#i've been rambling a lot in my writings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

botanautical · 1 year

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'We all yearn for the woods. That's why every fellow on this island wants to settle down near a tree - just one will do.'

#dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #bsd fanart #it's dazai day!!#i wish this insufferable fictional man weren't so beloved to me #but as somebody plagued by silly brain issues he is oddly comforting and makes me feel less alone #and bsd introduced me to actual dazai osamu whose writing is honestly groundbreaking to me and i've barely even scratched the surface #it's something about the confluence of humour and tragedy... the desire to exist to bring joy to others at the expense of one's own #i feel like asagiri imparted this notion well onto bsd dazai - i know a lot of people dislike dazai and question his motivations #but i have faith in him and believe he's pursuing good #anyway excuse the ramble! the caption is from dazai's short story 'monkey island'! thank you to my dear partner for finding it for me!!#i'm really very happy with how this piece turned out - i wanted to depict bsd dazai but really pay suitable homage to his namesake #it's been a while since i've had fun drawing but this one and other recent pieces this month have really brought me back into it #happy birthday dazai #botanautical

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quatregats · 3 months

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Something I've been thinking about is how Patrick O'Brian manages so skillfully to write characters whose actions contradict their beliefs, which I think is honestly a big part of why his characters feel so real. Mostly with Stephen and Jack—e.g., and perhaps most notably, Stephen has notably leftist sympathies (honestly I have no idea how to characterize his politics in period terms) who nonetheless becomes very comfortable with his rise to the landed gentry, while Jack is a card-carrying Tory who much of the time sympathizes far more with working class sailors and farmers than with the upper classes—but I'm sure he does it to a lesser degree with some of his minor characters (James Dillon, while perhaps not precisely minor, comes to mind), and I love that he's able to do that, especially the way in which he embeds it in the narrative. We see how they're all unreliable narrators of themselves; we understand how they want to be seen and how that does and doesn't coincide with the reality, but most importantly, this isn't presented as something reprehensible, just as a part of their own humanity. They are not their expectations for themselves, but they don't need to be those expectations to be beloved.

#stephen is especially guilty of this and i think it's very interesting how he thinks of himself versus how he acts #which is probably an essay on its own #but i do think that this is another point he and jack make a fun foil on #(for jack this manifests much less explicitly but i think it's definitely still there)#i can't think of other characters atm besides james dillon #(who okay. his actions don't contradict his beliefs exactly but there is a weird and complex relationship between them)#though i do suspect that there are probably more #idk i've been thinking about this a lot because o'brianizing hornblower has brought to the forefront #how different those two authors treat internal/external narratives #patrick o'brian is kind of like yeah they don't really line up but that's okay that's just what it's like to be a person #while for hornblower and cs forester it's like the internal narrative is so unbelievably unreliable and negative #but the external narrative also seems to be resoundingly positive #(which is probably why. in my humble opinion having watched two episodes of it. the tv show is much more Fun)#writing hornblower in o'brian format is just like wow there is no weirdness going on did i write him wrong #but no it's hornblower he just sounds so much more normal without the 24/7 mental gymnastics #perce rambles #aubreyad

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anna-scribbles · 1 month

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psst I decided to start posting some personal creative stuff on a sideblog called @georgiamorn 🦋 will be mostly songs, probably little poems and art pieces here and there. not a lot of overlap with this blog but feel free to check it out if u want<3

#no idea where i'm really going with this but #i've just been writing songs for forever to process stuff on my own #and keeping them really close to my heart #and I think i'm getting to a point where i'd like to share them somehow #and I have lots of more personal / nonfandom art and poetry etc #and I think it would just be nice to have a spot to keep it all #anyway. this is all a really intense procrastination tactic #🫡#anna rambles

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coffee-in-that-nebula · 9 days

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Main reason I post this selfie: this is the happiest I've been in a while.

More rambling in the tags.

#not trek #me #selfie #I snapped this photo really quick to show off my necklace to some friends and some of them pointed out that i literally glow from happiness #which is not a lie #idk about the glow #ik about the happiness #and it means a lot to me and it makes me a little emotional too because exactly 1 year ago my mental health was awful #and i might actually write and post something about this because it's been a lot in my mind #i don't wanna forget my lowest point tbh because I want to be proud of how far i've come #because I own it 100%#anyway end rambling #CHECK OUT MY CUTE NECKLACE BTW #it's new and I love it

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coffeebanana · 1 year

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i love how optimistic i am when outlining long fics it's like "oh wow if i just plan this all out and then Follow. The. Plan!! it will totally be SO EASY. i mean i can have it all done so quickly!"

...ignoring the fact that this has never once happened 😂

#kayla rambles #writing thingsss #the closest thing is the time i did ladynoir july because like...i did write 60k in around 50 days #but i was a lot less picky about my writing then ajsfbkdsjf #like i COULD NOT write that fic now. and also i would write it so differently now 😭 but not the point #and i still updated the outline many times while writing that #also is 60k even a long fic? to me that's just medium. though i know that depends on who you ask #and i suppose by my standards i've never actually finished a 'long fic' (yet...but i have 4 in progress oops)#RIP to the shera fic that i only have one chapter of left to write asjfbdksjd maybe one day #on the plus side i feel like i'm getting better at outlining!!!#and i'm having fun which is the important thing!!#plus who knows maybe the break from actual writing will help #(if i manage not to cave akjfdskjd it's only been 4 days and idk if i'm strong enough to resist much longer)

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averlym · 9 months

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ghostwriter (their grandma would tell them she'd lose half her soul)

#or smth smth. having a lot of Thoughts. anyways here's the piece i've been working on and sometimes u have to just say Done #there's a lot of thinks but i am maybe a bit tired and so tmr i'll come in and add all the Tags that i'd personally want to get from myself #maybe i'll reblog the extras tmr too. this is an incredibly self indulgent piece + it probably deserves a tag ramble essay or smth #ig for now we see how it stands for itself + in the meantime:#adamandi #beatrix valeria campbell #hello!! i'm back with belated tags yippee!! alright so for funsies i'm going to make it sound like i'm going bonkers over this :3 #the eye shine... the glowy eye... it's like phaethon shine but also smth about eyes to windows to the soul and like #there's two beatrixes here! half the soul. lost part doing things specific to the phaethon and here it's portrayed as tearing off her name #because that's really; truly; when it all starts!! also notable for the ghostly beatrix is i did it more painterly and cloaked in shadow and #fading into the bg. i think i was super duper specificish about where the glow comes from! front lighting back lighting beloved!!! like help #let's put it this way- beatrix face always glowy. important parts of paper also glowy. it's just that different elements are turned away #from the viewer by each beatrix!! also also. let's talk about the very gently implied blood and red etcetera #like the red string is canonical and i love personally the whole red strings of fate thing even though it's not Here Applicable exactly but #that definitely was an influence! and also the blood in the bg... i'm starting to think this is a recurring trend. but anyway shadowy bea #the other strings hang while the red string loops!! so like that one string feels almost alive. it's a sort of whimsical i put on the same #as metaphorical glowy eye!! also also the eye is lowkey influenced by the whole idea of Eyes and Spotlights within the show and also glow #as in power as in heyyy you ever think about writing as a visual medium huh #speaking of writing!! there is no beatrix thingy complete in my head without text sorrry but the black text overlays are always so >>> to me #and in the sense of art styles and overlays shoutout to all the black crosshatching outline thingys because For Some Reason in my mind #of all the characters beatrix feels like the bnw ink printed illustrations you get in books idk #fun fact! i spent so long rendering this and that was fine i liked it! but then trying to figure out text to go on the papers was a Thing #i tried to do. but then gave up on! sometimes i have to pick my battles and graphic design is indubitably Not my passion bc Fonts #fun facts about this is i Actually did start with a quick sketch in mind and there's been so many changed elements. in the og the front #paper for instance had 'ardess murders' written on it and the back one said phaethon interviews.. i like the nominee list better it feels #more narrative-esque and less passive than her just holding her writing.! other elements that got discontinued were that #front beatrix was supposed to blur into the other ghostly beatrix but i couldn't do it without sacrificing clarity so... no... no blurry #oh and the red string morphing at the ends to smth more abstract was always there from the start!! og had more floating papers #and also a silhouette of vincent and a scalpel bc 'one who pulls the strings' but that (pun intended)! got cut (hahahahahahaha) (sorry)#used also to be a lot of print room clutter but that got cut to bc compositionally i made beatrix larger (learned lesson from last art)

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indestinatus · 1 month

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feeling like a 25yo modern woman going out on dates and taking care of my apartment 😌

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ninja-knox-ur-sox-off · 1 year

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oh yeah did i mention i was writing for a monkie kid zine? check it-

preorders open July 1st, the twitter is @//LMKFanzine. they’re just finishing up contributor spotlights so feel free to check out if you see any artists or writers you recognize.

#knox rambles #LMK zine #first zine!! I've ever been a part of so it's been pretty cool #not nearly as stressful or anxiety inducing as i was expecting its actually pretty chill #anyway lots of artist and writers that have done some incredible work on this one #the merch is super cool looking too #excited for it all to be finished and to get a physical copy #fun times folks #also i am looking away from that writing sample of mine i dont' think i realized it was gonna be on the spotlight even tho i'm p sure it #said it would be in the form i filled out #not my best work hGLSK;JDF #still love that silly sign fic tho

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sugarsnappeases · 4 months

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thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao

i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child

no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333

#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i #lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde #in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one #i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare #my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see #i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour #i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao #okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too #spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand #yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree #literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute #okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here #kara lore #bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol #tag games

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scribefindegil · 9 months

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Thinking about narrative pacing (my nemesis) again. It's one of the most crucial aspects of any kind of narrative art, but also one of the most difficult (for me at least) to conceptualize as you're working.

For one thing, you have to remember that pacing is somewhat a matter of personal preference; a slow build that I think is perfectly constructed might bore someone else to tears, while a really fast-paced story that they love might feel frenetic and overwhelming to me. "Good pacing" isn't an absolute, and is very dependent on your style and your audience and the mood of your story. You have to learn to tell the difference between "Bad Pacing (doesn't serve the story)" and "Bad Pacing (doesn't serve *me*)."

And pacing isn't really one distinct thing; it's the effect produced by an amalgamation of a bunch of different choices. It's about where you start and end your scenes, the length of them, the level of detail in your descriptions, how long and how focused your conversations are, the tone, the tension . . . There are some general rules that are useful: you need to vary the tension or your readers will stop feeling it; don't feel like you need to narrate every single thing that happens when you can just cut to the next important thing instead; know what each scene is accomplishing within the narrative so you don't lose focus. But all of these things need to work in tandem or they don't work at all, and that can be *really* tricky to navigate.

#personally i have a tendency to ramble and over-explain #so i've been thinking a lot lately about focus #how do i keep my scenes tight and show only what i need to?#how do i keep things understated and trust my readers to figure it out instead of overexplaining?#even with longer pieces i've been trying to view them a little like poetry.#it helps me pay more attention to my sentences and let the imagery stand on its own #writing #ramblings

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seventh-district · 25 days

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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill #well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst #like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made #bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you #but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings #and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste #there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc #so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything #if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is #which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose #anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages #or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing #i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know #it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess #as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence #the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education #i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype #sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen #there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions #like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity #like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem #but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.

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astrxealis · 8 months

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if i do "?" in text i'm genuinely tilting my head like a dog if i do "!!" my eyes are sparkling and i am figuratively wagging my tail if i am IN ALL CAPS i'm screaming from the top of a mountain with all the power i can with love and the strength of RAGHHH within me

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#sorry guys. i will not shut up.#honestly i really miss it here on tumblr SNIFFS ..... i say this sm tho but damn real/offline life has really been fun <33 #anyway. meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow me #very good day ty to those who greeted me anywhere or even just liked a post as a little hi hbd or just acknowledgement ya know arghhh arghhh #I'M SO TIRED NOW ACTUALLY i'm on 5 battery but watch me keep talking (writing) some more #i'm insane btw i went out w friends earlier this tuesday (love them sm) and then. they pitched in to buy me the origin of species bcs i've #been wanting the book LMFAO AS A BDAY GIFT IDK IT'S SO FUNNY TO ME BUT GENUINELY I'M SO HAPPY (NERD) <333 #and today i've talked a lot again w one best friend and another of my dearest friends and another too and idk fun day fr #okay i shut up now #that's a lie btw who knows when i will shut up #i might shut up now actually actually #actually i like rambling it's so fun teehee #BUT YEAH TY AGAIN ... genuinely makes me so happy i feel so giddy i was scared today would turn out bad and hey it isn't perfect but to me #it kinda is. in its own way. imperfectly perfect ^_^ <3 yeehaw!!

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chucapybara · 18 hours

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sometimes going on tumblr i think "oh i should write something. for the people" and then i remember i don't owe anyone anything! feeling obligated to write changes the way you look at your passions and it's a sad hole to accidentally tumble into!

writing has always been one of my first loves, and i could never bear to lose the integrity of it for anything or anyone. art ought not to have its purpose of expression and feeling lost for the masses!

#🌑 chuca rambles #that said #i do apologise to the ppl who followed me #my activity does get a bit sporadic and at the moment i've just been. resting lots #had some trouble over the weekend. heart issues #i do still feel bad about not producing anything new but i have to gently chide myself #that i'm not a content creator to be churning out writing pieces #and there'll always be others who write more frequently!#fandom has always been about having ideas and sharing them at your own pace #but that Peer Pressure. gets to you y'know #and i do miss making stuff for my moots especially but yeah i can't force anything that doesn't want to come 😔#i'm sorry loves

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candyriku · 1 day

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I unfortunately find myself unable to work on my current Soriku fic today due to my mental state, but I was able to make a bit of a teaser for the next big Soriku fanfiction that will be coming sometime after JTSYS is finished.

You can read it under the cut, but TW for blood, death, and uh, general misery. This has been cathartic for me to write but the whole idea of this fic is that things are impossibly doomed, so be warned - this is not the happy fun zone.

Blood. There was so much blood.

He had smelled it before even seeing it, the metallic scent thick in his nose before he had even rounded the corner. He had tried to convince himself that it was his own bleeding wound that he smelled, or maybe the blood of something else, someone else, but in his heart, he knew the truth. He picked up his pace, sprinting at top speed now, his sneakers splashing through shallow puddles on the wet pavement.

When his eyes finally came to rest on the crumpled form at the end of the alley, the breath was knocked out of his chest as though someone had taken a baseball bat to his sternum. He knew, of course he knew, but he had hoped-

No. It didn’t matter what he hoped for. Hopes and wishes weren’t for people that walked his path. He had been denied the right to hope for anything ages ago. When he had signed that contract, signed away his soul, he forfeited all the cushy pleasures of a normal life. He had given up his chance of knowing peace.

But it had been worth it. If it was for Sora, anything was worth it.

Standing over Sora’s blood-soaked body, Riku tried to remind himself of that truth, the one thing that he had tethered his heart to all this time. It was worth it. Even if the chance of Sora making it out alive were next to none, there was still a chance. He could still fight.

One of these loops, Riku would get it right. He would figure out how to keep Sora safe, how to protect him from this accursed dimension where everything was designed to end his life. They would break out and live a normal life together, just the way they had always planned.

There was a happy future waiting somewhere for the two of them. There had to be. Riku had gambled everything on it.

He crouched down, his shaking fingers gently brushing Sora’s tear-stained cheek. He could hardly stand to look at his face, but the sight of his broken, bleeding body was no better. The wounds were precise and lethal, and Riku was far too late.

No matter how many dozens of times he had watched Sora die, it never got easier. It never stopped feeling like his chest was a black hole caving in on itself, his heart squeezed until it was nothing more than dust.

He couldn’t look. He couldn't look away.

Riku kneeled and placed both of Sora’s hands over his heart. He was about to speak and begin the incantation that would throw them both back to the starting point again, but Sora suddenly stirred, weakly reaching one hand up towards Riku’s face.

“Riku…” his voice was barely more than a whisper.

“I’m here,” Riku said, the words catching in his throat. “Don’t speak. You can rest now. It’s okay.”

He hated to say it. He wanted to plead with Sora, wanted to beg him to stay. But if Riku had learned anything throughout the loops, it was that nothing came of begging. There was no one to answer his prayers; benevolent forces did not dwell here. At best, all it would accomplish would be making Sora sad in his final moments. At worst, future loops would be impacted by Riku’s words to Sora, twisting the knife further. He had seen it enough to know what to avoid now.

“I don’t want…” There was a weighted pause. “...Don’t want to leave you.” The pool of blood continued to grow. Riku knew - though he wished that he didn’t - that Sora wouldn’t be able to maintain consciousness for much longer at this rate. He could hardly believe Sora was awake even now.

“We’ll meet again.” he assured Sora softly, trying to keep his voice steady. “Don’t worry. It'll be okay.”

“You…” This pause was longer, much longer, and Riku was all but sure that Sora would not speak again. Finally, with a wet cough, Sora continued. “You promise?”

“I promise.” Riku lied. He leaned forward and kissed Sora’s forehead, his lips lingering there for several long moments as he took steadying breaths.

“Mm… ‘kay.” Sora managed. “Love you… so much.”

“I love you too.” Riku said, clenching his teeth so hard his jaw popped. He wanted to scream. After taking a moment to compose himself, he sat up and offered his best imitation of a smile to Sora. Better for him to see that than to see how broken Riku really was.

The all-too-familiar faraway look settled on Sora’s face as the last of his breath left his body. Riku collapsed over him, the tears finally coming, the weight hitting him all at once with the force of a tidal wave. Even knowing that he would see Sora alive and well again in mere moments did nothing to comfort him.

It didn't matter how many times Riku had seen it. It never got any easier to watch Sora die.

#here's some doomed soriku angst :)#when I do finally post this on ao3 i will very likely post it under a pseud so that people that want happy can very easily avoid it #i've just been in a bad place because I can't write and I feel bad that I can't write but feeling bad makes it impossible to write. so #I was like “lets just write that depressing stuff since my head is already there” and it actually kind of worked out which was nice.#this came from me workshopping my guardian angel au but i now think that's an entirely separate fic at this point. not sure yet.#anyways this is not like the 1st chapter or anything and idk if the final version will be anything like this or have a lot of changes but #this is like a sneak peek into what I'm working on lol. here is what it's gonna be like. i hope someone vibes with angsty soriku and dying.#soriku #soriku fic #blood #tw blood #tw death #honestly though. can i ramble for a sec. i've been wracking my brain trying to make my guardian angel au work for MONTHS #and now that i finally have working ideas for a plot/conflict/story beats it's moved so far away from that original concept that its like #basically an entirely different fic now. a guardian angel doesnt even make sense for this story now.#so if i ever do write a guardian angel au fic it will be separate from this and different lol. i really want to make it work though!!#I might end up going with the whole mcr lyric theme for this fic even though that was specifically for the au. bc it fits here #anyways biblically accurate Riku will exist at some point. I promise i will write it. it just might not be in this. (unless?)

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novantinuum · 7 months

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self care is unfollowing people who spread negativity on ur dash!! like Damn! yeah i theoretically Agree with your crit but i really Don't wanna see it either bc i want to Celebrate content instead of hyperfixating on the stuff i didn't like about it! yeet!!!

#jen rambles #i had someone call a SU fic i wrote once a 'fix it' and i'm just like #NO!!!#it was Not a fix it!#because a fix it would assume that i think i am Better and More Smart than the creators and that is hubris i really don't want #to take upon myself #i just like!! taking the elements i like and writing More of it!#that's all #i also feel like there's lots of people who just crumple when things in fiction aren't coherently explained #but i've always seen those holes as Opportunities?#idk like on one hand is leaving holes in your narrative bad writing? likely #but also the very soul of fan creation has Always been stepping alongside canon and re-imagining it #and oft filling those holes #and i just wish more people would join me in doing so in good faith to the source material #instead of doing it in that sort of 'ughhh so like since canon fucking sucks i'm fixing it :)' way #one day i'll prob Myself talk about the issues i had with the plotting of This Thing and you'll see tons of overlap with what #others are saying about it #but like idk. just why make that your sole focus? doesn't that bum other people out too?#like it kind of breaks my heart seeing people so fixated on the imperfections that they can't even enjoy what Was #i just don't get this mindset

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melverie · 1 month

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Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know?#like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea......#i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3)#but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer?#yeah...#that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha.....#but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up?#would you also *show* that you care?#i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol)#anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

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