#im trying to write with more intention

[mikichko]

was feeling lots of feelings today and it manifested in me writing a dark soap fic so we'll see how that goes if I decide to post it

#.txt #.kiko-talks #im trying to write with more intention #instead of churning out every idea i have #i might just make an ideas doc for google docs #i also have to visit my writing resources from time to time

[istherewifiinhell]

IS FLYING GENDERED?

On the masculine default, typifying gender in genre, and women as the other in the transformers cartoons.

question for the ages

once again i said back in the halcyon days of watching g1 (aka 5 months ago) i was like. Nooooo, decepticon is NOT a gender that's Silly. It's funny, but as a Read Of The Text, I thought it largely unneeded. (The concept came about, as a joke, involving dismissing the bad guys using the same language you would abt women (sexistly) that they're emotional [heh, flighty], vain, and shrill) after all. If in the 80s era there are 5 whole named/speaking woman tfs, its only ever gonna get better from here right? (<- booboo the fool)

anyway

Let's consider the axiom that the assumed default gender is male, that maleness is often seen as LACK of gender, and femaleness and gender variance are the PRESENCE of gender. In certain reasoning and worldviews, of course (See Androcentrism). Then add that, for transformers, the assumed default thing a transformer turns into, is car. (Autocentrism, if you will)

(The most general term for what a tf turns into is "Alt mode" as some of them are not vehicles at all. The other mode is "Robot Mode", whether its humanoid or not)

So I will be laying out why I believe the cartoon iterations support: non standard alt modes = non standard genders. This is in spite of the fact that FIRST lady tfs were all cars. Sleek cyber cars, but still. For whatever reason, (possibly, the reason for everything in tf, toys) they might as well not exist for how woman tf characters presence in the cartoons progressed over time.

And, to be clear, this is a reading of how these works of fiction are created, not a new unified bioessentialism but for robots aliens I'm proposing for like. In universe lore reasons. I hate that idea.

That said, alt modes in order of most to least gender: Spider, motorcycle, flying (in general, with rotors, jets), tank, and then FINALLY, car. (water and space crafts are already too marginal to rank, but they too can be assumed in relation to default maleness, AND that in making one a woman, would still qualify as othering her).

The NUMBER one reason for this is the bizarre need to have an ESTABLISHED woman tf character before making new ones. AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE. With a g1 gender ratio something like.... (counting even the most marginal cases for the ladies) 9:120? (That's a rough count from a quick scanning of the tf wiki g1 char list) Shits dire out here.

The second is, ofc, character design based. cis people [stand in phrase for the hegemonic world view] are not okay, and their opinions about how tf gender must need be depicted visually is. uh? Im not a fan. Size and shape dimorphism in general is a given, and specifically having women tfs as far more humanoid and curvy in specific. Also general cartoon lady face syndrome but, whatever. I think there's exactly one character here who doesn't have "lips" or "lipstick" as a distinguishing factor. I'm so tired.

Third is generally, the idea of The Girl Of the Team. When there's The Girl, she often isn't JUST a normal character, who happens to be a girl. See, of course, the Smurtfette Principle. But in my view there's also a trend to give The Girl "special traits" on top of "Girl", maybe even to directly combat the idea that the Girl Character has no other traits? To stop this from being a General Primer on Woman in Media, my explanatory focus is things specific to the tf franchise.

(A phrase I use for thinking about normative modes [in general, not just the Alt ones] in within the tf universe is "unique transformerdom" or, even more clunkily, "A transformer of unique transformerdom". The excessive verbosity is amusing to me personally. All I mean by it is to have an umbrella term for any of the ways tfs can be made unique from their peers in the non allegorical realities of the fiction).

I could, and do, and greatly want to, speak about this AT LENGTH. But it keeps spiraling away from me. So I'll say for now were looking at ways a character is being depicted different from her peers, not because she is the only woman (which she likely is), but cause she's a different kind of transformer, AND if she's othered for it.

(IN SOME forms of the lore. Being a transformer woman, IS A UNIQUE KIND of transformer unto itself. Let's just say I hate it and move on)

Fourth, is the gender of villainy. There is much to be said about gender presentation of villains, the ways they are allowed to be aberrant. We will get to it. There is also all the tropes specific TO evil women, and the modes of villainy open TO female characters. But a general thing I think impacting the gender ratios of the factions is the how "Good" and "Evil" female characters are written. I'll generalize and call this the "Damsel vs Temptress" dichotomy. (See concepts like the Madonna-whore complex). Transformers, is by and large, an action franchise. Unless special reasons are made, characters who can impact the action– have more screen time, and likely more memorable, and iconic presences. A villainous woman can be unchaste, violent, aggressive. While a heroic woman, even if not a literal damsel are more likely to be in a support role. The secretaries of the action genre: medics and techs.

(Another factor is that tfs are giant robots, and the good guys are often friends with tiny squishy little humans. These make very good damsel fodder, and can be taking up the spots on the roster that might, in a different franchise, go to women. Additionally, while woman characters in transformers overall is an interesting topic. When I say tf women, I'm referring to ones that are in fictionally, transformers.)

SO, now understanding our points of attack/obstacles for getting woman into transformers. (Getting established, gendering the designed, uniqueness of existence, and general villainy). Lets go over those alt modes, and the characters that have em, in more detail.

Spiders

The "Beast Era" (1996) intro-ed the spider ofc. And what don't we have with this one. She's a villain, but shes also misunderstood, the era and design style let to these more organic shapes. And they used them to make sure she was very sexy. She's genre aware, she's quippy, she's an absolute icon. So naturally. She gets ported to other later shows. Which means we just have sexy spider ladies running around when everyone else is a fucking truck and shit.

Her own origin is, well think of her as a "Bride of Frankenstein" to the resident evil scientist, also a spider. She was designed for, and manipulated by him in multiple ways. Her protoform (A blank robot base), was supposed to be one of the good guys (a Maximal), but was reprogrammed into a bad guy (Predacon). Even then, she eventually joins them, for her own reasons. She's not even the first predacon to do so, the difference? Well the characters are a lot more NORMAL about his autonomy. Both of these characters stress that being a predacon is an identity they still see as important. But only the woman is told that really, she is was was always MEANT to be a maximal. And while that's true in a sense. There's also a plot were she's forced (by plot contrivance, not the other maximals) to get corrective robot surgery for it. And when they think she died from, everyone's more sad for her boyfriend than for her. Ouch.

The second spider, in the 2007 show, is now one in a world where she is the only "techno-organic" transformer, hence, she is spider, everyone else is a vehicle. Similar to the first, her narrative is very gendered, but less in the way were, like, I do literally think the first was was experiencing in universe sexism from other characters. Here, they really focus on the "techno vs organic" narrative, and the tragic circumstances on how that happened. In this case its just real world sexist writing.

THIRD SPIDER, (2010), instead of misunderstood and tragic evil, this ones just super mega likes to cause pain evil. She also occupies a strange place between the typic vehicular tfs, and the insecticons. This is because she has a helicopter alt mode, and her robot mode is just, a lady with spider characteristics. And, more than just a passing bug like similarity, she has the power to control the insecticons (you know, cause evil woman mind control). However, she doesn't fit in with them either, as the insecticons are at the most insect like they've ever been, in look, living in hives and that most don't even speak.

They may vary in exact character, relationship to the story's moral conflict, and design. But they stay comfortably established, dimorphised, flirty and flirting with villainy. And bonus points, always, for black widow spider trope.

SO. SPIDERS. Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ (Extremely!) Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ Villainy: ✅️

Motorcycles

Tooooo my knowledge the first bike lady was in 2004, and fairly minor, in the actual plot, but rest assured, they did go the previously established woman route, by being pink, though, which one shes named after varies by language. But neither were previously motorcycles. (And yes, there is also this problem of mixing together or swapping out one woman tf for another. As if we have the ladies to spare). Even though motorcycle men also exist, this one just stuck for a bit. Maybe something to do with Those Movies. I think the Gendered Existence of a motorcycle is pretty evident though, general sex appeal, being smaller, the mode of riding a motorcycle is different, more physical and intimate. Mainly this ranks so high for the level of grossness they can pack in. Just how objectifying it can be, particularly with two instances where the human rider is an annoying teen boy. Naturally, I've also never seen a male and female motorcycle in the same room, but the approach to design tends to be different. And yeah most of em are Arcee, who's first alt mode was cyber car, but it's not just her.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: Depends on iteration, I do NOT like the way one gets called "tough, for a two wheeler". Villainy: ❌(they wouldn't need to be motorcycles if they weren't making them the Special Girl Autobot, after all)

Flying

General: It just tends to stick out when your one girl is only flyer in the group, even she's otherwise tactfully done. Only flyer of the Maximals, a falcon, only flyer of the dinobots, a Pteranodon.

Rotors

I can barely even figure this one. Maybe it's just a general, aesthetics and use case of the actually vehicles, the associations? None of these ladies (and special case) are very connected otherwise. As previously mentioned, the spider helicopter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A big one for this is the preschool demo shows, which are rescue team focused. In the first one the only woman on the human response worker team pairs with the helicopter, they mention she does medical at times. The helicopter is male, like the other tfs. But also he's afraid of flying, and while not the first case of a flyer with a fear of heights, their personalities are, pretty different. As he's both fearful AND effeminate, fine as character traits go but, with the tone of humour used, marks him as Other.

In the second, Whirl (pointing to icon) becomes a girl for the first time, now with standard humanized face. I assume as move to keep with the previous show of having a girl one, as there's no human team mates. She's also the only one who really likes rescue school. Aaaand that's all know of her. What more do you want from me.

Helicopters: Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (milder than some)

But why'd I call this section rotors instead of helicopters? That would be because one of the latest Sole Female TF we just put in everything™ is a VTOL jet with rotors. She'll tend to be the only jet of her type, which is also smaller than the type of jet used for the villains.

And, of course, aside from alt mode, the thing that makes her stand out most in the cartoons? That she's very clearly a comics character. (I find the emphasize that she's "fan created" over done, as it only controlled minor aspects, and irrelevant cause tfs get completely overhauled in new versions all the time). From her design, which is a bit busier than most characters she stars with. And also uses Japanese aesthetic signifiers in ways that I think are a bit misappropriated and untactful. (VERY USamerican comics). Also, when she stars next to a guy, also from comics employing Japanese aesthetic, you can tell its not deployed in the same manner. (E.I she has hair and makeup, he has armor). Either way, her depictions have her either as badass sword lady on mission from god who's constantly getting hit on by an annoying guy. Or have her be from a different planet and has special telepathy.

Do we see how both her gender AND the cultural signifiers are having affects here? That the main woman tf in a series can be a literal alien even among our alien robots, with cultural signifiers they don't have?

Ratings Established: ✅️ (made the comics to cartoon jump) Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (SO SO EXTREMELY, using methods in fiction and real life)

Jets

I think my association of jets with tf gender is stronger, than some of the above examples, even if there's less reason to it. And why is that? Well, lets get socratic. Here's another question.

Is This All Starscream's Fault?

No. He's not real, he can't do things. But. His legacy as THE main stay transformers character that gets to subvert gender? Yeah. (Sure, the G1 autobots have their own effete, but he's not in every single cartoon they ever made now is he? Plus now that I think about it, he is a FLYING car...)

From the get, he's not a Man's man. He's shrill, he's manipulative and duplicitous, petty and emotional, cowardly and wheedling. He is, of course, the Perfect character. Now naturally, the 80s cartoon was not concerned with your paltry logics. Starscream and his ilk are the jets, but every decepticon can fly. The gun, the cassette player, the camera, the cassettes.

And each to a last, more masculine than he is. Vocally or behaviorally, physically. Every one of them fit the gender expectations more than he does. Even being a small time grunt, is a masculine trait, after all, more so than unchecked ambition. So its not femininity from flying, from jets. But direct relationship, reference, and descendancy from Starscream that makes it. I've yet to see female versions of Jet fire and or the aerialbots, for example.

So what to do when an effeminate male villain was less maltese falcon and more that man has effeminate hips? Well. We had to start getting his ass for being effeminate, explicitly. They made the female clone of him, which yeah, is an offensive joke stemming from the various The Gender Anxieties. (Transmisogyny, homophobia and sexism. General relation toxic masculinity. A heady mix of all and more).

But I mean. It's free girl tf... Once given a name in extra canon materials, she start's showing up in other things. Once you're in books, video games, comics, and most importantly, toys, you're real. And then eventually, her first non clone appearance in a cartoon, and how her presence shaped it.

That being, Cyberverse. Which is a cgi show, you need to know this for reasons of production. Making new models is expensive. This has always been the reason you just make recolours of Starscream and name them different things. Chicken or egg on this one, I don't know, But because CV has Slipstream, and the only difference between her and the generic "male" decepticon jet, is a more feminine face; Suddenly, any random decepticon goon can be a woman.

An absolutely revolutionary take for striving to populate a fictional world with gender parity. By at large it also means they're way more lady villains, and specifically flying model of villain. The show has other woman, but none who get the same androgynous body mold treatment.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: Mildly to NO. Unique: By design, no. Othered: Yes for the clone, and Screamer himself, I suppose. No, otherwise. Villainy: ✅️(That's, the whole idea)

Tanks

It needs to be said. Sometimes, when doing things that transgress a norm, anteing up is less subversive. This is another reason why gender variance, female agency and overt sexuality are more common traits of villains. When already defying strictures of society. What's one more.

That's Right. TANKS ARE THE BUTCH WOMAN OF TRANSFORMERS.

Alright. Let me back up. Strika is the stone cold knock out undefeated champ of lady tf designs that, actually has a reoccurring cartoon presence. She is, admittedly, only a reoccurring to minor character.

Her introduction is in another show with techno-organics, this one involved in the struggle between well, the techno and the organic. Strika as we see her, and as the design that will go on to be iterated, is not in her normal transformer body. She has been transferred into a 'vehicon' body. Without a preexisting essence contained in one, vehicons are not considered alive, in the way a transformer is. Visually, they lack the more human body plan, a standard face, feet and hand like appendages.

To further contrast Strika against the two techno-organic woman. Both of them are tall, and slender. Their softer organic shapes designed towards elegance or beauty, whatever your subjective opinion of that result might be. They both have romance subplots too. By the way. Or honestly one subplot and one main plot. Strika. In contrast. Is built like a brick shit house. Her face is. Minimal. And her goal: protecting her planet... by terminating the heroes.

Now, existing as a character that can be referenced for other media, and given the detail that she was a "Famous general", it's off to the races. She makes a wonderful big tank menace that can fill out a background shot, too.

Without her I hardly think we could have Clobber, also from CV. Who is. The true goat. The finest thing, the achievements of all we could ever hope for. A big fuck off woman, gender swapped from a previous male design with minimal faff, with now even more personality and show presence. Friends, wants, desires. Emotions. Thank God for Clobber, Thank Clobber for Clobber. Thank Randolph Heard and Mae Catt for Clobber.

Established: Depends if you want to count that Strika had so much swag they kept drawing/modeling her Gendered designs: FUCK NO Unique: ✅️ Othered: only originally Villainy: ✅️

Cars

So now you have the final piece of the puzzle. In transformers, Autobots are Cars. Yes, there are plenty of autobots that are NOT cars, and there are cars that are not Autobots. But they're exceptions, they're aberrances. They're unique. And Autobots are the norm. They oppose the Decepticons. Decepticons are Villains. And Decepticons can fly. Modal simplified binaries and false dichotomy abound!

And the thing about those original Autobot woman, the one's who largely did not influence all of this? They were cars, it's true, but not like how the men where cars. They've not been designed from transforming car toys, with a shellac of humanoid gender over top. Their designed in the way of human gender. With the car on top.

When the preexisting clause leads to the original designs to be revisited, which, has largely only happened in more recent years. They aren't car woman robots. The cars are literally not part of their bodies, they are additional. Instead of a unifying identity of a robot who is a car, its Arcee and her backpack. Parts of cars get grafted onto their petite lady bodies, and placed anywhere out of the way.

In order to make a transformer a woman, they have to give her a gender, not understanding that that's always been the case. And to give her a woman's gender, she's got to LOOK like a woman, not a transformer. And to look like a woman, she's got to act like a woman. She must be heroic but reactive instead of active, or else, villainous, conniving and or self centered. To be a woman, we must have some other previous woman to explain her presence, or else explain it anew with her unique, strange, or exotic origin. How could she ever be a woman if she simply, existed, looked average, talked average. How could she be a woman if her body is hunks of ungendered car. How can she be a woman if she's everything we expect a transformer to be.

A woman is transgressive, a woman is not normal. Autobots are normal. Autobots are heros. Autobots are men. And Autobots do not fly.

#some shit #its not called cisformers #<- IT SURE ISNT FOLKS #a note on how im using citations here u can read BEFORE getting into the post proper #I'm writing this in mind that someone might have NO idea about tf. or. god forbid. #the general perspective of media trope analysis im working from. #So the links can be considered additional or further reading with intent of 1. if a more thorough understanding of a concept might help #2. something im eliding the name of for search reasons 3. a referential example of what im saying #4. a specifc reference/bit of info that might be unclear. in which case im usually linking to a SECTION of the page #5. JOKE #ALright now normal tag talking space. #THIS IS. serious media analysis done casually for fun! in that. I mean it. genuinely. But also im here for silly fun and im not trying #to be SOOOO academically rigorous that its still not. Posting. u know? #MUCH inspired. or i suppose u might say. encouraged to completion and whole hearted commitment by (fandom) silly serious analysis and #math theroying thematics #i have NO idea if this thing will be searchable with all the links and the words i used. but i prepared for it it case it is #AND I PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO IT!!!!!!!! SO its okay if anyone reads it! #but im also braced for bad faithing inwhich case. I will not be held responsible for my actions. thank you. #i have been told to tag this #maccadam #transformers #if someone tryies to kill me for it im not taking responsibility

[tarantula-hawk-wasp]

sometimes you need to tell yourself “im a shit writer” and then Write Anyways. 

#im a mediocre writer among thousands of mediocre writers and it is my god given right to write badly #my dialogue is BAD and that's okay #its hard bc I worked on art with such intent for years so now like Art i am ...good... at and writing I used to consider myself good at but #Every time I write a fic I remind myself I'm not trying to write the next Fandom Epic or even a fic that gets put on recommended lists #its esp bc nothing motivates me to write more than an unpopular niche concept like an ot3 or a friendship no one prioritizes

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

the nancy boy thing is just so fucking insane because like. they broke from the spelling of this name to do it but also incorporated it into the spelling of his name with n for nancy (possibly showing how he associates it with himself). but the license plate could have been any letter and that letter could have been any word and they chose b for boy. they could have cut to the license plate from any letter in dennis and they chose n for nancy. and we already know the way dennis spells out his name/words in this scene is very important metaphorically they showed us with that alternate D.E.N.N.I.S. system he gives us so.....they did that on purpose and drew attention to it

#after days of reflection (i went outside) im still a dtamhd defender but specifically for the writing #i think whether it works or not is another question but im there are so many little details and intentions and it is so fascinating to me!! #it brings out the writer nerd in me its made me push myself in my own writing #imo this episode is very tightly written when it comes to all these little details #and i dont think they would do all That with nancy boy for just no reason? it doesnt make sense from a writers pov #esp when the scene establishes the importance of dennis spelling things out #on a literal level hes trying to reach/connect to the person on the other side of the line. to be understood. and i think on an even more #internal level he's doing it to simplify + process whats happening and what he's feeling within himself #anyway still trying to have a little tumblr break but im sooo autistic about this one bit in particular

[shdwtouch]

not me openly admitting that shade lowkey takes after me. this was not intentional, I swear. uwu; she kinda just... ended up with an extra dose of who I am as a person, whereas most of my original characters receive much less.

I realized this when considering that shade is most likely homo leaning. and I was like, haha she's just like me ! an enby ace lesbian... and then the similarities just kept getting drawn. idk maybe I'm just overly tired.

also like. not gonna apologize ? she really isn't a self-insert. but its also like... creators are allowed to put themselves into what they make ! and I'm proud of shade, I really am. so I won't be made ashamed for traits we might share.

#《 ° puffin.exe 》 im a puffin ! i dont do much #° mobile post ! #° to be deleted ! #tbh i dont know hoe people get off accusing people of making self inserts in the rpc like #how do you know ?? unless i explicitly state or draw comparisons ?? #and why would i do that if my intent is to fool people ? like. #i understand that interacting with inserts can be uncomfortable. i do ! #but unless you really know the person ? you arent in a place to say their characters are inserts #and tbh i feel like most of my discomfort comes from the prospect of being deceived #im okay with writing with inserts but im gonna draw boundaries #especially if youre writing them with the intent to live through them / fantasize. #while I think its valid its not something i am personally comfortable with. i dont consent to that as an rp partner. #but im also envisioning the worst possibility in which its someone getting off to how i interact with their oc #point being. to my mind. self inserts arent bad. they also arent easy to judge. #and even if i dont consent to interacting with an insert for the purpose of being wank material or emotional stimulus... #people could still use my content for wank or emotional stimulus by putting themselves in the shoes of whoever im writing with so #am i really one to judge? no. because again. i dont know. #and i honestly think anyone who can come out and say their oc is an insert or takes after them is #more trustworthy than someone who doesnt disclose it. idk just. there is no need for deception. #and if you do try to deceive me im gonna assume you have ill intent #whereas honesty is something that should be valued. especially in cases where the truth is so stigmatized.

[honeydots]

I would like some teasers about that Xander - Soleil father-daughter support fic please 💖

HEHEHE that'd be my pleasure~~!! i'll put a couple things under the cut c:

the fanart nattie drew for me is from their c-support!! the gist of it is that xander's employing a similar punishment to soleil as he did to laslow for excessive flirting :3 but as they're working in xander's office, they both end up falling asleep, hence the little scene in the art <3

the rest of the support is about soleil lying through her teeth about how she totally isn't flirting anymore so she doesn't get in trouble again, and xander completely seeing through her lie and doing a dad-thing of trying to make her come clean herself instead of directly calling her out !!

#THANK U FOR ASKING!! #ive actually been considering making it an actual edit rather than a fic--or potentially doing both? #confession for my queer studies class i had to 'queer a piece of media' and i chose fire emblem and made an s-support for caeldori/soleil #(the assignment was more than just that but for simplicity's sake i'll leave it there) #where im going with this is that i HAVE done some edits before so i might do one for xander&soleil? it just seems like a lot of fun #i know there's a fe14 support maker mod as well. so that might also be someth i try and do in the future.... #the reason i might do this is bc i did write my outline with the intention of it being a script? which CAN translate to a fic but... #we'll see. we'll see!!! i'll probably post at least the script version here sometime #maybe soon bc i JUST GRADUATED WOOO so i have more time on my hands #(....allegedly but im still busy bc im moving rn LOL) #it was fun to pull up that doc again and read thru it.... my darling father-daughter combo i love them sm ;A; #thanks again i love to ramble about these sorts of things c: #dots's xnlw tag #soleil-is-the-bae #dots answers asks

[todayisafridaynight]

This might not be anything, but while writing about your fics, the way you have the characters' mannerisms down PERFECTLY got me thinking about mirroring...

There's a lot of it in 7 (Horii is a directorial genius etc etc), most of it more intentional than these probably are, but there's something so interesting about mirroring that takes the tone of a (relatively) fond memory, a familiar gesture, and inverts it in the way shown here.

OH I'M GLAD YOU'VE NOTICED THESE TOO I think I mentioned it months back (or I drafted a post 'bout it but didn't think it was anything noteworthy) but I always really did like how the Arakawa Family mimicked each other's mannerisms (also circling back to how Jo and Masato calling Ichiban 'Ichi' presumably after picking it up from Arakawa)!

Aoki actually does the same sitting gesture too! I went back to double check and skim through the rest of the game's cutscenes, and as far as I could tell unless I skipped a scene, it really is only these three that do this specific pose:

It's such a small detail but I love it immensely and it really does highlight their connections with each other and it drives me insane

#snap chats #the fact aoki holds his left fist with his right like jo..... im gonna be sick... (crying) #potential hints that aoki really does favor jo and/or spends more time with him... or i might be delirious. could be both even.. #focusing on how jo mimics arakawa though i dont think i have to say i love how it is inverted intention wise #like of course in arakawa's situations he's in a position where he's helping ichi and speaking calmly with him #while with jo Evidently each interaction is more tense and antagonistic #really is a cool way to emphasize that whole 'step parent' angle if that makes sense #OH BUT THANK YOU ON MY WRITING that's a huge compliment: i'm glad you think i have their mannerisms down ! #accuracy is a big thing to me... in case we haven't picked that up yet.... i should relax a little tbh-- #BUT i'd like to think my brain's good at visualizing things and i think i've 'studied' enough to get an acceptable result in what i show #it's like... if i can't see it in my head clearly or it doesn't look right then i wanna keep trying until it DOES look right yk #dont want a Hello Kitty Wouldnt Do Xanax moment... only on occasion.... a lil xanax wouldnt hurt as long as its not too far gone ☠️ #alright im. DELIRIOUS. #to end this off i watched the first episode of Sailor Suit and Machine Gun ! #my japanese is. HORRENDOUS BUT the art of inference and context clues and stray knowledge got me through it #i'm excited to watch the next episode even if i'm only really getting half the impact from the dialogue #BUT THE FEELING'S THERE... the emotion's there #embarrassingly i almost cried when izumi was crying in the theater over her dad while she was eating cause like Girl Me Too ☠️☠️ #ill go one day without mentioning my dad i promise... todays not that day tho ☠️ #IN ANY CASE. thank you for droppin the episodes on me !! i can't stress never tiring of having new things to watch #ill watch the next episode tonight probably. i was gonna go out to get lunch buuuut my moms home #so there goes that plan.. at least my bro got me food while /he/ went out today lmao

[mcybree]

Random limlife Scott rant, GO!

I got this ask and decided that I’d give it my best shot but got so mad on my skim through some of the moments I remembered that I gave up.

#Okay im half joking #I got angry enough for me to decide that writing a post without careful consideration would probably lead to an inaccurate little ramble #I need to like. actually sit down and watch limlife and do a full overall analysis #because the context for how scott acts each season is so important. a skim just wont do #The reason I dont have notes on him to share with the class already is because when it was coming out I was pretending that— #Scott grew as a person after 3l and I wanted to believe that so badly I started making stuff up about memory erasure and limlife being— #dubiously real so that I could look the other way when scott started being weird about jimmy again #I was like yeah they barely remember it thats why scotts being uncomfortably weird about jimmy this season #not because scott doesnt think about jimmy like a person and just wants to hear him say words that make him feel better about his— #rough relationship history #not because the idea of jimmy gaining independence from him makes him feel insecure or anything #sighs. sorry im just saying things. again its been a while since ive watched it so I need to actually. Yknow. Watch it before making posts #Its just crazy how he treats it like proving a point more than actually caring #“I mightve given you the 30 minutes last week if youd said love you” he wouldnt have. he was already leaving when he said it #he’s literally just trying to get him to feel bad about not saying it #pretty sure he kills jimmy in the same episode he lets jimmy kill him. Like. He doesnt really care like that #He just likes to pretend that he does. He is going through the motions of caring #Its like he needs to believe jimmy still needs him. in like a possessive way. Its really weird man #I will say though since I see this a lot: I dont think him singling out tango in the 30 seconds scene was intentional #because if im being honest. I dont think he sees the ranchers as anything serious #He assumes tango was just putting up with jimmy bc he had to. He doesnt think tango actually cares about jimmy #in his mind no one actually cares about jimmy. because if scott struggled to care about jimmy and Scott is known for being an amazing ally #that must mean everyone else struggles to care about jimmy. If that makes sense #rant over I think. tldr limlife scott analysis postponed until I get my life together enough to be able to sit down and watch forthree hour #bree barks so fucking loud #asks

[fighterbound]

low activity starting tomorrow...

so i got the job i interviewed for, while im happy bc benefits and more pay ( i think ya'll positive energy helped!). my free time is gunna be reduced and i am sad about that ( means less talking to friends online and whatnot). i thought i might have like two weeks before i started, but im starting tomorrow so i may not get to replies until the weekend. ):

i'll be slow as i adjust again to the 9-5 grind again. so please bear with me as a i figure this all out.

#.j ooc #i was gunna try to write today but now im anxious so i might just go watch a ghibli movie or something #i suppose it's like i wrote in my journal...im gunna have to be more intentional about how i spend my free time

[v-arbellanaris]

tbd later but i keep seeing people just try to go on and on abt how ppl are morally reprehensible or whatever for Not Liking f characters and i just wanna say there's definitely. ABSOLUTELY. some people in fandom that need to fuckign check their misogyny. there absolutely is and ive been talking abt it on various different blogs and things like that since '09.

but.... idk is that constructive? or helpful? to attach morality to the gender of the characters that you like? idk! this shit fucked me up bc i would like... deny that i liked m characters. like i used 2 feel soooo guilty for liking m characters???? for YEARS??? and i rly felt it was my moral obligation to Like f characters and it was SO forced... and the truth is that a lot of the time ppl write f characters with v little depth and v little intrigue bc they dont want to make Statements abt women overall bc every f character written is somehow supposed to Represent multiple someones and even when theyre """"problematic"""" or """villainous""" or whatever its in a way thats designed more for them to be unlikeable instead of morally complex or morally compelling. ppl who write m characters usually dont bother to think abt the Optics (esp when theyre white m characters) and so all of the lovely complexities come through and its clear from the story n narrative that its unrelated to their identity, or if it is related to their identity, its because of how they relate to it (rather than the relation between identity and action being that being x means you do y or that BECAUSE you're x you do y). in all honesty there's v few f canon characters that have that kind of complexity (part of the reason im always writing my own - ive been writing ofc x canon character fics for actual decades, long before i joined this fandom) and the v few f characters that do have tht complexity are probably side characters or characters not directly relevant to the plotline. and bc theyre so preoccupied w writing these characters as like... a stand-in for Minorities or whatever, they're so careful to strip any potential conflict or moral ambiguity from them in a way that leaves me feeling not v compelled to care - compared to, lets say, m villains who almost always still have that shred of humanity left to compel me to care so much about them bc i can see myself in them, f villains usually dont get that. there's exceptions to this - i can think of a lot of comics characters for e.g. - and i love those exceptions, but they're exceptions.

and idk i feel like we should also acknowledge that like... ignoring that these f characters are badly written or lack compelling (notice i specify COMPELLING here like its not rly enough for them to have a husband or a kid or whatever that's not compelling???) humanising moments because ppl treat f characters like they're supposed to Represent All Womens and 2. this makes them less compelling than m characters like 80% of the time and 3. that these critiques should be anchored in "FUCKING DO BETTER". what could we change abt how we write and engage with f characters? talk about that as much as the critiques or whatever that we have for f characters in the first place bc people are much more willing to give up on trying to write f characters if theyre told "this was shit" vs "this could use with some improvement - what abt this? or that?"

like idk i think there's a more productive way we could be talking abt this

#fandom critical #i guess. i'll probs make this private or smth later but idk! im not a huge fan of 'if u like x why dont you like y' #with the intent of shaming rather than trying to encourage a discussion. is it rly misogyny or are the f characters here just badly written #and saying f characters are badly written IS NOT MISOGYNY. when m characters are badly written its rarely bc they're m #but when f characters are badly written it's usually contained to f characters only. and we should interrogate that and question it! #i dont think its BAD to say this f character was badly written to me and so i dont find her that compelling comparatively. like... #that's not always going to be misogyny? and the solution i think is to talk abt HOW we write m characters compellingly and #whats stopping us from writing f characters the same way. that's a more fruitful discussion to me #than just sitting there whinging that no one likes f characters. (which isnt true). DO SOMETHING about it.

[vigilskeep]

people really get hung up on the watsonian/doylist analysis when they talk about homophobia in thedas. the read "there's no homophobia in thedas!" and take it as the full honest truth. like sure, maybe there's an in universe explanation that makes those banters not homophobic, and maybe you could put together an in-universe explanation for why making jokes about a man wearing a skirt is rude but not homophobic/transphobjc... but thedas isn't real. the dialogue is homophobic because making a comparison between bestiality, incest, and homosexuality is homophobic in real life. treating cross-dressing as freakish or shameful is homophobic/transphobic in real life.

like i'm fully behind watsonian analysis, don't get me wrong. i love to think about in universe explanations for things, and i love reading and writing meta, but at the end of the day the explanation for things like this is often the doylist "the author is influenced by real-world homophobia"

this is not like wrong but quite different to what i was saying. i am discussing what the in-world situation is and that’s what i mean when i’m talking about homophobia in thedas. it’s for sure coloured by the writers’ opinions and preconceptions, and that’s true of a lot of facets of thedas society, i think that goes without saying for any fantasy world but particularly this one, but i myself am not focusing on that. sure the writing of that banter was homophobic but i personally am talking about what it says in-world about varric and kirkwall and thedas for him to have said that. my main point is that, whatever circumstances of writing may have occurred to make it happen, homophobia clearly exists in-world

#i generally am much more focused on watsonian analysis #unless im writing something off because its pointlessly bad or im trying to figure out what the hell something was trying to say #i really dont care about authors' intent. personally! move over #my city now

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

#writing him has just been like. OOOOWOEOEOEOOE i piss tears i cant handle this shit this gay ass shit #i came up with an idea for just like a cute short one shot i wanna do soon and hnnnghh im so emo about it #very healing its like very hard to write some of the shit im gonna be writing cuz basically #some of it is just a little too real man and while i crave the angst and the drama i am just like #AND THEN EVERYONE HOLDS HANDS AND ITS OKAY PLEASE DONT CRY PLEASE #and ive mentioned how shinji has accidentally become nb to me now because i just kinda happened to write him that way without meaning to #and now another thing im noticing is that in my fic hes kinda bpd coded #it definitely wasnt intentional but now im accepting it as truth no one can stop me #i just really need him to be happy its more important to me than anything else man i need it for me #and he needs to be gay with aki they need to kissy and i think its funny cuz even in the parts where shinji is mad at aki and pushing him #away its like. he kinda has it bad lol and its clear he feels no actual hatred towards aki but more just self deprecation because he doesnt #feel good enough and like idk i just think about their respective roles in society like #aki is an honor student star boxer hero very attractive very kind very popular got adopted by a rich family #hes going places you know meanwhile shinji is a drop out who never had a family ever hes homeless hes sketchy hes on drugs #his reputation couldnt be any worse and he just leans into it and feels he has no future and hes worthless garbage #and aki could literally have anyone he wants you know he has an army of girls pining over him but he doesnt want them #HE WANTS SHINJI AND NO ONE ELSE HE SPENDS YEARS CHASING AFTER HIM #and shinji HATES it hes trying so hard to push him away and be the crusty delinquent and make aki see how worthless he really is #but aki just doesnt stop he loves him so much makes me sick SICK #and shinji really loves him back hes like not gonna shut up ever about aki hes like either doing it in a gay ass annoyed way #or hes like ‘haha omg aki is so cute though hes always trying so hard to be tough but hes just so sweet and gentle you know i hope he #doesnt push himself too hard if he got hurt id fall apart hes so silly i hope hes eating good i desire him carnally’ #yeah sorry gamers this is just a pairing i cant be normal about they mean so much to me personally the fate of the world rests upon them

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

anyway obviously ppl should act in good faith and not purposely make racist stereotypes of poc characters but i think a world where every poc character is under constant surveillance by an audience waiting to nitpick for evidence that the author is Secretly Racist, is a world where poc characters are not allowed to be interesting or compelling.

#shut up pandora #everything is a trope #there are so many stereotypes from different countries cultures etc etc etc #while its reasonable to do research about ethnic groups and cultures you dont know about before you write characters like that #just like its reasonable to do research about most things you dont know before you write about them #creators shouldnt have to be responsible for understanding every intricacy and nuance in the complete history of a group #if youre going to bully ppl for being well intentioned by maybe ignorant when they try to write rep for a group #congrats! you just scared away creators who would have written more rep! #and besides #the stereotype isnt the problem #the problem is reducing the character to a stereotype #the solution is to give them a personality #and also #yo what if ppl in that group fit the stereotype and want to see themselves represented #im chinese and im good at math and im bad at using forks and knives and my parents speak with very heavy accents #if i were a fictional character would yall bully the author for leaning into asian stereotypes

[dennistakesamentalhealthday]

this is like my one overarching thing with recent sunny seasons even if i enjoy specific episodes etc it just doesnt hit the same as the older seasons when it was just a bunch of poor creatives getting high and having a dream....like its too corporate its too network show its too hollywood and ai + chat gtp would only worsen that

edit please look at this video for extra context where he does say that AI is a threat to writers keeping this post up though just to use dennis reynolds and older iasip as an example of why AI cant reflect human creation

[manwithoutaspleen]

more transition rambling

as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.

every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile

it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.

and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.

transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it

#separate ramble for the tags: #i deactivated my twitter for a day and realized i could just. not bring it back #and so i didnt! and while i will pop in occasionally so i dont lose it permanently and to check in w people and there and such #it is kinda nice. its also very weird #i also deleted the tumblr app #so i cant just like share every random thought i have with the internet #and i WANT to so badly i am so used to it lmao #but i think practicing being more intentional about what i share online and like breaking that habit of tweeting everything is good for me #even if its not permanent #but hell it might be! #i havent done a great job on breaking the scrolling habit bc i still have instagram for my sibling gc lmao #but reels are. way less engaging than twitter so. #reflecting on it though has made me realize like my memory is so bad and one reason i tweet so much is literally as a Record #but its like alright well maybe a Journal would be Better #and accepting that its ok to forget random thoughts i do not need to preserve every little idea i have #reflecting on internet habits on the internet is very online i admit #but i dont mind being online im just trying to find a way to do so that doesnt break my brain so bad #which is why this is on my mind rn bc like i do genuinely enjoy doing a little blog every so often lmao #might branch out and start actually blogging/writing about my interests too

[silhouettecrow]

365 Days of Writing Prompts: Day 161

Adjective: Idyllic

Noun: Daydream

Definitions for those who need/want them:

Idyllic: (especially of a time or place) like an idyll, or extremely happy, peaceful, or picturesque

Daydream: a series of pleasant thoughts that distract one's attention from the present

#i put this together a bit earlier than usual cos i dont know when ill be free tonight #i am performing at a drag show tonight and i dont know how long it will last or if we are doing anything afterward #im very excited and nervous #its been a whole ass year since ive done drag #so i hope i do well #anyway this prompt makes me think of the supernatural episode 'what is and what should never be' #i think it would be interesting to explore a 'daydream' that while 'idyllic' on the surface is more sinister #especially in its own intentions #or i could write about something that is genuinely peaceful #who knows? #thanks for reading #writing #writer #creative writing #writing prompt #writeblr #trying to be a writeblr at least