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clumsyclifford · 3 years

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just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

#this is a love-positive zone #we love love #here on clumsyclifford we support insane obsessions because we also have insane obsessions #ask #cubs anon #anonymous #lol i was telling my dad that i talked to rian and zack but said the most generic things ever #and i was like. i mean there were things that i would have wanted to ask but if i had then they would have known that--#-- im like super obsessed with them in a kind of creepy way. like i wanted to ask rian what time alex was born #...so we can figure out his rising sign so we can make his star chart #and my dad was like . why would you need that #and i said. you know for funsies #he was like do you think he would even know that #and i said well in our collective opinions we think alex wouldnt know what time he was born but rian and/or jack probably would #and my dad was like its a good thing you didnt ask him that. it would have been creepy.#and i was like I KNOW THATS WHY I DIDNT ASK BECAUSE I KNEW IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CREEPY BRO #so anyway #i dont remember why i started telling this story #its 1am im so tired ive had the longest two days ever #i need sleep im going to die #i cant believe classes in two days #end me

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redxblueihateloveyou · 4 years

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Actually for me it's pretty weird that the most popular ship in Free! is Makoharu. I mean, they give me like zero romantic vibes, if not Rinharu I would've definitely shipped Sourin. It's the main reason I hated Sousuke when I watched 2nd season for the first time - I saw him as a threat for Rinharu (now I just don't like him that much, but I decided to let Rin has his best friend, lol). Maybe it's just me loving rivals to lovers :)

Well.. for me Free! was never that kind of anime where there are other ships, but honestly after several years of watching anime and lately discovering that people ship Wei Wuxian with Jiang Cheng I kinda lost my faith in people lol And yes, I also truly don’t get those ships, where there are zero romantic vibes, but I got used to seeing this already.

I think I’ve talked about Makoharu only once, I usually don’t do it cause as a ship it’s so illogical to me that I just don’t see the point of wasting time on this lol I feel like it’s gonna be long answer so I’ll split it and after “***” I’ll talk about my bro-rinharu-shipper Sousuke.

I’m not gonna throw a debate if it’s the most popular ship or not, but I just want to say that I don’t think that it's really called shipping Makoto and Haru, since firstly, let’s talk about Makoto as a character (which is the main problem in this whole thing tbh) cause from what I saw the Makoto the MH fandom created has nothing to do with the real Makoto. Like the dude is scared of dogs, ghosts, bees, water and I forgot what else; covers his eyes when he sees anyone even in swim trunks and gets embarrassed easier than a nun (apparently you can’t even unbutton the collar of your freaking jacket!!!!!!!!!!! oh lord!!!!!!); crumbles under everyone in this anime including Hiyori and can’t even talk back.

And suddenly like half of this fandom thinks that Makoto is a dominant top apparently. We seriously laughed our asses off seeing that, I mean even my mom (who’s a teacher btw). I’m like... I have a sister who’s majored in psychology and I myself in literature (like I seriously promise we ain’t stupid) and we just seriously don’t understand.. In what Tarzan’s ass does he suit this description? Dude can’t even answer properly while being offended. Like maybe they like Makoto’s twin brother? Because real Makoto does not have any dangerous dark side, seriously, this ain’t “8 dogs of the east” lmao.

I appreciate their friendship at times, but I never was a fan of him, because I don’t really like people who treat everyone equally (friends and strangers) and think that some asshole deserves as much love as the closest friend. I just don’t understand this life position and don’t like those “world peace” guys anyway. I mean, that fish died moment in the books was when my brain died honestly. Like I get it, dude is sensitive, but... seriously?

And for me being kind is not really a personality. I mean, hell, sometimes it’s no good to be kind. There is a fine line between being kind and being a mop you know.

And sometimes his behavior is really cringy to me. Like during the funeral and during Haru passing out in the book and during many things that are very serious. I just don’t think he’s the person you can rely on at times. I mean at first I thought he’s a steady shoulder, but somehow in all serious situations he doesn’t do anything useful.

Like I might be in the minority here, but to me when you know very well that you panic in the ocean you don’t go there trying to save somebody, it’s not brave, it’s just plain stupid (like it’s not like the tent was far, it was fucking next to him, all he had to do is wake up a pro) so by the end we had to rescue two instead of one, just because he’s dumb af.

He also panics a lot which I really hate on people. I’m sorry but like panicking ppl are the only worst. It reminds me of one of my life situation when my sister was badly hurt and we needed to keep our heads cool to act quickly and do what was necessary asap. And I’ve seen ppl behave like Makoto in situations like this and man it’s seriously no fun, it’s annoying. Like when you need to help somebody and someone panics beside you it pisses you off. And he does it even in little things like when he yelled Haru in the ear while driving JUST BECAUSE A CAR IN FRONT OF THEM BRAKED I mean omfg I would seriously yell “shut the fuck up, you pussy!”

And it all honestly keeps getting worse and worse like the way he’s written, his behavior just buffles me so much. Makoto in s3 just murdered me tbh. Like he didn’t help with anything, he didn’t bring anything to the plot, you can just erase him, he only sat there anyways. And the way they pulled his “dream” out of his ass was just a second-hand embarrassment tbh. And he’s not even Haru’s emotional support anymore. He’s just... I don’t get it. There were literally scenes where he was third-wheeling or just forced into that looked laughable.

Which brings me to the second point. From what I saw many of Makoharu fans are mostly Makoto fans, so they just want what’s good for him, and since he has no life goals whatsoever (like after he dropped his “I dream of making children like swimming” thingy like a hot potato and was like “training children.. but look at Rin and Haru” I really lost my last marbles watching him) they apparently don’t care for what Haru’s dream is and that he said openly that he wants a future with Rin.

Like I get that everyone has their tastes, but like what.. two people who are crazy about each other since twelve and blossomed a dream of having a future together and the thought of being with each other got them through and they finally have what they wanted.. this is not a trend anymore? Mutual romantic love is not a trend anymore? Like I even without novelization can see that (and I quote Rin word for word here) that “every time he sees Haru his heart beats so fast he can’t calm down” and quote “Haru sees Rin and he’s shaking, he closes his eyes desperately trying get rid of the image, but the pain in his chest doesn’t go away”.

I am personally very happy that Rinharu are finally together and will be doing what they wanted in their life by each other’s side, cause they’ve been dreaming about it for too long, they’ve been thinking about it for years. So not wanting them to have that is very weird for me. And the argument that Makoto somehow better than Rin for Haru is so invalid, I always laugh. I guess it depends on what you want for yourself. But honestly like you guys better find someone who make you want to reach for the stars and make you heart skip a bit everytime you see him.

So I as a huge fan of Haru want my boy to fly and now I have all the canon proof for those who were blind that Rin is the only one (been said) who makes him feel that way. So all those anons who kept writing to me how relay with Sosuke, with Rei and what baffled me the most swimming with Ikuya was just as emotional for them can finally shut it (lmao I’m sorry).

***

Now... Sousuke, my bro, the first Rinharu shipper on the village who helped them to get together is a threat? Okay. Well, I actually like s2, there are some dumb episodes but s2 actually to me showed how rinharu relationships are different from anyone else. There are literally two whole episodes and several scenes of how the bROMANCE prevails over BROmance.

Sousuke and Rin have typical brothers relationship. From their secret handshakes “parent trap” style to the fact that they draw them exactly the same with his real brother. I mean I don’t know if anyone noticed, but in 3x11 they drew Sousuke doing the exact same teasing move with Rin, that his older brother did to him in 3x01, and it’s definitely not a coincidence. Which means he treats him like his little bro, and not just that. I have lots of proof.

You know, I had a friend back at university who had an older brother who she was very close with and she kept telling me about how he kept testing her boyfriends if they’re good enough... I mean Sousuke was doing it with Haru since Rin has told him that he has found his one and only. And it never ever looked like he was possessive of Rin and was like “he’s mine”, it was always like “he’s yours so make sure you make him happy you loser”, he even stalked Haru to see if he still swims alright which is really funny (like okay dad), so by the end of the season when Rin lovingly looks at Haru and says it was all worth it, Sousuke looks very content like he was sure that they’re all good now.

And that moment like in Yakusoku where Rin dropped Sousuke as soon as he saw Haru, I honestly don’t think it’s the kind of jealousy people think it is. It’s like if I asked my sister “do u want to see the new avengers movie” and she’d answer “sorry, I already promised to go with my boyfriend” (not that this would ever happen, but let’s imagine that she found herself her nanase) I would be fucking upset too, but I would kinda get it (if it’s a love of her life I mean). Or like literally imagine you lived with your best friend for years and suddenly she wants to move in with he boo. I mean it happens sometimes. But it’s not the jealousy really, he’s just sad because he knows that he needs to let Rin go and he won’t spend as much time with him as he did before. Sousuke knows how much Rin loves Haru, plus after he saw that Haru is as good as Rin told him, he started to like him himself so he was worried about both of them.

And I love Sousuke, he’s our godmother. I’d rather have him on the international team than Ikuya but he sadly he doesn’t swim breaststroke or back and we only have one butterfly and one freestyle spot xD

I’m sincerely saying as a person with two siblings that I really don’t see it. It’s just there’s a huge difference between brothers and lovers. And you can’t call Harurin bros. It’s just laughable. Even if you haven’t read anything and just watched the anime.

I mean I think it’s easier to see if you try to imagine Haru in Sousuke’s place in any Sourin scene and see how it would’ve went then. Like do you remember when Sousuke asked for cola and Rin went to get one and there was only one can left so they rock-paper-scissored it and Rin won and drank it?

Now imagine if Haru was there in Sousuke’s place. I can tell you 100% that Rin would’ve just given him the can. And then he would’ve looked at him with that face he makes when he’s content just by watching Haru eat, you know.

I mean it just how I see it. And there are a lot of comparable scenes in s2 that bring me lots of evil joy, but I won’t tell lmao.

But as I said before to me there’s a huge difference between bromances and bromances. So I mostly don’t get most of these ships. I don’t understand anything in this world apparently lol but I only see Rinharu since the first time I’ve watched it, and then I’ve read everything and realized that I’m right, so I’m ok with all this xD

#answered #lissara22 #rinharu #Free!#free! road to the world #harurin #I know it looks like i hate makoto but i don't i just don't understand what to like there tbh lol #sorry not sorry #thanks for the english btw love #rin matsuoka #nanase haruka #yamazaki sousuke

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teenagebeautyqueen · 4 years

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[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

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urfavmurtad · 5 years

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Hi ! Do you have any books recommendations for someone who want to have a better understanding of Islam (on the historical aspect for exemple)? Beside the quran/hadiths. I want to learn more but I don't want Islamic propaganda or something overtly negative. Thanks!!! I love your blog and you're a great writter

No problem anon, I’d love to give some book recs! There are so many shitty books on Islamic history out there, and they’re shitty in many ways. It’s not just the ones written by Muslims that have problems. Some books are written by pop “historians” who have no business writing about this subject, others are from Orientalists who think Arabs invented civilization, others are from revisionists who don’t seem to have met a single Arab person in their lives. I have had to read through buckets of shit to find some gems. This is the true jihad.

I’m gonna dig through my bookshelf and mostly focus on the books that can be found for free online or in most libraries, just for the sake of accessibility.

I think a very good and very basic place to start is this… semi-series by Robert Hoyland, who is a professor at NYU. Hoyland was a student of a writer I’m not fond of (Patricia Crone, who did make some valuable contributions about the status of Mecca but was an extreme revisionist). But he’s not really like that at all, and his sources are basically impeccable. He has three books that I’d happily recommend for beginners, starting in the pre-Islamic era and going into the conquests:

Arabia and the Arabs* (pdf here). This is one of the very few works about pre-Islamic Arabia that brings in information from non-Islamic sources. It’s mostly about northern and southern Arabia (as in… not Mecca or anything near it) because those are the places mentioned by outside sources, but still. This is one of, like, three respectful books on pre-Islamic Arabia that I’ve ever read. I was so happy when I found it.

Seeing Islam as Others Saw It* (pdf here). I’ve linked this before in this post, so you can glance through that to see if the subject interests you. This is just a collection of early non-Islamic sources about the Islamic conquests. It’s a huge reference book, so feel free to skip around and just read the parts you’re interested in. It’s good stuff and may make you stan Muawiya a little purely based on his competency idk

In God’s Path: The Arab Conquests and the Creation of an Islamic Empire* (pdf here). I like this a lot, but I don’t agree with all of its conclusions. This is where you can see some of Crone’s influence, but it’s not super revisionist and there are some interesting ideas within it. Hoyland does significantly downplay the role of Islam as a faith here, seeing it as essentially a glue pulling Arabs together and uniting them into one political entity. The last three pages of Fred Donner’s frankly bitchy review… points were made. I still recommend it tho!His ideas on one of the driving forces of the conquests being the Arab “muhajirun” (applied to the conquering army as a whole instead of just the group that left Mecca) and their desire to settle in other lands is at least food for thought.

I’d also v strongly suggest reading up at least a little on the poor long-forgotten empires that dominated the Middle East before Islam’s glorious birth, the Byzantines and the Sassanids. In my experience, most ppl know very little about the former and nothing about the latter. But they were kind of, uh, important? So it might be worth reading a bit on them.

For the Byzantines, take your pick: do you want a dense scholarly book or a lighter but quicker read? The scholarly one I’d suggest is The Making of Byzantium by Mark Whittow (pdf here). The lighter one, Lost to the West: The Forgotten Byzantine Empire That Rescued Western Civilization* by Lars Brownworth (borrow), has a very ott title that reminds me of those “ISLAMIC CIVILIZATION SAVED EUROPE!!” books that I hate. But the content focuses far more on internal Byzantine stuff than its “legacy” or w/e. It’s definitely less academic than Whittow’s book, but on the plus side it’s way easier to read tbh.

If you really get into it and want to read more single-topic Byzantine books, I’d also suggest most of Judith Herrin’s books, including Unrivalled Influence: Women and Empire in Byzantium and Margins and Metropolis: Authority Across the Byzantine Empire. She also has a general overview of Byzantium (borrow).

There’s also a Byzantine history podcast, I stan it.

The Two Eyes Of The Earth* by Matthew Canepa (pdf here). This is half regular-history and half art history, but don’t let that scare you!! I know very little about art history and I found it easy to read. It’s REALLY GOOD and for a book you can find for free it lays out the relationship between the Byzantines and Persians really well.

For the Sassanids: Sasanian Persia* by Touraj Daryaee (pdf here) is a very brief, easy read and only around 150 pages long. It’s worth it just to familiarize yourself with the topic. A more in-depth rec is Arsacids and Sasanians by Rahim Shayegan (pdf here), which is a longer-term view of Persian history.

Arabs and Empires Before Islam* (pdf here) is a collection from multiple authors that touches on Arabs in relation to both empires, and extends its reach into South Arabia as well.

The Palestinian historian Irfan Shahid’s long series on Byzantium and the Arabs* has been made available online via the Dumbarton Oaks library. His work is a tad outdated nowadays, but it’s still a great resource. This guy has literally spent decades on this single topic and he provides us with his work for free…… a legend tbh. (The download links are on the top right of each page, if you can’t find them.) Honestly every book has worthwhile information in it, but on the topic of Islam/Islamic history you probably want the ones on the sixth century, since that’s when Mo was born. The full thing is like… 800 pages, so. Take it slow! Other scholars on Byzantine-Arab interactions include Walter Emil Kaegi and Greg Fisher, with Fisher being more skeptical of later Islamic texts than the other two. But I’ve read useful stuff from all three.

Rome and the Arabs (pdf here)

Byzantium and the Arabs in the 4th Century (pdf here)

…Fifth Century (pdf here)

…Sixth Century: Volume 1, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 1, Part 2 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 1 (pdf here)

…Volume 2, Part 2 (pdf here)

Now… if you are looking for some actual history about Mohammed and his earliest followers, just be aware that 100% of the information on The Life And Times Of Crazy Mo comes from Islamic sources written over a century after he died. All that anyone can do is dig through them and try to determine, based on whatever criteria, what is plausible and what isn’t plausible. I’d actually suggest you read the primary sources (as in the stuff written by Muslims over a thousand years ago) yourself, since that’s what all these books are based upon. If you don’t wanna slog through the big ahadith collections, you might wanna read one of these:

The Expeditions* by Mamar ibn Rashid (pdf here). I might suggest starting here, because 1) it’s short! (the page count is a lie bc it’s dual Arabic-English) and 2) once you understand the stuff in this, it’ll make reading the larger works way easier. This is a selection of ahadith narrated by a student of al-Zuhri, who was a student of one of the sahaba (Anas ibn Malik). So there is a short and very direct chain of transmission all the way back to the rise of Islam here. You can see how much of the “official story” of Islam was already decided-upon in the 8th century (a lot!), what spots were vague and still being filled in (90% of the pre-hijra days), and what was open to debate (tidbits like: when was the “year of the elephant”?). Note that this covers like… fragments of the story, it is not a full sira.

It’s interesting to compare the above to Ibn Ishaq’s long-ass sira (pdf here), which is from the same century. I might do a post on the differences between them at some point. Ibn Ishaq’s is referenced by virtually all later authors so it’s kinda… important to read it, even though it’s long.

There is another early biography by al-Waqidi (who was considered less credible by his contemporaries and deemed an outright liar by many of them), I don’t really care for it but you can read about the differences between his and Ibn Ishaq’s sira here. It’s still worth a read even tho al-Waqidi himself is questionable, but I can’t find a free English translation.

Muhammad and the Origins of Islam* by F.E. Peters (borrow) is a decent summary of the story, if you don’t feel like reading a sira. The book mostly just quotes from Islamic texts. But at only 300 pages, around a third of which is more about Middle Eastern history around the 7th century, it’s a pretty easy read.

There’s also al-Tabari’s 40-book-long history series (pdfs here), which covers like… everything up to the 9th century. You obviously aren’t gonna read this whole-ass thing but it’s useful as a reference if you wanna check up on a particular topic. I’ve read multiple volumes of this and I didn’t find them hard to read at all, they’re surprisingly short.

If you’re looking for a recent English-language biography of Mohammed and his followers, well. The truth is that there are very few decent English-language books on this topic, and by Allah, some are absolutely cancerous. I’d strongly suggest staying away from: 1) anything written by someone who is not a scholar of Islam, Arabic, or Middle Eastern history in general, 2) older ones written by Orientalists, especially the white guys who were in the habit of dressing in thobes, and 3) works written by Saudi or Qatari-funded scholars (who tend to work at places helpfully named after their benefactors). Also, pls do not read anything that begins a discussion of goddamn 7th century Arabia with “ever since 9/11…”.

Look for something fairly recent (like… since the 90s, maybe) written by a credible scholar of Islam whose work is favorably reviewed by his or her peers. And be aware that no book is going to get it 100% right because of the limitations I mentioned. I think this short article (pdf) summarizes what you should expect going into any of these works.

Since I don’t really like any of them, I can’t recommend any, but I can at least point you in the right direction, hopefully...

In my experience, single-topic articles (that you can read using scihub 👀) are way better and more informative than any books on the topic. I dunno why, but I think it’s just because each individual topic requires so much specialized knowledge that no one can write about the entire era convincingly. I’d be happy to suggest some articles on any particular subject you’re curious about.

If you want some scholarly “analysis” of early Islamic history:

Analysing Muslim Traditions by Harald Motzki (pdf here) presents a convincing argument against people who reject the ahadith because they see them as completely unreliable. The book is basically a defense of “the science of ahadith” created by scholars in the 9th/10th centuries. Not all ahadith are “real” in the sense that they can be plausibly traced back to Mo & Crew–but it’s pretty clear that many of them can be.

Islamic Historiography* by Chase F. Robinson (pdf here) isn’t about whether some parts of Islamic history are true or not–it’s more of a look at the development of Islamic historians and how they built upon the very early ahadith. Short and an easy read.

Arabic Historical Thought in the Classical Period by Tarif Khalidi is somewhat similar, but touches more on specific authors in a specific period. Khalidi is a big name in Arab Islamic studies, and a lot of his work is pretty decent, though I’ve noticed it’s kinda hard to find some of his books in libraries.

Sectarianism!!!

The Caliph and the Heretic, Ibn Sabaʾ and the Origins of Shīʿism by Sean W. Anthony (pdf here). This is a subject that I’ve been weirdly fascinated by for whatever reason. The guy it’s named after has long been accused of being one of the “ghulat”, meaning people who took Ali to be a divine figure in blatant violation of Islamic doctrine. (A book that goes into more depth on “ghulat” sects is Ghulat Sects by Matti Moosa, pdf here. The “extremist” subtitle means their religious beliefs, not terrorism.) A lot of legends and myths have popped up with respect to this guy and his place in Islamic history, and the author tries to disentangle all the stories and find the root of it all to find an actual basis for early Shiism, without the hateful propaganda that’s clouded it. Really good.

A more general overview of Shia history is Shi’ism by Heinz Halm.

The Heirs of Muhammad* by Barnaby Rogerson (borrow) is a very, very basic overview of the political clusterfuck of the Rashidun era. It’s not super scholarly and leaves out a lot of details, but if you don’t know anything about the topic, give it a try.

The Succession to Muhammad: A Study of the Early Caliphate by Wilferd Madelung (pdf here) is essentially a book about the title’s topic from a Shia perspective, or at least from an Abbasid perspective. It’s very… credulous, in the sense that it doesn’t question the sources, but it’s good if you want to know one side of the story. The Umayyads, and to a lesser extent Abu Bakr & Crew, are the bad guys here. Full disclosure: the author works at a place funded by the Aga Khan (Ismaili Shia leader).

The Ismailis by Farhad Daftary (pdf here) is an absolutely gigantic book that I would not recommend for beginners, but if you happen to be curious about the Ismailis–this is a historically important Shia group distinct from Iranians et al, who are from another sect called Imamiyya or “Twelvers”–here you go.

The Birth of the Prophet Muhammad by Marion Holmes Katz (pdf here). This is a single-topic book about Sunni (including Sufi) mythology surrounding Mohammed and his life. I’m not talking history here, but outright mythological elements, like Mo’s dad being glowy. This is semi-topical re: the crazies who blow people up for celebrating Mohammed’s birthday, but is also useful in understanding the process by which Islamic theology built Mohammed into a hell of a lot more than “just a man”. Slightly more specialized than the other books here, but I included it because I don’t think it’s so academic that you’ll be lost and confused while reading it.

Here are some basic overviews of the Umayyad and early Abbasid eras, which is when 90% of what we think of as “Islam” was crystallized:

Again, al-Tabari’s history series is really useful for these eras. The Expeditions and Ibn Ishaq’s sira also touch on some of this stuff. Don’t discount the classics! The only thing to remember is that all of these were written after the Abbasids overthrew the Umayyads, so obviously they have a certain angle to them. But they’re still useful.

The New Cambridge History of Islam (pdf here). A great, six-volume-long series of articles on a huge variety of topics of early Islamic history. Look through the tables of contents and pick an article that seems interesting, and give it a shot.

The Encyclopedia of Islam* (a tad outdated in places, but still great overall) covers this era and…. like, basically everything. It’s huge. I got all my pdfs of it from Tehran University’s site here, idk why that’s the only place where I can find it. The glorious Islamic Republic doesn’t gaf about copyright laws I guess. There’s also an Encyclopedia of the Quran (pdfs here), but that’s more for religious matters than historical stuff.

The First Dynasty of Islam: The Umayyad Caliphate* by G.R. Hawting (pdf here) is, imo, a very dry and scholarly book. But if you need an overview, it’s useful. It’s also only like 150 pages so it shouldn’t be too hard to get through.

Black Banners from the East: The Establishment of the Abbasid State by Moshe Sharon is an account of the Abbasid revolution and everything that led up to that moment.

Inquisition in Early Islam: The Competition for Political and Religious Authority in the Abbasid Empire by John Turner. I really wish I had a pdf for this one, but I don’t. This is probably more suited for someone raised Muslim or at least someone who already knows a bit about Islamic history–if you’ve heard of Imam Ahmad’s trial before the caliph al-Mamun, you’re good–but it’s a good look at how religious authority was handled by the early Abbasid leaders.

The Canonization of Islamic Law by Ahmed El Shamsy (pdf here). Oh boy, if you don’t really enjoy the legal side of Islam, this one will bore you to tears. Regrettably this topic is extremely important for understanding Islamic history, so try to power through it.

For some other Islamic empires, here are three books about al-Andalus, two of which I’ve already recced:

Kingdoms of Faith: A New History of Islamic Spain* by Brian Catlos. This one focuses more on the religious communities themselves, the relationships between them, and the conflicts within them.

Muslim Spain and Portugal: A Political History of Al-Andalus* by Hugh Kennedy. Kennedy has written a lot of books, and for me they’re very hit-or-miss. His style can sometimes be dry, and at other times he glosses over important details. But this one’s good. It’s…. well, it’s what it says it is, a political history. If you want intrigue and drama, here you go.

Philosophers Sufis & Caliphs by Ali Humayun Akhtar (pdf here). This is more about Islamic scholars in Andalus and focuses on their interaction with and responses to Fatimid (Ismaili Shia) ideology. A lot of texts on Andalus frame it as part of a European context (as in, devoting a lot of space to Christians), but this one puts it more in the context of the wider Arab world, which is helpful.

Ottomans!!!!

Osman’s Dream* by Caroline Finkel (pdf here) is a great and really in-depth summary of centuries of Ottoman history. It covers over 600 years, so forgive the length and take it one chapter at a time.

The late Halil Inalcik was a master of producing really good, in-depth books about Ottoman history with the driest titles you could possibly imagine. I’m pretty sure he is (or… was) one of the top Turkish experts on the subject, so any of his stuff is worth a look. The one I read was The Ottoman Empire: The Classical Age 1300-1600*. But if you can find any of his stuff at your library, you might wanna check it out.

Three books from Roger Crowley touching on the Crusades era, in order: City of Fortune: How Venice Won and Lost a Naval Empire*, 1453: The Holy War for Constantinople* (borrow here), and Empires of the Sea: The Final Battle for the Mediterranean* (yes the first one is mostly about the Italian city-states but there is plenty of Turkish nonsense too). I’ve recced these before but they’re great. There’s also an interlude about Acre called The Accursed Tower, which is likewise excellent.

Before Homosexuality in the Arab-Islamic World, 1500-1800 by Khaled El-Rouayheb. Well… not all of it is about the Ottomans, but a large portion of it is. Don’t be put off by the title–it doesn’t mean that gay sex didn’t exist before the year 1801. I don’t agree with all the author’s conclusions, but the sources he’s collected are still useful. Everything you could possibly want to know about pederasty is contained within, enjoy.

“Roxolana: The Greatest Empress of the East”*. This is an article, not a book, but it’s a brief summary of the Eastern European slave girl who used her body and mind to worm her way into the highest echelons Ottoman politics. I’ll write about this whole weird era someday.

The Ottoman Age of Exploration (pdf here) by Giancarlo Casale is the story of how the Ottomans tried and almost succeeded in getting in on the whole Asia imperialism thing. (Despite this occurring during the Ottoman heyday, you hardly ever hear them mentioned in discussions about it.) It begins with a man named Selim the Grim. If that doesn’t sell you on it, what will?

There is ALSO an Ottoman history podcast (+articles) although tbh the earlier seasons were better and more, uh, Ottoman-focused. It’s kinda more a Muslim history podcast now. It descends into academic jargon and glorification at times but there are still some gems to be found there.

Some of the important Shia dynasties:

Converting Persia: Religion and Power in the Safavid Empire by Rula Jurdi Abisaab (pdf here). Iran became Shia under the Safavids, which is… kind of important, for modern-day issues! So you might wanna read about it! Because this happened in the 16th century, there’s also a lot about geopolitics between them and the Ottomans, interactions with Asian and European nations, etc.

The Fatimids were a hugely important Ismaili dynasty that ruled large swaths of land, including Egypt, during ye olde “golden age” that they’ve been largely erased from. There are, unfortunately, very few decent overviews of the caliphate, but there are some nice “character studies” (for lack of a better word) so I’d suggest reading articles about them instead. There are some collections of essays, including a long series called Egypt and Syria in the Fatimid, Ayyubid and Mamluk Eras.

Maghrebi topics:

Black Morocco: A History of Slavery, Race, and Islam* by Chouki El Hamel is a recent book about a tragically underexplored topic, namely Black slaves in Arab countries (which is usually dismissed with “slavery wasn’t about race!!!”). This covers mostly the early modern era (~1600s-1800s) of Morocco.

A History of the Maghrib in the Islamic Period by Jamil M. Abun-Nasr. This is a 20th century book that’s kinda written in the style of an old Arab history book, but it’s still good. There’s a lot goin on in the Maghreb and keeping track of all the tribes and their loyalties is very difficult, so a basic primer like this is very useful.

Some miscellaneous dynasties:

The Empire of the Steppes* by René Grousset (borrow) is only, like, half about any sort of Islamic dynasty (Timurlane and the Timurids), but the early Mongols are part of Islamic history by virtue of killing lots of people, so! Might be worth a read. It’s an old-fashioned book, but it’s an intro to the subject.

The Millennial Sovereign: Sacred Kingship and Sainthood in Islam (pdf here) by Azfar Moin. I’m sure this is noticeable, but I know about 1) Arabs, 2) Turks, 3) Persians, and 4) Amazigh people, in that order. India is kinda beyond my wheelhouse, but I’m trying to learn more. This one was a good start and covers topics that you’ve probably heard of before (the Mughal Empire and the emperor Akbar) in great depth. It covers Iran and the Timurids too, but most of it is about India.

The Seljuks are another one where I’ve just been really unimpressed with the books I’ve leafed through tbh. The only one I’ve enjoyed and actually read through to the end was The Great Seljuqs: A History by Osman Aziz Basan, so if you can find that, go for it.

Books specifically focusing on women:

Women and Gender in Islam: Historical Roots of a Modern Debate* by Leila Ahmed (borrow). This is a Hot Topique as many of you know, and if you search for Islam+women you are likely to receive a bunch of bullshit in return. But Leila Ahmed has been covering this subject for decades and her book is about as in-depth and “fair” as you can get.

Concubines and Courtesans: Women and Slavery in Islamic History*. Hey, wanna hear something fucked up? Many if not most of the notable Muslim women throughout history were sex slaves. Some were used purely for sex, others for entertainment, others as the mothers of their masters’ heirs. A few slaves managed to manipulate or charm their way to political power, and they’re some of the most powerful “Muslim” women in history. This messy topic is explored in a series of essays in this book.

Marriage and Slavery in Early Islam* by Kecia Ali (pdf here). This approaches the same topic as the above from more of a religious perspective rather than a historical survey. It traces the development of religious opinions and justifications for slavery, the “proper” treatment of women, the differences or lack thereof in the ultimate status of a freed woman vs a slave woman, etc.

That is…………. a lot!!! But I do think that all of them taken together are a pretty solid basis for understanding the first…. I dunno, 1000 years or so? of Islamic history. I think most of them are accessible for someone with zero or very little knowledge about any of these subjects, though some are denser than others. I put asterisks on the one that I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to get through, no matter how little you know about the topic.

Also, I know you said no Quran or ahadith but… ur gonna be real-ass confused about many things if you don’t at least know a little about them tbh. If you’re ever in the mood for it, there are a bunch of tafsirs online (Ibn Kathir’s famous one is here) and I have @quranreadalong for this exact purpose so pls enjoy!

If anyone wants more recs about any specific topic, hit me up! I got literally hundreds of books on my bookshelf.

#ask #anon #recs #history #reference

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