#ill love you when you fall apart

[volatilechemicalz]

obligatory intro post that I haven't made before despite being on this website for over a year -

-incest, nsfw, homo/trans/xenophobic, ableist, racist dni.

-system

-our preferred names change a lot but for now just call us pixel, vince[nt], zip, chem, or slug

it/he [maybe they/them??] + any neopronouns [neutral terms preferred but masc terms are also cool]

-I mostly draw vtsom and oc stuff at the moment

-doodle/sketch requests are closed unless its hyperfixation related (I will likely procrastinate to all hell on it though . apologies . Also i might not do them period)

-I write sometimes

-drawing box [send me silly lil doodles]

-spotify (I don't make music it's just playlists jsknb, 65 to be exact)

-current hyperfixation(s): ocs [<- ASK ME ABOUT THESE :333], vincent the secret of myers, therapy with dr albert kreuger, dead plate, alien stage [if you like any of these pleaseeee be my friend]

-messages are always open or talk to us on discord [our acc is .painted_pixels. just let us know who you are]

[taglist under the cut]

#noodle talks- just me saying things [self explanatory]

#defnotdoodles- doodles and sketches

#art- self explanatory, only finished things here

#not art- any post i make that doesn't have art [self explanatory]

#drabbles- writing tag

#fave- favorites

#mecore- self explanatory

#helpful- self explanatory

#for later- self explanatory

#sysposting- posts about system things

#moot- anything with my mutuals (ily <3 /p)

[au descriptions are simplified for brevity]

#kitchen sink- dead plate time loop au

#table for two- dead plate au that takes place after ending one

#ashtray- post abbatoir ending haunted vince au, extra salt in the wound he only kills Rody after they have their whole conversation

#cyborg theater- [might change the name later i just needed something] bad end theater x vtsom au

#Spotify- spotify links

#fanart- art by other people for my stuff <3

#plushieposting- posts about my plushies

#oc stuff- general oc tag + stuff that reminds me of them

oc story tags- #abyssal , #I'll love you when you fall apart [#ilywyfa] , #divine intervention [check posts on those tags for what they're about]

#noodle talks #not art #art #defnotdoodles #drabbles #sysposting #fave #helpful #mecore #Spotify #fanart #plushieposting #table for two #kitchen sink #ashtray #cyborg theater #abyssal #ill love you when you fall apart #ilywyfa #divine intervention #oc stuff #for later #ask

[taeyungie]

😺

#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet #i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean #he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today #and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this #its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back #but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason #he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much. #he would want that for all of us right #but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus #the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months. #thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time #and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol #my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most #when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most. #but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway #i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit #i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody #because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right #and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated. #i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do. #to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him #nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it #anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓 #please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓 #we have esch other and we will be okay 💓 #sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓

[hella1975]

there may be an influx of ethel cain mutuals atm and im even willing to share the podium but i will ALWAYS be the strangers mutual. stay humble

#BUT GOD IS TELLING YOU AND I THAT THERE IS DEATH FOR ALL OF US #IN YOUR BASEMENT I GROW COLD THINKING BACK TO IT I WAS ALWAYS TOLD DONT TALK TO STRANGERS OR YOU MIGHT FALL IN LOVE #FREEZER BRIDE YOUR SWEET DIVINE YOU DEVOUR LIKE SMOKED BOVINE HIDE HOW FUNNY I NEVER CONSIDERED MYSELF TOUGH #YOURE SO HANDSOME WALKING OVER TO ME NOW I TRIED TO BE GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD #WITH MY MEMORY RESTRICYED TO A POLAROID IN EVIDENCE I JUST WANTED TO BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS JUST TELL ME IM YOURS #IF IM TURNING IN UOUR STOMACH AND IM MAKING YOU GEEL SICK #WHEN MY MOTHER SEES ME ON YHE SIDE OF A MILK CARTON IN WINN-DIXIE’S DAIRY ISLE SHE’LL CRY AND WAIT UP FOR ME #WE’LL MAKE LOVE IN YOUR ATTIC ALL NIGHT EUPHORIC IN SOME STRANGE DELIGHT IM HAPPIER HERE CAUSE HE TOLD ME I SHOULD BE OH #YOUR SO HANDSOME WHEN IM ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN IM ALL OVER YOUR MOUTH WHEN KM ALL OVER YOU MOUTH I TRIED FO BE GOOD #AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD AM I NO GOOD WITH MY MEMORY RESTRICTED TO A POLAROID IN EVIDENCE #I JUST WANTED TO BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS CAN I BE YOURS IFNIM TURNING IN YOUR STOMACH AND IM MAKING YOU FEEL SICK #AM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK??????? AM I MAKING YOU FEEL SICK?? #AAAAAAHSHSHAGAFFGQGQUUAHABSBSNJASHDJCNCJSKAIAJABBSBDBNDJEJAMQLWOOSKZNANBABDHIAJQBBANAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #FOUND YOU JUST TO TELL YOU THAT I MADE IT REAL FAR AND THAT I NEVER BLAMED YOU FOR LOVING ME THE WAY THAT YOU DID WHEN YOU WERE TORN APART #I WOULD STILL WAIT WITH YOU THERE DONT THINK ABOUT JT TOO HARD OR YOULL NEVER SLEEP A WINK AT NIGHT AGAIN #DONT WORRY ABOUT ME AND THESE GREEN EYES MAMA JUST KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU I DO AND ILL SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET HERE #ethel cain

[tiercel]

Tumblr talking about making its site the same algorithmic slop pile as every other social media bc the users migrating here are too soft brained to curate their own feeds

#You dont understand tumblr is the only site that im able to use bc its not algorithmic slop #I can barely use youtube anymore bc i will get trapped in the vortex of shorts and suggested videos #I like tumblr bc unlike instagram twitter etc it allows you to create your own feed rather than force feeding you random posts #But lately it HAS been doing that & staff just released a statement basically amounting to ''new users are too confused so we're gonna pad #everything out'' corpspeak for ''we need to make the twitter refugees feel more at home by copying their dogshit falling apart site'' #Tbh i actually enjoy tumblr as a much more niche site i think that by making other ppl realize its just a regular ass blogging site theyre #gonna clog it all up more than it already is. Not like it isnt already crammed to the gills with reactionary assholes #Like the reasons i stopped going to twitter was A. stupid bullshit like locking me out 4 no phone number and B. people driving me insane #I do NOT need the people that would trigger my mental illness on a nightly basis coming here to spread their spores #Namely the dramabrained weirdos looking for problems in everything and reactionaries that already exist here but will proliferate #Tumblr ALREADY isnt doing jackshit about t€rves or fash why the fuck would they do anything about a massive influx of them #Sorry i needed to bitch a little. Love this site but also hate the web3.0 philosophy of dumbing everything down #When are we crawling back into the primordial sea we came from (neocities and forums) #emf

[doveotion]

things that make me cry in no particular order: parental dovotion, dovotion in general, reincarnated lovers, doomed lovers, cats, my friends, the kindness of strangers, the cruelty of those I love, the scent of fresh rain, waking up to find my family has gone to bed already, music, old married couples, sunbeams streaming through tree branches, childhood friends, things I forgot I loved, etc

#diary #i could rant forever about this subject. to add: the cruelty and unacceptable action of war #when i notice everyone i love getting older #breakup scenes where you know they still love each other but cant stay together #my childhood house thats old and falling apart. im miles away and ill never live there again #and literally every second that passes. i miss everything all the time

[oatbugs]

found a bunch of old voice memos and this is the first time i've listened to my own voice and thought yeah it makes so much sense that people have loved this person . woah

#personal #i was singing a song under another song (saw my wings with the bodies in the gutter). there is someone else and i cant #recognise their voice . i think maybe i was drunk and maybe so were they . i have no idea who they are but their voice is so pretty. #i ask them if theyre ok and they ask if im sure im okay with this. and then they say see you soon and theres the sound of the door. #theres the voice of someone else after this too. they say listening to chase atlantic feels like sex . i have no idea who this person is. #this file is full of strings rising and falling. reverb of a massive space. some symphony inside interrupted by another symphony. #i remember laying on the floor of the orchestra hall to listen and to hide. i remember laying my hand on the floor and thinking i could #recognise this piece just by the way the ground vibrates. #i've been thinking a lot about mereology. sorry for not talking about nihilism the past week - everyone around me has been falling apart. #this month i have watched others be stricken by grief. the other side of the equation. one day i will create a poem about the way holes are #one whole part. the way disconnects are connected to the fabric of absence. (i saw your guts without the skin attached) #i could hear how in love i was when i asked the unknown voice if they would like some water. i blew out the candles and one stayed lit. #you don't need to tell me. forever and ever. strictly fall for academics and people with a passion. asked my mathematician about manifolds #and he asked me about his hair. i will wake up tomorrow if only it is to spend half an hour making tea. the concept of going to my country #is an oncoming train with a minute's delay. i told them i want to be their friend and they told me theyd like to meet up soon #and test how deep they can bite like good friends do. do you feel ashamed of my degree? do you feel ashamed of #your dry lips? skull fast-tracked to the floor. i have a jar of hand-picked dried damask roses for tea. ill tell you about k-theory until #you shut me up.

[zemnarihah]

started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.

#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past #like 4 years? #also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay #here but my roommate rlly hated it. #this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space. #the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like #a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna #be spending so little on gas #it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment. #the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller #also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be #nice to have it just be the 2 of us #also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent #pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT. #but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes #okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or #smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though #anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)

[capfalcon]

listen to dermot kennedy music.....go slightly insane.....listen to dermot kennedy music.......

#HIS FUCKIN LYRICS???? HIS FUCKIN VOICE??? #'when she kissed me i felt a new freedom of something' #'i found a moment to be brave so i let her know. and she said how could i love you back #you who dropped your dreams in the gutter' #'in my winters shell be burning slow' #MAYBE IVE LOST COUNT OF THE ROOMS YOURE TALL IN. MAYBE IVE LOST COUNT OF THE NIGHTS IM ALL IN. #'but i still get to see your face right? and that's like nothing they can take right?' #'i remember when her heart broke over stubborn shit thats no way to be living kid the angel of death is ruthless' #'the scream tore sea and sky apart/ so you want fears? we've still got several' #'the hero did it for days where you dont know if the moon will even come and then it lays down #and im telling you man its sweet when it does' #so the hero did it for the summer....for the phrase please dont ever leave me #'you smiled and looked down when i told you it aint bad to be me' #'you call arrows to fall short. because the snow is at our feet.' #'but its alright because you cause laterns to light' #'take me back to places i feel loved in/maybe failing that take me to boston' #'i learned theres beauty i cant keep. so stunner dont ever move softly' #'wanna be king in your story. everything i hold dear resides in those eyes' #'when everything was broken the devil hit his second stride but you remember what i told you someday ill need your spine to hide behind' #'wasnt if love as soon as we knew each other properly?' #'now when im face to face with death ill grab him by the through and ask him how does it hurt' #AHHHSHSHSBSBSBSHHHHH #jordan rambles #dermot kennedy

[fellwhite]

It's happening

Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life

This is a vent, you have been warned

#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out #I don't know what happened nor what to feel #up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely #yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before #im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored #i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't #im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess #thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar #I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it #thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end #atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times #...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before #like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life #i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart #ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed #again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep #anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little #vent

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

it should be studied the way i immediately start crying after masturbating like girl where is the serotonin i was promised

#i just. the memories won't stop one after the other like a messy movie #all that talk about sex and love and a future together #all that teasing at night like oh think of me when you do it #and actually thinking of her for a whole year. how do i just forget #and the teasing the joking about who would play what role but both of us knowing exactly what would happen #but it was fun to tease #and the quiz the teasing referencing the quiz to make a point #and sometimes the honest convos truly vulnerable ones no teasing pure love and want #and sending clips on pinterest and them saying one day #and just. the full comfort and safety. and imagining your whole life with someone and suddenly you have to think aboit other people becaus #well they're gone. and they always said don't have hopes for the future i can't promise and i didn't listen #i think ive moved on but really i don't think i have just have gotten good at suppressing distracting #it's been. a little over a month and still it feels like everything is falling apart my house of dreams and hopes is falling apart around #me slowly and im just sitting in the floor crying #i shouldn't have listened to that gracie song i just. i saw her story and i thought she was going to release it and idk wanted to listen #one last time the youtube live version #ab aise lag raha ki back to square one #i keep having these thoughts involuntarily i don't know how to mske them stop #i remember few weeks ago i was hanging out with my bestie and i miss you im sorry started playing on shuffle from her playlist #and i was like fuck this song she told me about it we loved it gracie was like our artist #and i was like ok ill be brave and listen to it i have to one day na she's one of my fave artists #but we hadn't even reached the chorus and my bestie was like no and changed it immediately she must've seen something on my face #cause a hundred memories flashed before my eyes in those 10 something seconds #can u believe. having so many memories with someone you just text. what the fuck man i can't even remember my syllabus they should fade #okay goodnight

[leadmeastraylittlefairy]

april 😵‍💫

#two of my coworkers quit last week but apparently another one was fired on friday after getting into an argument w one of the people who #quit after she was told on wednesday that she wasn’t in trouble and just needed to tone it down a little bc she’s sassy #then we had a team meeting in which our boss’s boss was supposed to come talk to us about some shit and we waited for her for half an hour #before she told us she wasn’t coming….wasting half an hour on THE busiest day of the year #she’s such a dick #then we had supervision which is basically group therapy and everyone was freaking tf out about how shitty our workplace is #🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 #when i left today i wasn’t even at my emails from noon today 🙃🙃🙃 #and we can’t get time and a half overtime pay this week bc yesterday was a holiday :)))))))))))) #i hate this place #i wfh tomorrow but i might have to go in bc it’s so fucking busy and i work off my laptop at home but i have two monitors at work #AND i called a client today to do a favor for a coworker and the client was being weird on the phone and abruptly was like i have to go now #so i was like okay ill let you go and she was like because im on the potty :) #um #maybe don’t pick up the phone when a social work calls you if you’re on the toilet :) #and then she told me she loved me when i hung up :) #why :) #my shoulders are so tense #pleeeeeeeease 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 let this place fall apart

[volatilechemicalz]

cute date idea you let me vivisect you

#noodle talks #not art #ill love you when you fall apart #<- oc story thing that i got reminded of when making this post #🔋

[void-tiger]

Actually…? No. Tell me the odds. I need the likelihood of success and got nothing else to lose might as well try even if extremely unlikely. Because I need help sustaining the hope that everything’s gonna be okay and motivation to get there that I just can’t do for myself without burning out almost completely.

#tiger’s musings #mental health bullshit #…I am just. overwhelmed #by not knowing how to make this work #and being unable to beat the ED keeping me from taking the two steps that I DO know exist #because…I need a moral support body double. and one who won’t get disgusted as my lid flips the whole time I try to do this #and…I just can’t see someone WANTING to MAKE time for me. a small pocket. for us to both relax and catch our breath and enjoy eachother #I’m tired of ‘oh we’re totally friends Tiger!’ but. are we tho? #you set time aside for friends to either just. talk. share memes. or hang out no matter how infrequently #guess my love language really IS quality time #in addition to being very touch starved for Platonic Human Intimacy #and a side of acts of service. because…my chronic illness(es) force me to rely on others #beyond ‘I’d scratch your back if asked. can you please return the favor sometime so I don’t feel used.’ #…I’m just. I’m tired. I’m tired of giving out love platonically and feeling Liked but Disregarded #while things also falling apart when I’ve either decided to leave or have to leave due to neutral circumstances or because I’m hurting #I…feel like I’m being Expected to be the one to reach out…again…over Just a misunderstanding #but if I do. it has to be with ‘look I KNOW we miscommunicated but THIS is what hurt me and I NEEDED That acknowledged or clarified’ #but…the circumstances that led to the method being blamed for this miscommunication still. y’know. exist #so…what’s the point

[tittysuckersworld]

what if, hear me out, well never have sex soukoku animatic? eh eh?

#okay okay lissen to me pls- #just. dazai singing. is would not be musical number singing but like in head #and it going over them just being soft- #the de-poluting. the kissing without wanting or needing back- the never touch then say look lovely with chuuya in back saying dazai #look ugly but them both knowing- #okay i know im fucking shit up but. 1 fuck you and 2 i love fluff so im gonna make the ship thats so so not fluffy into fluffy cause gosh #darn it i do whT iwants #this is honestly just me making excuses and coping with how no one ever knows be the bad boss's man and how ill die alone as a fan- #like bruhhh its so so good and domestic fluff wile having the ride or die relationships but its- #its not ride or die its *live* its live with eachother even if world is pulling apart even if not supposed to even if it could be better #its being family when everyone else expects different and wants things from you that arnt you #things that arnt healthy for you- #im rambling anyways might mabey make one of the aus ever #no no one can stop me #also need to make ballerina/ice skatter au so bad want to draw more fun dancing thingies- #fuck meeee im getting to into this fandom hope i dont fall out any time soon-

[tamahoshio]

ive been fucking with an au of a slice of my main/fave OC's life (bcause he must bear the most torture i guess lmao) and like i'm so tempted to make it canon bc it explains so well the time right after it, as well as a few things in general, but i also absolutely don't because it's like sensitive material and i dont wanna have to tell people besides myself about it bc despite research personal experiences and all i know it's a kind of thing where i'm probably just not the person anyone would want to even mention some of it? complicated feels in tags?

#it isnt anything particularly offensive or gross i dont think #like of course my snippy ass oc who is going through shit is gonna be a little shitty out of stress for a moment #but not in an obia or ism way #now that it is buried ill tell you #so local young man has cancer scare which turns into pregnancy scare which turns out to be a miscarriage for various reasons due to #some complications with his reproductive system and this whole ordeal is how he finds out hes a type of intersex #while nearing the end of his pre-med program and bc of the stress and need for time to go to all of the necessary doctors he took a semeste #off that he absolutely did not want to #and this mixed with pressure from both school and his part time job #as well as complicated feelings about sex and gender which he kinda thought he already reconciled but bc of all thats happened is reevaluat #and while he comes to a similar conclusion you know the process of all this is a lot to take in #and our boy spirals for a relatively short time only like a year or something before he decides to go home to spend time with family and ge #himself together and see old friends and remember why he wanted to get a good education and why he wants to help people in the first place #he ends up letting himself fall back in love with his fiance after pushing him away and the time apart has really let them both take seriou #looks at who they are and how they feel about really important adult things that werent really on their minds when they first got together #in middle school and now having gone through the series of events before them and having the time to get to know themselves has been #eye opening and they get to build their relationship from a more mutually free place #now theres a lot here i know and some of it is delicate and complicated since things manifest in lots of ways #i come at it from a place of respect and honesty #i myself only have a hormone disorder imbalance thing that causes a bunch of repro garbage #and of course ive known people who experienced some of the other things and ive researched things though even in writing #i dont think i aim to educate but to communicate how characters experience life? #and when it comes to the gender stuff ill admit hes kindof similar to me with how regardless of how i feel irt interests or what role id #play in xyz relationships i feel like im a cis woman so its not a big deal to me but ive put a lot fo thought and reading and talking into #myself and so thats where despite everything he still identifies as a man comes from #i know its probably dumb of me to write any of this

[rafayelism]

dating the love and deepspace boys | domestic moments

featuring: rafayel, xavier, and zayne x gn!reader

(´• ω •`) ♡ modern au! can you guys tell raf is my favorite..?

rafayel

a year younger than you. lies to everyone (including you) that he’s actually two years your senior. you only found out he was younger than you when you met his parents, who have his birth certificate framed. 

hates cats. despises them. they fill him with rage (fear). says he’s allergic (he’s lying).

“oh shit raf, this sucks! i guess you can’t move in with me.. i have cats”

“...you have cats?”

“yeah. 3.”

“i’m not allergic. i can move in tonight.”

chronically online. minoring in marine biology and majoring in annoying you. texts you over 200 times a day and if you don’t respond, he’s faking a horrible chronic illness. again. it’s amnesia on wednesdays, appendicitis on thursdays, chronic migraines on fridays… etc..

he has 2 followers on his private twitter. you and thomas. 

over 700k followers on instagram for some reason? he sells paintings on depop (he says it's depop but you’re convinced he sells them for heinous prices on the black market) 

cooks on occasion? has an apron that says kiss me im irish (he's not irish?) made you a tuna cupcake once?? 

pescatarian. not in the vegan/vegetarian way where he refuses to eat red meat but because he’s absolutely feral over fish. (is this cannibalism? he says its not)

lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with you but doesn’t use his bedroom. says your bed is comfier. turned his bedroom into a painting studio (IT’S for the black market you say!!) and sleeps with you. 

“raf,” you sigh. “don’t you have.. homework or something?” 

he sits between your legs, back against your chest as he scrolls through his phone. 

“yeah,” he says. you flick the back of his head because you know he’s smirking. “it’s called assignment: you. due in two minutes.” 

with his free hand, he reaches back mindlessly to grab yours. you sigh, fingers intertwining with his, a reflex as he leans his head back. his eyes meet yours and you can’t help but laugh. 

“well?” you ask, brushing his hair out of his eyes as he squeezes your hand. “what are the assignment details?” 

he chews on the bottom of his lip as he thinks, humming while his eyes wander across your face. he swings your interlocked hands in circles. it’s raining outside, the heater is on, and rafayel is warm like hot chocolate. 

“what?” he says, his cheeks a tinge pink. “you’re looking at me like that again.” a pause. he turns, his head now buried in your chest.

“just studying my homework.” you say, hands instinctively wrapping around his back. the laundry machine is running in the background, rain is falling against the window, and you faintly hear your rice cooker dinging in the kitchen. home, you think, is with rafayel.

“i can hear your heartbeat.” he says, voice muffled. “it’s super fast. you like me or something?” 

“i really like you.” you say, without skipping a beat. rafayel groans into your chest, sighing in discontent. 

“no fair. i’m supposed to be the flirter.” 

you press a kiss onto the top of his head and you feel his body melt into yours. the two of you fall into a warm silence, his breath steady as he traces paintings into your neck. 

“raf?” you mumble, eyes drooping. he hums in response. “did you pass your assignment?” 

he smiles. “with flying colors.” 

xavier

chronic napper. (yapper?) 

has 100 late assignments. failing all of his classes yet got into the top university in your country because he got a perfect score on his entrance exams. you thought he was a nepo baby (turns out he’s just.. smart?)

his procrastination rubs off on you… he is the WORST distraction and he knows it. so smug about it and uses it to his own advantage. will perch on top of you when you’re studying and kiss down your neck until you go to sleep with him. 

lives in the apartment on top of yours but is at your house most days, if not all. you ask him to move in.

“am i not already.. living with you?” 

“don’t you still have your apartment, though?”

“yeah..?”

 is that good for the economy?? is it financially smart? not at all, but he’s too lazy to move out and put his apartment up for lease. 

xavier sleeps with his legs entangled with yours and his arms wrapped tightly around your chest. the air conditioning hums in the background as you scroll mindlessly on your phone, dimming the brightness as you hear xavier stir. 

“sorry xav, did i wake you up?” you ask. he doesn’t respond, blinking the sleep out of his eyes as he glares at your phone. 

“xavier?” you question, swallowing a laugh at his ruffled hair and disheveled clothes. 

“phone down.” he says, voice raspy with sleep and an octave lower than usual. you raise an eyebrow at him. 

“can i get a pretty please in this economy?” 

xavier’s eyes narrow as he snatches your phone away, snoozing the device and placing it on the nightstand next to you. his lips ghost your neck, pressing kisses against your skin as he mumbles incoherently in the dark of your bedroom. 

“xavier-” you breathe, giggling at the sensation. “that tickles!” 

he nips at your neck. 

“bedtime. now.” 

zayne

3 years older than you 

he literally has his whole life together at 27 which scares you so much

“my credit card is your credit card” typa boyfriend

cooks. cleans. has a 9-5. you’re interning at the hospital that he works at (he’s head doctor!!)

you’re just a sweet little intern and zayne is the big bad monster!! everyone at work thinks he hates you because he’s extra strict on you. doesn’t give you any special treatment, ‘ignores’ you most days (but also slips meals into your locker and hands you heat packs on cold days in the hospital)

no one knows he’s dating you until one day someone sees you leaving in zaynes car. 

“oh, you carpool with doctor zayne?”

“huh? no, we live together.”

“you WHAT???”

he’s a virgo……. erm……

the two of you get ready together in the morning. his guard is down when he’s sleepy and he’ll cling to you as he brushes his teeth and does his hair.

you wake up to the cold night breeze, blinking the sleep out of your eyes and shivering as you scan your surroundings. you yelp as you meet the attentive gaze of your boyfriend. 

“huh? whuh? huh?” you splutter, squirming as zayne holds you tighter. he’s carrying you bridal style in his arms, his jacket around your shoulders as the two of you walk to his car. you see the bright lights of akso hospital fading away behind the two of you. 

“it’s two am,” he says calmly, placing you down gently as he opens your car door for you. “you waited for my shift to end. again.” 

you smile bashfully, rubbing the back of your head. “well, i didn’t wanna just leave you!” 

zayne clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth, eyebrows furrowed but gaze warm. he guides you into your seat, clicking your seatbelt in place. 

“you can nap on the way home,” he says, closing the door and sliding into his side of the car. 

the heater’s on already- courtesy of his super expensive electric car. he fastens his own seatbelt and hands you a hot tea and bread from the hospital vending machine. 

“drink up. doctor’s orders.” 

you grin before he leans over to press a kiss on your lips. 

“thank you for waiting for me.”

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace x reader #rafayel #xavier #zayne #love and deepspace headcanons #love and deepspace rafayel #rafayel x reader #zayne x reader #xavier x reader #love and deepspace fluff