#idk it just annoys me to be told what to do

[minimoefoe]

Rewatch Thoughts: Rogue

I wish the ep started with 15 and Ruby showing up and seeing everyone dancing and being excited, kinda like Donna and 10 Unicorn and the Wasp vibes, rather than them already being in there idk

It’s a very difficult cheese lmao I like that little scene a lot

The fact Ruby sees Susan Twist yet again and doesn’t mention it to the Doctor at any point. They had other shit going on tbf nvm

‘Faster mover’ lmao. I like the Doctor’s vibe when he says that. Like he’s actually a bit shook by the fast moving. It’s more Doctor-y than the overt flirting in the rest of the ep.

Why would Rogue think that the Doctor was a Chulder when he’s been speaking like he’s from the future or whatever. If he WAS a Chulder don’t you think he would be playing pretend as a person from 1813. Not talking about the fuckin stars

Genuinely don’t see how ppl have said they’ve seen a gay vibe between Ruby and Emily. ur waffling sorry

I’m choosing to believe 15 doesn’t like being called Doc bc it makes him think of Graham and that makes him sad but tbh I do think 13 found Graham annoying sometimes so.. Maybe it reminds him of him in a bad way 😭

15 upping the Scottish accent and mocking Rogue’s American accent earlier lol

Shoutout to Kylie Minogue

15 being flustered over the psychic paper. Also 10/10 very Doctor-y 

New boss.. So Rogue is the Meep’s co-worker then. I wonder if whenever we meet the Boss they’ll make a reference to a person who ‘worked for them but disappeared’ aka Rogue

All the faces !!!!!

I feel nothing about Richard E Grant being there other than I know I don’t consider him in any part of the Doctor canon of my mind but I hope other ppl have fun arguing about where he should be in the timelines

The way Ruby awkwardly said ‘ah.. right’ after Emily told her who she wanted to marry made me think of Charlotte Ritchie in BBC Ghosts

15 singing before entering the TARDIS was a bit cringe

Rogue kinda is Jack just less whore-y and more romantic yknow

15’s solution to not killing the bird ppl being to send them to a barren dimension is sooooo funny like king you realise why that’s actually worse than killing right😭Unless we’re supposed to assume they can survive fine in this barren dimension? But the Doctor clearly sees it as a punishment when he thinks they’ve killed Ruby so presumably not

Rogue is very pretty I fear

I like that Rogue uses ‘they’ to refer to the person he lost idk why

‘I know the word OK’, Emily is so funny

The proposal making 15 actually freak out a bit and forget he’s acting lmfao

The Chulder’s actually using the word cosplay makes me cringe a bit. I think it would've been better if ‘cosplay’ was just the word the Doctor uses to explain what they do

On first watch it was literally right as Ruby told Emily that she was from the future that I realised Emily was one of them

Ruby not actually getting got is cool but like that scene literally shows the lightning and we hear her screaming but then in the flashback to what actually happened neither of those things happen so them putting it in the initial scene feels like a shit/lazy way of trying to hide the fact it was gonna be revealed that she was pretending all along when they coulda made it so that we the audience know she’s fine bc we don’t see the telltale Chulder bodyswap signs but the Doctor thinks she’s dead. Very strange imo

Been obsessed with the way the Duchess shouts ‘the wedding’ since I first saw it in a  trailer icl

That scene with Carla feels so out of place and tbh random bc like. This is the second time Ruby has almost died in an ep so surely we shoulda seen that flashback the FIRST time it happened not now

15 loves a cry and idk how I feel about it

Other than the non-Doctor-y flirting I think this is the most Doctor-y 15 has felt to me

Did Rogue really have to replace Ruby? He literally just shoved her off? Surely he coulda just stood at the side of the triangle and pulled her out of it instead? Or are we saying that once it’s prepped for 6 ppl then it won’t leave without 6 on it? Bc I don’t think they make that clear in the episode at all

This episode is sooooo Maxine Alderton in 13’s era coded to me in that it’s an ep where the writing, other than the couple of choices I don’t love, just overall feels much tighter than the rest of the eps in the series have been like I feel like I can tell the difference 

I love 15 and Rogue’s dynamic but I really wish 15 was more awkward in his attraction to Rogue. He was far too suggestive and direct imo, it didn’t always feel like the most Doctor-y thing ever. Like he may be 'healed' (whatever that even means) but he's still the DOCTOR

Overall a banger. 4.5/5. I think this is the first ep this season  where I’ve rated it a bit higher after rewatch

#doctor who #fifteenth doctor #rogue #ruby sunday #nataliechats

[bvnniz]

⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪ bunny!reader x vox , bunny!reader & carmilla carmine

𝜗𝜚 warnings: forbidden love, bunny’s soul is owned by carmilla, more fluff then anything, idk how aging works in hell but bunny ages like a normal person does, same thing with carmilla’s daughters

A/N: i feel as though this story could have a part 2 ( which would probably include smut ngl . . . ) so please comment & tell me if that’s something you guys would want !!

flashback, twenty years ago when bunny first appeared in hell

carmilla and her daughters had been on a walk when they heard a couple of sniffles coming from an alleyway, clara immediately let go of her moms hand and went running towards the sound.

“clara!” carmilla yelled before following with odette, that’s when they finally found the source of the sniffles when they saw little five year old you crying in the alleyway.

“bunny!” clara practically yelled while pointing at you. “indeed she is, where are your parents, sweetheart?” that just made your sobbing start again “they aren’t here.”

carmilla had taken pity on you, mostly due to the fact her daughters begged for a bunny sister. so she took you in and made you apart of her family.

twenty years later, four months before next extermination

“vox, valentino. glad to see all of the vee’s finally have decided our overlord meetings aren’t good enough for them.” carmilla spoke, clearly annoyed causing you to try not to let out a laugh

vox wanted to state he was purely only there for you. truth was you and vox met a couple months ago, went on a couple dates and have been dating since. except no one knows, especially carmilla.

she was your mom for the past twenty years and if there’s one thing she hated more than anything it was the vee’s. she didn’t even want you coming to the meeting because she was told all three vee’s were planning on attending.

your mother glared at the three before turning to you signaling for you to make your exit, she knew odette & clara would be fine if something were to happen but you were always very sensitive, crying at the littlest things. she wasn’t making you leave to be mean, she meant it to be so you didn’t get upset over yelling.

you nodded before leaving the board room and heading to your room. vox making some excuse which got him out of staying before he materialized in your room.

“voxxy!” you practically screamed before pulling him into a hug. “hi princess.” he smiled back at you. “how’d you get here without my mother noticing?”

he just shook his head in response “i barely see you anymore you really think i’m gonna let her try to get me from seeing my little bunny less than i already do?” he pulled you into a kiss which lasted about a minute before you pulled away “what if my mother comes in?”

he sighed before sitting on your bed “you know valentino and velvette are gonna make that meeting way longer than it needs to be.” you nodded before sitting on his lap and pulling him into a kiss.

the kiss turned more heated after a while, vox laying down with you still on top of him, you grinding against him.

although it only lasted a little while longer before your mother walked in “sweethe- what the hell?!” you had immediately pushed yourself off vox standing in front of your bed “mom, it’s not what it looks like i swear!”

“really because it looks like this tv head has decided to leave an important meeting to try and fuck my daughter.” you just stared at the ground for a second before replying “okay so it is what it looks like . . . but he’s fine mom! i swear! we’ve been dating for months and he hasn’t even done anything bad! we haven’t even actually had sex yet!”

carmilla took a deep breath before continuing “you two have been dating and you kept this from me? you know how i feel about lies.” you tried to reply but you couldn’t find the words, you just stared at the ground more, trying to keep your tears in

“carmilla. do not take this out on her. i asked her out, i only even came to this stupid meeting so i could see her. i love this little bunny more than any stupid sinner could. i know you don’t like me and i know you don’t like me dating your daughter more but i love her and i’m pretty sure she loves me. so please don’t make her stop talking to me or something.” you looked back at vox, him meeting your gaze with a smile

“do you love him?” you turned to your mom and nodded “more than anything.” she nodded back “i’ll allow it, but you so much as hurt her and you will be unplugged.” with that she left.

you immediately turned back to vox before climbing back on his lap “you got her approval!” you cheered before peppering his screen with kisses causing him to chuckle. “we got the approval, bunny.”

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel smut #vox x bunny!reader #vox x reader #hazbin hotel valentino #hazbin hotel valentino x reader #valentino x bunny!reader #valentino x reader #vox smut #alastor x reader #carmilla carmine #hazbin hotel carmilla

[sl1nkie]

another day, another pettily not liking Or reblogging a post with a reblogs over likes banner. gatekeep gatekeep girlboss

#pengu well now im not doing it meme #idk it just annoys me to be told what to do #even 'i encourage reblogging if you liked this' is fine. good even! might call me to action when i otherwise wouldn't have reblogged #but anything alongs the lines of 'dont like if youre not gonna rb' just sinply wont get either from me #you did this to yourself 😁✌️ #oh look original content

[magical-misfit]

Thinking about that one post that was like “Gerard wants to stay in the castle when war comes because he spent his formative years struggling to stay alive and survive and now he’s expected to do it again”

Like…yes you get it.

Gerard was ten.

And at ten years old he knew death better than others. He watched his first friend get eaten alive as part of the food chain at work, he nearly died at the teeth of a dog because he didn’t understand why it was weird for a talking frog to address a guard like a prince. A ten year old experienced near death for the first time and people still have the audacity to call him a coward.

He stayed in that pond for god knows how long (he states he’s thirty but we don’t know how long he and Elody have been married) and he waited for ages for someone to come find him, anyone really. That heron probably came by every day, same with the hunters and their dogs. How much death and injury did you think Gerard saw over those years in the pond? How much bravery and cleverness do you think he had to muster up in himself so as not to get eaten? No wonder he latched onto Elody and the castle life so quickly.

And when war comes at a time when he’s supposed to be free, a time when the curse has been broken and everything is fine, of course he flees. Of course he claims they can stay in their castle and be okay.

Because Gerard knows death. And he knows that if he leaves the castle again, he’s not sure he’ll make it back this time.

And he’s right. He doesn’t.

(At least that version of him anyway)

#neverafter #gerard of greenleigh #once again murph PCs have me going feral #neverafter spoilers #like gerard didn’t do anything wrong he was a kid! #and yes kids suck but you don’t turn them into prey because they annoy you #Gerard’s cowardice and materialism isn’t even that much of a flaw imo #it’s a coping mechanism for when he starts to come into contact with triggers for his PTSD #how long do you think he told himself ‘this is temporary’ while out in that pond? #like yes gerard is a flawed character but when you learn what happened to him can you really blame him? #ugh brian murphy you’ve done it again #idk it’s just like…yes rich people need to be humbled but gerard has been humbled his whole life #he learned his lesson and once he got complacent learned it again #and while I love Elody I do think it’s interesting to think about why she fell out of love with him #was it the complacency? #the materialism? #the supposed cowardice? #we saw why she fell IN love with him but why did she fall OUT of love with him? #I need answers

[sandinmybed]

some of yall are incapable of simply saying you dislike something. you have to dress it up in social justice language and make it into a Moral Issue rather than just owning and acknowledging that it's not your taste even though other people like it. which is fine btw.

#also you can make literally anything into a Moral Argument if you try hard enough that doesnt mean its actually relevant to do so #this is how we end up with those fucking twitter threads that are like #joking op: dni if you like pineapple pizza! #insane ppl; uh what about those of us who can ONLY eat pineapple pizza? i have trauma with other types of pizza. #you get what i mean? #this isnt about anything in particular or any one fandom im just annoyed #althoooo #oomf told me someone was bitching about cowboy byler and im like okay! cool! let other people have fun! #thats kind of a separate thing but its related ig. bc again why do you need to moan about it instead of just muting it or something. #idk who it was btw so if this is an accidental indirect at you Oops but like. its not the end of the world if other people are enjoying an #au that you dont. #text

[gregoftom]

pretty sure i’ve seen romance movies with scenes like this

#tomgreg #where do i even start with t his horseshit okay here we fucking go. #so tom's first instinct is to go to greg when he's on shaky ground with shiv. the only way he feels safe is to have GREG with him. #who tf would want greg as an attack dog??!?!? lets be fucking real. when he says that i think he means just a dog. just someone loyal. #who loves him and won't dick him around. i think he's pretty tired of it by now. #he wants an alliance with like. ok in this show who would you pick to ally with. i love greg but he's abso useless in terms of skills that #would keep you safe. if anything TOM would keep HIM safe. in fact tom himself says who else has taken care of you. literally spells it out. #he even says greg is a joke; will fail; will fuck up; so what use does he have for tom other than companionship. other than love? #a dog might do tricks for you but your main reason for getting one is usually love. right? at least it should be. it would be in tom's case. #and don't even fucking get me STARTED on ''do you wanna come with me? ...sporus?" like girl. #you know what you told him about nero and sporus right. and now you're saying to him; yeah i was talking about you. #you and me. you're my favourite and i wasn't joking when i said i'd marry you. #the whole while tom is asking greg to be his attack dog his fuckin. eyes and expression we get it you're in love with him. like it's ridic. #and all this coming with phrasing it sounds like they're fucking ELOPING. I HATE IT!!!!!! SHUT UP! stop saying that fucking shit god. god #they are so annoying. anyway #the way tom's voice breaks as he says he has things to do [what things. will i find out later.] and the deal and!! #what am i gonna do with a soul anyways... i have you what do i need it for. and as that paragraph said somewhere. he castrates his soul. #then they giggle and are fucking annoying and greg'S HANDS LOOK LIK EHE'S ABOUT TO IDK. HUG TOM? AROUND THE MIDDLE MAYBE #or do something else. and then they just hug instead and i fucking. ugh. i've had enough tbh good fucking bye

[lesbiansanemi]

I hate when I’ll be complaining about some stupid bullshit a coworker does to other coworkers and half the time their response is to lower their voice and go “well…. You know…. I’m pretty sure they’re… on the spectrum, you know?” And every time I have a split second when I have to consider saying “you know I’m autistic, right?” just to make them vaguely uncomfortable for a few minutes and actually think about what they’re implying but of course I do not do that because the gratification is not worth a large sect of shitty coworkers knowing that about me and then talking about me like that every time I do something vaguely annoying or dumb but man…. It does get tempting sometimes

#like idk!!! sometimes the coworkers in question DO display some common autistic traits #but that is NEVER what is being complained about (at least not by me) so WHY are we bringing it up like that el oh el #like when I say ‘yeah I don’t like this coworker because of the shitty fucking things she did to my friend’ #the response should not be ‘well I think she’s autistic isn’t that so funny she’s so obsessive about stuffed animals it’s annoying’ #shut up shut up SHUT UP AND DIE #I don’t CARE that they talk too loud I don’t CARE that they’re bad a social cues I don’t CARE that they do ‘weird things’ #and it’s so. HFDJSJKSKSKS AAAGGHHHHH #whether they’re autistic or not MAYBE that’s not what should be getting brought up during a conversation like that when it has NOTHING to do #with it #also maybe we shouldn’t be doing shit like whispering ‘on the spectrum’ like its some awful terrible thing #just thoughts idk #and the thing is too is that even if I told these ppl I was autistic #they would 100% be the types that are like ‘oh? but you don’t ACT autistic I don’t think you are’ #like actually I got very good at masking for these reasons thnx #also you think autism = Sheldon from the Big Bang theory and nothing else #but I already learned my lesson cuz I told a coworker that I wasn’t sure about exactly twice #one of them went ‘oh THATS why you’re so dumb and don’t realize when other ppl don’t like you and take advantage of you’ #and then the other one went on a mansplaining spiel about how me being autistic was why adhd meds didnt work on me?????? #so yeah. never doing that again. haha. hahahaha. hahahaha…… #this actually happened a few days ago but it’s been Bothering me so much #I hate my fucking job…. #kaz rambles

[tenrose]

I hate living in this world.

#misc #negativity tw #first off i had an argument with a colleague at work #we had to move places for the millionth time in this stupid open space #which already annoyed me #but this guy came at bargained like he always do while i said nothing because it's not like we chooae #and he always does that for actual work because and idk at first i made a snarky comment about now that he got what he wanted he better be #ready to work instead of hiding when somebody ask him to do his job #and he told me he didn't understand the remark #and my hot temper that makes me snap every five years took over #i bet he has by now complaining aboutme like he does about everything #anyway i take hours to calm down (not calm after 4 hours) #I'm also pissed at me cause i can't get emotional without shaking stupidly which makes me look like an hysterical person (i mean sadly i am) #also if there has to have an explanation once my anger is gone tomorrow i will be back on social anxiety mode which is gonna make it worse #all of this reminded me that i need to find a new job for ten thousand reasons #but unfortunately all employers are shit and actually i don't even know what i want to do #and as usual i have no energy for anything because i am still a major piece of shit #then i wanted to relax #made the mistake to open Instagram because I'm also stupid #and i know i don't often talk about politics and stuff #but it's really draining me #i barely or read news just enough to be aware #and honestly its exhausting but I dont want to complain cause Im in a privileged position where i have the chance to be able to 'shut off' #and yes my country and especially this government is sickening me #and like its people too #and also insta is full of pride posts #and i am stupid to read the homophobic and transphobic comments #and genuinely these people alongside racist and islamophobic people really scare the hell out of me #hopefully i don't engage but i shouldn't read anything at all tbh #speaking of pride im spiralling because even tho i kinda identify as aro i feel like a freak and i have nobody to tell me im not

[curiosity-killed]

you know when something happens and you're like "eh that's annoying but not a big deal" and then hours later your brain pops back in like "hey! surprise!! i'm actually super upset about this!"

#its annoying af #mb i will actually look at open jobs tonight #i don't actually want to leave my job #i just want to be treated with respect by my coworkers #which is a rlly fucking low bar that most coworkers manage to clear #except for the ones i'm stuck working with the most #personal #like my ''career coach'' is going on sabbatical for 3-4 months #and never actually told me #i found out bc my sister told me in secret and then my shitty PM told me #and then today said career coach popped in to be like btwz before i leave! what do you think about this career coach! #and i'm like. okay like i know i know but YOU NEVER TOLD ME #and shitty PM basically made me get on a call to be mad at me for ''making her look bad'' and ''calling into question her integrity #and quality of her work'' when like a) she didn't even fucking DO the work in question b) it was a CLIENT'S decision i was talking abt and #c) DO BETTER FUCKING WORK THEN #and then by the end of the call had wrapped around to being like haha yeah the client def actually did what u said [even tho she'd been mad #BC she claimed they hadn't] #idk i'm just getting rlly genuinely frustrated both with all of this dumb shit #and then like. if i am actually getting paid 20k below what a man who now #has a title BENEATH mine #and the PM's continuing shittiness + the lack of anything actually changing #ugh

[smilesrobotlover]

When some random stranger dms me about a commission and I just know that they’re gonna be a nightmare or a scammer

#this is all on Instagram byw #btw #I’ve never had an issue with commissions on tumblr #cuz I can tell that they’re human beings who want me to draw some silly guys #instagram is FILLED with scammers tho #and it’s very annoying #or people who are impossible to work with #once made a commission for a guy who just could not explain anything to me #and then when I waited for his payment he spent ten billion years to get to me #he finally worked with me when I called him out on his bs and told him that if he didn’t pay me #then I would assume that he tried to scam me and I wouldn’t talk to him again #and then he started acting weird #idk #today some guy wanted me to draw something and then asked me where I was from #and I said that that wasn’t any of their business #and now im scared to open up the dm #it’s hard to explain but all other commissions are just wonderful cuz the people are very sweet and understanding #and they’re very helpful to get across what they want #the ones I hate doing work for… I can just tell #it’s hard #smiles rambles #anyways I should really check this dm

[coquelicoq]

been paying more attention to my r sounds in french lately and while i do default to the voiced uvular fricative /ʁ/ most of the time, in intervocalic contexts i'm doing what i'm pretty sure is a voiced uvular approximant /ʁ̞/ maybe half the time? i wasn't sure if it was a tap/flap or an approximant, but it does sound a lot like the audio clip for the approximant, and apparently the approximant is often an allophone for the fricative, while the tap/flap is an allophone for the trill (which makes sense since a tap/flap is basically an abbreviated trill), and i don't really do uvular trills in speech.

the fricative has always been difficult for me and at this point i doubt it will get much easier than it is now. it makes sense that as i learned to speak faster i would end up producing the approximant in at least some contexts, and i suppose that it makes sense that the main context in which that happens is intervocalic, since approximants are kind of like if you took a fricative halfway to being a vowel.

the reason i've been thinking about this lately is i've been listening to a lot of stromae and his r sounds keep jumping out at me. i mentioned in some tags the other day his r sounds in bonne journée (skip to 1:24):

Si l'bonheur [tap/flap?] des autres [elided] te rend [trill] malheureux [trill] C'est qu't'es un rageux [tap/flap?] Si l'malheur [trill?] des autres [elided] te rend [trill] heureux [approximant??] C'est qu't'es un rageux [tap/flap?]

that sound in heureux in the third line is really interesting because he pronounces that exact word (within the word malheureux) two lines before, but there he's clearly trilling the r, and here he is not, and it doesn't sound like a tap or flap to me either! it sounds like an approximant!

he does do the uvular fricative as well...specifically in consonant clusters (also in variation with trills) (skip to 1:37):

Tu profites [fricative] jamais vraiment [trill?] de ce moment présent [fricative] En fait t'es juste dépressif [fricative]

elsewhere in the song he seems to trill a lot of consonant cluster rs, so i think it may also be a function of syllables/second - in these two lines he's going really fast, and possibly fricatives are faster to pronounce than trills? they certainly are for me, but i'm not sure if that's because i'm not a native speaker or because of some fundamental property of trilling.

between a vowel and a consonant he's sometimes doing a trill and sometimes something else, i think an approximant but it might be a fricative. hell, maybe it's a tap/flap. (rs in this context are fairly difficult for me to distinguish with any accuracy if they're not trills or really emphasized fricatives, so fuck if i know.)

ultimately i think he (at least in song) trills every r possible and resorts to (not consciously, obviously) one of the other options when necessary. i am nowhere near that proficient at uvular trills and can pretty much only do them on extended notes (because they take extra time for me to pronounce) and on higher pitches for some reason. i'd love to learn the uvular tap/flap, and it's probably the fastest of all the options (citation needed but it feels right lol), so maybe a year from now, when my speaking speed has increased another incremental amount, i'll notice that i've started spontaneously producing those as well. i live in hope.

#rs are hard! my kingdom for an r sound i can actually pronounce at the beginning of a word #also i would LOVE to be able to identify r sounds in the V_C context. idk why that's so hard #like say the word merci. what kind of r is that?? you CAN do a fricative there but i think most people don't actually #but what are they doing instead?? i don't know what to call that #if i ever meet a real phonologist or phonetician in the wild i am going to become the bane of their existence #hounding them night and day with my speech sound questions #i once asked my phonetics prof what sound i was making in the word-initial thr context #i thought maybe it was a trill. she gave me a very annoyed look and told me it was a tap or flap. ok sorry i guess????? #then i never asked her a question ever again haha #but i'm past caring about annoying phonetics professors now. throw one at me universe and i'll show just how annoying i can be #french #my posts #fun with pronunciation #phonetics #phonology #my most common use for the uvular trill is quite honestly not in french at all. it is when imitating chewbacca <3 #something i do more often than one would think it would be relevant #also in gargling? but i don't gargle very often #anyway this post doesn't have a point i'm just recording my thoughts on french r sounds #so i can look at it in a year and see how my thoughts have changed #littleragondin this one goes out to you also if you're listening :*

[hella1975]

yes this is a natural series of events when you've worked at the same place for over a year and it also happens to have RIDICULOUSLY quick turnover where very few people wind up staying on consistently, but ive become one of the Experienced Waitresses That Knows What They're Doing at my job and we very suddenly have a lot of New Teenagers That Have Never Done This Before and it's just. insane to me. bc when i started my job i was SO intimidated like it truly is a big very fast-paced place where everyone has to pull their weight (ie you need to be able to do the coffee station and work the floor and run food and help on bar) and the customers are particularly wankerish so the more Experienced Staff that had been there for a while were like mini gods to me. like truly i thought they were so cool and smart and unbothered and now that's me. i have a gaggle of 17 year olds constantly asking me how to do things and I KNOW THE ANSWER. on a government wage no less

#like it's a BIT annoying bc this is just not the kind of place that should be hiring teenage first-time workers #but the catering industry is doing BAD atm and my manager got told off by head office for spending too much on wages #so he's hiring a load of young people bc guess what! young people have lower minimum wages! some of them are literally on fiver an hour #i genuinely think when i turn 21 my hours are gonna PLUMMET but that's a future me problem #but yeah it means there's like. ten of us that have been working there consistently for months to years at a time #and the rest of the staff are just completely new. like everyone i was working with yesterday were college kids #that had been there a handful of weeks. and im someone who still regularly needs to ask management questions #bc for starters that never goes away like truly u do just need help but also bc I NEVER GOT OFFICIALLY TRAINED #EVERYTHING I KNOW I LEARNED ON THE JOB. DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THAT IS #so i have these teenagers looking up at me like 'how do i do x thing' and im like idk either babe. let's quit together #hella slaves to capitalism

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its crazy how much easier it is to do things when youre not completely miserable lol #this past week has been weird bc ive felt really really good and like normal in a way thats kinds unfathomable #im hoping its the medication but my mood was already on an upward tilt and i was told it would take like 6 weeks for the meds to work #property but like ive been sleeping way more than usual. and by that i literally just mean 8hrs a night lol which is weird for me #like that never ever ever happens multiple days in a row. so idk. when i feel better it makes the 0cd way easier to manage as well #and im just generally not as anxious. on the more worrisome side i kinda just give less of a fuck so like i have an exam im not ready for #Tuesday and im just kinda like hm fuck that lol. ill go thru lil fluctuations of having a lot of energy too #like: i could run around in circles rn. i dont have to but i could. like yesterday i was out with friends and i was like bouncing up and #down while standing and rocking from side to side while sitting. which i kinda do anyway while in crowds but it was more to expend energy #last night i also got like 5hrs of sleep. so like maaaaybe ive been on the bleeding edge of mood elevation but for the most part it just #feels good and not destructive. like if i felt like this all the time that would b fantastic. its like oh so this is y ppl dont long to b #put out of their misery lol. depression? who? i dont kno her. sounds fake. but as soon as i fucking say that ill b fucking slapped back #down to earth. ugh. annoying. no emotional object permanence. i hope its the meds. if this is the person i am under layers of misery then #that is fucking so insane. we shall see. im curious to hear what the psychiatrist thinks of my brain when i follow up with her #i gave her my full dys1exia assessment which gives a pretty good picture of how my head functions. oh fuck i bet i would do waaaayyy better #on thise test if i took it in this state of mind. but anyway she has that on top of like 3 assessment sheets i filled out #dispite everything i still want someone to categorize me into a discreet box. tell me doc. am i really bip0lar? really really? #ur sure??? like 1000% sure bc my brain wont let me accept that unless its beyond a reasonable doubt. i just doesn't seem that serious. #i mean. it is but like ya kno. its not that bad. ay. this glob of mush behind my eyes runs me in circles #but for now thats ok bc i feel like i could run up a mountain or punch someone in the face lol #unrelated

[bookwyrminspiration]

fervently hoping my Spanish is good enough I can learn another language being instructed in it ough I’m. real nervous for Tuesday wish me well </3

#edit: language is nahuatl btw! #quil’s ​unholy underworld #what is with tumblr’s refusal to remember that tag #anyway #gonna start a new language soon and. the instructor is in méxico and will be zooming in #and they require a certain level of Spanish in order to take it #because of that #but like. yes I’m theoretically passably fluent #however I have very very little real world practice #so I am. nervous #idk how much Spanish will be needed or how much English this instructor knows #but my GOD i want to take this class so I really hope I know enough #they didn’t have any Spanish test before it or anything #i was just casually told knowing Spanish is good for this #perhaps my Spanish will improve from this too #anyway. language is a sore spot ough </3 #also super annoying I have to physically go to campus…to do an online class -_- #it’s my only class that day too I’m literally going to campus JUST to be online #bro let me zoom from home i don’t wanna make the commute #fjowidodknw #imposter syndrome with language activate! #FHIWKSKSK #it’ll be fine everything’s fine it’s all good

[aromanticannibal]

the egg discourse is pissing me off so bad like what do yall don't understand in stop telling random people you know their gender better than them

#especially since half of the damn time it's seeing soemone being gnc in their corner and immediately being like AHA LOL EGG #bruh. leave people alone. this is a real person #and also like yeah I'm sorry but saying a guy is actually a woman because dude dared to do something “feminine” is counter productive #this isn't being all cute and saying you relate to something you're just telling soemone you think you know their identity better than them #just say oh I find this relatable as X gender idfk #I don't get why it's so hard to understand that some people don't want to get told what their identity is based on one random thing #this isn't fucking transphobia it's basic courtesy #idk it's annoying me

[autisticlee]

I know it's wrong and bad to say this, but sometimes I really hate when my friends have other friends. (specifically when I can't also be friends with those friends) because every time I want someone to hang out with or talk to, the only couple friends I have are always busy with their other friends. when I want to plan something with them, they will always choose the other friends over me. they will cancel plans *with* me as soon as other friends ask, but won't cancel plans *for* me when i ask. they will use up their social spoons on other friends and leave none for me. always putting things with me off or simply not responding at all.

i'm always told by random people when I say I want mkre friends "it's better to have a couple great friends than many aquantances" or something like that. but honestly it sucks because you can't rely on 1-2 people to always be there for you every day or every week when you want or need someone. if you keep asking, you're seen as annoying and clingy and they will ignore you eventually (or worse)

it's annoying that they get to fill their social needs at all times, but I never get to. because i'm never the one that gets to go first in the social queue. and when it gets to my turn, it refreshes and i'm pushed to the back again.

the only solution I can ever think of is being friends with my friends' friends too....but for some reason!!!!!! that never works out!!!! (if my friends will even share their friends with me to begin with)

#and dont even get me started on when i share my friends with each other and they choose each other over me and kick me out lmao #WHY ARE FRIENDS SO HARD #why am i just a little creature that requires certain amounts/types of social interaction that never gets met #and no one wants to do anything about it. and im forced to sit here feeling bad about it because i cant fix it either fbbdbdfghhdhjrhfdj #this whole friend and human interaction and bonding and companionship bullshit is going to be lifelong issue and im not here for it #NO ADVICE IM GIVEN WORKS. IM TIRED OF ONE SIDED BULLSHIT WHERE ONLY I TRY. HUMANS ARE ANNOYING #im like a non human creature that wears human skin and everyone except me knows and they dont want me and i domt know why #i also dont have the energy to do the whole new friends song and dance where you small talk to get to know each other #and share your life stories. i rather just hang out and become friends through enjoyment of mutual enjoyed activity???? #or something like that idk #i tried so hard to be friendly to friends' friend last weekend when we all hung out so i can be adopted into their friend group but #they didnt even tell me it was nice meeting me and hanging out and didnt even say bye to me. only to my friends #and i was too sad about that to say it to them instead as they walked away. theyre way more social and good at words #and i was overwhelmed and struggling to speak so i was waiting for the queue to say those things or something #i expected it like an idiot loser becuase i thought i did a good job being a cute gremlin that fits into the group that seems to have #other goofy gremlins like me. i thought maybe they can be “my people” or something. but then they turned around and left #after telling my friends bye. and didnt acknowledge me. and i juat kept smiling and turned around and walked away too #PRETENDING IT WAS FINE. BUT IT FELT BAD. BECAUSE I FAILED TO MAKE A FRIEND WHEN I THOUGHT I DID GOOD WITH THEM FOR ONCE #so “being confident/believing in yourself” like im told to do DIDNT WORK AND IT FELT WORSE THAN DOUBTING MYSELF. YOU LIARS. ugh fhdhdhfhjssk #WHAT DO. WHY LEE BAD AT THIS. WHY IT FEEL BAD. WHY NOT JUST ACCEPT BEING ALONE 99% OF TIME AND GIVE UP. WOULD BE EASIER #lee rants #autism things #i know its rude to invite yourself into a friend group but what if i try anyway 🤪✌️