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i-like-5sos · 3 years

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No Idea [Malum Fic]

PAIRING: Calum Hood x Michael Clifford

WORD COUNT: 6428

WARNINGS: Drinking, swearing, and just some angst

SUMMARY: After moving across the country to escape the heartache that high school brings and to begin his first year at University, Michael finds himself face to face with the very person that caused his heartbreak: Calum Hood.

A/N: This was made specifically for Mandie for The Club Fic Gift Exchange ! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve written any mxm BUT I’ve missed it and can’t wait to start writing more (if you have any suggestions on how to improve please send them my way, I’ll take all the help I can get).

Fifteen minutes late. I’m fifteen minutes late to my first class as a University student. Great.

I burst out through the doors of the residency building, almost crashing into some blonde girl who’s face leaves my memory as quickly as it entered, and run as fast as I can across the campus to The Arts building. Thankfully I listened to Mom’s advice and looked up a map of the school last night or I’d be fucked right now. Musical Theory. Monday, 8AM. Room 102: Arts Building. I check the room number on my schedule twice before taking a deep breath and opening the door to my classroom.

The door opens to the back of the room and multiple heads spin around to face me. I can feel my face getting hot as I try to disappear into myself and search for a place to sit down. As to be expected, almost every table in the room is full and there’s nowhere to sit… Unless I want to join one of the tables of three and converse in small talk with a group of people that obviously don’t want me to sit with them- and let’s be clear; I don’t want to do that.

I almost settle for a table with two girls seated at it, but then notice the table in the front of the room with only one person there. Thank god. I head toward the dark-haired boy at the table and quietly sit across from him. He doesn’t react as I sit down, his head buried in his folded arms on the table.

I would normally never be caught dead at the front of the room, but here I am, sitting so close to the professor that I can smell his cheap cologne, having to share a table with some random guy who is probably going to hate me for ruining his table of solitude.

As the class continues, I do my best to follow along with the PowerPoint slides on my screen while also trying to focus on what the professor is saying at the front of the room, but I can’t help but glance over to the brunette across from me every chance I get. His head hasn’t left his arms since I’ve sat down, and I’m pretty sure he’s asleep… Maybe I should wake him up. Maybe he’s dead. I begin to picture what would happen if my classmate had died sitting across from me. Would I have to talk to the police? Would I be a suspect? Am I obligated to go to his funeral and give a speech? What would I even say? What if-

“You will have two months to complete this project and it will be worth thirty percent of your final grade. Get to work.”

I turn to face the Professor, and I realize that I may have zoned out for the entire explanation of a project that’s worth almost a third of my final grade… awesome.

Letting out a sigh, I turn back to read through the notes on my screen and, of course, none of them have anything to do with a huge project. There is no way I am going to ask the professor to repeat everything he’d just said.

As my classmates begin to talk amongst themselves about the project that I know nothing about, I glance over to the boy across from me that may or may not be dead and decide that now’s a good a time as any to find out.

“Hey” I say quietly.

No response.

I repeat myself a little louder, “Hey… Uh, my name’s Michael.”

No response again.

“Dude, seriously?” I huff, before picking up my biggest textbook and dropping it onto the table.

It worked! His head shoots up and I notice the headphones in his ears. That explains a lot. I also notice that the boy I’ve been watching all morning sitting across from me is the same boy I’d spent the majority of my high school years watching from across the room. Calum Hood. I haven’t seen him since our high school graduation last June, but he looks about the same. Same dark hair, same brown eyes, same three moles on his cheek, same annoyed and confused look on his face- oh no wait that’s new.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He glares at me as he rips the headphones out of his ears.

“I thought you were dead or asleep or something.” I shrug before changing the topic, “I didn’t know you got accepted here.”

“Well, obviously I’m not dead, and if I was sleeping, that was a cruel way to get me to wake up... Remind me never to have you actually wake me up.” He places his headphones into his backpack before continuing. “And um, yeah, I was torn between a few different universities but settled on the one farthest from home… Looks like you did the same?”

I nod and chuckle softly. “Yeah. Fuck that place.”

“How pop punk of you.” He laughs, and it brings me back to being fifteen and pathetically swooning over that very sound, never being the one to have caused it. If only fifteen-year-old me could see me now.

Grounding myself, I quickly try to think of something that isn’t completely embarrassing, and remember the mysterious project that I know mothing about.

“So… did you catch anything the prof was saying about this project worth thirty percent of our grade… cause I might have zoned out the whole time...”

He looks confused for a moment, before directing his attention to his laptop.

“I can’t blame you for not paying attention. Five minutes into his lecture I stopped listening to him and started listing to my music instead. Figured I could just read the Power Point later tonight.” He types something before continuing, “I looked through the material on the class page before the lecture started and I think I saw something about a group project that was worth thirty percent… let me just… Okay yeah, here it is.” He turns his laptop to face me, pointing at the assignment on the screen and showing me how her got there.

I quickly follow his instructions to the page and begin reading about the assignment. It’s a group project for 2-3 people about how emotions and feelings are portrayed through song. We’re all supposed to draw an emotion from the professor -that explains why people keep getting up to talk to him- and write an essay about a song that has made us feel this way. Once we finish our essays, we’re supposed to go back to our partners and make a playlist of 25 songs that combines each the emotions we were individually assigned and talk about how easily these emotions can be portrayed in music. Seems simple enough… Except for the whole partner part.

I look up from my computer screen, and before I can talk myself out of it, I ask Calum if he’d like to partner up for the project. To my surprise, he agrees and before I know it, I’m looking down at the paper I had pulled out of the tin can on my professor’s desk. Longing. What kind of lame-ass emotion is longing? I sit back down at our table and show Calum my paper.

“Longing? That’s going to be so easy to write about! And it’ll go great with love. This is going to be a piece of cake.” He enthusiastically, typing away on his laptop.

“You got love? Are you kidding me? That’s such bullshit. Every song is about love… or sex… or drugs, and I don’t think sex or drugs are emotions… so like that’s not fair.” I look back at my small slip of paper, “How am I even supposed to write about longing?”

He breaks away from his typing long enough to look at me, “Longing is so easy to write about. Haven’t you ever wanted something you couldn’t have? Or missed someone or something like that?”

“I don’t know… maybe.” I pause for a moment, “I don’t know.”

He looks back to his screen and continues to type. “Okay, I looked up the word longing and it says here that ‘Longing is mainly a blend of the primary emotions of love or happiness and sadness or depression’. So there. You can focus on one of those four. It’s not that hard, Michael.”

Hearing Calum say my name takes me back for another brief moment. Even though we went to the same school for four years, I never really knew if he had known my name or not… we never really talked or hung out in the same crowds, so I figured it was safe to assume he didn’t even know I existed.

He shakes his head and looks at his screen again as I try to avoid the thoughts of how smooth my name rolled off his tongue that are currently running wild in my head, to focus on what he had said about the different ways longing could be portrayed and experienced.

Just as I begin to reflect on the last few years of my life for a moment that could stand out as ‘experiencing longing’, I’m interrupted by the sounds of my classmates packing up their belongings. I look to my left and notice Calum suddenly standing next to me.

“Here,” he says, handing me a sticky note with a phone number on it. “text me so we can meet up to work on the project.”

“I uh- thanks.” I stumble over my words as I take the paper from him and stick it to the inside of my laptop.

When I turn back to Calum, he’s already on his way to the door. I quickly pack up my books and pause for a moment to look at the sticky note before shutting my laptop, ignoring the heat on my face and the feeling in my stomach.

. . .

I feel like I may have stepped into an alternate dimension when I entered that classroom two weeks ago, because I’ve somehow found myself in the Calum Hood’s dorm room. By choice. His choice. Who would have thought?

To be honest, I’m kind of surprised at how easily we get along. We both have the same taste in music, the same sense of humor, and the same hobbies. Who knew we were so similar? Had we actually spoken to one another in high school, there would have been no stopping a friendship from forming.

Since texting him the day after our class, we’ve pretty much been inseparable. So, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I’m hanging out with Calum in his dorm room… but I kind of am.

“Okay seriously, Calum. How do you already have four pages written out for your essay?” I ask, scrolling through the Word document open on his laptop.

“It’s like you said, love is easy to write about… You know what else is easy to write about?” He spins around on his desk chair, taking a break from his game to face me. “Longing. Have you even started your essay, or were you just planning on taking me down with you when you flunk out?”

I set the laptop down next to me on his bed. “The only one flunking out here is your team in Fifa.”

“That was a shit insult and you know it.”

“You’re a shit insult.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Mate, for real. Do you need help writing your part?”

“No. I told you, I’ll be fine. I just need some inspiration… Which is what I should have gotten from your essay but the whole damn thing is about your family. It is so boring! Where’s the drama? Weren’t you a ladies’ man in high school? Where’s that Calum?”

With his eyebrows raised he looks taken aback for a moment and bursts out laughing.

“Did you seriously just call fourteen-year-old me a ‘ladies’ man’?” He asks, making air quotes at the last part.

I shrug and he continues laughing.

“Okay fine, you have a point. But like... what even is longing?”

His laughter softens and he rolls his eyes, smiling at me.

“Do you need me to pull up the definition again?”

“Fuck off.” I huff.

“Okay, fine… What about like, leaving town to come here. Didn’t you miss your girlfriend? Or your friends? Or maybe your family?”

“Girlfriend?” I laugh loudly. There’s no way he’s serious right now… “No. Absolutely no girlfriend. As for my family? I honestly couldn’t be happier to be on my own and out of the house... Also, it’s kind of hard to miss your friends when facetime exists.” I lay back on his bed and prop myself up with my elbow. “What else ya got?”

“Okay lone wolf… what about uh… okay I’ve got it. What about longing for like… touch, or affection, or love, or… fucking I don’t know, food?”

“Yeah, cause I’ll definitely get an A writing my essay about craving a Big Mac. Maybe I can get extra credit if I bring one in.”

He glares at me and rolls his eyes again before shaking his head and turning around to focus his attention back to his game. I drop my head onto his pillow and sigh. Watching him play, my mind wanders as I being to think about his words. Touch. Affection. Love. My heart aches for the poor fifteen-year-old boy I once was, longing for those exact things for over a year and never getting them. I remember the emotional shut down I forced myself to do to move on from the brown-eyed boy that occupied my mind daily. I sigh deeply, taking in the musky scent of the room around me, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I finally know what I’ll be writing about.

. . .

“Are you sure you know where this party is? I’m pretty sure we’re lost.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure they said it’s in this neighborhood… there should be a street coming up soon that starts with an S… or maybe it was a B. Whatever. We’ll start to see people on the street sooner or later and follow the noise to the right house.”

Calum and I continue to walk aimlessly down the suburban streets with houses that all look the same, in search for a party that I’m not even sure exists at this point.

“You’d think, for someone that probably went to every high school party, you’d know to write down an address when it’s given to you.” I grumble as my feet begin to ache.

“You know, you make a lot of assumptions about what I was like in high school. Weren’t you ever told not to assume?” He says, bumping his shoulder against mine.

“You’re really going to tell me that you never went to any parties in high school? I seriously doubt that.”

“Okay… Well, yeah I went to some parties. Didn’t everyone though?”

“What? No.” I scoff. “Dude, not everyone was invited to parties like Mr. Cool Guy over here.”

“Am I supposed to be Mr. Cool Guy? That’s a laugh.”

“Mate. Just admit it. You were one of the cool kids and you know it.” I bump my shoulder back against his.

“Was not.”

“You were to! Everyone knew who you were. Everyone wanted to either date you or be you. You can’t be that oblivious.” I kick a small pebble as we cross yet another unidentifiable street.

“Date me or be me huh? Did you want to be me?”

Fucking hell. Why am I still allowed to have the ability to speak without a filter?

“No.” I focus my gaze on the cracks in the sidewalk, making sure to avoid any possible eye contact.

It’s quiet for a moment as a car drives past us, filling the silence before Calum speaks again.

“Well, you obviously didn’t want to date me. So, your theory is clearly wrong.”

I walk beside him silently as I debate whether to admitting to the fact that I had the biggest crush on him for over a year when we were younger.

“See, I’m right.”

“I did though.” I choke out before I’m able to stop myself. Fuck.

“What?” He stops walking.

Well, this was fun while it lasted… I wonder if our professor will still let me join another group, seeing as Calum isn’t going to want to talk to me ever again.

May as well finish the job then.

“I did want to date you.” I confess softly as I stop in front of him, keeping my eyes on the ground.

“You’re not... gay though.”

I- What? He’s got to be kidding me right now. I’m pretty sure everyone in high school knew I was gay. Hell, I came out to my parents in the fifth grade.

“Are you fucking with me? Calum.” I finally gain the courage to meet my eyes with his and see him shaking his head. “I’m gay as fuck. Always have been.”

“No way. What about Jessica Hunter?”

We’re awkwardly standing in the middle of the sidewalk and I’m completely over-aware of the man walking his dog across the street as Calum continues to stare at me with a dumbstruck look on his face. Well, at least he hasn’t left yet.

“What about Jessica? She and I hang out from time to time and listen to music together. We’re friends.” Oh god. “Wait- are you thinking that her and I? Oh god. Never.” I shake my head to try and get that image out of it.

“No no... She was in love with you! The way she always talked about you, hung around you, and hung off you… You went to Prom together! You were the reason I never even had a chance with her. I spent so many hours thinking about you and why she chose you over me and I…” he tampers off and continues to look utterly confused.

Am I being Punked right now? There must be a hidden camera somewhere. This can’t be real.

“No Calum. Oh my god. Mate. Jessica and I were always together talking about you. She didn’t want me. She wanted you… We both did. We only went to Prom together cause she was still hung up on you and didn’t have the guts to ask you herself. Plus, you did that whole stag Prom thing with Timothy Anderson anyway.”

He continues to stand there, trying to piece together the story he had so wrongly created around himself.

“So… You’re gay.”

“Yup.”

“And you actually used to … like me?”

“Yup”

“And Jessica-“

“Never had a chance with me. Because I’m gay and she had the hots for you anyway… Are we all caught up? Can we please keep walking? I’m getting cold.”

“Man, did I have this whole thing wrong or what…” He shakes his head and starts walking again.

We continue heading to the party that totally doesn’t exist and get about half a block away from where we had previously stopped before Calum stops walking again.

“Dude! Seriously?” I sigh deeply and stop a few feet in front of him.

“You don’t uh… still have feeling for me or anything. Do you?”

“Yes Calum. I’m completely head over heels for you and plan to propose to you when we get to the party in front of everyone.” His mouth drops and I roll my eyes. “Fuck off. No. Cal, I don’t still have feelings for you. That was years ago. Now can we please keep walking? I’m going to fucking die of hypothermia.”

“Okay… you’re right. Sorry.” He mutters, clearly embarrassed and continues to walk again.

At least I’m not the only one that’s embarrassed.

We walk silently for a few minutes and I feel his fingertips brush against mine and my heart flutters softly. Shit.

. . .

“Are you even listening to me Mike?”

I look up from my phone to see Calum glaring at me. He burst into my dorm room about 45 minutes ago insisting we practice our presentation for the millionth time since he finished his essay. Of course, mine’s not finished yet, but at least I have something to write about now. But, without mine to practice, he’s just been reading his on a loop – I personally think he’s trying to annoy me to death. Jokes on him though, he’s got a nice voice.

“I can only hear your essay so many times before my brain starts to block it out to preserve my sanity.”

“You wouldn’t have to hear it so much if we had something else to practice… like, I don’t know- maybe your easy perhaps?”

How subtle. Ever since he finished his essay (overachiever much?), he’s been on my ass about mine. Even if I actually had it finished, there’s no way in Hell I’ll be letting him see this – let alone hear me read it out loud – until I have to.

“Dude. I’ve told you like eighty times now. I hate presenting stuff. I’m not doing it any more than I have to. Being in front of everyone, having them all stare at me- judging me? Fuck that. Once is enough. I don’t need you judging me too.”

“You honestly think I’m going to judge you? I don’t buy it. You’re Michael Clifford. You don’t give a shit about what other people think about you.”

I can’t help but laugh out loud. If only he knew.

“Well, when I’m putting myself out there in front of a whole room of people then yeah, I’m going to give a shit about what they think.”

“Putting yourself out there? Mate, it’s an essay. You sure you’re not just making up excuses to cover up the fact that you haven’t started writing it yet?”

Calum runs his finger through his hair, and I try not to stare. Why did he have to come to my school again, be in my class again, make my heart ache again. I feel like this time is worse. Being this close, not being able to touch him in the ways I want. Is this some horrible karma for complaining about longing? I shake my head at the joke that I call my love life and push past it like I always do.

“Maybe, but I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

He throws a pillow at me and tells me to shut up before beginning to read his presentation yet again.

. . .

As I approach Calum’s door, I look down at the folded mess of papers in my hands and decide to quickly shove them into my backpack to make sure he doesn’t try to take them and read my shitty essay beforehand.

I pull my bag off my back and drop to my knees to put the papers away. I finish zipping it up and throw it over my shoulder as I hear the door open in front of me. I look up and see an eye full of Calum’s junk. My eyes widen and I can feel my cheeks heat up as I quickly look away and stand up. I try not to look at his face and pray that my cheeks aren’t as red as they feel.

“At least buy me dinner first. Damn.” He laughs. The sound melts my worries away. Mostly.

“Fuck off. We’re going to be late.” I give him a shove and begin walking to the exit.

Walking with one another to our classes has become a part of our daily routine. Calum decided so about a month ago when he found out that I tripped and scrapped my elbow and knee open like a child while running to make it on time for one of my 8AM classes. So now he seems to think that I can’t manage walking to class by myself. I mean, I’m not complaining. I’ll take any time that I can get with him until inevitably ruin the best friendship I’ve ever had.

As we walk, Calum is -of course- rehearsing his presentation again. I sigh and think about the essay sitting in my bag and how he’s going to react to hearing it. Maybe he’ll just drop the class and ghost me. God that will hurt... Maybe I should just fake sick, or say I never finished my part of the project, or-

My spiraling thoughts are cut short by Calum opening the classroom door and I admit defeat. The two of us sit at our table still -sadly- located at the front of the room. As we sit down, I watch Calum pull out his papers and read them over as if he didn’t just prove that he’s got it memorized by reciting it on our walk over. I set up my laptop and shove my papers under it, quickly checking back to Calum to make sure he hasn’t noticed. I exhale softly and wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans before opening our Spotify playlist, preparing it for our presentation.

A dread-filed hour and a half passes as I listen to the other groups make their presentations and read through their playlists to try and distract myself.

“Group seven, you’re up.”

My blood goes cold and I feel like I can’t move. I feel Calum swiftly kick my shin under the table.

“That’s us. Get up.” He whispers

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I want to be back at home in my bed. I don’t want this. I don’t want to lose my friend. Why did I have to take this class? Why couldn’t I have been assigned anger. Why didn’t I just sit with those two girls that first day?

“Mike, it’ll be okay. I’ll be up there with you the whole time.” That’s half the problem, Calum.

I sigh deeply and open my eyes. They stay glued to the table as I pick up my laptop and the messy pile of papers underneath it. I walk slowly behind Calum to the front of the room and stop at the podium. I quickly plug my laptop into the screen behind us as he introduces the both of us to the class and begins to talk about the emotions we were assigned before launching into how they relate to one another and briefly talking about our playlist. I feel slightly reassured as he begins to recite the speech that I pretty much have memorized myself at this point. I allow myself to zone out to the sound of his voice as I wait for my cue.

“… and to me that is what love is to me. Family.”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans again and pick up my papers with trembling hands. Closing my eyes again, I take another deep breath and open them once finished. Here goes everything.

“I- um- I’m Michael and I uh… I was assigned the emotion longing. When I first read the small paper and saw I had longing, I was confused and upset that my partner had such an easy emotion to talk about and I um… I had something as complex as longing…” I look over to Calum and he gives me a reassuring smile and my heart skips a beat. “Until he helped me realize that longing is pretty much the universal emotion. It branches into every emotion you can think of. It powers them and really brings the depth to them. Once I had realized this, the only issue I had was choosing which emotional experience to talk about. This itself seemed to be an impossible choice, so I’ve decided to talk about an experience that, like longing, incorporates every emotion. Heartbreak. My chosen song for this was No Idea by All Time Low. Song number…” I quickly look over at our playlist and count the sounds out to make sure I’m right before continuing, “seven on our playlist.”

I press play and I continue over the quiet music, telling the story of a young Michael who was in love with a boy that never knew he existed. A boy who broke his heart without ever even speaking to him. A boy who he was still desperately in love with, years later. A never-ending tale of longing.

Once the longest five minutes of my life had passed, I quickly unplug my laptop and hurry back to our table, avoiding eye contact with Calum the entire way back. I grab my books and shove them along with my laptop and essay into my bag. I damage my papers even more by doing so, but I could care less.

Throwing my backpack over my shoulder, I leave the room as I hear Calum call out after me. There’s no way he’ll catch up to me. Besides, my Sound Tech class was cancelled today, so even if he does manage to catch up, I won’t be there.

I finally make it back to my room without encountering Calum and I toss my bag onto my chair and dive face first into my bed to wait out the impending consequences for ambushing my best friend in the middle of a room full of people. Why did I do that. Fuck me.

. . .

Calum had been planning a party over the last few weeks to celebrate us finishing our project. I had told him time and time again that ‘finishing a project’ is the lamest reason to throw a party. But yet, here I am, in my room surrounded by the pulsating beats of music blasting down the dorm hall.

I’ve managed to avoid Calum for the past four days since the most embarrassing moment of my life. He’s tried texting and calling me too many times to count, and he even showed up to my dorm room twice. I, of course, pretended to be asleep both times.

So, I know it has to be Calum banging repeatedly on my door, throwing off the steady beats of music.

“Mike, it’s Calum. Can I come in?” I hear him shout through the door over the music.

I get up and turn the light off before returning to my desk to continue trying to focus on the game on my computer and pretending I’m not here.

“Mate! I saw you turn your light off! Michael! Open the door!”

The banging persists and my head sinks lower and lower into my shoulders. Go away. Please. I don’t want to hurt. Not tonight. Please.

“I’m not leaving! Maybe I’ll just ask one of those art kids for a sculpting knife and cut your door down! HA! You couldn’t avoid me if I did that! You wouldn’t even have a door to lock!” He slurs half of his words and it’s becoming clear that he’s drunk, and drunk Calum doesn’t quit.

I drop my head onto the desk and breathe deeply for a minute, listening to him yell at me through the door, before getting up and walking over to the sound. I pause there for a moment and prepare for the worst.

As soon as I open the door, Calum falls backwards onto my floor. How in the Hell…

“What do you want Calum? I’m busy.”

He stumbles back to his feet, swaying softly while he regains his balance in the centre of my dark room.

“You’re busy? You’re busy. That’s why you’ve been avoiding me for a week? Cause you’re busy?! Fuck off Michael.”

I say nothing as I lean against my open door, waiting for him to get this over with, so I can shut it behind him and go back to my self-loathing.

“Answer me!”

Clearly the silent treatment isn’t working here. I glance at the hallway full of people, some who have begun to stare at the two of us. I grit my teeth and shut the door, letting the darkness engulf my room, leaving only the light of my computer screen allowing us to see one another as we stand together in the center of the room.

“What the Hell do you want me to say?!”

“Well for starters, how about you tell me why the fuck you’ve been avoiding me?”

“I haven’t been-“

“Fuck off. You have, and you know it. Now tell me why.”

I shake my head and adjust my weight from foot to foot, shrugging to come up with an excuse.

“Oh. My. God. You’re impossible!” He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath before I watch his posture soften. “Is this about what you said in your essay?”

I go stiff and remind myself to breathe.

“I knew it! At first, I didn’t think that was it, but it fucking was! Why are you avoiding me? Do you think I’m against your sexuality or some shit? Is that why you won’t talk to me? Cause that’s not true! You never even asked me about what I thought about it. About your feelings for me. How I would feel. About my feelings for- about your sexuality. Your sexuality, yeah... You just never asked me.” His face reddens at the last part, probably from lack of air after that speech.

I listen as he drunkenly rambles at me and try to think of something to say. How can he be right? He can’t be. I shouldn’t have to explain myself or my sexuality to him. Why would it matter what he thought about my sexuality?

“Your opinion of my sexuality isn’t needed Calum.” I say, shaking my head.

He sighs harshly and rubs his temples before stomping his foot. Did he actually just stop his foot? Is he five?

“Michael. That’s not what I’m saying! Listen to me! You’re so busy thinking about yourself and your feelings that you’re missing the bigger picture! You’re not the only person in this situation!”

“Oh, I’m sorry Calum. I’m so sorry my feelings were an inconvenience for you! You wanna talk about it? Let’s talk about it! Have my feelings for you ruined your college experience? Have my feelings for you kept you up every night? Have my feelings for you broken your heart?!”

He is silent for a moment before closing his eyes. His body sways softly as he runs his hands through his hair.

“No-” He sighs deeply before replying quietly, “your feelings for me didn’t do any of those things to me. Mine did.”

He opens his eyes and the light of the computer screen highlights the beautiful features of his skin as his words sink into mine.

I stand there with my jaw dropped, staring at the man in front of me. Did he just say… No. No. This is a sick joke. I feel a lump form in my throat begin to form.

“That’s not funny Calum.” I choke out softly.

“I’m not joking.”

“You’re straight.”

“I’m not! I’m Bisexual.” His cheeks redden softly in the pale blue light.

I stare at him in disbelief. He’s got to be drunk out of his mind to lie like this.

“You’re straight.” I repeat in an attempt to both reassure myself and convince him to stop the lies.

He runs his hands through his hair again and lets out an exasperated groan.

“Michael! Fuck! Why won’t you ever listen! I like you! I’ve been trying to tell you ever since you came out to me on the way to that shitty party. I only stopped myself cause you said you didn’t have feelings for me anymore. I’m bisexual Michael! Why do you think I went to Prom with Timothy?”

“That- that was just a stag thing…”

“I wasn’t ready to come out yet. Neither was he.”

He takes a step closer to me, making me overly aware of how small my dorm room actually is. I can smell his cologne and the alcohol -tequila? Yeah, tequila- wafting off him as the space between our bodies lessens.

“So, you’re… bisexual?”

The relief is visible as it washes over him. He smiles softly and takes another step towards me.

“And you… uh… you like me?”

“You wanna talk about it?” He whispers as his eyes drop to my lips.

“Calum, I-”

Before I can finish whatever stupid thing I was going to say, I feel his hands grab my face and his lips crash into mine. I close my eyes and return the kiss. My hands find their way into his hair as he pushes his body against mine. His hand leaves my cheek and finds its way up the back of my shirt, pulling my body impossibly closer to his.

This is more than I’ve ever dreamt of. Calum Hood. Calum Hood kissing me. His hair is softer than I could have ever imagined. I can taste the tequila on his tongue as it slips ever so slightly in between my lips and I suddenly remember how drunk he is. It takes every part of me to pull away and break the kiss.

“Calum. You’re drunk. I can’t.”

“I can.” He steps towards me with a slightly needy expression in his eyes.

“Calum.” I repeat sternly and step away, my back pressing against the door.

He lets out a defeated sigh as he turns around and walks over to the drawer where I keep my snacks.

“Do you have any bread?”

“I- uh… what?... Maybe, why?”

“I want to sober up so you’ll kiss me again.”

I laugh softly and walk over to help him look.

. . .

I wake up to the feeling of something heavy laying across my face. As I open my eyes and adjust my sights to the room around me, I realize the heavy thing on my face is actually Calum’s arm. The events of last night come back to me like a hurricane. Calum arriving at my dorm room drunk, Calum coming out to me as bisexual and confessing his feelings for me… Calum kissing me, and finally, Calum falling asleep beside me while waiting to sober up… I would say it was a dream, but I now have a red, arm-shaped mark on my face to prove otherwise.

I peel his arm off my head and his eyes shoot open, making me jump a little. I watch as he looks around the room and stops once his eyes meet mine. He smiles sweetly at me.

“Hi.” He says, his voice deep and raspy from just waking up.

“Hey there.” I whisper back.

“Guess what.”

“What.”

He smirks at me as his hand finds its way to my cheek and his body shifts towards mine.

“I think I’m finally sober.”

I exhale as my body relaxes from the tension and worry I didn’t realize I had about last night. I chew on my bottom lip as I wait for him to do something.

His eyes explore my face before slowing down at my lips just as they did last night. He blinks slowly and as his eyes open, I find them looking into mine again. He smiles softly as he closes them once more and leans forward, connecting his lips to mine. His pillowy lips kiss mine softly for the best minute of my life, and when he pulls away, he takes my breath with him. I am utterly awestruck by his beauty and the feeling of his lips on mine.

“How about you and I go on to dinner later and get to know the real us? No more assumptions and no more secrets.”

I nod and smile widely.

“I thought you’d never ask.” I agree as he grins before kissing me again.

#malum #the club gift exchange #for mandie #malum fic rec #soft malum #calum x michael #malum fic #malum one shot #5sos fic #5sos one shot #writings #mine

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choco-chip-cookie · 7 years

Text

SugarDaddy!Cal Pt.13

A/N: I wrote this whole chapter while listening to the entire Migos album and a huge bag of hot fries so I’m pretty satisfied with this. The way she reacts in this part is honestly mainly focused on how I would as well as my slang, so sorry if you can't relate. The main character was supposed to be black anyway and Imma black girl soo...As always get this to 100 notes and feedback is appreciated. This is long as hell with a lot of dialogue too. Hope you like this part, sugarplums💕

**WARNING**: Lots of profanity and small makeout session

One/ Two/ Three/ Four/Five/Six/Seven/Eight/ Nine/Ten/Eleven/Twelve/Thirteen/Fourteen/Fifteen Sixteen/ Seventeen/ Eighteen/ Nineteen/Twenty{END}

~ Blonde Babe: Heyyy ~ Y/N: What do you need? I'm not in a playful mood. ~ Ahhh I see ~ *In your voice* "Who tf we have to fight?" ~ Lmaoo, your bestfriend ~ ...Calum? ~ Ding Ding Ding ~ What did he do? ~ He got a fucking girlfriend... ~ Oh wow uh... ~Ice cream on me in 20? ~ Hell yes

You let out an animalistic growl, rolling in your bed until you could gently slither off the side of it slowly and land on the floor with a soft thump. The best way to describe how you were feeling this morning was shitty. Beyond shitty, actually. For starters you were hung over from consuming half a bottle of vodka with Felix, and to top it off you felt like you weren't worth a damn. Having spent so much time with the bassist you couldn't help but to fall for his cheeky charm and his kind heart. If only you knew that he'd just toss you to the side, you could've avoided this whole situation.

Flicking off the bathroom light to avoid irritating your sensitive eyes and causing your migraine to worsen, you began to brush your teeth. Once you finished you took some advil and continued with your morning routine which also consisted with a shower. You nearly slipped and fell when you pulled the curtain back to see Felix seeming to be sleeping on the toilet and rapidly yanked it back to cover yourself.

"What the hell, Felix?!"

"I ate almost a whole tub ice cream, Y/N, I have to shit." He whined and you laughed loudly, immediately regretting it although you couldn't stop."Stop laughing and get out."

"Oh my God. I'm not gonna play with you today, Fe." You wrapped yourself in a towel and stepped out of the shower, ruffling his curls before you left him alone in the bathroom to handle his business.

You got yourself dressed in something simple: a white tank top, a pair of jean shorts, and a red flannel topped off with your black huaraches. You decided that it'd better if you went out to show your face to the world without dark bags underneath your eyes and placed on light makeup. As you were pinning your curls away in a pineapple Luke's name appeared across your phone and you slid the green button to answer.

"You outside, bub?"

"Yep, getting eyeballed by some old man."

"Okay then, Lukey!" You laughed lightly, teasing the boy."Gotchu one."

"That's fucking gross." He groaned."Bring your short self outside before he knocks on the window."

"'Kay."

You hung up the phone and grabbed your purse, yelling to Felix that you were leaving and headed out the door. You snorted as you caught a glimpse of his uncomfortable state through the windshield and smiled politely at your neighbor who had been eyeing him. With only seconds of you being in the car Luke was already backing out of the parking spot and you had bursted into a fit of giggles.

"I think Rodger likes you."

"Y/N, please don't."

Deciding to leave him alone, you hooked up your phone to the bluetooth in the car to play music from your phone. Grinning when you heard Rihanna's voice emit from the speaker, you began to hum lightly.

"You know, I still find it weird you have a SUV." You admitted and he looked at your for a split second as if he was offended."Like, you got a Lexus SUV. What twenty year old with thousands of dollars buys a SUV?"

"There's more room, shut up."

"Strange one you are."

"I'm considering on not buying you ice cream."

The two of you laughed and soon fell silent for the rest of the way there. You smiled occasionally when you heard Luke singing some of the lyrics from the multitude of songs that were played and he laughed at your horrid vocals when you did as well. Sometimes he even complimented you on when he thought you actually sounded good, leading him to believe that "You have potential." When you arrived at the ice cream parlor, Bruster's to be exact, your mood improved dramatically.

"Oh my gosh I want a large waffle cone!" You squealed and hopped out of the SUV, Luke coming around the front of the vehicle to meet you with an amused smile."What are you getting?"

"Probably a waffle cone of cookies n' creme."He shrugged his shoulders."You?"

"I want coffee ice cream. That shit right there is heaven, I swear."

You stood and waited patiently beside Luke as he ordered the two waffle cones, grinning widely when you noticed that the younger brunette was flirting with him. You nudged his arm and sent him a wink while she rung him up, causing Luke to chuckle lightly.

"Get her number." You whispered and he shook his head.

"I just got out of a-"

"The girl cheated on you, Luke. You're free to move on as quickly as you like."

"Y/N, no."

When she handed you your cones, you told Luke to go have a seat on the bench while you "got napkins". What he didn't know was that you were telling your new friend,Paisley, that you saw her ogling Luke and would be happy to give him her number. You couldn't help but to laugh loudly at the resting bitch face he gave you once you handed him the paper with her number jotted down in blue ink.

"I hate you."

"No you don't."

Just as you tucked the number in his shirt pocket, you both simultaneously looked over at the window and saw Paisley's cheeks heat up and she quickly spun around to speed towards the back of the parlor. You laughed lightly at her shy antics and pat his back playfully.

"The cutie's name is Paisley."

"You know, you're the friend who inspires people to make the worst decisions of their life?" Luke joked and you rolled your eyes.

"You better text her."

The second Calum saw both Y/N and Luke laughing and eating ice cream together his heart clenched. He was the one supposed to be causing a smile on her face, the one to make her beautiful laugh pass her lips, not his best friend. He huffed and let out breath of air as he decided to text Luke.

~ Cal:What are you doing rn? ~ Luke: Nothing much. ~ Wassup? ~ Are you with anyone? 10 min later ~ No

Calum furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Why is he lying? He went back on twitter to screenshot the picture of the two and sent it to Luke, waiting patiently as the bubbles appeared and disappeared only to repeat.

~ Okay, I'm with Y/N ~ Did you need anything? ~ Why are you out with her? ~ Because you're an asshole who had her fall asleep drunk and angry ~ A girlfriend? Seriously, mate? ~ Mind your business, Luke ~ Well in that case mind yours and stop worrying about why I'm with Y/N at the moment ~ Fuck you ~ Yeah, see you at the studio

Calum locked his phone and angrily tossed it to the side. He wanted to do nothing more but to drive to them and punch Luke in his pretty face, but he knew that wouldn't solve a thing. He was right after all, Calum was an asshole, but at least it wasn't on purpose. He couldn't exactly control the situation he was in, but he couldn't tell you that. Management didn't want him to have any contact with you, let alone be seen with you in public. He argued them down about how they couldn't control that aspect of his life, but at the end of the day they do control his pay as well as his career.

"We've come to the conclusion that we obviously have to do something to draw attention away from this mishap, so...." David trailed off as he went to open the door and allowed a tall redhead enter the room along with a shorter brunette.

"So?" Calum raised an eyebrow to tell him to get on with it.

"This is Nicole and she's going to be your girlfriend." David announced.

Nicole sent Calum a flirty smile and a wave while he sat in the leather chair, his jaw touching the floor.

"You can't be serious? Y/N will kill me!" He shouted before adding on,"Literally."

"You just told me a few minutes ago that she wasn't your actual girlfriend, Cal. This is better for your career."

"You can't make me date this girl."

"Look," David sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose," I know you don't like this, but we don't have another option. Nicole needs this publicity and you definitely need something more positive than a gold digger."

"This is my personal life, David! You can't just-"

"Do you want to make the band look bad and have sales go down? Yes or no? I can let you walk out of here right now and not care and allow your career go to shit, but you have to remember the boys are with you as well."

That was enough to get Calum to finally agree to the deal, and all while David explained that he had to let you go, he couldn't help but to think about how furious you were going to be.

Even if he were to tell you the truth, he had a strong gut feelings that it wouldn't matter to you. Calum knew just how stubborn you could be and since he didn't just straight forward tell you why he couldn't be with you at the moment, he definitely knew you'd be pissed.

Within the next couple of hours Calum sulked alone in his room and watched reruns of Bobs Burgers before he had to get up to be productive. He dressed himself in lazy attire -sweatpants and a plain dry fit tee - and left his home to head to the studio. He had got the text from Michael saying that he and Ashton were together and already on their way. He jammed in the car to some of the music you had helped him discover and made sure to stop by Mcdonalds to get himself a snack since he hadn't eaten.

When he arrived at the studio he expected to see his best mates with their guitars and notebooks out ready to write a new hit. What he didn't expect to see was you stretched out on the black leather couch with your feet in Luke's lap as he laughed at a joke Ashton told.

"Hey, Cal." Michael greeted his friend with a hug and Cal mumbled out a small hey as his eyes watched your small frame.

God, he'd only been away from you for a week and it felt like months.

"You ready to write?"

"Definitely." The Māori boy nodded and took a seat in the swivel chair nearby you.

You, however, didn't pay him any attention. You had decided long before you got there that you were going to be petty and not acknowledge his presence and you were going to stick to it. You concentrated on figuring out the last three words in a level of Word Cookies and let them do their own thing. Occasionally you would speak when they acknowledged you and laughed when one of them said or did something funny, but other than that not a peep from you. Calum was worried. He knew you weren't anywhere near quiet so to see you sitting so calm and collected surprised him.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom you guys." You announced and they hummed in response.

Just as you were out the door Michael questioned,"Hey, Y/N, can you get me some cookies from the vending machine?"

"Yep." You nodded as you took the dollar or his hand." You boys need anything?"

"Nah."

You hummed to yourself quietly as you walked down the grey hall in search of a bathroom. How you didn't notice Calum following you, you didn't know. All you do know is that when you walked out of the restroom, he was there and had you pushed against the wall with his lips on yours. You gave into it at first, having been away from him for so long and missing the way they felt against your own. You quickly came to your senses, however, and pushed him away from you, anger evident across your features.

"What the fuck?"

"I missed you."

"Boy bye." You laughed and turned to walk away, but he grabbed your wrist.

"I'm sorry I've been ignoring you it's just-"

"You got a fucking girlfriend, yeah I know."

Calum was speechless,but his shock soon turned into confusion."How did you..."

"You'd be amazed by what you find out watching TMZ."

"Y/N, just let me explain-" he cried out and grabbed your arm as you turned away. His eyes widened in shock when you spun around shoved him rather roughly, causing him to nearly topple over. You were stronger than he initially thought.

"No, back the fuck up! How dare you bait my head up like you were really fucking with me heavy these past three months then just throw me in the trash?!"

"It's not like that."

"Oh really? You scoffed," 'Cause it seem like to me you like skinny redheaded bitches now. I mean like damn, Cal, at least warn a girl first that you got another bitch before you ignore me."

Calum sighed in frustration, rubbing his hands down his face and looked at you with pleading eyes. You waited as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly as if he were going to say nothing, but not a sound left his lips. So, you rolled your eyes and spun around on your heels to return to the boys.

"So have you seen ya sugardaddy,yet?" Felix teased you and you rolled you eyes.

"Last time I saw that boy was like three weeks ago, Felix. I'm not stuttin' him."

"You didn't tell me you saw him! What the hell happened?"

You laughed and began telling him about what went down in the studio after you saw him that day. Felix seemed to love all of the drama, especially your "boss bitch" reaction as he'd like to put it.

"You didn't even give the boy a chance to explain himself?" He laughed lightly as you told him about your violent outburst.

"I really wanted to beat his ass." You laughed,"Yanno I fight boys too, it's whatever."

"I remember that time you fought Chris for grabbing your ass."

"His disrespectful ass." You felt yourself getting angry just thinking about when the senior touched you and said multiple sexual comments.

"I wonder what he meant by it's not like that, though? 'Cause obviously it is." Felix shrugged and took the last bite of the subway sandwich you brought back for him.

"Girl, I don't even know. I'm done with him."

You knew that was most likely a lie, but you also knew that's what was for the best.

"Good,Y/N. If he can just drop you and get a new girl in a minute he doesn't deserve you."

"You right as hell. I'm gonna go to sleep, though."You agreed and then bid him goodnight.

Felix stood and stretched with a yawn as he told you goodnight and went into the bathroom to most likely shower.

It was probably around three in the morning when you heard loud banging on you door. It took you a few minutes to actually realize you'd have to get it, but you eventually made you way to the source of the sound. You silently cursed Felix for forcing you out of your bed since he was a heavy sleeper. You could slap the boy and he still wouldn't make a sound. With all honesty, you kind of expected to see Connor since he'd been cooped up in his apartment for the past month since the breakup. However, you were greeted with a sad and seeming to be drunk Māori boy.

"Hey, Y/N." he gave you a lopsided grin and you sighed in annoyance, tilting your head to the side and looking up at the ceiling.

"What?"

"Yanno, although it's directed towards me I still love that crazy attitude of yours? It's so sexy and-"

"Yeah, it's gonna be real sexy when you catch these hands."

That kept Calum from continuing his sentence as he was now staring at you with terrified eyes, slightly scared of how deathly serious you seemed to be.

"Why are you at my door at three in the morning?"

"I miss you." He paused."Like a lot."

"Bye, Calum."

"No, Y/N, please!" He begged after you had slammed the door in his face.

You were going to walk away, but Calum had began banging on your door once again and you definitely didn't want to get a noise complaint from your older next door neighbors. You sighed and opened it once more and he quickly bomb rushed you to enter your apartment. He was about to speak but you held up your hand and motioned towards the sleeping Felix. Even though he was a heavy sleeper, you didn't want to take any chances knowing that he would blow it out of proportion if he spotted him. You told Calum to follow you to your bedroom and closed the door behind him, crossing your arms and waiting for him to speak.

"Can you say what you need to say and get the hell out?"

"I miss you, Y/N, and I know this situation seems like I just did something really fucked up, but it's complicated."he sighed and took a seat on your plush bed.

"You threw me to the curb and think you can just come back and I'll forgive you? You know me better than that."

"I want to tell you why I'm with her, but I could go to jail and-"

"You owe her family money?" Your eyes widened and he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"What? No."

"Oh my God, you did something stupid and have to pay for it or a gang’s gonna get you? What did you do?!" Your mind was going into overdrive with possibilities, remembering the multiple situations people went through when you were still your hometown.

"That's just crazy."

"Damn, she's pregnant isn't she?"

"Y/N, no? What are you talking about?" He laughed and you shook your head.

"Things were complicated back home, just...Can you seriously leave, please?" You sighed, tugging on the bonnet that was currently protecting your curls.

"I'm not."

You watched as Calum kicked his shoes off and fell back against your bed, sighing contently when your smell enveloped him. He quickly made himself comfortable on what used to be his side of the bed and closed his eyes as if he were going to fall asleep.

"Calum, if you don't get out of my bed, I swear to God."

"No, thanks."

"You're drunk as hell and you have a girlfriend. Get the hell out."

"I'm slightly tipsy and Nicole is the least of my concern."

"What the fuck, bruh." You tossed your head back on your shoulders in annoyance and Calum let out an amused chuckle.

"I’ve noticed you use a lot of profanity when you're angry."

"Shut up."

"Come lay with me, please." Calum summoned you to the bed with a couple of light pats."I just need to be next to you, I won't touch you. I just want to know you're there."

"Why won't you sleep in the bed with Nicole?"

"Because she isn't the girl that I have feelings for."

Just that one statement made the anger you felt disperse. At this point, you didn't have any clue how to feel as you climbed into your bed beside him. Here he is a month after leaving you for someone else, in your bed begging for you to lay beside him and confessing that he did in fact have feelings for you. The craziest part about it all is that he wasn’t even your boyfriend. Calum was technically not even an ex. You knew having a sugar daddy, especially a young one, would come with problems, but this isn't what you had in mind.

It was peacefully quiet as the two of you listened to the other's breathing, the body heat radiating between you two keeping you warm underneath the purple duvet. You were slightly nodding off when you felt Calum shuffle closer and wrap his arms around you securely.

"You said you wouldn't touch." You mumbled groggily, but still melted into him nonetheless.

"I can't help myself." Calum sighed as he nuzzled his face into your neck." I haven't been able to touch you in so long."

"This is wrong."

"It's not."

"You have a girlfriend, Calum. I bet she's not out cuddled up to another guy and telling him she has feelings for him."

"Can we just forget about her? Please?"

"No, because that's fucking disrespectful!" You argued and turned around to face him." What was the damn point of you getting a girlfriend if you were still going to come back to me? I know I'm more than enough for one man, so why am I not enough for you?"

Calum didn't know what to say to you. He knew he couldn't tell you about the contract no matter how bad he wanted to, but he also knew that you weren't just going to let it go. You had enough respect for yourself and other girls to not mess around with someone who was taken.

"You’re more than enough, princess, I promise. I'll tell you eventually, okay? For now can we just sleep together? Is that so wrong?"

"It is."

Once again the two of you fell into silence, tension thick in the air. Calum examined your face and felt his heart break as he noticed the betrayal and anger held in your chocolate brown orbs. He was tracing little heart shaped patterns onto your skin with his nimble fingers, occasionally giving your waist a little squeeze. Calum loved moments like these, even given the circumstance you were currently in. The moments where you'd just stare into each other's souls, examining each and every detail of the other's face as you clung to each other.

"If it's so wrong then why are you letting me stay?"he whispered and you shut your eyes as if you were in pain.

"Because I like you more than I should...because I stopped seeing you as just my sugar daddy a while ago."

After your bold confession, Calum decided that he couldn't hold back anymore. His soft lips soon met yours and you didn't even have the energy to fight him, the thought of his girlfriend leaving your mind the moment you kissed. He shifted to where you were on top of him and could squeeze your butt. He had to admit that he missed grabbing your ass way more than he should. You began to roughly grind your hips against his lower half, allowing your pent up frustrations to take control of you. You had been without him for far too long and it seemed as if you hadn't had a release in God knows how long. Soon enough you and Calum were both naked, grabbing at and kissing every inch of each other.

"Have you been with anybody else?" He questioned you, trailing kisses up and down the base of your throat.

You denied then asked him," Did you fuck her?"

"Wouldn't dream about it." His kisses soon fell to your collarbone, sucking a dark purple bruise on the area." No one is like you."

"You're damn right."

When you woke up the next morning and turned over to see him sleeping peacefully in your bed, his hair still all over his head, you knew that this wouldn't end well. You had a strong feeling that whatever you had going with Calum would only go downhill from here.

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