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namuneulbo · 7 months

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week ninety-nine

so close.

monday and tuesday were nothing special.

wednesday i went thrifting and i found a cute top that makes me feel so bella swan and a cute dress that makes me feel so 2014 tumblr. i wore the top to the quiz in the evening.

thursday omg. my friends were doing a concert at the same bar as where the music quiz was held. i went there w a and on the walk there i ask her if we should go see the jazz concert afterwards as well and she was like:

"yes, of course, u know whos playing, right?"

WELL, i did in fact NOT KNOW but it just happened to be w on the drums. bro i was so excited. we went to see my friends concert and it was great and ended in a mosh pit so it was quite the change walking into the jazz gig afterwards.

they had already started playing when we go there but it was fine. we didnt get a close-up seat but i could stare at w from afar. it was funny bc when s arrived we just exchanged this glance of like:

"oh, we both know why IM here." the performance felt quite short but yk, we also arrived a little late. after the performance there was a jam, as per usual. w sat w his parents and some others, im assuming relatives, and also d (and k for a bit???).

yadayada i sat down w a, a, l and v closer to the front and then i saw w standing w´by the table l was sitting at but talking w b, k and t. i move over there since i knew it wouldnt be too obvious since me and l r friends. i barely look at him bc hes so close yk but UGHHHH he was like resting his hands on the table and leaning. idk how to describe it but yk standing but leaning and his sleeves were rolled up. dead.

anyways both c and l were leaving and i tried begging them to stay while w was there but they ended up just being like:

"no, girl, just talk to him instead."

i end up moving back to sit w a and l. a and v had left by now too. ws standing by himself and a immediately tells l to invite him over and he invites w to sit w us and points to a seat next to me. he sits down on the other available seat though lol i dont blame him since it was closer so it was more logical.

l and w talk briefly in-between watching the jam session and then w just drops a "i just realized i havent had any dinner today" and we start talking about going out to eat. we were discussing whether we should go to the grill or mcdonalds. mcdonalds is a bit outside of town and only the drive-thrus open that late but w did offer us going w him in his car but we ended up going to the grill. i wouldnt have minded sitting in his car though hehe.

me, a and l leave to go get our coats and w left behind for a bit to go pick up his cymbals and his bag. me and a freak out a tiny bit on my behalf before he joined us again. we left and i was so... omg? the entire walk there and i message l being like "OMGOMGOMG". on the way there w meets a bunch of ppl he knows and he starts play fighting w a. it was quite cute.

when we were nearing the grill i became ever so slightly more comfy to talk after i made a joke he laughed at. we were talking about how much food he could get if he just handed them his bag of cymbals and silly me said he could get lots of shrimps and rice. it sounds so dumb to like explain in such detail things i remember him or me saying but like,,, im gonna do it in detail anyways bc i want to remember it when im seventy and i look back at these posts (if tumblrs still a thing by then).

we all order food and he orders such a dad meal but ig its quite cute when he does it. we bonded over dips bc we had the same fav and the same least fav. we both love béarnaise and hate oriental lol. then b showed up and we invited him to eat w us so we had to wait longer so his food would be ready as well. i didnt mind ofc.

we started talking ab hans zimmer which led w to a passionate rant thanks to him being a zimmer fanatic. then that led to a film bro talk that initially made fun of how film bros act ab shots and stuff just for him to start doing exactly that dgjslkfj it was funny bc he was like listing famous movie scenes being like:

"and u know the story ab this shot, right?" until he reached one that we actually didnt know and he was like "oh okay then let me film bro real quick *proceeds to explain how that scene was shot*"

im afraid i really like film bros. i think its so cute when they get all passionate about it TT

i dont think ill go TOO into detail ab each tiny thing he said bc i already have a note in my phone of everything i remember TT am i manic?

we got our food and we went to campus to eat it. he went by the basement to put away his cymbals while us others went to the cafeteria. we went to sit down and a went to sit right next to me but l whispered like:

"no! move over! leave that seat empty!" wanting w to sit down next to me naturally. hes an ally ! anyways i did like a short joke ab how hed probably sit down on the opposite side and l laughed and was like "oh yeah, he probably will" and yup, he did. it was quite funny bc i havent told b i like w but if it wasnt obvious by now idk what.

we sat eating together for like an hour and i was so happy to get a reason to stare at him attentively wo it being weird bc yk,,, just watching him from afar and stuff can be pretty weird TT but like actually getting to have eye contact w him and stuff AHHHH!!!

b left first and us others were left sitting for a bit. i thought we were all going home until a whispers to me like "l, hes coming to the bar!!!" which was a big surprise bc like ive mentioned before, hes v rarely at the bar. hes been there more recently though which is fun.

we walk to the bar together and ahhh so happy hihi but we split up quite early on as he goes to his classmates and i felt to awkward to join him. after going outside rq i caught up w s for a bit before walking back in and joining w and some others who i knew. later we were left alone near the bar and bro it was so awkward and later a steals his cap and puts it on her head and i just awkwardly drop the worst line of my life:

"looking fresh."

i actually cant, ive been thinking ab it ever since... WHY TF WOULD I SAY THAT???

okay anyways i wanna forget ab it truly.

later on i joined a and her friends and omg... she asked me if she could wear my glasses and i let her and then she moved over to me and was like:

"i feel like a sexy substitute teacher," then she caresses my shoulder and chest and lightly grabs my shirt and goes:

"hm, u havent done ur homework~ what should we do about that~?"

AND BRO MY GAY ASS... i literally melted... that was like the hottest thing someones ever said and done to me. def up there w the time i cuffed me. she did apologize quickly for touching my chest but i said it was fine (WHICH IT VERY MUCH WAS!). then she pulled me into the bathroom and we talked for quite a while. shes so nice TT

when i got back w was gone.

next day, friday. we celebrate bs 18th bday. once getting to the bar we sit outside and i was so happy actually. like the conversation was so good and i was becoming the perfect level of drunk. i was sitting w my back towards the bar and c just looks at me and points behind me and mouths a quiet "look."

i turn around AND WHO DO I SEE? w. i literally look back in shock w my hand in front of my agape mouth and v goes:

"what, what happened?"

and i go like:

"omg, i havent told u i think" and i lean in and just "i like w" and then do little drum motions w my hand to like clarify which one i mean and his immediate reactions like "AIGHT, give me a minute" and he stands up. he was joking ofc and sat back down then genuinely asks me if i want him to wingman me. i consider it and i said he could go talk to him but dont like directly say i like him and he proceeds to go and talk to him twice i think?? it was funny. i told him he could wingman me next time for sure.

i never end up talking to w that night but i did end up telling a about it when i was walking around to bar to find him. i just walk up to her like:

"i was looking for w but he seems to have left."

then i proceed to tell her that i like him and thats why i was looking for him and her replys the cutest thing ever. she just starts telling me how im so cute and how hes so sweet and would be a great boyf and that i should so talk to him and AHHH I LOVE HER. feeding my delusions sm i love her. then she genuinely goes like:

"should we go look for him?"

i just tell her hes left bc i havent seen him but i told her quickly ab our little hangout from the day before and she was so excited ab it.

then nothing else of important note has happened this weekend. i dropped the story ab o to e and s. e on friday and s asked me ab it on saturday and it was so funny hearing ab him from their perspective. we all ended up agreeing that hes nice but def a bit,,,, weird and has some questionable traits.

ive been trying to figure out how to incorporate quotes into these texts wo it looking dumb and its so hard. i know how to use quotation marks in like,, fiction context but idk the proper grammar rules on how to use it while quoting ppl mid-story.

sotw: david bowie - criminal world

#diary #tumblr diary #namuneulbo

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sixofclovers · 2 years

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Sorry in advanced if you've answered this before or have it posted somewhere I missed, but do you take commissions?

Hi! Sorry for the late reply, but no I'm not currently taking commissions. If you're ever curious if I am you can check the link on my page here! (though wont work if you're on mobile)

#asks #soc extras #anon #it occurs to me now this may come across as a sarcastic response #but i mean it genuinely in case anyone doesnt kno where I put my commission availabilities #also i open up patreon commissions slots first! which works for me but #is also why i havent had any availabilities here in a while too

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coldvampire · 2 years

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parliament of knives hasnt officially updated yet as far as im aware but it looks like some new things have been added into the code in preparation

i saw something in the code a while back about being a malkavian but this is the first time ive seen it on the startup page so thats something neat. & lucca was teased a while back as being one of the potential romance paths, so no real surprise there. her section has no variables in it for now, and i havent combed the rest of the text to see if its been added in the actual game, but at least we know its definitely on the way. no bouchard romance variables to be found, but i know there was some point where jeffrey dean either implied or outright said that was something he wanted to explore. it might just not be in the code yet, or it could just be shelved for now. i 100% believe he was serious about wanting to add that in though and i can already see the skeleton of how it would develop even just playing though bouchard’s alliance or speaking positively to him.

now this could have fully been there before and i just missed it, but ive peeled back ch 10 more than a few times now trying to see how i can trigger the best ending, and i dont remember this section being there at all. its definitely interesting though and im glad that kashif gets some more screentime. the last time he featured prominently in one of my playthroughs i somehow got him executed so uh. this is Much Better. but it seems overall he has more variables/appearances in general based on what looks to be a fairly updated/reorganized startup page. i wouldnt be super surprised to see him get a romance path later on either ngl.

i definitely Do Not remember reading this before? it seems like its probably one of the better endings to get especially if you like corliss. its the final choice of the ending options on the page (so far) & its also an ‘*else’ choice, so im not really sure what conditions need to be satisfied for it beyond not meeting the conditions for any other ending? idk. corliss has always wound up dead in my games & thats a very easy thing to do for the most part so im not really sure how to get here without pissing everyone off royally lmao, but it could be interesting to aim for & see what happens. willing to bet it might be one of the ends thats dependent on adeline being destroyed, unless thats just a scenario you avoid entirely if you encounter annabelle. which might be required here? since she’s present and ends up throwing herself out the goddamn window lmao. i think? seeing as corliss is being told to take her job? tbh i had no idea there would be any possibility of working with arundel and corliss at the same time.

the ‘ending’ label here refers to the ‘we hope you enjoyed playing’ screen to my understanding, so thats genuinely just the end of that route here. i think. to get this result you probably have to investigate the tremere? thats really the only way i can see this being a natural result, although i didnt get the impression that was the route to take if you wanted to find arundel? i’m pretty sure adeline being involved is unavoidable, but i wonder if this is an ending you can only trigger if your version of chapter 7 is the second version with jordan. (its entirely possible im very confused gfhgjh)

this isnt new i just think its kind of funny that qui is the Only One so far with a break up option lmao. and the scene itself is so sad too like gfhgjh why must we be given the opportunity to witness his suffering he sounds so dejected.

and i also dont think this is new i just never caught it before now since iirc qui diablerizing the lasombra was always a possibility. but he really does have some very unfortunate options available doesnt he ghghkj

half of this is just me guessing lmao this game has a Very Impressive number of routes and options and its difficult to reverse engineer some of these endings without actually playing through all of the options presented. unfortunately im Extremely Attached to my toreador and her choices/relationships at the moment so the odds of me doing that are admittedly not great, but seeing the raw code & potential options is something ive enjoyed doing since night road (& its also a much faster way of fact checking for fic lmaooo)

#vampire the masquerade #parliament of knives #vtm parliament of knives #spoilers fdgfhgh obviously lmao but also my speculation #have they announced the update release date for this yet?? i dont think they have #or i missed it if they did #there seems to be more variables/flags in general tho #we're probably a couple months out from an update still but then again if im already seeing snippets in the code of the game's #public release it might be sooner than i think #once again entirely possible that i just did not encounter some of these options fdgfhg #but i definitely dont remember those ending bits and i KNOW ive spent a ton of time on that page trying to work out #what i need to pass certain stat checks #(i still dont actually know because its based on percentages not like. a character sheet fgfhg)

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byuncock · 3 years

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Do you still love me? // Baekhyun

pairing: baekhyun x oc/reader

genre: angst, slight fluff?

word count: 1.6k

a/n: unedited! inspo came from a oneshot that is no longer available to read.

The cafe was filled with such a happy atmosphere. You were feeling everything, but.

You looked over to your boyfriend as his attention was solely on the one person sitting across from him. Which so happens to be his ex.

The both of you were out for your anniversary celebration, but it seems like you were the only one excited noting the outfits as you looked down at yours then looking over to Baekhyun's laidback hoodie and sweats. Good thing anything he wears makes him look stylish.

For some reason his ex keeps glaring at you from time to time. You havent even talked to her beside a simple introduction of hello's and my name is.

Your mood for the day has been ruined and dampened even more at the fact that he was paying attention to his ex more than you. You heave out a sigh while staring ahead just wanting them to finish talking so the both of you could just end the day even though it's only the after noon.

Hearing the sigh Baekhyun turns towards you while his friend is still talking. He stares a bit feeling bad that you had to deal with this on a special day.

He turns to her, "Well, it was nice seeing you again. If you don't mind leaving us since we are celebrating our anniversary after all" Baekhyun shoos her politely.

She let's out a flabbergasted "Oh!" and nods at the both of you then leaving. Baekhyun turns his head towards yours and gives a peck at your temple.

Feeling annoyed you stood up to leave not before telling him, "Let's go home, Baekhyun"

You were washing the dishes. Deep in thought about when things went wrong with your relationship with baekhyun.

He's been distant since around a month ago you ponder. Then the affection started decreasing weekly along with dates and communication you investigate.

As you were deep in thought Baekhyun was standing at the entrance of the kitchen the whole time with his arms crossed while staring at you. Also, deep in thought of what words to start off.

"Hey, we need to talk" he starts off as he uncrosses his arms and walks closer to you leaving a good distance.

Coming back to reality you looked over to him then down at the sink since you were still washing the dishes, "What did you wanna talk about?" letting out nonchalantly.

He opens his mouth, but the words are stuck. He closes and swallows, trying again, "I don't think I want to continue this relationship anymore" he lets out softly. As if he was hesitant even saying it, scared even.

You knew this was coming. Were you surprised? No. Just disappointed. You ceased washing the plates and turn to look fully at him, "Why?" genuinely curious even though you were breaking inside.

He stayed silent while looking around. Trying to find the words you assumed. "Do you still love me anymore?" you questioned in a whisper.

He stares at you straight in the eye, "I don't think I love you anymore" he finally lets out. Breaking you completely.

It was suddenly getting harder to breathe. You feel the tears creeping up. But you swallowed a large lump and nodded. Going back to finish washing the dishes, "Alright then, I guess this is it?" you questioned.

Not letting him say anything else when you added, "I'll pack my stuff when I'm done with this" you turn your head at him with a forced small smile.

Then he left.

It's been about a few weeks. Or a month. You don't really know since you lost count of the days. Not having the energy to even care about anything else besides your broken heart.

You were staying at your friend's place, who is kind enough to let you move in, but because of reasons you didn't want to do that to her. Letting her know you'll only be staying there for a short time until you find your own place.

The sun has set and the moon is shining brightly. Though the weather has been nice lately your mood hasn't got any better. So you try to cheer yourself up by having walks daily either in the morning or night.

This time around you were feeling extra sad and heartbroken which led to all memories with Baekhyun and self doubt. Must be your incoming monthly cycle.

You were walking out at night aimlessly. Which should be dangerous, but you didnt care at the moment. Not until someone grabbed your shoulders from behind and turned you around, startling you.

You were so shock you didn't really get to process who the person was before they pulled you into their embrace. The scent giving it away.

The tears you've been trying to keep at bay for the past week had finally been let go.

Baekhyun hears you sobbing and hugs you tighter while whispering apologies and I love yous in your ear.

You were so upset and hurt that he broke it off just like that. All the anger and sadness coming out through your sobs and actions. You pushed him away while looking at him.

"W- What ar-are you doin- doing?" you asked while hiccuping. Now that you were finally able to take a look at him you cried even harder.

He was flabbergasted, didn't know what to do, but pull you in his embrace once again while apologizing, "I.... I'm sorry my love.... I'm so sorry"

He tightened his hug while whispering apologies and sweet nothings.

While you just stood there. Limp. Bawling your eyes out at the same man who broke your heart.

So many thoughts were bombarding your already tired head. Why is he here? Why is he hugging me? How did he recognize me? What the fuck?

Baekhyun let you cry in his arms while he soothes your back. Waiting for you to calm down before he speaks again. When you do he lets out softly, "I would like to speak with you. If that's okay?" pulling away at arms length so he can look at you. Trying to decipher the emotion on your face other than sadness.

You were so confused, "What do you even want to talk about?" giving a deep frown as you try to back away from him and have a decent amount of space in between.

Baekhyun didn't like that. Even though you created distance he still managed to graze his hands down to yours to intertwine them.

"I wanted to apologize" he started quickly. "I know I broke your heart and told you I no longer loved you, but baby was I so damn wrong," he tightened his hold on you.

Millions of emotions ran through you. Still confused obviously. But now. Upset. How can he just do that? One second decides he no longer loves you and breaks it off then come back because he was wrong. Who does that?

He was eagerly waiting for any type of reply, but all he received was a troubled look and thoughts running through your head.

"These past weeks we've been apart felt like hell. I realized I made a mistake shortly after I broke it off with you, but I didn't want to get back to you so soon because I wanted to be sure that I still love you. Which I do, which is why I was trying to plan something until I ran into you" he pauses. Letting you soak in what he said before continuing.

He saw your eyes move from the ground up to his eyes. He took that as a queue to talk again and hopefully convince you how sincere he is.

"Something in my gut told me to do it now or else I wouldn't have got a chance later. So I took it." he pauses again and slowly gravitate you towards him into an embrace so the both of you could look directly at each other.

"Now I am hoping you can forgive me and give me another chance because I love you so damn much. I'm a fucking moron to ever thought I didn't love you anymore. Please, baby. Give me another chance and let me be with you again." he softly lets out with his lips just a centimeter away from yours.

His eyes occasionally drift between your eyes and your lips. Somehow his arms were wrapped around you.

You were still soaking it in. Everything was too much at the moment and in the state you were currently in didn't help.

The whole time he talked you didn't even reply back with anything besides all the emotional looks he caught.

You were deep in thought. So deep in thought you forgot what was happening until you feel his arms tighten around you.

You can tell the situation was making him anxious and your lack of response made it 10x worse.

"I don't" you croaked. Clearing your throat you tried again " I don't know" you finally let out.

He ended up placing his forehead against yours and stared deeply into your eyes. "Please" he begged with a crack in his voice. He closed his eyes and his expression seemed like he was holding back his tears.

You didn't feel bad.

You pulled away from him. Making sure you were six feet apart and he stood there with his eyes closed. You can see a tear run down his pretty features.

"My number's still the same" you whispered. You stood there for another few seconds then turn to leave.

If he wanted you back then he better work his ass off.

You were not going to experience that heart break again. You wanted to be sure that he means it so if the both of you do get back together there wouldn't be doubts. There wouldn't be second thoughts of what if Baekhyun falls out of love with you again. Because you have no idea if you can handle that the second time.

As you are walking back to your friend's place. Your phone vibrates.

a/n: lmk your thoughts!

#baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun scenario #baekhyun scenarios #baekhyun angst #baekhyun drabble #exo #exo angst #exo scenario #exo scenarios #admin b #my writings

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ledamemangociana · 3 years

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RANKING HAISUTE (or the ones i’ve seen so far)

not that anyone has asked me, but i’ve literally been so hyperfixated on these shows for MONTHS and although i’ve gotten my bestie into them now, it’s not like i can bombard them with all these deep-ish dives into these things and how much and why i love them, so i thought HEY why not just put it out into the ether coz DAMN i really wanna talk about them.

under the cut for length (HELLA LENGTH) and spoilers.

let me preface this first by saying i havent seen ALL the shows yet. i havent ever watched the first run of Itadaki No Keshiki, and i havent seen any of the new Karasuno cast shows yet, as by the time i had gotten hooked on these shows, the time to watch Strongest Challengers and Battle At The Garbage Dump on DMM.com had passed, and with my limited budget (i havent been able to work properly since literally mid-July last year), it’ll be a while before i can afford their twin pack DVD when it comes out next month. ALTHOUGH i am hoping to be able to download Fly High on DMM.com before the availability runs out in the middle of March, if i’ll actually have enough money for that.

additionally, i rank these from my least favorite to most favorite, but that does not mean that i hate or dislike any of them. in fact, i have little to zero negative things to say about any of these shows. i just happen to love some more than the others, and i think you’ll be able to tell by how long i go on about each show. i’ll TRY to keep things concise but im telling you now, i’ve already tried this once until an accidental button press erased everything i had written, and this will not be short. at all.

i’ll start first with the things i love about Haisute in general:

quite obviously, the projections. before i finally saw Haisute this year, i had only ever seen BNHA, KNY and Kuroshitsuji musicals, and while they have awesome set pieces, i had never seen video projections utilized the way Haisute does, and i think it’s so wonderful and creative, and so technically sound on everyone’s part. like, it has to be so precise with cast performance and blocking and sound and lights...like. dudes. shout-out to the tech staff of Haisute, y’all are amazing.

the acting performances in general. i dont think there’s a bad actor at all in any of these. some stiff-ish performances (Noah Ishikura as Lev, but mostly in SoE, which was his first time acting ever, so understandable), maybe, but even those actors do great when they’re having a pivotal moment, scene or dialogue. it’s hard to pick faves but somehow i do have them, lol - Kenta Suga as Hinata (obviously), Kentaro as Daichi, Hiroki Ino as Suga, Kousuke Asuma as Oikawa, literally ALL THREE BOKUTOS, literally BOTH AKAASHIS, Ami Saito as Yachi, Tatsunari Kimura as Kageyama, and my top two faves, Shori Kondo and Takato Nagata as KuroKen. for obvious reasons (see: my numerous gifsets that i still have so much to add to alkdjf).

the music is WONDERFUL. the varieties across shows, teams and characters while still maintaining the main themes are just so good. it’s easier for them to be highlighted to since there isnt any singing, and so many moments are told through the music rather than the music accompanying the moment imo.

the choreography is gold af. im sad we lose HIDALI after Tokyo Battle, but im sure the rest of the shows still keep that amazing spark. but i juST. HIDALI’s choreography is iconic. i’ll talk abt it a bit more in some of the entries in the list.

OKAY, now on to the rankings.

7. View from the Top (2nd Run) so again, I DONT HATE ANY OF THESE SHOWS. the reason this is at the bottom of my list is mostly because of what it doesnt have through no fault of its own, rather than anything that it does. i personally love watching character growth and evolution, so for the most part, the first story in anything that has multiple follow-ups tend to be my least favorite part, and i come to enjoy them more as a “look how far we’ve come” thing. that being said, i do think this was such an awesome show to kick-off what has become an iconic 2.5D franchise. so much of it feels like the transition from potential to kinetic energy. a little show that could, and then did. i do think i enjoy this more with a nostalgic sort of fondness than i do with a “look how cool this thing is!” feeling, but again, that’s coz i enjoy watching things changing rather than at the start. what definitely stands out to me here is that i came to it this as only my fourth 2.5D franchise, and the ones i’d watched before this were so different in staging and execution, and that really had me hooked. also, this franchise honestly is one of the best casting in any show i’ve ever seen in my life, like wtf, i havent seen a badly cast actor at all, even for the side characters i dont really pay that much attention to otherwise. you cant help but be sucked into the bright light that is Kenta Suga, and Kousuke Asuma has to be the most Oikawa Oikawa to ever Oikawa anything Oikawa. Tatsunari, Ryotaro and Justin absolutely jumped right out of the manga and anime and onto the stage as Kags, Tsukki and Asahi. and GAWD do i love me some Kentaro and Hiroki as DaiSuga. i went in a big fan and simp of Hiroki Ino and Sugawara, so for the first couple of watches, i was heavily focused on Ino!Suga, but by the third rewatch, Ken-chan came around a corner and smacked me in the face with a 2x4 wrapped in barbed wire. when that man smiles, i just get murdered.

6. Start of the Giant i honestly had a hard time picking between this and InK for the bottom spot, not because i hate this (AGAIN, I DONT HATE ANY OF THESE SHOWS), but because of how this show feels to me. ultimately, i picked this one to win over InK because of how much character progression is shown between these two shows. stating the obvious, KAZUMA KAWAHARA. HOO BOY. and big, BIG shout-outs to Kouhei Shiota for portraying Tanaka’s emotional roller-coaster so excellently to stride alongside Ennoshita’s big journey and Kazuma’s powerhouse performance. i also wanna spotlight how much more comfortable Tatsuya Kageyama was in his second go-around as Kags, and how well Keita Tanaka and Naoki Tanaka came in as new(old)!Daichi and new!Suga. it took me a while to get to this show because i was so sad to lose Ken-chan and Hiroki after SoE, and i thought i just would not be able to love DaiSuga the same way. turns out that that’s a good thing, because they do play similar but different DaiSugas to Kentaro and Hiroki. it possibly also helped to know that KT wasn’t entirely new, and to have known of Naoki from BNHA (with Hiroki!), although i hadnt known it was him until i started the show up at last, lol. Kentaro got to play a captain who was warm and very much one of the boys, someone who was growing into the role of a captain of a team that had a very real chance of going farther than it had in a while, while KT got to play a Daichi who, fittingly, was more established as a pillar of the group (and im sure the storytelling of this show helped with that), more of that Dadchi that we know and love. Hiroki got to play a gentle but mischeivous Suga who was all about watching over and taking care of the team, watching and waiting for his turn while understanding that Kags was their best chance, while Naoki got to play a more active, more athletic Suga who was becoming more active the closer the team got to Nationals. their performances stood out not just coz they were new, but because of the theme of this story in particular, about captains and leading, so i thought it was quite a nice way to welcome them into the fold. i also of course enjoyed Johzenji and Wakunan, maybe Johzenji more than Wakunan. i saw someone say they’re a bit like Fukurodani and Nekoma lite, and i can totally see and agree with that. this show also feels a bit like Revival lite, in that it’s got a fun first half and then a more action-packed second match with an emotional gutpunch at the end. but ultimately, this is lower on my list because, through no major fault of its own, it felt like a filler show, considering what was coming after this. it felt a bit like “lets’ get on with this story so we can get on to the last hurrah that everyone is looking forward to.” of all the side teams to have been portrayed in the Engeki story, i feel like i remember johzenji and wakunan less. again, that’s not really anyone’s fault, it’s just where this show was positioned in the timeline and what it was ultimately representing. as a parting thought tho, i just wanna shout-out the new lighting scheme they did for this show, especially coming from SoE where there was a lot of darkness or back-lighting. this show is brighter lit in general than most of the shows that came before it, and idky exactly but i do appreciate that a lot.

5. Winners And Losers objectively, this is probably one of the top 3 shows in all of Haisute’s history. but it’s lower on my list because it is the most taxing to watch and rewatch, not because it’s too slow or anything like that, but because it really just is such a tiring story, and i think that’s deliberate on the part of the writers and directors. this was Karasuno’s first major loss, and it was against an opponent they thought they knew, so of course the lead-up had to be a big deal. it’s also a story that revolves quite a bit around kageyama reaching a turning point and learning a few lessons that would ultimately change him, so the story had to also execute that change happening not just in Kageyama but around him. add to that the fact that this was Tatsunari’s goodbye performance (as well as Shohei’s as Noya, but then he doesn’t really get a big emotional moment here) and it’s just heavy on the emotions all around. the comedic distraction of ShoriTaka as Tetsuko and Kenko was honestly quite welcome, lmao. quick little shout-out to Kousuke Asuma and Allen Kohatsu as IwaOi, since they got to really show off the different sides to both those characters in this, and they just are stellar in general. that bit at the end of one of their flashbacks where Iwa-chan tells Oikawa that he’s not the only one fighting, there’s six people in that team, and Oikawa breaks into laughter as Kousuke strips off the flashback jacket, and Iwa’s like “uuuhhh did i hit you too hard, or?” UGH, i love that bit, that almost creepy laugh from Kousuke and the way he comes out of it to say “suddenly im not so upset” is just SO good. im also so happy to see Hiroki get his due as Suga when he finally gets to step up to the plate - or net, as it were - and basically pinch-hit for Kags. he plays senpai!Suga so sweetly, like you really can’t help but love him coz he’s so caring. i also did not expect to be hit right in the feels with the switch back from him to Kageyama, but that bit where he says “it’s frustrating, but hinata’s expression when he’s hitting my sets is different from when it’s yours” really got me. and then when he had to leave the court, asahi and daichi send a fist bump his way, and he gives just this tiny fist bump wave that’s both tired and disappointed and sad, and it’s juST! it hurts me everytime. and before this gets long, im gonna just spotlight the last 10-15 minutes of the show, right after Karasuno loses. Kenta absolutely nails Hinata’s expression in the manga, that wide-eyed disbelief and shock. and then when Daichi tells him not to apologize because he didn’t miss, when Daichi just walks over and hugs him, good gawd. (sidebar, but i’m so glad i got to see that bit with both Ken-chan here and KT in Strongest Team.) and the way Hinata couldn’t move after thanking the audience, not even after Ukai called him back, so Daichi had to actually go get him? my heart was in PIECES. and then the fuggin dinner scene. LORD ABOVE. like, if you dont love Kenta Suga as Hinata, this is the scene that should convince you you’re wrong.

4. The Strongest Team this is right smack dab in the middle of the list because it’s probably the best staged show of all the seven that i’ve seen, but it also hurts me so much for all the obvious reasons. this is the one i’ve rewatched the least, and everytime i rewatch it, i cry as if it’s the first time im watching it. the whole show absolutely feels like a tribute to the Karasuno cast and all the growth they’ve had and contributed to Haisute over their three years with the show, and the entire thing feels so fond, if that makes any sense. everyone on the team gets a big emotional moment, and it’s so sweet to see them each paid tribute. aside from them, i gotta AGAIN shout-out kousuke as oikawa. i like aoba josai enough, i like oikawa enough as a character, but that moment when kousuke absolutely broke down in the locker room after losing to karasuno broke my heart, even more so knowing that he absolutely felt all that gratitude because he wasnt sure he’d be able to come back to the show coz of his hip injury. i think one little moment that doesnt get as talked about as it should is just after he and Iwaizumi have that short convo of always being each other’s partners even after they’ve moved on to different schools. they do their fist bump, and then Iwa walks away, but Kousuke/Oikawa is still absolutely in tears, and as Iwa walks off, he just kind of reaches out and lets out a pained “Iwa-chan!” that’s just barely audible, and that jUST. GETS ME EVERYTIME. hell, im feeling a little heartstring pull right now just thinking about it. i also wanna shout-out Shiratorizawa because Engeki made me actually care about them. like, okay - i dont hate Shiratorizawa, at all. but watching the anime, despite having an entire season be around them, i just never really latched onto them. i like Ushiwaka enough, and i just...dont like Tendou (sue me). but Engeki Haikyuu has a habit of spotlighting other teams and characters enough to make you actually think about them and care about them, and Shiratorizawa was the biggest example of that for me. their theme is awesome, it’s this big, deep, heavy thing that feels as big and broad as the players look. and i could feel their almost militaristic teamwork when the coach is on them, and it’s so good. speaking of Coach Washijo, shout-out to that flashback scene to his younger days. Kenta looked absolutely risible in the wig and giant eyebrows, but i think it was an important touch to have the person playing Hinata be the person playing younger Washijo, because their inner conflicts are basically the same, and Washijo comes to appreciate Hinata’s efforts because of it, so i thought that was a nice touch. (still dont like Tendou tho, sue me.) i gotta end this entry coz it’s getting long, so im just gonna quickly list my favorite scenes/moments:

Yamaguchi’s pinch serve, and bringing out the spear. Kairi Miura wields that spear like he’s been doing it all his life.

Tsukki’s big “GODDAMMIT I THINK I LOVE VOLLEYBALL NOW” moment. the expression on ryotaro’s face right at the end of that scene, where he’s basically saying “it’s just a club, AND YET!” uuuggggghhhh, please i love it. also, shout-out to when Hinata pointed at him and just said “...nice.” like...that always feels like only half Hinata and Tsukki, and more half-Kenta and his best friend Ryotaro, just like the “Tsukki! that one was worth a 100 points!” line that absolutely gets Ryotaro so that on the live cam he had to turn his head away before he meant to for the next bit.

that moment in the last-ish set of the match where everyone is just DESPERATE to win, so it becomes this frantic rally and volley where everyone just starts to grunt and yell louder and louder, and people are running back and forth and jumping and diving, and it’s just this cacophony of sound and blur of movement that just seems to stretch on and on, until finally Shiratorizawa just yells “SHUT UP! WE’RE STRONGER!” and knocks all of Karasuno down. WHEW. that bit is just. WHEW. i almost always forget to breathe at that point. and then the waterworks get turned on as Ukai tearfully tells them to get back up, because volleyball is a sport where you HAVE to look up. LORDDDDD.

the bit towards the end of the match, after tsukki returns from his injury, where they absolutely acted out Ushiwaka pushing Hinata and Tsukki to the floor and holding their heads down. when i first watched it, i gasped because that is straight out of the anime and manga, and then when the rest of Karasuno came in to pull Ushi off, i just turned into a giant sobbing mess.

the graduation curtain call, obviously, but in particular, the bit that will ALWAYS, WITHOUT FAIL, destroy me is when Kenta says “this show was so tiring and tough sometimes, but when i look back, all i can remember are the good times, the best times.” GODDAMMIT IM TEARING UP BADLY RN JUST THINKING ABOUT THAT BIT.

3. Summer Of Evolution this is where the lines between the rankings get a little bit blurred, because i love these top three equally for the most part, but i had to choose a number two (i absolutely know what my number one is), and when i really think about it, SoE just gets edged out by my number two, but barely. i think what i love the most about this show is that this, more than any of the other shows, really portrays these characters as high school kids. and that’s not just because part of the story is set in the school and it’s actually showing the school sometimes, but coz they’re going through and portraying teenage experiences and emotions. most of the other shows portray the team in matches, so we’re seeing them more as volleyball players than teenagers or students, but we get to finally see that here, and it’s really refreshing. other than that, im gonna try to just list some of my highlights and favorites again coz i dont wanna keep going too long:

im so glad to finally have girls on the show, and not just in a “YAY FEMINISM! GIRL POWER! WHOO!” kind of way. kiyoko has always felt like an inextricable part of the team for me, so it was bittersweet to have such a great Karasuno cast but without a Kiyoko, so i was REALLY happy to finally get her here! and for a first time actor ever, Shizune was so awesome! she absolutely has that gentle strength that Kiyoko has, and the way she’s been written in absolutely does feel like she’s always been there. i do wish she got more to do with the third year boys, but all in all, it’s SO good to have an actual Kiyoko who absolutely looks like she came out of the manga.

im also just so DAMN happy about Yachi and her portrayal here. i think ami saito is so dang perfect, and yachi is such a fun addition that fits right in with the chaotic fun of Karasuno. one thing that i REALLY love, though, is how she gets to just act. before Haisute, my only experience of female characters and actors on a 2.5D stage is with Uraraka (and two or three other female students) in BNHA and Elizabeth in Kuroshitsuji, and those characters are your typical cutesy girls, and their movements and body language are so typically girly, you know what i mean, those softer arms and smaller movements, looser fingers, these little “Kyaa~” things, those things. but Kiyoko, Yachi and Saeko arent like that, so that’s not how they’re portrayed here. Ami as Yachi is just as loud and expressive and active as the Karasuno boys, bar actually playing in a match. also, her chemistry with Kenta is SO GOOD. i dont really ship YachiHina, i think they’re cute friends, but BOY DID THESE TWO MAKE ME RETHINK THAT. ami’s Yachi with Kenta’s Hinata made me think “YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO SEE THESE TWO GO ON A CHAPERONED DATE.” they’re adorable. a particular fave of mine is when hinata climbs a tree to help a baby bird back into its nest and he asks Yachi if she wants to climb up too, and also after Yachi finishes making the Hinata poster, she jumps onto the back of Hinata’s bike and they ride off-stage together. PLEASE IT’S SO CUTE.

also: SAEKO NEE-SAN PLEASE STEP ON ME.

OH HI FUKURODANI. they are such good chaos boys, i love them. i dont have much to say about them here just yet, but WOW im so glad to have them onstage at last.

NEKOMA IS BACK THANK GAWD I LOVE NEKOMA. of all the teams portrayed, i think nekoma is the one that feels the most connected together (AHA!). like, even when they have a new character and/or cast member, the new ones never really stand out as new, they feel like they’ve always been there. this play really showcases the teams at their most casual so we dont get to see as much of their excellent teamwork and connection as we do in past and future shows, but you really get a sense of their family dynamic and just GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, and honestly dont get me started on ShoriTaka, i will literally never stop

shout-out to Tatsuya Kageyama, he had big shoes to fill not just in terms of character but also as an actor, since this is his first show ever. much like with KT and Naoki as DaiSuga, it does feel like he plays a similar enough Kageyama without just mimicing Tacchu. this is also the right Kags arc to introduce a new Kageyama actor with as well, since there’s a big change after that loss to Aoba Josai and Oikawa, so i think the writing of the show also absolutely helped Kage-chan ease into his role, and helped the audience ease into this new Kageyama. overall, i think he did an awesome job, and we’re really fortunate to have had two awesome Kageyamas before gen 1/1.5 changed to gen 2.

i also just noticed/realized that the backstage video for SoE starts with the introduction of Kage-chan and Fucchi as new cast members, and ends with the farewell to Ken-chan and Hiroki as graduating members, and i know that’s just natural coz the first time the Karasuno cast met the two new members was at the photoshoot for visuals, but also what a nice little circle of life there.

COMING INTO THE HOMESTRETCH NOW, if you’ve made it this far, thank you SO MUCH, im sorry, i really just have a tendency to ramble, and like i said, i dont really have anyone or an opportunity to talk this deep about these shows to, so thanks so much for your time.

2. Karasuno, Revival! WHEW okay, so idk if this is Unpopular Opinion or controversial coz objectively it is the best show so far, and i’ve put it only at number 2. BUT LISTEN: before i saw Tokyo Battle, this was absolutely my number 1 favorite. the Dateko match is so good and so fun to watch, and honestly, that rap battle gives me so much life im almost immortal now. i LOVE that they also got to show ikejiri (THANK YOU KENTA SUGA) and ken-chan as daichi got his moments because of it, and it gave us “katou tou shinakya, katenai!” as an iconic quote and theme for the show, we got a fantastic moment for Asahi that was paid off from the previous show, also honestly “otchita kyougo, tobenai garasu” is just gonna be stuck in your head forever for a while. we also got Kousuke and Allen’s excellent IwaOi back, bringing with them their “Iwa-chan, are you my mom” dynamic (and gawd the cackle i let out when Iwa yeets a volleyball at Oikawa, or that turn and yell that makes Oikawa yelp as he exits off stage lkasdjf), which is always a plus. but! BUT!! best thING FOR ME???? NEKOMA, BABY!! like im sorry, im biased, but i fuggin LOVE nekoma, kuroo is my favorite character in the entire series, and Haisute really gave them a fantastic story and dynamic, because again, there’s so much you can do on stage that you sometimes cant do in anime or manga, so they were really able to highlight Nekoma’s famous teamwork, especially when centered around Kenma. more on that later, but like. it was just such a JOY to watch Karasuno, still kind of scattered puzzle pieces at this point trying to figure out how to best go together to create one big picture, go up against the smooth teamwork of Nekoma, and learn and grow from it. also they honestly have the best team theme music and team dance, fite me. also thank you Haisute for making KuroDai so painfully real lakdsfj

1. Tokyo Battle okay okaY OKAY OKAY OKAY. i think there are some people who actually like this the least coz it’s just too different from the rest of the shows that came before it - no Karasuno, less projections, different music style, aesthetically different stage, etc. B U T. aside from me just being biased because Nekoma are my favorite team, i actually think many of those differences are what makes this show my favorite one. first of all, the music is LIT AF. the themes for each team are so distinct, they really help play up the animal motifs that are played up the most in this show than in any of the others. secondly, THAT CHOREOGRAPHY THO. good gawd. HIDALI said “it’s our last Haisute, let’s go out with a bang” and they really fuggin did. Fukurodani absolutely is TOKYO PARTY TIME, they got to really play up their party birds schtick and i love it. Nohebi i cannot HELP but love because i love snakes, but also, with Nohebi’s cast, you can tell the choreographers were so happy to finally have an actual technical dancer. they had yuu fukuzawa doing the most and then some in playing up the snake theme, and it’s literally so hypnotic to watch his pops, locks and isolations. he’s also just such an AWESOME daisho, and it helps that nohebi are written to be cunning and sneaky. i also love that he and Kuroo seem to actually have a lot of untold history, and i kind of wish we could get a bit more elaboration on that, coz Yuu’s and Shori’s chemistry as frenemy team captains is SO GOOD. and then of course. NEKOMA, BABY!! so okay. kenma absolutely should be the lead of this show, and he is, BUT he’s also, to a certain extent, inextricable from Kuroo and the rest of the team, so that you dont always get that feeling of Kenma being in the spotlight the same way Hinata is (for understandable reasons since Nekoma arent even really the main characters of the story as a whole), and i think that’s important because, again, Nekoma is all about that teamwork and connection. like, Kenma is the lead because he thinks for Nekoma, and Nekoma acts accordingly, instead of how it is usually where the story is showing Hinata’s perspective alone. it also feels like that in terms of the actors. like, technically Takato is zachou, and he is, but also several times in the curtain call speeches, the cast members refer to or mention both Takato and Shori together. even Takato says that when he had spoken to Kenta about how nervous he was about taking up the zachou mantle from him, Kenta had said “if it’s you and shori, you’ll be fine.” they are a unit, and it really comes across in their portrayals of Kuroo and Kenma as well, and even if you love nothing else about this show, you literally cannot help but love that about them. i think the show does a great job revolving the Nekoma team dynamic around that too without making it the ONLY thing that keeps Nekoma together. the star of the show is absolutely the theme of “connection” (more than the other theme of promises), and if you’ve seen the show and you dont cry at the “Tsunage” section as Nekoma wins the match against Nohebi, then are you really watching the show lmao.

OKAY OKAY I’VE REALLY RAMBLED ON, and if you made it all the way here, THANK YOU AND IM SORRY. but also, there’s still a lot of things i wanna talk about that i didnt talk about here coz im mostly a scatterbrain and live half my life radiating BDE - Bokuto Dumbass Energy. so if you’re also ridiculously obsessed with these shows and wanna talk about it, my inbox is open. someone come hyperfixate with me while i make SO MANY MORE GIFSETS OHMYGOD ALL THE GIFSETS geezas crust when i get to Tokyo Battle i will be insufferable.

#engeki haikyuu #haikyuu #haisute #hyper projection engeki haikyuu #haikyuu stage play #long post #REALLY LONG POST IM SO SORRY #Mango Goes To Jail #NO REALLY IT'S LONG

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twicepinkmeup-imagines · 4 years

Text

Hirai Momo ; it’s you & me against the world... right?

writer’s note : alright ngl this request honestly intrigued me because i was wondering what would actually happened if a surprise went wrong and how heartbreaking would that beeeee!!! ok so sorry if its angsty as hell in the beginning but i promise there’s light at the end of the tunnel hehe

warning : angsty as hell but reward towards the end 🤩

tips : my gay babies, u know i LOVE reading with a music background so TRY IT!!!!! For the angsty part, I was listening to Only (Live from the Royal Albert Hall) by RY X & i’m not gonna lie, it stung a little 😢 but as the angst began to go and the happy part came in, i listened to Canada by Lauv 🥴

words : 4,063 words

xoxo

6 months.

That was how long since Y/N last saw her girlfriend, Momo. 6 months and when she saw the opportunity arise, she grabbed it immediately.

Being close friends with the rest of Twice had its perks. That said, Y/N got a message from Sana saying that she’s got an extra ticket because her mother couldn’t make it and the concert was in Kyoto— right in her girlfriend’s hometown and she couldn’t let that opportunity slip.

Packing and getting ready for the surprise wasn’t that hard, much to Y/N’s surprise. She managed to get the help of all the girls and she urged them to keep her girlfriend distracted until the day she arrived, which was a day before their Kyoto concert.

She managed to bring along Momo’s extra clothes that the other girls had mentioned she forgot to bring and also her favorite teddy bear to sleep at night; ‘Bearing’ from Singapore.

To say she was tired was an understatement but the cheapest flight to Kyoto was only available at dawn and she sacrificed her sleep for the sake of seeing her girlfriend.

Arrival in Kyoto was a breeze as Jihyo managed to get one of the managers to pick her up at the airport but of course, Y/N had insisted to pay for the hotel room herself because they’ve already done so much for her.

What she was scared of, was the surprise.

For some odd reason, Sana had informed her that Momo hadn’t been in a good mood lately as netizens started to spread a rumor regarding Momo dating a non-idol; which is Y/N, obviously.

Y/N understood where Momo came from, as the latter had told her stories about the days she had to go through after her previous relationships had gone public and she felt as if she had brought the group’s image down.

Momo had also admitted that after people found out about any of her prior relationships, she felt a sense of anxiety and sad, because all she ever wanted was to be a human being, who happens to fall in love once in a while.

However, Y/N was optimistic and careful, making sure that every move she made was far from any paparazzis or overly obsessed fans. She made sure to use casual attire too, nothing that was standing out too much.

Not long after arriving at the hotel, she settled down quickly and changed into a different set of clothes before Y/N insisted on taking the cab to avoid any suspicious fans following the van or paparazzis alike. Arriving at the venue was simple but getting through the restricted entrance was another thing.

Y/N was given a pass, an employee pass from the managers, and she knew getting in wasn’t that difficult but then again, she was trying to avoid any pictures being taken so nothing could be blown out of proportions if the worst were to happen.

Thankfully, the cab had dropped her off pretty far from the public eye and she managed to get through easier than expected.

Upon arrival, she was greeted with the group’s managers and also a few of the members such as Sana, Dahyun and Jihyo.

“Oh! Thank God, you’re finally here!” Sana rushed to her, her expression worried and also a bit tired.

“We were waiting for you!” Dahyun admitted.

Y/N then furrowed her brows in confusion and asked, “Why? What happened? Is Momo alright? Did she find out about the surprise??”

“No, no, she doesn’t know a thing but her mood’s been off the whole day for some odd reason,” Jihyo explained, her face laced in worry as she added, “We heard from Nayeon that she’s been harassed online again because someone found out that she currently is dating someone.”

Not knowing what to do next, Y/N questioned, “So, what should we do? Should I still surprise her or...?”

The three girls looked at each other momentarily before Jihyo sighed and gave a kind smile while saying, “Of course you should— I mean, you came all this way to see her; you deserve to see her after all the trouble.”

“But just to be sure, we’ll make sure to go somewhere else when you surprise her, just in case if she, you know, breaks down and rants to you.” Dahyun chuckled awkwardly as the two other girls nodded in agreement.

Y/N sighed audibly with pursued lips as she nodded while saying, “Okay, where to next?”

xoxo

“Momo-ya, can you wait here for a moment? We need to take our shoes from the car.” Jeongyeon said, the other girls fiddling nervously and hoping that the plans goes through.

Momo furrowed her brows in confusion as she sat on the couch with her phone in her hands before she asked, “Eh? Shouldn’t I come along?”

The girls had a temporary panic before Nayeon smoothly jumped in and explained, “Yours is already here but we took the wrong ones.”

Still confused but not really in the mood to question anymore, Momo simply nodded and looked back at her phone.

She misses her girlfriend and the 6 long months that she hadn’t seen Y/N, was really starting to take a toll on her. Nonetheless, after trying to call her multiple times with no success, Momo simply sent her girlfriend a text message.

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:31pm]

where are you? 😢

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:31pm]

i havent heard your voice the whole day and i feel like i want to cry so please call me back

To : baby jokbal 🐽 [7:32pm]

i love you, miss you and i hope you’re safe 💖

Sighing, Momo put her phone away as she leaned her head back against the head rest before she felt a pair of hands covering her eyes and a familiar voice talking to her.

“I don’t have to call you back because I’m already here, jagiya.”

This caused Momo to gasp in surprise before she stood up instantaneously, looked at her girlfriend who was grinning excitedly at her but for some reason, Momo couldn’t reciprocate the same way.

“Y/N?? What are you doing here??” Momo asked worriedly, making her way in front of her girlfriend before she dragged her away from any doors so no one could barge in on them.

Confused by the cold welcome, Y/N simply brushed it aside and chuckled, “To surprise you, of course!” She giggled warmly before adding, “I missed you and a friend had a spare ticket so I flew over-“

“Why didn’t you discuss it with me first??” Momo questioned, her tone harsh and her lips frowning before she added, “What if someone had taken a photo of you at the airport and it went viral??”

Still trying her best to stay optimistic, Y/N placed her hands on Momo’s arms while saying, “Honey, I made sure no one-“

“How sure can you be???” Momo hissed, shrugging off her girlfriend’s hands from her arms before she huffed, “Why couldn’t you just wait for me back home??”

“Momo-“

“Don’t you know what damage you could’ve done if someone caught us together because of your stupid surprise?!”

Suddenly, the room went pin-drop silent with the sounds of the air-conditioner being the loudest sound there is. The warmth that Y/N was feeling, disappeared as quickly as her smile on her lips. Instead, it was replaced with disappointment and a slight anger.

Y/N looked at her girlfriend with disbelief, her brows creased and her lips finally frowning. Did she really just hear that? After all she did, this is what she got in return? No ‘hi, how are you?’ or maybe, ‘hi, i’m happy to see you’?

“A stupid surprise?” Y/N choked out, her voice weak as she wistfully questioned, “This is a stupid surprise for you? I didn’t sleep and eat just so I could catch the flight to get here and all I get is ‘this is a stupid surprise’? Wow - just wow. So much for a welcome, babe.”

Momo finally processed the words that she had said but that sense of fear she had over the word of mouth, was still overwhelming her. Her eyes had gotten glossy but her eye contact with her girlfriend remained as she replied, “You know how much trouble I went through when I got caught before and I told you that people took photos at times we least expect it-“

“Momo, did you really think I was that careless??” Y/N contended, her tone slightly harsh as she added, “Do you really think that I would be that clumsy for someone to take a photo of me??”

“They could’ve!” Momo challenged, her voice raising.

Y/N took a step back and retorted angrily, “But they didn’t!” She pointed out, her own eyes slowly started to go glossy as she added, “I’m not stupid, Momo! I’ve been dating you for a year, I know what to avoid!”

“We can’t be too sure, Y/N!” Momo rasped out, her tears finally falling before she added, “What happens when they find out about us?? What’s going to happen to us then?? Do you know what they’ll to couples like us?? They’ll rip us apart!”

“Fine, then tell me to leave and I’ll go!” Y/N wept loudly, her tears falling freely as she sniffled, “Just... I’ll book the first flight home-“

“Y/N, I don’t mean it that way-“

“I’ll just book the first flight out tomorrow morning, okay?,” Y/N croacked out, breaking their gaze as she looked down at the floor before whispering, “I shouldn’t have caused such a burden to you.”

“Y/N, you’re not a burden,” Momo sobbed out softly, trying to get closer to her girlfriend but was heartbroken when Y/N took a step back instead. “Jagiya, just understand where I’m coming from; I’m doing this for us.”

At this point, Y/N was emotionally exhausted after having no rest in her system and her entire body was just numb. She understood where Momo came from and she wouldn’t want to wish any of this on anyone but she began to question certain things.

She didn’t want to let Momo go and she understood that Momo just didn’t want her personal relationships to be exposed but at the same time, the selfish part of Y/N, just wanted to be with her girlfriend without having the fear of getting pictures taken because some people can’t accept that idols are still human beings who craves human affection.

She released a shaky breath and nodded weakly while whispering, “I don’t know if there is an ‘us’ anymore, Momo.”

This caused Momo to sob loudly as she took a small step closer while crying out, “No, no, no, no- baby, don’t say that; tell me you don’t mean that!”

Before Y/N could reply, the door suddenly barged open and the laughters of the other girls suddenly went silent as the 8 of them sensed the tense atmosphere in the room.

The 8 of them looked at each other before Jihyo glanced at the couple and realized that the both of them were heaving while their eyes were actually leaving tears.

“Guys, what’s going on here?” Jihyo questioned gently, taking a few steps closer to the couple before she continued, “What happened?”

Taking in a deep breath, Y/N wiped her tears and forced a smile as she looked at Jihyo and rasped out, “Thank you for all the help but I think I should go back to the hotel and let you girls perform without any distraction.”

Momo then grabbed her girlfriend’s hands and pleaded, “Y/N, don’t do this, please!”

Holding back her tears and trying to avoid a bigger scene, Y/N placed a teary kiss on her girlfriend’s forehead before she whispered, “Have a good performance, Momo-ya; I know you’ll do well like always.”

Y/N immediately but gently removed Momo’s grasp on her before she quickly made her way out while her girlfriend constantly calls out her name. The moment the door was pulled shut, the 8 girls immediately made their way to Momo and comforted her as she continued to cry.

“What happened, Momo-ya?” Jeongyeon asked her roommate, sad that she had to see her in this kind of state.

“Do I have to kill her??” Nayeon asked angrily as she added, “Wasn’t she supposed to surprise you??”

Jihyo then hushed the both of them before calmly saying, “Guys, let Momo explain to us what happened first before we jump to conclusions.”

“Momo-ya... what happened?” Sana asked gently as she wrapped an arm around her fellow Japanese before she continued, “Weren’t you happy to see her?”

Sobbing, Momo nodded while saying, “Of course I was excited to see her but— but I was scared, okay!”

Furrowing her brows with confusion, Jeongyeon asked, “Scared about what?”

Momo then looked at her roommate with red eyes as she said, “Scared that someone will catch us! That someone will send those photos to Dispatch and I’d go through this stupid internet bullying all over again!”

The moment the Japanese girl admitted her fears, the rest of the girls looked at each other as they knew exactly where Momo was coming from. This wasn’t Momo’s first relationship but it was the first one where it was involving 2 girls and if her first relationship with a man caused so much chaos— they can’t imagine what’ll the netizen do to her when they find out that she’s dating a girl.

However, the leader of Twice then chimed in, “As much as I understand where your coming from, Momo-ya, don’t push Y/N away because of your fears,” Jihyo reasoned gently as she then added, “A relationship is a two-way street and I’m sure your girlfriend understands the consequences of dating an idol but she did go through all this trouble to surprise you; she even took the dawn flight here because it was the only flight available.”

“It’s true, Momo-ya...” Sana quietly added as she continued with, “I had a spare ticket and decided to-“

“You were the one who gave her the spare ticket???”

“Only because she missed you and you missed her too!” The other Japanese fired back before she reminded, “Have you forgotten the amount of nights where you cried to me because you missed Y/N so much??”

“Sana-ya, you should’ve at least discussed with me first!” Momo replied before she added, “It could’ve taken a disastrous turn-“

“But it didn’t, right??” Sana challenged as she pointed out, “The rest of the girls may not be brave enough to tell you this but I do so here goes; try to be grateful for the fact that your girlfriend flew all the way here with no sleep, just to surprise the girlfriend who she hasn’t seen for the past 6 months.”

Sensing the tension increasing, Dahyun chuckled awkwardly before she quietly chimed, “Sana unnie..” She pleaded quietly before she grabbed the older girl by the arm and said, “That’s enough..”

“No! She needs to understand what she just did to the person she loves!” Sana pointed out while shrugging Dahyun’s hands off and looked at her best friend before saying, “You want my honest opinion, Momo-ya? Yeah, I understand where you’re coming from but it is no reason for you to treat Y/N this way after all she did for you; that girl deserves to be loved the way she loves you and if you can’t provide that... then, you know what I’m going to say.”

With that said, Sana then turned around as she walked away before the rest of the girls sympathetically looked at Momo who was sobbing slightly before Jeongyeon placed a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulders while saying, “We all love you— we are always here for you... but Sana does have a point, Momo-ya.”

“Alright, girls— let’s talk about this later. We have a performance to think about.” Jihyo reminded as she glanced at Momo and advised, “Try your best to distract yourself for the time being.. you can see Y/N straight after the performance and talk things through.”

As the girls slowly dispersed, Nayeon stayed with Momo as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder before the latter looked at the older girl and asked, “Unnie, what do I do?”

��I understand why you’re scared— if it was me, I would probably react the same way but at the same time.. if I was Y/N, I’d be hurt too,” Nayeon admitted gently before she continued, “My best advice is to talk to her slowly and... see where it goes.”

For some reason, this made Momo’s heart ache. She had a sudden rush of reminder of all the words she had said to her girlfriend and she felt so helpless. Looking at Nayeon with the same teary eyes, Momo released a shaky sigh while she contemplates her next words.

“What if there’s no where to go anymore, unnie?”

xoxo

Momo knew that even if she wasn’t in the right state of mind, the show must go on. This was her job and she had expectations to fulfill. That being said, it didn’t lessen the pain in any way whatsoever.

Truth be told, there were many times where she could’ve just cried openly and be as obvious as she can but she knew it wouldn’t help her at all. So, as perseverance were one of the things she learned through her trainee days— she held on as long as she could.

The only time she’d shed a tear is when the group had won an award and they were doing their speech because to any unknown eye, Momo would just look like she was crying of joy.

But the act of deceit needed to come to an end somehow so the moment their performance was done and the ceremony was concluded, Momo immediately replaced her stage costume with the clothes that Y/N had brought earlier which initially triggered her even more.

Thankfully, her managers found out where Y/N was staying at and immediately drove Momo there. Now, finding the room number was the hard part.

Legally, hotels aren’t allowed to give out room numbers or keys without the consent of the customer or with a plausible cause but with Momo knowing Y/N’s full name and showed necessary proof of her connection with the latter, the Japanese got the room number at last.

Momo then asked her managers to wait at the lobby as she went up to the said room. Her heart racing, her body getting increasingly warmer, Momo was nervous and an absolute mess.

‘119.’

The Japanese could only stare at the room number— staying stagnant and not knowing the next move; the right move, at least. She knew that her girlfriend was more hurt than she was angry but that just meant that there was more things to solve on Momo’s part.

She wasn’t necessarily the best problem solver there is but this was her girlfriend; the same girlfriend who has been there for her through her absolute worst and she can’t imagine a life without her.

Taking a deep breath, Momo finally raised her hands and knocked on the door as she prayed that her girlfriend was still awake.

After getting no response for the first few knocks, Momo tried again by pressing the doorbell, following with a few more series of knocks before the door was slowly swung open— revealing a red eyed Y/N who was already dressed in her pajamas.

“Momo?” Y/N whispered rhetorically before she continued, “What are you doing here so late? You should go home and res-“

Momo, her heart immediately reacting to the sight of her broken girlfriend, shed a silent tear as she took a step forward towards Y/N while asking, “Are you really leaving tomorrow? Please tell me you’re not.”

Y/N was weak for her girlfriend— it was just a given when it came to this relationship so when Momo held her by the hands, she was frozen still. Noticing the tears leaving her girlfriend’s eyes, Y/N nodded and weakly said, “....I am. I managed to get a flight back tomorrow morning.”

Saddened by the revelation, Momo moved her hands to her girlfriend’s waist and it hurt her when she could feel Y/N stiffening at the touch before she pleaded, “Please don’t go back.. I’m sorry for what I’ve said to you just please— stay with me.”

“You wanted this, didn’t you?” Y/N reminded, her voice gentle but her tone bitter as she added, “I’m doing this for you, Momo-ya-“

“I’m sorry, okay!” Momo intervened, taking a step closer towards Y/N as she justified, “I’m just scared that— that I’ll lose you if they find out about us.”

Immediately cupping her girlfriend’s face, Y/N released a shaky breath as she whispered reassuringly, “I will never do that you; I will never leave you because someone doesn’t like us together.”

“My previous relationships told me the same thing, Y/N,” The Japanese recalled sadly as she continued, “But when the stress got to them, they took off— just like that.”

Y/N sighed but she understood where Momo’s insecurities were from. She’s heard the whole story and she too, would not want anyone to go through what her girlfriend had went through.

Pulling away slightly, Y/N then grabbed Momo’s hand before she pulled her inside the room, closing the door in the process, as the couple sat on the bed. They both faced each other as Y/N then held the hands of the Japanese as she gently said, “Look, I’m sorry that the idiots before me hurt you with the way that they did, and I can’t promise you that I won’t hurt you in any way but... I can promise you that I will not leave because of someone’s disapproval.”

Scooting closer to her girlfriend, Y/N then softly added, “I’m sorry that I didn’t think this through... I knew how scared you are with all of this and I should’ve at least planned it a little better.” She then raised her right hand before cupping Momo’s cheek and admitted, “.... But I just wanted to be with my girlfriend tonight and watch her perform; I know that sounds selfish but I did make sure that no one tailed me— baby, you have to have a little bit more faith in me. I would never risk your career like that.”

The teary eyes of the Japanese girl spoke volumes as she wrapped her arms around Y/N’s shoulder while she burrowed her head in the nook of the latter’s neck before saying, “I’m sorry... I should’ve just appreciated the fact that you were there when I needed you the most.”

“Speaking of which, the girls told me that you’ve been having a bad week lately... Wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Momo tightened her grip as she shook her head and said, “Let’s talk about it tomorrow while we go on a date; the managers gave me a day to spend with you. Now, I just want to cuddle and fall asleep in your arms again.”

Without further ado, the couple got ready for bed as Momo shamelessly used Y/N’s clothes as her pajamas before the two of them laid in bed and instinctively faced each other, like how they always do whenever they’re together.

“You’re still so pretty after 6 months of not seeing each other,” Momo whispered as she continued, “You’re still the same person I love— and I’m really sorry for what happened-“

“It’s okay, jagi, we’re over that— I promise. As long as we’re okay and solved the issue, that’s all that matters.”

Comfortable silence then took over them as they just gazed at each other with pure love and affection. Y/N then placed her arm around Momo’s waist as a small smile formed on both of their lips.

Leaning closer to her girlfriend, Momo then raised one of her hands before she placed them on Y/N’s cheek, gently caressing it as she muttered, “Hey, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“It’s you and me against the world, right?”

This made Y/N smile widely as she nodded before leaning forward, connecting their lips gently while the subtle fragrant of mint fill their noses. She then pulled away slightly and kissed the tip of Momo’s nose before she gazed into the eyes of her beautiful girlfriend— so sure of the words she was going to say next.

“Yes, baby— it’s you and me against the world.”

#twice imagines #twice scenarios #twice reactions #twice imagine #twice scenario #twice reaction #twice momo #twice #jyp twice #hirai momo #momo

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yyxgin · 3 years

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no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!!

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!!

ily <333

#💌ask #🌻 anon

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therianomalocaris · 3 years

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Hey I don’t know if you remember me but a long time ago or maybe not so long ago it’s hard to remember.

But I was mildly freaking out because I felt like I was kin but didn’t know who, kin from homestuck yet I haven’t finished homestuck due to my availability to read being cut off during a trauma in my childhood. I was unsure of these kin/troll type therian feelings, so I dismissed them.

Well today I bought pesterquest on steam after having an irl type homestuck internet to irl friend experience. And man the feelings they just come back.. I’m not sure but I think I’m sollux or gamzee or someone else? But it’s weird because I’m trans feminine in this lifetime. Also because like kin type and therian is a spiritual thing for me (past life belief) but it conflicts with some of my Christian upbringing and I still believe in God, but my mentality with the man upstairs is kinda fucked and confused

So I am here once again, asking for your help.

How do you figure out your kin type/therian type, especially when you’re like unsure as to who you may have been in a past life. It’s hard to tell between like a “me feeling” and “oh this person was a friend and or enemy feeling.”

How does one gain memories or seen into ones past life? And would you recommend I take out the tomes that are the homestuck books so that I can see if it sparks anything (I don’t spend much time online anymore to read online)

Also what was your experience when first figuring this stuff out?

Sorry, for talking your ear off. Also I saw you have a webcomic and just wanted to say your art is amazing.

Thanks if you answer this if you don’t well thanks you seem like really cool and your blog gets a thumbs up emoji x2

hello! i do remember you, yes! thank you for your kind words about my art, and don't apologize because i love receiving long messages ::::)

i dont have any advice for getting past life memories, apart from directly interacting with your source. im actually really bad with memories which is why it takes me a really long time to "confirm" anything. it took me a very long time to figure out my kintypes, and most of that was spent basically trying kintypes on? saying "im this" for a while, then dropping it when i realized it didnt fit. theres kind of a stigma against this in 'kin communities, it's kind of the brute force way of doing things, but it worked well enough for me.

for homestuck trolls though, a solid piece of advice i can give to figure things out is to try writing with quirks! after i had eliminated most possible candidates i didnt know if i was vriska or terezi, but writing with terezis quirk felt wrong whereas writing with vriskas quirk felt like me. this may not work for everyone, but it's the best ive got.

i would NOT recommend reading the homestuck books to someone who hasnt read the webcomic. they are heavily edited and annotated, and pretty much only exist to be a collectors item for fans of the comic looking for author commentary and a sweet series to have on their shelf.

maybe you should try let's read homestuck from voxus instead! it's basically a homestuck audiobook with visuals, but honestly most of homestuck visuals dont really matter that much so you can just let it run in the background until you hit a flash. still ongoing and currently goes up to act 6 intermission 4, i havent listened to it myself but ive heard good things so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i hate to tell this to people, because i legit think it's Bad Advice™ for reading homestuck and obviously i have Opinions™ about that, but if you SPECIFICALLY want to know about the beta trolls, you might have an easier time skipping to act 5. thats the part of the story that focuses on them!

also quick thing about the gender thing: im transmasc and was transfem as vriska. gender is weird like that, dont focus too much on it if you wish to retain your sanity lol.

i wish you the best of luck in figuring yourself out, you got this!!!!!!!!

#shut up sender #fictionkin #homestuck kin #long post

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

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So tumblr ate the ask of course, but @multi-fandom-remy (I hope this was you that requested this my memory is not good and if it wasnt I'm sorry) sent a fic request where Janus has alexithymia and Remy falls for him regardless. Gonna just post it this way, suck it hell site!

I had to do some research for this as I dont know anyone who has this and I dont personally experience it. I tried to write it as accurately and respectfully as possible but please let me know if you feel I wrote it wrong or in a way that's offensive.

Three Times Janus Didn't Understand and The One Time Remy Did

Summary: Janus has alexithymia and doesnt understand what hes falling for; Remy is perfectly content to teach him.

Warnings: none really. Just not understanding ones own emotions. Ts spoilers if you havent watched the most recent Sanders Sides episode

Ship: Remy (sleep) x Janus (Deciet)

WC: 1, 505

Remy's head snapped up as the bell above the door chimed loudly, letting in a rather peculiar character. Dressed in black save for bright yellow gloves, their long trench coat swept around their ankles as they turned to make sure the door was shut. Truly curious now, Remy leaned forward eagerly, excitement thankfully hidden by his dark sunglasses.

The glasses did little to hide his reddening cheeks however as the newcomer swept off his hat and turned fully to face the cashier.

Oh. Remy leaned forward casually trying to hide the flood of oh-I-am-most-definitely-gay panic rising up through his chest. Sharp eyes breifly met his before darting back down as they made their ways towards the counter. Thanking every god that could possibly be real that the shop was empty at this time of day, he smiled easily as they came to a stop in front of the counter.

"Morning coffee. What babe will it be?"

The stranger snapped their head up in confusion, giving Remy only a split second to retain that their eyes were very pretty, one a pale brown and the other almost gold before his brain caught up with what his mouth had just uttered. Red cheeks reddening even further he closed his eyes and mentally slapped himself over the head with an industrial bag of coffee grounds.

Opening his eyes once again, he chuckled. "You'll find me dont discriminate here. We got flat white, Irish cream, long black." He cupped his cheek and smirked. "Or maybe you're the shy, straight vanilla kind of guy?"

The stranger, to his credit, was unimpressed, almost making Remy pout if it weren't for the fact he was still trying to scrape his pride up off the ground. "A mocha with five espresso shots please."

Whistling low, he turned to complete the order. "I'm assuming to go?"

"Yes."

"Late night?" He grabbed a cup and fiddled with the machine a bit, turning to grab the pump for the espresso as it began to run.

"In a sense."

Snorting, Remy turned to look again at the stranger. Through his obvious good looks there were eye bags that could rival his room mates', slumped posture and rather ratty shoes completing the picture for him. "I always hated college exams. Theres never enough time to cram."

"We've all bean there."

Pausing in applying the lid to the cup, Remy smirked and turned. "Did you just-?"

Seeming uncomfortable, the stranger shrugged, taking the drink and handing over the money. Offering a quiet thank you they left quickly, coat flying out like a cape behind them.

---------

Janus shoved his hands deeper in his pockets on the way to his favorite coffee shop. He had only been going there for a week now, but the coffee was amazing, and the cashier/coffee maker was...interesting. Janus' cheeks still burned in what he now realized was second hand embarrassment at the way the other had flirted? with him the first day. Patton said he had been flirting so he'd have to trust his friend knew what he was talking about. His stomach gave another uncomfortable flip as the shop came into view, making him grit his teeth in annoyance. Everytime he came here the same thing happened with his intestines, like they were too tight and too loose at the same time, flipping his stomach around in a way that felt like the flu...but better? Regardless it hadnt started until he had begun coming to the little shop and Janus was determined to pinpoint the cause. That was why he kept coming back.

No other reason.

His stomach flipped again as he shoved the door open, grimacing as he made up his mind to buy some kind of pastry with his usual coffee to try to quiet down what he was now going to assume were hunger pangs. This early in the morning the shop was blessedly empty, allowing him and the cashier to have their odd conversations in relative peace.

"Morning babes!"

He glanced up and tried for a smile, letting the odd movement drop after only a couple seconds. Remy smiled and smirked enough for the both of them anyway.

He made his way up to the counter, startling as a to-go cup was pushed his way.

"Regulars get the Remy special. Their usual cup of hot coffee ready before they even come through the door." He winked as he leaned against the counter, hitting Janus with the realization that the man had apparently forgone his sunglasses for the day. Deep brown eyes stared back at him before he broke eye contact, snapping his gaze to the cup in front of him.

"I'd like a muffin with it today as well, if you would."

"Sure. What kind?"

Janus looked up hopefully. "Banana nut?"

Remy bit back a laugh, muttering 'nut' under his breath while retrieving the requested pastry. Rolling his eyes Janus dug out the cash; he was learning Remy was fond of unintentional innuendos, Patton pointing out that that had been what he was insinuating in their first meeting. He tried for a polite smile again as he grabbed his items after paying, stomach going it's odd flip again as the other man smiled back.

Maybe it was the air.

------

Remy perked up as the door chimed, smiling as his favorite regular made his way through the door right before closing time. He had somehow gotten the rather shy man to agree to a date (an outing the other had insisted) taking place after his shift had ended. He seemed tense and Remy was determined to take his mind off whatever it was that kept his shoulders up and head down. He grabbed up his sunglasses as he hopped over the counter, earning a confused smirk for his effort. Smiling easily, he readjusted his bag and whipped out the store key to swing around his finger.

"Ready to go, tall, dark and snarky?"

The man merely ducked his head and shoved his hands further in his pockets, strolling quickly out the door for Remy to follow.

"So I realized we're going on this date-"

"Outing."

"Alright babes. So we're going out and I still don't know what to call you?"

The man stared blankly. "You call me things all the time?"

Sighing in exasperation as the Prompt went completely over the man's head he gestured them forward. "I meant your name hon."

"Oh! My name is Janus."

Tilting his head in surprise, Remy regarded him for a moment. "Janus. I like it. Really suits your aesthetic."

Janus seemed unsure of how to respond, scuffing his toes along the sidewalk rhythmically. "My aesthetic?"

"Yeah. Janus is a Roman god right? I can see it."

Offering up a blank look, the other man pursed his lips in thought. "No one...well usually people say that Janus is...an odd name."

Remy shrugged. "I took some course or other in high school that taught about ancient gods or whatever. People are bitches."

Moving away slightly, Janus nodded. "Undoubtably."

-----

Alexithymia.

Janus watched as everything seemed to click into place for his companion. This was always the tipping point in every relationship, friend or otherwise. Patton had been the only exception thus far that accepted the fact that Janus was a lost cause when it came to emotions.

No, that wasnt fair to himself. There was nothing wrong with him, he knew that. It was only the fact that he couldn't understand the emotions being processed. He knew he had them, he just could never quite pinpoint which ones, at any given time and what the reasons for them were. Sure it made socializing difficult, people often labeling him as awkward or withdrawn in any given situation; when in reality he just was rarely given enough time to try and pinpoint what one emotion was before being put in a situation where a different response was needed. It was honestly exhausting.

He bit his lip as he looked back over to Remy, seeing that same smile he always gave him that made his stomach flip every time. He tried offering one of his awkward smiles, feeling that that was the most appropriate for the situation.

Remy softened as he took off his glasses, turning to face him fully. "You dont have to do that around me, it's okay. Just be yourself, and tell me if and when you get uncomfortable yeah?"

Janus' eyes filled with tears as he twisted his fingers in his jeans. An intense wave of emotions came over him, making him choke slightly as he tried in vain to process everything. He felt Remy take his hands gently and squeeze them, tugging slightly as he unconsciously leaned towards the other.

Just two people sitting on a park bench in the late evening, with about 15 shots of espresso between them holding each other with a confused understanding. Janjs smiled, a very tiny one, but the first genuine one in a long time.

Despite everything, he had Remy. He knew he'd be okay.

This work is also available on AO3!

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders sides fic #remy sanders #remy sleep #deciet sanders #janus sanders #alexithymia

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grannygerd · 3 years

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I’m Lynn from PVRIS! AMA

I’m Lynn from PVRIS. We just put out our new album Use Me which you can listen to HERE. This Saturday, we’re going to be playing our first album White Noise front to back in its entirety for the first time ever. You can get tickets for the live stream HERE.

Proof: https://imgur.com/9K4IgJf

DieDunkleFritte: Hey Lynn, would you rather have really small hands or really small feet? Best regards from germany :D pvrisofficial: Feet!!! Need normal sized hands to play instruments! haha

Nikkiestables: Lynn!!! I was in the US for my exchange and was going to FINALLY see you in person but I couldn’t:( do you think in the future you would tour Asia? Which parts would you like to explore? (Please say Hong Kong) pvrisofficial: We'd love to tour Asia more! We've loved the places we've been in Japan, Singapore, & South Korea so far! Would love to add Hong Kong!

ShadeOfNothing: Hey Lynn! I’ve been a PVRIS fan Since White Noise and I’ve loved seeing the band’s sound evolve through the years. I know you’re a huge believer in astrology, past lives, and the paranormal, so I was wondering if there were any crazy experiences you had witnessed or drew inspiration from while writing/producing Use Me. Thanks so much! pvrisofficial: yessssssss I am a nut. I didnt make Use Me in a haunted church this time but i DO think I stayed at a haunted airbnb. Food kept disappearing and then one night a giant ghostly handprint was left on my guitar case and my hand was way too small to have created it.

hinterscape: Hi Lynn! I've been following you guys since ~2014, you're awesome and I look up to you. Do you see yourself making music forever or how long do you see it if not? pvrisofficial: FOR-E-VER! It might take different forms and go through different stages but i think i will always be creating music!

imaliveunfortunately: Hi Lynn! First of all I love you and the style of music you've put out recently. I saw you at Reading last year, and in Manchester in 2017 so I'm really happy to seeing PVRIS get the exposure it deserves :) So it's gotta be asked, I understand there's issues with the label, but what are the chances of Mvdonna and Blood On My Hands being released? Whether it be as singles, on a new EP, the next album, etc? They're just damn good tracks pvrisofficial: I want them to come out SO BAD too haha. I want to make sure the production is perfect so its now a matter of finding the right collaborator for them.

CookThePasta: Do you believe in life after love? pvrisofficial: yes

OldManMalekith: Hi Lynn! How did working with JT on Use Me differ from your previous experiences with producers? Everyone that I've seen or heard work with him puts it as a really positive experience, and he helps make great stuff! pvrisofficial: He is the BEST. He was very similar to Blake in the sense that he was incredibly nurturing and encouraging, dedicated to making sure it was 100% everything I wanted and always stood up for me if the label ever tried to change it. His production style is definitely different but its extremely diverse. It's a lot punchier and crisper and a bit more minimal than in the past but i think it almost makes things more impactful that way!

villanelleinsuits: Hi Lynn! You’re a creative genius, thanks for existing. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?? pvrisofficial: I would love to live in the UK countryside!!! Maybe Bath or something.

Queenio01: How are you feeling today? pvrisofficial: Sleepy but EXCITED to rehearse!

dancorcoran: How often do you get recognised by fans in day to day life? pvrisofficial: Not too often! I usually get recognized at coffee shops and starbucks though? and Lush hahaha

jessica_pasta: Hi Lynn!!! Was wondering how do you make your synth patches? What synth sounds are your favorites? Thanks so much! Love PVRIS and all that you do ❤️❤️❤️❤️ pvrisofficial: I use Zebra a lot and also use a Prophet Rev2. One of my favorite things is to throw synths through different effects to get an entirely new sound!

ImadaPC: Hi Lynn, I got a question. What inspires you to make music and why? pvrisofficial: What inspires me is wanting to hear something I havent heard! I want to hear all my favorite artists and influences into one thing so that's usually how PVRIS stuff is inspired haha.

staceelogreen: What are your stand out albums of this year!:) pvrisofficial: Great Q! 070 Shake - Modus Vivendi Tinashe - Songs For You (technically 2019 but I've been jamming it all year) They. - The Amanda Tape KAYTRANADA - Bubba (2019 but it came out late 2019 so it counts as 2020 for me!) Howling - Colure

DH00338: What are you most excited about in terms of this new era of PVRIS? pvrisofficial: More writing!! and more collaborations!

creewitch: Hiya Lynn! I hope your morning is going well. When have you felt the proudest of yourself and why? ☺️ pvrisofficial: Oooo good Q! I always think there's room for improvement so it's hard to feel pride, but I am definitely grateful for my resilience through the crazy shit haha.

liky_gecko: Because you’re from the Boston area, what are your favorite spots to eat/hang out there? I may be going to school there pvrisofficial: Do itttt! My fav spots are a little outside of the city.... the Crane Estate, Mt. Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge, Maudslay State Park in Newburyport, Portsmouth NH, Shedd Park Cemetery in Lowell.

goszkv: Hi Lynn! Was wondering if you'll ever consider coming to Poland :( ofc post corona pvrisofficial: yes!

cecy_db_11: Hi Lynn! Can't wait to see you guys this Saturday. How do you feel once the songs you write (your personal feelings and thoughts) are available for the world to listen? Do you get used to that over time? pvrisofficial: Still getting used to that to be honest. Once songs are out, I weirdly stop listening to them. Prior to that I listen in the car a lot and drive around testing songs out haha.

musicfan1976: Do you think the spring 2020 shows will still happen or be rescheduled again due to Covid? Stay healthy and take care. pvrisofficial: I truly have no idea.... :( you take care too! <3

yikesmiles: Hey Lynn! I hope you’re well! I’ve always been curious, what was it that inspired you to make music? pvrisofficial: Good Q! WHen I write, I try to write music that I want to hear that hasn't crossed my path yet.

LeahLNurse: Is there any unreleased songs you wish made it onto White Noise? pvrisofficial: Nope!

JRuiz1775: Hey Lynn! I remember the first time I saw and heard you guys was when you opened for Pierce the Veil and Sleeping with Sirens. I was hooked and have tried to see you guys anytime you are in my area. My question for you is what is your favourite tour experience? What is your dream tour to be on? pvrisofficial: There's SO many favorite tour experiences. I love touring the UK and Europe a lot, exploring before shows is my favorite thing and has some of my favorite memories. Our UK/EU tour with BMTH was one of my favorites.

ac-36: hi lynn! i love your music so much, it means a lot to me. if you were to remake your past music now, how do you think it would be different, and what do you think the future direction of the band will be? pvrisofficial: I would definitely approach the drum production a bit different but keep it pretty similar with the other textures/instruments! Future direction can go anywhere! Definitely want to keep taking risks and trying new things, but still keeping it dark!

staceelogreen: If you could go back in time to give yourself advice, what would you say to your past self? pvrisofficial: Take it easy on yourself.

NouveauJacques: Hi Lynn, huge fan and I love the power behind your music. Do you ever write songs that are too emotional and feel conflicted about putting into an album? pvrisofficial: usually if they feel too emotional or heavy, I know they need to be released haha

Defiant-Strawberry37: Hi Lynn, hope everything's okay with you and the band. I'd like to ask you what PVRIS' era you think is the best and why? Hope I can see you guys someday soon acting in Portugal. Love you all! PS: why so Lynnda? *portuguese pun intended, beautiful = linda in portuguese* ly! pvrisofficial: Thanks! I love every era tbh but I'm definitely always the most excited on the present moment!

pvrisbae: youre the cutest little soul ily. whats ur fav song at the moment? pvrisofficial: Brian showed it to me! It's "Too Late" by Washed Out.

agnespvris: Hi Lynn!! Have you had any good laughter when you've been looking through the #pvrismemes ?? pvrisofficial: oh you betcha.

whothefuckisrvmi: ok so im not understanding shit about this app but im here for you pvrisofficial: thank u

vioIentbounce: hi lynn! what do you think will be your favorite song from use me to play live? pvrisofficial: I think.... Good To Be Alive or Gimme A Min

jaydenc30: hi lynn I just wanted to say how much I appreciate you and everything you do! I hope you are doing well, what was the first song you wrote for use me? What’s does PVRIS’s future look like to you? pvrisofficial: First song for Use Me was Old Wounds! I wrote it before the second album even came out haha

IrlandaBDelao: Hi lynn, would you be down to open commisions for tattoos? If so, how much would you charge for a drawing? pvrisofficial: I wish! I do not have time to at the moment :( but if I have time in the future, you will be first to know so you can get first dibs!

CookThePasta: are you really looking at all of our memes?? pvrisofficial: trying OUR BEST!!

nonoplznowhy: why did your parents name you Lynn? pvrisofficial: Lyndsey* but they always call me Lynn or Lynds. I was named after my mom's childhood bestfriend named Lynn, she passed away when my mom was pretty young :(

golrip: What is your favourite song on awknohawnoh and why? That album literally changed my life and shaped me into the person I am today so I would really love knowing your opinion. also: what's your favourite the weeknd song/album? pvrisofficial: NOLA 1! It was my favorite to write and the memory around that time is magical. We wrote it in New Orleans and it's my favorite city.

bnizz95: Hey Lynn!! I saw you guys perform for the first time live in Cambridge last September and im so excited about the stream. I was wondering what your favorite song/songs off this album are? Also, do you still steal rosemary from your neighbors? Hahaha pvrisofficial: hahaha I have a little rosemary plant that I use now :)

vioIentbounce: are you still making collages? if not, have you taken up any new artistic hobbies lately?❤️ pvrisofficial: Little collaging here and there :) I've been researching a lot of interior design and fashion design lately!

fee-lixdawkins: Hey Lynn! Excited for the livestream! I know you’re an AFI fan. What is your favorite album and song(s) by them? Would you ever want to tour with them? I’d kill to see that happen! Take care! pvrisofficial: Brian is the bigger AFI fan! I cant pick a fave Im scared

ivykrvft: How does it feel to (kinda) be performing again as an entire band after all these months? pvrisofficial: Really good!! Definitely going to be weird without you guys in front of us!!

Ariana_0918: hi lynn <3 i wanted to know when you saw florence in concert what was your favorite song she performed live? pvrisofficial: Cosmic Love. She played it first and it was acoustic, I instantly cried hahahaha

TheSinger_Z: Hey Lynn! How old were you when you first started writing songs? What is the most memorable prank/joke that you have pulled or has been pulled on you while on tour? How many instruments do you play and what’s your favourite? I just want to say thank you, you’re my biggest inspiration when it comes to music (I sing and I’m learning to play guitar and hope to do it professionally when I’m older as I’m only 14 😬), and I’m really thankful for you guys. I got meet and greet tickets for November 30th for the White Noise stream, so see you then! pvrisofficial: i was in the 3rd grade. the songs were horrible. Its not really a prank but we love having our in ear monitor tech do the worm on stage sometimes. Extra points when he does it in costume. I can play 7 instruments! Looking to add more to the arsenal over time. I love piano a lot and drums. Keep it up, can't wait to see you be a star!!! ALso the livestream is the 21st! DOnt want you to miss it :)

CheezeGrenade: I missed out on a lot of concerts growing up and I couldn't make it to a concert out of state that I bought tickets to about a year ago. Will you guys play through Awkohawnoh again in anyway? Such as Half/Winter/No Mercy/Walk Alone. Litterally that album and the one before got me through alot of depressive phases in my life and Awk has really inspired alot of my writing for a series I want to create someday. pvrisofficial: I cant wait for you to start writing it! You got this! We will be playing through AWKOHAWNOH but the date is not announced yet :)

srankie: Are y'all Pats fans? Red Sox? Bruins? Cause if not the Eagles family will accept you with open arms pvrisofficial: NEW ENGLAND/BOSTON ALL DAY BABY!

macauley7: Could u please ask harry styles if u could tour with him? I need a pvris x harry watermelon sugar vibes thanks pvrisofficial: I'll call him right now.

brisbubbles: Hey, Lynn! Can’t wait for Saturday! I was wondering, how do you feel about singing old tracks from WN since you relearned how to sing? What has that experience been like? Wishing you and Brian the best! xzlinx: I am wondering about this as well. Maybe I am just nosey but I wonder about the process of retraining your voice and what exactlt happened. It must have been insanely difficult on her mental health but goddamn what a trooper bc Use Me is unbelievable! pvrisofficial: Great questions!!! Singing WN is definitely a little challenging to begin with because I'm older and my tone isn't the tone of 19 year old me anymore haha. A big thing was anxiety which caused me to choke up a lot and tense my chords. Then when i was being coached, out of fear of damaging something we had to rebuild and start small and light which we think caused the chords/muscles to atrophy, which set it back further haha. I eventually went to another coach who then was able to take my "retrained" voice and then strengthen it up and rebuild it back to where it was before!

ImOnlyHalfAlive: Hey Lynn! First, I can't express just how much PVRIS has meant to me over the last couple of years. Your music has helped me through so much, and I will forever be grateful. My question is: What's a life mantra you've always lived by? pvrisofficial: Life mantra (theres a lot but this one I always connect to when it comes to career): Patience and persistence is key.

Okosano: Hi Lynn and greeting from Germany! The one and only important question here : Whats your favorite comfort food? pvrisofficial: Favorite comfort food...... Indian food! My absolute favorite.

Ok-Personality1480: What’s your favorite tea pls 🤠 pvrisofficial: Throat coat for singing, housemade chai for joy.

CookThePasta: Do you know the muffin man? pvrisofficial: yes

LynnGvnnFvn: What were the creative differences between writing an album like White Noise or AWKOHAWNOH and Use Me? pvrisofficial: Age, time, locations, different producers and collaborators!

unit525: How are the submissions for the meme competition looking? Any front runners emerging? pvrisofficial: It's a CLOSE call for a lot of them...

LynXiger: Which song from your discography is your least favourite and why? pvrisofficial: I wont say incase it is anyone's favorite!! hahaha

lgbtiffany: do you have a tendency to incorporate spirituality into your creative processes? love the album and can’t wait for the stream ✨❤️ pvrisofficial: I think creating is spiritual in itself! You're channeling sound and melody and MAGICCC! So yes!

vessed1: hiii. I’d love to know who found the White Noise mirror ☺️ pvrisofficial: Me too

LynXiger: What is your favourite genre to listen to? And how has this changed over time? pvrisofficial: I'm a big sucker for hip hop and pop... really anything that's catchy and hits hard and has cool production!

nicthehic: Hey Lynn! Been a huge fan for a long long time and took up doing music professionally because I was inspired by you and the rest of Pvris’ rise and work ethic. I was wondering if there was anything you would do differently while recording your first album and any advice to new ish band working on their first professional project (in the midst of covid no less) and any tips to make our first album just as great and timeless as white noise Thank you! pvrisofficial: Awww this is awesome! I'm sure you're gonna crush it! I definitely would have wanted to make the production a little different but keep a lot of the same fundamental aspects/textures. Do what YOU feel you want to create and dont feel any outside pressures. Crush it! Cant wait for you to record!

minidudette106: Hey Lynn, Do you ever think its crazy that people get tattoos of your lyrics & ones inspired by your music? also wondering what your thoughts are on pineapple on pizza? lol pvrisofficial: I used to get freaked out bc I didnt think my lyrics were great but now I think its so cool! haha.

Hot-Lime3627: Hi Lynn, how is Opal and the other cat whom you took care of during quarantaine doing ? pvrisofficial: They are back with their owner! I truly miss them every single day... they were my little fluffy pals.

kelcea244: How do you keep your creative muscle flexed so you’re ready to create? And do you create every day? EDIT: Also really sad you guys weren’t able to make it over to the UK this month! We’ll be so psyched for you when you do come! pvrisofficial: We are sad too!!! We can't wait to get back whenever it is safe to play shows there. I miss it every day! I try to create every day even if it's just 5-10 minutes, always good to keep those muscles flexed!

socksgrowonbushes: first of all i just want to say how much i admire you, you’re amazing :) my question is what is your favourite song you have ever written? is it one that’s on an album? one that hasn’t even been released? i’m curious pvrisofficial: Use Me!

LadyEpicenter25: What the significance of playing in Arizona?! pvrisofficial: Resources to make the stream happen and rehearsals happen :)

bitchesonthephone: I have one question and one question only: When will we get Let’s Go Vertigo? pvrisofficial: NEVERRRRRR

Antique_Performer_45: Hi Lynn! I’ve been a big fan of PVRIS for a few years now. Which song from Use Me was your favorite to write? I love you guys! pvrisofficial: Use Me! or Good To Be Alive!

JadeAdelaideee: Hello!!! You’ve been a huge help with me realising I was gay, is there anyone who you would look up to when you were younger who sort of helped ease that journey? 💕✨ pvrisofficial: tbh i didnt have many. It was the scattered bits of magical gay representation on teen tv shows like Degrassi/Skins etc. haha

brandonjback: what song are you most proud of from AWKOHAWNOH? pvrisofficial: Anyone Else and NOLA 1!

DixieF: A question I've been waiting ages to ask. Why are you guys so awesome? pvrisofficial: We got awesome parents!!!

Emmahumphrees: Out of all yours songs what is your favourite lyric?? pvrisofficial: "On the porch the ceiling's painted baby blue dressed to the nines just like the sky in early afternoon 'cause it's midnight and the ghosts might be coming soon" Its a reference to a New Orleans superstition that the baby blue porch ceiling would ward off spirits in the night to trick them that it was the daytime sky.

lgbtiffany: what was the most difficult part of trying to regain your voice when you were having troubles with it? pvrisofficial: Definitely just getting on stage every night knowing it wasn't working and having to pretend it was... haha. Super embarrassing.

cnnrtower: Hi Lynn! MA fan here who first saw PVRIS open for A Skylit Drive at the Palladium in 2013. Super incredible to watch the journey for the band / yourself as an artist! What was the first gig/experience that made you stop and realize that PVRIS was going places? pvrisofficial: one of our first headline shows in CT back in 2015. Show was crazy!!

KimLC24: I was just wondering how you get your inspiration to do your art and music? because it can sometimes be hard to even get motivated let alone create pvrisofficial: Totally relate and understand! I won’t lie, the older I get, the more I need to hype myself up and set a tone to create, especially when there’s so much music swirling around us at all times (the internet/streaming/etc). I almost always have a moody or dreamy movie/show playing on my ipad next to me while I work so that way there’s an inspiring visual going.

deadweighttttt: Hi Lynn!!! What’s your all time favourite lyric from the album?! pvrisofficial: HII!! "Do you even notice how easy you've got this? Taking wings off a goddess if I'm being honest"

Pvffreis: Hi Lynn, I have no idea how to use this/reddit but great to see you here! Hope you're doing good? <3 Update: I figured out how to edit comments ayyy I just signed up to ask you this very important question: Red or green apples? pvrisofficial: Idk how either but I think I got it!! Red apples! W PB

dancingonslowsand: Hi Lynn!! Been following PVRIS for a while and I’ve loved seeing how your sound has evolved over the years. Do you have any idea of what direction you want the band to go in the future? Or are you just riding the wave and seeing what happens? Also what’s your fav bird pvrisofficial: Thanks so much! I definitely plan to just keep riding the wave… I feel like every album leaves some room for the direction to go anywhere so the next chapter never feels too restricted. I have been feeling pretty hyped and high energy lately so I feel like it may reflect that a bit! Fav bird is… PENGUINS (even though people debate that they are mammals.)

pvrisofficial: Okay my friends, I gotta head out and get to rehearsals! This was so much fun, sorry I couldn't get to every Q. Love yall! See you guys so soon! <3

November 18th, 2020

#lynn gunn #lynn gvnn #lyndsey gunnulfsen #pvris

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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