#it hurts that i’ve never been in love

[sunfloewer]

fun fact: this user is unlovable 🖤

#i’ve never been worth it and i’ve never been enough #i’ve never been in love because that means you’re being loved back #that has never happened #and it never will atp #im done because i just wanted that experience #but i won’t get it #no one has loved me enough to admit it no one has loved me #not in the romantic love way i have loved #that i know i can love #no i was just used and told i was unlovable and i believe it #i know #im not worth it #not in that way #and maybe im being a bitch baby but at 27 #it hurts that i’ve only been used #it hurts that i’ve never been in love #it’s the one love i’ve wanted to experience #and between being aro spec it’s so hard #i feel so fucking broken #i just wish i was worth it to someone else. #i love myself but wow when no one else loves you romantically? #friendship is more important to me #but i wanted to experience once in my fucking life #i give up #im letting go of that dream #it won’t come true

[seagull-scribbles]

I want you to tell ‘em that you love the way that they don’t stick out like sore middle fingers

[Continuation of this]

#TMNT 2012 #casey jones 2012 #raphael hamato #rasey #this is platonic again but I’m not against romantic subtext or whatever #when I was in school being able to do this with your hand was super cool and I often still do it with both #but I’ve met both adults and kids who’ve never seen it before and it freaks them out ahaha #anyway I was jus thinking of hands again and this is a warm up sketch #but i do think thee two would have heart to hearts on rooftops sometimes and really open up #maybe theyre sat next to eachother and raph looks at his thigh next to Casey’s and gets self conscious #maybe one of them was hurt in a fight (probably Casey) and theyre patching eachother up and they just start exploring their differences #or maybe its something as simple as raph asking casey if he was Tarzan and the scene with the hands and Casey’s like yo we can do that #or even more childish theyre just doing it to see who’s hands bigger because Casey’s sister has been doing it a lot and its fun #because let me tell you it doesnt matter how old the kids i work with are they all love comparing my hand with theirs #but i imagine Raphs eyes for a second would give away hes upset a little cause he’s definitely the most self conscience about being a mutant #so Casey would do this and be like ahh look see we arent that different really #raph could bend his fingers to emphasise how much shorter Casey’s are #and cause would say something like these digits might be small but theyre mighty #leading to a shove or even a thumb war or something #anyway ill stop gushing i have a comission to do xxx #OH OH OH THE BITE MARK ON CASEY IS BECAUSE A MUTUAL COMMENTS ABOUT EATING MY RASEY ART SO THATS THEIR TEETH but im not naming names....

[httpiastri]

me: *has a bad week*

oscar: say no more, i know how to fix it

#i would crush them both in a card house contest lmao how are they do bad?? #so** #there’s something so sexy about men covering their their faces with their hands. so big and so…… what else could he do with those?...anyways #i find it so interesting how i still to this day look at his neck and get surprised by how good it looks #like seeing it for the first time all over again #he’s so prettyyyy it hurts me so bad #and at the same time heals me #when i look at him i feel like i’ve never been sad in life #except when he’s sad #his smile :((( #the way he looks at lando……. is anyone surprised? #@ lola !! the gif on the right !!! #looks SO much like my friend that i told you about #she does those exact expression whenever she does something she’s proud of like that lol #anywayssss i love oscar #and lando for that matter #f1 #formula 1 #formula one #oscar piastri #mclaren racing #osc hands osc neck osc arms

[apollos-boyfriend]

rewatching dead poets society for a history project and godddddddddd this hurts so fucking bad

#icarus speaks #i’ve never been able to rewatch it all the way through #bc neil just BREAKS me #he’s so hopeful. he has so much life and love and joy #he found his passion!!! he’s going to do something he’s finally proud of!!!! he can be himself!!! #but we know how it ends. how his story ends. #it hurts so much to see him happy knowing the end. god

[surrealsunset]

the sun always shines on TV

#hello charlotte #vent art #charlotte wiltshire #q84 #charlotte q84 #basically. this song is like. a microcosm of. what hello charlotte is to me #the music video especially gets the point across really well #it’s like i just don’t fucking know what’s real or not #i love so blindly with no direction but i do love and that’s what confuses and scares me #i have these…. masks. that’s all this is is masks. masking. performance #it is real. but it is also fake. and it’s so hard. it’s so fucking hard wearing a mask all the time #because i can’t take it off. i can’t. that’s why i love q84 so profoundly #the mask took over her fucking life. she has no idea who she is anymore #she was never someone who hurt people and now she is and she is FUUUCKED UP about it #but she’s too isolated and alone and unwilling to listen and proud to stop the hurt or the doomspiral or any of it #i feel like that. this gets at a profound generational scream of agony i feel from everyone around me #we’re just scared. we’re all scared. we are all mourning the loss of our sanity and begging for answers and nothing is working #something. idk #i’ve been thinking about this a lot clearly gkshf #it’s just… i just. i want a hug. i just want to hug a lot. that’s all. i think all we fucking want is a fucking hug. for god’s sKe

[8rujaa]

my therapist really saved me….

#tw abuse // tw sa #i can’t sleep bc i keep thinking about this. #like i probably would’ve not been here if it weren’t for her #i started seeing her january of 2023… my life has changed entirely since then and she was definitely the one who got the ball rolling #literally so much has changed since then and it’s all because of her #i was so dissociated during our first few sessions #thanks to her i was able to get diagnosed and medicated for adhd. i was able to realize i was in an abusive situation and plan a way out #i was able to focus on myself and my healing and she’s helped me reframe so much of my negative thinking #i was able to process a lot of emotions and become a better version of myself with each session #she’s truly incredible. #i remember the first comment she made about the relationship had been ‘’so it’s like there’s an imbalance of control in the relationship’’ #i had put my partners on such a high pedestal that i had no idea they could be doing anything wrong #and i asked her what she meant and she said ‘from what you’ve been describing it’s sounds like a strict parents and child type of dynamic’ #she told me they didn’t need to understand why i wanted to leave and they didn’t need to make that decision. if that’s what was going to be #best for me the only thing i could do is let them know my reasoning and simply leave. i didn’t need their permission.’’ #i remember being so confused at that realization bc like… i had been putting their emotions over mine the whole time i had forgotten simply #doing what’s best for me was an option… l #ever since then i’ve been putting myself first and it’s been a steady uphill from rock bottom… i’ve made an incredible amount of progress #when i first started with her getting out of bed and walking to the kitchen was incredibly difficult and took all my strength. #yesterday i conquered a mountain!!!!!!! i hiked all the way to the top!!!!! :D #me a year ago thought it was going to take me years and years to recover. as soon as i left i made leaps of progress #im incredibly proud of myself and grateful for her. and my reiki lady she’s also been a great great help. #the silver lining is i realized who really matters. and the relationships i cared about deepened. #my sweet virgo friend was the one who was always like ‘THATS A GROWN ASS MAN WHO CANT UNDERSTAND BASIC CONSENT???’ #LMFAO i would be like ‘but he has trauma and bla bla bla’ she looked me dead in the eyes and said #’jess you said with your last boyfriend that you would never make excuses for a man who was hurting you again. stop defending him.’ #she’s really a gem and i treasure her with my life. i hope she knows i love her. she’s family at this point #she’s also literally saved my life before (like deadass called 911 for help) #im glad i had the support system i had. that was a rough situation with so many layers and im glad i got through it #my 22nd year of life was by far the worst of my life and i don’t ever want to put myself in that situation again. im glad i learned.

[hyunjining]

“sometimes when you’re closeted you have to do some fucked up shit” and “that doesn’t always make it ok” are two statements than can coexist

#look i’ve defintely been part of the ‘it’s not my life and i don’t know the full situation’ squad #but this is over the line for me i guess #every time i try to make it sound not as bad in my head i just come back to feeling so bad for freddie who never asked for this #louis is getting hurt yes but so is a literal child #it fucking sucks #i love louis and it’s hard to feel otherwise about him #but i’m so disappointed. idk how to feel still

[euphor1a]

to the boyfriend i want so hopelessly but will never have, happy birthday milove ♡

#gyugyu 🐶 #hiiii ! yes this is the mandatory ‘it’s my ult bias day’ sappy ass long delulu message from aleyna 💌 #so pls proceed with caution bc once i start talking it’ll get ... yeah. anyway #happy mingoo day everyone 🥺🥺 #he the loml 💖 (... one of many but let’s not talk about that *cough*) #i just love him so much :(( #the giant puppy boy who stole my heart and never gave it back 😭😞 #also he’s literally the most boyfriend to ever boyfriend?????? it’s so unfair ☹️ #just another day of not having mangyu 😔... what is life #do you know the feeling when you like look at someone and your heart starts swelling in your chest so much that it hurts?? #that’s exactly how i feel whenever i look at mingyu 🥺! i appreciate and love every little thing about him so much i :(( can’t explain #he’s soooooo comfort shaped i love him 😞. god. wanna pepper kisses all over his face and tell him how happy he makes me and #how precious he is and how i’d actually commit arson for him 😭 #also wanna kith those pretty moles 🥺🤏🏼 nnnnnnnn #why so babie if so huge 😔 he’s literally a giant puppy baby ashtsjjdhk GOD #when he laughs/giggles >>>>>>>>>!! my heart is hurting so BAD i’m so fond of him 😭😭😭 #every now and then i find myself going; SIR WHY ARE U DOING THIS ARE U WILLING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY POOR HEART?? #like loving him literally unlocked a whole new spectrum of emotions for me idk how to explain this like a sane person #in short this is like. the most fucking delulu i’ve ever been in my life 💀? or at least it feels like it... #😩 just one chance PLS!!! PLS I BEG!!!! :(( i’m so down bad it’s SO BAD #a very brainrot inducing man (the type i always fall for 😔?! started seeing the patterns hhhhh) #the amount of love my little body holds for him is insane 😷 (little in comparison to him btw... i’m generic female height 👾) #loving mingoo feels like a rainy night where you’re cuddling with your loved one under a blankie; about to fall asleep bc of how cozy u are #i wish words were enough to express how i feel about this man... but it really isn’t 😕! #he just means a lot to me okay? #he’s everything and beyond 💓 i love him like my whole life depends on it (although i’m like that for several people) #not my fault that my heart is so fucking big and it has separate places to store everyone i adore 💖 #happy bday babylove 🥺 i hope your day is filled with the happiest of moments and you can celebrate properly 💕 #it’s so sad that you’ll never know how much you mean to this random girl on the other side of the world :/ #i’m so done for aren’t i? took like 40 minutes to type and everything... sigh. i love him so bad </3

[coconut530]

HESITANT COVENANT

#Nevermore #Nevermore Webtoon #Webtoon #IDK ABOUT Y’ALL BUT I WAS NOT EXPECTING THE 42 FLASHBACK SHE SO SMITTENNNNNNNNNN #AND THEN FORGOT WE ONLY SAW LENORE’S PERSPECTIVE AFTER THAT #ADA HONEY IN THIS TIMELINE IT HAS BEEN LIKE TWO SECONDS AFTER EPISODE 40 LIKE WHY’RE YOU GOING ALONG WITH MONTY #Ngl Prospero I’ve never heard that saying but god it makes sense bc Monty is devil of the group now isn’t he?????????? #She was NOT expecting to hear that #Then I wonder what she said to sway them to get Duke 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 #What’re you gonna do with him Annaaaaaaaaaa #THE BUILDUP OF HER RANT IS INSANE IT JUST GETS INCREASINGLY LOUDER I LOVE IT #SHE SAID A (british) SWEAR #THEIR BITTER QUIET EXCHANGES LOVE ITTTTTT #NOT A GENTLEMAN HM GEE HAVEN’T REALLY NOTICED #IDK IF WE’RE PLAYING THE SAME GAME YOU JUST KNOW WE’RE PLAYING A GAME #FUNNY SHILOH 92 ALSO HAD SHANE QUESTIONING SAWYER’S ACT AND NOW MONTY QUESTIONING ANNABEL’S ACT #I CANNOT IMAGINE THE UNIVERSE WHERE MONTY IS IN PROSPERO’S POSITION #THE NARRATION AND THE CHESS METAPHORS OMGGGGG SO COOL (from someone who doesn’t know how to play chess 😂) #DEAL MADEEEEEEEEE #MY LOYALTY ONLY COMES AT THE PRICE OF NEVER HURT MY TRUE LOVE AGAIN M’KAY? M’KAY #VERY GOOD EPISODE #OHHHH APPARENTLY 96 IS SOUL DESTROYING OKAY COOOOOLLLLLL 🫠🫠🫠🫠 WE’LL SEE THEN I GUESS #ALSO 8 WEEKS TO THE BIG 💯 OH BOI

[faewaren]

Almost no one who follows me is gonna know what this is about so ignore me but. Just. God I hope Marcel is okay. Still hurts.

#still hurts!! still miss them. been like two years. #miss Luke miss Sam miss Luna miss Wit miss Trick etc etc etc #sucks real bad still that after seven years of knowing each other and all the times I went out of my way to care for them #that it was such a swift thing no trying to solve it no working to go forward nothing #just ‘we’ve been communicating badly for the first time in the seven years we’ve known each other and are all in active crisis’ #‘now you’ve stood by someone else’s right to a boundary I don’t think is reasonable and I’m gonna send you a letter that seems #specially designed to tear your heart out using all the things I’ve known about you and I’m never gonna talk to you again’ #‘bye forever’ #but also it’s been two years rafi get over it I guess #I wasn’t the only person they stopped talking to suddenly around then #I dunno if they ever figured out what had changed. I don’t think it’s that all their friends and loved ones secretly sucked. #I hope they’re all okay. #hope they’re doing better. #hope they’re safe.

[ideologyofone]

I don’t think you understand the chokehold this scene has on me

“In a thousand years, when I’ve all but forgotten how to love yet again, you’ll flit back into my heart and I’ll weep wondering what happened to my mad love.”

Astarion x Dark Urge is so overwhelmingly heartbreaking I don’t think I’ll ever recover

#I’ve been thinking about astarion x dark urge tav for like a week #they consume my every waking moment #I want to SCREAM about them all the time #astarion and tav felt a little ingenuine to me the first time around #but dark urge? #they’re real. #never once did I think astarion didn’t love dark urge tav #it they hurt me so much #bg3 #bg3 durge #astarion #bg3 spoilers

[smilesrobotlover]

Got a new cgm and pump.

Pros: I don’t have to insert my blood sugar into it anymore. I just press a button and boom, bg there. I also use the old version of this pump so I’m used to the pump.

Cons: I hate the cgm. For some reason it’s been hurting my arm and idk if it was put in a bad spot or if the cgm just hurts my arms cuz I’ve had this problem before with the older cgm and I’m an active person so it’s bad.

#ok ok full ramble #I use the new omnipod 5 #and it communicates with the Dexcom G6 #so the omnipod reads my blood sugar then gives me insulin or doesn’t give me insulin depending on where am I #it bascially changes my basil rate every five minutes #I need to bolus for food still and correct high bgs #but overall I don’t need to worry about basal #idk how to spell basal 💀💀💀 #it’s basil or basal #anyways #so I have to use the G6 cgm if I want to have this happen #and I do. but I’ve had the G4 Dexcom and it was a nightmare #the alarms were loud. I had an mp3 player lookin thing to check my bg. and it hurt my arm whenever I swam. #as if the needle was poking my muscle #I switched to the Libre which is less accurate than the Dexcom #and it may have been sore on my arms at times #it NEVER hurt like the Dexcom did #it gave me rashes and all but at least I could move #I love the Libre #so far I hate the Dexcom #:(((((( #maaaan #smiles rambles #anyways ramble over #thanks to whoever read this lol

[corrodedcoughin]

You!!! Make this community a better place!!! Thank you for grazing in the Steddie nation!!

#you ever watch a documentary on autism in ‘women and girls’ and SO MUCH of it hits home and makes sense but not all of it 100% so doubt #yourself even though over 75% fits when you’ve been thinking this might be The Right Fit but don’t have a formal diagnosis and probably #will never get one #BUT THEN get really upset because it’s in ‘women and girls’ and you don’t want to be either of those and it hurts in a way you can’t explan #and then worry you are over analysing everything and making things out to be more than they are #idk idk just thoughts to vent out I don’t need a reply so please don’t feel obligated or anything #I mean talking abt it is always interesting but I’m not expecting anything #as all of my posts are!! never an obligation! ever!!! #idk man just thinking out loud and tag talking is my way becaude a full text post is too Much #I just hope everyone is doing okay???? AND!!! I hope you are enjoying yourselves??? #in some way!! #because I’ve come back and seeing the creativity and joy and community here js so lovely #I wish I had the time to reblog everybody’s work and exclaim the details and feeling of it all #because regardless of fic shit post art edit gifs it’s all INCREDIBLE. it brings so much emotion to so many and you deserve the recognition #and credit for it because yes you do it for yourself but the feedback is always nice. always. #I just want people to be encouraged to create idk you are all so wonderful and I need you to know that #OKAY I’m done back to Normal reblogs and ask answering and whatever else I can provide #sorry!!!

[addictt-with-a-pen]

no one is ever going to want someone as broken and defective as I am, I will never be loved or cared for.

#it will never be me #never #how am I supposed to live like this for the rest of my life #all alone #everyone else has someone #or is at least able to find someone #I’m too fucked up for any of that #no one is ever going to want me #I’m too damaged #and it only makes it hurt more #I’ve never been loved #I never will be #oh #fucking ouch #… #sorry for venting #vent post #damaged #broken #defective #unlovable #unwanted #personal #my post

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[saboala]

having a complicated one sided relationship with ur mother is so

#egg boils #i have beef with her but she thinks we are great even tho i’ve never told her i loved her for the last 20 years of my life #she can threaten to send me to a boarding house for the younger parts of my life but then pretend we are on good terms #she can continue to ignore all these boundaries i set up and still act like we are tight and #physically i’ve never been hurt and she gives me allowance and funds all these things for me but God! it is tough to even utter out a happy #mother’s day and it would be easy if i could act as nonchalant as i used to when i was 16 but im 23 now and well #these things really are in my Face because at some point u realize she’s tied down by circumstance and also a shit husband #😂😂😂😂😂 #GRITTING MY TEETJ i’ll wish her i guess. i hate doing things out of the ordinary when it comes to this family but. I do feel bad i wish i #didn’t and could pretend idk anything but well!!!!!!!