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golbrocklovely · 3 years

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I didn’t want to put my two cents in but I guess here I am lol anyways I get what you’re saying about stans being quick to defend their faves but what’s there to defend when someone respectfully and kindly says they don’t like certain content? at that point it goes beyond “defending” it’s basically just a bunch of stans trying to silence someone else’s opinions and thoughts :/ which i do feel like you and the other anons were trying to do. This isn’t hate but i just wanted to share a bystanders perspective on it lmao

even tho i said i was done talking about this, i'm gonna answer this ask and then one other that i just got. after this, i'm not talking about this anymore today. if you or any other anon send in another ask about this topic, i'm just gonna ignore it and not answer it for the sake of my own sanity lol

from my perspective as someone who has been in colby's fandom a while, i feel like a lot of us are on the defense when it comes to him. colby gets hate for a lot of dumb fucking things. are there things he's done that is messed up and worth talking about/calling him out for? 1000%, and i do that when it happens. however, there is a lot of stuff that he does that gets hate even tho he did nothing wrong. all he did was exist and that's enough reason for ppl to hate him. hell, that's why he's not on twitter that much anymore, bc for months on end he got hate every time he tweeted. so he just stopped. he only recently started to dip his toes back in the hellscape that is twitter.

that being said, bc of this onslaught of hate, i feel like a lot of fans are on the defense with him, ready to defend him whenever. and especially when it comes to girls, bc there's a lot of internal fighting in our own fanbase. some fans are super disrespectful to the girls, some to the both of them, some try to tell ppl not to talk about it bc it starts drama, some ship it to hell and back, some argue over who's the best fit for him... it's a never ending shit storm when it comes to his love life and our opinions on it. i try to remain positive and neutral bc at the end of the day, it doesn't effect me in the slightest. do i find his love life interesting nonetheless? yeah. but i don't really focus on it outside of on here and when we're all just discussing it together anyway.

and i think a lot of problems happens bc it's hard to indicate tones when ppl are discussing on here (or online in general). you can't tell if i'm being serious or sarcastic, or outright yelling at you. even if i say i'm being light hearted about something, it's still hard to tell. so i think that's where problems can arise.

for the two anons that posted about not liking the content amber and colby make, even tho i don't agree with them, that doesn't mean i was hating on them. bc i even said in both of those asks 'i might not agree but i get why you feel the way you do'. and i would like to argue that there is no way i'm silencing them when i'm literally answering their asks. silencing them would be not answering the ask at all.

and the other anons weren't silencing them either. they were just disagreeing.

i let my ask box be a space where anyone, regardless of if i agree with your opinion or not, is allowed to discuss things that have to deal with snc. i let everyone speak, minus the handful of times i've gotten hate or have been sent mean things about other ppl (those i don't post and only sometimes address if necessary). i have no way of stopping an ask coming in that disagrees with another anon. if i think the ask is super mean, calling the anon names or something like that, i won't answer it.

the two anons that disagreed with the previous two maybe could have been nicer, but i don't believe they were trying to be malicious to the other anons. they were just saying what they believed, much like the previous anons were doing. i think their intentions got lost in translation bc of a lack of tone (and also jumping the gun to defend colby) and it came across as rude. and even tho i didn't agree with the previous anons, i still added in their view point when i responded to these anons.

at the end of the day, you should do what makes you happy. if watching amber and colby's content doesn't do that, then stop watching it. idk how else to explain it.

fandom discourse should be fun and light hearted bc that's what it's meant to be. we're all talking about ppl that don't know us for christ's sake. let's have a little fun with it and try our best to be respectful of ppl's opinions, regardless if they go against our own.

#ask #personal

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themanicgalaxy · 3 years

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SPN 4X19 Jump the Shark

Oh hey is this the illegitimate brother plotline

boy I love me some sweet sweet ANGST

whelp she's fucking dead

picture of JOHN?

Sam's peacefully brushing his teeth and Dean's Not a Morning Person

boy he's having a bad morning

to be fair, living out of the car is kinda not fun either

"I'm his son" Dean: I'm gonna fUCKING KIL-

he's..premed?

they're going to ruin his life too aren't they, Aren't The-

Dean is taking this really well

I mean he did get the brunt of John's Issues, so I get it, yike

ASDFPIHP them discussing their dad's ~sex life~ is very funny though

Dean was...preteen? when this kid was born? Sam was under ten definitely

Dean Please

No that's your Actual Brother guys PLEASE

hunting accident "ah fair enough"

"who is a nuclear family these days" FEELS SO LOADED

Dean...Dean please don't fUCKING KILL HIM DEAN

THE IMPALA NOOO

"he took you to a baseball game" IDSFHAPF

He's Trying not to CRY OH MY GOD NO WAIT

Sam resonates with the away from college thing oh NO

Dean is trying SO HARD not to snap

at least he's...trying..to keep adam out

corpse snatching => HEY LOOK IT's THE BONE STEALING WIT-

I think I need to stop being online jesus christ

the [both sigh] was so good

well...that's a lot of blood

How the hell do you break it to your illegitimate brother that you're ~technically Wanted by the FBI

at least he's not an idiot

HE'S SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN THEY ARE

I mean obligatory dead mom

"do i get a say in this?" "NO!"

no..no SAM DEAN HAS A POINT

Middle sibling + younger sibling gang up on elder

"have u thought about eternity" "bro i've literally been to hell Idk what to tell u"

Dean doing it solo but Sad is...:(

Oh he worked the old case, that's neat

"so it's over for you" welllllll

OO THE TRUCK SHOT WAS COOL

dean + long dark coat truthing tonight HE LOOKS G O O D

it wants revenge

YOU FUCKERS AND YOUR REVENGE BELA WAS R I G H T

and Adam Instantly wants revenge, you sir are definitely a Winchester

"it's life" WELL IT SHOULDn'T BE

the stupid isolationism I hate it

NO GO CONNECT WITH PEOPLE KRIPKE WHY

Sam's becoming his dad, and Dean isn't

...SAM WHAT THE FUCK

DAD MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT DO RIGHT BY YOU

HIS GODDAMN GRIEF SPIRAL GOT BOTH OF YOU

LET HIM BE NORMAL! HAPPY! IT IS TOO LATE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW(NOT ALWAYS)(Also very close to the thing with zachariah in placement(eye emojis) BUT LEAVE HIM ALONE!

I do appreciate Dean Eldest Sibling'ed it up even if he didn't like the kid/was jealous. Goddammit I wish we got connection in this stupid show

I was expecting a jump scare but somehow the squish is worse

sOn oF aBitcH

Ah FUCK NOT ADAM TOO

I do like the little angel Icon though, that's what's Dean's way out

Ghouls is a racist term?what????

no john winchester was 100% a monster

ah it was their father

yada yada father killing circle idk

YAY! DEAN'S INGENUITY IS BACK!

Ghoul!mom is really really good. I liked Scared Adam better though

the slicing sam scene is BRUTAL jesus christ

So...John got his own son killed in the end...

SERIOUSLY HE WAS TERRIBLE

Dean JESUS CHRIST

awww caring Dean is nice

AWW HUNTER'S FUNERAL

"Adam's in a better place" :(

Dean tried to fit himself into the Dad box, Sam's actually him

"you take it any way you want" oh for FUC- HE- I-

he looked so Sad, so like...he's stopped idolizing him

jesus christ.

boy there's gonna be overlap ok here we go.

1. poor dean. Ok couple things: 1) he elder sibling'ed it SO HARd! he didn't even like Adam, but he still tried to keep him safe(I think). he gave him a hunter's funeral! I just. It was nice to see. It was also INCREDIBLY painful to hear the realization of "you were always like dad, I never could be" and the fact that he didn't even see it as a good thing anymore? fUCK man, that huRT me. Dean tried so hard to be something he wasn't, he got probably the brunt of the abuse(because he didn't measure up to that metric like Sam always would), and in the end all it got him was...just. so much pain. Like it felt like John left his Broken children behind to get a new one, and just turned them into his quest for revenge. It was SO So fucked

Hey actually speaking of

2. AM I SUPPOSED TO LIKE BEING A HUNTER/JOHN? WHAT HTE FUCK?

YALL ALREADY MARTYRED HIM BUT UR MAKING HIM WORSE?

LIKE ok listen. John's kinda set up as the ideal of hunting. They martyred him! And I was halfway sold provided they didn't mention him again. Then! he did this thing where he abandoned his kids, seeing them only as tools to fulfill his quest for revenge, literally broke them(that too late thing+zachariah saying "it's in your blood" when really it was just trained from a young age), got a NEW family he treated a lot better. I just. I have...NO idea how I'm supposed to see him as a good guy here. Maybe I just kin Dean, or his plight is WAY more sympathetic(it is, Sam is kinda pissing me off), but John's just...coming off worse and worse and they KEEP doing it!

Also! this whole cycle of revenge thing! about how if you keep taking an eye for an eye, everyone ends up blind! they barely escaped this time, and I think this was the second revenge plot that I can think of with MONSTERS alone! it was a BIG theme! Like!! hunting sucks! revenge makes you end up in worse places! it's like this one episode was made to show how SHIT hunting was!

wait who wrote this

Dabb+lofflin. The hunting sucks always comes from-

this GODDAMN INCONSISTE-

3. Fuck John Winchester

4. Individualism. Ok this is a big one. Alongside the whole revenge plot thing(which is BIG, and a hunting sucks), this one drove home the sheer individuality of hunting. But while some of the writers see that as Badass, this one made it seem lonely, and painful. Like the flip side to American Individualism is American Chronic Loneliness. I know this one was used to process the ennui of the post recession/post 9/11 time, and it's doing very well for that, but it kinda ends up like this show is EVERYONE'S therapy all at once! the gang's all here! and we're gonna traumatize you in the process as well.

EDIT: and yeah yeah yada yada american individualism is King and then so is it’s accompanying loneliness in the post 9/11 post war in iraq post recession world(we were not having fun in 08/09)

and I get that this show is the writer’s therapy and whatever

(I just thing this is phrased better)

5. bring him back. Connect! Look. I know it breaks the core ethos of this episode. But having Weird Esoteric Hunter siblings would have been SO FUNNY!

give me more sibling content! Sam+Adam teaming up against the Eldest Sibling Dean WAS SO FUNNY! I WANT MORE OF THAT

6. SAM WHAT THE FU-. Look. I hate John. I very much hate John. They set up the Sam/Dean dichotomy in regards to John first episode, and Sam acting more like an ass+like his dad is. Not making me like him. Also I feel like this was written to sympathize with Dean. Which makes the finale even more ironic, I feel.

7. Listen. Listen. One of you has to keep track of continuity. Like I know this becomes a WAY bigger problem later in the series, but if a certain writer wants to process/examine a certain part of the Life/Story(and they should, they set up a lot of interesting stuff), they have to keep track! Because then the show becomes everything all at once.

Like this show has ALREADY started feeling like fanfic of itself, where it just kinda does whatever it wants with its own concepts. And the concepts are GREAT! but you can TELL how inconsistent it is, even in the kripke era

like it ends up being Study of X, Riff on X! and I think that's where the inconsistency comes from. It's also why it's so fucking Excellent in places.

whelp this was a lot holy hell.

OH AND ONE MORE THING!

Bela didn't fit the narrative. That's why they didn't like her. I said at the beginning that an Int'l art thief does NOT fit the vibe of "grungy Angsty American Midwestern gothic" and I was right. With the lucifer story and the vibe she didn't fit, and so they just killed her as foreshadowing, and only used her like that. God I wish they'd riffed on her, especially because her callouts were all completely correct

we're Bela Salting again

listen she was preppy Jack Sparrow with some spiritualism, how dare you tell me not to like her.

#pawswatchesspn #4x19 jump the shark #this one was a lot of...#I mean I can't say fun #but it was interesting #...I accidentally fucking quoted Gandhi #this show truly is everyone's therapy and I mean that in the worst possible way #this is unrelated to the gandhi thing these are two separate thoughts #And Bedlund wrote on the head of a pin #which was cool #but HE WROTE MONSTER MOVIE! MY PROBABLY FAVORITE EPISODE!#and the fun wishing well one #ok listen if spn was the reason meta shit got popular #or it helped #most of that was cuz of bedlund #....bow down to bedlund for singehandedly popularizing my aesthetic holy hell

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subarashiet · 4 years

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lifes been weird and sad , got so much stuff i wanna say dont even know if thats the right subred to but here goes.i m 18 , from Greece , first year in Uni and life is not the way i want it to bei live on my own , rent is being paid by mom and her husband , month pocket money given by dad and by my part time jobat some point in high school i understood that our school years were our most carefree years , tho only now do i really understand itman this post is gonna cramp my fingers shouldve used the pcused to hang out a lot till 2nd year of high school then in 3rd year cause of me studying more i was hanging out less , used to have around 4groups of ppl to hang around then only one , cliche but i wasnt anyone special in school , gotta mention i went to a music middle-high school , only highlights i remember are in 2th-3rd grade trading blows with a girl (think she was 5th grade) ,3rd grade kissing a girl in her cheek then running away from the boy-horde coming after me , 4th grade trading blows with a 6th grader ,6th grade punching a guy for calling names my little sis (we good now see him out we talk he a nice dud) , 9th grade a girl i had a chance with but fucked it up big time , 9th grade breaking a cello almost getting expelled ,12th grade playing bass at a concert in Thessaloniki with a music group of my schooldidnt really have many close friends but there were some from school and other places you can call closer friends , but now even with them i ve started to fade away which i cannot bear but i m the type of giving up and not trying until i m lategot laboratory this morning and this is gonna take a while hope i can get some sleepfeels weird using reddit to express my thoughts i even find it a bit cringy talking to myself but oh welli wanted to visit a physiatrist because i ve been so mentally tired that i think i might have crippling sadness xD but i tried to arrange that back in July-August pre my 18th bday so she said a parent was required to be present so i just kept all the stuff to myselfi was learning classic guitar from 1st grade to 8th still play to this day , in music school i kinda learned h2p electric but didnt practice enough to be able to play good , also know some pianobeen listening to post rock and mostly fate music these past 10 monthssucker for good anime tho i ve been out of it lately havent even finished my summer ones , oregairu has a nice ending from what i got spoiled fromanyway thing is i am sad most of the time , i try not to show it cause i like the stereotype of being the strong guy that everyone can depend on and almost never see being emotional and also like the cool tempered guy type , tho lately i ve been craving a lot of attention that i drop the act of the calm n cool sometimesthings with my parents didnt go to well these past years , only now i can say that we ve finally kinda calmed down , mom and dad started falling out of it around 8th grade cause lots of fighting , big sis kindof took the role of mother while on her teen years , feels like she had it much worse than me10th grade sis leaves home to go elsewhere to start studies for uni , i m left with ma and lil sis back homethen i understand that i have to be there for my little sis which also got in my school that year (3kids-3years difference each) so i tried to assume the role of the big brother but she was closer to her older sister than me , i was closer to my older sister as well , feels like i was doing my lil sis wrong but i cpould relate more to big sis and could chat with her more about stufflil sis didnt open up to me a lot even to this day , she has been a lot more comfortable with me through the years i think cause she told me something important recently , kinda feelsbadman tho cause i wanted to be closer to her and i kinda tried but i think not hard enough cause she didnt seem to get any closer , cried once about it in front of my mother which was the absoluteliest worst cause i didnt want her to see me being fragile jesustho even now that i m not home i talk to her play some among us tried making her start xenoverse 2 that didnt go farhave some friends from school , we would only go all together at internet cafes , but mostly 4 of em would go out togetherin my school i had some friends from scouts tooi have an insta , used to post "cool" pics kinda stopped cause i like looking cool in front of others but i havent been in the mood to try in around a year nowused to be in some conservatory guitar groups with some other kids there , with one girl from there i used to be quite in touch until recently that i stopped seeing her for some reasons maybe i ll explain l8rwe had fun and i really mean it , we used to go on trips to play songs on different cities and stages , our group became kinda known the 2-3 good active years we were active , it still is but these years were the originals , now there are other peoplefucking christ its 2:27started playing in that group with the originals in 2017 till 2019 , we were kids from different ages going from 6th to 10th graders but i didnt understand the different in our ages until recently that i found one of the guys from the group in my cityanother closer friend is a guy from my school , met him in grade 7 still talk to him , used to sit together most of the years pretty neat guy , peculiar character but really interesting kind smart and hard workingman why couldnt my teen years be like shirou from fsn that would be awesomehad entrance exams 4-5 months ago , didnt really go as planned , shooted for Corfu didnt get in cause rather than 15 i got 10 in my last exam so i m still in my city , tho i live alone and go to my local uni insteadJuly 2019 i moved out of my old house moved in with ma and her husband with my sis , stayed there till september then till june-july 2020 i was living with my fathertbh i decided to write this post after watching a vid of Korone talking about Okayu thinking that i ve never been in an actual relationship and that i eould want to experience that but dont know where to start from , losing weight ? becoming outgoing again ? learn how to talk to girls ?i started watching anime back in 2015 on my 3ds i remember watching dubbed Inazuma Elevensince like 2 weeks ago i reached 201 anime completedok i ll stop here for tonight cause i got online uni classes tmrw i keep stimestamps for whenever i finally post this -Tuesday 3/11/2020 02:41used to be around 85-90kg in 12th grade , put on around 20-28 kilos since March 2020 , managed to lose 8-10 kilos in the summer but i m still around 30kilos up from the normal amount based on my height , got a subscription to a gym jan2019 but only managed to get into it for a short period on spring 2019 then autumn 2019 then lost motivation and let go , since March2020 i ve been doing some weights at home , tho when i look at myself in the mirror it doesnt really change how bad i feel about my body , i think my old motivation used to be a girl i used to have a crush on but not surethings with my parents werent all that great and i was mentally better when i would talk with them , they are openminded af and supportive too but puberty makes you see stuff differently like everyone is against you like the world is against you (last one might be true dunno yet) , living on my own now seems to be a bit better but as our Greek ancestors used to say theres no good without bad and the bad in this scenario is that its lonely as fuck , having lived for 18 years with my family it really hits a weird spot , everything feels lonelier now with the virus spreading around not being able to see others as much as we used to , uni doesnt feel nice , many people dont pay attention and its like the second half of 12th grade all over againgot my monthly money 4days ago , went from 200 to 9.28 quickly , when i have money i spend when i dont i m stingy , mostly like to build computers , watch lots of Linus , Paul , Kyle , Jay etc. most of my money goes to buying stuff about computers food , used to give lots of money to internet cafes when i used to hang out with the guys from school , not anymorewith the start of uni we all met new friends even i but i still feel like i am drifting apart day by day , stopped talking to my old girl friend cause i was kinda done with her attitude , called me some names i didnt appreciate because i put up with her attitude , most of the time in her own world , only would really pay attention and try to change herself when it was something she cared about , one of them wasnt her character , but to give the goods of her she was a good friend dont know if i can say she still is a friend or just someone i know , she helped me even with the girl i had a crush on , was really fun on trips with the guitar group , all in all a fun person , thing is i stopped texting her and telling her to go out cause it was 80% me trying and the other 20% her and i think that proved right when i stopped talking to her cause i thought she will see that i m not talking to her she ll think somethings wrong she ll message me to go out and have fun , send me a happy bday message posted some pics of me , didnt send me anything else after , stopped talking to her around the start of October , if i hadnt asked her something about her uni and if it wasnt my bday i dont think we wouldve talked in all of october . last saturday i was working in the area she lives in my city decided to call her sometimes didnt answer tried to suprise her and see how she is by going to her house , noone answered maybe they were on a trip idk , but it feels weird man , in the first half of the year me and a common friend of her and me went out one night , ended up being the bad guy to make her understand that she did something wrong that night , after she left i was left with our common friend talked about stuff and mostly her and i expressed myself , i knew that coming summer me and her would end up at different places so i wanted to tell her all the wrongs with her so that she could finally understand what i ve been putting up against and make her understand that she HAS to pay attention to people around her and that she will meet new people and that she ll have to be careful about her character , used to have a bit of crush on her back in 7th grade , can kinda understand why that went . On the other hand i didnt want to part ways with her with our last words being me ranting , one thing brought the other and she wont be going to her uni's city until early 2021 so i managed to go out with her some more in the summer and september . kinda feels bad to see that almost noone remembered my bday cause i remember in cram school when someone had their bday they would get a fucking cake , dont mistake me i got one , from my ma my two sisters and my moms husband , thing is i wanted to have something happen with friends , nothing happend , around 4 people remembered my bday and the others just send me some happy bday messages after seeing posts from the girl i m talking about .also heres a good song to listen to while reading stuff on reddit Sorrow from FSN by MN64 cant post links from what i understandgonna stop here for now might edit later -Tuesday 3/11/2020 15:15thing is reddit is not the right place to get help and i need a friend but it seems i cant get any from my friends , even my other friend the guy i used to sit with in all middle-high school he has drifted apart , talking more with other of his friends doing other stuff etc , that one time i needed to talk to him he said i ll call you in a while , waitied 1 and a half hour then asked him why he didnt call he said he forgot (i think) , feelsbadmananyway i dont think i m gonna keep editing this i ranted enough , gonna leave the post up for a day or so in case anyone wants to add anything then taking it down -Tuesday 3/11/2020 23:58

#personal rant #confession

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thewonderingsorceress · 4 years

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Urgent PSA- Threads & Activity

Let’s have a talk about my semester and the next year, because I really need people to hear me and understand wtf is happening. I randomly set this to post so it’s not directed towards everyone. (With everything with RBG I thought it’d be a good time to try and explain what’s been going on with me and how it’s not going to get better until a few months from now.) If you need to contact em please feel free to IM me I am online right now and will be for a while.

SCHOOL THINGS & Activity

As most of you know I am a ‘grad’ student. As some of you know that field is law, so I am a law student, and this is my last year of school. I was hoping to have some time to go between and gets some replies done during class like I normally did BUT there’s a few things with that.

First you need to understand I have clinic, which is where I am working as an attorney for the semester to get my experiential credit required to graduate. This requires a minimum of 20 hours a week. Law school is hard to say the least and I put a lot of time into it, clinic and pandemic learning though are 2 completely different monsters. So for clinic I have been working a 40 hour week PLUS being a full time student because my problem I am working on with my client is “novel and complex” to the clinic aka the clinic has never done anything like this and its super complicated even for my faculty advisor. I am literally in tears most days from the sheer amount of stress and my faculty advisor not wanting to help.

Then with pandemic learning I have teachers who do not want to teach, and are giving us the bulk of the work to teach ourselves and if we can’t we basically fail the class because we can’t answer questions in class (Zoom) because if we can’t answer the questions they will mark us as absent even when we’re not and fail us that way. My 2 credit class it also treating the class like a 4 credit class.

I have to take decent notes because I am working as a note taker for the extra cash.

I also found out I didn’t get the grade I needed for an exam by 2 points and have to retake it late October and study while moving and class things.

Now my school is also talking about being online in spring again, while trying to raise tuition because they are bankrupt.

I also have to study for the bar this year and idk what my schedule will be like until after that is taken.

Needless to say I stressed from school alone but there’s more.

Home Life & Moving

TW: abuse & suicidal ideation in this section skip down to Roleplaying

So as some, though very few may know I live in a very abusive home. It is mostly mental and emotional but recently since the BLM movement becoming more active and the pandemic it’s become more physical because I don’t believe in anything my parents believe, and I am LGBQ+. So I took out money from my school and am moving in the middle of the semester when papers are due, exams are given and right before my retake. My mom is trying to keep my cat at home with her and saying its just as much hers as he is mine- I pay for everything though. So I am worried she’s going to call ASPCA on me bc I am “abusing” the cat by moving him with me.

My family has only gotten worse and I need out I am so gd tired and this quarantine has been for nothing bc people like my mom carry the virus and don’t wear a mas or anything. I have become suicidal over the past few months and struggle to just live every day- obv school has not helped with that.

Political

TW political things

I am in the US and at this point I am pretty positive that Trump is going to win just based off the trial run of McConnel’s voting day and what they are doing to try and suppress votes. This is terrifying for me and my friends for many reason. (and now with RBG gone, RIP, he will take over majority of the supreme court) and my parents literally think he is jesus christ incarnate so I am not safe where I am esp since my parents recently bought guns to “fight against the civil unrest” that’s all I am going to say about this but I am sure ppl understand how that is a lot.

ROLEPLAYING

Now why am I telling you all this when I’d rather yet myself off a roof than say anything.

a) I still want to rp a lot, but that is very difficult right now. I am trying to save everything but my activity hasn’t been working.

b) I would like to start some things on discord because that is what works best for me right now so if you’d like please let me know if you’d be willing to be discord things.

c) There has been some passive aggressive comments about my activity and they aren’t appreciated and makes me want to be on here even less. Just stop. I don’t mind people asking about if I got a thread ( I appreciate it actually) or talking to me about things but when you say things like ‘oh you’ve posted for this person’ or alluded to that or something just stop. I don’t have the ability to be nice about this anymore I’ve gotten in on both of my accounts.

#psa #important #negativity tw #suicidal ideation cw

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 4 years

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Zp Headcanon: Who the hell is Elijah?

Hello Internet! Welcome to GAAAAAAAY THEORY- ok, that's enough of referencing MatPat for this week.

Anyway, guess who's doing something that they haven't done for a year? ( yeah, it's been that long, binch)

@obsessedpikachu suggested that I do a Headcanon, so if you love this post, blame me for it, and if you hate it, blame her for it. (Jk, buddy. Love you 😄)

Something that I've secretly been keeping in my back pocket for a while is the question of who Elijah is. By that, I mean what purpose does he serve? Why is he here? What's his game plan, what's the deal?

First, let's go over what we know. Originally, Eli was green, emo, and was called Eiglet. He was initially created by Dollcreep, and later adopted by Vivz. If you would like to see some of Vivz's artwork of Eiglet and even his early character sheet, I would recommend going to ZikkaFriday's account as that's where I found a lot of that stuff. Personality wise, Eiglet appeared to be something of a goofball not unlike another character, Damian. The two were close friends, and they would basically act like idiots together.

Elijah seems to be at least similar in personality. He's a tall, friendly goof who works at a diner (supposedly as a waiter I believe), draws cartoons and does silly stuff online and irl. One obvious difference is the albino thing. I'm not quite sure how that's going to factor into the story. I also believe that his relationship with Damian may be different. See, his character sheet states that he's shy around crushes and in her post summarizing ch.5 of Zoophobia, Vivz mentioned that he had some "relationship/attraction " to Damian.

Oh yeah, did I mention that him and Dame as a couple is a thing?

See, this is where I started to become intrigued. Damian, as we know, is an important character, or at least on the same or similar level of importance as Jack or Zill. Pairing him with some random hipster snake seems... honestly kind of random. Like "idk, I guess he needs a love interest, here have a pinky boi".

But why though? As some people who, like me, have obsessively combed through all of Vivz's stuff at least once, would know; there are other characters Dame could be paired with. Like, say, Ink, or Christopher. Both are characters Vivz had considered potential partners for our favorite hell spawn. And they aren't the only ones. Addi, Sahara, even Rusty have been considered.

So why would this guy be chosen?

Look, I'm not saying that Eli is a bad character, but surely if he's getting paired up with someone who's a part of the main cast, surely he must have something to bring to the table. But looking at what is known about Dame, it's hard to say for sure what Eli has to do with any of it. Like, how is Eli really going to contribute anything here?

So how about we talk about that Adina image, eh?

Ok, so Vivz called this particular piece "spoilery ", so we know that it's portraying something that happens in ZP. It shows Eiglet being held captive by Adina. For anyone who doesn't know who this bitch is, her character info can be found on ZikaFriday's account in a reblog. Tldr, she's an evil angel who wants to punish sinners real bad and is set on killing Damian because anti christ.

What can we gain from this? Assuming that this idea is still canon, I've come up with two possibilities.

1. Eli is going to turn out to be a macguffin in order to make Damian sad.

Ok, I personally find this possibility boring. Like, there's not much you can really do with this idea. You take someone who matters a lot one character, and put them in danger in order to make them sad. To be fair, however, this could work if the stakes were put in place and were high enough.

But instead of stretching this post out anymore, let's talk about what is basically the meat of this Headcanon. The real treat, if you will.

2. Eli is/will be working for Adina

Ok, let me explain. I don't think Eli would really be on board with Adina's plans of "let's kill dem sinners", or with killing anyone. I still think that he would decide to work for Adina under certain circumstances. For instance, perhaps he could be working for her out of fear, or Adina could have taken advantage of Eli's kind nature and sold him on the idea by convincing him that "he'd be making the world better for everyone"

Why would Adina want him to work for her? Well, Eli seems to be a really swell guy, doesn't he? He might seem appealing to Adina as someone with a "pure soul ". Or she could have recruited him after he met Damian because of their relationship.

What would happen because of this? Again, I doubt Eli would be entirely on board for killing anyone. Especially someone close to him. This could actually give a little more purpose and consequence to Damian having a "dark side " as Adina could use it as evidence that Damian is the embodiment of sin. Of course, Eli would probably still want to see the good in Dame no matter what, but the whole dark side thing would at least give the some pause.

It would also be one heck of a plot twist, admittedly. Out of all the characters in ZP, Dame's life is in danger from a pink hipster snake who he occasionally uses as a chair.

I personally think it'd be a fun idea, but what do you guys think? Let me know, and please tell me if you'd like more Headcanons in the near future.

I apologize for wasting your time

- ATOUN

#zoophobia #zoophobia elijah #zoophobia headcanon

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i-want-to-be-manhandled · 5 years

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also, dumb shit i’ve learned during my first year on t

-i can pass most of the time except for when i’m at work. i think that’s because customer service voice at my old job plus carryover work anxiety to my new job (i was borderline sexually harassed at my old job because i am trans, so i’m stealth at my new one, very anxious about anyone finding out, and VERY defensive when i get misgendered. perhaps to my detriment, but i always explain that it was the “running joke” at my old job that i “looked like a girl,” which is as true of a story as i can make it without telling my coworkers i’m trans. similarly, they think i’m having back surgery in december.)

-the only people who misgender me now are clueless people who see me without my binder on in like dining halls or some shit and adult women. actually, the amount of time i get misgendered by women between 30 and 60 has caused me so much anxiety around that demographic that my anxiety voice has probably increased the percentage of times they misgender me. even the bro-iest of broskis apologize profusely and turn red when they misgender me. (thanks nick ur a bro, i won’t drink 14 beers with u tho. maybe 2.) women between 30 and 60, or at the very least ones at my job seeing my customer-service persona? they just don’t seem to care, or can’t seem to remember. they either get defensive or give me the “oh you’re one of THOSE” stare. i can’t fucking stand it.

-on that note, i am tired of being called kira and karen. open your goddamn ears. kieran is not THAT uncommon of a name where you insist to your dull minds that a man is called kira or karen, 30-to-60-year-old-female-coworkers. jesus fucking christ on a bike. please. i am whole-ass begging you. when i spell or sound out my name for you, and you continually insist it’s karen, i have every right to be angry at you. i am very apprehensive around middle-aged women at my job now, which i am aware could be interpreted by them as sexist without the context for my anxiety, but the anxiety is there, despite me actively realizing it’s shitty and yikes-worthy. i need a fucking beard please.

-contrary to the last points, women in my own age demographic are much better than men at reading me as male. i predict that it’s because i’m not actively trying to get in their pants like most guys they interact with on a daily basis, they actually remember what the fuck my name is, and i’m less anxious around people my own age anyways so my voice is deeper. men my age may read me as female more because i don’t have facial hair and i make “i hate men” jokes with my female friends all the time. this is all theoretical, but it’s interesting to realize that the gender who misgenders me more is different for different generations. is there a study on this? should i do one myself?

-on the beard note, i gave in and bought minoxidil. will it work? possibly not. do i just need facial hair like yesterday to make up for my slight bone structure and small head? yes, so i am willing to drop $23 on a six-month supply of that shit for the gamble that it will work. i frankly don’t care if i’m out $23 because of it later, at least i tried. and considering all the results i’ve seem from trans guys (even those who are pre-t!!) with minoxidil beards, i have faith that it will work at least somewhat well. besides, i need an excuse to take better care of my skin and stop scratching my zits open during the day. this will probably have multiple benefits.

-you know, i don’t even WANT a beard, i just feel like i NEED one. ideally i want like a 5 o’clock shadow but i’ll probably end up having a beard for a bit just to enforce that i’m male whenever my fucking facial hair grows in. i don’t like how this means i’m conforming to societal standards of masculinity, but you know what? sometimes, you ahve to do what you have to do in order to feel safe and comfortable in your own skin. being trans is like walking a tightrope sometimes. i think in general most of the trans people i know agree that gender roles are stupid, but there are enough radical “fuck gender roles entirely i’ll do what i want who cares if i pass” people and enough “i can’t understand why amab trans people would want to keep their facial hair/penis or why afab trans people would still want to wear makeup and dresses” that i feel like i’m an odd one out for not agreeing with either side entirely. i’ll never be caught dead in makeup or a dress, but i also wear neon pink cat socks and don’t bind all the time. i feel like no matter what i do it’s still problematic to SOME trans person somewhere, and most of me doesn’t really care but some part of me thinks it’s stupid that me desiring to pass is problematic to some people or that me owning neon pink cat socks is problematic to some people. i’ve been distancing myself from the online trans community because of it.

-my mother and i had a talk about how she treated me during my transition, and it was a lot to handle. i don’t really wanna write out a whole paragraph about it right now because it’s still a lot to process, but i am in the process of deciding how much i want to let her back into my life or if i want to continue to keep her at a distance. i think i’ll have a better idea about that after thanksgiving or christmas break (she’ll be taking care of me post-surgery, and she was hurt that i was afraid to ask her to - but it made sense to be afraid considering she had such awful reactions to things as simple as my name change, you know?) idk. we’ll see where that ends up. we’re never going to be close, but we may end up being less far apart.

-i’ve been in a depressive/executive dysfunction episode for the past like month, and not only am i failing my classes but i’ve been wearing the same like 6 shirts and 1 baggy sweatshirt and 4 pairs of basketball shorts. i regularly wear my shower shoes out (they’re just flip flops, but still) because putting on socks takes more energy than i have. the plus side is they make me look masculine, the downside is i look like literal shit almost 24/7 and someone should really force me to do laundry. if you’re reading this and you know me irl, actually please text me/fb message me and yell at me to do laundry.

-all the negative experiences i’ve had being trans no longer make me want true trans soul rebel tattooed over my top surgery scars. sorry, laura jane grace, your music saved my life and i have failed you because i am weak and want to be stealth. maybe i’ll incorporate it into the t-shot date tattoo that i’m getting on my left thigh where i had my first t-shot.

-that being said, i can’t be stealth ~yet~ outside of work because too many people already know, so i’m still wearing the iconic “i have no tits” shirt i got from wish for a whole 71 cents plus shipping to pride next time i go. (i wear it now for fun too and it makes a pretty excellent sports bra for under The Baggy Hoodie, believe it or not lmao.)

-THAT being said, i live with three men. my roommate definitely knows i’m trans bc he’s one of the first people i came out to irl, my one suitemate might know i’m trans but i can’t remember if he remembers, and my third suitemate (who is terrible and gross and i hate living with him because he leaves rotting food in the bathroom sink) does NOT know i’m trans. i was in the bathroom literally topless, with a towel around my waist and a towel over my neck/shoulders (and therefore covering my titties), and he didn’t bat an eye. my roommate saw the two of us silently coexisting in the bathroom and tried very, very hard to stifle his laughter at the situation. next semester after i have surgery, i’ll probably continue doing that for a while till i heal more, but eventually just be like “oh yeah i had ugly scars and now look at them they’re baby” lmao

-yeah that’s it for now i’ll add more if i think some

#kieran screams into the void #i have a meeting in 12 so i gtg #but like #yeah #anyone else get this shit too #ftm #trans tumblr #trans

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moonlightreal · 2 years

Text

And a third batch of posts, these werewolf themed. Werewolves in the military seems to be A Thing which makes sense in a ‘military school will knock that nonsense right outta my kid!” kind of way. I guess. There were many more “Yeah, I also knew a military werewolf!” comments.

ilaughathorrormovies

My cousin. She 100% believed she was a werewolf; she was finally diagnosed with schizophrenia and bipolar years ago.

She's doing a lot better now!

brandnamenerdThere's a theory that some reports of werewolves and monsters are because people were unable to comprehend the illness they had. They would have a sense of self and an awareness that something was wrong, but being unable to diagnose themselves would concoct a monster as, being ill, it would make sense finally why they were changing so.

jaxx6911

When I was in the US Navy we had this dude who thought he was a wolf in a human body. He would howl at the moon and just be generally strange. I knew someone that had served with him before me at a different command who said he had to be forced by medical to shower. When asked why he wasn't showing he told them it would wash away his scent and he wouldn't be able to attract a mate. I don't know what happened to him.

onebowlwonderOh wait a second. I knew I guy in the navy that thought he was a werewolf and they found him drunk howling at the moon one night. Jesus christ I wonder if it's the same person. His rate was MA when I knew him.

bakana1080He could be a therian. Most likely falling into the phantom shifting category or mental shift.

I can vouch that phantom shifting is quite real if you have guided meditation and you can raise your awareness to frightening levels, but that's not normally the case... People who hit this level of meditation is far and rare in between anywho, so it's probably a form of mental disorder or schizophrenia.

At most, it should be a slight discomfort to bad mood and irritation. At least, that's my situation when I figured out my mood cycles was slightly dependent on the moon.

alienslepCame here to tell a very similar story

When I was in Navy basic training, we had this chick who called herself a Luciferian Demonic.

She told me I was a fairy changeling, and informed me that we had a vampire in our berthing.

Also, demons came to talk to her at night.

She became a master at arms.

HarlansWorld

When I was in the navy I knew a girl who fully believed she was part fairy. She would wear fairy wings over her regular clothes when she wasn't on duty, but that was the least weird thing about her. She also didn't bathe. I used to try and get the bunk furthest from her whenever we had overnight duty in the barracks. Have a fine navy day

DudeHeadAwesome

From about 6 to 12 my daughter knew she was a wolf and knew for a fact if she went in the woods and found a pack she could talk to them and they wouldn't try to eat her. She practiced howling a LOT. You could not change her mind.

Lilac-_-Princess

Hey guys, I guess I could say I was this person too. I randomly said I was a wolf some time in year 7 (11/12 years old) and until around 15 I proper was into it. It became part of my personality so bad that sometimes even now I'll catch myself doing something small, such as cocking my head, sniffing or yawning like a wolf. Complete accident, my new friends think it's cute, and my boyfriend calls me his pup sometimes when I'm really down. It really was an escape thing for me, I was so mentally ill and didnt realise that I was. I'm still not great, but I'm glad that isnt me anymore. The old friends I still have will joke with me about it sometimes, but i still write short stories and things about this wolf that I have a strange connection to. Idk. Feel free to ask any questions ig lmao

KandyShopp

Okay, I was this kid though! I had used a spell I found online and wholeheartedly believed I had turned into a werewolf. I would eat raw meat, bite alot of people, hated shoes and most clothing, etc, etc. I was sent to MANY therapists, and specialists, most of which said it was a coping mechanism for some trauma I must have had. What started worrying people was when I started to grow hair and stuff, my sense of smell became quite good! I would stay up most nights and could see in the dark fairly well, etc. It was like I was honestly a werewolf! Later found a tumor in my brain that, when removed, I started to have doubts, my hair recessed, my sense of smell deteriorated, etc. The tumor has been on some gland that came from when we were monkeys, and had triggered it to start controlling more than it was supposed to.

TLDR, a brain tumor made me a werewolf.

SenecaRoll

There was this guy that stalked me in high school. I was a freshamn and he was a senior. He ended getting my number from this girl that I knew and the messages he sent me were wild.

He told me we were both wolves from a different world, I just hadn't found out yet. And that we were together in a past life and had all these wolf kids and he'd been looking for me throughout so many lives. He would call me things like wolf princess too. I replied out of politeness at first, but eventually it was too much and I just stopped replying all together. He tried to buy me a half wolf puppy and all kinds of other stuff.

I got my number changed because he would send me all kinds of messages about wolf rape fantasies he had about me, suicide threats, and about how he touched himself to my Facebook photos. He was 18 and I was 14 at the time.

He ended up getting admitted to a mental health hospital for awhile. He was back at school for about a week before he was expelled because someone found a plan in his notebook to bomb the school. I never saw him again after that because I had him blocked on all platforms, but about a year ago someone on my Facebook shared his obituary about how he was found dead in his room. It didn't give any casue of death, but I personally believe it was suicide just because this kid was not okay in the head at all.

Hubers57

Little bit lighthearted. I worked with abused kids and one 9 year old girl had a great conversation with a 7 year old boy

Girl: I'm part werewolf you know

Boy : nuh uh, where's your fur

Girl: *scoffs I'm only part werewolf

The boys face was the best part. You could just see his little mind struggling and failing to figure out a counter argument. He knew she was wrong but couldn't figure out a way to verbalize it.

The Breadsticc

Yes, but that was back in middle school. She's grown up now, and pretends like none of it ever happened, but boy when I say she was convinced, I mean she was CONVINCED.

She grew up in a house that was always very lonely. It was her and her parents, but her parents were always working or sleeping, and barely talked to her even when they could. They never had dinners together, not even Christmas. They'd leave her food in the fridge of course, she never went hungry or was neglected in any way. She got medical care if she needed it. But her parents just never really wanted anything to do with her.

Her foraging in the fridge for food was one of her favorite things to do. She liked meats, because she liked "hunting" for animals in the fridge. She liked to play, too, like any animal would. We had PE and lunch together in school, and I was ultimately the only person who would talk to her (I've always been a patient and tolerant person, people like her didn't bother me). She would tell me a lot about her adventures in the forest (her back yard) and even kept a journal of the "friends" she made (imaginary wolf pack).

I inevitably wound up playing along because I wanted to gain her trust and learn about her, and to be honest it was kind of entertaining to come up with stories about my adventures as a wolf at night. Obviously we told no one else, it was our little secret. We had a notebook that we wrote things about ourselves in (and I still have it).

Time passed, eventually we both went to high school and because we had no classes together, or even phones to contact each other, we stopped talking for a few years. In senior year we spoke again and laughed at all the stupid things we did, but of course if anyone else asked, she had no idea what they were talking about. She grew past it, and its not a part of her anymore, since she finally made some friends and found a family that liked her for the real person that she is. But it will always be one weird, interesting thing I'll always remember.

(deleted)

There were a bunch of kids in my HS who were part of this thing where some were vampires and some were werewolves. I was friends with some of them, though I never participated in their thing. Though one of my closer friends there was convinced I was a werewolf and was desperately trying to get me to play along with her. Her reasoning was that it was because I loved nature so much (I'm a biology buff and wanted to go to college to be a zoologist, ended up becoming a game dev lolol) and my favorite animal happened to be a wolf.

I never did play along with her in earnest because I really thought it was just silly, but I kinda eventually just went along and said "Sure... I'll be a werewolf" and for whatever reason she was the happiest person in the world when I said that half-hearted response. Like, the smile on her face you would have thought it was her birthday.

Of course they grew out of it, and we're still friends to this day, but sometime earlier this year I asked her why me letting her think I was a werewolf that made her so happy, and she said something along the lines of "because I didn't like the vampire-werewolf war and I wanted to be a vampire who was best friends with a werewolf".

And for some reason I was really touched by that.

hilarymeggin

In fourth grade, my best friend at the time started insisting that she was a "wolf in human form." She got everyone else to go along with it and say they believed it except me. From that day forward we were sworn enemies and never spoke to each other through the end of 8th grade, when we went to different schools. I don't think she was still on the wolf thing at that age, but by then, the grudge was pretty entrenched.

As an adult, i now see that this was a social power issue more than a gullibility issue. I'm pretty sure how that none of those kids believed she was a wolf.

But I've (still) never learned the art of pretending to go along with something to blend with the group. When you're a kid they tell you that's a good thing, to have the courage of your convictions, but it's doesn't make you many friends. Even as an adult, I feel like I would get along better with other moms my age if I learned not to openly scoff at absurd things.

onwisconsin1

Teacher here. I had a student who believed he was a wolf kin and had special powers as a result. He would talk about this to the class often. Each time I said I was very skeptical of this and moved on, because I cant ridicule a student. Several teachers brought his behavior to the school counselor who did an investigation. I felt terrible for the kid, he was being physically abused by his dad and forced to sleep on army cots or the floor and deprived them (he and his siblings) of food, technology, and hygiene tools.

The wolfkin stuff was probably a coping mechanism.

Affectionate_Kiwi

Sweet fucking Jesus do I have a story to tell... kinda funny kinda sad.

So I met this girl online through this roleplay forum, right? Randomly sends me a message and we start roleplaying. Fun and all but then we start talking back and forth to each other, not through characters. The actual people. Turns out we were both incredibly lonely starting high school. Or at least that's what I thought. After about a month we agreed to start "dating". Before I go further, I'm gonna say this: don't fucking date someone you only know the first name of and have never seen, not even a picture, of. I got (relatively) lucky. That whole situation is a recipie for disaster.

So a few days into us dating and we exchange numbers and she tells me she was "bitten by a werewolf" and was gonna turn into one tomorrow. Whelp, I try talking to her through the whole thing until she "turned" into a werewolf. I was so desperate and lonely I gave into her fantasy and believed she really turned into one. I was so terrified I stayed home sick from school and just clutched my phone and prayed she was ok. I knew there was no way that she was actually a werewolf but there was always that side of desperation and foolishness that told me to blindly believe her.

She came back, explained the whole thing on how the werewolf that bit her helped her back home. She gave this guy an entire back story. She had like 3 or 4 other people (who weren't real) who were "Werewolves". Gave them all backstories. Looking back she was a talented writer for how old we were.

We dated for about 3 or 4 years. During that time she had almost every supernatural experience you can think of. Now that on its own isn't great, but it's what she did with it was what was the problem.

She used it as an excuse to basically strong arm into getting whatever she wanted, mentally screwed with my by saying she was attacked and not answering the phone for hours just to scare me, say the worst things and say her friend stole her phone and said all that, found out every one of my insecurities and worked her "supernatural" stuff into that so she could screw with my head. And then say it wasn't her fault because there were "forces at work she couldn't control". She spent 3-4 years to mentally terrorize me to the point I'm still dealing with it years later.

Idk if she really thought she was a werewolf or whatever or not. She claimed she did and used that shit to her advantage. All I can say is she is truly an evil person and she is one of the few people I genuinely hate.

It's been years and I'm thankfully in a better headspace. I just feel sorry for whoever she sinks her claws into next (pun not intended, but enjoyed)

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cookinguptales · 6 years

Text

As an addendum to that last post, my parents are pretty okay, but while I was growing up, they were trying to unlearn a lot of that stuff themselves. They grew up in an environment even more batshit insane than mine. Honestly, sometimes they still say things that absolutely take my breath away when it comes to being judgmental over sex and sexuality, but they definitely try hard, especially my mom. My life would be much more difficult if they were like the rest of our family. I don’t want to make it seem like everyone was completely awful, even though my parents were definitely uh. Not always supportive or progressive in their statements while I was younger.

Their parents, though, jesus christ. And all my aunts and uncles... Most of my cousins...

(cut for some uh. some shit.)

Like the family’s largely from, like, Virginia/Carolinas/Tennessee/Maryland, I grew up in rural Ohio, North Carolina, and then lower central Florida (which is very old and conservative)... They’re very conservative areas. I honestly don’t think I even met an openly queer person until I was in like 8th grade, when I started going to an art school and started meeting the “artsier” people. No one talked about it when I was little, except for vaguely disparaging terms I didn’t understand. The best you’d get is basically, like, “well, people shouldn’t hurt them, but why do they have to be so loud about their weird relationships and their ‘rights’, isn’t not being attacked enough?” And the worst was uh. A lot worse.

(My grandfather was a comic book artist who went viral online because he was so fucking homophobic. It’s bad when he makes my grandmother look mild by comparison -- like, this is the lady who boycotted Disney because they hire gay people.)

Growing up where I did, it’s not like... It’s not like oh, everyone’s talking about how all gays should die 24/7. It’s just this ever-present background hum of religion and disparaging of “liberal political correctness” and talking about queer people in hushed tones like their existence is a dirty word. It’s being told that they’re very progressive compared to the rest of their congregation! They love the sinner, but hate the sin! They just keep going to all the gay people they know and telling them they should be asexual or try conversion therapy because they love them and it’d be such a shame if they rotted in Hell for eternity. It’s not like they want gay people dead like their friends do. They’re so progressive.

It’s just this absolutely oppressive knowledge in the back of your head. And the worst part is that for so much of my life, I believed them. When you grow up in an environment with fairly limited internet and media intake and everyone has very similar political beliefs, well. They tell you something is true and you believe them. I didn’t get my own laptop until I was about 18 years old. I wasn’t allowed to use my parents’ computer without extensive blocks until I was like 13 or 14, and even then, it’s not like I knew what to search for. My science teacher taught us to be critical of climate change research, for god’s sake. So I believed them.

Funny story. You know how I collect tarot decks now, right? lmao I was taught to be so scared of them when I was a kid. Not just by the uber religious ones, either! Even the moderate ones! Straight-up “this is witchcraft, you’re playing with dangerous forces, you’re letting Satan in”, etc. My first semester of college, my roommate pulled out her tarot deck to play with her friends and I LEFT THE ROOM. Like this was a thing. And then I kind of accidentally fell into all the religion and witchcraft classes and the rest is history. (I’d been interested in ancient religions before then, and also historical magic, and my parents were kind of :/ about that sometimes. Myths were fine as long as I knew they were False Stories, but the occult stuff, hmmm. They were a lot more :/ when I came home like Hard Agnostic lmao. They let me keep doing it, though, bless them.)

College was great because I finally got alternative history and politics and I learned how much bullshit I’d been taught, but I mean. It’s not like it was perfect. Before my classes even started, I tried to make friends with some lesbians who were already active in our school’s LGBT house and they were talking the usual biphobic shit. You know, you can’t trust them, they’ll cheat on you, they’re only interested in men, they only experiment in college and then marry the nearest dick, etc. So I guess. That was kind of a wake-up call. I always assumed that as soon as I got away from my family and Florida, everything would be fine and I could find a group where everyone would accept me. Easier said than done, I guess. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that all the letters of whatever word salad we’re using today all shit on each other all the time. And that’s exhausting.

Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again. The hardest part about growing up religious is even figuring out what to ask about once you get out. Once you realize that you’ve been lied to, like... What else was a lie? How deep does this go? What should I even be questioning? This natural history thing was wrong, what about this other thing? Was this historical fact a lie? Holy shit, there was an entire civil rights movement for PWD? Like how do you even google Stonewall if you’ve never heard the name?

idk. I mostly started this post bc I realized I made it sound like my entire family was All Homophobia And Sexphobia All The Time, but like. I guess it was (and still is) like that with my extended family, but it wasn’t always like that with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, they were super clear that they did not want me to be gay and they didn’t believe gay people deserved the same rights as straight people, but they also told me that I didn’t have to be as freaked out about sex as my grandmother. (They told me that I should enjoy sex -- but only after I was married! To a man! I’d dated a long time! To have any other sex is to devalue it and disrespect myself and I’d get divorced and probably die in a ditch or something. Of AIDS. The fun is a pleasant side effect of making babies, okay?? So in other words, they were like 1000% better than my grandmother!!!) I think dad had a gay friend when I was little, but he never talked about her to me until I was an adult. So again. 1000% better than my grandmother.

They’ve uh. They’ve improved. They don’t tell me that I need to beware of bisexual people anymore, which is uh. Great. They are all in favor of marriage equality now. They have come around to me being queer. Mom especially is really, really trying, which I appreciate. She just grew up in a radically Christian environment (like as in she had to listen to Donny Osmond in secret bc her mom said it was devil music) and she had to do a lot of unlearning herself for her own mental health.

....seriously tho guys I have family members who like. think it’s ungodly to cut their hair and wear makeup. I GOT THOSE.

#just me #.#..#...#....#cw:#homophobia #sexism #a fundie upbringing will honestly fuck you up so hard #I can't express how weird and insular it was #I don't think I met an atheist until I was in middle school and I couldn't get my head around it #even my parents were the type to think that atheists couldn't have any moral grounding so like. yikes.#though as I've gotten older and talked to my mom more the more I realized she wasn't exactly a True Believer like dad was

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swiftyuki · 7 years

Text

Fucking christ woman

@hikaruverse

For the last fucking time leave me alone. You keep accusing me of dumbass shit and then simultaneously hide your fucking trails when we call you out on it. I'm not talking to you and I'm making this a fucking announcement psa:

You claimed in 2015 this all fucking started because you were being a dumbass and abused systems like the DMCA and critique functions because I dared to try to be nice and draw you a fucking surprise gift art. Something people do as FRIENDS. Instead you utilise the critique system, not daring to read the fine print next to the submit button.

Fine fuck it whatever your mistake. But the issue is I never even got a slight fucking thank you or hint at appreciation for my effort in trying to be nice to your selfish ass. Instead I get slapped with a DMCA ticket, over a fucking SURPRISE GIFT. You were so trained on everything I did wrong. Any piece I made for you you picked at without anything constructive, anything to help me better myself, not even a shred of gratitude.

No all I ever suffer is making your own fucking ammo for you to abuse your DMCA bullshit again me, something I had every last fucking right to post because it was MY work and you know DAMN well I credited you in EVERY piece. Now you fabricated a lie that I drew them in a way you didn't want, one that was a gift and the other something you had paid me for. Un-fucking-believable.

But now let's get to the shit you're so trained on. Your basis for your shitty acts of this year. You're accusing me of using Dan, Gaser, Kaleb, and Orph as spies in your private life? Seriously? I honestly could give less than half a shit about what you do in your life. What they tell me is on their own shit and hells I rarely fucking talk to them. You pushed them away. You pushed them over edge. Your stupid spoof call episode in February ended up having them contact me to see if I was also getting the same fucking treatment they were from you.

Gaser? I literally can give less than half a fuck you two go to the same school. Hells I don't ask him SHIT in regards to fucking school. We've only really been talking about a game recently, absolutely fuck all to do with you.

Dan, legit I don't talk to him too much. Last conversation we had he was giving me advice on something and then we talked about halloween costumes. I honestly could not care less about your connections with him so long as you aren't threatening his life either.

Kaleb. Still rarely ever talk to that guy. Last conversation we had was about roleplay.

Orph? Same deal. Just talked about roleplay or some shit.

Your "friend stealer" whatever the fuck bullshit? I'll put it plain and simple. I make the ultimatum because I do not want to be associated with your toxicity. If they choose you, fine, I block them. However, it's fair for me to make such a fucking thing BECAUSE I want absolutely NOTHING tied to you. It makes NO fucking sense why I would put people through an ultimatum and then use them against you if I'm tryig to fucking get away from you. People got sick of your shit and left. That's the reasons they always tell me. You push and push and push them and they get sick of it and leave. The logs I get from other people? Oh hell yeah I ask for them. But they always mention it to me prior. And for right cause because death threats, framing, and doxing is illegal. And what you did is mpst certainly ILLEGAL.

Contrary to your beliefs, as absurd as they are, I want you to leave me alone. I want you to stop your bullshit. I want you to own up to your trash and BE A BETTER FUCKING PERSON. I have been wanting that for fucking years.

That beware post? It needed to be said because you made it clear you are not stopping anytime soon. You made it clear that you are on a road to your own destruction and you are trying to take everyone with you. And it is so fucking disgusting that you are denying all you have done when others rise against you. When other people who have seen your crimes finally say something. When all you have to do is fucking sit down, think, maybe even nicely ask, and just not act upon your own horrorstories. I get you're mentally ill and it's hard for you to think rationally but this has gone too far. You have gone too far. You have committed to so many crimes against me over your own shit that you fully believe I'm some next level satan when all I literally fucking do is meme and play video games.

Edit: If you are so worried about your image online, then maybe you should stop being stooping so low? You brag about bringing shit down and then when it's used against you, you scream about how it's hurting your feelings like? Idk man if you wanted to stop getting your image tarnished maybe you shoild actually stop trying to attack people.

Tldr: Own up to your shit and better yourself as a person, I'm not doing ANYTHING you accuse me of, and leave me the hells alone for gods' sake.

#therebelphoenix #psa #artists beware #drama

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