#i'll try to stop rambling now

[agendratum]

speaking of ficbinding, here’s my friend’s and mine first attempts (i think it was her first attempt too?) at it, featuring my cat who really wanted to be at the photoshoot. the fic is i'll be the blood if you'll be the bones by @luckydicekirby (one of my favorite vp fics) and the black version was done by my dear friend (for me 🥺) and the green one was made by me

the layout was done by my friend as well, i then printed out two copies and then we binded them. but i can tell after getting a taste of it i immediately got obsessed with the idea of making more, so i already tried making my layout with another fic (this time it’s for the same friend, but tss, she doesn’t know yet). and then i wanna make more more and more..

no seriously, i wanted to try ficbinding for the last two years, and recently i got the idea of making little brochures of all my favorite fics (or maybe actually putting them all together into a bigger book? i would have to start smaller tho to learn how to do it) to keep them at my side (again, a very timely idea if ao3 is actually blocked for good here), but i don’t know the etiquette so i maybe will have to go to all the authors and ask questions.. but if anyone actually knows what’s the deal with ficbinding and that it’s acceptable to do it without asking first, feel free to tell me i’m insane

#because i gave it a thought and it's not like it's reposting #people on here encourage others to download their fav fics just to their personal devices #so they you know are available to them offline #and don't get lost to all the internet fuckery these days #(like websites getting blocked YOU KNOW) #and ficbinding is also basically downloading and making it available to you offline in a form of a physical brochure #but still i feel weird #anyway this is an exciting new thing i tried so here you go #i'll try to stop rambling now #mt #chattering

[archivumesoterica]

I intended to revisit an old character for like 5 seconds

well, instead the inside of my brain has looked like this for the last few days

Idk where the absolute mountain of creativity energy has come from this last month, but now I have like 20 different lines of inquiry going on at once but I'm just trying to ride this wave.

Anyways ig I'm just here to say I have some sort of mess I'm going to attempt to organize into a coherent lore bible and we'll see how that goes.

#i am Consumed #brain's on fire and it keeps finding more fuel #I'll try to stop rambling now #mund stuff

[vampirade]

🥿🪞

#i literally just finished this and im posting it on tumblr first idc #my art #ever after high #ever after high fanart #ashlynn ella #briar beauty #fanart #they are besties #they're just going to try on the new shoes that just arrived at the shop #they're just chilling together idk that's the story behind this drawing #no the background isn't totally accurate or perfect but i don't usually do bgs so #ok I'll stop rambling now

[caluupin]

Finished TGAAC around 2 1/2 weeks ago but only finished the doodles today. but still, here ya go!

#caluuart #art #dgs spoilers #dgs2 spoilers #tgaa spoilers #tgaa2 spoilers #ace attorney #the great ace attorney #tgaa #dgs2 #not tagging characters bc it's a lot #RAMBLE TIME. so ever since I finished dgs2 I have been listening to the soundtracks and MAN these bang so much #esp as a person who plays the piano and likes music. it's just. good. yeah. some of these do give me psychological dmg tho lmaoo #like kazuma's nocturne theme or his prosecutor theme. or the secret trial theme.... the partners - the game is afoot! theme.... I am normal #WHICH SPEAKING OF! man I love the sholmes + mikotoba partner twist so much even if i got a bit spoiled about it. i just think they're neat. #The partners of all time I think. #Also also the found family!?!?!? I am A SUCKER for found family. they fed me so well. #funny thing was the barok character development surprised me despite the fact that I also expected it since the first game lolol. #I do think he's an interesting character and probably one of the best character development in the game. And that I find his design cool. #oh yeah I didn't draw it but when I saw that albert mentioned that barok is “the darling of the van zieks family” I was genuinely like. #huh? wdym. like man at the time “van zieks” and “little darling” feels wrong in the same sentence. that was until I saw his pre- #-trauma pictures n well. albert isn't wrong. which was a slight surprise to me. #In conclusion: I liked it a lot. and now occupies parts of my brain along with my other brainrots. #They fight for priority in my brain whenever I try to sleep or disassociate lol. Well at least there's more material to think about. #off topic time: arlecchino animation. for the sake of the tag's length I'll just say a few things: #I am very very interested in her story and oh my god father. #My brain has stopped braining now; good night my fellows

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[charmre]

Thank my father before me His mother before him Who would I be without you, without them?

#Dragon Age #Dragon Age: Origins #Eden Cousland #Warden Cousland #Alyssa arts #been working on this on and off again for a while now #yes that is a boygenius lyric what about it #∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿ #I never finished the game bc the PS3 I was playing it on crashed and lost all my data for ALL of my games ahahahahah #I got past Orzammar and I had Alistair give me the rose bc 17? year old me romanced him #And then I got cold feet and stopped playing #and THEN all my shit crashed when I went back to play it a few years later #(yes it took me a few years to get back to Alistair confessing his love for my Cousland I'm sorry Alistair) #will I ever get back to the game? I've tried to but it just feels like me trying to speedrun where I was before and that takes the fun out #so idk :( #but if I ever do y'all will know lol I'll stop rambling now

[oshiawaseni]

My sibling, who is an anime only said they would not be surprised if BKDK became canon considering the depth of their relationship, their interactions, and their character development regarding each other ... despite how Bones added in Izuocha scenes and cut out some critical BKDK moments in most of the seasons so far... And, seeing how one-sided the "love" is between Izuocha, which I believe is deep admiration as of reading the manga- I have to say I agree.

Izuocha, is fine on the surface but is unhealthy. Izuku would not pay attention to Ochaco they he would need to if they were in a relationship. And Ochaco only saw "Hero Deku" rather than all of "Izuku", which would cause her to unknowingly encourage Izuku's reckless self-sacrificial behavior.

BKDK is different because not only they know each other beyond the surface level, but they also have their sights on each other and the mere presence of their partner inspires them to become better and stronger people at heart because they have genuine love for each other...

I honestly do not understand what is in the Dudebros' mind other the fact that they are lacking emotional intelligence and critical thinking... but I will just enjoy what they are missing. (Sorry for rambling...)

Hi anon! Sorry it took me a bit to get back to you (reason in tags). Let me just reply to your ramblings with some ramblings of my own :)

I actually really enjoyed Season 6. The only thing I faulted Bones for, was creating that jarring opening that made out like Ochaco was the hero of the retrieve vigilante Deku mission (which sadly only fueled izuochas more on mhatwt), when it was 1000% Katsuki's doing and there is one panel which proves this beyond a shadow of a doubt.

See this? Who is the one standing in front of Shoto and Tokoyami, addressing the whole class? It's Katsuki! Not Ochaco! She was seated with everyone else. This is why it's so frustrating when they say she was the reason Izuku was brought back to U.A. That arc was all about Katsuki's feelings for Izuku and wanting to return his smile.

He was even so worried he lost sleep over it, wondering where Izuku was, if he was okay… he must have stayed awake in bed, thinking and thinking about Izuku and how he could get him back. Katsuki was used to Izuku being by his side, and it was the first time Izuku had willingly left it. It provided him clarity about how important* Izuku was in his life, which only made him worry even more. (*see also: crucial, vital, imperative, watch me emotionally die slowly inside if you aren't around me anymore.)

Katsuki losing sleep, at a time Izuku was not sleeping was such a symbiotic soul mates power move Hori added in for flavour. I love it SOOO freaking much. There are no lengths this man won't go, to prove how in sync they are with each other, how much they need each other, the empathy they share with each other, even on a completely spiritual level where they share in each other's sufferings, *without even knowing it* such as right here, just like Katsuki wants to share all of Izuku's burdens so that he's not crushed by them.

But with that said, though Bones really dropped the ball on the opening (and 5 previous seasons...*ahem*), there were a lot of curious changes that happened in season 6 that I did love, like Izuku dropping the "tachi" in his sentence which turned his line into "He hurt the person I love…" (instead of people)

and as we saw more of these additional changes Bones made, it got us wondering, did Hori have some regrets with the manga that he was unhappy about and wanted their romance to be more obvious? Was it only natural to get anime viewers up to speed before season 7, because they were going to find out through manga spoilers that Katsuki and Izuku are actually in love? I'd like to think so.

Changes I remember off the top of my head:

Reaching out for little Izuku's hand during Katsuki Bakugou Rising

Katsuki waking up and thinking "Deku…" and remembering his Rising sacrifice and being still hurt from it.

Izuku waiting until he was in Katsuki's arms before he apologised, which made their words of "I'm sorry" and "I know" more intimate and personal to each other. Like Izuku needed Katsuki's forgiveness the most, and Katsuki needed to let Izuku feel that he understands him the most.

Izuku's little "Ka-..." (the English dub did not catch it but I know other dubs did) as he was passing out, which made the entire hug scene feel so much more romantic.

"I'm gonna say your name when I wake up" vs "I'm gonna say your name when I fall asleep." BkDk: Always on each other's minds. All the time.

And one of the most interesting changes of all…

So get this, Ochaco gets a hand hold grab in the opening which canon-wise holds about as much weight as an "illustration" … and in the actual anime content, she grabs his wrist area instead of his hand like in the manga. Making her hand hold IN THE CANON CONTENT so impersonal. Almost as if to make up for the horrible opening they made. Why this was done still remains a mystery to us today… but I hope it's because Horikoshi asked them to make Izuocha stop being seen like a couple, and more like the friends they are.

And then, about the "brothers" "friends" comments antis love to make about bkdk. Well yeah, they're coping. In fact, Hori has shied away from labeling them friends several times when he could have! "Midoriya-kun is our friend" says Iida - with multiple people from the class, including Ochaco, presented in the panel… and Katsuki is nowhere to be found.

Or like when sAFO called Katsuki "Izuku's closest person" (motto mo naka ga ii) where it would have been WAY more natural to call him "shinyu," aka, "best friend." But that's the thing, Hori runs away from calling them friends like it's the plague LMAO

Really makes you wonder… was sAFO (I'd rather just call it AFO at this point because it's his personality being dominant vs Katsuki) alluding to hidden romantic feelings Izuku hides for Katsuki that his secret gaydar quirk picked up? Could be. In a way, at the time it happened, it felt to me like Horikoshi himself was talking to us through him, telling us very explicitly, "You're damn right. They're gay."

Either way, skirting around this label for them is being done on purpose by Hori. Like his hidden way of saying "Yeah they might be acting a bit more like the best friends they were always meant to be as kids, but their feelings for each other are not 'friendly' AT ALL. Because platonic friendship is not where these two are headed." And there are STILL hidden feelings they haven't managed to say to each other yet! The content Horikoshi has been itching to draw for YEARS that he is finally getting to. All that soft bkdk romance we've been waiting for is coming SO SOON!!! and I am HERE for it anon! 🔥

2023 will forever be known as the year of BkDk canon... these are very exciting times. <3

#asks #bkdk canon #kana writes #bakudeku #I had to write this almost completely twice over bc tumblr editor decided to delete my whole post XD fun (and I was so frustrated I'm sorry #this ask was getting a bit long so I will stop here but all your ramblings about bkdk were true anon you got a good understanding of them! #togachaco anon I'll try to briefly answer you soon but look for my togachaco meta it's not that far down on my blog - though... #my feelings are still a bit conflicted now because #I am coming around to the jealousy/envy theory as well so it's anyone's guess however what I will say is that OCHACO HAS REALISED THINGS #and those things WILL be revealed #And it's most definitely not going to be she's got a crush on Izuku #but I will write about what I WANT to see happen soon as a lover of shoujo myself :D (it just might not be what will actually happen...)

[hauntedaugust]

Gojo x reader

WC: 434

Summary: medieval AU part 2, reincarnation AU.

Part 1

-----------------------------

How long had you lingered on the edge of his subconscious?

Fleeting as autumn leaves, hot as a flickering flame.

Whispers of past conversations, of past lives, and past loves.

How long had you lingered in his life?

Subtle as the wind, invisible yet changing everything.

Your influence in his life was as stark as the contrast between light and shadow and yet he never knew you were there.

Why did it take him this long to piece together his past, your past?

Sweet words and soft nights, a stark contrast to the last time he truly saw you.

But how true is it? He dreams of you, of having a kingdom to protect along with a secret.

How had it taken him this long to realize the weight of the nightmares he had? You were always in his dreams, much like his life, slipping in and out like a ghost through walls. Always present, never permanent.

Every night before he woke, he found you falling into his arms. Your face bathed in both fear and firelight, and every night before he woke he found himself pleading with the universe for another chance, a redo, and when his pleading didn't work his words slurred into promises.

Pledges of affection and protection poured from his mouth like blood from your wound.

And as his desperation grew, his grip tightened and his whispers turned to shouts.

And every day without fail, he woke with that familiar desperation running through his veins. His memory of his dream, and subsequently you, would fade like the light in your eyes.

And yet, when he saw you in the waking world, there was no way he couldn't know. He was drawn to you as water is drawn to the bottom of a mountain, your pull was incontestable.

And so he set to work to win your heart. And after hundreds of questionable jokes, of daisies pulled from sidewalks, of long walks through meadow and forest, he had you by his side.

Often times he would pull you to him as he sat in front of the fireplace. And as you lay your head on his shoulders, he would tell you stories, stories of forbidden love and war.

It was only after you had fallen asleep, lulled by his gentle murmur, that he allowed himself to truly thank the universe for your presence in his life.

And so with you sleeping soundly at his side, he laid his head on yours and closed his eyes. No longer plagued by the nightmares of his past, he dared to dream of your future.

#jjk #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #medieval au #reincarnation au #low-key forgot about this for way too long #anyway I'll stop rambling now #really am sorry about that guys #still bad at writing fluff so this is the best i could do #really wanted to try to find a way to imply that the reason he became the strongest #was because of the promises he made #tbh I could probably talk about this au for way too long #like how his failures and his past life influenced him now #also take this as a reminder that my asks are open #I don't officially take requests yet #but if you have something you want to see #feel free to ask about it #okay I'll stop rambling now

[gonchmovie]

I hope you don't mind that we're going ham on the homoerotic subtext. This will be the gayest non-canonically gay movie anyone has seen

#goncharov remake #gonchmovie #goncharov (1973) #goncharov #we're trying to be faithful to the original #so we couldn't have them make out on screen but trust me we wanted to #it's so good as subtext though <3 #the script also isn't done yet so if you want to help make the subtext any MORE uncomfortably intimate #it's like they're saying things with implications for the plot but ALSO it's like you're watching lovers #anyways the script writers are doing a+ work so far #i promise we do actually pay attention to the plot as well #i'll stop rambling now #goncharov (1973) (2025)

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF PRIORITY: TUCHANKA (PART 2)

Featuring: Cmdr. Sophie Shepard, Lt. James Vega, EDI, Urdnot Wrex, and Dr. Mordin Solus With: Urdnot Bakara And a Special Guest Appearance by: Kalros, Mother of All Thresher Maws I MADE A MISTAKE! I made a mistake... big picture made of little pictures- too many variables. Can't hide behind statistics... can't ignore new data- my responsibility. Need to go- running out of time. Not your work, not your cure- not your decision. Had to be me- someone else might have gotten it wrong... Mass Effect 3: Legendary Edition (2021)

#mira makes gifs ✨ #sophie shepard #james vega #EDI #urdnot wrex #mordin solus #mass effect #mass effect 3 #me3 #mass effect legendary edition #dailygaming #i'm gonna continue the rambles in the part 2 gifset but one of the things i adore about tuchanka is the scenic shots #there are literally so many gorgeous ones that about half of part two is scenic shots because holy fuck tuchanka is beautiful #the kalros reaper ones especially? like those are so cool i had to include at LEAST a few of them bc that fight is awesome #and when the cure disperses?? literally the prettiest scene in the game #EDI and james have really cute dialogue together too!! i adored their moments towards the end of the mission #although i did say i was gonna give thoughts on mordin in sur'kesh and i think it boils down to him being an okay?? character in my book #like mordin definitely isn't one of my favorites but i will respect that he's definitely a very complex character and he's interesting imo #especially in terms of how he's written and his motivations/how he sort of grows and evolves over both ME2 and ME3 #like the quote i subquoted the post with is the one you get when you try to stall him from going up into the tower #(so it's not from soph's canon- but i love the scene so i used it anyways) #and one of the things i really like is that you can see the switch from mordin in ME2 who argues that what he did was RIGHT #versus mordin in ME3 who is starting to see what was wrong in the context of all the new information he has #and for me- seeing a character who can grow to recognize that they're flawed and made mistakes- i can respect the HELL outta that #even if mordin isn't my favorite character in the trilogy i'm gonna give him massive props for his character growth arc #because it's always interesting to see someone grow and recognize their mistakes and find a way to be a better person #to own their mistakes and fix the shit that they fucked up #i don't think i'd ever choose the option to not cure the genophage but mordin will always get props from me for his character arc tbh #i'll stop rambling now! have a good day wherever you are <3

[wayfinderships]

So on today's episode of "Panchi stops thinking straight at the sight of a Blond Man"-

#pan rambles #*face in hands* I have a type and it shows- #I see a blond man and stop thinking straight- #My Childhood Friend has been trying to pspspspspsss me into this series for a while #and Sports Anime isn't really my thing but uh #now that I'm informed of this once character...Maybe I'll give it a shot- #To my pal who informed me of this character... >:(( You know what you did /lh

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.

#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart #but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that. #you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance #because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now #I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else #it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley #not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way #and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me #like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess #pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends #I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be #because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay #I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes #I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk #Lu rambles #sometimes I think I could write poetry #I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now #which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/

[rox-of-iu]

Hey, just felt called to let you know that your MQF from SVSSS doodles give me such life and inspired how I write MQF in my fics. I love how you depict him and your art style is so refreshing and cute!

Just thought you should know. Hope you have a good day!

HELLO HI THANK YOU SO MUCH??? 😭😭😭💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜 GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE HAVE A FANTASTIC DAY OR NIGHT

#THANK YOU ANON I WILL GO EXPLODE NOW #jbfkdjh #sorry for caps this actually means so much to me you have no idea #thank you for stopping by to tell me i really appreciate it 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓😭 #my specialest little guy...........im so glad that ppl like him hes so dear to me #im literally in the middle of making myself a bag pin with mqf cuz i had to go 'fine i'll just do it myself' hahjkhfd #to be entirely honest i have made more small bits with him in the meantime and i have lots of bigger projects in mind with him but #i kinda hit an art funk this past month and felt p bad about my art in general #so not much posting have been posted and not much more even made #but this ask watered my crops and cleared my skin hdfjkdhfgkdf thank you #anyway cant post the older doodles cuz theyre tied to something thats still a wip and kinda embarrassing cuz im trying something new lol #but maybe ill post some lazy crumbs that i have and try to get back into arting #sorry for rambling this just made me really happy i need to explode something with my mind #i literally went to bed cuz its way past 1am here but then i noticed the notif and threw myself out of the bed lol #but now im going back to shreep #but anon im sending you good vibes and wish you good times with your fics :))) thankyou again for the kind words #asks

[l0ganberry]

UPDATE ON THE WARLOCK STAFF (PART 2.5)

I was meant to do the "rainbow" fabric but I got stumped when I remembered that I didn't had any fabric to do that. Specifically thin ribbon-like cloth that would be wrapped around the staff, below the crystal.

To solve that, I decided to do some online shopping on Etsy to get the things I needed.

This is ribbon I ended up buying for the "rainbow fabric". (I'm gonna paint it with the fabric paint I already have.)

I got red LED lights for the crystal. (I haven't decided on how I'm gonna do the crystal. 3D printing is not my thing but I have been thinking of just doing moldable plastic? Maybe???? I might need some help on what to do to make my own crystal that looks like that.)

Then lastly (and for fun) I got the last of this type of yarn for the base of the crystal. So that way there's visual texture to make it look really cool.

#I'm really excited when I get this all done #other than cosplay #I might even use this staff for my d&d club #I'm already like the process so far but there's still a lot to do #So thank god I got Christmas money to get these things to make this staff really cool #I'm very serious about all of this if you can't already tell #but seriously #How does one make their own staff crystal?? #is it 3D printing? #moldable plastic?? #clay?? #glass?? #I'm glad that I know what it is now but still #the crystal might actually be the most difficult part out of all of this #but I'll try to figure it out since I'm already putting effort to this project #No way I'm stopping now #anyways #wh fantasy au #rambles #welcome home #project progress #art project

[visdiefje]

Man I can't wait until I can recover alone for a while

#I was alone in my apartment today and put together a standing clotheshanger shoerack combo #and it was actually so nice to do stuff and NOT receive verbal feedback I didn't ask for #I actually HATE when I start to do things wrong and immediately there's an audible no no no #it makes me feel like I Have to be on top of things and do them right immediately so everyone can be silent to me about it #trying to navigate life without triggering an unskippable cutscene as it were #if I do it on my own I will find out I'm going about it the wrong way soon enough #and I'll correct it #no nitpicking needed just using my time and brain to find a solution #it makes me feel so much better about myself #I'm already starting to see why I've always felt so incapable and inadequate. I can tell I really need this #I'm really curious what else I can do now that I'm allowed to figure it out in silence #more than ever reaffirmed that auditory is my quickest sense to wear me out/overstimulate #which is why reveiving verbal feedback I have to interpret makes me want to fly into a rage sometimes #because I NEVER get enough time to figure it out. they see me not change my course of action immediately and they take it out of my hands #it feels so. crowded and like nothing is in my control #give me time. give me space to breathe. let me make a mistake and understand firsthand why it's a mistake #please please please stop narrating everything to me. please. can we be quiet for a while. #you can sit with me but please don't tell me anything. #bien rambles

[mattodore]

#making my two favorite ocs like oh i’m gonna give you both sooo many character flaws you’ll be helplessly drawn to each other bc of it #river dipping #theodore doe #echthroi #cw drugs mention #questionnaire lb #hello all........ i come bearing good news: theo's doc is already at 9.2k words <3 #not so great news: i actually still have 29 questions left so.......... um. i'm still not done... #😂🔫💥 #i'll definitely be making some cuts for length once i'm done answering all of the questions #like i simply can't have this go over 11k at any point... bc that would be....... just too much. like just way too much. #editing is gonna be rough when i get to it like i can just tell but whatever kill your darlings etc. etc. #also :) i've been so good at not opening tumblr or letting anything else distract me which is how theo's doc is already this long #in such a short amount of time like!!! i'm really proud of myself actually!! #i'm trying to finish it quickly bc i miss being on here but dfjkhh when i took that three hour break the other day to catch up i lost all #of my motivation to write and ended up stopping for the day bc i felt like everything i was writing was awful and ooc 😭 #so i'm holding off....... i do see my activity feed and i'll get to it i promise i'm not ignoring anyone on purpose!! #or. well i guess i kind of am but jsdkchddkj i'm just trying to get this done first!! #honestly i'm moving pretty fast tho so i feel like i'll have this done soon :) theo favoritism etc. etc. #okay... i need to go now........ i've rambled here for much too long #just felt compelled to drop another little update since my blog is inactive otherwise #logging out...... wish me luck friends and lovers