#i shouldve planned it out more

[kondietorei]

"I think the rain is letting up."

#my art #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts dark road #eraqus #yeah its based off that piece of official art with xehanort in the rain instead #sigh i accidentally deleted this and had to repaint everything from a previous save #i was rolling around on the ground in a puddle of tears #also weird composition i chose lol #i shouldve planned it out more #can u tell i was trying to mimic nomuras/khs style #then got tired n gave up at some point

[caramelmochacrow]

happy birthday himari!!! :D

#crow's scribbles #bang dream #bandori #himari uehara #tomoe udagawa #moca aoba #ran mitake #tsugumi hazawa #tomohima #i already had an idea for this a few days earlier so yeah >:) #i rlly need to draw these girls more. i love them so much wha... #i think i should read the stories properly one day. #i forgot to shade moca tsugu and ran properly but i think it adds to the feel idk #tomoe was supposed to give himari a kiss but i couldnt draw that without feeling embarrassed so i just did that yeha. #like everyone else's drawings i planned out a full outfit but you can only see from the bust so. yeah. :C #even w that i love this drawing a lot! #i shouldve drawn kaoru at the area w moca but meh it's ok! #yet again happy birthday to afterglow's bassist himaariiii!!!!

[abirddogmoment]

Mav is gone. I have a thousand things I want to say but I don't have the bandwidth to write a proper post right now.

Send me asks so I can tell Mav's stories. I want to talk about him and remember all the funny and good stuff.

#about mav #tw pet death #he was the coolest dog in the world #i am so lucky that i got to plan his last days #he was truly happy right up until the end #i got to plan his last adventures and walks and meals and kisses and i got to tell him everything i wanted to tell him #and im so lucky for thay #but i dont feel very lucky #i just feel so cheated #i shouldve gotten ten more years #he only turned five last week #it isnt fair it isnt fair it isnt fucking fair #so send me asks so i can tell you the good stuff #you can ask anything and if its too personal i just wont answer #pinning thins so you dont have to scroll through a thousand asks to figure out whats happening

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[oneleggedgiraffe]

Started playing arknights a few weeks ago so the naturally next step was to make ninjago designs. This is the first half I’ll post the other batch once I finish them jgfdghj

#ninjago #lego ninjago #arknights #lloyd garmadon #Kai Smith #nya smith #designing them was no problem but coloring them was kinda difficult #lloyd was fine but once i got to kai #i struggled a lot with balancing the colors #and with nyas i tried to plan it out a bit more but you can tell i had no idea what to do with the shoes #in retrospect i shouldve either completely dropped the neon blue or used it in a lot more places #the dark blue and the orange went together well so i ended up using them a lot #even though the orange isnt in her original color scheme #anyways im quite happy with all of them despite all im saying

[echoingkarma]

Chapter 15 of CS out

#karmas clown moments #i have a few more moments i want to insert into this but honestly i think we are nearing a finish line for it #not too many big events left really. sorry if it felt like the plot was building to something jdfh #i shouldve planned a lot more out from the start but. yeah #my writings

[mejomonster]

Coming up with ideas for writing 💜💜💜

Actually writing ;-;

#rant #ToT #upside is i have solved some lore loopholes which. if u know me u know how rare i actually didnt alreayd have way too much worldbuilding #decided on. but finally nailed down a bit of worldbuilding i was foggy on. #also i am SO hype for magic to come into the story #downside: i have 40k words to write before i get to be writing that part ;-; #also? idk if yall are like this. but like whatever i Actually write always comes out significantly different than The Plan #like. fact: i have every single major scene in my summary to write. #reality: at least 70% of those scenes will likely be different than the summary once i actually write them out. #leading to possible new avenues ill utilize vause they work better/more theme cohesive/more in character #so like. i love my summary abd im clinging to it for dear life #but also terrified in the knowledge reality will be way more complex #like. i wrote this week what SHOULDVE been a simple scene #but upon actually making it. the characters chemistry was so AMPED up i feel i pretty much need Some relationship development in the scene #even tho i didnt plan that in my summary. but even if irs just AWARENESS OF LUST these bitches are dripping chemistry #also the scene turned out way fucking funnier than i planned. so like. to not fully utilize the comedic execution would be #throwing a gift away. #so im now stuck tryjng to Add Onto the intended summarized scene. since i didnt plan #to write 1 an almost kiss/desire to kiss 2 embarassment the likes of which only this dork couldve created for himself

[weenhands]

i physically cannot bring myself to do anything lately like it's so bad

#lately eating has been way harder. i Cannot for the life of me do school it is so hard goddammit #i cant get out of bed i just sleep until the afternoon #making plans with robin is much more harder #i know im sick but i think its just ever since i realized. Alot of stuff from my past. which just hit me like a truck #ive been really sad and depressed just mourning and grieving all of that all over again #and ive been heavily journaling about it so it. makes sense ig #the gag is that i dont deserve anyone i ruin everything i shouldve tried to jump in front of that moving car at age 15 #but it wouldnt matter becaue by that time the damage was already done <3 im literally not meant to be here

[finnslay]

I'm so confused with tomorrow

there's a soccer game. I don't know where I go. Only certain kids can go to the media center. You have to have a 504 or IEP. I have a 504. But I don't wanna go to the media center... I wanna be able to sit and watch a soccer game with my friends and partner and make jokes and be freezing on the bleachers and complain about how I should've just not come because this day is pointless

The media center isn't gonna help anyway. I don't understand anything that's happening I'm gonna freak out. The soccer game...well...at least I know what's going on..

I just wanna be like the other highschoolers...I don't want to need special accommodations. I don't want to go into the "backup plan" for the kids who can't handle it...

I'm just gonna he alone when I freak out and they'll all try to help in the wrong way and it's gonna get worse and I'm gonna wanna die before going back to school...it's gonna make me hate myself even more and then im just gonna be miserable all weekend

Because it basically shows in my face that I can't be normal. I can't do fun things like other teens. I just have to sit in another room while the world goes on without me. They don't know how miserable that can make a person feel.

When I do freak out, they're gonna make it worse. Because they think they know how my brain works but they don't. None of them do... I hate when they follow something because "protocol" or some bullshit...because last time they did they tried to drag me into a wheelchair. It's terrifying...

It. Doesn't. Help.

And I don't even know what my 504 plan is...I don't know how it works. Nobody told me.

So basically. They're really fucking good at making someone feel worthless...

#why is it like that #someone shouldve told me what a 5p4 was #if its for me why not tell me ehats on the fucking plan #instead of just shving me into a new place #with 10 times the kid #in less than half the grades #and maybe tell me how its gonna work #instead of just letting me #“figure it out” #because that makrs me hate myself more than i already do.... #amd itakes me think that my brain eill never be good enough for them.... #i should just... #get pushed to the side #and stored away #with all the other broken parts

[orcelito]

With gay moon post approaching 600 notes (600 notes... 😥) I have had a few realizations

1: not everyone shares the same observations that I do. Which I say just bc I was IMMEDIATELY struck by the framing of Vash with the moon in that one panel the first time I saw it, but I've had a number of ppl mention they hadn't noticed it

Which leads into 2: the reason that post has so many notes is bc pointing out moments like that holds value to people. Plus I guess my commentary & conclusions? Plus acting as something for people to bounce their own ideas off of.

And then 3: there are probably more moments I could explore in such a way, & that could hold value to people

#speculation nation #im thinking about this a bit too matter of fact probably. but im just trying to make it make sense to myself lol #bc it doesnt FEEL like a post that should be approaching 600 notes to me #im just like. i was just saying some thoughts about things i thought other ppl also noticed #mostly a 'hey isnt this cool?' kinda post. which it is for a lot of ppl. and then there r more ppl who are like. enlightened lol #i have ALSO learned that if i have a post i put out there like this. i should uh. plan for the possibility of it blowing up. #aka i should thoroughly think thru it instead of spitballing it out & having ppl comment things i shouldve included #also possibly do IDs? with the post reaching a wider audience that sure is smth that could matter to some #i havent bothered for my personal posts bc like. idk ive never had anyone in my personal circle of followers mention it being necessary #and i probably still wont for dumb offhanded images lol. but for my analysis posts. probably would be good to do. #I Have Learned to not put things out there if i wouldn't want it to blow up in the state it's in hfkshdj #aka. Baby's First Kinda Big Post. #ultimately not that big compared to other ppl's stuff (right now 😥😥😥😥) but bigger than Aaaanything ive ever had #id been hiding with searches off for Years. and prior to that i didnt post anything of value anyways. #in terms of like. fandom stuff lol. mostly just my rambles & live reactions to things #WHICH SOME PPL HAVE BEEN INTERACTING WITH MY REACTION POSTS... most hilarious being the times i was inconsolable #after reading volume 10. like we all get it lol but Lmfao #ultimately i just hope ppl arent expecting perfection with my posts bc im just kinda bullshitting Everything #i have Never had a big blog. only a handful of my fanfic readers ever followed me here. #im used to the attention being on ao3 lol and this just a space for my bullshit #I Will Still Post Bullshit. but i have learned things for any posts i purposefully put in main tag lol #also sorry i keep posting about my post hfkshfj but it's just kinda crazy to me still. i am noooooot used to this.

[toastsnaffler]

my graduation is supposed to be in august + im requesting to graduate in absentia but i feel terrible abt it bc im not telling my parents 😑

#just bc if i do tell them they'll probably pressure me into going. and i dont fucking want to its my degree i can celebrate how i like #i wont even be living here in august!! and its a wednesday which is super awkward + im only allowed 2 guests but i have 4 parents lmao #which means i have to choose between my mum and dad. which will end up in hurt feelings either way #and theyre making us pay for our own robes which is stupid bc they literally have like 40k from me already #i cant sit in a stuffy hall through a two hour long ceremony that i wont even be able to hear with no one i know ill commit homicide #no point in doing drinks aftwr bc none of my friends have the same graduation date and i dont drink #like theres not a single reason why i would want to go. so im not going to #but i can already feel how disappointed theyll be.... and theyll be more mad if i dont tell them beforehand but i dont want to debate it!! #ik this is such a stupid thing but its making me stress like hell #ugh #my current plan of attack is not to tell them until they ask abt it and then the decision will be made so they cant do anything abt it #even if theyre upset abt it. but i HATE lying even by omission im the least dishonest person ever this is making me feel sick #and i have to tell them eventually bc ill need to get my diploma delivered to them so arghhhhhh #i technically got my degree over a year ago anyway bc i dropped out this is so dumb #they shouldve just been like sorry no ceremony for dropouts!! and then it wouldnt be my problem #whatever. deadline for registering is at 5 so itll be out of my hands once that passes thank fuck #.diaries #i think im getting unnecessarily worked up abt it bc im just generally in a shitty mood tbh #gonna go for a walk and find somewhere to sit and read outside until i feel more sane i think

[haunted-catboy]

Not to get too personal but 2023 is the year I officially stop worrying about being a Good Daughter & start focusing on being a self-satisfied son.

#beware. miles is talking again #my dad made a comment about my sleeping patterns & its like. holy christ #& ''joked'' about how i shouldve been sent to boarding school #& you know what. i dont fucking do anything! i basically go to work come home go to work come home daily #& i get nagged if i go out about ''oh the weather is bad'' (objectively false it was a clear night & brisk at WORST) #or ''you dont drive that well'' #& its like. christ. 24 years. i dont wanna live my life like this #im a fucking miserable old man & i havent even hit two baker's dozens in years. #no fucking more. im planning im plotting

[tvckerwash]

oh yeah totally unrelated but guess who accidentally fried the motherboard on their laptop by trying to replace the broken hinges?

me.

#i was very upset over losing my files for a day or 2 but I'm kind of over it now #if you're wondering how i accidentally fried my motherboard I'm not entirely sure but it was probably static electricity 😔 #anyway i bought a new one and I'm getting it delivered on monday #it was $1500 which ngl kinda hurt *but* the specs are better than my old one and it has more storage #i do think I'm going to buy an external storage thing and do weekly backups now since while stuff shouldve been going to my onedrive its- #been full for the last like 1.5 years so uhh yeah #anyway I'm more upset I'm going to have to re download my ~completely totally 100% legally purchased software~ #also i had a 2 year long free clip studio thing from my tablet that i never claimed until earlier this year and uhh yeah that was only good #for one device and ngl i like the program and that's what ive been using since i claimed it and i don't really want to purchase it bc of- #recent stuff like them planning on switching to a subscription based thing when v 2 comes out or smthn and also the ai art thing so #yeah I've got stuff to think about lol #mine #text

[brightjin]

rant/vent inc, on mobile so idk how to read more

told my best friend of 18 years i couldn't hang out 2 weeks ago because my bf was at my house + sick with covid so i didn't want to risk infecting people (also she wanted to go swimming and i don't have swimming clothes + dysphoria) and shes been literally ignoring me ever since

didn't respond to me saying i can't, didn't respond to me telling her when im back home and if she wants to hang out, didn't respond when i updated her about when im coming home due to train rescheduling,

like. im not available one time??? and im getting ignored???? if there was something bigger happening that she wanted to discuss during the hangout then i wasn't made aware. as far as i know she just wanted to go swimming and then has been ignoring me for 2 weeks when i said i couldn't.

#personal stuff #like. ik something that MIGHT have been going on but she mentioned nothing about that #im not going to risk infecting people with covid for what I thought was a random hangout #if there was something more she shouldve said so bc im not a mindreader #we couldve talked on the phone isk #ik we had planned to meet up but i told her my bf was sick so plans had to change #i cant control that i cant just make him not be sick #im just spiralling and im also going home today and im just freaking out idk what to do #like i genuinely dont know. what to do. ive asked her to hang out once im back and i get nothing #how can i apologise or make things right if i have no idea whats going on

[29121996]

.

#have been trying tocdoc.y hair since . 9pm . im not do e #i gotta put another coat of dye over it #bc it is so patchy n i forgot how colour works so i need a darker tone for the top of my head #bc i decide to fuck around and find out w lightening cream . #anyway loved the green hated everything else #so will b colour stripping Again in a few weeks so i can . go green :3 #it was a pretty shade but . idk what the fuck to do abt the mess that is . my hair bc i rlly #cant do shit for s wgile #or ay all #its stuck being patchy n shitty for a while but i can make it less Awful n more . put tgth #bc like i may fuck shit up to begin with but im quite good at fixing things #worse case #i send my sister into woolies or smth to get me . like black box dye n i hust do That tmr after work #whuch will 100% turn iut splendid #or i do have dark blue here whicb . i can also do and will cover uo Everything ive fucked up #anyway thatll b a problem for me tmr #i have to wake up at like 10am to fo this n id rather die actyally #i nean i start work at 10 but . this shit takes an gour everytume so if the purple doesnt take the blue will #anyway bleach is a bitch . i shouldve taken my time n had a plan of some kind other than #slapping lightener and calling it a day ! #good thing is im not sensitive to this kinda sgit bc it is fixable 😭 like i can jus . go to a salon #n it is Just Hair . ive had worse dye jobs n hair cuts . its just . #idk hos to epxlain ti bc my sister said it looked fine . n while i dont trhst her #sje also does tell nd to my face if i look lile sgit so

[transgaysex]

i have been running all day long

#wind howls #woke up at 8:30 went to school at 10 until 7 pm got home at 8:30 played dnd worked on my miniature until 6 am and im #in bed now. my wrists in both hands are acting up really bad and im not sure i enjoy that. actually im pretty certain i dont enjoy that #im so tired. but im not done. my editing final is. mostly completed. i will just add more special effects on monday for a little pizzazz #however you spell that word. #i need to have my miniature almost completely finished. i need to buy the uhhh. plaster putty thing. for the walls. bricks #add the dirt. maybe find a miniature car so i dont have to mess up a really cute sleigh decoration for the sake of graded art. #add the fence.... and the trees. and the roof. paint the whole thang #at least the roof is just like. fake tiles. i can cut many of them at once and they wont take long to cut #aluminium foil for mounts. cover with papier mache. then dirt. maybe i shouldve done that before the fake grass. oh well ! #what else. FUCK I HAVE TO MAKE A WHOLE ASS MOODBOARD. I HATE MOODBOARDS IM THROWING MYSELF OFF A CLIFF ACTUALLY #rather i hate having to Make moodboards. theyre cute and very useful and i know it but it is actual torture for me to make moodboards. #i hate them i hate them ourghg..... i have to make one i hate it.... #ah shit i also have to make windows and the door for the miniature house. sigh #at least i have some foam cardboard left and now i know that itll be better to build those from that rather than sculpting w hot glue #on the bright side. hot glue scultping is wonderful for rough irregular but consistent patterns such as trees and its bark. that was fun #ive got my work cut out for me. the miniature comes first. should it come to it i can tackle the moodboard monday at the absolute LATEST #im not allowed to hand in anything late. so i have to plan out and calculate my time well. final projects need to be handed in #the teachers are kind in the regard that they encourage you to hand in something incomplete than late. late is 0. nothing is 0. #incomplete is not 0. its not Good. but its more than 0 #(not to mention a 0 on the final project is an automatic failure of the entire class even if your grade is passing without the final) #anyway. ive gone on for long enough. im tired. goodnight