#and i know its okay. i know ill get another chance to see him live (tonight wouldve been my 4th time seeing him anyway lol)

[semiotomatics]

lol, new fear unlocked: disappointing my therapist when i have bad days -_-

#this has been an original post #personal spewage #clouds gets therapy #like idk. i told her this week was gonna be tough for me bc of my period #but i also said last week was better than expected and she was so happy for me #and we were both so hopeful that this week would be better too #and then it. wasnt #well it wasnt all bad #but yesterday and today have sure sucked lol #im just so. mad #like. this is so unfair #i have a concert tonight that ive been looking forward to _literally all year_ #technically since last year #but i have cramps and i couldnt sleep and its pouring out and i dont have rainboots and i just. cant #or dont want to. whichever #and i know its okay. i know ill get another chance to see him live (tonight wouldve been my 4th time seeing him anyway lol) #but i still just. want to go #i wish i wasnt in pain and exhausted and depressed and just. like this #i wish i wasnt like this #edit: was just reminded that this is actually the SECOND time i had tickets to see him live this year but couldnt go #fucking sucks man #at least i did get to see him live on my birthday #that was. the best

[teddynottss]

• - WHO DID THIS TO YOU? - •

PAIRING(S): theodore nott x fem. reader.

WARNING(S): fighting, swearing, smut.

SUMMARY: when y/n comes into class crying, Theo doesn’t let it slide and punishes who did it. Y/n then takes him back to her dorm to clean up and as they’re in a perfect position, he takes the chance to make a move.

A/N: english isn’t my first language so lmk if there’s anything wrong with this 🫶.

——————————————————

Headed to your last class for today, potions, you spot your ex, Cormac and his friends. You broke up 3 months ago and he still couldn’t let you go. Therefore, he found different ways to humiliate you, to make fun of you.

As you try to increase your pace, he plops himself in front of you stopping you in your place. “Tried something new with your hair today?” he chuckles, “or is it your face. All the makeup in the world can’t hide that ugly face of yours, neither the even uglier personality in there princess.” he continues pointing at your chest. “Neither the clothes you wear can hide your fat self under there.”

All his friends burst out laughing, humiliated, you run out of the way and to your class. Before you could stop it, a few tears manage to slip down your cheeks on your way there.

You get to class, greet your teacher and stand with the rest of your classmates. After professor Slughorn is finished with the explanation, he puts you into pairs to begin working on your potions.

You get paired up with theo, the boy who’s always trying to get on your nerves, and you’re given a book to start. You begin preparing the potion without saying a word so the tears don’t form again.

After around 5 minutes, theo speaks “mia signora (my lady), thats not the correct ingredient” of course its not, you could barely see with the tears formed in your eyes ready to start dropping any minute.

You look up at him and apologize ”sorry i just have a few things on my mind”. “Bella, why are you crying,” he takes your face in his hands. “Who did this to you, who made you cry, i know you don’t easily cry. Give me names” he says.

“Theo, let it go, it’s nothing im fine.” “No, no, im not letting it go. Someone makes you cry and i have to move on with my day? Give me names and make it much easier for the both of us.” “Cormac, he-” you say as you sob, and before you can continue, he storms out of the class.

“Need a minute, mr nott?” this from Slughorn. You run after the slytherin boy, “nott no!!” In an instant he finds cormac and turns him so that he’s facing theo. He punches him hard, very hard, cormac almost takes a bite out of the floor.

Just then, some of cormac’s friends attack theodore throwing punches and kicks at him, all which he manages to dodge. He’s quick and slick with every punch, every move. Cormac then gets up and speaks “got you a slytherin bf to take care of your problems then huh you little pussy?”

Theodore throws another punch his way and pins him on the floor, next to all his other bloodied, barely moving, friends. “listen to me you little bitch, come her way again and i will make your life a living hell, speak to her one more time and ill rip your tongue out, mention her name anywhere near me and ill make sure you forget how to breathe.”

You’re clueless, you have no clue what to do, you’re just standing there, in utter and ultimate shock. By then, students and teachers storm in the hallway, try to break the fight. Once they’re broken apart, you make your way to theodore.

He has blood dripping from his nose, on his hand, it was all over his face. He’s standing with his friends, matteo, draco, enzo, and blaise. “are you okay nott?” he gives you a quick nod.

Enzo then starts speaking “we offered taking him to the nurse to get him cleaned up but he wont go, maybe you can help clean his wounds, i heard your dad’s a doctor so maybe i thought you can help?”. “Of course i can, come theo I’ll help you from here.”

You take theodore from enzo adjusting his arm on your shoulder so he holds on, and you swear you could see matteo winking theo’s way. You then proceed to walk him to your dorm.

The whole way there none of you speaks a word, and once you get there, you lead him to the bathroom and make him wait there. You get the aid box and sit on the counter, you ask him to come closer and you begin.

You first start by cleaning his nose, the blood dripping from it. You then make your way to his forehead, you carefully remove some of his hair thats covering the part you need to clean.

As you clean him up, he’s looking at you. “It’s not very nice to stare” you tease. To that he doesn’t respond, he keeps his eyes on you so you try something else. “I didn’t want you to get in trouble bc of me, why would you do that? Don’t tell me you care.” you chuckle.

“What did he say to you?” he asks. “I know it was big so don’t try to lie to me bc I’m the only one who’s allowed to piss you off and be mean to you, hell, even ive never disrespected you or made you cry before!”

“Well, he asked if i changed anything in my appearance, he also said..” theo looks up at you. “.. that all the makeup in the world isnt enough to hide my ugly face or personality.” “That bastard!” you feel theo tense. “He also called me.. uhhm.. fat.” “Im gonna fucking kill him.” The boys swears.

“I really can handle it, but i dont know why it affected me to much this time.” you say as you clean his blood off. “I know you can, but let me. Let me teach that bastard a lesson.” “Fighting is not the solution though theodore.” “I know mia cara but I couldn’t control myself, i really didnt mean to but i lost control.” you could see the regret in his eyes.

“Its fine, just really appreciated that, thanks for everything nott.” You give him a small smile. You then start cleaning the blood on his mouth, placing your fingers on his lips, you make sure to clean everything thats left.

“Listen to me,” he cups your face, “he’s a dickhead for not seeing how great of a personality you have, you acquire a great personality, when youre caring and some times even when ur mean.” He gives you a little wink and lets out a snort.

“Thanks” you smile at him then slap a bandage on his nose, to stop his nose from bleeding. After theo realizes you’re done, his hands travel down to remove his own shirt. “Wh-“. Your eyes immediately travel to his abs body, his ab lines, it was if they were drawn on pen and paper.

“Its not very nice to stare,” he teases. “my stomach is also hurt, if you can’t help me with this ill just go back to my dorm” he says with a playful smirk. “No, no i can do something about it.” you get your stuff ready for a second round and then speak “this might hurt a little.”

You then raise the cloth with liquid on it in your hand and place it on his wound. He flinches at the pain and since he’s placed between your legs while you’re sat on the counter, he grabs onto your thigh. He gives it a little squeeze, “fuck cara mia, this hurts like a bitch” he closes his eyes in pain.

“Sorry Theo im almost done.” You apologize. As you finish, Theo looks down at you as you’re still placed on the counter in front of him. “You liked touching my abs didn’t you.” He smiled cockily at you. “As if you didn’t like my hands touching them.” Right back him. “and found a way to touch my thigh.”

“Listen to me, i got you caged up right here,” he says with his hands on either sides of you, “i can do whatever i want to you so you better shut your pretty little mouth up or i wont be able to control myself.” You blush at his comment and try to hide behind your hair to which he tucks it behind your ear.

“You’re so sexy when you’re nervous and shy like that bella ragazza.” He says. “Oh shut up, what does bella ragazza even mean?” you ask, genuine confusion taking over your face. “It means pretty girl.” He smirks. “You think im pretty then hm?” you blush.

He looks at your eyes, stares to be specific, then he looks at your lips for a few seconds before grabbing your face and connecting your lips. You place your hands on his shoulders as the kiss deepens. “Such a pretty girl, a perfect one.” He says in between kisses.

“fuck nott” you say as he places his hand on your cheek to deepen the kiss. He manages to slip his tongue inside your mouth which you moan slightly to. You feel the heat of your body as he places his hands under your thighs and carries you in his arms.

“But it’ll hurt you, nott we cant.” you speak, worried. “Cara mia, you really thought i was hurting?” he smirks, your eyes widen in surprise, you connect your lips again, as he carries you to your bed. He lays you there and removes your shirt slowly and carefully. He then removes the rest of your clothes and begins leaving trails of kisses on your stomach, your hands travel to his hair, playing with it as your stomach tenses at the feeling.

“So perfect,” he mumbles while still trailing kisses on every inch of skin he could get to. “you’re fucking perfect.” The blush takes over your face, uncontrollably making its way to touch ur ears.

His fingers slide down your hips to catch the lace of your panties, getting rid of them. He spreads your legs further and begins kissing the inside of your thighs. He then places a finger on your clit, rubbing circles around it, slowly at first. His movements then quicken, and he includes his tongue. In sync, his fingers circling your clit his tongue licking your clit, you could feel your pre-cum already.

He was so good at this, he was also good at teasing, you arch your back slightly in attempt to speed things up but he uses one hand to push you back down carefully. Then, he pushes 2 fingers inside you with no warning, you moan at the sudden feeling and tug at his hair.

As his tongue and fingers work in sync to throw you over the edge, he adds a third finger in and proceeds to throw your legs over his shoulders. Your feet dig into his skin as he speeds up his movements, back arching so that his face is practically buried in you, one hand grabbing the sheets, the other his hair.

“theo.. im gonna.. fuck!!” you struggle. “do it mia cara, cum on my face.” As he quickens his movements, you tense around him as he guides you through ur high. As you release, Theodore licks you clean, he then moves back up to you kissing you hungrily. “That was fucking amazing.” You praise him. “I don’t think i can walk anymore.” “Well, we’re not quite done yet, i still didnt make love to you yet.”

theo says, smirking as he removes his clothes. He’s just left in his boxers and when he reveals his hard and huge bulge, you gasp out loud. “I didn’t know this is what we’re dealing with, i dont think it’s gonna fit.” you look at theo “we’ll make it fit.” he smirks. Oh. God.

He spreads your legs again, and begins kissing you, at first it’s slow, his tongue slips inside your mouth. “You wanna be on top?” he asks. You nod and he flips over so that you’re laying on top of him. You position yourself properly and once you’re ready, you lower yourself slowly taking most of him in.

You then start moving up and down, riding him. Your hands lying on his stomach as you do so. “Think you can handle more of me?” he suggests. “I can try.” You smirk as you flip so he’s on top of you. He spreads your legs even further, as you take him all in. You moan his name at the feeling and he leans down to kiss you, you moan a few times into his mouth before he moves to kissing your neck. You grab onto the bed sheets for dear life as he kisses your neck on the weak spot.

“Cavolo, posso farlo tutto il giorno. mi prendi così perfettamente.” he says something in italian. (Fuck, i can do this all day. you take me so perfectly.) You can feel yourself ready to come again so you warn him, he also lets you know that he’s about to come too. “Come inside me” you say. Just then, you both reach your highs and come together.

After you’re done, theo lays next to you, “yknow you’re actually the prettiest girl ive seen.” he praises. You blush as he keeps speaking. “Ive wanted to do this a long time ago, but i was so scared of you.” “Me?” You chuckle. “Then why were you always rude to me?” “I thought getting on your nerves was the only way to talk to you.”

You look at him and laugh some before he gets up and runs to turn the water on. “Come, let’s get cleaned up before any of my friends decide to show up.” He speaks. “They know my room number?” you ask confused. “Of course they do.” He smiles before disappearing into the bathroom again. “Nott!!” you call his name, “i dont think i can walk.” He leaves the bathroom chuckling and heads toward you to carry you there.

#harry potter #slytherin #theodore nott #theodore nott fanfiction #theodore nott x reader #theodore nott x y/n #theodore nott x you #smutty fanfiction #smut #slytherin smut #slytherin boys

[stainedstardom]

I am FERAL for Chad

Can we get a Chad x artist!reader. Reader is bff’s with Mindy and close to Chad also. And it’s painfully obvious that they like each other. One day, They’re hanging out and Chad finds reader’s drawings of him and they confess and SHKDDHDK FLUFF

nonnie its the way im an artist myself and so yes, I will do this for you. i love chad as much as the next person and I am so happy that people are requesting for him too

YOU DRAW ME?

chad meeks martin x reader!!

if crushes were obvious then you were screwed beyond belief but no one could blame you.

you take one good look at chad meeks martin and tell me that he isn't sculpted by the greek gods and made human. i wont believe you , I had caught myself drawing once or twice or maybe 25 times. it was hard not to when he looked like that.

"ya know if you stare at my brother any longer, your eyes might just pop out of your head" mindy said as you stared at chad for a second longer then you should've. you snapped out of it and you shoved her shoulder with a laugh and she did the same thing.

"im not staring" you told her and she laughed

"you are but its cute, he likes you too ya know. its obvious to like everyone but you two" she said and you laughed.

"haha very fun" you exclaimed and she shook her head

"im not joking im serious" she said and you heard another voice from behind you.

"what are you serious about?" chad asked his sister and her eyes widened as you made eye contact and shook your head.

"nothing, its nothing" she said

"okay well anyways, y/n i need help with this art homework Mr johnson assigned us, can you help me later?" he asked and you turned to look at him

"yeah sure, ill be in my dorm just show up at any time" you told him

"is 5 okay?" he asked

"yeah thats fine" you stated and he smiled as he walked away. mindy grabbed your hands and looked in your eyes.

"okay this is your chance, you need to tell him" she spoke. the bell rang and you separated from her. the rest of the day it was slow and boring but when you got back to your dorm, you cleaned up your room putting clothes away, cleaning the dishes just simply making sure it was clean and didn't look like a pig lived there.

there was a knock on your door and you opened it to see chad.

"hey come in" you said as you opened the door wider and let him walk in. he walked in and you walked to the other side of your room as you grabbed your laptop.

"y/n" you heard and you turned to see him holding your sketchbook

"oh shit" you said under your breathe

"you draw me?" he asked and you nodded

"youre like a greek god, its hard to not draw you" you told him and he smiled at you.

"its amazing, how long did this take?" he asked

"about 2 hours but i admire you enough for it to be quicker" you stated and his eyes looked into yours. there was something deep swimming in there and you liked it.

"i admire you alot too, ive always liked you ya know" he stated and you looked at him. he put your sketchbook down and walked over to you. he held your waist and you put your hands on his biceps.

"can i kiss you?" he asked

"please" you said and he leaned in as he kissed you and you kissed him back. you both smiled into it.

"never stop drawing me" he said into the kiss

"theres more where that came from" you exclaimed and he pulled away as he pushed your hair behind your ear and smiled

"show me" he said and you nodded as you grabbed his hand and led him back over to your bed

you were happy you drew him

A/N: oh how in love with this and chad I am

#chad meeks martin x you #chad meeks martin angst #chad meeks martin x y/n #chad meeks martin x reader #chad meeks martin #scream fanfic #scream #scream 6 #mason gooding

[tumbleweed-run]

Would you by any chance want to try writing Gale x Astarion x Halsin 👀 ? The vampire sandwich art by draxoplasm on twitter just lives rent free in my brain lol. I really don’t have a more specific request because I’m curious to see what you would write, if you want to write this prompt at all. Have a good day!

WOULD I EVER (I also know the exact art you mean)

Gale shouldn’t be as hard as he is watching his partner kissing another person. Kissing so passionately that both parties are moaning into each other’s mouths. But he is. He’s so hard it’s beginning to hurt, and everyone still has their clothes on. As if that’s not a little pathetic, though perhaps less pathetic than the fact that he’d agreed to it. And then promptly had several second thoughts. 

Not that he’d voiced these thoughts to Astarion, or Halsin. Which, now, he was glad of. 

“Do you wish to join us, Gale?” Halsin asks, somehow sounding calm despite everything going on. 

Astarion throws a coy smirk over his shoulder. “Yes, wizard,” he purrs and extends a hand backward, “come.”

Gale groans at the innuendo, mostly because of its effect on him. He tentatively steps forward until his body is pressed against Astarion’s back. Now, there’s no denying the effect they’re having on him. His cock is now nestled against Astarion’s ass. Astarion grinds back against him, a happy noise escaping his lips, before he grips the back of Halsin’s neck and drags him down into another kiss. 

From this close, Gale can hear the slick sounds of their mouths coming together, the little panted breaths from Halsin as Astarion forgets that the mortals need to breathe. The sounds are enough to drive him mad, his hips jerking forward to grind against Astarion. Another, please noise from Astarion passes from his mouth and into Halsins. His hand sneaks back to grip Gale’s thigh, encouraging him to rut against him more. Gale buries his head into the crook of Astarion’s neck as he does just that. 

He busies his own mouth into trailing kisses against the pale flesh beneath him. Astarion jumps a little when he does. The vampire’s sensitivity to having his neck lavished has always amused Gale a little. Once Astarion had assured him that he had no ill feelings about it, it was something he took great advantage of. 

A giant hand grabs onto Gale’s and drags it forward so it’s trapped between the two men in front of him. Gale is momentarily dazed at how much larger Halsin’s body seems at this moment. He’d never been this close to the druid before. He feels dwarfed all of a sudden. For a moment, he rests his hand against Halsin’s clothed chest, just adjusting to the sensation of touching two people like this. 

Halsin moans, and Gale realizes he’s positioned his thumb against the druid’s nipple. With more bravodo than he actually feels Gale intentionally flicks the pad of his thumb against the hardened nub. Haslin quite literally growls at the sensation, surging forward until there’s no space between any of them. 

“Gods,” Astarion moans, having finally decided to let Halsin breathe, “I worry that thing might split me in half.”

It’s Gale’s turn to groan when he understands what Astarion is talking about. 

Halsin chuckles, “I promise I will not turn it on you unless you want me to.”

“I want you to.” 

“He wants you to.”

Their words are said in tandem, earning another deep rumble of laughter from Halsin. 

“We’ll get to that,” Halsin promises even as he takes a step back from Astarion. 

With surprising grace for a man of his size, Halsin sunk to his knees in front of Astarion. He rested his hands on the vampire’s thighs before looking up. “Is this okay?”

Astarion nodded in agreement quickly. Then Halsin turned his gaze to Gale. “Gale?” he prompted. 

Gale couldn’t help but smile a little at the fact that the druid was also looking for his permission despite the act not involving his body. It made the “yes,” that came from his lips all the easier to say. 

Halsin quickly untied Astarion’s pants and pulled them down just low enough that the vampire’s cock sprung free. Gale hooked both of his arms beneath the other man’s, pulling him against his chest. Astarion tensed for just a moment before he relaxed against Gale’s chest. In this position Gale was able to look over Astarion’s shoulder and watch everything going on, which was exactly why he’d done it. 

Without warning or hesitation Halsin swallowed Astarion’s cock down. Astarion groaned loudly, one of his hands moving to thread into the mess he’d already made of Halsin’s hair. Halsin’s hands wrapped around Astarion’s thighs and pulled him towards him as he bobbed on his cock.

It was Gale’s turn to groan, his hands eagerly pushing up Astarion’s shirt so he could touch the skin beneath. He ran his hands slowly up the planes of his stomach. Slowly Gale dragged his fingers over the harden nubs that were Astarion’s nipples. Astarion’s moan at the sensation quickly morphed into a hiss when Gale turned his soft caresses into two sharp pinches of the flesh. 

“Hells,” Astarion moaned as he dropped his head back against Gale’s shoulder. 

Gale kept up his ministrations, alternating between soft caresses and pinches. He couldn’t keep his eyes off Halsin though. The druid was unashamedly moaning as he sucked Astarion’s cock. Clearly he was enjoying himself and didn’t care who knew about it. 

Apparently Halsin could feel he was being watched because he pulled off from Astarion with a lewd pop. Astarion groaned but was quickly placated when one of the druid’s massive hand’s began pumping his cock. Halsin held Gale’s gaze, and for once Gale didn’t drag his eyes away. Whatever Halsin saw earned Gale a soft grin before the druid slowly lowered his mouth to Astarion’s cock. He didn’t break eye contact with Gale as he once against pulled the vampire into his mouth. 

Gale groaned, hips thrusting forward to once again rut his cock against Astarion’s ass.

“Yes,” Astarion moaned, his free hand reaching back to grasp Gale’s hip, its twin still buried in Halsin’s hair. 

Gale shamelessly ground his cock against Astarion as he watched. He could feel the vampire’s muscle draw tight, soft panting noises rustling the hair by Gale’s ear. Eagerly Gale delivered another pinch to one of Astarion’s nipples. 

“Shit,” Astarion rasped as his back bowed. 

Gale moaned as he watched Astarion spill down Halsin’s throat. Even in the dim light he could see the muscles of the druid throat working as he swallowed everything Astarion gave him. Halson continued working the vampires cock until Astarion tugged him off by his hair. He grinned up at the two of them, his smile feral enough to remind Gale of the bear they’d met. 

“What’s next?” Halsin asked. 

#Gale x Astarion x Halsin #astarion x halsin #astarion #gale of waterdeep #halsin

[claudemblems]

One of my friends asked me to write for this prompt from the list I posted, and one of you requested Sherlock for it, so here you go. Enjoy the angst 🥹

Sherlock Holmes - Moriarty the Patriot

Prompt 18: hugging them tight without saying any words when they're having a hard time

Why didn’t he kill Jefferson Hope when he had the chance?

It was a horrible thing for a detective to consider, especially one that was determined to save as many innocent people as he could, but if he’d taken the offer presented to him, would things have turned out different? Would he have had the Lord of Crime bound and shackled, harbored in a prison cell for the rest of his life? Would the people no longer live in fear of seeing yet another murder on plastered on the news' front pages? If he'd taken the offer by killing Hope, Sherlock would have had all the information he needed to find the mastermind. The hard part would be proving his guilt.

But if he’d pulled that trigger, he would have not only learned the true identity of the Lord of Crime, but he would have put an end to Hope's suffering. He’d practically begged Sherlock to take his life, but, out of kindness or conscience, he couldn’t.

Honestly, how pathetic of a detective did he have to be to second guess not killing a man in cold blood.

“...Sherlock? Sherlock?”

The sound of your voice rang in Sherlock's ears, gradually dragging him out of his thoughts and back into the sitting room he rested in, his body splayed out across the couch.

“Are you all right?”

No would have been his first answer had he not cared about worrying you. With all this baggage weighing on his shoulders, he was almost tempted to let himself crumble underneath it.

“I’m fine,” he answered, finally sitting upright. The room still smelled of smoke from the cigarette he’d had earlier. However, when he looked down at the ashtray, it appeared he’d ended up having several more than that.

“For a detective, you’re a terrible liar. I hope you know that.”

Sherlock sighed, running a hand through his disheveled hair. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, dear.”

“I’m not joking around. I’m worried about you!”

Well, there went his efforts to not make you worry.

"I...I'm just thinking about a case, is all."

"It's the one where you were offered the name of the Lord of Crime, isn't it?"

Somehow you always knew exactly what had been troubling him.

"I just keep thinking about it. Every time I close my eyes, I imagine what it would have been like if I'd pulled the trigger. Would it have been a good thing to put that man out of his misery? Would I have caught the mastermind by now? Would London have been freed from his reign of terror...or am I just a foolish man who's no different than he is?"

Sherlock buried his head in his arms, fighting back the frustration that wanted to burst out of him. What should he do? What was the right thing to do? For once in his career, Sherlock had no evidence, no confidence, and not a clue of what to do next.

But in all this gloom surrounding him, your ray of light encapsulated him, determined to drive out the darkness in his mind.

"Even for a famous detective, it's okay to not know the answer," you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his head next to your heart, its slow and steady beat a soothing lullaby. "You're human, and no human can be perfect. We're bound to be ignorant, to mess up, to get lost along the way...but that's to be expected. All we can do is rely on our morals and ambitions to keep us going. If we can't do that, what else will we have left?"

"...Do you think ill of me because I questioned if I should have killed that man?"

"No, I don't," you answered without hesitation, "because I know you never would. Truly, Sherlock, if you found yourself pulling the trigger, it wouldn't have been to learn the Lord of Crime's name but to save that man, Jefferson Hope, from the misery that consumed him. Your heart went out to him, didn't it?" Gently, you stroked Sherlock's hair, watching as the stress from the past few days slowly began to leave his face. "He killed the monster who had kidnapped his wife and put her through so much suffering. But even with him dead, Mr. Hope can never forget what was done to his beloved wife. The thought eats him alive day by day, and you understood that. Who wouldn't have compassion on a man that wanted a peaceful life for the woman he loved, only to have it ripped away from her?"

Sherlock clutched the edge of your shirt, and though he made no sound, you knew that he'd begun to cry.

"You're no monster, Sherlock. You're a man that wants to save all of London, but you can't. You can't save anyone. You know that, yet you still try."

"If I don't try...then who will?"

Tears fell down Sherlock's cheeks and onto your shirt like light summer rain, and you held him in the warmth of your arms, intent on sheltering his broken heart until the storm had passed.

"One day, love, you'll find the answers you're looking for. For now, take a deep breath, and you can think through all of this when your mind has cleared."

Sherlock cried for a long time, and your hold on him never once faltered. There, in your embrace, you knew he felt safe, and though no words were spoken, being in your presence was all he needed. Eventually your sunshine chased away the clouds, and Sherlock found himself ready to go searching for answers once more.

London needed him. He would not fail.

#when the fictional british men cry I cry #moriarty the patriot #moriarty the patriot x reader #sherlock x reader

[prismatoxic]

re-reading chapter 61 in the hopes of finding more info on the communication faries (there doesn't seem to be much) and oh look! that's also the "kabru and mithrun get stuck together" chapter

u want some kabumisu thoughts

kabru is trying to pick mithrun apart to best ingratiate himself so he can then sabotage the canaries' attempt to retake the dungeon before laios can defeat the lunatic magician. typical kabru solution to a problem; he knows he's not as good of a fighter as he is a manipulator. he also doesn't trust mithrun, nor does he think mithrun trusts him. the best course of action is to get mithrun as close to trust as he can for a good chance to strike.

...but he's finding it hard to do. it's not compelling him the way this sort of task usually does, even if it's his only plan.

even so, when they run into a shapeshifter, kabru's version of mithrun is physically identical and its personality seems the same as well. kabru's skills of observation are not to be taken lightly.

(mithrun is not even remotely skilled in this department. i imagine the way his trauma has changed his view of the world is also involved though)

besides being a funny gag, mithrun's evident disinterest in picking kabru apart as a person calms him down. this is when he starts to see mithrun less as a threatening enemy and more just... a kind of strange person.

i don't have much to say about this one, it's just really fucking funny. he doesn't even realize that scribbly version of kabru is wrong. i assume his vision isn't the issue here; like yes it must be limited with only the one eye, but that's not limited vision, that's "my brain doesn't parse the world the way other people's do". mithrun TBI real. anyway

(i'm trying to talk about kabumisu so i'm not gonna post all the fucking hysterical panels of kabru lamenting turning into laios if he has to cook monsters, but. go re-read chapter 61 if you haven't recently, it's very good)

not to read too much into an adorable smile, but i think seeing mithrun eat like a child is endearing kabru to him a lot. it's getting harder and harder to view him as an enigmatic adversary. sure, there's plenty of mysteries surrounding him, but he's also just... not a very scary person, nor does he hold ill will towards kabru. he's not an enemy.

mithrun saving kabru from nightmares after they eat is probably another point in his favor (even if he smacked kabru to do it). kabru doesn't know yet exactly why he's been told to tend to mithrun--why mithrun needs tending at all--but mithrun being willing to protect him in turn certainly implies he's not resentful of the arrangement.

mithrun you are so baby

talk about ship fuel... but on a more serious note, i really love how kabru jumps into action here. it's very in-character for him, but also it's just a good show of what that character is--he's already pushing himself to go above and beyond for a man he didn't want to be stuck with in a situation he didn't ask for. i think he's already fond of mithrun to some degree by this point, but even so... his concern is evident, and it's not self-serving. kabru isn't trying to keep mithrun alive to further his own goals... he's trying to keep mithrun alive because he's a person and he deserves to live. we know kabru has no qualms with murdering people if they're "bad" (and what that says for him and his perceptions about when it's okay to choose life or death for someone else is surely an entire post on its own), but he doesn't want mithrun to die nor does he think mithrun is worthy of death in general.

anyway this is why i stopped reading and started making this post. kabru wished to care for mithrun so bad that the dungeon answered his call. the way mithrun says this, it implies this isn't just a normal desire; the dungeon would be granting wishes all the time in that case. (however, through his lens, we for sure can spot the many times it has helped the touden party). the desire here was just that strong.

haha do you remember when mithrun reveals his true remaining desire at the end of the manga. remember how he didn't know before the fight was over. that he thought it was revenge he wanted. but actually it was for the demon to finish him off. haha. i just think

anyway kabumisu good. and this is only the beginning of their dynamic!!!

#tox.txt #only chapter 61 sorry. maybe i'll go through the others later idk

[crystalninjaphoenix]

Many Roads Diverge in the Woods - Part Nine

A JSE Interactive Fanfic

The Beginning | Previous

The results are in.

You have made your choice. Wonder what you'll see? Honestly I expected the other option to win XD You all really were like "There's no time! Smash it!" Anyway. THIS IS THE LAST PART WITH A CHOICE. This is YOUR LAST CHANCE to affect the ending. Good luck ;)

The FINAL poll to decide what happens next is only open for one day, expiring on October 26th at 12:00pm PST. Your ending will be revealed on October 28th at the same time.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

“Ah, fuck it, we can’t waste a moment!” Chase backs up. “Move! I’m going to break it down!”

Marvin backs out of the way and says, “Aim for near the handle! That’s where it’s supposed to be weakest!”

“Got it.” Chase takes a few breaths to psych himself up, staring at the door. It’s heavier than the ones upstairs, but it’s still wood. It shouldn’t be that hard, right? He braces one foot against the ground, then—SMACK!—kicks the door right above the handle.

“Keep going!” Marvin encourages. “Something broke!”

“Okay!” Chase nods. “H-hang on.” His leg aches a bit from the impact. He takes a step closer to the door—the last one felt like he was about to fall down the stairs—and kicks again! This time the noise of splintering wood is louder.

A whistle comes from down the stairs. Marvin and Chase spin around, instinctively expecting any number of awful things—but it’s just JJ. He’s halfway up the stairs, clutching the bannister to keep himself upright. The pain on his face is clear but he smiles and asks, What are you doing?

“Sorry, J,” Chase says, wincing. “We kind of—but we left Jackie, we have to—”

JJ blinks, then nods in understanding. Keep going, then!

“Don’t have to tell me.” Chase turns back to the door. He braces himself, then kicks a third time—

SLAM! The door flies open. Chase stumbles and almost falls, but Marvin catches him. “You okay?” he asks.

“I’m fine.” Chase regains his balance. “JJ?” he calls over his shoulder.

Another whistle. Marvin turns, going down the staircase, then reappears at the top carrying JJ in two arms. “There’s no time to waste!” he says, and JJ nods.

“Let’s go, then!” Chase breaks into a run, the others right behind him.

They run across the living room, up the stairs to the second floor, and down the hallway to Jackie’s bedroom. The door is wide open. They rush inside—but stop just a few steps after the doorway.

Schneep is there. So is Jackie. He’d put on his hoodie over the bandages around his torso, but that proved to be a bad idea, as Schneep now holds him up by the front of it, one hand clutching the fabric. Schneep’s other hand holds another kitchen knife up against Jackie’s throat. Jackie’s hands are wrapped around Schneep’s wrist, trying to push the knife away, but he doesn’t even have the strength to stand up, much less fight off his former friend. His eyes land on the three in the doorway, and he shakes his head. “Get... out of here...” he whispers.

Nobody moves. “Schneep,” Chase says, surprised at the steel in his voice, “put Jackie down.”

Schneep’s head turns to look at the three in the doorway. He smiles. It is not his smile. “This won’t take too long,” he says in that voice that lacks its usual accent.

“I don’t know what the fuck’s gotten into you, but this isn’t you,” Marvin says. “You wouldn’t—”

Schneep laughs, interrupting him. “‘This isn’t you’?” he repeats. “That’s funny, that really is. ‘What’s gotten into you,’ that’s also funny. You don’t even know, do you? You all just think your insane friend has snapped. That’s what the papers will say in the morning. I suppose that’s one benefit of this ill fit.”

You’re not insane, JJ says. He pushes away from Marvin, wincing as he lands on his feet. Whatever you’re going through, we can still help.

“Hmm?” Schneep blinks, looking confused at JJ’s gesturing. “What are you—” His eyes widen. He gasps suddenly, and he pulls the knife away from Jackie. “M-mein friends,” he whispers. “Th-there is something—i-inside—you h-have to run, I c-cannot—” His body shudders again, and the grip on the knife handle tightens.

“Get out of here,” Jackie pleads weakly. “Please. You... you guys can still...”

“We’re not leaving you,” Chase says stubbornly.

“You’re not leaving at all,” Schneep says, a cruel light in his eyes. He lifts the knife again, raising it to Jackie’s neck. Jackie gasps and tries once more to push his hand away, but he can’t. The blade stops only an inch from his throat. “None of you. Only me.”

There has to be some way out of this. Chase’s eyes dart around the room. He sees Marvin and JJ do the same.

“Shouldn’t have left that pan downstairs,” Marvin mutters. “But it’s still two on one. JJ, stay back.”

JJ shakes his head. We can’t fight him.

There’s no time to think. They have to figure something out quickly.

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye fanfiction #jacksepticegos #septic egos #septic egos au #jacksepticeye au #chase brody #marvin the magnificent #jameson jackson #jackieboy man #dr schneeplestein #antisepticeye #brigid writes fanfiction #manyroadsdivergejse

[inncubus-honey]

22 of 100 i love you

this a prompt from that 100 ways to say i love you list. ill probably be making my way through the list with various cod characters. so pls enjoy :)

kyle x gn!reader

Word Count: 801

kyle groaned as his body creaked and joints popped after he exited the taxi. picking up the duffle bag by his feet, kyle entered his apartment building, giving his usual wave and smile to the front desk attendant.

over the last three years, kyle had come to know eris, the desk attendant, on a first name basis. whenever kyle was away for long missions, he would get a chance to speak to eris about the big pile up of mail that came whenever he was gone.

but thankfully, he was able to have a month off from base, so he didnt have to wait for a big pile at the front desk. not to mention, kyle was quiet excited to have month to see you whenever he could. in the hallway, foyer, elevator are all the places he could run into you, his cute neighbor of the past year.

kyle smirks to himself as he remembers walking into the foryer that nice spring afternoon, after going out to get some air and lunch for himself, to see you struggling to move the large box that held your new bed frame in it.

you seemingly couldnt find a way to pick it up and move it to the elevator or staircase. your cheeks burning with embarrassment as you felt people staring you down as they walked by you to the elevator.

but kyle is not one of those people; he could see how flustered, yet frustrated you were with moving the bed frame. so he approached you with a soft smile gracing his pouty lips.

“hey…i can see you’re having a bit of trouble moving this box, is there any chance i can you?” his tone softened as he spoke to you, his eyes only trained on you.

“um…no, its okay. i-i got this…its just a bit s-stuck..” biting your lip, embarrassed, you found yourself turning away from kyle who still stood next to you and the package.

he crossed his arms large forearms over his chest as he peered down at you, through his baseball cap, trying to pick up the large package again for a minute or two…then failing with a soft huff.

pushing your baby hairs away from you flustered face, you took a small step to the side as you kept your eyes trained on the floor.

before kyle or you could say anything to one another, he handed the bag that held his lunch to gracefully picked up the large box and started making his way to the elevator.

“o-oh, you sure your okay? i dont want you to get hurt, sir…” you spouted out, nervously following behind him holding his lunch as you did so.

“its not heavy. im stronger than i look, lovie.” winking his mocha brown eyes at you as yall enter the elevator, your heart fluttered more than it already did upon seeing such a man like kyle talk to you.

“th-thank you…”

“kyle, and you?”

“___. its nice to meet someone in the building.” you told him as yall exited out onto the fourth floor where you both lived. as he followed down the hallway from the elevator, kyle found a small smirk form upon his lips as he realized that yall lived a few doors down from one another.

“oh no way. i live just a few doors down from you, lovie.” he smiled.

from then on, whenever yall see each other in passing or have a chat about kyles work while he was on the latest mission, he always called you lovie.

a soft smile, short smirk paired with big eyes as he took you in from the last time he saw, looking for any changes from big to small.

exiting the elevator, kyle held onto his bags as he walked down the hallway to his apartment, ready to unwind from the long, strenuous mission. but the sounding of door opening and closing instantly look up to see whoever was exiting their apartment and was greeted by you in all of your glory.

“hey, lovie, missed you like crazy.” kyle called out to you, looking from your door, an angelic smile graced your features as you ran up to him and jumped into a hug.

“i missed you as well, kyle! god, i getting so bored without you.” you gave him a cheeky pout as his hands ghosted at your waist.

“well, maybe i could ask you to tell what happened over some dinner? tonight?” kyle didnt show it, but under the thick canvas gloves he wore, his palms were sweating up a storm. while your heart threatened to stop when he asked for yall to have dinner.

“um…yeah, i would love that, kyle.”

“see ya later then, lovie.” with one last smile, you bidded goodbye until later than night.

#kyle gaz x reader #kyle gaz garrick #gn reader #cod mw2 x reader #honey writings

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Oh this looks like so much fun! Thank you for tagging me @middleearthpixie.

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 54 😵

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 437,811

3. What fandoms do you write for? Mostly Hobbit, but I have written for Tintin, and a tiny bit of What We Do in the Shadows and Sherlock

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

A Future Bright as Snow- 1,812 Guardian of Kings- 1,368 A Smile for a Cold Spoon- 483 Thirty Minutes to Change Your Life- 466 The Marali Festival- 439

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! It does take me a little while, but I try to answer each and every one. 😊

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh goodeness, I don't do angsty endings at all. 😂 I've got a few planned that will have some bittersweet endings. But I'm going to say Home was the angstiest ending, and it's mostly just Thorin comforting Dis as she allows herself to cry.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Almost every fic of mine has a happy ending. I don't know that there is one I can qualify as having the "happiest" ending, but One More Little Adventure and Every Wedding Has a Few Disasters are the two that first come to mind.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I have never actually gotten hate on a fic. (knocks on wood)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I do write smut, but I don't know how to describe it other than smut with humor. 😂 I've done a little bit of everything when it comes to smut, and here are a few examples:

Breaking the Rules (Haddotin) Living the Hobbit Way (Bagginshield) An Ill-Timed Giggle (Bagginshield) Webcam (Bagginshield)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I've not really written any crossovers yet, but I have one in the planning stage which would be a Hobbit/Dungeon Meshi crossover. I don't think it's all that crazy though. 🤣

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I HAVE! I actually love getting to collab with other authors, and am very thankful for the Hobbit: An Unexpected Collaboration event for getting the chance to do so.

They Stole My Heart (Along With the Rest of Him) with @lordoftherazzles What Happened in 30C and Secrets in the Blue Mountain Apartment with @thotinshield

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? Definitely Bagginshield 😉

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I haven't quite labeled it as abandoned because ideally I'd like to get back to it, but it would be really special circumstances and that's Once Upon a Dream.

16. What are your writing strengths? I feel like characterization and humor are things I excel at and definitely have had people comment on it before.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Transitions and just adding enough prose. I tend to talk through dialogue and I feel like my stories miss that extra little 'ah!' that would make them special.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I mean, I add Khuzdul or Sindarin when I want to enhance that aspect of the character's culture and understanding, but other than that I don't really mess with other languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for? LOL calling me out, but for Mario Bros I wrote A LOT of Daisy/Luigi.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? AHH! Asking me to choose my best child here. 😭 Okay, I'm going to list out my top 5 favorites:

Home (my first gen Hobbit fic) Guardian of Kings (my first finished multi-chapter fic; so proud!) A Lesson Carved in Stone (I really loved playing with Fili's POV) The Different Shades of Bilbo's Love (the SYMBOLISM I USED!!) Ambassador to Madness (even though its a WIP)

Tagging: @lucigoo @conkers-thecosy @domesticgoddesswriter @fantasyinallforms @lordoftherazzles and @thotinshield and of course if I missed you, please do it and tag me so I can see your answers! 😍

#tag you're it #writing stuff #the hobbit #bagginshield

[rinbowaman]

RAEEEEE GUESS WHOS HERE ABOUT DT SUPER LATE🤩

Me😌

Im sorry BUT NOW IM GONNA START READING IT AND YOULL GET ALL MY LIVE REACTIONS🤭‼️

"Gently rubbing his fingertips along your skin, swaying them back and forth"

RAE😭😭 WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO USSSSS, pls pls take our well being into consideration 😔😔

“Good girl... you even know how to pronouce it correctly"

good girl? GOOD GIRL???? AND HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO WINK AFTERWARDS???? im done I cant with this guy

“Maybe….we’ll see.”

Maybe yes, hopefully not😌

“Night sweet thing.”

Boy im no object 🤨🤨 (but since its you saying it, I dont mind as much😋)

“Let us know if you need anything.”

You sir pls?🤯

Gazing at the message that you had just received, you saw that it was from Kurt, who expressed how good it was to see you again. “…Hmm…I wonder….” You mentally noted as you came up with an idea and messaged back.

No no pls dont "wonder" it usually ends bad😨

OMG IM LOOKING AT THE PICS YOU ADDED RN AND IM- SUISHSEESDDD let me suck your dick pls??? (Both)

“You would look so pretty in a wedding dress.”

THIS AND THE PICTURE UNDERNEATH IT????VBYXDGHHHHH, Heejeong does smh unexplainable to me😣

“Yeah?.....I beg to differ.”

SIR???? STOPPPP

“Hey, y/n. I’m finally here, sorry I missed the ceremony, but I’m glad I could make it in now.”

You missed the ceremony what else you here for boy?💀 also rae pls pls dont do what im think you're going to do pls pls dont

You had invited Kurt, as a manner to introduce him to the family since you had recently decided to give him a chance and accept his offer to begin a relationship

Bye.

WHYYYYY TELL ME WHYTYYY???????? I dont even know what to say🤯🤯

Im kurt number 1 hater #kurtkys #kurtleaveynalone #kurtpullasamuelsoicanhaveareasontohateyou

Im never forgiving you for this rae

"Im good Mrs....um..."

Bro doesn't even know the name of his girlfriends mother 💀💀 this is way worse then what samuel did I think I have reason to hate him now😌

Heejeong merely looked down at Kurt’s hand before glaring back up at him….then over to you.

YES BAE IGNORE HIS DIRTY HANDS WHO KNOWS IF HE EVEN WASHED THEM???😨‼️

"Nice to meet you. I’m Kurt.”

No one cares bro you can stop💀💀

You figured they were disappointed that you hadn’t told them about Kurt sooner

Nah babes they're mad bc they want to fuck you

"We’re dating.”

Im so done with y/n

"They were busy.”

Pls keep em busy🙏🏻🙏🏻

"It’s okay….” You bit your lip as you chuckled once more. Leaning in, you whispered out. “Should we try again?"

NO???? how about y'all DONT try again💀

"So..."

FINALLY OME OF MY BAES🤭🤭

"Come again?....”

Y/n bae in the nicest way possible, stfu🤗

"Nuh-uh. Come here, we need to have a little talk, you and I.”

Okay lets talk😋 OMG THE PICTURE????? IM DYING DJJDUDJEJD

“Shhh….come here…..COME HERE.”

Come here and get some~~

ANOTHER PICTURE???? *this user has died*

Okay ill continue dying after i finish this ask 🔥🔥

“Stop! This is wrong! You’re insane, get off!”

Dont stop! This is feels so right! You're not insane, dont get off**** sorry had to fix your typo😰😰

"Dont be like that…..haven’t I shown you kindness and affection?....Haven’t I shown just how much I ADORE you?”

BAE PLS PLS FORGIVE MY DEAR Y/N, SHES JUST BEING SILLY 🤗🤗

"Those are some pretty strong words princess…..are we fighting? Hmm? Tell me…..” placing a hand on your hip, he starts to motion your body to grind against his crotch as he whispers out the last bit. “Are we fighting?”

I might have to resume being dead soon bc oh my god i cant handle this

"Tell me baby….since we’re fighting…tell me what I gotta do to fix it…tell me.

Nothing babe you're perfect 😌‼️ #loveyourself #changeyourselffornoone #beyourself

"Come on baby…tell me what I gotta do to fix it….so we can get along…”

OH WAITTTT, that shitty gf of yours💀 we can get along then👍🏻

No princess….dont think I will……I don’t think you want me to…..that’s okay because that’s what I’m here for…..”

You're right, pls dont stop😣

"Boyfriend hasn’t touched you yet…has he?”

THANK GOD NO 🙏🏻🙏🏻

"Let me fix it."

Yeah this is my last straw, im dead 👍🏻

Okay kids, lets all thank rae for the amazing chapter 🤭🤭

Bro the way I laughed at this….this is…this is gold. I’m literacy saving this right now so I can refer back to it bc this was just absolutely hands down the best Silky. Omg. Lol! I loved that enjoyed the chapter. Bro..the part where Heeseung was like “let me beat it up and say sorry to it with my tongue later” I died lol. Could you imagine? I should have chapter 6 posted by tomorrow maybe since im working on HHP ch 20 rn ;)

[drag-queen-jesus]

NEO: TWEWY

yeah I know, im late to the party.  Fake fan, whatever

BUT

I finally started playing NEO and oh my god

(for reference as of this post im on week 2 day 4,  so ya know, all of THAT has happened already

I wish I had thought to like, liveblog it or something, because I am SO invested right now.  I don't think I will, necessarily, I just wanted to put my predictions and thoughts out there so I can see how they stack up once I reach end game.

spoilers, obviously (also unedited)

okay so first, ARE we actually dead???  like I made a joke about it to my friend like “they are such Gen Z, like oh were dead?  Cool AND THEN DIDN’T QUESTION ANYTHING ABOUT THAT” but then it kept going and we still haven't talked about it?  Until we finally met Beat (my boy, I’ll get to you)  and he firmly says he's alive.  That opens a whole host of questions for me

Is he really?

Are we?

is anyone else, if we are?

I’m pretty sure there's some legit dead players, but now that im thinking about it I can't remember now if they actually said they died, or if they've just been playing the game long term (Motoi, and one of the Variabeauties come to mind)

and then what does that mean if they’re taking living players???  is that even allowed???  

which brings me to my second point: WHER IS JOSH???  like im not expecting him to be a main character, but he is/was basically GOD, so is this him???  I don't think it is because we thought he learned a lesson since last time, and living players was never a thing when he was in charge.  So did he get taken out of commission?  is he the mysterious “you” that the hat character is talking about.  (I have a theory, ill get to it)

and Neku.  My son, my boy, my little spicy tuna roll.  How does this man come back into play now of all times.  first of all, what did he do to get back on the reapers radar after three years.  these ‘new’ games have been running for at least a year (we know Motoi has been playing for a year at least) and its been three years since the Big Game that took every one out, so how long have they been looking for him, how long has he been in hiding, and why can't they find him?  they wanted us players to track him down and fight him, which implies that he's still currently connected to the UG in a way that lets us interact with him, but if that's the case, shouldn't they be able to like, trace him or something (that might be a fanfic thing I've made canon in my head, about people having traceable auras or whatever).  because it sounded like Beat’s been looking for him too, and up until recently Beat was in the UG, so where's Neku?

and then Beat, poor guy.  Why is he looking for Neku anyway?  I mean, I guess if my friend is missing, id look too, but how long has Beat been looking for him?  How long has be been missing?  Why did he get dragged back into this mess too???  I’m digging the new fit tho, don't get me wrong, I liked Beat well enough before, but he looks a lot more Sk8ter Boi and less ‘basketball player’ now.  I do hope Rhyme and Shiki are doing okay without their guys tho, I wonder if we’ll hear anything about them at all?

Also what the fuck is Hype-Chan’s deal?  (I KNOW she has a name now, but she's been Hype-chan since 2012, she will be Hype-chan until I die). Like, something is going on with her and I can't wait to find out what.

Another question: I think its pretty obvious that the ruin bringers are getting special treatment.  the question is, why?  Whats the goal of keeping everybody in the UG like this indefinitely?  because that's what it looks like to me.  The whole point of the reapers game, as Kariya put it, is to find the best and brightest Shibuya has to offer, to give the people who can make Shibuya a better place a second chance at life.  Obviously the rules have changed since the last time we played, but what's the point of keeping everyone in Limbo like this?  Obviously Shiba’s having a good time (also, who made him the new conductor???  it couldn't have been Josh, no way) but what's even the point of having a game if you won't let anyone come back to life???

And where did all of these reapers even come from?  Uzuki told us that there are reapers all over the place, but did they wander here themselves, where they appointed by the higher ups?  Who's the producer now, since CAT is apparently on hiatus (I guess Sanae got in trouble after all?)

and then there's that whole vision Rindo had and keeps having about Shibuya like, blowing up or whatever.  Thats a whole thing I don't even have thoughts about yet.

theres a bigger story here im not seeing yet (at least I hope so, ill be disappointed if im wrong). 

Heres what I think.  My predictions, if you will.

I think that something happened to Joshua after the Big Game.  We know that Sanae got in trouble, so it would stand to reason that Josh did too.  I think he disappeared himself (like with Another Day) and left Shibuya a vacuum, with very few strays left to pick up the pieces (Uzuki, Kariya, and that one wall reaper who said he knew Neku from before are the ones I can think of).  I think that, seeing this open playing field, reapers from other districts were either moved in, or they took it themselves (they seem like the sort.  All the new reapers are kinda sleazy and I don't trust them). I think that Neku, for whatever reason, figured this out, or was told, or kept some kind of connection with the UG or with Josh (hello fanfic brain, I see you) - I honestly wouldn't put it past Kariya to know more than he’s telling us so far, and to have something to do with it.  I think Neku dug himself back into the UG somehow to look for Joshua, so that Joshua can fix things again - they said they wanted to make Neku a reaper, but I don't know how they pan on doing that because it never seemed like something you could force on someone, and also Beat was able to quit being one, so how were they planning on making him stay?  I think that the reapers are gonna try and pull something similar to what Kitaniji did with his red pins, but this time I think the goal is to... merge the RG and the UG - it would make sense what with the living player angle, I just don't know what the end goal is.

I ALSo think that Shokie is gonna be a party member at some point, just based on the box art.  Do I want her too?  not really, but I think she will be.

I didn't even get into WHATEVER Minamimoto has going on, I couldn't make heads or tails of it, other than I think he’s also looking for Joshua (I don't personally think he has any reason to look for Neku specifically, outside of to get to Josh). We’ll see, I don't think we’ve seen the last of Pi Face

I have a Lot more thoughts, but im kind of just rambling at this point.

We’ll see how it shapes up, and where I was wrong

#the world ends with you #twewy #neo the world ends with you #neo twewy #neo twewy spoilers #twewy spoilers #Neku Sakuraba #joshua kiryu #twewy beat #rindo kanade #twewy fret #tosai furesawa #nagi usui #sho minamimoto #twewy theories #neo twewy theories #twewy liiveblogging

[our-inspire-verse]

I am! Not great again! Why I'd did that. Stuff /VeryNegative under the cut

Just. Jesus fucking christ when will these flashbacks stop. I SAW myself die again. And then i also, MORESO have to watch Alder find me again and again. He fucking. Kept yelling my name. He kept calling for me, desperate. He was so hurt. I was already cold. He couldn't do anything, it wasnt his fault. But he tried so hard. And then he sat there for so long.

How could i have not known. Twice. There was an attempt in my timeline but thank fucking GOD i failed. Can you fucking imagine I'd succeeded? Was it better he was alone? What would it have been like if Dan and Cadance were there and i succeeded? Because they helped him when i failed. But something broke in the other timeline within him. I can see it in the way he put his hand on my shoulder. That was something he did in our lifetime, he'd just gently stroke my shoulder. It grounded me, it was affectionate, it felt really nice. I can sense the thoughts in his head. "He can't feel this now"

I've been gone for hours. I probably was before he ever could have made it home. I was alone in my room like that for sO long and i died afraid. Thats all i can think about was how afraid i was. I didn't think anyone cared about me, i know i was more isolated from Dan in this universe. I know i was more cruel to myself. And knowing these are facts of how these things work is one thing. Actually seeing where that switch over was, thats another. The way that allowing love into your life saves you in impossible to know ways. You have to allow people to love you.

You will die without it.

And knowing i didn't have a chance to be saved in this one. Knowing there was a real possibility of it going bad, it wasn't just a silly cry for attention written by a sad artist. It was the possibility of my mental health taking over and ruining my father's(chosen) life. It was the fact that i do have an impact on my future and i have to decide to have one. Theres nothing i can do to help either damned soul now, there's something so uniquely heart shattering about having to live with grief like this. It is not mine, it is of mine. It is of me. It is a holy sensation that i regard with vile distaste. The feeling is important, more important than a lot of things.

Growing up this life i never thought i would live past 10. Then a lot of other numbers. How original. How horrible. It actually is horrible. Desensitization makes. These numbers these thoughts, its hard to recognize im sad about it since its so normalized. But being 7 and suicidal isn't. And i cant believe i carried that and my past life all this time like this. And now that im so aware, ill carry it differently. I can't believe i lived so long. I cant believe im gonna KEEP living so long. I havent felt genuinely suicidal in ages. I can be real, and say the idealization is there, but it's more about the fantasy of getting help for it. But recieving memories like this reminds me of how bad that hurt. For decades. And how bad it hurt alternate or past selves, and those loved ones there. I'm so sorry Alder, i desperately wish there was anything i could do. To take it back, to help heal, to love you better than i did. Your cabin stayed empty, my room stayed where it was, and you stayed alone. Dan stayed over, but not much. You never got to know Cadance. You met briefly and never became friends.

I did all of that. Everything was actually because of me. I can't take that right now. I was resting and these memories wont stop. It's incredible though. How bright the sun is from up here. How even though pain burns more intensely than it usually does from this height, so does the love. How much the love permeated in every crack and crevice last life. How i let the light in and hope filled us all up. Even during loss and pain and torture, even losing each other. It was okay. Because at least it happened.

#teehee aaaaaaaaa #trauma #rambling #long post #vent #do not reblog #obviously #mentally ill #past life #pseudomemories #pseudotrauma #inthrum bickerman #suicide #trigger warning #tw #forreal this ones bad lol #i mean. like most of it. im talking about a memory where i killed myself. so if you need to know. #but at the end i get beautiful and poetic! and hopeful and soft its great #but yeah its horrible rn

[heavyskysystem]

more cederic venting

"And if I had to put myself in Joshuas shoes, I think I would have to come from a way more negative experience than what im currently having. I dont think im capable of putting myself in a feeling state that negative. You took care of me, I think in the beginning maybe I couldve related more to being like him, I had a few .. expecations towards you he also held. But I shedded them quickly. Getting to truly know you was a delight to me. Not filtering you by these.. expecations ive inheritted from Joshua. He wanted you to be this warm, heartfelt emotional person that youre just not.. But its okay, its okay to be a bookworm, youre not even "cold" how he saw you. Youre just distanced, shy. Careful. Maybe very aggressive sometimes, congratulations on fusing with Lilith to that degree that you can do that. Ive had a lot of that aimed at me. And supposedly you had to get that under control, but I kind of like that about you. And Joshua.. Joshua has to have been in a world of pain to be so blind to all these positive aspects of you that I now get to enjoy. But if he wants to be an idiot and miss out, he can be. Ill be over here enjoying myself and getting all the benefits being loved by you has. I know you wanted whats best for him til he hurt you to badly, just how it was with me many times over. But I always got another chance, begrundingly, cause you hated yourself for being so forgiving. But it is obviously the only reason I can stand here and gush about you without instantly needing to sabotage. I broke out of Joshuas patterns, having only half the similarities to him. But hes still in you, in us, somewhere.. and it makes me uneasy. I dont want him here. And I doubt hed want me here if he got how well I often treat you. How openly I profess to loving you and caring for you. He wouldnt get how good that feels. Shitty little liar. He cant have what I have if hes not honest. He called you a liar a lot, called you to cold, but hes so much more of a liar than you are. Adam and I, and Lilith, maybe Fiona too to a degree even if more carefully cause of the damage shes done.. we get to enjoy something. and maybe youre really sad for him, that hell never allow that. but he had no issue letting your friends care for him. he only dunked on you specifically. he couldve. if he doesnt want to let the host love him, hes in for a world of hurt. he might hate it, try to deny it, but as long as we cannot front with the same frequency as adam could or Lilith, we are.. stuck co-fronting with you and living through you. If he wants to make that into a prison jail and bitch and moan he can, ill be over here enjoying myself. If Adam, Adam the most controlling and domineering person I know is capable of seeing good int his situation, and he could front, he chooses not to, he sees this as your life, you have a right to it .. if even he sees it that way. Why cant Joshua? Sure Joshua is an annoying little bastard. But if the big bad Adam that is out to get others, surely had to fight urges of hurting you that were so much worse than Joshuas.. then I dont get why Joshua couldnt. Really all because he had hopes of being host? This is something he wasnt to begin it, its crystal clear to me. Hes not any more formed than I am. I am at a point where I can accept the depth I lack, and that only because I feel how much you love me in spite of it. But please never call me a fragment again, that one really hurt me. I am more than a fragment. Even if im not a full person like you. Im still a person. Joshua.. just couldve had so much of what I enjoy on the daily.. maybe its bad that youre the height of it for me, because im kind of stuck with you constantly.. but you are. And id rather this is positive than negative. Maybe to Joshua this really is nothing but a jail cell and hes incapable of arranging himself with it, maybe he has a zest for life I do not have, is more energetic than me, has more drive.. atleast towards the social things. Maybe. Maybe he has something I dont. But id still never want to take figuring it out from you."

#cederic #vent #itll feel good to come back to this in the future nd see this in his tag im sure

[freshinthehearse]

I feel alone

 I feel like writing a longform post rather than just getting drunk and/or sad and saying sad things on the TL. 

I’m so fucking alone, I mean that, I don't really have companionship like other people have. I have friends that I care about and that love me, I love them too, but I feel like I cant form connections at all. Everyone will end up leaving me eventually so what's the point. Something that eats at me a lot is Julia leaving me, that was so hard for me, I hated it. I tried so hard to make things work and it fell apart in front of me. It was disheartening, humiliating and it showed me that I cant trust anyone to stay in my life. Even my own mother betrayed and left me. I just don't trust anyone anymore, I know that it sounds cringy  but its just better over all to expect people to disappoint you. Something that I think about a lot is the fact that in that relationship I had a lot of beautiful women vying for my attention but I turned them away because I thought I found someone that I could spend my life with. And in the end she ended up hurting me and then tried to act like my friend after the fact. I wish that I had never met her. But I never get my wishes anyways.

Another thing that really bothers me is the friends that I have, specifically with their relentless inability to talk to me for some reason. People like Jake, Mike, Alex. these people don't give a fuck about me at all. Sometimes I sit down and I think about the fact that not a single one of them reaches out to talk to me. Not one, every time we have talked I have had to do it. I get the same response every time. “ I’ve been so busy blah blah blah” I don't believe that shit especially with Michael. Here we are in summer and I still don't ever fucking talk to him. all he does is go to his boyfriends house and who knows what the fuck else because he never fucking talks to me. It is literally impossible for you to say that for months at times you cant text or call me. Something else that blows me away is that jake will only ever hit me up if he needs something. Let me think for a moment what was the last thing we did together, oh that's right, I helped you when your ex gf was being a antagonist. Lovely, great to see you again brother. And I didn't even bother mentioning Andrew because he never reaches out either even after I tried telling him that I wont be friends with him if he doesn't talk or reach out to me. He said okay texted me for about a week and then never hit me up again. 

Finally i had the lovely news dropped on my lap that there's good chance my dad will be laid off which means that I’m moving with him when he leaves the island so what little I have will be ripped from me and I will never have it again 

I keep trying and I don't want to kill myself but i just don't see anything getting any better. why should I be forced to live in a society that doesn't care for the people that live within it. Our government doesn't care and continues to let people starve and die or go homeless for the sake of profit. If you're lucky you live paycheck to paycheck until you retire with little savings and then die. I genuinely don't believe it to be moral to raise kids in the world we live in today but I wont tell people that because it makes me sound like a dick 

Alright I think I’m done now ill prob link this if I ever kill myself so people can get an idea of where my head is at 

[dumbbitchfrommars]

pray for me tomorrow that i dont make a mistake. i have a lot of friends that arent quite friends yet going to this party and if i fuck up and kiss the wrong person ill ruin them... i literally dont know what to do. i have to be myself but me being myself is rightfully UNHINGED. and i like my sweet little libra but hes also risky, and i cant take anymore risks with guys, you know? what if hes a massive dork loser? well, he is. hes incredible and funny and charismatic and sweet, but he is yet another inexperienced boy. ugh. but i like him. okay, how about this? no expectations and no self control. ill just be myself and go with the flow but be CAREFUL and responsible and mature and remember all the lessons ive learnt in the last few years of being a dumb single brown girl living in white people world. just dont get yourself into a messy beard situation. cause he’s def at least bisexual and in massive denial. but one things a relief, im finally crushing on a brown boy! and hes an actual brown boy this time. my lord, i was doing a mini stalk (on a completely different note) of my summer fling from melb, just to make sure theres no mild chance i run into him on my next trip to see my sis, right? well, i had to look through our old texts before i realised i could stalk the girlfriend instead, and in my quick scroll i was forced to face how pathetic and just... sad this guy was. like what grown man says “pwetty pwease”? like can you be more childish? that sounds a bit rich but there was so much more than that. its giving anime child with no idea how to treat a woman. WHICH ENDED UP BEING TRUE, BIG SURPRISE! anyway if you were curious, the beach they went to in the summer is pretty close but i cant rly gauge much from that info, they mightve made the trip to a far beach for an event or smth, i have no idea if he lives near there, plus why would he even be near me anyway? so im safe for now. in fact, if he were to pop up, i wouldnt have anything to worry about. hes probably too pussy to even say hi or acknowledge me, the sour bitch. hahahahahhahahaha. 

#libra aquarius

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   pairing: kazutora x reader

♡   —   summary: after a long day at work, you want nothing but to spend a calm night with your boyfriend. however, you have no idea this is the night were all his demons finally get the best of him.

♡   —   tags/warnings: female reader, angst, breakups, hurt feelings everywhere, mention on mental illnesses and nightmares, based on ben platt’s song ‘carefully’, mention of tora’s job in one of the future timelines.

♡   —   a/n: i enjoyed writing kazutora so. damn. much. also, i’m quite proud of this one and the small details i added~ thank you @ofoceansandtombstones​​ for being my lovely beta <3

♡   —  masterlist

And all this time you've had a gentle way of holding me

So could you please release me that way too?

— “carefully” by Ben Platt

“It’s open, come in!”

The first thing Kazutora sees when he opens the door of your apartment is you, kneeling on the kitchen floor and picking up pieces of a broken baking dish. Red sauce has splattered everywhere and his mind betrays him for a second, imagining an accident far worse than what has truly happened. He blinks twice and starts to notice the small details that finally slow down the fast beating of his heart. There are pieces of chicken breasts next to the open oven door and what he thinks are sliced carrots next to your right knee.

You hiss when you pick up a piece of the shattered glass, the sharp end pinching your finger. Kazutora comes back to his senses, widening his eyes as he realizes he’s just been standing there.

“Hey, let me. You’ll cut yourself,” he warns, walking up to you. Grabbing both your hands, he eases you into your feet and then guides you to the living room. “I’ll take care of it,” he promises as he goes back to the kitchen and starts cleaning up the mess.

You let yourself fall on the sofa with a loud thud and let out an exasperated sigh.

“I just had the most awful day,” you whine, taking off your apron and leaving it on the arm of the sofa.  “Work was hell, I got scolded by something that I didn’t do— like always, only this time my boss was all like: ‘You gotta be more careful, we wouldn’t want to lose such a valuable employee’. Like he was going to fire me over someone else’s mistake?!”

Your voice is getting louder by the minute and you take advantage of the fact Kazutora is in another room to keep the volume. You have been waiting the entire day to see him and vent about what a trainwreck you day had been. Just as always, he listens intently, the only noise coming from the kitchen being a soft scraping sound as he picks up everything and throws it to the trash. 

“Then, I went to the store and of course they had run out of basil. Tell me, how does a store that big run out of basil?” you ask. There’s no answer from the kitchen so you continue. “I mean, yeah, I could have gone to another store but my feet were killing me. I’m just not meant to work in heels the entire day,” you sigh tiredly, swinging your feet.

You reposition yourself, now sitting cross-legged on the sofa. Putting your right hand on your left shoulder, you stretch your neck, feeling your sore muscles releasing a bit of tension with a small ‘pop’.

“I ended up preparing something entirely different than I had planned for dinner. I tried to let it go but just as I was going to put it in the oven, it slipped my hands and—”

“I think we should break up.”

Words die in your lips the moment you listen to your boyfriend speak. The silence becomes loud and abrasive as you struggle to understand what was happening. Why was Kazutora breaking up with you with such a small voice? What had triggered him to come to that conclusion? Why had he decided to bring it up now? You turn your head to the kitchen door and watch him slowly make his way towards you, doubtful steps as he takes a seat on the other side of the sofa, avoiding your eyes at all costs.

“What?” you ask, your voice hoarse. His lips form a tight line and you see him swallowing nervously.

“I’m not doing okay— haven’t been for a while. I— it’s been two years since I left prison and I still haven’t— I don’t— I don’t know what I’m doing,” he explains, looking down at his hands.

You nod slowly, trying to comprehend where he’s coming from. Turning your body towards him, you take a deep breath before speaking.

“It’s okay not to know,” you assure him in a soft voice. “Just… take it slow. One day at a time and then I’m sure you’ll—”

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” Kazutora confesses and you notice his voice wavering a little. “I— I keep having nightmares about— about that day and— and also about the motorcycle shop. Those two mix up and…” he takes one of his hands to the side of his head, his fingers grazing his temple. “And I’m hitting Baji in the head. And there’s so much blood— so, so much blood and—”

Leaning forward, you take his hands. They’re shaking and extremely cold and you rub your thumb over his knuckles, trying your best to soothe him.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now, Tora, you’re—”

Kazutora pulls his hands away hastily, leaving a tingling sensation on your palms.

“I can’t!” he says as he shakes his head. You spend a moment looking at your empty hands, never before having felt your boyfriend’s rejection. “I feel like I’m drowning and— You know what? I think relationships just aren’t for me,” he shrugs, his hands moving in exaggerated gestures. “That’s why I never cared for dating, never got myself involved in that kind of shit, not until—”

He finally looks at you and, fuck, you wish he didn’t. You’re not sure if you have the strength to deal with such hurtful discourse. You lick your lips and take yet another deep breath, deciding to ignore his hurtful remark.

“I’m… so sorry you’re feeling this way,” you say, slowing down your words, trying your best not to show how hurt you were. This isn’t him, you tell yourself. So no need for that tightness in your throat. “But you have to understand it’s not because of me. It’s because of everything that you’ve gone through and how hard it’s to deal with them. I don’t blame you, it is hard. But this… us,” you gesture to the both of you. “This is a good thing. Despite all the pain and hurt we’ve both been through, we—”

“Please, stop,” he says, raising his hand and pressing his eyelids together. “I can’t be with you anymore. That’s it, that’s all—”

“So you don’t love me anymore?” you counter. You scoff in disbelief, shaking your head. Kazutora’s eyes shoot open and you notice his pupils shaking in fear, like a deer caught in headlights.

“I love you,” he breathes out, and for a moment you see the boy you fell in love with in his amber eyes that are quickly filling with tears. “I do love you but it’s killing me. I feel like I’m dying,” he chokes out. He looks away from you once more and starts tugging at his fingers. “I’m rotting inside and I don’t know what to do to make it better. I just want it to stop. I want it to stop and— I don’t want you around when I’m like this. I want to figure out what the hell is happening and—”

“But if you love me and I love you then why—”

“I’m not happy with you!”

Kazutora widens his eyes, scared by his loud outburst. He parts his lips, silently muttering nonsense as he tries to come up with words that can make it better. You lower your head and he wants to punch himself over it. He doesn’t want to make you cry, not after everything you’ve done for him. Is he really going to be the person that hurt the one that made a home for him in her embrace? Is he going to hurt the only person that was brave enough to pick up the pieces of his shattered soul?

“I’m…” he babbles, in a soft voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it.”

You snort. “No, you really did mean it, Tora.”

He can sense the hurt and sadness in your voice, even if now you’re the one that won’t look at him. He watches helplessly as you stand up and walk towards the living room window in complete silence. The apron you took off is still on the couch and the vast memories of all the times he embraced you while you were wearing it quickly fill his mind.

He wishes there was a way he could keep you. But no matter how much he wants to, he knows there really is no other way. He’s thought about this countless times. He has gone to work without getting proper sleep, stared at his blank tv screen for hours on end, trying to come up with a plan where he could keep you. Was staying with the person he loved the most too much to ask?

No matter in how many shades of light or with how much care he handled the memory of you, the only way he could spare you the greatest amount of pain was to leave you— even if he knew he’d end up shattering your heart as well.

Kazutora notices the way your fingers tightly close around the edge of the window, your knuckles turning white. He had come to terms that he’d lose you today, yet he never expected for it to be this way. It doesn’t matter, he tells himself. If hating him would mend your wounds faster, then he’d take it. Anything that would make the heartache he was causing you a little bit lighter. He knew you were the last person on Earth that deserved to go to bed carrying that much pain in her soul.

Looking out the window, you focus on a small girl walking her dog on the street. It’s a brown labrador and by the size of it, it’s barely a puppy. Rather than walk, it jumps on its four legs, his little head looking back at the girl every chance he has as he happily wags his tail. The pet shop Kazutora and Chifuyu work at immediately comes to mind. Would it be like this from now on? Small things eliciting memories of your days together without your consent and leaving a sour taste in your mouth?

You will need to find a new commute, you think, as you had been stopping by the pet shop on your way home for the past year. Is there another bus that you could take? As you try to remember the lines and their respective routes, you’re engulfed by the memory of the first time Kazutora dozed off with his head resting on your shoulder as you rode the bus together. You close your eyes and you can clearly see his peaceful expression and slightly parted lips as he slept, his fingers tightly intertwined with yours. His breathing is slow and his hands are cold and you wish you could go back, even for a minute and place a kiss on top of his head, since you wouldn’t be able to do so from now on.

Where exactly had you failed? You had just been complaining about your day when he dropped the bomb. Did you complain too much? Did you talk too much? Or was it you the one that was too much? You tried your best and supported him as much as you could but as it turns out, it hadn’t been enough. Good intentions were nothing but useless as you were now saying goodbye to the man you had loved the most.

You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt Kazutora’s cold knuckles against your cheek, wiping your tears. You gasp, startled by his touch and take a couple steps back until your back hits the wall. It takes a few seconds for him to bring his hand now, unsure on what to do next.

He looks so scared and small— it fills your heart with frustration. Your whole body is screaming to take a step forward and comfort him, cradle him in your arms like so many times before, assure him he’s safe with you and that he doesn’t have to worry anymore. That, if you can still go home to each other at the end of a bad day, you can take anything life throws at you.

But that’s the thing. You’re not each other’s home anymore. You don’t get to bury your face in his neck and hum happily when his perfume reaches your nose. You don’t get to have him take a nap on your lap as you watch a series or feel his lips ghost against yours seconds before colliding in a kiss.

You hate it. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looking down at his feet. “Please, don’t cry.”

“You know what, Kazutora?” you say, wiping your tears with the back of your hand. You taste venom in your words, yet that doesn’t stop you. “If you’re not happy with me, then what are you doing here?”

He flinches at your words. Biting his inner cheek, he nods, still incapable of holding your gaze.

“Yeah, okay,” he mutters. “I’ll go. I really am sorry.”

Kazutora turns on his heel, walking towards the door. Maybe it’s the way you know he’s not coming back this time that makes your desperation afloat. You don’t want him to go and you also know you can’t make him stay. And even if somehow you could find a way to keep him by your side, it would be worthless.

He’s just not happy with you.

“Are you happy somewhere else, though?” you ask, your words leaving your mouth before your head has time to process them. He stumbles on his feet and stops. “Because if you just can’t manage to be happy, then it’s not on me.”

Kazutora doesn’t have to turn for you to know he’s second guessing himself. The next seconds feel like years as he just stands there, mid-way to the front door, thoughts so messy and loud you can almost hear them.

“That doesn’t matter,” he finally says with his back to you. He closes his fists and you see his shoulders rising and falling as he takes a deep breath. “This way you don’t have to deal with... with the mess I am and—”

“Oh, please, I knew what I was getting into when I started dating an ex-convict.”

The weight of your words fall onto you the moment they leave your mouth. You squeeze your eyes shut, muttering a curse. It takes no time for you to walk towards Kazutora, standing between him and the door.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tora, I didn’t— you know I didn’t mean it that way. Fuck, I’m so sorry,” you whimper, tears flowing free down your cheeks. Your wave your shaky hands, desperate to make your point across. “I just wanted to say I knew things would be difficult but I loved you— I love you and I—”

Kazutora shakes his head, a gentle yet sad smile on his face as he takes your hands in his. He holds them in front of his chest, squeezing them gently as they don’t stop trembling.

“Stop, it’s okay,” he assures you. “That’s what I am.”

“It’s not,” you protest. “I mean— yeah, but you’re more than that. You’re so much more than that. You’re caring, you’re noble— you’re so tender with the animals at your shop. You’re so sweet with me, always checking if I’ve eaten and offering to help me out if I have chores I need to do. You always come pick me up if I’m working late. You— you’re so fucking special to me.”

Kazutora’s lips form a tight line. “I wish I could see that,” he whispers.

“Then just— let me try. Let me try until you can look at yourself the way I do,” you almost beg. You let go of the hold he has on your hands to gently cradle his face. “I’ll do anything, but... don’t patronize me. I’m not a little girl. Whatever life throws at me, I’ve always been able to handle it. No— we’ll handle it. Together. Like it’s always been, you and me, I just— please, I don’t want you to go,” you cry. “We were going to be happy together, you were going to live with me and I’d give you half my drawers and half my closet and half… half everything. Please, don’t go. Don’t go, Tora.”

The sadness in his amber eyes only confirms what you’ve been fearing this whole time. You sob, your thumbs softly stroking his cheeks as you feel the world crumbling around you. This time, he doesn’t stop you, letting you cry as you hold his face, coming to terms with the fact he’s really leaving after all.

Your hands move to his hair, gently threading your fingers across his long, dark locks. Tracing the outline of his face, you push one of the dyed streaks away, only for it to fall back right where it was before. You can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips. He’s so pretty, you think, as the pads of your fingers gently caress his face. Your thumb grazes the space between his bottom lip and his chin and you dream of a world when he’s not saying goodbye, but rather falling asleep under your touch on your shared bed. You never knew loving someone as much as you loved him was possible-- yet the way your heart was crumbling in pieces was evidence of how much your soul was aching by being separated from the person it belonged to.

Sniffling, you rub your cheek against your shoulder to wipe your tears. You swallow before raising another question.

“Is this a… temporary thing? Or for good?” Your voice comes out in a whisper as you place down your hands on his shoulders.

“I don’t know,” he answers. He wants nothing more than to put his arms around your body like so many times before, but he’s aware that it will only make things more difficult. “But I don’t want to keep you waiting in vain. You should move on.”

Kazutora realizes how much he hates the idea as it leaves his lips. The idea of you starting over with someone else rots in his tongue. He doesn’t want you to hold anyone’s face the way you were just holding his. He wants to keep you all to himself, to go to endless visits to the grocery shop, to watch you fall asleep during movie night and then pretend you didn’t, to massage your hands as you tell him about his day.

But you don’t deserve the guck that’s forming inside his mind. He knows it’s only a matter of time before it comes out pouring and reaches you. And he’ll be damned if he lets himself ruin the one good thing he’s had in his life for many years. He promised to himself he wouldn’t let his ill state of mind touch his loved ones. Never again.

He watches you nod and feels his heart shattering, even if everything is going just the way he intended. You rub his shoulders and look into his eyes, a sad smile on the pretty lips he would never get to kiss again.

“Okay,” you sigh. “We’ll end this but… when you leave, never doubt how loved you were. No— how loved you are. I don’t know what is coming for either of us but… I do know a part of my heart will always belong to you, no matter who I hold hands with. I will always love you, Tora.”

Your words are enough to finally break him. Kazutora clutches your body tightly against him as he loudly sobs against your shoulder. You hold him, tears flowing free once again as you try and soothe the man you love, leaving small kisses on the side of his head and whispering soft reassurances that it’s okay. It’s not, you tell yourself. It’s never going to be okay. But it has to be.

Carefully, you move him back to the sofa, helping him sit down while he refuses to let go of his hold on your body. You lean on the back pillows, both your arms cradling him while he whimpers like a small child. Kazutora clutches the fabric of your sweater with desperation, wishing there was a way he could stay with you.

Why does he have to give up the person that had put a smile back on his face? He can’t quite remember a time when his stomach had hurt out of laughter before he ever met you. Or when he’d experienced such peace as the night he stayed at your apartment and got to see your sleeping face first thing in the morning. He’s never loved anyone as much as he loves you and, for all he knows, he may never love like this again. 

But he could never risk tainting you. He would never be able to forgive himself.

Kazutora softly pulls away from your embrace. His eyes are blotchy and red and you’re sure yours look the same or even worse. His nose is red, like it always does when he cries. It’s endearing, you think. Everything about him, from his hair, to his eyes, his hands— you’ve come to love every part of Kazutora. And that’s exactly why it’s so hard to let him go.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he says in a whisper, resting the side of his head on the back pillows of the sofa.

“Like what?” you ask, gently pushing his hair away from his face and behind his ear.

“Like I matter to you. Like I’m making a huge mistake.”

You take a deep breath. Imitating him, you rest your head on the back pillows as well, so you’re both facing each other.

“I don’t— I don’t fully understand what you’re going through,” you admit, your eyes locked on his. “But if you need to… get away, then you should. You’ve been nothing but loving to me. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, whether it’s with me or not. You deserve to fully experience all the beautiful things life has to offer.”

Silent tears fall from both your cheeks and his.

“I should be thankful I got to love you for this whole year. Because even if it ends this way… God, I loved you so much,” you sniffle, letting out a small laugh. “And I felt so loved. Isn’t that magical in itself? That we got to love each other at the same time?” you wonder with a sad smile.

Kazutora parts his lips, yet the doorbell interrupts him before he can even speak. You look at the front door, your eyebrows furrowing for a moment before you realize who’s probably there.

“Food’s here,” you say, wiping the tears from your face.

“Food?” Kazutora asks, confused.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Didn’t I tell you? The baking dish broke so I called that restaurant, the one with the burgers we like.”

“Sorry. I wasn’t really listening back then,” he admits with a pang of guilt. He sits up on the couch and turns his head at you. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

You sit up as well. “I ordered for the two of us. C’mon, stay for dinner. Let’s… remember us this way, okay? Without so many tears and sadness,” you offer, tilting your head towards him. “I even ordered your favourite one.”

Kazutora rubs his face with his sleeve, erasing the trail of the tears he just shed. Looking at you, he nods, drawing a small smile on his lips.

“Okay. I’ll get it.”

He only walks a few steps towards the door before he feels you tugging at the back of his shirt. Turning around, he notices you’re standing right behind him. Your eyes look up to him, biting your bottom lip and not even a ghost of the smile you previously offered him.

“Before that, uh— I want you to know I… I mean it,” you firmly say, taking in all his facial features, loving how they soften every time he looks at you. “I’ll always love you. No matter how many years go by or if I ever stop being in love with you— I’ll still love you.”

“I’ll always love you too,” he replies, taking your hand and squeezing it softly. “I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to.”

You finally let out a soft chuckle and squeeze his hand back. The doorbell rings again and you walk around Kazutora to get to it. This time, he’s the one that stops you, not letting go of the hold of your hand. Looking back at him, you notice the soft pout in his lips and how they softly tremble, looming more tears.

“It’s okay,” you assure him, and you know you’re saying it to yourself as well. “Who knows, we might get together again someday. Have our own Casablanca moment. We’ll always have the pet shop,” you joke, trying to fight back to tears that threaten to fill your eyes as well.

It’s Kazutora’s turn to chuckle, only this time he does it along with you. You let go of his hand only to hold his face tenderly, a soft smile as you look at the man you love. Standing on your tiptoes, you press your lips against the beauty mark under his right eye. You feel his hands setting on the small of your back and watch his smile widen when you fall back on your heels.

Locking your fingers with him once more, you open the door.

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