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#i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself
myfirstandlast · 3 months
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going through answered asks from when i was 18 wanting to hold myself so tightly
#i’ve never cared for the whole i wish i could see my younger self thing#because from where i was standing it was always still bad so thought why would i want to see them now#things are going to become very hard again very soon but last year was the best year of my entire life#i did something terrifying and then i claimed my life as my own#and a year later i have a car! and im driving! you can’t understand how impossible of a thought this was to me before#i live on my own and i’ve decorated my body and my bedroom and i can buy things i never thought id be able to own#i miss connecting with others my dash is a total wasteland now but i just#seriously cannot believe where i am right now. even though some things are still so screwed up and more screwed things are on the way#and i’m terrified of course. january is the perfect month to feel like ending it all. too much unknown#but still 2023 felt like magic i didn’t deserve and yet i basked in it#i’m not incredibly successful i’m not very interesting but im still so proud of myself somehow. even though i hate myself#it’s not as much as i used to. i appreciate myself more now and i can see how i needed me to get here. and im grateful for me#and for everything i have. i’m just speechless i can’t believe the life i currently have#i’m waiting to enter the era of travelling and intimate get together those areas are still slow coming#but if i could do this i can only hope and hope and squeeze my eyes tight to make them appear someday#i miss so many things but i don’t miss the old me. she sucked but she also cared and she’s still here in fragments#it’s strange to write this way i’ve never felt this sort of compassion before i was so so deeply depressed#it was inescapable and for good reason i don’t know how i made it through anything i’ve endured#i have to thank myself for always being too scared to die
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woozi · 3 years
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l&r shua and specially studio choom l&r shua... i still have no idea how i survived that, also it gave us blue hair cheol too <3 ... him sleeveless with blue hair, there are so many happy things just from this cb jdjsksskks i adore it.
wonshua fr were something else during l&r... omg after school, I'm guessing you've been into kpop way before me. anytime any clip from 17tv pops up i'm just ' they're so smol here they're so cute ' but also most of the time i have no context as well it's djjdsjskks. idk why but svt club is still something i find myself watching again i really liked its concept and them talking and sharing their thoughts it's very simple but also heart-warming.
is it creepy if i say i kind of did sghjkk i actually got to know you are interested in got7 recently when i ended up clicking the links in your bio. i swear im not a weird stalker jdjeekke i've been following your got7 blog way before than this one djdjdjjddj i only found this svt one recently after i decided to completely move back to tumblr and started following svt accs. I didn't know both blogs were you for a long time jddjdkd i apologize if it does seem lil creepy JDJDKSKSLS
jinyoung and mark are my biases, my ults actually <3 and yess i'm keeping up w/ their solo projects even more than before 😭 it's so jdjdkdkd. 2017 was the year i started listening to kpop and around that time or lil later i came across ' you are ' this song is so dear to me i loved it in first listen, its lyrics i love its lyrics sm i made everyone i know listen to it dhjddk yet i didn't dive in deeper bc i was caught up with other group at that time but slowly I started watching their content from 2018. it's like got7's been w/ me since the start & at the same time not </3 but look, lullaby and more importantly spinning top came and everything changed with that album it's so goood from then i started keeping up with their music and check their cbs. i knew jype was meh even when i didn't stan them but i didn't know to what extent, i only got to know after 2019. so far it's all so good and i hope it stays like that. all of their different companies treat and promote them nicely 🥺.
with svt it was instant love i got to know abt them during march 2019 ig, their songs grew on me so fast and boom by the time may came i was a carat, with got7 it was gradual love, it increased lil by lil it's nice but i do wish i could've stanned them earlier. the only cb experience as an official birdie i have is nbtm and last piece 😭 anyway both of these groups are very dear to me not just musically but emotionally too. i love them very much 😔.
also omg those are some of the great artists!! i honestly have no idea how khh and krnb are i mostly listen to kpop and kbands more. i actually listen to a lot of artists but regularly only zayn, svt, got7, the rose (ik we're talking abt kpop but i can't leave zayn out of this djdjdkdk he's the first ever artist i have stanned <3)
also onewe, n.flying, a.c.e, gaho ( i love his voice <3) woodz, day6. yk when you want new music but also something which you'd instantly enjoy otherwise you don't want new music sghjk, when i feel like this i just go to any of their discography. also special mention to hoppipolla and lucy bc they always bring something new to the table i love them for it. i love these artists but honestly i listen to them when i am in mood. i listen to gotsvt and zayn the most at the end of the day. goodnight <3 i love talking to you too 🥺🥺🥺 also feel free to answer late when you're free. hoping i made sense in this one and answered everything bc i am too sleepy rn fjdjkd - 🪂
BLUE HAIRED COUPSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH THE RIPPED ARMS!!!!!!!!!!!1
iconique if u ask me <3 i heard lnr was indeed a good era for everyone!! wasn't it also cheol's first cb after his break? y'all must've had Fun fun
yes i have 😭 i grew up w koreans so... i guess that's also an influence. i got into kpop on my own volition during 4th grade though, so that's prob 2009/10??? GOD I FEEL SO ANCIENT RN!!!! honestly i still dk what 17tv was about i feel like we were just watching streams of some boys w no context as well 😭 AND YES OMG I GET THAT!! svt club is super chill and it's a great way of learning more abt the members!
JKDFJKKJDFFDKJ HELP!!!!!!!!!!! WAIT OH MY GOD YOU WERE IN MY G7 BLOG 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 IM SO EMBARRASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 as i've mentioned last time, got7 got me back into kpop and consequently tumblr 😭😭😭 i 'left' tumblr too and was just checking in occasionally, so when i made that g7 sideblog i was WAY behind the times and my first edits were so fucking- 😭 everything about me then was also so performative idk why i felt the pressure to be in on the club 😭 why were you not annoyed with me then 😭 i'd block me if i saw me on the dash KJFKJFDKJDF thank god i got over it though (or should i be.. i'm a menace on the dash now <3 KJDKKJDFKJF) AND NOOO OMG it's not creepy at all. i put those links in for people to see them after all!! and i'm actually kind of honored you followed me even w/o knowing its me <3 i feel like i've passed the vibe check JJFDKJKJFD do you also follow my main 👀 i rmb someone greeting me here on my bday who said the exact same thing you did 😭
U LIKE OLD MAN JINYOUNG 😭😭😭 ok that makes sense w ur svt bias line tbh <3 i like jinyoung a lot too he's such a smug pain in the ass <3 ALSO MORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i l*ve mark oh my god i- i know i keep saying this... but ur taste <3 AND YOU ARE 😭😭 THE ERAS YOU DISCOVER/GET INTO GROUPS ARE SOOOO GOOD </3 you are was so meaningful to them, and i'm still so incredibly proud of them for this regardless of commercial success. also what group were u into that time omg 👀 I ALSO GOT INTO THEM DURING SPINNING TOP ERA KJFDKJFDKJFJKFDJKFD WHY ARE WE SO SIMILAR!! u seem to like jaebeom's songs a lot <3 AND MS LULLABY!!! oh my god that's my favorite era <3 and yeah, so true bestie, i couldn't be happier for them they're doing FAR better than they have ever had compared to when they were in that shitty company. i'm still so amazed how they pulled all of this off though. jaebeom's must've went thru loads of papework he was prob so determined to show that old man what they are capable of FDJKDFJKD
NAURRR OMG IT'S SO CUTE HOW U PUT IT THAT WAY!! and i'm sure you'll get to experience more cbs with the 7 <3 they were already hinting at it yesterday on twt JKFDJKJKFD
OHHH THAT'S COOL!!! i haven't had a chance to listen much to kbands now, and if u ask me abt them the first ones that come to mind are ft island and cnblue bc im a kpop hag 😭 OH WAIT MAYBE DAY6 for the new ones?? my friends have also been recommending n.flying, the rose, and onewe to me. which bands do you listen to? and zayn??????? <3 ur so right abt that DFKJKJDFFDKJFD also omg go listen to khh they changed my life <3 i can give u a playlist if u'd like!! <3
OH WAIT THERE GOES THE BANDS FKDGKJKJF i usually reply paragraph by paragraph without reading the whole ask so JDFKJDFJK WAIT WOODZ????????????????????????? HELLO???????????????????? I LOVE THAT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S SO SEXIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he's so cute too if that helps </3 ALSO MOOD I CANT BRING MYSELF TO LISTEN TO NEW MUSIC NOWADAYS EVEN IF I WANT TO BC OF THE SAME EXACT REASON 😭 the way we get each other is so- and i've never heard of hoppipolla omg i'll go listen to them now!! indeed <3 gotsvt is our home <3
and nooo u are so cute omg </3 and don't feel pressured to respond immediately to me as well!! i'm a v late replier but i'll always reply JKJKFDJKFD AND DW everything u said made perfect sense <3 i hope u get/got a good night's rest!! and that you'll have an awesome day ahead <3
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jenosweave · 5 years
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college!kun
FINALLY A KUN REQUEST!! this is one of my favorites please enjoy and don’t let me flop!!
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let’s start w the basics…
major: linguistics
minor: comparative literature
extracurriculars: book club
other: literally writing his own novel??
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school life
kun is such a good student
he always does his work on time and tries to get ahead when he can
he’s a plug too
he'll even do his friends’ readings and summarize it for them if they have a particularly busy week
he doesn’t allow himself to be used though
he just loves and appreciates his friends so much and wants to help them be successful when there are things they cant control that can get in the way of that
kun really enjoys his studies
his required courses are really stimulating and keep him on his toes
he loves leaving class every day feeling like he’s one step closer to understanding where language comes from and why we communicate the way we do
kun’s passion for linguistics sprouted from his adoration of reading
he’s a member of every book he could find on campus
he firmly believes the more you read, the more perspectives you’re able to see, which in turn, makes you a generally more enlightened and compassionate person
kun loves reading and language so much that he decided to just write his own book over the summer for fun
he sent a “very rough draft” to a local publisher
just for experience
and to get him used to rejection in case he ever wants to seriously pursue a career in writing someday
but now he’s fucked because
they actually liked it??? so he kind of has a book deal now??
which he was not expecting at all
there were a lot of comments for him to address as he expected
and the first one he decided to deal with was the lack of a love interest for his protagonist
except there’s only one problem with that
he has no idea how to successfully write for a love interest
so he does what any normal young writer would do to get inspiration
and goes to the university’s monthly speed dating event in the quad
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early stages
you had been “too single for too long,” according to your best friend
and the only way you could get them to shut up about it was if you attended one of the school’s speed dating nights
and you decided it was worth the trouble, and made your way to the quad to get this over with
you had exactly two and a half minutes with every person you’d “date”
and for the most part, those two and a half minutes couldn’t go by fast enough
after talking to other students who only cared about football, trucks, and battlestar galactica, you were about ready to up and go
but your second to last “date” changed your mind
his name was kun
“alright this is gonna go by quick, so i’m gonna take the reigns if you don’t mind,” he spoke
he was oddly productive
you nodded
“great!’ he smiled. “any hobbies?”
“well, i love to read an-”
“reading? me too! what genres are you into?”
a wide smile stretched across his smooth face and his pupils dilated noticeably UGH CUTIE
“i mean, i like fantasy, historical fiction, biographies, science fi-”
“no way! me too!” he interrupts. “i just like all books so much!! i’m writing my own actually!”
you thought that was mighty impressive and asked him what his book is about
and he told you he can’t disclose that information because of his publishing deal
and youre like,,,, wA i T.. PUBLISHER?? THAT’S SO COOL!!
and he goes, “thank you! maybe you’d like to come and read it sometime when it’s finished.”
you couldn’t help but blush and turn your head away
and that’s when you noticed you only had ten seconds left on the stopwatch
you hurriedly seized the pen the event organizers had left on the desk and grabbed kun by the wrist, taking him by surprise and causing a slight gasp to escape his lips
you messily scribbled your number onto his forearm
and as soon as you had finished writing your digits, the timer rang
as you both departed from the table, kun shouted at you from a distance “how am i supposed to read this chicken scratch?!”
you shot him a smile playfully and shouted back
“text me!”
you didn’t receive a text that night
or the night after
but the night after that, your phone dinged as soon as you hopped out of the shower
“hey! this is kun from the speed dating thing. i hope this is the right number. i’ve already texted three wrong people and have had to explain myself to each of them. it’s really embarrassing. please confirm if this is you!”
you sent him a simple “:)” in response
“so does that mean you’re down to get a coffee with me tomorrow?”
“:)”
the next morning, you had the first of many, many morning coffee breaks outside the school library
these quick little meetups usually concluded with a quick sift through the library, where you’d each recommend each other your favorite books and read the prologues to each other over a hot cup of coffee
at first, the librarians used to kick you out for having drinks inside, but now youre clever and just hide your cups under your jackets
this became a weekly occurrence
and then it started happening twice a week
and now you basically see kun every other day
he even managed to get you to join the biographical book club with him, something you’d be way too nervous to do before meeting him
kun was such a good guy
you knew he was smart and funny and you knew he was caring and fun to be around
but what you didn’t know is that he had been smitten with you from the second you scribbled your number onto his arm
one day, as you were studying for your last final of the semester, you got a call from kun
you sent him the automated response, “sorry, i cant talk right now”
but he called right back anyway
“what is it?” you answered
“i’m sorry if you’re studying but this is super important and im so excited and i just have to tell someone!”
“what’s up kun?”
“my book! it’s finished! and i finally added in the love interest like the publishers asked!”
“I’M SO PROUD OF YOU BITCH
“finish studying! then we can facetime and i can read you a chapter!”
and so for the next thirty nights (even over your winter break), you and kun would facetime so he could read you a chapter until the book was finished
and you’d give him pointers at the end of each one so he could go back and revise once you had gone to sleep
the plot was incredible, honestly
the protagonist was a divorced middle-aged man whose wife left him for being too aggressive and absent-minded all the time
in the divorce, the wife got full custody of their teenage son
but when she goes on a business trip, the protagonist gets to watch the son
however, when he goes to pick the son up to take him to his house, hes nowhere to be found
so the novel follows this poor guy trying to find his missing son
but no one seems to be listening to him, so hes losing his mind
he’s working alongside the police and falls for the dci leading the investigation
and basically in the end it turns out he’s schizophrenic and his wife and son never existed at all
all of this was in his imagination
and he had just been showing up to the police station every day like a crazy person
kun did so much research for that
he even got the accuracy of his portrayal of a schizophrenic checked by his pal psych major!jungwoo
on the night kun finally finished reading to you
you were sh0000000000000k like what the fuck all that trouble for it all to be fake?? genius kun!!
so he asked for your feedback on the development and personalities of all his characters
you complimented him on how well he portrayed the dci
they weren’t your typical love interest
they were headstrong and witty and educated
and they were determined to help the protagonist find his son when no one else was listening to him
“you like them?” he asked you
“yes! they were so different than i had expe-”
“i was hoping you’d like them. i was inspired by you.”
your heart BURST!!!
“KUN THAT’S SO SWEET!”
and that’s when he explained to you why he went to speed dating to begin with, and told you he was so glad to have met you
because you were the “perfect muse”
and then he asked if you’d like to be his s/o
and of course
you said yes bc duh?? he’s kun?? 
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relationship
kun is the cutest bf ever!!!
nothing has really changed between you two
you still have library and car dates
but now you hold hands sometimes
and when kun is feeling extra bold, he gives you a peck on the cheek
you guys have such a cute and innocent relationship
you can often be seen together on the campus quad where you met for the first time, you in kuns arms, him tickling your stomach to make you giggle
he’s so sweet and is so considerate of your needs
out of all the boys, he’s hands down the one most likely to change for you if you guys hit a rough patch
he always pays for food
which kind of ticks you off because what if one day he goes broke
but all he really cares about is your happiness and satisfaction
and he really just wants you to know that no one loves you quite like he does
and he tells you every day how grateful he is to have you in his life
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fantroll-purgatory · 6 years
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@47098
FIRST: Alternia or Beforus or some type of AU?
Alternia!
Name (preferably include how you came up with it and why):Talpie Mammor Talpie, taken from the scientific name for a mole. Mammor, an altered version of the god of greed.
Maybe substitute Mamuna for Mammor? I know that’s kind of a nitpick, but Mamuna is a regularly accepted alternate spelling of Mammon when she’s presented as a demonness. (It’s also the name of a Slavic demonness of maliciousness and gluttony but we don’t really have to acknowledge that).
Talpie Mamuna...
Age: 6.9 sweeps
Weapon: Unsure!
Flashbang. She wants to be the center of attention but doesn’t like hurting people. Boom.
Inventory: ADVENTURE STYLE. When she picks things up, they get locked in chests. To open them again, she has to find a key hidden somewhere. She likes to keep things fresh.
I like that haha. Do the keys just get randomly scattered within the environment she’s in? Is there a certain radius? Things to think about.
Blood color: Cobalt.
Trolltag: vivaciousMoneygrubber [VM]
I do like this already. I might also recommend illustriousMoneygrubber[IM], just because of her goal to make a name for herself. Because she’s so charismatic, i think Moneygrubber definitely comes off quirky and proud despite typically being an insult.
Quirk:  OBVIOUSL¥ ONL¥ THE B€$T AND MO$T AMAZING QUIRK €V€R.
(replaces Es with euro signs, Ss with dollar signs, and Ys with the sign for yen. also talks in capitals, because she likes to be heard.)
Fitting!
Special Abilities (if any): None!
Since she’s a cobalt, she DOES get the benefit of psychic resistance!
Lusus: A blind mole with Big Hands. Like Drilbur.
Oh that is so cute I love that. I definitely don’t disagree. If I Had an alternate recommendation for consideration, may I suggest a badgermole?
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I recommend this mostly because of the title recommendations I’m going to be making later- but we’ll get to that.
Personality:
The most confident person in the room, Talpie is always a standout when compared to anyone she is close to. She LOVES standing out, hence her always choosing to look different. She never lets things lie, instead dragging things out until she decides that it’s over. She is ultimately insecure about her body and certain parts of her personality- IE: the loneliness and fear for personal relationships, as well as her poor eyesight due to her tenfold vision- but loves every other part of herself. She wants to project herself for the world, take it by storm, make a name for herself, yet she fears rejection or failure because of her weaknesses.
Talpie is very charismatic, extremely happy to talk to anyone who wants to listen to her. She can ramble on for hours about nothing or give solid- if not blunt- advice about most anything. She might be a bit much for some people due to her extreme advice, either giving humble advice or passion filled declarations of emotion or intuition. Other times she will shoot down people’s ideas in a heartbeat and replace them with her own. Often she will think a plan is foolproof despite only taking minutes to think it up, but because of her extreme adaptability it somehow still works out (most of the time). Her recklessness does often get people hurt, though, and while she may not show it she does always feel sorry when she hurts people. She is a compassionate person on the inside, a cold-blooded worker on the outside. Notice that that said WORKER, because no matter how much she wants to act like a cold-blooded, badass killer, she can’t hurt someone for the life of her.
She is incredibly caring. When someone is hurt, she will complain about their weakness yet carry them to safety. When someone is heartbroken, she will tell them they should have expected it yet offer them a shoulder to cry on. When someone is depressed she will be blunt and forceful, but speak in a way that will only cheer them up. She can’t handle not being the center of attention, but she will focus her own attentions to whoever she feels needs it. If she thinks you don’t actually need help, she won’t bother with you unless she decides there isn’t anything better to do. If someone gets hurt while she is about to achieve something and they won’t live if she keeps going, she will choose the life of the person ahead of her goal. She will blow it off, absolutely, and call them a fucking stupid idiot, and she WILL regret it, but she knows that she’s weak in that regard. (or, she calls herself weak for it)
She is goal driven. She knows this. She knows that she would always end up choosing her goals over the people she cares about, aside from a few special circumstances. She wants to make a name for herself, craves the validation that comes from overcoming adversity and proving everything wrong yet she fears the loneliness that has come from that endeavor so far. She fears that she will be lonely her entire life, so she tries to keep herself at a distance. She doesn’t think she can be successful and have meaningful relationships.
Her tenfold vision is the reason why she isolates herself, as well.
I love her personality and the amount of thought you’ve put into! Characters with conflicting goals and natures can be very fascinating to play with. I’m going to go through real quick and just kind of note (mostly for myself) themes I see in her personality.
High energy, impulsive/reckless, caring, adventurous, afraid of isolation and loneliness, prioritizes her aims over other people (except in life or death situations), considers herself weak for making concessions out of concern for other people, overconfident and self-conscious at once.
Interests:
MONEY
action movies (she likes to watch action movies with female protagonists b/c she is a big lesbian)
HEROINES IN… NICE CLOTHES (spandex)
GETTING SHIT DONE
WHOOPING ASS
TABLETOP ROLEPLAY (alone, she doesnt have any irl friends only online ones) saying dumb things and instantly regretting it SIMPLICITY
“Saying dumb things and instantly regretting it” really made me laugh hbhg. I feel it, Talpie. Also tabletop roleplay alone... interesting. Does she act out the scenes herself? Like some kind of... pacifist flarp? Maybe she could like writing stories too, uses the tabletop roleplaying to write down these Adventures.
Since she likes the idea of Making A Name For Herself she could maybe also be interested in military, even if just a little bit? It seems like on Alternia the best way to Get Known is to be an actor or to be Really Powerful And Influential and since most people end up growing up into the military... it’s an unfortunately efficient way to receive validation and commendation.
Title: SYLPH OF TIME
Now... I think time player probably does fit her at least adjacently, but I think in this case it might be playing too much into what she Wants To Be and isn’t providing her with enough of a challenge. I know not all titles have to Aim For Change, but she seems like the kind of character with a rocky starts who needs something to either break her down or force her to Develop.
so I’m going to shift this to... Rogue of Blood, I think.
A passive role like Rogue would be very hard for her to play, because it is something lowkey, something that is focused heavily on sharing- something she doesn’t seem very keen on. Learning not to allocate things properly would be a struggle for her.
Blood is the aspect of the bound. The tied. I think giving her a role that forces her to be more grounded and to find more bonds might be a good idea.
The Rogue of Blood passively moves around ties, moves around the relationships and responsibilities and chains that form between people. With this ability she’d be able to passively lead a group. It makes sense for someone so goal oriented and trying to shunt her into a leadership position instead of letting her do her own thing might create some interesting dynamics.
This is also why I suggested the badgermoles earlier- they’re the original earthbenders in the ATLA universe and the inverse of Breath is Blood, of air is earth. It’s something that might force her to be more down to earth.
Her inverse would be Knight of Breath, which would explain her starting out inundated with all this adventurous energy. Her intense separatism is something she uses entirely, recklessly, and hasn’t yet learned to harness. Once she does, though, she’d be able to exploit freedom and movement, shifting around obligations to leave Openness and Opportunity in its wake. Fun stuff.
Land: CASTLES and CREVICES
Love that name. I might also recommend Castles and Cells just to make some jokes about shackles wrt her aspect.
Dream Planet:Prospit
I think I Do agree with this assignment. I was a little on the fence because of her doubts, but the fact that she lives more in the moment and makes some impulsive decisions and seems to focus a lot more externally than internally sold me on it.
So with all that figured out, I can finally assign her a sign.
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Scorcer, the sign of the Champion.
Now on to the redesign!:
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Horns: I kept them the same! I like that they kind of look like the claws of a mole, so I thought they fit her theme 
Hair: I fixed up her bangs a little to put it more in front of the horns, just to kind of push the horns back and make things look better layered. I also wanted to adjust the bangs to be based off of Evie from The Mummy! For the back of her hair I changed it to a braid as a reference to Lara Croft. 
Face: I got rid of the artifacting around her eyes to make things look crisper and cleaner. I also made her mouth a bit thicker just so it would stand out more on her face. 
Cape: I changed the color to match her blood. I thought the saturation would help it pop more and would bring in a more cohesive design. I also made the strings pop more. And I adjusted the back of the cape to be more rounded. I thought it made it look more like it was laying on the ground and gave it more visible weight. 
Shorts: I brought in a different bright saturated blue in the same family as her blood color to give it a new range of values. It helps her pop a lot, again. And I gave her some gold snaps! Very passive reference to her greed theme. 
Shoes: I liked her little leggings, so I kept them that color but gave them a more distinctive outline. I also changed her shoes. I used some of Jake’s shoes as a base, but added a steel toe and made them bright red. 
Thank you for sharing another lovely troll!
-CD
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eludum-a · 7 years
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500 follower follow forever!
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it happened. god knows why so many of you are here, but apparently you like what i do, so... well, thank you! to everyone! but this is a very informal follow forever meant specifically for people i speak to regularly/people i consider my friends/people i feel i owe something to. i haven’t done anything like this since the 100 follower mark, so please bear with me. 
i felt like i needed to do this because, in the wise words of taako the wizard, “it doesn’t always have to be goof goof dildo. i’m traveling around with the boner squad and i never get to say... what i’m feeling! i have emotions!”
if you’re not here, please don’t feel like i don’t appreciate you! i only have the energy for so much love here in my body. if you’ve been inactive/are on hiatus, i might have missed you, and if we haven’t really talked a lot ooc, same thing applies.
(i have been working on this on and off for weeks. im so tired pls just let me be finished with it)
anyway, call outs below the cut!
@unsuspicious: cou, you send me so many baffling and strange images at all hours of the day. i had to lead up with this because where do you even get all those. anyway, you’re definitely the person i talk to the most every day, and it’s weird as shit to think that the last thing in tumblr messenger was me sending you the link to the discord channel. you’re a fantastic roleplayer when you actually roleplay and you’re fun to have around!
@hismalice: raz you are one of my favorite people on this god forsaken hell site and don’t ever forget that. if you need a reminder you can come back here and look at this and see this seal of approval, and also the mental image of me saying “no, fuck you” to your negative thoughts and then punching them in the face heaven slaying dragon fist style. if you ever wanna talk you know where to find me and it’s also ok if you don’t want to!! i’ll still be here regardless.
@cantalazarus: god bless the hinatatas, may they grow strong and powerful this year. amen. on a more real note: this is my official notice that i really appreciate you just... in general, as a person, even if im an asshole who has trouble with, like, Feelings and shit. so there’s that. same as with raz above, you obviously know where to find me whenever you wanna talk. and take as long as you need to recharge your batteries!! no rush
@mxssias: ALEX MY MAN... BOY... GUY! DUDE, PAL, WHATEVER. your naegi is LIT. i love the good good egg boy so much and you do him justice!! you don’t just focus on the lighter aspects of his character, but you recognize his various struggles as well! you’re also just a fun person to talk to and i’d love to do more naenami in the future of COURSE
@ayatsurii the sparkliest of cats! yo, sparkle, thank u for turning me on to pekonami because it’s so good and pure, and thank you also for trying to keep things from burning down in the chat when we get too rowdy (even if you’re not successful... we can’t be tamed). i look forward to future pekonami interactions!
@snappshot: sarah is wonderful at everything she does, sorry i dont make the rules. you’ve been around this blog for what feels like forever now?? first as mahiru (and your mahiru rly captured my heart) but also sayaka and kaede and your persona muses are equally wonderful! idk what i’d have done if you weren’t there to reassure me i was doing a good job. god bless sarah
@anemoia-avenoir / @ongakuvoices: rrrrrrrrIO! you’re lovely and you should know it. i know we don’t really talk much ooc but you definitely deserved a spot in here! your passion for your muses is incredible! your love for them shows in the details of your writing, and i know it can be frustrating sometimes to feel like you’re not good enough (believe me... i have been there many times), but believe me... you’re gonna do amazing things, i just know it.
@malchancevilain YOU STILL OWE ME 15 DOLLARS AND I AIM TO COLLECT, GREG GRIMALDIS. NO MATTER WHERE IN THE MULTIVERSE YOU ARE. ahem. we share a lot of common interests, watchy, and i really do love your luckgami, like, a lot. i love how different his background is without changing who he is fundamentally as a person, aka a snob
@shpionaz: *insert obligatory ‘like a boss’ joke here* ok now that we’ve gotten that over with,,, im so grateful i got a chance to play out the oumanami brotp interactions with you because that was on my wishlist almost as soon as i found out about their sprite similarities and we didn’t even have to try, it just happened. you’re first ouma in my heart forever and i can’t wait to do some things with your oc too!!
@gambogeish: it’s kind of ironic how i didn’t finish twewy until we became friends, when it was first gifted to me by my boyfriend... it’s probably just the difference in maturity/gaming ability from then to now, but ANYWAY: i am so glad to have met you. you’re one of the first people in the community i’ve really connected with, and you’re an awesome person who i’d love to roleplay with regardless of muse. i’ve got a virtual high five right here waiting for you. o/
@pseudxcode syd, god bless your chihiro, honestly. he’s such a sweet little guy and i love his interactions with chiaki! of course i’ve always been a fan of these two together (even when she’s NOT an AI created by him), because their talents complement each other so well! they’re good for each other. i’d love to see more chiaki & chihiro action, especially if it involves chiaki encouraging him and reassuring him that he’s not as weak as he thinks he is.
@kibcu / @krclowa we only recently started talking but you’re such a welcome addition to thotchat, liz! take that as you will. this one’s probably gonna be a bit short but im looking forward to platonic naenami interactions and ur sonia too! aunty nanami’s gonna babysit the hell out of those naegi kids (aka give them all smartphones and sit back and relax)
@synthxsizxr GOOD IDOL, BEST SISTER, AKI LOVES HER HARU even if she really doesnt understand the idol lifestyle like, at all. chi, you yourself are very sweet and kind, it’s wonderful having you here in this community! i hope you’re having a lot of fun with your talentswap chiaki and i hope 
@relixum / @lxckyclovers: i hope you two don’t mind that i put you together here. i know you’ve been busy with school lately (good luck with that, by the way!!) but i didn’t want you to think i forgot about you! you guys make a mom/dad/parental unit so proud. you’re wonderful writers and i hope you find happiness wherever you go. *bob belcher voice* you’re my family and i love you but you’re terrible, you’re all terrible.
@tcndcrloins levi you’re the other constant presence in thotchat and you’re such a fun person to have around. you’re so welcoming and comfortable in a sense that i never feel like i’m bothering you, and thats a pretty incredibly accomplishment considering how often i convince myself im annoying. get those drafts done, i believe in you!!
@delinqueon avery, you were probably the first person within the community i talked to one on one, and thank god you approached me because at that point i never would have had the courage to speak up! your leon is such a delight to interact with and so are your other characters. one day you’ll get me back for making you read the bee movie script out loud for fifteen minutes.... one day
@betraycd last but not least, first i have to thank fin for my current editing software that i still have yet to figure out even 10% of ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but i’ll get there! fin, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i absolutely adore your souda, all of the time and effort you’ve put into his characterization and how you don’t ignore the uglier parts of his personality. he’s a lovely flawed boy and you really do him justice!
after word:
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like any community with more than a few people, there have been ups and downs in the path few months. i wanted to add here as a general shout out that i have never felt so welcome and loved in a community that i originally would have thought would be more disjointed than what you might find on a forum. like, i’ve changed a lot thanks to you guys! i’ve been able to get over some of the hurdles of my social anxiety (i didnt jump over them so much as drag myself across the ground and painfully crawl over them) and i just... i feel good? i feel like people like me? there are still times where my anxiety insists i’m nothing but a useless burden, but i actually... feel like people enjoy having me around? holy shit!
i made some really cool new friends and got to know a different kind of roleplay community. im overall incredibly grateful for this wild and weird journey i’ve been on, and the journey certainly isn’t over by any means! i hope to keep seeing you guys around!
these words really arent even enough to express my gratitude. i havent been to some really dark places, but there for a while i felt like i was almost completely alone. i simply wasn’t connecting with other people like i wanted to. about 3-4 years ago i lost contact with (long story) my roleplay partners of 4 years and it wasn’t an easy thing to recover from, but i’m here now and it’s just... really good! incredible, even!
komussy
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