#i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do!

[thebirdandhersong]

I think the problem. the problem is that I have always been afraid of not being invited into the inner circle. and am always wanting to be part of the inner circle. inner circle being the circle of love and companionship and communion. of course being a TCK and a bit of a sheltered homeschooled oddball child has nudged this further along over the years. but I didn't realise how STRONG that desire still burned. to actually be wanted.

#in other words today has been an oddly sad day! discovering that the friends you've made have their own group chats #that are separate from the general group chat (that no one ever talks on) that you aren't a part of is......... i don't know #i KNOW i'm liked by them and i KNOW they love me but do they WANT me around? #like. i know i'm not UNpleasant to have around. i am a good listener and a good conversationalist. #i work very hard at it because it doesn't come naturally to me. #but clearly that's not enough to be added to exclusive group chats! clearly that's not enough to be part of inner core circles #i don't know this just came out of nowhere and i feel as if i've been slapped in the face #sitting at a table where people are talking about the thing someone sent to the group chat #or the photo or quote or reel someone sent to someone else is....... bizarre. #i am trying not to be so hurt by it! i am trying not to take it so personally #it happens. i know it happens. i know it will keep happening. it is just that i thought this was a place where i wouldn't be lonely #and this is the dorm community i've invested so much of my time and energy and love into since last year. #so i think i'm justified in being a little upset! #i'm not crying about it but that's because i'm not about to cry with other people sitting here in the study lounge! #the math is probably really wrong here but i thought that if i poured love in for the sake of pouring love in #somehow somewhere along the line i would also receive love. that i would actually be a part of this community. #anyway that's not going to change how i live here! i committed myself to doing my best this last year #because i don't want anyone to feel left out or unwanted or lonely. i already made the decision #to do everything i can to love the people here. #i'm not trying to toot my horn this is just what i actually want to and have decided to do! #i have birthday cards planned! i have midterm snacks planned! #i've just worked out how i can print christmas and easter cards and stickers! #i'm GOING to love darn it all i'm GOING to pour love in #i think it hurts especially because there's the boy problem going on too #of not being wanted in an area that i DIDN'T expect to be wanted in #and then learning that there is a collective not being wanted in this whole community #it is a Lot and it is very hard and i don't know what to do with it! #i have had this lie (that i'm inherently unloveable and undesirable) in my head since childhood #and i've worked SO HARD to shut that voice up. and it is so so hard to not believe it right now

[lemonlimetoast]

I joke/half believe about how I don't like myself and I'm not a good person but also like 1. I'm so cool but that's not what this post is about 2. I literally donate to charity and volunteer so I'm not like.... Actively hurting ppl I'm literally actively helping them. Like I'm actually a catch and a half, wth

#theres still something wrong with me but that's another story #midnighttalk #like this is /pos towards me like wow #granted the charity is from Minecraft Livestreams but it is causes i believe in #one was to a trans center in north ireland i believe one was to project seagrass which is a conservation effort #and one was to gamers outreach #and im volunteering tomorrow with a queer org to decorate duffel bags for foster kids #like?? thats lit as hell actually #im not trying to toot my own horn here and be look 'look at what a good person i am!' i just think its cool to look back on 2022 and like #idk be like hm that was good on me actually #thats also not counting like what i felt i did right for other people like individually cuz i dont track that as much as i do the above #i just file that away but overall i think i did pretty good #like in terms of 'hooray! i helped my friend/aunt/neighbor!' thats been pretty good on like a sliding scale #thats nice to remember at least when I feel not so good and like I'm awful for no reason #anyways i dont want this to come off as self congratulatory but also like it's probably the one time i would

[rebeccathenaturalist]

Okay, y'all, it's rant time again. Buckle up.

A new report just came out from Public Citizen highlighting the dangers of using apps and AI foraging guides for identifying mushrooms, particularly when mushroom foraging. It's the latest in a string of warnings that are fighting against a tide of purported convenience ("just take a picture and get your answer instantly!")

I've ranted about this since last August, and I also wrote up a detailed post on how to identify an AI-generated foraging guide. I'm also including info on the limitations of apps and AI in The Everyday Naturalist: How to Identify Animals, Plants, and Fungi Wherever You Go. I'm not just saying this to toot my own horn--it's because nature identification, and teaching it to others, is literally what I do for a living. So this is a topic near and dear to my heart.

I teach a very, very specific sort of identification class; whether we're focusing on animals, plants, fungi, or all of the above, I walk people through a detailed process of how to observe a given organism, make note of its various physical traits and habitat, and use that information to try to determine what it is. I emphasize the need to use as many sources as possible--field guides, websites, online and in-person groups, journal articles, etc.--to make absolutely sure that your identification is solid.

And every year, I get people (thankfully, a very small minority of my students) who complain because my two-hour basic mushroom hunting class wasn't just five minutes of introduction and one hundred and fifteen minutes of me showing slide after slide of edible mushrooms. There are so many people out there who just want a quick, easy answer so they can frolic in the woods and blithely pick mushrooms like some idealized image of a cottagecore herbalist with a cabin full of dried plants and smiling frogs or something.

While I do incorporate a bit of information on getting started with the app iNaturalist in my classes, it is as only ONE of MANY tools I encourage people to use. Sure, it's more solid than most apps because, in addition to the algorithmic I.D. suggestions it initially gives you, other iNaturalist users can go onto your observations later and either agree with your I.D.s or suggest something different and even explain why.

And yet--even as great as iNat is, it and its users can still be wrong. So can every other I.D. app out there. And I think that is one thing that the hyper-romanticized approaches to foraging--and nature identification in general--miss. In order to be a good forager, you HAVE to also be good at nature identification.

And nature identification is an entire process that requires you to have solid observational and critical thinking skills, to be able to independently research using many different types of tools, and be willing to invest the time, patience, and focus to properly arrive at a solid identification--if not to species level, then as far down the taxonomic ladder as you can realistically manage. (There's a reason even the experts complain about Little Brown Mushrooms and Damned Yellow Composites!)

People mistake one single tool--apps--for the entire toolkit. They assume any book they find on Amazon is going to be as good as any other, and don't take the time to look up the author to determine any credentials or experience, or even whether they actually exist or not. It doesn't help that the creators of these products often advertise them as "the only [book/app/etc.] you need to easily identify [organism of choice]!"

I mean, sure, the world isn't going to end if you never question the birdsong results on the Merlin app, or if you go through life thinking a deer fern is just a baby western sword fern. But when we get into people actually eating things they find in the wild, there's often no room for error. There are plants and mushrooms that can kill you even if you only eat a tiny amount. And even if they don't kill you, they may make you wish you were dead for a few days while you suffer through a whole host of gastrointestinal nastiness and other symptoms.

There aren't any shortcuts if you want to be safe in your foraging. You HAVE to be willing to do the work. And any teacher, author, or product that says otherwise isn't being ethical. I'm glad to see more people speaking out against the "fast foodization" of foraging in regards to overreliance on apps and the existence of AI foraging books; I just hope it's enough to prevent more people from getting sick or dying.

#long post #foraging #mushroom foraging #mushroom hunting #A.I. #apps #nature #ecology #environment #conservation #cottagecore #herbalism #nature identification #critical thinking skills #critical thinking #media literacy #mushrooms #fungi #fungus #shrooms

[askzloyxp]

Would you maybe be able to bring other editors on board? Perhaps teach Lyarrah how you do your jazz so she can take over for a couple weeks. Unless I'm mistaken in assuming that her job is just copy pasting the script into the YouTube captions feature. I don't really know how captioning works

Okay, this is actually quite fun to talk about because YES! Youtube's caption system does have a feature where you can get auto-captions made if you just feed it the transcript of the video! HOWEVER, Lyarrah's job on the Recap is not to just do that.

First and foremost, Ly actually handles all of the metadata of the vids except thumbnails. Tags, description and even the titles are all things she has to fill in after I upload, because by that time I have absolutely 0 energy to do that. She also is the one moderating the comments. Even if I'm often the one to reply, she does a lot to filter out the bad stuff and add spam-filters.

Then she has to make the actual captions. Even with the script available, this is actually still a serious undertaking. Because that feature that you just feed the script and it puts the timings in automatically? It sucks ass. The timings are all over the place, it struggles with even the british accent and it couldn't add who is speaking or sound/tone descrptions even if you put them in. And with Recaps specifically, it couldn't put in the parts where the Hermits themselves are speaking, because THEIR LINES ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SCRIPT! What clips to use and to add to the video is mostly decided in the video-editing phase, long after the script is written. So that stuff needs to be added later. But because it's not in the script, the system gets confused about parts where the words that are not in the script are said, and just puts whatever lines in there. As a result, cleaning up after the algorithm takes longer than to just make whole new subtitles. WHICH IS WHAT LYARRAH ACTUALLY DOES.

More or less every video she makes captions for is re-transcribed by hand with the script only as a reference. This results in much better captions where she can even add her personal touch with the emojis to convey tone and all that!

I know there are automated systems in DaVinci Resolve and Adobe Premiere that could output pretty solid captions with working timings, and she's actually looking into that, and will be trying them out. But even then, it will be her responsibility and her choice to use these tools, because she's our captioning specialist. Whatever research she does will still be a load off my back.

But could she just edit the recaps for me? Funny you say that, because in theory? She probably could. Lyarrah and Pixlriffs are both adept video editors, each with their own youtube channels, and perfectly capable of producing videos no worse than what I make. Pix has already edited a couple recaps in the past, and every time he'd deliver on time and arguably a tighter product than what I make. HOWEVER, the trick here is that to get the HC Recap done every week, week after week, on time and with passable editing, when the source material is a dozen videos at least and the result needs to be well paced, illustrative and well, passable, is a whole other ordeal. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but here you gotta not know how to edit, but know how to edit like a motherfucker.

...that doesn't mean "good" or "fast",... just.. like a motherfucker.

And for one, I wouldn't want to put that much work onto anyone, while for two, I wouldn't trust to put that much work onto anyone. Maybe to a professional editor or like, a TV-editor this isn't much, but I don't think I have the funds to hire one, especially when at the end of the day, to me the whole process has long become routine, entertainment even. I love the edit. Which is also why I struggle with stress and burnout the way I do: it is incomprehensible to me that I can't just sit down and do this like always!

One must imagine Sisyphus happy.

#hermitcraft recap #pixlriffs #lyarrah #zloyxp

[bellaxgiornata]

hey there! if you’re looking for some more fun ask questions, maybe 11, 32, and 42? (if you can’t tell, i really adore your writing and trust your judgement so am super interested in which of your own fics you recommend the most as well as any other writers or fics you like) thank you!

I am still open to answering this and I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to respond! I like to try to be thorough in my responses. And thank you so much 😭❤️ That means so much to hear about my writing, it's something I'm very passionate about. Hearing that it's appreciated means a lot! ❤️

As for fics of my own to recommend, I think most of y'all already know about Falling for the Devil when it comes to Matty. And for those who enjoy that series, you'd probably also enjoy The Devil at Your Window. For those who enjoy sexual tension and smut for Matt, I'll toot my horn about Break the Tension. It's not my usual Matt x Reader fic but I think it's been fun to write a Matt who's kind of a desperate asshole (for reasons which will eventually make sense).

For Mikey I'd recommend Safe Haven because it's a series full of plot and surprises. Plus who doesn't want to share a bedroom window with Mikey??

As for Frank I'd recommend either of my series': Neighbors or You're Safe With Me. Both are fun and have/will have suspense!

As for the questions you asked, I'll answer them below the cut because this is going to be a long post 😅

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

I notoriously haven't read much in the past year because I have limited free time and cannot seem to stop writing long enough to focus on reading (something I am sure will change once I have a newborn in a few months and am awake at all hours of the night...). But I love these stories and even though I am not caught up on necessarily all of them, I know many things that are planned for them/have happened and I have read many screenshots as these fics have been written!

And Then I Met You by @souliebird

Cooking Up Love by @loveroftoomanyfandoms

Cadence by @she-likesorchids AKA @theradioactivespidergwen

(Hopefully all the links are correct because I am trying to write this on my phone 😅)

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers

There are SO many wonderful writers here on tumblr so picking just 3 is honestly impossible. I literally can't so I'll just list a handful of writers I've actually been able to read some works from and have enjoyed here on tumblr (and that I can think of off the top of my head) who write for Matt, Michael, and/or Frank (and possibly even vamp Henry):

@she-likesorchids

@souliebird

@loveroftoomanyfandoms

@mattmurdocksscars

@sunflowersandsapphires

@shiorimakibawrites

@mattmurdocks6thscaleapartment

@yarrystyleeza

@itwasthereaminuteago

@pastafossa

@peterman-spideyparker

(There's absolutely more and I apologize for my brain blanking, plus the list of writers on my TBR list is huge 😅)

@farfromstrange

@courtforshort15

42. What’s the last fic you read? Do you recommend it?

An Ode to a Coat by @pastafossa

YES EVERYONE GO READ IT. As long as you're over 18 of course because it's smutty goodness.

#bella answers #ask game #fics i recommend #some great fic writers i enjoy here on tumblr #im absolutely forgetting a few unfortunately

[barb-l]

A, R, U?

(🫶🏽 thank you for your support)

Oh man. I dont wanna sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but I genuinely find it hard to choose because I love my fics dearly. I enjoy writing so much, almost as much as I do drawing.

In no particular order, one of them is my Power Rangers 2017 fic Code Yellow. Idk if I've told her this(probably not cuz i dont much like to talk about my feelings) but the premise of Kimberly and the rest of the OG's being much older than the next rangers, with Kimberly serving as the next Yellow Ranger's mentor was inspired by my friendship with another PR fic writer(if you know unicorn affair then you know she's a legend). We became friends when I was like 17 and still relatively new to accepting my queerness, so getting to be friends with an older sapphic woman who was very kind, into the same things I was, and was in a loving relationship with another woman? It was very comforting and filled me with hope. Kimberly and Aisha's dynamic aren't the same as my dynamic with that person, but I can say that I projected a lot of my feelings over the warm comfort of having a friend that was like an older sister to Aisha.

I haven't made myself finish it yet, but I have hope I will even now years later. This is a snippet from my drafts

Another one is "Courtship Woes", the second part of a fic series for probably the craziest ship I've ever shipped, Wednesday Addams and Lydia Deetz from the musical version of Beetlejuice. It's a very different Wednesday from what a lot of you are probably used to in my Wenclair fics tho, as it's characterized as a mixture of Ms Ricci's version in the 90's movie and the animated version voiced by Chloe Grace Moretz. While I like to think of Jenna's Wednesday to be more like Morticia, I wrote this Wednesday to be a lot more like Gomez. So I guess I already have written a Gomezified Wednesday. Huh.

And, predictably, the other one is "raven in the den, wolf in the nest". I'm still really proud of what I've accomplished for this fic. The final chapter was especially very healing to write with Wednesday's confession affecting Enid's confrontation with Esther in the climax of the fic. The whole point of the Addams Family isn't the gothicness necessarily, but that they were supposed to be the topsy-turvy of what is conventional. It was one of the main points of that fic, with Morticia fainting over the thought of her wonderful spawn dating an adorable rainbow being the topsy-turvy version of the disapproving parent trope. That confession was supposed to go along with that theme too. In typical stories that involve monsters, the crux of that romance is the person's love of the other person despite them being a beast. But Wednesday isn't a typical girl. Loving a murderous beast would be what's expected of a grim girl like Wednesday, but the best thing about Wenclair is how they still keep the topsy-turvy theme for Addamses. Enid is insecure about not being the ferocious monster she's supposed to be, yet despite all odds Wednesday loves her regardless. She grew so dang attached to her even before Enid got the chance to shift and that's both so unexpected but makes so much sense of Wednesday Addams.

Fredrik Backman is my absolute favorite writer. The way he writes grief and loneliness alongside humor and love in his works is just phenomenal. It just saddens me that I do not understand a lick of Swedish and can only rely on the english translated copies, so I can't say that I fully know how he writes his prose as translations can only go so far. But I can say that the emotions he evokes in his writings is what I always try to strive for. To make my readers tear up as much as I could make them laugh. Or maybe more of the latter. Like a warm hug.

(also wow that's very wenclai--)

I apologize for cheating and choosing my OC's, but I think I'd want to actually write a fic with Vega and Sora someday.

#asks #this became a monster sorry

[blorb-el]

Hello! What are the things that you'd like to see (or see more) in a Superman story?

o/ !

hmm, fanfiction or canon? Because in fanfiction... we're all here for fun, and I'm more interested in reading something the author's genuinely interested in writing. What I want out of canon Superman stories is pretty different than what I’m looking for when I fire up AO3. That being said, here is a long stream of consciousness of fanfic concepts that are currently living rent free in my brain. at least the sfw ones lol

there was An Art gremlin did a while back of Bruce tearing up when Clark was washing his hair and tbqh i think that would go both ways. the idea of an invulnerable man being treated softly drives me insane

superbat hand kisses. do i even need to elaborate. i will (threat)

i love plotty long world built alien space mission fic, which I realize is hard to write, but I love it anyway

Kryptonian. I know the grammar is hard and the vocabulary is sparse but I would be willing to beta or translate lines of dialogue if anyone wants to include Kryptonian in their fics...

(clark and diana teaching each other kryptonian and themysciran greek…)

general Kryptonian worldbuilding. I am on the verge of trying to encyclopedia precrisis Krypton just so people can throw in tanthuo flez or :dhosurro.

also kryptonian myths, ethics, nicknames... like just tossing it out into the wild that zhor krigia means bright heart... clark calling kara kir-a as a pun on bright... kara calling clark kahl-te...

also alien biology but that’s a given with me. still. had to throw it in

i know i'm superbat on main but. good clois content...

good kara content................

kara where she shows up and is markedly Other and. everyone is at first confused (’that’s not how kryptonians are’) and then slowly realizes how much clark masks...

ABOVE ALL ELSE. COMPETENT SUPERMAN. PLEASE.

how many languages does Superman speak? Can Superman pull a child out of a mudslide in rural India and reassure her she's going to be all right and help her find her parents - in her own language? (yes. ideally he should be able to.)

the adventures of insomniac superman. precrisis the man only sleeps 1 hour a day. granted lots of time is taken up studying aforementioned languages but. 3AM clark sitting in an all night diner in texas because there was a robbery nearby and he needed to not to be alone wanted coffee afterwards. clark watching the earthrise standing on the moon. sunlight tasting different at different altitudes.

(clark bringing a moon rock back to bruce like hey thought you might like this)

you know those fics where clark meets the batfam and like. learns to get along or whatever with them. that but in reverse. give me bruce wayne learning how to tolerate the menace that is jimothy james pulitzer prize winning photographer turtle boy menace olsen

young clark reading. actually clark in general reading but especially young clark reading, trying to understand his place in the world. Superman should have an opinion on Nietzsche's Ubermensch.

clark as a chaotic good person locked into a society and a role that demands lawful goodness of him

well thought out implications of growing up with superpowers. not to toot my own horn but this post i did from a while ago explains why the concept of infrared vision still lives rent free in my head

i am ALWAYS trash for listening into people's heartbeats. it makes no sense auditorially but neither does superhearing in general. read this fic diptych from bruce and then clark pov it's about their twinned nightmares and listening to heartbeats and overhearing bruce crying and the hurt of privacy invasion!!! then go read the first one in the series. wah.

The Call from Batman Black and White has a pretty garbage Clark but the idea that sticks in my brain from that is when Clark is afraid he’s just another tool in Bruce’s utility belt. chefs kiss. god i love angst. not the time to angst when someone’s bleeding out clark but god i love it anyway. anyway fic of this scenario (Clark is Bruce’s absolute last resort and he has to call on him) but not bad

crossovers... get flashpoint kal some HELP that man needs HELP

GET DCAU CLARK SOME HELP THAT MAN NEEDS HELP. PLEASE PEOPLE. WATCH STAS’S APOKOLIPS ARC SO YOU WILL UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY THAT MAN NEEDS HELP.

just because bruce timm was not going to address clark being essentially sexually assaulted during that arc doesn't mean we gotta leave it alone

anyway basically. just. good characterization. or. i’ll settle for interesting characterization at this point. my personal standards of clark characterization hinge on my three favorite Capital S Superman Stories: birthright, all-star, and miracle monday. if a fic has just one of the aspects of those characterizations I'm content. I would elaborate on that but this is already too long.

#jellyfitzjelly #thank you for the opportunity to ramble #hmm mostly #superbat

[ghosts-of-love]

I would love a director’s commentary on the Quick and the Dead (wow seasonal) and a 🌟 for Lost then Found

hello!! thank youuuu <3 <3

i'm not sure i can do a director's commentary on the entirety of tqatd so will just go for the first chapter! i'm gonna read it now and write down my thoughts as i go along:

I remember being really unsure about how much detail to put in the ao3 summary about Cap being a vampire or whether to keep it vague. I think I found a nice middle ground – some people know from the get-go and some people start chapter two and are like “omg that’s what this is” and I enjoy that!

always proud of using the word trepidatious in the first line :)

oh I’ve tried to explain this before but I do really like the alternating perspectives in this fic – it’s the first one I’ve written where the different perspectives are included in the same story and I like choosing which bits to overlap and which bits characters would want to skirt past. I also just enjoy the different ways that Pat and Cap speak and think!

Obsessed with how immediately unwelcoming Cap is, it’s hilarious.

The smells of rosemary and lavender lingering after all this time 🥺🥺 Heather my beloved

“The facade is 16th century.” He explains tiredly, “And Henry VIII actually dined here once.” → one thing about me is that I LOVE including actual lines from the show! i will always find a way to shoehorn my favourite bits (because then you know exactly how they would be said, although in this instance i've given Cap some of Alison's lines haha)

Pat could probably live five lifetimes before finishing every book in this bloody house. Hehehoho minor foreshadowing.

“I don't want…” The Captain pauses at Pat’s bedroom door with a resigned slump to his shoulders, “I don’t want to toot our own horn but some say this is the finest house in the county.” He says quickly.  AND AGAIN with the lines from the show!!

the Captain opens the boot, but not before he flinches slightly at the little ‘bib bib’ noise that it makes. Choosing which modern technology will scare or confuse the Captain is great fun :D

I just wanted Cap to be as endearing as possible and also largely terrible at pretending to be a normal human, on account of he spent the last 70 odd years in the company of a witch and some ghosts. (this is in response to him pretending that the box of books is heavy)

love the phrase “bitter gusto” – such a Pat-in-his-feelings-trying-to-unpack-his-car-and-see-the-bright-side kind of vibe

him cutting his hand on the grater was what prompted me to think about and then write the other hand scene in the later chapters. (more on that later in response to a different ask)

but the whole garden has obviously long since been forgotten. OUCH I forgor about this

He leans against the counter, looking more relaxed than Pat has seen him all day. Love the fact that Cap saw some blood and immediately had to yeet himself away to feed and then became more normal and friendly after that lol

the whole bit where they’re trying to fix the water pressure and the captain is SOOOO obviously asking the plague ghosts and Pat just thinks he’s scared, it gets me every time. I can see it so clearly in my mind. The ‘gah!’ noise is like the same thing he does in the show in response to Jemima I think? Or at least it meant to have the same vibe.

He’s sure the Captain smiles back at him, but he can’t have noticed him because he just…keeps walking until they both knock into each other roughly. This also makes me laugh a lot!! another symptom of the captain only having lived with ghosts for a long time.

The TV already being on when Pat wants to eat his noodles is because Kitty is the one watching West Side Story (love how Pat says it’s not his favourite musical) – she also goes and tells the Captain that Pat has fallen asleep and that ‘he might get lost trying to get back to his room in the dark, Captain!!’

“Sleep well.” He tells him.//The Captain smiles at him like they’re sharing a private joke. He’s so silly and endearing I love him!!

🌟 for lost then found - I actually reread most of it yesterday because I saw a photo of Larry wearing glasses while reading from the ghosts book and I vaguely thought to myself “hey his glasses are similar to the Captain’s. And then I paused and reminded myself that the Captain doesn’t wear glasses and got confused because I was sure I’d had this conversation with myself before and was imagining both Humphrey and the Captain wearing similar glasses and I finally realised it’s because I fucking wrote it in Lost then Found that they have the same glasses!! extremely silly behaviour of me but a part of the fic that I do like because it sits nicely in the ‘Cap is slowly opening up and getting to know people’ bit I think, in that he’s choosing to wear the glasses in front of people, and helping Humphrey out with school stuff.

Fanfic Writers: Director's Cut

#ask games!! #fanfic writers: director's cut #bbc ghosts #tqatd #lost then found #patcap

[prattery]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

Thank you for the tag @queerofthedagger <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

242,705, which is absolute madness. didn't even realise i have that much to say abt merlin and arthur lol

3. What fandoms do you write for?

BBC Merlin xx

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

stone cold: the one where merlin was turned into stone. bit heavy i have to admit, no idea what i was on when i wrote it

through storm and hellfire: the one where merlin was kidnapped to force Destiny™'s hand , things went to shit, and arthur went through a Difficult Journey of Discovery (or: the wringer) where he learnt that his dad was not, in fact, a good guy....among other things

flickering embers: the one where arthur lost merlin to the veil between the worlds only for merlin to be spat back out, lose his memory, and become a druid leader

winning the battle: the one where old religion claims everything that makes merlin merlin as a price for the immense magic he used to win arthur's battle

quiet light: the one where merlin stayed mad after agravaine convinced arthur that gaius was a traitor

my takeaway from this is that people enjoy it when i make arthur suffer

5. Do you respond to comments?

i do try but i am genuinely horrible at it. it's so so nice to receive them and i read every single one but i kind of don't know how to respond to them sometimes. one day we will get there

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i did intend for the long way round ANd a line that goes all the way to have angsty endings but oops guess my hand slipped.

the number of times i intended a fic to have an angsty ending only for me to faff with it later... unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on where you stand on this) my mind would not let me rest until I added a happier ending

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

the three trials. it ended well for everybody. and not to toot my own horn or anything but i'm quite happy with it. i think i have a tendency to rush endings generally speaking, but i quite enjoyed writing the ending to this one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not yet and tbh i'd prefer to keep it this way thank you xx

9. Do you write smut?

i do like thinking about writing it but i just can't bring myself to actually type it out before i give myself the ick. maybe one day

10. Do you write crossovers?

no

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

i think the fact that im still in here 10 (?) years after the show ended on says something about merthur lol. once and future ship init

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

the sword and his shield. i still really like the concept i have for it and i still have the ideas for it rattling around in my head, but i just feel like it flopped. i write for myself and clear my head of plotlines and random bits of dialogue rather than external validation, but it just feels a bit like mumbling into the void

16. What are your writing strengths?

banter and describing emotions that are not my own <3

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

worldbuilding. coming up with the concept is fine, i can do that, but i find the keeping track on them challenging

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i mean if somebody else wants to do it, go for it, fair play, but personally i will not. only because i can't be 100% sure that i wouldn't get things wrong

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fairly sure i wrote HP (drarry), just never published it. don't remember what it was about, either.

the first one i published on ao3 was marvel (stevebucky). i have not touched it since my return to fandom and tbh im not going to

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

i feel like i should say storm and hellfire because it is my child, it is the longest thing i've ever written, and i feel like it is the only thing i write that resembles an Actual Story (idk how else to put it). i surprised myself by actually finishing it. think it took about two years and i was a bit bereft after the last chapter was posted.

that being said, the fic i enjoy rereading the most (i.e. without cringing) is probably a line that goes all the way. it ticks all my own boxes and caters to all my interests lmao what can i say

not tagging anybody in particular but if you'd like to do this, feel free to say i tagged you xo

#on writing #merthur #merthur fics #baring my heart and soul x

[phdmama]

Tbh I’m still recovering from the tsunami episodes so I haven’t watched more, but I was wondering if you have any Buddie fic refs? I’m sure there’s a lot of episode-specific ones so I want to avoid spoilers. But maybe AU’s?

Hellooooo FRIEND!!

Sure I can give you some fic recs - there are definitely some fantastic writers in this fandom! [This is not at all about the quality of fic, but I've found a lot of it trends towards spec/extension fic and very fluffy/T, which is less of what I'm personally looking for from fic, so I'm not sure how many of these I'll have but I know there are some!]

Not to toot my own horn but I'm going to anyway - I wrote my first Buddie fic recently! I don't think.... it has spoilers? Not big ones?

That's What Friends Are For (E, ~4200 words)

Eddie shows up an hour later. He’s clearly gone home and showered, as his hair is damp. He’s wearing sweats and a t-shirt that Buck is pretty sure is his, and he smells of soap and bacon. No, wait, the bacon scent is coming from the bag of takeout containers he’s carrying in one hand. Buck’s eyes narrow at the sight of the object Eddie’s clutching in his other hand.

“Tequila?” he asks, raising one eyebrow and then laughs when Eddie just makes a bitchy face back at him. “I mean, I’m in, obviously, but it’s like nine in the morning.”

Okay as I was trying to find some recs for you, I realized, a lot of these have spoilers (not the ones I've linked to I DO NOT THINK) - so these are going to be more in the AU realm. @fraddit do you want to weigh in as well?

Leading with the Left (E, ~84K) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

When Buck said he was a "bartender" in "South America" what he actually meant was "stripper" in "Mexico."

And when Eddie said, "What's your problem?" what he actually meant was, "Is this about the time you gave me a lap dance?"

In other words, there's a few things the 118 doesn't know about Buck. Or Eddie. Or Buck and Eddie's relationship.

Awesome writer, fantastic fic!

I Hit the Accelerator (But the Car was in Reverse) ($, ~68K) by @extasiswings and letmetellyouaboutmyfeels.

When Buck is forced to confront the truth about his breakup with Abby, having casual sex with his hot new coworker seems like the best rebound idea.

Unfortunately, that hot new coworker turns into his best friend. But best friends can keep having sex with each other, right?

There's no way this could possibly go wrong.

Both fantastic writers and this one is fun!

to your front door (G, ~3K) by @henwilsons

Pepa’s been eyeing him all evening, so it shouldn’t be a surprise when she says, “Why aren’t you dating Eddie?”

And yet Buck still nearly veers the car straight off the road.

I know I said I'm not usually one for spec fic but this is hilarious! Another writer I'll probably follow most places to be honest.

Weep, and call it singing (G, ~1200 words) by my amazing @xanthippe74

The apartment feels as hollow as an empty nautilus shell.

Buck’s going to come home again, Eddie tells himself. There’ll be more dinners around the big table, more game nights—well, assuming Buck ever gets around to buying a new couch. Buck will bustle around the kitchen, his and Chris’ laughter will fill the echoing space, and Eddie—

Eddie will never, ever take any of it for granted again.

On the third day of Buck's medically-induced coma, Eddie visits his apartment.

This is fuckING BEAUTIFUL AND PAINFUL BUT ALSO GORGEOUS (unsurprising because this author is amazing)

Ruin Me Like Castle Walls and Burn Me Like a Village (E, ~4200 words) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels [just go peruse their entire catalog honestly]

When a call goes wrong, Buck sees a new side to Eddie, and starts to realize a lot of things about his best friend.

And himself.

Okay so. This is not... my usual vibe but this fic has literally the best tags I've ever seen that make me laugh so hard, and that I think of REGULARLY (as like, a life's motto) and... yeah Worth it.

Okay there's a few to start!! I know there are a bunch I've loved, If you want me to go through my AO3 history for more recs, I am happy to do so!! xox

[absolutebl]

Hello! I'm fairly new to the Asian BL world, and I would just like to thank you for the amazing content you have on this blog, it has really guided me to watch some great shows. However, I have been very much into queer media before this, mainly in the form of books though, so I'm not really new to that aspect of the genre. I can understand the hype around western shows like heartstopper- its queer friendly and in English so a lot of people are really impressed by it. Do you think the reason western queer shows are more widely received is just because they are in English or do you think it's because these shows are more "queer" rather than more "BL"? Idk if this makes sense but there's this show called Young Royals which I personally really enjoyed but it's in Swedish, not English. Do you think a reason why western queer media is more hyped about than asian BL is because it has better queer representation? Is there anything unique to asian BL that you think sets it apart from queer media and it makes it more interesting to watch?

Hi! Welcome to the madness.

Do I think Western gay YA romcoms do "better" because they're more queer friend or because they're in English?

Never discount the basic human laziness factor which, in English speakers in particular, comes out in a remarkable resistances to reading captions. 

Because, that’s just SO MUCH work. Our poor baby eyeballs are so weak. 

How do I explain the success of, Young Royals?

It’s on Netflix. 

I mean, were are all happily hanging out here mucking about with Viki and GaGa (and...). But how many westerners do you know IRL who actually fuck with these streaming services? Only my friends who are into Kdramas know about Viki, and no one I know knows about GaGa. And I work in, ya know, the goddamn entertainment industry. 

So yeah, distribution makes a HUGE difference. 

Do you think a reason why western queer media is more hyped about than asian BL is because it has better queer representation?

Only if you hang out in queer circles, and/or listen to the wokes of pop culture tooting their own wank horns on NPR or whateves. (said affectionately, of course i listen, it’s my business to do so, but oof those academics can get pedantic - says the most pedantic person on tumblr) 

[Don’t winch at me YR fans, yes yes it’s very good, just not my thing, okay?]

Mainstream hype? 

Not really. 

The entertainment consuming masses don’t care about rep of any kind. They just want to be entertained to their regrettable lack of standards. 

So, entertained by preferably low-level reality TV bullpucky, true crime, and an apparently endless appetite for pseudo-military, savior complex, sanitized-medical-hero propaganda. (oooo my hatred of CSI and Law&Order is showing) 

Ah, yes, I didn’t sleep last night. I’m salty af. Forgive me? But at least I’m honest. Right? 

Is there anything unique to asian BL that you think sets it apart from queer media and it makes it more interesting to watch?

Yes. And mostly that’s what I natter on about in this blog. 

The wide range of settings, plots and choices in terms of things like paranormal elements, magical realism, family dynamics, households, daily life, foods, etc... 

Ranging length of treatments that fall outside of the Hollywood (or BBC) standards for movies, mini-series, or series. 

Varied languages and cultures (of course). And the fun side analysis that comes with trying to understand both aspects, including translation quandaries. 

The predominantly happy endings and fluff (avoidance of gritty and realistic folderol) especially in the last 5 years 

The uses of traditionally yaoi archetypes and tropes

The use of non-western narrative structures, mythologies, religions, and foundational elements of story 

Basically I’m just naming all the things I like about Asian BL. At root this makes the whole genre, for me, that much more escapist. And that’s what I want in my entertainment, soemthing that transports me and comforts me at the same time. 

(source) 

#asian bl #thai bl #korean bl #ABL gets salty #why bl is better #Young Royals #TonhonChonlatee #GMMTV #Love Sick #earthmix

[stormyoceans]

what the actual fuck i'm so fucking mad you got that message in your inbox, you're like the most loving most positive person here always enjoying your interests in such a nice way like that personally angered me you don't deserve that at all. that was written only to piss you off please don't let them, your love for vice versa and jimmysea is honestly the cutest most endearing thing and it makes me genuinely happy seeing you talk about it so excitedly every day. their episodes were soooo good imho so cute so them! i've missed them a lot and i'll be rewatching FOR SURE! what were your fave 3 moments? if you can choose! fuck that anon and the other ones that might be the same person. love you monica keep loving them as hard as you do <3

ANON YOU'RE MAKING ME TEAR UP THIS IS SO SWEET 😭😭 idk if i deserve all these nice words but please know that i deeply appreciate them and that they mean a lot to me!!!! thank you so so much for this 🥺💜

honestly i LOVED the our skyy episodes like i know im terribly biased, but out of all the ones we got until now i think the plot for vice versa felt the most organic and coherent to the characters and their journey. once again everyone involved in the show put so much care and attention into it, and jimmysea have such a natural easy chemistry to them, they sell the lovesick fools who have been married for five years SO WELL. IDK IF I CAN PICK ONLY 3 FAVORITE MOMENTS BECAUSE THEY WERE ALL SO GOOD BUT LET ME TRY:

1) the beach scene. IRREVOCABLY CHANGED ME MY LIFE MY PERSPECTIVE THE FOUNDATION OF MY PERSONHOOD THE BIOCHEMISTRY OF MY BRAIN AND THE ENTIRE MAKE UP OF MY BEING ON AN INTRINSIC MOLECULAR LEVEL. AGAIN. i haven't even begun to process A QUARTER of the insane amount of parallels they managed to pack in just 3 minutes of screentime and how, by doing that, they were able to show just how far puentalay have come in their journey: from strangers to lovers, from a one sided drunk kiss to a passionate yet tender mutual kiss, from a mouthed 'i like your name' to a mouthed 'i love you', from talay's life ending in the ocean to the ocean being the witness of his love, that same love he once thought was just an annoying distraction in the way to achieve his dreams and that now has become an essential color in the palette of his life..... literally made me experience every single emotion present on the spectrum of human consciousness, im gonna need a 2 weeks long vacation in a controlled environment to decompress and recover from the sheer high romance and the whole entire everything of it all

also not to toot my own horn but i love being correct and never losing:

2) both the birthday conversation and the drawing one. SORRY I KNOW IM CHEATING BUT I JUST CAN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN THESE TWO MOMENTS. WHEN I SAY PUENTALAY INVENTED COMMUNICATION UNDERSTANDING CARE LOVE SUPPORT!!!!!!!! im not mentally stable enough to be coherent about this but like.. one of the reasons i adore puentalay is that since the beginning they have always been willing to try to understand each other. no relationship comes without misunderstandings or conflicts, they're always bound to happen from time to time because we're all different and we all react to things in different ways, but what matters the most is the way you can come together after that to face the issue and make it better. i feel like people often have this idealized vision of love where everything must be perfect and passionate and all-consuming, but i believe love is actively choosing to share your life with someone every day as you help each other navigate through it and enjoy the quiet moments together, and i think these two conversations show that puen and talay have this kind of love, a love that will last forever because whatever happens being together is the most important thing for them

3) puentalay and jigsaw sleeping in the same bed. LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU EXCEPT THAT I PERSONALLY DON'T EVEN WANT KIDS BUT SEEING PUEN AND TALAY BEING SO TENDER WITH JIGSAW AND REARRANGING THEIR LIFE TO MAKE SPACE FOR HIM HAD ME LYING IN THE DIRT SOBBING FOR SEVERAL HOURS TO CLIMB DOWN FROM THE SUGAR HIGH THIS SCENE GAVE ME WITH ITS SWEETNESS. it also reminded me a little of the scene in episode 6 when talay admits everything he has missed about puen: talay has always been more rational and reserved with his emotions compared to puen, but it's in quiet moments like these that you can see how deeply his feelings actually run. both puen and talay have so much love to give and one day, when they will be ready, they're gonna have a kid of their own and expand their family, and this knowledge is gonna MAKE ME DIE HAPPY AND IN PEACE

#since i ended up talking about vice versa so much (as always ;;;;;;;) let me send you all the hugs and hearts here in the tags anon!!!!!! #💜💜💜💙💜💙💛❤️💓💗💞💜💚🖤🩷💞💕💗💝💖💚💛💗🩵🩷🤍🧡💘🤎🩶💖💓🧡💝💙💜💜💜💜 #thank you so much again for this and i hope you're having a wonderful day!!!!! #vice versa #our skyy 2 #m: ask

[nedlittle]

top five classic novels!!

as always we need a caveat that i have so much love in my heart that choosing favourites is hard and i'm gonna exclude some big heavy hitters from this year that are fresh in my mind and instead focus on the ones that absolutely have vacation space in my frontal lobe

rebecca (daphne du maurier) - i relate to the narrator saying she "shall never be rid of rebecca" because Me Too girl!! a gateway drug into classics. absolutely intoxicating without a word misplaced or misspent. i enjoyed reading it more for the second time not only because i knew the plot but because there was so much of any given theme to stick your teeth into (i had colour coded highlights for gender and doubling in addition to general excellent prose/foreshadowing). a whole thesis could be written about the ways that rebecca and the narrator both perform androgyny--the narrator essentially fails at performing any sort of gender, rebecca is too good at androgyny and that is what kills her. not to toot my own horn with the one decent line in my otherwise incomprehensible review but: "while rebecca sails freely between masculinity and femininity, not-rebecca drift unmoored between both." i could write more about the structure and point of view but i am big sleepy so unfortunately that post will half to solely exist in the hypothetical. i am always thinking about rebecca

wuthering heights (emily bronte) the thing about wuthering heights is that the first time i read it all the way through i gave it 2.5 stars and was absolutely enthralled by what it lacked and then like 5 months later i think emily bronte personally tunnelled into my brain and compelled me to bump the rating up to 4. at first i was just like Oh the ghosts they story is stuck in a time loop while the rest of the world moves the only way it can be broken is if the cycle of abuse is also broken which is True but the more i thought about it the less i actually thought of the ghosts (shocking i know) and more the possibility of rancid trans rep t4t cathy & heathcliff. cathy trying to get around gender like it's a blocked path and ultimately dying because of compulsory femininity. heathcliff determined to make up for what society sees as a deficit (his race) with his gender, playing four-dimensional chess with his gender trying to find the one (1) way to Do It Right which ultimately means deliberately emulating all the worst parts of masculinity so he has some modicum of power. this WILL be a post in the future and that is a threat.

hamlet. i don't need to say anything more about this one. we've unfortunately all seen the horatio monologue that people keep tagging as poetry even though the word MONOLOGUE is in the first line of the description.

the brothers karamazov (fyodor dostoevsky) frankly an insane choice for my first fedya d especially given the circumstances but man....mitya karamazov is one of the Characters Of All Time. honestly it took me a longass time to read because uhhh being intensely suicidal in a tiny studio apartment with a job you only took for convenience's sake in huge and unfamiliar country during a global pandemic is not the best environment to read your first dostoevsky in but also is maybe the most appropriate. so it took me a while to read and at first i wasn't sure if i understood half of what i was reading but gave it 4 stars for sheer craft and then maybe a week later it really hit me how good it was. i am Not Immune to atreus house. one of the readings i like to consider is somewhat basic but seeing it as biographical specifically alyosha as a mirror of dostoevsky's son alyosha who died at 3 from epileptic complications. book as a mirror and a shrine and a grave all at once. also i'm legally required to mention the unwritten brothers k sequel brothers k ii: alexey kills the tsar. my literary white whale. i have never wanted to read a book more and this one doesn't even exist. kill me! your slave and enemy!

the epic of gilgamesh. bro. bro. 1400 years old and it's a deceptively simple story about transformative love and the earth-shattering grief that comes from losing that love. please refer to my post about how gilgamesh and the velveteen rabbit are fundamentally the same story. it turns out that my method for answering asks is to just type until i run out of ideas and get so sleepy thank you goodnight

#lesbianaglaya #answered #lit #once again my condolences to anyone who has to read and/or scroll past this #what can i say i love explaining things and have a lot of thoughts also my keyboard makes funky clicky noises so typing is fun

[sofipitch]

Honestly, knowing what has happened in other fandoms when black/BIPOC characters have been written in with prominent roles (race-swapped or not), I actually do believe the actors playing Claudia and Louis will be racially abused by many white/non-black fans. The show runners should be prepared for that, and I hope the writers actually are aware of the ramifications of race-swapping Louis and Claudia but keeping Lestat white because it does exacerbate their already canon toxic power dynamics.

Damn, I guess you're right anon, we should cancel the whole show, we should only show white ppl on TV from now on, because of a probability that a TV show will be the next OJ Simpson case.

I honestly should have just deleted this ask bc it's clearly not in good faith, with a false concern for BIPOC. However this is also not the first time I have seen this argument so I'm going to go ahead and give my response as to why I don't think loustat is going to be MORE abusive in the show, and that it'll be worse bc of the race change. I'm also probably going to go outside the realm of your ask, to point out other bad faith arguments.

First I've seen some people wondering why Rolin Jones, a white man, would change Louis and Claudia's race in the first place. But the thing is NOLA has always been a racially diverse city, it's actually pretty sus how white AR's vampires are.

Rolin Jones said this:

We made Louis an African American, which is not a swing if you consider the demographics of New Orleans.

Which is not wrong, the demographics of NOLA are stated as follows when Louis was originally turned in the books:

The report cites colonial census data from 1721 that show about 63 percent city's population identified as white. The remaining 37 percent were -- predominantly black -- enslaved peoples. In 1788, a new demographic emerges -- free people of African descent or "free people of color," enslaved people who were able to purchase their freedom primarily under Spanish law.

The thing is, NOLA today is mostly black, the break down of races as follows:

Black or African American: 59.22%

White: 33.40%

Asian: 2.89%

Two or more races: 2.55%

Other race: 1.75%

Native American: 0.18%

Native Hawaiian or Pacific Islander: 0.01%

So when it comes to a series that is such a big part of NOLA history, it has to be weird for the actual people from that city to see themselves not represented in it. Which is why I believe RJ changes both Louis and Claudia's races to reflect where they are from (who unlike Lestat are NOLA natives).

When it comes to loustat being abusive, I tend to fundamentally disagree with a lot of the arguments I see on here, even before the show started, of Louis being the battered wife and Lestat the abusive husband. I think a lot of people project their own issues onto these characters but seeing Louis as inherently the victim to Lestat is often more based in wanting these characters to fit more into gender stereotypes than anything else.

But what we do know from the show is this:

Q about the Dark Gift being in the series. Sam says Lestat wants to make sure Louis loves him before he gives them the gift.

When Louis was turned in the series he is sick and in a very bad place, and Lestat drains him before asking him, letting Louis know that if he doesn't accept to become a vampire, he will die. X vs death isn't a very healthy dynamic. So changing this so that Lestat makes sure Louis is "the one for him" before turning him shows to me that they are going to try and make their dynamic less toxic. I also don't know where it came from but I saw a rumor that Louis asks Lestat to turn Claudia. Which means that while Lestat can def leverage "but think of the children!" to get out of their divorce, the way he baby traps Louis is less malicious.

I think these changes were made with their racial dynamic in mind. This is going to sound like I'm tooting my own horn but I cowrote a fic, The Long Way Home, with @sweetazathioprine in which Louis and Claudia are black. This fic is set in the book time period and Louis is still a slave owner (son of the master who later learns his mother was a slave and he's a child by rape, an unfortunately very common situation back when this kind of slavery existed in the America). Half the point of this fic was to show that Louis could be black with very little of him changed, and be the same person. We also had other goals, like addressing the horror of slavery rather than letting it be some romantic setting the story just happens to take place in, and also just writing a story where we could see ourselves reflected back. But my point is, there were changes/writing decisions my cowriter and I made knowing the potential power dynamics between loustat. Louis basically addresses every single one we do make, there's so much we just blatantly wrote out rather than trusting/hoping readers would "get it".

Now, the last concern I will address is "Rolin Jones is a white man how can we trust him to get these characters right"

The IMDB for the new series isn't finished, it still says there will be 8 episodes when we know there will be 7, it says Claudia will only appear for one episode but given her presence in the trailer and that she will be aging from "14-37" this season, and just how much Bailey was on set, I doubt one episode is the case. HOWEVER, from what is on there, a director for two of the episodes is a black man (his insta confirms this) and the only other writer is a gay latino man (I assume adding AR is a formality)

Again, this seems kind of incomplete, the number of episodes it says the directors are directing doesn't actually equal the total number of episodes. A lot of people where only giving V E. Scwab the credit for writing First Kill (a gay vampire/vampire hunter show that is also interracial, should that show also be canceled bc it "could have been problematic" but wasn't???) and the writers room was quite diverse.then Schwab showed a pic of the writing room, revealing all credit shouldn't go to her.

So my main point is that automatically assuming the show will handle race badly, and that the characters should all be white instead is a very bad tired take I have only seen white ppl make. I have said this before but I love this series and will be devastated if the show is bad, I will have to crawl into the ground and take one of Lestat's 50 yr coma naps. But a lot of people are trying to argue it will be bad and that we shouldn't support it, way before we actually get to see it. And a lot of the ppl making this argument are white ppl, acting like they need to act as some sort of guide to POC, acting like they are only thinking of our best interests when telling us how we should think and feel. I don't need that, I know some ppl in this fandom think they are shouldering The White Man's Burden, only wanting to protect us poor POC who are looking forward to the show, but I am perfectly capable of evaluating information on my own, thank you.

#im gonna hit the hornets nest on this one and actually put it in the tags #vc #vampire chronicles #iwtv #interview with the vampire #asks

[erithel]

i've followed you for a few years now and i just wanted to let you know that even though i've since stopped consuming most voltron-based media, i'm always SUPER excited to see/read your work. the way you've honed in on your style and developed your craft since the show ended has been really cool to see, and i look forward to whatever projects you have in store!!

So this is actually very special to me for a specific reason. So I'm gonna thank you in, like…an essay LOL.

I don't talk about this much, but back when I had started making my first fan comic several years back, I had basically given up on continuing my original comics.

Making comics – getting a comic published – is my ultimate goal in life, and at that point it was so depressing and so stressful I had to set it aside. And that was devastating.

But making fan comics was different. It was just fun, and it gave me a chance to still create something without feeling like it was all a wasted effort.

And making these fan comics has given me a chance, like you said, to actually improve and reach a point where I feel confident in my skill as an artist.

I mean, not trying to toot my own horn, here, but – for anyone who might need to hear that sometimes all you need is, well, time –

Here's the first Lance I drew:

And here's one of the most recent:

Making fan comics has given me a chance to still do what I love and to learn to do it well.

And it – along with comments exactly like what you said here – has given me the hope again that if I start creating my own stories, it won't all be for nothing.

Thank you so, so much. :)

#asks #erithel's hot takes #fan comic

[elmelloill]

i put this on twitter but what if i put it here too! my favorite lines (more like...sections) from the fics I wrote in 2022 :)

(with slightly more commentary than on twitter, perhaps) (edit: a lot more commentary than on twitter)

I included my aa4 zine piece on twitter but I don't think I will here, since I didn't actually write it this year and just happened to post it on ao3 in January after the zine released. So the rest of these are all Waver fics, because in 2022 I finally unlocked the ability to write about him.

i'm the one you can't ignore [rated M, excerpt is some implied nsfw]

So first, I'm so pleased with the concept of this fic. I didn't really take the idea seriously at first but the more I thought about it the more I realized that it's really the premise with the best of both worlds when it comes to the question of whether Iskandar remembers Waver in Chaldea or not. All of Waver's heartbreak and inner conflict AND the actual reunion all in one fic! One of the comments called it a "delicious little misunderstanding" and I love that. I know this is very much tooting my own horn but it's also my most popular fic of them by a Lot so it feels a teeny bit justified. And my goal this year was to write the things i really wanted to read so! I love everything I wrote this year a lot!

Anyway. Excerpt.

He had thought that, in this situation, it wouldn’t make a difference if Iskandar remembered him or not. It was purely physical self-indulgence, after all—what did it matter if Iskandar only thought of him as some attractive stranger to share his bed for a night?

But something in Iskandar’s touch was different now—they had never done this before, not remotely, but it was as though Iskandar had figured him out nonetheless, like he knew even better than Waver did what would make him unravel.

Actually half my reasons for this section being my favorite is because when I thought of it I felt like I unlocked the path to the end of the fic. It was simultaneously like "yes! this is it! this is the whole point!" while also giving me something to talk about through my sex scene that wasn't like, the actual sex, so i was able to get through it without my usual ordeal. But it's also my favorite because I'm just a sucker for the concept of Iskandar seeing straight through Waver, in any context. Being around Iskandar means being subjected to the mortifying ordeal of being known, for Waver, or at least I like to see it that way.

His Rightful Place [rated G]

But despite everything, when he raises his head to meet Iskandar’s gaze, an unassailable sense of reassurance overtakes him, and even though his heart is still pounding hard enough to echo in his ears, he feels as though something has slotted into place in his chest.

Waver Velvet, second-rate mage and stand-in Lord of the Clock Tower, should not be here in this alien place, trying to save the world, but at the same time, looking into his King’s eyes, he knows that he is exactly where he is meant to be.

I actually don't have much more commentary than the title itself. His rightful place! (Shameless use of the CE name because it makes me emotional and I'll never actually have it unless they rerun accel zero order just for me.) This one was fun though, and also sort of started from an idea I didn't take seriously right away. I definitely watched the entire Solomon movie hoping Waver would show up, but if my disappointment led to me writing something about it, then maybe that's fine.

Warmth [rated T, maybe it should be M?? i really couldn't decide.]

I really really wanted to write a kiss and (mostly) just a kiss. Making out is so often just a prelude to smut (in doujins especially. maybe I was flipping through too many doujins at this time lol) so I just really wanted to focus in on the kiss and that's probably why it kind of got out of hand. That and Waver's just so fun to write when he's a repressed gay 19-year-old.

All that said, my favorite part is just about Waver being Seen, again:

Waver hadn’t meant to look at him, but now he couldn’t look away. According to legend, Alexander’s eyes should have been different colors, one dark and one light, but it was hard for Waver to imagine anything more striking than the dark burning crimson that he was so used to. Had anyone ever looked at him the way Rider did? It was frustrating sometimes, how he seemed to see through Waver so easily, but that meant he was actually looking, when so many other people just dismissed Waver at a glance.

Waver couldn’t feign indifference to that gaze. Everything he wanted was laid excruciatingly bare, from his petty ambitions and his desperation for recognition, to the desire he had told himself had no place in the heart of a mage—Waver could hardly stand it, but at the same time…Rider was still looking, wasn’t he? Not with disgust, not with scorn…despite their disastrous first encounter, Alexander the Great was still looking at Waver Velvet with undeniable interest, as though he saw something of value where nobody else had, value that even Waver sometimes doubted was there.

And because I can't get enough of this whole concept, I wrote about it from Iskandar's perspective, next.

Bloom [rated G]

I loved writing this one. Giving myself an excuse to write about Waver's character development in Zero by making it into a fic! Iskandar POV was really fun and I hope to use it a little more in the future. While it isn't the excerpt I chose as my favorite, I really liked thinking about him getting excited about talking to Waver about the Iliad. I love when Fate points out (accurately) that he's basically a huge fanboy when it comes to Homer.

But I basically centered the fic around this metaphor so, it should be the chosen excerpt:

He’s changed.

He had the feeling of watching a desert flower burst into bloom after the briefest deluge. It was always a delight to witness the prickliest, most forbidding plants unfurl the sweetest blossoms after a rare rain, and Iskandar felt the same satisfaction now. His first impressions had not been wrong—Waver was weak and cowardly, overconcerned with frivolous matters, impatient, self-centered—but the spines and the flowers were of the same plant, after all, and it was just a matter of the proper conditions to bring out one or the other.

While this fic was largely just inspired by the thought of Waver wrapped up in Iskandar's mantle (shout out to the 4th hgw for taking place in February) I think I was also influenced by the scene right before Iskandar fights Saber (which I happened to be rewatching) because I hadn't noticed before how Waver stands next to him and just sort of...holds on to the mantle while he thinks about Iskandar's history and ideals. Prior to the scene on the bridge, it really felt like a point where Waver's attitude towards Iskandar is shown in it's final form, more or less, so I sort of wanted to place this fic directly before that scene and show Iskandar's feelings reaching that point, too.

Okay that's it! I had a lot of fun writing this year even if I didn't write a lot. My goal was just to create the things that I really wanted to see and I think I accomplished it, even if I still have things I'm working on that I haven't finished yet. If you read and enjoyed any of my fics this year, thank you!!!

#very sorry if this shows up in tags but hopefully the read more works #i'm only able to talk abt my thoughts on my favs in fanfic form and i was really happy to be able to do that w waver this year <3 #i don't know if i really made much progress with writing this year but i AM happy with what i created in the end #levblogging