#i've been seeing a lot of guilt tripping posts lately

[oleander-nin]

Hi how do you think Yandere Leo and Yandere Donnie (together) hcs from rise would act as platonic yanderes friends who don’t wanna share the readers with others , turtles rather keep the reader to themselves , but what if reader got hurt by one of the villains how do the turtles react to that 👀

A/N, not important: Sorry for the late post. I've been busy. Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

CW: Kidnapping, possession of a friend, manipulation, isolation, losing all friends, toxic behavior, toxic friendship, gaslighting(technically), hint towards murder, yandere behavior

Words: 718

Summary: ROTTMNT Platonic Yandere Leo and Donnie headcanons of when you get hurt

Tag list: @f1oricide @itsyagurlchip @lordfreg @acutiewithagun @rottmnttmnt2012 @lixnininotnay @lexiechr @ssak-i

They’d both be clingy, constantly vying for your individual attention while also trying to not annoy you to the point of attempting to remove them from your life. While they have you in their sights, neither is immediately trying to kidnap you off the bat. They like knowing you’re choosing to come to them. It gives them a superior feeling to the other people you used to call friends, even if they’re the reason you no longer have any other friends.

Neither let you go for very long without seeing one of them. They can’t go a day without checking in on you in person. Text or calls doesn’t cut it.

Leo loves to send you memes and funny videos, and gets upset if you don’t respond/react to them. He’ll probably end up at your window within half an hour of you missing a text, worried something happened to you.

Have slowly driven a wedge between you and all of your other friends, effectively isolating you. Neither Leo nor Donnie even let you hang out much with Raph or Mikey, preferring to keep you as reliant on them as possible. You’re their friend, and they’re the only friends you’ll ever need.

They’ll insist on sleepovers, or you staying over with them a lot. Leo especially likes to guilt trip you into staying over, constantly whining on how you’re avoiding them if you don’t. They’re trying to get you used to staying with them, hoping that the longer you spend with them, the less likely you’ll fight back when they decide you can’t leave.

They’re also incredibly protective of you, always judging who you’re with or who you want to make friends with. They have something on every person you try to form a bond with, trying to feed into your paranoia while painting themselves as your heroes. Donnie and Leo aren’t like everyone else, you can trust them.

Because of the different ways Leo and Donnie handle things with you, it ends up being in their benefit. You’re mad at Leo? Donnie will spend time with you and try to calm you down while making you see Leo’s point of view. You found Donnie’s tracker and are avoiding him? Of course Leo knew nothing about it, but can you blame Donnie? He’s only trying to keep you safe.

Their tag teaming makes it so you will never be able to have a break from them, and you won’t ever be able to be mad at one without the other coming to show you all the reasons you shouldn’t be.

They try their best to keep you away from the dangers of their ‘work’, telling you recounts of their fights while making sure you’ll never see one firsthand. They want to impress you and make you feel like they will be able to keep you safe, but never want you to be in the line of fire. Your safety will always be their top priority.

So when you show up with bruises and scratches one day, they’re both immediately on high alert. Both are nearly immediately up in arms and ready to kill as you tell them what happened. By the time you finish your account, Donnie’s already located the villain responsible and is having SHELLDON track their every move.

Neither of them leave your side until you’re feeling better and patched up. They’re delighted you came to them, and know that if they left now, you’d be upset while having to deal with your pain and fear alone. They’ll set up your favorite movie for you in the projector room, swaddling you in blankets and ordering your favorite take out.

As soon as you’ve calmed down, and hopefully fallen asleep, they’ll both go find who hurt you, and make sure they’ll never be able to hurt a single hair on you again.

When they return, they make sure to not alert you as they finally finish their preparations to the small train car they converted into your new room. The world is too dangerous for you, especially now that they’ve failed to protect you. They swear to never let something happen to you ever again, even if it means never letting you go. Which is fine by them, it’s not like this isn’t exactly what they wanted.

#rottmnt #tmnt #rise of the tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt donnie #yandere tmnt #yandere rottmnt #rise leo #rise donnie #rottmnt donatello #rottmnt leonardo #platonic yandere x reader #yandere platonic #yandere x reader #tw yandere #platonic yandere donatello #platonic yandere leonardo #yandere leonardo #yandere donatello #platonic yandere rottmnt #platonic yandere leo #platonic yandere donnie #yandere rottmnt leo #yandere donnie #yandere rottmnt x reader

[viewsbourg]

Breaking the silence ( Shinybeyzer / Mc )

⚠disclaimer⚠

Do not witch hunt or harass shinybeyzer / shinymc / any other aliases they go under . Many things I will claim later on in the post can only be alleged as a lot of evidence has been lost from the deletion of my old discord account ( 0rbrot#5083 ) , their deletion of their old blog ( Shinymc ) , and their deletion of the current blog ( Shinybeyzer ) . this post will contain passages about manipulation , emotional abuse , and mentions of suicide and self harm . Everything detailed below is my own experience and it may vary between people

TLDR at the bottom

this will be the last time I talk about this unless this somehow manages to outrage me more . but I feel like this whole ' goodbye letter ' is just the pure embodiment of manipulation .

Here is their final letter to me .

it starts off by guilt tripping me , ' you can block me ' as well as the later part where ONCE AGAIN they assume that I hate them , or that I'll forget about them .

guess what ? I'm never forgetting you . I would never forget someone who manipulated me for 4 years and drove me near insanity just from the sheer amount of times I needed to repeat that fact . Then gauging the fact that I " sent her away " as if I hadn't warned them hundreds of times that I would cut them off if they kept going .

Then they pull the sympathy card . " I won't hate you " . No shit , you're right , you have no reason to , I'm not the one who made your life the way it is , I'm not the one who enabled it either . The reason the truth hurt so much is because you're living in god damn denial . the truth hurts , yes , but if you never face it , you'll only keep digging your grave .

once again , assuming I'll be outraged . that I'll ask them to never talk to me again . Basically just saying this to ask me to prove them wrong , but you know what ? you're right this time . Never talk to me ever again .

and finally , they definitely weren't the bad person in this situation , see ! they're wishing me happy pride month ! ! how sweeeeeeeet ! ! ! /s .

Sorry , the first part was rather emotional . But I've got a lot of things I want to provide now that this person has left tumblr , again .

it's rather hard to provide withstanding evidence for emotional manipulation , as it is a gradual thing and difficult to prove with as few screenshots , but I'll still try my best .

I've been friends with Shiny since late 2019 ( 4 years ) , we met through the AF / PR community ( now Stars Align ) On discord , most messages still being there , mostly being a relatively positive friend ship until 2021 ( below ) where they were chased out of the community for being hyper - sensitive to jokes and criticism and not being willing to listen to others ( will bring up later ) .

before long , I was greeted with a long message detailing about how I was their only friend left , and how much they loved me and needed me in those trying times . Unfortunately I have no evidence to provide so feel free to not believe me on this one .

Our relationship turned sour quick as we'd argue regularly . I set my boundaries straight and refused to blindly accept them without criticizing them for their actions at the time . this continued on relatively often but I never paid mind to it . but it only got significantly worst .

Their manipulation tactics :

they will claim that they have suicidal thoughts and need your help

they will claim nobody else accepts them , they will bash themselves for their looks and / or state of being ( unemployed , living with parents )

they will claim that they have no other friends despite being them having many readily available to use as a speaking vessel whenever you intend to block them

A lot of evidence for the claims above have been unfortunately lost from our earlier conversations and may not be evident at first , once again , i apologize for being unable to provide full proof for all of my claims .

All these actions are used to gauge your sympathy , or to pity you into caring . If you do not reciprocate , they will :

They will exaggerate your words . ( ex : We should stop being friends ➞ You hate me and want me to die )

They will assume that you dislike them because of X reason ( their words : being ugly , having no friends , etc .)

Double down and claim to go cry , self harm or kill themselves .

They will ignore your points in favor of the above .

their selfishness : Shiny is an incredibly selfish person , even if you are there in their time of needs , they won't treat you better than a stranger . Despite the superficial amount of support they give you , they don't want to treat you like a person with their own thoughts , or even care about what others need / want .

[ These conversations happened while I delayed a roleplay mission from a discord server I and friends created to roleplay fighting missions . They god mad that I wasn't willing to upload the mission until the members of the group got a hang of the concept of role playing , as some were new to it ]

[ Below : this is just childish ]

3 . they will never change .

They might tell you that they're in a horrible position , and that they're way of living everyday on their phone is bad , but don't let that fool you , they don't want to change .

Despite telling you they're changing or that they've changed , their behavior has remained the same for the 4 years I knew them . You might say " ooh well , changing these fundamental and integral parts about oneself is quite difficult and requires a lot of willpower " . That's true ! That is difficult . But you know what's not ? Working 20h a week

Despite this , you might tell yourself that you can still help them . Put their life back together , fix them , even . But I'm sorry . I have not observed any change in their behavior except for short moments where they act nicer while still making excuses to avoid changing .

Miscellaneous :

Things that belong a bit everywhere .

[ Below : refusal to change ]

[ Below : " Evil Self " ]

[ Below : Sheer breakdown and respectful response . ]

[ Below : " They go easy on me , but you don't " , referring to how I told them to get help . ]

TLDR : Shiny is a selfish , manipulative , abusive , controlling , lazy and childish 23 year old . And from my experience , they only need friends to justify themselves and validate their actions blindly . They do not desire to change despite constantly insulting themselves for the way they are . And finally , they manipulate and emotionally abuse their friends for the benefits without reciprocating the feelings in any meaningful way beyond telling you so .

But actions speak louder than words . And so far , I've only heard silence .

hello ! this is possibly the only edit i will make in regards to this situation , since theyve returned and my post has gotten a lot more attention . i posted this edit in reposts but i'd also like to add it here for simplicity's sake

the edit :

I honestly believe the original post is outdated , and written in a time where i was incredibly upset and hadn't yet had time to process any of it .

Though most of it still stands true , I want to stress that this was my personal perspective of my situation at the time . I never got to detail a lot of other things since at the time I just cobbled whatever I could to try to Express my frustration .

If you can , please find other sources as well to form a more conclusive opinion of the matter .

As well , my post / this thread will only ever detail what's happened between me and her during the years 2019 - 2023 . I do not wish to interact with them further . I also will not be updating it since it's no use digging something from the grave , if they say theyve changed , use your personal judgement for that , not information I have to provide that dates months if not years old .

As well as well , do not harass anyone who associates with shiny either . People are entitled to their own decision so being friendly with shiny is absolutely none of your business .

( added from original ) I'd also like to express that you should be allowed to want to be friends with shiny , but please be mindful of the way they interact with you , do not feel obligated to stay their friend just because of XYZ . A friendship should be mutual , one where both benefit , you should feel equally valued as how much you value shiny . if you feel like you are only getting frustrated , or feel unable to help them no matter what you do , its okay to tell them when you want to end it on the spot .

Thank you !

#Shinybeyzer #Shinymc

[viridiave]

A little love post to HORROR JRPGs

Content Warning:

So I'm gonna be talking a lot about some pre-Undertale era RPG Maker Horror games, and this post is gonna contain both spoilers and the discussion of the following:

Blood and Gore

Psychological horror

Child abuse

Sexual assault

Suicide

Violence

Fictional minors being put into very messed up situations, because that's just the kinds of games these are

Other upsetting themes

Hetalia (because I can imagine that all of us have very complex feelings about this fucking franchise. It existing feels like it needs a warning)

This post is a nostalgia trip and exists purely because uh. I have literally no one else to talk to about these games, and please just click away if any of the above makes you uncomfortable in any way. Some of this stuff can't exactly be handwaved as just being products of their time.

I'll draw smthn real quick later just to make up for it I promise

I'm like days late to Halloween but I just wanted to write this after getting a bout of nostalgia lmao

I absolutely fucking love Horror JRPGs - the freeware ones, even though I haven't touched one in a LONG time. I'm talking about the pre-Undertale era freeware games by the way, and in the first place I don't think I can consider Undertale a horror game but that's a topic for another day. OneShot also doesn't count aksjak OneShot gives me existential dread and a nonzero amount of guilt sure, but never terror

But let's dial that back a bit.

To begin with. 'Vir, you're a fucking coward, you run upstairs when you see that someone on TV has a gun. You can't stand watching horror movies. How the FUCK did this happen'

Weirdly, you can thank Hetalia for that. Specifically, the freeware Hetalia fangames that used to circulate on DeviantArt - that shit led me down this rabbit hole. And I guess it made sense, most Hetalia fangames are a coin toss between a horror game and a fantasy JRPG with countries getting isekai'd. I also played the fuck out of those.

For a bit of background, I love video games, but neither me nor my family ever really had that much spending power to buy game consoles, so my selection was pretty limited. Before I turned 18, I remember that we owned a GameBoy, a GameBoy Advance, a PSP, and one of those Fun-Sized Nintendo consoles with built-in games. We never bought cartridges either. I got my first DS from my dad on my birthday when I turned 18, and that's all the consoles that my family has ever owned. Still kinda jealous of my friends who have Switches, but eh - one day.

I just played a lot of Harvest Moon growing up, that's been my object of interest in my elementary days. The most of a horror game that I've been exposed to was watching my friends play Five Nights At Freddy's back in 5th grade.

Then high school happened, and I got new friends and shit - and was introduced to both more conventional horror games and Hetalia. Which is. A really weird combination when I think about it now, but everyone who was alive and kicking around in the early 2010's would know what HetaOni is, and you can see how that slope led to me playing freeware horror games. I'll always be grateful to these games, seeing as I never had easy access to mainstream experiences growing up.

I think I played HetaOni exactly once, on my first laptop. I played most Hetalia fangames exactly once, but they all just stayed on my old hard drive. None of them really had anything interesting going on gameplay-wise, I mean it's RPGMaker and these were people who just really wanted to make Hetalia fangames, but I remember some of them just sticking with me. I'd play them while I was away on trips to my grandmother's house, then watch let's plays on YouTube when I wasn't otherwise occupied with schoolwork. Really when I say Let's Plays I only mean KyoKoon64's - and that's how I was actually introduced to horror JRPGs.

CLOÉ'S REQUIEM

There's been a couple of times where they played some of the more recognizable horror JRPGs on their channel, but the first one I REALLY saw a playthrough on was one called Cloé's Requiem. I don't know what exactly it was about this specific game that stuck with me, and at the time I didn't know that this had like. More warnings than you would usually find on a horror JRPG. Calling it now, please look up said warnings before you try ANYTHING with this game - I can't promise quality and nuance, but I can promise great moments. Those moments stuck with me to this day, SOMEHOW, even after encountering games with better story and gameplay experiences… it's about a cursed 12 year-old boy trying to free a cursed 13 year-old girl, never getting a shot at the normal life he wanted and playing the violin because he can't do much else.

I think this game changed my life. Not in like, any grand manner mind you - but I feel like it's the game that best represented this time of my life as a weird high school outsider who obsesses over games that nobody's ever heard about. I was introduced to a lot of things through this game, it's just this whole volley of firsts that I wouldn't trade for anything else. Baby's first horror game, first jumpscare I ever consented to, first taste of games containing disturbing themes of sexual assault and gore, first trips to Pixiv and NicoNicoDouga - just all the fucking firsts. I wouldn't call it a great game, but it IS important to me.

When I think about it now, it's a game about curses. Michel D'Alembert is a talented violinist at 12, and his alcoholic father milks the shit out of this talent because they're not exactly what you would call well-off. His twin brother Pierre is a pianist, is nowhere near as talented as his brother, and hides his misery over this situation under a big-little brother façade. Cloé Ardennes is a pianist too, she's wealthy, talented, and still plays with her stuffed animals. She is cursed with an insane father who rapes her, and a mother who hates her. Charlotte is a young maid with nothing and tries her best, only to be killed because she happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Unsurprisingly things fall apart for everybody very quickly.

Pierre's frustrations with his spoiled, lazy brother boiled over, and he curses Michel out in a heated moment. This drives Michel to murder their Charlotte by accident, and she becomes his curse - he runs out of the house, kills cats, and finds himself in the dilapidated mansion that Cloé inhabits. Cloé by this point is already dead, and so is her dad, her parents, and the maids. Cloé's father may be her curse but she is the curse of this mansion, and it transforms into something hostile until Michel comes along and saves her from the shadow of her father. Michel plays her a requiem, and resolves to go home to confront his crimes - and back to Pierre, who regrets everything he's done. Watching the sun rise with a disappearing Cloé in the True Ending will likely be the last peaceful moment he will ever have in his life.

That's like. Not everything that happens in this game, but this post is already so goddamn long and I still have a lot of other stuff I want to talk about. But the gist of it to me nowadays is that these children are cursed with loveless lives and the whims of the adults that have power over them. In the end, their lives are all ruined. Cloé and Charlotte are dead, and we have no idea what becomes of Michel and Pierre when word gets out that Michel killed a maid and assaulted several others in the house in a fit of emotional instability. In every other ending, Michel is killed and Cloé remains an evil spirit, so really this is the best that anyone ever gets out of this experience.

I remember watching a playthrough of Con Amore on YouTube, but I understood none of it because it was in Japanese, and the game itself was untranslated at the time. It follows the cats Noir and Blanc and basically serves as an addendum to the base game - honestly it made me feel sorry for Charlotte, who was nowhere near as psychotic as Michel thought she was. There's also light novels, but international shipping is expensive and I don't know Japanese so. I'll just never figure out what happens to everyone after the game ends I guess

One of these days, I'll buy the remake on Steam - which exists, and I can't say I recommend it if everything I just listed bothers you in any way. But I can't shake the attachment I feel towards this game no matter how many years it's been, nor how uncomfortable its themes are, so you know - maybe one day. I'll go back to it.

IB

So - following that, I got pretty curious about the other games in this genre of freeware horror. Ib is the one that everyone knows the best, both Markiplier and Pewdiepie played it so you KNOW it gets press, but even in Japan this game was a hell of a hit. To me, it's a simple game that I can finish in an hour, but man what an hour it can be.

If you were to play this game right now after seeing how much press it gets (which I think you should, it's on the Switch now! Go get it!), you MIGHT be a little disappointed. It's nowhere near as gory or disturbing as Cloe's Requiem for one and you know - a bunch of blood and guts and ghosts on the walls does not a good horror game make, but make your choices accordingly. Nah - instead this game's staying power lies in its atmosphere. Like how many games can you say take place inside of an art gallery where most of the pieces try to fucking murder you? I mean there's probably a lot, but something about Ib's almost ambient sense of dread and exploration just kind of sticks in people's brains. Everything's a little scarier when the shapes are so close to being discernable but aren't, and I guess that's the appeal and horror behind Guertena's gallery.

Ib herself is a mute protagonist, pretty typical, but she's also NINE, and the game will let you know that no matter how unfazed she gets or how precocious she can be, she is a child all the same - and children break very easily. I personally love how the game barely has to say anything about how shaken she actually is about her situation, because it will show you how - she has nightmares that you can't escape, she sees herself getting hanged, Garry will need to shake her out of her shock when she sees a picture of her parents in the gallery that should not exist. She loses all of her will to live when she loses Garry to insanity. And speaking of Garry…

There's one standout room in this game and it's the Doll Room. 10/10 would NOT recommend it to anyone who suffers from anxiety because WOW I did not think the RPG Maker 2000 engine could ever have been capable of that. Nobody blames Garry if this room fucks him up. I mean come on the dude has to literally rip open the stomachs of dolls to find a paint ball. Those sound effects make it sound like the dolls are made of skin and flesh and all the while the giant fucking doll is creeping out of the goddamn painting while some of the most anxiety-inducing background noise is playing -

Yeah no I don't know why I ever said you'd be disappointed by this game. Or maybe you still would, this is a low-res game made in 2012. But my god does it TRY to scare you in the best ways it can.

One of the best moments in this game I think is the one where Mary and Ib are alone together, and the conversation gets increasingly unhinged with Mary asking Ib questions non-stop with no background noise other than their steps. At this point, they're separated from Garry, and they're trying to find a way back to each other. Garry meanwhile is slowly piecing together the truth about Mary and how dangerous it is for Ib to remain alone with her, all the while still trying to figure out how to get back to both of them.

The section after that is in the Sketchbook which honestly? The vibes of this place are impeccable. Somehow it's fitting that one of the tensest areas in a game about a fine arts gallery is the place made entirely out of childlike scribbles.

Overall, I'd say the experience is well worth an hour or two - I'd recommend it happily over Cloé's Requiem, if only so you can have a taste of what Horror JRPGs were like before Omori came along. Yes I know that Omori isn't Japanese but it's very much in the same vein as these games.

OTHER GAMES

Those were the safe two that planted my feet firmly into the Horror JRPG fandom, but there's a lot of other titles out there, so let's go - lightning round!

Ao Oni is the ubiquitous one, like chances are you've at least HEARD of it in passing at some point in your life. Like this shit made it to the big screen in Japan, that's how much of a deal it was. I've never played the original myself, but it's partly because its formula of stuck in a mansion with a horror that chases you around is present in pretty much every Horror JRPG after its release in 2007. If you want some classic fun with the big blue demon though then you can't go wrong with the freeware version.

Mad Father and The Witch's House are part of what I like to call the Big 3 of JRPGs starring preteen girls experiencing the Horrors™, mostly because back in the mid-2010's I couldn't go three posts without seeing them all together. Mad Father is the only other one of said Big 3 that I've touched, because I was too coward to touch The Witch's House and Ellen's whole deal remains a mystery to me to this day. I think Mad Father got a remake a couple of years ago, so you can check that out if you want, but keep in mind that these two games in particular might not stoke the same kind of magical staying power that Ib somehow retained years after its release, and I know those two rely on jumpscares a lot more than Ib does.

I'll eat my fedora right here by the way, because one of my cardinal sins of being a Horror JRPG fan is that I've never played Yume Nikki. As far as these freeware games go, this is probably one of the more avant-garde ones - it's artsy, atmospheric, and a game best experienced by getting lost in the strange environments it provides. Out of every game on this post, this is the one I'd describe as the most Earthbound-esque, with its horror lying mostly in the surrealist ambience of just… wandering around in Madotsuki's mind. The end is just as quiet as the beginning, but is no less chilling to watch happen. Then you fuck around a little bit on Youtube and you find out what's actually going on, and uh - yeah that checks out, cosmic horror sounds par for the course at this point.

Yume Nikki and OFF are two of the games I think of when I hear about Horror JRPGs being talked about alongside Undertale - and nope, I haven't played OFF either. That's my other Horror JRPG sin. I was a picky teenager, but I've grown now and wow I need to find a time to play these games in peace. OFF actually isn't even Japanese, it was developed by Mortis Ghost and released in French back in 2008, making both pretty old and already pretty weird in the library. The reason I bring up OFF is because it's one of the older examples I know of that also incorporate Earthbound's precision 4th-wall breaks, and that it's a game about judgment and interrogates the player (more you than the Batter you play as, serving more as a vehicle that the game uses to ask questions through) about the choices they make in the game. OneShot is probably the one game in this genre of indie RPG that I know so far that employs this metaphysical idea of the player existing in the game in any kind of charitable fashion (aside from again, Earthbound and to some extent Mother 3), so between it, OFF, and Undertale they're what I'd refer to as the Interface Screw-RPG Trio.

Some other titles that I like are between the same devs, even some that I haven't really played to completion. Cloé's Requiem for example was made by Buriki Clock, and they've made other titles like Fantasy Maiden's Off Hideout and Trauma Traum - the latter I can't play because it doesn't have an English translation rip. Miwashiba is another dev which I think people who have a taste for light lolita goth-pastel colors would like, because my god the character designs in both Alice Mare and LiEat are peak. Don't even get me started on the fashion of 1BitHeart because everything in that game has such an impeccable aesthetic. I think I saw something at one point about 1BitHeart that like. Might count as a shared joke between Xenoblade fans, but I'd be hard-pressed to give context because again… packed schedule, who dis?

Just to talk about Alice Mare a little more, I've actually played this one - it sports a heavily storybook-inspired cast with some unique tastes on the tales. Most of my actual experiences with Alice Mare were from the English Light Novel, which I do still have! I really recommend it to people who have a couple of hours to spare on some light, relatively bloodless horror. Most of these games have Light Novels, come to think of it - hell Ib even has whole audio dramas, one of which was fanmade in English, and from what I remember of it the voice acting for Mary was PEAK.

One last dev I want to talk about is Segawa. I've saved them for last because their brand of horror is reserved mainly for one game, but their other games Farethere City and Tower of Hanoi are no slouches either. I don't know much about Tower of Hanoi (or if it even has an English translation right now), but Farethere City is a pretty cute experience as far as pseudo-horror games go from what I've heard, which is probably good for us because their other standout game is anything but cute.

END ROLL

Ah, End Roll. The last of the Horror JRPGs I've played before school kicked me even harder in the shins and I had barely any time for it. Out of all the games I mentioned on this list, this is the one with the most staying power in my brain - and also the one that influenced me the most.

So, I don't talk a lot about my original works. Nobody asks, so I don't overshare. But some of the prevalent overarching themes of my personal mythos are those of guilt, self-love, and the burdens of love. All of these themes were lifted directly from End Roll - which is to say, End Roll actually only deals in guilt, my brain just ran buckwild with trying to wrap itself around the logistics behind InfoRuss. One of my main protagonists, Rosso, is a dead-ringer expy of Russell - the same goes for Blanco with the Informant. One of the only ways I can describe Rosso and Blanco's relationship is 'selfcest as a metaphor for the painful coexistence of self-love and self-loathing', and how this relationship reached this point was largely thanks to the Informant and his role in Russell's dream.

I don't really know why I've come to associate the idea of self-love with guilt, because that's like. Not what the game is trying to do. The game's express purpose is to tell you the story of a boy who comes to love his victims and self-destructs under the crushing guilt that he carries from killing them. By some weird hand, I've fixated on the Informant and his determination in seeing that mission of the game through - AND his secret boss fight. Actually, I should. Go ahead and describe the build-up to his secret boss fight

You can only access it if you've purchased the optional villa, and if I recall correctly you can only fight him on the last day of the dream. The locked shed next to the villa is revealed to be a library of some kind called the Graveyard of Books and like - sure enough, there's books of every kind just torn apart and scattered about everywhere. The reason for all of this is because of the Informant's jealousy. He is created specifically so he can provide Russell with the necessary information to complete the Happy Dream Experiment, and in this regard he thinks Russell doesn't need anyone other source of information than him. So he does away with the useless other books, except for the strategy guides because that's the only kind of book Russell likes - and thus, the only kind of book that the Informant likes. Notes are scattered in the hallway leading up into his boss room, with the last one sticking out in my mind to this day:

'He thinks he's the most important thing to you.'

Which. I don't know why that line is so important to me. Whether it be because it awakened something weird in me, or because I myself was dealing with my self-loathing in a VERY complicated manner at the time, that line has gone on to dictate the way that I write about my characters even to this day.

It's such a visceral depiction of self-inflicted brutality. Russell Seager is a 14 year-old serial killer who grew up loveless and abused, and has no shortage of things that make every waking moment of his life fucked up. He killed people - some who just happened to be wherever he was at the time, some willingly by his hand - could not feel guilt about any of it, and when he lost Yumi to his drunken father while his nymphomaniac mother watched he snapped and killed both his tormentors. He then turned himself in to the police, a teen on death row. Happy Dream is him discovering guilt through dream versions of the people he killed. Happy Dream is what allows him to manifest the newfound emotions he felt through interacting with the kinds of people that his victims COULD have been. The world he creates morphs into the self-inflicted hell that is his guilt.

Russell has no happy ending, his guilt won't allow him that. Everything around him becomes a reminder of the lives he's destroyed, and how much of a living hell his own life was. Through feeling happiness and love from these fabricated visages of the people he killed, he learned guilt. It's such a weird exercise in sympathy, knowing that you're playing as this remorseless kid going through rehabilitation through extreme means. It either doesn't work, and he's deemed a failure - or it does, and he commits suicide either by confessing his crimes to one of his victims and stabbing himself to death with a syringe, or he stays in the deteriorating dream, never to wake up again.

At some point it honestly just turns into misery porn, if you look at it from a certain angle - this game is set on having Russell die no matter what. I couldn't tell you what EXACTLY it is about this experience was so impactful that it would go on to influence the way I want to spend my life - that is, I want to make games exploring these kinds of themes. Guilt. Sins. If loveless lives can be redeemed and made better. By the time the last day in the game rolls around, it's just a matter of giving Russell closure over his miserable life and choosing for him what his last freedom is going to be.

I think one of the reasons I like thinking about the Informant with regards to Russell is the scene that happens if you choose to go through with the first True Ending. Russell never really much liked the Informant, and the feeling is mutual. Russell is cold to him, and the Informant takes every opportunity he can to rub all of Russell's sins in his face - and that's his job, he represents the fundamental, uncomfortable truths of Happy Dream. If Russell chooses not to leave the dream, he is resigned to its destruction and waits for the inevitable along with the other denizens of Nameless Town. But if Russell chooses to get out of the dream, the Informant returns to Russell in tears, happy that he can finally be back to being a part of him - to this game, it's the ultimate acceptance. Russell then goes on to confess his crimes and the reality of the dream to one of the citizens, and he wakes up when they kill him in tearful retribution by his request.

He grabs the syringe next to his bed, and stabs himself to death, unable to handle the guilt. That's how the game always ends for me. The Informant succeeded, Happy Dream succeeded - and Russell chose to die as person who could finally feel remorse.

It's a regretful story with themes that really shouldn't be replicated in any fashion in real life, but somehow I found it fascinating in the way it explores the facets of the self. It makes me want to ask more questions and explore that angle of self-reflection to the furthest extremes that I can conceivably reach, and I guess that's one of the many reasons why I respect it so much.

SO… WHAT NOW.

Nah, that's kind of it. Like, OF COURSE this isn't all I have to say about the games that I mentioned, but wow this post is so long and I was just pining for the days of a couple of years ago. These games were present for the most transformative years of my life, and uh - whether or not that was actually a good thing remains to be seen, but I'll always be grateful for their presence in the void that I call my gaming experiences.

Horror JRPGs will always have a special place in my heart for how they tell their stories. Nowadays, I've developed more of a taste for fantastical RPGs that prefer to hide their horror in the margins of the narrative, fridging the terror for when the player wants to step back a bit and think about the implications of certain events in the greater world. Undertale, OneShot, and the Octopath Traveler games all tick that box for me - and all of those games are ones I hold dear. Like I'll probably ramble about OneShot some other day, because that's the other game that really changed my life in a way I felt like I can never come back from - but there's just a lot of special things to be said about these neat little self-contained, 6-hour freeware games. For now I'll close this long-ass post out. Happy late Halloween I guess - the M&Ms in our fridge have never tasted better.

#rpg maker horror #rpg maker #horror rpg #ib rpg #cloe's requiem #end roll rpg #ao oni #mad father #the witch's house #OFF rpg #yume nikki #alice mare #farethere city #cw horror #seriously please read the content warnings

[shattered-sparks]

Hey, anon who asked if I could go off about the current Moon situation here. Sorry I'm late, the ADHD struck and I completely forgot I sent that ask lol.

Anywho! I saw a post about how Moon's behavior in the episode where BloodMoon dies (y'know, where he confronts Sun after the barrel goes off?) was "guilt tripping" and "unnecessarily pressuring" and I just. *Yells of frustration*

He was so obviously just trying to comfort his brother who was clearly shook up! He could see that his brother was distressed and had been declining for some time now and wanted to let him know that he was there if need be. If anything, a little pressuring was warranted considering that Sun was clearly not ok and, y'know, just fucking killed someone.

Oh! And that's another thing! Moon at the time of the episode doesn't fucking know that! He doesn't know that Sun's true reason for being shaken was because he just committed a murder. What in the fuck would he be "guilt tripping" Sun for?

The post also brought up a bunch of other points, but I genuinely don't know where they came from or what episodes they were getting the behavior examples from because I honestly don't see any of it, at least not to the extent the poster did.

It frustrates me because the moment they did point out was one of Moon's best brotherly moments in the show, and they're trying to use it against him.

These characters are not black and white, good versus evil, they're people, with nuance, who won't always react in the best manner, and who won't always be the best people. I'm not saying Moon is perfect or free of fault, boyo definitely has some issues and stuff he needs to work on, but this villainization shit is really getting on my nerves.

Why don't we focus on the actual antagonist (key word: antagonist, not villain (though he very much would fit that definition too, saying he was a villain would undermine the statement I made not 2 seconds ago)) of this story, eh? You know, the person who planted a fucking bomb in Lunar's head? To get an overpowered star so he could do only god knows what with it? Seems to make a lot more sense to go after him than one of the protagonists.

Oof, sorry that was so long TvT. I really wanted to get that off of my chest but I'm too scared to make a public post. Thank you for listening!

(P.S, none of the anger or frustration in this is directed at you. You are very much not who I'm upset with and I appreciate you giving me a place to talk about it. /g)

First off I actually enjoy that you took the time to make this so long and detailed. Cannot express that enough. More people need to take time out of their days to see the full points being written, not just the TLDR. secondly, completely agree with your statements here. I'm been holding my tongue on the whole Moon villization thing for a while but recent stuff just broke that dam. They often blame Moon for Sun's own wrong doings and try and say that Moon is at fault when he's not. The whole garbage chocolate situation perfectly showed what I mean when the fandom likes to make Moon out to be the worst character. (Yes I did see their response to my own post, I will not get into it but I still do not agree with how they see Moon but they can keep their opinion and I'll keep mine) Thirdly, I've seen people say the same thing as you and I am glad I could be that voice for you guys too scared or anxious to get your thoughts out there. This fandom needs to work on respecting opinions, you're allowed to share your thoughts, no matter if people agree or disagree. Don't let others push you around <3 1 thing I've recently had in mind about this whole thing is I don't think a lot of people truly understand when Moon means he doesn't understand how to comfort. He's not a very social person and to expect him and Sun to know what to do despite these very obvious traits is missing the entire point of it all. The Sun and Moon channel is, although not 100% correct, shows a lot about mental health and the effects it has on people. Basically all the character have depression, from Moon who openly hates himself to Sun constantly doubting himself. Another big one that comes to mind is ADHD and Autism represiation in the show (Although this is more so headcannon) with how Lunar and Moon struggle with social cues and their tones being flat while Sun and Monty have a lot of energy and is easily distracted. In the end I think the fandom just needs to take more time in seeing the full characters, not just 1 trait. Hell like you said, all the characters are in a grey area, even the main bad guy Eclipse. I could make a whole argument that he's in just as much pain as Sun and Moon is. Does that make his actions okay? Hell no, but these characters have a lot more depth then what most people see

#You're all good haha #I've been excitedly waiting for your response since I was really curious #SAMS Thoughts #SAMS #TSAMS #The Sun and Moon Show #Howls from the Abyss

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think Laena's and Daemon's relationship was?

*EDITED POST* (4/23/24)

Disclaimer: A Headcanon, bc We simply Don't Know The Deeper Stuff Apart from he loved her and she him.

I've said this before (Post #1 and Post#2 and Post#3), but I think not long after they met & married, they came to love each other platonically and romantically; that his motives for pursuing her were political as well as emotional/romantic/sexual.

A) HotD & Its Racism

Honestly, even in the original canon, the Velaryons lose a lot throughout their connection to the Targs and Corlys' ambition. However, HotD made some decisions that make them look less impressive or intelligent than was needed:

Laena not having her Vhagar-claim scene despite her saying over and over she wants to embody dragon-riding and her heritage for its own sake since she was 12 (Aemond is because he wants to prove himself against bastards) -- also her having that dragonrider pride Daemon has, yet that not being enough for him to love her?! How does this not also invalidate or throw into doubt the central ship these people are trying to push (Daemyra)?! Self contradictory.

her daughters not getting a glance from Daemon in that 7th episode (I could be tripping for this one, but idk)

Daemon's apparent "trouble" with Rhaena not having a dragon bond yet despite he himself not having claimed/bonded with Caraxes until he was in his late teens and how more likely it is for him to actually expressively encourage her to be okay with that and know how to do that/be persistent! [more on his fatherhood below]

Laena gets that self-immolating treatment (a common wife-riddance social tool in some cultures' literature and actual history) when dragon riders actually don't die often in fire nor is that even a desired death by anyone in canon. It's simply a flashier way to go and to provoke watchers while giving more pain to an already dying, lonely woman (as she wasn't surrounded by loved ones like in canon, and in Driftmark her childhood and ancestral home).

Laenor got punched up by a Kingsuard while becoming the next Prince Consort of a ruling Queen, and yet doesn't recompense through Criston's exile or death.

Laenor loses his lover to a nonsensically-allowed outburst of rage from Colon in the midst of his engagement feast. In canon, Choler kills Joffrey in what could be reasonably excused, at least, during a melee, where anyone could get killed in a competitive fury. Thus Cholera escaped death and punishment that way.

those wigs were just not it (being semi-facetious) and comparatively worse-laid than the ones for white actors

I did not like that we did not get more of Daemon giving her the respect he gave her in F&B concerning her desires to live in Driftmark when she explicitly said that she wanted her kids to grow up in her ancestral home when he himself has been clawing at the bit to live close to his own family...canonically. There is a clear difference in emotional support and care the writers or producers or whoever thought Laena would get from Daemon, and that partially comes from what they think of Daemon and the men of this world but with how they treated the Black characters thus far and with Laena's death, I can't help but see a racial bias at work as well.

(Watsonian) I didn't think that Daemon being more distant with Laena than he was/is w/Rhaenyra was about race while I was watching because in the HotD universe, (not the book or pre-HotD world of ASoIaF/original!) the Velaryons' Blackness does not seem to affect their in-world how other nobles in-world regard them nor the wider cope of prestige the Velaryons canonically had. Racism is not baked against the Velaryons from other houses. It simply isn't there. So "in-text" (text of the show that the writers think they are giving, not the book), Daemon is more distant from Laena bc she wants to live as a free dragon rider while he wants to lick his wounds and feels guilt for still wanting Rhaenyra. Again, this is what the writers tried to convey but fucked up because they wrote against the Velaryons as a whole as well as made Laena's death less emotionally impactful for both Rhaenyra and Daemon by removing the women's friendship.

We need to separate the show from the books, because the Velaryon women have been erroneously and sexistly rewritten. I talk about Laena HERE. And I don't mean that her blackness is the mistake; how they rewrote her relationship to Daemon. We only have their life together in a few scenes of one episodes, first of all, which constricts our understanding or the material for it to one episode that's shared with other characters. I this lone epsiode, we only get to see that despite Laena herself a prod dragonsrider of the dragon his dead father was bonded with and of the rider whose sword he carries, Daemon seem sto treat Laena or regard her more as a nag than a companion. They don't have moments of peace or simply enjoying each other's companies, too, without it going back to their public dragonriding performance, which coincidentally (not really) pushes Laena to try to make Daemon see reason to go back to KL. Meaninwhile, bk!Daemon makes the decisions himself and does what show!Daemon of episode 3 refuses to do and appeal to his brother Viserys so he can move the pregnant bk!Laena to Driftmark so she can do as what show!Laena wanted and have their kids grow up in the place she did. In the show, Daemon is upset and uncommunicative to his own daughter both before and after LAena dies, and some people argue that he's just too upset with the prospect of Rhaena not having had a hatched egg in infancy...meanwhile, not only does Daemon himself only bond with Caraxes until he's 16, MOST Targaryens/Targ-descents bond with a dragon in ther preteens to even adulthood! There's no reason for show!Daemon to feel as he does towards Rhaena.

And the show changing Daemon hugging his daughters to him just leaving them to cry is such a clear attempt to recharacterize Daemon and his relationships to his family a something much more dysfunctional than it was to coincidentally match deadbeat dad energy...bc apparently Daemon cannot feel as close connections to his black family as he can his white ones (Viserys and Rhaenyra)? that's the conclusion you very much can go to, since the writing simply makes no sense when we think abt the actual lore. "Oh, it's so hard for him bc he had all these grand ideas about dragonrider legacy and Rhaena not making her egg hatch messed that up"...I've had to listen to people claim that Daemon was not ignoring or mistreating Rhaena through neglect...I'm sorry but this makes bad parenting, NOT being a uwu babygirl! Your children should not have to experience emotional withdrawal from a disappointed parent and be left to feel as if you are the issue.

And yes, show!Daemon makes Rhaena feel like she is the issue bc if we say that he was disappointed that she's not a "proper" dragonrider, we are saying that he's not the issue, she is! We're more concerned about how Daemon's prospects are not aligning how he wants them instead of how he's performing his fatherly duties. We're practically encouraging deadbeat dadism, and why? Meanwhile, people get on about Rhaenyra beign a bad mom bc she "allowed" her sons to be born WHILE SIMULTAENOUSLY sayinf she shouldn't have left KL for Dragonstone even though she clearly wanted a better life for her and her sons away from Alicent's attempts to denigrate their positions at court. Fostering a more negative environment for those boys. Sure....

Why all this change, and towards the negative?! And why do so many fans love it so much?! I am a Daemyra fan, but really, I don't need Daemon to hate every women he's married to for the sake of the ship. The ship, to me, stands on its own. And GRRM confirms it many times. If you need a ship to be discriminatory (in terms of making its adapted version more fraught with discord), then you probably have some bigoted shit or ideas about relationships to work through. Or the ship itself is logically unfeasible even with all the fanons made for it, and you are desperate to make up for it.

I think that along with the racism that just "automatically" governing the reasoning for the writers in regards to the Velaryons, they also wanted to make Daemyra that much more central for marketing value. The hot OTP couple made even hotter for all our consumerist needs.

B) Fire and Blood

That being said, I read F&B before the show existed. The changes I mentioned above (apart form the Velaryons becoming black) didn't need to exist at all. Laena and Daemon of canon had their own secure, unique, and charming relationship.

At the same time, while I do very much believe that Daemon and Laena loved each other (I already gave an example of him writing to Viserys above) before the show, I never thought Daemon fell in love with Laena or first pursued her for her personality and bearing alone. Similar to how he loved Rhaenyra and her him for some ideas of their political roles.

After they marry, they spend a year together traveling and in the next year, they stay at Pentos for Laena to give birth and to take care of their twins before going back to Westeros-Driftmark, where they eventually build a life with Rhaenyra for the rest of their marriage (1-2 years). In all, they were married for 4 or so years.

I believe that with Laena, Daemon became a real father of action and practice and settled; Laena lived her happiest, freest days. But as I said in this post about him maybe marrying and fucking Rhaenyra not long after Laena's death--just from the biased, unforthcoming, short, undetailed account of people who were not there to witness Daemon-Laena at Pentos and the rest of Essos...they canonically did not seem to have quite the same potency--that je nais se quois--for each other as much as Laena had for their kids and Vhagar/dragon-riding and Daemon for the Targ-Valyrian heritage, their kids, Viserys, and Rhaenyra. However, we don't get a lot of detail/as much detail as even the already -not-very-elucidated relationship b/t Daemyra for Laena x Daemon in-text, so make of that what you will. 🤷🏻‍♀️

For me, it's not about Laena being inferior, it's just about someone else being what you would have chosen if you had a chance bc that bond was strong and it matched your core needs as well as critical desires. It wasn't about "second choice" so much as different type of connections and timing.

Again, could just be the fault of lack of access to them as they lived and traveled. It easily could just be that Daemon was very loving and affectionate and attentive to her, and by his letter to Viserys it very much seemed so. (I am one of those who believes that Rhaenyra also really loved Harwin...it's just that Daemon was what she had in her heart for years until both of their deaths, she could live her own version of a freer life with Daemon [she could never be "out" with Harwin and she wasn't keen on giving up her throne], they were well matched, and it wouldn't take much for her to settle into a life with him.)

I think Daemon was sexually attracted to Laena in the beginning, liked she was a dragon rider like himself and thus could pass on that legacy and ability to their kids, got to know her and liked her, and her being of close family blood and a Velaryon and made the whole thing sweeter. At the same time, I just never thought of Laena/Harwin being those people Daemon or Rhaenrya choosing to be with if they had that freer choice. Even though it reads as the "healthiest" to some people for Daemon--Harwin for Rhaenyra. Yeah, it works for you and what you want for the characters/people in general, but what about who these characters are (as long as no one is being abused, and no one was in the orig Daemyra)?!

Account of Daemon and Laena Before Leaving Westeros:

Why Daemon Killed the Son of Braavos for Laena/Wanted Her

They had met for only a few weeks tops? I mean lightning strikes and rarities and all that, it's possible he did fall in love or develop limerence or whatever for Laena in this period of time. She, him? Sure. But...it certainly doesn't hurt that he, as a Targ, manages to bring the Velaryons closer to his family through his marriage and I don't think this was far from his head when he planned what he planned with Corlys.

I think Daemon fought for her/killed her betrothed because:

he wanted to get closer to both/either Rhaenyra & Viserys to aid in any political upheaval/add his own sword/reputation (Driftmark is really just a dragon's flight away from either Dragonstone or KL)

(another "partnership" with the salty, still-grumbling Corlys) it is one way to get back at Viserys for Mysaria's exile/his loss of a child--the rebellion/self affirmation deal again--this girl who Viserys rejected wills till birth technical heirs to the throne through Daemon

it gets the Velaryons/Corlys even more on the Targ side and their interests bc their kids are officially Targaryens as well as potential heirs/claimants of the Velaryon seat

Laena was gorgeous. And he was definitely attracted to her and her manner (movements, bearing, attitude), and I think this was the draw/icing on the cake. She already had an adventurous, bold spirit which is what he was already attracted to and this is why she and Rhaenyra likely first were endeared to each other and how got along so well. She bonded and flew Vhagar before she ever went into her teens.

Laena is a Valyrian-descent dragon rider, one who rode the mighty Vhagar -> impressive and prideworthy to have such a spouse for their connections to your own history (part of the point of feudal marriages), and a good deterrent/speed stops for those greens.

Some of these could be bonafide plans and intentions...some or all could be thoughts and strong feelings as he acts or circles in his mind as he interacts with various Velaryons.

The Other Lords and Ladies of Westeros

Reasons 1, 2, & 4 are enough to explain why Daemon would feel "passionate" about winning Laena's hand and killing her betrothed. He doesn't really care about people outside of the family he recognizes nor about what people outside of his even smaller circle think about him as long as it fulfills his purposes. His reputation as a fearsome, unpredictable wild card serves him, and he got it by not adhering to much Andal-Westerosi mores of behavior and restraint or caring what people thought of such behavior as long as it didn't blow back hard against Viserys or Rhaenyra. His willingness to kill: setting up an army for Viserys before the Council ever happened, his "work" in the Stepstones, his brutal handling of the accused rapists, thieves, and killers in KL while being Commander of the City Watch. Why wouldn't he kill Laena's betrothed even if he didn't "love" her at first sight if he expected and observed what I already listed above?

Getting criticized for killing him is not enough of a hypothetical deterrent for Daemon in his considerations to marry Laena or not.

The Sealord's son had even less connection to any Westerosi house by the time his Sealord father died and he himself started to drain his own family's funds for stupid stuff. Daemon was willing to butcher and maim several people in KL in the name of the King's "peace" and he got some flack for it; even though those KL people were commoners versus the Sealord's son having been of nobler birth, the Sealord's son wasn't favored or very familiar amongst those at Driftmark...at least positively. We have to remember that in the negotiation w/Corlys, Corlys likely gave the okay or would have to be okay with Daemon killing this guy, which may give Daemon (for what little trepidation he may have had) more incentive to say "Let's do it" and expect even less backlash or criticism from others. If he made other nobles' criticism/side-eye/disapproval the only or primary consideration to kill or not kill the Braavosi guy, then their observance of how Corlys allowed Daemon to marry his daughter with little to no protest (in lieu of their suspicions of Daemon being ambitious for himself) would also be good enough for Daemon to "risk" actual practical disadvantages in killing this guy. If Corlys doesn't care, they have less right to protest--because he, the house leader and lord under whom both the son and Daemon were receiving guest rights--allowed it (asked for it in some theories) and there was no backup from Braavos for this same son of a Sealord. Daemon instigated the conflict between him and the son by insulting the kid many times for him to "defend his honor" and walk into getting killed. And it was definitely on purpose because it was still a fight that would have been recognized as a real duel because it was about keeping one's honor and public respect. There didn't seem to be actual laws against or for duels from the monarchy at any time in Westerosi history, which means that the only sort of enforcement or limitations or punishments for duels & their results were the local lord's allowance, whether the men followed through, public opinion, and the host lord's powers.

Kinda like how Daemon and Rhaenyra married so soon after Laena's death, Daemon dueling this Braavosi kid was considered in extremely poor taste. It certainly made more/others fear him, but also a part of this feudalist social fabric of militarism and machismo AND Daemon, in my view, likely would have been fine/indifferent to glad of it because he wants to make others think twice before going against him and the other Targs or immediate family.

While he would have known of Laena before he met her 23-yr old self, I don't think they hung out enough before for him to suddenly want her for her. Again, the guy places his closest family above all, and while Laena is his cousin's child:

he did not grow up with her

she is a Velaryon daughter of the ambitious Corlys who still wouldn't see Viserys very well (but perhaps Daemon was fine witht hat since he also wasn't fond of Viserys then)

and he did not spend much time around her as much as he did Rhaenyra

Therefore, all people could really do is talk about a guy they already either loved or feared. And that they were concerned with how Daemon, in their suspicions, messed around with the preconditions of a duel by purposefully killing this Braavosi for his own gain and without fear of getting reproached for messing with said "rules". What was there to fear, for Daemon and from his perspective?

But again, I think this was all a blip to Daemon when he was thinking and planning on marrying Laena.

It's possible that Daemon would rather not induce make Viserys blow all the way up by marrying Laena Viserys' reaction. However, they already had a contentious relationship after Daemon did whatever he did with Rhaenyra, which Viserys likely saw as a power grab for Daemon's sake alone. Because Viserys ruined Daemon's chance to have his first son with Mysaria.

But actually, marrying Laena brings the Velaryons more into the fold while Daemon has his little "revenge" against Viserys for a bit by marrying Laena. Viserys allow them back quite easily.

Why? Corlys and the Velaryons and Viserys need to be on their good side for his own reputation, that fake "harmony" he thinks is necessary to hold the dynasty together, peace of mind (Rhaenys being passed over and Corlys still being likely salty about it), and Rhaenyra's support. Their marriage was Corlys' decision. Viserys also can't really protest against the marriage as much as the Sealord's son being killed.

What About the Singers?

On the one hand, their songs or claims about Daemon falling instantly in love with Laena at first sight and wanting her for her could be an amplification or an exaggeration of the observable, genuine attraction he had for her. Because it's not what they or what his reputation allows them to imagine from him.

Or it could be a way for these singers to spread the news of Daemon's "changed"/"changing ways" by Corlys to give/amplify this marriage a veneer of sentimentality and diminish whatever outrage against it, a way to diminish the suspicions of this being a typical political allowance. We remember that singers and bards often entertained local lords at dinners and gatherings and wrote songs in their honor or whomever they thought would get them in good with the lord and any/particular ones in the future. "The Rains of Castamere" was definitely, at least, encouraged by Tywin Lannister to add and build his own reputation. And such was the practice of real-life troubadours of medieval France/Normandy and bards of other Western/Italian regions.

Could be both.

I do also find it a nice narrative contrast to observe RhaenyraxDaemon versus LaenaxDaemon in how well-reported the respective emotional connections were. Daemyra has more suggestive pieces while Laena and Daemon have the singers and Daemon's reaction to Laena dying (more explicit pieces).

After Wedding

Because of the personalities they had and their going well together, they definitely grew closer after they married.

The way Daemon carried her to her bed and was distraught after her death seems enough to show how much he cared. He also quickly wrote to Viserys directly so he could safely move back to Westeros after they had their dragon twins. And they definitely flew together both in Essos and Westeros. These are the things explicitly said about him and Laena in canon and they imply great care, interest, and respect. Which indicates and proves his love for her.

At the same time, I also think that Daemon still desired & yearned for Rhaenyra in all of his marriage to Laena. Marriages don't cancel out long-time deep connections and attractions to others, esp when they start out political. That would take time and maybe some personality changes.

Like how some theorize Ned loving Ashara Dayne and wanting to marry her then moving on with Catelyn, Ned totally and surely reorient themselves to love their new spouse for the sake of their future happiness and because they genuinely see their spouses' qualities, but it's not a guarantee and takes TIME. Ned is not Daemon, who not only is more willful but is also a proud Targ prince of emotion who's been suspected of trying to kill/undermine his own family for power for years.

#asoiaf asks to me #laena velaryon #daemon targaryen #laena and daemon #asoiaf shipping #canon shipping #laena velaryon's characterization #daemon's characterization #fire and blood characters #hotd critical #laena x daemon (F&B ship) #FIRE AND BLOOD #asoiaf parenthood #fandom racism #asoiaf #fire and blood #hotd #cradle bond

[patronsaintofhomosandpain]

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises?

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

Hi hi thank you so much for all the emojis!! 🥰

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

Pffftt well, I've been "editing" my book for the past two years, so..... Joking aside, I would probably give it a solid 8. Nothing is as good as seeing all the hard work you've put in and then just giving it that extra little cherry on top!

Now, if you're asking me about spelling and grammar editing.... Don't.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🧛‍♂️🗡📓👻🏳️‍🌈

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

I've never written a reader insert but now yall got me thinking 😅

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

I have this weird thing where everyone thinks I look like someone else, and it's caused some pretty hilarious phenomenons. One time at the airport, a kid started screaming and crying because I waved at them. I still, to this day, have absolutely no idea who they thought I was ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

So I have this fun little thing called ADHD...... But yeah, honestly, I'm incredibly chaotic, and while trying to keep up with the real-life stuff and all the distracting stuff and all the projects I got going...... Yeah, that's why I'm typically up until 2 am writing lol

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Yay another one!!!

Zukka (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Anytime Hakoda takes Sokka for some father-son bonding time, Sokka relentlessly insists Zuko come along. Zuko and Hakoda think he's just being a clingy boyfriend, but he just wants to show Zuko that he is deserving of love from a father figure and that Iroh isn't just doing it out of guilt.

(In turn, Iroh tags along from time to time, and their trips quickly go from family bonding to a dad joke battle)

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

Literally just come say hi!! I swear, contrary to popular lore, I don't bite!

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

I'm very lucky. Everyone in my family is doing great. Having this great opportunity to finish and publish my book. And I have great, supporting and loving friends 🖤

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? 

"He was just one of this like shitty guitar players in a shitty band."

"And?"

"And he was in a punk band, and I did graffiti. Can I make it more obvious?"

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

I never finished Stranger Things' first season, I don't know that I even got through the first five episodes. I was so bored the whole time.

Bonus hot take; I had the exact opposite problem with The Walking Dead. Around season five, I got really bored.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Guys, go Google New England Vampire Panic. Very interesting to read about, and also a good band name if you're from New England!

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

Even if you absolutely suck at it, if it's something you love, do it with all the confidence in the world, and you'll find your place.

+ Nobody's as confident as they claim. It's all a production. Fake it 'til you make it, but don't sell your soul over it.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

So I've recently gotten into Baldur's Gate, and I just really fucking need Gale and Astarion on like a buddy cop mission where it's just absolute clown to clown communication. Gale being his waxing poetic self, and Astarion is far too emo and far too gay for this shit.

I don't know! I'm willing to bully all my friends until one of them picks it up or I just do it myself lol

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

Don't force it. If it's not coming to you take a break don't chase it! You'll only wear yourself out and hate what you did write.

Rome wasn't built in a day, but it sure burnt down in one. Remember that.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh 

Wouldn't you like to know, weather boy?

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Very specifically, "You're evil"

Muahahahahaha 😈

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

Oh man, I don't think there's absolutely anything redeemable about that woman.

1.) Uhh, when she shuts up, she's cute ig.

2.) She's fun to write because I don't get to be pure evil a lot.

3.)................... She's kinda the gateway to one of my favorite characters?? 👀

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told?

Here's a fun little fact about me, I'm brutally honest sometimes to the point of offense 😅 and I don't ever really have a need to lie.

That being said, I love randomly lying to strangers for literally no reason. Just recently, someone was being rude and interrupted my dinner with my family, so when they asked what I did for a living, I gave them a very detailed description of how I work in a morgue. I've never worked in a morgue a day in my life lol but it got them to leave me alone.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

Man, this might be too deep for tumblr, but it's that time of year again when I can't stop thinking about death and all that good stuff. I'll spare you guys the gritty details, though.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

"Look, when I moved out here, I got a mess in Oakland waiting for me, okay? My friend got all this shit and fucked this guy over and this crazy motherfucker showed up ate half my burger and killed a fucking guy. When the boss showed up, told me to get his wife outta there, I did and I ain't never been back. I got know idea what's waiting there for me."

"Hm, that's unfortunate," I crossed my arms, "Especially 'cause I watched it happen in Pulp Fiction with you last night!"

"Goddamn it."

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

So I answered the username part over here, so I'm going to answer about my pen name now!

I actually changed my pen name fairly recently to Gabryél Grimm-Goretz. Gabryél is actually part of my legal name 😅 and so I thought it would be cool to use it because i never get to use it day to day. I went with Grimm-Goretz to kinda represent my family and heritage in a way while also leaning into how my writing is typically grim and gory.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

Whelp, we've got a nice handful of followers over here now, and unfortunately, I can't tag everyone. BUT I want to tell you all that you are appreciated. You are talented, and you are loved! Never let anyone tell you you're not good enough 'cause they're no better 🖤

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

Right here! uwu

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

I'm gonna be a little bit of a punk ass and tag myself here lol Link link link

I did this piece last year in celebration of one of my favorite band's new albums, and yeah! I just love it. It came out so good.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

When a narrator is like, "She smiled tit-ly, so deeply that her large pendulum breasts heaved, then jiggled tightly into her pink, completely see-through lace bra. Her breasts were no doubt expressing their own excitement." 🙄

For you 😌💞

#okay maybe thats a fucked up meme BUT I LOVE YOU ITS FINE #gabyrels grumbles #gaybi answers things #writeblr #writerscommunity #writerslife #writers #writers on tumblr #writerscorner #writing #writblr #writer things #book blog #miss may i

[brbabcseu]

ive been taking up the dashboard lately so please!! has anything specific about jesse and aj or mer been on ur mind recently??

I feel like I spend so much time talking about Jesse and AJ so I'm gonna make this a certified Meriwa & AJ-centric post!

Mer is a good relative. Not necessarily a conventionally good PARENT, but you could also argue the same for Jesse. The situation w/ these three is so nuanced but that's besides the point lmao. She curses a lot and thinks her omelets are better than Jesse's. She also thinks it's not a crime to put cheese and bacon into a pancake, they can be savory too "if you open your tiny mind". She hates the PTA moms of Skagway. She's thinking of going back to school. She's so good at being Jesse's friend and so annoyed abt that. She proclaims she's straight edge but gets scolded by AJ for smoking cigarettes. She has a strained relationship with her youngest sister and a relationship she's greatly missing with her oldest sister, who died not long before AJ was born. She loves her little sister Amlliq (pronounced um-sh-k; most just call her Billie) despite their struggles, because family is family. That, family being family, is a little part of the reason she comes back AJ's freshman year of high school.

I've talked a bit about her return but I can't emphasize enough just how much of a catalyst it was for things to start falling like dominoes for AJ. Jesse very gently and very carefully makes him aware of her presence in town, and makes it very clear that he does NOT have to meet her, he has NO obligation to invite her into his life at this point, and whatever AJ needs of him, he'll be right there. AJ is just like ty I appreciate all of that, I don't really wanna meet her but I think I need to hear what she has to say anyway and then decide. He appreciates just how honest she is about why she gave him up, why she's here now, if it's just because it seems "easier" now that he's older. She's basically just like listen I was in my early 20's, I had a lot going on, I still gave your dad a choice, I didn't even know I was pregnant until I went into labor. And AJ's like um okay PAUSE on that last one lmaooo. At the end of it Mer is like "I wouldn't hold it against you if you told me to fuck off. Just figured I'd try reaching out and see if you're open to building some sort of... something."

He doesn't at first, but once things fall apart with Jesse he starts spending a lot of time around her-- in the grand scheme, knowing what he knows, she suddenly becomes the lesser of two evils lol. He does end up enjoying their time together, she's functionally a cool big sister at this early stage of their relationship.

She knows, by the way. Meriwa's known about Jesse for a good long while and it's the other reason she decides to come back. That part gnaws at her; she knows he'd been troubled, but not much more than that. Her continued inaction the longer she knew about this without checking on AJ led to a growing guilt, which kind of paralyzed her further into not checking in, and so the cycle went for several years. Mer's well aware she herself is not perfect, and she has a brain, so the nuance of the Heisenberg chronicles was not lost on her. And then actually meeting AJ, seeing how he turned out, how he and Jesse interact... it was very relieving. At the same time, she doesn't question or judge when AJ needs that space from Jesse to come to grips with everything.

I feel I've already piled on a LOT of information but I wanna touch briefly on their first mother-son trip that I've mentioned before as well!! Summer before sophomore year she bring him to Fairbanks to meet the rest of her family. He has a lot of cool aunts and uncles and cousins, there're two cousins in particular around his age and he really enjoys getting to know them. His family is so big now!! And frankly he needs it, sad as the reality of it is he needs that breathing room from Jesse; the two need time to repair separately before they can come back together. He feels great warmth at having more family to be a part of, but throughout the trip starts to feel dejected and a little jealous over how doting, affectionate, and playful an aunt Meriwa can be to her youngest nieces and nephews. The pendulum of AJ's grandfather clock of angst is never not in motion and it's just frequently swinging back and forth between these two forces in his life: one that used to represent stability but now belies unrest; and one that used to represent the opposite but now hold the promise of something more permanent, but that scares him!! And with his state of disillusionment he's convinced it'll all fall apart at any second.

One day I'll talk more abt the dynamic btwn Jesse, AJ's godmother Delilah, and Meriwa, but that's a whole can of worms loll and would also mean I need to actually Talk abt Delilah, bc I never do for some reason but she's SO important in the AJ Lore

Some lightning round fun facts to tie this up:

She's had a passing interest in journalism and so that's what she's thinking of majoring in when she goes back to school-- Jesse always says WHEN not IF bc he fully believes Mer can do it and she'll absolutely kill it

She's closest with her uncle and her mother :')

AJ and Mer bond over their love for Brand New Eyes by Paramore but disagree on whether Danger Days is MCR's best album

Her pancakes are stellar, both of the sweet and savory variety, but she'll only make chocolate chip pancakes for the former. She refuses to get cc pancakes from diners bc they never put it in the batter and you can't just slather it on top what's even the point--

Mer doesn't put a label on it but she's bisexual, and is definitely sure Jesse is too. She'll lean over to AJ sometimes and be like, "Does he know..?" and AJ's like "Not a clue"

Have a silly aj & mer doodle!!

#mutuals #ask #kylejsugarman #alaska crew #oc aj #oc meriwa #finally got around to this ask JDFSKJHKSD ty for your patience

[fish-gutssz]

first post!! (its a lis rant)

Ok I've been watching and consuming a LOT of lis content lately and I'm suddenly conflicted on Chloe

now I have always been a bae over bay person for a lot of reasons

1: like my friend always says when asked bae or bay "I just spent all that time and effort im not just gonna go back and let her die"

2: shes hot

3: I know she can be very annoying (I haven't really realized HOW annoying till now) but I've always thought she redeems herself at the end of the game

I've always thought these reasons were great! good enough for me to love Chloe as she is. buuuuuuut recently I watched a WHOLE ENTIRE VIDEO on why a person does not like Chloe.

The video made me realize soooooo much about what I don't like about Chloe and made me start thinking if I should even be picking her over the whole of Arcadia Bay

SPOILERS FOR LIS AHEAD!!

Okay so I have also been seeing a lot of videos around tiktok like those "do you think we're soulmates in every universe?" and its either cute, funny, cute AND funny, or angsty. The life is strange ones are just HEARTBREAKING when I say heartbreaking I'm talking found family trope but then the entire found family DIES in front of the person (or somthing like that). I mean imagine getting your heart ripped out of your flesh, muscle, and bones then it just gets stomped on, set on fire, stabbed, ect. I'm explaining too much but you get the point

one I saw was max saying the "do you think we're soulmates in every universe?" and I go to the next slide and it is Chloe saying: "is Rachel dead in every universe?" WHAT THE FUCK. this brought me to the brink of tears.

Then I made the mistake of opening the comments.

THE FIRST COMMENT the VERY FIRST made a tear fall from my face. I took a ss and can fucking quote it.

"it breaks my heart that as max i destroyed Arcadia Bay for her, but she would destroy max and Arcadia Bay for Rachel."

Hence my soul shattering into a million pieces.

The saddest thing is that this is 100% true, and it had not crossed my mind once.

One of the things the video brought up is Chloe, throughout the entire game guilt trips Max, if you do somthing she doesn't like, she gets mad at you for it and brings it up constantly

Let's take the phonecall from Kate for example, as Max at this point we very much know Kate is struggling, she's getting bullied, stalked, and questioned by David, she's being RELENTLESSLY harassed by Victoria and her posse and also just like most of the school (btw I do not trust anyone who ships Kate and Victoria. its literally bully x victim and it is not ok.) she's also just generally upset and feeling a lot of shame because of her video.

So we know she is in a time of need, she needs freinds and a support system at her side, the obvious option is to call her. (it literally brings her closer to death if you do not answer the call) Max tells Chloe that she needs to answer a call from a freind, Chloe literally responds to this by guilt tripping Max. Basically saying "oh wah! but maaaxxx! you havnt had time for ME me ME for years! but now you have time for some blackwell hoe?! TRAITORRRR" which oh my gosh I mean yes Chloe, Max didn't talk to you for a very long time but she has taken accountability for it and apologized, you have her NOW and can spend way more time with her doing whatever and definitely talking longer that a call. One singular phonecall won't mess that up, ALSO you have no idea why she's calling what if her dad just died YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THAT HUH. there is just no reason to be a bitch about it and there's definitely no reason to scold your BEST FRIEND who has been NOTHING BUT NICE TO YOU SINCE YOU HAVE RECONNECTED.

The guilt tripping comes up a lot for frank, especially if you don't try and fail to shoot Frank in the junkyard she brings it up CONSTANTLY even though she is supposedly Max's best friend and anyone who even is acquainted with Max would probably be know by obvious hints how she feels about guns, Chloe isn't just an acquaintances with her she is her BEST FRIEND. Also Max littlerally tells Chloe that guns scare her and make her uncomfortable. Then Chloe expects her to littlerally SHOOT someone? she wants MAX a fucking kind and sweet person to potentially SHOOT somebody. Let me say this again she wants MAX to possibly take a LIFE and gets mad if she doesn't.

Thats not even the the beginning, she's just genuinely mean to Max the whole game when she doesn't get what she wants or hear what she wants to hear, then she lashes out at one of the only people trying to help her.

Although one thing I feel the video didn't touch on enough was the end, the end where Chloe DOESNT APOLOGIZE but she does show appreciation and genuine love for Max, although I feel even that then, she would still kill all of Arcadia Bay along with Max to bring Rachel back.

But also from a BTS perspective? We play as Chloe, She is still very much hurting still from her dads death, lowkey obsessed with Max but from her perspective (and I see why she's being irrational) Max has left her behind and she's all alone, then Rachel comes along and suddenly things get way more complicated BUT Chloe is happier, she isn't as lonley, and Rachel makes her feel complete. After the whole story thing is over the game implies that after that, Rachel and Chloe spend a LOT of time together. THEY ALSO HIT US WITH THAT GUT PUNCH OF THE PHONE IN THE DARK ROOM. So I'm just saying I SLIGHTLY understand Chloe perspective.

ty for reading :3

#lis #life is strange #lifeisstrange #rachel amber lis #chloe price #max caulfield #Chloe is weird #LIS! #life is strange rant #rant #lis fandom ARISE #guyssss cmonnn #i need my lis fans #life is peculiar #chloe price! #rachel amber #rachel amber life is strange #rachel life is strange #chloe price life is strange

[pilvimarja]

Episode 6 deserves its own post

Okay, I'm shocked by the complete 180 this season has done in the second half. The first four episodes were such a bumpy ride that I honestly think that whoever wrote them should be fired, but then episode 5 began to feel like the show I know and love, and episode 6 somehow delivered one of the best episodes in the history of this show!

I don't really know how I feel about the introduction of Kim Da-Eun, but I think I like her? It's nice to have a female sensei (and it would have been uncomfortable to see Terry Silver whipping Tory with a cane). She seems very ruthless and I kind of hope she uses that magnificent ponytail to strangle Terry Silver at some point, but I have a feeling that she won't be switching sides. I could see her and Tory becoming a kinky little niche ship in the fandom 😏

And oh man, Terry continues to be completely insane. He's literally hiring goons in combat boots to fight in a business war over children's karate schools! This man needs a hobby and a lot of therapy. I wonder if he's doing coke again 😅

Johnny finally showing up to support Daniel!!! Yes! Thank you! This is the Johnny we needed last season, but better late than never. I really loved Johnny and Chozen teaming up and basically fighting over who's Daniel's biggest rival and then somehow ending up arguing about how badass Daniel is 😂 And the fight at the Cobra Kai dojo with the Double Dragon-esque music playing? BADASS.

Haha did anyone else spot Billy's waist slimming undergarment? You could see it in the training montage in s4, but it was really obvious under his raglan shirt. As were his nipnops!

I'm not sure how I feel about Kreese's obvious road to redemption, but his little guilt trip into his own mind was fascinating to watch. I honestly don't think he can ever change, but it's nice to know that these thoughts do exist somewhere deep inside his mind. It make him more human, which in turn makes him a more interesting villain.

And oh my god CGI baby Johnny shook me to my core! I gasped when I heard his squeaky little voice! I've never been a fan of de-aging people with CGI, because the uncanny valley effect is usually too strong, but baby Johnny was the most impressive use of the technology I've seen since Rachel in the Blade Runner sequel.

And then the final scene at the Miyagi-Do was absolutely perfect. I was in tears all the way through it. I didn't realize the house still had a room full of Mr Miyagi's old things and Daniel is right, it really did feel like a time capsule. It was a beautifully decorated set and the acting from both Ralph and Courtney was flawless. And the sheer elevation and relief I felt when Robby showed up and he and Daniel finally got over their issues, and Daniel walked into the garden to discover that he's finally got people in his corner! He's not alone anymore, the most important people in his life are with him now!!!

#cobra kai #cobra kai season 5 spoilers

[rotten-flesh-n-bones]

You're not obligated to publish arts. Even if we follow your blog for that, you have no obligation toward us. You're free to do what you want. Your guilt tripping yourself for not publishing art at all, it just worsen the situation for yourself. Maybe, instead, you should take a pause from the blog and distance yourself from it.

Hey friend! I know, don't worry! I'm not forcing myself to make stuff to post or anything like that, I just got really discouraged to post anything because my stuff over on Instagram was/is doing NUMBERS (on the minus scale. 5 likes per post, literally, so. not very happy times) and so I got kinda sad BUT Tumblr is no Instagram! It's all good here - I just needed to give myself a lil kick to get some photos, edit them and post =) This blog is not a source of stress or any bad feelings for me and it doesn't affect me in negative ways, I want to make that very clear - that place in my heart is reserved for Instagram and Instagram only. I hate that fucking platform so much. But I really appreciated the concern ♡

On another note, my original (not fanart) stuff also isn't doing The Greatest on here but that's to be expected, really. Ain't nobody following me to see me draw fish, a bunch of plans and, oh the horrors, tanks, obviously. But that's what I've been drawing mainly lately which means I don't have a whole lot to post but oh well. A few drawings are certainly better than none!

#ask hunter #i don't exactly feel bad for not posting but it just means that i got a little lazy lol

[radiodread]

imagine you're putting on a singing performance. eighty people watch/listen to said performance but only two people applaud you afterwards. no reviews online or in the paper following the performance, either. you have no idea if people actually liked it or if those two people only clapped their hands because they felt like they had to since they watched the whole thing, after all.

publishing fic is awful. it's awful because you're excited about this thing you're writing: you put so much time and effort and care into making sure it's up to your own ridiculously high standards. then you decide to share it with the internet, and while some people read it, they don't tell you what they think. they never do. and it makes you doubt yourself after several works get the same treatment, and it doesn't even have to be for a small fandom- it can be for big ones, too. doesn't matter. no one gives a damn and it's impossible to get your works noticed or much less commented on.

i've adapted the so-called pasta method as of late: throw it at the wall and see if it sticks. written a lot of fics in a short amount of time because i had and still have many ideas i want to write out. and then i publish them, see which ones people seemed to at least like enough to say "hey this was good, thank you for sharing". percentage-wise, not many at all. many pasta strands flopping down onto the kitchen counter. i'm very bad at cooking pasta, it seems.

someone told me that lack of feedback doesn't have to mean that my writing is bad, but i am and always have been the type of person to interpret it that way. silence speaks volumes, usually in a negative sense: not good enough to say anything about. i know that people always tell you to create first and foremost for yourself and because you want it to exist. and i do. but it used to be fun to share works with others and people used to tell me what they thought and some even got excited. nowadays even sharing fic with friends is met with a lukewarm response, a 🔥-react on discord and not much else. it feels like they're nowadays just saying or reacting to it because we're friends and they "have to". and it really kills your motivation to continue sharing, when strangers don't leave comments and your friends don't give a damn. on the other hand, i always read my friends' fics if the fandom is relevant to my interests and i always leave comments along with a kudos. it sucks to not get the same treatment in return, but contradictingly enough i also don't want friends to read my stuff 'cause they "have to".

this is how creators stop sharing their creations. this is how i stop sharing mine. i'm tired of having my self-confidence shattered every time i post something new. i will continue to write but only for myself and that's that on that.

(finally: no, this isn't me attempting to guilt-trip people or gain sympathy. i needed a place to vent and that's all there is to it.)

#this is a long rant #don't read cause you feel like you have to #very tired of that as of late #radiodread.txt

[gracelaramusings]

Day 1, Guatemala: En Route

Guatemala and Honduras here we come!

For some people flying is hell. I very much enjoy it. Quite a bit, even. OK, I would happily have skipped the long lines at Ben Gurion, but had I done so, I wouldn't have met Christian and Martin who were on their way to Juba, to visit a remote tribe in South Sudan that worships a special cow. Can't say I will add that as an upcoming destination, not only due to the fact that the country is at war and there likely are active travel warnings to prevent travel there, nor because my chosen veg/pescatarian lifestyle might be difficult to adhere to amidst this remote tribe, or even because I presume they do not accept Israeli passports which precludes travel with Yuval... but mostly I took pause because, when you see a grown man waiting on line to travel to a destination who is clearly highly anxious due to the multitude of unknowns that await, it definitely does not stir within me envy. Curiosity, yes. Cool that there are still relatively-unexplored off-the-beaten path travel destinations. Still, I'll let it suffice to follow Christian's instagram account to appease any whim.

The airflight attendant just led the plane in singing happy birthday (happy birthday Justina!), I believe that's a first for me. I've been on the last flight of a pilot (the plane is hosed down by the ground crew), a flight carrying a fallen soldier from Afghanistan (we remained on board and stood when the accompanying soldiers deplaned and for the coffin to be taken from the plane), and witnessed some hilarious crew or pilots who try to make the flight entertaining. But happy birthday? Not til now.

It's still the morning of the 26th and I've been flying since 1am Israel time. These hours of flight time are perfect for scribbling these words.

First, the elephant in the room. Or more accurately: the amazingly wonderful, incredibly incredible girl NOT in the room: Sheleg. Since she's spending a year of voluntary service working with the (also amazing) Jewish community of Rochester, and she just left for her post the week before we flew, needless to say, she can't join us, even for a bit. I struggled with the guilt of a family trip sans one daughter, and fight the urge to correct others, or myself, when a positive response is given or assumed after being asked if the whole family is traveling together. The present-kids came up with a brilliant idea (and for me, an acceptable coping mechanism)-- they printed out a nearly-life-size head shot of Sheleg so she could join us in at least some family photos. Yes!

And of course, there's the story behind the selection of the location(s). Actually, Guatemala has been a long-standing choice for a destination for both Yuval and me. We seriously considered it back in 2010 for our first Central America trip. But since the travel warnings at the time included kidnapping of people, including children, for the purpose of stealing their organs, well, we decided our lackadaisical parental lifestyle would not offer sufficient protection to our younguns, or at the least, the anxiety caused by the simple thought of that travel warning was enough to be a real downer. So we decided to put off Guatemala until our kids could put up a fight against any said-attempted-kidnapping, G-d forbid. At almost-24 and 20, both strong and fit, pity the person who even considers trying. They'd take a beating, I'm sure. I'd hope. Honestly, I haven't checked the travel warnings of late. But it's definitely a different story traveling as four adults.

Four adults. Is it still a family trip when you are travelling not as a whole family? And is the expression family trip misleading when the two children are, in fact, adults? Ah, the existential questions of life-long travel as a unit. I will still call it a family trip, just with lots of caveats. And soon enough (I hope?) it might be us joining them on their travels. But since they've taken a back seat (at least for now) on initiating any of the planning, I'll still call this the parents with kids trip, and not yet the opposite.

So I must admit, I have no idea where we're going or what we'll be doing. I've done no research as to what there is to do and where one should go. This is in large part because I fully trust Yuval and the great amount of reading he's done of the popular Hebrew language sites. So, stay tuned as we discover together the beauty of what awaits.

[tim-mcnamara]

My Rust Nation 2024

I've finally had a chance to pause after getting back from London. An immeasurable thank you to Ernest Kissiedu for the invitation to present.

Because I suck at selfies, but selfies are extremely popular, here is a selfie of me not looking at the camera:

A real business

Seeing my logo next to many others definitely made me take a breath and realise that I have created something meaningful. So many people have supported Tim Clicks, via financial contributions and positive messages during difficult times.

For people who have been following me for a while will know that my Rust consultancy, Accelerant, is less than a year old.

I decided to use the flagship Tim Clicks brand as the logo and it looks amazing. The branding work for Tim Clicks is all done by John at Underscorefunk Design and I recommend them wherever I can.

The conference began for me before the conference

If you're interested in podcasts, you should consider listening to the recording of the Twitter Space that I recorded with Ernest in the lead up to the event. It was wonderful to have the opportunity to chat about Rust and the opportunity that Rust offers the world:

Four talks in a week (including a full day workshop)

Rust London

Giving an impromptu lightning talk at Rust London was a fun highlight. I was able to rehearse a few lines from my talk, which was a nice bonus.

Rust in Enterprise workshop

I wasn't too sure what to expect when Ernest pitched the idea of hosting a workshop for the conference. I was already quite busy and overworked. In the end, it was a really incredible day.

Photo: Rust Nation via LinkedIn.

Talk: Unwrapping Unsafe

I spent weeks on this. Possibly more than 100 hours of research. After all of that time though, I decided to change the focus of talk radically to focus on explaining unsafe for the audience. It's strange to see that condensed down to 30 minutes or so. But there's bound to be another talk or two on this topic in the future.

Talk: 4 levels of error handling in Rust

Unfortunately, a speaker had to pull out. I offered to step in and am quite happy with the result.

The conversations are the best part

The talks are amazing, but the best part of a tech conference is the ability to shake hands. It was also really wonderful to connect with many people who I have only met online.

Possibly one of the most exciting points was to agree to start a partnership with Ben Wishovich, co-maintainer of Leptos, to provide full stack web development to clients.

Reflecting on a year

[Content warning: mental illness]

Flying home, I spent lots of time writing in my diary. Lots of that time spent coming back to my guilt at missing many deadlines for projects, such as my in-progress courses, which are very late. Suicidal thoughts have been a near-constant part of my background noise as an adult, and that background noise is much louder when I only have my own head to listen to.

Travel also imposes a large cost on my kids. I am almost constantly worried about my impact that my trips have on my girls. But I also know that we have lots of wonderful time together. I tend to work from home most the the time as well, which means that I get to spend more time with them than most Dads.

Connecting with me

I want to keep the discussions going, whether that means helping you with Rust or something else. Here are a few links:

Join my Discord server, CLICKS LOUNGE. This is the best way to keep a conversation going.

Find me on LinkedIn. If you would like to add me as a connection though, please send me a note rather than sending an anonymous request.

Support me on Patreon.

At some point, I would like to expand this into a fuller post but I've promised myself to time-box this one and make progress on some other tasks.

Wishing you all the best!

#rust nation #rustlang #rust programming

[kyunsies]

Even though you've posted a handful of selfies, in my dream I think you kinda looked like a weird mix of your icon and what I know you look like 😂😂 dream logic, am I right?? But yeah we were just chilling!! It made me want to go out with some friends, especially since I haven't been able to a lot recently. But I'm gonna hang out with one of my good friends tonight and we're going to make bread!!!

Also thank you for thinking my name is pretty 🥺💖💓 I read that and was literally kicking my legs trying not to jump up and down with excitement!! My mom is Korean and my dad is American, so my Dad picked out our first names and my mom picked out our middle names! Minji means "sparkling red gem" which honestly suits me a lot hehe 😊 my parents always tell me I have a sparkling personality and bring a lot of joy and entertainment into our lives

Have you had any particular song that you've just been loving a little extra this week? For me it's Text Me by DPR Live!!! He was on the COLORS SHOW and his performance of it is so much fun!! 💖💖 Minji 🌟

[ @dkbtho ] LATE AGAIN ;______; i'm truly so sorry angel , i have all the time in the world these days but i think my brain guilt trips me into thinking because i'm not in school anymore i should be going to the ends of the earth trying to distract myself as i wait to hear back from my hospital sdfkjsd i'm so sorry !!!! but also LASLDKFJ I MIX BETWEEN ME AND CHANGKYUN ,,,,,,, a little scary i'm sorry u had to see that LOL <3 how was ur lil friend date night making bread? that honestly sounds so fun !!!! what type of bread did u make? random fact that u don't need to know about me lsdkfj but my fav bread is ciabatta <3

and yes OFC you're name is gorgeous !! it rolls off the tongue easily (at least in my head lol) it's lovely :) and the meaning is super sweet behind it , i'm glad your mom and your dad had the chance to sprinkle in their own cultures in there :) you are definitely sparkling and vibrant like a ruby !! as for songs i've been vibing to recently YES YES !!!!! been obsessed with all of onew/jinki's ep, literally a no skip lil project for me, but my favs have been in the whale and yeowoobi <3 onew's voice is sooooo calming it's like a breath of fresh air mixed with honey but also vibrant as well, he's so special to me and this ep i hold it to my heart so dearly!!! ALSO TEXT ME IS SOOO GOOD i love the whole dpr team/concept , also that song always scares me when i have my music blasting in the car bc i never know when it starts and it just BOOMS lol :') anyways angel !!! again i'm so sorry this is late idk what's going on with my brain right now lol but i really hope u are having a great week and i hope to hear from you soon !!! <3

#asks #dkbtho #minji 🌟