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symbioticsimplicity · 1 year

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I just remembered Billy Hargrove existed and I'm about to make it everyone's problem.

Okay, so first of all, I've only seen like bits and pieces of season 2 and none of season 1 so if I get things wrong, that's why. (I'll fix it eventually when I'm less sick and miserable.)

But Billy struck me as a lot of wasted potential. He was a foil for Steve, I get that, but I feel like they could have kept that up while still bringing him back around instead of killing him off.

Like yeah, he's got anger issues like a motherfucker, but they could have kept that while just giving him something to take it out on. Give me this big, pretty, asshole seeing his sister in danger (the sister he claims not to like and isn't very good to) from a nightmare monster, realizing his endless reserves of rage could save a life instead of take one.

Give the Party a goddamn berserker.

Like sure, he's not soft and motherly like Steve and none of them would ever go to him for life advice, but hes sure as shit made sure they didn't die often enough for them to at least tollerate him. Maybe he's even maimed a monster in a cool enough way for one of the kids to give him props for it. Imagine if that was the first time someone told him he'd done something worth being proud of.

The praise becomes the thing he lives for, even if its from a bunch of dumb kids. The kids who are all a lot smarter than anyone really wants them to be, who take notice of this. So they start praising him more.

They might not know what happens to him at home, but they know that kind of rage doesn't come from nowhere. Or, most of them don't know. Will and Jonathan who both survived an abusive father, clock him immediately.

Billy doesn't take kindly to pity though and he's too hurt and raw to really get close to. So they don't address it directly, they just keep giving him what they can and he keeps protecting them when its go time.

Billy and Steve have probably the weirdest relationship out of all of them. Steve is too mouthy to keep all of his thoughts to himself and he won't just let Billy be mean to the kids either. They nearly get into it whenever they're nearby each other if there isn't an immediate threat. Billy thinks Steve is spoiled and too soft and will take any excuse to throw hands with him. They're a mess.

It becomes common Party knowledge not to leave them alone together, which works right up until they get stuck together during a plan gone wrong.

They bitch at each other the whole time because it isnt the time or place to fist fight. Some harsh words get thrown around until a dig hits a little too close to home and forces some emotional honest out of Steve first. He snaps about how his life isn't the happy place people assume it should be, would he even be here if it was? He rants about how the only truly good thing he has going for him, the only real love he gets, is from those kids. That’s why he's still there, why he always will be, and why he'd die to protect them.

And Billy who's slowly been tamed down by their kindness and weird affection, he gets that at least. He doesn't say it, can't, his throat closes up whenever a real feeling comes over him, but he gets it.

After that he's not as hostile as he used to be. He's still sharp around the edges and he's still hurt, but he doesn’t want to cut every single person who touches him.

By the time season 3 comes around, he's the Party's big attack dog. Can be pet only by Party members and if anyone so much as looks at them wrong, he's ready to throw down.

He makes an effort with Max too. Tries to be more like a brother, and he finds out that he actually likes Max beneath the resentment for their circumstances. He figures out he wasn't really mad at her, but everything else. They bond over surprisingly similar interests and personalities. He loves her sharp wit and envies her ability to say things that could turn a person to ash on the spot. She's kind of a bitch and he can respect that.

When he gets possessed, the Party focus more on fixing him than just defeating him. El uses their own connection to help lend Billy the strength to fight back when she goes into his mind. He remembers that his life isn't a hopeless void anymore, that he has people to protect, people hes come to love as loathe as he is to admit it.

He fights with everything he has and frees himself from possession. It was hard on him and he passes out, spends a few days in the hospital unconscious, but he pulls through.

The kids are there to meet him when he wakes up. Max cries and hugs him and for the first time he feels like maybe he's worth a shit, like maybe he's worth loving.

#billy hargrove #stranger things #IT WAS RIGHT FUCKING THERE GUYS #i cannot tell you how badly i wanted to see him get redeemed #i want him to be the angery older brother who would kill a man over his sibling and her friends #steve shouldnt be the only character to have gotten a redemption arc #and I'm sick of this show making interesting characters just to kill them off #also i would have loved to see him Steve and Eddie all having to function around one another #like please

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will80sbyers · 2 years

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all the billy stans in your inbox yesterday got me thinking about the racism in this fandom... they would Not have been so sympathetic to him if he wasn't white no way. i mean, some people actually hate lucas more than billy and then claim they're not racist.

also the post you reblogged about kali and el having inborn powers reminded me of something else: when i first watched stranger things like 2 months ago, i went into the tags for different characters that i liked, to read theories and analyses about them, and boy did i regret going onto kali's tag. it was full of henry fans who were crosstagging to say stuff like 'the emo el plotline was trash and kali was an absolute piece of shit who manipulated el for her own gain. what an evil pathetic loser. henry though... he may be a villain but he's hot so...' LIKE??? they weren't even being subtle??!! and okay, maybe we didn't get as much of a backstory for kali as we did for henry, but still, what the hell? why is henry hot even though he's evil and kali pathetic even though she's literally pretty much in a similar situation as him??? idk man sounds racially motivated to me.

anyway thank you for reading this rant and i want to end with i'm glad to have found this community, otherwise i would have forever hated the stranger things fandom lol

I agree!!! The stranger things fandom is very very racist, reading some of the opinions people have on Lucas is just disgusting to me!

I watched stranger things as it came out and had to wait every year and I can tell you with 100% certainty that the hate for Kali is racially motivated because as soon as that season was out everyone was hating on her for reasons that don't make ANY sense!!!

I personally always liked that episode and I'm so happy that El got to have that experience and meet her, I would love for Kali to come back in s5!

Kali is kind of a grey character because she chose to kill her abusers (and I don't blame her for that tbh) but she didn't use Eleven, she wanted a sister too but they had two different moral codes, El didn't want to use her powers for revenge anymore, she doesn't like doing that

she was driven to attack Angela because she spent 8 months feeling powerless, bullied and unloved by Mike and in grief for Hop, with self hate and insecurity...

Kali told her that every person in the world would think of her as a monster because she was born different, Kali told her that because she believed that about herself and El showed her a different way of being... a different possibility... and Kali accepted that because she didn't force El to stay with them and we see her cry when Eleven leaves

El in s2 had the strength of Hopper’s love... but losing that in s4 she could only see that "Monster" part of herself until she found out that she is not the monster

Also I fucking hate the part of the fandom that says that Henry is cool because he's hot and I can't stand him because

HE IS THE NARCISSIST MANIPULATOR! Not Kali!

Henry is the one that lied to El continuously to make her remove the chip from his neck, all the things he said to El in the lab were for that reason only and after that he wanted to keep Eleven because Eleven had the potential of being very powerful and he wanted to manipulate her and raise her himself to have her as a weapon. that's it. he never cared about anyone and anything in his life except himself and having power over others

Henry tried to take Eleven's power from her.

Kali tried to EMPOWER Eleven more!!!!!!

#byler #kali stranger things #el hopper byers

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wonderneverlandsystem · 1 year

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TW/CW// Brief mentions of Homophobia, Transphobia, and Islamophobia, Mentions of Abuse, Racism, and general fandom idiocy

If you replace a poc with someone else, lets say another minority, and it is obvious that they r a minority, like they r wearing pride flag stuff, they're wearing a hijab, etc. and something vague that someone says about that person, like. idk. about them not being the kinda person you should hang around with. and you would call that person homophobic, transphobic, Islamophobic, etc. for saying that about the person? It isn't bigotry. If the statement could be applied to anyone. Then it isn't bigotry.

Yes this is about Billy Hargrove. Also YOU GUYS HAVE NO CLUE WHAT CONTEXT MEANS AND IT SHOWS. Max literally yelled at Lucas IN FRONT OF BILLY. HE WAS LIKE 20 FEET AWAY WATCHING AND LISTENING TO THE FIGHT. She yelled at him that he makes her feel like shit/that he treats her like shit. And whether u wanna admit it or not, Billy does care about Max. And even if he didn't, he is forced to take care of her. He has to be the parent. SO WHY THE HELL. After hearing that this random boy he's never met, treats his little sister who he cares about and is forced to be responsible for, like shit. Would he NOT tell her that there are some people you shouldn't be around. And that that boy is one of them. And in the Byer house where he sees her with Lucas again, AFTER HE WAS JUST ABUSED BECAUSE SHE RAN AWAY, of fucking course he's gonna target Lucas and not one of the other boys. He hasn't seen them with Max, he has no reason to thing of them as being bad influences or harmful.

And fuck no it doesn't excuse his actions or make them okay. He still attacked a 13/14 (don't remember their exact age) yr old. But nothing about his words or actions are explicitly, outwardly, whatever word u wanna use, racist. And even if he is racist (which by the way, every yt person, especially/specifically in America has institutionalized racism at the very least which takes a long time, and lots of education to break down, which isn't gonna fucking happen when u live in an abusive household where you have other things you have to focus on so you and ur kid sister don't fucking die, especially in the 80's), Max never fucking says anything about it. Even if what he said or did was racist, Max never said or did anything. Obviously I could understand her not saying anything to Billy because she might think he'd get angry. But she never goes to Lucas trying to comfort him, apologize for Billy's behavior, anything.

While I'm on the topic I might as well bring up the fact that NO ONE IN THE SHOW. EVER FUCKING TREATS LUCAS WITH RESPECT OR UNDERSTANDING IN RELATION TO HIS STRUGGLES WITH BEING A BLACK TEENAGER IN THE 80'S. In season 1, he gets SO MUCH shit from the fandom for not trusting Jane/El. A random girl who showed up out of no where, who, through no fault of her own, brings a bunch of dangerous ppl coming after the group. And basically no one gives Mike any shit for doing the same thing to Max in season 2. In season 4 when he is trying to fit in, to not be seen as a weirdo, outcast, freak, etc. So fucking many people treated him like he's an asshole for that. He is a black 15 yr old boy in the fucking 80's. In a town that is predominantly white. Where all of his friends are white. Most of the people at his school, are white. Of fucking course he's gonna do whatever he can to "fit in" and stay with the popular crowd. Not doing that would put even more of a target on his back. I'm so happy they put in that brief moment at Benny's where the only other black person on the team and at the house comes over to tell him it will be okay after the police show up. That he's not gonna be in trouble. Despite a good portion of the fandom being really diverse, be it queer, poc, etc. so many of y'all put the cishet yt characters on a pedestal and either ignore or straight up shit on the few queer characters & poc characters.

That's the end of my fucking rant for now. I'm tired. Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk. night guys.

#stranger things #billy hargrove #max mayfield #lucas sinclair #y'all are stupid

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giurochedadomani · 2 years

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In the vein of Eddie and Billy having opposite stances on 'fitting in in school': au where they're besties since they were children but have a massive fight when Billy uses the argument of: have you tried?? Being normal?? when he gets tired of Eddie trash talking a popular party to which he has been invited. He thinks Eddie's jealous (and he's kind of right, although he's REALLY off on the reason why: Eddie feels very jealous and very out of place and very frustrated when Billy starts paying attention to the popular idiots that bully Eddie instead of him). And Billy swears he doesn't mean it like that (which is halfway true: it's just so happen that although he can be kind, he's so very much not a nice person and can be really brusque; but also he has to work through some shit before he's really 110% comfortable with how outspokenly himself Eddie is), but Eddie's putting on the saddest, most heartbroken puppy eyes in the world, and Billy's pretty sure he's crying when he shoves past him and then he won't speak to him at all (because after all, as Billy realizes slowly, he --Eddie's bestie-- has just done the same shit Eddie's bullies do), and it's so hurtful (although he definitely deserves it) to see Wayne looking So Disappointed at him when he goes to the trailer to apologize and Wayne tells him 'oh, I'll tell Eddie you've asked for him', even though Billy's pretty sure he can hear Metallica coming from Eddie's room. And anyway, Eddie starts Corroded Coffin & hellfire to prove to himself (and to Billy) that there are people who will appreciate him because of who he is, not in spite of who he is, and now Billy's jealous as fuck of Eddie's tight group of nerdy friends and realizing just How Wrong He Was and missing Eddie sooooo much.

And now I'm torn because at one side I, per usual, am projecting my high school shit onto Eddie, and I've been there, and I don't want anything to do with my old so called friends, but I'm also a sucker for happy endings and it's kind of therapeutic to imagine Billy Changing His Ways and them rebuilding their relationship: oh, he's so proud Eddie now has a band to play with, but before he showed his music first to him........... and oh, he's so glad Eddie has found more people that he's comfortable around, but perhaps he's realizing now how little he respected Eddie's dnd hiperfixation in comparison with how Eddie used to curiously ask him about the basketball team.............. and anyway they end up making up (and making out) but it's a long process. And also because this all reverts on Billy: having someone who believes in him despite having fucked shit up in the past would help him work through his issues and would give him a boost to believe that Neil's wrong, that he does not deserve the abuse, etc.

(By the way, I don't know at which point but this idea certainly features Billy being the weirdest, most loyal Corroded Coffin groupie --he says to Eddie that he plays 'okay, I guess' (because he gets FLUSTERED at the sight of a pretty boy that knows how to play iron maiden, ok?), but then talks to anyone else like: and you consider yourself to be a metal fan and you don't know them???; and also Billy getting suspended because he sees Jason messing with Eddie (or better, messing with Eddie's friends) and he goes: I should have done this ages ago, and breaks his nose).

(Eddie knows he shouldn't encourage that type of behaviour and also he still hasn't 110% forgiven Billy --or rather, he's pretending he hasn't forgiven him, he feels still a little conflicted about how little anger he feels towards him anymore-- but he's resisting really hard the urge to twirl his hair enamoured when he sees that / hears about it)

#Mungrove #billy hargrove #Eddie: you broke Carver's nose?? 😍❤️💋🔥🥰

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queers-gambit · 7 months

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Hi Cherry ❣️

Just wanted to let you know that you're a very talented writer, and everyone on here loves your fics, me included of course. Just in case you may doubt yourself honey 🥰🥺

So far I've read every single one of your Billy Hargrove fics and to say that you're one of my favorite Billy writers is an understatement. Up and Out is a personal favorite to be honest, it holds a special place in my heart. 🥺♥️ It's so rare to find Billy writers on here, most people misunderstand him, even fans and many Billy writers. Wether it be a Billy fan or a Billy hater, he is always seen as either :

a) a horrible abusive being who deserved everything that happened to him. Like for real, some people truly have no empathy for abuse victims, Billy isn't abusive, he is a victim who lashes out, there is a huge gap between the two. Of course lashing out at others isn't the way to go, but I strongly believe that Billy doesn't want to do any of that either, he feels deeply guilty for things he isn't responsible for (like his mother leaving him with his abusive dad) or for things that are beyond his control due to his overactive hypervigilence and trauma responses.

or b) the sex symbol. Like seriously, I know he is beautiful and all, but he is still a teenager. He should not be sexualized the way most people do on here. I rarely ever come across a fic that doesn't depict him as a sex icon. Yes, he is gorgeous, we all know that. Yes, he is hypersexual, we know that. But that's not ALL he is. He is SO MUCH MORE than that. And people forget that his hypersexual behavior is probably the result of some trauma. I feel like he secretly really wants affection, love, hugs and cuddles and validation. He is just too afraid to show the slightest ounce of vulnerability.

or c) the repressed gay sex symbol. Like. Okay, to each their own. But seriously. Him not showing affection towards the girls we saw him with (like Vicky and Tina for example) doesn't mean he isn't interested in women. It means he is a scarred traumatized young boy who doesn't know how to express affection in a healthy way. Just like Jim Hopper. They share some many similarities, it's just insane. Anyways, that's a just a thought.

Damn, I'm so sorry for my rambling, I got carried away. 😅 Thank you for giving us a more accurate representation of Billy Hargrove. ❣️ We need it. Please don't stop what you're doing. 🤍💕 You're talented, always remember that Cherry.🌷

you know what we're NOT gonna do? apologize to Cherry for sending her a message of ANY length! i adore your guys' messages, so, whether you write me 3 words, 10 words, 30, or 500, i'm really jazzed to read them all. welcome to my heart, poppet, i'm so very happy you're here to share with. thank you so so so much for the compliments and support! you sweetie pie, cutie patootie!

i feel like i rarely get conversations anymore, it's all requests; so this was a nice change of pace 'cause you're looking really deep into a character that had incredible potential, so it's really cool to form your own thoughts, ideas, emotions.

i think you made some interesting points about Billy's character. but in all honesty, he's such an ambiguous character that i like the idea that he's versatile; so there's no "wrong" Billy. but i appreciate you saying i represent him - he's a fun character to write for 'cause, again, he's versatile and anything goes for Billy Boy.

however, i want to remind you and anyone else of something.

YES, victims themselves can ALSO in turn become ABUSERS. it's a righteously toxic cycle. you know the phrase, "monkey see, monkey do?" it's very much similar to that. children see what mommy and daddy do, so they think it's acceptable behavior until someone later in life corrects them. but then there's also that phrase, "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," so even if you were correct them, odds are, the lesson isn't going to stick because they're conditioned to believe, think, act, feel a certain way. the way the abusers programmed them to be.

it's a concept that i, myself, am still trying to learn. let me explain: i have an older sister who was abused by our mother and the first chance she got, she moved out. their relationship is MUCH better now, but it took years of therapy for my sister to cope with all that had been said and done. however, in therapy, she came to terms with the fact that our mother had been abused by her mother - our grandmother - who had been abused by HER mother - our great-grandmother.

my sister had to teach herself that this cycle was not a reflection on her as a person or as a daughter, but rather this was a generational curse that dates back way-back-when. so while it's like, yeah, our mother was abused by our grandmother, that still doesn't excuse 100% of what my mother did or said to my sister. see what i mean? yeah, my mother's a victim, but she didn't just continue the cycle of abuse but fanned the flames - marking her as an abuser, too. it's not her fault, it's not grandma's fault, it's not great-grandma's fault - it's a societal behavior that has never been kind to women in basically any culture, religion, region, tradition. however this doesn't mean we get to excuse abuse; accountability still needs to be held, wounds need to be healed, and justice needs to be shelled out.

Billy is still a kid, he's excused because he truly doesn't know right from wrong, but it's important to me that i reiterate that my writings are MEANT to romanticize toxic men and relationships. you should not entertain things that are not good for you, things that make you sick, things that cause harm - you do not deserve that kind of turmoil. please stay safe.

again, Billy is meant to be romanticized - but your real life situation is NOT to be. you are all so very special to me, i want you all to stay safe and know that should anyone need it, i'm here for any chat.

all of my love and all of my forehead kisses 🖤

( ps if you're wondering how my sister got abused and i didn't, i guess my mother didn't have the time because i was diagnosed at a young age with rare medical conditions that have kept me in and out of the hospital for over a decade. so maybe 'cause God was tryna unalive me, my ma didn't think to abuse me in the way she did my sister, but trust and believe, i had my fair share of bullshit )

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meid4 · 2 years

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My thoughts on Max in s4 (and Billy)

I don’t know if other people with childhood trauma can relate to that, but :

When I watched Stranger things season 4, I was kinda like : “c’mon, Max, Billy was a bad person ! How can you feel bad for him when he was a piece of shit ?”. But at the same time, I understood it so much, and I know that this is why I didn’t want her to feel that way. All that guilt.

Her, being so depressed, was showing what it is to live after something so traumatic happened (I mean that we don’t really see the others dealing with that side of PTSD as much)

Okay so, my abuser(s) are not dead, i even still live partially with some of them. Like, I know the wrong they did, that they hurt me and others but it’s so difficult, especially when they are family, to not feel bad when they're hurting. You hate them but at the same time, you know they are like that because they were also hurt.

Episode 4 made me cry like hell. I wanted her to live, to be with people who actually care about her, and not be stuck with the memories of her abuser. Billy made her feel guilty when he was alive (because he needed to watch after her and because they moved to Hawkins) and still made her feel that way when he died. His power over her didn’t die with him. Her memories of him even twisted a bit, because of his sacrifice, she kinda thought : “oh, but he wasn’t that bad”.

HE WAS.

Billy apologist are wrong, I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s just a disrespect to Max’s character and all people who were abused. I think Billy is an interesting character, I’m not like saying people can’t like him at all (you can like “villains”, that’s not wrong. You just have to acknowledge the wrong they did at some point (I know that's an entirely different discussion, but yeah))

It’s a difficult topic, I’m coming from a place where I empathize way too much with Max and his other victims to forgive Billy even if he was abused. You can’t say that what he did wasn't that a big of a deal : he was a bully, a racist, and a misogynist.

Maybe, if he had some of a redemption arc, my point of view could’ve changed a bit (his sacrifice doesn't count). Like with Steve, who had kinda like 2 seasons of character development in a good way. Even if he did things that were wrong, he acknowledged what he did and grew (I don’t remember everything of the show, so potentially fan fictions helped me love him much more lmao).

But I don’t forget what he did.

And what’s for the end of volume 2, when I watched it the first time, I kinda wanted Max to die OKAY WAIT HERE ME OUT, HERE ME OUT !

Because, it WAS so CRUEL to do that. She finally wanted to live, and killing her would’ve been HORRIBLE. It would’ve shown that the good guy’s don’t always win, and it echos with Robin’s line where she says that she doesn’t think they are going to make it this time. (yeah, I love a good angst to tear my heart apart. I was crying, throwing up when Max begged to stay alive).

I’m like happy she’s alive now, she is one of my favorite characters and I would literally die for her. They HAVE to let her stay alive now, they can’t do the “is she going to die or not ?” 3 times.

So I want to see what they are going to do with her character, now that we know that she wants to live. I hope she doesn’t stay in a coma most of the season, and that she isn’t going to be miraculously fine after waking up. It’s not my place to say if it would be okay for her to be a disabled character because Sadie Sink isn’t disabled, so I’m not going further with that. I just hope they aren’t going to rush the rest of her character arc.

And I want her to be happy with her new family, because we love a good found family.

#stranger things 4 #stranger things #st4 volume 2 #max mayfield #billy hargrove #max and billy #mentally ill #mental illness #mental health #stranger things s5 #english isn't my first language #Apologies for my grammar #stranger things ep4 #childhood trauma #steve harrington #meid4

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strangerthings4theories · 3 years

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Sidenote: Y’all, Billy’s Mom Didn’t Abandon Him

I’ve seen several posts saying that Billy’s mom was abusive and abandoned him out of selfish motives.

Y’all... Billy's mom was not abusive, and she did not abandon him.

We haven't seen much of her yet, but we've already learned a lot about her. And the idea that she abandoned Billy doesn't track with any of it.

1) We already know she cares deeply for her son. In the beach scene, when he brags about the seven-foot wave he caught, she says, "Yeah, I saw! It almost gave me a heart attack!" In other words, she's worried for his safety. She expresses that worry again by telling him to watch out for rip currents.

She even tries to help him navigate Neil's moods, which are just as dangerous as a rip current. When he asks for ten more minutes in the water, she thinks for a moment (with a concerned look), then says yes... but no longer than that, "or Dad's gonna be mad, okay?" This paints a picture of a mother who shields her son from his father's abuses.

This woman wouldn't pack up and leave Neil without taking Billy with her. We barely know her, and it would already be out of character.

If she did, something else forced her hand.

2) She's symbolically associated with the Virgin Mary, an ultimate example of the "good mother." Ya know, the same Mary who stuck with Jesus till the end and wept at the foot of the cross? Mary didn't abandon Jesus. E v e r.

3) She's a parallel character to Terry Ives, El's mother. They look similar, have similar color associations (i.e., yellow), and were abused by the father figure (Neil, Brenner). We've already learned Terry infiltrated a high-security government building to get her child back. She even shot a man. When she failed, she paid a terrible price, and now she's lost to El forever.

Billy's mom would've done the same thing in a heartbeat. Count on it.

4) Billy remembers her as an angelic being - the last glimmer of happiness he ever had. She's wearing a beautiful white dress; the sun is shining in her golden hair. She cheers at his successes and even does a little twirl in the sand. Her memory is enough to break the Mind Flayer's hold on him.

Billy's a smart, perceptive guy. If she abandoned him out of selfish motives, he would've figured it out... and grown to hate her. He certainly wouldn't be moved enough to lay down his life in her honor.

You could maybe make a case that he's refusing to see the truth. But then you'd have to contend with all the points I've already made.

Just... ugh. Why would the Duffers portray Billy's mom as the one bright light in his darkness, then go, "Haha never mind, she ran away and left Billy alone with a monster"? That would be an extremely dumb move. I would probably break my TV.

"Okay, if she didn't abandon Billy, what happened?"

My first guess is some form of involuntary commitment (or technically voluntary, but necessary). Mental health wards show up repeatedly in canon, to the point that they're a theme. So it's possible she was committed to a ward by someone else, or she committed herself in hopes that she would be able to leave in a few short months. But something went wrong.

Alternatively, she divorced Neil but lost custody of Billy. Neil, snake that he is, could've convinced a judge she's an unfit mother. This would track with the Terry and Brenner parallel: Terry did everything she could to save El, but Brenner won in the end... and he made sure Terry could never try again.

That said, the Duffers could go any number of ways with the backstory, while still making Billy's mom a good mother. Even if she left voluntarily, I firmly believe she had every intention of getting Billy out of that house.

Personally, I don't have much hope that we'll see her alive and reunited with her son. The way he remembers her gives me "in memoriam" vibes, like he knows he'll never get her back. Maybe I’m wrong. If the Duffers can bring her back convincingly, I’ll be all too happy to accept it.

Bottom line--

Billy’s mom did nothing wrong. The show has already told us so.

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P.S. Here's an example of how the other side of Billy's phone conversation could've gone. It's totally speculative, of course; we don't know yet why his mom left. But that's the point - we don't know why she left. And the show's subtext suggests a sympathetic interpretation.

"I can't, sweetheart."

"I don't understand. Why not?"

"I'm... I'm committing myself, Billy. To the hospital. Your aunt said I should, and... I think she's right."

"Please, don't do this, Mom. Please come home."

"Oh sweetheart, I wish I could, but... I'm sick. I have to get better. I have to stay here a while."

"How long? How long?? I miss you!"

"I miss you too, baby. When I get better, I'll leave and come get you. I promise. Okay? I promise."

»»————-　✼　————-««

The “Billy Is Alive” Meta Series

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove's mom #stranger things #stranger things 2 #stranger things 3 #stranger things 4 #stranger things theory #stranger things analysis #stranger things meta #billy hargrove meta #stan billy's mom for clear skin

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ty-talks-comics · 5 years

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The Boys Season 1 Review and Comparison

This was so cathartic.

In an age where we’re inundated with superhero media on all fronts with their bright colors, cheery jokes and positive outlooks, it’s easy to slowly become sick of it, feel the “superhero fatigue” as it were. Where Marvel ruins some stories with far too many jokes (looking at you Thor: Ragnarok) and DC is far too dreary and serious for its own good with a lack of levity, where can one turn to for a GOOD happy medium?

Well, in comes Seth Rogan and Evan Gold, the brilliant minds behind the amazing adaptation of Preacher with yet another brutal and slightly more cynical series. The Boys absolutely stuns not only by being a genuinely compelling series, but also by being one of the few adaptations that improves on the original medium in a few aspects.

Story

The story centers around Hughie Campbell and the titular Boys as they work to expose the horrific deeds of The Seven, a collective of the world's greatest superheroes, and the company that sponsors them, Vought American.

In this world, superheroes are everywhere. They're on breakfast cereals, TV shows, movies, pretty much every piece of media and entertainment imaginable while also protecting America from crime. Sounds familiar, huh? The kicker here is that, much like every asshole celebrity that lets the fame and fortune go to their heads, these heroes are massive cunts. They take performance enhancing drugs, routinely cause accidents that hurt or kill people, sexually harass people left and right and just lie to their adoring public like they’re children.

Unlike the books, however, The Boys team isn’t the well oiled machine that’s been taking down and blackmailing superheroes for years and the first four episodes are spent introducing the different team members.This is likely due to wanting to give people time to care about them individually and the limited number of episodes in the season. This definitely works in also retooling the characters themselves for TV since they may not have seventy-two issues of character development ahead of them

For the most part, the show follows the initial story beats of the comics with a few select differences before splintering off in an entirely new direction. Hughie’s girlfriend still gets blown apart by A-Train, he denies Vought America’s hush money which draws the attention of Billy Butcher and Starlight joins the Seven after the “death” of the hero Lamplighter.

This also means that there's less time to focus on smaller plotlines and teams that are referenced to in passing dialogue like the Teenage Kix, a pastiche on the Teen Titans, or Payback, the number two group of superheroes to The Seven. While seeing the team take these guys down on the small screen would have been fun, I like the idea of keeping the plot focused on just the core group of antagonists. This way, we don’t have to slog through three or four seasons of small fry and get the big bads in the last few.

After the first half, fans of the comic may start to feel a little bit of the familiar, but then things start to take a drastic turn when Billy's pride and the rest of the teams sloppiness gets them all burned and branded wanted criminals. This never happens in the books because The Boys are funded and protected by the CIA, but here they’re just another group of concerned citizens that are completely in over their heads, adding to the tension and keeping everyone guessing as to what will happen for the rest of the season and in Season 2.

Themes

The original series was written during the latter years of the Bush Administration. Tensions were high and America was still embroiled in the Iraq War. The president was a simpering fool and companies were fucking people over left and right in the name of patriotism. Reality TV and the awful personalities on our screens were on nearly every channel and all of this only fueled the anger that is Garth Ennis’ pen and Darick Robertson’s pencils. It was a product of its time and it was perfect.

We’re now in the Information Age where superheroes and social media are the only things that matter in everyone’s mind, where women’s empowerment is stronger than ever and our leaders speak bombastically with shit eating grins full of lies. Rogen and Goldberg have kept the series modern and take everything to task.

Media. Marvel and DC are everywhere nowadays with some indie companies managing to scrape up their own part of the pie. The Boys makes fun of the seemingly endless cycle of sequels and the goody-two-shoes images of America’s favorite heroes. Everything is carefully managed and curated by a media team, similar to how Disney micromanages even the smallest details of their properties to make everything so sickeningly squeaky clean.

Not only do the heroes stop crime, but they star in their own movies about themselves as well, some have sponsorships for shoes and have to compete with each other for everything. Almost everything is done for the cameras, even intimate moments whenever Vought can find a way to make it work. The heroes are never too far from the spotlight even when they want to be and oftentimes their acts can go viral without them knowing.

Sexual Assault. In the comics, Starlight is sexually assaulted by Homelander, Black Noir and A-Train in a gross scene to establish that there’s nothing good in that world. It was good for its time in its own dark way, but today there are absolutely consequences to such things as there should have been back then. In the show, Starlight is assaulted by The Deep, her childhood crush, alone.

It’s dark and makes use of the imbalance of power as The Deep threatens to have her kicked off of the team. Soon after, Starlight comes forward with what happens to her, not allowing herself to let what happened stand and unlike in the books, The Deep gets his comeuppance. Though this also unfortunately leading to him getting assaulted as well. It’s powerful and allows for Starlight to move what could have been an image of weakness, though Vought uses this to their advantage as well, painting her a feminist icon. Best for business right?

Politics. While not everything has to be an allegory for Trump, it’s hard to say that Homelander isn’t just that. He’s what the president thinks he is, a strong, blonde haired man that the entire country loves. Homelander has the people eating out of the palm of his hands and he’s only feeding them shit. He hates the common man and will just as easily let many die if it can somehow serve his interests. He’s not above a little sexual harassment himself and he is just an evil bastard.

There’s also a subplot of military application of superheroes that I feel mirrors the discussion on the use of drones in war. Drones are absolutely deadly and have caused the deaths of hundreds, even innocents when things have gone really wrong. Even President Obama was criticized for how reckless and dangerous their use could be. The world could only imagine the hell that would rain down if superheroes were allowed to duke it out over national security.

Characters

The Boys as a comic series was an unrepentantly cynical take on the superhero genre in an established universe of heroes. The creator, Garth Ennis, didn’t grow up with many superheroes and actually felt disrespected by a few of them, like Captain America. He brought on the amazing Darick Robertson and other artists to realize this horrid world of drugs, hardcore sex and brutal violence. Many of the stories are fun and hilarious, but with the unfortunate feeling of a lot of them feeling one note due to the one dimensional nature of a lot of the “heroes” and the ever escalating level of black humor to the point of being cartoonish.

Our main character cast is absolutely fantastic. Jack Quiad’s Hughie is much like his comic counterpart, aside from being like six feet tall and not Scottish. He’s surprisingly smart with a lot of awkwardness about him. He has a good heart and doesn’t see ALL superheroes as being evil, but does have a slight sense of justice that wants to see The Seven and Vought taken down.

Karl Urban’s Butcher was the absolute perfect casting choice. He’s got that wry British wit, the fury to capture Butcher’s rage against supes and can play a manipulator like nobody's business. His character arc is one of the few regressions that I can actually appreciate for how it's done, especially as things become more fucked because of him and how he chooses to blame everyone else.

Everyone else is a slight bit of an improvement over the comics versions. The Frenchman, played by Tomer Capon, is similar to his comics counterpart, but we’re given reason to care about him and The Female. In the comics, Frenchie and the Female knew each other prior, but I don’t think it’s ever revealed how they met or became close. In the show Frenchie frees The Female, played by Karen Fukuhara, from thugs that had been keeping her prisoner and he slowly gains her trust over the course of the next few episodes after her introduction. We see their friendship grow, learn a little bit of her backstory and get a better understanding of what she wants versus just following Frenchie around and being terrifyingly adorable.

Annie January aka Starlight, played by Erin Moriarty, is probably the second best change in character in the series. She starts out as a bright eyed, bushy tailed hero looking to do good, but after being sexually assaulted on her first day in The Seven, decides that it will never happen again. In the comics, Annie stays around in The Seven and takes the abuse for a little while before speaking out and fighting back against the rest of them. What makes things even better, not only does she challenge her uber Christian beliefs during an event sponsored by Vought, but she does so while also getting Vought to force her abuser into giving a public apology at the mere thought of her causing their stock prices to crash.

Consequently, Mother’s Milk, portrayed by Laz Alonso, one of the most layered characters in the comics isn’t made better, but the more ridiculous aspects of is character have been toned down. We don’t hear of his disabled mother and his addiction to her breast milk that fuels his own superpowers, nor is his wife a crack addict that makes pornos with their daughter. He’s simply a reliable member of the team that loves his wife and will give Butcher the truth when he’s acting like an asshole.

The series actually brings a lot of grey to most of these characters. A-Train never once shows remorse for his actions in the books, but in the show he's painted as kind of sympathetic, while still being seen as a monster for what he does and the reasons behind them. The Deep could go either way after his actions with a redemption arc or a full turn to villain, but is shown to be knowingly aware of how little regard there is for him. He calls himself a "diversity hire" and acknowledges his own ineptitude, but he's still an absolutely terrible person.

Queen Maeve may be one of my favorite changes that manages to be even more sympathetic than her already pretty great comic counterpart. She, much like Starlight, did want to change the world, but she let the apathy and jaded nature of the job take her over. She's an alcoholic that sees a bit of herself in Starlight. The change comes in how she reacts to what I think might be Homelander's most heinous act in the show. She shows far more remorse and guilt over what happens than she does in the comic, showing us a side of her makes you want to root for her and to see her get better.

The best character… dear Lord, is Homelander, played by Anthony Starr. Homelander is a bastard. The worst thing imaginable because of his sheer strength and power. He’s a sociopath with all of the powers of Superman and none of the goodness. In the comics he’s simply just another asshole.

He’s the most powerful of the Seven and absolutely revels in the hedonistic lifestyle that he’s accustomed to while also hating being under the rule of Vought. In the show, he’s shown as being supportive to Vought, especially it’s current Senior VP of Hero Management, Madelyn Stillwell. He has something of a mommy fetish as shown with his interactions with her and later in the series actually expresses emotions over learning of his own tragedies, but instead of trying to change for the better, he doubles down on his hatred and anger to become an even bigger monster than before.

In the comic he just wants all of the superheroes to conquer the world, but here, he just wants to hurt everyone who hurts him. He plays games like a child, threatening and revealing secrets to toy with people before absolutely breaking them. He's horrible in a very personal way and his sneering smile only makes him so much more hateable. He knows there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop him and he revels in that fact, I love it.

Pacing and Direction

Coming in at an hour for each episode, the first two to three can feel a bit slow. Getting all of the story elements to sit just right can take time, especially as new things are introduced every few minutes. This slow burn approach easily helps to build the tension before things get really crazy by episode four. By that point, the story is unfolding at a perfect rhythm, the team is mostly together, they’ve made their plans of action and it’s all so smooth.

Thankfully each episode is directed by different people to avoid each feeling so similar. The common humor and tone is kept the same, but some episodes are very hopeful almost before being met with one that absolutely makes you hate certain characters and the actions that they take. In particular, the episode where Hughie and Butcher visit a group therapy session and Butcher flies off into a rage about the weakness of the attendees as they basically lick the balls of the heroes that have maimed them was amazing. The director pulls so much emotion out of that scene and continues on as the episode moves along in a far more dramatic fashion than some of the others.

Some others lean heavier on the debauchery such as the episode where Hughie and Butcher venture into a superhero sex club and watch as these guys do some pretty amazing feats with their abilities in some really gross ways. There’s a good balance of levity and drama that makes neither feel too overwhelming.

Overall

With a great cast, impeccable acting and an unpredictability that I actually enjoyed, The Boys absolutely blew me away. I was wholly prepared to rip it apart if I felt like it didn’t do the story justice, but Rogen and Goldberg are fans and knew what we all wanted. It’s unabashedly a comic book show, but still has enough to it that people who have never heard of the series will be floored by how much they can find to enjoy.

It’s for the nihilistic and jaded comic book fan. It’s for the casual watcher who’s gotten enough of Marvel’s colorful displays of happiness and it’s absolutely for the happy person who just wants to have some fun with what they watch.

I thoroughly enjoyed this season of The Boys. So much so that I’m aching with anticipation to re-read the comic series in preparation for Season Two. It’s unlikely that it’ll follow the plot much, if at all after the ending, but with Stormfront (as a woman) being announced as the new Hero joining the Seven in the next season, I’m excited as to who else they might pull. This first season absolutely earns a high recommendation from me.

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inejbookworm20 · 4 years

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Book: Daisy Jones and The Six

Author: Taylor Jenkins Reid

Genre: Historical Fiction

Publishers: Ballantine Books, New York, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York.

Personal rating: 5/5 stars!

"You’re the thing that’s crystal clear

The only thing that I hold dear

I live and die by if you're near

All other memories disappear" ~

"This book is an attempt to piece together a clear portrait of how the renowned 1970s rock band Daisy Jones & The Six rose to fame—as well as what led to their abrupt and infamous split while on tour in Chicago on July 12, 1979." - an excerpt from the author's note.

The book is an oral retelling of the story about a band named 'Daisy Jones and The Six' written by Taylor Jenkins Reid. The members of the band narrate the story in the form of an interview, almost 40 years after the band split up. So we get to hear the band members reminisce their past and their journey together and explain what had finally led to their fallout. Why did they split up after just reaching the peak of their musical career and after having a billboard chart topping album? It was so serene. We follow their song writing process, we see them record those songs. It was so full of emotions and especially the songs - those were incomparably beautiful. It was basically like reading a documentary.

The book begins as we see one of the members of the group, Daisy Jones, sharing her story - how she was as a young teenager struggling to find herself in the midst of Hollywood buzz. Spoiled child of ignorant rich parents struggles with addiction and homelessness since the age of 14, till she finds a friend in an another woman who admires her voice and forces Daisy to find a path in the musical world. Daisy Jones sets out to make songs and signs a deal with a record label. It should be a happy moment in her life, but Daisy is still stuck in limbo. Fighting herself everyday, dealing with her mental health and family struggles. A girl astray.

Simultaneously, for the past 5 years, there has been a small town band comprised of two brothers, Billy and Graham Dunne, who had a simple yet big dream - they will be the biggest rockstars in the 1960-1970s Hollywood scene. Billy and Graham play small shows in clubs and bars and small town arenas as a duo. Their group was named 'The Dunne Brothers', slowly they were growing, people were talking more and more about them. It was time, Billy thought at one point, to finally form a real band. They travel around the US and recruit more members for their band, until finally they're not just the The Dunne Brothers anymore. Engulfed by the chaos of fame and Hollywood life, the small town band named The Dunne Brothers change their name - finally forming a band named The Six.

In the coming years, Daisy struggles with song-writing while The Six take over the Hollywood world with their debut album The Six , and their sophomore album named Seven,Eight, Nine. Aiming for the same life, looking for different things in the chaotic life of a rockstar, both Daisy and Billy find love and lose love time and again on two different ends of the same story. Daisy Jones slowly starts getting recognised by the public, as "The Six" becomes more and more famous day by day.

Their producer hits the final jackpot when he decides to make the two chart toppers collaborate. Then comes "Daisy Jones and The Six" into the scene.

Billy and Daisy don't really get along, but sometimes when they write songs it becomes such a natural process that they forget they actually hated each other. Fighting their own fights, all the while breaking records with their smashing debut album Aurora, Billy and Daisy realise that none of them belong together. Billy has a family he needs to take care of, and Daisy needs to fix her messy life. As the sparks fly higher, the ember ignites something more than just friendship between the two. Desperately trying to find the right answers, the band falls apart mid-show during their soldout album tour. No one knew why. No one understood what happened, Hollywood tabloids went on a frenzy trying to figure out what could have happened. Why did the band split up so suddenly?

We find out the reasons now, 40 years later in 2017, as Daisy Jones and The Six finally reappear in the limelights to talk about their fallout and reminisce their golden days one last time in an interview.

"Daisy: I had absolutely no interest in being somebody else's muse.

I am not a muse.

I am the somebody.

End of fucking STORY."

I will never get tired of quoting from this book, neither re-reading the book over and over. This book talks about very important things like mental health, dealing with subtance abuse and relapsing a few times over, and how fame can be fatal when treated the wrong way. The story felt so original that once I was done reading, I started to feel empty and wonder "Does this band really exist? Or does it exist only in my imagination?"

"People say it's hard to be away from the people you love but it was so hard to be right next to him." - Daisy Jones.

The author, Taylor Jenkins Reid, targeted at a realistic plot to write her work of fiction. It's the perfect pick for young adult and adult audiences who love to delve into the historical fiction genre.

A heartwarming story about love, drugs, money, fame, jealousy and eventually getting your life back together. Because sometimes, even when life completely messes you up you should get up and prepare a fight. Fight till you're better, fight till your life gets better, because that's the only thing we can do - love ourselves and keep on fighting.

I adore this book so much. It was magical. I will highly recommend it anyone who has a taste for sophisticated writing style and an outstanding story!

#taylor jenkins reid #daisy jones #daisy jones and the six #bookish #books #bookworm #audio book download online audio book download streaming #booknerd #bookaholic #booklover #best selling books #bookreader #book reccs #book review

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mileycfan4eva33 · 4 years

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Fandom: SVU

Title: Covenant From The Heart

Chapter 1: Violent Moment

P O V: Amanda Rollins

(A/N: Noah, Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic. I own nothing except my ideas and original characters. All others belong to Wolf Entertainment and NBC.)

Saturday, June 2020

Christopher Street, New York, NY

"I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

how wonderful life is while you're in this world."

The radio plays as I sit inside the back of the Covenant House Van across from my Captain Olivia Benson, along with two trained Crisis Counselors from Covenant House, New York. Andrea O'Sullivan and Robert "Bobby J" Rodriquez. "Thanks for coming again with me, Amanda."

My smile is tight as I look back at Olivia there is a sadness in her eyes as we turn towards each other. "You're welcome, Liv, did Kat give any reason as to why she couldn't make it tonight?" "her mom has to work a double, and they couldn't find a babysitter last minute on a Saturday."

"Yeah, I hear that could be hard." Olivia sips her coffee, trying to keep warm. "I never mind helping Captain. Covenant House is such an amazing place Olivia, I'm always happy to volunteer for whatever they need."

"Thank you, detective Rollins we try. It isn't easy when we have 20,494 youth who are homeless." Andy's statement sends tremors down my spine. I try to hide the fact that I am shivering, as a cop, I knew those statistics. The number of homeless children in the United States is at its highest in more than a decade.

I can even break down the statistics that roughly 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States that's 2,000 kids who go missing every day in the USA. There are 115 child stranger abduction cases, LGBTQ youth represent as much as 40% of the homeless youth population. Between 1.6-2.8 million youth runaway each year in the United States. Children can begin running as young as ages 10-14. The youngest are the most at-risk for the dangers of street life.

Too many people take the attitude of Children who runaway make their own decisions to go. Let them be, they've made their personal choice and must deal with the consequences. If they want to come home, they will. That is so wrong because once these kids hit the streets, they have hours of reaching an inner-city before they become targets for these pimps. Once the pimps get their hands on these kids, they no longer have a choice. They are property of those pimps, and these monsters would take a bullet before they lose their 'product.' It is estimated that many young people, especially girls, begin engaging in survival sex within 48 hours of leaving home. Sex for food and a place to stay can quickly escalate into formalized prostitution.

I've seen what happens to those kids after becoming branded; they learn quickly to harden themselves and trust no one. The treacherous environment in which they must learn to survive is heartbreaking. They do not always outwardly present as sympathetic victims. They also frequently suffer from short–term and long–term psychological effects such as depression, self-hatred, and feelings of hopelessness. These child victims also need specialized services that are not widely available given they often have illnesses, drug addictions, physical and sexual trauma, lack of viable family and community ties, and total dependence—physical and psychological—on their abusers.

"Amanda, do you want some coffee?" "no, thanks, Liv, I'm good." "Sure you are; that's why I can see those goosebumps on your arms, Rollins." Olivia's left-hand grazes across my left arm, which she has now caused to go stiff in fear. Olivia's touch, smile Liv has no idea how she effects me.

Every hair is standing at attention, my heart racing, face flushed. My brain stutters to find words to respond to Olivia. It should be simple to say those words to tell Olivia how I feel; this is 2020, not 1990. I shouldn't be afraid of rejection to tell someone I have a deep crush on that I have a crush. I've told more than a half of a dozen women in my past that I liked them. I am not ashamed to identify as a lesbian.

Which brings me to question why I haven't confided in anyone I have worked with over the past nine years. Swallow Amanda, just swallow and relax. Olivia has no idea how you feel; she isn't asking you to spill how you feel. She's asking you for a drink stop freaking out you'll look like a fool.

"No, I'm good save the coffee for the kids, they need it more than I do. I'm okay."

"Detective Rollins we have more than enough." that's a lie I know before it even escapes Andy's lips she's just being nice to us since it's rare for cops to volunteer to do ride a long's, the department does not sanction them. 1PP truthfully goes out of their way to discourage us from doing them because they are so dangerous because these pimps could recognize one of us and blow our covers in the future. Sometimes I think they fear we will become too sympathetic with a homeless kid because God forbid NYPD cops be human and understand what life on the streets is actually like; we might let these kids go when indeed we are forced to pick them up for simply trying to stay alive.

Saturday nights are one of the busiest nights in New York City, especially for the homeless population in our impact zones. Turning down Bleeker Street, which is alive with nightclubs blaring music. Flashing neon signs obnoxiously calling out $2 dance bars—other signs signaling their bars, clubs, stores. Panhandlers line every corner, many with bloodshot eyes, sniffling noses, and scanning the crowd from our blackened windows. I can see swindlers working in pairs trying to rob the tourists who unsuspectingly stroll among them the glittering, neon buildings. Many are walking with cell phones out, looking for directions.

Olivia and I both exchange a look knowing half of them will be robbed. There's so much we both want to say but don't. Drug deals go down in plain sight to the untrained eye. It would be easily missed, in between the blaring lights and smells of Colombian bakeries, beauty salons, Mexican restaurants, and bars like the Gentlemen's Club advertising beautiful female dancers. People along this stretch of road hand out business cards emblazoned with half-naked women or fruits and flowers all that advertise "Free Delivery" and typically list the hours of operation between 10:30 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. It's a cover, of course, the cards are marketing tools of brothels that have set up shop inside private homes and apartments.

As the hour is growing later, the tourists are fading away; the clubs are starting to shut down, and the other Christopher Street, the one never mentioned in magazines, or featured on the nightly news and morning talk shows comes alive. This is our Christopher Street teens strutted past in the dark, often stopping to air kiss, catcall, or sometimes brawl.

Young LGBTQ youth in platform thigh-high boots, buttocks-revealing denim shorts, red-pleather boleros with matching caps and tops of the backless, sleeveless, or even frontless variety, those on the nightly parade here do anything but hide. They compete for best outfit, /best moves in nightly dance battles that rage beside the Hudson River to the sound of a boombox on the pier at the end of the street.

The teens are beautiful, but the night-life here is ugly, violent, and scary; the teens themselves often fight turning violent. Customers drunk throw glasses, bottles, or try to take the girls, ripping hair out, beating them. Not every person working is trying to cause problems; of course, there are many just trying to get by to pay rent that now topples over $3,000. I can barely afford my apartment in Brooklyn with my salary.

Cops are lining every street, but we are not here as cops Olivia and I are riding with the covenant house team to help them reach the kids whoa re too afraid to find Covenant House or don't know that help exists. We are reaching to find kids who need food, warmth, and shelter. We provide sandwiches, beverages, ears to the kids if they are ready to tell their stories.

In the van we provide education about sex, pregnancies, STD prevention, we give them condoms. We let them cry, scream, ask questions, or sit in silence; we let the kids choose what they need when they need it. Many have never been given a choice of anything in their lives. We gain the kids' trust and, when ready, we will get them to our crisis shelters, where they're given love and support to permanently stay off the streets. Some stay only a few days and decide they aren't ready to give up the life they know. They have to be willing to be drug-free and make other commitments to stay at Covenant House. Some, however, remain with Covenant House and complete the whole program.

Frequently it takes multiple interactions before the kids will trust those of us on the outreach team enough to accept our offers of help they've simply been burned by adults too many times in their lives.

"So Captain Benson, my boss tells me you've been coming on these rides along's since you joined SVU in 1999. Any specific reasons?"

Andy's question perks my interests in the nine years I have known Olivia; I have never known the answer to this question myself. For the first six years, when I went on these outreach trips, I never knew she went along. I only found out three years ago when we were paired together by accident on a night when they had more volunteers than vans. I never asked myself for fear of having to answer the same question back; it's a part of my past. I have kept hidden for many years. I have no intention of starting to share that story now.

"I was on the job about two months with Special Vics when we came across the case of a fourteen-year-old girl who we had to arrest for selling drugs to her classmates, sometimes in exchange for sexual favors. The whole Squad called her Spoiled Sally because she came from the upper west side, went to a private school. She had all the advantages of a rich kid, yet she chose to squander her life by selling drugs."

"You thought there was more to her story though, Olivia, didn't you?"

"You know me well, Amanda." Olivia has no idea how well I know her how I have spent my whole adult life, and most of my teens years studying her career trying to be half the cop she is. Olivia has no idea that I listen to every conversation hoping to gather a new detail I didn't know already. I know her favorite, color, movie, TV show, her worst fears, her dreams. I know which ice cream flavor she likes best, her favorite spot for ice cream, who her favorite baseball team is, and which sport she hates the most. I know Olivia uses vanilla body lotion but hates vanilla ice cream.

My body shivers despite being June. The temperature is dropping fast the later it gets. "I did think there was more, so I started investigating further. Interviewing her friends, teachers, classmates. Came to learn Sally transferred schools six times over the last year, she had moved from city to city since she was six years old."

Olivia bites her lower lip as she laughs slightly "Amanda you'll love this part, my boss told me to drop it, or he would transfer me, I couldn't drop it, I defied his orders and kept digging. I matched her picture into enhanced facial recognizing came to discover our Spoiled little Sally was Marcella Marginals, a kidnapped girl from Mexico who vanished at age six when her family was on vacation over there. They let go of her hands for two minutes, and she was snatched. Marcella was smuggled into different cities by different men. Who caged her up like an animal beat her raped her, sold her from family to family."

"This last family was an elderly couple who never had kids of their own; the man who sold her to them kept weekly checks on her forced her to sell drugs for him. Raped her weekly to keep her in-line raped the wife weekly to keep the parents quite. When we went to collect Marcella, the bastard was there raping the wife, the husband an 82-year-old man who could barely move was tied to the chair. A battle broke out between the police and the pimp, Marcella was shot in the battle, by my gun. I was devastated. I felt as if it was my fault if I had left it alone, as my boss told me. Marcella would be alive no matter how hard her life was, at least she drew breath. Because of me, that sweet girl was dead."

"All my co-workers kept telling me it wasn't my fault; it was just part of the job. I had to accept it as God's plan. I couldn't though, I mean, how did God see that to be fair? How could any God justify a fourteen-year-old girl being raped, beaten suffering every day as okay?"

"So I headed to my favorite bar to get there I had to pass the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, I wasn't raised in any dominant religion growing up, but I felt drawn to it. I felt like I needed to talk to God, to let him know how angry I was at him."

"At first, all I could do was sit there, staring at the candles, the altar, tears running down my face. I have no idea how long I sat there for; till I felt the gentle touch of Sister Mary Rose McGeady, she sat by me and listened to me. Then she said something to me that has stayed with me my whole life; she replied ours is not to ask God why; ours is simply to close our eyes and listen to our hearts, and believe God always has a reason why. It's hard at times, but I made a promise to God to listen; he has to lead me to my calling to help kids on the street, his kids."

"As you know at the time, Sister McGeady was the president of Covenant House from 1990-2003. She took me to the house and showed me the center; I spoke to counselors, volunteers, and the kids themselves. I fell in love with the mission, with the kids the staff. I knew I had to try to make a difference."

"I started doing the outreach van around 12 years ago, at first, it was just because it was always so short-staffed, not many people volunteer to do something so dangerous. Then it became another passion for me."

I reach over and take Olivia's hand "you know Marcella's death wasn't your fault, Liv. No more than Easter's was mine."

"I know Amanda, up here, I know that." She points to her head, "But in here." Olivia's hand moves to her heart. "that takes reminding I am sorry I couldn't comfort you after telling you about Easter, I should have held you talked to you instead of getting up and walking away. The memories of that day hit me so hard; I think I am moving on, and then I am hit with a wave of guilt so intense it takes my breath away."

"Liv, it's okay. I needed my Captain than you did what I needed. You gave me time to cry, scream you stayed in the room, so I knew you were there, but you gave me privacy. No one can take someone else to pain away. But having you in that room brought me comfort."

Olivia smiles at me as Bobby J speaks "You two should come Tuesday for our annual Sleep-out for Covenant House, we have a line-up of stars who are performing and over 1,000 people who have signed up to raise money for our kids by sleeping out."

"Yeah, sounds good, Amanda?" "I'm in for sure."

"So Miss southern sweet tea, what is your story? I know you got one." My body tenses at his suggestion I feel all eyes on me my heart races as my stomach twists. How am I suppose to get out of this one? "Don't be bashful to spill your game." Bobby J nudges me as I fight to keep my nausea from spilling out onto the van's floor. If Olivia knew the truth, she would never look at me the same ever again.

"Help me!" Loud, intense screams ricochet off the buildings in the side-street where we are parked; a young girl comes racing out of the cover of darkness shadow. So fast her legs stumble, but she doesn't allow herself to fall; she can't she's running for her life. Those skinny legs barely hold her body up, yet she hurls herself forward, never glancing back. I can hear her heavy breathing as she approaches "not here." she points to two streets over. Eyes glance at us. I see the pain and fear "My man he's watching he'll see me get in, I'm dead then, he'll know where to find me."

She's gone in a flash, hurling her skinny body down the side streets in a race for her life, dodging into different avenues. The van squeals to life as our driver Michelle steps on the gas, the girl's arms pump flying as she dodges cars, people she isn't quitting or playing. It's pitch black out here now except the glow of a few broken street lights.

Michelle flips off our headlights as we reach the street the girl wanted us to, we sit in silence the radio shut off now. Our heartbeats are the only sounds slowly. I get out my legs a little shaky from being crouched in a van for hours. Olivia follows me closely behind as seconds tick into minutes both of us praying her man as she called him didn't find her, which we know damn well means her pimp. Rustling has us both turning around I spot her first she comes running full speed towards us, fooling her pimp she had run around the block twice; New York blocks ain't no joke either, they are long.

This girl is in eight-inch heels her feet must hurt so bad I feel tears well up I can barely walk in those types of heels nerve mind run. The girl is only twenty- yards away from us. I can see the depth of fear in her cyan blue eyes. An ocean deep of pain she is so close to safety just within feet of being saved Olivia and I are both tense ready to grab her up. The squeals of tires alert us to a sense of danger; I don't think twice I take off "Rollins!" Olivia yells as I pump my legs harder than they have ever been pumped before. Hoping that this girl can see it in my eyes that she can trust me, she can reach better days if she reaches out, allows me to take her hands. Gets in this van with me, I can help her find the sunshine behind these rainy days. Sometimes one person can make a difference. I close my eyes every day I pray I can be that person.

My hands reach the girl at the very last second my lungs are screaming in pain, I can barely breathe my muscles are straining with every-step. "Grab my hands, don't let go no matter what I got you." My arms wrap around the girl's frail body as my feet make a sudden turn burning my heels. I pull her body racing to the van as doors fly open. "Rollins, get down!" Olivia screams as a hail of bullets rain down on us I push the girl into the van slam the door and bang on it. Michelle takes off my legs give out as I crash to the ground Olivia is returning fire. I can't breathe or think my legs are twitching in pain I can feel my blood filling my mouth as I start to cough.

I can't seem to focus on anything. Every breath is harder to inhale and exhale. "Amanda, it's Olivia we've got to move, they took off, but they'll be back we just cost them a major investment. Can you move at all?"

Olivia's arms lift me pain stabs me at every angle it's mild though so after a few breaths I can put pressure on my legs she doesn't let go of my arm though pulling me along with her as we race to meet the van a few blocks over. Sweat pours down my body as my stomach cramps I feel flushed. I'm losing blood I can feel how weak I am, but I have no idea where or how serious it is. "Amanda that was stupid as hell, we are off-duty you know the department does not cover any injury you get, any action you take as a citizen which means you face the same charges they face. No union rep to cover for you."

"Yeah, I know Liv, and it also means I don't have to play by the rules."

"Amanda, it doesn't mean you get to risk your life."

"It's mine to risk Olivia, and if you ain't willing to risk your life, why are you out here?"

"Uh! Why are all the bad-asses so damn stubborn!"

"That's what makes us hot."

"Yeah, I know that's why the bad-asses like you are always the one who looks the most fuckable."

My ears ring did Olivia Benson just say she wanted to what with me? I stop moving physically, yet my Vertigo didn't get the message. I can't speak all I can do is stare at Olivia, watch her long legs so muscular her statuesque frame so lean and beautiful, long dark hair loosely held back with a decorative clip. Her appearance takes my breath away. She smiles as she slowly moves us towards the van.

All I can do is picture her lying on top of me on her bed as she places her mouth over my clit. A direct hit, her gorgeous lips closing around it and lapping at it with her tongue. Her hands hold my hips as I try to buck against her face; she is a master at getting me off like this. I can feel an orgasm building in my walls, I can feel the heat rising as I writhe under her face, and just as she is about to push me over the edge, she inserts a single slender finger inside as she does I feel the first wave of fire rising and spreading through me. I come hard onto her hand as she rapidly pumps two fingers in and out while she sucks on my clit.

"Amanda, move!" My head peaks up from the daydream of Olivia, and I making love seconds too late as the car comes speeding towards us headlights as bright as the Georgia summer sun. Michelle rushes towards us, Andy and Bobby J throw open the doors. "Get in!" Olivia's hands push my body into the van's. I feel Andy and Bobby grab me pulling my limp body up as Olivia screams at Michelle. to"Go."

Wait, where is Olivia going? Why didn't she get in with me? Gunfire fills the air as I try to stand but am thrown back against the wall hard as Michelle takes off, tires squealing. "Calvin!" I hear Olivia's scream as my head slams into the floor, sending me crashing into a world of blackness. All I can do is pray; God keep Olivia safe.

A/N: For More information on how you can help Covenant House and Homeless Youth visit their website

Our Youth deserve a kinder, better world than the one we have today. Let us commit to building this world together. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13643440/1/Covenant-From-The-Heart

#svu #Rolivia #AmandaRollins #OliviaBenson #HomelessKids #Youth #LGBTQ #Fanfiction

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