#idk it started as a vent but then I had fun in the long run so

[chocolaminity]

grrr bark woof woof

#Minty doodles #homestuck #Jade Harley #grimbark #grimbark Jade #I have no clue how the hell tags works sorry #vent-ish #??? #idk it started as a vent but then I had fun in the long run so #also wowee the hair was so fun to draw #I was mainly thinking about that one grimbark Jade and Dave interaction while drawing this do you know how much it hurts everytime I read it #alright I'm done ramble-tagging

[suengmi]

haii, i saw that you wanted some ot8 prompts?

maybe skz’s different ways of showing affection? maybe comforting you after a long day? idk if you’ve done any of these yet but im in a soft mood today, had a bit of a shitty day myself and nearly got fired because I overslept so that was fun 🤧

get round to this if you feel like it, if not i totally understand!! keep yourself safe bby <33 -🐶x

I'm so sorry you had a shitty day :( jeez were all human. when one of my employees slept in the other day I was like "get ya hole here where you at" and they're like "IM COMIN MY BIG OLE OVER SLEPT" like damn not the end of the world yeesh ANYWAYS hope this makes u feel better pup ❤️

no warnings (mentions of non sexual nudity???) just FLUFF ACK

○ BANGCHAN

chan always knows you're upset, he senses it almost immediately. whenever you're upset, you need space but need his comfort just as much. kind of mixed messages. you feel guilty sometimes not knowing what you want. but chan is always there, asking you what you need in the end. sometimes you don't know, so it takes it into his own hands, cooking for you, washing your hair when you shower together, giving neck kisses while he does so. "more kisses? i have unlimited for you"

○ CHANGBIN

changbin, ever the fusser. he would try to make jokes after he noticed and tease you a little bit. he'll do anything to make you laugh or smile, but you weren't always in the mood. sometimes, he got a bit confused, trying to read your face. "baby, I'm sorry. what do you need?" with that, you'd melt into his touch, crying into his neck. he'd pick you up, pulling your legs around his waist. "my lil koala" he'd say, pulling his head back to give you a kiss. his kisses would get a bit aggressive in the end, telling you how much he loves you. in the end, you'd be laughing "bin stop!!"

○ FELIX

felix would instantly come to you, hands cradling your face, probably dropping whatever he was holding not caring. "oh don't cry! why are you crying? baby what's wrong?" big cuddles, pushing your face into his chest. "felix i can't breathe." he keeps holding you for a second before he realises "oh sorry" you'd laugh a little bit, him just laughing with you about his overly affectionate way of comforting you. "i sometimes have to breathe you know" kisses all over your face and fingers sitting under your shirt, telling you how proud he is of you. MORE KISSES.

○ JEONGIN

"oh shit" he'd say, seeing you crying on the couch. his bags thudding on the ground as he walked in the door. "baby no," he'd panic a bit, walking to your side to sit next to you. "what's wrong?" you'd just start crying more. "tell me baby please. what do you need?" you'd throw yourself into his arms, mumbling how you just wanted cuddles. he wasn't the quickest to pick these things up, but he knew if you'd just want to cry, letting you do what you needed. his hands soothing along your back as he rested his cheek on your head. "are you hangry? I'll get in the car right now you wanna maccas? chocolate? is it me?? do i stink??" you'd just laugh, knowing he's doing his best.

○ JISUNG

eyes wide and searching your own. you're in the sheets. nothing is said when he slips in behind you, running his hand around your waist to hold you. "you don't have to talk" he'd say, kissing your cheeks and shoulders. reassuring you that he gets overwhelmed sometimes, too, so he understands. you'd turn into his chest, enjoying his smell. it's comforting. in the end, you'd just exist in his arms, not talking about anything. he'd just kiss your head, waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to talk. patient as always

○ HYUNJIN

drops everything that he's doing when he hears you sniffle a little bit. "baby what is it? tell me" you'd just shake your head not wanting to talk. "bad day huh? tell me, please, i wanna know" you'd end up talking about your day, how shitty your work was, he knows you'll feel better after venting just getting it all off your chest. he knows you too well. his hands would be running through your hair and fingers gently wiping away your tears. "I love you" he'd say, all gooby and warm. this would make you cry more mumbling into his chest that you love him too.

○ LEE KNOW

"what you whining about?" he'd laugh when he came home hearing you start spouting off about work and the shit that came with it. this would probably make it a bit worse, frustration of him not listening and turning it into a joke. "oh babe" he'd coo, coming to your side, grabbing your hands in his. he wouldn't realise how bad you feel until he actually sees you. "sorry is it really that bad? i didn't mean to make you cry more" he'd probably feel really bad, pressing little kisses on your puffy lips. "im a dick" he'd pout, kissing you more. you're a mess now, everything setting you off. "i'm here, what do you need? I'll do whatever I can."

○ SEUNGMIN

seungmin says nothing when he notices you crying. the kiss on your forehead would be gentle, saying it all. he'd leaves you for a moment running you a bath and lighting some candles in his bathroom. he'd bring you to the bathroom carefully moving you with his hand in yours, undressing you before him. he'd help you into the bath, sitting in behind you. just rubbing his hands up and down your arms and giving you cuddles whenever you'd cry harder, arms sitting across your chest and face nuzzling into your neck whispering how beautiful you were and how you could get through this.

#felix x reader #stray kids x reader #myfic #stray kids fic #skz fic #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #seungmin x reader #changbin x reader #jisung x reader #jeongin x reader #i.n x reader #hyunjin x reader #lee know x reader #minho x reader #skz imagines #🐶anon #hehe ty bb <3 #stray kids

[mmcgemino]

How I almost went on stage with Gene Simmons (and also a heavy vent)

Today was the first day of Summer Breeze here in Brasil and Gene’s on the headline. I traveled 8 hours just to see him and Sebastian Bach play. I was so excited to see them and my mind was set on giving Gene a poster and a letter. I really wanted to give him a piece of my work and say how much KISS changed my life.

There was going to be a signing session at 3pm and when arrived there at 11am there was already a line. No problem for me, honestly, I could wait. But then somebody from the staff told us that the time changed for 7pm. I didn’t want the whole day of festival + Sebastian’s show, so I gave up on that.

Sebastian Bach’s show was amazing (I even got an autograph!). It was kinda short but I still had a lot of fun. Next would be Mr. Big (that I didn’t bother to watch) and then, finally, Gene’s band.

God, I was right in front of him. LITERALLY. This was my view the whole show:

I was SO close from the stage, already at the barrier (is that the right name in english?) It was actually funny, because the first thing he did when he finished the first song was to point at me and say with eyes wide opened: sua bunda é linda! That’s a silly thing he says every time he’s in Brasil. (There’s a video of him saying it on a tv show just for reference). I also had some silly interactions with him, like me motion grabbing his tits and him looking shocked. Honestly, if the show ended like that it would be just fine. I’ve never been this close to someone who’s so important to me, much less recognizing my presence and being silly with me. Hell, I didn’t even care about my letter anymore. It was a kick ass show.

But in the last song (that was obviously Rock n Roll All Night), he started calling a lot of girls on stage. There were some in front of me, between the tiny gap separating the stage from the fans. I guess they were sponsors, photographers or idk, more than VIP. But then he pointed at me and called me!!! What ??!????? It sounds just like a fanfic, unbelievable. And I swear on all my family that I ain’t lying. I crossed that barrier with the help of other people and ran backstage.

To have Gene pointing at YOU and calling YOU to be on stage with him is once in a lifetime. To be ON STAGE, my literal dream and goal in life. What I’ve been working for the past couple of years. To have the chance to give my letter to him and even sing by his side. With Gene fucking Simmons from KISS, my favorite band.

But when I got backstage, they told me that I couldn’t go. “There’s too many girls there.” I was the last one he picked and the only one who didn’t make it. I begged that guy, not from Gene’s production but from the event. I even cried. The securities around me were sorry but if I didn’t leave, their jobs would be on the line. I couldn’t even see the man leave the stage. I couldn’t even see the show end.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do from now on. There’s nothing to say, no consolation prize, nothing. “But there will be other shows, other opportunities”, that’s the kind of bullshit that I had to hear. No, there won’t be another Gene Simmons in Brasil calling me to be on stage. My life could have been changed forever.

I was never lucky, never won any raffles or had accomplished great achievements in life. In my letter, the first thing I wrote (as cheesy as it is) “If you’re reading this, everything is possible”. I also wrote how KISS literally changed my life when I went on their last tour here in Brasil, how they took me out of a really bad place and made me run after my dreams. It seems silly, part of me feels like an idiot to be that sad. But I just can’t get over this, can’t have any consolation on that. To be always “almost there” but never actually “there”.

Also, this is the poster I wanted to give him:

The quality is crap and I definitely could do better if I had more time. But I gave my all making it.

Sorry for the long post and the crappy sob story. This just happened like 2 hours ago and everything is still fresh. I decided to write this post because I wanted to share my frustration with people who understand that it was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

(Fun fact his pants were tearing up but nobody told him)

#kiss band #kiss army #gene simmons #the demon #gene simmons band #tldr: gene called me on stage #backstage guy said no #lost the opportunity of a lifetime #vent

[arowrath]

speaking of psychosis- i wasn't speaking of it here but i was speaking of it- i've been trying to figure out what was up with the great psychotic episode of freshman year, because i had assumed it was a trauma-induced psychosis type of deal, but it occurred to me that i was definitely having sort of thought broadcasting types of beliefs, probably some other stuff but i can't remember atm and don't feel like digging thru my old vent account lol. (ramble continues under the cut this got VERY long)

(line with text so tumblr doesn't eat the image. idk if it still does that but better safe than sorry)

(the months with "2" are split into first and second half of the month bc it was relevant, couldnt figure out how else to signify that succinctly)

i cut out the labels of each belief for safety + in case that's triggering to ppl but each row is a different belief i had that in retrospect was probably some sort of delusion? top two are very similar but different enough i tracked them differently. bottom two might have just been anxiety+ptsd but i do really think they're connected to this

it was definitely at its worst mid nov-end of jan, but started in september and didn't really let up til like june

anyway like i said i had assumed it was a combination of trauma and being off my meds and isolation that made the perfect situation for me to go fucking crazy, but i hadn't really thought about it that hard . but now that i Am thinking about it, again, i was definitely having these kinds of beliefs before The Trauma

and in my past self's defense. one thing about my thought broadcasting beliefs specifically was that i was straight up being essentially cyberstalked at the time and didn't know, so i was completely right that certain people knew more about me than i had told them, but i was wrong about the reason why

anyway i was reading up on schizospec disorders for class (kind of. also just for fun) -- also important context schizophrenia does run in my family i think on both sides? but my parents are weird about talking about it. so that's part of this also.

but i noticed that of the three labels i was looking at- brief psychotic disorder, schizophreniform, and schizophrenia- (i didn't look into schizoaffective bc i dont think i have many bipolar symptoms, and didn't look into stpd bc i don't think it counts as a personality disorder if it lasts like 10 months lol, and delusional disorder because i do think i had some negative*&cognitive symptoms (*psych term meaning absence of things present in nonschizospec people, not literally just bad symptoms lol)-- though to be fair, that may have just been a combination of situational aspects & autism?)-- either way, it's not on this beautiful and awesome diagram in mspaint i made so i could illustrate the timeline aspect of the diagnostic criteria:

bc a diagnosis of brief psychotic disorder requires symptoms to only last a month, and schizophreniform for 1-6 months, whereas schizophrenia is lifelong .

basically the problem is- while the worst part of my psychotic(?) symptoms lasted ~4months, they were definitely there in some form for around 10 months, which is too long for a diagnosis of schizophreniform, but i don't feel comfortable just, assuming it's schizophrenia lol, especially when most of the symptoms i experienced dont affect my life anymore? it does make me nervous though that this happened right around the typical age of onset.

this might just be a problem with diagnoses being too specific to cover the entire spectrum of human experience, and i might just be outside of any area where a specific label could be applied . also, i know it's been written about but not become an actual diagnostic label- but there are places where ocd and psychosis can over lap, and schizo-obsessive disorder has been suggested as a diagnostic label, but not officially used anywhere afaik..

i think my main concern at this point is just, whether or not i should be concerned about it coming back. like, is it possible to be in various stages of active psychosis(?? it still feels very strange to refer to it that way but i guess that's what it was, so) for ~4-10 months, and then just be chilling after. or should i be worried. was this a one-time thing starting because i was off my meds and being worsened by isolation and trauma or is there a possibility of this happening again. and i think that's a question that can't be answered with any certainty, probably

#text #health tag

[khaleesiofalicante]

Dani I need to vent about something. I hope I'm not intruding.

My college just started and while my social life is thriving and it's a lot of fun, there are so many things that are so fucking toxic. There are all these customs and rules that people adhere too when it comes to seniors.

Like we have to call our seniors sir and ma'am and wish them whenever we run into them. And apparently we're not supposed to ask their names directly and we can't look them in the eye.

And like I don't have a problem calling them sir or ma'am or wishing them or showing respect. But they scold you if you forget to do it and are so fucking rude. My friend didn't notice someone and so didn't wish her and so she asked him if he's blind or mute (derogatory). It was such a toxic thing to do and he was incredibly hurt.

This is something a lot of people have been experiencing. They even asked some of the boys to sort of bow when they wish them.

There are a lot of strict Anti Ragging rules in our college but idk if this is something that is covered by it. And these people are treating us like inferiors and are always patronizing us. It's very demeaning.

And also another of my friends didn't come today because he was sick and some seniors asked us to tell him to call them and apologize because they think he made a complaint about them (he didn't). And he's decided to stay home for a couple of days. He told me that it's because he's unwell but I think he's scared.

Also this same friend usually hangs out with girls and talks in a way that people make fun of. And a lot of people have been making derogatory comments about his gender and sexuality. When he expressed an interest to be the leader of Gender Champs (its a club about gender equality and everything else related to gender) this guy asked him 'which gender will you represent?' It's all so so hurtful and weird and toxic. Obviously not everyone is like this. But it's very hurtful when all of this happens.

Sorry if this was all too long. I just needed to get it off my chest. I'm having a great time at college and have made friends that I can really see myself having a great relationship with and there is already so much that I've learnt about it the past week and have so much that I'm looking forward to. I even attended this webinar about modern sex education that talked about a lot of things that I'm very curious about and wanted to learn (I've never had the chance to talk about any of this before with people who're from my own country and environment). And we also have to make this research project that I'm very excited about and have already started preparing for. Overall I'm having the time of my life. But this attitude of some of our seniors has been very off putting and stressful and i hope that it gets better soon and no one gets hurt.

Hey, Yana.

Thank you for telling me this. This is unfortunately way too common in many local universities in South Asia. It is 100% ragging and part of the culture. Despite the anti-ragging rules, this kind of behavior is incredibly normalized and even the lecturers and staff have accepted it as the norm. What surprises me the most is how this toxicity continues year after year and people never seem to learn from it. But I hope it will get better too.

This is not good advice but please do keep your head down and stay away from these people as much as you can. I've never found fighting these 'bullies' to be effective because it's not a behavioral issue but rather a systematic one. Having a group of friends in your uni whom you can talk to about this - and also hang out in groups so you won't be targeted or isolated by these assholes - would be helpful. But please know you are always welcome to come here and talk to me about it.

I'm really glad to hear you're having a great time otherwise and meeting a lot of like-minded people! Yay to sex education and good luck with your research project! 💙

#yana banana

[hobisexually]

Sooo I don’t know how you’re feeling right now and if you can relate but lately I feel like I’ve just been working allll the time and don’t have any time to think and pause? I’m 30 years old, single since forever I guess, and life just keeps on flowing without anything really happening apart from work. I get home, eat, watch some series or something, go to sleap and repeat? And I want to change things up but I just really don’t have the energy to??

hiya darling, ironically enough I didn’t answer this yet because… I didn’t have any time to think and pause dndnd

no, but, I understand you, I really do. I felt the same for a really long time and even though I really love my job, and I would probably still do it even if I was a millionaire, the repeat and the being so wiped out from giving everything at work was too much for me. especially with covid in between, the only thing I focussed on was work (because all social events were out of the question, and if they weren’t they were out of the question for me specifically because I was really very fucking terrified about getting covid so I cancelled almost everything). work was all I had so I gave it my everything and then realised I didn’t want to live life like this

the problem is, though, that we also have something to prove? especially when you’re young and just starting out (30 is still young and at the beginning of your career) so I gave myself some goals and some time and then started looking into ways I could do work a little easier. what I found was that I was much happier when I worked four days a week instead of five but I realise that’s not a possibility for everyone because we need the money, but maybe you can look into working 4x9? Or 36 hours instead of 40? because even only working Friday mornings rather than the whole Friday makes a difference for me

and I also made myself do at least one fun thing during the weekend or at night during the week. fun can mean anything that’s relaxing to you — sports, art, shopping, meeting up with friends, partying, or just going for a walk through nature. I know how hard it is to do anything when you’re this tired and when work and society demands this much of you but when the balance is skewed you need something that refreshes you. I’m not saying push through all your tiredness, definitely rest where you can, but there are different types of rest and sometimes going into nature, venting at a friend in person or exercising also is rest. mental rest, emotional rest, a rest from the burdens you carry…. it matters and also gives you more energy to do things in the long run

idk, the balance is hard and I tend to overdo it and then crash again because I gave too much, but when I did it just right I feel so much better about my life in general as well, it’s about finding out what works for you. and I also don’t know whether there’s anything you go through that makes your energy levels even lower so if you know there’s something chronic at play for you, of course take that into account or make the activities smaller, but life isn’t about work. we work to live, we don’t live to work, even if society and work try to tell you differently.

but this they don’t tell you about adulthood, right? and I’m sorry you’re in a slump, I was in it for two years as well and it felt horrible. and it’s still there sometimes, and sometimes there are weeks I cannot get out of bed outside of work at all and I just accept my fate — that is okay too as long as it doesn’t last too long, you know?

also. the being single thing fucking sucks and it gnaws at me every fucking day, I really get you and I don’t have much to say on that that you’re not already feeling or thinking, just know I understand and I deeply hate it too. that’s the one thing I’m still stuck on as well and I hate that everyone else seems to be able to date so easily 🥲

#messages

[eroticcannibal]

Hey Risu I think ud have some sound advice about this... I want to learn to draw n be an artist (digitally) but my brain screams when I try cos I'm new n not good at all and idk how to counteract the brain so I can draw shitty things until I get good.... It's hard to have fun when my brain is saying I'm shit and should quit :( Any advice? (I love ur art on ur art blog BTW... Ur art is good but like, not what I'm used to seeing and it's kinda nice to see how a hobby artist art looks cos I'm so used to more professional artists who take comms on twitter)

I was thinking of doing some of my shitty art to song lyrics (they're some of my fav, I draw my ocs in some sort of pose and then slap the lyrics on top in fancy font text or write it on my drawing tablet by hand) - and just don't care how bad it looks but I'm unsure if I can get my brain to not scream at me for not being enough long enough to do it :(

Any advice would be nice <3 p.s. My art is so bad it's like a kid trying to draw (derogatory but only at me) n I don't really have anyone in my life for support cos if it's not good they don't care :/// (well I have one friend, he's also a hobbyist as well, rarely draws cos he has the same issue of not being good and perfect type deal)

Oh hey its how I feel about my art 24/7 (and how most artists do!) So I will run u through all the things I find helpful

Listen. Brains are little bitches, ok? They LIE. They are MEAN. You need to practice telling ur brain to shut up. Like "hey, thats not fucking nice, I'm not listening to u until u have something helpful to say!" And its hard, cus its you, but with practice it gets easier to ignore ur brain being on one. Treat it like a toddler who is kicking off and calling u mean names cus u won't give it chocolate. "Thats nice dear im busy with my art". Like u gotta remember, for anyone trying to get started with art, it looks like a kid trying to draw because that's when most people stopped drawing. Same with any other skill u stop in childhood. My kid struggled so much with handwriting due to being ND that it switched to typing and guess what? Still has the handwriting u would expect from a small child. Because it stopped writing as a small child. I have the coordination with running and throwing of a young kid cus thats when I stopped doing sports. People who stop reading books young will find it harder to read books for an older audience. U do those kiddy drawings, do lots of them, you WILL get better.

Another thing. Heres a secret. For every artist, the majority of what they produce is shit. No really, all of them. Not just the crap you have to produce to git gud, but like, every amazing piece of art you have seen has like at least 5 fucked up sketches that got scrapped. Whole bits of painting that got covered up. All art is made up of mistakes and fuck ups. And even if u are sat there going wow this is perfect! The artist is DYING because they can see a hundred little mistakes that u cant. Art is all about perspective and honestly the perspective of the artist is the worst one. We are too familiar with the details to see our art for what it really is.

The thing that helped me most tho was when I went to art museums in Paris. I saw so much "good" art and im like. OK. This is technically good I guess? But it was kinda meh. The museum of modern art was the most disappointing cus, and listen I stan modern art ok there was some good shit in there, but there was a fucking rack of skis. Someone gone bought some skis and put them away and thats art. Hello? Oh someone painted some squares and came up with some deep meaning and im meant to be impressed. And then I go outside for a fag and I open tumblr and see some crappy 2 minute MSpaint vent art and u know what? It made me fucking feel. It make me feel like NOTHING in that museum had. Who is fucking deciding what "good" art is? I dont remember being consulted! I dont think I fucking agree that "good" art is good! I think shit art is good! Some fucking ship art scribbles has more meaning for me than the fucking mona Lisa, yknow?

And then I went to an exhibit of Picasso's sketches and doodles. Napkins with little scribbles on and shit. And they were so normal. Nothing impressive. And it was wonderful. I've done better sketches! I promise u u have done better than some of that stuff. Honestly so many artists aren't even "better", they're just successful. And idk but I think success is a poor way to measure arts worth.

There is a genuine magic to a hobby artist just. Doodling what makes them happy. Not for money, not for fame, not for skill, just because they want to. Art for arts sake, yknow?

Also I understand it can be very hard to share ur work but I would encourage u to do so with ppl u trust to give u fair feedback. Feel free to send me what u make I will be more than happy to tell u how great it is

[kit-the-dreamer]

°.• Secret Meeting •.°

:: The Vent Society : OH-013's story ::

Quick clarification: OH-013 is a Sackbot Oc of mine inspired on @thegoobiedoober 's idea of The Vent Society. I will probably start writing parts of her life experiences in random order to start telling the story she has to offer. It'll probably feel like a puzzle, idk xd

I hope you enjoy ♡

°.•.°.•.°.•🔆°.•.°.•.°.•

...

"Yeah... I remember you" said the voice from the other side of that thin wall.

"Excuse me?" she asked. Not in shock or surprise though, she genuily didn't understand what he meant.

"You're excused" was his response.

OH-013 heard devilish but genuine laugh from behind that vent. She didn't get what was so funny about that comment. She let out an unvoluntary confused robotic sound due to that odd situation. The laugh stopped a few seconds after.

"You have no sense of humor." he spitted, although with no harsh feelings.

"I was not built to detect jokes, my apologies for the missunderstanding." she answered in a monotonous but kind tone. That response clearly showed the limits her AI had. Or the limits that were intentionally put during her programming...

He hated that lack of respect towards his her species.

A few seconds passed when he ralized that the silence had made its presence clear again.

"What I was saying is that I remember you. From 'The Grand Battle'. " he broke the silence once more, refusing to accept nor mention that dumb apology of hers from some moments ago. Stupid Sackbot programming.

OH-013 felt a shiver run down her circuits at the sole mention of that day. She thought she had already forgotten it, but now, now it felt like it had been just yesterday she was fighting against the pawns of the... The Negativitron.

"Hey..."

That day was gloriously devastating. The Alliance won, that's for sure, but, at what cost? Her comrades, pals, friends, family... all recycled into the Imagisphere, transformed into abstract traces of creativity traveling through the Cosmos...

"Hey."

She realized that description sounded better than it really was.

"HEY!"

"Eeep!" OH-013 got startled. She covered her mouth half a second after she let out that weird sound. How embarrasing. However, the other didn't seem to care enough to make fun of her or even mention what he just heard.

"I was talking to you, if you haven't noticed, miss." he said. "So indeed, I am waiting for an answer, something that should be common when having a conversation."

Ok, rude.

Maybe this clarified how much he really hated silence, or probably the mere feeling of loneliness. Again, she doesn't know how long he has been stuck inside this vents by his own. Not even he remembers-

It was just then, after all this thoughts, that it finally struck her.

"Wait... did you said you... 'remember me'? "

"Uh... yeah? I said it twice already." he said a little bothered. "It was noticeable that you weren't a battle sackbot, so you kinda stood out. Your clumsy movements with the Positivitron thing were clear enough. You definitely weren't prepared for it all! Hahaha!" he lighted up his tone.

Even though he couldn't see her due to the wall between them both, OH-013 blinked in confusion. She didn't know what she should be feeling or doing at the moment.

She heard a sigh from the other side.

"But you were just following orders I guess. Am I right?"

Finally, something she could really answer.

"You are correct. I am indeed created to follow orders."

He was surprised for her taking the subject so lightly. With that response, she showed him she knew her place on this all. She knew she was a pawn, fighting for ''the bigger cause'' of her team, and was alright with it. Unlike him.

Maybe being on the Negativitron's side wasn't as different as 'The Alliance' after all.

"Did I say something wrong?" OH-013 asked as she became aware of her counterpart's silence.

''No, I was just... thinking about something." he replied.

"How come you remember me?" she clarified her question, since her doubts hadn't been cleared at all.

"Pffft, what the hell do you mean with that? I was reprogrammed by him to remember the enemies' face and characteristics." he said in a sour tone. He didn't like talking about the subject of 'programming'. He preferred thinking he was kind of free at this point, even if, ironically, he was being unvoluntary kept as a prisioner in those vents.

"Also..." he added in a softer tone, "your face isn't easy to forget."

OH-013 felt something weird after that statement. It was something that felt good nonetheless, but, why didn't she have the words to describe her current feelings?

Was she... geniuily smiling this time? Was that what happiness felt like? REAL happiness?

...

No.

It wasn't happiness.

She was still stuck in these vents. Logically, she couldn't be happy unless she gained her freedom back...

her 'freedom', anyway.

But she still kept her smile.

She had always been told that she was replaceable, not-unique, recyclable. She was ONLY an 'OH-' unit after all, nothing else. There were thousands of them out there. OH-090, OH-483, OH-103... and probably others stuck in the vents as well. Sackbots who no one went to look for. Not even her. Because they were replaceable.

But this little weird monster from the other side of the vent's wall, someone that wasn't even her enemy but declared as THE enemy, was showing her otherwise.

He remembered her.

He truly did.

And after all this days they've been stuck 'together', she haven't even bothered to ask his alphanumeric identifyig code name. He didn't seem amused by it though...

At all.

#lbp #the vent society #sackbot oc #writing #OH-013 #ohmnius #lbp story #lbp2 #lbp oc #🔆 #pilot? #idk #I like how this turned out #:P #new way to procastinate #WOOOOOO!!!

[stevishabitat]

Sunday, September 18

The councilwoman came down the street today, handing out flyers about a free food giveaway next Friday. I was on the porch with mum, in the heat and both of us wearing masks because we've all been sick and my covid tests still haven't arrived, so idk what kiddo and I have, but my mum is still recovering from an almost two week long illness, so she doesn't need to get this too.

I took the flyer and tried not to think about how long Friday is from now. At least it's something to look forward to. I hope I feel well enough to go, we desperately need the food.

Kiddo had a meltdown while we were sat out there. They went in the house and started throwing things, almost broke a window.

We have to skip therapy tomorrow, due to the mystery illness, which is good, because I know the payment would bounce again. How many times will they let that happen before they kick us out of the program, I wonder?

And I thought, as kiddo chucked who knows what at the window, what if it breaks? What if we end up at the hospital needing stitches for someone? Would they call CPS on us?

And what if this is covid? What if the pain in my chest makes it too hard to breathe? My mum went home, and what could kiddo do if I couldn't get out of bed? What if I can't work this week?

My mum texted me to ask if I'd fed kiddo, if maybe the meltdown was due to hunger. Idk. I made ramen earlier. We still have some eggs. There's a few slices of bread and an outrageous amount of american cheese (kiddo hates american cheese). I can't make myself eat, my mouth is so dry I can barely swallow anything. But I think kiddo ate the ramen. Kiddo is so tired of ramen.

Kiddo needs to go to therapy. I realized today how very long it's been since kiddo got to play with any other kids. The neighbors have all kind of retreated since the flood. We're all just struggling to survive. But at least at therapy, kiddo gets to talk to someone outside the family and do some fun games.

They were supposed to be observed by a speech therapist this week. Kiddo gets so mad when alexa and google don't understand what they're trying to say. When speech-to-text doesn't provide the right words.

The light bulb went out in kiddo's room. The tall ladder was broken in the flood. So I would have to stack some things to change the bulb. I said I couldn't do it today. Too lightheaded. I still haven't eaten today.

So kiddo is collecting lamps and things that glow. Supposedly kiddo is cleaning their room. I just hope the bed is cleared by bedtime.

Friday, September 23

I got home from the "food giveaway" and this is what's in the box.

I mean, thanks, but I can't feed this to my kid.

They gave me an air purifier, a flat of water, and some more disinfectant.

I went back, to be sure I didn't miss anything, and they said "yeah the food went in the first half hour" and then gave me a few food pantry suggestions - open on Tuesday (Blessed Theresa) and Friday mornings (behind city hall).

And as I'm putting the car in drive with tears running down my face because clearly I'm not getting food today, this older man shouts after me me to pray about it. Didn't offer to pray for me or with me. Just said "pray about it".

Absolutely patronizing. Miserable experience.

I don't have heat in my house, or healthy food, but I have a flat of water, two gallons of disinfectant cleaner, and an air purifier.

Those things would have been helpful the first month after the flood. Instead *I* paid for those types of things and now I don't have money to feed my kid.

Sorry to rant here, I just don't have anyone irl to vent to.

#to delate later

[barbierpt]

hey barbie! i hope you don't mind me venting here ;v; i've been an admin of a long-running rp for the past 6 years now and it's been a great time! i love the group (obvi i've been here this long lol) even though we've kinda become a slightly "smaller" group (about a dozen members at this point) over the years through people and coming and going and just who's stuck around and wants to be here (at least 8 of these people have been here 5-6 years like i have). i just recently ran a 2 week m!a event that we have every year and everyone's always loved it saying it's so much fun and how they always look forward to it every year, although this year it.. idk it fell kind of flat? like half of the group (as usual) showed up on the first day or two to send out anons and start threads but there was the other half just sitting in the ooc waiting for people to come to them with anons without reciprocating or starting threads. and then after day 2 everyone just vanished and the dash has been crawling, ooc's been dead, co-admin hasn't done anything or been around, even my closest friends in this group that i talk to daily have been barely online to even talk and idk. sure our dash has had quiet moments as our real lives pick up but usually it gains life during events like this. i know it's just an rp but i feel so disappointed and demoralized that i put in all this work on this event and it feels like no one cares this time around and i'm this close to canceling the rest of our group's events this year if no one wants to show up for opportunities i provide for writing and plotting. 🥲 i don't know if you or anyone might have any advice on how to handle this situation?

hi anon!! first of all, i'm so sorry you've had that happen –– i know it sucks major ass when effort as an admin feels unappreciated. i hope it's just a perfect storm of everyone suddenly getting busy but, at the same time, if no one's communicating that with you (like i think members should) then how are you supposed to know what's really going on behind the scenes??

personally, that would be my first instinct too to stop hosting events after something like this in a group that's ran that long. if players aren't going to appreciate the effort then why waste the energy, y'know?? but then again, this might be a more passive aggressive approach 😅 alternatively, you could either talk with your members or host another event and see if this happens again before canceling all other events. ideally, this was just a one-time thing with shitty timing.

either way, i hope it works out for the best for you, anon. if anyone else has other advice for the anon on this topic, please chime in!! 💓

#rpt

[whois-miki]

vent story :(

i made my breakdown into a story (i don’t know if i’m in the wrong or right so pls comment your opinion) fake names for friends

TW : cursing and break down / crying

PE class, the class all of us dreaded. It was our last period in our Even Block day, meaning we only had 3 periods that were extra long.

Archer had weaved my hair into two french braids right before class and my layers stuck out in several different places. I took them out and put my PE uniform on along with a jacket.

Vienna went on a rant about how annoying Rocky was ( playfully ) and Rocky just laughed at her annoyed state.

I fixed my ponytail in the mirror and put on some lipgloss ( for fun ) and we all went out to our role call numbers. I sat by Vienna and we talked about school drama.

Mrs. D came out shortly after and i went back to my role call number ( 22 ) and it was done shortly after. Mrs. D went on about Mr.B who was out sick ( the other PE coach ) and told us that there was some cards we could make him if we felt like it.

“We also are running pacers today! each class will be split into three groups and after we’ll have free play.”

I could hear a series of groans and mumbles of annoyance. Pacers were always the worst. Your feet would start to hurt at 20 and you would get sweaty at 15.

Our class was split into different groups and I was group 2, along with Emily, Rocky, Molly, Savannah and some other students. I was happy but Vienna, Sienna, and Mila were in different groups.

After the first group went, we started. I matched the pace of Rocky and as it got faster and faster I stopped at 32.

I sighed kinda embarrassed that my friends got better scores than me. I already knew that I was a bad runner but 32 was pretty good for me. I felts sick and lightheaded so i sat down with Mila and Vienna waiting for my group to finish.

I put my face in my hands as everything feels louder. I was still out of breath from my run and i tried to regain my breath. Jake stared at me like I was crazy. Mila comforted me and told me that everything was ok but I felt like shit already.

Jake mumbled something to his friends but I managed to catch my name in there. I turn my head to see him staring at me like I was a weirdo.

“can you actually stop?”

“dude what did i do?” he smirked

“just stop staring at me weirdo!” I exclaimed and he just laughed at me. Mila told him to shut the hell up and she led me outside as i was still having trouble breathing properly.

“he’s just an asshole, you know.” she said,

I nodded as I felt like I couldn’t form words. I started to hyperventilate. I slid my back against the wall and Mile went to my side.

“are you okay? hey talk to me.” she said softly.

“it’s just that, i was always nice to him. and i’m trying to support him and Sasha because Sasha is my bestfriend and i know that she likes him and that he makes her happy. And I really tried, Mila, I really tried to be the bigger person and be nice to him. but i just can’t, he makes me miserable and insecure.” i break down crying and my voice cracks ever so often.

Mils curses under her breath and tells me that everything will be okay.

( anyways imma stop here bc i have dance soon and basically he doesn’t give a fuck, and my friends want to confront him now and i feel like a pick me and toxic asf. idk what to do 😭 )

#vent post #tw vent #rant post #personal rant #pls help me

[silberpilz]

Yo

Big fuckin Rant down here i needed a place to vent please feel free to just skip this i need to yell into the void

Ah yes btw mentions of very much not good mental health i had

Idk i can't believe the two weeks i waited at least a month for just are over. Just like that. And life just goes on and i have to work again and i hate work. I feel bored and empty. I want to create but cant manage to do more than doodles or a few words, if i even do it. Also i just know my pains will never really go away.

Ghaaahhh i'm sorry for being such a sorrowball again but idk what else to do about it. It could be way worse of course and i'm thankful it's not (yet) but man. I just want to be happy. All i could think about in my last week of vacation (in which i got sick anyway) was that i just fucking LOATHE having to work full time. I hate it so much. Why do i have to spend most of my concious day and most of my energy just to get not even a actual employees amount of money (i'm still a trainee) and i still have to do it for almost 2 further years. 2. YEARS! Why does it take so long!!! If i didnt have Abitur it would be even longer!!!!!

Ok since this is escalating anyway:

I know i tried my best in trying and failing so many times trying to get into a profession within my actual interests but damn. Did it leave a mark on me. I am exhausted. I feel like i wasted so so much time. Got to repeat 10th class 2 times, uni was trash, design college didnt want me, gardening was good but my bosses started to treat me like trash for some reason and having to scoot there during winter made me freeze before and after work in a way that would make icicles blush and i just wanted to fucking end it and it was very hard to not give up to these thoughts. Then i tried to get into my towns bookstores and one of them didnt even let me do a test internship and the second one all of a sudden had someone else who was sooooo much more better and knowledgable about literature than me i FUCKING GUESS. Then i had a minijob, trying to get into some creative and cultural field of study again but hey. Times running out. Would i even have a future with that stuff. Working on a pprtfolio would take time. I need work right now RIGHT NOW OR ELSE MY FUTURE WILL BE IN SHAMBLES FOREVER (thanks mom and dad) And now i'm here. It could be worse. My bosses are nice, the stuff i deal with is kinda interesting. But well. Its retail. And all my direct coworkers are some 40+ yo women who are way too snarky and nosy at times. All the more friendly coworkers or the ones my age are either in the forge or in another floor and they work different jobs. Like i said it could be way way worse and i'm thankful its not. But i'm just not happy. I constantly long for more. And i'm so tired all the time. As i'm starting to age into adulthood, all of this gets into my body and recently also into my nervous system.

I just want to hang out with my friends again. I just want to have fun and not worry. I want to have energy and independency. But to achieve that, i have to push through all of this. I can't give up again, sadly.

Maybe one day i can express myself more freely again, worry less, have more free time and still be able to pay rent. And my back will hurt less. And i can help others more effectively.

#rant #vent post #feel free to skip #might delete later

[twst-om-lover]

fuck it vent post

im not trigger warning this, read it at your own risk

It's long and I've been spiralling so have fun if ya do read it? Idk man. It's 2 am as I'm editing this to say it's a long ass post. I started writing this at 1 am so that says something I guess.

I fucking hate kids. Like so fucking much. Growing up I wanted kids, I thought I could be a good parent, less fucked up than my parents were.

And I know now that yeah, I could probably be a great dad. I'm great with kids, I have a three year old little sister who adores me, and multiple younger cousins that love me, and multiple of my friends younger siblings love me too.

But I now as an 18 year old hate kids, and I don't think I can love them again.

I don't want to hate kids. I don't want to. I want to be a good person who likes kids and can have kids but I fucking can't anymore.

I've had to watch my little sister so often, and like yeah I know that's a normal part of being an older sibling but I wasn't an older sibling until I was fucking 15.

When my little sister was born I fucking loved her with my whole heart but every day I have to watch her or babysit I grow to hate her a little more. It gets worse when I also have to watch these two other kids who's mom works for my mom.

I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE BABYSITTING THEM MY MOM IS

But every fucking day this week my mom was out and ended up coming home late to watch them so I've been watching them for like an hour every day, and yes an hour isn't a long time but I WAS WATCHING MY LITTLE SISTER FOR HOURS BEFORE THE BOYS COME OVER

AND THEN THE BOYS ARE FUCKING EXCITABLE KIDS (and there's nothing wrong with this but I've been dealing with a very excited three year old for hours at this point so I already don't have the energy for this shit) AND SO THEY'RE RUNNING AROUND AND HURTING EACH OTHER AND NOT FUCKING LISTENING WHEN ANYONE TELLS THEM TO FUCKING STOP

But I'm so good with kids that everyone around me expects me to be a fucking parent when I'm an adult and when I tell the truth and say that no I fucking hate kids and can barely stand being around them for more than thirty minutes I'm treated like a fucking mad man or a monster.

Like not only did I never want to have a biological child because mental health and physical health issues run in my family but now I don't want to have them at all

Do I blame my little sister for this? FUCK NO, if anything I blame my mother.

I used to love kids, I'm fucking great with kids, but I fucking hate kids now, and I wish I didn't but I do. I'm so tired of people treating me like crap for hating kids when they love them, like I'm so sorry my experience with my baby sister and every other child I've met has been terrible and I now see children as little screaming germs that literally can't give a fuck unless it's gonna affect them in any way. I'm sorry I said something that warned you of "kids aren't sunshines and rainbows, they can suck sometimes. Kids are people too and not just little dreamy meat slugs. That baby you're dreaming of having as an adult will grow up."

In short I can't fucking do it anymore. I've been watching kids all week and I'm fucking spiraling because I fucking hate kids now when I used to love them and I haven't been able to do a semblance of basic fucking self care because they sucked out all of my energy and its one am rn and im sobbing about how much kids exhaust me and how much i fucking hate myself.

Sorry adding more because I fucking can

I'm so fucking tired like I can't fucking sleep, if I'm sleeping im not getting there until three am and then I'm waking up at five, and then again at seven but when I wake up at seven there's no fucking hope to get back to sleep

So not only am I watching a bunch of screaming children, I'm watching them while sleep deprived and just praying for a fucking break from all the noise so that I can maybe MAYBE take a nap, because even when my mom does finally get home and take over I'm still exhausted and the walls are still thin and I'm just grasping at the straws of my fucking sanity praying for a chance to fucking rest that isn't talking to my favorite person because while yes talking to him does help a lot I can't fucking rely on one person to hold up my sanity.

I'm exhausted and the only actual break I've been able to scramble for is talking to this one person but that's not enough and I'm tired and I'm so fucking close to cutting again and I don't want to cut again but I know it would give me some sort of relief because it hurts.

It all fucking hurts. I'm tired and drained and I can't do it anymore. I just want it to stop hurting I just want some actual fucking sleep

My only solice is knowing that I'm going to my dad's house because I still do that 50/50 split custody thing Ive grown up always doing, so I won't have to be around any kids until Christmas, and then I go right back to Dad's after. Even if I fucking hate my dad I can at least take a fucking break at his house.

AND TO ADD ON TO THIS I FUCKING HATE CHRISTMAS

THAT'S RIGHT THE GUY WHO LIKE A LITTLE OVER AN HOUR AGO DID A HAPPY LITTLE POST ABOUT A CHRISTMAS TRADITION IN MY FAMILY HATES FUCKING CHRISTMAS

BECAUSE CHRISTMAS MEANS GETTING IN THE CAR AND SEEING A BUNCH OF FAMILY I HATE AND BEING UNCOMFORTABLE AND WATCHING PEOPLE WHO SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED WITHIN A HUNDRED FEET OF ANY SORT OF ALCOHOL GET DRUNK

IT MEANS SEEING MY GRAMMIE WHO SHOWS CLEAR FAVORITISM TO ME WHICH I HATE BECAUSE SHE SEES ME AS A MINI SKINNY VERSION OF HER IT MEANS DEALING WITH MY BROTHER GETING SALTY AND BITCHY BECAUSE GRAMMIE'S FAVORITISM HURTS

IT MEANS BEING AROUND MY STEP DADS FAMILY WHO I MET WHEN I WAS 15 AND ONLY GIVE ME OBLIGATION SHIT

I DONT WANT THE GIFTS I WANT TO BE IGNORED AND I WANT TO GO FUCKING HOME BECAUSE I HATE YOU ALL

Ive tried turning Christmas into this fun positive thing by drawing things to give to my friends because I love them and like I've been using it as a sort of excuse to spoil my friends in any way I can but I fucking hate the holiday, it'll always be a terrible terrible lonely soul crushing holiday for me.

There has never been anything quite as lonely as sitting in a room full of family, that you hate or you're scared of or God forbid fucking both, and knowing that you'll never have that normal loving experience of a happy Christmas.

#Tw vent post #Tw vent

[eyesteeth]

seeing the tangle tower resurgence on my feed has me thinking about my dg oc trish... she was abandoned in early 2021 but i might bring her back with a new coat of paint... they were fun (overly long explanation of hazy memories under the cut)

their whole like schtick was they're an obviously fake medium. but What If. but no she's a hack. But What If They Weren't

and there's like a series of running gags of whether or not she's been murdered, and you find her body multiple times to the point where it becomes a bit of a boy who cried wolf situation until they're like Straight Up Killed in front of grimoire and sally.

there was a hypothetical outer cast but i never fully fleshed them out because the hyperfix didn't last that long. theyre a scientist, government agent, hack spirit medium, doctor, train conductor, bellboy, and mysterious little girl (now mysterious woman).

it was a theft case turned murder - a scientist traveling on this train had a very strong poison in their possession, which had been stolen at some point on the journey. upon realizing it was gone, the train ended up being parked on the track and put on lockdown while grimoire and sally were called in. idk about the logistics of that either it's a mystery game premise

(i was playing The Raven Remastered around this time, hence the train thing. and also a dash of the Haunt The House games because i played sooooo much Haunt The House in elementary school. add a pinch of Last Train To Blue Moon Canyon and that's it that's the plot)

during the investigation, after the first round of testimony and exploration of the train, the body of the scientist would be found, and the train would suddenly start back up again. i really liekd this idea specifically because most mystery games you don't get to know the victim, so having an opportunity to chat with them some was a fun idea to me.

by this point it's a race against the clock to figure out who the killer is before the train reaches the station and the poison is (presumably) handed off to dubious parties.

the idea was mostly Vibes, i don't think i even had a planned murderer, that's how barely baked it was, i just vividly remember this bit with trish where they had channeled the ghost of the victim and recounted their last words, only for it to later be figured out that the possession was false - but the last words were accurate because trish had like been in the fucking vents or whatever (are there even vents on a train) and had witnessed the murder. at which point grim and sally are like "wait. so you saw the killer" and trish is like "yeah" which i found boundlessly funny.

and then trish is about to say the name of the killer but then she starts looking real bad and collapses over dead - she's been poisoned!! except, japes, they're actually fine and not dead, this is a ploy to catch the killer. killer gets caught and then the killer's like "but i poisoned you!! how are you still alive" and trish is like "my final jape... i've been possessing my corpse this whole time" n just, jumps off the train. farewell.

silly fucking convoluted plot but that's just how adventure games work. and i imagine everyone else could have done equally silly shit if i'd bothered to do anything with them. i get the sense that the poison was a government thing or something and that's why the agent was there, and it was like "ah a political intrigue case. with no supernatural things" and then trish is like "hi it's dubious whether or not i was dead the whole game byeeee"

they were silly. epic failgirl

#long post #oc talkin'

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi! I'm. Kinda just here to vent. I'm feeling a lot of messy things and I can't categorize the feelings or the person into black and white/good and bad/etc and that's difficult for me

TW: incarcerated parent, missing someone, drug mention, mention of past emotional abuse (between other people), brief mention of racism

I talked to my dad on the phone for about five minutes today. It's the first time I've heard his voice in over three years. We've been writing letters back and forth for a few months now, but thats only amounted to like seven letters combined because of the long processing times. I was really happy to talk to him because I miss him a lot and I really want him around.

But also, I think I only miss the idea of him? He never helped raise me, even though he lived in the same house for at least half my 0-13yo life. I never really had a dad. But I still idolized him when he was around and I still want him to care about me more than anything because I want a dad. But at the same time, I'm starting to realize he will probably never be the person I wish he was.

I don't care that he's arrogant and manipulative because I can relate to that and he's still plenty capable of being fun and funny and kind. I don't care that he was a drug dealer, I don't care that he's gotten arrested in front of me twice, I don't even care that he was emotionally abusive to my mom when they were together. They got divorced when I was 2, and that was over a decade ago, and I never saw it first hand. I can disregard all of that. But the more I think about him the more I realize that he's kind of just...not made to be a dad. I guess I've known that for a long time now, but there's a part of me that cant accept that and that cant ever let go of him. I've tried to hate him before but its always only taken one time for him to talk to me or acknowledge my existence and I'm ready to forgive him for everything he's ever done. I still love him. But I don't think he's a very good person.

Honestly, what set all of this train of thought off this time was him being casually racist on our phone call about some of the people in jail with him. He just. Didn't see anything wrong with that. Or did and just didn't care. That's the thing that got me thinking about my entire relationship, and lack thereof, with my dad. That's far from the only thing that makes him a bad person but that's what really made me start thinking about it this time. There's a part of me that still wants to see the best in him, but I can't make him be something he's not. I can pretend he's better than he is, but it isn't true, is it?

Idk. I'm trying to come to terms with him as he is, and to sort out my feelings about him. Trying to untangle the Him that I want him to be from the Him that he is, and trying to mourn and let go of the idea of a dad that I keep holding onto. It's just getting to me today because I thought I had worked through all of this already, and I thought I was over it, but I guess processing my various traumas is going to take longer than I've given it lol.

Thank you (mods) for running this blog and letting it be a place to get this out of my brain. I don't really have anybody else to talk to about this, and typing it all out both helped me to understand what I'm feeling and made me feel a little better. I hope you all have a good timezone! <3

hey anon, our hearts go out to you. Keep on being the amazing person you are. What you're feeling is okay.

Wishing you well.

#trauma talks #vent #mod misa