#i think she'd maybe be open to it

[q-kanbas]

how invasive of a surgery can i opt into: questions for my gynecologist in 2022

#me walking into the clinic: heeeeeyyyy kim can you just like. do me a solid? #can you just rip this fucking thing out of my body #i think she'd maybe be open to it #maybe #shes one of the few healthcare providers who took my asexuality at face value and doesn't blink when i get older and older and still havent #had sex like every other person in healthcare i've had to mention it to #maybe if i begin medically transitioning #obviously thats. not easy #but at least it would get this thing that nearly drove me to suicide at fucking 15 out of my body #before i loose the right to medicate it into oblivion #text #i don't even know if this is somehow offensive #this is my own blog and i've been having heart palpitations for days now from stress over the *thought* of having to deal with it again #i nearly had a breakdown when i forgot my pills at home when at college #it fucking hurts #it made me so weak i couldn't walk up the stairs in my house or stand for longer periods of time #even now i still get twinges of pain and my back hurts in a cycle #my ibs flareups are rooted in how severe the hormonal fluctuations are *on hormonal medication* #i'm an adult now #i wouldn't be able to survive #and i don't think i would want to at that point #anyway welcome to anxiety #theoretically i could get an endometrial ablation but that wouldn't fix the hormones #i turned into another person

[aroaceleovaldez]

emo Nico x scene Will Solace...

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #will solace #solangelo #i need them to be cringe (affectionate) teenagers okay #give me Will with a hardcore homestuck phase and streaks in his hair dyed with kool-aid and striped armsocks #date night is Will teaching Nico how to make kandi bracelets #if youve been here awhile you may know i am a scene Jason believer and the same concepts apply here #listen i just think. emphasizing Nico being emo and giving him a scene boyfriend #its very important though that only certain riordanverse chars fit the vibe to be scene kids #like i dont think Percy would be as much as i want him to be #its antithetical to his character (internalized ableism/bad self-loathing/keeps his head down) #Will and Jason on the other hand would use XD unironically and have a total ball making sparkledog fursonas #Alex Fierro. DEFINITE scene kid. Magnus is already just kind of a little emo. Sadie is a definite yes. Carter. maybe. #i think he'd be adverse at first but kinda get into it casually yknow. he'd dig kandi bracelets at least. #probably get really into linguistic breakdown of xD rAnDoM speech just for fun #Walt no but he could. like. i think he'd be open to trying it. but its not his default state. #Zia. doesnt have the energy but i kinda wanna see it regardless. i think itd be fun for her but on her own she'd lean more goth #Leo? maybe. depends. he's more into doing stuff ironically. Piper. yes. but specifically as an f-you to conventional fashion #Reyna no. Frank maybe. Hazel yes. Thalia maybe. Annabeth hmm. maybe #i think thats all the main casts. Alabaster? YES and i wanna see it. #anyways thank you for coming to my emo x scene ted talk and character evaluations in the tags

[somniamarum]

still thinking about this scene in conjunction with this quote :

the way she tries to maintain the illusion of dominance in this confrontation, when she is quite literally at her most vulnerable, politically and otherwise ( and how monumentous a feat controlling her face in general seems to be ). the release of raw panic when she is alone, beseeching the light.

prime has made such a subtle shift that's resulted in a wildly different character, reframing her oath to the dark as this desperate grasp for more power - not for power's sake as it's framed in the books, but as this intense and guttural reaction to lews' ability to influence and ultimately hurt her. something she reflects on with him ( by proxy ).

she's incorrectly conflated that kind of emotional vulnerability with weakness and this remains pretty prevalent in all of her interactions with rand. even when she is initiating anything, she always holds him just far enough away that he has to take that last step to her. and while this serves another purpose in tricking rand into thinking the direction he's been gently guided is one of his choosing, it also allows her to hide from any more overt / explicit rejection. even when she is ready to be more open with him, she has his physically restrained ( both, when she, herself, attempts to reveal herself to him and in their first interaction after he knows ).

beneath the nine layers of mental gymnastics and false pretense, she's so cautious with her heart and mind that it barrels into cowardice.

#it's the rawest we get to see her as of yet and it's *right* when she was certain everything had fallen into perfectly into place #lanfear and her complicated relationship with vulnerability in general occupy a lot of my brain #INTROSPECTION. #well. okay. this and her maybe (probably) emulating ishamael #i MEAN she quotes him almost word for word #though i don't think she'd ever admit to that #so ALSO : i know there is sooome foundation for this in the books with the whole 'open you mind to me' thing #but i think the show executes it better

[mushroomjar]

Does anyone else also interpret the Banana Fish anime and the manga as like, different stories? I know they're not that different but it's the little differences that make them feel like separate to me

#i haven't read the whole manga yet but with the little i've read i feel a huge difference between #the story akimi yoshida tried to tell vs the story the anime wanted to tell #i hope that makes sense #for a long time i was really mad at akimi yoshida for how she would talk about the story/characters and what she'd do with them #as an anime-first fan #but now i feel like maybe i was a bit too harsh and i can interpret the anime and the manga as having different messages #not to exempt yoshida from all blame. there's still stuff i heavily disagree with her on and do not at all endorse #but i think i like looking at it this way #if anyone who's read the whole manga and watched the anime wants to chime in please do so! i'm very open to discussion on this subject #banana fish #cat rambles

[4lph4kidz]

I think really the only canon case of Jake being ‘manipulative’ would be his convo w Jane, and while yes that one thing might’ve been manipulative, that doesn’t make Jake HIMSELF inherently manipulative. Does that make sense? And like, he’s not going into things like ‘I am a chessmaster, a puppeteer, all of you will dance to my tune’ he’s going ‘hmmm how do I avoid this awkward conversation’

pretty much. ymmv with how manipulative it is i guess, and as another anon said, saying jake is manipulative is just another way of saying he tries to be indirect to avoid confrontation... anyway, this is up for interpretation since i think it depends on whether or not you read the line 'i really was not prepared for this answer' as facetious or not. but my impression was of genuine surprise and like idk how manipulative someone can be if they aren't certain abt their understanding of people. that said now that i'm looking at it it does kinda seem like some faker shit. damn we'll have to see how i feel about it in the context of my next reread i guess

and obviously he does prevent her from backpedaling after he gets that answer, but that doesn't seem like a conciously manipulative move either, to me it reads as him jumping to believing the thing that's more convenient for him and ignoring contradictory details. hope style.

so yeah he's kinda shitty but not really conciously so. roxy put it best i think

#shrug #not sure how much i wanna keep talking about this though i'm open to alternate interpretations #there is something to purposefully disguising his true intent / ability / whatever with wilful ignorance and incompetence #but i don't think he's actually confident enough in his understanding of other people to try and make those kinds of manoevres #he reads very heavily as autistic to me and seems to second guess himself a lot even when he's proven to be more insightful than he appears #to be fair it's a matter of interpretation #and reading between the lines means you might just be filling in the gaps with what you what to see #who knows maybe he was playing 5D chess and knew the whole time that she would definitely deny her feelings for him #but i think it's equally likely that he would have agreed to date her instead if she'd managed to get her feelings out #. so yeah idk if he went in with any kind of manipulative intent other than to try and resolve an awkward situation as hastily as possible. #idk about reading this comedy of errors ass scene as anything but obviously farcical lol

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

only good thing abt the vous situation is that it lets me experience tecteun calling 13 the child that im 100% convinced she actually would bc shes the only one who uses tu for her

#what language do you think theyre actually speaking #bc like on top of all the other um disconcerting stuff abt the whole situation on that spaceship for 13 #iamgine walking into that tree room and refinding that woman there and then she starts talking to you in like. this ancient gallifreyan #like old high gallifreyan hours #a language you only kinda learnt at school a couple millennia ago #im a big believer of the doctor and the master speaking gallifreyan when theyre alone i have fun with that in fic #(i dont think they speak entirely the same native language i think gallifryan is a diglossia but not the point) #but neither of them Speak old high like thats a dead language #i think 13 would drop into gallifreyan after opening in english #'hello im the doctor' in you know good old sheffield english #and then tecteun responds with 'i know' but in like....fucking latin #latin is probably not the best analogy but i dont know the history of english #old english i gues but we dont really learn that in school #anyway imagine how disconcerting #and i imagine she'd switch to gallifreyan sure but like. her modern mountain gallifreyan from lungbarrow right? #that vs tecteuns fucking classical dead textbook gallifreyan #or thats how it would feel to the doctor bc tecteun is pre-timelord. this is just her language #or....her language would be what would later become old high #so maybe she speaks to her Child as she used to actual eons ago #and to the doctor the closest this sounds like is old high gallifreyan bc she doesnt remember this language any more than tecteuns eyes #it's close-enough-sorta-dead-gallifreyan-??? #so she switches to the closest shes got. which is just. lungbarrowian #tecteun trying to rewrite history and the doctor not-entirely-on-purpose re-establishing the one she has/knows/remembers #holding on to her actual history #which tecteun tries to rewrite/unwrite/dig out from under known history with this old old gallifreyan #anyway. more language thoughts of this evening

[chikoyama]

ruffles or no ruffles on shirt i can't decide

#kaiyon is my artist name (my art) #visage #wip #will probs be going w expression on the right #for each iteration i change my style of drawing LOL #might fix skirt/legs or eyes next time i open up this wip #in like 2 months maybe #this is teen chi btw #as adults i think she'd wear something a lil different

[wildflowercryptid]

i feel like it would've been cool if courtly also had a pawn motif along with her jester and diamond motifs, it fits super well with whole "seemingly insignificant figure with infinite possible futures, including the ability to become a queen" thing she's got going on.

#i have a whole scenario in my head for the turning point in lizzie & courtly's friendship when she comes to eah that is a pawn analogy #maybe i'll try writing a fic based on it idk #i can't imagine that any of the wonderlandians would welcome courtly with open arms (except maybe maddie she'd be more forgiving) #but i think they would come around to her once she proved herself to be somewhat reformed... #at least as reformed as a villain could be i suppose #courtly rattles around my head like a ping pong ball and idk why #ever after high #courtly jester #mj.txt

[the-cat-at-the-theatre-door]

Etcetera was the type of young kitten who would shout “No! No! No!” at precedingly higher pitched hysterics and start crying if she thought her big brother or cousins or her moms or her uncles or her granddad or *anybody* she cared about were in any kind of danger in accordance with her limited understanding of what constituted as “danger” - like play wrestling or climbing up the fence all the way to the top or jumping from perch to perch. 

She’d need a lot of reassurance afterwards that they were fine and it was alright, and they wouldn’t do it again (in front of her), and then she’d soon forget - here and gone again - but they’d feel bad about it anyway. 

#like the equivalent to if your big siblings were spinning each other really fast on a tire swing or pushing each other REALLY high #and they're having a blast and maybe shrieking with delight but to your toddler brain you think they're in trouble and you're scared #Etcetera #my headcanons #she'd also react negatively if any of them said 'ow!' in front of her even if it was just catching their claws in a rug #gus learned that one the hard way after someone stepped on his tail and he cursed and then Etcetera just started screaming and sobbing #and his eyes just flew open with surprise like what did i do???

[tvrningout-a]

IMAGES OF HISAKAWA CHIYOKO

" over and over again, i sink my teeth into my weakly self because in this world riddled with mistakes, i want to make sure you can smile. i don't want to lose anyone anymore. "

pg. 3/∞

#did i get distracted immediately after cleaning out open tabs and finding this character creator? maybe asdfg #this is as close as i'm getting to chiyo's design without commissioning her spider suit and it's still pretty far off tbh #i like the mandibles on the mask like that but it just wouldn't be functionally practical considering she spits venomous/paralytic webbing #i still think she'd have a half mask #but! the coloring is accurate at least asdf #also i'm weeping that there's a bg option where miguel's coming for them oh my gosh #visuals | chiyoko #inserting my lil brainworms here and saying that i think chiyo would have a love-hate relationship with miguel #she'd hate his approach to certain things but i do feel like their personalities would mesh okay -- she tends to switch it up #depending on who she's interacting with anyway but the dry humor and whatnot would be fun for banter #and tbh i still think the guy's got a soft spot for kiddos who feel lost #but lemme stop now bc these tags are long as heck and my brain is too mushy to explain this stuff properly #your friendly neighborhood jorogumo | across the spider verse | chiyoko

[n1et]

I made myself hot chocolate from scratch today. It was really nice; reminded me a bit of my trips with my godfather.

#when I was little #around 8 to 11 I think; tho it might have been a year in each direction #my god father; who's a headmaster in a prestigious opera song academy in Leon; would take me on trips #I was wit him in greace; Athens rodos and some other islands I forgot about #and I once traveled to the carabean #we'd always stay at either a cheap motel he rented day of; or at one of his girl friend's houses; they were always very sweet #he was a closested gay #it was a kind of open secret; I think the person it bothered most was him #but I remember each morning I would get a big bowl sized glass #cup? #one of those bowl cups #it was yellow #thinking about it now; my grandfather has an almost identical one; just not as glossy #of hot choco #made in a pot #from local chocolate bars #little tubes of compacted coco powder; with some; but little coco butter #about the length of your index finger; maybe bigger; and as thick as a thumb is wide #she'd grind it with a little zester type grinder; the small flat ones with a handle #sometimes I'd help #it was really nice #I got really nostalgic making myself choco #with dark chcolate bars and coco powder and sugar #and just a little bit of butter and cream #to be honest; the coco I drank then was objectively disappointing #the chocolate never incorporated cleanly and it was good; but nothing amazing #but the feeling of it #the context and the fact it was made by a caring host #it really made it great #and today I could show that same kind of love to myself again

[pochapal]

one thing about eva is that even if her suspicions aren't 100% accurate she's always right to have a suspicion (she accuses krauss/natsuhi of killing kinzo and pretending like he's alive in order to secure the fortune which is wrong but what's not wrong is that krauss is in fact embezzling kinzo's money). so i'm inclined to trust her when she says kumasawa being at the docks is out of character even though i can't see what would be majorly weird/suspicious about this

#umineko liveblog #ep1 reread #first thing that comes to mind is that it's because everyone knows battler is meant to be returning in 1986 #so maybe kumasawa was sent out by kinzo to see in advance if battler did in fact show up #even though idk. i feel like if kinzo was using his servants as scouts/spies shannon/kanon/genji would be better fits #so maybe it's not spying on the family in advance then? #kumasawa's excuse is she had 'urgent purchases' to make except her going there contradicts her lazy nature #the timing doesn't quite work out but i wonder if kumasawa could be an accomplice to one of the myriad schemes being set up? #can't be the kanon/'beatrice' thing because if anyone would be kanon's accomplice it would be genji #and it seems that the 'beatrice' scheme relies on 'beatrice' having the ring which at this point is still kinzo's #and even if kumasawa had a heads up about whatever i don't think she'd act to rebel against kinzo until it was absolutely safe to do so #and even then. what part of anyone's scheme would require kumasawa to do something off the island? i'm drawing a blank #so idk. i'm only honing in on this because an off the cuff remark about someone acting ooc in the opening chapter of a mystery novel is sus #and worth paying attention to because we're in the 'innocuous details that actually hold the key to everything' phase of the story rn

[vamprnce]

been thinking abt Dylan and Kaitlyn being besties and hanging out w each other, prob chilling, having a movie night together, talking abt personal shit prob some abt Ryan bc gotta throw him in there too plus Dylan showing her Schrodinger finally also lol

#text #the quarry #i care abt their friendship a lot 🥺💕 #they'd prob talk abt life and collage stuff too and dylan can open up abt his interest in quantum physics and tech stuff #and idk what kait canonically is into?? maybe someone can tell me bc i might've missed something lol but i think she'd be into mechanics #stuff since she's good at that in game

[bloodanddiscoballs]

I may be going on t soon 👀

#saw my primary care doc and she said that she does it it will help with my pain but they require blood tests #to just be able to prove the thing i already know which is that my natural levels are lowered due to my pain #and in the same comvo we talked about maybe getting me set up for a hysterectomy #shes really chill and open so while im waiting to have the Gender convo #i think she'd help me find that path #cause like i wanna get top surgery #but i dont want bottom surgery or really change that #and id like to do voice training stuff and maybe have more body hair etc #but id like to kinda be able to lean more 'feminine' on the days i want to yknow #i wanna ride that in between line #physically yknow #i like options #but yeah also testosterone helps with chronic pain so im also hoping that going on it will help me

[cannibalisticskittles]

@biknuckles

SEE i've told my sister that she should sell her art in some form or another -- prints if she doesn't wanna sell originals -- but she's reluctant bc she doesn't know how and doesn't think people would be interested in most of em but i think she'd have an audience

and she sure does make A Lot of clown art

#and i mean #to be fair #not knowing how to sell your art is definitely a Real And Not Insignificant hurdle in selling art #but. she graduates at the end of the semester. and i'm hoping that with that weight off her and with a bit more time on her hands #perhaps i can persuade/help her to do this #I don't think she'd want it to be a big thing right now -- or possibly ever -- BUT #i think that there are at LEAST a handful of people in the world who would be utterly delighted to own some of her art #i think there would be many people actually but reaching a wide audience takes time/money/effort/marketing/whatever #anyway maybe one day I'll be able to post that she's opened up an etsy or something and then you too can own as much clown art as we now do

[non-un-topo]

If I keep having nightmares I’m gonna have to start writing another horror thing, right? Like I can’t let these plots go to waste

#hi yeah i have nightmares almost every night. been like this since childhood. maybe i have a sleep disorder...? #last night's feature involved me going through boxes in a closet inside a house that wasn't mine #and a bunch of women sitting in the room and chatting. i was apparently opening some haunted shit but none of them warned me. #some girl approached my pile of closet things and picked up a bowling ball and started playing w it like she'd never seen one before #and she sort of threatened to bash my head in with it. ofc i got freaked out and angry and tried to send her away. #i started to realize that things were moving. like objects and lights in really subtle ways. then realized all the women were looking at me #and they were completely silent. i realized i'd disturbed some spirit and it was angry. i started crying etc #i think the women were witches?? and for some reason i was looking for my mom for years? #anyway yeah don't touch a dead girl's dolly. #it was one of those dreams that just felt like dread. like there was nothing i could do to escape the situation i was in. like predestined. #i've been to therapy ik all the reasons i still dream like this it's v obvious #i only woke up because things were getting really intense and my partner ran out of toilet paper so they were texting me hgfdghj #maybe i should stop rambling and just actually write another horror fic because i really miss it and there's a lack of scary shit on ao3. #oh how can i damage nicky and booker this time