#im just gonna keep distracting myself until i either die or get better
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#alex gets personal#i'm just so fucking tired of this#nothing works it never actually gets better it never stops being fucking excruciating work every single day#ive been stringing myself along with empty promises and 'it'll get better'#but it's just. not. getting better#do you know how exhausted i am? because i am not exaggerating or lying when i say that i have been trying not to kill myself since i was#three years old and alone and lonely and hated and disliked and reduced to my mother's puppet#and my father hated from the moment he got informed of my potential existence#and then it just got WORSE#all of it just kept getting worse and worse and it never stopped and i was never not alone and i'm so fucking tired#and did i already mention nothing works anymore#cause you can give me the best fucking pep talk ever and my response will be i dont care i just want it to stop#im just gonna keep distracting myself until i either die or get better#whatever happens first and we all know it won't be getting better so therapy's gonna be fun on wednesday
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I made a prompt list out of three other people prompts so I can practice stories.
Links to originals
https://wayfaring----stranger.tumblr.com/post/186040990132/fluff-prompt-list
https://sparklyhyunjinnie.tumblr.com/post/622355495153451008/my-prompt-list-give-me-the-numbers-and-the-idol
https://imnotcreativeenoughtomakegoodurl.tumblr.com/post/186758228060/mmm-love-me-some-casually-aggressive-fluff
Feel free to suggest or use for your own purpose.
I’m only posting in case people wanted to suggest some otherwise I’ll let google random number generator decide.
Out of: 1-132
1. “I really want to kiss you right now”
2. “Stay with me.. please?”
3. “I am so madly in love with you”
4. “As long as I’m alive, I will do everything I can to protect you”
5. “I’ve never felt so strongly about someone before. I’m terrified”
6. “I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re always on my mind”
7. “Don’t go on that date” “Why?” “Because it will kill me if you do”
8. “Just say the words, and I’m yours” “I love you”
9. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me”
10. “Please tell me you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you”
11. “Is this okay?” “It’s perfect”
12. “It’s okay, you’re okay, I’ve got you now”
13. “Seeing you this riled up really makes me want to kiss you”
14. “Shut up” “Make me”
15. “You’re the most beautiful person in the room”
16. “I’ve waited too long to do this”
17. “Part of me wants to keep the promise I made to myself.. the other half wants to say ‘screw it’” “Which half is winning?” “The latter”
18. “Why don’t we just stay here a bit longer? In our little cocoon”
19. “Were you jealous?” “No… maybe…”
20. “As if I’m going to let go of you that easily”
21. “okay, but first kiss me.”
22. “i don’t like the dark”
23. “can i hold your hand”
24. “i cant sleep when you’re not beside me
25. “i’m sorry i cant help but stare”
26. “will you stay?”
27. “i promise i won’t let anything bad happen”
28. “i’m so goddamn in love with you”
29. “thats my ex, make out with me and make him jealous
30. “spin the bottle is chiché, i’m in”
31. “i don’t think anyone has ever said that to me before”
32. “i know it’s 2am but can we meet up”
33. “your lips are getting really close to mine”
34. “shit, how’d you make me blush like this?”
35. “why do you always call me when i’m on a date?”
36. “don’t be silly i want to stay up with you”
37. “Have you ever kissed anyone?’
38. “I really can’t take it when you cry like that… smile for me, alright? You’re so pretty when you smile.”
39. “How do you want to die?”
40. “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”
41. “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”
42. “Sorry… your hair was in your face… thought I should move it so I could see you better.”
43. “Just trust me”
44. “Your eyes are so pretty.”
45. “ive missed this”
46. “Did you just slap my ass?”
47. “Sharing is caring, now give me the hoodie!”
48. “Can you please…? Hmmm, I don’t know. Maybe put a shirt on?!”
49. “Give me attention.”
50. “Do we like…hold hands now?”
51. “I know I’ve kissed you like, ten times, but just like another ten, please.”
52. “Don’t be nervous, you can come closer”
53. “I-I miss your arms around me as I slept, I know it’s embarrassing but you made me feel safe.”
54. “I have a feeling we should kiss.”“Is that a good feeling or a bad feeling?”
55. “You’re so soft, if I could ever touch the clouds, this is what they’d feel like.”
56. “we’re in public, you know”
57. “either take it off, or I will happily do it for you.”
58. “This is embarrassing but I had a bad dream and back home when this happens I normally just crawl into bed with my mom or sister but since they’re not here anymore can I sleep with you?”
59. “are those my hair clips”
60. “we need to talk about what happened last night”
61. "You're hiding under that blanket because you're blushing?"
62. “I’ll fix it.”
63. “Why are you unbuttoning your pants?”
64. “You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”
65. “You’ve been so bad, haven’t you, baby?”
66. "The sunset isn't as beautiful as you, my love."
67. “Quit it or I’ll bite you.”
68. “I told you to bring a jacket”
69. “dont cry”
70. “if I was there, you’d be getting all the cuddles you deserve”
71. “Did someone say shower time?”
72. “I had a sex dream about you and honestly I don’t know how to feel about it
73. “We always share blankets on the couch, im sure sharing a bed isn’t much different.
74. “How much did you hear?”
75. “why are you so jealous?”
76. “you keep a photo of us in your wallet?”
77. “Bite me” “where”
78. “and just WHERE do you think you’re putting your hands?”
79. “I'm not going anywhere”
80. “are you sure, once we start I might not be able to stop”
81. “behave”
82. “Tell me what you want”
83. “I cant keep kissing strangers and pretending they're you” 64 - “why don’t you come over here and make me,”
84. “tell me again”
85. “Don’t ruin the sofa”
86. “Prove it”
87. “If you keep dancing like that I’m going to cum in my pants”
88. “Stop distracting me”
89. “Did you just look me up and down and bite your lip?”
90. “Are you sure that’s what you want, I could hurt you”
91. “What happens if I do this”
92. “Why don’t you put something pretty on for me”
93. “It was you this whole time”
94. “Is that a tattoo”
95. “I wonder what your boyfriend/girlfriend would do if they knew what you were doing right now
96. “No im not letting you go, its too early to get out of bed”
97. “Can you stop playing connect the dots with my freckles?”
98. “poor baby, do you want me to take care of it for you?”
99. “You can pull my hair all you want”
100. “that tickles,”
101. “your duality scares me,”
102. “What do you have behind your back?”
103. “You snuck into my room to cuddle?”
104. “Hold my hand please”
105. “Wait we were supposed to bring presents?”
106. “I know all of your weaknesses, but this ones new”
107. “We could go together if you wanted”
108. “oh my god do that again”
109. “Do you even know how to load a dishwasher?”
110. “I have a surprise for you”
111. “you're so cute when you pout like that”
112. “we should get a puppy!”
113. “I never cried over a gift before, but there’s a first for everything”
114. “was I too rough”
115. “You’re the one I want, is that so hard to believe?”
116. “I like the way your hand fits in mine”
117. “Wait don’t pull away… not yet”
118. “I love you”
119. “You cant leave without letting me hug you”
120. "I probably wouldn't care if you died because then I would just summon Satan to bring you back to life; It's no biggie at all."
121. "Say you're not worth it one more time, I dare you. I will throw hands with you, I swear to Go-"
122. "You make me want to punch the sun just by looking at you-But like, in a sorta declaration-of-my-undying-love kinda way."
123. "Jesus christ, I- It's nothing, I just realized that I would legit eat my kidneys for you. I just love you so much."
124. "Oh god, if you only knew the things I'd do for you."
125. "Sometimes I feel like all the love you give is going to make me implode one day."
126. "You call the shots; I would walk into a volcano with you if you felt like it."
127. "Here's the thing; there's no way you're stronger than me. I guess you're just gonna hafta miss a couple hours of work and cuddle with me then."
128. "I will boop your nose as many times as I like, thank you very much!"
129. "'Aight wanna bet? I will phisically fight you for little spoon rights!"
130. "You're so cute! I just wanna hug you, and squeeze you, and love you and hold you until the end of time an- Oh sorry, it wasn't supposed to sound that creepy, I swear!"
131. "You know I would die for you, but for the love of all that is good in this godforesaken world; when I say 'bite me' during an argument it isn't and invitation to get horny."
132. "Don't be so gentle. You can hug me tighter y'know- I'm not going to pop or anything."
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Peony Pink and Cherry Blossom Tea Ch 9: Still A Crybaby
Summary: Do they talk this time??? Eh.
Relationship(s): Todoroki Shouto/Uraraka Ochako; the Todoroki siblings
Rating: T (canon-typical violence)
Warnings/Notes: Hi to the 5 people still reading this! :)
Shouto remembers the night that Touya-nii ran away.
He doesn’t see his big brother a lot, so he doesn’t remember a lot about him. Shouto knows that he’s tall, and has red hair and blue eyes like the left part of himself. When they posed for a picture with Mom that one time, Shouto remembers his skin feeling cold, like his own right side.
He also knows that like him, Touya is always wrapped in bandages. But he’s always smiling when he plays with Fuyumi and Natsuo, like they don’t hurt. It makes him look cool, and Shouto wants to look cool like that one day.
It’s late, maybe past midnight when Shouto wakes up from another bad dream and feels very thirsty. Not wanting to wake anyone up, he decides to go down to the kitchen himself.
At first he’s scared because it’s dark and he might fall. But to his surprise there are lights near the front door. And voices.
“... are you sure about this, Touya?” That’s Fuyumi-nee, and her voice sounds weird. It sounds weak and froggy, like it does sometimes when she sees Shouto after a hard day of training with Dad.
“Yeah…” Touya-nii. He isn’t whispering, but his voice is really soft. “I can’t do what he wants anymore. I’d rather die.”
“Yeah, but… running away… where will you go? What if you get hurt? I mean, maybe we can try talking to Dad about you and...”
“Fuyumi-nee, there’s no other way if it’s Dad. You know that.” Natsu-nii is also there. Shouto peeks from the hallway and sees his silver hair and Touya’s Samurai Blue duffel bag in his hands. “But nii-san… you’ll try to keep in touch with us, right?”
“I’ll think about it.”
Touya is silent for some time as he ties his shoes. It’s weird that he’s putting on his shoes even though it’s dark outside. Shouto kind of wants to ask why, but he doesn’t know if it’s okay to talk with him. Or any of them.
(Dad was extra mad today, so maybe he shouldn’t.)
But before he can turn around and leave, he sees Touya stop and slowly turn to him. Bright blue eyes land on his, wide like he’s scared at first, before they change into something else. “Shouto.”
Fuyumi and Natsuo look at him too. They don’t move for a while, and Shouto is suddenly too afraid to move too.
Touya breaks the silence among them. He smiles and puts his arms out to Shouto. “Don’t just stand there, Shou. Wanna come here?”
He nods and quietly pads over the tatami and then next to his older brother. He doesn’t understand why he hugs him, but he does, and Touya does the same thing. When Shouto feels his arms with their messy bandages around them, he wonders why they feel like coals instead of ice.
“Where are you going, Touya-nii?”
Touya smirks. “Dunno. An adventure. An awesome one.”
“That sounds fun,” Shouto says in awe. Touya is so cool. He’s big and strong and he can do whatever he likes without feeling scared. “I wanna go too.”
Fuyumi bites her lower lip and shakes her head. “No… Shoucchan, come here, okay? It’s way past your bedtime, and… and Dad will be mad if he sees that you’re not sleeping.”
Natsuo starts to look weird too. “I dunno nee-san… Maybe Shou could go with him? Maybe--”
“No!” She whispers so that no-one will hear, but she sounds angry. She pulls Shouto from Touya’s arms and holds him close. “You can’t take him too… he’s too little, it’ll be too scary…”
“And what Dad does to him isn’t scary?” Natsuo’s whisper is louder and angrier. “I don’t like watching Shou go through the same thing as nii-san, you know?”
“But Touya doesn’t even know where he’s going,” Fuyumi hisses. Her grip on Shouto becomes tighter. “What if they get hurt out there?”
“They’re… already getting hurt here.”
They fall silent after that. Shouto doesn’t know why they’re worried about him and Touya-nii. Training hurts, but Dad says that once they’re the best, nothing will hurt anymore. So all they have to do is train more, until he and Touya-nii become the strongest heroes, and then everything will be okay, right?
“It’s fine. Doesn’t hurt that much.” Touya stands up and ruffles Shouto’s hair. “Anyways, Shou, crybabies aren’t allowed in adventures, so I can’t take you. You’re just gonna get in my way.”
“I’m not a crybaby,” he says with a pout. He hasn’t cried in a while, not even when Dad hit him in the tummy after breakfast.
“Yeah? Who cried when Natsuo blew out the candle on his birthday cake, huh?”
Shouto puffs his cheeks. “That was last year.”
A long time ago. Shouto doesn’t remember the last time someone had a birthday party at their house. Touya’s eyes suddenly look sad. “Yeah… last year, huh. Oh well.” He takes his bag from Natsuo and slings it over his shoulder. “Anyways, I’m outta this joint. You brats better take care of that crybaby, you hear? Or else I’m going back and takin’ him with me, no matter what you say.”
Natsuo nods and does a salute like they do in the Gundam animes they watch together. Shouto tries to do the same. “Yes, cap’n.” His voice sounds weird, like Fuyumi’s, but he smiles.
Touya salutes back, and goes for the door. It opens and it closes, as doors tend to do, and the house becomes unnaturally silent. Shouto remembers staring at it and wondering if he’ll see Touya again in the morning, playing football with Fuyumi and Natsuo like nothing happened.
By the time the weeping Fuyumi takes him upstairs with a cup of tea though, he suddenly understands that he’ll never see Touya outside his window again.
Shouto isn’t a crybaby anymore, but he sleeps with a saltwater-soaked pillowcase that night.
*
The weeks have been hard for Shouto.
He hasn’t been able to sleep well, eat well. Work had been terribly busy thanks to the upsurge in villain activity. He can’t complain; he doesn’t have the energy to. His days are spent in the OR, his nights spent collapsing on the bed or on the couch or on the floor, wherever his mood and energy levels take him.
People stare at him. At the empty space next to him. Then back at him, as if adding two and two together. It was only a matter of time before the rumors circulate. And they do, with a vengeance.
He doesn’t care, although it becomes extra troublesome when Endeavor catches wind of them and asks him questions about it. Leaving him on read is a simple matter, but it’s a little difficult when Fuyumi-nee starts to ask, and Natsu-nii.
Mom has been quiet about it, but her eyes look a little down when they do their video calls. She’s happy enough seeing him, she says, and she can’t wait for his next visit.
He doesn’t want Mom to be sad. She shouldn’t be, because Shouto’s been alone all this time. He isn’t technically any different from the time he went to see her and everyone else in Shizuoka.
(It’s just that now, he doesn’t have any of Ochako’s stories to listen to.)
But. He doesn’t recall being alone--truly alone this time, without the shield of a fake relationship to distract him--ever felt like this: a confusing state of too wide, too narrow. Too noisy, too quiet. Too much of himself, and too little at the same time.
He doesn’t enjoy it. But he doesn’t suffer in it either. He doesn’t know what to do with himself while in it.
There’s lots of space to take a good look at himself. All his scars and cracks and soft spots. Most days he doesn’t like what he sees, doesn’t like the stories that the sight of each blemish gives him.
Other times he doesn’t care. Those times are okay. He doesn’t have to hate Endeavor or himself as much. The past weeks aren’t any different from most of his life, in retrospect.
The short time with Ochako just made him believe that maybe a life other than that is possible. Even though it was pretend from the start.
Tonight is two weeks… three weeks? since they last spoke. He’s tired and alone and his hands are shaking and freezing and burning again. It’s not different from any other bad nights, but there’s a period of lucidity that makes him conclude:
This isn’t right. Being alone like this isn’t right.
He… needs help.
Real professional help.
Maybe… just this once, he can ask for it. Endeavor isn’t around to tell him that he can’t.
Fuyumi could help. Or Natsuo. Mom needed help, and was helped before, right? It wouldn’t be so bad. It would be logical to ask.
Maybe there’s someone in the psychiatry department that can help him. Shinsou works with them frequently because of his quirk. He’s a trustworthy guy, and quiet. Maybe he can ask him too.
He stares at into the emptiness of his apartment, and at his shaking hands. It’s silly, but just thinking of that feels like a breakthrough. That there’s a way out of this odd despondence that he has plunged head-first in.
Strange, that out of nowhere he wants to tell her. Maybe just to let her know that he doesn’t know if there’s a meaning to all of these things he’s feeling, but he found a way to find out, at least.
It’s way past midnight of a busy day. Shouto stares at his phone and begins to compose a message.
*
Ochako (0032H): hey, so about last time, im sorry. if ur not busy lets talk for real this time
Me (0032H): Can we see each other soon?
Me (0033H): …
Ochako (0033H): …
Ochako (0034H): haha
Ochako (0034H): at the same time… r u kidding me
Me (0035H): Yes.
Me (0035H): It’s pretty… amusing.
Me (0036H): I’m surprised that you’re still awake at this hour.
Ochako (0038H): ur not sleeping yet either
Me (0039H): No… I’m not. Not at all.
Ochako (0041H): so
Me (0041H): so
Ochako (0042H): again? Hahaha
Me (0043H): Yes, it’s uncanny.
Me (0045H): You said you wanted to talk?
Ochako (0046H): … yea, i do
Ochako (0047H): i mean,, i know we havent been… since that time
Ochako (0049H): i think i have things i want to say to you. And to myself too.
Me (0051H): I understand.
Me (0052H): It’s the same for me.
Me (0053H): Is tomorrow all right?
Me (0054H): I am free in the morning. But we don’t have to meet that soon, if you’re not ready.
Me (0056H): I understand if you aren’t comfortable yet.
Ochako (0059H): no, it’s okay.
Ochako (0100H): tomorrow’s perfect.
Me (0103H): …
Ochako (0105H): i’m not kidding. It is.
Ochako (0106H): my shift is in the afternoon, so… we can just see each other early?
Me (0109H): All right.
Me (0110H): We can have coffee, if you like.
Ochako (0111H): that would be cool, im ok with just 7-11 hehe
Me (0112H): No. The coffee there is terrible.
Me (0113H): You aren’t drinking any of those awful drinks if I can help it.
Ochako (0114H): omg lol i figured,,, u boujee
Me (0115H): … boujee?
Ochako (0117H): u rich kid. ur just like yaomomo
Ochako (0118H): haha but ok, we can maybe go to bakugous place if u want good coffee
Me (0119H): Oh. Will that place be okay for you?
Ochako (0120H): ah
Ochako (0121H): … yeah…. Bakugous scary, but… i mean he’s cool and his cafe is near the hosp, and if doesn’t matter if you, before… i mean, i rly dont mind going there
Me (0122H): All right. :) I’ll see you tomorrow, then.
Ochako (0125H): !!!!!!!
Ochako (0126H): is that smiley… real
Me (0127H): ? Did I use it correctly?
Ochako (0129H): oh! Yes. Yes you did
Ochako (0130H): lmao i must be dreaming its so late
Me (0132H): It is, haha.
Ochako (0133H): and now ur goin haha
Ochako (0134H): i think ur brain is also shuttin down shouto
Me (0135H): I don’t know about that.
Me (0136H): I don’t feel as terrible as I have a few hours ago.
Ochako (0138H): thats great… hehe
Ochako (0140H): so… im getting sleepy…
Ochako (0141H): im dizzy too… kinda too drunk, maybe
Me (0142H): … all right.
Me (0145H): I’ll let you sleep it off.
Me (0146H): Good night, Ochako.
*
The sun has just risen when Shouto sees her in the hospital lobby.
He sees her on most days, although he hasn’t looked her in the eye for a long time now. Ochako is in her scrub suit and a Hosu Gen jacket. Her hair is a little messy and is mostly up in a messy bun, exposing the back of her neck. Her eyes look a little tired, but they’re as bright and brown as he remembers them.
She smiles quietly. A little dizzily. Maybe she's hungover. It's not as off-putting as it should be.
“Hey,” he says.
The smile brightens and somehow reach her eyes. “Good morning, Doctoroki. It’s been a while.”
He nods and stares at her, instantly forgetting his script, not quite knowing what to do next.
“So… Bakugou or Jirou aren’t here yet to open the cafe, and we don’t have anywhere else to go,” she says with an awkward laugh. Maybe she notices how he doesn’t seem to know what to do next.
“It’s fine.” There are a few people walking by, with more important things to do. They don’t spare them a second glance. “We can start talking here.”
So they flop down on the worn lobby couch determinedly and stare each other down. Open their mouths, and close them again at the same time. It’s funny how they do that often.
“I’ll start,” Ochako says with an amused glow of her pink cheeks. They’re also as round as Shouto remembers them. A surge of nostalgia overwhelms him. “So… um, first of all… I’m sorry, I messed up. You didn’t deserve the things I said to you last time we saw each other.”
She pauses and assesses the look on his face. “I really am, okay? I was… am, insecure. I kinda got mad at you for things that I had no right to be mad at, and I didn’t even give you a chance to explain yourself. I was too focused on myself, but even then I sucked at focusing on myself because I didn’t really understand what I wanted and what I was afraid of. Like… maybe it’s just a perpetual fear of being alone and discarded and unwanted, because I had a lot of that in the past, and maybe… maybe I need to know for myself how to deal with that first, before I even think about you, and...”
She stops for a breath and laughs humorlessly. “And… you’re just staring at me like that. I really don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“Oh,” he says apologetically. “I didn’t want to distract you. I am listening, promise.”
She makes a cute little whining noise. “I know, just… urgh, I feel ridiculous, just monologuing like this. I’m beggin’ ya to stop me, ya know?!”
His mouth twists upward. “I kind of don’t want to. It’s nice listening to you talk.”
Her cheeks flush and puff and he realizes how long it’s been since he last saw that. How he missed it. How he missed her.
“You have to talk too, Doctoroki,” she says, jabbing him at the side with a finger. “I’m not the only one screwed in the head here, ya know?”
He catches her hand and forces it down on her side. She freezes at the feel of his hand on hers, and he does too, for a moment.
It’s nice, but he shouldn’t be distracted. “You’re right. I am… not okay.”
It’s a little hard to continue, with the look of warmth and concern on her face, like she’s ready to do anything for him again and he knows that’s what got them into trouble in the first place.
Well, he has to say words properly this time, so no misunderstanding occurs. “... I feel exactly the same way about myself. After thinking about it, I think the best thing for me to do is--”
Alarm spikes in his gut, so sharp he flinches.
Ochako stares at him with wide eyes. “Shouto? What’s wrong?”
He knows what this is. Even though it’s been years since the last time he was out on the field as a pro, his body remembers. All his nerves are alight, his muscles tense. His brain tells him to calm down, look around, find out what it is that’s wrong about this situation.
When the rumbling starts, he’s already pushing Ochako’s head down and facing the glass windows. An ice shield is already up before the floor in front of them collapses, and the people start to scream.
He hears a lot of things shattering beyond the wall, likely the glass and concrete. He hopes it isn’t his ice.
“Run,” he tells Ochako sternly, standing his ground. “Help everyone else get out of here.”
“But--wh-what is that, what’s going on?”
“Doesn’t matter. Evacuate.”
More shattering noises. A black shadow is on the other side, getting closer and closer. He wills fire to form on his hand, burning the sleeve of his coat.
Ochako, pale as a ghost, finally nods. With the people screaming around her, she starts to yell, “Everyone, please follow me, the fire exit is this way--”
The moment the ice shatters, Shouto’s hand bursts into flame. He targets the brunt of the heat onto the black thing’s face, not even bothering to see if it’s human or not. He can only target focus so much heat and smoke before the sprinklers come on, so he has to do as much damage with one blow.
He knows he applied enough heat to melt human flesh. But the thing that stares back at him--vacant, and only mildly offended by the fire--is obviously not.
A hand made of pure power starts to go down, fingers twitching as if to clutch him. It’s too close, he doesn’t have time to roll away or to fight back.
“Todoroki!”
Silver and black fill his vision, as do the sounds of metal hitting metal. When he opens his eyes, he’s up in the ceiling, and a person made of steel is in his place, holding back against a fist to the top of his head.
“Fuck, that hurts what the hell!” Tetsutetsu screams. Next to him, Shoji and Awase yell their expletives, a mass array of randomly fused bits of steel in their hands. “Let’s kill this thing you guys!”
Shouto stares at this bug-eyed before he realizes that he’s going down. In the next moment, he drops to the ground, the dark matter around him unraveling until it’s in the shape of a crow, floating next to Tokoyami Fumikage. “Todoroki, are you all right?"
“Yeah,” Shouto says, half in awe, half in panic. “What are you doing here? Everyone’s supposed to be evacuating.”
“Shouto!” Ochako yells from behind him. She is panting, along with Kendo, Honenuki, and Shiozaki, who are followed by a rather large group of pale-faced civilians. “There’s no way out. There’s more of them out there roaming the streets.”
“... a whole lot more of them,” Honenuki adds, with a swallow. “I saw at least five of them trying to break in here when we tried to evacuate just now. I made them sink to the ground, but it’s only a matter of time before they make their way out. They seem strong.”
Five more of these. He looks away from them briefly to form a wall between the fight and the civilians.
“We called the police, but I’m not sure how quickly they’ll respond,” says Kendo, as more shattering and rumbling noises emerge from around them. “And the pros too, but…”
Shiozaki sniffles. She’s a little paler than everyone else when she speaks. “I… called Emily. She’s responding to the call, but… it’s not just Hosu that’s suffering from the wrath of these beasts. Nomus, she called these abominations.” Her trembling hands are clasped in front of her, as if in deep prayer. “Who are these sinners who would dare play god like this, and terrorize so many innocents?”
The League of Villains, Shouto thinks in despair. Is this another stupid war against heroes? Another war against the number one hero?
Endeavor’s face flashes in his mind briefly, along with a concerning rush of emotions he cannot name. He shakes these off and stands up. “We have no time to waste, whatever this is,” he mutters, before running back to the fray, with fire and ice in his hands.
“Shouto!!!”
He noticed something while he was fighting the Nomu. There are people all around them, but it only seemed to target Shouto first. Its arms curl, as if in an effort to grab him. When Tokoyami caught him, its eyes went from Dark Shadow to Tokoyami, and were it not for Tetsutetsu distracting it with his steel skin, then it would have chased after the two of them…
This Nomu has targets, it seems. Shouto, Tokoyami, and Tetsutetsu are among some of them.
“Todoroki, watch out!” Shoji shouts, as he himself is thrown backwards with a blow to the stomach.
Is it because of their quirks? Is the League of Villains collecting innocent civilians with destructive quirks? What are they going to do with them?
The answers aren’t very important right now , Shouto reprimands himself as he throws more fire and ice against the Nomu.
“Todoroki! What the hell are you doing?!” Awase screams, as Shouto catches the Nomu’s eye with a small fireball to the face.
“Distracting it,” Shouto says evenly. “It comes after you if it sees you use a quirk. I’ll lead it away from everyone else--”
“No, don’t be stupid!” Tetsutetsu chokes, even as he bleeds from broken skin at his head. Ochako, who hears everything, pales more than ever and begins to move towards him. Kendo thankfully has the sense to hold her back with a normal-sized hand.
“--and when it’s far away, Shiozaki should form a barrier all around the lobby with her quirk. I’ll reinforce it with ice from outside.”
He doesn’t know why his voice is so calm and distant when he speaks. All eyes are on him as the Nomu blindly chases after him, seeking out his fire like a moth to a flame, too fast, too fast. He forms ice under his feet and slides out of the building on freezing waves.
In a matter of seconds, he’s outside of the building, the Nomu stumbling after him. As soon as they’re out in the sun, vines begin to emerge from the ground, forming a wall. To his relief, even though Tetsutetsu and Awase run to stop him, the vines seal them safely inside the lobby.
Now, he just has to deal with the Nomu by himself.
He hits the monster with fire and ice, but it’s difficult because his stance is unsteady, and it’s not doing his aim any favors. There are holes in the concrete, all manner of things falling around him as buildings crumble. There are screams and gunshots and blasts and rumbles of thunder from a distance.
He needs to fight. Fire, in his hand, now.
It doesn’t form. Something hits him at the back of his head.
It’s heavy and it comes from above, accompanied by a body falling somewhere close by. Debris, he realizes. He hopes that the person thrown is still alive. He hopes that it isn’t a civilian. Or a pro.
But there isn’t time to worry about someone else. His vision goes blurry, nausea filling his senses in waves. He tries to form ice when he can’t aim the fire anymore. The glaciers are hollow and weak, easily breaking when the monster moves.
The Nomu tilts its head at him curiously, hands going for his neck.
“Shouto!! Move!!”
Out of nowhere, the nausea at the pit of his stomach blooms into a complete weightlessness. Someone’s arms are around him. The Nomu misses and looks up at them, temporarily at a loss on what to do.
He looks at the owner of the voice. And the arms. And the reason why he’s floating. “Ochako.”
He means to sound angry, because he really is. He wants to tell her that she isn’t supposed to be here and why is she putting herself in danger for him when she was already safe inside? But his head still feels odd, and he only manages a slightly befuddled question aimed vaguely at all.
“We have to get you out of here,” she tells him in a voice that sounds too far away. They’re twenty feet in the air, and the higher they get the greener Ochako’s face becomes. “We can hide up the roof until the pros--”
She doesn’t even have the time to scream as the monster leaps from the ground and gets a hold of their legs. The tug jars them both, and despite zero gravity, they find themselves being pulled to the ground.
Ochako hisses in pain as her ankle is violently pulled down. “Shit! Get off me, you--”
He struggles and kicks and tries to burn and/or freeze the monster’s arms off. But he can only do so much without burning their own legs off. He can’t think straight, can’t aim well, can’t do anything--
When they sink, they’re suddenly engulfed in blue flame. It’s so hot he wonders if they’ve descended to hell.
The monster screeches like a pterodactyl and lets them go. Ochako appears beyond her limit of using her quirk and releases them as soon as they’re on concrete that’s not burning.
He crawls to her, coughing from the smoke and ashes billowing around them. He tries to form ice around them and then holds her with his right hand. “Ochako,” he calls out, weakly.
She stares at the flames in front of them, eyes as wide as saucers. “It’s… you,” she says weakly.
Amidst the chaos all around them, Shouto wonders why it’s the first thing that comes out of her mouth. And then he looks at the person she’s talking to: jet-black hair, burnt skin, stitches that make him look like a patchwork doll rather than a human. Flames are sprouting out of his hands, blue and hot that it stings his skin from a distance.
Blue eyes, cold with anger, stare down at the Nomu and then at the two of them. “Get outta here. Take Shouto with you.”
“Wh… who are you?” How does he know his name? Why does Ochako know who he is? How is this fire possible?
Does he know him?
The man glares at him for a split second before turning his attention back to the Nomu. The temperature is so high, the blasts so loud that the steel bars sticking out of broken concrete begin to wilt like flowers. His skin begins to burn, his ice quirk at his state can only do so much to counteract the heat.
“Shouto, let’s go,” Ochako says urgently, tugging at his sleeve. She’s burning up too, even though he’s trying to cover them in frost. “I can still make us float, just hold on to me, okay?”
He knows that leaving is the best thing to do right now, and that Ochako is their best bet. The Nomu looks like it’s in pain, its movements duller and slower. If they had to escape, it has to be now.
He knows that, but it’s then that something comes back to him. It’s trivial, but it’s when he sees how the blue of the man’s eyes matches the blue of the flames. It’s when he thinks of the way he says Shouto. It’s in the dark of his clothes, the fighting stance, the way his jaw clenches in excruciating pain when he incinerates the monster--
Kodai’s voice in his head: Todoroki-san… are you related to a vigilante named Dabi?
As powerful as it is, the man’s fire isn’t enough to hold the Nomu back. It hits him square in the jaw, making him fly in a smoking heap towards the wall of vines.
Shouto’s eyes snap open from the haze. “Touya-nii!”
His right hand moves without thinking. Another wave of ice emerges from the ground and in between him and the Nomu. There’s fire all around, the hissing heat enough to crack the shield, just enough to slow it down. Shouto moves to form another one, ignoring the dizziness of rapid temperature change around him, all efforts directed on saving him.
The next wave of ice from him is still weak. But the one after that is large and strong, and doesn’t come from him.
“Nii-san! Shou!” a familiar voice screams from behind them.
Shouto momentarily wonders if all he’s seeing is a mirage, because out of nowhere Natsu-nii is running in the scene, dressed in his physical therapist scrubs and bare arms white with frost. He brakes in front of Shouto, onyx eyes shining with worry. “Ochako-chan, go and float! I’ll take care of nii-san!”
“Okay!” Ochako yells, moving to touch Shouto, but he stops her.
“Shouto--”
It’s not the best place for confrontations. He knows that, but his brain’s too jumbled up to care. ��Natsu-nii, you knew… you knew that Touya-nii was--”
“We’ll talk after we survive, okay? Just get outta here already!” Natsuo turns away and sends shards of ice careening towards the monster. He’s able to distract the monster enough to get to the dark-haired Touya’s side and to help him up.
“Shouto,” Ochako says, her voice edging at a sob. “Please, your… your brothers are letting us escape, we have to go now . ”
Shouto stares at the scene in front of him, hardly believing it. Natsuo touches Touya in practiced movements, cooling down very specific areas on his arms, face and chest hit the worst by the blue flame. After which, Touya becomes functional enough to shove him aside and throw another pillar of fire at the Nomu, and its friend--
Shit. There are two Nomus now.
Ochako sees this too, and tenses. She looks at him, opening her mouth to probably stop him from doing what he wants to do.
But he doesn’t stop. He stands up, ice and fire forming over both sides. His clothes are all but destroyed now, but he can’t care.
Running forward with a cry, he throws all that he has within him and directs them at the monsters threatening his brothers’ lives. At the same time, great pillars of ice and blue flame cover the two Nomus, leaving them screaming in an inferno of extremes.
It takes a while for the ice to completely shatter and the fire to die down. When they do eventually, one Nomu lies unmoving on the concrete. The other is still standing, but it twitches and trills, arms frozen in mid-air.
Shouto falls to his knees, suddenly too weak to move. Across from him, Touya does the same, steam rising from his skin. Natsuo also has to lean against the wall, his face covered in frost, breath coming out thick and white through chattering teeth.
It turns to Shouto. Blue flames begin to emerge from within--is this a copy quirk?--running at full speed, ready to burn him--
“RELEASE!!!”
A meteor shower falls over the Nomu, burying it under boulders and rubble. The pile shudders once, and remains still.
Silence falls over them. He hears Ochako gasp and fall next to him, feels her soft arms around him and her sigh of relief.
“Oh my god… I can’t believe that worked,” she says, voice cracking, eyes leaking with tears. “D-don’t ever do that again, Shouto, don’t you dare-- ”
“I’m sorry,” he says, holding her close. “It’s… it’s over now. We survived.”
“Really?” she sniffs.
“Yeah. Really. You saved us, Ochako-chan.” Natsuo and Touya stumble in their direction, looking like they’d fall over if they weren’t leaning on each other.
His… brothers.
Shouto is on his feet before he knows it, looking up into blue eyes and black hair and burning skin. His mouth opens and closes. He probably stares for too long, because he can’t believe what he’s seeing.
The man looks back at him, tired as hell, but still smirking.
“Don’t just stand there, Shou. Wanna come here?”
He nods, and embraces him. The smell of ash fills his nostrils and almost chokes him, pushing tears out of his eyes. He’s so weak and spent that his entire body starts to shake, and--
“Geez. Still a crybaby, huh, Shouto.”
“Stupid nii-san,” he grumbles. He has too many things to say, but he can’t think of anything else right now except how his older brother is alive and well and breathing in his arms.
Touya chuckles and ruffles his hair. “Okay, that’s enough, yeah? I think the pros are here, so I gotta get outta here before they catch me doing a better job of protecting the city than them.”
True enough, people in colorful suits suddenly rush the scene, falling down on the monsters littering the streets like arrows. The turn of the tide is visible and dramatic, with heroes of all shapes and sizes plucking civilians from the streets and/or pummeling Nomus to the ground.
“We gotta get you out of here, nii-san. It’ll be harder to keep you outta sight if we stay here,” Natsuo says, mustering up enough energy to lift him more decidedly by the shoulder.
Shouto looks up at them meaningfully.
Touya rolls his eyes. “Are ya really gonna throw a tantrum about me running away from home years and years ago? Right now? ”
Despite the situation, he hears Ochako snort behind him. Natsuo huffs, giving Shouto an amused smile. “We’ll talk later, promise. Right now, you and Ochako have to help out all the injured and--”
A flash of light cuts off his sentence.
“LOOK! Up in the sky!!!”
Simultaneously, they turn to the sky, the mess of people around them doing the same thing.
At the center of the Hosu skyline, the vision of an exploding star rises. Orange and green and blue flames as hot as the sun, expanding twenty meters in all directions. Shouto sees the gaudy blue and orange of his suit, the flashy flames of his face bursting with the rest of the flashfire.
“It’s Endeavor! We’re saved!” Someone screams in relief from below.
“The old man’s still at it, huh.” Touya’s voice is ragged and cold, his smile sardonic. Still, he’s looking up at the sky, watching the fight. Natsuo, too. His mouth is twisted as if he’s tasted something bitter, but he can’t take his eyes off the sky, the sun.
All of them are watching him.
People are screaming, cheering for him. He’s never heard such a strong approval of him. He wonders how he’s going to flaunt this after all this chaos is over…
And then, it happens. It probably lasts a second, but Shouto sees the moment stretched out, painful and slow.
Something gleams, pointed and silver, from the Nomu’s hand. It’s strong, and aims for the middle of Endeavor’s forehead. It misses.
It hits the side of his neck instead.
And as quickly as the brilliant sunfire comes, they disappear. Endeavor falls like a comet from the sky, a streak of crimson trailing from his neck as it does. He crashes into the side of an office building, the sound of crushed glass and steel and stone echoing across the sky, onto the street.
The silence that follows is deafening.
#todochako#todoocha#shouchako#todoroki shouto#uraraka ochako#peony pink and cherry blossom tea#bnha fic#dabi#todoroki touya#dabi is a todoroki#and also a vigilante#todoroki natsuo#todoroki fuyumi#i wanted to write that flashback scene for long#i ajsdlkjfsalkfdjdsa;lf
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oh heyyyy can i please have pirate mechanic and 22?? I'M SO EXCITED
…in a rush of adrenaline.
Raven wasn’t one to be afraid of anything, ever. She was a zero g mechanic, a literal ASTRONAUT, who had been to OUTER SPACE in nothing more than a space suit, for fucks sake. She’d been sky diving, bungee jumping, zip lining, she used to go bouldering off the sides of mountains for fun before she got hurt and her leg wouldn’t let her. She was an adrenaline junkie, to put it mildly, but the one thing she never, ever did, was ride a motorcycle. Everything else, every other insane crazy thing she did, there was a modicum of safety to it. In space, everyone was trained to know exactly what to do, and everything was tested to perfection before she went. Sure it was dangerous, but it was all SCIENCE. She wasn’t afraid of science. Sky diving and bungee jumping and zip lining were SAFE, they had to be for people to be able to pay to do it as excursions. Normal average people could go bungee jumping on vacation. Bouldering was a little risky, but she never went high enough that she could have DIED from the fall, maybe gotten pretty hurt, but she went with friends, and knew the safety rules. Motorcycles though? There was nothing safe about that. In a fast car, you had some kind of buffer, some level of protection from seatbelts and airbags, but on a motorcycle you had nothing. You were out in the open, strapped to nothing, a helmet and some leather if you were smart, flying down the road. When she saw motorcycles weaving in and out of cars on the freeway, she scoffed, and hoped she wouldn’t see them being scraped off the road with a shovel later. She assumed no smart person would ever put themselves in that kind of danger.
And then she met Ezekiel Shaw.
Zeke used to be an Air Force Pilot, and then he was a scientist for NASA. He worked on the crafts on the ground that she worked on in space, and was damn good at it, though she’d never tell him that. He was brilliant, the first person she ever met who could match wits with her day in, day out. And Zeke Shaw rode his Harley into work. Every. Single. Day.
She scolded him for it when they first met, spouting statistics about deaths by motorcycle at him from memory, but he just smirked, waved her off, called her a “fraidy-cat” (yes, he used that exact phrase. He wasn’t catholic anymore, but he had been raised that way, and never swore, ever), and tugged his helmet on, roaring away out of the parking lot while she climbed into her car.
Her relationship with Zeke was a complex one. On the one hand, he was her friend, a great friend, a confidant who she bounced ideas off of and worked well with, her equal in brains and wit. On the other hand, he was delicious to look at and Raven wanted to jump his bones. This combination made the fact that he rode that stupid motorcycle very troubling to her, and it took a toll on her mental state. She got in the habit of calling him around the time she knew he’d be home every day, under the guise of wanting to talk about work or some new theory she was studying, but really she was just checking to make sure he made it home every day, alive. She always offered to swing by and pick him up when they would make plans, even though it was well out of her way, because the idea of him getting on that bike to come see her and then becoming road burn in the process made her sick to her stomach, but he always turned her down, and always showed up in one piece.
They had known each other about a year and 3 months, when the universe conspired against her.
She had called Zeke to see if he wanted to come into work with her on a Sunday and help her run a simulation she had been tossing around, and he lept at the chance, like always. He had been helping her write the simulation, and plan the program for almost two months, and she knew he’d want to see it through. It was pouring rain, so she offered him a ride, as always, and he turned her down, as always, showing up to work at the same time as she did even though she knew he lived an extra 15 minutes further away. They spent the whole Sunday in the lab, downing espresso shots from the bosses machine in her office and running and re-running the simulation, ordering thai takeout while they tried to get it perfect. It was late, almost 9pm, when they finally called it a day, and headed out the door, walked into the parking lot, and Raven realised she had left her lights on all day long. She tried to start her car twice, but she knew she would need a jump and there was no one around , the lab was almost 10 miles from town. She thought about calling a tow, but calling a tow for a jump seemed stupid, there would be people at the office tomorrow who could give her a jump, and she was halfway through trying to price out an Uber when Zeke shoved a helmet in front of her face.
“Come on Reyes, you’re really gonna pay for an Uber when I can just take you home myself?”
“No way. No way in hell am i getting on that deathtrap.” She kept typing in her address.
“You’ll have to get one back in the morning too, and you know its like… 30 bucks both ways. Thats $60 you could avoid by just strapping on this helmet and letting me take you home.”
“No way!! I dont care how much it costs, im so not doing that.”
“Look. I know you think its unsafe, but the rain stopped at like noon, the roads are bone dry, and I promise ill go slow.” He had this twinkle in his eye that was very distracting, and the sight of him holding that helmet, leaning against the hood of her car, was doing funny things to her stomach. She glared at him.
“Do you kn-“
“do you know how many people die on those things every day?” He raised his voice a bit, to a squeaky annoying pitch, and had to jump away when she smacked at him.
“The only reason you got away is because im a cripple.” She snarked, and he laughed. “Yeah sure, blame the leg.” He said, dancing a little further away, and then coming in close, holding the helmet out. “You can pay for that Uber if you want, but I promise, I wont let anything happen to you.” She eyed him, and the bike, wary.
“Come on Reyes, you ride up into space on a ship i work on.” His voice was all teasing, but there was something else dancing behind his eyes. “Don’t you trust me, Raven?”
He barely ever used her first name, but his sincerity was like a gut punch. He was standing really close now, just enough space for the helmet between them. Finally, she took a deep breath, shut her eyes, and grabbed the helmet in both hands.
“If we die on this damn bike, I’m going to spend our entire afterlife beating your ass.” She said, pulling it down over her head, walking over to the bike.
He sat down on the front, popping the kick stand and sliding forward enough for her to fit. He pulled out a small metal bar that had been hidden in the bike, on her right side. She knew she looked shocked, and even though he couldn’t see it through the helmet, he knew anyway.
“I was always hoping i’d get you on this thing, so i added a place for you to put your leg, since i know you can’t keep it bent for so long.” She couldn’t see his face either, and she thought maybe that was a good thing. She slid onto the bike, behind him, and propped her leg up on the stand, wrapping her arms around his solid middle.
“Remember. If we die. Perpetual ghost world ass kicking.” She called, as the bike roared to life, vibrating underneath her. He laughed, nodding, and they took off.
The speed of it was unreal, the wind whipping all her clothes and the hair that was coming out of the bottom of her helmet, and she held on tighter as the sped up. He zipped down the roads, taking every turn with ease, and even though she knew he had to be going slower than he normally did, her heart rate was a million beats a minute and she could feel her adrenaline rushing through her body. She squeezed him again, and he took one hand off the bike for a second to squeeze her forearm, to reassure her. She kept her head on his shoulder, and somehow keeping her eyes open was better than closed, so she just watched as the trees zipped by, and headlights from other cars came in and out of view. The longer they rode, the more comfortable she got, and soon it was just a rush of adrenaline, and she could feel herself loosening up, smiling, until she finally sat back a little, keeping herself still firmly around his waist, and whooped into the night air. He turned his head, and she couldn’t see his face but she knew he was laughing at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. The ride took about 20 minutes, and when they pulled into her complex parking lot, her heart rate wouldn’t quit. He popped the kick stand on his bike, and they pulled off their helmets. He got off first, and helped her off, and maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was the blood rushing through her ears, or maybe it was just him, close and tall and grinning ear to ear, but something came over her.
“See, Reyes, told you you wo-“
She cut him off with her lips, throwing her arms around his neck, running her fingers over his scalp and pulling him down to her, kissing him hard. He was frozen in shock for a second, but then he responded with ferocity. He opened his mouth to her, letting her tongue slide across his teeth, and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her into the air and spinning her around. When he set her back on solid ground, and they broke the kiss, she tucked her face into his chest, holding him close.
“If you say I told you so, I’ll never kiss you again.” She muttered into his chest.
“Does that mean if i DON’T say it, you will kiss me again?” The hopeful tilt to his voice got her to look up, and his eyes were bright, a smile threatening to break his cheeks. She leaned up, pressing a kiss into his cheek.
“So I’ll definitely need that ride in the morning.” She whispered, into his ear, close and intentionally low.
“Yeah,” he said, failing at nonchalant, “what time should i swing by.”
She smirked up at him, taking him by the hand, leading him towards the door of her building.
“I’d say just whenever we wake up is good.” He tugged her back in for a kiss, quick and easy. The adrenaline was still rushing in her ears as she tugged him into her apartment, towards her room, but she wasn’t sure it was from the motorcycle anymore.
#Pirate mechanic#modern au#zaven#kiss prompt#zeke x raven#the 100#zaven fanfiction#raven reyes#zeke shaw#the 100 fanfiction#prompt response#my writing#fanfic
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Whatever
Hate part 2
Masterlist
Slipping his hand into mine he grumbled about me using his own words against him and me not caring ;continued sensing death and in its depressing scent was making me understand why my Thanatos had decided to send me here.
Making it to the destination which was surprisingly not that far from the underworld I saw 3 demigods or um 2 demigods the third one ,on the floor bleeding out from a a huge gash,but not only that but the 3rd demigod was around 5-6 years old.
The other 2 demigods mourning over the fact that the little one was dying. It made sense too take him out of his misery and saddened by the fact that I needed to use my powers but at the moment I stepped up to the male demigod who looked around nico and I's age,Took out his celestial bronze sword trying to act brave and pointed it at Nico and I.\
"Who are you?" He questioned forcefully, Nico slowly took out his sword and in a firm voice said "Drop it"
"What do you want from us, are you another monster?"
"Relax were here to help" I reasoned
"Dont trust them Brandon they might be monsters" The girl who looked a year younger said
"We arent monsters relax were demigods and if you let us help the kid we'll take you to a safe place and the kid would a have a peaceful and painless death, trust us it seemed like you cared for him and if you did you'll let us help" I bargained.
"Fine but if you hurt him anymore than he is i'll kill you"Brandon threatened
Rushing over to the kid I tried to sooth him "Hey little one whats your name"
"J-jason, w-whats yours"
I gasped quietly " My names (y/n),I have a friend with the same name and you know what"
"w-what"
"Hes a hero just like you-" I started just to be cut off by Nico "hey (l/n) hurry up with whatever you need to do, his life force is weakening and he's dying bleeding out more"
"Will you chill out im trying to make him die peacefully and calmly without him thinking hes dying no matter how obvious it is, its a complex process besides its my first time so it would work alot better without being rushed"
"What!" yelled the girl "your telling me its your first time whatever it is your doing to my cousin!"
"Yes it is but nothing negative will come out of it if something goes wrong it'll just speed up death what im doing now is distracting him so the wound cant hurt anymore so he can move on to the next stage without any pain..its an illusion princess nothing is gonna happen any worse than him dying which will happen either way so your gonna have to learn to trust me"
"well I dont and if you-"
"you seem pretty confident of those threats you keep on giving out for an inexperienced demigod who wasnt even able to protect her own baby cousin from a hell hound"
"Ive been in more than 5 fights I think I should be pretty confident " she tried to snare not imtimidating kind of embarrassing really.
"yeah well ive known people who been through 10 times more and worse fights than you so if you'd shut up that'd be great because im trying to calmly set Jason to a nice long sleep"
~~~
After setting Jason on his way to Elysium Nico decided we should camp out in the woods for a night and head to camp tomorrow.
I sat next to Brandon and saw him poking the fire wood with a stick.
"Hi" I said trying to make conversation
"Hey" he replied with no emotion
"Look im sorry about what happened with jason he seemed like a sweet kid"
"He was and he was my brother also"
"oh I-I I didnt know im sorry I blamed your cousin on his death I-"
"It's fine I- Can I hug you?" he asked
"Sure I guess" and he embraced me after a few seconds I could feel a something wet one my shoulder and realized he was crying, I tried my best to comfort him there were so many deaths as a demigod and that just causes pain to people I honestly dont think Brandon deserved to have his little brother to die.
I'm not sure about the other girl but after 5 minutes of him crying Nico came out of the woods heading our way.
"(y/n) I need to talk to you"
"okay" I excused myself from brandon and followed nico to a tree not far from the camp we set up
"We need to leave this place as soon as possible tomorrow"
"Why?"
"Monsters there are 4 demigods out here im positive their gonna to smell our scent"
"Got it,we leave at at sunrise somewhat easy to shadow travel safe enough to fight monsters if they come at us" I replied turning to go back until he grabbed my wrist
I glanced at his hand on my wrist and back at him
"What?" I asked annoyed
"Why was brandon hugging you for so long?"
"Why do you care?"
"I dont but you have a job to protect me and I snuck out of this place like twice to get tents"
"His brother died what do you expect, besides I dont care to protect you and you didnt care either so why do you suddenly care"
"Because I know my father would punish you if you dont and as much as I dont like you I wouldnt like my dad punishing you or anybody else"
"well thats my problem not yours so bye" I said turning away again until he spun me around again
"So your gonna head back to Brandon now"he asked
"That shouldnt matter to you, you dont own me"I said about to head back once again until he pulled me back and kissed me.
"It does and I do now" he said when he pulled back
I pushed him away then I slapped him, and then pulled him by the collar and kissed him passionately.our lips moving in sync and then oxygen ruining everything because the human need of it we pulled away.
"I-uh got to go" I said
"whoa where do you think your going, you cant just shove,slap then kiss your boyfriend and leave me out here alone especially with your job and all"he said jokingly at least i hoped
"oh so im your girlfriend now, didnt know ghost kings had feelings"I smirked
"whatever "he lightly pushed me
#Nico di Angelo#nicodiangeloimagines#nicodiangeloxreader#percyjackson#heroesofolympus#imagines#ghostkingxreader#xreader#percy jackon and the olympians#nico di angelo x reader#annabeth chase#leovaldez#jasongrace#pipermcclean#bianca di angelo#frankzhang#hazellevesque#willsolace
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BETTER LATE THAN NEVER 6.07
AHHH OMG, I was out all day & Actually MISSED the NEW episode like wtfff?!!? it was TOrture!! & I literally had to delete twitter and Tumblr off my phone because the devil himself would’ve tempted me lmfao😭 I love spoilers but not when everyone has seen the episode but me! it’s okay though I had some rum chata to distract me lol, which is just rum and horchata which is the Hispanic version of Horlicks so, At least I was in the CtM Spirit 🙃
Anyway I’m finally getting to watch it so here we go ..
shit I’m so nervous and I haven’t pressed play
why is my heart beating so fast omg
i usually skip the intro but I’m legit not ready
PHYLLIS !! 💕
damn Vanessa already hinting at what’s to come
Baby Susan so precious omg!!
No lie one of the prettiest babies I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen lots of ugly babies and lots of cute babies, I’m qualified to judge.
“Courage and resilience will matter most of all” 😭😭ahh omg
My spirit animal and campion Phyllis deserves nothing but the best I’m not ready to see her hurt
SHELAGH GETTING EXAMINED 😭😭💕💕 MY HEART IS BURSTING & her belly is so big omg!
CRYING SHE STILL CANT BELIEVE ITS HAPPENING ME EITHER BBY 😭 like holy shit I’m still not over it.
But I’m going to binge series 6 with my mother when I’m home Saturday and can’t wait for her to watch because she wanted to see shelagh have a baby & also she doesn’t know what tf has happened 😭😭😂 it’s been a crazy series! She will be s h o o k
“I know I’m just not a very relaxed sort of person” SAME but BBY RELAX 😭💕
LOL I WOULDNT HAVE READ IT EITHER
That was a cute moment with Babs and Shelagh!! But still wish it was w/ Trixie though 🙁 also it didn’t seem like a “heart to heart”? was it supposed to or was I expecting too much
Aw Rhoda 💔
what a ignorant ass teacher though, I’ll FIGHT HER REAL QUICK
BOY OR GIRL??? I REALLY WANT TO KNOW UGH WHAT IS BABY TURNER??!
ugh Shelagh and Patrick’s faces 😫 I hope they don’t feel guilty for having a baby
But also why does shelagh have to keep wearing the same things lol, I feel cheated of all the cute maternity looks she could’ve served instead
“Having to explain” poor Mrs Antoine UGH THAT MAKES ME SO ANGRY, THERE’S NOTHING TO BE EXPLAINED I’m mixed, Hispanic and white not black and white but still my dad is tan & we’ve been places where people have given my parents the dirtiest looks and have heard a nasty comment or two & it BOILS MY BLOOD
Omg the Antoine boys are precious
TRIXIE 😍😍 my bby looks good!
PHYLLIS IN TROUSERS HELL YES
UM VALARIE CAN U NOT BE RACIST
I swear if she says anything more I’ll lose my shit
“No one can really choose who they fall in love with” BLESS U DEELS
Bless Phyllis for making sure those cubs don’t grow up to be as ignorant as their parents
“I surmise the puller of teeth is intended to admire it” SISTER MJ IS A GEM
LOL SISTER J WANTS HIM TO COME THROUGH
SISTER WINIFRED WITH ANOTHER PRICELESS FACE IM DEAD
A bassoon? Lmaoo what the actual fuck Tim
Oh it’s for girls ofc LOL give him a girlfriend already, I’d get such a kick out of it. & Patrick could make another dad joke and say like take a lesson from me I legit beat God over a woman’s heart
The Mullucks fam 😭
Patrick with Susan omg aww
Trixie looking like a b a b e I’m dead 😍
“You’ll look like you’re trying to hard” DELIA HAHA OMG SHE GETS LIKE ONE MIN OF SCREEN TIME BUT SHE ALWAYS HAS GOOD LINES
I need Trixie’s everything, no joke. HOW
But I’m dying my hair blonder this week don’t play
Ah my bby shelagh again 😍💕
I feel so sorry for Patrick like this wasn’t your fault
LMAO SISTER WINIFRED CANT CONCENTRATE IN COMPLINE SHE IS ANNOYINGLY PRECIOUS
She’s scared to take her driving test aw 😂😂 same like I have my permit but I’m scared to fail the actual driving test
“Oh I have a soft spot for the Antoines” PHYLLIS TIENE UN GRAN COROZON 😭
Omg Mr and Mrs Antoine are so cute too, dios te bendiga 😰
Christopher being a flake wtf no me gusta
Sister W is in on the drama like Sister B was, am I right??
LMAO HER RUN
Prosthetics are so wild, my abuelo has a prosthetic leg and I was so interested when he first got it. But also I’m going to hell for being evil because I joke around way too much when he’s extra senile
“People call my kids hair frizzy, but I think it’s beautiful” MY HEART😭💔 literally my mom was the same with me. Defensive over my curls - even tho my hair is frizzy sometimes😭
The song though, took me a second to process but that’s my bby shelagh’s song ?? Ummm wut
lol sister Winifred hella late, let me guess this will make her want to drive?
this prosthetic place is so great wow omg
damn it Bernie
PHYLLIS LOVES THIS FAMILY AND I LOVE THEM ALL OMG 😭😭
GET THE RUM ! or I will lol
ah never mind
LOL SISTER W AGAIN & PHYLLIS SHAKING HER HEAD
the question is, does/has sister Winifred drink/drank ? she seems like a light weight
fuck is this when it’s gonna happen
I’M NOT READY DAMN IT
damn Bernie..
UGH MY HEART IS RACING IM SO ANXIOUS AND SCARED AHJXKWLXM
HOLY SHIT OMGGGG
THAT WAS SO HARD AHH OMGG
IM FUCKING SCREAMING
Phyllis is in shock o h m y g o d
I can’t process this either
OMG I CANT DEAL
PHYLLIS IS SOBBING, IM SOBBING WTFFFF OMGG 😭😰😰😰💔💔💔
MY FUCKING HEART
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO OMG
AW SISTER W ASWELL UGH WTF I SHOULDNT FEEL SO MUCH
LMAO OMG THANK U FOR COMIC RELIF
TIM SUCKS LMAO stick to the damn piano boy
PATRICK AND SHELAGH GIGGLING OMG MY HEART IS OKAY NOW 😭😭💕💕
SHELAGH AND PATRICK BEING SO CUTE IM CRYING
DAMN THALIDOMIDE
DAMN THAT CAR UGH
DAMN IT ALL
LOW FUCKING BLOW BERNIE THAT WAS NOT HER FAULT
BABS TRYING TO COMFORT PHYLLIS IM CRYING AGAIN
SHE IS SO HURT, I AM SO HURT, IM A BLOODY MESS OF TEARS. IM SOBER AND SAD NOW & THERE’S MASCARA In MY CONTACT LENS & MY 3yr OLD GREMLIN LITTLE COUSIN IS KICKING ME (lol he’s laying next to me)
AND CARRIE CRYING NOW OMGGG NO LENNY WONT DIE STOP
“That lovely gp of yours” lol does everyone have a crush on Dr Turner but me? Lol don’t come @ me pls I’m sorry I know people love him 😭😭 Im here for Christopher and Tom But He is handsome, just in an older man way Lmaoo guess it’s cause he could be my dad 😂 lol he’s older than my dad
I’d take him as a sugar daddy real quick though. I need my tuition paid and he is so sweet😏 😭😂
So it was a scarf, hmm I thought trixie was gonna find like stockings or something
“Not Hermès but something very like it” lol how does Trixie know what Hermès feels like on a nurses salary?
Valarie is on my nerves & she’s had like 2 mins of screen time Lmaoo I’ve liked her until this episode. I hope they don’t ruin her for me
“But I’m a member of the institute of advanced motorists” UGH PHYLLIS IS A GEM WHO DOES NOT DESERVE THIS !! SHE IS THERE FOR EVERYONE ALWAYS, SHE ALWAYS DOES GOOD WHY MUST THIS HAPPEN TO HER?
Aw Sister Winifred
Oh Rhoda 💔💔she’s such a great mother
MY HEART, THEY WERE WALKING AWAY FROM BEING TEASED
BLAME THE RACISTS, IT IS ALWAYS A VALID BLAME
YES PHYLLIS IS A GOOD WOMAN! 😭😭
Tom trying to comfort Phyllis😭😭
“You’re fond of your meat, and our views on God and His existence are divergent to say the least, but we both follow vocations…. so if you caused harm to someone else, even inadvertently would it not make you question what everything in your life has come to stand for?” I’m c r y i n g
“I, a rational woman, have no one to question but myself” 😭💔
IM REALLY HURT
“Sometimes cheering people on the sidelines doesn’t help”
my bby killing it 😍
Why you being a flake Christopher? go ahead man tell her about your kid
BRUH YOU DONT TELL HER LIKE THAT LMAO
he’s divorced ah, thought it was out of wedlock. I don’t care though haha
NO DRINKS FOR TRIXIE, TELL HIM BBY.. in your own time of course 💕
BABY SUSAN SO PRECIOUS
Fred brought her car ugh And Phyllis is still so hurt as am I 💔
This lady is so sweet! I hope she and Rhoda become friends right now
DID SHE TAKE DISTIVAL TOO?
lol wait where are the Turners I miss them??
“.. and the words ‘Nonnatus house this is not a midwife speaking’ are most unlikely to reassure the caller” SISTER MJ!
YES SHE DID OMG. I need them to be best friends omg 💔😭
“Nothing was said, nothing was done” 💔💔
PHYLLIS LOOKING AT THE CAR
SISTER MJ IS GOING WITH HER MY HEART OMG
my heart my heart
aw the mullucks'😭 ofc IT WASNT YOUR FAULT!
SISTER MJ IS A GEM 💕😭 & PHYLLIS IS JUMPING BACK IN
TWO GEMS 😭💕 but also if this was the birth they meant that sister MJ was involved in ill be lowkey sad, but we shall see next week if she’s randomly with Shelagh when she delivers
Trixie serving more looks 😍
Aw my bby 💔does she tell him about her alcoholism at the end of this ?
Also what are we guessing about Valarie rn?? she has a secret? tragic backstory to be unlocked? what ? She gay?
Aw the mulluks’s again! All so sweet💕 & YES LYDIA BE FRIENDS
ugh Christopher looks good af😍 and that car yes
YES TRIXIE 😍 my girl looking good as well
SHE TOLD HIM 😭 IM CRYING IM SO PROUD 😭😭💕💕WHY DO I FEEL SO PROUD FOR A FICTIONAL CHARACTER??! I love her
Oh shit Patsy’s dad is dead. I assumed that was coming
Phyllis reassuring Delia awww
PHYLLIS BACK AT THE CUBS 😭 MY CHAMPION AND SPIRIT ANIMAL BOUNCING BACK
Lenny’s speech omg brb crying
The support group for thalidomide victims omg my heart
I was cryin before and now I’m crying more for this Irish lady
Omg side side side note there was this cute old interracial couple that seem like my parents in 20yrs in JFK yesterday that were so precious and sweet and we’re talking to me the whole time waiting at the gate & then there was this sweet Irish couple who were confused about the time difference and I helped them out and then when we landed they helped me out looking for my bag so now I have much more faith in humanity because usually the people in NYC airports are angry new yorkers who don’t care lol like me (jk)
“There’s no rule of life so simple or so true ..” 😭😢💔💖
Thank u Vanessa I’m so emotional, show me next week
Bonus: next week
OMG PHYLLIS HUGGING SHELAGH OMGGG. I NEVER KNEW I NEEDED TO SEE THIS
PHYLLIS BETTER DELIVER THE BABY I KNOW I WANTED TRIXIE BUT IT DOESNT SEEN LIKELY AND SO INEED PHYLLIS (sister J too ofc?! She was barely in this past episode)
MY BBY SHELAGH’S TUMMY IS SO BIG IN HER UNIFORM OMG SHE’S SO PRECIOUS I LOVE HER I MISSED HER THIS PAST EPISODE
BUT OH MY GOD BABY TURNER IS COMING HOLY SHIT THIS IS HAPPENING THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HERE COMES THE PILL READY OR NOT #LETSGETIT1962
Lol oh shoot I didn’t take mine yesterday or today brb
AW DELIA
WHAT IS SIGNIFICANT ABOUT BABS SLEEPING I NEED TO KNOW
Lol idk why but even though I like Tom and Babs their relationship just doesn’t do anything for me😂😂 like I don’t give a shit? They’re cute but idk it doesn’t cut it. Like they’re just there and I’m like “aw ok”
OMG I CANT WAIT WHAT WILL HAPPEN ?! I NEED ANSWERS
I will die next week. For real.
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Who am I?
If I ever do get a real blog (maybe in a couple of weeks, maybe in a month? we’ll see), then this would be my ‘about me’ page. Probably tumblr has one as well but I’m taking this exploring a blog thing one step at a time. And I already added an image to one of my previous posts so..
So who am I and what am I doing with this blog (and why should you be doing the same?)
Right, let’s skip on the who am i question and get to the interesting stuff. I’m 21, which means for me that I’m in the phase of my life where you have to unlearn all the ‘bad stuff’ your parents raised you with and you kind of have to raise yourself on all the stuff you wish they’d raised you with. I think for some people this happens automatically and probably at a younger age and for some people this doesnt happen at all. But I have wanted to do this (to change) for as long as I remember and it never really seemed to work. Now it is working and I guess I’m taking you all (that would be all the 0 (zero) people that follow this blog and the 0 people I’ve told about this blog) along for the journey. Both for me, because typing shit out makes them more real and makes the changes more real and because I’m learning a lot and I think other people might benefit from the lessons I’m learning.
So what’s the starting point? Like I said, I’m 21 and I just finished my bachelors in artificial intelligence. I spent my last semester in Spain and this is where I realised I couldnt continue living the way I was. I didn’t not only not want to keep living the way I was, but I genuinely couldnt. I think I have anxiety disorder and it’s been interfering with my life in many, many ways. But even if you do not have anxiety disorder, the same mechanisms that are making my life really hard are probably making your life a lot more difficult than it has to be. So in a way I should be grateful for my anxiety because it’s forcing me to explore these concepts that I otherwise wouldn’t have and maybe my life at the end of this journey will be better than Iif I hadn’t been given these obstacles in life. Yeah. Maybe someday I’ll actually believe that.
So anxiety is the big problem and then there are the sideproblems and coping mechanisms that initially, if you’re walking a similar path to mine, you might think are the things ruining your life and are also the things that you want to change so badly, but can’t seem to. You think that doesnt make sense, why can’t I just stop picking my face? Why can’t I stop binging on chocolate? But it’s because I didn’t factor in the underlying reason: the anxiety. So my coping mechanisms aren’t that original probably. Number 1 would be ‘distraction’. Whenever the anxiety kicks in, which ranges from 50% of the time to 100% of the time, I’ll feel stress and fear and I’ll try to distract myself from feeling that and my brain from thinking related thoughts by either looking at memes, scrolling on pinterest or watching series. I would spent literally every minute of my time I’m not doing something and thus occupying my brain on my phone/laptop. Now I’m not saying memes are bad or series are bad, or unhealthy food is bad (woo shocker), it’s all about your relationship with them. Number 2 is food. I am not lying when I say that I would think of food every couple of minutes. And that’s hard. Because it feels like your dieting your life away, every time you have to tell yourself no. Then there is the fact that you have limited self-control. So for example, you have to finish a project for uni. This project in itself is giving you anxiety, of course so you’ll get the desire to eat unhealthy food. Now you can either put your self-control in denying yourself food, or you can put your self-control in working onthe project, both are a lot harder than they should be and both are a lot harder than they are for most other people. Obviously, I chose working on the project, which meant I was always eating a lot of crap when I’m studying. C’est la vie. Number 3 is a bit more strange. I pick my face. I look for any unevenness and god forbid clogged pores and I scratch, pimp and tug on my skin until the unevenness is even and bleeding or the clogging oil is out of the pores. And bleeding. This means my face often looks like a warzone (at least to me) and it’s been one of the harder habits to kick and it’s also the one that makes the least sense to me. I’ve never really cared about appearances much, I wear comfortable clothing (usually from my current boyfriend, and I don’t mean just a cute oversize blouse. I’ll wear his pants and his already oversized sweaters etc. I just care about comfort, which I think is also partly to do with my anxiety), I don’t wear make-up and sometimes I’ll brush my hair. But there have been nights where I laid awake hating my face, wanting it to burn, simply because my skin is not ‘perfect’. Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either, but that’s how it often is with anxiety.
Then, what I think lies at the core of my anxiety is fear of failure. And this one is different, because fear of failure I’ve had my entire life. Beating anxiety takes a lot of determination. Just like changing yourself does (not if you follow my amazing advice, that is, I truly believe that change isn’t that hard if only you know how). And I’ve always been able to refer to the person I was ‘before’, so back when I had a healthy relationship with food, I simply didn’t think about my skin at all and seeing my roommates around the house didn’t fill me with a sense of fear and impending danger. If I had been that way before than I could go back to it. I’m stubborn enough to think that if life can change me this way, I’ll change my way back (that’s not how it works, you become someone else, but more about that later). But it’s harder when there is no ‘before’. Because if someone hasn’t showed you that you can change then who are you to believe you can? Well fuck that, I’m me and that’s all I need, I truly believe I can change EVERYTHING and I will keep believing this until proven otherwise, but guess what, since I’ll keep trying until I die, you won’t be able to prove me otherwise.
Fun fact on this matter actually is that not having this belief can truly, seriously be one of your biggest enemies of change. So apperently it’s a big deal to run a mile in under four minutes and nobody thought it could be done. Until one guy did it. So this ‘barrier’ that stood for decades get broken and less than fifty days later someone else breaks it too. And then a year later, 3 people also break it, in one and the same race. By now, thousands of people have broken that ‘barrier’. It’s not a barrier. It’s your thinking. So stop that.
So I had Fear of Failure (FoF) all my life and then there were some circomestances (it was high school, big shocker) and then I developed anxiety disorder. I’ve been talking mostly about a lot of symptoms of this mental foe, but there is also of course, the social aspect. And that one is so, so hard. It’s not the worst side-effect for me. I have friends, I know how to make friends, I go out to parties etc. But it’s the one that’s most debilitating. No one can prepare you for this one. For thinking you are not ‘normal’, for never fitting in, for that to even become an option, then a self-fullfilling prophecy and then just a part of who you are.
It’s also the hardest to change, because you can stop eating food and stop looking at your phone (this is completely the wrong way to go about change, but Im siumplifying) but you cant just ‘feel comfortable’ in social situations. You can’t just ‘increase your self-esteem’, you can’t just ‘set bounderies and feel good about it’. I mean I tried to do the things while ignoring the emotions thinking it would go away. AND THIS DOES NOT WORK. it made it all so much worse. So don’t beat yourself up for ‘isolating’ yourself. Sure, isolation without a solution is gonna make the problem worse and you should definetely still catch up with your close friends and do the things that are light-to-medium-exhausting. But just ‘getting out there’ isn’t gonna make your anxiety go away, it’s just gonna make it worse. That said. You need to actually address the problem if you are noticing that social situations have become harder for you.
Okay, so this is me. This is where I am at right now. Finishing my bachelor thesis for uni was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, even though the stuff I actually had to do wasnt that hard, but I had to fight for every single word I wrote. I couldn’t have continued to my masters. My parents came to visit and I cried at a restaurant, finally telling them my problem and then I decided to take a year off and focus on getting my life back on track. I’m now four months into this year and there has been many, many changes and definetely not enough. You can read about them here if you want to.
Sidenote. I’m living at my parents, which has its own challenges of course. But it’s been really helpful for me, since I didn’t feel like I had a comfort zone anymore, and this place is the closest thing to a comfort zone and I think it had slowly become one. Well at least my room has. One thing that seems obvious when you want to ‘find yourself’ is to travel, but I don’t think that would have been the best decision for me. I’ll write about that some other time.
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Episode #9: "we're here for the messy bitch game play right" - Annabelle
Tribal was f*ckin wild. Like didnt see that coming and Nicole we literally never talked so dont come for me. 👏
So far Nicole’s attempt hasnt affected anything. And plus Sharky took more of the heat and more blood on his hand and I did for coming up with the Nicole vote. Like im scream team to the end but like it works better for me if people dont see me as a huge threat right now unlike Sharky. I think i might be in a good spot and with an advatage with this immunity hopefully i can win.
Well... I refuse to be booboo the fool right now. I have conflicting information currently about who voted me so guess what? I am not gonna trust anyone LMAO. Everyone is denying and pointing the fingers at others and its fucking pissing me off. Like just own up to voting me so i can have a clear target my fucking god. Like goodbye see you soon!
from my confessional cause i just went off in it LOL about the last tribal:
i know brian and sharky did not vote me
nate and bryce are being fishy
maynor seems non exsistant
keaton is literally opening his big mouth and getting himself in more trouble
i trust anna enough
and nick thinks he is "iconic" for an idol play
like boi
con-fucking-gratulations that you can do something many have done before you
Like, im so done with these people, just let me play my idol in peace smh
So I basically threw this challenge. I just put myself for most of the positives and I put Keaton for most of the negatives. With a few random answers sprinkled in. I get so nervous about really trying on Touchy Subjects because Im worried about revealing my alliances and stuff. This way I just look cocky. And Keaton and I are already on bad terms so me putting him for the negatives might piss him off but probably not anyone else. Ugh
ok so me snapping and voting matt is really annoying KJFHDSAKJFDHS idk why i did that! i was crazy back then... so current thinking is that me/matt/keaton voted matt. and then nicole did keaton and everyone else did nicole. i dont think anyone suspects me but like they woudlnt tell me if they do FJKASDHFKJ apparently matt thinks that nathan did it and anna thinks that it was keaton and maynor and im just like :| FSAJDHFKD. also this comp is about to ruin me like my answers are def gonna make ppl hate me and plus i wrote myself for some good ones which i never do but idk im just really feeling myself so cant wait for the crushing weight of reality to knock me down a peg or two when i get like "next voted out" "doesnt deserve to be here" AFJKSDFHKAJ but maybe not... anyways i recently got obsessed with shakira again like.. im thriving
youtube
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https://i.imgur.com/5o6sz3j.png when i tell u i screamed JKDFASHKJAD
Okay so Touchy Subjects ALWAYS blows up my game. Like I got all the ones that make people target you. Running the Game. Biggest Snake. Physical Threat. I even somehow managed to get "Trust the Most" and "Best Liar". HOW!? And now I'm super worried because if I wasn't on everybody's radar before I sure am now. And I have no idea who I can trust after those rogue Matt votes. I even feel slightly sketched out by Nick. He's acting...weird. And he keeps telling everyone there is a war between me and Keaton. Which I guess is sort of true because Keaton is throwing my name out there. And obviously I would rather him go.
everyone is so extra JKDAHSKFJ matt making a post about how the ppl who are lying and saying they didnt vote him are personally effecting him are terrible like.. ok sorry for not exposing myself get over it u got 3 votes one of which were ur own and maybe if u were more active and didnt reply with one word responses no matter how hard i tried to get u to speak i wouldnt have thrown the vote on u. im just like so over his entitledness that ppl confess to him like who do u think u are KJFHADKJFDH. i feel like maybe im being too mean so if matt reads this after the game im sure ur just in ur feelings or w/e and u did say u had personal stuff going on but like thats not an excuse to go on tirades in the tribe chat when no one but u cares.
keaton is the worst person ive ever met (and i know zach :s) weird of him to choose white ppl saying the n word as his hill to die on but um i got the cannon ready to aim and hes going :airplane: to jury.
OK, so basically Annabelle wins immunity! Good for her, but she's literally not doing enough for me to feel beyond happy for her kjHD... like she's nice and I like her, but at the end of the day, I really don't think she's doing much to propel herself and she's just getting kinda lucky... considering the first and now second immunity have been somewhat luck based... ya....
Keaton's the name being thrown into the mix already (it's only 9:11pm), and I really am fine with that this time around! I like him, but I think he's just someone who can easily go now and it not be bad for me in the future. He's already thrown out Sharky's name and basically called out Sharky to his face, so I'm kinda shaking in my booties. As long as it ain't me, I'm happy enough to listen, but I just don't want any big surprises like the Matt votes, again.
Sharky has been thrown out as the biggest threat in this game right now, and while I think it's very apparent to everyone, I can't have him going anywhere right now. No fucking way. I love the shark man. He's my favorite... he cannot go anywhere... I need him!! So buh-fucking-bye, Keaton! I may like you, but it's not enough to keep you.
Keaton is trash.
Let me elaborate on my previous confessional. So first Keaton tries to call me out for mentioning his name which I didn't do (I did admit to it to save the drama so thats partially on me) but he tries to call me out in public after the vote. Gross. Then after the challenge he starts gunning for me hard. He wants to claim I was doing the same but I wasn't gunning for him very hard. Because i didn't care if he went. He wasn't an ally but he wasn't a threat either. until he started trying to tear me down. Also let's be clear this all started because EVERYONE thinks he's rude and annoying. Then he tries to come for me in pms calling me out for spreading lies. Which again I NEVER DID. So I straightened him out on that. Then he tries to do the "If I don’t get you out now I never will and then we all lose." which is BULLSHIT. Don't get mad and angry with me just because I'm playing better than you. CHILDISH. Then in the tribe chat he says "As a player he can burn. As a person he's enjoyable." IS HE TRYING TO MAKE ME HATE HIM!? First of saying I can burn makes me want to really drag him. Also bro you and i don't talk you don't know shit about me as a person. You did that just to feed this "Feud" thats going on. STFU. Bye. Whichever one of us goes I'm glad I won't have to talk to his KIRBY LOOKING ASS anymore. I wish Marie had stayed.
Okay I can't lie I'm super nervous about this vote. I just don't trust anyone. I'm talking to Annabelle now and was like "I'm down to vote for anybody" because I'm not sure where she's at and I want her to know I am a vote for her.
Well. Good thing is that i wasnt dragged with with what Nicole said which is good with me. I didnt get any touchy subject which is also great. My two best allies Sharky and Keaton both did which means they’ll be targeted before I do. Which is awesome. Me and Nathan dont want to see Keaton go so we got Annabell and Bryce to be with us for a 5 person voting block thats going after Matt. Thats right, Matt is going home. Keaton plan was to try and distract Sharky and fight with him and have both of their names on the chopping block. This means that Matt wont see this blindside happening. And if Sharky has an idol, he’ll waste it cuz he won’t be getting any votes. Its gonna sbe wild af. Be ready.
Its been very quiet this morning. The plan has been set so im hoping that nothing else shatters the plan. The idol search doesnt like me as it likes Nick. Only thing i found was an advantage for next immunity which was an extra point butnit was touchy subject so i kinda threw it cuz said my name for the ones i felt where really bad. And i want to give a shout out for host Drew. You are an amazing and cool person.
OK, so Nathan has been going behind me and Sharky's back to target Matt... and I'm just shook to my fucking core.... bless Annabelle's big heart for telling Sharky because it gave us some room to snap hard. I know Matt has an idol, and I cannot wait for him to pull it out at tribal. I think that Nathan is thinking very short term and thinking him not telling me and Sharky is just some move he can make on his own, but as the Touchy Subjects' results showed us, Nathan thinks he's running the game but Sharky is actually doing it. Getting this info... what a fucking legend...
Annabelle doesn't want to be screwed because of this whole situation so Sharky wants to avoid voting Nathan out but I lowkey don't care. Nathan keeping me out of the conversation makes me lose all trust in him. I know I'm not the target, but it doesn't change the fact that he's trying to run the game behind my back. It's not going to work, sir. It won't.
Ok... I'm angry, but I'm going to have to control that anger and turn it into making the best decision for my game and that will be to work with Matt and Sharky till the end.
Brace yourself this is going to be a LONG ONE. So last night I basically went to Anna and tried to save my ass because I really haven't been sure how genuine our alliance was because of our history together. She basically kept saying she was in a tough spot and this and that and so I outright asked her if she was considering voting for me. And she was like absolutely not. Which is such a relief. HOWEVER! She confesses that Nathan has created a secret plan to vote out Matt. He specifically told everyone not to tell me and Brian about it. EXCUSE ME? Aren't we in an alliance dude? So thats really pisses me off. But supposedly they have the majority for this plan. So that means I don't have to worry about myself as much. But I don't want Matt to go. Especially after this proved that he's one of the only ones I trust. So I'm thinking out of 9 votes we have 3 we can maybe use the steal a vote or something to try and get a majority. CUT TO THIS MORNING. I tell Brian about this secret plan and Brian tells me Matt has a freakin idol!!! So now we can use his idol and even if there are 5 votes left Matt/Brian/Myself control that vote then. Now the tough part...I need the vote to stay on Keaton because if it goes to anybody else Anna is going to think I screwed her over. And I promised her that her telling me wouldn't bite her in the ass. I also need this to stay TOP SECRET because if anyone finds out I leaked the plan they are going to come after me and I love Matt but I don't want to destroy my game to save him. So we need to have Matt use his idol and all 3 of us need to vote for Keaton.
God these people. I am VERY sure I am getting votes tonight and it's ok. Why? Cause I have an idol fuck these cunts. If not the WOOO love a minority!
i'm playing a super dangerous game right now but it's ok hopefully it works out we're here for the messy bitch game play right and i also just like play better in chaos so let's keep it that way once the game gets boring people will think of me.
youtube
Y'all I'm feeling real shitty about this week. I still feel super in danger. i feel like everyone is lying to my face. But I'm also worried for Matt. Luckily he has an idol so he'll be safe but the fact that he's catching votes at all is concerning. I hope it's Keaton going out but you just truly never know. This could be my time.
So it seems Matt might be an option for the vote but the questions I have are:
Do I trust Matt enough to tell him he’s getting votes?
Am I willing to make an early move?
How will this will effect me moving forward?
And when thinking between Keaton and Matt... I think I know my decision…
The shit hit the fan. Somehow Nick knows the hidden real plan that it was going to be Matt tonight. Keaton keeps lying to Bryce that he’s doing Sharky but Bryce is the number we have to have majority over Matt. Keaton is being sketchy kinda. Hopefully the plan goes according and Matt goes because last time he was doing a witch hunt for those 2 votes. Im going to be drinking at tribal tonight. Shit is too stressful.
Keaton is idoled out in a 6-3 vote.
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prague 3/31-4/2
when i arrived in prague it was rainy and freezing cold, i had gotten off the tram too early so i had to walk through it carrying my incredibly heavy bag (which im pretty sure is giving me awesome arm & leg muscles), and because i was holding the bag i couldn’t also hold an umbrella.. needless to say when i first got there i wasn’t the happiest camper.
BUT, i did an easter market near my hostel so i once i put my bags down and dried off a little i grabbed my umbrella and went over. i bought a piping hot keilbasa in a bun and when i say piping hot i mean it. i bit into it too quickly and ended up burning the roof of my mouth to the point where it blistered. but it was really tasty so in the end i say it was worth it
with that i retired to my hostel and wrote the other two blog posts, and luckily the next day was much nicer. while trying to navigate to a cafe to have breakfast i got distracted by a pretty builiding and decided to walk towards it instead and walked straight into a bigger and better easter market located in the old town square. in the center there was a decorated tree, which i’m guessing is czech tradition because they were at every easter market that i stumbled upon. they even had a petting zoo with TWO goats. one was trying to eat a bucket
and there wasn’t an easter bunny, but they had this thing
& the best thing about a prague easter market is all of the food. at this one i got a pastry called a trdelník (don’t ask me how thats pronounced cuz i have no clue), which is a “spit cake” - rolled dough wrapped around a stick and put on a spit roast and then covered in sugar, cinnamon, and sometimes walnuts
i got one filled with nutella & gotta say not enough nutella. im a nutella girl, when i say gimme some nutella i mean really GIVE ME some nutella
after a while of walking around i tried another bit of the street food, this time a hungarian dish called a lángos. its deep fried dough with some toppings. i don’t know what the traditional toppings are but this one had garlic butter, cheese, and ketchup and it was delicious, but honestly i love anything with garlic
from the market i began my walk to the charles bridge. it was beautiful, like everything else in prague
there were vendors and bands lining the edges of the entire bridge, theres even a jazz band called ‘the bridge band’ that play there every day. there was also a man dressed as chewbacca just standing at the entrance to the bridge
i feel like i could really make up some deeper meaning about this image it feels like an art piece to me. i could totally see it in moma, so i’ll keep you updated on how that goes
the other side of the bridge was just as beautiful
i feel like im using beautiful too much but prague is just . its beautiful. i love buildings. do i know anything about buildings or archtiecture other than remembering the word flying buttress? nope. but i love me a good building, and pragues got tons of em
after walking around a bit i went to the john lennon wall, because well. the people reading this know me. of course i went to the john lennon wall (i had a small beatles obsession for a few years, its still there. may or may not have listened to the beatles exclusively for a year. it happens)
most of the actual john lennon stuff had been covered by other artists but it was cool to see anyway
after that i headed back towards my hostel for a quick dinner and then went on a pub crawl with a couple girls i met from new jersey. there were people from all over the world there, i met a couple german dudes that broke out into john denver’s take me home country roads upon hearing i was from virginia. i was shocked and probably didn’t stop talking about how excited that made me until we moved to the next bar but how cool is that!!
the next day i went to the spanish synagogue, and god guys this thing is beautiful (theres that word again, i’ll try to use a different one next time)
i love that the glass is patterned with the star of david as well
i went to the jewish cemetery afterwards
i’ve never seen a cemetery just so. full. there were barely any spots between the headstones, i’m honestly not sure how all the bodies fit n there unless they were buried at varying depths
after i walked back over the charles bridge to go up to the prague castle. the walk up included lots of stairs and got a burn going in your thighs but the view from up top was definitely worth it
i couldnt figure out how to get into the actual castle,or at least where to buy a ticket, so i just walked into the cathedral or maybe the castle?? (who knows. not a lot of signage haha) either way, the stained glass windows were amazing (look didn’t use beautiful)
i walked back down after that and on my way back i got a trdelník with ice cream,
saw some people demonstrating how their abs are far superior to those of the rest of humanity,
(seriously, no wire or anything. that dude on top must have had like a 40-pack)
and found a museum dedicated to czech filmmaker karel zeman. my phone and camera were both about to die at this point so i have no pictures to offer, but it was a cool museum. the guy was a “master of special effects,” particularly with puppeteering. he designed and shot his live-action jules verne films to look like book illustrations, it was really amazing. he has two jules verne films if i recall correctly, definitely at least look up a screenshot
after that i got back and packed up my stuff. i had an early train, which meant of course that i hit snooze on my alarm and told myself that i was awake when i truly wasn’y the next mornig when it was time to catch that train. needless to say i was running late and a little bit stressed. i dont know if my uber driver sensed that and was trying to comfort me but at one point when we were across the highway (or something like a highway??) from the train station he looked very intensely at me in the rear view mirror and said theres the train station. i was fully convinced he wanted me to jump out o the car and go run across the busy highway and i didn’t really know what to do so i just kept staring back at him in the rearview mirror until traffic started moving again. he broke the eye contact and went back to driving, but i still am not really sure what was going on there. i ended up making the train! im convinced that my arm and leg muscles are gonna be huge after this trip withal the sprinting carrying this huge i’ve done
and so began my time in vienna, which is coming next
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