys shine so brightly anyway, a mask doesn’t do much.”

Seeing their mystic energies is pretty cool, Leo can admit.

He just wishes he could grasp that himself - and that it was useful for a death maze.

_____

Leo’s training pulls off eventually, and soon, after a few more losses, he wins a forth time. But it’s a near loss, and a near loss is the difference between someone living and dying.

He’s gotta go again.

Hueso’s more insistent than ever, though.

“You must stop, Pepino.”

“But I can do better-“

“You don’t have to! Your shell is bleeding - ¡por tu propio bien, poner fin a esto!”

“I told you, this is for their own good! For everyone’s own good!”

He forgets the pizzas when he leaves. He claims sickness when he hides under his covers.

He ignores how childish the act makes him feel.

_____

Leo’s getting better, and his reflexes and tact in training shows this. His other training of his subterfuge and medical skills also prove to be useful.

He’s pretty good at hiding injuries, now! Though not so good at hiding a pained shell. Even Donnie looks at him with blatant concern (and understanding) when Leo can’t help but take a sharp breath whenever he lands on his back.

It’s hard not to go right back into waving everything off with jokes like he used to. Deflections are easier when they’re annoying!

But- this is just another reason that he needs to get better, right? So his brothers won’t worry. He doesn’t need the spotlight anymore - he’s over that, thanks.

He squashes down the part of him that perks up when Splinter says he’s growing up. He actively kills the part of himself that cries at the same phrase.

_____

So. Yeah. This’ll be his twelfth time running the Maze. And, hopefully, his fifth win. Maybe he really will move on after this.

The Hidden City is pretty big! There’s probably a bigger challenge somewhere.

Maybe Big Mama has a more secret Nexus hidden away, out of the public eye.

Well, whatever. That’s a future problem for him to figure out, yeah? For now, he carries on like usual, teleporting to the entrance of the Maze and diving right in.

Even blindfolded, he works his way through, dodging and weaving and feeling as he goes. He even tries to evoke his inner Mikey and calls on his mystic energy. Not enough to cheat, but enough to feel.

Usually, when Leo teleports, he swears he feels every part of himself disperse into particles. Now, with energy thrumming under his scales, he can feel particles everywhere.

It’s not refined enough to tell him everything, and he gets a fun new burn and a nice whack to the back by getting distracted. Still, it gives him more than he had before. It makes him more aware of everything, like he licked a finger and held it in the air to feel the direction of wind, but every direction blew wind, all in different ways.

He makes it to the end with minimal injuries after that, and sure, his shell is screaming at him now, but he thinks he did a shell of a good job.

…Ah, he needs to cut that out, huh? Man. Maybe Donnie’s collar idea was a good call after all.

Leo needs to be a hero. Not a face man. Not a failure.

Not a kid.

_____

Leo doesn’t smile when the Minotaur takes his picture again for the champion wall, and he doesn’t listen when she tells him to “go home and never come back.”

He doesn’t plan to, anyway, yeesh.

He’s tired as he trudges out of the exit, and Hueso catches him when he stumbles.

Hueso doesn’t say anything. Leo doesn’t either.

Or, he doesn’t, until he feels a familiar large hand helping him up as well.

Leo’s face whips up as he flinches back, eyes wide as they meet with a worried (so, so worried) Raph’s.

“You told them?” Leo asks Hueso in betrayal, heart thudding wildly in his chest.

“Pepino…”

“Told us what?” Mikey pipes up from behind Raph, coming closer to get a better look at Leo, “Leo, what’s going on?”

“Your shell has been having pretty big setbacks on its healing, is this why?” Donnie demands, glaring fiercely as he motions toward the Maze.

Leo feels unmoored. “I-“

“Leo.” Raph interrupts, and no Leo doesn’t want to hear it- “Are you okay?”

And Leo wants to say “it’s not about me”. He wants to say anything that proved he learned his lesson, that he’s not a liability or worse, an active danger to his own family.

He wants Raph to continue being proud of him. He wants his brothers to trust him.

Instead, he passes out.

_____

The next time his eyes open, Leo’s on his side, staring at his blue lava lamp.

He knows without looking that his shell is re-bandaged. He knows his other injuries have been dealt with too.

And unless Leo learned how to do some pretty impressive medical sleepwalking, he knows he’s not getting away this time.

All three of his brothers being in his room prove that.

“What’s been going on, Leo?” Mikey asks, and his voice cracks partway through.

He’s looking at Leo like he’s searching for something, but Leo doesn’t have anything to show. Nothing’s hidden, he just did some light spring cleaning is all, throwing out all the parts he didn’t need.

All the parts they didn’t need.

And yet despite everything, he can feel himself falling back into old ways, a grin tugging at his beak and lackadaisical deflection on the tip of his tongue.

Maybe he should let that part of him show, just for once. It wouldn’t seem like too much of a setback would it? And he could really use a fun pun right about now-

No.

No it’s not about him. He needs to remember why he did all this in the first place.

“Okay- sorry, guys.” He smiles, softly, quietly, “I guess I got too caught up in training. I’ll work at it some more, don’t worry.”

“Oh, I see. Training. That’s all it was, huh? Training.” Donnie hisses more than says, nearly vibrating in anger.

“…yeah?” Leo nods slowly, because, uh, that’s literally the most honest thing he said. It was training.

“If it’s just “training” then why the secrecy, hm? Why in Curie’s good name did you prefer to sneak around rather than, oh, I don’t know, tell your family?”

Leo feels his shoulders rise at Donnie’s aggression, defensiveness welling up in him, “It was my training! Nothing went wrong, I’m getting better!”

“Better?” Raph asks incredulously, “Leo, you’re wasting away. A tap to the shell stuns you for minutes, you lost weight, and your dark circles are worse than Raph’s ever seen them! You aren’t getting better-!”

“YES I AM!”

The words rip out of Leo before he can stop them.

The room is silent as his brother look at him, all wearing expressions of hurt that Leo put there again.

“Yes I am.” Leo reiterates, shaking, “Because- if I’m not-“ He squeezes his eyes shut. “If I’m not-“

Then what was all this for?

Arms slowly wrap around him, and he knows now from the feel of the mystic that it’s Mikey.

“You’ve gotten faster, and sneakier.” Mikey says quietly. “When I accidentally cut my hand, you knew exactly how to take care of it.” His voice grows firm, and he backs out of the hug, “But those are your skills. You, though, you’ve been…you’ve been…”

“You’ve been dilapidating before our very eyes, and trying to hide it.” Donnie finishes, jaw tight. “You think we wouldn’t notice? After everything?” To Leo’s horror, Donnie’s voice is hoarse with tears, “You absolute dumb dumb.”

“I- but I need to train. The Maze is-“

“Leo, we don’t care that you ran through the Maze. We care you did it alone.” Raph says quietly. “We could have joined you, any time.”

“But- but I’m doing this for you-“

“Listen to your brothers, Blue.” They jump as a new voice joins the fray, heads turning to see Splinter make his way into the - frankly crowded - room.

“Dad, I-“ Leo begins, but trails off, suddenly more unsure than ever in the face of his father.

“It’s good you’re finally picking up training! Especially for your brothers’ sakes! But there’s such a thing as going overboard, you know.” Splinter pokes a sharp claw into Leo’s plastron, “Just because you’re dragging it out this time, doesn’t make this any less of a sacrifice. My son, you’ve taken after Karai an awful lot, haven’t you?”

Leo just looks at his father. At his brothers. Then, he looks down at his calloused hands, bandaged and scarred from overuse.

He swallows dryly. “Is that a bad thing?”

He feels his family crowd in around him, feels his father’s hand on his shoulder.

“It’s not wrong to want to be better, Leonardo.” Splinter says, softly and with so much grief and guilt that Leo can never begin to understand, “But you were never bad to begin with.”

Leo’s breath hitches.

“And-” Splinter’s hands rise up to frame Leo’s face. “You are much too young to ever consider sacrifice the best answer.”

“You got me to relax, Leo. So I’ll do the same for you.” Raph grins, eyes wet, “We’re still kids, right?”

And-

Leo smiles, watery but genuine. “Yeah, Raph. We are.”

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #rise fanfic #WHOOPS #did not mean to write all this #my only regret is not including April #anyway I was like wow Leo sure is acting different at the end of the movie huh #then I thought hey he’s actually acting a lot like previous iterations of Leo rn #then I ran with it and tripped down the stairs in the process #thus this was born!#I am tired so more tags later #but dang oops a bit too angsty gotta do smth lighthearted soon huh #also yes he DOES go back and apologize for putting Hueso through so much #he gets a smack on the head and a head pat immediately after #‘don’t do it again Pepino - not until I finally get the Maze shut down’ ‘okay wait what-‘

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crybaby-bkg · 10 months

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Bakugou has always taken care of you, even before you started dating him. when you were mere friends and still learning each other, he remembered all the small things about you. he always seemed to pack the medicine you preferred when you weren’t feeling good. always had a plethora of your fav snacks on his person somehow, like he was just waiting for you to mention wanting it.

he acts put off by it every time, with his scoffing and eye rolling and huffing. but you see the way his eyes narrow when someone beats him to the punch, when you reject his offer of medicine or food. early on you notice, that he just likes to care for you, look after you, be there when you don’t even realize you need someone.

he’s there when you get high for the first time—all worrywart and frustrated sighs when you keep slurring after an hour. he’s there for you, to help lay you down somewhere safe and ward off those with bad intentions. he’s there when you get broken up with—ready to email that fuckers job and let them know how they fucked you over. but he still holds you tenderly with every sob your shaking body heaves. he’s there when you get drunk—handing you waters and letting you pull him in to dance and sing off key.

and when you finally get together, it’s like you don’t even have to learn anything about the other. its likes you’ve been together for a hundred lifetimes, like your quirks have been ingrained into his everyday routine, like you’re the freckle on the lower left corner of his right hand. he falls into you, and you into him, easier than breathing. he just has a knack for caring—and learning and loving—about those he loves.

#sweet thing that I thought about before laying down #I popped up like a vamp to write it bc I know I’ll forget in the morning #but I’ve written something like this a couple times before #but I really needed to write it again today :(#I just wanna be cared for and looked after and shown that my presence means so much to someone #that they take notes of who I am and actually care about learning me #NOT IN A SAD WAY !!!! more in a longing way bc I know he would care so much #he puts his all into everything and I know he’d be the same when it comes to loving someone #okay I’m rambling sorry #gn I have to be up in a few hours!!!#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

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messiahzzz · 2 months

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while it’s perfectly fine to have your own headcanons that are non-canon compliant — by all means, go wild. recognizing pieces of yourselves in fictional characters can be a very healing and validating experience. this is nonetheless a casual, well-intentioned reminder that gale, in fact, does not have bpd.

bpd is a pervasive pattern of instability affecting interpersonal relationships, self-image, and mood. the disorder is marked by impulsivity beginning in early adulthood and is present in a variety of contexts. a diagnosis requires at least 5 of the following 9 criteria to be met:

Fear of abandonment

Unstable or changing relationships

Unstable self-image; struggles with identity or sense of self

Impulsive or self-damaging behaviors (e.g., excessive spending, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating).

Suicidal behavior or self-injury

Varied or random mood swings

Constant feelings of worthlessness or sadness

Problems with anger, including frequent loss of temper or physical fights

Stress-related paranoia or loss of contact with reality

source: [x]

i highlighted the criteria that do apply to gale in one way or another in a pretty purple.

i personally believe that it’s rather harmful to equate his relationship with mystra with her being “his fp”. she is a deity, his goddess, and the source of his powers, who is in in full control of the magic he wields.

gale: mystra commands all magic. salvation, if such a thing exists, is hers to bestow or withhold.

gale has been effectively groomed and conditioned to serve and revere her at every turn since early childhood. imo this comparison really undermines a lot of crucial points in gale’s story that deal with his overall trauma and abuse. after all, you wouldn’t call shar sh*dowhe*rt’s fp either.

gale doesn’t revile mystra, nor does he commit benevolent deeds solely motivated by the secret hope that she will somehow notice and take him back. when you meet gale in the game he has already fully come to terms with the fact that he has been abandoned by mystra with no hope of reconciliation whatsoever. he also had some very fitting lines in ea regarding this topic that i'm sad haven't been repurposed in the full release in some way.

gale: [the tadpoles] don't know that some things are impossible. they don't know that... they don't know. player: what is impossible about what you're being shown? gale: forgiveness. gale: it is mystra i see. and yet it cannot be her. there was a time when i would have believed - but no longer. gale: suffice it to say she would not bestow upon me the favors promised in these dreams. that is how i know they are delusions.

he has already reached the stage of acceptance. moreover, gale only starts to realize that mystra might have been in the wrong for requesting his death once the tadpole squad & tav speak some sense into him. and even then he doesn’t ever show that his emotions regarding mystra are anywhere along those lines. he is instead rightfully angered that she only saw value in his death, after he had been worshipping her loyally for years.

gale: i worshipped mystra loyally for years, and in that time she granted me the barest sliver of the power i was ready to wield. gale: even with the fate of the world at stake, she had little more to offer me than the means of blowing myself up at a more convenient time. she's done nothing to help us.

gale: you abandoned me in my hour of greatest need. i had no obligation to help you in yours. gale: because you had no right to ask that of me. you cast me out, remember?

gale doesn’t display rapid changes in mood either. he is a character who is generally very composed and has been known to remain nonchalant even in the face of utter horror. tim downie himself even commented on this once. source: [x]

the only instance i can think of is his sudden switch from resigned-to-death to utter-eye-sparkling-enthusiasm once he spots the crown of karsus. apart from crucial story reasons that i won’t touch upon in this post, i’d also like to add that it’s a rather common phenomenon for people who have just barely survived a suicide attempt to suddenly be filled with zeal and unbridled energy. he doesn't display impulsivity without thorough consideration when it comes to its acquisition either. he considers this a golden opportunity and is positively enthusiastic and elated that this might prove an alternative to him ending up in a cloud of netherese smoke. nonetheless, he knows what he is doing. evident in him actually succeeding in ascending in one of his endings.

gale: this is no passing whim, trust me. if i can obtain that crown, it will affect us all. it is not a decision i'll take lightly. gale: it's our future that i'm thinking of - we can't rely on anyone else to do it for us. gale: for now - we've learned all we can.

neither are his relationships that we do know of (namely elminster, tara, and morena) frequently changing. they are marked by years of mutual respect, care, and consistency. there is nothing unstable about them. while it's important to note that his relationship with tav is still in its honeymoon stages during the main game, there is no inclination of any push-and-pull dynamic between them whatsoever.

gale isn’t preoccupied with keeping up some sort of benevolent act in order to win (back) affection — he genuinely IS a good person and he proves this at every turn. moreover, to have a tressym become your familiar you must be of Good alignment.

(taken from tumblr user galedekarios's post.)

there is never a moment where his ideals or alignment suddenly change. in fact, i’d argue that he and wyll are most consistent in this regard when compared to the rest of the companions. gale makes his moral standpoint very clear from the beginning on and also explicitly states that he believes that in order to survive this entire ordeal it would be selfish of him if he wouldn’t be willing to compromise on his morals. this isn’t a sudden bout of ✨muahahaha wizard hubris✨ that he barely contained to hold in before, this is yet another act of selflessness — it is what he’s willing to do for the group and subsequently, the welfare of faerun.

player: i love unsavoury things. don't feel guilty on my account. gale: that's good to know. although i should say i do what i do out of a sense of utility and pragmatism, not a love of the unsavoury. gale: we're up against the greatest threat faerun has ever faced. i don't mind getting my hands dirty if it gives us a better chance of surviving. gale: whatever advantage i can gain for us. i will. and i refuse to feel guilty for it, no matter how much mystra's chidings might echo in my skull.

this is him, once again trying to be useful in whatever way he can. to give them an advantage, a slither of hope against seemingly impossible odds, so they might make it out of this in one piece. gale wouldn’t approve of those actions under normal circumstances, but their predicament is as far from any definition of “normal” as it can get.

gale is no fool, he realizes this is essentially about survival. he knows that he has no option left other than to tolerate, which is why he can be convinced to not immediately depart tav’s company even if they choose to commit atrocities. this is no character flaw of his or him displaying a previously dormant openness for cruelty, this is about recognizing the necessity.

player: you don't stand a chance alone. you're free to go. i dare you. gale: gods damn you - you're right. few things are more powerful than the will to live.

gale: i thought the orb to be the greatest of my sins, but i see now that there are darker depths to which i might yet sink. you may be content to sink into that abyss, but i assure you - i am not.

gale doesn’t lead a split existence. he has a very strong sense of identity. he knows what he wants, what he doesn’t want and he isn’t shy in expressing his boundaries either. which he has especially shown when it comes to his relationship with tav. i originally had intended to touch upon this in another post entirely but: i firmly believe his entire Gale of Waterdeep™ persona is more of a performance than him struggling to find a sense of identity and trying them on for size. it is an intentional decision to separate gale dekarios from the great wizard of waterdeep, to create distance and make sure his family name remains untarnished in case things should ever go sideways.

gale: i agree. and on the plus side, if i get myself into any truly cataclysmic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

there is also a deep-rooted feeling of unworthiness and his firm belief that love and praise are conditional resources that he will only be granted through his talents alone, naturally. presenting himself as gale dekarios, the man, would mean highlighting his shortcomings and very human flaws, while distracting from the aspects of himself that are deemed praiseworthy, the ones that actually matter: his magical prowess.

i personally believe that part of the beauty of gale’s story is him realizing just how “little” it takes for him to be truly content. he gets his happy ending, with someone at his side who truly sees him, understands him and unabashedly commits to him. they worship and adore him in return — and it is well deserved. he isn’t reduced to be constantly and restlessly searching for some unattainable ideal to fill the gaping void within himself. he doesn’t secretly thirst for more power still or believes that in being with tav he is settling for something. instead, he is finally happy to just be. be and be accepted. teaching a class of unruly wizards and coming home to his spouse each day already fulfills him.

gale: that's how i feel with you - content. it's a rather unfamiliar feeling, i must say. not something gale of waterdeep ever craved.

even if he doesn’t pursue a romance with tav, he reaches a realization of “oh, it appears i am not irredeemably flawed and only able to reach true redemption through my own death. what i needed was actually with me all along.” throughout their journey and through his friend's support. i think that’s a very powerful and comforting message. he is very well capable of finding peace within himself.

devnotes: his default state is that he returned to waterdeep and became a professor of illusory magic at his former school, blackstaff academy. general vibe here is that this is a gale who's found peace with himself - he's a great teacher, one his students are mostly in awe of.

to repeat myself: sharing your headcanons is all in good fun, nor should you ever be discouraged from doing so. this is your personal tumblr experience, after all. but i personally think we should be mindful of unintentionally perpetuating negative stereotypes, such as narcissism being a general indicator or being deemed a classic depiction of bpd. i think we can all agree that the continuous longing for acceptance, connection, praise, and approval is something we all have in common deep down, regardless of whatever disorder we may have. [insert victoria justice meme here]

gale may be many things to many people, but he is no entitled narcissist.

#with love. a person diagnosed with bpd <3 #this turned much longer than i originally intended it to be (aka less of a reply and more of a character study)#by now you know that i am incapable of cutting myself short. i’m so sorry #i debated if i should put this in the tag at first #but i personally think that this is a very interesting discussion #also to reiterate: this is by NO MEANS a slight at the original poster #i just thought it more respectful to make my own post instead of invading theirs with my ranting #fandom is all about fun and escapism.#if you interpret characters in a certain way that i personally disagree with that is a-okay #BUT i’m also gonna have my own specific brand of fun by pointing out why you’re wrong (affectionately)#also i quickly want to add that if you're interested in a very accurate and respectful portrayal of bpd: watch crazy ex-girlfriend!!#its on netflix and genuinely such a funny and unapologetically weird show. the writers have really done their homework #bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #bg3 meta #character analysis #it speaks #long post #suicide mention

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butchsophiewalten · 2 months

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03/03/24 Twitter Space Recap (2/2)

After the other Twitter Space which I already made a recap for, Martin, Eva ("Bon" and Bon's VA), Coral (Susan's VA), and Kyle (Boozoo & Charles' VA) reconvened for another space, this time with a Q&A focus, later in the day. This one was really long, and they talked about a lot, but I've summarized it here to the best of my ability:

-Someone asks "What would Jenny major in college? Because it's implied that she's in college." Martin answers (reiterating an answer he gave in a previous Space) that she studies psychology. Coral chimes in to say that they think Jenny would understand Sophie and her trauma a lot better for it, and Martin agrees, saying "Yeah, yeah, I think Jenny has a really good understanding of how Sophie thinks because of that."

-Someone asks "Hypothetically, which Tyler, The Creator album would be Sophie's favorite?". Martin answers that he thinks it would be Flower Boy.

-"When Jack and Rosemary argue, Jack sleeps on the couch and he goes to Molly, and he goes like 'Hey, could you go pick that up for me? I don't want to enter the room,' 'cause, like, whenever Rosemary is mad she's actually really scary. So Jack just doesn't- doesn't get involved. He just sleeps on the couch."

-Eva goes, "Martin, didn't we agree before that if Sophie and Brian ever met, Sophie would just kick his ass?". Martin answers, "Yeah, Sophie would hate Brian."

-"Okay, here's a Jophie fact, Jophie wasn't even supposed to be, like, an actual relationship, at first. Originally, it was gonna be, like, they would gradually start dating as the series went on. But then, we were like, Y'know what, it's way easier if they are already a couple... Imagine if you're going through the animatronic drama, and simultaneously it's just these two girls falling in love, in the middle of all that shit."

-"Will Richie appear again?" At this point the battery in Martin's phone has died, but nobody has noticed, so Eva steps in to answer, "Martin has had plans to bring Richie back for more stuff, but he hasn't really done anything with him yet, but I dunno." Kyle says he doesn't remember who Richie is, which is really funny to me.

-Someone asks if either Sophie or Jenny would like Weezer, and Coral says they think Jenny would like them unironically, but Sophie would like something like Buddy Holly ironically. Martin answers, "Y'know, I think Sophie- I've always thought that Sophie isn't the kinda person to like- like, experimental or artistic stuff too much, because she's like a very- a person that gets confused very easily. So, she would listen to stuff like Weezer and she would think internally, like, 'what the fuck is this?', but she'd go like "Oh, this is fire, Jenny, I love- I love it."'

-Kyle says he thinks it's important for Jenny to be a bit of a loser, in an endearing way. Eva slightly disagrees, saying Jenny would probably be the cool one between them, while Sophie is an absolute loser. Martin says, "I was trying to say, before we change the subject, the way I see it is that, to me, Sophie has a lot of like, street smarts, and Jenny is more like a very dorky person that probably just, like, lived a very normal and fulfilled life, y'know? She just, like, lived in the suburbs, with supporting people in her life. I think Sophie, yeah, she's kind of loser, but I think, in a way, in my opinion I think Sophie's a little braver than Jenny is. I've always seen them like that."

-Coral says, "I feel like Sophie wouldn't really know how to emote properly." and Martin says, emphatically, that she doesn't. Coral describes a scenario where Jenny is upset or scared by something, and is crying. and how Sophie would try her best to comfort her, but would really not know what to do, and would struggle immensely in a situation like that. Martin adds an anecdote, "Yeah, no, I-I told this to Eva one time, Sophie doesn't cry. Jenny has never- has never seen Sophie cry, ever."

-Eva says, "I think, like, um- [Sophie's], like, lack of really, like, full awareness of what's going on for episode 3- like, seeming really 'dead', the whole time, is like- while it could be seen as like, bad writing, it- I think it also can be taken as a part of her character. And that's also, like, further emphasized in future episodes, and here emotions are just, like really--" and Coral interrupts, saying, "No offense to Martin, but I feel like it's a mix of both."

Martin says, ""Yeah, it's a mix of both. It- the intention of making her seem like someone who wasn't really 'in there', at the time, someone who wasn't really like, aware of what's going on, is just like, barely even phased by it, was there, but it was just mostly bad writing. The way I see it is that, back then I didn't trust the series as much as I trust it now, so I was always making sure that people would understand stuff the way that I intended it to, and that resulted in Sophie just saying everything out loud. Like, 'this is very weird!'"

-Eva talks for a bit about how she gets frustrated when Crystal, Sophie's VA, gets criticism over her performance, when the problem really laid with Martin's writing. She says that one of her favorite aspects of Crystal's performance as Sophie is that she sounds very childlike, not in the way of her actually being a child, but in seeming very much like someone who never really grew out of being a child.

On this topic, Martin says, "Or- to me, more like Sophie being someone who never grew out of being a child- is someone who was forced to grow up very quickly. So, so she doesn't know how to be- she didn't get to know how to be a child, but she didn't get to know how to be an adult, either. So she's, like, stuck and is constantly- she doesn't really know what to do most of the time, because- she doesn't really understand what she's supposed to do and how she's supposed to do things."

-Eva says, "Sophie is like, probably one of the most interesting characters in the series to me, and I can't wait for her to come back, 'cause she's so interesting." and Martin responds, "Oh, yeah! I really- because I think if she comes back, she's gonna feel so different, with like, the new style of writing, and stuff. I think, um, something I really like about Sophie is that, uh, I really like how people think of Sophie like this fucking girl- oh, I mean, back in the day, I don't know how it is now, but back in the day people would think Sophie would be like, this very soft and shy person, but, no, in a way, Sophie's a very mean person! She's like, something I always thought about when it comes to her character is that she is- she has so many weak, like, social skills, that she usually gets very defensive with anybody."

-Eva talks about how Sophie is definitely a very walled-off and antisocial person, and how she tends to push people out of her life, aside from Jenny, and Martin says, "And, like, Sophie fucking hated Jenny at the beginning. [laughing] Like, she didn't hate her, but I remember telling you specifically how they met, and it took a while- not- not a while-while, but it took some time for Sophie to get used to Jenny, and actually start developing feelings for her." Coral compares the evolution of their relationship to the process of taming a feral cat.

-Eva says, "Someone said, 'What animal would Sophie be if she was an animal,' I think she'd be a deer." Martin says, "I think she'd be a WOLF! A WEREWOLF!" Kyle says he thinks if Sophie is a deer, Jenny should be a moose.

-Martin reads a question, "'Besides painting, what other art does Rose make?' Okay, this was an idea from back when Coker was part of the team, that, we wanted to make, like, a third Showstopper album, which was going to be songs composed by Rose. So, Rose was kind of like a songwriter."

-Eva says, "Someone asked for a Richie fact, and asked if he's friends with Chris." Martin hems and haws, going "Oh, I wanna talk about it, but I don't know if I should!", but then says, "Yeah, they're friends."

Kyle says he thinks they would hold hands, "In a platonic way, because it's cold outside." Martin jokes, saying, "I think they would hold hands... in a romantic way!"

-Martin reads a question, saying he thinks Kyle would enjoy answering it, "Is Felix Kranken religious? If so, what's his religion?", and Kyle says he has an idea that Felix isn't religious and never has been, but during his lowest moments in life, he prays. "He is an incredibly superstitious person, so when the going gets really bad, all he can think to do is drop to his knees, and just home that somebody's listening."

Martin says, "The Waltens actually- I mean, Sophie, Edd, and Molly aren't, but Jack and Rosemary are Christian." Eva jokes that she thinks Edd & Molly are Satanists.

-Coral asks what everything thinks is the worst thing Edd & Molly have done, and Martin says, "From the top of my head, like something I'm just making up, I really think something they would do, is they would buy all of Jack's socks, and change them for smaller ones so they don't fit his feet. So he has to go to work with, like, really tiny socks."

-Eva reads a question, "Where's Brian Stells hiding? Like, where's his spirit hiding." Martin and Eva both say that they think his ghost lingered around for a while, but that he probably just died. Like, nothing special happened to his ghost. Eva shares an idea she has, that Bon probably realized, at some point while killing Brian, that he wasn't Sophie, but continued to mutilate him out of anger that he wasn't her.

-Martin goes, "What do you think made him realize [that Brian wasn't Sophie]? I like to think that Bon looked at him, and was like, 'wait, Sophie's not fucking blonde, is she?', and he took like three seconds to remember."

-Eva reads, "Can we get a CyberTelly fact?" and Kyle answers, "CyberTelly used to be a car salesman before he joined Bon's Burgers."

-Eva goes, "Wait, Martin, didn't we agree at one point that Bon would have a ridiculous amount of exes? He's like Ramona Flowers?" and Martin laughs and agrees emphatically. He says, "So fucking funny- Bon has a fucking ex-wife that's literally just a female version of Bon. Like, Bon with a pink bowtie."

-Eva says, "Someone just asked, 'What's Richie's last name', can we just come up with the stupidest last name for him on the spot?". They spitball a bunch of really stupid answers, and land on "Richie Ratterson".

-Martin reads a question, "'Are we going to see Showbear's replacement in 5 & 6?' Yep!"

-They start talking about how Felix has a new voice actor, but at the time of the Space, they hadn't actually told him yet, that he had been picked to be Felix's new VA. They invite him to the stream and tell him live! He's very thankful and very surprised. You can find him on Twitter Here!

-Martin posted this (and deleted it after five seconds) to celebrate Felix's new voice actor. Isn't it nice don't you guys love it

After posting this he kept going "Toxic Yaoi!" in a very sing-song way.

-Coral complains that they never got kissing art when they became a VA for The Walten Files, so Martin drew this for them, and again deleted it after a couple seconds:

-Coral talks about a while about how, just before the Space, everyone speaking in the space (minus Connor, Felix's new VA) watched the finished portions of TWF6. They gush for a bit about just how good it was, and how nice it was to see everyone's hard work come together and how glad they are that everyone seems so proud of and happy with the episode.

-Martin answers a question, "Please, Martin, can you draw Felix and "Bon", I'll take it over Jelix, please don't draw that again," with, "Don't worry, don't worry, you're going to see Felix and "Bon", eventually."

-Martin talks for a bit about how he found out PepsiCo supports Israel, and how mad he is, because in Bon's Burgers there's a Pepsi ad on the wall, and it's in virtually every scene, and can't be removed. He apologizes preemptively, saying "I created that map before being made aware of that, so I'm sorry in advance for that."

-In the last minute of the space, Martin attempts a lightning round Q&A session, answering as many questions as he can as quickly as he can. Here are those answers:

-"Would Jenny listen to Ska? Okay, sure, why not."

-"Do Derek Collins and/or Frank Davis appear in 5 or 6? Yeah, Derek appears."

-"Would Sophie be an Undertale fan? No."

-My audio blipped out this part of the recording, so I can't transcribe it, but someone asked who would win in a fight, Jack or Susan. Martin initially answered Jack, but after thinking about it for another moment, decides Susan would probably win.

-"Is Susan and cat or dog person? Probably cat."

#the walten files #okay this wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. i didnt need to put it off for this long #i mean writing this did take me like 3 hours because that's how long this recording is. but its ok #they did a lot more just chatting between themselves than like. Walten Files Facts. so not too much to write down #twitter space recap

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dramadred · 7 months

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“I see the Amyrlin Seat, and she’s wearing full regalia, and… She’s going to be your downfall” is hitting a little too much right now.

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skitskatdacat63 · 7 months

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It's just still brainrotting me so badly, LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!?!?!

#its so funny bcs i originally just looked up this parc ferme bcs the pics of them hugging #and then was hit with this #and was having a mental breakdown to c in the dms #BECAUSE SERIOUSLYYYY #ik that gif is super slowed dwon but like honestly in the full speed clip he really keeps his hands there for a while #AND ITS JUST SOOOOOOK #and the way he curls his hand back from resting on seb's lower back like ah maybe this is too much #BUT STILL KEEPS HIS HAND ON SEB'S HIP OKAY!#and like how seb is bending down further after to put his wheel away #but then it makes it so hes even closer to fernando 🫠😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫🫠🫠🫠#maybe i will draw/write car sex about this i dont know #its just so potent to me 😭😭😭#the fsct that theres no pics of this either #all the photographers are like yeah nah i cant be posting this #BUT COULD YOU IMAGINE IF THERE WERE!?#and also he kinda pats him on the hip a bit i didnt notice 😵‍💫😵‍💫#HE WANTS HIS HUGGGGGGGG OKAYYYYYYYYY #he wants to mount him- huh what who said that #anyways: so many thoughts #f1 #formula 1 #sebastian vettel #fernando alonso #vettonso #there was some other post i meant to finish tonight but didnt so this will be my pre-quali random post LOL #we do a little bit of f1

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robinfollies · 11 days

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some design comcepts for older lily + lewis!!! my latest and greatest headcanon for them is that in the future they get gems and can do magic of their own :33 i just think it’d be neat,,, something to do with their love of magic!!!! 🥺

#im normal about stdwolom. number one fan have been since i was 15 #i need them EXPLODED AND GONE THEY MEAN SO MUCH TO ME BYE #anyways these designs are still. rather up in the air #definitely need some more refining and all that #but yknow!!! for now theyre pretty good kickoff points 🥺#lewis’s fit is loosely based off a wizard fit i gave him in a halloween piece from 2022 hehehe!!#I THINK THEY SHOULD GET MAGIC. I THINK THEY SHOULD AS A TREAT #billie helps them learn ofc!!! AND SO DOES STOTLE. THEM AND THEIR THREE WEIRD KIDS OR WHATEVER #i love them so bad. stdwolom….☹️☹️☹️#dont overthink the gem colours or anything btw. i think theyre just… general ones? question mark?#IDK MAYBE ILL PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO THE SPECIFICS LATER #BUT FOR NOW THEYRE JUST. GENERAL ONES WITH NO SPECIFIC POWERS IN PARTICULAR LMAO #robin’s art #billie bust up #2024 art #bbu billie #bbu lewis #bbu lily #stdwolom #this all started bc i looked at stdwolom and went ‘i think they should be she/her they/them cool hat coded. lewis should get a cool hat’#then i brain blasted.#whats more cool hat than a wizard and whats more wizard than ACTUAL MAGIC #i like to think im smart sometimes #okay hi update these guys are part of my… oc lore? now so uhhh guess theyre getting the story tag #The Panderity Chapter

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sketchy-tour · 25 days

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Its funny that I could feel my WH hyperfixation slowly morph into just my genuine special interest. I worried at first, cause I thought my love for it had died. Because it was duller. But no no. Now it sits comfortably and idly in my mind. Unshaken. Comfortable. At home.

#text post #just rambling #I thought since I wasn't feeling that INTENSE LOVE AND NEED TO CREATE AND CONSUME ART then it meant I was phasing out #but no no. its very much still here. My brain is just now sharing its cake with other interests of mine #WH is currently mingling with and getting to know those other interests of mine in my brain.#I mean because of WH I've picked up OTHER interests!#I have a new found love for puppet media. a resparked appreciation for things whimsical and colorful!#CRAYONS! I BOUGHT CRAYONS! To experience the joy of just...coloring with crayons again!#the impact this project has had on me is hard to put into words. I'm so unbelievably glad I'm getting to watch the story unfold #and enjoy the characters and meet other people who like WH and talk endlessly about it and!!!!! AUGH!!!! I just love it so much!#OKAY IM DONE GUSHING!!!!

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sad-leon · 2 months

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Doe + Change

Doe expected things to change, but not this much.

She'd always felt more feminine than her brothers, but didn't really have a name for it until Donnie confirmed that she was, in fact, female. Her genius brother had helped her search it up. Transgender. There was a whole community out there like her.

Neat.

Except, they weren't really like her. She was lucky enough to be born in the right body, just raised differently. She didn't have to worry about hormones or surgery or other surface issues like jobs or school. She has her lovely supportive family.

So, fine. Maybe she didn't have a community, but she had her brothers and that was fine!

Until wrestling matches disappeared. And she was given first choice on movie nights even when she lost the arm wrestles or whatever silly little game they decided to play. And when she lost a game and was met with compassion instead of teasing.

It was starting to get annoying.

She already had a rough night, but the thought of Dad letting them go up to the surfact to patrol gave her hope. She could run with her brothers again! They could race! And things would finally be normal again when they realized that nothing actually changed.

A gentle knock on the wall caught her attention. "Hey, Doe? You up?" Mikey asked. Doe frowned. Usually her little brother wouldn't hesitate to barge into her room.

Taking a breath, she plastered a smile on her face and sat up. "Yup! We're going to the surface, right?"

Mikey lit up. He nodded aggressively. "Yup! Yup! Raphie told me to come get you while he gets Donnie!"

Standing up, Doe grabbed her jacket, tugging it loosely over her shoulders. "Was he in his lab late again?"

Shrugging, Mikey stepped to the sided, gesturing for Doe to leave the room while he closed the curtain behind her. "Raphie just said that he'd going to 'drag donnie out of that lab and barricade the door' if he keeps ignoring Raphie's knocks." Mikey lowered his voice to immitate the cadence of their oldest brother.

Trying to ignore the flare of annoyance at not even being allowed to close her own curtain, she chuckled. "Donnie will get back into his lab if it's the last thing he does."

The two youngest turtles made their way into the common area where Raph was tugging a beanie onto a very disgruntled Donnie.

Doe sidled up to the side of her twin and elbowed his side. "Someone wasn't sleeping, huh?"

Donnie just gave her a huff. "Scoff. I was just trying to finish up my newest battle shell."

Raph grumbled and pulled the beanie down over the softshell's eyes. "You went to bed two hours ago. I told you to stop doing that. You need to sleep!"

Fixing his beanie, Donnie glared at Doe. "Well atleast I slept."

Raph gawked and turned to Doe. "You didn't sleep? Why? Are you feeling okay?"

Doe rolled her eyes at the gentle tone her oldest brother adopted. "I slept fine."

"You were sending me memes until about an hour ago," Donnie grumbed. "I have the timestamps."

Trying to lunge at Donnie proved futile when Raph gentley intercepted Doe, setting her down a few feet away from her smug twin. His face was nothing but concern and he gently put a beanie on her head as well. No teasing. No pulling the beanie down. Just concern and gentleness.

Doe just huffed, stuffing her hands in her jacket pockets and pouting.

Raph looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped and turned around, leading the way to the entrance of the lair. "Okay, you all know the rules. Stay close to me and don't run off. Again. Or Raph will be very upset. Again."

"Yes Raph," the three younger turtles agreed and followed Raph out the door and through the tunnels.

The surface was much colder than Doe had though. Her jacket was not thick enough at all, and she had also worn her thinest pair of sweats. Repressing her shivering, she pushed forward. It was fine, she'd be able to warm up once they got moving.

The beginning of the patrol was normal. They bantered. They raced. They jumped around. Then Doe slipped.

She was running to make a leap, slipped on a puddle near the edge of the roof and totally missed the next roof. She grabbed onto a windowsill and hauled herself up, climbing onto the next roof.

"Doe!" Raph had yelled. And even when she pulled herself up, he was looking at her with nothing but concern. He stepped back, getting some momentum to leap onto the rooftop next to Doe. "Are you okay?"

Doe shrugged away from his hands, fixing her coat and beanie herself. The annoyance was turning into irritation. It made her blood itch. "I'm fine Raph."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Mikey and Donnie landed onto the rooftop next to them only a moment later.

Expecting some sort of jab or tease, she turned toward her twin only to be met with concern. "Are your shoulders sore? Do you feel any tension when you move them?"

They were a little sore, but Doe wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of having an actual cause for concern. "What are you, Don? The medic?"

"No. But that looked like it could have potentially hurt."

Doe just rolled her eyes and turned away, planning to continue the patrol.

Raph put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her. "I think we should go home."

"What?" Doe hissed. The itching was become unbearable. Her hands twitched, as did her tail.

"You're tired and you're also probably sore, even if you don't feel it."

"I'm fine!"

Raph just groaned and starting to walk back the way they had just come. "Let's go."

Doe fumed. "No! We just go out here. Yeah, sure, fine. I slipped, but I'm fine!" She turned to Mikey and Donnie for support, but they were both angled toward Raph, frowning at her. "Really? Really?! I make one little mistake and suddenly we have to go home?!"

"You got hurt-" Mikey started.

"I'm not hurt! I'm fine! I slipped, I biffed it, took an L -- whatever you wanna call it -- and I'm flattered you guys are concerned about lil ol' me, but really? No teasing? No nothing?" Venom was starting to lace Doe's tone but she couldn't care less. "Gah! Ever since I came out you guys have changed! I just want what we used to have back!"

Raph looked stunned, but took a breath and said in the most annoying calm voice, "I know you're tired, but we're just concerned."

"Gahh!" Doe yelled, throwing her hands in the air. "Shut up! Shut up shut up shut up! I'm sick of this!" She sent a glare at her oldest brother before turning around and running.

-----------

Threw this one up on Ao3 :D

it was much longer than i meant it to be... oops

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lavenoon · 10 months

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Let's have some direct consequences, why don't we, @naffeclipse?

*self insert is not a girl (he/ she)

og detective au by sunnys-aesthetic!

#post let luce #dcamv #bloodstain fool #naffeclipse #my art #menace4menace #ah yes. the lore to my self insert doodles is so rich. how did we get here #i am so tired when did i get so tired fghdjs #don't even have much to say. or to say it smartly #i put more thought into the lore than into the technical aspect #<- still draws onto the same canvas with so many unnamed folders and layers where every doodle page exists #thats why it's all the same purple. I just screenshot panels #dont even save as pngs #okay yes anyways. with this; gnight

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upperranktwo · 2 years

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"I want the confidence to say it's okay that I'm alive!"

Happy Birthday Angie ♡ @okkottsus

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crybaby-bkg · 5 months

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cw: this got long sorry 😔 but creepy/perv bakugou, recording, film major bkg x art major reader, masturbation, coercion, dubcon before it just becomes con, voyeurism/exhibitionism

as an art major, you typically did some works for a few students on campus; for their plays, as background pieces while they danced, a cover for their released songs. it wasn’t out of the ordinary for people to ask you to create something for them, and you enjoyed it more often than not. but, you weren’t usually the art itself.

Bakugou is a friend’s friend that you’ve seen a few times, ran into at the library or at coffee shops. he’s a film major, and always looks so unhappy about the whole thing, as if he didn’t choose it himself. you joke to Mina that you think he’ll graduate and become one of those directors that hate everything and yell at the actors constantly and later on get sued for being a dickhead. you never say it to him though—you’ve never spoken more than a couple words to the man.

it’s why it shocks you when he approaches you one day. it’s after one of your painting classes, and he stands outside the door with a frown and his hands shoved in his pockets, his eyebrows scrunched as if pissed at the mere sight of you. he asks you, in that low and gruff tone of his, if you could star in his final project for the semester. says it’s supposed to be a film made with this criteria and that, but, you’ve kind of checked out on the conversation after the first sentence.

“You mean, you want me to create something and that be the star of your film?” you ask him, feeling so intimidated at his stature. he always seems to loom, his hair shadowing the lights above, creates a cast over a portion of his face, makes his eyes look…unsettling. like they’re looking straight through your flesh, can find the marrow in your bones. he scoffs like you’ve offended him, rolling his eyes into his skull, mouth pulled tight.

“No.” his voice is firm, gaze concentrated only on you, like the halls are empty and you’re the focus of his lens. “I want you to star in it.”

his words confuse you—you’ve never presented yourself as an actor before, never alluded to wanting to be in the spotlight if not for what you create with your hands. but he shuffles on his feet, looks desperate even. there’s some hemming and hawing for a minute or so—why not choose Mina?—she’s busy—why choose me?—‘cause you’d be perfect for my short film—what’s it about?—you’ll find out once you get the script.

and even after you hesitantly agree and get the script—you still don’t understand what you’re doing. why you’re here, why you’re the only person, why it has to be a solo film, why there’s damn near zero lines in the entirety of the have-to-be forty five minute film.

the scenes are all so long, and maybe it’s because movies aren’t your forte or chosen major, but you just don’t get it. one scene; you’re staring at yourself in the mirror while Bakugou holds a small, black camera over your shoulder. he’s eerily quiet behind you, whispers out a faint fuckin’ go when you have to wash your face in the sink, makes you do it over because your movements are too jerky and unnatural.

the rest of the scenes go that way; you doing regular at home activities, being put under a lens, quietly barked at to do this and move that way and fix your hair and remember to frown.

“Isn’t there another way to film this?” you ask him on the fifth day of shooting in his spacious loft. there’s a bubble bath scene coming up, one you dont understand the importance of, but Bakugou tells you it’s the most necessary part of the entire thing.

“No,” he grunts out, looking at you from under his lashes as he sits on the lid of the toilet. “But I’ll make it soapy, so the camera won’t see much.” the camera? much? you weren’t worried so much about what the camera captured as you were the man behind it. he looks at you with such intensity, you feel naked already despite the robe you wear that’s suspiciously already your size.

he leaves the bathroom when you sink in the hot water, returns before you can say it’s okay, hears the water splashing and thinks that’s good enough. he kneels on the floor beside you, camera pointed directly in your face, makes your chest hot and your skin feel prickly. the scene passes on regularly enough; you run the water over your arms, tilt your head back as you sigh, whisper the few lines scripted, lean back and close your eyes, sigh again. it’s almost relaxing, makes you forget about the friend of a friend recording you naked right now. almost.

“Touch yourself.” Bakugou suddenly demands, hushed and quiet behind the camera. your eyes immediately shoot open, looking to him in question, how he’s eerily still in his spot hovering over you.

“Huh?” you ask, unsure if you heard him correctly, looking around the rounded lens in your face, trying to ignore the red blinking light. but Bakugou only frowns.

“It’s a masturbation scene. Touch yourself.” he repeats, voice louder, more demanding this time. your stomach twists at the thought of doing something so intimate in front of him. he’s a handsome guy, for sure, even made you consider asking him out after this, figured he was just serious about his work and awkward about certain things. but…something had been off about this entire thing since the start.

“But—but I don’t, I’m not,” you stutter, sitting up a little, the bubbles covering your chest starting to disperse with your movements. but Bakugou only sits a little higher on his knees, finally pulling the camera away from his face for the first time since he’s asked you to do this for him.

“You want me to fail?” he asks, booming voice eerily quiet in the silent bathroom, carmine eyes dull, shaded over with something terrible. “Then do it.” he tells you when you shake your head quickly.

you stare at him until he gets back into position again, camera back pointed at you. when he doesn’t say anything else, you swallow thickly, wondering if the art that will come out of this will be worth it. so you listen, sneak a hand under the water, start touching yourself in a way you never have in front of anyone.

is it bad to say that it’s exhilarating? being watched and recorded by someone who breathes so heavily every time your voice hiccups? being directed to touch your chest next when the suds start to disappear and your nipples start to peek through? is it bad that you want him to send you this portion of his film, only, just so you can watch yourself again and again? make a portrait of yourself with your fingers on your nipples and your knees raising from the water and your head thrown back from the intensity in oil pastels?

“That’s a wrap.” Bakugou announces when you finish, head spinning and still panting. you look over to him, how he closes the camera, the obvious bulge in his pants. “I’ll get you a towel.”

you wonder when’s the next time he’ll need you. or better yet—maybe he could be the star in your final drawing project? you had finished it already but, what was the harm in starting over with him as your muse? as naked as you are? camera not blocking his face so you can paint the similarities of his blushing cheeks and eyes when you direct him to look at you? to touch his chest? to play with himself just like that?

#this got. so long. sowwy #but I thought about this ummmm Sunday night #but I was DRAINED from writing 7k words of scorned past midnight and then having to edit it skdjfkf #so I was like. okay. put this idea in the drafts. NOW ms dory memory #anddddd I love this so very much #would’ve loved to turn this into a full fic #but it’s so exhausting trying to write long fics recently bc of this multichap #I’m just not used to it and I can’t do two things at the same time #and I already have like 9 fics on my list to write!!!! lol #but there is something so alluring about film major bkg 2 me #I think hes awkward and comes off as mean but he really is just that serious about his work #but he’s #also a creep for you LOL #definitely think he agrees to become ur muse for art as like a trade off #and you get that boy into SO many humiliating positions 😵‍💫#I need. to lie down. anyway.#I wrote this at 1am and was scared to post it then cause I didn’t think anyone would see it #so here it is in the morning :)#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫

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hella1975 · 7 months

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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!'#hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭#okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends'#then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day

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