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sageandpython · 2 years

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entry 002: intentions

Judgement | Major Arcana Meanings - Upright: self-evaluation, awakening, renewal, purpose, reflection, reckoning Reversed: self-doubt, lack of self-awareness, failure to learn lessons, self-loathing

i’ve been thinking a lot on why i wanted to even pursue business analytics and information systems, and why i feel more eager to begin classes this time around. i remember i was perpetually anxious and terrified during my first year of undergrad, and how i always felt like i was on the back foot compared to my peers.

everyone seemed more sure of themselves than i was and attended classes with a certain level of gravitas, while i still felt like some high schooler goofing around and not taking things seriously. over time that naiveté went away, but i operated on a level that was still weaker than that of my classmates. i struggled in my classes. my brain wouldnt absorb anything. and i went to classes not to really learn, but just so i can at least get the attendance portion of my grade covered while my assignments suffered.

maybe i was burnt out. i certainly thought i was during what i thought would be my last semester. i remember getting sick frequently and not having the energy to really care about anything, sending assignments in three or four days late, or conversely, bursting into tears after class and struggling to even read or eat.

i ended up failing a class that semester, only one thankfully - i was so sure it’d be two or three, so i didn’t end up graduating at the same time as my friends. i graduated a half year later, during the first wave of the covid-19 pandemic, so i didn’t get a graduation gown and cap. frankly i was grateful, i didn’t want to have to attend a ceremony just for a degree i didn’t feel like i earned. i picked up my testamur at the school over six months later, after i had completed my degree. it was really big and unwieldy (about A2 sized) so i left it in the car while i had lunch downtown.

my undergrad is something i have complex feelings about. it was pushed onto me by family and something i couldn’t change, as much as i wanted to. it was something to be endured, a checkbox i needed to fulfill so i could look good on paper. i felt like i had wasted everybody’s time. to this day i’m being pushed to pursue it because i graduated with my bachelor’s. i thought finishing my degree would’ve saved me the derision of my parents, but this is worse.

i’m grateful i am able to pursue something i actually want to study for my master’s. i was in an entirely different physical and mental place at the start of the year, and it’s only been a handful of months since i dropped everything to move back in with family so i could prepare for my master’s degree. my life has changed a lot since i left, and will only change more once i fly out for my program.

once there, i want to set the foundation for a healthier approach to learning. i’m happier already, but i need to set the groundwork for developing healthy habits that will serve me and help me thrive over the course of my degree, so i don’t slide back into a bad place once crunch time starts.

i will detail in another post my goals for this first semester.

- t

#tarot #studyblr #intentions #partly ranty #major arcana #judgement tarot #postgrad #university

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troublecominghq · 3 years

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character name(s)/alias/etc: jesper fahey / the sharp shooter.

character age and date of birth: 21, april 22nd year 100.

character's pronouns/gender identity/romantic & sexual identity: he/him mostly, but vibes with any tbh. genderfluid. bisexual, biromantic & polyam.

character faceclaim: kit young.

oc or canon + which fandom affiliated with: canon, grishaverse.

currently located: the slat, ketterdam.

moral alignment + people/groups etc they are aligned to: chaotic neutral, jesper is one of the last people to be seen following any rules, but he also doesn’t have evil intentions really. he’s a chaotic entity, sure, but there aren’t any overly bad or overly good motivations to it. jesper is entirely aligned and loyal to the dregs/crows, and though he can be reckless at times with it, he cannot be shaken on that.

tell us about their personality/the kind of character they are/what kind of goals etc they have: charming, witty, a touch full of himself, but jesper has a true heart. he’s not above doing dodgy shit to get what he or the crows want/need, and he certainly dabbles in plenty of vices, but he’s not a horrible, evil person. he doesn’t believe in the oppression of others, unless that ‘other’ is some rich fuck getting off on making the lesser suffer. jesper ‘eat the rich but i also wanna be rich’ fahey. jesper can be incredibly reckless, loudmouthed and overly confident. he’s got a habit for fucking shit up though most of the time it’s not intentional, but in the end, even some of his most chaotic of methods get shit done. there just… might be a bit of a detour first. which, on the note of: jesper has a bad habit for even worse decisions. a gambler, an addict to the rush, jesper has a lot of issues around this and relishes in figuring the odds on most things. the downside is that although jesper definitely isn’t suicidal, he takes a lot of risks with his own life. jesper can be a jittery, anxious person at times and he specifically uses these outlets-- gambling, even fighting to get a fix of an adrenaline rush and soothe it. however, in spite of all of this, jesper has a lot of self esteem issues and doesn’t have a genuine, high value on himself. he has a grandiose and exaggerated personality, but the fact is, so much of it is for show and to cover up his many flaws and the parts of himself he hates. he tends to look to his peers-- the crows especially, those he loves and is dedicated to above all else-- for validation. jesper’s goals are simple, to an extent. they don’t align with big, grand ideas as such and are far more personal. he wants to pay off his debts. he wants to live comfortably, rich and content but he doesn’t want to push down others like him to do it. he knows his issues with gambling will likely prevent it, but he clings on to the small dream and that he could undo the mess he’s made of his life since moving to ketterdam. he wants to see his fellow crows happy, to do what he can to help their plans and gains. he kinda would love to see the old fucks of the city taken down a peg or twenty.

biography: born to a kaelish father and zemeni mother, jesper grew up on a jurda farm in novyi zem, close to the western mountains. tragedy struck jesper’s life early with the death of his mother, a grisha, who died using her powers to protect two young girls from poison. in fear of the same happening to his son, jesper’s father discouraged him from using his own powers, insisting he let them go dormant. jesper obeyed, growing up with a fear for his own powers and an internalised hatred-- not for grisha, but simply for his own powers and self. however, grisha that fail to use their powers tend to suffer ‘sicknesses’. in jesper, this presents itself in a seemingly never ending supply of energy building up inside of him, and is why he often seems anxious and jittery and in need of the outlet he uses for it-- gambling and other reckless, adrenaline inducing vices.

coming to ketterdam for university was supposed to be a turning point in jesper’s life. and to an extent, it was. just not in the way he’d planned. drawn in by the lifestyles on offer, jesper very quickly developed a gambling addiction and as such, he ended up dropping out of university early into his new life in ketterdam. this is where he began to dabble in crime, taking on jobs for multiple different gangs in order to pay off his debts, only to repeat the cycle. this broke at least partially when he met kaz brekker who saved him from a severe beating and took him on as a member of the dregs. in spite of his flaws, jesper is an incredibly talented sharp shooter and an asset to the gang. he’s a quick thinker, and easily adjusts when things don’t go as planned.

jesper was quick to join kaz on the job to find and kidnap the alleged sun summoner and had one hell of a time crossing the fold, delving into more heists and general causing chaos in ravka. tragically though, things didn’t quite go as planned and the crows had to return to ketterdam without a prize but, hey, at least they survived? but that didn’t mean it was an easy return by any means, not when their exit had left so many loose ends in the first place and brought more enemies to the table than planned. but jesper’s faith in kaz never failed, and thankfully, it wasn’t misplaced. some bribery here, a little heartrending beautiful tweaks there and eventually, things were back on track for the crows. jesper knew there was still a threat lurking though, but it didn’t stop him from diving right back into his usual chaotic life. till, that was, a new job came to the table. the biggest one yet and promising a lot more than a million kruge split three ways.

breaking into the fjerdan ice court was a shit show, but one that, in spite of the fuck ups, jesper relished in. the exact kind of thrill he thrived on. of course, until one of their own is kidnapped. but in true crows fashion, they go just as hard, if not harder to get inej back and completely destroy jan van eck. for once, things finally work. maybe not as planned entirely, but they get their win. the dregs come out on top, and jesper feels somewhat settled in knowing that he finally managed to begin to make things right not only with his friends, but with his father too.

but now, he has a whole lot of actual secure looking future to play with and he has to wonder: what beautiful way can he play with that? because he’s far from done with being a chaotic lil fuck.

for those writing canon grishaverse characters particularly from the s&b trilogy, please outline any instances of divergence you wish to include within your portrayal, even if it’s already been mentioned in the biography: when it comes to jesper, i’m chill to keep pretty much everything established in the books while of course, having included the show details too!

#aplication #admin app

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faithwhisper · 3 years

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4/03/21

It's been almost half year or so since I have been practicing this mantra I learned to keep me persevere while also not strangling my mental health. Doing anything is better than doing nothing. Till now it has not failed me and I just want to share it here. I have a very meticulous personality. I used to make check-lists about everything whether it's my studying pattern, my daily schedule or how I see myself in next five/ten years. There's a list about everything. And they are not that much of a problem except that I used to keep thinking about them. In my head, there was always atleast one checklist going on and I would constantly find myself ticking off stuff. It was overtaking my life. I would checking out stuff in my head while on bed finding it harder to sleep. I would be doing the same while in a conversation. I was getting more and more frustrated and no later I realised that there was a problem. I consulted a psychiatrist since I thought I had most probably anxiety issues or something like that. Instead, he told me I had a personality type- obsessive compulsive personality trait also otherwise known as anankastic personality.

You know how they tell you not to let your mental health condition define you. Well, I don't get it. It's my personality. It's a huge part of who I am. How can it not define me? Ofcourse I understand there's more to the definition but this is a major constituent as well.

That was probably the time I started prioritising my mental and physical health above everything. Above my ambitions, the relationships around me, almost everything else. Slowly I started unraveling things about me I didn't notice before and slowly I started learning ways to overall boost my health. It's been a very slow journey and it's long from being over. I still get all anxious over my checklists. Some nights I still lie awake on bed trying hard to sleep but my mind just keeps repeating stuff to me. Infact, I have been quite a mess since past few days. And maybe that's why I am writing this. Maybe it's the tolerance to the mantra or the things are just worse enough to not be handled by a single sentence or maybe it's something else. It's hard to hold on to it but I still do.

Doing anything is better than doing nothing.

Be Slow and steady.

Just give some time. Things will untangle. Give yourself some space. You'll figure it out.

Just keep going slowly.

And just like that, I keep crawling through days.... through life. I have accepted my energy levels, their quick depletion, sudden anxiety and almost everything that's in the package. Slowly I am embracing who I am and working my way through life based on that. Not everybody is made same. The situation in which you thrive, I might not even survive. So it's probably the best thing I have learned about myself that I don't thrive in stress and pressure, I thrive when nurtured. I thrive in slow pace. I don't like to run ( in any context) at all. So maybe, just try to understand what works for you cause it might not necessarily be something that worked for somebody else, no matter how much they preach it, no matter how many people seem to have followed it.

To be honest, I know mine is not some clinical definition mental illness. There are people out there having worse than me and I don't claim to know how it feels cause everybody's experience is different. We all have different pair of shoes and I might not fit into yours and you not into mine. But I know how it feels when your shoe bites. So how about you take them off for a while and rest.

P.S- to everyone out there, I am proud of you to survive everyday ❤️

-dkg

#daily diary #day9 #feelings #spilled thoughts #its okay to not be okay #mental health #spotify

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hazzabeeforlou · 5 years

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11 questions

Yes I did this a bit ago but @helloamhere (thank you, ily, have fun bussing around Europe, did that once, had to follow apple maps to know where to get off ‘cause I speak ZERO German...) tagged me and I’m an anxious mess waiting for medical news today so WHY NOT!

Rules: answer 11 questions then pose 11 of your own.

1. What do you think fanfic does better than published fiction (if anything?)

Okay obvious answer and not very high brow, but SMUT. You will not see me perusing the gay aisles of Barnes and Noble romance novels :) For various reasons :)

2. What do you think it does worse

I think (maybe it’s just this fandom) overall it’s quite a bit more sanitary than novels, both in morality and subject matter. I hate to think what the purity police would say about some of the books I’ve read... especially the old ones? But then I usually come here looking for fluff and happiness too so perhaps that’s just the major draw of fanfic, idk.

3. What’s something another fandom has or does that you wish your fandom had or did?

To be honest I’m not well versed in other fandoms, but I’m going to go with I wish this fandom didn’t have constant infighting. Seriously in all my born days I have never seen a group of people claim such a similar goal and yet devour each other so viciously. Hence I usually avoid anything incredibly explosive or triggering here; I deal with and confront radical people (religious extremists, right wing extremists) in my everyday life and I cannot bring myself to turn my escapism into that same vortex of endless arguing, though I appreciate and support those who fight the fight. I often have very sharp opinions and fall to one side or the other of the fault line, but I draw a personal boundary at a point.

4. Do you consider yourself a “fandom” type of person in general, or committed to only one, and if so, tell me more about what this means to you.

I have been a HUGE fandom person my entire life, though this is the first time I’ve ever been in a community for it. Star Wars and Narnia consumed most of my adolescence, along with Lord of the Rings. I briefly dabbled in Dr. Who and Merlin (as one does) but because I didn't read HP until nearly the end of college, I kindof missed out on that one. Basically anything geeky or fantasy driven I have always loved, and I can’t really explain how I ended up here? But this is the only fandom I’m active in socially. The power of HL I guess...

5. I’m trying to get through writing a first draft right now and it’s a slog. How do you stay motivated for long projects, writing or otherwise?

Ah. A call out question! Like any good Aries, I love starting new things! And then letting them to languish unfinished. I have, however, trained in classical music, and thus I’ve programmed myself to just keep doing the thing because pieces take months and months and months to perfect and if you can’t stick with a project, you go nowhere. I also operate on a reward system, as in writing is the reward for practicing, then when I’m sick of words I go back to music, and so the turn tables. I have learned to ignore (I’m great at ostrich-ing) the crushing self doubt of creativity and just bulldoze ahead and do the thing, which results in very messy first drafts and often bad habits in my musical technique and a tendency to overplay, which wastes energy, but rehearsals wait for no one. I also thrive on last minute deadlines!

6. Tell me about what you read as a kid. Favorite book? Or if you weren’t into reading then, favorite TV show, etc?

I HAVE SO MANY. Narnia was my first love. I also adored George MacDonald (At The Back of the North Wind is a fucking masterpiece). My mom hardly let me read Redwall (see: hints of magic) but when she caved I devoured all of those. Anne of Green Gables. American Girl stuff (lots of it, yes Josefina and Kaya were my faves). I read far too many Star Wars expanded universe novels (New Jedi Order shaped me as a person, esp Traitor). I remember reading all the Eragon series, though these were dubiously approved... and I read various classics, as one is supposed to. In high school I printed out the entire Beowulf in Old English, got a CD of a dude reading it, and proceeded to memorize the first several lines. I can still recite Anglo Saxon but I have no clue what it means (see: I’m a good mimic). Everything non-Christian-magic-related I read during or after college, sigh.

7. Have your tastes changed?

This sounds bad but not really. I rarely read non fiction, oops. Biographies are a slog for me. I dislike historical fiction and I don’t have a good reason for that. I do love a good mystery, but usually not in book form (audio or visual Agatha Christie is my mana). I do adore socio-policial books, though (The Better Angels of our Nature a good example) or books doing a deep dive into a historical topic. These days I enjoy a good satire more than much else, and since I started on Terry Pratchett in 2016 I haven’t looked back.

8. I’ll steal your question above--tell me about a fic that changed you, or became a “touchstone” fic that you go back to!!

I didn’t read fics period when I entered the fandom, and stubbornly maintained that for a while, but the fic that changed my mind was (Take Me Home) Country Roads by @a-writerwrites (Awriterwrites). I read it during a drive through the very parts of the USA it’s set in, and I couldn’t put it down, spotty internet be damned. From there @horsegirlharry birthed me into the gay 1D world, though I can’t for the life of me remember which of hers I first read! (Does it matter? They’re all so beautiful...)

9. Tell me about a WIP, if applicable. How’s it going?? It sounds great.

I’m plodding along on The Garden, it’s going well, but urgency isn’t a priority. It’s going to be one of those things that I finish and then go in and make matter because right now my ideas are half formed and I know I’ll eventually know where I’m going but it’s a case of blind trust in instinct at this point!

10. What’s your favorite place to read and sitting position?

Like a true gay I cannot sit normally in a chair, coupled with my pain issues means I’m usually draped over the back of something with a cushy lumbar support, massive pillow, or propped sideways lying down. I love reading outside, but have a tendency to attract bugs, also I’m very light sensitive so my eyes hate the sun, especially if I’m reading from a screen.

11. Do you feel like fic reading and writing is social for you? E.g. do you share with friends (in or outside of fandom), or are you a lone wolf seeking out your fics in the dead of night??

I LOVE the social aspect of fic reading and writing within fandom! I have shared PITS with only two real life friends though; I am very tight lipped about the fact that I write fic. People are cruel and musicians are judgmental arseholes and if I prefer to spend my days dreaming up love stories for my OTP instead of pouring over scores, that’s my fucking business.

Alright, 11 from me (I wanted to include artists too so!!):

1. Are you a start small-work larger type creator, or map everything out then attend to detail?

2. What style of art/writing has most influenced your creative choices? (Genre, time period, muse)

3. How long have you been writing/arting? Is this something you knew you’d do your whole life?

4. What is your favorite thing about creating for your fandom? (reception, excitement, newness, etc.)

5. Have you met any recent creative goals that you’re really proud of?

6. What is your creative baby; what work do you want stamped on your proverbial gravestone as I MADE THIS (or have you made it yet?)

7. Do outside forces (politics, culture, hegemonies) play into your creations? Do you intentionally or subconsciously subvert norms or explore ideas?

8. Your creative mind is a garden. Describe what kind it would be and what it would contain (i.e. rock garden, palace garden, wildflowers, rose... etc.)

9. Do you believe that creative art has power and if so, how do you hope yours impacts others?

10. I’m double stealing this question: what’s a fic or fan art that changed your life or was a touchstone for you?

11. If you could pick any hero of yours to read/look at your creations, who would it be and why?

TOTALLY only if you want to, but @13ways-of-looking @twopoppies @alienfuckeronmain @prettytruthsandlies @pattern-pals @newleafover @disgruntledkittenface @lesbianiconharrystyles @lululawrence

#writing stuff #about me

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babycmakes3-blog · 6 years

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The Yellow Brick Road

I was going to write about my baby shower since it’s been almost a year since that perfect day, but I decided instead to write about the big, fat elephant in the room...PPD/PPA, also known as Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety. It affects 1 in 5 mothers and can develop up to 12 months after giving birth. This is a hard one for me. Not just because of its stigma, but also because I’m still going through it.

Anyone who knows me well knows how much I wanted my son. As you can tell from previous posts, we went through a lot to have him. My pregnancy was pretty much text book perfect and so was his delivery. What else could I have asked for?

I should of noticed the red flags early on in my pregnancy. My OCD was in overdrive. If he didn’t move I would freak. If he moved too much I would freak. If I felt even a little bit “off,” I would freak. Given my history of Anxiety and Panic Disorder paired with being a first time mom, those close to me thought I was just anxious about how my life was changing, and honestly so did I. My doctor,(mainly my OB),didn’t seem too concerned when I mentioned what I had been feeling. He suggested seeing my therapist and trying not to focus on the negative. That sounded easy enough. I just tried to keep myself busy with my job and enjoy my pregnancy as best I could.

I often compare Postpartum mental illness to the yellow brick road that Dorothy travels on in the Wizard of Oz. There are parts that are beautifully bright and clear, but there are also dark and scary parts. Everyone’s experience is different and everyone’s experience is relevant. There is no right or wrong, there is no black or white. But there is a whole lot of gray.

The day I gave birth was both the best and worst day of my life. I actually said the words “this is the worst day of my life!” Based on the pain I was experiencing at that moment of course, not on the big picture. Labor is no walk in the park! It was traumatic and scary and not something I ever see myself doing again, to be honest...and my story is boring...nothing went wrong! But I’ll save that for another day.

Seeing Cairo for the first time was magical. He was absolutely perfect, and he was mine...100% MINE. I remember the first few moments after he was born I was so in shock about what had just taken place. Pregnancy and childbirth really are a miracle! I was actually holding my tiny miracle, what I had waited my entire life for. Yet right in that moment, I felt a slight disconnect. I didn’t cry, I wasn’t overjoyed. I just felt numb. Honestly, I was absolutely terrified.

The next few weeks are a blur. I remember crying...A LOT...most of the time for no reason at all. At first I shrugged it off as just the baby blues, every woman gets them. My hormones were going crazy and I was exhausted...all normal. Most didn’t understand my tears, and I was even told that “I was a mom now so I just had to get over whatever my issue was because I was being selfish.” I now had everything I ever wanted, what could I possibly be so sad about? But then as time went on and the days passed, things just got worse.

I was afraid to be alone with my son. The one thing I had wanted more than anything in this world. I would cry every night and every morning before my husband left for work, afraid to be alone with him. Not because I feared I would harm him, or myself, but because I feared I couldn’t care for him properly. I was breastfeeding and was never sure if he was getting enough. He was colicky so he cried a lot, which also contributed to my inadequacies as a mom. I didn’t like going anywhere alone, and didn’t, because he cried all the time. This all meant more time spent inside where I slipped more and more into a depression. I felt very isolated and alone. I loved my son, but I started to regret having him. I started to miss our life before him. I started to realize that I wasn’t okay.

I needed help. I had to increase my medicine. The truth is, I was on the lowest dose of Zoloft throughout my entire pregnancy. Some will judge me for this and I’m okay with that. I’m at peace with my decision because I know what my individual illness is capable of, and I was NOT going to go back there while I was pregnant. Maybe that was a selfish decision, but that was something I do not regret. Obviously at this point what I was taking just wasn’t good enough. It was here at the six week mark that I had to stop breastfeeding. A heart wrenching decision for me and a topic I will also save for another day.

One thing I will mention here, and will no doubt mention again, is the little support I received from the female doctors in the OB/GYN practice. There was no empathy whatsoever. This was shocking to me! How could another woman/mother, who has experienced the same process, have so little empathy for another mother? As you could imagine, I’m in the process of doing a huge overhaul of all involved...doctors, therapists, etc.

Fast forward to now, at 10 months postpartum, it’s still a daily struggle. I still have to force myself to get out and do, even though each day is a little easier. I have moments where I just want to sit and cry. I panic when Cairo falls or is sick. But it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. I’m not as hard on myself, and I allow myself to actually feel what I’m feeling instead of keeping it all in. Going through this process, I wouldn’t have said I was Postpartum. However, now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, I KNOW I was. It took nine months to enjoy my son. To really see him and even love him in a way. It’s been a long and winding “yellow brick road” to where I am today. Cairo is thriving! He’s an amazing child full of personality, spirit and energy. He’s the best thing about me, and now I feel like I can say that I fully enjoy all of the moments.

Postpartum mental illness is so real! There are so many resources out there for us, but most don’t know where to start. Please don’t be ashamed and suffer silently. Start a conversation, ask for help! If my words can help even just one mother get help, so can yours. Being proactive and having that knowledge can make all the difference.

If there’s one thing you take from this, just know Mamas that you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are worth it. You are enough.

#infertility #pregnancyjourney #firsttimemama #maleinfertility #pcos #pcosbaby #boymom #stayathomemom #sahm #ppd #ppa #postpartum

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pansexualhero · 4 years

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10 minutes of writing..

I moved houses about a month ago now.

Since then I have almost made zero effort for my mental health or physical body.

It’s been hard in lockdown and now that we are out of lockdown I feel overwhelmed and even worse. Funny that.

I do not cook, I do not go for daily walks or do any exercise really.

Since I moved I have struggled really badly with imposter syndrome. I guess I built up the area and my self esteem is so low I simply do not believe I belong here. This imposter syndrome has translated over to my work. While I do think I am doing well, I have near daily negative thoughts about how I am not actually capable of this and I’m doing everything wrong.

I guess by the end of the day/week/month I don’t have energy left for caring about myself. It is hard as my dysphoria is kicking up. This is the largest I’ve ever been by far. My new house has mirrors everywhere. Lots of mirrors! I sure can see everywhere I have gained weight. I can’t stop looking at pretty skinny women and wishing I was them. Thinking how much more attractive/better my life would be if I was skinny/fitter. I feel defeated and fat.

I am disillusioned with life at the moment. Although I feel great interest in my upcoming career I am struggling to break through this mental barrier I have created for myself. Everything is overwhelming.

Stepping out of the house feels terrifying. Going to the shops is less than a minute walk and I rather stay at home bemoaning how hungry I am. I am in a new lovely area with much to explore but I don’t go out. I bought a new bicycle byt I have not ridden it because I can’t stop thinking about how bad I will be at it. I feel fear that I don’t know where to go. This anxiety and worry is literally stopping me from pursuing everything. Plus the anxiety that I feel too gross and so focussed on others potential opinions on how disgusting I am to go out. I am overwhelmed and anxious.

My drug use is daily. I think this may be a contributor because my brain has got so comfortable with the ease and relaxation of weed that when I have to face my normal anxiety levels it gets overwhelmed. And by normal I mean my anxiety levels on 2 anti depressants a day! Shiit.

I guess this ten minutes allows me to put it on paper. It has been a lot and its been a month of just allowing it. Probably will continue, but slow progress. I know I thrive on a schedule - much like a dog. I just need to add more things into my very minimal schedule. I trick myself into thinking I’m doing the right thing by only have like one thing scheduled and than proclaiming I am on a schedule and therefore doing well.

But I have not taken the time to check in with myself recently. Usually I am better. This month I have simply stated ‘I need a breakdown’. I watched disaster movies and holocaust movies and nothing. My body will not give me that relief until I deserve it I guess.

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themushroomtree · 7 years

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My mental health toolbox

I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. My brain can’t make sense of the connections I should have with people and how I ought to navigate the world in general. At best this encourages me to distance myself from others. At worst it is horrendously confusing. My best - the aloof attitude - leads me to frequent bouts of depression, because as introverted as I am or pretend to be, I still want company and approval like most humans do, deep down inside. Yet I prickle, I turn into broken shards of glass, and I push everyone away, because it’s easier and safer. My worst - the confusion part - leaves me flattened, smothered by anxiety, overwhelmed to the point of weeping. It’s a really...umm...exhilarating roller coaster. I cycle back and forth through these several times during the year, sometimes more often. Sometimes the changes come swiftly, alarmingly, scaring the daylights out of myself and those around me. Sometimes they are subtle, and I find myself becoming really displeased with my actions yet feeling helpless to do anything about it. I’ve never felt like I belonged anywhere, with anyone. Although I am frequently cheerful and happy, I’ve never felt content. I have a simple, authentic, fulfilling life in which I pretty much get to embrace being the complete weirdo that I am in every way and be supported and thrive for it, so it’s not a side effect of living some faux existence. Being content is just.....not something my brain does. Like interacting appropriately with people, or following social codes of conduct. I’ve made my peace with how my head works, even if it makes most people angry, frightened, disappointed....or momentarily enchanted by how “magical” I am and then running screaming when they can’t handle the intensity. I’ve made my peace with this too. I wouldn’t want to deal with me either if I had the choice. Most of the time, I feel trapped in my own body. Most of the time, I’m at war with my brain. I’ve tried a lot of things to help myself feel better. At present I have a large toolbox stuffed with various tactics that, when combined, make life in my head a little easier to bear. There is no magic bullet. There is no one miracle cure that will make me “normal.” The only thing that would shut it all off would be suicide, and I can’t do that because I have kids to take care of. So here are some things that help, in no particular order: - Supplements. I take fish oil (for mood), B12 (for energy), D3 (for pain and mood), and 5 HTP. The 5 HTP has helped tremendously, and I highly recommend it. I also occasionally take a dose of liquid magnesium. This makes me feel sick if I take it regularly, but a dropperful once a week or so helps clear my noisy mind and lets me focus better. - Daily walks. Going outside, getting fresh air, and getting blood pumping through my veins is hugely important not only for my chronic physical pain, but for my mental pain too. I have a dog, which is a great excuse to go out and walk every day. - Yoga. I do this more for my physical problems, but then again, our bodies are not shells we carry our brains around in, and I experience worse mental symptoms when I’ve been suffering a physical flareup for a while. Yoga helps calm my mind, and keep my body relaxed and aligned. - Good diet. My fibromyalgia is greatly diminished when I stick to a gluten-free, dairy-free diet. By default, not being able to eat these things leads me to making healthier food choices overall, since so much junky stuff has gluten and/or dairy. I also feel better mentally when I am running on non-dairy-based protein, greens, and veggies. - Surrounding myself with beautiful things. The clothes I wear, the things I hang on my walls, my houseplants, and my collection of gemstones all fill me with peace and joy when my eyes fall on them. It’s not necessarily about buying lots of stuff....just making conscientious choices of what I put in my space and how it makes me feel when I see it. This includes having LESS stuff in general, because living in a disordered mess definitely feeds my anxiety. - And speaking of gems....falling down the rabbit hole of crystal lore, as woo-woo as it may be, has been a fun tool to explore. Belief is a huge part of healing, and if I believe that this green rock will empower me if I wear it, then by gawd I’m gonna give it a try. At the very least I have another beautiful object to enjoy. - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT for short. There are so many amazing, easy CBT tactics that work like magic for quelling my anxious bouts. “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy For Dummies” is a good place to start, as is the anxieties.com website which has similar exercises. And although I am not very good at meditating, meditation techniques have been extremely helpful as well. - Crafting. By far this is the most important thing in my toolbox to manage my mental health. It keeps my mind busy thinking about what to make next, and it gives me crucially important positive feedback from the community. I may be a flaming Dumpster fire of a person, but when I make something beautiful and someone tells me they love it - or even better, buys it from me - they are giving me a space to exist in this world. I have something to talk about with others, something to bond over. Even if I sucked at crafting, I still think it would be beneficial to me to have the ability to absorb myself in projects with a quantifiable result at the end. At any rate, even the crummiest crafter can find a niche where their work can be appreciated. And if it turns out that YOU are the only one who likes what you make, well, that’s all that really matters. Do what makes your heart sing. Also, I can take my knitting or crochet projects with me when I go places and steady my anxious mind with the soothing repetitive motion of making stitches. This is my version of stimming, and it’s incredibly helpful. I’m not trying to deride pharmaceutical medication or therapy by excluding them from my list. I’ve tried these in various forms, and they were not as helpful or as accessible as I needed them to be. I think they can be valuable tools for others to include in their toolbox. I would also never suggest that someone simply rely on yoga and some gemstones to cure their mental illness. These are just a combination of the things that have helped ME. Maybe they’ll help you too?

#mental health #mentalhealthawareness #mayismentalhealthawarenessmonth #depression #anxiety #arttherapy #craftingtherapy #etsyseller #etsy #shopetsy

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asksansweredpdf · 5 years

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These are actually solid questions

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? i can’t stand coffee. and alcohol might as well be my blood at this point

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? haha noooo. he was nice but i felt literally nothing. was like kissing a brick wall or something. tbh i never feel much when i kiss boys

4. Do you plan outfits? YES. i’m a drama queen and a diva and flamboyant and i need to look good always. i have my graduation in 2 days and i still haven’t planned what to wear and it’s bothering me

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? tbh pretty numb. like not happy and not sad. just. .... chillin

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red? my track pants

7. What would you do if you opened your door and saw a dead body? well with the mood im in now, i probably wouldn’t react. but the logical side of my brain would kick in and i’d phone it in to the police.

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? it’s still that one about the creepy old dude touching me in the car.

9. Three of your current feelings? -introspective -apathetic

-wistful

10. What are you craving right now? tbh i would very much love to hug my stuffed pink harold. but he’s downstairs and i just don’t have the energy to walk haha

11. Turn ons? not rly in the mood to answer these

12. Turn offs?

13. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? this vine

14. When was the last time you cried? Why? idk like over a month ago. i had to work a thursday night shift which is always super stressful. and that day my sister just started beating the shit out of me so the anxiety was like double

15. If you could be a superhero, who would you want to be? ironman. any day. or spiderman because it’d be fun to just swing around the city listening to music peacefully

16. Did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize? nope. she doesn’t even know that i know about half the shit she did. never ever apologised about the stuff she knows i know about. no acknowledgement. no apology. just pretends it never happened

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick it

18. Favorite movie ever? idk i like frozen and pride and prejudice and the hunger games

19. Do you like yourself? i like myself, but i can’t seem to justify why. i don’t really have an identity. i don’t know what i’m like. and so it’s hard to like myself when i don’t know what i like about my self, or why i do. but i enjoy being myself.

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? i met stan walker once? he’s a minor celebrity in australlia

21. Could you handle being in the military? part of me would thrive in the structure and forced exercise and socialisation. another part of me would completely crumble because like i have anxiety

22. What are you listening to right now? i don’t give a ... - missio

23. How many countries have you visited? india, america, canada, australia. so 4 i guess

24. Are your parents strict? you betcha

25. Would you go sky diving? sure yeah. i’m afraid of heights so the adrenaline would be wild

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? nah. i dont give a shit about him. maybe i’d go if he paid for the food.

27. Whats on your mind right now? literally nothing. mostly thinking about endgame. i’m also thinking about taking my mum’s anti anxiety meds since she doesn’t use them and i have anxiety. but i don’t want to take them without professional advice. but also, i am a professional advice. and like what could happen? i’d get mentally ill?

28. Is there anything you want to say to someone? nah i dont really feel like talking atm. i guess i’d ask if they wanted to go for a smoke. i would love a cig rn

29. Have you ever been in a castle? no but i would love to!!

30. Do you rent movies often? not really, i just watch stan/netflix

31. Whats your zodiac sign? cancer sun, leo moon, libra rising

32. When was the last time you had sex? i haven’t had sex

33. Name five facts about yourself. i honestly don’t think i know enough about myself to do this but let’s give it a go -i have short hair -i love music more than literally anything -i turn 21 this year and i have no idea what to do for it -i’m thinking of getting a motorbike soon -i’ve never broken a bone

34. Ever had a near death experience? If so, what happened? nope

35. Do you believe in karma or predestiny? i used to. and i absolutely would love to believe in all that stuff. but not to sound angsty or whatever, i’ve had so many shitty things happen to me that it’s hard for me to believe that it’s all part of some big plan or that there is any justice in the world. i think people just do shit and that’s it

36. Brown or white eggs? ive never had white eggs so..... brown?

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic? nah we dont have it in australia

38. Ever been on a train? yeah man i love trains

39. Ever been in love? not mutually, no

40. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you do it? it’s a million bucks. absolutely. one night of terror to never have to worry about anything ever again. i’m a witch too so as much as i’d be scared, it’d be fine.

41. If you could trade places with any person living or dead, who would you trade places with? someone rich and famous. maybe harry styles or freddie mercury. i’m sure they didn’t have it easy, but it’s certainly easier than things have/ever will be for me you know?

42. If you could shorten your life expectancy by 10 years to become more attractive, would you do it? absolutely

43. Whom do you admire and why? i tend not to admire irl people. but i do admire tony stark a lot (GOD this is so lame ksajrsjkfs). i admire his charisma, his confidence, his humour, his good looks, his intelligence, his eyes. he embodies everything i feel like i can never be. but everything i’ll always want to be. i admire freddie mercury. for his work drive and ethic. for his confidence and stage presence, his ability and talent in singing, songwriting, musical instruments. his flamboyancy, his sense of humour. again, these are all qualities i would love to have.

44. What was your favorite bedtime story as a child? oh i never really got read bedtime stories

45. You’re walking down the street, you come across a burning building. A woman says her baby is trapped inside, what would you do? internally, i’d be like “that sucks for you” and walk away. but i can’t be a dick, so i’d assess the extent of the fire and see if there was a way to save the baby. i’d try if so, if not idk what i’d do. panic and call 000?

46. If you could choose the future profession of your son or daughter, would you? nah man. gotta let kids live their lives

47. What was your best experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: the night i just moved out of home 2 weeks ago. my roommate invited a friend over, and we all had fun and played never have i ever and i flirted with this really cute guy and had so much fun. i hadn’t really had any experiences like that before because i was - anyway. it was nice to feel like a normal 19 year old just for a second weed: either the time i was drunk and high at our housewarming party and went to the park and felt like i was on a fucking rollercoaster, or the time i got super cooked after work and had a shower which felt amazing and then went back to my room and listened to beautiful people beautiful problems. i didn’t hallucinate per se, but i closed my eyes and could like see the lyrics “blue is the colour of the planet from the view above”. it was like i was in outer space and could see the earth and i was so relaxed and it was so magical mdma: my halloween party! there were so many people and no one knew i was high and we had a mad dance party and i met some of our neighbours and i just had so much fun talking to everyone and Living.

48. What was your worst experience on drugs or alcohol? alcohol: being around boring people when drunk is boring. especially because when i’m drinking i really want to have a good and fun time. weed: ahh i have anxiety so i used to get a few panic attacks when i was smoking mdma: eugh it was my friends 21st at the time and we took mdma and i thought it wasnt kicking in because all we did was sit in bed and talk. literally so boring. im so mad that i wasted my first time like that

50. As your walking down the street you find a suitcase full of money sitting next to a parked car, would you take it? nah, i’d probably hand it in to the police. actually, i dont trust the police so i’d probably google what to do with it. but probably police because i cant have stolen money or give it to someone else.

51. If you found that a close friend has AIDS, would you still hang out with them? not hanging out with someone because of that has literally never even crossed my mind

52. In front of you are 10 pistols, 5 of which are loaded. If you survive you’d receive 100 million dollars. Would you be willing to place 1 to your head and pull the trigger? nah. i’m actually going places now days

53. How old were you when you lost your virginity? tba

54. Do you believe in ghosts, werewolves or vampires? nope

55. If you could live forever, would you want to? yeah probably. i’d like to give it a trial run though. i’m very anxious, so being lonely and immortal might make it worse. but at the same time, being immortal might make it easier to not give a shit and to be less anxious

56. Which fictional movie character most resembles who you are? honestly i feel like jane villanueva or peter parker

57. If you could go back in time, which time period would you visit? i would love to be a victorian bitch with a bomb ass dress and waist

58. If they were to televise a live execution, would you watch it? probably not. unless it was someone i really hated, i wouldnt give a shit

59. If you could be the president of the USA, would you be willing to do it? i mean i wouldn’t be the best person for the job, but i also wouldn’t be the worst. if i could have time to properly study politics then yeah i’d consider.

60. If you could choose the sex of your unborn child, would you want to? i’d probably want a girl but i dont really see any reason to not have a boy

61. Would you rather live longer or be wealthy? be wealthyyyyyy

#mine

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myaussiesadie-blog · 5 years

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How to Teach Your Dog to Settle Down

If you have an over excited dog, a hyper puppy, or even a nervous pooch, there are a few ways you can control your dog’s behavior and calm them down. Some of you may know I own an Australian Shepherd named sadie. She is the one in most of my pictures! Owning an Australian Shepherd meant I was getting a hyper breed. Not so much overly excited hyper, but more so actively hyper. This means that she is always wanting to run around and play. She wants to be outside or at least be active inside. I have learned several ways to meet her active needs. Other breeds, like labs for example, can be just overly excitable and happy. However, when labs get to be about 70 lbs or more, this over excitement and jumping can cause problems.

You have to remember, it is not their fault. It’s just the way they are. It’s in there genes to act the way they do. Most things dogs do, is out of instinct. I notice a lot of owners who can’t handle their giant excitable dog, or overly hyper puppy chewing on everything. From this frustration I know sometimes you just want to yell and say, “stop that!” However, this won’t help your situation, and in some cases, actually make it worse.

So here are a few tips you can try at home with your dog. Whether it be a new high energy puppy, or overly excited Rottweiler. These tips and tricks are things I have used on my active aussie and I can definitely tell a difference if I don’t give her daily exercise (tip #1). In the evening she stares at me and the second I make any move she gets up and spins around like were about to play. Even though I just itched my nose..

Tip #1: Exercise!

This is great for every type of dog you have! Dogs are meant to be outside, exploring. Now the amount of exercise varies between breeds. For example, smaller dogs like Yorkies, Maltese, Bulldogs, Pugs, etc. may not need as much exercise as Golden Retrievers, Labs, Australian Shepherds, Huskies, etc. However, they still need their daily dose of outdoor activity.

If you have a very hyper dog, daily exercise is key to helping calm down their excitement. Tire them out with fun surroundings. Now I know some of you are thinking, “well, buttons gets too excited on walks with all of the people and bikes and other dogs. She pulls too much so I just let her out in the backyard.” If you need more training on walking your dog, there are several resources and classes for that. For some extra tips, you can read my blog about leash training your dog. Walking your dog is more beneficial because it creates a leadership with you and your dog. Not to mention, walking around alone in the yard can get boring for your pooch.

In the end, dogs need walks. With more high energy breeds and puppies, hikes and jogs are best. For my Sadie, for example, I can’t just take her on a 10 minute walk once a day. She needs about 3-5 walks a day, each being at least a minimum of 30 minutes. I also notice she thrives on hiking trails more so than just walking around our neighborhood. That is very good for her too and she still loves it but if you have any trails near you, or even downtown pet friendly areas, take them there a few times a week, if not daily.

If you have a smaller breed, or one that does not require as much exercise as Sadie for example, it is still good to routinely walk them at least once a day.

*Bonus tip: take your dog to a dog part, especially when they are young. They will not only get a great amount of work out in, but will also learn how to behave around other dogs. This takes the aggressiveness out of their behavior for future encounters.

Routine

Dogs need a routine! This does not only help you stay organized in your busy life, but also helps the dog create a positive outlook on their life and environment. They are creatures of habit. Without a consistent schedule, your dog could start to become more anxious and nervous about the unknown.

Sadie and I start our day with an early morning walk. This allows her to go potty, and release some of that energy she has been building up while I was sleeping. Once we get back, I know she will take some time to rest and I can do work. Having a scheduled morning walk can also allow your dog to schedule their potty. Knowing they will be going outside when the sun comes up will help with their potty training too.

Once we get back from our walk Sadie gets her breakfast. This tactic I learned from the great Cesar Milan. This helps Sadie recognize when she is good on her walk, she is reinforced positively with breakfast. If you have a puppy that still eats too fast, look into some helpful slow eat food bowls. This forces your dog to slowly eat while creating a challenge for them as well.

Positive Reinforcement

This is where things can get tricky. You should be constantly watching your puppy and look for a sign of calmness. It is tricky because I know having to always watch what they are doing is kind of a hassle. However, the second they calm down, maybe lay down or sit, you want to reward them.

I know a few friends who have very “barky” dogs, and they actually try to distract them with treats. Yes, this is the easy way out. It instantly gets your dog to stop barking. However, it is also telling them they are good for barking. They quickly learn that when they bark they get a treat. This is a no no!

Instead, you need to positively reinforce them with treats or toys, or whatever motivates them, the second they are calm. For example, if your dog is barking at other dogs or people, stay calm. Do not yell at them, this actually makes them think you’re barking with them! Remember, they don’t understand our language! But instead, stay calm, make them sit, and maybe even turn away from whatever is making them bark, and the second they stop barking, reward.

Another example would be if you have a hyper puppy. Your adorable little fur ball is bouncing all around the house. But, continue to ignore them and the second they lay down, give them the attention they are asking for. Now, remember in my earlier statement about exercise. Don’t just ignore your attention seeking puppy all day and expect them to finally calm down. If you gave them the exercise they need, then allow them to calm down. This is to teach them when it is play time, and when it’s not.

Smart Toys

Smart toys are the best! These toys are made to keep your dog occupied without you having to do anything! With my Sadie, I love that she can be inside on a rainy day and just play with them. She has the Bob-A-Lot interactive toy. If your pooch is food motivated, this is the one for you! It is so fun to watch her try and get the little treats (I put her food in it) out of the tiny hole. There is also a small one too for our little furry friends!

Smart toys are great if you have already gave your dog exercise, followed the morning routine, and you are now sitting at home working. While you work, or get stuff done, they are still occupied. What I also love about the Bob-A-Lot toy, is it can close so the treats stop popping out. This way, when I leave my home and she still wants to play, she’s not eating food all day!

There are several different interactive smart toys you can get your dog. I can just personally state my opinion on the Bob-A-Lot since I have one. This toy is great for food motivated pups!

Obedience Training

Dogs crave structure. They are breed to be challenged. They want to learn new things. Obedience training should be on the top of your list, especially when getting a new puppy. A great tool to use during this training are dog clickers. They are very inexpensive, and work great! Dogs learn best with hand signals and sound, so using a clicker in this process will allow them to quickly connect the click sound to a reward.

When using a clicker, you want to start small. For example, if you are teaching your dog to sit, you want to have a treat in one hand, and the clicker in the other. Get your dog’s attention using the treat. Bring the treat over the dog’s head and continue back. This forces your dog to automatically sit. The second they make that sitting movement, click, and reward.

Teaching your dog the “leave it” is a great way to train calmness into them. This is because, when you are teaching them to “leave it” you are training them to stay calm, and they will be rewarded. This is another tactic for positive reinforcement. They learn that once they calm down, instead of barreling over to grab the treat, they will be rewarded.

Another great trick to teach is sit and stay. This is similar to “leave it.” Sit and stay also allows them to calm down before getting rewarded. It forces your dog to learn structure, obedience, calmness, and all in good fun. With treats at the end!

#dogtraining #dogs #dogsofinstagram #doglover #doggo #cute dog #training #austrailianshepherd

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newstfionline · 6 years

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Will There Always Be an England?

By Andrew Sullivan, New York Mag, April 27, 2018

Home is where one starts from. And like many English families, mine is still there, my brother and father still living in the very town I grew up in, my sister and mother a short drive away. So much remains exactly the same, and at this time of year this is especially true. On the cusp of spring, when the new leaves begin to unfold as specks of newborn green in the woodlands, a small miracle occurs.

The bluebells arrive, like an iridescent blue carpet below, spreading along hedgerows, suddenly swamping forests and copses, emerging out of the rotten, sodden leaves of last autumn. By the time I leave at the end of next week, the bluebells will have wilted and disappeared, but for now, they are like a million little madeleines of my other life in another country.

And yet England, as I have found it, suddenly feels deeply familiar to my American self. In London, it is as if I never left Washington. It’s the atmosphere that feels so similar. The minute you start chatting with anyone about the state of the country, you can almost feel the toxicity and tension, and the tenacious tribalism rending the country apart. Westminster feels like Washington, the way it did when Reagan and Thatcher were ascendant in the 1980s, or when Clinton and Blair entrenched the legacy of their conservative predecessors in the 1990s. This time, they are defined not by a new common direction but by a shared unraveling.

And if you hang around, you can begin to realize why. If my hometown feels remarkably similar, London is close to unrecognizable from the city I knew as a teen. Its skyline has a touch of Dubai to it, the wealth is tangible, even obscene, the prices absurd, the energy young and incredibly diverse. “It’s not our capital any more, is it?” my brother asks, as if seeking confirmation from me. I can see what he means, by virtue of not being there continuously as change accumulated and transformed. In a little less than a week in London, I have yet to buy anything from someone English. Everywhere I hear foreign accents or one of the more than 300 languages London now incorporates. Thirty-seven percent of the capital’s population is foreign-born--the same as New York City--and that share is predicted to be 50 percent by 2031. But New York has always been a thriving immigrant city; newcomers have always defined the place, and it’s just one of several vast metropoles in America. But London is the overwhelmingly dominant city in the U.K., and has never previously been a city of immigrants in the English psyche. London, in fact, is synonymous with the essence of England, and has been a national center since the Roman era. The counties surrounding it are called the Home Counties, because London has always been home.

I love the new London, but then I would, wouldn’t I? I’m an American now, and became one in part because I fell in love with its racial and cultural diversity. But most people, not gifted with a great education and lucky breaks, are not able to hop and skip between capital cities, finding each metropolis increasingly and pleasantly like the other. They’re in suburbs and small towns, or in the rust-belt north. And they’re anxious--in a way that the young are not anxious. For the under-40s, economic insecurity, college debt, and inability to own a home drive the angst. For the over-40s, it’s a sense that the England they identified with, that gave their lives meaning and pride--the England that was nearly destroyed in the “finest hour” of 1940--this “sceptered isle,” is disappearing.

That’s the reason for Brexit. Period. In my view, it is an insane decision and it’s becoming ever-clearer what the nature of that madness is. The current debate is whether the U.K. will remain in a single market, a customs union, or a customs partnership. If you ask anyone the difference between the three, the brows furrow as the eyes glaze over. The Tories argue for Brexit, bizarrely, as a tool for freer trade, in true English fashion. But it is withdrawal from the biggest free-trade area in the world! Many of the regulations and standards imposed Europe-wide will have to be retained, but under British law, not European--because the economies are so intertwined. The more you investigate what Brexit actually, practically means, it turns out to be an attempt to keep everything the same but somehow change it completely. It’s a policy that makes no sense, is being negotiated by a prime minister who voted to remain in the E.U., is being debated by a Parliament overwhelmingly pro-staying, in deference to a referendum that was a blizzard of disinformation and ignorance. I truly don’t believe if you asked the average Brit what the E.U. is, they’d be able to give you a coherent answer.

But they voted against it because they are scared. Last week’s PRRI/Atlantic study of the key voters who brought us Trump brings this out with stunning and, for me, decisive clarity:

Sixty-eight percent of white working-class voters said the American way of life needs to be protected from foreign influence. And nearly half agreed with the statement, ‘things have changed so much that I often feel like a stranger in my own country.’ … Only a small portion--just 27 percent--of white working-class voters said they favor a policy of identifying and deporting immigrants who are in the country illegally. [But] among the people who did share this belief, Trump was wildly popular: 87 percent of them supported the president in the 2016 election … Nearly two-thirds of the white working class say American culture has gotten worse since the 1950s. Sixty-eight percent say the U.S. is in danger of losing its identity, and 62 percent say America’s growing number of immigrants threaten the country’s culture.

Ta-Nehisi Coates has called these people witting enablers of white supremacy because they voted for Trump, conjuring up images of men in white hoods lynching and murdering African-Americans. But many of them voted for Obama twice. Clinton called half of Trump voters a “basket of deplorables.” But a majority of white women voted for Trump. The left intelligentsia regards them as bigots, racists, xenophobes, and even “privileged”--attitudes and statements that are re-broadcast every hour of every day to the white and culturally anxious viewers of Fox News. What few on the left seem to see is that cultural anxiety, given the ethnic and cultural transformation of the last few decades, is an entirely predictable and entirely understandable response. If people felt that someone in charge actually saw their point of view, sympathized with it, and attempted even minor changes to accommodate it, we would have a different politics. But all they had was Trump. And all they still have is Trump.

If that is true in immigrant-created, multiracial, multicultural America, a vast and churning continent, always restless, always changing, it is triply true in the little, overcrowded, once remarkably homogeneous island that is Britain. This country’s core identity is thousands of years old. Yes, it has long accepted immigrants, but until the 1950s, net immigration was a rounding error. Since then, it has exploded. In the last 20 years, it has reached American levels. For those whose self-understanding is wrapped up in bluebells and tea, in English accents divided solely by class and region, in a nearly all-white and all-English country for centuries, these times are culturally terrifying.

It wasn’t their economic insecurity that gave us Brexit. It was that no one in charge even sensed their unease. Elites--and I count myself among the guilty--gave them nothing by way of reassurance or even a sense that they were understood instead of reviled. So all they had was Brexit. It wasn’t a rational decision; it was their only way to have their voices heard. Their pride and self-identity are bound up in it now, just as a critical slice of America’s is bound up in Trump. Which is why, despite the mounting evidence that the Brexit gambit is a disaster, they will never let it go.

We have been fools on mass immigration, we have been fools for preventing an honest debate about the benefits and drawbacks of diversity, and we have been contemptible in our contempt for so many of our fellow citizens. Both countries are now paying a terrible, terrible price.

Whatever else you say about Britain these days, it no longer feels like a free country. I don’t just mean the hideous suffocation of free speech--although that’s shocking enough. That someone was actually fined over $1,000 for making a stupid joke video of their pug doing a Nazi salute would be hilarious if it weren’t also so preposterous. And if you want to see what the world would look like if the social-justice movement could truly get their way, and if the First Amendment did not exist, come to England.

Here, a politically incorrect statement could have you hauled into court. A young woman was recently sentenced to an eight-week community service order and legal costs of nearly $7,000 for putting a quote from Snap Dogg on her Instagram account, the Spectator’s Brendan O’Neill reported. (The quote included the N-word and offended a cop from the local police hate crime unit.) A Christian preacher was put in jail for 19 hours because he told some gay teens that gay sex is a sin. Sick jokes--the kind that I heard every day as a teen--are now criminal offenses. The Times of London reported that more than 3,000 people were detained and questioned last year for trolling on the internet in ways that offended the designated victim groups. And this is under a Conservative government. No one but a few straggling right-wingers seem concerned.

And then there’s the Alfie Evans case. The idea that the parents of a severely handicapped 2-year-old are not the ultimate deciders of what happens to their own child is, for me, a deeply chilling one. In the case of Alfie, afflicted with a degenerative neurological disorder, the doctors essentially decided it was time to pull the plug. It’s a horrible decision to have to make, and I’m not going to diagnose what was medically possible, although medical bias does exist. I understand that, at some point, extraordinary measures to sustain a human life are no longer valid. When resources are limited, and a person really has no chance of survival, the use of simple ordinary measures to protect life--food, water, shelter, care--is what is morally required.

But what if the parents of the child disagree? What if they still hold out hope that some treatment might still be possible--and another hospital is able and willing to try? That’s what happened in the case of Alfie. The doctors at Alder Hey Children’s Hospital had every right to tell Alfie’s parents that it was “unkind, unfair and inhumane” to continue treatment. But to deny the parents the option of another hospital in Italy, prepared to take over the case, and to legally prevent Alfie from being transported there, is hard to comprehend. If parents do not have the right to take their child to another hospital, what rights do they have at all?

The BBC has a useful account of the law in question:

The concept of parental responsibility is set out in law--in the Children Act 1989--conferring on parents this right broadly to decide what happens to their child, including the right to consent to medical treatment. But this right is not absolute … If a public body considers that a parent’s choices risk significant harm to their child, it can challenge these choices--but it must go to court in order to override the legal state of parental responsibility.

And that’s what happened. The parents and the hospital are regarded as equals by the justice system and the court decided in favor of the hospital. It’s not the first time this has happened, as the tortuous case of little Charlie Gard in 2017 proves. In that instance, Charlie was prevented from traveling for experimental treatment in the U.S.

These are horrible cases, and their complexity and agony need to be understood. But the ultimate right of a parent to do all they can for their child is not child abuse--if there is a legitimate alternative offered by other doctors. I believe that no one should overrule parents in a case like this.

#England #Brexit #British politics

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thejesusreport · 6 years

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Contrary to Popular Opinion, We Need Jesus!

I recently posted (on my Avenger-Equalizer Tumblr blog site and webpage) an article from the Wall Street Journal called “The Enlightenment Is Working” which claimed that “The world has improved by every measure of human flourishing over the past two centuries, and the progress continues, writes Steven Pinker.” Mr. Pinker calls those who see problems in our world “nay-sayers and prophets of gloom and doom.” Needless to say, the world has improved in many areas and in many ways. However, to say that the world “has improved by every measure of human flourishing” is grossly over-stating reality and the increasing problems we have in our troubled society. Whether genocide (Jews, Japanese nuclear bomb victims, Bosnians Serbs, Rwandan Tutsis, unborn children) or violent gun deaths as a symptom of our increasingly depressed and dysfunctional (and superficial, lazy and dishonest) society, such as the increasing number of suicides, many by our own returning veterans, drug overdoses due to opioids and other drugs and the increasingly medicated society we live in with a large percentage of our population on anti-depressants, opiates for pain and relaxation, anti-anxiety drugs and anti-psychotics. There is still considerable hunger and poverty in the world, including in this country, though, as Pinker correctly points out, some of the percentages are a bit lower, though hunger has hardly been eradicated. Anyone who doubts this should visit a soup kitchen in major metropolitan areas or take a “country road” into Appalachia in the mountains of West Virginia. A recent series of articles in the Los Angeles Times pointed out that the homeless population is skyrocketing in L.A. and surrounding areas! With shrinking municipal, state and federal budgets, there are less shelters and substance abuse and mental health treatment centers vital to reducing the homeless population. And developers won’t develop low-income housing unless government steps in and provides money and incentives and planning boards end the racist and anti-poverty exclusionary zoning. Of course, there’s also pollution of the air, land, ocean, lakes and rivers, loss of forests and natural areas and vital wetlands due to over-development, water shortages due to over pumping of dry ecosystems, viral contagions, hunger, wildfires and flooding due to poor development decisions, pointless wars, threat of nuclear annihilation, torture, terrorism, etc. I’m not even counting acts of God such as earthquakes, certain floods and wildfires, hurricanes and tornadoes, tsunamis, volcanoes, etc. Yes, we (even the poor) have more technology, money, leisure time, material goods, consumer luxuries and digital electronics including computers, tablets, phones, etc. but if our material wealth and luxurious consumerism is making us so happy, why are we so depressed and anxious and suicidal?? If our wars and wartime mentality is so just and wonderful, why are our soldiers coming home with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) so severe they commit suicide or end up in mental institutions? And if the #MeToo/#Time’sUP movement can be believed, women are increasingly the victims of sexual abuse, assault and harassment and child-directed sex crimes are rampant. Racism, sexism, classism, extreme nationalism and other forms of discrimination and xenophobia are not going away, actually these abhorrent events are going up in number since Trump took office. This is true even though we constantly focus on these issues in the press and in our national and world conversation! How has our increasingly technological, scientific and rational enlightenment been a boon to all these “victims” of the modern and post-modern world? Is our namby-pamby and Pollyannaish press simply glorifying the mundane and crass parts of the world economy which produce money, excess wealth and material luxuries? Our computer and cellphone literacy has skyrocketed, while reading comprehension and knowledge of history, geography, literature, languages, etc., continues to decline and math scores fall well below other developed nations. Our texting prowess has soared while our relationships and marriages flounder in increasing dysfunction. Do people talk directly to one another anymore? Clearly a significant part of our population is being left behind in the “enlightened” flourishing! Unemployment is becoming entrenched for many minority groups (many of all races have left the workforce entirely), while poor and depressed areas in our country and in the third world are an embarrassment when we have corporate CEO’s making over $50 million per year and we have individuals with a net worth over $120 billion, while poor and working-class families struggle to survive on the federal minimum wage which is still under $8 per hour! I’ve recently read books by Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, both titans of the progressive cause, and they cite the increasingly extreme statistics of wealth inequality and the fact that even the so-called middle class is being squeezed. Our tax code and all our laws and corporate bailouts have caused our economic growth to go to the top 1% of wealthy people in this country (could anyone actually use $123 billion?), while the poor and middle class stagnate and fall further behind the so-called American “dream”? It’s even worse in other less-developed nations. Still think we don’t need a Savior? Some say that our sophisticated technological fixes will solve our world’s pollution and environmental problems, but as we continue to over-develop, can we keep up? Scientists say the earth is heating up and that we could see an increase in extinction of rare species and increasing sea-level rise (especially if major Antarctic ice shelves melt) which could inundate low lying areas and destroy whole communities and ecosystems. We have already lost over 50% of our coastal and inland wetlands (which provide wildlife and aquatic habitat, nutrient storage, pollution filtration and flood control) throughout the world, and we’ve lost a large percentage of our vital coastal mangrove forests (which harbor fish and other sea life and provide vital nutrients and shoreline stabilization) and we are losing coral reefs (vital habitat for fish and other aquatic life) to pollution and development. And we cannot manufacture healthy, natural ecosystems, mangrove forests, reefs, wilderness and wetlands. In some areas of America and other countries, we are losing, to callous greed and over-development, virgin forests and buffers for rivers and lakes as well as open space for suburban and urban populations which are a vital place for wildlife to thrive and for harried workers to decompress. There are less and less untouched old-growth forests left and roadless areas are being impinged by recreational and energy exploitation. Rather than conserve energy and oil, we want to destroy the last vestiges of wilderness in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska! Don’t you think that Jesus could make a big difference in our environment? I hear people constantly complaining about this problem and that problem, but when a Savior is mentioned, they almost invariably say “I don’t need any help” or “I can take care of myself.” These answers show pride and ego and an unwillingness to confront the reality that this world is pointed in the wrong direction and in need of Godly intervention. Do we want a “Heavenly Kingdom”? Or will we settle for a depressing, polluted and over-developed, heavily medicated “hell on earth.” With Global Warming we won’t need even to go “down there”! If you look online or in the bookstore, there are literally tens of thousands of self-help and psychology books and thousands more inspirational and spiritual guides. But self-help and inspirational guides are only as good as how they are put to use, much as the Bible and in particular, the New Testament is as good as one puts the commands of Jesus into practice! Greed, selfishness and hedonism have gotten us into the predicament we are in. Therefore, we must not only know the Truth, but we must put the Truth into practice every day. As Jesus said, “Deny thyself and take up thy cross and follow me.” Signed, Stephen M. Theriault Stephen M. Theriault is the author of The Practical Guide to Real Christianity and is organizer/founder of International Citizens Against Corruption and Overdevelopment, one of many groups he has begun. (on Facebook) and Avenger-Equalizer blog. Avenger/Equalizer Blog: www.theavenger.us (also on Facebook and Tumblr, as well as TheJesusReport blog found only on Tumblr.) I am @stevetheriault9 on Twitter.com. P.S. I strongly assert that if it were not for Jesus’ intervention, we would long ago have destroyed the earth with nuclear war. Pray He keeps His finger on the button preventing our annihilation. I continue to tell the Truth whether or not people are listening.

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avenger-equalizer-blog · 6 years

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Contrary to Popular Opinion, We Need Jesus!

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