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waitimcomingtoo · 3 years

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In Bed With Brad

Pairing: Brad Simpson x reader

Synopsis: you’re a guest on In Bed With Brad

“Hello everyone. This is episode 8 of In Bed With Brad.” Brad informed the camera. “We have a very exciting guest this Sunday.”

“I’m not that exciting.” You chuckled as you looked at him. He looked awfully cuddly in his navy blue pajama set, a sharp contrast to you silky pink and white striped shorts and button up. You were both sitting up in his bed with your backs against the headboard, closer than he usually got with his guests.

But that was because you were different from his other guests.

Ever since you befriended The Vamps, you and Brad had fallen into a will-they-won’t-they relationship comprised of moments that were a little too romantic for people who were just friends.

“Yeah, I was just saying that to be nice. You’re rather boring.” Brad played along, making you laugh again as your mind drifted back to the video.

“Aw, you mean it?” You leaned towards him with a dopey smile, brushing your shoulders against his.

“I do. I’m getting flustered already, oh no.” He pressed a cold hand to his burning cheeks. The video was a perfect excuse to get closer to you, making him think of all the times his hands twitched because he wanted to hold yours so badly.

“If you feel embarrassed, just stop.” You said robotically, as if you were in an infomercial.

“Wow, that’s really good advice.” He humored you. “I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of that.”

“Probably because you’re dumb.” You poked his cheek. “And I’m smart.”

“That’s probably it, yeah.” Brad was barely listening to you know, too focused on your closeness to focus.

“Yeah. Should I introduce myself or did you want the audience to guess?” You realized with a chuckle.

“Oops. That was my job.” Brad smiled sheepishly.

“You’re really bad at it.” You teased him.

“Thank you. I really appreciate that.” He grinned at you. “This is my lovely friend Y/n.

“Anytime. I like these pajamas by the way.” You chuckled as you tugged on his soft blue pajama top.

“Thank you.” Brad smiled shyly as he scratched his head. “I wore them just for you.”

“I appreciate it.” You smiled. “You look good.”

“Ah, thank you.” Brad blushed and leaned towards you. “I guess we’ll start off with the first question.”

“Go for it.” You encouraged.

“Are you seeing anyone?” He shot you a cheeky smile. You laughed at his bluntness and shook your head.

“Just my sleep paralysis demon.”

“Is he nice?” Brad played along.

“He’s pretty chill.” You shrugged.

“How serious is it?” Brad feigned a sad expressed.

“Oof, pretty serious.” You clicked your tongue. “We’ve been together a few years now.”

“Damn. I got some competition then.” Brad joked.

“Yeah. What are you gonna do about it?” You tilted your head to challenge him.

“How about I pitch you some facts about myself so you fall in love with me?”

“Okay. Go for it.” You laughed and scooted closer to him. “It might not work since I find you incredibly unattractive.”

“I’ll do my best.” Brad blew out a breath. “I’m naturally brunette.”

“Always a plus.” You nodded.

“I can make a really good cuppa.” He continued. “With like milk and honey.”

“I love that book.” You joked.

“What?” Brad didn’t understand.

“Nothing.” You laughed. “Go on.”

“I own a lot of striped t-shirts.” He listed. “Tris says they make me look like a little boy.”

“Good, good. Striped t-shirts are always good to have in a partner.” You teased as you texted your head on his shoulder. Brads cheeks dusted over with a deep pink as he rested his head on top of yours.

“I’ve got a dog. She’s called Jesse. Do you like dogs?” He wrapped his arm around your shoulders to hold you closer.

“I love dogs. Especially big ones.” You snuggled into his side and fit your head in the crook of his neck.

“She’s a little bigger than she’s supposed to be but don’t tell her I said that.” Brad chuckled as he looked at you.

“Oh, I’m gonna tell her.” You smiled.

“Please don’t.” He pouted as he looked down at you. “She’ll be mad at me.”

“I guess I’ll keep your secret.” You rolled your eyes. “Only because your dog is cute and I want to meet her.”

“I’m sure she’d love to meet you. She loves people.” Brad told you as he used his free hand to pull up a picture of his dog.

“Wait, I love her.” You gushed as you looked at the picture. “If I meet her in person I might have to commandeer her.”

“You could. Or you could just marry me and then we can share her.” Brad suggested cheekily.

“Yeah, that might be easier.” You smiled as you laced your fingers through the hand that was around your shoulders.

“Probably.” Brad agreed. “Does that make us engaged?”

“I don’t see a ring.” You held out your free hand. “How can you propose without a ring?”

“I haven’t got a ring. What if I give you this ring pop?” Brad took a ring pop off his bedside table and presented it to you.

“What flavor is it?” You narrowed your eyes at him.

“Watermelon.” Brad read the package.

“I accept.” You smiled and took the ring pop from him.

“Then we’re engaged.” Brad nuzzled his chin against the top of your head.

“Wow. I can’t believe we went from friends to engaged in one video.” You noted as you pretend to admire your pop ring.

“A lot can happen when you get in bed with Brad.” Brad smirked so you playfully smacked him.

“So I see.” You giggled.

“I think that’s all the time we have for this week.” Brad sat up a little. “Y/n, thank you very much for joining me in bed. It’s been lovely having you.”

“Pleasure was all mine. Thanks for having me.” You smiled as you leaned into him.

“Anytime.” He squeezed your shoulder before sitting up. “I believe that’s a wrap.”

Brad got out of the bed to turn the camera off, the cold air hitting your side the moment he left. You crawled to the edge of the bed and watched as he turned the camera off. You had a strange feeling in your tummy as you watched his curls fall into his face. You already missed the close proximity from when you were lying there together. You and Brad weren’t strangers to these flirtatious moments, but today felt different. Today felt real.

“How long do you have until the show?” You asked as you sat up on your knees. Brad stopped fumbling with the camera and met you at the edge of the bed, chuckling as he smoothed your bed head.

“About two hours until sound check.” He explained as he tried to comb his fingers through your hair. “Then another hour after that. Why?”

“You wanna spend it with me?” You smiled slightly as you rose up on your knees to be closer to his height. Brad stopped touching your hand and let his hands rest on your shoulders as he gulped nervously. Whatever you were feeling, he was feeling it to. Cuddling in the bed made you both realize just how right it felt to be together.

“Did you have something in mind?” He mumbled as he rubbing his thumb along your cheek. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth as you tugged on collar of his pajamas.

“Just one thing.” You mumbled as you pulled him in for a kiss.

#brad simpson x reader #brad simpson x you #brad simpson fanfiction #brad simpson fluff #the vamps x you #cherry blossom

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ihaveafandom-problem554 · 3 years

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Unfinished Draft

Ok so I feel bad for not posting anything lately.. So I’m giving you something I had in my drafts for a while now that I don’t feel like finishing.

Note that this is old, unfinished and probably unedited...

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Characters: Mother Y/n, Rui, spider older sister, Mother Y/n’s son BB(That’s his nickname), Mother Y/n’s Daughter Aiko.

Small background information:

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“Aww, Rui you’ll finally have some company while I’m gone” you say patting Rui’s head.

He wasn’t smiling like he usually would when you gave him affection. Instead he was frowning.

“Hunny aren’t you happy-” “Mom, school!” Your daughter called. “Get in the car I’ll be there in a sec!” You call back.

“BB is gonna come home early today, so if you want some food just ask him, ok?” He doesn’t answer. He just stares into your soul… Now you known him long enough to read that expression.

He was pissed. And you don’t know why.

You gave him his morning hug, kissed his forehead, did his hair.. Fuck- you even let him sit of your lap when he ate. So why is he so mad?

You didn’t have time to figure out. You had to drop your daughter off at school and go to work. You kissed his head once more and left.

…

“Human affections weird.."

"WHY are you here?!” Rui demanded at his previous older spider sister. “Well..” She walks over to the couch and admires the color. “After you told me and the rest of the family that we were free and we could leave or keep the house… Everyone had plans and knew where to go.."

”…And?“

"I didn’t. I wanted to stay the house, but I thought it would be unworthy to my younger brother. I do have to protect you-"

"I don’t need your protection. You were terrible at it in the first place. This is a family of HUMANS and they are better at protecting me than the old family combined.”

Oni(The older spider sister’s name) huffed and plopped down on the couch. “I’m sorry we weren’t perfect for you, some families has there flaws”

Rui scoffed. “Not this one.” he mumbled, trying to keep a straight face as the memory of you taking him in, crept in. “When are you leaving…”

Oni looked down. Preparing herself for Rui’s next action. “I’m not.”

…

Rui’s head slowly turned. “What.” “I’m not leaving.” “Sorry, I don’t think I’m hearing you correctly..Your what???” His voice sounds like he’s smiling but he isn’t. His face reads very threatening comments.

“I’m not leaving..And you said it yourself.. You have no authority over us anymore.. We are free to make our own decisions a-and I decided I wanted to stay with yo-AHH” Oni Screamed as a flower pot was being thrown in her direction. “RUI WHAT THE HELL!? ISN’T IT LIVING!?"

"IT’S FAKE!” Rui yelled back, now pissed that he missed. “You aren’t supposed to be here! Your ruining the Family!”

“I just got here!"

"And your making a mess!"

"YOU THREW THE POT!"

"AND I WILL THROW ANOTHER ONE IF YOU DON’T LEAVE!"

"I ALREADY TOLD YOU I CAN’T!"

"AND WHY IS THAT!?"

"BECAUSE I ALREADY TOLD THE MOTHER HUMAN THAT WE WERE SIBLINGS!”

…

Oni ran like her life depended on it. Which in this situation… It did.

Rui chased her around the house, his threads forming out of rage. When he told his old family that they were free of his control, he was hoping he would never see them again. He didn’t want to see those disappointments anymore. He was living a happier life with humans and he wanted to make every second count. His fury and anger rose at the thought of him now having to share a life with Oni. She would need affection, and when she gets it she’s going to love it and beg for more. Not leaving any for him. Not to mention she will be getting more attention now that she was the new addition to the family. God I knew I should’ve killed them off instead..

Hours passed, and Oni was still running for dear life. “RUI PLEASE SPARE ME! IT WAS ALMOST DAY AND I WASN’T THINKING AT THE TIME AND IT SLIPPED!”

“YOUR JUST MAKING EXCUSES! THIS IS UNFORGIVABLE, I SHOULD’VE JUST KILLED YOU WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!”

Oni thought this was going to be the end of her if it wasn’t for someone opening the door.

“Rui! I’m home! I also got some food… I know your into human meat, but you should really try this- RUI!”

Rui stopped at the sudden mention of his name. Oni, from a distance, stopped too, watch as Rui walked away from her. She sighed in relief and began to slowly followed Rui.

She saw a man- no no, it was a boy, but tall. And he looked a lot like the human mother.. He was tapping his foot and had a couple bags filled with something that, smelled really nice.

“Why is there dirt all over the couch?” He asked. “It was Oni” Rui said, while on his toes trying to see what was in the bag. “Oni? who’s.. Oh hi there! Mom told me about you.” Oni was put at ease at the boy’s presence

Rui rolled his eyes. “She dirty the couch.” “a-ah?! It- It was because-” Rui shot a glare at Oni, shutting her up immediately.

BB let out a sigh. “It’s ok I’ll clean it up- ah Rui give me a second I’ll show you the foods right after I clean the couch-” “I- I’ll clean it!” Oni offered. she was blamed for the mess, of course he would believe Rui, he lived there longer. So why not do someone else’s bidding?

“No-no I’ll clean it-” “NO! Please I made the mess-” “No it’s fine you don’t know the right supplies for this in the first place, go into the kitchen with Rui, I’ll be there in a second.”

Oni tried to argue but failed, now forced to sit in the same room as her brother.

…

Uncomfortable silence fills the room. Rui staring at Oni with a expression that could kill and Oni doing everything she could to distract herself. Oh! what’s that? She thought to herself. There was a picture of the whole family, but without Rui.. It must be a older picture..

But something was off. The picture didn’t fit the whole frame.. and taking a closer look.. There was a hand on the human mother’s shoulder, but neither of which belonged to the human children.

She had to take a closer look. “What are you doing?” Rui asked flatly, but Oni didn’t answer, her only thoughts where on the picture.

Getting closer to the photo, she noticed it was ripped. Oni took a note.

Question 1: was it an accident or was it on purpose?.. The edge looks rigid but it’s perfectly straight. No way that was an accident.

Question 2: Who does the hand belong to?

Oni reached her hand over to grab the frame.

“Don’t touch that.” The voice didn’t sound like Rui’s.. Oni felt someone’s hand lift her hand and led her to the table where Rui was out. She looked up and saw a dead soul looking back at her. “The frame is really fragile.. I don’t want broken glass all over the floor. Mom would be mad..” BB replaces his cold stare with a smile. “o-ok, uh-um what’s in the bag?”

“Just some snacks I thought Rui would like.. But I think he’ll be nice and share..” BB claims, he was wrong but he didn’t need to know that.

“This is Puku-Puku Tai Salt watermelon. I don’t really like this flavor but I think you might like it.” BB explains while handing The Puku-Puku Tai to the two spider looking beings.

Taking a bite at the same time, they both had different reactions. Rui didn’t like the random taste of watermelon with the mix of chocolate, at the same time he didn’t want to be rude. His older brother took the effort to go and buy him some snacks so he can ease his human cravings.. he tried his best to finish the snack, but his pouty expression gave away his true thoughts on the snack.

“Aww, you don’t like it Rui?” BB pouts, patting Rui’s head. Rui puts down the snack and shakes his head. “Aww, it’s ok.. At least Oni likes it.” “What.” Rui asks pissed looking over at Oni who had finished her second Puku Puku Tai, looking in the bag to get another one.

“Wait, I got others to show you”

#demon slayer rui #Rui #demon slayer #KNY #kny rui #y/n #mother y/n #oneshot #unfinished

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #361

“the world is a vampire, sent to drain”

Have you ever been through a phase of thinking emo guys were hot? A phase? Hunny, they're still hot lmao. Have you ever dated someone that could play an instrument? Yeah. Juan could play guitar, and Girt played I think the tuba in band. What’s so horrible about wearing leggings like pants? I've actually never understood why people freak about this. Like so long as they're not sheer and fit you fine, why exactly is this a problem...? Weirdest picture you’ve ever taken of yourself? Oh dear. When someone claims to be suicidal, do you take them seriously? FUCK you if you don't. Honest to god, fuck you. This is NOT something you just don't even blink at. Even if it's surprising to hear from that person, you take that shit seriously and try to talk to them about it. Ever been kicked out of anywhere? Colleen's house. Ever had Skittles vodka? No, but that shit sounds good. Ever punched someone in the face? No. If you haven’t, do you want to now? Uh, I'll pass. Do you truly HATE anyone? No one I know personally, but people like rapists, pedophiles, etc., I sure as hell do hate them. Most historical/famous landmark/building you’ve been to in your country? No clue. Favorite flavor for most things? Strawberry, watermelon, or blue raspberry, depending on what the thing is. Ever taken pictures in a photobooth? Who with? Yeah: Summer, Jason, and I'm pretty sure Sara and I did? What is the closest book to you? It's a full collection of Poe's poetry that Mom got me. Are you reading it or someone else? I'm not right now. I may eventually. Milkshakes or Sundaes? Hm, I gotta go with milkshakes. Do you like watermelons more or cherries? I'm not a fan of either, but I'd definitely pick watermelons over cherries. Who was the last person you ate with? My family and I went to Ichiban (a Japanese steakhouse that we have here where they cook directly in front of you) yesterday to celebrate Nicole's graduation. Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli. I hate asparagus. Do you have any bug bites? No. Do you have any flowers in your room? No. Do you know anyone that owns horses? Loosely, anyway. It's a family I took pictures for, and I still have the mother on Facebook. When you were little, did you ever go to feed the ducks? Yes, I LOVED doing that. Don't feed ducks bread, by the way. Have you seen any of the seven wonders of the world in person? No. Have you ever won anything out of one of those crane machines? Yeah. Can you remember being taught how to ride a bike? Was it hard for you? Yeah. I don't THINK it was too hard. Did you get carded the last time you ordered an alcoholic drink? No. Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? No, it's not legal here. Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? No. Which was the worst phase in your life? 2016 was. Towards the end of '15 was the breakup, and through aaaaaaall of 2016, I was just dead inside and totally useless. Every day I wanted to be dead. Can you remember your last dream? I had a nightmare some stupid kids were fucking with my snake Venus, so I was trying to protect her. Do you ever use Snapchat? No, I don't have one. What’s your favorite musical? I don't like musicals. What happened at the last party you went to? Summer prepared some little Halloween treat bags for us guests, we watched a horror movie, and everyone but me smoked some weed. Are you more comfortable sitting or lying down? I would assume everyone is more comfortable lying down... Have you ever been a fan of N*Sync? Yeah, as a kiddo. Favorite kind of cake: Red velvet, yum yum. What is your middle name? Marie. TV shows and anime you watch regularly: None. Do you want to have a big family in the future? Just a big family of pets with a spouse. What was the last thing you did that gave you a rush? Oh boy, I couldn't tell ya. Is Vegas one of your must-see places? No. Pet rat: yay or nay? YAY!! I've had many, but I don't think I'll get any more. I've just had bad luck with them, save for one that died of cancer at an old age. Would you call yourself a writer? Written any stories lately? Yeah. I haven't really written any big RP posts of the late, but I did recently write a poem. Are needles something that you’re afraid of? Okay, so this is super weird. Tattoos and piercings? No problem. Little prick, getting blood drawn, that sorta little stuff, no problem. I am, however, NOT a fan of big needles, which used to not be an issue. It's actually kinda recent, and it's why I'm nervous about my second Covid shot coming up, aha... What was the last unexpected hug you gave/received? I really haven't had an unexpected hug since Jason asked for one before he left my house after our final talk. Who was the last person you held hands with? Either my niece or nephew. Have you ever been in a parade before? If so, was it on TV? No. Do you have a fear of rollercoasters? If so, were you ever forced to go on one? If you don’t, what is your favorite rollercoaster? I have a big fear of them, yeah. Post a picture of you from a recent time. Don't feel like it. Who was the last person to give you some of their food? Miss Tobey let me try one of her dumplings yesterday when we were at Ichiban for dinner. The last person you met, what was your first impression of them? I actually didn't quite like her. Have you ever been to a football game? Yeah, because my sister was a cheerleader. Do you like the snow or rain better? Snowwww. Have you ever faked sick? Yeah. What is your blood-type? A-. Have you ever eaten a bug? Not knowingly. The last time you were in the fridge, what were you looking for? Salsa. Mom got these veggie chips at the store and they apparently taste better with salsa, which it did. They weren't great, though. Are you listening to anything at the moment? It's Gab Smolders' turn for me to watch her Resident Evil 8 upload, haha. I'm literally watching three different people (Mark, John Wolfe, and her) play it. Can you take a bra off with one hand? I haven't tried, I think? I doubt I could, given that I'm not exactly small. Do you have an innie or an outie bellybutton? Innie. Can you crack your neck? NOOOOO AND DO NOT DO IT AROUND ME YOURSELF. Are you donating your organs? Yeah; what am I gonna use 'em for? It just seems like a waste otherwise. They're just gonna decay. When was the last time you talked to you mom? Before she left with Tobey to go to the store. Do you like pumpkin pie? NO. I don't like pie, and I hate pumpkin. Do you own your own computer? Yeah. Did you ever have to share a room with one of your siblings? Yeah; growing up, my little sister and I did. Is there any piece of technology you want to buy? I REALLY want a PS4. Did you ever have a night light when you were a kid? Yeah. What TV show had you hooked from the very first episode? Meerkat Manor, 100%. I had to know that Shakespeare was okay. What is your least favorite Sour Patch Kids color? Orange or red, can't pick. Have you ever seen the movie Matilda? YES! I love that movie. What is the weirdest chant you have ever heard? Uh, idk. How are you feeling? Annoyed and hurt as fuck because shit Miss Tobey says without thinking for a single goddamn second. I'm honestly beyond sick of this woman. Do you know anyone with a unibrow? I don't think so. Doughy or saucy pizza? Doughy. Do you have anything that’s limited edition? Yeah. Do you have an air freshener in your bathroom? If so, what scent? I... think we do? If so though, I just don't notice it. The bathroom doesn't smell like anything in particular. Do you like Jalapeno Cheetos? Oh man, I forgot about those! Love 'em. Are you a fan of salads? Yeah, they're fine. I have to be in the mood for one, though. What’s one random thing that you don’t like? Uhhh carrots. What’s one random thing that you like? Shrimp. Do you like chicken noodle soup? I don't. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NOPE. I'm the absolute worst with it. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? I really wanna see Sara, so take me to Illinois. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? No, but a former best friend had her birthday the day before mine. Is there someone you just can’t imagine your life without? Not anymore, honestly. After Jason, I stopped that "I can't live without you" mindset. Truth is I'm going to lose people through life, and I'm not attaching my ability to happily exist to anyone. Are you wearing a ring? Two. Have your friends ever stopped by your house just to say hi? In the past, yeah. Do you like Chinese food? Not really. I only ever get pork fried rice and eggrolls from Chinese restaurants. Have you done any shopping for something in specific recently? No. Do you still live in your hometown? No. What was the reason behind the last time you stayed up all night? I don't recall, honestly. I haven't done that in a very long time. Have you ever had a UFO sighting or a sighting of strange lights in the sky? A very strange light, yes. Have you ever seen your mom or dad drunk? Yes to both. Seeing Mom drunk is very, very rare though. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up, so I saw him drunk plenty. Do your parents vote? Mom does, idk about Dad. Who’s the most romantic person you ever went out with? Jason. What restaurant has the best fries? Nowhere has anything on Bojangle's, y'all. Have you ever had a surprise party thrown for you? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''bullet with butterfly wings'' by the smashing pumpkins

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ninja-go-to-therapy · 4 years

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The Ninja as Things My Friends and I Have Said

My friend keeps a quote-book and I thought y’all would enjoy this lol

Jay: say your last words to me, I’m about to be smited

Jay: I am so bright, I am star

Kai: Pickles and Dick Jay: Pickle my dick? Kai: PICKLE AND DICK! Lloyd: TICKLE MY DICK?

Kai: I want to play hot potato with a hand grenade

Lloyd: this chocolate milk mocks me

Kai: Can we all agree that when Jay walks he looks like a flamboyant gay drag-queen toddler

Lloyd, looking at a tampon: is that a cheese stick?

Kai: Where you at you little hoe?

Cole: Don’t do gay it’s not healthy

Jay: I live life as a pirate. Because a pirate is free

Jay: The sun's only up for half the year in Alaska Cole: We have that too. It's called nighttime

Morro: Lick his nuts, they have a sorta Mexican flavor

Kai: I need to be surrounded with seven beautiful naked women in order to sleep at night

Lloyd: You know how there's like a line between bravery and stupidity? Nya: Jay is that line

Jay: Disclaimer: I am an anxious bean

Wu: It’s not your fault but it is your problem

Cole: I can't keep a straight face anymore. It's gay now.

Lloyd: That was such a late reaction it could've been my dad coming back

Zane: DISCO PENIS

Kai: I wanna stand around and look GORGEOUS

Kai: I'm outrageously good-looking Zane: No you’re not

Lloyd: I admit when I'm wrong! Kai: Oh yeah. But I'm like never wrong!

All of the ninja, always: It would be so much fun to hurt a bad person

Zane: what state do I live in? Jay: depression

Kai: cool onesie... can I get inside it?

Lloyd: They call me Santa. I bring snow to the children.

Kai: Don't fucking giggle you little shit.

Nya: I will beat you with a meat stick

Cole: You moan more than the dumpster out back

Wu: Don't stick the plungers on your foreheads!

Garmadon: whY are you SMelLING the plungers?

Zane: How does one piss in a watermelon?

Lloyd: When I become 99 pounds I'm going to eat a pound of chicken nuggets so I can be 1% chicken nugget. It's indisputable.

Cole: It smells like SHIT. Like it smells kinda okay now, but it still smells like shit. So it's like. Perfumeshit

Jay: Your socks are untied

Lloyd: Morro can just molest himself

Jay: Can you please not get a fucking locker smaller than my self esteem

Zane: You be smellin your own shit soon Jay: I already do Zane: Get it? Cause your mom gay. Everyone: ...what?

Lloyd: My name's Lloyd and I wear shoes sometimes

Nya: Unlike Skylor, they actually like balls

Kai: Fuck fuck fucking fuck fucking fucktown

Jay. I’m about to go commit space heater in bathtub

Kai: Vaccines make you gay

Lloyd: It’s not because I’m Asian, its because I eat rice so much

Zane: Hi. I’m Zane. ... my dick fell off

Kai, to Lloyd: Your dad is my fuckbuddy. ... wait. Shit.

Lloyd: You didn’t miss. You hit me right in the fucking nipple.

Kai: Eat my dick

Nya. Bite off your own dick

Cole: Your face looks like you're trying to make your dick fall off

Lloyd: So we were sitting watching TV eating macaroni with a fruit roll-up soaking my feet in a trashcan

Jay: I’m gonna go commit visit Pompeii in time machine

Jay: How can spiders fall from the ceiling and just skrrrrt away

Kai: Because none of us can speak proper sentences

Kai: Hold on. I'm sending a meme. I can't fight.

Jay: Engulf your own dick

Jay: Please don’t have a Boston tea party in my back yard

Kai: Still it felt like I committed a minor crime in Iran with all the water in my nose

Jay: Sensei Wu, please throw scissors... I kinda wanna die

Kai: I got royally fucked

Jay: Get your meaty luscious legs

Jay: The fuck you mean take my pants off? They're always on! Cause no one wants me to take them off!

Lloyd, picking up a napkin and seeing food fall out: IT’S BIRTHING

Zane, threateningly: Give me your kidneys

The Overlord: Where is your technology stored?

Zane: I can balance my body on my boner and spin like a beyblade

Kai: My balls are not a muscle

Cole: So apparently I'm not the only one with asymmetrical balls. Lloyd: Wait actually? Cole: Well yesterday Kai gave us a very descriptive description of his balls

Zane, sarcastically: Gosh darn don’t you hate it when you're not allowed to bring your 5 dollar footlong subway to training

Lloyd: So he poked me in the back with a pencil and my third grade self was like, "BLASPHEMY"

Kai: You.... dickmuncher

Jay: We're playing infinity Life. It's like Life but the cars are infinity stones.

Kai: I could have divine gay sex and it would still be nohomo.

Cole, during some super serious training: Bake me into a pie daddy

Kai: a compliment sandwich, like this: I like your shoes, YOU SUCK, your eyes are pretty

Zane, to Lloyd: Don't KILL her! Too much paperwork!

Jay: Stop moving your butt. It's uncomfortable when you clench it

Cole: The STICK.. will be UP YOU! Kai: My ASS is your spot!

Jay, teaching Kai to roller skate: First, we master walking

Kai: I know I’m beautiful and perfect and amazing and huMBLE

Lloyd: I'm here for a good time, not a long time.

Cole: I'm allergic to emotions!

Zane: Yeet is not a valid Scrabble word

Kai: I love myself 3000. And you should, too. Love yourself, that is. Unless you wanna love me as well, cause that’s cool too.

Zane: Is doing drugs illegal

Lloyd: Post-traumatic stress? More like spicy memories

Jay: Be quiet so I can see

Cole: Why is my wallaber grinding its ass on the floor?

Kai: Whatever, my ass cheeks are balanced ... just as all things should be

Garmadon: IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FUN TO MAKE SOMEBODY THINK YOU WERE GONNA HIT THEM WITH YOUR CAR!

Sensei Garmadon: First of all, nobody says they're fine when they're good

Lloyd, getting himself a donut: A chocolate frosted donut for a chocolate frosted child

Nya, about Harumi: I just loathed her at first sight. Like your dad!

Morro, about Lloyd: He reminds me of a cucumber.

Cole, after becoming human again: I’m like Jesus... I thirst

Lloyd, sipping apple juice out of a shot glass: I'm just... done, ya know

Jay: Zane was eating my popcorn and I was like "hey that's my popcorn!" And he looks me dead in the eye and goes "surprise communism!"

Lloyd: I consumed a spatula

Jay: I almost burned down my house making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Zane, after Jay climbs on his back: Unmount me you heathen.

Kai: Yeah it's been such a dick-licking long time

Karlof: In Metalonia we do not have sister, we have brother with pussy

Zane: I want to delete my meatsack

Little Lloyd: At about 10 I was so hungry so I went to the med tent and pretended to be fainting so I got crackers

Garmadon: Before we leave I'm gonna sing a Disney song to attract all the females. Especially Misako

Jay, about to get sunburned: I know right, sunscreen is gross, you look like a glazed donut after you put it on

Cole: I like nuts but not that much. ... both kinds... I like my own nuts.

Zane: Hi I’m Zane and I’m the only one in this group with any form of common sense

Lloyd: Oh there's just someone throwing up over there! Kai: That’s hot

Cole, having a cashew thrown at him: I don’t want to swallow your nut ... I DON’T WANT YOUR NUT

Lloyd: My uncle is going to sacrifice my body

Kai: Okay. You ALL can eat MY ass

Lloyd: A picture will last longer than your family will

Garmadon: That last rep was like a hydroflask and this one was like a kleankanteen

Kai: I bet for a second he was like "oh my God they care about me"

Kai: Because no one would be ballsy enough, no pun intended, to whip his dick out and piss on a crowded bus

Jay: Fuck a duck Lloyd: Please just dont ..ff... a duck Jay: But the duck likes it. It goes quackquackquackQUACKAFLACK.

Lloyd: Digiorno? More like I'm fucking hungry

Lloyd: My socks are so wet tis but a small price to pay for salvation

Kai: No means no muchacho

Dareth after failing at spinjitzu: Now I'm just dizzy and my ass hurts

Zane: I said, Cole, don’t orgasm in public, it’s rude, and Cole started moaning as loud as humanly possible

Lloyd: Say cheese! Kai: Whiskey!

Jay: Who the fucking dammit

Jay: Spongebob square-nuts

Jay: Actual- ACTUALLY it WOULDN’T make me more of a smartass because my SMART has yet to be caught up with my ASS

Lloyd: I hate it when my foot becomes the itch

Kai: STDs are like pokemon, you gotta catch em all

Kai: Here y’all are like "I like them 'cause of how they hold themselves and whatnot" and I’m just like “GIRL PRETTY"

Cole: I hate it whenever my foot becomes the gay.

Kai: I’m shit at being a person, not a shit person.

Zane: Buses turn me on

Jay: No pissing in our VSCO hangout!

Lloyd: Are y’all on high?

Kai: Its gotta warm up to start lavaing, now it’s just lamping.

Kai, crying: When I was crawling through the sewer my hair got stuck in my knee pit and ripped out a chunk

Lloyd, deepthroating a plastic recorder: I’m blonde so naturally, I'm good at this

Kai: I’m depressed. I’m stressed. But at least I’m well-dressed.

Lloyd: Nom nom milk carton

Cole, playing Life: Give me children

Jay, on a Thursday: If Friday was a Tuesday, it would be today

Kai: We're eating lotion and calling it spicy butter ... it’s spiritually spicy

Kai: I don’t fucking know! I'm not a cheese wheel!

Zane: Beepbeep bitch what's that? My lie detector smells a lie

Lloyd: I aced two tests today! The PSAT and the rice purity test!

Pixal: I don't really get the phrase "dry as bones" because your bones are in fact, wet

Cole: Kai, Kai, we can draw you as one of those anime girls. With humungous eyes. Actually no, it doesn't matter what the size of your eyes are. But your boobs are HUGE.

Lloyd: Jay wants to become the Alpha hoe

Cole: STOP TOUCHING MY HEAD AND SAYING IT FEELS GOOD

Jay: Deli sandwich equals cold hamburger

Lloyd: How was your day? Cole: Good. I have pie dough in my water bottle

Jay: If we do that we can reach our minimum requirement which is our goal

Kai: You can taste the freedom in that nacho cheese

Lloyd: I lust for the crust

Garmadon: You dirty-minded fools!

Anyone, to Skylor: You sucked the fire

Lloyd: OHMYGOD WE GET TO COLOR WITH CRAYONS!

Nya: Not to be lesbian or anything... but DAMN

Jay: No means no in Spanish

Kai: Bro saxophone is literally the sexiest instrument alive

Wu: The only wrong answers are the ones I don’t agree with

Kai: Look, why do you need to be a bottom to suck someone else's cock?

Cole: Jay, you suck Jay: More so than you do? Kai: Wait... wait you mean like you suck at the game or you’re better at sucking than he is?

Kai: WE CAN WANT YOU SEXUALLY TOO

Cole: That's not kinky, that's just abusive

Lloyd: CAN WE STOP USING THE TERM “BLONDE BITCH”

Cole: That’s not how you do it! Straddle me HO!

Kai: I didn’t mean to kick you in the coochie! Jay, I’m the distance: Be genital with her!

Cole: Yeah, also Jay tackled me and then grabbed me in between his legs and Kai jumped on top and Jay smacked his ass and I tried to record so Kai tried to smack my phone out of my hand and missed and his finger went right in my eye so I rolled over screaming and they got up and threw pebbles at me

Cole: It sounds naked! Music!

Kai, to anyone after they say Wu seems chill: He looks like a big soft squishy man but he is not

Zane: On average, in order to feel happy, you need to be touched, (pokes Jay) 8 times a day Kai raises two fingers on each hand: I’m about to make you ALL happy" *every person at the table in unison scoots away*

Zane: You looked like lord farquad but in a cute way!

Jay, after getting a pizza shoved at him. The pepperoni sanitized my facehole

Kai: I am the WITNESS! VICTIM! And I will play ... the e x e c u t i o n e r .

#ninjago #incorrect ninjago quotes #incorrect quotes #lmao #s: my friends #the most these were edited were like #the names #and like #'band practice' to 'training' or something #yes I'm aware my friends and I are all crackheads #also peep the shameless self promo

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softcherubhips · 4 years

Text

HEY ALL YOU GUYS, GALS AND NON-BINARY PALS! Have I got a story for you! Have a seat. Get comfy. It's gonna be so good, I promise.

*sips tea* I lie. I'm sipping my homemade iced coffee. Two Splenda, a shot of Starbucks Toffee Creamer and a shot (generous) of Coffee Mate Coconut Creamer. Tadah! A HOMEMADE MADHATTER FROM DAILY RISE!🤤☕ Anyways, let me tell you a story about a princess I met. Her name was Ariel. I kid you not, that was really her name.

Anyways, last Sunday I ventured out of my house after getting back my negative covid 19 test results. I heard that the mall was halfway open so I thought I'd go see if Bath and Body Works had any soap. I was on the hunt for Watermelon Lemonade Flavored anything.

My first stop at the mall is always Macey's. I always head straight for the perfume dept. and generously spray my fave scent of Alien all over. That shit is expensive yo! Anyways, this darling 20 something year old girl came up to me and happily chirped, "Can I help you with anything today? Oooooo, girl I love your nails can I take a closer look?" *i happily showed her my nails whilst simultaneously declaring my undying love for harry styles* "You gotta see this picture," I exclaimed! (picture shown below)

"OMG! Girl, those are amazing!" I excitedly wondered outloud if she had any Gucci Memoire left. She shook her head and said sadly that that campaign had just ended. She said she might have some left and if she did she wanted to give me a sample. I squeed. Of course I squeed. She opened her sample drawer and there it was in all it's glory. A full bottle of Gucci Memoire.

She was just as excited as me and said, "How many do you want?" I was like, "You mean I can have more than one!?" "Of course girl, let me hook you up! Why don't you walk around for a minute while I fill up some samples for you!" Well fuck, ok. Who's gonna argue with that!?

I wandered around and found myself in the men's section where there was yet another cute af 20 something year old girl who, once again, asked excitedly if she could help me. My keen fangirl eye spied a Hugo Boss ad with Jamie Dorman's face splattered all across the poster and I asked if I could have a sample of that. "Of course!" she squealed. Man, I was scoring big time! (Past me had no idea. Poor past me.)

Anyways, I got my sample of Hugo Boss and headed back in Ariel's direction. She stood at the counter grinning like The Cheshire Cat. "Hey," she whispered. "I have some good news for you." I looked her dead in the eye and said, "What? Did you give me a lot of samples?" She started to tear up and breathed out, "I want to give you something." I could see that she had something behind her back, but my THREE samples of Gucci Memoire were sitting on the counter so I was confused. "What's going on?" I asked, bewildered. "I want to give you this," she cried as she handed me the full bottle of Gucci perfume.

As you can probably guess, I was seriously crying by now. I had no words, but I was able to squeak out, "You don't know how much this means to me. I've had an awful week and you just made my whole entire life 100% better!"😭😭😭😭 She cried right along with me and said, "Oh honey please don't cry, I'm just happy that I was able to do something for you!" I had mentioned that I was a medical assistant and that I had had a covid scare, but my test was negative. She expressed that this was the least she could do for all of my service. Little did she know that she was the best essential worker I would ever meet!

But wait, there's more. I know, impossible right!?

She said, barely a whisper at this point, through her muffled tears, that she had talked to her boss while I was gone and he said to give me two samples of whatever else I wanted; on the house. Not just any samples, but an actual atomizer of any .3 oz. of any perfume that normally sold for $15 each. I was overwhelmed. There was so many to choose from. I looked over her shoulder and there was a life sized poster of my girlfriend.

"OMG. I want her for sure!" My eyes hurriedly scanned the rest of the perfumes for anything that might catch my eye. I saw it tucked back behind all the more current flavors of Calvin Klein, but there it was. CK ONE. The scent of my high school days. "I'll have that one too please."

She carefully filled up my two atomizers and gently wrapped up the bottle of Gucci. "I've never wanted to hug someone so bad," she exclaimed. "Same," I breathed out longingly. "I hope you have a better week and thank you again for your service!" She waved excitedly and I longed to hug the shit out of her.

I took down her name and number and asked for her bosses' name so I could call him and give her a rave review. (And you betch your ass I called Mikey the very next day and gave her a glowing review! He agreed that she was a good little bean.) She said that she felt so blessed that we had met and that she would never forget this day. Me either, I thought to myself. You have no idea Ariel.

This random act of kindness will have a ripple effect for years to come. I left Macey's that day, not only with a full bottle of Gucci Memoire, four samples of high end perfume, and two free atomizers, one of Gabrielle (which smells divine btw. Just like the way I imagine Kristen would smell. Ugh) and the other of CK One, but a heart full of promises of better days to come. This young girl had just proved to me that there are still good humans out there doing good things. She gave me more than free perfume. She gave me hope. And what more can you ask for in times like this?

Sebastián declaring the God awful truth of the state of this world.

Ariel, a real life princess, burts onto the scene.

HOLD MY DINGLEHOPPER🍴🧞‍♀️🥰👸

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ultraclops · 4 years

Text

Semi-live Blogging: Return of the Mao Mao Episodes

Before we start, is it just me or is the animation like 10x smoother than it usually is? Also like I said with Nakey, there’s a lot more good expressions too!

Lucky Ducky Mug

Adorabat drinks from sippy cup like baby

"What, Mao Mao's ridiculous mug?" says Badgerclops, holding a cheap plastic big gulp cup he probably got from the grocery store.

How did Adorabat not notice the Lucky Ducky sticker on the Aerocycle

"Don't touch it" (Badgerclops proceeds to slam the table to move it) Ah Badgerclops, ever the contrarian

I'M SORRY DID MAO MAO BLOW THE ROOF OFF OF HQ BY SCREAMING

I love the way Mao says "PROFESSIONAAAL SILENCEEE"

Badgerclops trying to make his mouth disappear and failing made me scream with laughter

Are they seriously reducing Ratarang to 'the funny lil Italian guy'? C’mon guys you’re better than this

Wait why do they think Kevin is Adorabat?? They've seen Adorabat multiple times?? "But they're both blue!" You FOOL Kevin is TEAL there's a difference

Everybody gangsta til Mao Mao's ears start speaking morse code

They're doing surprisingly good silent but it's probably not gonna be that way very long.

Thank you, Lucky Ducky Mug, for catering to my niche interest in characters with neon outlines on black backgrounds.

Mao Mao thinking: Normal thoughts

Badgerclops thinking: Musical-esque singing

Adorabat thinking: Literally just heavy metal

The Sweetypies seriously think they're just playing a really intense game of charades huh,,,

(Mao jabs BC in the stomach with the fire net) HAHA GET REKT

The scene with Badgerclops trying to give Mao Mao Penny's mug is the funniest shit in the world I couldn't stop laughing...or maybe I'm just sleep-deprived

So the Sky Pirates are so similar compared to the Sheriff's Dept. that they can think perfectly in sync? That's cool

SKY PIRATES SONG SKY PIRATES SONG

Why is Snugglemagne throwing a random tea party & why did he only invite the Sheriff's Dept.

Yep there goes the plan. Both of their plans.

Am I going crazy or did the skin on Mao Mao's mouth tear apart like it was sewn shut?! Also yay they're talking again

"It's not gonna stop charging, so I'm just gonna let it explooode..." Mood

"What about the mega laser tube made by mega Losers?" Fsfhkfh

Hey, everyone learned something new from this experience! Are the Sky Pirates gonna try that Hive Mind tactic from now on?

Awww, they fixed his mug with gold - GOD DAMN IT I KNEW THERE WAS A CATCH!!

Lonely Kid

(Sighs) ...I said (SIGHS)

"I literally can't relate to that problem at all." says Badgerclops, who joined a gang because he wanted people to like him.

Shin just dropped off Mao Mao at a summer camp and expected him to make friends? Why does this feel like the plot of Camp Camp

I'm sorry the Mao clan has a freaking PARTY AERO-BUS??

NOO GERALDINE

That BGM is DEFINITELY an extended version of "I Love You, Mao Mao" and I want the lyrics NOW

So Bao was literally just a stray that Mao took home?? Would make sense as to why he wasn't trained

I have a feeling the Flimborg is some sort of sacred being the townspeople worship for some reason

How in the hell did Mao tie that guy up and why didn't he bother to untie him

HOW'D HE SET THE ROCKS ON FIRE USING PAINT

"And then you become frien-" "BEES. IN THE EYES."

"Everyone knows bees are our friends!" "Uh, actually, they were wasps." "Friends to no-one!" Usually I'd agree with BC, but I read an article about someone befriending a wasp and her babies so.

So the Mao clan's just known as the "Golden Cat Family Up The Hill?" Huh. I thought they’d have more recognition, especially since Shin says he went to that same summer camp at the beginning.

Man those kids are jackasses

"Say hi to your mommy!" "I would if she was here..." Excuse me wHAT

Noo don't cry baby boi - tHEN BAO JUST TACKLES HIM ASFHDKDL

"Go away! I don't feel like laughing right now!"

Look. You can see the EXACT point Mao developed his adult personality

I know Mao Mao means well but that is gonna go terribly wrong.

"I AM A HERO! I WILL BE LOVED!!" Okay first of all OUCH, second of all THAT IS PAIN

This monster empty, YEET

Awww it was just a sweet little puppy-ish monster...and it was his BIRTHDAY

"Hi, Aunt Gloria!" (Pulls out pitchfork) BETRAYAL

He didn't feel bad about ruining the festival because he made a friend doing it I 💞💞💝💝💗💗

Thanks for that 'different times' comment cuz I don't want kids thinking being beat is normal.

"Just like you found me...and I'm your best friend!" Tbh I thought she was gonna say 'Me and Badgerclops' & that would make a lot more sense

Why are they fighting over who's his best friend they're obviously BOTH his best friends

I'm sorry did Badgerclops just call Adorabat a "little mutant"?? ARE THE SWEETYPIES MUTANTS??

Awww his friends love him sm...and he feels so loved too...💓💓💗💗💕💕

Try Hard

No one gives a shit about Pinky being kidnapped lol

"K for Copyright Infringement"

"You'll never be like me!" Oof a little harsh maybe?

"You've gotta learn to be your own kind of hero, in your own special way!" So THAT'S where it's from

"You just gotta...try hard." Hey, title drop!

Ngl the moment Mao Mao said "Badgerclops take the shot" I immediately thought of The Confession 3 by TomSka

"Up in a tree, little old me, about to do something...UGLY..." 7-year-old me sniping people on Halo 3 like

Why is he shooting them with gelatin tho? ...oh. Oh THAT'S why.

Tbh if I didn't have subtitles on I would've thought BC was saying "beep boop"

This badger and cat empty, YEET

Adorabat walking into the Skyship with only a walkie-talkie is giving me some sort of vibes...OH, Silent Hill! Or Tattletail

WHOOP HIS ASS SWEETIE

"Mao Mao would hide the body!" Very unsubtle there, wonder how it got past censors

"Ratarang, say something!" "Pasketti?" "THAT'S THE BRAT!"

Wait a sec, they can just use Badgerclops' arm to power the ship? Why didn't they try that in CapturedClops?

"Good thing my head is in here cuz I'm a-scared of heights!" Ramaraffe. Whose whole schtick is making herself taller. Is acrophobic?

"Because she's Sheriff's Department, that's how! >:3" "Also y'all tend to be pretty incompetent >X/"

Why does she keep trying to use the elevator when she can fly? Nvm she climbed up Badgerclops' arm

"Ooooh I'm also hereeee"

"JERK BUTT"

Why is the Omega Field just a bunch of broken glass? And why doesn't she just step around it?

"I can fly!" "She can fly!" "SHE FORGOT?!" Ooh that's why

"You're the best thing to ever happen to a bat like me." 💝💝💕💕💓💓

Wait she's talking through the walkie-talkie and her molts are there but she isn't there where is she?

Oh she was freeing the other two from the gelatin. No wonder Mao Mao almost threw up, it was bug flavored.

GET HIS ASS, HONEY!! ADORASLAP!!

I hope that 'Nah' means Adorabat's realized she needs to be herself instead of her just rejecting her individuality like I think it is.

Scared Of Puppets

Oh, so this takes place after Sleeper Sofa! Praying it's a fix-it episode...

"DISCARD ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T BRING YOU JOY!!" Fuckin Marie Kondo up in here

Oh no PTSD flashbacks. He's scared of them cuz one's head landed on his lap as a kid? Understandable have a nice day.

Who tf collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor then leaps back up and insists they're fine? Mao Mao, apparently.

Hairless ape? Is that what they call humans or are they something different in general?

"TAKE ALL MY MONEY!!" What did BC want an antique puppet for if he had no idea Mao was scared of them...

Mr. Din Dandalib!

"I...(eye twitch) love him too..."

IM SORRY DID HE FUCKING THROW UP OUT OF FEAR...holy SHIT

If I scared my friend and they threw up I would simply never do that again. RIP to Badgerclops but I'm different

(Badgerclops makes concrete blocks around the pothole) "Why didn't you just fill in the pothole??" "I AM TRYING MY BEST!!"

"I SIGNED YOUR DUMB CAST, NOW LEAVE!!"

...Illegal house plants? ...like marijua-

That was literally just that one video where a guy knocked out another guy in a mask jumping out of a trash can...

So it's a CPR class...AND a hair-styling class? How

I stg the moment Badgerclops walked in the door I knew he was carrying Mr. Din Danalin I SWEAR

"You're 10." "BUT I'M 6??" JFC Shin doesn't know his own son's age AND is partially responsible for his pupaphobia. And I called it on Mao Mao being six in the flashbacks

OH WIG

Can someone take the footage of the Annex exploding and add the ReviewTechUSA intro over it please

"How many Adult Learning Annexes have to be destroyed before you admit you're scared of puppets?!" is extremely funny without context

(Mao punches the wall cuz hes mad at himself for being scared) Kinkinkinkinki

How does one forget to drink milk

Oh shit the scene from the promo...

Yay he's starting to feel less scared - wait NVM it JUST STARTED TALKING??

OG SGUTVKC FGCJ OG SHKR OF DJCN JKKKKK

Oh it was just a dream - er, nightmare. FIRST NIGHTMARE SEQUENCE OF THE SERIES!

"I just gotta get my socks on...wait, I wear socks, right?" Dud e you wear NOTHING BUT A BELT...

"I KNEW SELLING THOSE HAIRLESS APE DOLLS WOULD ATTRACT DARK FORCES"

"There’s a lot of pu-" "PUBLIC DANGER"

Those puppets are alive I stg

"I'M A BIG BOI..."

Awwww she said what he told her at the beginning of the episode!

"I'M AFRAID OF PUPPETS" TITLE DROP YET AGAIN

Adorabat takes after Badgerclops sometimes I swear

Oooh shit sequel hook - oh NVM it was Badgerclops voice acting - NVM Mao Mao passed out. Dang

The Perfect Couple

Watermelon time babyyy

TRANSFORMATION TIME BABYYYY

Ah so he wanted to perfectly cut a watermelon in half, that's why he got so many?

"I need (counts on fingers) 600 more watermelons!" glad to see I'm not the only one who counts on my fingers

Why would Penny and Benny need 600 watermelons for their wedding? Also I called it on Penny & Benny being the couple

Mao Mao has to officiate the wedding? I thought priests did that

Please don’t throw up again Mao Mao

"I WILL BUY YOU A BAG TO HOLD YOUR STUFF..."

"A nondescript sack!!" Dude he just taking out the trash...

Nvm its just laundry

"I WILL TURN THIS BUSH AROUND"

Oh so THAT'S what Ramaraffe thought Kevin was Adorabat

"Why don't you buy me cake and do my laundry?" Are you implying you wanna marry Mao Mao, Badgerclops 👀

I lov Mao Mao's faces in this scene he legit looks like a bishouen anime protagonist

Nvm no transformation it's just his wedding outfit

Why did they invite Orangusnake and Boss Hosstritch to the wedding tho? What about when they hid in their moving truck and used their electricity - wait Badgerclops technically did that last one, nvm

Wait THEY DIDN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER BEFORE THE WEDDING?? What a perfect couple huh

Is Mao Mao having hallucinations just gonna be a regular thing now....

IS PENNY SERIOUSLY GONNA MARRY ORANGUSNAKE OUT OF SPITE ASFSDGFUK

Why did Mao Mao say "melons" in a Spanish accent I'm scared

"They're both terrible, so what does it matter if they get hitched or not?" They're definitely gonna change their minds now

"She lied because she wanted to protect his feelings! And he lied because he couldn't bear to hurt her!" Isn't that just the plot of The Truth Stinks?

OH SHIT HE CUT ORANGUSNAKE IN HALF HOLY FUCK

He made Orangusnake officiate the wedding as punishment lol

Why are they,,,stepping on the watermelons?? Damn right Badgerclops I'd cry over that too

"What's, uh, your credit score like?" "850. Why, is that good?" "It's perfect..." HE WANTS TO MARRY MAO MAO NOW ASDFHKL

#semi live blogging #semi-live blogging #//long post #// long post

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pinegreenapples · 5 years

Text

Kick My Ass, Why Dontcha?

A slip into the Early Years. ;)

Halt had run away from a lot of things when he left Hibernia for the backwoods podunk town of Redmont two years ago. His brother, social responsibility, parental pressure, and-perhaps the most daunting of his troubles-going to a four year college for a degree he didn’t want solely so he could inherit his father’s company.

Which was why meeting Crowley had been great. Crowley didn’t give a shit about college and had mostly just been hanging around Redmont while he waited for his calling to come and smack him over the head. And while Halt wasn’t exactly the calling he had been expecting per se, he definitely was instrumental in launching Crowley into making some decisions.

He decided to enlist in the park ranger service alongside Halt and offered his spare bedroom to the newcomer by route of asking where he planned to store his ugly ass boots that night.

Of course, insulting someone’s choice of footwear wasn’t the most recommended way to gain a roommate but it somehow worked for them in between the barbs and the mock tussling.

And seeing as both boys had no interest whatsoever in entering the local college, Halt never expected to ever have to deal with anything even remotely involving college life.

Unfortunately, while Halt’s desire to avoid college was mostly social, Crowley’s aversion fell squarely on the academic side of things, leaving him open to any and all party invites. And that, Halt supposed, was the reason he was perched on an armrest in a frat basement, clutching a bright red concoction of gatorade and cheap vodka.

Perhaps the most frustrating part of all this, Halt thought as he sniffed the cup, was that the vodka was rather upsettingly flavored like watermelon while the gatorade was cherry lime and none of those fruits went well together, no matter how drunk you were.

He swirled the liquid in his cup and glanced over at the makeshift dance floor. Crowley was there. He had taken two minutes to drag Halt over to the drink station, chug a shot and then left immediately to dance. He now had a loyal gaggle of coeds around him, drunkenly swaying to the beat. He caught Halt’s eye and did a vague Macarena motion.

Halt ignored him and stared down at the toxic mixture in his hand instead. It slopped like cherry cough syrup against the side of the cup. Halt grimaced. Yeahhhh, nope.

Halt got up and started walking towards the kitchen. He was gonna need something else if he was gonna get buzzed tonight.

***

After a thorough inspection of the kitchen, Halt found a slightly less cheap bottle of whiskey that was wonderfully unopened. He poured himself a glass and threw it back.

Compared to the red sludge Halt had been handed at the start of the evening, the whiskey was nearly heavenly. Halt poured himself another glass. And another. And another. By the fifth glass, Halt was feeling great.

So great, that he decided maybe mingling wouldn’t be so bad right then and got up to find Crowley. However, as with most drunk people, Halt got distracted.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. My dad brought it back from Germany on his last trip.”

Halt peered at the watch the kid was showing off. A dim part of his brain muttered something about the kid sounding like a douchey fuck boy.

“I wouldn’t be too sure of that.”

The kid turned to him and raised an eyebrow. Now that Halt looked at him, in his khaki board shorts and untucked button up, he looked like even more of a fuck boy than he sounded.

“The metal is already starting to tarnish a little and Montblanc moved to finishing their watches with stainless steel because it will last longer and look nicer.” Halt took a swig from his glass and started to turn away, already bored.

“And just who the hell are you?” The fuck boy sneered down at Halt.

In many ways, Drunk Halt was very different from Sober Halt. He was more gregarious and flamboyant-anyone could see that from the way he let his hips sway as he walked and flirted with every third person he saw-but most of all, Drunk Halt was willing to acknowledge what sober Halt wouldn’t-his legacy and his fame.

Being the son of a highly successful businessman, Halt had been in several op-eds and even more newscasts than he could count. And while Sober Halt had hated being under such public scrutiny, Drunk Halt reveled in it.

So with the elegance and flair of drunken socialite, Drunk Halt turned back to Fuck Boy and pointed to his face.

“Google it, bitch!”

Drunk Halt took a moment to bask in the stunned looks he received from Fuck Boy and Co. then flipped them the bird and walked off. Or at least he tried to.

Halt’s arm yanked back as Fuck Boy grabbed it and swung him around like a carousel horse to meet his fist.

***

Crowley had been having a good time at the party so far. He’d gotten pleasantly buzzed on watermelon vodka and had spent a great few hours dancing and flirting with a junior who was studying Biology but looked more interested in learning about his biology tonight.

He was even contemplating asking if he could stay the night at her place when a ruckus started up behind him. Crowley glanced behind him to see people running. Several of them had phones out and were jockeying to see something further ahead.

“Hey!” Crowley flagged down one of the people running. “What’s going on?”

“There’s a fight!”

“A fight?” Crowley felt his stomach drop.

“Yeah! Two dudes are going at it in the living room!”

Oh hell.

Crowley got up and started running towards the commotion. He pushed through the throng, craning to catch a glimpse of what was going on but to no avail. The crowd was too dense. He continued to shove his way through until he was near the front. Still he couldn’t see anything. Crowley gave one last push and burst through the circle of people to watch just as Halt ducked under the other guy’s fist and landed a hit to his solar plexus. The kid doubled over.

Well that’s just swell. We’re never getting invited back here again.

Crowley tried to step forward but the crowd swelled around him. The kid straightened himself only to get knocked flat by a right hook. Crowley winced at the crack the kid’s nose made.

The crowd oohed in delight. The kid’s friend rushed to help him up as Halt spat blood out. Crowley finally extricated himself from the last of the crowd and grabbed Halt’s upper arm.

“Hey bud, I think it’s time to go home now.”

Halt turned a disdainful eye to him. “I’m teaching an asshole a lesson.”

Crowley tugged him backwards. “I think he’s learned it.”

Halt scowled. He stood staring at Fuck Boy for a second before flipping him off. Crowley pulled harder and managed to squeeze the both of them through the throng of people and into the hall. They scampered out the door and ran two blocks before pausing to catch their breath.

Crowley turned to examine his friend, picking up his hands to check the knuckles for splits. Halt let him, keeping his hands limp as he stared at the sky.

“I leave you alone for a few hours and you get drunk and start a fight!” Crowley scolded.

“He started it. Not my fault his dad is shitty and bought him a cheap airport watch.” Halt sniffed and snatched his hands away.

Crowley sighed. “I can’t believe you.”

Halt crossed his arms and looked away. Crowley sighed again.

“Look, let’s just go home okay? You’re going to have a nasty headache tomorrow and the sooner I can get ibuprofen into you, the less we have to suffer tomorrow. Sound good?”

Halt frowned at him. “But I’m the one with a headache.”

Crowley slid his arm around Halt’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “Yes, but I have to live with you when you have a headache and that’s almost as bad.”

Halt made an offended noise.

“Oh don’t even start. We both know you’re like a bear with a head cold when you’re not feeling well.”

Halt grunted, neither confirming nor denying. Crowley fought the urge to laugh. Cagey as ever, aren’t you?

“Right, let’s get going, shall we?” The two of them walked home, and if Halt leaned in a little more than normal into Crowley’s body heat, he chalked it up to the fact that Drunk Halt was much cuddlier than Sober Halt and tried to enjoy it while it lasted.

#the ranger's apprentice #ranger's apprentice #halt o'carrick #crowley meratyn #drunk shenanigans #crowley has shitty taste in liquor pass it on #halt is a sassy drunk #ananas writes #modern au #mine

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cashcounts · 6 years

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Element E-liquids NS20 review | On a whole other level

Rockin’ designer

Looking to kick things up a notch? Element E-liquids just raised the bar with their full line of nic salt based e-juice. This stuff is designed for use with refillable pod mod devices such as the Pulse or the RUBI. They contain 2% nicotine (20 mg) and come in a variety of flavors. Let’s put them to the test.

If you’re in the EU, it can be difficult getting a hold of e-liquid containing higher than 20 mg nic strength. Element has taken that into consideration when designing their NS20 line. This juice was formulated specifically for people who need that extra boost of nicotine despite TPD regulations.

Price – €7.99 per 10 mL

Our setup

For this review I will be testing these liquids in the Digiflavor Siren 2 MTL GTA with a 1.0 Ohm SS316 coil. We also tested some of the flavors in the Aspire Gusto cartridges that come pre-filled with NS20.

If you aren’t using a pod-style device, you can purchase these e-liquids for use in a regular tank. I’d highly recommend going with a MTL style vape, due to the high concentration of nicotine salt.

Element E-liquids NS20 gallery

Let’s crack dem bottles

Honey Roasted Tobacco

I haven’t smoked a cigarette in years. I’m so far removed from the taste of tobacco at this point. Even so, I thoroughly enjoyed this flavor. It gives you that tobacco note, but with a sweet and creamy aftertaste. If you love tobacco, but want something a little bit sweeter and savory, this one is for you. I’d compare this one to Tribeca by Halo, but instead of caramel, they use honey to sweeten the deal.

Chocolate Tobacco

Good chocolate e-liquids are rare. I have tried quite a bunch, and most of them either don’t capture that authentic cocoa taste, or have an unpleasant aroma. Not this stuff. I would still categorize it as a tobacco flavor, but with a nice chocolatey aftertaste. If you’re a tobacco and chocolate lover, this is going to be a real treat for you. It reminds me of smoking a chocolate-flavored cigar. Only way better.

555 Tobacco

This e-liquid is a true tobacco flavor. It’s like smoking a cigarette, but much more enjoyable. Once you vape this stuff, you’ll never want to go back to cigarettes again. Perfect for smokers who are still making the switch to vaping, and craving that pure tobacco taste. Element has captured the perfect balance of tobacco leaves, with a slightly sweet aftertaste. It’s like smoking, without the nasty taste.

Grape Vape

I happen to be a big fan of grape. This e-liquid was a bit disappointing. I was hoping for it to taste like a dark purple grape juice. Instead, it tastes more like grape candy, or Kool-Aid. I’m sure some people will still love this one. I can still enjoy it, but it isn’t going to become my all-day-vape anytime soon.

Pink Lemonade

I’ve already enjoyed this flavor before in Max VG, but never with nic salt. Having tried this flavor in the Aspire Gusto pre-filled pods, I am impressed. They captured that classic, fresh Pink Lemonade flavor, a signature of their original lineup. But in a formula containing more PG, and nicotine salt. If you like natural-tasting liquids with a nice tangy bite to it, you are going to love their Pink Lemonade.

Fresh Squeeze

Chances are, if you’ve tried Element e-liquid before, you have tried this flavor. It has been a staple of their collection for years. It’s not as organic-tasting as their Pink Lemonade, but still very refreshing. It reminds me of something in between a freshly squeezed orange juice and Tang. Sweet and tangy. If you enjoy a cold glass of orange juice (who doesn’t), then I highly recommend that you try this juice.

Pink Grapefruit + Blueberry

I love pink grapefruit. I haven’t found an e-liquid that really captured that sour, bitter and fresh goodness that I get from eating them, until now. The bad news is that I didn’t taste much blueberry. The good news is that it adds a unique twist to your standard fruity vape. If you love pink grapefruit like me, then this will be your all-day-vape. Fresh, sweet and not too bitter. You’re gonna love it.

Other flavors

There are 7 other flavors that we didn’t get to try yet, but they sound enticing. Crema is a smooth, creamy dessert vape. Frost is a minty flavor for menthol lovers. Strawberry Whip is their take on a Strawberry Cream Dessert. Watermelon Chill is a watermelon flavor with a smooth, minty aftertaste. Key Lime Cookie is a buttery, key lime pie meets cookie flavor. Candy Punch is a sweet rainbow fruit blend. Last, we have Neon Green Slushie, a zesty, 711-esque lime frozen treat.

Verdict

These liquids would be perfect for smokers because they deliver a massive rush of nicotine, even with a small puff. I am impressed how hard they hit considering that they contain less than half the amount of nicotine in a JUUL cartridge. If you’re in the EU, and you want high-nic juice, try NS20.

I’d highly recommend them in the new Aspire Gusto device, or using a refillable pod-style vape. I have been vaping the Grapefruit Blueberry in the Kandypens Feather for a week, and I can’t seem to get enough of it. Props to Element for creating an entire line geared towards nicotine salt vapers. If you’re looking for that big throat hit and surge of nicotine, give Element E-liquids NS20 a shot.

Have you tried Element E-liquids yet? What did you think of them? Let us know in the comments…

Buy Now

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