#im trying not to think abt it or complain abt it bc if i focus on it too much ill imagine its worse than it is. its rly not that bad

[jrueships]

is that tags post about zach wilson or joe burrow I can't tell 😭

any! and all of them !

#disturbed man staring is how i picture my moots after i randomly start complaining abt smthing stupid #but YES anon! YES! #my exact point!! #u CANT tell!! #bcs it's a Bad generalization that strips people!! of being! the people they are! #it becomes less abt the nuances of ppl and more 'which fav of mine can i slot into the angel side #and which shithead can i input as the villain' #i dont WANT to focus on certain repeated attributes so much #but theyve been basically striped of any other identifying personal information BESIDES whatever can fit #the perceived notions of the PLACEMENTS! #oh of COURSE the pallid little posterboy can be the angel. the Good guy. media agrees! the World agrees! it makes SENSE #and the dark side gets. well. it's in the name. we dont have to do much thinking for that huh #a white person being confident is goofy. a poc? is telling of experience they can force onto the shy and the small #bcs the physical information matters more than the personal #apparently #IT'S SO!! ARGH! LIKE! #EVERYONE gets HURT! #IM NOT J U S T MAD ABT O N E WASTED POTENTIAL #wasted potential in GENERAL is! AGGRAVATING!! #i feel like shit trying to explain how i feel like shit sometimes #argh agrh argh whatever

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just an observation bc im avoiding working on stuff but i draw a lot and post basically everything i draw thst gets finished #and its v funny to me how u can tell how out of focus i was based on the quality of the drawing #or like when i post something and its like ok some of that was good but u def gave up halfway thru one of those lol #inconsistency i funny like that. its also funny to me that now a days i get comments like COLORS!!! #which is funny bc i notoriously haaaaaate coloring. like i will sit around whining and complaining when im home with my parents bc i dont #wanna color. its just so easy to fuck things up when u draw traditionally and it takes a million years so its a big ask lol #but i guess i dont hate is so much right now bc i kinda just slap whatever colors i want together like fuck it we ball #and thats kinda fun. reckless i suppose #its agony when u wanna try to do shadows and lights tho. like finding references ugh #or wanting to draw big ideas but then its like oh god its gonna take so long and if i dont do it all in one sitting i might die #im a lil better abt thst now bc it would b impossible but in my head i still hate it #ugh. all i wanna do is draw. theres another universe where i went to art school. or just like took art classes. and i wanna say id b happier #but thats def a lie XD i like learning too much and i dont have the attention span to hardcore learn genetics outside an academic #environment. and i got way too excited abt exploring the genetic traits of my cyano species #like i can make genetics trees for traits and look for. fuck. i forgot the word. how tf did i forget the word. oh god. horizontal gene #transfer. jesus christ its like theres a hole in my brain. well. i guess i did get only like 4hrs sleep. ugh im rambling. #i need to finish getting ready for Monday so i dont have to tomorrow and ill have time to draw. prob wont stop me feeling nauseous abt #teaching tho. OH FUCK. i just remembered i have a new office space now to decorate. fuck i need to hang up pictures and stuff #what would b the funniest way to put narut0 on my deskspace? idk ill have to think abt it. oh god im not ready #my head is like a handbell. one of the big ones when u ring it and it hits soft and u can feel the vibrations. someones wrung my head lol #unrelated

[toastsnaffler]

tummy hurts my final message goodbye

#ive had mild pelvic pain for like. half a week now. its a bit like period cramps + in the same area but not as intense. idfk why #I dont think its bowel (<-no other symptoms and pain area is too low down) or bladder related (<- usually more painful + affects peeing) #sometimes I do get cramps a few days before my period but im midway thru my cycle and idk its not usually like this #not ovulation pain either bc thats supposed to only last a few hours. i dont fucking knooooww #im trying not to think abt it or complain abt it bc if i focus on it too much ill imagine its worse than it is. its rly not that bad #just consistent which is annoying. hopefully itll pass in a few more days. adulthood is all abt having mysterious random pains in ur body #sorry for tmi abt my internal bodily functions do u guys still think im cool. #eurghhh. im glad i went out to parkour today but man i rly wasnt feeling like it. another depression weekend :-( #but its ok im a bit tired of complaining abt being depressed. who give a shit. im doing all i can at the moment and thats fine #back to jobhunting tmr hopefully itll be more fruitful. im expecting to hear back from a few ppl. we'll see. rolling my rock back uphill #im gonna go get a hot water bottle i think... my hands are soooo cold and maybe itll soothe tummy pain too #and then read a little more.. finished giovannis room earlier (so fucking good but. devastating) so im back onto deaths end #just another 350 pages to go.. v curious to see where its gonna end up cuz so much crazy shit keeps happening. im just at the fairytales #hope my loyal followers are having a peaceful weekend.... farewell #.diaries

[pinkcannibal]

Can you pls give us a small (or long, I won’t complain) list of small things you think reader finds attractive/sexy about Marilyn, and vice versa. Specific things like, the way reader doesn‘t kill spiders but instead tries to release them into the outdoors. Or the way she licks her lips whenever she’s trying to focus on an assignment. You get my drift? Also sidenote sorry, but which day do you think your new chap of your fic will be released? No pressure, just want to set a mental reminder for myself :)

oh this is actually so soft hi 😭 of course i can im vibrating at a frequency only dogs can hear at this ask do u know what you've done to my brain with this. (and new chapter will be out today! probably around 6pm EST. like im finishing it and editing it now as we speak but wont be able to upload til later in the day <3)

marilyn

- reader loves when marilyn rolls her sleeves up while teaching. like it's such a simple, attractive quirk but she swoons watching marilyn gesture with her hands when she gets really into a topic during class

- same w her glasses fixing quirk. reader finds it so cute and charming <33 esp when she's gardening and they fall down her nose and she has to use her wrist to push them up bc of her gloves

- she adores that marilyn genuinely says goodmorning to her plants. and means it. like this milf waters them in the morning and not as a joke greets them like friends 😭

- finds it so hot when marilyn strap packs. like sorry i haven't added that to my fic yet but trust reader is indeed a slut for it to insane degrees

- reader loves how gentle marilyn is w like. everything. yes she's very dominant and controlling! but also she greets every stray cat on the street and says "oooh big stretch" and reader is like. heart eyes at it. and marilyn genuinely cares for her students and their education and gets so upset if a student of hers is failing or finding the workload hard (esppppp w readers education ofc like its so important to her) and that trait of marilyns is so attractive to reader

- reader lovessss marilyns laugh lines and hands. she is OBSESSED w marilyns hands like she finds them so pretty and attractive how veiny they are, and marilyn used to be self concious abt it but ever since reader first sighed wistfully "i love ur hands sm" marilyns learnt to love them more <3

- if reader thinks abt marilyns muscles for more than 3 seconds she'll fall to her knees. like girl get up!!! but she loves biting them softly during sex and feeling marilyns biceps flex while holding her. who knew this short plant teacher was so jacked. (reader didn't and she's so weak for it now)

reader

- like u said in ur ask its real to me marilyn will literally get so distracted in class if reader bites her lip in concentration while working. sometimes nibbling on the tip of her pen and frowning adorably. marilyn lovessss it

- reader is so attentive and eager to learn abt what plants/potions marilyn makes even if its just them in her dorm. like reader takes notes Seriously as marilyn explains what she's doing and her genuine interest has this woman extremely heart eyes

- reader in a skirt does in fact make marilyn thornhill.exe stop working and I'll die on this hill

- loves that reader can't go to bed or fall asleep without saying "goodnight, I love you" like one time she forgot and woke marilyn up at 3am panicked like "oh god i didn't say i love you" and marilyns just like omg ur so cute.....

- reader does in fact pick up marilyns quirk of saying goodmorning to her plants and the first time she hears reader do it she feels her knees weaken <33

- marilyn loves how easy it is to make reader blush. and adores it when reader will tuck her hair behind her ear bashfully. it's so cute and endearing and such a small quirk but marilyns weak for it

- im trying to make this ask sfw but sorry i failed. marilyn loves that when they're having sex reader always has to be fisting marilyns hair or touching it. like it's canon in my fic reader loves her hair and how silky it is but to marilyn there's something so attractive to her that even when being fucked reader has to touch it <33

- ur so right for the bug thing 😭 reader always gently removes them from marilyns indoor plants and puts them outside. probably names them too. marilyns like "god i love u i'd kill for you. ask me to kill for you <333"

#marilyn thornhill x reader #marilyn thornhill #asks #wednesday netflix #christina ricci

[blueskittlesart]

Who would you say was your favorite bossfight in terms of theme and design

OOH. um. this is hard. i think black mask akechi was insanely well-done but everyone already knows how much i love him so that feels kinda like a copout LMAO. im going to talk about it anyway though. part of what made akechi such a cool boss fight for me was something that i'm not even sure was intentional on the part of the developers, but during that fight i was maining a persona that blocked both bless and curse damage, so he was essentially incapable of damaging my joker, but he REFUSED to focus on any other team members. regardless of the fact that he could not hurt joker, he wouldn't even try to deal damage to anyone else. it made him easy to beat, but it was also kind of an interesting unintentional insight into his mental state. he doesn't even care if he can win or not, he just wants to hit joker. over and over again, even at the expense of his own health, he just keeps aiming for joker. you could call it a flaw in the battle programming but i think fixing it would be detrimental to his character because it makes that fixation on joker REALLY obvious and almost scary. also idk what the english voice acting for that fight sounds like but that japanese va had better have gotten paid well because he put everything he had into those lines. his persona call lines will occasionally just start looping in my head of thier own accord idk what it is abt them but. theyre good

anyway aside from the obvious akechi answer i think either okumura or the holy grail/god of control. and before you remind me how i was on here less than a month ago complaining about okumura. this ask was about theme and design not ridiculous fucking difficulty levels. i think having okumura refuse to fight for himself and instead throw wave after wave of robotic workers at you was a good way to remind the player of his corruption and the way he sees his workers as nothing but machines who ought to live and die for him and his company. the final obstacle between you and him being cognitive haru is also a good touch i think bc it sort of solidifies to the player that at the end of the day haru is also nothing more than an object to him that he's free to pilot around or use as a shield as he sees fit. and when you finally get to him and he has like 1 hp total. again. a very good representation of a man who has spent his whole life as a rich asshole hiding behind others to do his business and his dirty work for him. he's nothing without his army of beaten-down workers. as for the holy grail/god of control. i mean. nothing will beat that final shot. and again, as i talked about in an earlier ask, the god of control is one of those bosses that rewards you for paying attention throughout the game as it builds up, which i really appreciate. in general i think it was just a very well-done final boss fight, appropriate in terms of difficulty and spectacle, etc etc. tldr it was good LMAO

#asks #p5r spoilers #< sort of???

[yuukei-yikes]

Tell us about Shinaya’s breakup :D

HEHDJEIDNEKFJEKDKEK ive had this ask since i posted i was thinking abt it MAN i cannot express to u i just. I WANNA WRITE A FIC SO BAD but AUGH im so bad at it it makes me cringe i cant do that but its basically like all my damn posts together u know. i keep thinking of shintaro's disastrous relationships post str going from ayano to kano to takane etcetc sorry im playing with him like a stress toy making him go thru hell but its so fun

srry i dont wanna have to rewrite a lot of stuff so erm im liking this answer 🫡🫡🫡 and i could link a bunch more just so u SEE MY VISION... but i think linking that is enough. ON AND OFF SHINAYA MY BELOVED

shintaro and ayano sort of having this ridiculous relationship because both are hurting and jumped in a relationship too quick but fighting/being sad about stupid shit is so much easier than dealing with their actual issues that they've got with themselves. like focusing on each other and what they don't like about each other and their relationship is so much easier than crying about how suicidal they are. lollllll SO LIKE this insanity sort of saves them at the same time??

i mean the most ideal would be that instead of getting together they got therapy and the normal kind not the relationship kind. you know. but also theyre traumatized and ugh. its so much easier to resent each other than themselves. its so much easier to be petty. its such a relief to cry over relationship problems than over timeline resets or dead parents and etc. YOU GET ME?????

they keep breaking up and getting back together ridiculously like it is 1000% so dramatic each and everytime. ayano crying her eyes out like its the end of the world and shintaro making 100 sad playlists. and it happens at least monthly. the first time everyone's like WHOA THEY BROKE UP!?!? SHIT!! the second time its like heyyy maybe they'll work it out like last time!! third time its like are you joking. fourth time they're already begging them to stop. by they i mean the dan but especially takane by the way. who do you think is picking up the pieces.

and by the way the one breaking up all the time and being dramatic as hell is shintaro. he gets angry and annoyed and weaponizes the LETS BREAK UP thing because he DOESNT MEAN IT. like he knows he and ayano will work it out later. he gets comfortable again. not to get on the ayano surviving thing, but i think ayano (and hiyori but especially ayano) making it out alive undoes a big part of the message abt moving on. like i love her so im not complaining thats i love having her alive :3 but i like to translate this into shintaro like. he's intensely trying to repress/process all the memories of the other timelines to cope and have a normal life and ends up being this way because he's sort of self sabotaging himself. like ayano's alive and she likes me??? lol. ok?? ill wake up any moment now!! and he feels guilty and undeserving and is sort of a dickhead to her in an unconscious attempt of keeping her away because that's what he deserves according to him. also why he's accepting of takane's intense obsession with him lol bc she's familiar and she is comfortable, unlike ayano who is so rare and one in its kind in all the timelines. he is sort of terrified of her in a way.

the lets break up isnt rly a breakup. its just a leave me alone see u later. LOL i think we talk too much abt kanoshin bringing the worst in each other but what about shinaya. they do that too. yeah we CAN have fluffy shinaya. but like i said it is so easy to focus all this bitterness and sadness into each other and it's so relieving to be sad and angry about this rather than everything else. because this is sort of in their control while everything else isn't, wasn't. and its so unfair. of course its unfair!! but they cant do anything abt it. so they just go crazy on each other. ayano is DESPERATE to be needed. i could link more replies but i will hold myself back. basically her siblings are used to being alone/know she has her own problems and ayano is dealing with this emptiness and feeling of failure bc no one needs her, from her perspective her sacrifice still failed to save everyone, her parents are gone so she needs to step up. like she puts herself under all this pressure and feels Not Good Enough for ANYTHING. and she is dating shintaro.

it's EASY to bother him and try to get him to open up and etc so she ridiculously focuses on that. but it gets on shintaro's nerves to say the least LOL plus all his other issues i mentioned 🫡plus she keeps being like we have to be normal. lets kiss and hold hands and cuddle. but she's too embarrassed to say it/do it and shintaro is even more pathetic about it. so theyre both frustrated about everything and can barely even sit next to each other without acting insane.

AND SORRY BUT I WILL TALK ABT TAKANE🫡💞💗💖💝💕💘ofc. codependent shintaka. of course. it drives ayano CRAZY because on top of all their problems takane is able to talk sense into shintaro each and every single time. and she is soooo jealous like she knows its stupid but she cant help ittt i ALSO TALKED ABT THIS SORRY I KEEP REPEATING MYSELF IM JUST SO CRzy abt it. hehe......the whole mess bringing drama to harutaka too bc shintaro and ayano are so messy theyre contagious is so fun to me. when it comes to shintaro and takane's horrible relationship both their romantic relationships suffer for it but deal with it completely differently. while both haruka and ayano deal with jealousy somewhat, ayano is so hurt and already at the verge of a mental breakdown so she's focusing so many negative emotions on it and AGAIN it just serves as another point of argument between shintaro and ayano while haruka is like. his mental state isnt as convoluted as ayanos, he's rather freaking out and terrified of being left alone. THIS IS ABT SHINAYA so i wont get into harutaka side but lol. heh. Looks at it. zooms in it. like what i mean is that haruka and takane talk and work through it and are like sighs yeah...this is messed up while shintaro and ayano are using it against each other instead of working on it LMAO

ANYWAYS. ayano breaks up with shintaro. vine boom. total breakdown moment like everyone out of the room i wanna talk to you alone. and this time its for REAL. like ayano isnt confrontational at all, all their arguments are always her being pushy abt idk mental health and shintaro's like godddd STOPPPPP and ayano crying and shintaro being like I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT. IM SORRY I GUESS. CAN U GET OUT OF THE ROOM. WE'LL TALK LATER. but he also sucks so bad at letting the other person know they can count on him so he kind of assumes ayano will do it when she's ready because he KNOWS she's in pain. like. ofc it could go well. ofc shintaro and ayano could work through everything with kindness and comprehension for each other but they're both so sad and suddenly find themselves annoyed at each other one time and it felt so freeing to do that that they just keep doing it. especially shintaro. having ayano be mad at him is sort of relieving because he feels undeserving of her and its like yeah. Yeah!! i know its ooc but shinaya screaming match.god. sorry but all their bottled up emotions abt everything and they take it out on each other for no reason other than theyre giving each other the space and it plays out that way. theyre acting crazy about something so stupid like shintaro not wanting ayano to wear his clothes or whatever. like they scream about that but its not about that. it just feels so good to scream. it feels so good to scream and let it out even if they haven't given themselves the time to process that theyre not... actually screaming abt that at all. theyre screaming about everything else. not even about each other. its about themselves. its always been.its never been about each other. when it is, its stupid. thats why they do it. its just easier. God. they were just not ready for a relationship, especially not one with each other out of all people.

ayano breaks first, therefore dumps shintaro lol. he goes thru his own fucked up arc afterwards while ayano gets help. my man spirals DOWN. whether they get back together or not depends on my mood 🤨 but if they do, its by the time theyre in their mid twenties or something so a few years later LOL i picture them dating like for over a year maybe?? when theyre 18/19. hehe.

like. do you get it.

#ask tag #headcanons #HEH... #ayashin divorce

[webslingingslasher]

ok so basically, he picked me up at my house at around 6 am in the morning and we were both half asleep but we pushed on nonetheless (he had to properly sell/convince me on the idea of a road trip because i despised the idea of waking up so early) 😭 we had made a playlist beforehand and that’s what we listened to for most of the trip (my parts of the playlist were filled with taylor songs and tbh he memorized most of them after being around me so much so we sung along together :’) ) AND YOU WERE RIGHT… HAND ON THIGH… pretty sure i could not focus on much else after that… i swear i was suddenly so stiff

we were in that car for 4+ hrs so it was a lot of talking and little touches here and there and it was so lovely honestly bc i love spending time with him 🥲 a lot of the talking was about places we want to go to together since we were younger/generally about things we did a lot together which i probably teared up at some point bc reminiscing memories makes me so mushy 🥹

at some point we ended up at a restaurant for some brunch and this was when he gave me the little paper rings!!! mine was pink and his was dark purple and they had this heart in the center of both of them, he also put his name on mine and my name on his and yes i decided to be a fucking idiot and did not make a move at this very moment even tho i almost did!!!! (the whole “is this a marriage proposal?” “might be” bit i told you about 😭)

this restaurant was super pretty and had a little view so he took candids of me and i was so 🥹 and like one of the staff members asked if we wanted a photo of the both of us by the pretty view and we agreed, the photo turned out so cute 😭 for context he’s pretty tall compared to me (i’m 5’1 and a half… he’s 6’1) and he likes resting his head on top of mine when we stand close and that’s what he did while back hugging me in the photo 🥲

after this, we drove a little more to get to this museum i’d told him about once, the paintings and sculptures there were so pretty :( i cant help but go a lil crazy still thinking abt it but we held hands the entire time and i was a little embarrassed bc im ngl,,, my hands were kinda sweaty at that point 😭 

okay so this is where shit starts to happen

once we’d gone through the entire museum, we went to the park that was outside the museum, it was pretty empty around the area we were in, he actually brought a little mat + he packed me sour patch kids bc he knows i like sour gummies 🤭

at some point i was leaning against his side and we were kind of in some kind of comfortable silence and honestly i was contemplating everything at this point bc i was like he likes me… doesn’t he?? yeah he definitely does… but then again what if he doesn’t— and basically i was just spiraling THEN i look at him and he’s looking at me and he hits me with the “can i…” THEN HES JUST LOOKING AT MY LIPS AND I SWEAR I WENT INSANE and i literally just nodded and it happened… we kissed 🧍‍♀️ it was one of those gentle kisses too ugh :(

after that he said something along the lines of “for being the smartest person i know, you’re painfully oblivious” 🤡 and my dumbass tried to argue but then he starts bringing up the little signs he’s been leaving to try and hint at the fact that he likes me and i couldn’t argue bc… he’s right, unfortunately 

then he’s just extra extra affectionate after that 🤭🤭🤭 like we decided to just stay in the car for a bit before we drove back home after the whole park situation and he starts being so cute just telling me how glad he is that “it finally happened” and i felt so loved in that moment and i realized how much he means to me bc hearing him say all of that was such a wonderful thing for me :’) 

andddd nowwwww, i can’t get this man to leave me for longer than 5 seconds NEJDKWKD not that i’m complaining at all tho, i like having him around so much, it’s so comforting <3

your chicken finally got somewhere!!!!!!! -🐓

‘your chicken finally got somewhere’ just filled me with such love and admiration. i am so so proud AND happy for you bestie.

this is such a sweet friends to lovers and i couldn’t be happier! i’ll be playing jump rope with electrical wires, but i’m so happy for you!!!

((this is a wattpad story fr. patent that shit.))

#🐓 anon

[1kook]

hiiii i hope ur well i hate asking bc i don’t want u to think i am complaining or begging (i am kinda begging, hands and knees) or anyth i kno u were on a break and as u should <33 well deserved, good break !!! but but but i have to ask … abt …. Born Sinner …. *hides* im sorry i just miss church boy n just was wondering if u ever … like see in the future urself updating it again im sorry i had to ask ok ok i love u i love ur mind i love ur works and i love born sinner sm if u ever update again or not it’s rly one of my fav works evr and i think abt it all the time . Ur mind is just that amazing ok okok i love u n hope ur well n happy and i wish u the best yami :* 💗🫶🏻💗🫶🏻 ilyyyy

🫶🏻😎 hi hello thanks for ur kind words!! long answer + answers for zoom jk as well just cuz, not cut bc I figure most ppl who followed for writing r wondering too lol

first off, I have generally not had time to write with school and the chronic guilt I feel whenever I’m not studying teehee just girly things, BUT concerning born sinner and zoom jk, I actually kinda wanna delete those 2 series and write them anew.

I feel like a huge downfall with church boy was that it tackled some pretty deep themes and the direction it was going felt slow and really far off, thus making it hard for me to find motivation in writing it bc the end just seemed so far away. I had planned for it to be about 8ish chapters, and each one being over 7k and trying to put those out on regular basis didn’t work out.

i love the concept of church boy, but overtime i kinda came to feel dissatisfied with his character. I mean. yn’s pov was often very short in the chapters, but if that WAS ME and I was dating a guy who was so deeply religious, he felt the need to blame his shortcomings on ME? girl what 😑 she’s definitely no pushover, but i did feel she was too accommodating at times (even tho i was planning on having her stand her ground in future installments). I love the idea of the story being from jk’s perspective bc it was after all about him going through a huge change in life, but I felt like his constant emotional turmoil and hyper fixation on sex was turning him into a rather unlikeable guy, which is something I don’t want 😭 he felt misogynistic at times and I hated that :/ whenever I had to write his thoughts I was kinda like yuck. Ew. lol, and I also always had to be thinking “ok, but how is he going to compensate for being like this?”

With zoom jk, I kinda felt the same lol but more annoyed with the story’s pace. I feel like the first 4 only 4 ghahbsbwhs chapters could easily have been one chapter that set the stage, introduced the universe, etc. HOWEVER I do think the progression was realistic for the story it was telling; come on lol, you’re not gonna be instant besties with a classmate you’re meeting for the first time over zoom during a lockdown. so I felt like I couldn’t really do much to change that. but like I said it was more so the format I did it in.

at the time I posted both these stories, it was fall of 2020, which was kinda “peak” lockdown where I live. everything was closed or remote, so I had a lot of time to focus on writing. however, now it’s almost fall of 2022 and the circumstances are not the same anymore, which has made writing very hard to do for me.

hope that answer helps !!

#asks

[horromcom]

elaborating on earlier when i was talking abt the wasted potential barry carried im mainly talking in regards to his redemption/post-coma writing. not saying his pre-coma portrayal was perfect by any means, i still got some problems w it, but in comparison he feels leagues more well-utilized as a character

idk how to explain it but it kinda feels like the writers dont know WHAT to do w him anymore. like a barry redemption has the potential to be so complex and dynamic and could lead to soooo many fun ideas and episodes and potential plot threads and so many new angles to explore but the writers just dont do ANYTHING INTERESTING WITH IT (avgn voice) WHAT WERE THEY THINKINGGGG??

like ok 11x4 was. fine. still has some MAJOR glaring issues that make me foam at the mouth, but on its own its alright for the most part, i still revisit it a lot and if i dont think abt it too much its fun. 12x8 on the other hand was where it all falls apart for me

like i’ll never forget how excited i was for that ep thinking it was gonna tackle at least some of the cool new potential themes and ideas his character now carries like YES ITS HAPPENING WE’RE WINNING WAHOOO YIPPEEEE .. and then they completely botched it. like i cant say they didnt try, the ep did have some good ideas but the way it was all executed was sooo :/ disappointing and boring and surface-level and tbh kinda felt shoehorned in for a quick easy source of conflict and drama rather than being naturally developed over the course of his arc to the point where it almost feels like an afterthought and its all just so FRUSTRATINGGGG. (shrek image) they didnt even follow up on the events of 11x4. sucks especially bc this episode was shaping up to be one of my favs ever and then it actually aired and it was the worst night of my entire life hate and violence on planet earth. and it honestly has me extremely worried for future seasons too bc on one hand im scared his death’s gonna stick and the end of his arc will be whatevr the hell that was,, but on the other im scared he’ll come back and the writers will continue to butcher his character the way they’re doin. idk which is scarier AAAAA. like maybe they’ll surprise me maybe they’ll fix the problems i have and do something fun and new with him im trying so hard to stay optimistic. but my hopes aren’t high at all. the bar is at the earths core. yes im sooo excited for s13 yippee yay. yes im also shaking like a wet lil dog whenever i think abt how its almost here bc my poor blorbo might get massacred further

also the ‘doesnt get enough screen time’ slot that i checked off plays into the wasted potential angle too. like i think prior to the coma seasons the amount he got was fine (i def wouldnt complain if he had more but for what he got yeah it works) but post-coma i think the whole ‘once a season’ thing doesnt work anymore now that they’ve taken him in this new direction that requires more focus and care to develop. like i said abt how 12x8 felt rly rushed with barry’s whole deal feeling like it was tossed in without much forethought, i think that wouldnt have been so much of a problem if he were allowed more episodes prior to DO ANYTHING to establish his character growth and new motives/ideals and relationships/dynamics with the rest of the team and his clear struggles with recovery and how having archer back in the picture is affecting him and MY GOD. archer fx staff give him some filler episodes RAT NAO IM SO SRS and i know im yelling at clouds here bc i doubt this is something they’re gonna work on in future seasons considering they’re prob gonna stick to the 8 ep structure forever now which means less time to build on their side characters which drives me so mad and also another thing why have him apart of the team at all if ur not gonna do ANYTHINGGGG WITH HIM WHATS THE POINT THEN like if u for some reason cant feature him in too many eps then at least make up an excuse as to where he is or SOMETHING to affirm hes an established team member like the show claims like is he apart of the agency or not HELLO IS ANYONE THERE CAN ANYONE HEAR ME ITS SO DARK AND COLD IN HERE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE HELP MEEEE

where am i going w this what am i talking abt im running on three hours of sleep here im not crazy i just want my babygirl sweet angel darling honeypie to have good writing and a meaningful well-realized arc and fun interesting relationship dynamics and character complexity/depth and actual thought and attention put into his development SO SO BAD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE AUUUGHH AUUAHAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (DATS ME YELLIN)

#IF NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY GOD DAMN SENSE DONT WORRY ABT IT im half asleep. didnt even mean for this turn into a vent #someday i’ll like actually detail all the things wrong w his writing and then you’ll ALL SEE but for now yeah. this shows frustrating </3 #prayer circle for his writing to be good in s13 or im killing the hostages #👻.evp #long post #mutuals watching me go insane over this man like why don’t u barry urself in some bitches

[kuroaka]

as a college student, it would be nice to have and dedicate some time to college stuff

as someone who shares an apartment with someone i’m not related to, it would be nice to use my time to do all the chores exactly when i feel is needed

as a worker, it would be nice to dedicate some time to myself and actually rest so i could do my job nicely and improve myself whenever

and as a human being not mentally well, it would be nice to invest time in social events and not shutting down

but as all of these, i just do not have TIME for shit. i mean, i do, but i have to choose one of these stuff to focus. i can do college stuff OR all the house chores i have to do OR resting OR enjoy my social life because for fucks sake i am YOUNG and i feel like im loosing my time because i have so much to do and it feels like i can’t do ANYTHING and i absolutely HATE it

not only that, my ‘roommate’ (the person i share an apartment) apparently hates me for no reason at all and wants to make my life miserable (i’m exaggerating)

2 years ago she complained to my other friend - not me, MY FRIEND - about how i wasn’t doing the house chores, and like, i got it, i really wasn’t bc i was depressed but anyways. really later on she talked to me abt it and i spent the ENTIRETY of 2023 trying to do everything i could and not missing my chores. but then in this year, 2024, she said she doesn’t want to share the apt. anymore bc she has other plans and bc she is “dissatisfied with some issues”. like bitch wtf then why didn’t you talk to me sooner.

then okay, i told her she could talk to me abt it whenever and wished her luck. but she didn’t TALK abt it then how tf was i supposed to guess?????? what was wrong???? and she just dropped that and left, never talked abt it again. she really just dropped that bomb to me so i would feel guilty and left me to rot with this thought????

and it’s so funny cuz we both are PSYCHOLOGY students and in order to be a good psychologist you must have EMPATHY and this bitch can’t have empathy with the very person right next to her living in the same place???

bc when she complained abt me to my friend she said like “oh but at night i can hear her watching some series blah blah blah” yes?? when im having lunch or dinner i watch something bc that’s THE TIME I HAVE TO MYSELF, and it’s like 20 min tf

and it’s also so funny bc she talk all that shit abt me but it’s really easy when you don’t have to work 6 days of the week???? bitch you think i’m working just bc i want to??? and not bc i need the money)???????2$:!3$3! wtf is wrong with you??? i’m not extremely poor but the life i’m living now?? i need the fucking money!!!!! if you don’t need it then great but don’t talk shit u know nothin abt!!2?!2$:$: the only way to get your empathy is if im starving????? if i can’t afford college????

i deal with so much stuff with my shitty mental health and you expect me to be perfect????? ffs more often than not i can barely get out of bed without struggling 💀💀

#— venting. #i hate conflicts so i will not be talking to her abt bc i do not have the mental energy for this #but i won’t demand that she knows what im thinking just like she did lmao #she doesn’t say shit just locks herself in her room and then gets mad if i don’t guess??? should i shit a conclusion so i could do smth?? #i mean i shut myself in my room too we do that #roommates #conflicts #help

[faggotician]

I think my struggle w art l8ly is like . Im not motiv8d 2 do it on my own most days At all and i do think its bc im putting all my focus n energy into trying 2 do a Good Job at Work but i feel like now ive set 2 high a standard 4 myself there so if i ease up on myself then it appears as if im just not doing as good of a job. Wow even on a post abt not doing art i still just complain about work . Surely this is a normal citizen feeling

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i spend so mad god damn time bitching on this website. its bc i dont talk to ppl. whens the last time i had a non functional conversation? #uuuuhhh last weekend or maybe the weekend before that? so like i gotta complain somewhere. so if i stop complaining u can assume i made #friends lmao. ugh. its just. im worried. im worried abt how this semester is gonna go. how this phd program is gonna go #bc i spent the last 2 years destroying myself. realized ive gotta stop doing that. haven't figured out how to stop and now im gonna triple #the amount of pressure im under while trying to do things in a more healthy way. its just like. it objectively doesnt seem like a formula #for good things to happen. im more worried for how catastrophic its gonna b on my brain than i am abt the things i think most ppl would b #concerned abt. like im not worried abt planning and executing a project or teaching beyond fear of the unknown #its like. ive done these things before. theyre difficult but u make due and tackle the problems. but when it comes to: how to maintain a #healthy school/life balance? i dont even kno where to start with that. i just dont bc when u have a learning disability things just take #more time but like how much time is too much? where does it end? i dont kno how to manage it and i dont wanna hate my project by the end #of this. i want to b excited and not paralyzed bc im afraid i cant change my behavior and its gonna kill me #and im worried bc im meeting with my advisor for the 1st time since march before i agreed to join thr lab and have i prepared for this #project which is almost complete unrelated to what i did in my last lab? no bc ive been managing data and im still not done managing data #bc i cant focus bc i collected that data in a way that was actively self destructive. and i mean i kno itll b fine. thr guy seems nice i #just hate that im showing up devoid of enthusiasm bc its all been drowned out by the fear. and thats also gonna make teaching a problem #bc its hard to b excited abt things when there's a hole in your chest and ur desperate for someone to tell u how to fix it. but idk helping #ppl does usually make me feel better so maybe itll b a good thing. forgot how much i feel like im dying when i sit in meetings and #classroom tho lol. god its been 2yrs since i was a student. classes feel like such bullshit now. and yet if i dont get all As i might die #my students better b good. i have the 1st lab section bc thr lead ta couldnt do that time. so im the trial lab and i start fucking Monday #who tf does labs the 1st week of class? ugh. also its an intro bio so like 2/3 of thr class r freshman. lil bby 18yos and some r non bio #majors. and ive been warned that sometimes there r problems with ppl who don't believe in evolution and cause problems. pls let my classes #b good. im not that worried. its just gonna b annoying as fuck. im not good at being authoritative #ugh. i should b reading papers so i dont look like too much of an idiot tomorrow. itll b fine im just an anxious freak. a lil over a week #until i can try to find a therapist. probably seek medication bc i dont kno how else to stop this bullshit. annoying. i grew up with a dad #who gets anxious abt the idea of taking too much medication when he tskes a single ibuprofen. in this household we feel pain and then we #die miserable. this is all his fault. we have the same brain.im just a lil more irradidic than him #its so funny i say that bc im like the least irradic person ever. i do the same things every god damn day. im just irradic in terms of #sometimes i feel like my brain is on fire and im a cry bby lol #whatever. enough bitching. ive got papers to read. or maybe ill just go to bed and read them tomorrow 🙄 #unrelated

[hyunincr]

i hate school ♫

im at my “summer vacation” (here in brazil its not even summer btw) and i spent my whole vacation trying to became a better person, and change some behaviors in my personality that i dont like. i focused on myself and im really proud for that, i have been taking care of myself !

cw :: vent post

but yesterday i started to became anxious abt the first day in school (it’ll be next week), i remembered certain arguments that i had with some teachers and i was so embarrassed that i couldn’t sleep.

im really worried about reproving, im in the last year and i just want to be free of high school, i really dont want to make this year again. i suck in every subject in school, im always with bad grades, and my friends, family and teachers think that i simply choose to be like that. they think that having bad grades is an option…

last year i tried to focus A LOT on studying, and i still had bad grades. i was giving my best at that, and was really frustrating. i think that im so bad at this bcs i have adhd, but it’s not a plausible excuse. people don’t understand that, that i dont learn like the other people in class, and that im making my BEST every day.

the week after the vacation, the chemistry teacher #1 caught me on my phone, and he spent the next 1 hour dropping hints to me and talking that he would take off class the people that was on phone. and he has this obsession over calling me out. like leave me alone im not a horrible person bcs i committed a mistake one time.

and in the same week, but a few days later, the chemistry teacher #2 (we has different teachers to organic and inorganic chemistry) shouted at me and my friend bcs we are talking too loud. first that we aren’t the only ones chatting in the class, we count like more 3 groups talking too. but why he scolded us and not the others too ??? i was so sad bcs he was screaming and swearing at too 17yo girls just bcs they’re talking like ??????? it was so agressive and i was so uncomfortable. the kids that dont like me started laughing, and i was so sad :( he could have corrected us in a calmer way, i wouldn’t complain bcs he would be right, but screaming ? and swearing ?

but anyways, im so anxious to come back :( everyday its a fight to me, bcs its exhausting to be in a classroom when no one likes me and the teachers also dont like me. i usually just start to draw on my notebook, but the teachers say that im not paying attention to their subject. but its really heavy, i need to draw to clean my head a bit and distract to continue without having a burnout. their exam its like 10 questions (5 for side a, 5 for side b) but with 6 topics to study (each side) its even possible to study 12 topics, i cant even study one properly :(

its so heavy, and i just cant handle. im having 3 in EVERY subject (0 min. 10 max.). my self esteem isnt affected by this (i know that school’s not for me and its ok, im smart at other things) but i really care abt other people talk abt me and my grades. and sometimes it’s tiring to handle at my family’s reaction :/

but i’ll try to focus on myself again and not worry abt this until the comeback day.

#i hate school #diary #online diary #diary entry #journal #rant #vent blog #vent post

[ficsandfandom]

Love in a time of the Zombie Apocalypse by rizzlewrites

I put this one off for a while but it’s SO GOOD OMFG!!!

basically: a world after the war, overrun by zombies, muggle and wizarding worlds aware of each other and, in some cases, collaborating. harry and hermione, part of Project Christmas- an initiative to create a cure before the USA drop nukes on them- break Draco Malfoy out of top security prison and enlist his help. problem? malfoy’s a sociopathic wild card who people can’t pin down, ron’s basically comatose and dickheads exist- even in a zombie apocalypse!

(this is as i read so might be a bit disjointed- enjoy!!)

1. DRACO MALFOY OMFG!!! the way he’s written is just AMAZING! and omfg the dramione tension is top tier!!!! literally closed my screen like 10 times in the first four chapters srsly.

2. blaise zabini is the actual loml and if i dies i will cry. also, i love draco from draco pov bc then there’s justices decisions. scared he’s gna hurt ppl i like tho💔💔

3. i’m upset. this fic is a damn rollercoaster and i’m not built for this. the worldbuilding in this is amazing btw- so fun to read. and characters who r rlly easy to get invested if<33

unfortunately also quite realistic in some ways, which means i stay upset🤩🤩 which is less great but oh well ig i read to feel anyway so. i’ll take it. doubt there’s gonna be fluff in this one smh.

(not done yet but recommend already)

4. i love this!!! there is some fluff btw and such a good balance of realism and romance and it’s just amazing to read <333

5. i hate it. i hate everything. and everyone. i am grieving. mourning. and it’s unfair. JUST ONCE. JUST ONCE I WANF A HAPPY ENDING FOR *specific character* AND I NEVER GET IT I AM TIRED. and in shock. didn’t even get to cry. unfair.

6. ok now i’m more emotionally stable hers smth else i love abt the fic- the morality and duality of characters. hard to be a ‘good person’ in the middle of an apocalypse. but the shades of grey of each character, and how far is too far depending on the person is written so well.

also how much they change like so many characters i just didn’t like that i’m now severely emotionally attached to!!!

breaking points are also really interesting and i love how even tho a load of them are tagged as BAMFs, they also FEEL real? idk i’m not deep enough but basically: feelings and morals? written rlly thought provokingly. and thoughts have been provoked xx

6. THE OC SIDE CHARACTERS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH YOU DONT UNDERSTAND PLS READ SO YOU KNOW THEM TOO THEYRE AMAZING.

(still not done but it’s been like a day spare me i’ve been busy)

7. i cannot express how much i love the ‘dark father figure to a kid who dgaf’ trope. it is elite and i love it!!

8. EVERYONE THINKS IM ASLEEP WHEN IM IN MY BED TRYING NOT TO SCREAM ONFG THIS IS SMTH I DID NOT EXPECT WTAF

9. breaking points<33

10. icba to keep updating like this but basically:

it’s amazing, i love it, please go read it x

(lil side note bc i’m so HAPPY: IM SO SO PROUD OMG!!!! like ik many fics kinda deal with the trauma and stuff but this one just shot it out of the WATER kinda wish there was more focus on hermione’s issues but even those are still dealt with throughout so i can’t rlly complains but omg DRACO<333)

this fic cannot get more perfect omg i got a title drop!!!!

[clerichs-xi]

Getting real on main here bc I'm kinda tired of keeping everything in my head so I'm gonna ramble for a bit bc my blog my posts

Starting to realize more and more i don't know how to interact with people and im kinda starting to wonder if im neurodivergent or if im socially anxious

It's not just I don't know how to interact socially it's more like I don't know how to react in social so I end up mimicking what other ppl do in order to not get a negative reaction/keep up the convo in a natural way. I find I do it more online bc I have time to think about what I do+look back on messages and I end up being so paranoid about what I say or how my messages could get construed differently or how people could negatively react. Maybe it's more that I'm extremely prone to overthinking stuff but either way it makes me feel miserable sometimes, like I can't open up ever and most of the time I end up not opening up. I'm afraid of negative reactions and criticism bc I'm so prone to criticizing others myself. Also i grew up having most of my stuff (achievements, work, expressed thoughts) being reacted to with either neutral reactions or criticism on the basis of humility. Whoa that just got deep lol. Anyways after typing all of this out I feel like my issue mostly lies with my fears of being seen in a negative way or being disliked after saying something so I just end up. overthinking every single thing I want to say or not saying anything at all or both. It's wild how afraid I am of receiving any remotely negative feedback bc the moment I do I'll take to heart way too much and beat myself up over it!! Itll all I focus on and then I'll pick apart every single thing I ever did or said and make myself feel even more miserable!! I'm perfectly capable of discerning when something is my fault just. not when im talking to someone.

Tangent but since I'm here rambling already ill talk abt it and also kinda related. I never feel comfortable enough venting abt my life to close friends bc a) I'm seen as the functional one in the group; b) it seems everyone else's problems are bigger than mine and c) I'll feel like I'm complaining for no good reason mostly bc of a). I did have someone in my friend group say "what do u have to complain abt u have a functional family lol" once and that hurt. And that's why I never share anything anymore lol!!! Bc everyone I know says my life is perfect but a lot I wish I weren't me and I feel so trapped. It's gotten better bc I have been in situations b4 where I vented during really bad situations but I still don't rlly. And the fact that I only feel ok with venting in situations/with feelings that, in my mind, constituted as on par with other people's issues or of a certain level severity that was worth sharing and wouldn't face backlash for is. fucked up to say the least I think. Sometimes I think social media has played a role in fostering this idea bc of ppl constantly comparing and trying to 1-up others with their struggles. or ppl usinh catastrophic world events to go to other ppl saying "ur life will never be as bad as that so suck it up"

Uh anyways I think the neurodivergent part mostly bc i get uncomfortable when I'm not doing something and I can't really stand not doing smth. Ive seen some posts of neurodivergent people (esp posts abt adhd/ppl with adhd talking abt it) and kinda find myself relating to stimulation issues to a degree? I hate not doing anything productive eg drawing, writing. Sometimes I can't even stand just watching tv or reading bc sometimes I don't feel involved enough. If I'm interested in a piece of media I'll binge it for a couple of days and then the next day I'll feel nothing at all for it. Like idk maybe I'm thinking too hard and I don't actually know what I'm talking abt but at this rate I'd rather be wrong while try to explore this/put it into words then keep everything to myself just because I'm afraid of getting backlash or whatever from the 3 real people and 20 pornbots that follow me. Chances are this post wont receive any attention like literally anything else I've ever posted except it not getting attention will be what I want haha.

Tldr I'm just tired of trying to please people and bottling stuff up just bc I want ppl to like me and bc I don't want to burden others. I want to open up and have actual social interactions where I'm not overthinking everything I do. And I'm posting this to prove to myself that I'm going to change and get over it.

#citrus speaks

[polyamorouspunk]

Language anon again

Sheesh the tags in the second part, you didn't mention that the person you knew was your toxic(?) Ex. All you put in the tags of the first post was "I've been meaning to text them anyway" and "guess who it is" and ngl I do pay attention to your blog but I don't pay attention to your relationship stuff bc I'm just not interested in someone's love life when I gotta deal with my own yk? Anytime I see the word catboy/crush/relationship I just scroll bc I don't like reading about that kinda stuff- reminds me of shit I've been through with assholes

Not all of your followers are up to date about who you're crushing on or at odds with. So don't say I don't care about you putting your mental health at risk when I didn't even know I was to begin with.

Besides, you don't have to do shit for unknown people if it makes you uncomfortable/unhappy. The little I know about catboy makes me think he's a dick and you shouldn't waste your time with him, but I don't know the full story and I don't really care to. That's just my opinion.

Just do whatever makes you happy man. I can't change my friends choice about what they call themself and Im not going to force you to text someone that makes you depressed because I'm curious Abt their thoughts.

I subscribe by the "never text your Ex" idea, but you do you Boo. If you want an excuse to get your heart broken again then go for it. I'll be the bad guy here 😂

But my advice is don't text him. If he's been ghosting you then fuck him. He's a loser that wants you to chase him bc he gets off on it. I'd had to deal with dickwads like that too.

Instead of texting him I'd drop his ass and do shit that would make him regret ghosting me. You should make yourself look hotter and sexier than before. Even if you're a solid 9.99 go for that 10. Then go out more- go out anywhere and have fun, even if it hurts, even if you're not actually having fun. Just show you're NOT crying over him like he wants you to be. Eventually he'll see he fucked up. And the best part is? When he crawls back you need ghost him and make him understand how you felt. Fuck him. When you focus on yourself you'll attract someone who wants to be with you for you, not because you feed their shitty ego by crawling back to them

jskdhskhs thank you I guess and my dude it was 100% like a joke I’m sorry I made you feel guilty in any way. I do try and put it in the tags so people don’t get 10,000 posts on their dash about me complaining about shit. And I do try and keep it to this blog only and not my other blogs/social media where I focus on being positive and upbeat.

It’s not that he ghosted me so much as I know that having a newborn at home is taxing while you have other things going on and it’s not even your home etc.

Nah dude it was 100% a light-hearted joke, I totally understand not caring about people who you follow’s love life/intrapersonal relationships they talk about/I can 100% see how that stuff could absolutely be triggering or at least uncomfortable to people who have been in similar situations (or even if they haven’t been) which is why I try and constituently tag all the posts I make about all of it.

And I mean tbh I text my ex every day because he’s like? My best friend? I don’t consider catboy an ex really (idk like when I say “my ex” I mean Emory but catboy kind of counts but not really), but I subscribe to the idea of “if someone I know is in a place to answer something better than me I’m always more than happy to reach out and ask them for advice” which is why a lot of times I ask for advice on here or like I’ll ask my friends about things etc.

Yeah there are arguments on both sides of like “he’s shitty”/“he’s going through a lot”. And I mean the best relationship I ever had which was healthy and lasted a good 6 years started off horrible and toxic on both our parts so like I do know from experience that like shitty people can turn around and become healthy partners. That’s not always the case however.

Sorry to bring it up, I did put it in the tags because it wasn’t relevant to your ask but something I needed to vent about in a joking way anyway.

I think that asking people for their opinion on something they might be interested in/suited to is a great way to reach out to someone when you haven’t talked in a while because it gives them something to talk about besides just “hi how are you”. My best friend and I almost never text but I’ll text her up every once in a while to ask about my animals or something, which I think works well for her because she’s not into the whole casual conversation thing and would much rather talk about reptiles and such. (Once again has nothing to do with this ask but just figured I would throw out that piece of advice).

Life’s complicated. I defiantly go back and forth on it and I sure do bother the fuck out of everyone I talk to and probably a lot of people who follow me which I do feel bad about but I try and compound it with just reblogging general good crush posts/mlm content that would fit a polyamory blog run by a mlm anyway so that even if people don’t want to deal with the bs maybe they can see a post and relate like “ah I’m polyam and I want that with my partners” or “at least one of my partners” because most are centered at 1 person.

But uh yeah just because a word isn’t English doesn’t mean it’s not gendered and if you don’t like any existing words just make one up.

#punk gets mail #crush stuff #negative #I’m a bit worried my reply comes off as guilt-trippy so if it does I’m genuinely sorry but like I did mean it when I said I was sorry #a cookie for you anon ? 🍪🥛