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theonetheycallhannah · 3 years

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The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 22: Cognitive Therapy

Characters: Captain Logan “Sy” Syverson, Shane Benton (OFC) Various minor characters, new and established.

Summary: Shane has a successful counseling session, but soon finds herself in a predicament at the library.

Romance and Smut Abound HERE!

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Regular mentions of what happened to Shane throughout. A knife is held to a character’s throat and there are other graphic descriptions to go along with that.

Author’s Note: Guys, we are in the home stretch. I know it’s been utter ages since I’ve posted a new chapter to this story, but I think I’ve only got about two more to write before it’s done. Please know that when I’m not writing, I’m thinking about writing. This story and your love for it haunts me daily, in the best of ways. I see new readers liking and sharing past chapters and I can’t tell you how encouraging that is. I would finish it no matter what, but the fact that you guys want it is a driving force behind the urgency I feel.

I want to talk a little bit about cognitive behavioral therapy, which I discuss briefly and in very little detail in the first part of this chapter, especially. For those of you who don’t know, CBT and EMDR therapy are both proven to be highly effective in the treatment of PTSD and other mental illnesses. If you are trying to process and heal from a past trauma, I urge you to seek out a counsellor or therapist who stays up to date on break through, bleeding edge treatment options. Our brains are so powerful, and more complex than any of our other muscles, but we let their health fall by the wayside so often. Which can, and often does lead to physical symptoms such as chronic fatigue, migraines, chronic pain, and many more health issues. There’s a really good video on the MedCircle YT Channel about the physical signs of past trauma that talks about the five most common signs and symptoms. Dr. Judy Ho explains it in broad strokes really clearly. I’m going to try to link the video here so you can check it out. MedCircle does a lot of great videos for free, but is also a paid service for more in depth access to the information. I don’t have a subscription, I just came across them when I was researching PTSD treatment for Shane and found the topics really interesting. My utilization of the treatments and terms in this chapter is very general and I’ve probably made a mess of it, but this is my first draft. I’ll let you all know when I get a publishing deal! ;)

Again, please take care of yourselves. Look for help, have someone help you find help, help yourself, anything, in any way you can. You’re worth the effort and you deserve to be happy and healthy.

I sincerely hope that you all enjoy this chapter of The Treatment of Captain Syverson.

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism. This is an original work by me, Hannah. Please reblog if you wish to share. Please do not repost either in whole or part, as the work of anyone but myself. Thanks so much for reading!

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@onlyhenrys @summersong69 @titty-teetee2 @bloodyinspiredfuck @agniavateira@oddsnendsfanfics @omgkatinka @tumblnewby @suavechops @radkesgirl83 @wheretheriversrunintothesea @heartfelt-pen @geekycanuck @lunarstarknight @coldmuffinbanditshoe @feralrunaway @sugarpenchant @bichibibi @mzchievous-blog @amberangel112 @snowyleopard93 (some of you new readers didn’t ask, but I took the liberty. If you want me to remove you, I totally will without hard feelings.)

If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!) Note: I’ve cleaned up my tag list because some blogs I was trying to tag are now deactivated. Hope everyone is doing great!

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Shane was seated across from her therapist in her cozy, bright office. It used to be a sort of back porch, or sun room. You could tell by the concrete, solid beneath the carpet, and the tall, almost floor-to-ceiling windows covered by stiff linen accordion shades. The walls that weren't essentially full windows were lined with shelves. There were many books, but there were also items that Shane knew would be practical in this trade. There were jars of marbles, of stones, sand, and small toys. There were bins of crayons and stacks of coloring books, and reams of blank paper. There was a clear tub very high with dolls and an assortment of clothes. A variety of stone sculptures and orbs, geodes, small, smooth crystals, and stuffed animals of all sorts. In one corner, there was a desk with a very comfortable looking task chair. It was obscured in part by a pair of matching, light brown sofas, one longer than the other, and opposite the smaller couch was an overstuffed armchair to complement the sofas.

It was all very cozy, Shane thought. This room and most of the items that occupied it fit very well into her aesthetic. Even so, she was far from comfortable. But then, that was the idea.

Although she was surrounded by safety, her eyes were closed, trying to recall a scene from the traumatic events in the basement. Dr. Mikkelson, or as she preferred to be called, Diana, had asked her to call up the experience like a film, and sort of pause it when she got to a certain point. The worst point. It was daunting, and it gave her a cramp in her stomach that was severe enough to have her wanting to reach for her Midol.

"Okay, Shane, I want you to pull that up in your memory, and hold it there for me. How is your body responding to that?"

Shane gulped hard, her body reacting to the nausea with that telltale hypersalivating.

"Honestly trying not to lose my breakfast. Was that the purpose of this exercise?" She asked, her eyes flying open in spite of herself.

Shane felt as though she MUST be visibly turning green. She was scanning the room for a trashcan, or receptacle of any kind. She was sure she'd need it in no time.

"We are going to try some EMDR therapy today. Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It's designed to sort of, pull your focus from the pain of the memory, anesthetize your mind, if you will. So that you can process the traumatic event more fully than you did at the time."

Shane looked at the woman with a mild scowl, skeptical, but open to trying.

Diana held up her hand, index finger extended, and asked Shane to follow her movement back and forth as she thought. Reliving her abduction, assault, and violation in a flash montage. It hurt, still, but she thought a bit less than it had the few times she'd had to discuss it. The few that still felt like too many. It helped to be somewhat distracted by the movement. She had felt worthless after the incident. Like this awful event had tainted her and made her unfit to be with anyone. To even exist. But she thought, during this exercise, it wasn't quite as bad. More tolerable. Less upsetting. She was surprised at this. At the fact that she wasn't overwhelmed with self loathing. She was able to glimpse that former self-worth.

It was uncomfortable now, to think of how she used to feel. It was like driving past the high school she had attended, or the mini-mall that used to house the coffee shop she'd visit after or between classes when she was in college. It was ghostly without the attachment, the memories now all that remained of her connection to the spaces. The faces within now completely unfamiliar. Her face, itself, with a serene confidence in her skill, her looks, and her overall worth. It seemed almost haughty. As if she had been a puffed up shadow of the skittish and listless thing she now seemed to be. But maybe she could be that self-esteemed boss babe again…

Diana raised her brows expectantly, and asked "What spoke to you?"

"I went to the basement, of course. But it was…easier. Not much, but a little."

"That's really good. Anything else?"

"I sort of…saw myself in a new light? I guess you could say that. It was like I…almost like someone was playing me in a film, and really overplayed the confidence I used to have. I didn't recognize her, even though she was just me, at my best."

"And what do you think about that?"

"I think…I think it's going to be really hard to be that person again. If it's even possible. I don't know." She looked toward the covered windows, not because there was anything to see, but because she could not look at Diana right now. She'd gotten emotional, and just wasn't in the mood for it. She averted her gaze toward the window, despite the fact that its opaque shades were down. The soft glow of the evening sun provided some comfort to her irritated and damaged nerves.

"I think we're just going to keep working at it. You'll get close. I'm sure you will."

She huffed, accepting, rather than agreeing with her therapist's opinion of her potential for recovery. She encouraged her own patients in a similar fashion, especially when they were really frustrated. And it wasn't as though she thought Diana was being less than genuine, but…she was definitely finding out how much harder it was to take encouragement than it was to give it.

She left through the glass-paned door at the end of the room. It was nice to be able to leave and not talk to anyone. See anyone she might know, waiting to go into the space she'd just left. It was more information than she wanted out there to just anyone. Not that she was embarrassed, but she often left sessions in a state of emotional upheaval, and was not eager to display her tears to people who might lack the couth to let her ruminate without asking her questions.

She sat in her car a few minutes to process the exercises Diana had given her and to look for some of the books she recommended on the library website. She pre-checked one and reserved the others for when they came back.

She called Sy on the way to the library. He liked getting report from her about how her sessions went.

"Hey sunshine, how ya doin'?" his warm tone was so comforting and full of love.

"Hi bear. I'm leaving the therapists office right now. We tried something new today, and I think it helped a bit."

"That's great, babe!"

"Yeah, she gave me some homework and recommended some books. I'm on my way to the library to pick one of them up now. Do you wanna get dinner somewhere after?"

"Yeah, may be a bit though. I'm helping Matt drop off a car in Rolla, and we're just about there. I'll be at least a half an hour. But I'll meet you wherever!"

"Okay, ummm, Ruby Tuesday?"

"Love it. Meet you there in about 45 minutes?"

"Great! Love YOU!"

"Love you more, bug." he said deep and low. Sincere.

"Not possible. Bye."

"Bye."

As Shane made her way to the library, she thought about what her therapist had told her today. After all Shane had been through, she still had the capacity to heal. To grow. That was evident to her by the way she felt about Sy, and the emotional wounds beginning to knit themselves closed. They were still very much present. Very tender. And very tenuous. Especially given the fact that Elliott was still at large. Not a sign, a whisper, a hint of him anywhere on the wind, but he was in it. She couldn't help but dread rounding a blind corner or opening a door. Not if she was alone. Not without Sy.

Her coworkers had noticed. She'd only just gone back to work two weeks ago, and it still didn't seem like enough time. She'd requested the secretaries avoid putting male patients on her schedule unless they were kids or elderly. She knew none of her patients would attack her, but new patients…what if…she shook the terrifying thoughts from her head. It didn't merit considering such horrific and wildly unlikely scenarios. It just served to cause her more stress.

She found herself parked at the library, no recollection of the drive there…thankful that she was in one piece, but also hopeful that she hadn't mown down an entire Girl Scout troop on the way…that was always a scary thing.

The scent of used books, dust, and coffee filled her nose as she walked in to the hallowed hall of enlightenment. It wasn't the library of the old world, with stone columns, walnut shelves, and oak desks with those green and gold lamps you so often saw. No, this was a library for the modern world. A fancy coffee bar near the entrance with free and cash drinks, free fruit and cheap baked goods and sandwiches. There was a line of computers near the checkout desk, large cubicles with comfy chairs, power outlets and USB ports for those all day study sessions. Three of the building's four sides were made up of floor to ceiling windows to maximize natural light. There were partially enclosed booths for study groups, cozy chairs in the designated "quiet space," and free Wi-Fi so fast you could almost feel the thrum of information being dispersed and exchanged on the airwaves. She loved it here. It felt safe. Cozy. Inviting.

She walked up to the friendly librarian, a short, bubbly brunette in a lightly distressed "McGonagal-Sprout 2016" election tee, dark skinny jeans, weathered red Converse, and a navy cardigan. Shane smiled at the subtle Harry Potter refence on her shirt and started a conversation with the girl about how different the world would be today if the pairing on her shirt would have been elected that fateful year.

"So, I reserved a book online. Do you have it pulled for me?"

"Yeah, I think! Shane, right?"

Shane nodded and the librarian strode over to a stand of cubbies. She pulled out a large manilla parcel, placed it on the desk and started doing mysterious library computer things.

"Okay, so with this book, it's reminding me to read you a disclosure. 'This title is listed as a workbook, containing various pages that a single reader might fill out if it were their own property. Please do not write in, highlight, dog-ear, or otherwise mark up or alter this title. Doing so could result in significant cash fines to replace the title, and the permanent termination of your Scenic Regional Library membership at this and all other branches of the SRL.'"

Wow, they meant business.

"Truthfully Shane, as long as you fess up if anything happens to the book, we can usually let you slide by just paying the replacement fee, which is based on the book's current market price point. And I can also make you copies of any pages you want to work on."

"Wow, thanks! And did you say when the other's would be in?"

"Hmm, one is about a week past it's due date, but the other is expected back tomorrow. We'll send you a text, email, or call you when either come in. Whichever you prefer."

"Oh, text would be perfect. Thanks."

"Sure! Anything else for you today?"

"Mmm, don't think so!" she noticed some bookmarks in a small display. Various character silhouette's and clever sayings about reading.

Reading will send you to Wonderland.

To Read, or Not to Read…no question!

Girls who read always find their Mr. Darcy

It's Elementary! Reading solves all cases of boredom.

And so forth…

"Are these…free?" Shane asked.

"Sure! Take a few! We've got tons. They're like our business cards. Hand them out if you like!"

Shane thanked the librarian, who she finally noticed was wearing a nametag identifying her as Liz, and started to her car.

She was really looking forward to diving in to some of the exercises Dr. Mikkelson was talking about. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy was fascinating from what she'd learned so far. She immediately started skimming pages and landing on section titles she found intriguing as soon as she got to her car.

Her first mistake was staying there. Instead of going directly to meet Sy. But she told herself she had loads of time.

She was wrong.

Her second mistake was not locking her door immediately after closing it. A habit she had formed while attending college in the city. A habit lost to the years of small town life. Of safety. Of a simpler time. An era never more bygone than at this very second.

This second, her front passenger door flew open, slammed closed, and now, locked. All by hands not her own. She felt cold steel at her throat, turning the shriek of horror she had been summoning into nothing more than a whimper of fear and defeat. She was afraid to make a move to turn her neck and look at the assailant next to her. She lifted her hands, dropping the book and her phone onto the floorboard at her feet. Fuck, she thought.

"My purse is in the back seat, I don't have a lot of money, but I have some credit cards. Take my wallet, just please leave me alone!" Shane squinted, trying not to cry. To relive that horrible day so many weeks ago that felt like yesterday. "I won't even be able to tell the police what you look like because I've never seen your face!" she pointed to her closed eyes.

"Oh, yes, you have, sweetheart." A familiar voice breathed the words into Shane's ear like a poison. She felt the knife's edge twist and skid slightly, breaking the skin and coaxing a few tiny droplets of blood to it's surface. Her stomach churned and her head swam, dizzy under the weight of her current reality. She should have known. She should have been prepared. But it was all too late now.

"Elliott." She spat, trying to maintain what little strength she could find within after the last time they'd seen each other. She remembered her mindfulness training, by some miracle. Observed this moment for what it was and let her emotions live their purpose and pass. She knew every second they were together would beg new instances. Constant application of this tool as her emotions flowed and then ebbed again.

"The one and only. Here in the flesh." she could almost feel the lecherous slime drip from his mouth onto her shoulder, its undetectable vapor clouding her head with pure rage. This feeling was harder to let go of because his mere presence created a constant storm inside her. A storm that she was now certain would mean her end.

But she wouldn't go without a fight.

"Haven't you caused me enough pain? What else could you possibly take from me?"

"Oh, please. You're still employed, with a roof and a car, you still have that meat head lumberjack warming your bed. Or has he decided to cut you loose after your time with my friends? I still owe him for what he and all his little soldier boys did to them. And unlike my friends, YOU still have your LIFE!"

"You really expect me to feel any remorse over that bunch of rapists, especially after the HELL they put me through, personally? Keep dreaming. Sy and his boys did the world a favor when they took them out." She could have scoffed at his inventory of her life. She was unable to enjoy any of the things he mentioned, especially Sy, to their fullest since he'd had her abducted, imprisoned, and defiled. Even if she was working on healing, the wounds were still painful, deep, and slow to even scar, much less disappear entirely. She doubted that would happen. But she wouldn't be giving him anymore satisfaction. He wouldn't learn that he'd ruined her life, even if he hadn't taken it. Yet.

"Shut up and start the car."

"Why should I?"

"Because you don't want me to kill you in a library parking lot. Where any innocent schoolgirl might happen across your corpse, blood flowing from your neck, and all color and life gone from your cold flesh. It would scar her for life. You're too good a person for that."

The compliment was hollow. Meaningless coming from such a monster. But he wasn't wrong. Plus, any extra time she could give herself could mean time to come up with an escape plan. She did as she was told and left the parking lot, following Elliott's instructions to the letter.

She tried to tune out his droning about what he was going to do to her. There was no point listening. She'd honestly rather not see it coming.

But then, there was a glimmer of hope. Sitting across the intersection from her, waiting for a green light, as she was, was a big blue F150. Sy. He was looking down at his phone. Dammit. She had only seconds to signal him. Her mind raced. Suddenly she got herself into a coughing fit and asked Elliott to reach into her back seat to grab her water bottle. He was reluctant, but as her coughing continued and worsened, he switched his knife to the other hand, resting it at her shoulder and started rummaging in the back seat. She began flashing her lights rapidly. After a few rounds he looked up and waved at her. She shook her head at him, grim faced. She could see his confusion turn to horror as he took in what was happening and noticed her passenger sitting back in the seat, fruitless in his search for her water.

"There's nothing back there." Which she knew.

"Hmm, I could have sworn I'd put one in that back cup holder as a spare." she sputtered, ending the fake coughing fit.

She tried to drive slowly so Sy had a better chance of keeping up with them.

"The speed limit's 45 through here." he chided. She covered with a sigh.

"This feels familiar. Can you not get off my back about the driving? Are you permanently mounted there to criticize my every decision? Even now that we're not together?" He'd always been like that. She couldn't do anything right. Even driving. "I was trying to drive under the radar. You don't want to get pulled over, do you? Because I could drive with reckless abandon hoping to be noticed by someone in a squad car. Say the word!"

"Just get us there sometime before midnight, okay?"

"Might be easier if I knew where 'there' was…"

"Don't worry about it. You'll find out soon enough."

Shane's blood ran cold at the implication of doom in Elliott's tone. As if the Grim Reaper himself had uttered the words. She prayed as she never had before. If Sy didn't catch up with them, she'd need a miracle to get through this alive.

Up Next: Chapter 23-Tactical Defense

#netflix #netflix sand castle #Sand Castle #captain syverson #Captain Syverson x OFC #captain syverson fanfic #sigh for sy #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x ofc

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builder051 · 2 years

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Happy. Starbucks. Sunday. OMG.

I’ve been vaguely around for the past couple weeks. Then we had to skip last week because DD and I were jamming to Bad Wolves and Papa Roach—totally worth it, by the way— It’s been so long since we’ve been able to make it to a live event that I actually can’t quite place our last concert in the timeline… I think it was Breaking Benjamin…before the pandemic. But, anyway, we deaf peeps love our hard rock and big noise. We’re seeing Greta Van Fleet again later this month (sssoooooo excited; this one is my fave), and have tix for Breaking Benjamin when they pass through in May.

This probably feels hella irrelevant, but I’m gushing, because, friends, I feel like I’m finally coming back home after a long forced sabbatical. I’ve been really ill since December last year, as in, operating on depleted body functions. I’ve had several Iron and IVIG infusions to get my basal metabolic panel to come back reading any slant toward normal. My main antipsychotic/mood control/migraine and (possible) seizure control med was taken away, for there’s literature that it, along with pretty much every other med on the planet, can have headaches as a side effect. I guess it’s a fair thing to try a taper-and-switch in a patient like me who has had zero relief from other established treatments, but, long story short, bigtime fail, many weeks taper off, realize mistake, a few more weeks to taper back on (so as not to induce a rash or psychotic episode), and finally, finally I get to about 3/4 of my dose, and I’m like, wow. If I just put the keyboard on the iPad for a few minutes, I wonder what will happen? And I’m actually willing to do it and find out, which is 10,000 steps up from a few days ago, when it was more like, can I get out of bed to go get a cup of tea, look at the blank schedule, and find something productive to do? Um, no. Cry on DD’s lap, then probably listen to NPR for an hour before either being colonized by a cat or getting the gumption to empty the dishwasher or smth, whilst feeling guilty I haven’t made creative content on any social media platform or done a project with the kids in living memory.

So, deep breath. Sorry for wasting your time and space. I trust you guys to look out for me, and I think you deserve to get a truthful explanation for why I’ve been kinda hands-off and flighty and turning out very few pieces that, well, aren’t that good. I’m back in my own, good, regular headspace now, and I’m so relieved. While this blog will always be an autocratic one-man show, provided to the public for free at my convenience, it will always also have a place for recs, reqs, and comment cards. I want to write what pleases me, and I want to write what pleases you. It makes me happy to see the likes and reblogs gain numbers. Yeah, I roll my eyes at a prompt here and there. Some of them are so positive, letting me know you want more/different iterations of things I’ve put up before. And sometimes you hit me with amazing ideas that make sparks fly.

Again, to summarize:

-I’m feeling much better. Probably better than I have so far this year.

-Hopeful the quality/quantity of things will pick up, but life is still very big and obstacle-y. (Baby is in hospital, I have tons of appointments, and just DD and I are home with the kiddos rn.)

-Please, my followers, continue supporting and reading and requesting and doing what you do. I love you.

And with that, here is today’s Starbucks Sunday plan:

-Classic prompt play, but with parameters, please:

-For Captain America, stick to Powers/No Powers or Whoa Bessie ‘verses. (The others with popular reqs either need a break or are getting an overhaul soon.)

-St. Patrick’s day/green beer is fine because DD said so. 🤣 Please no underage or Irondad and Spiderson.

-Bits and pieces that could use some attention, if you need some inspiration: Jonestown ‘verse, Clint + Nat + Laura, Whoa Bessie ‘verse pre-Steve (James struggling alone in the apartment or in therapy w/ Nat or Sam), Venom/Veddie (super fun to do in, like, 200-word bursts with minimal context, if you have a specific symptom or misadventure in mind)…

-Ask game is going up, feel free to play or ask a Q of your own.

- I’m going to try to stay in the time parameters as best I can (logging off around 6:30 PM US Eastern, Daylight Savings), because it helps DD and the bbs stay regulated (and me, too, really).

NOW— a couple things coming up:

- April is designated We fit like an Enfit (Tube ‘verse) month. I will be writing ONLY for that ‘verse during April, except during SS, when everything goes. I loosely plan to :

-finish/round up Cuts and Scrapes (currently missing part III)

-Catch you up with and iron out the timeline, starting from Steve’s diagnosis and leading off to where he is at “present” as a functional tubie x2, minus a colon, plus a BF with a spiffy arm and Bluetooth ears. There are a few, like, major event stories, I guess I’d call them? Like, not super long (or maybe super long, you know me, and this hasn’t made it from scribble notes to computer yet), but stories that would read like an episode of a TV drama series? That’s the best way I could describe them. I need to do 3 or 4 and place them among the stories I’ve already written for the ‘verse. The boys have this established backstory, I just haven’t had a chance to get it all written out yet!!

-take all your questions about everything related to Tube ‘verse and the likes. I tend to roll with medical slang when I write; it just seems to flow better that way, but I know some of you get it and some of you probably don’t. And for what things look like, feel like, anatomy, recovery, illness, intimacy, whatever… Be as nosy as you want; nothing is a “stupid” question, and if anything is out of bounds, I’ll answer for Steve, a fictional character with no say-so, and everything will be fine.

-Collect your Tube ‘verse prompts and see where you’re interested in seeing the boys go from here. I have a lot if work to do to prop the ‘verse up to look the way I want it to, but, seriously, going forward, I have yet to make any plans. I’ll obviously act as the executive, ensuring all fics are medically realistic and done up properly, but feel free to drop your ideas. Inspire me. Let me know what you want to read.

-And a scheduling note— I think things look good to keep pressing on as usual, but there may be a cancel here or there in the spring/summer timetable due to little buddy’s ballet performance timings. He’s doing amazing things—has medical challenges and tubes like me, but he’s gained, like, three levels’ worth of strength/technique/coordination in the past academic year. When he first started in the entry class, he couldn’t distinguish pointe/flex, do a push up, pick knees up and skip… and now he does pilates teasers on the living room floor just for fun, can do rond de jambes at tempo back to front and front to back, AND he’s holding passe balance so well that he’s leaning the steps to prepare for a pirouette!! Sorry, I’m being such a weepy little old millennial here, bragging on my kid, but I’ve been out of commission for all of 2022 so far, and seeing little guy excel in my playing field… it’s just the coolest thing.

Ah, sorry to bombard you with all that. To quote the late, great Tony Stark:

Go break some eggs.

#starbucks sunday #laur talks #a lot

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cake-and-spades · 3 years

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There hasn't been an update to this blog that is visible to me. Have you been using the new function where you pay to see some posts? Or worst case scenario are you I'll and unable to keep the blog active. If you are ill, I hope you get well soon. The main message here is that your blog is wonderful and nobody wants it to end.

Hi Anon!

I have not been making paid posts (the day I monetize a tumblr is the day I die lmao), I’ve just been on a pretty long hiatus from posting/reblogging. I’ve been working through some pretty serious mental health issues (seems like most people have been lately, unfortunately) and I’m also recovering from some Complete Mental and Physical Exhaustion we think is being caused by Lyme disease. All in all, it’s made having a regular post/reblog schedule pretty difficult! I’m not sure when I’ll be back for good, but I’ll update here as soon as I feel up to it. 💚

I originally made this blog as a place to reblog/post any positivity I could to give myself a daily reminder that I liked being aro/ace (during the height of one of the many aphobia discourses), and I never expected any of y’all to find or follow it. I’m flattered that you’re all here, and it warms my heart that y’all liked it enough to stay and even send this ask.

Thank you for checking in and for your message! 💚

P.S. (To the anon that asked me to talk about internalized arophobia -- I’m not ignoring you! It’s just a big topic and I’ve been a little overwhelmed by it and everything else lol. Hopefully I’ll finish organizing and typing out all of my thoughts soon)

#sorry for being MIA #i'm trying to get back on track lol #asks #discourse mention #unanswered asks haunt me every day lmao

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freebooter4ever · 3 years

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i’ve seen the discussion going back and forth on boundaries and sexual objectification, and i don’t have much to add to the conversation other than to say everyone is allowed to determine their OWN ‘lines’ and just because we don’t vocalize them doesn’t make them any less valid. but here’s the limits i set for my blog if anyone feels it is important for them to know (<3):

personally I consider ‘characters’ fair game for anything goes, with ‘public personas’ a little more iffy. ‘RPF’ isn’t new - it just takes on a new more accessible/visible form nowadays. i remember reading my first fic about a ‘real person’ back in my LOTR fandom days - it was a story in first person perspective about the main character meeting orlando bloom on a plane before he was ‘famous’. like a lot of these types of stories, it wasnt so much about the person as it was about the meet cute. the actor was just a convenient placeholder with a handsome face and some personality quirks thrown in to make the romance/dialogue more specific. i personally dont read much xReader fic nowadays, but mostly only cause i’m an old fart who can’t relate to the ‘you’ format. i miss the good old days when people actually created OC’s and then inserted them into things LOL. but also LOL if you think i’ve gone an entire year of quarantine without some imagined personal fantasies of joe mazzello (or steve aoki in the years before)(ramilicious can attest to this. she can also attest to most of these fantasies ending in friendship rather than anything explicit cause that’s just how i roll these days lol). the line i draw is i would never post these types of fics in a place where the subject could accidentally find them - you have to go looking for this stuff on tumblr, most fics are given explicit ratings and under read-mores. with the blacklist tags it’s pretty easy to filter things out. its even easier to add filters to ao3 searches. i am NOT going to do something like message steve aoki and say ‘yeah i watched that movie Ibiza like five times, here is my 1k fic where you’re the dj and i’m the one night stand’. but obviously people still enjoy imagining scenarios like these otherwise movies like Ibiza wouldn’t exist?

for art, i consider anything already on display up for grabs, we all know a certain person’s ass is all over the place...all you have to do is google ‘need for speed’ and rami’s name. HOWEVER, in the case of actors i personally would not draw anything more explicit than what’s already there. i’m not gonna draw full frontal nudity for rami (unless he gifts us with it in a movie, i suppose) or anyone. this is 100% a personal choice for me.

i was a sophomore or junior in college when i volunteered as a figure drawing monitor where i’d time the nude model’s poses and help them set up the stage and lighting and such. there was this one guy in his mid forties probably, a regular who came every week, and i always thought of him fondly till one day (the day after i ran into my Hot Programming TA during dinner and later sent him an email begging him to go on a date with me because i was desperate for kissing experience)(and Hot Programming TA emailed me back within minutes saying yes) this artist guy who i saw all the time and thought i knew fairly well, decided to draw me instead of the model. which would have been fine except he drew me naked. i was NOT naked at the time, i was wearing a shirt, and a bra, and a full prairie skirt with alternating calico and floral patterns. he drew what he imagined was underneath all that. he came up to me after the figure drawing session and showed me his drawings and told me i had been ‘glowing’ and my response was to laugh it off awkwardly and get the hell out of there as soon as i gave the model their pay check. but inwardly i was thinking a) i was NOT glowing for this creepy man twice my age and b) i did NOT give him consent to sexualize my body under my clothes and then SHOW me that objectification. i never said anything to him or anything else, i continued to be the monitor, and i continued to field off creepy advances from him including multiple job offers, but when i finally realized i could just...stop..and i passed the student volunteer monitor job on to my friend naeem, i also realized that what that older male artist did was NOT ok in my book. and it was probably not something he would do while naeem was monitoring.

nowadays im working in an industry that regularly objectifies female bodies. in the past year alone i have had to deal with requests to make breasts bigger, i have been given character rigs that in addition to the usual elbow, knee, and spine joints also have ‘nipple’ joints but ONLY for the women (to make them jiggle for animation), every time i send out a female pose i get it back with notes that push it further into the sexy type of body language reserved for women (twist the spine more! sway the back more! give it ‘energy!’), i have been told to erase wrinkles and fat and pores but ONLY for the women (men you ADD pores bc realism! and manliness!) and this is all me working for a company that is actually fairly progressive in terms of sexism compared to OTHER studios.

like it or not, sexual objectification is a huge part of specifically women’s lives and how we react to that is our business. for me, turning the tables and putting men on display feels like fair’s fair. i cant stop the men from doing it, so if i want to enjoy sexualizing male bodies, damn it im gonna! like dang it, boy do i want to send steve aoki a thank you note every time he posts a video of himself doing those ice baths during the sunset golden hour bc holy shit gorgeous or working out in his gym wearing VERY little clothes, but i dont because i know what its like when someone imposes their personal fantasies on the subject. or, god, there was that time i had to unfollow nicole’s insta for a while bc i had a very explicit dream about her and realized, shit, i need to take a break and get my emotions under control before i can refollow. and god some of the stuff i see dudes sending her during her live videos on mental illness/meditation is TOTALLY gross and not something they should be confronting her with. and she’s not even ‘famous’ famous. or how some fans send their idols explicit direct messages without consent. THAT feels inappropriate to me.

a part of me feels like i shouldn’t have to defend this. men don’t. they’re even encouraged in mass media to sexualize women. but i also recognize the importance of talking about consent. the importance of recognizing that a celebrity deserves to have their boundaries respected. these are my lines in fandom. other people have different lines they won’t cross, and that’s okay to me. i block or blacklist any blogs or tags i think go over the top.

heck, even in fandom-only spaces i still try to keep my own more sexual fantasies off this blog and only in private messages with my friends and mutuals, and i feel like that might come across as unintentionally prudish or judgmental sometimes. i’m not ‘horny on main’ very often. but like...every time i reblog that particular ‘washing machine’ gif of joe mazzello am i thinking about him naked and thinking about how he’s got very loooooong feet, and ‘gee i wonder if that means /other/ things are Too Big for my tastes’ but also ‘gosh wouldnt that make a pretty picture to draw’???? hell yeah.

i dont know who is gonna actually read this essay but yolo i guess :)

#journal shit

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shatterthefragments · 3 years

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Questions Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @catholicnicky!

Hmm I'm supposed to tag 20 but I'll tag:

@kiaya, @caffeinatedbraincell, @randofando-spoonie, @cowgaykermit, @boutiquetraveltravelboutique @rhubarbdreams

If you want to play :)

1. Name/Nickname: Shatters <3

2. Gender: *shrugs noncommitedly*/nonbinary fits best

3. Star sign: okay so I took a thing and I'm going to assume that "Sun in Pisces" is this? bc i have no clue any time i look at that :eek:

4. Height: it is to my delight that I can definitely say 5'3" and not actually 5'2"! Bc I'm only a couple inches shorter than a friend and that would mean I'm taller than 5'2"!

5. Time: at the time of this Q: 12:20... ah I should get ready for bed soon... (longer by the time I post this at a little past 1 am)

6. Birthday: Feb. 26

7. Favourite Band: Currently? Maybe Polyphia? Most played currently at least. I've been vibing with Nothing But Thieves, Daughtry (again), 3OH!3 (i know), Florence + The Machine (though I have yet to do a discography playthrough yet), (ok so I'm scrolling through my saved artists for this one), The Neighbourhood, some local bands, and The Pretty Reckless lately.

8. Favourite solo artist: oh dear god. Um. Loving and/or getting back into: Rina Sawayama, Toby Fox, Ichika Nito, Tim Henson, Lil Nas X, King Princess, Hayley Kiyoko? idk it could be a lot more. But for Reasons it currently has to be Lil Nas X <3

9. song stuck in my head: because I caved and got TikTok (derogatory) because of the Chocolate Potato Cake (from 1912!) [and if you didn't just hear that in Dylan's voice you should find it on Youtube it's great] it's Maneskin's Beggin. When that's not recently heard, it varies between many other songs. If I whistle, it's usually a simple march we played in band. Maybe Soda. Maybe the hook from The Worst. Who knows~ not me!

10. last movie: either Waves or Wolf it's been so long since I've watched something. But soon hopefully Hartenstraat!

11. last show: Leverage! When I rewatched it last year or something!

12. when I created this blog: perhaps 2012 or 2013? I deleted most of my blog and started over though at around 15k posts so it may have been before that? But I don't think it was much before 2012 if so.

13. what I post: please tell me fuck if i know aaaaah whatever I see when I pop on when I have the capacity to actually reblog or queue it i guess? mostly related to whatver i'm fixated on <3 (speaking of - draining my queue for the tumblr post+ strike so that'll suck to get filled again afterwards :P)

14. last thing I googled: "Sugar and spice makes everything nice quote"

15. other blogs: theoldguardinshatters is my tog sideblog! I have some other... rather inactive blogs... not really sure I want to share them. Some are straight up empty.

16. do i get asks? not often

17. why I chose my URL: I'm a poet! jk jk (or am I?) but I wrote a poem back in middle school... actually a few versions based off the same premise/line (i was going to see if I could find it but looking back That Far in my blog is like "yeah, there's no way I'm faking my mental illness even when I fear I might be" so I'm just. not. going there. like holy shit maybe i should purge my old posts again...) But if I remember maybe I'll put what I can remember under a cut?

18. following: after swearing I'd never follow more than 100: 304. But many aren't active anymore :( (also literally me 5 yrs ago: 'oh god I follow more than 30 people I'm freaking out, it's too many!')

19. followers: 234, but who knows how many are porn bots I never really kept up back in the day

20. average hours of sleep: ...that is a good question... idk. maybe 5ish when I work and maybe 9ish when I am just me on my own?

21. lucky number: culturally: 8, personally, also: 3,7,13,17,19,23

22. instruments: formerly flute and tenor sax. I haven't exactly kept up oops >.< (so i guess rn I just whistle or hum or sometimes sing)

23. what am I wearing: shorts and a t-shirt

24. dream job: bookbinder, or some other creative pursuit that allows me to work with my hands - cake decorator? other arts? idk. maybe secretary? maybe fancy ass barista/pastry decorator? editor? illustrator? i have no clue please send suggestions <3

25. dream trip: with friends. Not having to drive the entire time. Longer than what I'm currently able to do... maybe a couple months... maybe in europe or asia? maybe just road tripping across canada. idk. It sure would be nice to see them again <3 hopefully camping with one (maybe two?) mid august-ish though! :D

26. favourite food: dim sum (bc I really miss going out with family!), sushi, desserts, pies, quiche, eggs benny, Popcorn, I'm not sure. those are also safe foods texturally usually too though.

27. nationality: canadian, half chinese.

28. favourite song: *shrugs* right now perhaps Soda or The Worst

29. last book I read: ...i don't know... maybe a reread I did of What They Always Tell Us or Martin Wilson's other book We Now Return To Regular Life last year?

30. top 3 fictional universes I would like to live in: ...fuck. I don't know. Most of the fantasy universes I read are fanfic... Maybe.... Waves Cinematic Universe - now that Gabriele has a boat, we could boat! Some universe with wings! A universe with UBI *sideeyes gvmt* Stardew Valley universe! :D

from what I can remember maybe (again - Several Versions of this were written... back in middle school...)

Shatter the fragments to see what's left Release the weight That's on your chest

There's nothing left For you to see Nothing left But apathy

#tag game #tag games #this was fun but hard!#poem snippet under the cut #long post #kinda yeah

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turnaboutimagines · 4 years

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Hello, it's been a month and I want to check up on you if that's okay? How are you? I hope you're doing okay. I also want to tell you that you're my favorite writer, and you pushed me into writing again and wanting to make my own imagine blog, although it's for a different fandom. That's just how much I love your writings. You are also very kind and friendly! I adore that part of you, too. I hope you have a good day and stay safe! -minus point anon

Hello! It’s perfectly okay and I apologize for the novella you’re getting in response, haha. But it’s been a while so I feel like talking a bit more about it is good. I hope you’re doing okay, too, minus point anon! Along with all the other members of the Turnaboutimagines anon family and anyone reading this. 💚

Just gonna put this under a cut for courtesy because I am a Rambler™️. ( ´▽` )ﾉ

(RIP to Tumblr desktop users, but there’s a read more glitch rn where the Read More goes in the ask and not your response alksdjfsdlkjf. It looks fine on mobile. If anyone knows a workaround please lmk! I don’t like clogging up people’s dashboards :”D)

Before I get into what’s been going on with me, I just want to say that I’m really happy to hear that you’ve started writing again!!! :D That’s fantastic and I really hope you’ve been having a blast with it and that you have a great time with your blog, too. Writing is one of my favorite things to do, so it always makes me happy to hear I’ve helped get someone else either into writing or back into it. ;w; So, thank you for telling me!!! It made me smile. Sharing writing is always a bit scary, but it’s very worthwhile. 💙

But I am... getting on. This year is really one thing after another and my mental health hasn’t been great, I’ve been having some depressive symptoms pop up again and am doing teletherapy. But we also have a terminal illness in the extending family right now along with an aunt having a severe mental health flare-up. It’s been pretty stressful. ;;; However, I finished my first year of grad school strong (lowest grade was a 98%!), so that’s some silver lining, at least... :”) The reason why I vanished about a month ago is that I’ve had severe burnout from writing for my classes and was also just highly stressed by the format switch since I did not have the skillset for learning online. ;; I’m only now starting to gather up the energy to be more present online again now that school’s out of the way.

I would like to apologize to the people who sent me messages and wanted to talk in the meantime. ;w; I really appreciate your messages and I’d like to respond, but I’ve barely been able to talk with my three friends. It’s just ;;; even little things are a lot for me right now. I thought that I’d have a better social battery than this, but I simply do not and it sucks. I do plan on responding eventually, but it may take me a while. ;;;;;

My creative battery is still utterly drained and while I wish I was the kind of content creator who could keep feeding you guys new pieces and banging out requests during all this free time I have. But I’m not. Writing takes a lot of energy for me and I’m just barely getting on with the essentials right now. Video games are the one non-draining thing I have right now, so I’ve been playing a lot of ACNH....like a lot.

I don’t know when I’ll be back over here (hopefully sooner rather than later! I miss it terribly ;;m;;), but I’ll be responding to the other asks in my inbox when I do. I like to keep this blog pretty streamlined for writing. :> Sorry in advance for sitting on some asks for a while. ( ´▽`;;)

However, for those of you who enjoy Animal Crossing or just want to check in on me from time to time or maybe send conversational asks (that I may be slow responding to, but I’ll do my best!!! (ง'̀-'́)ง), you can find me over on @ad-nayseam! It’s an AC/personal sideblog attached to this account and I’m going to try and at least reblog or post something over there on a regular basis.

Anyways, this is it for now, pals. I dunno how long this hiatus will last, but I really do hope to be back as soon as I can get my writing energy back. This blog is such a joy to run and I love writing for AA. ;;w;; Thank you all for reading my content, sending in requests, and being patient with me this year. It’s really made Turnaboutimagines such a joy to run and I hope to come back with more content for y’all soon!!! Please stay safe in the meantime and take care. 💚

- Hattie

#hattie chatty #requests are still closed btw!#i'm going to post the asks of requested stuff closer to when things reopen #(whenever that'll be)#so people can resend them in when they're open again #i loathe deleting requests ;;;;#if you wanna send something in so i can reblog it/post it for you closer to whenever i'm able to reopen requests again please do!#i know that some people worry about forgetting their ideas and that's totally valid! :>#i just can't take new requests when requests are closed ;;;;#Anonymous #minus point anon

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alucience · 5 years

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Master Post - Key AU Information

So, I’ve decided that as my blog grows and information about this AU gets buried in old posts, I think it would be helpful to create a master post to organize all the information I believe is important for you to know. I’ll update this as I see fit. If you have any other questions, feel free to ask!

*Keep in mind that currently on Tumblr, if a post is reblogged by another person and then edited by the OP, the edits will not appear on the reblog - so, for the most up-to-date version of this post, please seek my blog’s description! I’ll keep a link for this there.

What is this AU about?

In a nutshell: Titled “The Structure of Blood”, this AU explores the story of an ill man known as the Creovorce; a highly intelligent scientist skilled in bioengineering, microbiology, and chemistry. With demented morals and untreated quirks, he used his sharp mind to fulfil his desired philosophy of equilibrium: a balance between life and death. Using a perfect set of similar DNA samples he found and stole (DNA from sextuplets of course; same genetic base with different acquired traits, a perfect variable), he created six living beings. Six living beings programmed to kill, to end life rather than to give. He created a new nature; not one of reproduction or procreation, but one of simply destruction. One wired to see and accept and understand the concept of death rather than life.

The Creovorce created Otsumatsu, Karumamatsu, Kyoromatsu, Shishimatsu, Kuchimatsu, and Toramatsu (later coined by Osomatsu as their “anti” versions). His perfect little creations were finally awake and curious, quiet and observant as the young little lives that they were. However, it soon became clear that the Creovorce had programmed a flaw, one that could not be undone: for in their beating hearts was a strange bond with their DNA donors. If their original counterparts were to die, so too would their hearts stop. Distraught by his mistake, the Creovorce was desperate to undo this weakness, this imperfection. Taken by his growing episodes of insanity, the Creovorce could not stop the six beings from plotting their escape. It was only 7 weeks after their birth that the oldest four - Otsumatsu, Karumamatsu, Kyoromatsu, and Shishimatsu - successfully broke out of the lab. The youngest two remained trapped, and Shishimatsu vanished. From there, the older three reached out, trying to find their counterparts as soon as possible. Counterparts that didn’t even know they existed.

The rest of the story is written in my documents (200 pages and counting), but isn’t fully available online or in comics.

Where can I read the comics for The Structure of Blood?

Due to personal issues and my fluctuating mental health, I don’t have much done - even after all this time. I’ve tried to start the comic three times over (all at different points in the storyline), but never finished them. You can read what I have here:

- This was the start of it all. It’s several years old (from 2017, so I was still in high school) and a tad bit cringy, and in the end I was just never satisfied with it. I got farther here though than I did with any of the others, so here are the links! Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3 - Chapter 4 - Chapter 5

- This is one that I worked very hard on at the time, and it looks the most official - but I haven’t had the motivation to finish chapter 2 yet. Who knows if I ever will. It starts out with the backstory of the antis, narrated by Anti Kara. (This is from 2018.) Chapter 1

- This is my most recent one, but still a few years old by now (from 2019). It takes place a little later in the story, AFTER the oldest four antis escape the lab and met their counterparts. They were recaptured with the help of Karamatsu (who by this point is acquainted with his anti, Karumamatsu), and Karamatsu is now in the lab with the Creovorce, busy contemplating some harsh lies. This one was drawn on paper in hopes of getting more production, though I haven’t updated it in some time. Chapter 1 - Chapter 2 - Chapter 3

Who are the “antis”? (Detailed)

The “antis” (a term coined by Osomatsu) are the six beings of destructions created by the Creovorce using the original brothers’ DNA. Although they possess adult bodies and the innate intelligence of a regular person, they are only seven weeks old. Despite their violent nature, they hold a child-like essence, being naïve, simple-minded, wide-eyed/curious, observant, and truly lacking bias. They still take naps and have some childish quirks such as rubbing their eyes when sleepy, twirling a strand of hair with their finger when bored or tired, staring at and studying faces closely when curious (like, to the point where they break boundaries), touching others’ faces when analyzing or observing, becoming rowdy right before bed, innocently mimicking others to understand the purpose of an action, and holding no boundaries between themselves and their counterparts (such as grabbing on to them, keeping them physically close, playing with their hair, etc).

I have a post that discusses their name meaning/kanji, MBTI type, birthday, and general personality/information (plus information on The Creovorce). To read that, click here.

Why do the antis all seem to hate Shishimatsu (Anti Ichi)?

Well, it started at the lab. As the antis were created, the Creovorce spent time and energy day after day studying them, testing them, loading them with information through tubes and wires. With every little flaw he caught - whether it be behavioral, physical, mental, emotional, - he took all of them back into the testing tubes and manually fixed. Although the tubes left them unfazed, it’s not like they liked it (or really the Creovorce, for that matter. Or each other. They weren’t very happy fellas.). So when it became clear that Shishimatsu had the most quirks (often emotional) that the Creovorce saw needed to be fixed, the others were pretty exasperated. Time and time, it was Shishimatsu’s fault yet again. Back to the tubes. Back to the tubes again. Oh, here we go again. The others don’t necessarily hate him for this, but it gave them someone to blame and make fun of.

As for the younger two - Kuchimatsu and Toramatsu - their hate stems from a different reason. When the antis sought to escape the lab and formed together, the plan was that all of them would make it out - it was the only way to defeat the Creovorce. It was all or nothing. None of them could rise against him alone, not when this was a person who knew them better than they did themselves. However, the plan fell through. Shishimatsu made a mistake while attempting to separate from the others during their escape, and the result was that Kuchimatsu and Toramatsu were trapped and left behind. As the others ran free, the younger two were left to grow their hatred together as their lives were put in danger in a situation that was out of their control. All because of Shishimatsu.

Why didn’t Anti Jyushi or Anti Todo escape the lab at the beginning of the story?

Seek the answer above.

Why do the antis cuddle with their counterparts when they sleep? Aren’t they supposed to be vicious?

This is a concept I’ve had since the beginning of the story way back in early 2017, but I realize I’ve never actually explained it here. The antis themselves are very light sleepers - they’re programmed to be alert and ready for a fight at all times. They don’t even dream at night. This increase in sensitivity gives the antis a special intuitive ability that aids in their protection: the ability to detect irregularities in a person’s heartbeat. When an anti sleeps with his head resting against his counterpart’s chest, he can sleep listening to their heartbeat. Even during their most vulnerable state, they feel a sense of control when they can unconsciously detect wakefulness, sleep, dreams, anxiety, excitement, etc. It’s commonplace for the anti to wake up multiple times during the night as their counterpart dreams and speeds up or slows down their heart rate. My friend described them as living baby monitors.

It’s also likely they find subconscious comfort in hearing a heartbeat that matches their own. After all, if their counterpart dies, so do they. Even as violent killers, the beating signifies life and therefore hushes them slightly.

Why don’t the antis dream?

Again, another early concept that I’ve never explained. It was supposed to be revealed later on in the story, but that’s taking too long.

During the time that the antis’ bodies were still developing at the lab, they resided in testing tubes in a state referred to as “cunae” where they could not breathe air or experience full consciousness. As their growth progressed closer to their “birth”, the Creovorce took note that Anti Oso (Otsumatsu) had developed nightmares. As the nightmares began taking a toll on his development, the Creovorce saw this as a flaw and - just as he did any other “flaw” - erased it. From that point on, the antis lost their ability to dream.

Otsumatsu remembers this. He remembers his nightmares. He doesn’t recall seeing or hearing anything, or even what they were about - but he knows he had them, and he remembers what they felt like. He remembers the feeling of helplessness and terror, but nothing more. He also remembers the point where they suddenly stopped. The “flaw” had been fixed. While he was aware that he was the reason they don’t dream, the others grew up not even knowing what dreams were.

What sexual orientation are the antis?

The antis are being of destruction, and therefore find no use in attempting to procreate. Their sex drive is pretty much as dead as anything else that comes in contact with them.

Sometimes it’s fun to imagine what a beast one of them would be in bed though~ I don’t blame you for that.

Is the story for this AU actually finished?

Ehh that’s a complicated question. There are several story arcs in my documents that I continue to play around with and add to. Some arcs are complete, some are almost complete, and others continue to get added to over time.

Worst case scenario: years and years down the road when everyone’s abandoned this story/fandom and I’ve moved on to other AUs, I’ll just tell you guys how it ends (anyone who’s even interested in hearing anyway). I mean, I’ve seen unfinished AUs before and it drives me mad never learning how it ends or what happens. I’m way too nostalgic to do that.

What is this blog’s relation to the timeline of the AU?

It’s a little hard to explain. The official AU/story is its own thing. I even update the comic every once in a while (thought I’m not very consistent - which is my bad!)

Meanwhile on the blog, I like to just pretend that the story already happened and now Anti Oso and Anti Kara (and sometimes the other four in some scenarios) are all just living with the sextuplets at the Matsuno Household. Since they have nowhere else to go, they’re allowed to live with them as long as they don’t kill anyone (and they get their sedatives every night).

I always like to remind people that the scenario on the blog may be inconsistent with the original story. For instance, if in the AU Shonosuke had died, then maybe he’s suddenly back on the blog for comedic purposes or something. Or if Anti Oso moved to Australia in the AU and now he’s suddenly back on the blog, despite him moving. The blog isn’t necessarily canon - but feel free to ask what is and isn’t.

Are there any other posts you think are important?

I think each post provides just a little more insight on the lives and personalities of the antis. My Tumblr blog was started in 2017 and has lots of early comics and stories you can scroll through (since this was originally an Anti Kara ask blog). There are some things that are even too old to have been posted on my Twitter.

If you don’t want to spend a thousand years scrolling, you can see most of my artwork without all the annoying text posts on DeviantArt (yeah I know, we’re in the 20′s and I’m still using DA). I’ve even compiled a Journal entry on my page that compiles a list of questions people have asked me over the years regarding this AU. Check out my DA here.

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cardrisen · 4 years

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Apologies for being largely spaced out for the last month! I’ve made it no secret this isn’t my main main blog, @sworntolight currently is, but July was also a month full of trauma and illness and I’ve yet to even really start recovering, hence the large radio silence. But with the start of a new month comes a desire to try and work on things, so I’ve done the following:

~Ash has been removed from the muse list! Not because I’ve lost interest in him but simply because...

~Ash now has his own blog! I’m gonna reblog the promo for it in a bit, but anyone interested in Ash, be it through a YGO verse or something unrelated, can now find him at @genierisen! <3

~Kazumi has been moved to the secondary tier! I’ve been enjoying my portrayal of Windy’s origin and after a lot of thinking and low-key plotting with/idea bouncing off @duelrisen, I’ve decided it’s time he came off of the tert/testing category. I have a lot in store for my windy dork and he’s gotta be a more regular muse for that to happen, which means Kazumi no longer requires request to thread with. Have at him if you’d like!

~This blog is now the main to my GX/ARC-V OC, Aoi Sakazaki. I’m trying to keep all my ygo stuff together in as few places as possible, so Aoi’s blog, @getyouraoion, has been moved to be a side to this one. She’s getting a bit of a rehaul and facelift at the moment, but will be available to poke at in a few days. I’ll eventually be moving one of my other blogs related to her here as well, but that’s a bridge crossed when I get there. <3

I’ll be getting to actual replies in the next couple days; catching up with Mako and Kiku comes first, but things will hopefully be returning to regularly scheduled programming here soon enough. <3

#Updating Pom.EXE [Blog Update]#It's been a HELL of a last month or so #More than usual and I can't wait for 2020 to be over already #I'll only go further into detail if anyone cares but aide from that #*aside #I decided it was time to kick things into gear <3 #And I have a lot of plans for Kazumi so it was time he moved - Ash too! <3 #Feel free to throw things at the muses and me if you please!

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certifiedgorewhore · 4 years

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Guidelines

INTRO

★ Hello, hello! You can call me Kat! I am 24 years old and i come from the wintry tundras of Iceland. I use she/her pronouns. Emilio is a muse who's been in development for over three years. You may recognize him from his old blog @deepspacevice.

★ This blog is not tied to any fandom or canon, but don’t let that deter you from shooting us a starter or an OOC message if your page is centered around a particular franchise.

★ My Discord is available to anyone who asks for it in the direct messages. Sometimes Tumblr can be overwhelming, so i use that platform to wind-down when i’m feeling anxious.

★ I suffer from a number of illnesses which affect my memory and ability to interact with others on a consistent basis, please keep this in mind when we talk.

INTERACTING

★ I am mutual exclusive! Regardless of this, my askbox will remain open to anyone to interact with, but keep in mind, that if i am not following you, the asks you send in will not be turned into threads.

★ If you unfollow me for any reason, i’d like to ask you to hardblock me to spare both of us potential future discomfort or awkwardness. My memory is incredibly faulty, chances are i will not remember whether or not i have followed you before if i happen to see your URL pop up in my recommended tab.

★ No fandoms are off limits. Come one, come all!

★ For my personal comfort, i will only be interacting with blogs who are run by people over the age of eighteen.

★ I am highly selective. Please do not take this personally.

TRIGGERS & NSFW

★ Generally, i will not tag triggers. This is an 18+ blog, if you are squicked out by sexual themes or depictions of violence and gore, this probably isn’t the blog for you.

★ That being said, any smut will typically be placed under a read-more. If it is not (which will only ever happen when i am on mobile) it will be tagged as: ;Lemon.

★ Emilio will not engage in sexual activities with muses under the age of eighteen, regardless of the mun’s real life age.

SHIPPING

★ This is a single-ship blog, meaning that Emilio can, and will fool around as long as he is single, but as soon as he enters a relationship, he will settle down with that individual and that individual only. I will only ship with people who i am in regular contact with out of character.

★ Emilio is a grey-aromantic, Pansexual man.

CONDUCT

★ I will not tolerate any god/info modding.

★ Emilio is a very powerful individual who will retaliate if he is not approached with the respect that he demands. Don't push his buttons if you can't handle the consequences.

★ I can't believe i have to say this BUT—don't shoehorn your character into his backstory without my approval. Don't claim your character to be his friend/family member without consulting me first and don't try to force him into a sexual/romantic relationship with your character.

★Do not reblog my threads.

★Reblog Ask/interaction memes from the source.

DRAMA

★ The second you try to stir up drama you will be instantly and irrevocably blocked. I’ve been Roleplaying for over twelve years, and in that time, i’ve learned when to draw a line in the proverbial sand. Shitty behavior will not be tolerated.

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ofruins · 4 years

Photo

CREDITS

my icon border was commissioned from venuscommissions ! ( UPDATE: AS OF JANUARY 2020, THE ICON BORDER I’M USING COMES FROM ARTEMISPSDS BECAUSE MY REGULAR COMPUTER IS IN THE SHOP, AND, THEREFORE, I DON’T HAVE MY NORMAL RESOURCES. )

unless otherwise stated, the psds i use come from either venuscommissons or plutocommissons; the answered ask / headcanon / meta banner i use comes from interstellarresource; the template i use for my mobile header and page headers comes from bleuberrymilk; the template for my permanent starter call / character headers is part of template pack four by daria-morgendorffers; the credit for the blog theme i’m using is in the bottom right hand corner of the blog; and, finally, i will always credit the maker of my promo templates on the posts.

FOLLOWING

i’m a highly selective follower. i like my dash to be clean and uncluttered, so if i don’t follow you back right away or at all, please don’t take any offense. i also do not follow back personal / non - rp blogs. if i do follow you, however, whether i follow you first or you follow me first, it’s because i want to write with you !

SHIPPPING

i’m the world’s biggest multishipper. i ship almost everything. whether it’s canon, or crossover, or canon x oc, you can bet that i ship it. however, while i’m willing to try out almost any ship with anyone, there has to be chemistry to keep me interested. and not just chemistry between the characters, but chemistry between us, as writers, as well. it’s hard to ship with someone who your writing doesn’t flow with.

INTERACTING

i am mutuals only when it comes to roleplaying, but anyone is welcome to send me a meme. if i don’t follow you back, but you still would like to interact with me, then send me memes ! if we develop a relationship between our characters through ask prompts, then the chance of me following you back goes way up. and, sometimes, i haven’t followed back because i’m a little spacey and didn’t even notice you started following me, so sending in a meme is a great way to give me a little nudge. also, i’m willing to write one - liners to novella and anything in between. the more you give me to work with, the longer my replies will get. as far as formatting goes, i write < small >< sub > with some bolding and italic here and there, nothing too special. if you have a hard time seeing the < small >< sub > text, please let me know and i’ll change to whatever you’re most comfortable with !

p.s. if you’re wondering whether or not it’s okay to write a pre established relationship between our characters, the answer is yes. as long as we’re mutuals. i tend to prefer pre established relationships because it gets the awkwardness of first meetings out of the way. and we can always go back and write how our characters met at any time once we’ve developed their relationship more.

MEMES

speaking of memes, i love them ! send them all ! if i don’t answer right away, though, don’t worry. i like to hoard memes like a dragon hoards gold. i promise that i will get to your meme as soon as the inspiration strikes. this goes for replies as well, but i don’t force myself to write something if the muse just isn’t there. i’ll just tuck it in my drafts for later and respond to it when i do have the muse for it. if you’re wondering if i got a certain meme, feel free to ask. also, if you’d like to turn a meme into a thread, please go ahead ! i find it’s the easiest and most stress free way to start interacting, so i love it when you do this.

i don't practice reblog karma and i don't mind you reblogging memes from me. so, you have my permission to reblog as many memes as you'd like from my blog. however, it would be nice to be sent one or two if you're going to reblog a lot because then it makes me feel like all i'm good for is a meme source. just be considerate is all i ask !

NSFW & TRIGGERS

i am almost twenty five years old, nsfw will appear on this blog. this includes: smut, death, gore, and any manner of disturbing scenes. i have exactly one trigger ( needles — please tag them or i’ll have to unfollow ! ) so i’m up for writing almost anything. i used to be shy and bashful when it came to writing smut, but now i’m kind of like /shrugs ! so, if you want to send in a smutty meme, go ahead*. just as long as we’re mutuals, i’m up for writing smutty scenes with you. but i also double and triple check your rules to see how comfortable you are when it comes to smut, and then i take that into consideration before i respond to a nsfw meme because i want you to be happy and comfortable. also, when it comes to triggers, i tag anything i can think of with “__ tw” but if there’s something i haven’t tagged properly, or something you would like me to start tagging, please let me know so i can do so.

*it's important to know that m/m smut if off limits for me. i'm just not comfortable writing it yet, so while i will write m/m ships of all sorts, smut isn't going to happen for them.

PLOTTING

i’ll be straight forward and honest, i prefer free styling things to plotting them out, but this doesn’t mean i won’t plot. every now and then, i’ll reblog plotting calls, but you don’t have to wait for one of those to plot with me ! if you have an idea for a plot, or would like to brainstorm a plot with me, come at me. but keep my shyness / anxiety in mind. i'll tell you about my anxiety surrounding ims in a bit.

OFF LIMITS

this should go without saying, but don't godmode. i don't have any "banned" faceclaims, but i'm less likely to take your character seriously if your fc is a musician or someone from youtube / a reality show. i know i shouldn't, but i, like all people, can be shallow and judgy at times. but, overall, there isn't much i won't write or allow except for mpreg. it seriously creeps me out. if you want our m/m ship to start a family, i'd probably love that ! but they'll do it through a surrogate or adoption or a magical baby appearing on their doorstep.

OUT OF CHARACTER

hi, my name is jordan. i identify as female and use she / her pronouns.

it’s important to note that i suffer from extreme shyness, as well as a handful of mental illnesses ( bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety ) so it can be hard for me to interact with people ooc. plotting, for example, can be a real challenge for me. ims terrify me; they make my anxiety jump through the roof. sometimes, i can be im'ing with a person and be absolutely fine, and then for no apparent reason, my anxiety takes hold and i can’t bring myself to open the ims. this can last for a few days at a time. please, don’t think i’m ignoring you if i haven’t responding to your im in a day or two. it’s not you, i promise !

if you need to reach me right away for any reason, please go through the ask box. the reason it’s easier for me to respond through the ask over ims is because i can see a preview of what you’ve said in the ask on my dashboard, whereas i have no idea what you’ve said through the ims. i know, it sounds dumb and ridiculous, but that’s just how my brain works.

now, thank you for reading all of this and i’d love to be friends !

#updated.#i revamped my guidelines so i thought i'd post them

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