#i used to not like this painting class b/c we were just doing boring shit like color theory (sorry color theory)
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MY CLASS GOT CANCELLED YASSSSSSSSSS IM GOING TO PAINT FOR HOURS
#i used to not like this painting class b/c we were just doing boring shit like color theory (sorry color theory)#and it’s at 9 am#but now i’m doing a transcription of my favorite painting everrrr and i’m actually loving it so much#this is what i wanted to do i did not want to paint random still lives only using a pallet knife
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Jon & Sasha Arson fic
Little fragment of an idea that never went anywhere. No reason for it. Just thought it would be funny. I was right. Rest under the cut.
Most people who were unlucky enough to meet Jonathan Sims assumed he had no friends.
This was true, up to a point two weeks after Jon became a researcher at the Magnus Institute: afterwards Jon had no friends, except for Sasha James.
Sasha James was attributable to arson.
Most people who were unlucky enough to meet Jonathan Sims assumed he had no friends.
This was true, up to a point two weeks after Jon became a researcher at the Magnus Institute: afterwards Jon had no friends, except for Sasha James.
*******
Sasha James was attributable to arson.
Arson was attributable to a bookshelf of Leitners, humming strange songs and spewing toxic energy into the air in rhythmic hissing motions. The Leitners were attributable to Artifact Storage, a testament to mankind’s hubris and a modern-day tower of Babel where a group of underpaid academics found themselves stress testing kevlar and fire suppression systems each day. Artifact Storage was attributable to the Magnus Institute, where Jon had managed to land a job after three months of desolate post-graduate unemployment. And the Magnus Institute was attributable to - well, probably Jonah Magnus, but Jon found that it was likely a bit of a reach to blame a long dead Regency gentleman for all of his problems.
Jon needed this job. London was expensive and so were funerals, and he couldn’t keep living on life insurance forever. It was even a good job, with decent pay and the exact kind of limp, half-hearted academia that the private sector promised disillusioned English mastery holders. His coworkers were nice - well, Tim was nice, everybody else seemed to hate him for the same reason that everybody else hated him, likely intimidated by how smart he was - and the commute was short. He couldn’t afford to lose this job. Spiritually, metaphysically, and literally.
Which was why he should stop staring at this piece of paper. The follow-up research to a statement given by some idiot unlucky enough to cross paths with what was certainly a Leitner.
‘ORIGINATION OF PHENOMENA ISOLATED’, the page read out professionally, yet chipperly, like a young woman in a new office job. ‘ITEM QUARANTINED WITHIN ARTIFACT STORAGE (46B.1)’.
Hm.
Jon pushed down on the floor, rolling himself a meter to the left.
“Say, er, Mr. Stoker.”
Tim “I’m only four years older than you, please call me Tim” Stoker, who had been thumping away on his cheap plastic keyboard either writing up a report or messaging someone on one of those infernal casual sex websites, pulled down his headphones and blinked at Jon owlishly, before splitting his face into a grin. Jon could practically hear the David Attenborough-style narration within his mind: ‘After long weeks leaving out food for the wild Simothan, the feral yet gentle animal approaches the researcher of his own volition. A win for scientists everywhere.’
“Yes, Jon?” Tim asked, in an uncanny yet hopefully unintentional RP drawl.
“What’s Artifact Storage?”
“God, I wish I was you,” Tim said feelingly. But he nodded sagely anyway, milking his ‘wise senpai’ thing for all it was worth. Jon could practically feel Tim calling himself a senpai. It was kind of embarrassing. “You know the shady room locked deep within the basement that exudes a terrible aura of malice and hatred towards you specifically?”
“The gender neutral bathroom?” Jon asked, confused.
“No, the one that always smells somewhat of blood. You hear screams sometimes?”
“The Archives!”
“Yes, but no! It’s Artifact Storage. If the researchers dig up any creepy shit from a statement, or if a statement giver brings in something that melts the metal detector, then we dump it in Artifact Storage and let those miserable fucks take care of it.”
“Is it more of a containment facility, or would you say that they conduct experiments?”
But Tim just shrugged. “My source down there tells me that they do some experiments to justify their budget, but it’s mostly unscientific. Poke this and I’ll give you twenty quid, that kind of thing. They say that if you really want a sick day, all you have to do is touch a mysterious rock and whisper your mother’s name -”
“Fantastic, thank you for your help, must go back to filling now,” Jon said quickly, skittering back to his own desk. He tried to distract himself from the terrifying thought of the basement full of supernatural nuclear bombs underneath his feet by trying to remember his mother’s name, but he was stuck on if it was Marjorie or Margaret. Mary Anne?
Maybe Tim’s personal Meerkat Manor series of Jon’s life had paid off - Sims Shack? - more than Jon would like, because Tim squinted at Jon in an unsettlingly familiar way. As if he knew exactly what Jon was thinking about the literature of mass destruction, and he really wanted Jon to be thinking literally anything else.
“I wouldn’t go down there if I were you, Jon,” Tim warned, sounding a little like a horror movie trailer. “Bushy tailed college grads who go down there don’t come out the same as they went in.”
“I’ll take that under advisement, Mr. Stoker.”
“For the love of christ call me Tim!”
It really was a pity - Jon had actually liked this job.
*******
It was remarkably easy to commit arson in central London.
Jon had done it once or twice. Three times, actually, although when you think about it arson was a criminal charge and only truly existed so long as someone was charged with it, so technically you could say that Jon had done arson zero times. In his defense, you try making it through Oxford without doing anything embarrassing. 90% of your time was in class or schoolwork and 10% of it was being hazed. At least Jon hadn’t fucked any pigs.
Jon hit up the usual stores, and stashed the usual implements in his rucksack. It was a careful week after his conversation with Tim, as he couldn’t afford for the older man to connect the dots. He made a show of going home at a timely five pm, startling everybody around him, and paced in a tight circle around his flat until he gave up and watched mindless telly until the clock struck midnight.
He took a cab to the park a few blocks down from the Institute, and walked the rest of the way. It was a cool, dim night in London, and the foot-traffic had slowed down to a steady trickle of young people in tight clothing. Jon pulled down his baseball cap on his head, fished a key out from his pocket given to him by a helpful and friendly janitor, and took a back entrance into the Institute.
Said helpful and friendly janitor, whose allegiance had been won because Jon was a “nice young lad” and “I always wanted to burn down the place myself, I’m happy to see the next generation give it a go” had helpfully told Jon that there were no security cameras inside the Institute. A grievous oversight, but good luck for Jon tonight. He took the stairs down to the basement, zipping his jacket up tight against the inescapable chill, and pushed his hat further down his head as he navigated his way towards Artifact Storage.
He unlocked the door with the janitor’s key, hands shaking, and slipped inside into the dusky and unlit room.
It was pitch-black, and Jon quickly fished a torch out of his backpack. He flipped it on, letting it slowly scan the room. It was the lobby into Artifact Storage, familiar from his stake-out missions: you walked in, met the bored woman behind the desk, checked in or checked out what you wanted, and if you needed to go inside she would press the button that unlocked the heavy climate-controlled door and let you into the hallway inside. The only other door in the lobby was to the office of the Director of Artifact Storage, a terrifying short and squat woman with silver hair pulled into a bun.
Jon leaned over the counter and jammed the button, holding his breath until he heard the door click open. He quickly twisted the handle, swung the heavy door out, and slipped inside, taking care to grab one of the chairs in the lobby and prop it open. Quick escapes were necessary.
He was in.
The torch lit up a map taped up to the wall, and Jon squinted at it. Section A, Section B, Section C...he remembered the classification from the document he read a week ago, and slowly walked down the hallway until he found the heavy climate controlled door marked ‘SECTION B’. He carefully wrenched it open, taking care to grab a rolling cart and using it to prop the door open, before stepping inside. He fished the canister of gasoline and the lighter out of his backpack, giving the gasoline a good shake.
It was a library. Small, and instead of shelves there were long metal racks with filing boxes stretching long into the darkness, but Jon knew a library when he saw one. Each box had a clipboard attached to it, and most boxes had very large and terrifying stickers on them painted sickly yellow or dangerous red.
The only thing in the library that wasn’t a filing rack was a battered and beat couch. And the only person in the room besides Jon was a woman, blinking up at Jon blearily from where she had been passed out on the couch.
“Er,” Jon said.
The woman sat up, squinting at Jon’s torchlight until he guiltily aimed it just to her left. She had a wild mane of curly brown hair, and was wearing a pencil skirt and ruffled burgundy blouse. A blazer was folded at one end of the couch, clearly being used as a pillow, and she looked strongly as if Jon had just woken her up from a very nice nap.
“Whuh,” the sleepy woman said.
“My mistake,” Jon said, “this isn’t the loo. Go back to bed, this is - er, a very bad dream, goodnight.”
“Whutuhiseet,” the woman slurred.
“It’s - very late, go back to bed.”
“Alright,” the woman said, falling back on the couch. After a second, her snores echoed through the room again.
Jon very slowly crept backwards. Actually, on second thought, his mission could wait for tomorrow. Bit of a cock block, this, but that was alright -
“Hey! Who are you!”
Jon, hand on the handle of the door, squeaked and turned around.
The woman was back up again, and this time she seemed actually awake. She was frowning mightily at Jon, and was already sliding off the couch in stocking feet to glare at him. Jon was aware that he did not look like an innocent person in these events. The gasoline did not help.
The woman’s eyes trailed to the gasoline, then widened. Jon ineffectually tried to hide it behind his back.
“You’re trying to burn down Artifact Storage!” the woman accused, somewhat fairly.
“Not all of Artifact Storage,” Jon said guiltily, “just the Leitners.”
The woman stared at him further, as if she was a special guest on Tim’s Sims Shack nature documentary.
“Why,” the woman said slowly, “would you want to do that?”
Despite himself, Jon found himself puffing up in indignation. “They’re evil, nasty little books that shouldn’t exist. Forget studying and - and containing them, we should be making sure no more of them ever disgrace the world again. We should be burning every one we see. They’re pure evil given literary form, they are a disgrace to books and libraries, and if I ever met Leitner myself I would beat him to death with a rusty pipe for subjecting me to his fucked up books.”
The woman stared at him.
Finally, she said, “I’m Sasha James. Want some help?”
“I - er, wouldn’t that get you in trouble, Ms. James?”
“I like this job but I hate Leitner and his fucked up books more,” Sasha said gravely.
Jon, having found a kindred spirit, held out the lighter.
Sasha James took it, a wide grin splitting her face.
*********
Jon didn’t remember much else of that night.
There was definitely arson involved - or, seeing as they hadn’t gotten caught, just some good old-fashioned fire starting. He had the sense that they had both been so giddy with adrenaline that they had immediately joined the raging uni students in the late night bars, toasting their success in toasting. There had probably been quite a bit of alcohol.
When he woke up the next morning, it was in his narrow and uncomfortable bed, face to face with an unfamiliar snoring woman. For a second, two, Jon was briefly convinced that he had done something so drastically out of character it meant that a fucked up book had body swapped him with Tim. Bodyswapping was more likely than him having casual sex.
Then Jon remembered the arson, and he exhaled in relief as his life made sense again.
“Ms. James,” Jon whispered, poking her in the arm. She snuffled and muttered something. Jon poked her harder. “Ms. James, we have work.”
Sasha turned around, turning her back to him and pulling up the blankets. “Go back to bed, Tim.”
Ti - oh god. Jon felt like he was in a CW drama. This was why he didn’t interact with people, far too much likelihood that he would accidentally end up interacting with somebody who had sex.
“Ms. James,” Jon hissed, extremely embarrassed, “you have to get up!”
“Mergh mergh fuck off,” Sasha James said.
Jon, like a true gentleman and hero, got up and made them both strong tea. He squinted at Sasha, recalling everything he knew about her (slept a lot, liked arson, hated Jurgen Leitner) before digging out some instant coffee and making some of that too. Finally, after shoving a hot cup of sludgey black liquid at the woman, she grabbed the cup and chugged it until she was able to sit up and open her eyes.
She blinked at Jon, who was already picking his hair in an attempt to get ready for work. He could clearly see the thoughts ‘you aren’t Tim’ run through her brain. Hah! He could be the narrator of the nature documentary for once!
“Uh,” Sasha James said, “I’m sorry, did we…?”
“Commit arson? Yes.” Jon paused a beat. “But as I don’t believe we were caught, call it an indoor campfire.”
Sasha James drank more of her coffee. Jon grabbed his clothing and disappeared into the loo to get changed.
When he re-entered his bedroom, she snapped her fingers at him. “Right! We got pissed after! Good times, mate!”
“I have to assume,” Jon said politely. He was doing his very best to be very polite, because Jon knew he was rude and didn’t want his new coworkers to know that until his probation period was over. Maybe he should have waited until after his probation period for the arson? Would it look bad on his annual review? “Do you need to borrow some clothing? I think we’re about the same size.” Oh, no, was that rude to say to a woman?
Sasha James squinted at him. “It’s like you’re not hungover at all. How old are you?”
“Twenty five?” Be polite, Jon! “And you’re...thirty seven?”
“I’m thirty one, asshole!”
Oh no. Women hated it when you called them old. “You don’t look a day over twenty seven!” Jon cried, panicked.
“Have you met a woman?”
“I had a grandmother?”
“I’m going back to bed,” Sasha James said.
Unfortunately, Jon knew that it would be very suspicious if they both skipped, so he forced Sasha into one of his suits that...looked much nicer on her than him, but whatever, and hustled them both to work. Now that the adrenaline had worn away and the sense of purpose in his holy mission had burned up with the cleansing flames, Jon found himself biting his nails in agony in the Underground.
They had to know. Someone must have caught them. Maybe there were secret CCTVs in the Institute. Maybe Sasha was going to rat him out - but she had helped, so wouldn’t she just be ratting out herself? Was she a double agent? Mr. Bouchard was never going to forgive him, no matter how nice he was and how much he seemed to like Jon to the point where he rather wished someone had given him the ‘Stranger Danger’ speech as a child so he would know what to do. Jon was going to go to jail, or worse - get fired.
Sasha, cooly sipping her coffee and looking somewhat fly in sunglasses and his suit, did not seem disturbed by any of this. Jon’s rapidly spiralling panic attack must have been obvious, because she casually flicked a finger on his forehead. Jon yelped with pain.
“Take it easy, mate. If they catch us, I’ll just say that the books made us do it.”
Jon scowled at her, rubbing his smarting forehead. “The books?”
“Sure.” She waved her fingers spookily as the Underground rattled forward into the heart of London. “Brainwashed us to do their evil bidding of -”
“Destroying them?”
“There’s a lot of arson Leitners,” Sasha James said sagely. “Trust me, this is just a normal day in Artifact Storage.” She clapped him reassuringly on the shoulder, and Jon fought a blush. “Don’t worry. We performed a public service, kiddo. St. Peter’s gonna give us a medal when we get to the pearly gates.”
“I’m an adult,” Jon said, scandalized. He had gray hair!
“Well, I guess, but I don’t know your name, so…”
Jon squinted at her. She squinted at him back.
“You’re thinking that if you don’t give me your name I can’t rat you out to the feds,” Sasha said flatly.
Jon pursed his lips.
Finally, he settled on, “You don’t rat me out to the feds and I won’t tell them that you’re in an illicit relationship with Mr. Stoker.”
“Mr. - how did - what!”
“It’s Jonathan Sims,” Jon said gruffly, crossing his arms. He was slightly hungover and his nerve were jittery and he had set fire to his workplace the previous night, but somehow Jon thought that his heart was jackrabbiting in his chest for a different reason. Somehow Jon felt as if his heart couldn’t stop thumping behind his sternum because Sasha James was staring at him, head cocked, as if he was a mystery she was interested in finding out. “That’s my name.”
Sasha James stared at him, as if surprised, before her face broke into a wide and happy smile. Jon hunched his shoulders up, embarrassed, faintly aware he was blushing. “It’s nice to meet you, Jonathan!” Then she grabbed him by the collar, shaking him slightly. “And there is nothing illicit about me and Tim, and there is nothing between me and Tim at all, we are just friends, so get that out of your little head -”
The train rattled on towards the Magnus Institute, and towards the slight smell of smoke in the air.
*******
Sasha: are you coming 2 the pub w/us 2nite?
Sasha: come onnn you should comeee don’t feel awkwardddd
Sasha: I know you hate a) group settings b) drunk people c) Tim in a group d) drunk Tim and e) Tim drunk in a group but that’s no reason not to come!
Sasha: Tim is physiologically incapable of not adopting men 3-5 years younger than him it’s in his blood you can’t escape his affection
Sasha: or at least I find it funny so I’m not letting you
Sasha: Jonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Jon: Yes I’ll come, I need to talk to both of you.
Sasha: WAHOO
Sasha: wait
Sasha: really?
Sasha: did you commit ars*on again
Sasha: wait if you did don’t tell me the courts can request text transcripts
Jon: No, I just need your advice on an urgent matter.
Sasha: do you need to be drunk to do it
Jon: ...maybe.
Jon: ....Mr. Bouchard offered me the Head Archivist Job?
Jon: Which is stupid because I’ve worked here for barely four years and you’ve worked here for about ten years I think. And you’ve published five papers in parapsychological research. I know I helped you figure out that this place is a weird trauma mill but it was really mostly you. It’s completely ridiculous to promote me and I’m afraid it’s favoritism. For potentially heinous ends? This feels awful because it’s such an honor but I would never stop feeling stressed and guilty because I know so many more people (like you) are so much more qualified. Or qualified at all.
Sasha: holy shit
Sasha: ...do you remember the speech I gave you on stranger danger?
Jon: I’m afraid to mention this to Tim because he might beat up Mr. Bouchard for both my honor and yours.
Sasha: Jesus at this point I don’t even want a fucking job anymore. What bullshit. I’m never going to get promoted and I just need to accept that. This isn’t your fault, Jon, seriously, thank you for telling me.
Sasha: we can talk about this at the pub
Sasha: in private. Off the radar.
Jon: Looking forward to it :)
Jon: did I use the emoticon right?
Sasha: Yes, Jon, you did everything right.
#tma#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#tma fanfic#the magnus archives fanfic#sasha james-centric#this is an implied fix-it everybody lives fic#crack#comedy#absolutely nothing sad? in a MEG FIC?#sasha james#tim stoker#jon is based off me at a new job anxiously calling everyone 'mr'#rest assured sasha is trans but it just never came up#my writing
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HI, IT'S ME! YOUR LOCAL CHAOTIC WEIRDO!!!!! I'M BACK AGAIN LIKE I AM TWICE EVERY WEEK
IT'S MY BOY DAVID THIS TIME! WHY AM I SO HYPER! MAYBE BECAUSE THEY KISSED! AND I HAD TO SUPPRESS MY SCREAMS BCAUSE IM IN CLASS AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY IS OUTSIDE MY DOOR (NOT LITERALLY OFC)
OK OK OK OK OK OK
MAX AND DAVID ARE AT THE LONDON INSTITUTE YESYESYESYES
He rather liked that part in a story – when the hero fell, and everything seemed bleak. It always meant that hope was just around the corner. Because darkness never lasted. It was always followed by light. There was nothing more beautiful than that kind of sunrise.
THIS
I literally live my life by this analogy
AHHH DAVID IS ON HIS TRAVEL YEAR AND MAX IS WITH HIM
SCREAM
well i can't scream because my mom is sitting right there and I have class in 4 minutes so imma smile really wide
“Are you planning to read the entire library during your travel year?” Max chuckled.
“Of course not,” David replied. “I will need longer than a year to accomplish that goal.”
Me.
Wait
does max not being able to make portals have something to do with his lineage?
like
demon parent
ok so my programming class started 2 minutes early but screw programming I'm gonna be studying minds not this shit
ok that's a very bad attitude for someone who needs good grades in this year
Max was always hungry.
this is so me
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
KIT
TY
THEY MENTIONED TY
also if David doesn't become an institute head in the future THEN WHAT'S THE POINT
“Where is the kitchen?” Max interrupted.
max is such a mood
He had told Max that he had centuries to perfect his magic, that there was no need to rush it. Max had given him a noncommittal nod and nothing more.
HE'S GONNA MAKE THE BEST PORTALS YOU'LL SEE
“I won’t tell the Consul,” Kit winked.
At the mention of the Consul, David straightened up. He had been trying to get into Alec Lightwood’s good graces for years now. He didn’t think sharing a room with his son would do him any favors.
DAVID UDUCDFUHKDUHVUHSDH
PLEASE IF WE DON'T GET A CUTE ALEC AND DAVID SCENE SOON
KIT CALLED TESSA MOM
oh my god
Word was that Mr. Herondale had gone back to his obsession with brewing tea.
JACE
I have so many emotions right now but all I'm gonna say is that I'm so so proud of Rafael
“Do you not want to sleep with me?” Max asked.
UH-
WELL-
DAVID STOP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ALL THE SHIT
STOP IT
OH MY GOD THE ONE BED TROPE
MAX IS IN HIS ARMS I'M ABOUT TO-
takes a deep breath don't scream. everyone outside this door thinks you're taking programming class
OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY
AWW JULIAN PAINTED PORTRAITS FOR THE INSTITUTE
The one of Will Herondale and Tessa Gray – A love that had transcended reality and lasted a lifetime.
The one of James Herondale and Cordelia Carstairs – A love that had started with a lie and then blossomed into nothing but happiness and devotion.
The one of Lucie Herondale and Jesse Blackthorn – A love that had been so powerful that it rewrote the past.
The one of Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild – A love that had walked through hell and shaken up the heavens.
And then there the final one. The one of Kit Herondale and Tiberius Blackthorn – A love that had survived distance and darkness and doom.
This omg...
He wanted a love story. The kind he read in the books. The kind he saw in these portraits.
But he wasn’t a Herondale. He wasn’t sure if he was destined for that kind of love.
HEY
DON'T THINK LIKE THAT
The first part though
same
He might have been a little too excited. It was biologically impossible to control yourself when you find a stranger reading your favorite book in the whole world.
SO TRUE
“I see you already made a new friend,” Max said.
He sounded a little…odd. As if he was not pleased that David had made a new friend.
honey...
take a guess
can I jump in and bash their heads together?
“You are thinking of conjuring chocolate syrup, aren’t you?” David chuckled.
“How do you always know what’s on my mind?” Max chuckled back.
Because I know you, David wanted to say. I just wish I knew what’s in your heart too.
OH MY GOD I CANT WITH THIS
“You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup! You get chocolate syrup!” Max was yelling, standing on the chair.
They residents laughed harder, and David shook his head fondly. He hoped one day Max would pursue a career in theatre. He was a born showman.
can I have chocolate syrup?
also, the way David is just so fond of him like DYUSDGYJCDYUJM
“By the angel, do you have to be a drama queen about everything?” the boy next to them muttered – not so quietly.
David blinked. That was uncalled for.
But Max being Max was completely unfazed. “Of course I do. My Bapa would be personally offended otherwise.”
exactly you rude little shit
Max often pretended like people’s words didn’t hurt him - just as he pretend that fire doesn’t burn or wounds don’t bleed.
wow ok stop calling me out
Is max jealous??????
is he??????
how are people so good at languages like damn
TY
TY
TY
TY
“Oh my god,” Max groaned. “Is he already telling people to check on me?”
LMAO
using mundane medicine...
that's risky
but it's also something that WILL help
can't warlocks tamper with the blood samples?
A part of him wondered if that’s why he had agreed to send Max away to London – at least for a week. Because sometimes you didn’t want other people to see you were hurting.
alec I really goddamn hope you're dealing with this well
some of whom had even decided to die than get help from a warlock.
alright then gets my knives but you chose this :D
Nobody brought a book down for breakfast if they didn't like to read.
yes but sometimes also to seem busy so people won't bother you or you won't look alone.
“I know,” the boy said as he walked past them to the gate. “I sat on the stairs and thought about life for a few good minutes.”
his family is the one who took over David's previous institute (i can't spell that. marse- marselli- wat??) methinks.
The gang always visited whenever all of them were in the city together. They would have so much fun! Of course, the 'fun' mostly entailed Rafael stopping Georgia from drinking random potions she found in the stalls, Selena stopping Lexi from opening a psychic booth to help people talk to Raziel and of course David stopping Max from running to the gambling booths.
LMAO, I CANT WITH THIS-
Rafe: I am anxiety.
me at any given moment
EW TESTICLES HE'S EATING THOSE-
ok maybe I'm the only person who's really picky when it comes to food and doesn't eat the majority of things
“Anything on Magnus Bane?” Max asked.
“No,” the woman snapped and shoved some of the letters into a bag and hide it under the table. “Leave Magnus Bane alone!”
“Appreciate your loyalty,” Max winked at her and started examining a diary.
I like her.
"Everyone should be participating in this" -my programming teacher
me, an intellectual: participating in what?? goes to the class web THE FUCK IS THAT
“Something for the shadowhunter?” the woman smiled. “Perhaps an unpublished snippet from the Beautiful Cordelia?”
“Do you have any love letters?” David asked.
“Hmmm,” the woman went through the pages. “I do have a correspondence between an Iblis demon and Christopher Lightwood? Would you be interested in that?”
if u don't mind I would love to see both of those-
you know I just remembered I have a computer assignment I need to submit by the end of this week fml
“Never fall in love with an immortal,” she giggled again. “We don’t like staying in one place.”
SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP
MAX WHERE ARE YOU
why are we using x and 3 in programming class what the heck is going on
“I’m not just some warlock,” Max said, his voice low. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”
GIVE HIM THAT NECKLACE BACK
we usually have programming once a week on our physical school days and those are fun because my and my friend are continuously passing notes and talking to each other through writing
The scene where Max fought off all the evil people who tried to steal his valuable belonging. He would fight without breaking a sweat and throw magic fireballs at everyone and then get his necklace back. And then he would kiss David in front of everyone and it would somehow rain all of a sudden.
But life wasn’t a movie or a book. Life was just life.
life's boring
fuck life
I just heard a student ask "why are we not taking out the values of b and c" BESTIE I THOUGHT WE WERE DOING PROGRAMMING AND NOT ALGEBRA?????
“I know there wasn’t anyone to protect you before,” Magnus Bane had said. “But we are here now. We will protect you. This will protect you.”
He hadn’t wanted it back then. He didn't even want it even now.
He didn’t want something to protect him. Most importantly, he didn’t want to cover his scar. He didn’t want to hide it. He wasn’t ashamed of it. It wasn’t a mark of a victim. It was the mark of a survivor.
So, David had smiled and given the bracelet back.
“I never wanted to be protected,” David had replied. “I only ever wanted to be loved.”
The warlock had smiled at that and given David a hug. It had felt different than other hugs he had experienced since he had come to New York.
It wasn’t just the magic. Magnus Bane carried so much love inside himself you could literally feel it through him.
I'm gonna cry during my programming class (where we're doing variables apparently all of a sudden??)
this is so beautiful
“I wasn’t talking about Bapa,” Max said now. “I was talking about the other one.”
David chuckled at that. “Oh, yeah. He is definitely going to kill you.”
what flowers would you like at your funeral?
so Jackson has family troubles
I've definitely got that
yeah I know what it's like to be jealous of someone else's perfect family
JACKSON WTF
Is he trying to ruin max's relationship with his family???
oh hell no
JACKSON THE AUDACITY
“One stolen necklace, One broken nose and One bruised cheek,” he said. “And you’ve been in London for less than a day.”
kit seriously? but is he wrong though?
“This is what I get for falling for a Lightwood-Bane,” David sighed and walked through the portal.
WELL AT LEAST HE'S SELF AWARE
Jackson...
in some ways, I can empathize with him. my younger self anyway. but Jackson this is not how you do things
There was a moment of silence and then Magnus Bane giggled.
“I do love it when the quiet ones go feral,” the warlock grinned.
MAGNUS
NOT.THE.TIME
(me too)
“David!” Mr Herondale gasped. “Is your hand okay?”
yup that's Jace y'all
David hated violence. He hated fighting – which he was often not allowed to say out loud considering he was a shadowhunter.
But it was the truth. He hated hurting people – or even things. It made him feel sick.
“It’s alright, Chouchou,” Mr Herondale ran a hand through David’s hair. “Next time, just-”
“Use my words?” David asked.
“Just don’t get caught,” the man winked.
and that is why I would never want to be a shadowhunter.
I know saying that doesn't do anything but when I first read tsc I wanted to be a shadowhunter really badly and damn that was some time ago but now...violence of any kind is my biggest trigger idek why. and I hate that so much because what kind of a person gets triggered by loud voices and fighting EVEN ON SCREEN??? I usually just push myself to watch stuff because it's dumb. I refuse to see trigger warnings before reading a book or watching a show because damn it, I should be able to stand those things I'm, not a child. and it may be doing me more harm than good but I shouldn't feel like this in the first place
okay...that was long
ANYWAY
“David, I appreciate you standing up for Max,” the Consul said. “But next time, please try not to punch anyone in the face.”
“Yes, sir,” David nodded. “Because it’s wrong.”
“Because it means more paperwork for me,” the Consul groaned and then straightened up. “But yes. Absolutely. Very wrong. No punching people!”
LMAO ALEC
Jackson...
oh
oh
oh
I was wrong then
He was grinning. Magnus Bane must have raised hell in the shadow market.
that must have been fun
Max was doing that thing where he was not trying to pout but he was mostly definitely pouting. It made David want to kiss him. But then the Consul spoke, and David reminded himself he didn’t want to be the third person to get punched in the face this evening.
well-
“I understand that Jackson has been through a lot. But that’s not an excuse for him to hurt those around him. I learned that lesson the hard way. So, you shouldn’t excuse his behaviour.”
someone's trauma and pain is never an excuse to hurt others
but that doesn't mean we should invalidate their trauma either
“You can stay back and try to help him. I won’t stop you,” the man got up now. “But if he tries to hurt you-”
“You will unleash hell?” David chuckled.
“Worse,” the other man grinned. “I will unleash Lexi.”
that is much much worse
Books brought him comfort in so many ways. Just holding one in his hands automatically made him feel better.
oh my god
he gets it
I always have a book with me when I'm out even if I'm not gonna get the time to read it because just the weight and comfort of it in my hands or in my backpack brings me so much comfort and helps with my social anxiety so much
no one understands when I try to tell them that
you get it...
someone gets it finally
AYYY IRENE
“David, it’s very sweet that you want to protect Jackson,” Kit pointed out. “But literally no one is buying that. Not even Irene.”
The lynx purred on his lap as if she agreed with Kit.
“I could break into a liquor cabinet,” David said a little indignantly.
David is the nicest you can get
David wouldn’t. Apparently, everyone already seemed to know that - even the lynx he had met five minutes ago.
we are solving something in class and it's really quiet because we're all doing our work (I'm reading the fic so-) and this one person had their mic open and they kept on whispering their steps and it was so weird I cant-
BUT YES DAVID IS A CINNAMON ROLL. EVEN THE LYNX KNOWS
“We were talking about shitty fathers,” Jackson pointed out. “You’re welcome to stay.”
“I’m gonna need something stronger than red wine for this conversation,” Kit chuckled.
I remember that bitch
David used to do it when he was a child. He used to pretend his life was a story. He used to pretend everything that happened to him was happening to some other boy – a boy who wasn’t real. A boy who lived inside a book. Because it hurt a little less when you pretend like it wasn’t happening to you.
But the pain was still very real.
OK YOU CAN STOP CALLING ME OUT NOW
“I fucking hate ogres,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Was your father an ogre too?” Jackson asked.
“He was more like a harpy,” Kit snorted. “He was always flying and fleeing. I didn’t know how deep his talons were in my head until it was too late.”
you really like traumatizing all your characters, don't you?
I really fucking hope the ogre got what he deserved
and if the angel is dead then fuck everyone
“I mean, there was that time when Sebastian Morgenstern turned my father into the endarkened, and then he went around killing people. So, I would say he was more like a zombie,” the man was explaining now. “The zombie father tried to kill me but my brother killed him first.”
“Good lord!” Jackson said in shock.
Kit chuckled softly. “Boy do shadowhunters need therapy.”
they really do
He knew about those from New York. He knew Mr Herondale and Miss Fairchild went for one together.
YES GET THEM THERAPY
“Yikes,” Kit chuckled. “I’d prefer something classier. How about London Boys?”
“None of us are from London though,” Tiberius pointed out.
“The Beatles are not actually beetles, Ty,” Kit chuckled. “It’s just for pizazz.”
damn guys
Then the idea of a band turned into a possible YouTube channel where they would react to cute animal videos.
YS DO IT
“When people do awful things, really awful things, at one point we stop being surprised. Like what Valentine did to his children or what our fathers did to us or what those women did to Rafael. We might have been shocked or disgusted. But it wasn’t unrealistic, was it?”
“I guess not,” the boy said.
“Even when they did the most unimaginable acts of cruelty, it somehow managed to fit into our imagination. We accepted that the world can be unrealistically cruel. The kind of cruelty we will never understand. But why isn’t it the same for kindness? Why is that when someone is too kind, we automatically feel uncomfortable? We judge their intensions or think they are just pretending to be nice. We think they are being unrealistic. Why is that?”
we get so used to cruelty that kindness feels weird
“But that’s how our life works, doesn’t it? It’s a giant ball of what ifs and could have beens and if nots. What if my father had loved me instead of hurt me? Could I have been kinder if I was hugged instead of being abused? Would have I been a different person if not for my trauma? Our lives are an endless collection of theories about our real selves. The one didn’t we never had the chance to become.”
THIS
I used to spend a bunch of time on the what-ifs but those are useless. so screw the what-ifs and live in the present
“I guess we’ll never know, Jackson. None of us will never know how we would have turned out if things had been different for us. We never got the chance to be who were meant to be. Instead, we became who we had to become to survive what we went through. We will never know our true selves. We only know the version of us that made it through all the trauma.”
“Christ, that’s depressing,” Jackson said.
“It is,” David nodded. “But we made it through. We survived. I think we should focus on that.”
you survived. that's what matters
“There is nothing wrong with wanting to be rescued,” David smiled.
I wish I had heard this before...
maybe I don't always have to be strong. maybe it's ok sometimes just want to be saved.
I'm so happy that both Jackson and David found each other
David had learned Gaelic. Jackson had learned how to play the piano.
They had laughed and lived and loved and learned.
And they had survived – one day at a time. The London Boys.
they survived.
I know I'm always key smashing and screaming but these words, these lines, all these chapters mean so so much to me.
“You’ll write to me, won’t you?” David asked, hugging Jackson closely.
“No,” Jackson replied. “I will FaceTime you like a normal person, you weirdo!”
David laughed at that. “I prefer letters. They are more emotional.”
“I’ll text you,” Jackson countered. “With emojis.”
oh to have someone write me letters.
I love writing letters
once at the end of a school year, I wrote little letters to everyone in my class anonymously. even the people who had been mean to me. that was like 1-2 years after my transfer to that school and everyone practically hated me but I wanted to do something nice because who knows what someone is going through. I ended up not putting them in people's desks...
I threw them all away :)
but writing letters is superior
I often write my feelings down and give the letter to someone rather than talk to someone
if you receive a letter from me or a custom-made gift...you have reached my ultimate friendship
oh my god. THIS IS HOW I SHOULD TALK TO ONE OF MY FRIENDS ABOUT MY FEELINGS
It's kind of been a mess between us and I want to talk to her but I didn't know how to.
this is why i shouldn't send asks-
JACKSON CATCHING UP ON MAX AND DAVID
“You know what it means,” Jackson grinned harder. “Also, if that wanker tries to break your heart, I will break his face.”
“You know he is the Consul’s son?” David giggled.
“I’ve done it once and I will do it again,” Jackson shrugged. “He better treat you right.”
"wanker"
I HAVE A BRITISH ONLINE FRIEND AND THEY CALLED OUR AMERICAN ONLINE FRIEND A WANKER
AND OUR OTHER BRITISH FRIEND JOINED IN
WHILE ALL THE NON-BRITISH PEOPLE WERE LIKE "huh"
Lexi had cut her hair even shorter. Her girlfriend apparently got something called an undercut.
“Just in case someone dared to assume we were straight,” she had winked at him.
how many years has this fake dating been going on...
CENTURION SELENA
fterA the twins went to bed, David stepped out of the institute and went looking for his heart.
"went looking for his heart"
OH FUCK I FORGOT TO JOIN MY CLASS
MAX STOP DEPLETING YOUR SELF GODDAMN
And then somewhere along the way, Max’s heartbeat had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.
Max, with all his chaos and drama and danger, had become the steadiest thing in David’s life.
oh my god that's a parallel from canon
“Tell me why.”
“Ain't nothing but a heart break!!"
Max-
Max could make fireballs that killed demons on the spot. He could summon things from anywhere. He could heal people with his eyes closed. He was one of the youngest warlocks allowed to visit the spiral labyrinth.
Max was a warlock in every sense. A good one. A great one even.
he is so talented...
Only idiots would underestimate Magnus Bane’s power.
EXACTLY
He is probably going to be Consul like next week.”
David chuckled. “Next week?”
next week????
“Yeah, his smoking habits,” Max rolled his eyes.
Rafael wasn’t the smoker in the family. He knew who it was, but David would never open his mouth. It wasn’t his secret to tell.
this keeps on getting better
“It’s my hair!” David laughed.
“And you’re my David!” Max argued. “I say you are not allowed to grow your hair.”
MY DAVID
MY DAVID
MY DAVID
“I don’t want to downworld-splain it to you.”
Max blinked and then laughed. “You don’t want to what?”
“Downworld-splain,” David mumbled. “It’s when shadowhunters explain downworlders how to be downworlders.”
they were SO close to kissing
I'm gonna get in there and lock them in a closet together and tell them to FUCKING GET WITH IT
Remember who you are. Remember where you stand.
remember who you are. remember where you stand...
I know this is supposed to be about portals.
OH MY GOD THEY KISSED
THEY KISSED
IM SO CLOSE TO SCREAMING CLASS AND EVERYONE OUTSIDE THIS ROOM BE DAMNED
OH MY GOD DAVID FELL
reminds me of when alec fell down the stairs-
OH MY GOD I'M GONNA SCREAM
WE'RE GONNA GET MORE MAVID CONTENT SOON I'M SCREAMING INTERNALLY UYDRVFY7VSDU7UYVFSDUYGCADUYIGJCDSHJKGDVCSUGISDVHVF
ok, I have a computer assignment to get to and tests to study for. BUT I LOVED THIS CHAPTER SO SO MUCH!! THEY FINALLY KISSED I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!
Also I know I tend to go off track and you can totally ignore that. i just go crazy. BYEE
This live blog gives me so much life you don't even know. I am go glad you enjoyed the chapter. I love hearing you rant about it. It's refreshing lol.
And I looooooove the lil anecdotes you share in between. Also wtf is a programming class like nobody wants to learn programme what kind of hetero nonsense I-
FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENTS AND STUDY FOR YOUR TESTS I'LL SEE YOU SOON :)
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Here are some great bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of June. We really hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!
1) Until You’re Home | Explicit | 1039 words
Louis lives in London, Harry lives in Tokyo. They make it work.
2) He Holds My Paradise | Mature | 1332 words
“What is it that you want, baby?”
“Your dick” Louis breaths out, choking on his own words, neck still covered by his boyfriend’s hand.
“And where do you want it, baby?” the Devil asks him, a satisfied smirk painting his lips. “in my pussy, please.”
3) Morning | Explicit | 1428 words
Harry and Louis wake up and have a 'productive' morning in the shower ;)
4) Let's Go To The Beach | General Audiences | 1489 words
Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it. This is a sequel. Part one of this fic is #6 on this list.
"Louis," Harry repeated.
"Right," Louis sighed. "He tried to scent me."
or the one where Louis has a meeting with an aggressive alpha and Harry calms Louis down.
5) Sweet Relief, Pretty Please | Not Rated | 1840 words
Louis is drunk, sad and alone, and Harry is a wanker.
6) Hey Moon, Don't You Fall Down | Mature | 2574 words
Note: The sequel to this fic is #4 on this list.
"Make me yours," Louis opened his eyes and put his hands on Harry's shoulders. "I'm ready, alpha, always been ready for you. Since the first day we met, I was yours. Please," Louis gasped as Harry slid his fingers out of him.
or the one where Harry and Louis finally bond.
7) Nothing Like Anything | Explicit | 2614 words
Harry is bored of his frat parties. No one interesting comes anyway.It's always drunk people, grinding in the living room, strangers trying to catch his eye. He's about to leave, just to ease his pounding head when he sees him, sinful on the dance floor and suddenly the party isn't so bad.
8) Over Exposed - Part Two| Explicit | 2840 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
Harry and Louis take a quick break from Harry's tour to attend the VMAs, then have a night out at a club.
9) Sweet Vanilla Cream | Explicit | 2896 words
Harry fights to resist his roommate's new omega boyfriend, Louis. Louis maybe doesn't want him to resist.
10) Take Off Your Glasses | Mature | 3742 words
Louis was enjoying his time, as he decided to spend his weekend clubbing, Louis knows no one in there, yet someone wanted to mess with him to know who's Louis the attractive boy in the black skirt.
"It’s Louie.. Sir."
11) Rose’s Fortune | Mature | 5055 words
Note: This fic contains no explicit smut but since it’s a/b/o we’ve decided to include it in this monthly roundup.
Omega Louis takes one of his siblings to the doctors (check up, possible broken bone or possibly injections?) and the new Dr is Alpha Harry. Harry is great with kids and Louis is smitten. Harry is smitten too but attempts to act professionally and keep his distance whenever Louis visits the Drs with his siblings or to pick up his prescriptions. But Harry realises there is no reason for him not to make a move as Louis isn't under his care.
12) Dare You To Move | Not Rated | 6060 words
The one where Harry falls in love with the omega who is the brain behind the omega march he joined.
13) Savage Garden’s Song Rules Sometimes (While Yours Always Reign Supreme) | Explicit | 6261 words
Note: This fic is a sequel to this fic.
The morning after one too many nights of isolation for Louis Tomlinson and his hot & dangerous boy.
Aka how insanely adorkable Harry Styles could be after a sulking episode. [wordplay edition]
14) I Can Feel Your Blood Pressure Rise | Explicit | 9292 words
"Hello, your Highness," Harry heard a familiar voice coming from behind him. Chills ran down his body as he felt the coldness of something sharp poke the back of his neck, "Turn around slowly or I'll hurt you,” the voice said in a teasing tone.
Where Louis is some sort of Robin Hood and sneaks into the King's castle, only to be fucked hard.
15) You Know What They Say | Explicit | 10323 words
Nice guys always finish last.
16) Teenage Dream | Explicit | 10333 words
Harry and Louis get reintroduced to each other by their friends. It’s an instant connection. Now they’ve just gotta get to know each other.
17) Move So Petty (You're All I See) | Explicit | 10548 words
Harry’s pretty content with his life. He loves his job- a veterinarian at a local clinic who’s already built up a name for himself despite his young age. He loves his gorgeous flat with its wide, open space and minimalistic, yet still homey feel. He loves his family who he talks to and visits as much as possible, not bothered by the long hours of driving to Holmes Chapel from London he endures multiple times a month. He loves his friends and his coworkers and his neighbors- especially Allison, the little old lady next door who brings him and Louis cookies on holidays and who always comments on how “strong and handsome you are, Mr. Styles,” everytime he sees her.
And most importantly, he loves Louis, just- maybe in a slightly different way.
18) When Tomorrow Comes | Explicit | 11111 words
The one where Louis is an Omega who has been keeping himself pure for his Alpha, Harry is a traditional Alpha focusing on his studies while he waits to find his bondmate, and Niall is a sneaky bastard who keeps borrowing Louis’ clothes and never returning them.
19) Smells Like Omega Spirit | Not Rated | 11769 words
Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it.
Louis is an omega doing a test run on neutralizers for a class project. Every time he talks to Harry he smells completely different.
Harry is an alpha who can't figure out if he's going crazy or his sense of smell is broken, but all he wants to figure out what Louis' real scent is.
Somehow they figure it out.
20) You Kill My Mind | Explicit | 13181 words
Harry has always been ashamed to reveal his kinks to friends and partners alike. One day he meets a man who seems perfectly designed for him and they embark on a wonderful, sex-filled exploration journey.
21) In The Heat Of The Moment | Mature | 15743 words
When Louis unexpectedly goes into heat in maths class it takes him way too long to figure out why (it might have something to do with a certain curly haired boy sitting next to him).
22) Was In No Hurry, Had No Worries | Explicit | 21485 words
The year is 1999 and Harry can’t stop dedicating songs to Louis on the radio. Or the one where Harry hits Louis with his car.
23) You're The Smell Before Rain, You're The Blood In My Veins | Explicit | 21945 words
“It was him you talked about, when you used to call me late at night, saying you were missing your ex? Was it him, your important five-year long story? Was it him the person you had thought about proposing, one day?” Nick asks with a low voice, almost inaudible, almost like he’s talking to himself “He’s my boyfriend…” he whispers again, without looking up.
“I know! And you shouldn’t worry, because you don’t have a single reason to do so. He’s yours now, he’s with you. I really don’t understand why you came here, honestly” Harry says defending himself out of instinct, even if he has no reason to react like that. He just- just wishes for Nick to leave his room and go back home to Louis. Because at this point Nick has Louis and fuck, why can’t he just go fuck off for once? Doesn’t he have enough shit do deal with already? Does he really need to get into this as well? Right now?
24) Like The Earth Around The Sun | Explicit | 23600 words
The one where Harry bursts in on Louis in heat and things only get more complicated from there.
25) The Blood of Love | Explicit | 25273 words
Harry is a nurse and Louis is a painting worth more than a thousand words. As desire and darkness encompasses him, Harry has to learn the secrets of Thorne Hills manor before he succumbs to the mystery that surrounds him.
26) Habit | Teen & Up | 27095 words
In which Louis is a Donna who has a soft spot for alpha Harry.
27) Let Me Carry Your Weight | Explicit | 28633 words
Louis is fresh out of a bad relationship with someone who made him feel awful about how he looked. on his journey to better himself, he meets harry - the ridiculously attractive and fit personal trainer.
28) Robbers And Cowards | Explicit | 33237 words
A modern day Robin Hood AU where Louis and Harry (don’t really) hate each other but they hate greedy billionaires more.
29) Caves End | Explicit | 39711 words
The one where Harry has lost his future, Louis has lost his past, but maybe together, they can find a way through the dark.
30) Soaked In The Blood Of Angels | Explicit | 40867 words
The boy looks drugged, caught between a man who’s almost twice his size and a girl who looks like she wouldn’t even break a sweat snapping him in half despite her small stature, eyes closed and mouth open as he pants, arching up between them almost as if he’s trying to escape.
Normally, Harry would ignore it and continue on his search for someone to drink from, someone who wouldn’t mind his sharp teeth and rough hands. He’s seen plenty of boys like this one, ones who picked the wrong playmates, and if he stopped to rescue every single one of them he would have died from thirst a long time ago.
This one, though. There’s something about this one, the sheen of his bright blue eyes as he blinks slowly, looks around as though he doesn’t know where he is, the weakness of his hands as he tries to push the girl off of him and make his escape.
31) With Stars Of Brightest Gold | Explicit | 41109 words
Louis Tomlinson is the premier courtesan at the Moulin Rouge. In his dreams, he has always wanted to be a famous stage actor. Locked into his contract, he has little means of escape until a handsome duke promises him freedom with a romantic alliance. Due to a case of mistaken identity playwright Harry Styles is thrown into the mix, compelling Louis to choose between his head or his heart.
32) We Both Got Nothing To Hide | Explicit | 43811 words
Omega Louis has a secret nest. Alpha Harry keeps losing his clothes.
33) In A World Alone | Explicit | 50787 words
Harry’s breath catches as the glow grows bigger and bigger until he’s squinting his eyes and blinking at the sudden intense brightness. He closes his eyes, rubbing at them helplessly. When his eyes open again- he gasps, grip loosening on his bow as he gawks at the sight before him.
Because the swan is gone.
And in its place is the prettiest omega Harry has ever seen.
A Swan Lake AU.
34) Hunting Ground | Not Rated | 583658 words
Note: This fic is the third part of a series. Part two is #38 in this list.
Louis Tomlinson didn’t know how complicated life could be until he became a werewolf. And until he was mated to Harry Styles, the son — and enforcer — of Liam, the leader of the North American werewolves, he didn’t know how dangerous it could be either...
Louis and Harry have just been enlisted to attend a summit to present Liam's controversial proposition: that the wolves should finally reveal themselves to humans. But the most feared Alpha in Europe is dead set against the plan — and it seems like someone else might be too. When Louis is attacked by vampires using pack magic, the kind of power only werewolves should be able to draw on, Harry and Louis must combine their talents to hunt down whoever is behind it all — or risk losing everything.
35) The Wrath of the Emerald Eyes | Mature | 85205 words
His chin is grabbed harshly, facing the two deep green eyes that have been getting on his nerves for the past ten minutes. The smirk on the man's face does not vanish. The grip of his hand on Louis' chin does not soften, his thumb at the side of his lower lip.
His smile widens as he answers Louis' question, ''My name is Styles, but you will call me Captain."
Pirate AU.
36) Cry Wolf | Not Rated | 85205 words
Note: This fic is the second part of a series. Part three is #36 in this list.
Louis never knew werewolves existed, until the night he survived a violent attack... and became one himself. After three years at the bottom of the pack, he'd learned to keep his head down and never, ever trust dominant wolves. Then Harry Styles, the enforcer—and son—of the leader of the North American werewolves, came into his life.
Harry insists that not only is Louis his mate, but he is also a rare and valued Omega wolf. And it is Louis' inner strength and calming presence that will prove invaluable as he and Harry go on the hunt in search of a rogue werewolf—a creature bound in magic so dark that it could threaten all of the pack.
Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.
You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.
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quest of the spear live rewatch!
i already spewed my pre call to adventure flynn thoughts all over a text post but I would like to repeat: pre-canon flynn my beloved <3
yes he is a bit of a bastard but he just loves his books and he’s so genuinely just like. passionate and like…. Big? does that make sense? like i mean inside. not literally. bright
flynn’s mom is so fucking funny
and she’s Trying Her Best
you know one thing I don’t understand, I assume that flynn could afford to keep going to college because of like grants and scholarships since he’s all smart and like, even if his mom is well off, no one below the morally bankrupt millionaire line can pay for 22 degrees and not die of no-money-itis otherwise known as Starving
but like. why not become a professor or some other academia position?
you’d be incredibly overqualified and you’re a white dude, so while academia isn’t exactly bursting with new spaces to fill I’m sure you could find something???? and like. a professor in particular, while baby flynn might not be great at the connection part, seems like a natural progression to at least try for considering it keeps you in that comfort zone and familiar space just in a different albeit familiar role, and allows you to go on long lectures people can’t interrupt. and like, professors literally like, part of their job is research and to continue learning, so like. it seems like the natural choice for him to go for?
don’t get me wrong, baby flynn in particular might not be extremely well suited considering his lack of people skills, but plenty of professors are brilliant slightly odd smarties who give long, super engaging theatrical lectures (sounds like him!) but suck at one on one meetings and talking to people or may be accidentally insulting, but like, their class is genuinely interesting and they grade decently so like, I think he could get past that hurdle is what I’m saying
obviously he’d have to work at it and get the skills necessary but you know what that means? MORE SCHOOL, BABY! just in a different direction! like just? it seems like the obvious choice for his situation
ah yes!!! magic letter!!! it’s kind of funny they do this, it’s a great hook and way to make applicants go Uh Excuse Me and want to know more but also like, there’s no proof magic happened either?
although you’d think some people would get obsessive like let me tell you if i encountered real ass magic like that i wouldn’t stop until i had an answer
ah the Incredibly Long Interview Line. it’s kinda how funny how like. Not Special he is but at the same time he is?
“never been treated so badly in my entire life!” what did you say to him charlene
i’m sure he deserved it i just want to know
wait oh no i just realized
all these people are dead
every single one of them got murdered in the first episode of the series
jesus that’s dark
not gonna be able to stop thinking about that one huh
also love how it’s pretty evenly men and women
although it’s still mostly white
fuck that lady just left crying I know they’re doing this to turn up the drama but DAMN, charlene
god he almost gave up. remember the timeline episode where he never became the librarian? weird.
Gkjlfkgjhfglh Where Do You Think You’re Going? (weak gesture like “me?”) Yes You. Get In Here amazing how can she even see him she’s around the CORNER. camera? magical surveillance? why? just to freak people out? amazing.
i do so love charlene, it’s a shame she wasn’t in the show more
also she literally never explains shit. What Makes You Think You Can Be The Librarian he doesn’t even know what that means, charlene
He Doesn’t Even Have A Library Science Degree
oh wow he does actually have librarian qualifications lmao
why did i not remember that
DLKFGJDFG I did remember him sherlocking her tho
wait her MARRIAGE? to WHO?
i thought her and judson were a thing despite jenkins being into her or something?
huh
also why does this qualify him to be The Librarian™ like oh he can sherlock? ok?
maybe it’s just bc he had the balls to do it
well, the sherlock thing is also not completely unhelpful it just doesn’t seem central to his skills, or at least, not the way he uses it (do we see him use it like this again? he usually applies more obscure knowledge then ye classic deduction sherlockian skills if I remember correctly which I may not because my brain is smooth)
judson is such a fucking drama queen
LKDJFGLKDJFGLDKFJG I FUCKING FORGOT HE LITERALLY JUST FUCKING REPEATED HIS MOM’S LITTLE PHRASE AMAZING
also why did he seem to think her sending everyone home meant he didn’t get it why would she stop all interviews because you fucked up
he just fucking walked out of a wall judson you are so dramatic
also warehouse 13 vibes huh. welcome to a world of endless wonder
I could do a whole fucking thesis on warehouse 13 and the librarians or—well that’s a whole other tangent
anYWYA
this interview was remarkably easy tho, it’s not like he wasn’t impressive but it wasn’t mindblowing either????? this coming from a big fan of flynn
the big shiny wonderous eyes as the library lights up……flynn my beloved
also his floofy hair ldkfgjdlkfgj
he’s like this is too good am I being prank’d
why the mona lisa?????iIs the mona lisa magic??? It only became famous because it got stolen why would it be magic??? Is this one of those we make it magic by believing it or some shit things???
Flynn Do Not Open The Random Box In The Library Of Incredibly Dangerous Artifacts
oh hello excalibur !!
oh rip flynn immediately being like “oh im not worthy, trust me” with 100 percent certainty im hurt oof
KSJFLGKDJGLKDJG THE APPLE “the apple from the garden of eden…….” *judson takes a bite* “actually I just left this here”
excalibur hello properly!!!!
judson is such a fucking DRAMA QUEEN he’s so casual!! and cal you too you slippery bitch!
ah the jetpack.
DLFKGJDLKFGJ “it usually takes a new librarian four hours to find the jetpack. you did it in three! congratulations” love the implication that every librarian (at least since it was added to the library) has done this no matter how serious like the bad guy of this movie… *checks notes* edware wilde? jetpack. darrington dare, probably? jetpack. i like to think jenkins did it too (not technically a librarian, but you know)
flynn thinking of himself as embarrassing… ☹
HIS MOM IS SO PROUD OF HIM
part sweet, part funny, part rip
I don’t know what she was expecting when he said librarian tho like. originally he literally looked at shit for FRY COOk degrees don’t always mean shit you know
and librarian is up there with professor in Perfect Jobs For Flynn like what did you expect??? Like even if he’d become an archaeologist (a “cool” job) it’s not like that pays super well either as far as I know??
he was never going to be Traditionally Successful
he’s still the same person he still has the same strengths and passions of course he would go into academia and do something like librarian like????? her reaction saddens me.
just be happy for him!! look at him!!!
ok first of all even normal non magic librarians don’t just put books on shelves and that’s a condescending reduction of the job, and second of all, he is so happy!! he has a job, he’s taking responsibility, he’s meeting people, isn’t that enough??? isn’t that literally what you wanted??? even if it WERE what you think it is why couldn’t it just be a good first step??? like??? fuck??? you did been know that he was doing all those fancy degrees because he loved them not because they’d get him some super fancy job??? I mean egyptology is not the most profitable field you know this isn’t med school or whatever
god.
flynn’s mom, visibly not proud and very upset: of course im proud of you!
ok im being a little unfair, she’s trying and clearly she’s been supportive of him, if not straight up enabling of him, but like this is clearly being presented as like. normal person who is normal forced to take care of freakish strange son who is so nerdy and strange and a loser and she is so tired of his shenanigans and all that WORK she put in and he’s NOT FANCY AND CHANGING TO CONFORM TO HER IDEALS OF A GOOD SUCCESSFUL SON/MAN?
and that’s just all very. sigh.
the snake brotherhood are such obnoxiously cheesy villainous villains they’re even called the snake brotherhood
also I think we’re supposed to recognize him as the previous librarian from the painting but if I didn’t already know that I for sure would not know that
smartass flynn is a smartass
I never got people bringing someone coffee to impress them unless they knew their order like there’s no way you know who she likes her coffee so you could so easily get it wrong—like even if you don’t know exactly how much sugar she wants, you could also just get it entirely wrong like assume she likes black coffee but she likes it super sweet, or vice versa, or whatever. it can go wrong so easily!
or she could go “I Hate A Kiss Ass”
she did take it anyway tho so.
ah i did forget (or just not actively think about) how much like… christian mythology there is in this show :/ I mean we did been knew (excalibur and arthurian legend are pretty important to the mythology)
not that christian mythology is inherently bad it just gets a) annoying, b) boring, and c) y’know, very western centric and all
but then trying to reconcile di—you know what that’s a tangent for another time
then again I do assume no one is going to read this
the library really does just throw new librarians into death and go “hope this is fine!” huh
did they just imply god is canon in the “the librarian” universe
you were so cryptic with the no one thing!! just say NOONE
he’s scribbling in his notebook and mumbling out loud what a mood and I love him. what a nerd
ldfkgjdlkjg god sexy jazz music and a breeze this is so dumb
I do hate the forced love interests in all these movies it’s always like Some Hot Girl Is There And They Get It On!
like he really had chemistry with eve and banter but here it kinda feels like that wish fulfilment and then the nerd gets the hot chick the end and im saying that as the nerd
it doesn’t help that each movie has a different one who immediately is dropped as if she never existed afterwards
maybe it’s not as bad as I remember but. sigh
my instant impression of her is to not like her sorry nicole :/
she’s just so rude? she’s like. hot (derogatory)
i get there’s gender politics here with like. she’s used to being treated like a piece of meat and generally like, why not reap the benefits when you are going to get the creeps too, but like, also she’s just so unnecessarily rude—I mean rejecting his clumsy flirting is one thing but you know—ok I won’t even get into that the point is I just don’t really like her that much even tho I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person or anything you know
but to be fair I think she got better and I remember her being compelling in her return to the show
and like. I do like how the trend in this franchise is “smart little nerd librarian and badass lady guardian kicks ass” but I do wish that it turned around occasionally. we do get cassandra but like. more lady librarians
wow an air marshal? aren’t they rarely even on flights?
sorry im being nitpicky there for sure lmao. please delete the cinamasins ding my words probably summoned from your brain
I get why shoving him out was necessary but also Wow
Gjklhkjfgh imagine sitting next to some mumbling nerd the whole flight and then you see him fly past the windows
LFKGJDLKJDFG he brilliantly lowers our expectations then jumps without a chute! remarkable!
hilarious or commentary on men getting credit for womens’ competency? why not both
i really thought that she was going to be a lying liar the first time I watched this
ah naïve boy. “uh that’s against the law”
flynn’s greatest strength isn’t just his knowledge but his like. breadth of different topics, just like, passion for learning of any time, and like. the ability to not just know a lot of different things but cross-reference and apply them to each other and use them in tandem to understand a greater whole
and we love that for him!
ah flynn therapizing himself lmao
why would she take him going “this bridge is rotting and physically cant support our weight” as a challenge
or him being cowardly like THE STRUCTURAL SUPPORTS ARE ROTTING
YEAH WHAT DID YOU EXPECT OF COURSE HE FUCKING FELL
ok i lied i like nicole i just don’t love their dynamic
i get what they’re going for i just. not my thing
like with eve there was still a clear mutual respect? i guess? idk
maybe it’s just because i’m more sensitive to mean banter? i don’t like mean banter, even when it’s like, def 100 percent well meaning and not mean spirited and no one is actually offended or hurt
although despite not liking their Thing I do a) think it’s very cute how he looks at her, b) their vibe as they start to get to know each other is Better, c) the end of the movie scene where she rides in for maximum drama? now that was good shit.
oh he’s sherlocking her in a shy attempt to impress her but it’s only going to piss her off, right?
oh she’s just sherlocking him back
KSGFJLDKFGJ LMAO “nerd” and that’s it. fair
Cutting Off His Head damn that’s hardcore
hmmmm cringe,
and more cringe
and cringe.
her waking up to him gone right after telling that story about waking up to her librarian gone and then killed—oof
love the serpent brotherhood lady being like wow!! he’s SO COMPETENT!! (cuts to him screaming)
do these ancient traps just have infinite arrows?
also I do love the whole waltzing across trope what can I say im a sucker
DFLKGLDKFGJLDKJG fucking CHUCKS SOMETHING AT IT and immediately where he would be standing is crushed by a huge rock amazing
he literally just chucked a rock at it and it fell over
ah the classic “let the hero get it for us” move
oh there he is! rip
why does he look like macpherson
not really but kind of
also contrast between the lady always being like “omg the librarian is so smart” and him assuming nicole is the one who did the smart thing
“your tears were perfect” how much more of an asshole can you get
They really could have played him as more sympathetic—“oh, we’re always around these powerful artifacts but we never use them for good! I had to do it, I was sick of sitting back and doing nothing” or like “all those years of danger and guarding powerful things and what good did it ever do me? what do I get for my service?” or anything but nah hes just like “mm power good babes. anyway I love sex and being mean”
to be fair flynn he was the librarian too—a real librarian? I mean yeah edward was corrupted and ultimately failed his duties but he had to have been qualified and actually got the job for a reason
flynn I know you think you sound badass but you really don’t
god not shangri-la again. everything the show did with that was. Bad. yikes
why is—god, I should really learn her name [checks notes] lana fangirling so much?
also following the lamia tradition of “serpent brotherhood second in command who is more interesting than the main evil white guy and also a pretty woc” huh
never got like “this is literally impossible” “well do it or I [generic bad guy threat]” like usually that means nothing lmao
LDFKGJLDKFJLDKFGJ ok first of all god is me? bitch?
second of all. me in english? on this fucking ancient very much not english thing? I mean I guess a) it might not be literal, even though he did say “m, e” by letters, b) it is a christian myth so maybe planted later??? but like?????
dude. giving the super powerful artifact to your prisoner? bad idea. if you’re worried about booby traps have a minion do it.
oh yes your gun is so scary in the face of a temple collapsing
why do heroes always think the whatever is safer with them than the temple that’s guarded it for a thousand years
I get it’s been discovered but like. fuck. still
You Are Going To Crash This Helicopter
SLKGJ HORRIBLE HIGH VELOCITY PIE OF DEATH
flynn and judson…..wholesome
oh here comes more forced romance
just let them be friends who grow to mutually respect each other blease
it is very fucking funny that the mom is like ….. oh my god…. oh my god,,, a WOMAN AJUST ANSEWREDM Y SDONGS PHONE?????????OH MY GOFD?????
he is bisexual. but it’s good he’s getting out
ah floofy hair
cahooting,
Yes You Do Need Clothes
that’s a teleporter sir
god eddie wild is such a boring fucking villain and person
and his plan SUCKS
also the serpent brotherhood (why BROTHERhood?) sucks and hates the library why would they just let this guy, a librarian, literally be their new leader
wow he just stabbed a guy on his OWN TEAM for no reason
great going asshole
love how lana is just like…. O-O
we stan lana. she hasn’t done much and she’s technically a bad guy i just love her
“at last we can be one” what does that even mean
why would lana or any of them want to help him he just killed one of their own for no reason hes clearly tripping on power and leaving yall to die
lfkgjdlkfgj flynn dodging so hard while the others is fight and then PUNCHING A GUY
dfglkjdflgkj wait it’s the professor dude why is that so funny
is he WITH THEM??? I think I just missed something
hold on a sec
yeah I think he just appears??? And flynn just fucking broke his nose iconic
wait so was he with them or is he just here going WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY PYRAMID????????????
oh right he built the—ok I got it
Wait what
I mean I did think lana was neat and she seemed impressed with flynn but what shes just like, in love with him now? that makes zero fucking sense why would she want them to Be Together
Is it just so there can be a catfight between the two hot chicks?
seriously tho? morally pure blonde blue eyed girl versus Evil Asian Chick? really?
for the record NOT THAT IT MATTERS but lana is way cuter im just saying
ah badass judson
THE COMEDY OF THE CAPSTONE CRUSHING HIM DLFKGJDLKFGJ
oh………….pulling out excalibur…. predicable but so good
oh the painting….the very Parenty way of revealing it…… wholesome
oh did NOT like that transition
oh here comes the badass fucking entrance with his gf busting in on his mom trying to set him up with girls
HER ENTRANCE IS SO UNNECESSARAILY DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM
I just love the mom’s face ldfkgjldfkgjdlkfgjdlkfjgd shes like WHAT THEGUFVCJK
again I don’t love the vibes of “oh my weird loser son is finally normal!” but to be fair im exaggerating a bit from just facial expressions it’s just. sigh
but ngl the vindication of him being able to be like. yeah that’s right im a badass now and my gf is cool as fuck is still good
him and nicole do have not terrible vibes at the end but if I remember correctly that mission (time travelling ninjas and hg wells’s time machine) is the one that separated them so rip I guess
overall: good movie! as cringe as I remember but I still love flynn so much
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Bnha Songfic (x male reader)
TW: Homophobic slur, attempt suicide, cursing, and depression, basicly a whole lotta dark themes.
The song is Boys Will Be Bugs, by cavetown.
---------------------------
I’m a dumb teen boy, I eat sticks and rocks and mud
I sat on the cold wet ground. Rain pouring down on my shivering body. My breath is visible and the tips of my fingers icy. But I still stayed sitting outside as I talked absentmindedly to the snails and worms.
Then I heard a shivering voice yell out aggressively.
“Hey dumbass! What the fuck are you doing out here in this weather!” I flinched and turned my head quickly in the direction the voice came from. My [e/c] eyes landing on a familiar face.
I don’t care about the government and I really need a hug
Scoffing I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the bugs. My wet hair stuck to my face as did my clothes, it was uncomfortable. The bandages on my face soaking, the stickiness almost gone. I bore it though, liking the rain, and liking talking to my only friends more.
I feel stupid, stupid, ugly, ugly, pretend it doesn’t bother me
I heard a curse come from the guy and footsteps entered my hearing. And soon they stopped as he reached my form. He grabbed my arm and yanked me up. I yelled out In protest.
I’m not very strong but I’ll fuck you up if you’re mean to bugs
“Get up fucker, you’re going to get sick!” He yelled as he tried to pull me back inside the dorm building. His hand was warm causing me to have an urge to hold it in my freezing ones.
It’s getting cold down here underneath the weather, I’d skip class to sit with you, I really like your spotty sweater, if ladybugs are girls how do you make kids together, what’s it like in a female world I bet it’s just so much better
I continued to struggle against his grip. Twisting and turning my body in every direction I could. He wasn’t giving up though, him practically dragging me to the dorms doors.
I just turned fourteen and I think this year I’m going to be mean, don’t mess with me I’m a big boy now and I’m very scary
“Stop! Don’t mess with me! I’m very scary!” I shouted and tried to pull my arm out of his firm grasp. I used my other arm to punch him in the face.
I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate
He groaned out in pain, falling to the floor with a ‘splash’. In the process letting go of my arm. He looked up at me with a fierce glare, his teeth baring.
“WHAT THE FUCK! I’m try to fucking help you! You’re going to get sick! Stop being so fucking annoying!” He yelled at me as he stood up. Angrily closing the small gap we had between us from where he fell.
Don’t message me cause I won’t reply, wanna make you cry
“I don’t need your help! Fuck off Bakugou!” I tried to shove him back but he grabbed my small wrist in his hand, stopping me. I gasped in shock as a sensation went down my spine when he touched me.
“Yes you do need my help! Stop fucking pushing me away dipshit! You’re hurt and you feel like the world is against you, but stop shutting me out!” He shouted as he placed his other hand on my cold, red, cheek. I instinctively leaned into his touch, missing the warmth he gave off.
Ain’t that how it’s supposed to be, though it isn’t me, boys will be bugs right?
Realizing my actions I shoved him away from me as hard as I could. My body stiff and shaking, but previous training had kept my body strong and in shape. He stumbled back a bit letting out a shocked gasp. Hurt flashed over his features, but it was quickly replaced with a mean scowl.
Boys will be bugs right?
“Fine [Y/n] I’ll leave you the fuck alone! I’m fucking done trying to help you!” He yelled and stormed off into the dorm, letting the doors slam shut.
I fell down to my knees, sobs escaping my mouth. ‘Fuck I really am so fucking pathetic.’ I held onto myself as I cried, rain pouring down on me. My body shaking, hands freezing, and my breath visible. I was sure to get sick, but I didn’t care.
I’m a dumb teen boy all I wanna do is quit, my mom told me that she’s worried, and I couldn’t give a shit
After my phone call with my mom I sat staring at my pill bottle. The conversation went awful, my mother not supportive of me being gay. She told me to kill myself, that no one would miss me, that I’m worth nothing. That I’m a disgusting fag.
Maybe I should kill myself, maybe she’s right.
No not maybe, she is right.
I have friends who understand me, their names are spider, beetle, bee, they don’t say much but they have always listened to me
Knocks were heard on the other side of my door, causing me to flinch. I slowly stood to open my door, worried to see who was on the other side. Once the door was opened there stood Tamaki, he was shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
His head looked up from the ground when I fully opened the door, he gave me a shaky smile. I sighed and forced a smile back. I stepped back slightly to let him in, which he took notice of and quickly shuffled inside. He sat wearily on my bed, wringing his hands around, something he does when anxious.
“I uh- I wanted to see how you were, I haven’t seen you around lately,” he whispered out shakily, the tips of his ears a light pink.
The other boys at school think it’s cool to hate your parents, but they’re lying all the time, the bugs advise that I should let them
Maybe before I would have thought that he was cute, that it was nice he was checking up on me. Now though, it’s just annoying, he doesn’t care. No one cares, no one understands. I should just kill myself like my dumbass mother said.
“I’m fine,” I snapped at him as he flinched. I felt bad but I pushed that down. I’m not going to get hurt again trying to play friends with someone who doesn’t care.
“O-oh,” he stood shakily, his head hung low, “I’m sorry.” He spoke low, scared, and hurt. His voice shaking as he walked over to the door. He looked at me once more, a pleading look in his eyes.
If you wanna cry make sure that they never see it
I turned my head, avoiding his sorrow gaze. I knew if I made him feel awkward enough, hurt enough he’d leave. He would never want to feel like a bother to someone else. I heard the door close and my eyes started to water.
Even better yet block it out and never feel it
I angrily whipped at my eyes and picked up the discarded pill bottle. I opened it and dumped three onto my hand. I tilted my head back and shoved the pills into my mouth, swallowing them dry. I let tears roll down my pale, tired face.
I just turned fourteen and I think I know everything
I laid down on my messy bed and curled into a ball. Silent tears coming out like a sink faucet turned on. Everything hurts, but the pills will help me feel better.
Help me feel nothing, but emptiness.
Don’t mess with me I’m a big boy now and I’m very scary, I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate
I walked through the school halls, ignoring the judgmental looks I received. Snapping at anyone who had something to say to me. Avoiding the ones who act like they cared for me, when I know they don’t.
“[Y/n]! Hey are you okay dude? You don’t look too good,” a ‘concern’ voice spoke out. I whipped my head in the direction it came from, seeing Kirishima.
I scoffed and rolled my eyes, “I’m fine, leave me alone.” I continued to walk ignoring the hurt look that stayed on his face.
Don’t message me cause I won’t reply, wanna make you cry, ain’t that how it’s supposed to be, though it isn’t me
I picked up my pace as I saw Bakugou walking up to me. I heard him scoff and he rushed forward to grab onto my wrist. I groaned in frustration and tried to shove him off.
“[Y/n], fucking stop! This shit isn’t fucking like you-!” He yelled down at my slightly shorter self.
I frowned and angrily cut him off, ”You don’t know that! You don’t know how I am! You out of everyone fucking else don’t get to know that!”
Boys will be bugs right?
He looked guilty for a second but quickly recovered. An angry, hurt, annoyed, and a little concerned looked rested on his face. I frowned a bit more at that, feeling confused with myself.
“I fucking told you already dipshit, it wasn’t what it looked like,” he squeezed onto my wrist a bit more and looked down, “I’m not that fucking messed up person everyone fucking paints me out to be.”
Boys will be bugs right? Just turned fourteen and I think this year I’m going to be mean
“Whatever Bakugou, it’s not like you even liked me back in the first place,” I whispered out, my tone harsh.
He quickly looked at me, his face twisted in confusion.
“What? That’s not true! Who fucking told you that, was it some dumbass fucking extra!?” He yelled angrily as he placed a hand onto my cheek. His face twisted in anger, but his gaze soft as they looked at me.
Just turned fourteen and I think I know everything, just turned fourteen and I think this year I’m gonna be mean, just turned fourteen and I think the world revolves around me
“No dumbass, no one needs to tell me anything I could fucking tell,” I spoke quickly my voice sharp. I leaned away from his touch, even though my heart was screaming at me to get closer. In contrast to my heart my brain was yelling at me, reminding me of the truth. All the yelling was causing my head to pound and my eyes to sting.
He’s lying!
Don’t believe him!
He already fooled you once, don’t let him do it again!
No one would want you!
Don’t mess with me I’m big boy now and I’m very scary
His expression turned softer as he moved to place his hand onto my cheek again. His grip tight on my wrist, as if I would slip away again. Which I probably would have if given the chance, at least that’s what I’d like to think.
But when his crimson eyes met my [e/c] ones, I felt frozen in place. A forced away emotion building up inside of me once again. It scared me, but it also sent a thrill throughout my drugged system.
I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do Karate, don’t message me cause I won’t reply, wanna make you cry
I glared at him, but didn’t move away from his touch. I knew I shouldn’t feel like this, but it. No he was intoxicating , and I craved for him. More than I craved for the pills that numbed me every time I took them.
My glare was cold and full of annoyance, but he ignored it. He smirked down at me as he spoke.
“I see you’re still the same, even when mad you still wanted me to show you affection, it’s so fucking cute.”
Ain’t that how it’s supposed to be though it isn’t me, boys will be bugs right?
And then that wall I worked so hard to put up around my heart broke. And it felt scary, but it also felt like I was free. I let tears roll down my face as I put my hands on his cheeks.
“And you’re still the same over fucking confident guy, who thinks he’s better than everyone, when he’s not, cause you have your flaws too Katsuki,” a smile tugged at the corners of my lip. Tears entering my mouth, letting me taste the saltiness of them.
Don’t mess with me I’m a big boy now and I’m very scary, I punch my walls stay out at night and I do karate
His smirk grew wider as he wrapped his free arm tightly around my waist. Pulling me closer to his fit body.
“I really fucking missed you loser.”
Don’t message me cause I won’t reply wanna make you cry, ain’t that how it’s supposed to be, though it isn’t me, boys will be bugs right?
I moved my arms to clasp together behind his neck. He leaned down slightly to put his forehead against mine.
“I bet you did,” I smiled at him slightly. He rolled his eyes but he had a smile rested softly on his features. I chuckled slightly at this which caused him to groan.
“Why the fuck are you laughing!” He yelled out playfully, but also slightly annoyed. Causing me to laugh more, missing this, missing him.
“Nothing Katsuki, everything is perfect,” I smiled up at him.
He grinned, our eyes locking. He held a look in his eyes, one I would describe as fondness. We stood close, our hands wrapped around each other. And a fond, loving, look in our eyes.
He leaned down slowly, cautiously. I smiled a bit more and leaned up to meet his lips. Our eyes closing, and lips softly pressing together. Everything felt right, everything felt euphoric.
.
.
And then I woke up, tears streaming down my face. I reached over and grabbed my pill bottle, aggressively opening it. Dumping out as many as I could onto my shaking hand. I looked over at the letter I wrote, which was resting on top of my desk, a frown rested on my sunken face.
I shook my head from any thoughts and tilted my head back. I shoved the pills in my mouth and swallowed hard, the pills going down dry. It hurt, but I knew it wouldn’t hurt for long. I cried as I laid back down on my bed, head pounding and heart racing.
It would all be over soon, I would be free from heartache. I would be gone and I wouldn’t be a hassle to anyone.
Boys will be bugs right?
I don’t know how long I laid, but my vision started to blur, and I felt nauseous. I let my heavy eyes close, my brain shutting down, and I felt cold. I felt light, and then I was gone.
.
.
.
Beep
Beep
Beep
Soft beeping entered my hearing, my breathing slow. I felt a weight on my arm, as well as wetness. I moved my eyes around from behind my closed eyes, darkness being the only thing I saw. Confusion flooded my system, my heart rate picking up, causing the soft beeping to pick up. I heard a gasp as soft hands grabbed onto mine, squeezing them tight.
“Please, wake up [Y/n],” their voice was raspy, as if they had been crying. The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t quite match it to a face.
Memories of what I had tried to do flashed through my head, a soft gasp passing my lips. I snapped my eyes open, quickly sitting up. I was in a hospital, on a hospital bed, wires attached to me. I looked over to the person who held tightly onto my hand. A soft, relieved smile rested on his lips. His eyes watery as he leapt forward, pulling me into a tight hug.
“Fuck man, I thought I lost you, I thought I didn’t get you here on time!” he cried out, tears falling onto my thin hospital gown. I shakily wrapped my arms around his lean frame, and shoved my face into his choppy black hair. Breathing in his scent of faint weed, and his favorite candle scent mint.
“What happened? Why are you here?” I mumbled out into his soft hair. I have always been close to Sero, but I was never really able to hang out with him while I was ‘with’ Bakugou. Bakugou would get jealous, even though he wouldn't admit it, whenever I was with Sero. It’s funny cause I did end up developing a crush on him, but why would he like me back.
“I uh- I went to check up on you cause I missed my more relaxed homie, and I was worried cause I heard that you’ve been depressed lately,” he spoke lowly as he pulled me closer, “When I knocked on the door it was already slightly opened so I peeked inside.”
He breathed in shaikly,” that's when I saw you, and the letter, along with the pills.” He let tears flow down his face again as he recalled the scene, “I knew what you were doing, so without any thought I picked you up and used my quirk to get us here quickly.”
It was silent, the only sound was the machine attached to my wrist beeping softly. Regret flew through my system, ‘I thought I closed and locked the door before I went to sleep, I guess not.’ I sighed and pushed him away slightly, softly. I placed my cold hands on his tear stained cheeks, pressing our foreheads together.
“I-I’m sorry,” I croaked out, tears falling down my face. It was weird seeing Sero so emotional, he was never really one to act like this. Maybe that's why I felt a bit more guilty. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms tightly around my waist.
“Please, just don’t do that again, I know you feel betrayed by Bakugou, and you're hurting, but I want to help, I want to show you what love feels like, and I would never try to hurt you,” He whispered, pulling me closer. My eyes widened and a soft blush covered my cheeks, and ears.
“We don’t have to date right now, but when you feel a bit better, maybe we can go out together,” he continued, a little scared but determined. He opened his eyes and met my gaze, flashing his signature grin.
“Okay, I would like that, but I swear to go if you hurt me I’ll hurt you,” I huffed but a small smile rested on my face.
He laughed out, “Of course dude, I give you my full consent, but it will never get to that point!”
And I felt a little happy, Sero and I exchanging soft looks and smiles in a hospital room, wires plugged into me. My ‘ex's’ best friend who was lean and silly, holding each other close, how ironic. Maybe, this is the new prescription I needed, one that would help heal my system of heartache. Yeah, I could get used to this, him and his lame jokes, his faint smell of weed, and his dorky smile.
#bnha fanfiction#bnha bakugou#bnha kirishima#bnha tamaki#bnha sero#bnha x male reader#songfic#boys will be bugs#bnha angst#bnha songfic
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Be my world | Son Chaeyoung
a/n: this took wayyy too long to finish because I’m lazy and don’t know how human relationships work lol AND YEAH, THE ART TEACHER’S DESCRIPTION IS JUST ME EXPOSING MY OWN TEACHER AND I HAVE A TOTAL OF 0 SHAME ON THAT
you loved arts class
just like everyone else who took that class
AND THERE WAS A REASON FOR THAT
your teacher was simply nuts
T H A T M A N
that man was amazing
you had warnings about him being weird but you thought it wouldn’t be a problem because ????? aren’t all artists weird????
but then you step in class just to listen to some weird ass dutch music
AND THE MAN HAD THE AUDACITY TO SAY IT WAS A PART OF THE SUBJECT SJDJDJ
also he had a chicken
not a real one ofc
but a chicken that makes all decisions for him
if you can convince him that the chicken liked your work
then you were the most powerful person in the room
ONCE A GUY CONVINCED HIM THE CHICKEN WANTED Y’ALL TO GET SOME REST SO THE TEACHER LET Y’ALL GET OUT OF CLASS EARLIER—
“ok, we get it, the man ain’t normal but that’s what makes the class cool, right? so.... what’s the deal with arts class???”
WELL I’M GLAD YOU ASKED
son chaeyoung was the deal with arts class
the girl wasn’t mean or anything don’t get me wrong
she was just.......... as weird as the teacher
ok maybe not so much BUT YOU GET THE IDEA
you haven’t talked much with her cuz she doesn’t talk much in general
BUT THEN MR I-LET-THE-CHICKEN-MAKE-MY-LIFE-DECISIONS PARTNERED Y’ALL TOGETHER
and tbh it wouldn’t be that bad because yk
she’s a cute gal
and she has some good work
and even if it was...... original...... her fashion sense was still fucking bomb
BUT THE GIRL DOESN’T SAY SHIT TO YOU
LIKE ???????? BITCH WE HAVE WORK TO DO EVEN IF YOU HATE ME WE GOTTA HAVE DIALOGUE
but she just...... stays there....... doodling
and it feels so awkward for you like HHHHHHH JUST SAY SOMETHING
sometimes you try to ask questions but her replies are always short like :(((( you’re rlly trying why can’t she help you
so you decided you have to do something and try to talk to her more directly
“chaeyoung look,,, I know you’re shy and I understand you don’t particularly like me...... but we have work to do and we can’t stay like this :((“
she looks up from her doodles sorta shocked which makes you confused???
was it that bad that you wanted to work with her????
“What do you mean I don’t particularly like you?”
“I mean you don’t,,, why else would you not say a word to me at all???”
“Oh, I’m so sorry it came off that way.... I didn’t want to bother you since you didn’t say much to me either :(”
•0•
she,,,,
her,,,,,,,,,,
that cute little sad face,,,,,
she,,,,,
you,,,,,,,
“Omgdon’tbesorrypleaseomgIdidn’tmeantomakeyoufeelbadomgpleaseIjustwantedtotalktoyoubecauseworkbutyouneversaidanythingandomgpleasedon’tfeelbad :((“
ALRIGHT EMINEM THAT WAS TOO MUCH
YOU WERE TALKING SO FAST AND STUMBLING IN ALL YOUR WORDS SJDJDJ
“I thought you wouldn’t want to talk to me and I’m bad at starting conversations”
“I’m so sorry :((( but ig we can start our work now right??”
“Right!” she gave you a small smile before continuing “what is our work about again?”
“Hmm something about drawing our partner but without it being a portrait??? the way we view them without it being their human form or sumn”
“oh!!! I get it!!! like the teacher and his chicken fursona!!!”
“WAIT THE TEACHER AND WHAT?”
“his,,,,, chicken fursona?? I mean that man rlly loves some chicken and the amount of times he draws chickens,,,, followed by this project,,,,, he’s a furry confirmed”
“BUT CHICKENS DON’T EVEN HAVE FUR HOW IS IT A FURSONA”
“WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT THE CHICKEN’S VALIDITY AS A FURSONA?”
“I MEAN—“
“ENOUGH OF THIS, THE TEACHER IS A CHICKEN FURRY AND YOU CAN’T CHANGE MY MIND SO LET’S CONTINUE,,,,,,”
“alright how do we do it?? do we found our own fursonas or sumn??”
“I mean we can try to go on a quest to find out our identity as furries or,,,,, we could just get to know each other better and see what we associate to each other?? ofc you don’t have to do that like I totally understand if you—“
“no!! it’s alright I’ve wanted to get to know you better for some time because you’re so cute!!”
“omg really? I never thought anyone would want to talk to me because everyone just seems to run away from me???”
“no!!!!!! it’s just,, you’re intimidating”
“wdym intimidating I’m so small people don’t ask how tall I am, they ask how short I am”
“ok touché,, but are you going to give me your number or??”
“oh sure, just give me your phone”
and that’s how you got a cute gal’s number
and since then you and chaeyoung have been texting but for some reason you didn’t talk at school and you only had arts class with her
but oNe dAy ThAt cHanGed
so,,, wednesday you didn’t have afternoon classes
and neither did any of your friends
but you needed to study and you were broke so you decide to get lunch in the school canteen
but you were living the high-school loser reality where you have no one to sit with at lunch
uNTIL
“Y/N!!!”
you turn around to see chaeyoung all smiley and giggling with her food
“omg Chae!!!!!!”
“where are your friends?? you’re so popular I only ever find you surrounded by others”
“oh,,, they don’t eat here today”
“I see..... do you want to sit with me? :D you can meet my friends!!!”
“seriously??”
“yes!!!! seriously!!!! just come with me!!!”
you followed chae to her table where a bunch of people were already sited
she slammed her tray on the table before saying
“EVERYONE!!! be quiet I have someone to introduce to y’all >:C this is y/n, she’s the girl from my arts class, be nice to her or fight me >:(“
“oh so this is the girl you’ve been texting?? I imagined her with cat ears tbh,,, anyways I’m nayeon!! chae’s best looking friend”
“nice to meet you but,,, what do you mean cat ears??”
“aren’t you a furry??”
“wha— SON CHAEYOUNG WHAT HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR FRIENDS”
“nothing!!!!! it’s just,,,”
“IT’S JUST???”
“your contact name, it’s saved on her phone as “fursona to be found” so we thought you’d be a furry” another one of her friends says “Jisung btw, nice to meet you”
“MY CONTACT IS WHAT—“
“I thought it’d be funny— what is my contact name in your phone?”
“CHAE FROM ARTS CLASS?????”
“AND YOU THINK YOU’RE ABLE TO JUDGE ME??? MY CONTACT NAME IS LITERALLY THE MOST BORING EVER—“
“I THOUGHT IT’D BE APPROPRIATE???”
“hey old couple, can y’all stop arguing?? I’m trying to eat my fucking fries”
“YUNA ISN’T IT PAST YOUR BEDTIME??”
“bitch it’s 1pm”
besides a whole lot of screaming,,,
you had a great time with chae’s friends
they were whole crackheads but very nice and welcoming
as it seems they all have a passion for art, specially music and dance
three of them were even a soundcloud rap trio JSJDJ
it was amazing how besides being over 20 people they all were so close,,,
and you felt like two worlds had just collapsed yk??
you were very close with chae but she never met any of your friends, it felt like you only knew each other by text and in arts class and whatever life you had outside it was a completely different world
and seeing her surrounded by her friends was a completely different thing
and you liked seeing that side of her tbh
so you started having lunch with her more often
and you really liked it
you were getting closer with her and her friends who were amazing people
and you also grew used to the burn that would burst into your chest every now and then when you hang out with them
even though sometimes it was too strong
when chaeyoung smiled it was too strong
when she’d hug you or hold your hand it was too strong
it made you feel like you going in a strawberry field with her and just shower her face with kisses
but then she’d get close to another friend of yours and you’d feel,,, empty
like you weren’t enough
literally wtf did this girl do to you—
time went by and it was time to present your projects in art class
you drew two planets smiling to each other to represent your friendship with chae and were very curious to know what she had drawn
“Alright class, it’s time to let your partner know what you’ve drawn, I’ll give you sometime to talk to each other before giving me the drawings”
you turned to chae and you could feel your whole body shaking
“I’ll go first!” she says excitedly, calming you down
she shows you her drawing of an angel with a dress covered in painting
“I drew you as an angel because you’re always so nice and never judge anyone and always try to do good, the painting on the dress symbolizes how you are different from others and how you are creative and out of the box in contradiction to the image of the angel all perfect and dressed in white! I thought it’d be a good way to represent you since you came into my life sorta like a blessing or an angel and we got together through art...”
you were blushing at this point
did she just—
she just??
yes she just!!!!
“that’s so sweet of you omg thank you!”
you smiled whole heartedly
this made a blush make its way into her face too
“o-ok, your turn!!!”
“oh yes!!! uhm,, I drew two planets to represent our friendship since we seem to be so different and be from completely different worlds, but they are smiling at each to show how we got together and love each other besides the distance”
“that’s so sweet omg” she gave you a small smile “b-but, do you actually think we’re that different and distant?”
“what do you mean?”
“ the planets, you said they represent us because we’re from completely different worlds but... I never found us that different you know? and the planets.... they’re smiling at each other but still have so much space separating them, do you think we’re that far from each other...?”
“I... never thought of it that way..... I 100% didn’t mean it that way... I don’t think we’re distant, I actually feel like you’ve got to a place in me that no one else ever did.... but I always saw your reality as something so different from my own and meeting your friends, for example, made me realize it you know??”
“you... you d-don’t like them?”
she looked so sad as she said it, her eyes on the table and not on you and her stutter just made it all more obvious
“of course I do! but I’ve never been with someone like you and them, you are so unique and different from anything I’ve seen before... and I’m glad I got the chance to meet you and see your way of viewing things, but I still somehow feel like I don’t belong with you and them you know?”
“I see......”
she was still looking down, and she kept herself that way until the bell rung
when you were already heading to the exit of the class you hear her
“Y/n!!”
you turn around to see chaeyoung, this time facing you
“you said you felt like you didn’t belong with us, but.... I want to show you you do!”
“what do you mean?”
“would you mind coming with me after lunch tomorrow?”
“sure, but where?”
“you’ll understand better later! I promise!”
so the next day you couldn’t stop thinking about what was going to happen
you were nervous alright! you didn’t even know if anyone else was coming or if it was going to be just the two of you
you didn’t even know where you were going
so when chaeyoung meets you at the door of the canteen aLONE and takes your hand you’re just—
shaking
you’re shaking a lot
and she noticed it, but didn’t say anything to not make you uncomfortable
instead she just smiled your way and kept walking somewhere
you crossed streets and walked a lot to the point when your legs even hurt
and then she stops on start of a random narrow street
“we’re here!!” she says proudly
“where are we exactly?”
“well,,, I don’t know exactly but I usually come here with the dudes”
she starts walking through the street
“and as you can see, we like to leave marks of our presence”
you start following her and looking at the walls
you were shocked
they were covered in some random phrases (inside jokes within the group you suppose) and paintings
and when you start getting to the end of the street you see it
it’s a big drawing of you, with cat ears
damn they really couldn’t let the furry thing go away could they?
chaeyoung caught you staring at it and stands next to you
“that one... is my painting, I did it and if I’m being honest I never even thought you’d see it”
“it’s amazing! you’re so talented chae!!!”
she looked down and smiled to herself
“it’s easy to do a beautiful piece when the model is as beautiful as one can be”
you blush, it was already something usual when you were around her
chaeyoung was amazing in so many ways, she was talented and nice and pretty and funny and oh god
“Y/N”
you turn to her to face a more serious chae
“be a part of my world, please”
“w-what do you mean with that?”
“whatever it may mean, just be a part of me, see every side of my life you could see, let our planets collide and become one, let me hold you into my harms and never let go, let me give you my heart and give me yours”
you’re unsure of what to say
you knew damn well how you felt about chaeyoung, but having her stare so directly into your eyes and saying those words
“I’d love to be a part of your world chaeyoung”
with those words chaeyoung’s seriousness breaks into a warm smile before taking you in a tight hug
she looks you in the face for one second, admiring every detail of you, before getting closer and leaning for a kiss
you wanted to kiss her for so long, and so did her
you waited so long for your lips to finally meet and now? now you’re sure she’s a part of your world
in fact, you’d say she is your world
and you couldn’t be happier with that
#son chaeyoung#twice chaeyoung#chaeyoung#twice#twice imagine#chaeyoung imagine#twice scenario#chaeyoung scenario#twice au#chaeyoung au#twice reaction#kpop#ggs#girlgroups
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The Forgotten Summer
Chapter 1: The Last Day of School
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ao3.org
Melanie Bennett entered her science class. It was her last class of the day and of the school year. She went to sit at her assigned table. Her science partner, Bill Denbrough, was already sitting down with their bridge.
The science teacher, Mr. Nell, had decided to allow the students a fun activity for the last month of class. They were supposed to build bridges out of popsicle sticks. One the last day of class, they were going to test which bridge was the strongest by putting weights on them.
“Hey, M-m-m-Melanie,” Bill greeted, smiling at her.
Melanie’s heart fluttered. “Hi, Bill,” she greeted back.
“H-h-how’s your da-day been,” asked Bill.
“Fine,” Melanie replied. “Well, except for that class I had with Greta Keene.”
Greta Keene was the daughter of the town pharmacist. She was also the meanest girl in school. She bullied anyone she considered beneath her. However, Greta seemed to have special contempt for Melanie and her best friend Beverly Marsh. She hated Bev because of her “reputation” and Melanie for choosing to be friends with her.
Melanie had English class with Greta earlier today. Their teacher, Mrs. Douglas, decided it would be fun to have everyone in class to share their summer plans. She clearly has a different definition of fun, Melanie remembered thinking.
When it had been Melanie’s turn, she hadn’t been able to even utter a word when Greta cute. “Are you going to visit the other gorillas at the zoo,” she sneered at Melanie.
The entire class (except her cousin Mike Hanlon and Stan Uris) had laughed. Melanie had looked down at her desk in embarrassment and anger. Sure, it hadn’t been the first time Greta had called her a gorilla or gorilla girl, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t upset her any less.
“Gr-Gr-Greta sucks,” said Bill sympathetically.
“That’s an understatement,” Melanie commented. They both chuckled. “Do you think our bridge will do okay?”
Bill shrugged. “I-I hope suh-suh-suh-so.”
“Alright, lads and lasses,” announced Mr. Nell. “Class has begun. Ye need to be quiet.”
Mr Nell was an Irishman that moved to America in his teens. Many students found it amusing to mock his accent.
“Ye heard the good sir,” Richie Tozier mimicked. “Quiet down now.”
Richie was one of them. He probably did it more often than anyone else in the class. He was called Trashmouth for a reason.
“Master Tozier, I believe yer accent has gotten worse,” quipped Mr. Nell.
Everyone in class laughed. “I say, Master Nell popped off a good one,” Richie continued in his terrible accent.
Mr. Nell rolled his eyes. “If you’re quite done Master Tozier, I would like to continue with class,” he sternly said.
“Well, go on then, lad.” Richie really wasn’t letting up.
Mr. Nell sighed and then continued, “Alright, I hope ye have yer bridges ready. It’s time to test them.”
Bill and Melanie’s bridge ended up doing okay. It had broken after having 50 pounds on it. Had it been a contest, they would’ve won fourth place.
After all their bridges had been tested, Mr Nell had given them free time. Melanie had planned to read a book she bought, but that plan quickly changed.
“H-H-Hey, Melanie. D-D-Do yuh-you want to c-c-c-come ha-hang out with m-m-m-me and my fr-fr-friends u-u-u-until school ends,” Bill offered.
Melanie was stunned for a moment. Sure, she liked Bill and got along with him, but they didn’t talk much outside of class.
“Oh, well, I don’t want to bother you guys,” Melanie nervously said.
“Yuh-yuh-ou won’t,” assured Bill.
“Okay, then,” she agreed.
Melanie grabbed her chair and followed Bill to the table Richie and Eddie Kaspbrak sat at. When they approached the table, Richie and Eddie were arguing.
“There’s no way you can make a better loogie than me,” Richie said.
“Fuck you, Trashmouth,” argued Eddie. “Yes, I can.”
“H-Hey, guys,” Bill interrupted. He and Melanie put their chairs across the table from Eddie and Richie. They sat down.
“Hey, Big Bill,” greeted Richie. He looked at Melanie. “And who is this lovely lady?”
Melanie smiled, pleasantly surprised by Richie’s statement.
Eddie gave Richie an annoyed look. “You know who she is,” he complained.
“Quiet, Eds! I’m trying to be charming,” Richie claimed.
“Don’t call me Eds,” shouted Eddie.
“Are they always like this,” Melanie whispered to Bill.
“Yuh-yuh-yeah,” responded Bill. “Yuh-You get u-u-used tuh-tuh-o it.”
“What are you two whispering about,” Eddie questioned, turning his attention to Bill and Melanie.
“Obviously, they’re flirting, Eds,” said Richie, smirking at them.
“No, we weren’t,” Melanie immediately denied.
“Aw, don’t break Bill’s heart like that, Mellie.”
“B-b-beep beep, R-R-R-Richie,” Bill said.
Melanie furrowed her eyebrows. “Mellie?” No one called her that.
“Yeah, it’s a nickname.”
“Most people just call me Melanie or Mel.”
“That’s boring. Mellie sounds better. Oh, or Mellie Jelly!”
“Please, don’t call me that,” begged Melanie.
“He won’t listen to you,” Eddie informed. “Once he gives you a nickname, you’re stuck with it.”
Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s shoulder. “You know me so well, Eddie spaghetti,” he playfully said.
Eddie shoved him away. “Fuck you.”
“Aw, don’t be like that, Eds.”
“I swear to god…”
“So, M-m-m-Melanie,” interrupted Bill before another argument could break out, “wuh-wuh-what’s that b-b-book you h-have a-a-a-bout?”
“Photography,” Melanie responded. Mike had given it to her for her birthday to go with the camera her aunt and uncle had bought her. She hadn’t gotten around to reading it until recently.
“Do yuh-yuh-ou ha-have a ca-ca-mera?”
“Yeah.”
“Wait, if you have a camera, how come we’ve never seen you with it,” interjected Richie, joining the conversation.
“I mostly leave it at home because of Bowers,” Melanie explained.
“Oh. Well, that makes sense.”
Greta Keene was bad, but Melanie would much rather deal with her than the Bowers Gang, especially Henry Bowers and Patrick Hockstetter. Those two were the worst of the bunch. While their other friends, Belch Huggins and Victor Cirss, weren’t saints, they seemed to have limits. The same could not be said about Henry and Patrick.
Bringing up Bowers had led to a conversation about the worse thing he and his friends had done to them. It wasn’t a nice conversation, but it was something they could talk about. Eddie talked about Henry giving him a bloody nose;Bill mentioned Victor and Belch throwing paint on him during art class; and Richie described how Patrick took a shit in his backpack.
“It still can’t believe he did that,” commented Eddie after Richie finished his story.
Melanie wrinkled her nose. “You don’t still have the same back up, right.”
“Of course not. What do you take me for,” Richie said, feigning offense. They all chuckled. “What about you?”
“Huh,”said Zoe.
“What’s the worst thing Bowers or one of his friends has done to you?”
That question wiped the smile off Melanie’s face. She felt stupid for not considering the fact that the boys would want to hear from her. Why wouldn’t they? She brought up Bowers in the first place, and they all told her their experiences.
“Um, I guess it was that time Bowers knocked me off my bike back, and I ended up scrapping my knee ,” she lied. It wasn’t a complete lie; it had happened.
Bill nodded. “I remember that,” he said. He had helped patch her up after if happened. It was the first time they had ever talked.
“Why are they all assholes to everyone,” complained Eddie.
“I don’t know about the others, but my uncle says Henry acts the way he does because of his father,” Melanie responded. “He called him a turd, too.”
Bill, Richie, and Eddie all had a good laugh at that last part. They continued to talk about several other things. One of them included their friend Stan Uris and his Bar Mitzvah.
“There’s a church full of Jews, and Stan has to take the super Jewy test,” Eddie claimed, when she and Bill asked what was supposed to happen during it.
“B-but how d-d-does it wuh-work,” inquired Bill, still not understanding.
“They slice the tip of his dick off.”
“No way,” Melanie said in disbelief.
“But then Stan will have nothing left,” exclaimed Richie.
“It’s true,” Eddie said.
Before the discussion could continue, the bell rang. School was out; summer had begun. Everyone was hurrying to grab their things and leave.
Mr Nell spoke over the commotion, “ I hope ye have a great summer, and remember to be careful.”
Melanie and Bill took their chairs back to their table. “Later, Bill,” Melanie said.
As she went to leave the classroom, Bill called out her, “M-M-Melanie.”
She turned back to him. “Yeah.”
“Uh-uh-uh… n-n-nothing. I j-j-just h-h-hope to s-s-see you a-a-around this su-su-summer,” nervously said Bill.
Melanie smiled at him. “I hope so, too. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Melanie left the classroom slightly disappointed. She had hoped maybe Bill would invite her to hang out. Sure, she could have done the same, but she feared rejection too much.
If her mother had been there, she would have said, Sometimes doing something you’re afraid can be worth the fear.
It was good advice. Maybe, she would follow it… one day. Today was not it.
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41.
5000 Question Survey Pt. 2
101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically?
i don’t know... it feels good
102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most.
i don’t think i have a scale from highest to lowest. i love jack, my parents, my sister, mariann, my brother
103. How many movies have you gone to see this month?
a couple
104. If you could have 3 wishes…but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
my boyfriend to [ass all of his classes, my parents to not have to worry about bills ever again, and my brother to get his life together
105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense?
read, sleep, or do surveys lol
106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car?
a lot lol
107. Have you ever killed an animal?
i hit a deer and killed it
108. Have you ever lost someone close to you?
yeah
109. What do you think of cloning?
it’s kind of cool honestly, i just hope they don’t try to clone humans anytime soon
110. Do you read or watch TV more often?
watch tv shows definitely
111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety?
it depends what those rights are.
112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive?
well he isn’t anything to worry about anymore lol so it doesn’t matter
113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body?
not that i remember
114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV?
i’ve been on tv for my bowling league.
115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes?
nope
116. Have you ever won a contest or competition?
i think so
117. Do you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross (check out this link if you don’t know who he is. Also please note me if you notice the link is broken) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)?
never watched it
118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living?
my mothers mum helps old people for a living, my mothers dad works at target. my dad’s parents, i honestly have no idea what they do
119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history?
not that i am aware of
120. Is there anyone you trust completely?
of course
121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye?
a few times
122. How do you feel about women in politics?
i think we need more of them for sure
123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?
indoor jacuzzi for sure
124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own?
anything that has to do with outer space
125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent?
i like to think so
126. Would you consider yourself to be wise?
i try to be
127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance?
both i think lol
128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person?
yeah
129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring?
that does not sound like a good idea
130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you?
i don’t think i could do that
131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics?
A: Nothing to kill or die for…
B: Late comings with the late comin’ stretcher…
C: I could make a film and make you my star… i don’t think i know any of these.
132. Were you ever with someone while they died?
i mean, besides my pets no
133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star?
rock star for sure
134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote?
yep
135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail?
uhhh not that i can think of
136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now?
none that i have plans to go to
137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you’ve ever seen?
big hero 6
138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving?
it really depends honestly
139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished?
there’s a lot
140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you?
make me laugh
141. About how many emails do you get a day? How many of those emails are junk mail? How many of them are forwards?
on my regular email i only get a few a day and they’re usually important
142. What’s your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site?
watch youtube videos
143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy?
i have no idea
144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country?
i wouldn’t be able to do it
145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip?
well on just a regular road trip i would take jack
146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold, charming, dependable
dependable.
147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time?
i’m not single and i’m not for sure whether or not jack wants to marry me
148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them?
i try not to think like that
149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out?
the new Jigsaw movie
150. What is your quest?
to get thru life man
151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming?
one four year old screaming. i hate kids
152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle?
i mean, yeah lol. i’m gullible and that shit scares me
153. Who are you the most jealous of?
my sister for having her life together lol
154. What is the happiest way you can start your day?
waking up next to jack is always an amazing start to my day
155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world?
yeah
156. Who thinks that you are offensive?
i’m sure tons of people do
157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people?
about cats
158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)?
no
159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don’t know what it is?
-
160. Do you get offended easily?
sometimes
161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed?
of course i would
162. Do you believe in fate or free will?
free will
163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored?
i don’t think i’m a boring person and i get bored often
164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain?
life can change definitely
165. What changes are you afraid of?
the future
166. Are you a day person or nocturnal?
i’m a night person
167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)?
probably a twenty one pilots cd
168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office?
an office, i could never work in one. i can’t imagine how dull it is
169. What’s the coolest job you ever had?
the movie theater
170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to?
idk
171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress?
yeah i used to but now i thin how awful it would be bc there would never be any privacy
172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do?
i wouldn’t do that to a person that just sounds cruel
173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like?
aries and idk honestly i don’t read up on that kind of stuff
174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you?
it didn;t scare me at all
175. Are you in constant fear of death?
eh not really. i don’t think about it a lot
176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life?
not at all
177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen?
i don’t mind either way
178. Are you a fan of any comic books?
i like some of them
179. At what age did you attend your first funeral?
i was pretty young but i don’t remember how old exactly
180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)?
my deodorant
181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom?
the internet probably or school
182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from?
i never really asked until i was old enough to know
183. What is your favorite band?
i don’t have one.
184. What’s the best cheesy 80’s song?
i don’t know
185. What’s the best kind of movie to see on a date?
something scary for sure
186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater?
i prefer the front
187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building?
nope
188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free?
unless it’s volunteer work, i wouldn’t
189. Candles or strobe lights?
candles.
190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much?
i have never read the books
191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat?
neither really, i don’t think much of anything
192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural?
i think it’s natural
193. What do you really want to buy?
a car right now
194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love?
living in the street with someone i love. money is just an object and means nothing to me. as long as i am happy with the one i love that is all that matters to me
195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help?
oh shit idk
196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves ‘one nation under god’?
kind of
197. In what sense are you a minority?
a woman i guess
198. Are you anti social?
kind of
199. Do you photograph well?
i think so
200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter?
probably not
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349.
5000 Question Survey Pt. 2
101. What does happiness/joy feel like physically?
i guess sometimes i get a jolt of adrenaline.
102. List five people you love starting with the one you love the absolute most.
this is hard. i love my boyfriend and family pretty equally but in different ways.
103. How many movies have you gone to see this month?
none. i hardly go to the movies anymore.
104. If you could have 3 wishes...but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
good health for my parents, prosperity and success for my boyfriend and a happy life for my sister.
105. In what ways do you relax and de-stress when you are really tense?
i’ll binge watch a show, read, cook or nap.
106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to school naked in the springtime and get out of the car?
a million at least.
107. Have you ever killed an animal?
nah, just the occasional insect and stuff.
108. Have you ever lost someone close to you?
yes.
109. What do you think of cloning?
pretty crazy. it’s a weird advancement of technology.
110. Do you read or watch TV more often?
watch tv shows.
111. With all this talk of terrorism going around are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased safety?
it depends what those rights are. but if it’s for the good of the community then whatever.
112. What is the punishment you would come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive?
he’s dead.
113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body?
nope.
114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV?
i’ve been on tv, but the back of my head during a jimmy kimmel show lol.
115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes?
nope, never played the lotto. i should try.
116. Have you ever won a contest or competition?
yes.
117. Do you like to watch The Joy of Painting show with Bob Ross (check out this link if you don't know who he is. Also please note me if you notice the link is broken) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Ross_(painter)?
cbf.
118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living?
my grandparents on my mother’s side owned a general store, my grandmother from my dad’s side was a teacher, idk what my grandfather did tbh lol.
119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history?
probably, i just don’t know enough about it.
120. Is there anyone you trust completely?
yes.
121. Have you ever lost someone without having the chance to say goodbye?
yes :(
122. How do you feel about women in politics?
pretty good, we need more of them.
123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool?
outdoor pool.
124. What things are you interested in that you study or read about on your own?
anything on reddit. there’s tons of shit to delve into there.
125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent?
i’d like to think so but i’m probably just average.
126. Would you consider yourself to be wise?
hopefully.
127. Have you ever given or received a lap dance?
nope.
128. Have you ever spoken to a homeless person?
yes.
129. Would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring?
hell no.
130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making some random person die 70 years sooner would you?
nah. i wouldn’t stop thinking about it.
131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics?
A: Nothing to kill or die for...
B: Late comings with the late comin' stretcher...
C: I could make a film and make you my star... i don’t think i know any of these.
132. Were you ever with someone while they died?
no.
133. Would you rather be a world political leader or a rock star?
world political leader.
134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote?
yes.
135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail?
hmm nope.
136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now?
yes! plenty.
137. Of all animated movies, which is the best one you've ever seen?
i loved aladdin the most.
138. What are the best bands or songs to listen to while driving?
my mood changed everyday.
139. What do you think is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished?
i couldn’t choose just one.
140. What could a member of the opposite sex do to impress you?
sing me a song.
141. About how many emails do you get a day? How many of those emails are junk mail? How many of them are forwards?
about ten and they’re usually all junk.
142. What's your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site?
youtube and netflix.
143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurt_Cobain) killed himself or was it a conspiracy?
no idea.
144. Have you ever though about hitchhiking across the country?
neverrrr.
145. Who would you bring with you on this kind of a road trip?
-
146. Of the following, which word best describes you: accurate, bold, charming, dependable
dependable.
147. If you are single, at about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married? If you are married, how old were you at the time?
i’m not single or married.
148. Do you often wonder, when you say goodbye to people, if it is the last time you will ever see them?
nope, because it’s not my intention. i’m assuming i’ll see them again.
149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out?
none as of yet.
150. What is your quest?
lol idk.
151. What is louder and more annoying: 200 adults talking or one four-year-old screaming?
200 adults talking.
152. Do you believe the stories about planes, boats and people mysteriously disappearing into the Bermuda triangle?
haha idk. i don’t know much about it scientific-wise.
153. Who are you the most jealous of?
no one.
154. What is the happiest way you can start your day?
even though i don’t do it that often, probably go to the gym.
155. Do you ever have moments where you feel like everything is all right in the world?
yes.
156. Who thinks that you are offensive?
probably a lot of people who aren’t my friends lol.
157. If you had to teach a class in something, what would you be able to teach people?
how to do shit on the computer lol.
158. Have you ever had a spiritual experience (an experience that cannot be explained by science)?
nah.
159. Do you believe that this experience was truly mystical or do you think there is some scientific explanation for it, only you don't know what it is?
-
160. Do you get offended easily?
not if i’m with my friends. if random people say the wrong thing i get pretty offended.
161. Would you still love and stay with your signifigant other if he or she had to have a breast or testicle removed?
yes of course.
162. Do you believe in fate or free will?
free will. i think we’re responsible for our actions and the consequences.
163. Do you believe that only boring people get bored?
haha possibly.
164. Can life change or are we all stuck in vain?
life can change.
165. What changes are you afraid of?
idk.
166. Are you a day person or nocturnal?
i’m nocturnal.
167. What one CD could you listen to for an entire week (no mixed CD’s, it must be an album)?
haha idk. someone’s greatest hits i guess.
168. Which is worse, working in retail, food service, or an office?
food service. i’ve done it and it sucks.
169. What's the coolest job you ever had?
croupier.
170. What is one central idea that your thoughts seem to come back to?
wtf i’m doing with my life.
171. Have you ever wanted to be an actor/tress?
yes as a kid. i didn’t know how to act though.
172. If you had the power to control one person and make this person do anything you wanted for a whole day, who would you pick and what would they do?
i wouldn’t do that to anyone.
173. What star sign are you and what is your sign like?
sagittarius. apparently they’re known for being adventurous and loving the outdoors. i’m definitely not that.
174. Did the Blair Witch Project scare you?
it did until i found out it was fake.
175. Are you in constant fear of death?
sorta but it’s not something i think about a lot.
176. Does fear of death keep you from building a life?
no.
177. Do you like all your movies to be in wide-screen?
it doesn’t matter to me.
178. Are you a fan of any comic books?
nah. i used to read the simpsons ones when they were out.
179. At what age did you attend your first funeral?
7.
180. What do you smell like (lotion, cologne, sweat)?
lotion.
181. What are your greatest sources for wisdom?
the internet haha.
182. When you were little, where did your parents tell you babies come from?
i honestly don’t remember. i think i heard a lot of ‘you’ll learn about it when you’re older’
183. What is your favorite band?
i don’t have one.
184. What's the best cheesy 80's song?
girls just wanna have fun.
185. What's the best kind of movie to see on a date?
something funny or scary.
186. Do you like to sit in the front, middle or back of the Movie Theater?
middle or back.
187. Have you ever been inside an abandoned building?
not that i know of.
188. Under what circumstances would you agree to work for free?
if it’s for a good cause.
189. Candles or strobe lights?
candles.
190. Do you think the Lord of the Rings movies are true to the books or did Hollywood change the story too much?
i haven’t read/watched it.
191. When you see a stranger on the street does your first reaction lean towards thinking of this person as a potential friend or as a potential threat?
nothing unless they’re doing something that’s caught my attention.
192. Is it natural for human beings to fear and distrust each other, or is it cultural?
natural.
193. What do you really want to buy?
nothing. more clothes i guess.
194. You have to choose. Would you be happier marrying someone rich for their money or living in the streets and subway tunnels with someone you love?
haha shit. living poorly with someone i love. i think we could probably get through it together.
195. If someone wanted to understand you what book could they read that would help?
idk none.
196. Do you think it’s odd that Americans have freedom of religion and yet call themselves 'one nation under god'?
hmm they didn’t specify which god tough.
197. In what sense are you a minority?
my ethnicity.
198. Are you anti social?
sometimes.
199. Do you photograph well?
as in like my face? not really.
200. Do you think that human beings would survivor through a nuclear winter?
if they knew it was happening well in advanced, then yeah probably.
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The Perfect Painting
“You want to know how to paint a perfect painting?
It’s easy.
Make yourself perfect and then just paint naturally”
― Robert M. Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
I think the most powerful thing an entrepreneur can do to move toward success is to improve his or herself.
Just like startups, we too have to be iterated on over and over. We have to throw away what doesn’t work and refine what is working. And in both cases this is very hard and requires consistent, unrelinquishing commitment.
Every year at this time people draft a list of “resolutions,” promises they make to themselves about how they will act differently in the coming year in the hopes of changing their lives.
Promises they almost inevitably end up breaking.
We all do this.
Why is it that we break promises to ourselves?
I think it comes from lack of self-awareness.
We have two selves: who we actually are and who we wish we were. The real self, and the ideal self. And ambition is the tension between these two.
When we think about who we will be tomorrow, 6 months or a year from now, our human imperfections are abstracted away. We’re not tired, or lazy, or impatient, or jealous or scared as we are today, right now. In this simulation it’s very easy to imagine that we’ll do all the right things. (And by the way, we often do know what the right thing is! The hard part is doing it when the time comes.)
Setting goals that only our ideal selves can reach is dangerous because by failing to live up to them we lose trust in ourselves and our ability to improve our condition.
If you’ve already tried 10 times to quit smoking, lose weight, wake up early, be more patient with your family, save more money, or whatever it is and always end up falling back into the pit, you disrespect yourself and your promise over and over to the point that you don’t believe in trying anymore.
To avoid this, we should set imperfect goals.
Well, goals that take in account who we really are and not who we wish we were. Hedge fund manager (and modern philosopher) Ray Dalio talks a lot about hyper-transparency and self-awareness in Principles, and he’s built his company and success around this modus operandi.
Self-awareness allows you to trick yourself into doing the right thing. By anticipating ahead of time what your weaknesses will have you fall for, you can set up a game or situation so that you will not be faced with that trap.
Yes, you are the architect of the game. And the game is your life.
Ulysses did that when he put wax in his men’s ears and asked them to tie him to his mast in approach of the Sirens.
No one can resist the Sirens. Not even Ray Dalio. But some people just become better at making sure they never have to fall into their trap.
So if eating ice cream in the middle of the night is your demon, don’t have ice cream in the house. I promise you will be too cold and tired to go outside into the cold and buy some (although the on-demand economy is your enemy here…)
Or in my case waking up early is still something I am fighting to do.
Well, to make it happen I can go to bed earlier. I can wake up and go to sleep at the same time at least during week days to get alter my circadian rhythm and start getting tired at 11pm.
I can also create things to look forward to in the morning, whether that be the thrill or reading or writing over steaming coffee while the world still sleeps, making a fresh, healthful breakfast, or maybe going on a run along the water at sunrise while listening to my favorite playlist.
Combining a “painful” task (or what feels like one today) with a reward (or a shower of rewards) has been incredibly effective for me. I have learned to crave my berry protein shake after each work out.
Another way to “trick” yourself is to become aware that the best way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with something else. Whenever you feel the impulse to do that thing you’re trying to do, it’s much harder to suppress that urge entirely than to quell it in some other fashion.
Or as illustrated in the graph below, it’s easier to go from A to B than it is to go from A to C. This graph was used by HBS Professor Alison Brooks to make a point about public speaking: many people who are nervous tell themselves to calm down while instead it would be much easier and more realistic for them to translate that nervousness into excitement.
From HBS Professor Alison Brooks’s paper: “Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement”
So for example if you get hungry in the afternoons and have a bad snacking habit, you can indulge that habit but make healthy smoothies or eat another real meal instead of going for the chips.
Another very helpful trick in my case has been to re-frame my perception of certain tasks.
I used to absolutely despise any administrative matters: paying bills, doing taxes or dealing with the government in any way, returning an item, going to the doctor, checking my bank statements. I hated these things to the point that any physical letter I received elicited fear in me. Fear because I was afraid of what was inside them but also of what would happen as a consequence of my taking 2 months to deal with what should have taken 1 hour. Paying something, mailing something, check books. Who the hell still uses paper? Who the hell has a check book? Why do people keep bothering me and wasting my precious time?
Those were my thoughts and they harmed me. I paid late fees, forgot to renew things and in general wasted more time than I would have taking care of these things in the first place.
I learned my lesson.
Now when I get hit with these administrative tasks I deal with them on the spot no matter how much I wish I could do that other more interesting thing I was doing before I got interrupted.
The reason I used to ignore these is that I thought they were a waste of my time.
And that makes sense.
There are after all only two types of tasks: pleasure seeking and pain avoiding. We start off at neutral, or 0 on the thermometer indicator if you will, and pleasure seeking tasks can take us above that neutral level to those warmer temperatures: we focus on doing the work we love, we go for dinner with friends, we watch a movie.
In comparison, doing laundry, going to the DMV or applying for insurance is not going to take us above 0. These chores will just ensure that we won’t get to the negative numbers.
It’s much less exciting because the very best outcome is being back at 0. The upside is so boringly limited. It’s what we dreadfully call “being a grown up.”
If you’re a novelist lost in your beautiful world, would you rather write another few pages of your masterpiece or call AT&T about your excessive phone bill?
You get the point.
What has saved me has been to reconsider my perception of these tasks. These pain avoiding activities are not only about getting back to zero. They’re about making sure that we don’t lose all the positives. Quite literally, they allow us by completing to avoid what is otherwise certain pain. The rest of the skyscraper will collapse if we do not take care of these foundations even though they might be invisible, beneath the ground.
I have taken on the habit of listing daily goals as bullets, many of which are pain avoiding tasks. And I take just as much if not more pleasure and pride in getting those done than the things that come naturally to me. Tearing through the the boring, unpleasant stuff feels like a great accomplishment, a triumph over myself.
Consider two oversimplified types of people: the “creative” and the “operator.” These two actually come up quite often in the world of startup founders. (Using masculine pronoun here for convenience.)
The creative didn’t get good grades in all subjects, only those that he found interesting. He might have written brilliant stories but always made spelling mistakes and had messy handwriting. He was often late, lost his homework all the time, and continues to be a little messy today and still doesn’t check his bank account like his mom asks him to.
In contrast, the operator is the person who gets shit done. He never wrote “The Catcher in the Rye” but wrote high quality albeit slightly dry analyses of literary passages as required and did just as well in math and science classes. An all around excellent, balanced student without mad genius in any category.
The creative and the operator would not do as well working individually. The creative would end up broke, writing poems or drawing in an apartment with no heating because he forgot to pay the bill last month, and the operator would be doing fairly well in a corporate job and yet feeling that he could do more but not quite knowing where to start.
It would be silly for the creative to try to become the operator and vice versa. Because of nature and nurture, they are not wired the same way.
As Ray Dalio explains, being successful in your job and life is about focusing on your strengths and turning them into killer weapons and overcoming your limitations by surrounding yourself with people who will help you with those and make sure they don’t get in your way.
Finding complementary partners works in business, love, friendship and pretty much everywhere.
I do think that for our own personal esteem, it is still important to become competent even at those things we dread so that we stop fearing them and at least understand what is going on when someone else takes care of them.
In drafting goals for improvement, I try to keep both of these in mind: I can trick myself into becoming better at the things I don’t like by setting up the game in a way that doesn’t make me fall for usual temptations, and I can partner with people who are complementary to me and concentrate on sharpening what already comes naturally.
In both of these, becoming more self-aware by asking ourselves and our close ones what we are good and bad at is the key to making promises that we will keep.
Perhaps food for family dinner discussions.
Happy New Year :)
Thank you for reading.
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