the murder attempt though (about which Stede is nonchalant to a concerning degree, but that's another post)
-- WHERES THE POST OP
here <3 thank you for asking :)
cw for discussion of suicidal thoughts
Tell me, if someone were to confess to you they were planning to murder you, burn your face off and steal your identity, what would be your response?
And, um. Is that still on the cards, or -
<- If it's this, you might be Stede Bonnet.
Throughout the show, whenever Stede learns his life is in danger he's surprisingly - chill about it. It happens twice in the very first episode. The first time when Buttons tells him about the mutiny and he takes it as a performance review ("What I'm hearing is, they could do with more structure."), even though mutiny definitey meand "Your crew wants to kill you". The second time is when Olu has to ask if he wants to live twice before Stede gives an answer that sort of approaches affirmative ("That's a tough question"? "I think so"???? What kind of answers are those Stede, please go to therapy).
Learning about the mutiny plot doesn't change the way he treats his crew. Ed tells him about the murder attempt, and it doesn't change Stede's feelings towards him at all. Mary tries to stab him with a skewer and it literally fixes their relationship.
And of course it's comedic but all of this is not how a normal, well-adjusted person should react, probably. It doesn't strike me as something a person who values their own life a lot would do. And Stede - doesn't. He's not actively suicidal; he's not attempting to take his own life nor is this something he thinks about. I don't even really know what to diagnose him with here, but maybe some sort of passive suicidal ideation? Because he really just seems careless. Not in a way were he's reckless, he's very conscious of his physical safety. But when someone actively tries to kill him he's prepared to just kinda let it happen, and he doesn't hold grudges about it.
Even in ep9, when he receives his death sentence, he's like "Yeah, that's fair, I've been a horrible person, I deserve this". It's so odd - he used to be haunted by Badminton's ghost but we resolved that in ep2. Yes, leaving your family in the middle of the night is a dick move, but he was really unhappy there and the death penalty seems a little extreme. There's not really anything leading up to this that would justify his immediate acceptance.
It has been there from the start, throughout the show. And the execution is where it ends.
Because as soon as things are getting serious - when he's blindfolded in front of a firing squad - he realizes something.
Oh God, I don't want to die!
The thing about being suicidal is that most people don't actually want to die. They just want a way out of a situation they find unbearable. The difference between a failed and a successful suicide attempt is whether or not the person attempting realizes this in time to save themselves.
This is an important moment for Stede, because this is when he realizes dying will not solve his problems. He has to "face the music"; but his death isn't the way to do it.
He's hurt people, but dying won't fix that. And life - even his! - is always worth living.
What a goddamn mess
Right after Valieva finished skating, we were quickly shown the room were the top 3 skaters wait and because of the disaster of what we just witnessed, I almost didn't notice the fact the camera was zoomed on only 2 chairs: Shcherbakova's and Sakamoto's. Later I realized we didn't see Trusova because she had already left. She had seen Shcherbakova's scores.
So we had:
Trusova — silver medalist — crying because she felt cheated by her coaches (and oh, doesn't that remind you of a certain situation in 2018 between Zagitova and Medvedeva?),
Valieva — 4th at the goddamn Olympics at 15 — crying because she suffered from the pressure (and oh doesn't that remind you of a certain Lipnitskaya in 2014?), missed, and immediately got accusations from her coach while she was still one foot on the ice,
and Shcherbakova, alone, unable to enjoy her gold medal because of the whole situation (and it's my guess there, but probably trying to ignore the harsh words that might have been thrown her way in the heat of the moment by her fellow skater)
Once again, to all the adults in the figure skating world: was it worth it?
Was it worth it?
bokuto’s son looks EXACTLY like him. acts like him too; theyre both a little groggy in the morning, so they both hunch over their food during breakfast, have the same drop of drool climbing down the side of their mouth as they sleep, grin the same way when they talk about something that makes them happy, pout the same way when they get annoyed.
unlike him, his son gets into football—which makes bokuto emo. he gets SO depressed when his boy talks about messi and ronaldo like they’re gods because son why what about your daddy 🥺 and your son goes “but you’re my daddy!” and it takes him a while to figure out that daddies are MUCH cooler than football players ☺️
when i read this i pictured it so clearly bcs it’s so accurate 😭
your senses tingle with apprehension as you eye the alarm on your nightstand. it’s 8:19am on a weekend, and at least one of your children should have crawled into bed to wake you and your husband by now.
no household with a five year old and two toddlers should be this quiet, but for some reason it is, and it makes you instantly worried.
when you roll over to tell bokuto this, he’s nowhere to be seen. you sit up, throroughly confused.
“kou?” you call, in case he’s in the bathroom.
you throw the duvet aside, swinging your legs over the edge of the bed and heading out the bedroom door and into the hall. you peek into your children’s rooms, anxiety spiking when you find them all empty.
you’re halfway to a full on meltdown when you hear the giggling coming from downstairs. it’s followed by bokuto’s shushing, and you instantly relax. you pad lightly down the stairs, interested to see what your boys are trying to get away with now.
well, nothing looks broken, but the shoes in the genkan are haphazardly thrown around, as if they’d been slipped off in a hurry. you peek into the kitchen, where a box of pastries from the bakery in town sit on the counter, along with a small bouquet of lillies. there’s a steaming cup of coffee waiting for you, in the mug your son had decorated with his handprints at school.
how he managed to herd all three children out the door this early without waking you is a mystery. the man’s never known quiet a day in his life.
just out in the backyard, you hear more laughter. your children are still in their pajama’s, bokuto changed into a simple tee and joggers. he’s got both your toddlers latched onto his back, and is trying to use a soccer ball like a volleyball. much to the chagrin of your five year old, whose room is outfitted with posters of messi and ronaldo.
“daddy,” he laughs, when bokuto encourages him to set the ball. your son’s already registered in the local kid’s league, but that hasn’t stopped your husband from trying to exchange soccer cleats for knee pads (don’t get him wrong, he’s at every game, always cheering the loudest). “soccer balls are for kicking!”
you pick up your mug and the box of pastries, carrying them towards the sliding door to catch the tail end of their conversation.
“but don’t you wanna play volleyball like your dad?” the grown man pouts, kids still clinging to his neck. “don’t you wanna spike volleyballs like me?”
akaashi’s daughter has taken a liking to volleyball, and maybe he’s a little, teeny tiny bit jealous. your husband and oldest son are the most alike, from the way they style their hair to the way they hunch groggily over breakfast, but return home with an endless supply of energy.
but apparently they don’t share everything.
“okay you four,” you grin, waving them over to the sun-soaked deck before things get a little too emotional. “come have some breakfast.”
four faces light up when they see you, one of your toddlers squirming off of bokuto’s back and waddling into your waiting arms. he props the other up on his hip, striding over to you and lightly gripping the back of your head to pull you in for a kiss.
“quite the morning you four had,” you chuckle, watching your son dig into the pastry box. “i’m surprised you wrangled them all out the door without me.”
“yeah, well, we wanted to treat you,” bokuto says with a lopsided grin, nodding towards your oldest. “him especially. i guess you’re the cool parent, and he’d rather have messi or ronaldo as a daddy,” he sighs dramatically, catching your son’s attention.
he immediately shakes his head, mouth stuffed with pastry as he exclaims, “no, you’re my daddy, and daddies are cooler than soccer players!”
“kou,” you murmur when your husband falls silent, wrapping an arm around his waist. “please don’t cry, because if you cry, i’m going to cry—”
“‘m not crying,” he sniffles. “i swear!”
Another thing about the episode 5 fight scene I can’t get out of my head is how Pat says “tell him” when Wai asks if there is anything going on between Pat and Pran
Because it’s a challenge, but also a plea. During the rooftop scene Pat says “this thing between us, what would we even call it?” So when Pat challenges “tell him”, he wants Pran to tell Wai about their relationship, but also tell Pat. Because one of the things that has made Pat so mad is realizing not just his own feelings, but also how complicated their relationship is.
During flashback scene of Pat remembering Pran describing their song, Pran described a love story. Past Pat recognized it as theirs, but missed the love the story was hurtling towards. So Pran went on to try and further elaborate, bringing up secret crushes. I interpreted that flashback seen as Pat looking back on it with a new viewpoint. In fact, every flashback scene in episode 5 I viewed as Pat recontextualizing his past relationship with Pran. So Pat wasn’t just realizing that he loves Pran, he was realizing that he and Pran have been in love. He was just slow on the uptake, but not anymore.
But despite being in love, they aren’t lovers. Despite occasionally being friendly, they aren’t friends. Despite constantly being at odds, they aren’t enemies.
So when Pat says “tell him”, he means “tell me. Explain what we are. Explain it in a way an outsider can understand. Label it. Solidify it. Because this limbo we’ve been in our entire life is torturous, and I’ve finally had enough”
And it is a terrible thing to say to Pran, because Pat knows he is demanding the impossible.