#i'm falling apart

[respectthepetty]

*watching the stairs scene for the eighty millionth time*

Kenta was moving closer as he stared at Pete. Pete turned his head, moved into Kenta, kissed him, and liked it. Then Kenta backed away, got up, and walked away.

PETE kissed Kenta.

PETE liked it.

KENTA left him.

And now Pete just lets Kenta push him against the wall and on the floor. He doesn't even try to overpower Kenta. Is it because Kenta rejected him before?! Is this why he was looking at his lips here?

What was the pink for with Way if you've been in love with Kenta?!

Call me Jeff because I can already foresee that I will get no rest and no peace all week since this will be the only thing I think about when I'm not thinking about Way taking a bullet for Babe.

#I'm falling apart #I am unwell #what was the pink about?! #pit babe #pit babe the series #kenta x pete #color coded boys in love #but are they?! #the colors mean things #but do they? #I'm having a crisis #I knew pett x kenta had tension #and lots of chemistry #but now where does that leave way?! #I CANNOT THINK ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE?!

[falling-rhayne]

Cerrit gets to go home. Gets to keep his promise to his wife. His kids. The brass ring endures.

#critical role #cr #cr spoilers #exu spoilers #exu calamity #exandria unllimited calamity #cerrit agrupnin #i'm falling apart #im breaking down #cant see through my tears

[confoundedpangolin]

nonononono slow the fuck down FIFTEEN. FIFTEEN FEARS. i guess that fourteen trauma wasn't enough because now there's the End but aggressive, this wasn't even a season finale or anything it was just Martin reading a statement and suddenly THERE'S ANOTHER FEAR AND IT ACTIVELY WANTS TO EXTERMINATE EVERYTHING AND MARTIN IS THE KEY TO STOPPING IT. you can't just drop this on me, you can't just give me a little mid-season peace then go "yeah there's another fear... it's called the extinction and it's actively trying to exterminate everything on this planet, have a nice day" YOU CANNOT. I don't want Martin to die, I really do not, but this seems like an awfully sacrificial situation he's in here. FIFTEEN FEARS. I need to get better coping mechanisms, what the fuck peter lucas. I understand, but MARTIN. goddamnit this podcast will kill me, you'll see in the news that I had a heart attack halfway through the finale, if this just gets casually dropped then I fear what season five might bring, NUMBER 134 THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY CEASEFIRE. And the fact that the third one to the s4 finale is called "Panopticon" and the finale is called "The Eye opens"? I sense death on the horizon and I hate it. I'm still listening though, of course.

#tma #the magnus archives #tma podcast #tma spoilers #tma extinction #the extinction #martin blackwood #ahhhhh #I'm falling apart #original post

[leche-flandom]

a few thoughts on my asshole memory

uuuggghhh I just forgot my friend's birthday TWO WEEKS LATE and I just know that I'm going to cringe about this for the next 10-15 years. She's the best and so cool and I hate that I forgot. My brain is so good at hanging on to the bad things but so bad at remembering the good things!

A few months ago my little sister went, "Remember that time you had a spite party for me?" At my total blankness, she described how once I apparently disliked how her friends excluded her from some social event, so I organized a house party (my guy and I used to throw some unhinged gatherings that we probably shouldn't have survived) to exclude them back? And really, it sounded like a grand time, but when I try to remember any of these details, there's no recognition at all. If aging (or depression...or COVID...or illegal substance use...) insists on eroding my brain, why are the garbage memories the ones that stay?

#real life #memory loss #memory issues #i'm dying #woe is me #i'm falling apart

[virtie333]

When the tiniest bit of criticism from someone you respect makes you tear up, that's not a good sign, is it?

#personal #I'm a grown woman dammit #i'm falling apart

[beejsdevilishsoulmate]

My friend bought me Beetlejuice socks!!!

And in other news...

My arthritis is still causing problems with my shoulder, in the last week and a half, I've used 3 deep heat roll-ons, countless heatpads, and I'm having to wear a shoulder brace...

I'm 33 god dammit! My body shouldn't be falling apart like this!

#personal #a glimpse into manic!stardusts life #beetlejuice #beetlejuice beetlejuice beetlejuice #beetlejuice socks #arthritis #shoulder brace #I'm falling apart

[the-bowster]

Love how my top post is my Bo Burnham one when I was just starting to loose it.

#i've lost my mind #i swear to god #i'm falling apart #Slight vent #I'm actually depending on this app rn. #Shut up Bowie #Expect me to be annoying as fuck.

[septembersghost]

current mood

#i'm falling apart #better call saul #THIRTY MINUTES #😭

[chrisbangs]

#nacific knows how to corner me and take from my wallet #i'm falling apart #the jeongchan of it all... #obsessed ... heart broken ... #please pretend u don't see all the extra pcs i do not have a problem it's part of my go NSNSKSNSKSJS #although i lowkey regret not getting an ot8 set 🫡 #felix's is mad cute too 🥲 #m kissing .. my pcs #might make a cute pic with these for my #collecting account 😌🌸💘🤍 my lil flower boys... #i wish these had come in time for my trip to the pretty garden but it's ok #i will 😌🌸🫧 come up with a new idea for these heh... #li.pic #li.pc

[chibitorra]

Rest in peace, my sweet baby girl. You meant more to me than I can ever put into words. 

Stella Bella April 5, 2005 - May 2, 2022

#personal shenanigans #tw: pet death #god it hurts so fucking much #She was my security blanket when things got bad #and now things are bad and she's not here #I'm falling apart #If cats really do hve 9 lives I hope she finds me again someday #I'll be waiting

[cosplayingwitch]

If any of my followers has happened to have had sciatica, can you advise as to how long it takes to go away? (I did something stupid at work and now I feel like I have a pinched nerve in my lower back (get that frequently in my shoulders), which I have been informed sciatica feels like.

I have to get this resolved ASAP as I'm getting back into my training/conditioning for winter guard, which starts up again in about a month. Must be gone by then, but the sooner the better.

#sciatica #I'm falling apart #how long does this take to fix #i need it gone #like tomorrow soon

[homewithmycats]

THE YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN KID INSTRUMENTAL BREAK AND BRIDGE??? NAH I CAN'T WTF

#i'm falling apart

[normreedenstein]

So far this month...i had a sinus infection and ear infection then i pulled my old injured hip/lower back out (with the help of a injection i got in my hip for the infections long story short) anyway i legit couldn't move and was in severe pain for a few days and that was horrible, then right when i was feeling better from the hip i tripped on my back steps when throwing away my old vacuum and fell down the concrete steps, onto the vacuum and a concrete slab, im covered in bruises from that, but finally not as sore, but now i have a yeast infection from the antibiotics i been on for the infections. Also, I'll be starting my period soon and my birthday is coming up. So, yeah, this month hasn't been the greatest.

#Amy complains #ugh #I'm falling apart #I'm so old

[lovexfroggie]

Taking it as super easy as I can. I have a pulled muscle in my leg I'm recovering from...and somehow last I tweaked my neck :)

I am mega accident prone <3

#I'm falling apart

[hit-the-dirt-and-get-back-on]

0/10 do not recommend blowing up your ankle multiple times. The muscle spasms suck. It's constantly sore and swells on and off. The more you're on it the worse it is.

#i'm falling apart #someone send glue #this is me #my diary

[cuddlytogas]

So I accidentally almost got into an argument on Twitter, and now I'm thinking about bad historical costuming tropes. Specifically, Action Hero Leather Pants.

See, I was light-heartedly pointing out the inaccuracies of the costumes in Black Sails, and someone came out of the woodwork to defend the show. The misunderstanding was that they thought I was dismissing the show just for its costumes, which I wasn't - I was simply pointing out that it can't entirely care about material history (meaning specifically physical objects/culture) if it treats its clothes like that.

But this person was slightly offended on behalf of their show - especially, quote, "And from a fan of OFMD, no less!" Which got me thinking - it's true! I can abide a lot more historical costuming inaccuracy from Our Flag than I can Black Sails or Vikings. And I don't think it's just because one has my blorbos in it. But really, when it comes down to it...

What is the difference between this and this?

Here's the thing. Leather pants in period dramas isn't new. You've got your Vikings, Tudors, Outlander, Pirates of the Caribbean, Once Upon a Time, Will, The Musketeers, even Shakespeare in Love - they love to shove people in leather and call it a day. But where does this come from?

Obviously we have the modern connotations. Modern leather clothes developed in a few subcultures: cowboys drew on Native American clothing. (Allegedly. This is a little beyond my purview, I haven't seen any solid evidence, and it sounds like the kind of fact that people repeat a lot but is based on an assumption. I wouldn't know, though.) Leather was used in some WWI and II uniforms.

But the big boom came in the mid-C20th in motorcycle, punk/goth, and gay subcultures, all intertwined with each other and the above. Motorcyclists wear leather as practical protective gear, and it gets picked up by rock and punk artists as a symbol of counterculture, and transferred to movie designs. It gets wrapped up in gay and kink communities, with even more countercultural and taboo meanings. By the late C20th, leather has entered mainstream fashion, but it still carries those references to goths, punks, BDSM, and motorbike gangs, to James Dean, Marlon Brando, and Mick Jagger. This is whence we get our Spikes and Dave Listers in 1980s/90s media, bad boys and working-class punks.

And some of the above "historical" design choices clearly build on these meanings. William Shakespeare is dressed in a black leather doublet to evoke the swaggering bad boy artist heartthrob, probably down on his luck. So is Kit Marlowe.

But the associations get a little fuzzier after that. Hook, with his eyeliner and jewellery, sure. King Henry, yeah, I see it. It's hideously ahistorical, but sure. But what about Jamie and Will and Ragnar, in their browns and shabby, battle-ready chic? Well, here we get the other strain of Bad Period Drama Leather.

See, designers like to point to history, but it's just not true. Leather armour, especially in the western/European world, is very, very rare, and not just because it decays faster than metal. (Yes, even in ancient Greece/Rome, despite many articles claiming that as the start of the leather armour trend!) It simply wasn't used a lot, because it's frankly useless at defending the body compared to metal. Leather was used as a backing for some splint armour pieces, and for belts, sheathes, and buckles, but it simply wasn't worn like the costumes above. It's heavy, uncomfortable, and hard to repair - it's simply not practical for a garment when you have perfectly comfortable, insulating, and widely available linen, wool, and cotton!

As far as I can see, the real influence on leather in period dramas is fantasy. Fantasy media has proliferated the idea of leather armour as the lightweight choice for rangers, elves, and rogues, a natural, quiet, flexible material, less flashy or restrictive than metal. And it is cheaper for a costume department to make, and easier for an actor to wear on set. It's in Dungeons and Dragons and Lord of the Rings, King Arthur, Runescape, and World of Warcraft.

And I think this is how we get to characters like Ragnar and Vane. This idea of leather as practical gear and light armour, it's fantasy, but it has this lineage, behind which sits cowboy chaps and bomber/flight jackets. It's usually brown compared to the punk bad boy's black, less shiny, and more often piecemeal or decorated. In fact, there's a great distinction between the two Period Leather Modes within the same piece of media: Robin Hood (2006)! Compare the brooding, fascist-coded villain Guy of Gisborne with the shabby, bow-wielding, forest-dwelling Robin:

So, back to the original question: What's the difference between Charles Vane in Black Sails, and Edward Teach in Our Flag Means Death?

Simply put, it's intention. There is nothing intentional about Vane's leather in Black Sails. It's not the only leather in the show, and it only says what all shabby period leather says, relying on the same tropes as fantasy armour: he's a bad boy and a fighter in workaday leather, poor, flexible, and practical. None of these connotations are based in reality or history, and they've been done countless times before. It's boring design, neither historically accurate nor particularly creative, but much the same as all the other shabby chic fighters on our screens. He has a broad lineage in Lord of the Rings and Pirates of the Caribbean and such, but that's it.

In Our Flag, however, the lineage is much, much more intentional. Ed is a direct homage to Mad Max, the costuming in which is both practical (Max is an ex-cop and road warrior), and draws on punk and kink designs to evoke a counterculture gone mad to the point of social breakdown, exploiting the thrill of the taboo to frighten and titillate the audience.

In particular, Ed is styled after Max in the second movie, having lost his family, been badly injured, and watched the world turn into an apocalypse. He's a broken man, withdrawn, violent, and deliberately cutting himself off from others to avoid getting hurt again. The plot of Mad Max 2 is him learning to open up and help others, making himself vulnerable to more loss, but more human in the process.

This ties directly into the themes of Our Flag - it's a deliberate intertext. Ed's emotional journey is also one from isolation and pain to vulnerability, community, and love. Mad Max (intentionally and unintentionally) explores themes of masculinity, violence, and power, while Max has become simplified in the popular imagination as a stoic, badass action hero rather than the more complex character he is, struggling with loss and humanity. Similarly, Our Flag explores masculinity, both textually (Stede is trying to build a less abusive pirate culture) and metatextually (the show champions complex, banal, and tender masculinities, especially when we're used to only seeing pirates in either gritty action movies or childish comedies).

Our Flag also draws on the specific countercultures of motorcycles, rockers, and gay/BDSM culture in its design and themes. Naturally, in such a queer show, one can't help but make the connection between leather pirates and leather daddies, and the design certainly nods at this, with its vests and studs. I always think about this guy, with his flat cap so reminiscient of gay leather fashions.

More overtly, though, Blackbeard and his crew are styled as both violent gangsters and countercultural rockstars. They rove the seas like a bikie gang, free and violent, and are seen as icons, bad boys and celebrities. Other pirates revere Blackbeard and wish they could be on his crew, while civilians are awed by his reputation, desperate for juicy, gory details.

This isn't all of why I like the costuming in Our Flag Means Death (especially season 1). Stede's outfits are by no means accurate, but they're a lot more accurate than most pirate media, and they're bright and colourful, with accurate and delightful silks, lace, velvets, and brocades, and lovely, puffy skirts on his jackets. Many of the Revenge crew wear recognisable sailor's trousers, and practical but bright, varied gear that easily conveys personality and flair. There is a surprising dedication to little details, like changing Ed's trousers to fall-fronts for a historical feel, Izzy's puffy sleeves, the handmade fringe on Lucius's red jacket, or the increasing absurdity of navy uniform cuffs between Nigel and Chauncey.

A really big one is the fact that they don't shy away from historical footwear! In almost every example above, we see the period drama's obsession with putting men in skinny jeans and bucket-top boots, but not only does Stede wear his little red-heeled shoes with stockings, but most of his crew, and the ordinary people of Barbados, wear low boots or pumps, and even rough, masculine characters like Pete wear knee breeches and bright colours. It's inaccurate, but at least it's a new kind of inaccuracy, that builds much more on actual historical fashions, and eschews the shortcuts of other, grittier period dramas in favour of colour and personality.

But also. At least it fucking says something with its leather.

#everyone say 'thank you togas' for not including a long tangent about evil rimmer in red dwarf 5x05 #Our Flag Means Death #Togas does meta #and yes these principles DO fall apart slightly in s2 and i DON'T like those costumes as much #don't get me wrong they're fun and gorgeous - but generally a bit less deep and more inaccurate. so. :( #I'm not sure this really says anything new about Our Flag but I just needed to get my thoughts out #i hate hate hate Gritty Period Drama costumes they're so boring and so ugly and so wrong #god bless OFMD for using more than 3 muted colours and actually putting men in heels (and not as a shorthand for rich/foppish villainy) <3 #looking at that Tudors still is insane like they really will go to any lengths to not make men feel like they've got bare legs XD #image descriptions in alt text #and yes i DID just sink about two hours into those so you'd better appreciate them