#is this anything? sorry im putting myself out there....

[our-genderfluid-experience]

hey

Tw: toxic perceptions ig

So i've been figuring my gender out lately and it's a soup, to put it that way

I mostly feel neutral, usually, like I don't think of myself as anything.

But then the way others perceive me shows up (im afab) and ohhh holy crap

I have a rather androgynous presentation and... yeah people get judgy( 'come on you're a girl!! Act like it!') And thats when I realise: no im not a girl

But there are also days when i dont care and just go "yeah i could"

And then there are days when I snap, hearing that.

And then there's also genderfuck culture and me loving to play around with my presentation and sometimes I just dunno anymore

I want to be able to show up like a freaking masc vagabond one day, all overshirts and layers and cargo loose jeans and stubble

Then I want a nice tight classy red dress and makeup and roses and dancing and stuff

The problem here might be with gender roles i learned/ i could be nonconforming cis and thats it

It's so confusing idk anymore

Identity basis: im fucked up I dunno

Now, ik this is messy and im sorry if it's triggering and I didn't mark it correctly

But opinions?

Also some fashion tips plssss

Tyssm

I feel you match the label genderfluid pretty well, but if that doesn't feel comfortable to you, my look into genderflux, or identities along that nature.

Some fashion tips: Sports bras if you can't get binders. I only recommend wearing two at once if you're going to wear more than one, but they make your chest look smaller. Also BAGGY SHIRTS. Baggy shirts are your best friend for chest dysphoria. You can also look up some makeup tutorials to look more masculine if you do makeup. I don't really get bottom dysphoria, so I don't know how to help there, but I hope the rest of the post was helpful

#our genderfluid experience #asks #genderfluid #thanks for the ask! #send asks #lgbtq

[fl0w3r-33]

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First Time

summery: its chris’ first time and you guide him through it….

WARNING: smut, sub!chris x reader, p in v, oral( fem ), no protection( wrap it up kids ), virginity loss, creampie, ma, mama, baby, nickname (NOT PROOFREAD)

( a/n: sorry it took so long for me to post again😭 i was on vacation and school is kicking my ass )

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Me and Chris have never have sex before, we have talked about and we’ve made out and gotten close to it but he’s always kinda pulled away. I will never pressure him into anything bc i don’t know his side of it but ever since we got together (5 months ago) i haven’t had sex or even touched myself. I want to ask him about it but i don’t wanna push boundaries.

Chris was laying across my chest editing a video for his personal channel while i watched him. “ Chris can I ask you something?” i asked thinking about how to word this. “ Of course baby what’s up?” he looked up at me from his computer. I went quiet, “ Do you not want to have sex with me? Like do i do something that you don’t like or are you not ready, im just nervous im doing something wrong.” i blurt out. He turned his head back down motionless. “ im so sorry for asking that, it’s just been in my head for a while an-“ He cuts me off. “ i’ve never done it before” he says quietly. “ what..” i gasped surprisingly. “ yo don’t make fun of me” he rolled his eyes. “ im not baby i just thought you would’ve” i run my hand through his hair. It fell quiet after that, “ can we do it? i mean i never have but i can try” he looks up at me. “ don’t worry ill teach you”

i stand up leading him to my room, pushing the door open and guiding him to he was standing right in front of my bed “ Here sit down” i say slightly push him and straddle him. He smiles up at me pulling me into a kiss. “ Take off my shirt” i say lifting up my arms as he slips my shirt off. Normally when it gets to this point he pulls away, “ do you wanna keep going baby?” i ask breaking the kiss. “Yeah” he lets out a breath. I make eye contact with him reaching behind me uncliping my bra letting it fall off my shoulders. Chris’ eyes widened look straight at them. I picked up his hands pulling them up to grab my tits “ you can touch me baby don’t be scared” i wink i him. he lets a slight whimper slip as he stars getting harder under me. I rock back and forth creating friction between us. “ can i taste you?” chris whimpers. “ of course baby.” i say with a smile getting off of him and crawling to the head of the bed taking my panties off leaning back and spreading my legs infront of him. “ fuck you so pretty” he moved over between my legs. He pushed a finger in me, i let out a gasp and i look down at him. “your so wet mama” he latches his lips to my clit. he continues licking in my folds, he pulls away “ am i doing good” he looks up at me still pumping his fingers in me. “ fuck yes good job” i lightly push his head back into me rocking my hips on his face. He smirks onto my pussy at my actions and continues. “ fuck chris im close” i moan. his tongue speed up in me, i let go with a squeal as he laps up my cum.

“great job chris” i smiled down at him. “you taste good ma” he said connecting our lips. “can i ride you” i asked. “yes please” he said swapping places with me. i kneel on the bed next to him, i pulled off his sweats palming his hard through his underwear. I watched as his eyes roll back a bit as a touch him. i slide down his underwear my eyes widened at his size, i slung my leg over to straddle him giving his dick i few times before sliding down on him. “omg you so big” i fall forward putting my hands on either side on his head. He grabs my hips moving them up and down on him “ god you feel so good” he groans letting his mouth fall open. i start bouncing on him at a fast pace feeling him squeeze my things in pleaser.

I feel the knot in my stomach, i clench around him “fuck baby i’m so close” he whimpers from below me. “go ahead and cum pretty boy im right behind you i arched my back.” His hips jerk up into me as a feel strings of his hot cum inside of me as a fall over the edge with my legs shack and my nails digging into his shoulders. i get off of him and he moves over so can fit in the bed to and looks at me. “thank you” he half smiles at me. “for what baby?” i stroke his soft brown hair. “For yk… being my first time” he says. “no problem you did wonderful baby” i say getting up and going over to get him and i clothes and tossing him some sweats. “so did you” he breathes pulling clean pants on. i ran back over to the giggling and cuddling with chris until i felt his breathing slow and he feel asleep peacefully. “ my beautiful boy” i admire him…

#smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #smut sturniolo

[dayurno]

agh….. there are a lot of little things about kevin’s treatment in tkm especially that really hurt me, but the whole situation with telling wymack is the worst of it. give our boy a break 😭😭😭😭 he’s struggling!

SO MEAN TO HIM i was just talking to luni liaisun about this yesterday but the way kevin is blamed for so many things that are not at all his fault (neil going to evermore out of his own volition, kayleigh hiding that he's wymack's son, neil asking him to lie about his past and not tell the foxes that he's the butcher's son) and subsequently isolated from the group because of that is insane LOL i think kevin and andrew get a pretty similar treatment from the upperclassmen but by the end of tkm andrew has been 'humanized' to them through neil while kevin hasnt yet shown the threshold of humanity needed to be treated like a person worthy of grace and understanding

this is mostly a personal opinion and can be totally disregarded from canon intentions but to me kevin's isolation from the foxes is very relevant to my own experiences of navigating the world while noticeably neurodivergent, and its one of the things that brought me closer to kevin's character in the first place. i think while reading it is easy to agree with how the world at large (and even kevin himself at times) thinks kevin is, but kevin's crime really is that he's weird even among people who are weird; he's annoying and he's overinvested and he's programmed and when you're neurodivergent that's three of the top reasons why people choose to deny you kindness and humanity and understanding. i'm not sure where i was going with this and i'm not the best at articulating my thoughts on this subject, and of course kevin is annoying and intense, but that's not. illegal. you know? a person being annoying to you shouldn't make them an easy target for all of your frustrations and that's, ultimately, a very Autistic Experience

#every day i sit in bed thinking about dan telling andrew if he ever harms another person on the team he's out of it then doing fuck shit #after he choked kevin out in baltimore #killing myself in front of the foxes thus changing the course of their lives forever #asks #kevin #sorry about openingm y heart to you anon i wasnt going to talk about that at all but then it hit me #im sure smarter people have put this into words better than me but #when youre neurodivergent and a little annoying its honestly the floodgates of hell people think they can do and say anything to you #youre inherently less valuable for something you ultimately cannot control

[angellurgy]

squeak

#when i am gone it will be no more impactful than a tree falling in a forest with no one to hear it. #my death will have a meaninglessly small impact on this world. maybe it'll have a larger impact on the incorporeal. #there is something in my soul. something hungry. a serpent of unstoppable magnitude held captive in my stomach. #it wont stop until it or i kill us both will it? like a cancer. #im so deeply sorry im so bad at responding to everyone's kind messages. even more so sorry for what will eventually happen next #i have some plans. to excise this tumor that is myself. to rid the world of this putrid filth girl who is nothing but a drain on her compan #we'll see what happens. at least i got my body to a point of self approval before. at least i tried music. at least i tried to be me. #even if it changed nothing. at least im more secure in my being. if only the people around me werent so emotionally far. if only we cld tal #if only i could live with my self approval instead of loving and wanting so dearly. instead of having a mind corrupted by love #and friendship #i was so much. i know you all barely know anything about me in reality. if i asked any you'd probably just list off kinks and species. #but still. ty those who'll remember yk... #and as backup. if it doesnt work. well. please dont hate me. im just a girl who needs out. and cant keep her thoughts inside more #i hope i can be happy in the afterlife. i hope i can see these angels and maybe be one myself. #gonna put a post on top of this to hide it from brand new ppl lookjng at my blog. bc yeah. you all dont need to hear all of this #its the last one of these for this period either way #god i wish i couldve gone to toronto. i want to so bad still. god. why did i have to realize my hopelessness now of all times #bye

[spaceyflowersart]

CHAINSAW MAN AU FOR LOOKISM; JOHAN AS AKI !!! PLEASE CHECK OUT THE OG IDEA/POST BY HYUSOLK HERE <3 !!!!

#lookism #johan seong #SORRY IM SCREAMING BC IM SUPER PROUD OF HOW THIS CAME OUT!!!!!!!! #SHOUTOUT TO HYUSOLK FR FOR THE OG IDEA #ALSO THANKFUL FOR MYSELF FOR FEELIN LIKE LISTENING TO CSM OPENING AND BRAINROTTING CSM AU FOR LOOKISM #CAUSE ALL THAT LEAD TO THIS AND AAWHHHHHHH AWGGHHHG [EXPLODES] #ok im normal now. sorry. anyways i meant to redraw other panels as lookism charas mimicking csm style but got carried away- #with johan's and now im both exhausted and glad i put in so much effort #also sorry x3 im. still working on requests i just... had to get out the csm au brainrot.. #hm.... wonder if i should make a tag for that in case i drop more art of this #yeah sure why not #lookism csm au #also dont mind the manga tones(?) i have on my johan i had to make do cause sketchbook doesnt have anything like that lol #oh god i just realized i wrote lol twice forgive me for being the guy that cant type a sentence without adding lol or lmao due to the fear- #of sounding unfriendly/too serious ;;;;;;;

[donnyclaws]

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow. #it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me. #part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

[lighthouseas]

so uh

#don't. really feel too great abt stranger things right now for obvious reasons #it's....idk my feelings are complicated because i do know characters ≠ actors but also the shit that brett has been saying is absolutely #-batshit and then the stuff noah liked today....idk. seeing actors i once used to admire do this really fucking hurt. and made me angry. #-and sad. #it's not that i don't still like st it's just...complicated right now #and looking at the stuff they said makes me physically ill so #and anyway. sorry i know i never post about stuff like this on main but i just thought i should put it out there bc im . upset #and i also really don't want to cause myself to spiral anymore so #zionism #zionist #idk what tags my mutuals have filtered so if i need to tag anything else please let me know - i just don't want to clog the i/p tags w this #bee.txt

[ashfdhfgdsfk]

might remake to a new account entirely and change the name i go by

#depresso rant incoming skipp all this if you dont wanna hear it #txt #el/ena might have to become a deadname for lack of a better word sjdhfg #putting the slash because im beyond paranoid now #nothing on this earth is sacred i feel like ive lost the only safe space i had left #would you guys call me some silly name if i asked :-( fuck #shit im so hurt this is the worst #trying to be positive so im not just a huge drag but im so isolated in my real life and as stupid as it sounds #tumblr was becoming a little home id carved out for myself #and i feel like im never going to feel safe here again #but in order to tell you guys about a new blog url ill have to post about it which means they might see it too and uagshfg #and god it doesnt even matter bc my arts out there anyway and a few random 10k+ note posts so theres a chance theyll find me no matter what #and shit i loved so many of my old urls but i cant ever reuse them and i feel like im seriously losing my fucking mind trying to hide #like tumblr and having you guys was the only thing keeping me going through all this shit and it feels like ive lost all of that comfort #this is gonna be the worst fucking birthday ever dude just for that extra cherry on top like i seriously have nothing going for me rn SJDHG #denver and a few lovely mutuals to keep me kicking but oughgf #i feel sick #feel like i need to shower and scrub my soul raw to get this vile ass feeling out #god im sorry to be negative i rlly am i try to keep things cheery round here but im styeadily reaching my limit #and i want to reblog stuff to comfort myself but i dont want to reblog anything in case theyre watching and fuck im so dfjsfgjksfjkgsfkdgh #i could really go for a hug right about now s'all

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[toytulini]

would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like. #i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of? #like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like. #that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig

[arsenicflame]

ok really struggling to find balance i think i might log off again till thursday, you know the drill, queue keeps ticking you probably wont even notice im gone

#if you notice anything its probably just oh thank god theyve shut up lmao #nyxtalks #im sorry to keep vagueing about my mental health all the time #i cant let myself talk about it properly because i become a monster when i start #theres a reason i have no proper friends #theres a reason i have exactly one person who talks to me from before i started this account (and its someone i didn't talk to at the time) #i cant talk about it but at the same time i cant keep it entirely in #or i can but only under complete isolation #i cant explain that but i feel out of control. i need to let it out somewhere or it festers #i don't know why it matters i struggle to perceive people as real #do you really exist? #jesus. i should really go harass the nhs for mental health support #i want to be better #i dont want to put in the work. i dont think im worth it #if you read this #i am so sorry. why am i like this

[networksupported]

oh dear they've figured out they're in an artfight template and some of them,, are,,, not happy about it...

quick better look at them before they escape altogether

#sorry (putting this on main) #hey man cas is there #yhats main activity if you ask me #anyway!! look at them i tell you!!! look at em!!!!!!! #well artfights still down. so ig thats our only gameplan rn #oh yeah #artfight #putting this in main too muahah #also woe. semiface reveal #uh #im drawing myself much cooler than i am #so its really not that accurate #but idk there you go nontheless #only because i havent worked out my fursona design or anything yet #tobyart

[chemicalbrew]

achievement get (for the billionth time): take one look at an assignment and get severely overwhelmed AND discouraged for the rest of the day and do nothing

#it's so much and it's dishonest work!! literally dishonest because all i can think of is how bullshit a lot of it sounds. instead of #you know? #actually learning anything? #but this thorough lack of motivation is just gonna get me in trouble isnt it. how do i swallow my emotions and figure things out #its getting harder every year and the feeling that the few people i have close by do not ever truly understand - like at all - is horrifyin #yes sorry this is all i could think of for the past six hours. im having a great day (no im not. i also hate myself for feeling this way) #zero.txt #im sure it hurts the few people who care and who thought i'd actually go on to do things to see me constantly wallowing for reasons #that they refuse to comprehend or have compassion for. #just stop being sad! just get to work piece by piece! have some resilience #meanwhile all ive done is cry. maybe a part of me just likes feeling like this i DONT KNOW #and ofc so often im like. the only reason im still around is im quiet and they havent invented thought police #yet. #how can i have hope when the moment i decide to pluck a silver of it out of my core i read something that in a better world would not even- #-be a nightmare #like. you say things like that with your mouth and expect us to mindlessly repeat if we want anything in life... #fuck my stupid baka life <3 #ugh im just going in yet another circle now when i know trying to put my feelings in words is not helpful. what IS helpful #negative #again sorry. at least you dont have to open this wall of tags #delete later #maybe

[sneezydarliing]

Ignore me whining but I've been so like. Depressed lately. I've been doing really good and even stopped seeing my therapist (partially bc I felt we weren't a good match, but this figured in too) but it'd been getting bad again lately and idk what to do

#not snz #ive always had depression but i always feel so like. useless when jt gets bad #it prob seems littke to others but for me i out a lot of care and rime into my self and esp my hair and makeup and outfits so being at a poi #nt where i dont want to do my makeup or put it up or wear anything cute kind of starts this cycle of feeling wkrse abt myself but nkt #having the energy ro do anythjng abkht it #and jts hard bc i dont honestly deel like j have any sources j can reach out to #so im kind of just. here. by myself #anyways #sorry 😭

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I'm a touch drunk while watching this new episode of Fantasy High and seeing Baron again made me fucking scream

#i love horror. movies and books. body horror is my favorite rn #and baron from the baronies scares me more than anything ive ever seen or read #i cannot overstate my fear of Baron from the baronies #i made myself a margarita tonight and im a fucking lightweight AMD havent drank in awhile AND #i make my drinks like i own a dive bsr in wisconsin #so im feeling it tonight #(ive forgotten whati wantednto say with this post at oeast four times since i started writing it #also i put dye on my hair snd then made a drink not expecting it to hit so hard #but i still have to shower out the color #but im still fucking shaken by baron #i love/hate baron #but modtly right now im fuckihbg fuck baron #sorry ive lost my teain of thought too many times theres no recovering have a good night eveyone i love you

[dandyshucks]

man idk if i believe in like the power of thinking about ppl or anything along those lines but i'm so worried about a friend of mine who is escaping their extremely abusive home today with a third of what they were hoping to have ready money-wise, so if everyone could just think good thoughts or something for them I would appreciate that a lot. they've attempted escapes a few times in the past and actually succeeded once before being tracked down and dragged back "home", but this time they have a really solid plan so that hopefully they're out for good !!

this is one of the things that's going on thats kind of making me unable to be active rn so ... everyone cross your fingers that they have made it out and that i'll hear an update from them within the next couple days :') i'm just so worried about them and praying they're okay and made it out

#abuse tw #its such a bad situation and im so in awe of their ability to survive all of what they've been put through #so im just really really really hoping praying etc that they have made it out successfully bc idk what'll happen if they haven't #i've felt kind of nauseous all day fsdjkl im just... life is so cruel idk sorry for this post here but i dont want them seeing it later #and knowing i was stressing myself out so much over them fdshgjkl #plus if they did not succeed then i do not want them feeling guilty or anything bc they def do not need any added shit to deal with #vent // #ask to tag #wait also for the record when i say praying its not necessarily in a religious way fsdjkl its just. hoping really hard