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spaloonbabooguuscooties · 8 months

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You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

#ive spent months on thsi stupid lesbian toxic yuri slow burn relationship so you all better clap or im blowing this building up #psychonauts #elka doom #franke athens #ill paint the town red

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gilmore-angel · 5 months

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you belong with me || steve harrington x reader

swiftmas ♱ second fic for my swiftmas!!! important note is that I'm not following the shows canon, so that's why the timeliness is off. I hope you enjoy this fic. im not the biggest fan of how it turned out, but i still am okay with it lol! if you'd like to see the December 1st fic you can click the first link below!! also SO SORRY this is late!!

summary ♱ you love Steve, but he must be stupid if he doesn't realize you two are meant to be together.

warnings/contains ♱ bit of jealousy, friends to lovers, breakup.

swiftmas ♱ navigation ♱ follow my library account @baysfics !!

it was a tuesday night, you sat in your room on your bed, listening to AC/DC. your pajamas were loose and comfortable as you wrote in your diary.

you suddenly hear a tap, tap, tap coming from your window. you furrow your brows, standing up to investigate. any vit of panic settles down when you see it's just your best friend, steve. but as soo. as panic left you worry took its place. why did steve come here so late while it was snowing?!

he gives a bashful smile as he continues to knock on your cold window. he was thankfully wearing a big jacket, covered with melting snow. you quickly rush over and open the window. he ungracfully climbs through and lands on your floor, getting everything around him wet in the process.

you scoff, shaking your head. "are you insane? like actually? what are you doing here so late?" you grab a random dirty tee you had laying on your floor to wipe some of the water now on your windowsill and floor.

he closes the window and takes off his wet coat. he sighs, tossing it on the ground and flopping onto your bed. "just felt like it."

you sigh, shaking your head. you toss the shirt next to his jacket and sit next to him. you can't help but feel your cheeks warm at his appearance. he's all messy hair, flushed cheeks and pretty smiles. you hate your heart for fluttering.

"I thought you were spending the night with nancy?" you liked nancy, you really did. but she didn't come off as the right girl for steve. he needed someone who fully understood him. his personality, his story, his everything. someone like you.

his smile wavers at the mention of his girlfriend. he shrugs, letting out a forced chuckle. "yea well, I pissed her off again so that didn't happen."

you furrow your brows. it seems like she's always upset with him. "what did you do now?"

he adverts his eyes down, shrugging. "you tell me... but it's fine. we'll move past it, we always do."

"a relationship shouldn't feel like a constant battle, you know." you hate seeing how stressed steve had become. their relationship clearly wasn't working.

"yea, whatever. can i sleep here tonight?" he huffs out a bit of air, his voice low. he looks back at you, effortlessly giving the best puppy dog eyes.

you nod, tossing your diary on your bedside table and pulling back the covers. he wordlessly climbs in, laying his head comfortably against your pillow. you lay down next to him, keeping a good distance still. you turn off your lamp, the room devoid of any light except from the moon.

steve closes his eyes, squirming around until he was comfortable. you turn your head to stare at him. his pouty lips, his long eye lashes, his perfect nose. you can hear his soft breath and feel his warmth. you can't help thinking this is how ought to be. always.

——

you and steve arrive at school together, but he soon gets swept away by nancy, who had apparently needed only one night to once again forgive him. she looked pretty and put together as always. her white button up, her red short skirt, her white stocking and heeled mary janes. seeing her made you notice your lackluster outfit. a tee shirt, jeans and sneakers.

you barely saw steve until it was time to leave, since he was your ride. you got to his car before him, so you leaned against it waiting for him. finally you saw him walking up to the car, a almost confused expression on his face. he doesn't look at you as he gets in the car and turns it on. you get into the passenger seat. you place your hand on his shoulder.

"hey, are you feeling okay?" you furrow your brows. he stares at the wheel, nodding absent-mindedly.

"me and nancy broke up." your eyes widened, looking down.

"shit, I'm sorry... are you okay?" he nods again, turning to look at you. you were surprised at the lack of sadness in his eyes, only seeing realization.

"she never liked my jokes, or my music, or my anything... but you do." you notice him getting closer. your heart rate picks up, feeling your cheeks heat up.

"steve..." he finally makes the big move, pressing his soft lips against yours. you gasp softly but respond by kissing him back, gently cupping his cheeks.

you didn't know what this would mean for your relationship long term, but you hoped he finally understands he belongs with you.

#swiftmas (fayes version)#steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x y/n fluff #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #bay writes🌻

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jesterable · 10 months

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am i danganronpa posting in the year of 2023? yes. i am. anyways sdr2 will forever be one of my favorite casts of characters and i love them all dearly. so i basically just drew all of them as stylized as i could.

these were 90% done from memory except for mahiru bc i forgot what she looked like entirely besides her color scheme.

thought process for all of them under the cut in order of when i drew them

mikan: my brain went to that one sprite of her as it does. and she’s purple and honestly doesn’t have enough specific craziness to have more than one color so she’s very one-color

kazuichi: very sharp. very square. very pink as well, but just pink didn't feel right. he has to have that gross green

akane: i couldn’t see her colors being changed v much but not so much that its. too normal.

teruteru: very proud of his face. he's very oval. and still not crazy enough for many colors

hiyoko: it was a very specific vision to have her with the UGLIEST yellow hair. also i don’t like the banana shape so i tried several other pigtail shapes to be normal about

gundham: took me about 3 tries to get his drawing right. i still have a crush on him. he’s mostly magenta but i felt like that was too little so i gave him red eyes

ibuki: i am proud of her. needed her to look fucking radioactive

sonia: silly girl! she's relatively normal looking but she is not a normal lady. very :3 coded

chiaki: im sOOO proud of my color choices for her. idk why but the dull pink and blue combo is my fave. also i completely went off base with her design on purpose bc i don’t like her actual design. my girl is a GAMER. let her look like one.

mahiru: i don’t know much about her i actually had to google just her so i knew what her hair looked like. ok bowl cut you eat that up!

nagito: he’s fucking insane. don’t like how his hair looks ingame so i made it better. i also totally forgot his outfit if you couldn’t tell. love giving crazy people neon eyes

fuyuhiko: made him accidentally smaller than the rest but i think it fits. baby face... little fucker

peko: tried to make her colorful but at the same time incredibly gray. she gives gray to me. she radiates gray

monokuma: i don’t like the strictly black and white design so i might it alot more red, and just made all the extra bits bright fucking red

imposter: i didn’t know what to do with him but my brain told me to make him orange so i did.

nekomaru: originally he was just gonna be blue, but my brain was like no... give him a more prominent smile. so i did !

monomi: had to make her soo pink and silly coded... gave her a closed eye, a tongue out, and made her folded ear just tilted down a bit more.

hajime: i tried to make him the most normal looking out of all of them. he just had to be.

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wildernezz · 2 months

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dead poets society scene that cannot be slept on any longer (im just rambling and analyzing the sillies and pretending to be smart. also spoilers loll)

I GET THAT THE DEAD POETS SOCIETY BARELY HAS A FANDOM BUT WHY DOES EVERYONE SLEEP ON THE PUNCH SCENE WITH CHARLIE AND CAMERON?? IT'S GENUINELY SO WELL WRITTEN AND PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST DIALOGUE SCENES I'VE SEEN IN FILM??? HELLO?????

every single actor in this scene does such an amazing job. they genuinely all feel like such real and complex characters it's insane.

i don't care if you hate cameron's character but you cannot deny that his scene was amazingly pathetic. his actor did such a perfect job at portraying him almost like a rat backed into a corner. he's doing everything he can to save himself, telling himself he's the one in the right, the one with common sense, when he knows he's faking it. all his dominance is such a pathetic lie and it's genuinely impressive to watch it be portrayed so accurately. it is exactly what it's like to watch someone desperately claw for an ounce of respect. cameron was always a desperate character, and the moment he got the chance to drop his friends and come out "higher" than them, it just made him even sadder to watch.

and meanwhile charlie's the perfect example of failed justice and passion being outpoured all at once. he has so much determination and desire to stand up for what he believes, but it's all pouring out at once. he doesn't know how to handle all of it. he knows he's done for but he can't give up for the life of him, and it all comes out in a solid swing to cameron's face. that single punch probably sums up everything about charlie, and honestly everything i love about him as a character. he seems like a menace-y little bastard, but at the end of the day he just genuinely wants to do what he thinks is right. he's fiercely protective of the people he looks up to but he'll never admit it. that little shit has ZERO clue how to handle his emotions rationally and it's honestly respectable. he doesn't know exactly who he is, but his values are so strong that he's unknowingly guided by them. basically he's just a silly little guy and i hope he punches people more often :3

AND TODD THE BELOVED <33 he is so underrated in this scene it's insane. every word feels like it's falling out of him. he's lost his best friend and he's lost all control over himself. it's powerful seeing such quiet and reserved character unwillingly transform into everything they've been trying to keep down. i will forever be in love with how his character completely breaks down after neil's death. this is kinda just me projecting but he fr feels like a representation of all of my own thoughts when breaking down, except he's actually voicing them. todd supremacy for-fucking-ever.

THE OTHERS ARE ALSO SPECIAL TOO BUT THEY DONT GET A LOTTA LINES FOR ME TO ESPECIALLY ANALYZE SO IM JUST GONNA ADD RANDOM TIDBITS OF THE OTHERS HERE.

i absolutely adore how knox acts in this scene. especially his lines of "don't touch him charlie, you do and you're out," and then for that to be followed by "you don't know that" after charlie's little "i'm out anyway"?????? knox's entire personality in this movie might be about trying to rizz up girls (and it's a little concerning now but it was a different time guys please he's silly guys i swear), but he's honestly SOO sweet when he's not focused on that. he's just as protective of his friends and it's so nice seeing him be the voice of reason. like did u guys not see how quickly he reached for charlie when he was about to kick cameron's ass????? he genuinely wants the best for his friends and he knows them well enough to try and stop them from doing any irrational shit (even tho it failed later but shshsh). love knox for that.

meeks and pitts don't say anything in this scene, but their looks alone give off so much. you can just SEE how much meeks feels betrayed by cameron, and then pitts looks like he's still trying to process the fact that cameron would even do something like that. it's honestly so sad but god it's so amazing to watch.

anyways thank u for coming to my ted talk plspls ask me about films or drop ur random analyzations to me im so desperate to analyze my favorite little guys :33

#dead poets society #analyzing #ramblings #film loser analyzes 6 white boys real #i swear im normal

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okthatsgreat · 11 months

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that reblog about asking random questions about fics..... hmmmm. ive been curious for a while now - what's your thought process behind opddmh? any particular theme you've had fun exploring, or a potential overarching idea? i love hearing people explain the intricacies of their writing processes

ohhhhh my god oh my god. you have unleashed something within me ohhhhh my god. something cringe is awakening something very cringe is happening to me right now

referring to this post, talking about this fic :]

(im gonna put all of this under read more for the people that dont want to read this LMAO)

OKAY. TIME TO GET SO STUPID. IM SO SORRY FOR BEING LIKE THIS

at the core of this fic is trauma-- it's a story about emerging from indescribable pain and horror, only to walk into a world that treats you as a spectacle and your pain as entertainment. so much of opddmh's themes come from trauma, as every character's pov deals with it in distinct ways, none of which are particularly healthy LMAO. going into each characters pov, my thought process is always concerning how they would react to the situation in front of them, but always keeping that trauma over them as another deciding (often overpowering) factor. makoto at his core is still a caring man, but he has been so deprived by the company that has kept him there for so long that his natural response to unpleasant emotions or thoughts is to bury it in sake of putting on a show. mikan has always been very timid and regretful, but now many of her actions are sincerely doubted as being selfish or secretly evil, a temperament only aggravated by her status as blackened. akane's desire to "be strong" has only worsened to an extreme degree, as her first instinct is to drop anybody that could possibly remind her of weakness or the killing game.

these are killing game participants who are no longer the children they were when all of this started, people who did not sign up for this but have to keep going anyways-- and i LOVE exploring the implication of that postgame it is like a drug to me. theyve gone through unimaginable horror, most of them dont have families they can return to, and everybody in the world knows them as a beloved tv character. the only way for them to survive is to adapt, a strategy that not all of them have mastered. makoto, whose title as ultimate hope has been watered down sooooo so much, is the POSTER child (literally) for adapting, while characters like akane have still been significantly silenced by danganronpa but are unable to adapt entirely. it was important to me that i had povs which were different yet cohesive, and were able to convey the range of survival that these older participants have :] and this includes the secret fifth pov that hasnt been introduced yet >:)

these are no longer people in the public's eyes as much as they are entertainers (which by the way, i love writing this aspect of postgame dr lololol the PERFORMANCE of it all). my friend lily made such a good comment about it at one point and i dont remember her exact words but it was something along the lines of "the audience doesn't want the performer, they want the performance" which is soo true of this universe in particular. so when i write these different people i like to keep in mind the person they are and they person they present themselves as. so many of the older participants are so jaded its insane

but then theres v3!! there are NEW kids here. trauma is so important as a theme when it comes to how these characters interact with each other, and ESPECIALLY how the older characters are able to see themselves in the younger ones. a lot of the character dynamics were chosen deliberately so that the v3 kids mirror the older participants!!!!!!!!!!!!! v3 hasn't been desensitised just yet, they haven't lost touch with their anger and sadness and fear like a lot of the older participants have. i find it important while writing to remember how NEW these kids are, especially when it comes to writing people like miu, who isn't ready to give in to danganronpa conformity just yet and is trying her hardest to be better (or at the very least, not the same miu iruma, ultimate inventor that everybody watched on their television screens). and then of course you have characters like angie and rantaro, who are DEEEEEEEEP in denial and unable to properly move out of that first stage of grief just yet lmao. they are fortunate(????) enough that the journey they go through is a lot more private than some of the other characters can say theirs were. a lot of the time i write about the newer v3 participants i make an effort to refer to them as young or as children/teens because they Are. theyre so Young and it definitely effects how they handle themselves !!!

so much of this fic is about trauma but so much of it is finding strength in others as well, even if its moving slowly towards it lol. it's important to me that there is hope in the fic, that even though it feels like they are very isolated at the moment they arent entirely alone. things get worse before they get better but they do get better and i wanted there to be peace in the relationships they build with each other

also fun fact this story was originally a one shot where miu jumps into makotos car they chat and then he drops her back where she came from lol! would have really cut this story short!

n e ways thank you anonymous i love you <3 so so sorry for being so serious about my own fic ghfdjhgsdjhgkfdjhgdksghfskjghdj </3

#THANK YOUUUUUUU THANK YOU!!!!!#IM SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING!#i have got to calm down this is a danganronpa fic.#need to practice restraint #ask lee #opddmh #anonymous

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sethcertified · 1 year

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Do you have any fandoms you want to write for but for any reasons you just can’t/don’t? Also any tips on writing any “murderous” scenes? - 🛎️

1. SO MANY !! kinda off topic but I have a lot of crushes on female characters from fandoms im in that I don’t write for simply because writing mlm fan fiction is my main way to overcome my internalized transphobia/homophobia butt like actual fandoms I would say

• genshin impact (not rlly into it but was)

• x-men (characterization fears)

• twisted wonderland (lots of characters + characterization fears)

• some slasher characters (I’ve only written for ones that I’m more comfortable with in personality and even then I hate a lot of my slashers fics cs I think my characterization of them is SOO bad (mainly bo sinclair) + I’m still figuring out how to write characters that are mute in any capacity and have rlly only practiced with Vincent but still that’s in a headcanon format which is easier than actual fics and overall all my slasher character writing fears sucks cause I love characters like bubba sawyer, thomas hewitt, michael myers, jason vorhees, etc and want to write for them but I’m scared to)

that’s mainly it I think ?? I still have these characters on my masterlist tho cs i can write for them and will I just need that push so my requests with those fandoms are cooking (very slowly) but can fun fact I almost discontinued scream for u out of fears my characterization of billy and stu and some other characters such as tatum, randy, etc was AWFUL (I still think it is but I’m not changing it at this point)

—

2. these scenes are HARD buttt I would suggest practicing recreating horror videos or movies onto a writing format to learn how to do that. before I wrote scream for you, I did this a lot just to practice for it. for instance, I rewrote the horror video “no through road” into a short horror story and it gave me a really good grasp on how to write that type of scene/story.

i would also suggest reading a lot of different horror or tragedy stories and taking and learning from what you can from that. seeing how different authors use phrases, setting, etc to set up a good horror is a great way to learn. if u want a more sad rather than violent type of scene, tragedy is a great way to learn how to make readers sympathize and feel sad at characters deaths etc (I recently re-read mice of men which I think is a perfect example of a murder-tragedy gone right and how u can make murder sad for both the victims and the perpetrator) Edgar Allen Poe is great too but I just love his work a lot so I might be biased 😭 just surrounding urself in content that is grounded in murder is a great way to familiarize urself whether it’s books, shows, movies, YouTube videos, etc !!

also don’t focus too much on making it insanely busy with murder and stuff. I hate to use this as an example but my friends when writing an horror story for class got into this mindset of “the more grotesque the better” and starting thinking of the most horrific ways for someone to die rather than taking the time to delve into what makes the story scary. focus of characters and the effect u want their death to have on the audience and on the story. imo, u can make death scenes grotesque but don’t rely on that yk? idk if that makes sense but stuff like “he plucked the woman’s eyes out one by one, the wet, slippery sockets squelching in the clenched first of his blood soaked hand. Then he peeled each layer of skin off in a torturous fashion; fueling his momentum on her screams of agony yada yada” wont make ur readers feel scared nor sad but rather uncomfortable

THERES JUST SOOO MUCH AND IM NO EXPERT !! like my murderous scenes were half baked at best 👎 research is ur best friend tho and learning what works and what doesn’t is a process so don’t be afraid to take risks and get feedback !! Hope I could help in my very scattered advice 🙏

#☆ — sethcertified

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dateamonster · 2 years

Text

first look at the monster high g3 animated series

alright rather than bombard u all with a series of posts im just gonna go in for a second watch and put a play by play of my impressions under the cut. reader beware: its going to be long and stupid as hell.

watch along with me

0:18 the new design for the school is kind of amazing. like part of me misses the more traditional spooky-gothic-castle but like i cant deny that the big lightning bolts look cool af and i do think it has more character than the g2 which imo just kind of looked like. a school.

0:33 new spectra is soo cute lol she wasnt anywhere near my fav in the old series but smth about the big flowy purple curls is rly charming me this time around

0:47 ghost ms frizzle??

1:10 i rly like a lot of these background monster designs. this zombie girl in particular is very cute and also i think i spied a werewolf boy in the back who i liked.

1:19 still obsessed with this cleo design. hope future dolls get better at capturing her charm and in general they stop being so weird abt her race and skin color. also for all that ive seen folks worry that this gens cutesier design will mean taking out the more horror-adjacent elements for the sake of better fitting the typical Girl Toy brand, im so happy to see mh3 doesnt shy away from a bit of tasteful gore <3

1:29 YUMMERS

2:01 BRITISH TORALEI LMAO?? idek why this is just killing me for some reason. its such a little thing but i feel like it gives her a totally different vibe. maybe its the anglophobe in me.

2:08 i wasnt sure where to put this part but im still sort of struggling with this concept of monsters hating witches, especially considering in this version witches arent like a separate monster-adjacent species (rip casta fierce) rather witchcraft just seems to be something anyone can learn to do? i dont entirely hate it i just dont get it i guess. i do think itd be fun if later there was like a witch high rival school. possible opening for the long awaited ever after high crossover event? anyone?

2:17 FUCK THE HATERS LAGOONA IS SOOOO CUTE i love that she immediately jumps to imagining a star-crossed monster x witch romance which is such a teen girl move imo. and that then she seems to like remember halfway in that we all hate witches for some reason and gets so immediately morbid with it i LOVE it go bestie go

2:45 i know its just a vampire joke but in before g1 purists get mad abt the idea of g3 draculaura actually biting ppl even though shes a vegan in g1. i mean i think theyll probably keep that trait since its a handy way to avoid blood in a kids show and its sorta quirky-endearing to boot but i think itd rule if they let draculaura bite some people this time around tbhhh.

3:00 choklat milk snake B)

3:20 ride or die ghoulies dont even question why their bud needs u to catch a living snack this is why frankie is a real one

3:55 im so obsessed with this frankie. i love that they found draculauras stash and were like neat :-) now to not mention this to anybody :-) iconic behavior

5:08 its just processing for me now that draculaura has this like huge portrait of her dad just in her room. i do think its cute that her character is more perfect-daddys-girl-but-with-a-secret (a trope i largely enjoy a Lot) this time around but thats still wild behavior.

5:11 ok i know i said this when the sneak peak came out but the idea that heath is an actual demon and son of the literal DEVIL this time around, confirming that hell is real in monster high lore, is making me insane. i genuinely love it. wish theyd given heath some cute lil horns or a tail.

5:15 THAT THING WITH THEIR EYES!!!! frankie is so damn cool.

5:37 dracula being this like celebrity in the monster world i think is an interesting take but i feel like im gonna get so annoyed if his character starts showing up a lot. idk i dont hate it its just a weird vibe.

6:05 it took a while to click since clawdeen doesnt talk a lot in this ep but it is kind of weird hearing her (and draculaura) without an accent. i kinda found g1 draculauras voice a little grating at times so i dont mind that and i do rly like how clawdeen sounds more like an actual kid but idk i miss the accent

6:28 theres not a whole lot to say on deuce since hes only here for side gags in this ep but just wanted to go on the record with: i think hes cute

6:42 weirdly super enamored with the food-creatures, especially the burger lol. reminds me of bugsnax. also this whole fight sequence rly displays how far mh animation has come from rigid flash animations of a handful of stock characters. its neat.

7:13 bat!draculaura is adorableeee

8:23 now i rly thought she was abt to say living foods go to hell in this nickolodeon kids cartoon ghjfdjhd

8:35 the headmistress is so cute too wtf it IS snack time snack time so tru bestie

8:56 fghjkjhgf sorry that resolution is ridiculous. im not complaining mind you i just. like. wow. also side note but i think the intercom being based on the monster high skull-with-bow logo is a cute throwback. didnt realize before but i feel like it hasnt been as central in the marketing in a while. its still def around but not as much i dont think.

9:08 lol ok i know its probably just another reference to dracula being bad with technology (cute trait for him tbh) but when i first saw this i couldnt help over-analyzing with my Lore Brain and wondering if it was also a reference to vampires not showing up on camera. but then i realized the kid he takes a pic with also has fangs and bat wings and shows up fine so thats probably not it, especially since drac canonically shows up fine in video.

9:50 the "bat out" reoccurring line is so incredibly cheesy it makes sense hes quoting it from some 70s b-movie he was in. but that doesnt make it any less cringey to me. also i know i said he kinda annoys me and he does but i do desperately wanna know how this bitch got into show business. drac backstory please. dracstory, if you will.

10:30 YOUR HONOR THEYRE JUST CUTIE BABIE BESTIES <333333

10:45 im reeeeally excited to see how this plot develops. i honestly assumed this series would be more like the web shorts except longer and more developed. as in, episodic and largely unrelated to one another, but im soo hype to see them doing something more serialized with overarching conflict and stakes. also we <3 classic troublemaking cant mind her own damn business toralei. like girl you have no reason for acting like this. she is simply a messy bitch.

final thoughts: really really liked it. love the visuals and the ways the new characterization plays with old beloved traits. love that this series has more of a familiar cartoon hijinks vibe rather than leaning too hard into it being like a Teen Girl Show just because the toys are first and foremost a fashion doll line. i dont know if im articulating that well i just mean i like that the girls are allowed to have like a full range of motion and action and emotion, and that they can be like gross and funny in addition to pretty. i think g1 had a good start in this regard but was definitely limited both by the animation and the expectation to follow that niche established by like barbie/bratz animated works (no hate to any of those either tho)

there are changes that ill need to get used to obviously, but i feel like the franchise is heading in a strong new direction. i saw some folks complaining that the bits about draculauras witchcraft and clawdeens half monster/half human felt like they were introduced as a means to employ annoying Fantasy Racism tropes, and thats a really valid criticism, but its also kind of something monster high has always done (with regards to monster/human conflict, certain monsters being discriminated against for certain traits, jackson jekylls entire character, etc).

i get the concern, but i feel like in a series so centered on embracing differences its kind of impossible to not include issues of discrimination, and it being a kids fantasy series, that does sometimes translate in a way that feels wonky or oversimplified at best. tho tbh monster highs execution regarding the subject always kind of felt to me like one of the better ones. idk. im just feeling good about this first look and excited to see how the show and the monster high franchise as a whole develops further as we move forward.

anyway stan g3 lagoona she deserves better than the g1 purists have been giving her.

#monster high #long fuckin post abt this animated show for babbies

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louismygf · 1 year

Text

raw reactions (unedited & VERY messy) to fitf aoty!!!! (u can read my tags for my general, spoiler-free thoughts!)

⚠️ spoilers for fitf under the cut ⚠️

THE GREATEST

SO GOOD SOO GOOD SO GOOD im getting imagine dragons vibes(???) HSHDBDH i said you knoww meee UYGDHHD THAT PARTTT THAT PART. this is so epic omg.... it sounds HUUUUGE god this would sound GOOOD in a stadium 🫦🫦🫦🫦

waoyf

WWWOEDJJDJ instrumentalsssss is gooddd "HEY BABE" FUCK. SHSBDBSBSBSB THIS IS CRIMINALLLSLSMDNDNDJJDBDNNS THIS IS SOOOO FUCKING GOOD the FUCKKKK!!!!!! bBnznsnd i looove this one i love it o loekdkdn LOVE....., so catchy the chorus is so GOOOOOOOOD babey...... bro the oooh oooh sounds in the backgrounddddd cant wait to sing that THIS ONEEEE is so good FUCK uhhhhhdhdhhh i wanna put this one on loop so bad SO bad.

btm

okay breather....... i love btm 🫶 my first louis single !!!shes special 2 me ! the high notes 💯💯 uugghow just really an impressive song overall it's 👌 yeah!!! feel like louis didnt give her a lot of love though </3 OK, the instrumentals in this one is soo so so addicting ..., & btm bridge 💘💘💘💘💘💘 yes! !! !

lucky again

the guitars r so good. louis' voice is so good. i love this oneeeeee goddddd i wanna replay itttttttt loveeeeeeeLOVEEE his voiceeee hereeeeeeee in the prechorussssss "and i love you for that" AHHHH.... chill vibe <3 ahhhh it's sooooo so so so good aw that was too short

face the music

WAITTTT waittttt WAIT. this one!!!!!IS AMAZING. the guitars r LOUDDDD oh god..., i need to read the lyrics to this one i cant understand anythinfdh 😭 i still want to dance w u too 😭 wait come back😭😭😭😭

chicago

oh god ok it's starting...., ooh these lyrics ok ! intrigued?! this is so 2000s omg i rmr sitting in the car & listening to these kinda bands. so if youre lonely in chicago you can call me baby, wow chicago louies won with this one actually HSBBDD this is so sad 😭 i like it though !!

all this time

upbeat! !!! i love this oneeeeeeee i LOOOVE ittttttt this album was made for me i really rwally rsally like every single one so farrr love the chorus on this one i like the lyrics :,) ooooh experimental haha love the kinda bug sounds towards the end😭

out of my system

ok mussy song!!!!!!!!! absolutely slaps like LOVEDDDD it on the first listen, still fucking love it today Ugh a BOPPPP a bop. the last chorus forever is a hit to my heart it's so intense u just feeeel it in your chest!!! like the lyrics ykkkk?!??!? gotta grt it off of my chest is SO RIGHT

headline

ok this one...., v chill <3 the harmonies r so good <33 oh thisd be good in a concert you can just sway to the music with your hands up kinda vibe. problematic ending line (bc ofc, louis is king of toxic relationships)

saturdays

baby how is this hopeful girl i am tearing up fr

silver tongues

ok didnt really write a lot for saturdays bc i was literally crying gfjfjfg love the trnasition between saturdays and silver tongues actually it's perfectt. goddd this album is so fucking good i cant. process this so many good fucking songssssssss sbbdb it's actually insane louis' so amazing .

she is beauty we are world class

whats this man singing to my ears. so what is this song about 😭 before during and after hearing this song, i have no clue what it's about i thought it'd be for football HSBBDD hm..., it's cute :) im just so? confused and. so Much so confused 😭 it IS a vibe though

common people

oooh acoustic guitar OKAY is this louis playing. why are we winding down oh no its becoming calm.... are the next songs tear inducimg im not ready. this one is so home-y hehe 💘 yessssss love the BEAT DROP💕 CUTE 🫶🏽🫶🏽

angels fly

scared for this one. ok i like it. i realllyyy like it. ok im. teary-eydd. . ... love this prechorus :( this chorus is sooo uuughdg i love the lyricssss....:((( this is a sweet sweet song

holding on to heartache

looove the melody of this one!! (<- me pretending i wasnt crying earlier) you know the partys overAaaaaa!!!that part nothings ever EASYYYY. TO BE HONEST IM NOT EASY ON MYSELF????? 😭 i love the message of this one so much :( really gooood!!!!!!! it's a lot to think about..., loved the subject matter of this one... and placing it after angels fly feels. right..... ah i need to read the lyrics to this one it's GOODDD

thats the way love goes

ok louli anthem im ready. okay louis comforting oli after getting dumped this is 🫶 the way he sings thats the way love goes feels like hes smiling 😭 CUTEEE this was cute :,) that was a good closer actually !!!! :)

#it was. sooooooooooo so so so good.#ive ascended i just. i have no words it's soo so so fucking good oh my god youre. not ready youre just not!!!!!#youve been waiting? 2 years for this? youre still not ready!!!!!!!! god it was everything.#maybe..... (maybe not) i'll write a more articulate write-up someday but not today this was all my brain cells could come up w 😭#i love how varied it is! and yeah it is more experimental more fun more bold! the lyrics are. so fucking good guys its soooo good.#i feel like...‚ copy sits on its own. it sits closer to walls than this.... (my opinion)#the songs r upbeat!!! & some r slower & some chill some dancey etc etc Its. good. its. the greatest 🤪#i dont know if it gave me faith in the future necessarily but i can kind of? understand what he meant by that... maybe #i loved it sm :))) 1. waoyf 2. lucky again 3. holding on to heartache (i think!!!!) ive only listened once 😭 tentative & my 1st top 3 #i liked the placement of these songs..... especially the last 4 #liked the flow overall #it's just really fucking good idk what else to tell you. out of body experience fr #u should maybe have tissue near u i teared up like 2 times #really liked angels fly face the music the greatest chicago headline & all this time

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sundropglass · 2 years

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11 (spill the tea!) and 19? <3

thank u chi ilu <33

11. tell me about your last failed friendship.

hot damn okay 👀 heres a readmore, its longggg

I don't think I've had any friends cut off since the Big One back in 2020, so I'll talk about what happened there

So this ex friend of mine(went by Soft for a little while, and they're blocked and never knew this account so idc) was a friend of my fiance's. Like, close enough to call himself (fiance)'s little brother. When R and I started dating, Soft and their partner got very close to me and we talked like, constantly for several years. they were both very hyper and required so much attention, I think they took up more time than I actually had with R.

We were both figuring out wtf was going on around the same time, and both separately came to the conclusion of Dee Eye Dee and came out to eachother a while later. I dont really doubt them because it made a lot of sense for them(but i do doubt their partner who later conveniently had all the oc shipping matches to their partner's alters who presented as OCs as well >> they tried to get me to validate them about not dissociating and bleh).

anyway. Obviously our parts got a bit close. Soft's protector part would call me Rabbit Ears affectionately and I thought they respected my parts as much as I did theirs. Turns out they were really disrespectful to both Nette and Mr. H and treated them both like a joke so... first red flags

(well no, just red flags piling up)

the dee eye dee stuff isnt super important, but thats how close I was to them. To most I Tell, its just 'this is a memory disorder i have, sorry' and thats that. No one else gets close to my parts but R and obviously now, Special Friends here(<3)

they stopped talking to me for about a week. Nothing at all ever seemingly went down. they never voiced any complaints. Never brought anything up to R, nothin at all. As far as we both knew, we were friends right up untilll

they just out of the blue blocked us on every single thing and sent a last message along the lines of "thanks for being my friend but never contact me again". Couldnt say goodbye, nothin.

they were part of a friend group as well and suddenly cut them off because of the friend groups association with me and R. Rightfully upset, one of the people tried to message them and ask wtf, they thought they were friends, ect

so their fucking partner came and attacked R, assuming he was spreading shit, getting outright nasty. We were both just trying to process it quietly and out of the public and didn't talk to anyone about it tho. I got shitty and threatened them to get the fuck away, and we left it at that

Later Soft posted a weird 'don't interact with me if you support/are friends with R and Bunny'. I lost another friend because they chose this shitty friend's ~mental health~ over us

anyway. I never ever got answers. I was so thoroughly upset that I was in a constant state of hyperarousal for 6 months straight. Finally Taiga(the part who holds all the abandonment) settled down into dormancy because the feelings just wouldn't go away. And thats the reason we switched hosts from Bunny-Taiga to Bunny-Dosy ;<;

im finally to a point where I dont literally wish theyd die anymore, just stay the fuck away and dont ever say a damn thing about me or my fiance again

19. tell me something you don’t like telling the people you are close to.

When something with my family Happens. Like when its a violent night or one-two-skip-a-few and I've suddenly given mom $300 again. I have sooooo much shame that I'm still here, and no matter how much self-care and growth, I can't stop falling into my old coping skills. I feel like too, the better I feel, the greater the fall :(

theres so so soo much shame around just going submissive to my mother, its insane. I'm bracing myself to be bullied into worshipping her again for mothers day and I'm scared of what my loved ones will think if I fail to keep myself safe from it :(

theres no harder dissociation between telling my friends whats happening and them going 'thats not okay'. it hurts, almost, how hard I rip myself away and backtrack. I mean its very healing when they can see past my denial bs, but it hurts too

#ask things #personal asks #woosh the emotions #i feel like ive explained the whole friend thing before but now i see how close I actually was with them #more than the 'ill fucking kill them' feelings i had #like i was attached to that person.... i think they knew a few things R didn't know at some points...

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waglifeornolife · 3 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/waglifeornolife/740620170757898240/wait-is-that-the-acc-thats-been-saying-all-that

Omg that’s actually insane wtf goes through someone’s mind to say that. Like especially as a girl??? Also I like to have the belief that no matter how much you may dislike someone you never wish two things upon them

1)death

2)hurt/illness/death of a loved one

Like it’s honestly disgusting to be saying that especially since it’s soo random and the lady who’s going through a process of not only losing her baby but having to still birth just to come on her Phone to escape the work and see someone saying she deserves it

Honestly disgusting.

I think she turned of her asks but im sending her all my love and support during this time

Yours truly, yourfavanon💐💐

i completely agree with you!! yeah she has, it’s the small percent that have no sympathy and look for reactions by saying something so incredibly nasty! i reposted a few because i just couldn’t believe it 💔

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aashiqvi · 4 years

Text

the day i found out when u ‘cut’ text also copies the text .. i was a new person. changed

#i rmr when theo told me welp too bad we don’t talk anymore for god knows why ❤️#it still makes me sad sometimes. like u know when someone rly close just ... stops .. all of a sudden? and u don’t know why #i knew it wasn’t a good friendship at some point & it did get trying and indirectly toxic #but still. the uncertainty of knowing what u did wrong ... it’s ok though #i mostly hope he doesn’t text me bc i hate small talk & i wouldnt know what to say #to think .... was i ever good enough i hate it when people lie #i think it was the lies that fuck me up the most & false hope ! and small talk and ignorance #okayy uwu #the same goes to other friends too. its insane how u can be so close to people & love them and one day it rly changes. and its insane how in #the future u reflect on it and u’re over it & are happy to move on. i think thats why i believe in soulmates & ending relationships #even if it hurts. idk if its as deep as im making it out to be but. tbh it is deep for me #i rly do value friendships more than anything because i think connection is soo important in life #& life is toooo short to not be compassionate and soft and loving towards people u want to direct ur energy to. and it sucks when it becomes #unrequited !#but i also believe it changes people for the best. i hate how its a journey and process but i believe in it. i feel guilty for getting upset #over them. like saying all of this.. i feel okay because i trust i am better #i still wish i detached myself from people & relationships more though because i can become too reliant. but all with due time 🦋🧿#okay!! vent for no reason but it helps uwu ill dl lmao

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saintobio · 2 years

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after seeing the little spoiler for sy5, I feel like yn will have to tell satoru everything and I have a little extra thoughts on everything rn

so after yn "getting caught"in sy4, we already know that satoru loses his temper soo quickly that no matter how much he loves her he would still hurt her in any way he can because that's all he really knows how to do as an act of revenge, like he's not going to hold back so im a little scareddd ;-;

I already dont like uta that much which is wrong because like someone mentioned; toji and yn did get pretty close when she was with satoru and I guess its the same for uta and satoru in the sense of having someone to comfort them; but whenever I just think back to sn and how much he hurt yn especially when I think of everything he did with sera I just dont really trust either of them; I just hope uta is truly a good friend to yn

also I really just cannot get over the whole satoru cheating on yn with sera and everything that happened, its just so crazy and painful that she had to put up with that, I honestly started to be a little mad at him while reading sy bc of how like insane it is that he did all that, like it hurt so much reading it (you're a really great writer btw!!) and just thinking back on it makes me even more anxious for the angst in sy, but I must keep reading T-T

anddd I think that if yn and satoru just had a talk and be honest with eachother things could end in peace but; we're here for the chaos so heh

I really hope yn and satoru get a happy ending (and toji just cause I love him smm)

thank you for reading if you did, also a reminder to take your time on sy, I know how anxious it can get writing stuff and publishing it so <33

i just woke up so my thoughts are jumbled but that’s a good theory!! do u guys believe gojo has the capacity to hurt her physically?

and the cheating - yeah, well that’s kind of the point in sy. if we are hurt and cannot get over it, then we are putting ourselves in yn’s shoes correctly bc that’s honestly why she’s still so scarred 3 years after they divorced. it’s easy for her to forgive, but forgetting the pain is a much more difficult process. right now she’s just numb, but gojo’s getting the impression that she’s being cold :<

also thank u sm !! i’ll do my best to finish sy5 this week :)

#🖤: letters to saint #series: sincerely yours #tw.cheating #tw.violence

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leadrains · 3 years

Text

ive been so bad at keeping up but um album of the day review time today was paramore's self titled album Paramore

track listing

Fast in my Car

Now

Daydreaming

Interlude: Moving On

Ain't It Fun

Part II

Last Hope

Still Into You

Anklebiters

Interlude: Holiday

Proof

Hate to See Your Heart Break

(One of Those) Crazy Girls

Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore

Be Alone

Future

ok umm first off let me start by saying that ive listened to this album daily for the last like week or two so my review will not be as fresh as the others so far have been cause i only remembered like two or three songs from each album before this one. anyways review time.

i really like fast in my car it is so fun and sexy. a strong start to the album. hayley williams' voice is a gift. im going to avoid saying too much about each song bc of how long the album is. now is soooo fucking good oh my god. love the concept. the music video was weird and a little sus but very entertaining but that's neither here nor there i just really love the song it might be my fave on the album. grow up is also good. each song on this album has such a distinct sound i feel like. like i hear them in my head and they're all separate without blending together the way most other albums do imo. but they still all fit together for the most part. it's really good. i also like daydreaming i want it in my coming of age film it will be during the driving fast at night and seeing the lights montage scene. every song on this album slaps i see why it was their most successful album. the interludes all annoy me but hayley's voice is so pretty so moving on is good anyways 🙄 aint it fun is a banger. song of the summer. the video was so cute. part ii. there's always one song on each album that makes me fucking crazy and part ii is that song. the way they call back to let the flames begin....... i am sitting in my room and screaming. madness! i love it so so so much. absolutely insane. i like it more than now actually. dancing all alone to the sound of an enemy's song..... girl u didnt have to do all that! but she did it for me. hayley williams your hand in marriage. last hope is very pretty..... i really like the way she sings the chorus. not a single miss so far. every song feels noteworthy. still into you is good obviously. i really like the beginning and the way the song starts with like a pop like u burst a bubble and music plays yk does that make sense? anyways. anklebiters is fun it makes me wanna bite people but in a summer-y way. attack strangers at the beach in a cute and fun way. i am once again complaining about the interludes but her voice sounds so nice with whatever shitty equipment they used this shit was probably ukulele voice memos or sum. proof is also good. every single chorus on this album has such a unique sound imo and i like it. hate to see your heart break is so pretty it's insane i love it so much. i keep singing it it's always stuck in my head and it's like the only song hayley has sung that's in my range bc my singing voice is fucking operatic (but still bad) which sucks but whatever not the point. pretty pretty song. would cry to it. would serenade someone to it. i looove one of those crazy girls it's so good what the fuck. makes me want to be a crazy and manipulative bitch. i think i have the right illnesses to be like that without even realizing it. anyways. the way her voice sounds when she talks about going through his closet..... i love this song so much. im not angry anymore is really pretty. obligatory complaint about interludes. i usually lowkey tap out after one of those crazy girls but be alone is good now that im processing it. once again obese with the chorus. every chorus on this album is so distinct and slaps ive said that like 3 times already it's just noteworthy. future is good. i can appreciate the concept but it feels soo long i never know when it's done or have the patience to finish. but it is good it's just too long for my attention span.

overall i dont have much to say really that i didn't already say. every chorus is so unique and so good. every song slaps even though i am annoyed by the amount of interludes and the length of future.

i give Paramore a 9.7/10 if they had removed like 2 of the interludes or just made them regular songs and if future had been 1.5-2 minutes shorter then it would be a 10/10 it's banger after banger

attaching part ii because it's good

#jay speaks #album of the day

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ambivalencese · 3 years

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i haven’t been on here in forever, so here’s an update that no one asked for

it’s insane how much can change in a year. I’m in (kind of) a better headspace, (being a COVID nurse is so mentally draining), i’m strengthening the current relationships i have with my friends and family, i’m learning more about myself + my good/bad habits, I have a job with a great support system and fun coworkers, and i finally have a better work sched! i’m not open to any serious dating just yet, i’m hesitant to put my heart back out there. I’m kind of seeing someone right now, but we have some history and things feel kinda meh. I still have major trust issues lol. I finally took the first step to seeking out therapy. I talked to my doctor about it and she provided me with a few resources that I am so thankful for. I have recognized alot of things about myself that have stemmed from my upbringing/conditioning that affected my relationships with others. I also have recognized that I have suppressed alot more feelings/memories than I thought. Hopefully therapy helps me sort through most of that.

i look back on my previous posts on my other feed…LMFAO i lost him folks. but actually, he lost me. he missed out on someone great. the breakup last year hit me like a truck, but it was much needed. i lost myself in that relationship. I was burned out from my previous job and just everything else going on in my life + a long distance relationship with a guy that i felt was slipping through my fingers, but i think i was in denial at the time + covid pandemic!! He was catching feelings for another girl who was also in a relationship.. or maybe she still is? idk at this point

I used to hold out hope that maybe one day we’d reunite and maybe, something might happen again. I’ve let go of that idea. He‘s probably happy with someone new and I hope he learned to seek happiness within himself instead of trying to find it by jumping from girl to girl... I was in that mix, no different from any of the other girls he’s dated in the past, just another girl that was taken off his roster is what it felt like in the end. I knew I couldn’t make him happy, no matter how much I tried. However, i still tried. I’m also not saying it was a horrible relationship, it was nice while it lasted and we cared for/loved each other. We both weren’t happy and the relationship just ran its’ course, i guess. Unfortunately, it’s so hard for me to remember all the good times we shared, i have alot of memories of me crying, having feelings of not being good enough, not measuring up to his expectations, fearing he’d throw me away and not caring about me at all (lol welp)

im proud and surprised on how much i’ve been working on myself this year, however i do still miss him from time to time. I still wish him the best.

Healing from this was probably the hardest thing i’ve had to do this year. Some days, I felt fine and i was completely over it. Other days, I felt like I was back at square one. I had to block/unfriend him on some socials because being in contact with him was difficult. I’ve never had to do that before, but i had to do what was best for my mental health. At the start of this process, I felt so alone. But what i’ve learned is that yes, doing the work myself is so SOO tough and draining, but having a great support system to lean on has helped me so much.

it’s baby steps, but progress is still progress. for that, i am so proud of me.

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