#im just so depressed and exhausted and in pain

[lonelyworld]

.

#personal #i feel so bad everything hurts #im struggling so much with sleep lately #i didnt fall asleep until like 0530 today #and i skipped class today because i was so exhausted #my body aches so badly especially my back and shoulders and neck #im just so depressed and exhausted and in pain #and im really anxious and stressed which is probably why im aching so bad #i want do die #i feel so distressed

[semiotomatics]

lol, new fear unlocked: disappointing my therapist when i have bad days -_-

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #clouds gets therapy #like idk. i told her this week was gonna be tough for me bc of my period #but i also said last week was better than expected and she was so happy for me #and we were both so hopeful that this week would be better too #and then it. wasnt #well it wasnt all bad #but yesterday and today have sure sucked lol #im just so. mad #like. this is so unfair #i have a concert tonight that ive been looking forward to _literally all year_ #technically since last year #but i have cramps and i couldnt sleep and its pouring out and i dont have rainboots and i just. cant #or dont want to. whichever #and i know its okay. i know ill get another chance to see him live (tonight wouldve been my 4th time seeing him anyway lol) #but i still just. want to go #i wish i wasnt in pain and exhausted and depressed and just. like this #i wish i wasnt like this #edit: was just reminded that this is actually the SECOND time i had tickets to see him live this year but couldnt go #fucking sucks man #at least i did get to see him live on my birthday #that was. the best

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

I drew a singular hand today are you guys proud of me

#shut up me #art is SO PAINFUL these days Im really struggling #uni is so much that i really do feel a bit depressed. like just #might as well just give up on trying to do my hobbies #become a mindless robot put my head down and get my assignments and studyign done #im constantly exhausted from never getting enough sleep and im struggling to focus even when I do go to bed at a normal hour #I have an 8am tomorrow.. i need to sleep in 2 hours #I didnt even get that much studying done. sigh

[ratmanstiles]

.

#dont get me wrong im very happy ive got insurance again #im very happy at tye idea of starting t finally #but im just so #exhausted #and depressed #all the tjme #that i just #why do i even bother #i think im gonna end up killing myself anyway #but it has to get better right???? #right? #my chrinic phsyical and mental pain cant be forever . right? #im afraid of getting better bc all ive ever been is unstable and angry and hurt all the tkme ive never known real peace #even where i live now im constantly fivhting things mentally and physically #no one here knoes im disabled. i dony let myself leave the house with a cane out of shame. #im afraid ill end up like my father #bitter. miserable. constantly in pain. constantly high to combat the pain. abusive and angry snd explosive. rotten. #i wish everyday a freak accident would happen and claim my life snd just fucking kill me already #im so so so tired of pretending for my friends and family im so tired of putting on a fake smile om so tired

[thewomanwithmissingfingers]

i need pain relief MOST now so that i can finish uni w/o failing but im moving back home in basically a week which means i can’t even try going through a pain clinic because i will have to switch gp and then also be on a waiting list which will probably take too long to allow me any relief before my assignments are due

so im basicallyyy fucked, and i have no support from family or friends who understand and instead are already telling me im done for just bc i struggle .

#i am just so exhausted from being so in pain every day #all the time #idk what to do i have no idea anymore #i dont have the energy or money to do some weird diet #im too depressed and tired to have a normal schedule #and my rheum appointments are so fucking spaced apart #i have over 2 months until im scheduled to see them again

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired! #3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

[simsfromupthere]

i was trying to make some recolors for fun n to hopefully upload some of the good ones as cc here w/o having to open my messed up game and then i realised if i do i NEED to open n fix my funky game no matter what for preview pics 😭

#kill me. kill now. me a kill needing a lot right now #i might try to do it when my brains better bc atm its absolutely waaaay too cluttered to focus on fixing my ts4 game #like im mid adjusting my ADHD meds so im not takinf any atm theres NOOO way i can focus on trying to fix this hell games lmfao #i also am in a depressive epusode soooo thats fun too #which suuuucks cause i have so many good recolor ideas aaaaaaaa #and i cant even open my game to run CAS so i cant even take preview pics in CAS -____- #so yeah im gonna try to as soon as my brains a little better n i have adjusted my adhd meds #but for now its still slim pickens TS4 content wise i genuinely apologise 😭 #im rlly sorry like no joke but also rlly tired just exhausted #legit i apologise #but also like cmon #i just want to play my silly life simulation game and its like NOOOOOOPEE #i hate this game #pain. suffering even #nonsims #im losing it #non sims #shitpost #shit post #shitposts #shit posts #text posts #textposts #textpost #text post #jester posting

[eileennatural]

its so unfortunate to get an injury that results in chronic pain but in an unbelievably lame way. What do you mean my quality of life has been drastically and permanently affected just bc i opened my mouth a little bit too wide after getting my wisdom teeth out

#at least my ankle pain (less frquent than jaw) can be explained by a lifetime of field hockey injuries and an unfortunate backpacking trip #also when i read that depression is frequently associated w tmj pain that really clicked like my mental health as been nearly at an all time #low since the injury + i really think its not just like. the exhaustion of being in paim all the time but also knowing this is your life. #forever. im jusr upset bc i think i have a slipped disk in my jaw and i have to hold it steady almost every time i open my mouth #also i think my insurance company is trying to do a medical malpractice thing to the guy who did my wisdom teeth #but i actually dislocated in like. 6 hours after i left the office so..

[hueningkai]

#o boy its been a shit january fr. #i feel so !!!! suffocated n alone #the fact i had to call in bc of the state of my mental health on monday was insane. i've never rly done that #and some people knew so it made it even more stressful having people worry 😭😭😭😭 #my colleague did get me chocolate + iced coffee today to cheer me up :') #which was great bc as a result i am Sick and have NO voice and everything aches. #i walked into work yesterday and had to ground myself and do breathing exercises #i am fucking exhausted i slept well but still felt drained mentally n physically #im!!!! not okay!!!! but ill be okay!!!! #i may delete but im just. sad. kermit sad. #change is 😬 #i had terrible eye pain last week and i kept telling people it was stress but they didnt believe me!!! #eye pain n cluster headaches n the fact even my meds dont curb this anxiety/depressive episodes !!!! #and my memory has been TERRIBLE like my memory sucks anyway but im talking forgetting things after like 2 secs . #i walk a few steps and i am like ? i forgot what im doing #kye.txt

[sideblogformindtrash]

.

#sorry to vent here #is just one of those nights where im forced to fsce just how miserable i am #there is nothing thst truly brings me joy in my life #i feel extremely alone and isolated #if not for the insane dose lf antidepressants i know evrry day wojld be miserable #im in so much physical pain #pain prevents me frlm sleeping #so im always having a headache #im aleays exhausted #i stsrted gym tbinkj hot maybe would make me healthy #help eoth energy and pain #and today i feel like it juust made it sll so much worse #i still cant sleep #im just crying in pain #and thinking back again on how much im just not happy #im not happy #vent #vent tw #depressive toughts tw

[caruliaa]

yk i think like. im trying desperately not to depress people around me w how close to doomerism i can veer but like. at a certain point its like. the effort and exhaustion that goes into maintaining just being alive in this world is not worth what comes from being alive and like. girlies we may have reached it. el oh el.

#like obvs its different for everyone like. what i really mean is that i have reached it or like. tht was always inevitably the case #for my life. which ik feels really depressing to say nd im sorry tht it makes ppl sad but idk like. its just true at a certain point #absolutely not from a lack of trying from the good things within my life to be clear not at all like. ik have sm great parts to my life #tht like. just mean so so much to me and im so so lucky to have but as upsetting as it is to say and think abt #at a certain point having to choose between being trapped in a situation were you can never authentically exist or like #have any control over your life and exist on your own terms even in v small ways while having to constantly be around people whove #caused you so much pain and trauma and hurt and being is a situation were like. at best your constantly working to afford living and you #are constantly exhausted by this and have no time for being yourself anyway and at worst you just cant afford anything and you die #and that could happen to you at any point idk like. these are my two options and i cant change anything about that fact #no matter how much i want to and that feeling is just. so so crushing and inescapable and just idk i dont know how to deal with it #like. idk iv done everything to try to but its only ever a temporary distraction #bc the problem isnt fucking like. mental or emotional its the facts of my reality and that cant be changed #so ofc im going to be constantly fucking miserable things just. are misearble #and idk. im sorry tht thts something other ppl have to deal with when it comes to like. knowing me bc genuinly its like. #they dont deserve that its sm pain for somoene to deal with and if that someone isnt. somone whos come to term with what #my fate invetiably is like have ik its too much nd im sorry for like. putting that on ppl i just. idk im sorry #idk what up with me suddnely. i mean i do but like. idk why i cant just hold it together like. this has always been the case idk why #im letting it upset me sm suddenly . ig bc i let myself have hope at some point. like an idiot. #idk im sorry. and its nearly 1am so i think im just going to go to sleep.im so sorry for just. all of this. #lucy if your reading tihs im so sorry for not sending and answering asks but i want to say that i love you so so so much. and im sorry #flappy rambles #vent #ask to tag

[bunnihearted]

.

#just feeling very sad #bc that person i talked to who wanted to see a pic of me.. kept talking to me even if i didnt wanna send pics #and i also made such an effort to like actually reply which is very difficult for me lol #but... then he didnt reply for a few days and tbh that was physically painful lmaooo. it's karma tho #and now i can tell that his tone has completely changed and he replies less and less and it's just short and cold #so it's rlly just a matter of time before we wont talk anymore :p #which i get bc i am so annoying and exhausting i get why ppl always get sick n tired of me #im just really sad bc i liked talking to him sm :(( #trying to not care and not be obsessed #but it sucks when theres so much i wanna talk abt with him but i have to just keep it all in bc he doesnt care :< #and it does suck bc he was rlly rlly sweet and then all of a sudden he just stopped that </3 it's cool tho ig.... #why do i care???? stop caring it doesnt matter it doesnt matter this is what's supposed to happen #esp since it would come to an end eventually bc my appearance would be a dealbreaker in the end </3 #hmmm im rlly trying to not care but im like legit depressed bc of this and i cant focus

[sunflowerthiefsunny]

I have never been happier to wake up in excruciating pain. I thought I was having a depression episode but turns out it's just a pain flare, which sucks so bad but is so much more manageable for me right now.

#i will hopefully be back to my regular happy self soon #it was concerning #because i was in a really good mood but beyond mentally/physically exhausted #but there was no pain for like the first 3 days #every muscle hurts but im still so happy #things have been going so well lately #being depressed would have surely fucked it all up #op #chronic pain #chronic illness #fibromyalgia #i havent been in this much pain in so long though #i forgot just how bad my pain flares can get

[jackalhadrurusluvr]

if u need me ill be here

#jackal tag #slowly transitioning from too stressed to function to depressive episode #good news today my dad was alright #yesterday was godawful but today :muscle: he can eat and drink without it going straight thru him #so hes getting stronger and needs less constant help and supervision #which means i get time to......... exist idk what ive been doing but man am i exhausted and in so #much. pain. oooohhh my back. been sitting places besides my chair and having no where to put me back #its just so quickly so painful i cant sit up #arguably all my days starting in the morning is good and what i want bc i like being Done when im done #but waking up and immediately being busy (plus EMOTIONALLY DISTRESED which is the worst part) #ooohh boy. oh boy. #the good news is i havent disassociated much which is usually how my body wants to handle stress #so thats a W i guess #(the constant battle of i-hate-disassociating-its-scary-and-bad and oh-i-just-want-to-be-not-present-rn

[greppelheks]

I've been avoiding situations that my autism can't handle just to see if it would improve my wellbeing (it has!!), and I just put myself in a situation again that's incredibly intense for me (shipping with my sister and niece in a crowded city where both people very much want my attention) and I just can't handle it anymore.

I'm overwhelmed, on the verge of tears, every muscle in my body aches. It's 3pm and I'm just done for the day. I know I'm gonna have to lie in bed for two hours ehen I come home.

I can't and don't want to put myself in these situations anymore but it's the only way I can see my sister and niece.

Next day update: as predicted I'm feeling burnt out, exhausted and overwhelmed. I've planned on going to my sister next week but I'm canceling 'cause I'll lose two days of my vacation to the exhaustion and it's not worth it.

#my sister is just constantly talking and my niece is ... four so that's not her fault #but it's just intense #i need to find a way to see them that doesnt end with me having to lie in bed in pain and exhaustion #i know im gonna be burned out overstimulated and depressed tomorrow #personal #I'm good and social and pretty relaxed one on one in a home environment with not too much stimuli around me #(sounding like my cat) #but thats impossible with my sister and niece and nephew #I'll be home in 30 minutes cant wait for clothes off soft clothes on hair in bun contacts out headphones on time

[thedarknessthatloveindespite]

today was such a good morning u know. i had slept. GOOD NIGHT SLEEP N ALL. i even got up and got breakfast for me n my mom. I ATE. I CLEANED THE DISHES I USED. i even changed out of the shirt i was wearing for over a week! very productive. wait omg i forgot to mention. I ACTUALLY REALLY HAD PUT MOMS CLOTHS THAT WERE DONE IN THE WASHING MACHINE IN THE DRYER. I have to say. forgetting everything else, this is such a phenomenal act for me. it’s like fcking idk a meodorite fallen down. ITS A REALLY BIG THING. doing that is soooo hard for me. and i always have an immediate ‘no’ body reaction to the whole act but i didnt just fall into it. i like. toook a moment, you know and actually accessed it. and ! literally tho if mom told me i had to put some clothes in the dryer that would have been too much for me

BUT

anyways. i literally fcking did it. fcking hells

ANYWAYS it really was such a good morning day you know. baby steps!!!! and yeah u know i really do know that i dont do enough as i should etc. i really do know. its just really frustating how my mom doesnt see anything of this tho. yeah she needed someone to go n get the glasses and im really sorry for her but going outside was literally too much of a hurdle for me to just do. especially on short notice. like. really. my mind cant even think of trying it. visualling it

#mostly really im sad its so tiring n exhausting every time my mom lectures me on how much im not doing as if i dont know that i really do #i cant even say anything to her or try to explain what it’s like #because she really believes i just need to have the mentality. i just need to try #she never fails in these never ending lectures to word out EVERYTHNG like literally. its so fcking exhausting #and she wonders why i get sooo silent why im sooo uncooperative and translates that into im a lazy ass n dont care #n u know what. frankly dont care that she does #honestly every time i hear these lectures it makes me NOT want to try at all. even harder. goddamn it #its kinda crazy with me and my mom because we are SO diff and she doesnt understand me one bit at all #like she despite chronic pain etc does so much #while she sees me barely doing shit and of course thinks im lazy/dont care #and most baffling thing: IM making myself depressed??? this thing that she says really infuriates me so bad #like why the fck r u on about. what the fck do u mean making self depressed. im so mad because shes wrong on so many levels #idk if im depressed. mild? yes i think so anyways what the fck #the fact she believes that people MAKE THEMSLEVES DEPRESSED AS IF THEY WANT TO is so ma #like shut up im not eating for an entire day because i want to do that its cuz i cant eat foods my brain decides it doesnt want to #and i cant cook for shit cooking requires so much time to procress it first and the actual cooking requires so much energy and there are #steps i dont even know. #like fck u #anyways. yeah. really i get where shes coming from but every fcking time she starts on those lectures i really really dont want to do a fck #ng thing NOT AT ALL #like honestly. a part of me dies every time i hear a lecture and have to sufffer thro it cuz i fcking cant get her to shut up and yeah i ge #her frustating very valid #but fcking hells. im so tired n done at this point #like might as well be a fcking lazy shitass as she says