#it wasnt scary per se

[cult-of-the-eye]

What experience I would give as a statement to Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London? Statement fucking begins...

Summer after GCSEs, whole fam picks up and goes to India for 3 weeks

Listen we are hubristic. We literally go from Britain to Turkey to Delhi airport, to a different airport, to Banaras in a taxi, to Siliguri in a sleeper train, to Kalimpong in a car, back to Siliguri in a van, then to Kolkata in a sleeper bus, to Dhakha, Bangladesh by plane, to my grandparents place in Sylhet by car, then back to Dhakha, then back to Delhi, then back to Turkey and then back to Britain.

Tell me we didn't have at least one entity on our side.

None of us got ill. We had a 6 yr old with us. She didn't complain one bit. I'm 100% sure I blacked out for the majority of it. No other explanation than paranormal.

Those sales assistants in shops have to be fucking avatars of the web or something the way they fucking smile and you until you've blinked and you've bought 3 lehengas and she's like very good ma'am

I met my grandma's sister who looks exactly like my grandma, speaks the exact same way, acts the exact same way. It was so uncanny I could've sworn she just was her. Probably very normal explanation (genetics) but we can never be sure.

I made friends with a hand sized spider in a bathroom by singing "Mr spider, please don't kill me" in the tune of Mr sandman to it every day. It disappeared on the last day. (giving spiral)

I got myself an Indian accent. I am not Indian. (Most of my family is from Bangladesh, I was born there) I am not good at accents. I'm not sure how this transpired (could be some elaborate sociolinguistics explanation but I'm gonna go with paranormal)

We went on a massive family day out with cousins to a river near the mountains and we all had a great time until this little menace of a cousin literally got carried away by a current and we were terrified until one of my uncles literally grabbed him by the leg and yanked him out right before he would've gotten completely carried away. I don't think that's pure luck, personally.

My aunts staged an intervention for me about my posture (Not supernatural, Im just salty)

My dad successfully convinced some strangers who sat next to him on the plane that the reason me and my siblings spoke such good English was that we went to an English medium school. When pressed, he came up with the most elaborate story ever. He gave them a random school we went to, told them we were his boss' kids and he was taking us home, bullshitted a company and then when one of them went oh my dad is a higher up in that company, he says oh didn't he retire recently and the guy goes yeah he did! We are completely oblivious of this story, until he leans over and tells us not to call him dad for the rest of the plane journey. If that's not fucking Stranger behaviour then what is.

We get home, exhausted out of our minds and we realise we can't find our fucking front door key. We pile into the back garden and proceed to search through the entirety of our bags, trouser pockets, pockets within bags, we're all on the verge of tears, I'm catatonic, my little sister has picked up a stick and is slowly peeling it, my other sister is the only one actually looking and my dad is staring at the luggage, as if it had grown legs and was doing a little dance right before his eyes. We do find the keys after 20 minutes. We never mention this again. That's fucking paranormal shit right there don't even try to convince me otherwise. Michael the distortion was fucking with us.

Statement ends... (Although that's definitely not even half the shit that happened)

Watch Jonathan "Jarchivist" Sims crumble beneath my experiences. Hes so bamboozled that he forgets to try and discredit me. I bring him a packet of laddoos and some aachar.

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #jarchivist #rambles #statement begins #statement ends #indian jonathan sims #it wasnt scary per se #but it would be one of those statements you come out of afterwards like what the fuck #what the fuck just happened

[aquarianshift]

"a complete unknown." fuck outta here. can you imagine if they actually hired a complete unknown to play bob? a genuine no name who doesn't quite have the hollywood Look but his face is striking and memorable and sort of boyishly handsome (and yet super geeky) and he can't like. sing per se but his voice grabs you and honestly sounds a little alarming. whos got this twitchy energy but talks like your best friend's pothead older brother if he'd only ever watched cowboy movies. who had scary blue-marble eyes and like wasnt the french dude. chal we not. "a complete unknown." not that i care, you understand.

[quadrantbreaker]

8 19 23 25 for the ask game :3

HI CHEREN meows at you

8. game of the year

i dont know what games i played in 2023. phigros(occasional) omori prsk(fuck you) arknights lcb(rip) mc. might have to go with mine craf because for a bit id start seeing blocks when i closed my eyes (slabs stairs fullblocks. rearranging themselves. scary shit).

sorry changed my mind fuck mc. phigros game of the century

19. what're you excited about for next year

honest to god i dont know. maybe ill learn how to drive (unconvincingvoice). maybe i will play more games... or draw more.......................... or i will finally write stuff

23. if you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year what would it be

think the message might go something like "hi egg dont get too lost in the sauce(gacha addiction) and remember to study physics more"

25. did you create any new characters

exe from our beautiful megathrust gained its current name in 2023 but wasnt created this year per se. well i guess they went through the meat grinder a couple of times and now theyre pretty different. i did revive a few of my old ocs at some point but not super seriously (mightve posted them at one point. look at your own risk) ... hm!

#ask #DO I HAVE AN ASK TAG.

[journalsandshit]

01/15/2023 - a list of all the ways that jack and meghans "relationship" made my life worse

-i had to chaperone their dates all the time so i always felt like i was third wheeling when i was just supposed to be hanging out with my "friends"

-i literally only had two friends (well i technically didnt like one of them but she was still kind of my friend bc we hung out all the time) and it made me see one as a bad person and later, once i had recovered from that, to see the other as a manipulative, annoying, idiot

-i felt left out of everything, my favorite thing was to go to the movie room with jack and watch shit for hours, but when we brought her they just laid on each other and were gross the whole time (he literally fingered her while i was maybe six feet from them at least once) and i was completely ignored and pushed to the side of the couch (or they would have their own couch and leave me alone on mine which idk if that was better or worse) and when they didnt ignore me it was mostly jokes about "oh l**** dyou wanna come cuddle too??" bullshit from jack which wasnt too harsh or anything, it was all in good fun, it just made me feel really alone bc like.. yes! yes i do wanna lay on you and cuddle like we do every single day, but it wasnt an invitation it was a joke and i felt so alone every day we had her with us all summer long but i couldnt say anything bc god forbid i have an opinion about something that impacts my life very fucking day

-it made my life so stressful bc i had to balance managing my own life and feelings about this fucked up situation with meghans and with jacks and sometimes with carolinas and it was really hard bc everyone wanted me on their side and all i knew was that i wanted it to be over so i could just spend time with jack without being angry and hurt all the time

-they were all over each other all the time, even when i was literally right there, and i was afraid to say anything bc it was two on one and i didnt want to cause any issues with my one real friend

-THEY HAD SEX IN MY GOD DAMNED CAR AND TRIED TO HIDE IT FROM ME EVEN THOUGH I TOLD THEM NOT TO

-im still afraid to tell jack about how i feel/ask for too much (too much = anything at all) bc he talks about how traumatized meghan left him and even though ik were not the same im scrared that im gonna start to remind him of her and that ill drive him away by being emotional or by thinking about myself from time to time

-carolina shoved meghan back into our lives and jack and i have never been the same. we arent bad per se, but were different. im afraid that we will never be as comfortable around each other as we were because she came back and he stopped touching me and telling me he loved me and that was scary because nothing about how i felt about him changed but it feels like something in him changed about me and he timing was just too perfect

#01/15/2023 #from old blog #list #jack #meghan #wip

[spaececase]

my mom does not identify as a christian. she grew up with devoutly christian parents, but she realized early on that their brand of christianity was less about being a good person who does the right thing and more about looking like a good person who does the right thing. she still loves jesus, but she also believes that he practiced witchcraft and that that is why he was killed.

so i wasnt very involved in christianity as a kid. we would go to services occasionally for like easter and stuff, usually with my grandparents, sometimes on our own but rarely. but my mom exposed me to a lot of different religious backgrounds. shes fascinated with cults and when i was like 6-9 we spent a lot of time at buddhist (not saying buddhism is a cult but sgi is kinda weird) gatherings and hari krishna temples. when i was a preteen she studied with jehovas witnesses and i would listen in sometimes but while i did have some homophobic tendencies the weird stuff spewed in the teen jw books rubbed me the wrong way.

at the beginning of high school, the only friends i had at my tiny independent study program were jws. again, it made me uncomfortable how homophobic they were. but i was shockingly naive and ignorant so i didnt say anything about it

and then we moved to detroit, where my grandfather lives. for awhile, i got super involved in his baptist church. i joined the choir and the praise dancing group. i went to church every weekend. but the kids were mean. they bullied me but i couldnt really tell that they were bullying me so i just felt uncomfortable. but things were getting bad at home, so i tried to believe. i prayed every night for months, wishing for things to get better and for me to be happier.

but the bullying was really bad, and home was really bad, and praying didnt help. so i gave up on it. stopped going to church as much. learned about lgbt stuff. realized i was lgbt. went to church a couple of times after that but often left feeling disgusted. ended up leaving halfway thru a service on one of my last visits because of the homophobia.

i dont know what i believe now. i guess there could be something out there. i loosely call myself an agnostic pagan. i believe that there is a presence, but that its so inhuman and strange and incomprehensible that i cant describe it.

i never had christianity pushed on me, per se, not like other people. but i still wanted to believe. i wanted to seek comfort and connection. it just..never fit.

irony is that despite the fact that i wasnt really raised religious i did have pretty prominent religious delusions about being an angel when i was like 16-20 (i have a whole alter who definitely thinks its some sort of angelic alien being. she is SUPER weird and kind of scary actually).

idk where im going with this, i mostly wrote it out to process my thoughts lmao. anyway my mom studied with mormons up until recently lmao

#Christianity 011 #religious delusions 011 #mormons 011 #homophobia 011 #its all just weird and uncomfortable to think about lmao #bullying 011 #cults 011 #let me know if i missed anything

[babysizedfics]

also did vee put up a facade of dark edginess and if so how long did that take to come down? (i wanted to keep this separate from my first ask, also it wouldnt fit hshdhsh - i j have boring timeline questions today tbh) -🌙

it ok ! i dont have the energy rn to answer the other one but its so weird i was literally thinking about this a few hours ago ??? moon ur psychic

not to the extent of canon virgil ! vee has always been secretly super soft and sensitive , but she basically got tired of it when she reached her teen years - not necessarily tired of being soft but tired of how easily she was hurt by remus being loud or by janus not understanding something she does and by the various strangers who had hurt or bullied her

so from when fae turned 13 ish or something, fae generally acted more closed off and moody and hid her enjoyment and interests and sensitivity. fae didnt try to be intimidating or anything, fae naturaly had an appreciation for alternative fashion u know like goth and stuff bc janus is very lowkey victorian goth and steampunk and remus i imagine is pretty punk, so vee experimented with lots of alternative fashion and that might make u think fae was trying to look scary but rlly fae eas trying to find what made faer happy (and of course fae realised later it was a kind of pastel goth lolita combo with mostly dresses)

when she first moved in with the light sides it was kind of complicated - patton is the one who let her into the house and she was incredibly vulnerable that night, in tears and shaking and mute and basicaly pleading patton with her eyes to let her stay, so patton saw the true vulnerable sensitive side of vee because she had no chance of hiding it ok that first night

but logan and roman didnt see her til the next morninf where she had a chance to put her defences up again - she was silent because shes partially nonverbal, but she was embarrassed about that so she pretended it was because she didnt want to talk to them and aboided eye contact and pouted and crossed her arms and avoided them. but really it was coming from fear and vulnerability and shame

in the longterm like the first year or so fae lived with them, it was pretty split between sides. with patton fae was always way more open and sensitive, even if fae was hiding a lot of it because it tied directly to faer regression. so patotn got to see the soft side of vee even if it was a little limited.

with logan she wasnt moody per se, but she was very closed off and quiet and kind of awkward because of what i mentioned before, that she THOUGHT she had a crush on him (but turns out not only is she aroace, what she thought was attraction was actually logan making her feel little because he was such a calming presence to her)

roman showed vee a lot of ..... hositility in the first couple years of faer living there. something similar to canon romans reaction to canon virgil in the first few episodes. he didnt think fae was a villain or anything, this au is much more based in reality, but he was so protective of his family and tbh he is okay with impulsive changes but MASSIVE shifts like living with someone new suddenly is not a good thing for him, thats when the ADHD need for normality actually kicked in for roman.

so with roman vee wasnt necessarily intimidating, she knew she couldnt really be and didnt want to be either, but they were very snappish with each other, vee has quite a sharp temper if shes pushed too far so she was far more.. idk snappish and fierce with roman than she was with anyone else because she was so hurt and tured of romans attitude to her

#this au rlly is v different from canon now so yeah pls always assume my au probably deviates from canon shshwbdh #idk if i explained these stuff well shhsjs #little/big concepts #asks #🌙 anon

[pharahlesbian]

What are your opinions on aromantic folks?

well, its kind of complicated. on the one hand, i dont rly feel like u guys r doing anything wrong per se, like none of u ever seem to do any of the harmful shit that aces do. and aro is an identity i used to hold really closely. roughly 4-5 years ago, i was on here identifying as aroace.

my personal experience with both labels is that they did measurable harm to my perception of myself and my sexuality. when i did eventually realize i was a lesbian, i didn’t immediately suspect those labels had done me any harm. not until i read several other accounts of ppl who went through a near identical experience as me

see, the answer to your question is complicated bc i first have to address split attraction. its one of my main gripes with asexuality. its my firm belief that romantic and sexual attraction should not be so neatly sequestered the way many people describe them to be. the reality of attraction is that every single person experiences it uniquely and defines it for themselves and themselves alone. i genuinely think the labels “aromantic” and “asexual” and all their variants shouldnt exist at all. and i think they are REGRESSIVE. i really do. they impede progress in a society that desperately needs it. we NEED a more healthy view of sex in our society. we NEED people to understand that its normal and ok to not want sex, or to experience varying degrees of attraction. not wanting sex or romance should be as normal as not wanting your ears pierced. and it should be something you discuss with your partner and your partner alone. having labels for this very normal experience is honestly just setting us back. we dont need to get caught up in a hundred micro labels to describe the ways we have sex. we can just have sex, or dont! or have sex once a month, once a year! or never! and thats your choice and you shouldnt be made to feel like u need to have 5 labels for what should just be how youre feeling. attraction is so nebulous, theres no way we could ever pin it down with labels and we should really stop trying

so. how do i feel about aromantic ppl. well, how do i feel about aromanticism? its a tough conversation to have, because of how personal it is, and its why ive put off this ask for a really long time. i was aroace, yeah, but aro was the label i was really passionate about. im gonna tell you some stuff u might not want to hear, but its my experience.

i was aro because i was lonely, and i was aro because i was scared. i knew i had feelings for girls, but i didnt know how to reconcile them, especially with my burgeoning gender qualms i was also having (which was also happening bc of the aforementioned attraction to girls, but thats another conversation entirely). it was scary, trying to pin down the fact that i was only attracted to girls. and i mightve come to that conclusion a lot sooner if it werent for tumblr telling me about asexuality/aromanticism/split attraction. suddenly i had a copout. cant be attracted to girls if im attracted to no one, right? that plus the fact that when youre lonely and havent experimented with dating, when everything is in hypotheticals, then anything is possible (“well i guess i COULD be attracted to men... but id never have sex with them! so i guess im panro-ace” <-an actual identity i had at age 19. comp het feeds on these micro labels and split attraction)

please keep in mind none of this is directed at you or even aromantics as a whole, im still just talking about my own experience. and my experience was that the aroace label was definitely just a convenient place to hide from being a lesbian. and i know others have had similar experiences.

so...once again. how DO i feel about aromantics? i feel as though we live in a very romance-forward world. romance is everywhere, once youre looking for it. i think i was rather bitter, and preferred pretending that not dating was an identity, rather than the painful reality of firstly not knowing what i wanted, and secondly not even knowing if id BE wanted. i think we all have varying degrees of attraction, both romantic and sexual, and i think for many the two kind of exist in tandem. and again for many, these feelings can exist a lot stronger for them than they do for others. so it leaves a lot of ppl feeling like they MUST be different. i think it makes a lot of sense that i identified strongly with aromanticism, even aside from me using it as something to hide behind. ive never really been much of a romantic. i never had too many crushes, and i only ever imagined romantic scenarios if it were fictional characters i shipped.

of course once i saw someone list these types of things out as evidence of being aro, i was like oh thats me! and latched onto it. and never did anymore introspection. the label was a copout. now, i could tell u that being aroace was a product of knowing i wasnt attracted to men yet not being able to face being attracted to women, so i was like “oh ok guess i have No attraction!” and i can tell u that since ive been with my girlfriend, ive become the sappiest romantic ever.

im not gonna tell you “you just havent found the right person yet :)” but i will say that if you have even the slightest doubt or uncertainty, to go out and experiment! date around and see how you feel. no one can tell you who u are or how u feel except u. u wont be a hypocrite for experimenting. but if youre already sure u dont really feel romantic attraction, then more power to you. not everyone on this earth needs to get married or date. i do think our society needs to normalize just being happy with who you are, and not see it as pitiful. thats an opinion that is so hard to have when youre single, bc u cant help but feel like youre pathetically trying to justify being alone, so im doubling down now that im in a relationship. its fucking ok to not be in a relationship!! if theres one thing that’s stayed the same since i was aro its my assertion that ppl need to fucking chill about orher peoples relationship status

i feel like this answer went in one THOUSAND different directions, but ive been thinking about how to answer this for a while and decided to just word vomit

TL;DR: aromantics are fine, not as harmful as asexuality, you do you, make sure you examime yourself and how you feel often, dont just take the word of ppl on tumblr (me included), everyone experiences attraction differently, i just wish split attraction model didnt exist because its perfectly fine to not want sex/romance or to have low/nonexistent attraction, i just dont believe in the labels/identities.

#ask #sorry if this is absolutely incoherent #aromiiic #ace shit #hoping u wont see this as like Hate Speech but an actual like Conversation #its a weird perspective bc there was a time when thatd be me asking a question like that with an icon like that #i remember always trying to raise awareness of aro stuff in the ace community #these conversations always require lots of nuance and understanding #unfortunately tumblr is usually low on reserves wrt nuance and tact #i always try tho and i always have high hopes that ppl respond in kind

[pettydavis]

okay so ju on origins wasnt SCARY per se. but it was interesting.

[fenharel]

act 1: 5 & 6 // act 2: 1, 2 & 6 // act 3: 2, 3 & 5 for alvar!!!

Act 1

5. What did your Inquisitor do to the templars/mages? Conscription, alliance or banishment/disbanding? Why?

she allied with the mages! alvar is a mage herself, when she heard that the mages want to talk to her, it was basically a no brainer for her to check them out asap. and it was also a no brainer to offer them an alliance, alvar is actually quite aware that conscripting them might be the smarter move, but she simply doesn’t want to do that because she trusts them and she firmly believes they deserve to be independent

6. Was your Inquisitor uncomfortable with their title or did they embrace it? Would they have chosen to join the Inquisition if they had been given the option?

she wasnt uncomfortable per se, but she was surprised for sure, she’s an elf and a mage after all!! and on top of that, leader of something which main religion she doesnt even share. but she knows how to lead (in theory. baby was still just first of her clan after all) and having the mark, it made sense in her eyes also she’s a bit stupid and brave and would never say no to something like this lmao imagine her basically like “ofc im gonna save the world!!” and in the back of her head theres also a little whisper that goes “also this is dangerous and exciting, but also a bit scary, yeehaw” & yes she would have joined the inquisition if given the chance! this is a one in a lifetime experience, and she’s def the type of person to get involved. she would also never just be like “ah, let the others deal with those demons i guess..”

Act 2

1. What did your Inquisitor think of the Hawke they met? Did they clash? Were they friends? Was your Inquisitor in awe of the champion?

oh my god alvar is the biggest fangirl :’/ varric gifted her the tale of the champion back in haven & she ate the book up in a single night. she also loved to hear him talk about her, and when she was suddenly standing infront of her she was a bit star struck, ngl :’/ <3 they did become friends pretty quickly, both being pretty extroverted and social. u would find them laughing together with varric at the camp fire while on their way to the adamant fortress. alvar would question her all the time about whats true in varrics book and eleanor didn’t mind at all. alvar also went 🥺 all the time whenever eleanor mentioned anders, she loves romance......

2. Which warden ally (Loghain, Stroud or Alistair) did your Inquisitor meet? What became of the warden ally and why did your Inquisitor choose to spare/sacrifice them?

this is a tricky question because i still havent decided what i want to be canon lmao. originally she met alistair, and sacrificed hawke because it was hawkes wish, and she didnt thought it was her place to deny her that no matter how much she liked her. though, cari is my main warden for a while now, which means alistair is king and she should have met stroud. in that scenario she sacrificed stroud, i headcanon that he made a stronger case and she didnt deny him for the same reason as i mentioned before. also he’s a warden and will die of the taint anyway (though that’s something she thought of afterwards). i played this scenario only once. god i finally have to make up my mind lmao.

6. Which potential leader of Orlais (Celene, Briala or Gaspard) did your Inquisitor approve of the most? Which one did they end up backing? Was it a choice based off of personal wants or the necessary choice to win the war?

briala! and she ended up backing her, but officially putting gaspard on the throne. it was a surprise to some, some didnt thought she had it in her. but she did research quite a bit before going to orlais, and she made leliana tell her every single secret she knew about that place. one things she knew for certain was that she didnt trust celene, and that she didnt trust briala to ever get any power if celene was still present. so i would say its a mixture of personal wants (wanting elves to get treated right, for example) and politics

Act 3

2. How did your Inquisitor react to the Well of Sorrows? Did it mean anything to them? Did they feel a connection to the history it contained?

she was speechless for a second tbh. she admires mythal, and i think she heavily felt the years of pain the well contained in the air, but she also felt connected in a way that this was part of her peoples history, and yet even being a keepers first, she didnt knew anything about it. part of her was quite excited to have uncovered such a thing, another part of her was almost a bit regretful, this was the first time she thought about how much more there could be about elves she never knew about

3. Who drank from the well, Morrigan or your Inquisitor, and what were your Inquisitor’s reasons for who drank? Were they fearful of Morrigan? Did they desire the secrets of the well?

alvar drank! she wasnt fearful of morrigan, but she was fearful for her, she didnt wanted to let her drink it because it was dangerous, and she’s the type to do things like that herself then (im rolling my eyes hard rn) though, there was also a part of her deep down that wanted the knowledge for herself, that believes as an elf she should be the one to gather the secrets of the ancient elves. she isn’t very aware of that though.

5. What were your Inquisitor’s plans after defeating Corypheus? Did they intend to abandon their role as Inquisitor or remain with the Inquisition?

honestly, she’s more the type to live in the moment, she didnt had many plans. all she really wanted was to visit her clan and her parents for a bit and introduce them to solas as well, but that didnt happen :-)

Dragon Age Asks: Inquisitor + Choices

#sorry for doing this so late :o #thalasians #answered #alva lavellan #ocs tag

[purple-verse]

hey! sorry if this has been asked before, or comes off as rude, but I saw that Moths is Randall's alter, right? I just wanted to ask if Moths a villain in any way. of course there's always exceptions, but I'm just afraid of the "alter is actually evil and scary because DID is freaky1!" trope that horror media tends to use.

hello thank you for your ask

i am diagnosed with DID and the game was very much a vent piece

as for moths, i do not view him as a villian per se, yes he did awful things, but in his eyes he was protecting randall.

moths retained a lot of the trauma from randalls childhood abuse (very much based on my own) so hes really just... hurt and doesnt really know a better way to deal with things

moths is based off my own alter too. growing up he was... very bad to those around him and caused me lots of problems, but to him he was protecting me.

yes i know the game is going to come across as “oh DID scary bad”, but thats not my intention. my game was made for me and only me, and if other people like it then im happy and if other people decide that im bad for dealing with my trauma and illnesses in this way, then thats fine, i dont really care.

also randall has other alters besides moths (though i wasnt really able to touch upon them much in the game because of personal reasons) but in the DC i very much plan to expand on that. moths was just kind of the main focus.

i was also in a very very very bad place when i made the game and was planning to kill myself once the game was out, i just wanted to get part of my story and my heart out there before.

things didnt turn out that way though as i met my boyfriend mikey and hes literally made my life so much better,, so in the new version of the game there will be new endings and content reflecting that i have healed and so will randall

i guess to singulars or people who dont have a violent protector alter, it would seem like the game is villianizing it, but thats not the point or intention

#suicide mention #Anonymous

[sparklypunk]

I drove... My body was so shaky ans i still am kinda but like it wasnt scary per-se... But theres just so much to do and remember...

#i drove on the residental roads and i had to deal with one bad driver who cut me off and didnt give me the right of way... #my anxiety is just... so high #and i sont want it to be #like i want to be calm and collective #its such a repitition thing tho. like repeat until its fully remembered and its just a proccess #like i know within my lifetime we will ease out of human driving cars into self automated cars #im learning on a 2002 toyota van.... like... learning in a minivan that only has one working window ... aint hard... but it aint easy #and ppl can be jackasses on the road #and it doesnt help that the book/rules we have to know arent always right and something we should follow #i want to drive because i know it gives ppl that freedom of not having to rely on someone else #but other than that its all a waste... its bad for the enviornment its essentially a death machine if u slack on paying attention #its so shoved down of aomething we should all do when in reality we just need better public transportation #i think this van will be my first car #god i have so much jitters right now i cant relax #its such a juxtaposition too #because i went from driving with my mom who has a habit of babying me.. not wanting me to use the gas pedal to not go on any roads with cars #to driving with my step dad who has a hands off approach & had me back up on our neighbourhood road filled with cars down a crowded roadway #actually having me use the gas pedal with a speed of 10-20mph with other cars #its so... overwhelming? but not bad... but im just doing it cuz its so required in order to be 'a function person in society' #going thru the motions until i find my place i suppose #anyways driving isnt that much different from video games.. life isnt much different from video games #conclusion: this whole reality is just one big video game. elaborate vr system and these are just our avatars #personal

[azaraspirit]

ok idk where it came from but i just a scary fucking dream. like ok it wasnt scary per se? like it was but it wasnt??? more like sad and emotional and out of nowhere and that why it scared me? i just had a dream thinking i heard my dead grandma talking. which is odd bc ik wasnt real but i was shook i woke up crying wttfff so that was fun. like if i was their house and heard it i would think it was real???? also i have the house to myself which made it even scarier lol

#all-about-tom #personal #i mean she hasnt visited this house more than a couple times #and shes dead #idk why i had this fucking dream #and now im scared fuck

[things-we-used-tc-share]

Tricks

Deceit likes to play tricks on the others, generally, they’re irritating but not harmful, until now. Sympathetic!Deceit but taht’s probably a spoiler TW: minor descriptions of blood/gore, hallucinations. Logan angst, Virgil Angst, 

--

Logan was used to Deceit’s tricks he was used to finding his books completely unorganized, used to finding his room messier than he left it, information missing, books disappearing. He knows each and every time who it is and confronts him to get him to clear up his mess. Generally the other just laughs and disappears. Annoying, but harmless really. 

He wakes up one morning and finds that the order of the kitchen is different, the knives are stuck into the table and with a sigh, he works on removing them. Until suddenly, what he’s seeing is not really what is there; a mirage passes over the room like dust falling to a surface and he drops the knife. 

His heart pounds as he sees blood staining the surface, with a gulp he takes a step back and analyses everything around him, hears laughter in the distance. “Deceit,” His voice sounds hoarse in his throat, his brain trying to process the illogical situation before him “Stop that this isn’t funny,”

He sees faces, bodies lying on the floor, he can hear shouting in his ears and the world seems to spin. The first he identifies is Patton, a smashed bowl lying beside his figure, Logan’s stomach lurches and his suddenly weighted legs drag themselves over to the body, before he can touch it, however, it fades from existence. “Patton?” He croaks, body whipping around “Where are you?” 

He can hear things, voices, distraught and begging for him, asking him to save them. A figure sinks from the background “Virgil?” He steps forward, trying to approach the other, but it’s like there’s a glass wall separating the two. ‘Virgil’ opens his mouth like a silent scream before disappearing into the darkness again. He catches his breath, and turns on the spot, he’s seen Virgil, Patton, so Roman must be left. He swallows drily and turns around in an attempt to identify where the other was. This wasn’t logical, it was a hallucination, Deceit’s tricks. Although, this was so...twisted for the other. He deduced this was Deceit’s work, but not his idea. 

He found who he was looking for however, taking a step towards the couch as he identifies a cold, pale hand with red stains running along the fingertips. Logan swallows and takes one step forward, in perfect tandem to his footsteps the figure sits bolt upright, blood matting it’s hair. He hears his name called through a hoarse throat and then the figure dissappears. 

His legs give out and the room spins, he’s lying on the kitchen floor, the knives were no longer in teh table, the room looked brighter. Three figures stood around him. 

“Logan?”

“Are you okay,”

“Jesus dude you gave me a heart attack,” All three voices speak at once. , and Logan jumps, backwards, scrambling against the wall. 

“Are you real?” He whispers, eyes wide in such a twisted version of who Logan is. Logan was not scared, not fragile, always levelheaded and reasonable. Right now however, he was only a shadow of that man, frantically searching the others for a hint of blood or damage, even doubel checking the front and backs of their hands. Virgil takes a step back and gestures the other’s to do so too as Logan’s chest felt tight. 

“He’s having a panic attack,” He muttered, and pointed towards the wall “Back away,” He then crouches down so he’s on Logan’s level, moving closer and sitting down sme space away but enough Logan can hear him “Logan we’re very real, and I don’t know what’s happened but I need you to listen to me, breathe,” Virgil’s voice is quiet, soft, but commanding “In and out, hold for 8, breathe out for 7, you’ve got this,” Logan nods and recites the excercises with his actions in a mirror to his friend’s count. “Good, keep doing that until you feel you’re breathing has been regulated,”

“Patton? Come here,” The other nods and moves closer “Patton is going to come over now, is that okay?” Logan nods his head and accepts Patton’s gentle touch as he sits down next to the other, placing one arm around his shoulders and the other on Logan’s arm. 

Virgil stands up and moves away, back to Roman, with his back to Logan he mutters to the other “Find Deceit, I don’t care if you have to get Thomas to summon him, bring him to me, now,” The anxious one can feel his hands shaking, but not with anxiety, with rage, he knows these tricks that Deceit can play, he knows how the other can mess with their heads with his lies. 

He turns back to Logan, who was neutralising his breathing and starting to talk in full, coherant sentances “You were all dead, all of you, or dying, and then when I walked closer, you dissappeared and I could never save you, but there was blood everywhere,” He cleared his throat, red faced “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have fallen for such silly tricks,”

“Logan, we all have bad times, it’s okay, it’s normal,” Patton reasoned, rubbing the other’s shoulders “Whoever it was targeted you because you’ve not had those before, it seems to me anyway,” Virgil nodded in agreement, but before he can talk there’s the noise of someone entering the space. 

Deceit was not particularly attractive, with his face of snake scales and pointed teeth and yellow eyes, he was the epitome of lies if they were a living person. He doesn’t look as happy, cunning as usual however, in fact his eyes are slightly downcast as if he looked somewhat remorseful. “Why did you do it?” Virgil asks firmly, his eyes narrowed behind eyeliner and sheer rage. 

“It wasn’t..my idea, per se,” he admits, cracking his fingers nervously. “I allowed my powers to be used, but the manipulation, I admit, was not me, the images cast, were not what I had expected to produce, those were...manipulated by, well, someone else here,” There’s a silence, even Roman hadn’t procured the words to use for this scenario. 

“Who else is here Deceit?” Logan asked as he stands shakily “Who else is in this room, that we can’t see?” The room seems to shift, and Logan can see movement out of the corner of his eyes, but when he turns his head there is no one there. “Because there is someone, or something here right now, that we can’t see, isn’t there, right in the corner of our eyes, where nobody really looks, things we don’t want to see,”

Deceit uttered one word, swallowing firmly as his eyes trail to the far corner of the room “Fear,” He whispers. The room tilts, like a veil falling off an otherwise untraceable object and then there’s this...thing. 

It bore some resemblance to Thomas, for sure, the eyes, although painted white held the same shape and contour, the lips although a cracked grey were Thomas’. the hair was inky black, cheeks so pale that they tinged blue, thin spike protruded from it’s scalp like needle sharp horns. Fear. The tips of it’s fingers were paintd purple and the clothes it wore were like rage over a thin, skeletal body. This thing, Fear, bore no human resemblance other than human eyes and mouth, with two slits here it’s nose should’ve been. 

Silence fell, and then Fear dissappeared with a thin smirk. 

Deceit took a step back and vanished into the air, leaving the four sides in dumbfounded silence, broken only by Patton’s weak attempt at humour “He looked like he-who-must-not-be-named,” Roman tries to smile, but his heart wasnt really in it, stepping back and looking at the others.  Virgil is shaking, physically shaking and his legs give out in time for him to reach the couch, Logan is biting his lip as he sits down next to the other. 

“Logically, that thing should not exist without us knowing,” He mutters “We have the notes on every side, from light, to complacent, to dark, or at least I do, and objectively speaking it’s obvious that he does exist every human being has fear, but that, that is something too big for me to have missed, how have we missed that?” 

“Logan, buddy, slow down, Virgil needs our help, let’s...worry about that later,” The father figure of the group is kneeling in from of the youngest, who is shaking visibly. “Breathe little guy, it’s gonna be fine, we’ll figure this out,”

“He didn’t want to be seen,” Logan concludes “And we didn’t want to see him, like...in Doctor Who, first episode of the Eleventh Doctor, prisoner Zero never wanted to be seen and nobody wanted to see him because it was too scary for them, a perception field, Fear altered our perception so we didn’t know he existed, which means Thomas doesn’t either, but now we know it exists we can’t...we ca’t get rid of it, fear drives Thomas, fear is what all humans must feel to be human, no, we have to just...observe it,”

Virgils breathing has evened out, and the silence is defeaning with quiet agreement. Logan was right, they couldn’t get rid of it, which meant they were in danger of more tricks from this...fear. 

Taglist:

@unikornavenger

@mycatshuman

@spectralheartt

@creativity-killed-thekitten

@charmingprincey

@theresneverenoughfandoms

@punsterterry

@aclickonapostwillchangeyourlife

#sanders sides #sympathetic deceit #logan sanders #ANGST

[lilacponds]

Arawn, Crenunnos, Bragi, Honir, Ares, Hekate!!!

aaaaaaa thanks for sending me some!!!! ♥♥♥

Arawn: What is the most terrifying thing you've ever done?

hmmmmmmmmmmm. i havent gotten to experience much stuff so thats hard to say. probably just going on... idk how theyre called in english, but like, beach rocks?? yknow those bigass rocks that u can find like next to the beach, along the pier n stuff? ive been the other day w a friend and it was a lot of fun, and it wasnt super dangerous or absolutely terrifying per se but i dont have a lot of balance, nor am i athletic in the slightest, and im afraid of high places, which count not-so-high places if im standing up, really. so getting to find how to get to the rock we sat on and then back to the pier was, well, short since we just had to cross like two or three rocks, but still scary for me. (it was worth it because it was a lot of fun and i had lovely company, though.)

Cernunnos: What is your favorite animal?

cats!!! no doubts!!!! i love cats so much

Bragi: What kind of music do you listen to?

hmmm, a bit of anything, actually!! i guess pop is what ive listened to most? i like synth pop a lot too. idk, i just listen to whatever i like at the moment, so i can move from owl city to twenty one pilots to ajr... its a mix, really. theres not many kinds that i dont listen to. the only exceptions i can think of is hard rock, metal, screamo, and similar types, just because theyre too intense for me. anything else is fair game.

Hœnir: Are you a silent or talkative person?

oh man, it depends! if im not comfortable, or im nervous/anxious, or just dont know what to talk about, i can be pretty silent. but get me on a topic i love or am even just slightly passionate about, and if im comfortable with you i never shut up!! (okay, theres time where i still dont start talking a lot because im feeling too many things to put them into words, but thats a different thing)

Ares: Are you an easy person to anger?

it depends. i dont get angry for stupid stuff, so id say no, but be an asshole to my friends and/or disrespect them or other people that dont deserve being disrespected and i am going to be downright furious.

also im often angry with my family but thats a different case. ive been dealing with them and their bullshit and theyre the reason im mentally ill in the first place for my whole life so id say thats warranted.

Hekate: Have you ever tried to communicate with the dead?

bro, no. like... anyone try to get a ouija board in my house? they get the fuck thrown out with that board. i believe in the supernatural and i believe that fucking around with a ouija board can open free passage to whatever and thats never a good thing. i aint gonna be the first to die in a supernatural horror movie, not like that, thanks.

#ask Ayu #fancywailord

[maxpotentialpower]

Breast Implant Device Explantation with Total Capsulectomy ~ A humbling Post Op Day 37 Realization ~ 🙏 I have been transparent in publicly sharing my journey of healing and hope from the symptoms of BII & Explant Surgery, in hopes that it will never take anyone 11 years to comes across information and resources regarding the symptoms of BII. No woman should suffer alone. It's scary. Trust me. As for me, I was unsure of how my journey of healing would or would not go. It could be a disaster, what if it wasnt BII (creeps in the back of my mind). What if nothing physically changes (more brain talk). I was at a point that I had nothing to lose except my life by not explanting. I had become tremendously ill at an exponential rate in October 15, 2018 when my left Breast Implant ruptured (which was a blessing in disguise) my body went into autoimmune beast mode. The rate of progression of compounding auto immune illnesses attacking my body was frightful. I lost all my hair in 5 months time. I had thoughts that I just might die before I could have the Explant surgery. This evening while glancing over the list of BII symptoms by happenstance, as I hold no expectation of Explantation being a magical miracle pill. After all, I was severely ill for 11 years suffering with BII listed symptoms and more, so I promised myself that I would allow my body to heal at it's own divine pace without judgment. I committed to this time, this space as a sacred journey of healing, a second opportunity at life no longer on the sidelines. How exciting. I hold Gratitude for it all, although it hasn't always been eazy breezy. I spent most days writing and reading, in deep introspection looking to heal my life, not just my breast. This was never about my breast - per se. This is my ife's sacred time in space to honor the process of healing on deeper levels, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically. My body is feeling congruent, no longer in Fight or Flight. It can do what it is design to do. Heal. I am witness to daily miracles, and remain in awe. This evening I realized ~ I no longer suffer from the list of BII symptoms. I am humbled. Thank you Jesus (at Saint Petersburg, Florida) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1aUo62gk4C/?igshid=14uoqs5vhvnsw